Goldie Hawn credited as playing...
Linda Middleton
- Emily Middleton: Let's go out tonight. Hair, makeup, boobs... we're going out!
- Linda Middleton: Emily, I am not going out at night.
- Emily Middleton: Everything shouldn't be so scary.
- Ruth: Oh, it damn well should. One in four tourists are kidnapped.
- Emily Middleton: Not true.
- Ruth: One, two, three... Somebody's missing.
- Emily Middleton: Just use the map, Mom!
- Linda Middleton: [opens map] Oh, my God. This is a placemat from a restaurant!
- Linda Middleton: For 18 years your mother is the most important person to you in your entire life. And then... and then... One day poof! You're gone. And then what are you supposed to do. Like, just adjust? Just like that?
- Emily Middleton: You're so gay for Mom.
- Jeffrey Middleton: I'm not gay for Mom.
- Emily Middleton: You're gay for Mom!
- Jeffrey Middleton: She's a woman. She has a vagina.
- Emily Middleton: You suck Mom's dick.
- Linda Middleton: Ewwww!
- Linda Middleton: Why did I ever let you talk to me into this?
- Emily Middleton: I should have just listened to you... I love you.
- Linda Middleton: This is great, but we've really got to get out of here, you know.
- Emily Middleton: Yeah, we need to get out of here, okay.
- Linda Middleton: Here, put this on.
- Emily Middleton: What is this? What?
- Linda Middleton: That is a rape - rape whistle. That's a rape whistle.
- Emily Middleton: What? This is a dog whistle, Mom.
- Linda Middleton: Oh, well...
- Emily Middleton: Are you afraid these dogs are gonna rape me? Is that the main concern?
- Linda Middleton: Can I just see that? I didn't look at the dogs.
- Emily Middleton: Do they look like rapists to you?
- Linda Middleton: Whatever!
- Emily Middleton: It was supposed to be a king but one thing led to another, and I changed it. So, it's two queens now.
- Linda Middleton: Are you sure you changed it?
- Emily Middleton: Yeah, I called ahead.
- Front Desk Clerk: Yes, I do see that note here.
- Emily Middleton: Okay, well, can you look at that note and make that note happen?
- Front Desk Clerk: I'm sorry, I cannot.
- Emily Middleton: So I'm just gonna share a king-size bed in a romantic locale with my mother?
- Front Desk Clerk: You can sleep head-to-toe.
- Emily Middleton: Like we're 69-ing. Great.
- Linda Middleton: I have a real phobia about this.
- Emily Middleton: Of what? Being locked in a car trunk? Yeah, I think everybody's got that one, Mom.