I don't know why I started watching this; I know if I'd seen the 3/10 rating here, I wouldn't have bothered. The fact that EVERY cast member except one was "uncredited" would have tipped me off too, but nooooo, I had to blow off the usual IMDb check. It's my fault because it come up on Netflix streaming as "recommended" (thanks for assuming I have sh*tty taste, Netflix) and even though I vaguely recalled the title as one I was warned against by several reviewers whose opinions I trust, I had a little time to kill and figured what the hell.
The opening minutes featured some gore (more than usual in a found footage movie with a "haunted house" theme) so maybe that got my attention. A big red flag came up with the voice-over acting by the cop who was supposed to have discovered the bodies was TERRIBLE.
Less than five minutes after that scene the only thing keeping me watching it was my deep hatred for a certain character, (who naturally, survived the movie as a last "f-you" from the movie to me). I wanted to see her get kicked down a flight of stairs or pushed off a cliff or die brutally. This is not a good sign when it's the only thing keeping you from turning off the movie. The character was (I think, because I swear they were barely trying) supposed to be likable, too.
This movie was so terrible, so boring, such an endurance test that I can't even write a traditionally-structured review for it. I have to make a list of things wrong with it instead.
1. Every found-footage horror cliché in the book used. transcription of 911 calls (even when someone on screen is clearly seen making them and you can hear everything fine, in a couple cases)? check. shaky-cam over-use? Check. There are what seemed like several 10-minute segments of someone holding the camera while they run around freaking out and all you can make out is occasionally the ground or trees. Mysterious forces throwing someone across the room? check. Night-vision footage of people sleeping while some object moves around by itself? Check. Stupid fake jump-scares where one character sneaks up on another and makes a "scary" noise as a prank? Check. 2. People keep filming after any sane person would have stopped, under the circumstances 3. I wasn't even sure who was filming what, supposedly, by the end. 4. the movie actually gets worse as it goes along. 5. some of the worst make-up "effects" I have ever seen. 6. some acting so bad it is funny instead of scary... but do NOT see this movie because it's one of those MST-3000 movies that is fun because it is so bad, this is NOT one of those movies.
There is no shred of entertainment anywhere in the movie. At no point did I feel remotely scared or even mildly creeped out, nor did I care what happened to the characters (other than hoping they died horribly for being such idiots). There was no point where I was in any kind of suspense.I could see every jump scare (or what they thought passed as jump scares), or pretty much any action whatsoever coming a mile away.
"Bell Witch" (I don't respect anyone involved in the making of the movie enough to go and look for the complete title) is the reason people hate found-footage horror movies.
DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME! Even if you watch this just to see how bad it is, you will hate yourself when it ends. I hated myself before the first hour of the movie was over. If you want to see a good paranormal found-footage movie, see "Grave Encounters". Hell, even if you've seen it already, just watch it again, you'll have a much more enjoyable time.
