There is a weird trend where horror movies are made so, a) all of the characters are AS ANNOYING AS POSSIBLE, b) the plot is "written" so that nothing flows together or is explained in the narrative, and c) there is no horror to speak of.
This is perfect, if that's what you've been looking for.
The characters are just. I was rooting for them to die. They are just borrowed stereotypes. Oh, dude-bro afraid of commitment and his dude-bro best man aiming the camera at his dick and bridesmaids crotches. The wife trapping said dude-bro into marriage with her terrible ovaries. The vaguely ethnic relatives with spiritual advice? Screeching, nagging, "all I am is a mother and wife" women. At one point the father says that Imogene is impossible to know, and that is because this child has no character. Just like everyone else in this movie.
The movie is filled with completely unnecessary scenes. The wedding and birth, for example, add nothing to the plot. We get that they are getting married and having a baby before the title is shown and then they spend another 10 minutes on it. Unless everyone is going to die in a bloodbath of doom, I don't want to see your wedding in a horror movie get out. There are four scenes dedicated to Imogene brushing her hair. FOUR. This is not important. We get when you SAY IT SIX MORE TIMES that she has issues. Jesus Christ.
The only other thing that this movie contains is the shrill arguments of everyone in this movie and some horror clips stolen from old Are You Afraid of the Dark episodes.
Satan is honestly disappointed that he was brought into this horrific attempt at a movie. What even. Fog machines and floating toys? At least the cirque du soleil crowd got some extra work, though seriously. Could have done better, guys.
