Seize Them!

Billed as a comedy , this fell flat from start to finish , you could count the laughs on one finger .

Such a shame with stars such as Nick Frost & Jessica Hynes of Spaced & Shaun of the dead fame

It had the low budget feeling of horrible history but lacked the comic genius

It's really difficult to find anything positive to say about this except that it's good to see an English film make a cinema appearance but I doubt if this will last til week 2

147 characters to fill so not sure what else I can say except that it's really not worth seeing especially if you pay for it , such a shame

New paragraph from the next day & still wondering what did I see ? I wish it had been as good as Horrible Histories as they get away with the low budget by making up with humour , it's been over 13 years since Gnomeo & Juliet which seemed ok but the laughs here were lacking

The casting was interesting and that in itself was similar to Brigerton by breaking the mould which is do often done in Shakespeare too & good to have two strong female lead characters & a number of mixed race roles which is refreshing , it's just sad it missed the comedy , I'd say it was a farce & not on a good way & relied far too much on bad language & taboo subjects such as excrement to tease out a laugh , the only funny scene & possibly a rare spoiler here was the disposing of one of the key witnesses which used repetitive action to capture a laugh but for the most part the audience was silent in the cinema where I saw it

I couldn't recommend this to anyone

Sorry cast & crew

Pad. A 3/10.

A film watched for no other reason that its starting time fit in with my leaving a previous screening, the trailers for "Seize Them!" weren't particularly inspiring though were a fair guide to a film that I didn't particularly enjoy, but also wouldn't go as far as saying that I hated.

Dagan (Aimee Lou Wood), the unpopular and spoiled Queen of medieval Britain is overthrown in a people's rebellion led by Humble Joan (Nicola Coughlan). Dagan is spirited away from the castle by a servant Shulmay (Lolly Adefope) and, along with a peasant they meet, Bobik (Nick Frost) heads towards the East Coast where her Scandinavian family will restore her to power. Along the way she learns an appreciation for life outside the castle but is pursued by Leofwine (Jessica Hynes) who was formally in Dagan's court, but has switched sides and looks to prove herself.

It's definitely not good. Let's get the clear now. It's just not funny, despite all the talent involved on screen. There were only a few laughs and almost all of them were a) from Nick Frost and b) based on his delivery rather than the joke itself. There's nothing wrong with the performances from any of the lead characters though, the recreation is .. cheap, but works well enough. But the fact it's not that funny is perhaps the only one that really matters.

I would also say, and this might just have been my particular screening, but the final act, that takes place on a beach looked very odd. The colour kept bleeding out of the images in a way that reminded me of old cassette-based video recording. Like the saturation levels were wrong. Again, I'm not marking the film down for this as it might have been a problem in my screening only but I felt I'd mention it.

Writer Andy Riley wrote the series "Year of the Rabbit" a few years back, which I enjoyed and, perhaps not unsurprisingly, given the subject matter here, wrote on "Horrible Histories". I'd say it's "inoffensively not funny" by which I mean that whilst I didn't laugh at it, I never came to resent it that much for not being so.

Though silly, low budget, period Brit-com "Sieze Them" hits nowhere near the Monty Python heights it aspires to, it has its moments and some nice performances. When unpopular Dark Ages queen Aimee Lou Wood (terrific - one to watch) is overthrown by Nicola Coughlan's peasant army, she's saved by servant Lolly Adefope (also good) who with poop-shoveller Nick Frost helps her escape across country (to allies (or are they?) Paul Kaye & John Macmillan). Andy Riley's screenplay is childishly daft (though is def'ly adults only with its language etc) and Curtis Vowell's direction is basic. This one certainly will not appeal to all, but it has its moments.

Why?

This would have been a fun film for youg (ish) kids, so why add swearing - there really was no need and it's not the sort of film that would appeal to an older audience - although, because of the swearing, it's rated 15. Having said that I laughed twice.

I can confirm that there was a plot, there was acting and, possibly, some direction. It felt like a prolonged TV sketch - put in the rack and tortured, until it was mistakenly let go.

I am mystified why this was released into cinemas - maybe to test its commercial viability, but as I was the only person in the cinema the answer to that is clear.

If you are British you will understand 'Horrible Histories' made by the BBC that educates children on world history. When it started it was funny, irreverent and informative. These days it has become insufferable catering to 'modern audiences' in terms of casting, theme and content.

I mention this because this film is starring some of those cast members and has the same production values and the same sense of humour, which makes no sense.

The film is cursed with boss babes, cowardly men, predictable humour and much childish nonsenses. So why throw in lots of violence and swearing? Do millennials really have the expectations of seven year olds in modern moviemaking? It would seem so.