Woody Harrelson credited as playing...
Tallahassee
- Tallahassee: [dressed as Santa Claus] What would you like, little girl? A pony?
- Little Rock: No, I'd actually like for you to stop calling me "little girl."
- Tallahassee: Well, technically, you are little and you're a girl.
- Columbus: [sits in Tallahassee's lap] Well, I am not a little girl, but do you know what I would like?
- Tallahassee: [pushes Columbus off of his lap] I don't give a fuck what you like.
- Nevada: [pointing a gun at Tallahassee] Start talking.
- Tallahassee: You first!
- Nevada: [loads gun]
- Tallahassee: [in a childlike voice] Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
- Tallahassee: Now from where I stand, there's only one thing we can do.
- Civil War Bearded Guy: Group sex, right? No. Um... we'll fight them.
- Tallahassee: You'll be the first to die, but I like your enthusiasm.
- Wichita: You might die.
- Columbus: Thank you for your sacrifice.
- [after a T-800 zombie gets up after being shot twice]
- Tallahassee: One plus one still equals two, right?
- Tallahassee: Rules are for pussies, nothing personal.
- Columbus: How could that not be personal? That's like my whole thing.
- Tallahassee: Yeah, you're right. It was personal.
- Tallahassee: [handing Civil War Bearded Guy a mallet] Civil War General, you must know how to fight.
- Civil War Bearded Guy: Sure... poverty, sexism, social injustice!
- [Tallahassee pulls the mallet away from him]
- Little Rock: Wait, why does he get to be president?
- Tallahassee: Well I think would have made a damn fine president. Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.
- Wichita: You would have brought real dignity to the office.
- Tallahassee: Thank you.
- Wichita: You don't have what it takes. I'll be president. And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.
- Little Rock: So that means I get to be president if you get killed by zombies.
- Tallahassee: [dispensing some fatherly advice] Don't do nothin' I wouldn't not do... You get what I'm saying.
- Little Rock: Not really, no.