Charlie Sheen credited as playing...
Mr. President
- Machete: I'm not interested.
- Mr. President: Motherfucker, I'm not asking if you're interested. I'm the President of the United fucking States, man.
- Mr. President: Machete, what's this I hear about you having Mendez in custody?
- Machete: Things got complicated.
- Mr. President: No shit! You were supposed to take him out, not give him a joyride on the Good Ship Lollypop! Damn it, I didn't recruit you for your sense of compassion. Machete kills. That's what he does! He doesn't save the bad guys! Now shoot that motherfucker!
- Machete: If he dies, you die. The missile is wired to his heart.
- Mr. President: Come again?
- Miss San Antonio: Machete, can it be disarmed?
- Machete: Only where it was made. VozTech.
- Mr. President: VozTech is the biggest weapons supplier to our military! You want to bring him all the way back to the fucking manufacturer?
- Machete: I need your help getting him across the border. This is a part of something big. I can feel it.
- Mr. President: Last time I sent a black op team into Mexico, they got dead and I got the Oval ass-fuck.