Boy Meets Girl (I) (2014)

Michael Welch: Robby Riley

Quotes 

• Robby : How could I regret realizing I'm in love with the hottest girl in town, who just so happens to be my best friend?

• Ricky : Is it tight like an asshole...

  Robby : Okay! Okay, google time.

  Ricky : Robby!

  Robby : No, no, no, no, no. Confused gay chat rooms or something. Seriously.

• Ricky : Anyway, I hear it's very, um... it's very complicated. You know, the... vaj... with all its various fluids flowing at different times. There's... theres the period, the wetness during sex, so, uh... okay, so like, I mean, does it start out wet, or-or do I have to get it wet? Well, wait, does SHE get it... wait... How's it get wet?

  Robby : Are you fuckin' retarded right now?

  Ricky : Robby! It's not easy for me to talk about these things. Just tell me.

• Robby : Sometimes likin' someone isn't enough and you gotta break up. Kinda quickly. But it doesn't make me a bad guy.

  Ricky : No, just a guy.

• Robby : Marines are nuts. They kill people for fun.

• Ricky : Only gay boys watch those girl shows.

  Robby : Oh, yeah, 'cuz what straight guy would wanna watch hot sisters or best friends mess around with each other half naked and then makin' full-on porn tapes? That is... that is so gay.

• Robby : Hey, I am knowledgeable in the arts of various sexual arenas.

  Ricky : Oh, please. You thank God for "Glee" every day. You'd still think scissoring was a mixed martial arts tap-out hold.

• Ricky : Maybe if one thing leads to another...

  Robby : Yeah.

  Ricky : What's it like? I mean, like, okay, so... what would you, um... what-what would I... well, uh... what's one supposed to do?

• Robby : Look, just try it, okay. Just-just-just get in there and-and let nature take over. I mean, you know even though you're a hot chick and everything, the other part of you has millions of years of DNA slammin' down on you, instinctively lettin' you know how and where to stick it and-and-and what the fuck to do with it and afterwards, you'll make your own assessment.

• Ricky : It's okay if you want to ignore...

  Robby : [breaks away and stares lovingly into Ricky's eyes]  I don't want to ignore anything about you ever again.

• Robby : Okay, uh, what do you... What do you wanna know?

  Ricky : Okay, so, you know the, um, the...

  Robby : Dick?

  Ricky : On a genetic girl!

  Robby : Oh, the va-jay-jay.

  Ricky : Oh, my God, you do not watch the Kardashians?

  Robby : Loves it.