- Dan Rickover: About a dozen people at Disneyland have died and they're still open. So, you know... there's that.
- Agnes Rickover: I think that we should go inside.
- Clyde Abelson: What? Are you crazy? He owns a rifle, Agnes - a hunting rifle - it was pointed at my head! What if he kills you and rapes me?
- Agnes Rickover: Oh, he would've raped you by now if he wanted to! I didn't come this far just to go home!
- Junior Bates: You know, we're not really a motel but every once in a while someone'll call and make a reservation.
- Reporter Josephine: Breaking news out of Gradyville, Pennsylvania. A missing employee of The Bates Motel and Haunted Hayride has just been found. Authorities say Wayne Jacobs, a longtime employee of the haunt, has been found dead on the banks of the Deleware River earlier this morning. Although Jacobs was found in 18 different pieces, his head was identifiable by family members.
- Dan Rickover: Honey, I hear you cry in your room at night and I'm pretty sure it's not because of the... lady-cramps.
- Agnes Rickover: Where are your shoes?
- Junior Bates: You know, I like to stay connected to the farm.
- Agnes Rickover: Any other psychotic quirks I should know about?
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