Hardly Beloved

Danielle: Eryk, I brought you to the park to run around and play! What's the problem?

Eryk: You're the problem! Bad guy! You've got nuts in your udders!

Danielle: What does that even mean?

[to herself]

Danielle: I give up. I swear...

[into the phone]

Danielle: Hello?

Chad Podosek: [into the phone] Hey, cuz. How's your day out with Eryk goin'?

Danielle: [into the phone] I won't even answer that. This kid is unbelievable!

Eryk: Look, I'm holding my penis!

Danielle: [into the phone] I think he's been around your dad too long. My God... Anyway, what's up?

Chad Podosek: [into the phone] I need some advice. You think I should have an affair?

Eryk: You're Butt Girl and I'm Penis Boy! Butter udders!

Danielle: [into the phone] Absolutely not. Keep your hands in your pockets and your zipper zipped up. The risk of you getting someone else pregnant makes me wanna bury myself alive.

Chad Podosek: [into the phone] Well, damn.

Danielle: [into the phone] Sorry. Why do you ask?

Chad Podosek: [into the phone] Cynthia's in our shed right now, with another woman.

Danielle: [into the phone] So? What are they doing?

Chad Podosek: [into the phone, incredulous] Well, they're not admiring my garden tool collection! Whaddya think they're doing?

Danielle: [into the phone] That bitch!

[lowers the phone, to herself]

Danielle: I thought our time together meant something!

Chad Podosek: [into the phone] What?

Danielle: [into phone] Nothing. You know what...? Yes. By all means. Get yourself a mistress. Better yet, get three. You deserve it.

Chad Podosek: [into the phone] I think I will. Thanks, Danielle!

Danielle: [into the phone] Don't mention it.

[sarcastic]

Danielle: Now let me go so I can have some more fun with your son.

Eryk: Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Danielle: [to Eryk] Well, at least you're running around.