- Baz Hogan: Storm's dying down.
- Nova Clarke: How can you tell?
- Baz Hogan: Not as many sharks flying around.
- Nova Clarke: Why is there a retirement home next to an airport?
- Claudia: Because old people can't hear.
- Robbie the Bus Driver: My mom always told me Hollywood would kill me.
- [just before Hollywood sign crushes him]
- Nova Clarke: They took my grandfather. That's why I really hate sharks.
- Matt: Now I really hate sharks, too.
- Nova Clarke: [having just been rescued after falling out of a helicopter and being swallowed whole by a shark in midair] I really hate sharks.
- Fin Shepard: I always thought it would be an earthquake that would be the end of Los Angeles.
- Baz Hogan: Or a meteor shower. Zombies even.
- Fin Shepard: Yeah.
- Baz Hogan: Black Plague. Aliens. But sharks? Come on.
- Fin Shepard: Yeah. Yeah. Go figure. My luck, sharks.
- Baz Hogan: Yeah, your luck. Sharks.
- Nova Clarke: Mine too.
- Convenience Store Clerk: Apocalypse my ass! This isn't the end of the world! Gods, they're not angry with us, the aliens aren't coming down! It's the government! With a big capital "G"! They're behind EVERYTHING! They know what we buy, they know what we eat, were we go to the bathroom. They know what kind of CHEESE I like... Pepper jack.
- [whispers]
- Convenience Store Clerk: They control it all! And the weather too! I gotta hand it to em though, SHARKS? I never saw THAT coming.
- Fin Shepard: Yeah.
- George: Why is the car shaking?
- Nova Clarke: What the hell? There are sharks in the streets.
- Baz Hogan: These fish surely have a hankering for me. It's like one taste of Baz just isn't enough.
- [first lines]
- [Captain Sanitago serves a bowl of shark fin soup to an Asian businessman named Palmer]
- Captain Carlos Santiago: Enjoy.
- Palmer: [tastes the soup] It's good. Not great. But seeing that you are a businessman, Mr. Santiago.
- Captain Carlos Santiago: Captain.
- Palmer: Captain. My associates and I are willing to negotiate with you a reasonable price. $100,000.
- [Santiago laughs maniacally]
- Captain Carlos Santiago: [serious tone] One million for the whole catch! Not a penny less!
- Palmer: One million dollars is such a steep price for such a small catch.
- Captain Carlos Santiago: A pod of 20,000 sharks is to migrate through this direction. When we're through with the catch, one million dollars will look like a bargain.
- Palmer: I'll give you 500,000.
- [Santiago angrily draws a pistol and aims it at Palmer's head]
- Captain Carlos Santiago: If you're looking to negotiate Mr. Palmer... find yourself an insurance salesman!
- Palmer: [intimidated] You got yourself a deal.
- Baz Hogan: These sharks of yours have no etiquette.
- Fin Shepard: Etiquette? I thought you were Australian, not British.
- Baz Hogan: Tasmanian, buddy.
- Fin Shepard: We got to get to higher ground.
- George: Take the freeway. It's above street level. You take the 10 to the 405. You're almost in Beverly Hills. And there is no way the ocean has washed inland that far.
- Baz Hogan: What make you an expert on Beverly Hills, George?
- George: That's where I live.
- Fin Shepard: George, if you live in Beverly Hills, why do you come all the way to the coast and drink at my bar?
- George: I don't know. I like the view, you know. There's the beach. There's all these scantily clad women there that pretend to like me if I buy them a drink. And there is my seat. My chair. My chair is always there.
- Baz Hogan: Plus you don't charge $15 a plock.
- George: Yeah. Plus, there is the beautiful Nova there who I am planning to marry soon. I sit around and think about it every night and day. Everywhere I go.
- April Wexler: What's wrong?
- Fin Shepard: Your son wants to go into a helicopter and drop a bomb into the tornado.
- April Wexler: No, it's too dangerous.
- Nova Clarke: I'll watch his back. I'll be the bombardier.
- April Wexler: Then definitely not.
- Nova Clarke: That's a tiger shark.
- George: How do you know that?
- Nova Clarke: Shark Week! Where'd it go?
- George: Where DID it go?
- Fin Shepard: It's under the car.
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