Stoya: Perfect Picture

Bunny Luv, who I immediately disliked for having stolen the name Celeste from the all-time porn beauty Celeste, thinks she's Harold Pinter or maybe Tom Stoppard in this ridiculously pretentious homage to Digital Playground star Stoya. As much as I enjoy gazing at La Stoya, this vehicle is crap.

That's because in each of five vignettes Bunny Luv has the protagonists talking to each other with highfalutin, pompous dialog that is not merely unnatural but sounds like a British one-act play being performed: just add XXX footage. Pinter's pregnant pauses and other annoying devices complete the audience insult.

The fake-seriousness and emptiness of the overall feature is obvious and all the more pointless since the fans just want sex. Chalk this up to a mysterious aspect of porn, underlined by the fact that in IMDb most of Bunny Luv's features get ridiculously high average ratings, as if some conspiracy in her favor was at work.

Besides lovely Stoya, made up with bangs, cute hat and a stylish Forties look, Cassia RIley makes a strong impression in the opening segment humped by Danny Mountain, and flat-before-surgery Madison Ivy takes on Tommy Gunn.