- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I want my picks back, and I want David god damn Putney, just because I feel like it.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [arguing with Penn] There's me doing my job, you doing yours. Your job is to coach the team I give you. They do it different in Dallas?
- Coach Penn: Yeah, they do. They win.
- [holds up his Super Bowl ring]
- Coach Penn: A lot!
- Rick the Intern: Can I get you a soda?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, I don't want a soda! No Clevelander has EVER used the word "soda." Ever! Us Clevelanders use the word "pop."
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Hi, Mom.
- Barb Weaver: You sold a cow for magic beans.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: What?
- Barb Weaver: You could have stole Ray Jennings at seven!
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: How does the entire world know about this, Mom?
- Barb Weaver: Because Vontae Mack just tweeted it.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: He tweeted it?
- Barb Weaver: Yeah, here. "Agent just called. Browns trade for number one. Sorry Cleve, you get Bo no Vontae. Dumb move."
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You're on Twitter?
- Barb Weaver: You're not?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Let me tell you something, Vontae, and I don't have a lot of time, so I want you to listen to me carefully, okay? Are you listening?
- Vontae Mack: Yeah.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Don't Twitter. For the love of Jesus, just stop. Delete your profile, get off the web, do not do this to yourself.
- Vontae Mack: I don't know why you care what I do. I can do whatever I want, right?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Of course... of course you can, Vontae. But every GM in the league has now read your tweet or whatever they call them. And they've all made a mental note that Vontae Mack, however prodigiously talented, is a guy who likes to talk, all right? Who likes to spread rumors, who's more than willing to announce to the world any inane thought that passes through his head. And be it your god given right or not, Vontae, GMs hate that shit, all right? We hate it.
- Vontae Mack: You made a mistake, Mr. Weaver.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, Vontae, I made a deal. And you're gonna be a great player in the NFL if you don't manage to sabotage yourself between now and the end of this day.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Can we talk football? Just football for thirty seconds?
- Ali: We can always talk football.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: No one can stop a ticking clock. But the... great ones, the great ones always find a way to slow it down.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [on the phone with his mother] You're on Twitter?
- Barb Weaver: You're not?
- Coach Penn: [enters with flaming papers in his hand] I'm sorry, Sonny, is this a bad time?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I gotta go, Mom!
- [hangs up]
- Coach Penn: This is the draft analysis we've all been working on for the last two weeks...
- [throws the burning pages onto the desk]
- Rick the Intern: [background] Fire! Ali, fire! ALI, FIRE!
- Ali: I'm coming!
- [enters with a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire]
- Ali: Can I get you gentlemen some coffee?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Love some.
- Coach Penn: Light and sweet, honey, thanks.
- Ali: Yeah, I'm not getting you idiots anything.
- [walks out]
- Coach Penn: I like her.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Did you trash my office?
- Brian Drew: Trade me.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Did you just trash my office?
- Brian Drew: Yeah. I'm upset.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: If you're upset, call your agent, all right? Let him have this conversation. That's what he's there for.
- Brian Drew: No, Sonny. You're gonna talk to me. Man-to-man. You owe me that.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I owe you? I drafted you.
- Brian Drew: Your dad drafted me.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, Drew, I drafted you. I may have been in San Francisco, but my dad wasn't even looking at you until I told him to.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [to his scouts] I am trying real hard not to completely lose my shit on all three of you right now, but you're not making it easy.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [discussing a potential player] Looks like Tarzan, plays like Jane.
- Coach Penn: Your opinion. He plays in my system.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: He doesn't block!
- Coach Penn: I don't need him to block, I need him to run! Which he does, like a bat out of hell. Which takes the pressure off of my offense. Okay? I got fifty-two Tarzans in that locker room; I could use a Jane!
- Coach Penn: Let me see if I've got this right: in the span of one day, you have managed to burn through three years' worth of first round and second round draft picks. Is that correct?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah.
- Coach Penn: I quit, Sonny.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Don't quit.
- Coach Penn: I can't coach a team that doesn't have a future.
- [first lines]
- Chris Berman: Thirty-two teams, seven rounds, 224 young men who, today, are about to become players in the National Football League. A day where lives are changed. fates are decided, dynasties are born, and the clock is always ticking. Of course, I'm talking about... Draft Day.
- Brian Drew: I've been in this league for eight seasons. I've been to the playoffs. I know the system that Penn wants to run and I know I can make it work. I busted my ass this off-season. I set the bar high. I'm in great shape. I feel 10 years younger. I'm tellin' you, man, I swear to you, the best thing for this team, this season, is me.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Are you finished?
- Brian Drew: No.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Then get finished. And then get back to work. If I trade you, I trade you. If I don't, I don't. Do yourself a favor. Worry about Brian. Don't worry about Bo. And definitely absolutely goddamn importantly, do not bother me with your shit right now, Brian. I'm workin' here!
- Anthony Molina: Ray, remind me. Where were you picked? First? Second?
- Ray Lewis: 26th. It still hurts.
- Anthony Molina: Oh. Well, that's good too.
- Coach Penn: I had my choice of teams to coach, Sonny, and I chose this team, okay? I chose to coach *this* team. Not the team you're putting together in your head, on the fly, 'cause your old man died last week and you're tapping one of your execs.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: What did you just say?
- Coach Penn: I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a secret?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You know, around here, we call my old man? Coach Weaver. And yes, my father died last week. So next time you refer to his name, next time you say it, at least in front of me, you say it with some god damn reverence, because he earned it.
- Vontae Mack: Callahan's a poser.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah. And what do you know that every scout and coach on Earth does not?
- Vontae Mack: I know he got sacked twelve times last year.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, it was eleven. It was eleven times.
- Vontae Mack: Yeah, well, four of 'em were mine. In one game.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, I remember. I-I... I saw your highlight reel. I also remember that he beat you.
- Vontae Mack: Watch it again. Don't watch me. Watch him. Watch me sack him four times in one game. Then watch what happens after.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Watch what happens after what?
- Vontae Mack: Just watch.
- Ali: You don't think Callahan's legit?
- Coach Penn: I think Callahan might be the best prospect in the draft. But I hate rookie quarterbacks. They're stupid and they're scared.
- Ali: Not the good ones.
- Coach Penn: We already got a good one. His name is Brian Drew. He can run my offense like a pro. So I'm trying to figure out why I gotta give away the future of the franchise and then sit around trying to teach some rookie, I don't know, everything, you know? I'm talking shifts, plays, protections, snap counts, alerts, check-with-me's, Double X, jet, ice cream, 36, counter naked waggle at 16-9 Tennesse Free. Know what I'm saying?
- Ali: Don't patronize me. You know I know what you're saying. I dedicated my life to this sport, just like you.
- Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Did you hear about Brian Drew?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, what about him?
- Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: He came in here yesterday, did a little workout. Guess how much he squatted.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: He's not supposed to be squatting.
- Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Four hundred! Four bills! I know! And what's even more impressive is his arm. Your star wide receiver Andre Bello's been telling me about those secret workouts they've been doing together all winter. You know about those?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah.
- Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Yeah, well, Andre thinks Brian can throw a good fifteen yards deeper now. I didn't believe it until I saw what he benched.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: What'd he bench?
- Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: He benched 250, 25 times.
- [pantomiming a bench press]
- Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Just, boom, boom! Translation, Brian Drew's in the best shape of his life.
- Ali: You picked Vontae. Wow.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Three first-round picks to get the guy I could have gotten all along.
- [chuckling]
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Jesus, I used to think I was good at this.
- Ali: Well, that remains to be seen. Sometimes the correct path is the tortured one. It's a gift, Sonny. You see things other people don't see. It's one of the things... it's one of the things I love about you.
- Rick the Intern: I told him you were busy, and he told me to, uh, have intercourse with my mother... which, you know, she passed away, so... I - I didn't tell him that...
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, and when your knee crapped out and no one wanted you, I still extended your contract, and I think I even gave you a raise, because I believed in you.
- Brian Drew: Then why pick Callahan?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You know why.
- Brian Drew: Then trade me.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I'm gonna do what's best for the team.
- Anthony Molina: You son of a bitch!
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [giving him the nonverbal "one minute" gesture] Anthony, I need five minutes. All right? Five minutes, and then you can fire me.
- Anthony Molina: Sonny, you are a dead man.
- Ali: [advising Sonny] There's no such thing as a sure thing. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what you think.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You were right about me, Tom. I am a crazy man. So come on, take advantage of it. What are you waiting for?
- Rick the Intern: I have Adam Schefter from ESPN on the line. He heard a rumor.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Oh, great. Tell Schefter to stick his rumor up his...
- Ali: Sonny.
- Anthony Molina: You see that? That's the Dungeon Drop. Kids waited an hour to take it. It's exactly 50 feet from the end of the slide right into the pool. Huge splash. Anybody within shouting distance would've gotten completely soaked. And people pay for that. I need you to make a splash, Sonny. We need to sell tickets.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, I'm trying to help you do that, Anthony, in my own way.
- Anthony Molina: You can help me, by making a splash. And if you can't do it, then I have to do it, and... I don't wanna have to do that, Sonny.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Just to be clear here, you're threatening to fire me, right?
- Tom Michaels: I'm thinking about moving number one.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Really?
- Tom Michaels: Yeah, well, as you know, Connors did a great job for us last year. But Callahan looks like... well, hell, Sonny, he's gonna be a franchise player for someone.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You'd consider a trade?
- Tom Michaels: I'd consider the right one.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [awkward silence] Well, Jesus, Tom, at least act like you called me, all right? What do you... what do you want for it?
- Tom Michaels: I want your first pick this year, your first-rounder next year, and your third-rounder the year after that.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Ouch. Ouch. No thanks.
- Tom Michaels: I know what it sounds like...
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: It sounds like you're trying to take advantage of me.
- Tom Michaels: I would never do that. Your seventh-rounder gives you, what, a running back with a rap sheet?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You don't know who I'm picking seven, Tom. I'm not gonna sell the farm for one guy.
- Tom Michaels: Well... you should. Your farm sucks.
- Vontae Mack: So? Who you picking? If I was you, I'd take a lightning-quick middle linebacker who can murder the gaps in a 3-4.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Totally agree. You got Reggie Wilson's number down there in Purdue?
- Vontae Mack: Now, I really don't find that funny.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, it's funny, Vontae. You're just not feeling it right now.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Okay, I'm ready to do this, Tom. Our next two number one picks and a third-rounder for your pick today.
- Tom Michaels: Correction. Your next three first-round picks.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: What?
- Tom Michaels: You heard me.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I don't like what's happening between us. Seeing you all day walk the other way, watching you drive away this morning, it's killing me. Look, I know I've disappointed you. And maybe, um... maybe that's not even a strong enough word. If I... if I didn't handle, if I didn't have the right words that you needed to hear, then I'm...
- Ali: Look, Sonny, whoa, you-you don't... you don't need to do this.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Let me finish. Men are supposed to step up. And in the middle of everything that's going on, I didn't get it right, all right? I didn't get all gooey. I didn't jump up and want to know what color to paint the bedroom, you know, blue or pink. And I wish I was one of those kind of guys that know how to make the wallpaper line up; the Home Depot dads-of-the-year types that make the rest of us look like assholes.
- Ali: Those guys are not the reason you look like an asshole.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: [seeing Ali ignore him calling for her] Did you hear me, Rick?
- Rick the Intern: Uh, I heard you. Yeah.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Do you think Ali heard me?
- Rick the Intern: Uh, no, I don't think so. No.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Good answer. Women are tricky. Problem is, they're smarter than us.
- Coach Penn: Are you as jacked as everyone else around here about getting the first pick?
- Ali: I don't really get jacked. I just manage the cap.
- Coach Penn: Uh-huh. How does a girl like you get in this game, anyway?
- Ali: Law school.
- Coach Penn: Lawyer. So you don't get excited about anything.
- Ali: If I do my job and we haven't spent more than $125 million on players by the time the season starts, I get excited.
- Ralph Mowry: Bo Ridley Callahan. He's an only child. His mom's a homemaker, his father's a medical malpractice lawyer. He's made some money. Pays his taxes. He's got three years left on his mortgage. Well, the kid's pretty vanilla. Belonged to a few clubs in high school. He had a walk-on role in "Damn Yankees". Was on the honor roll from junior high through college. Kept his nose clean, he worked out, and... well, you know, he threw a football better than anybody in the great states of Washington or Wisconsin.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: But?
- Ralph Mowry: How do you know there's a "but"?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Because you're an unoriginal bastard, Ralph. So, go on. But...
- Ralph Mowry: But during his final year at Wisconsin, he had a big dinner for his 21st birthday at some restaurant. Locals find out who the dinner's for, and they start filin' in. Things get out of control. Manager called the cops when somebody broke into his office and stole some money. And of course, none of this is Bo's fault.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Of course. But...?
- Ralph Mowry: But the cops came and they took everybody's name regardless. It was a few hundred people. Standard operating procedure.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: But...?
- Ralph Mowry: Ask me who wasn't there.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Who wasn't there, Ralph?
- Ralph Mowry: Any of his teammates. None of his teammates came to the poor guy's birthday party, Sonny.
- Tom Michaels: I'm really nervous about trading away the top pick. Callahan could be huge.
- Walt Gordon: That's true. But it might be worth it if someone's willing to give us their weight in gold to get him. What'd the Rams get when they traded away number two overall to the Redskins a few years back?
- Tom Michaels: Three number one picks and a number two.
- Walt Gordon: Well, shit, that'd work for me.
- Tom Michaels: Nobody's offering us that, Walt. Look... do you want the entire city of Seattle calling for our heads because we didn't pick Bo Callahan?
- Walt Gordon: Our fans know a good deal when they see one, Tom. Which is why we're not even gonna think about doing this unless we can find someone...
- Tom Michaels: Stupid enough to give us more than he should.
- Walt Gordon: Exactly. So, who's the most desperate guy you know?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: There's not a quarterback in this draft after Callahan that can make a difference to our team, all right? And we're way too far down to get him.
- Anthony Molina: Okay, okay. What else? Our shiny new head coach wants a shiny new running back. Ray Jennings. He's Cleveland royalty.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I know what Penn wants. Come on, Anthony, you said you would stay out of this.
- Anthony Molina: Coach Penn has a Super Bowl ring. He used to coach the Cowboys, you know?
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: He took over for a team that won the Super Bowl and proceeded to run it into the ground. Got himself fired. Lucky us.
- Anthony Molina: The Cowboys really have great helmets.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I like Vontae Mack. He's special. He's different. He could transform our defense. Even as a rookie.
- Anthony Molina: Defense doesn't make a splash. Sonny, people pay to get wet.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You want me to give you the Cleveland Browns' first-round picks for the next three years?
- Tom Michaels: That's right.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, that's insane, Tom. That... that wasn't your offer.
- Tom Michaels: Well, I changed my offer. Hell, we live in a different world than we did a couple of hours ago. I made you a fair offer, and you told me to enjoy my pancakes.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: You think I'm gonna give you my next three number one picks?
- Tom Michaels: You're panicking, Sonny, and I intend to take advantage of that.
- Tom Michaels: Pick number one. Get Bo Callahan.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I got a quarterback.
- Tom Michaels: Brian Drew? Are you talking about Brian Drew? Jesus, you're hilarious. Guy barely made it through half the season before getting injured last year. I have the golden ticket, Sonny. If I give it to you, you get to save football in Cleveland.
- Walt Gordon: Have we tried everyone?
- Tom Michaels: Everyone worth asking. So far, no one's willing to overpay. Shit. I really thought I could get Sonny Weaver to bite. I mean, he just lost his old man, and...
- [his phone rings; smirking, he shows Walt the caller ID]
- Walt Gordon: Fleece him.
- O'Reilly: We couldn't find anything before, and we can't now. No other team could, either. If Callahan can't play football, nobody can.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I-I get it. I get it. But look, nobody's perfect. Everybody has something. Even the great ones. Right? They said that Montana was too small, that he'd get hurt, he'd get banged up, but that... that didn't seem to matter, did it? A lot of people said that Elway was too strong, that he threw too hard, didn't have touch, but that didn't seem to matter either, did it? And pretty much everyone agreed that Peyton didn't have the arm strength, that he couldn't throw deep. But somehow, none of it seemed to matter. You get where I'm going here, guys? We need to find out what Bo Callahan's "something" is. Then figure out if it matters or not. All right? Figure out if it's something we can live with.
- Thompson: Everybody's freaking out, Sonny. St. Louis went with Anderson, Miami took Palmer.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Who's picking fourth?
- Coach Penn: Arizona.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Are they gonna take Callahan?
- Coach Penn: They should, but everybody's off their game. Rams and the Dolphins both went with their expected picks, even though Bo was still available. Everybody's panicking 'cause Callahan's still there.
- Thompson: Jesus, what if he drops to seventh? Seahawks have seventh. What if they ended up with Callahan?
- Coach Penn: Well, then Tom Michaels is the GM of the decade. I'm going to the can, to throw up.
- O'Reilly: Holy shit!
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: What's going on?
- Thompson: He's dropping.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: What?
- O'Reilly: Picks number two and three are not Bo Callahan. Nobody's pickin' him.
- Max Stone: I got an offer for number one.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah? Well, I'm all ears. What do you have in mind?
- Max Stone: Okay, here's what we got. Maurice Castillo, Antonio Taylor, our first-rounder next year and the year after that. That's two number ones, a blue-chip running back...
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I know who they are, Max.
- Brandon Russ: Then you know it's a fair offer.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: I'm intrigued.
- Max Stone: Good. Let's make a deal.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, you gotta give me some time.
- Max Stone: Time? Sonny, time's one thing neither of us have. Make the deal.
- Sonny Weaver Jr.: Give me an hour.
- Brandon Russ: We'll give you half that.
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