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Arctic Void (2022)
Has a Twilight Zone feel to it
My quick rating - 5,3/10. The scenery in this one was excellent. I have to assume filming in such a place has to be dirt cheap but the feeling of being in the middle of nowhere while watching this is like an additional character. The feel of this is very much like an episode of The Twilight Zone or Black Mirror. 3 guys shooting film for their travel show are on a ship to Svalbard, Norway when a mysterious power outage occurs and the rest of the people on board for the tour "vanish." This leaves the trio to try and figure out what has happened and venture off to the only town they can spot from the ship which also happens to be abandoned. The acting in this one is fairly bland since rarely do either of them actually attempt to show any emotions. It is hard to tell if it was just a lack of dialogue or just painting them out to basically be in shock. The bit players are given hardly any time to develop, which is a shame since Rune Temte as Jim, the tour head, was on the way to stealing the show here. This moved by rather briskly at 82 minutes and as I mentioned, could've been trimmed down a bit more if they were shooting for a TV show slot. It does lack any twist or surprise though which I was hoping for since my initial thought of what was going on happened to be correct. And I am not trying to say I was getting really creative with my guess either. #jackmeatsflix.
Into the Arms of Danger (2020)
Into the recycle bin.
My quick rating - 3,2/10. If the Lifetime channel wanted to get a bit darker than their normal stuff, they would've gotten this. Only their actors are typically better. After a woman is in a car accident on the way to visit some college, she is picked up by an ambulance and instead of a hospital, she is taken to the home of a twisted family led by Momma (Cathy Moriarty) There is really nothing here you haven't seen before in the old kidnap woman and keep her captive story. The family isn't insane in any manner such as Rob Zombie would give us. More or less the standard one son blindly following the mom, the other reluctantly following. Everything here falls right into place as you would expect and doesn't make for great viewing.
Howl (2021)
No horror, and no reason to watch.
My quick rating - 2,4/10. The very edge of a #turkey. Almost made it out of the lovely category of do NOT waste your time. But unless you are having a hard time sleeping, I cannot recommend this movie to anyone for any other reason but curing insomnia. Nothing happens for the vast majority of the flick. Just a story of a woman (Michele Martin) who is released from a sanitarium after a suicide attempt to go take care of her grandmother's bookstore for the winter. Let me say that again, she just attempted suicide and now is let out to go isolate at some house for an entire winter. Well, Michele Martin also wrote, directed and I would guess also added the really distracting looking fake snow effect during post-production. So putting that unbelievable part aside, she slowly descends into madness in her own mind. Basically just boring flashbacks, my description sounds far more entertaining than it is. Good thing people start appearing although they do make it unclear if they are there or not at times. If the psychological nightmare she may have been going through was in any way involving enough to make you care, any viewer may have wondered what was real and what wasn't. Since it is all so poorly constructed, no one will care. All of a sudden, everyone seems related and is a werewolf. No real explanation at all to any of this just like the fight in the forest that has some of the cheesiest CGI ever. That scene was just tucked in there for.....I don't know. Just a mess of a film that really never had a point. I would hate to speculate what the point actually was since I believe it was depressing and hits home with someone involved. So I'll stick with the movie itself being an utter waste.
Missing in Greenwood (2020)
Definitive proof you haven't seen the worst movie yet
My quick rating - 0,9/10. Rarely do you see a movie that can screw up every aspect of film making, and to do so in a mere 80 minutes is an accomplishment. I am guessing these fools ran across "Blair Witch Project" and had no idea it had been popular and also copied hundreds of times. They then set out and took everything good about that movie (there isn't much) and threw those aspects out the window, and kept everything terrible about it. But not only keep the bad stuff but overaccentuate it to no end. This movie is constantly screwing around with the cameras green and blue filters to the extent at times you literally cannot see what is going on. The sound is so far off at times I often wondered if they spliced the wrong scenes audio in. And the editing, geez, seriously I have done better with scotch tape and scissors on VHS tapes than a lot of this. Maybe someone who was part of the directing should have been there to watch so the correct scenes were in place. Have I got to the "acting" yet? I am unsure what to blame how horrendous that part is. They may be really stupid people in real life or it is possible that they were supposed to be acting like inept idiots at all times in which case they nailed it. Oh, story? 3 dudes head into the woods for a weekend and end up targets of some game? I think that was it since you get to play detective piecing things together. The editor couldn't be bothered with that. Trying to find positive? NOPE, there literally isn't anything. Suffice it to say, one of the worst examples of #turkey material to come by in a long time and you best steer clear. #jackmeatsflix.
Share or Die (2021)
Needed a real review.
My quick rating - 3,1/10. OK, time for someone to bring IMDB back to reality. I do find it commendable that this film found this many characters I would hope would NOT share the app so they would die a horrible death. Oh, that just summed up this flick, share the app, or die. Aptly named movie. Well, since this movie has no idea how to explain this particular app to death scenario, it doesn't bother trying. So maybe someone doesn't share it and has an urge to kill themselves. Bingo, problem solved. Maybe someone doesn't share it, so a completely unrelated person decides to kill them. Sure, why not. No one involved in this movie has a brain anyway. So writers, think of an actual plot and stick with it. Maybe supernatural, maybe tech related (you did decide to stream bits of what looks like a linux build, and then a windows command prompt, for no apparent reason btw) so you wanted there to be a reason. Ya just couldn't decide. So the writing is horrendous, the acting isn't acting. The gore, I will give it some props for campy decency here. Too bad it was so infrequent. Btw, the movie could've ended nearly the moment it started. The post didn't get shared so how does it keep going? Naw, don't use your brains. Just watch people try to reason out what to do, and sometimes make you laugh at how they will or won't do it. Or better yet, don't waste your time on this at all.
An Evening with Tim Heidecker (2020)
Absolutely horrible and by his fans standards, genius
My quick rating - 1,9/10. I have learned that no matter what this dude does, his fans thinks he is a genius. Well, then enjoy it because this guy is the epitome of unfunny. His sheer lack of anything amusing is wild to watch in stand up. The audience really had no idea what to do because they didn't expect to be bored to death at someone purposely not being funny. But they weren't in t=on the joke that he actually in all true sense, is NOT funny at all. So you see him not acting out a thing, but being himself (a boring clod) and then try to jedi mind trick his delusional fans into thinking that is part of the act. It is sad to think so many people fall for it. Avoid this unless you are having trouble sleeping. Then again, this may flare up any hidden anger management issues you have, so tread lightly. This has to be one of the worst hour long specials you will ever find. And I think his obsession with urine is treatable, so go see a doctor. Do I have to mark it as a spoiler to tell people this guy sucks????
Blood Circus (2017)
Circuses are funny, and so is this movie for the wrong reasons
My quick rating - 2,9/10. And when the circus comes to town, it makes sure to round up all the most pathetic fighters for a fight to the finish. Including our star, retired MMA fighter (in the movie, not bothering with his name, you will never see him again in a flick) who in a desperate attempt to make some money, enters the secretive warehouse fighting league. Every possible rule you can think of about this fight club is broken. You can come and go as you please, you are scheduled to fight and most important rule of Fight Club you can basically talk about it at will. The good news is there is no way the police will find it since it is in a huge city like New York. Oh, yeah, I am lying again, it is in some podunk town where every single person knows each others parents, yet they are hiding this circus with no one knowing where, and what is going on. Leaving bodies in garbage bins still has the genius detective Tom Sizemore unsure of what is going on. Every bit of this movie is so implausible that it makes it funny. Sizemores career choices add to that humor. There isn't even any decent fight choreography to enjoy. Would you like to know the highlight of the movie??? Kevin Nash is in it. I wouldn't want to give a spoiler and tell you his role, but when that ups your rating, you know the rest has to be pretty bad. IMDB, do NOT believe the rest of the reviews, this movie is awful.
Corpse (2018)
Absolutely pointless
My quick rating - 1.9/10. Get high, grab a camera and start filming. Pretty much what happened here. The story which they don't bother explaining is some book drives you crazy and makes you murderous when read. Yep, after watching the movie if you didn't read that, you most likely wouldn't have known. They like to throw some text in to try and explain plot progression but most of the time doesn't make sense or isn't on the screen long enough to read, so poor editing as well. Just weird camera angles, silly superimposed lighting and lens tricks for dummies is all you really get. Do not waste your time here.
Jade's Asylum (2019)
Been a long time since I have seen this bad
My quick rating - 1,2/10. This movie is so painfully bad. The thing that makes this #turkey worse than that silly Xmas flick is they had a budget. Quality cameras, solid editing, location is very nice to look at. BUT what in the hell is this trash. I can't explain who the bad guys are because I don't think they knew either. To make this mess of random flashbacks throughout the 83 minute stick my hand in a blender fest worse; These idiots took this nonsense SERIOUSLY. They actually think they have a horror movie you should think about. So what do they want you to think about? Being an asshole tends to make people dislike you? Strange people-like things partially covered in shrubbage live in the forest and will kill you? Drugs are bad? Who knows really. Just a group of rich assholes getting offed by things in the woods in unceremonious fashion. Or maybe the whole thing was supposed to be in the chicks head, since none of the flashbacks make sense. Just thinking about this is giving me a headache.
Vengeance (2019)
Taking the Jason story in new directions
My quick rating - 6,2/10. This is far from your typical fan made movie. This easily could've had a theater release. All aspects of the slasher movies are done quite nicely in this. Starting off 30 years after Friday the 13th part 6, the story very fluidly and intelligently extends the whole Jason universe including aspects from the original flick and even the ones that came after #6 so it didn't act like those things never happened. Being impressed with the script of this was about the last thing I expected to happen but any fan of the series will be floored at the attention to details and the manner of keeping the story going while adding unique new elements. The kills are easily on par and sometimes exceed what we have seen before. If you decide to have sex, expect to die in this one as well. The body count is setup perfectly for them and everyone knows that staying together is a terrible idea and makes sure to separate every chance they get. All the beloved tropes are here, all the characters (welll, many) return so Tommy Jarvis will come into play as well. If that name rings a bell, you have found the movie you have been waiting for in the series. I know the acting is supposed to suck, but that is really the only low point here. I don't know how such a well made movie, looking so great, camerawise, editing, cinematography, sound, the whole production value sits at being a fan film. This is feature film quality and I hope there is a sequel.
What Goes Around (2020)
Absolutely horrible top to bottom
My quick rating - 1,9/10. I honestly could copy the last review I just typed. AVOID this trash. I literally am at a loss for words just peeking at IMDB. It takes a few reviews down to have reality set in. The acting is laughable, and not in a corny fun way. These morons think they are being serious. I suppose in some world it sounds like everyone is reading directly off paper. The only revenge is taking this movie and FORCING someone to watch it. That is true torture. Please keep everyone involved with this movie away from cameras and block their IP from EVER creating a kickstarter so they can't get the money to make another video lobotomy.
The Fearless One (2017)
The first rule about Fearless One is don't watch Fearless One
My quick rating - 1,7/10. For a fighting movie, in this case some underground fighting, the best thing to do is get people who can fight. Or you get actors who can take good direction and a good fight choreographer. Or do what this movie did, ignore both, and have people who may have never punched or kicked anything but the wall in anger and have them be some "black belt fighters". Terrible, TWICE there are shots of a fist SITTING on a persons face and you can clearly tell ACTION was yelled as the actor pushes his hand through the punch. Oh this movie is just plain AWFUL. The sound editing at times you have no idea who is talking, if it is even anyone in the scene. I am astonished just how poor this movie is. WOW. Given this movie more than it deserves, the flaws are endless.
They Look Like People (2015)
Don't believe the odd high ratings
My quick rating - 2,9/10. Here we have a massive discrepancy between myself and IMDB raters. How anyone saw brilliance in this 2 dudes make a flick about mental illness in their apartment movie, I have no idea. Both participants (saying actors insults actual actors) are pathetic. Often just acting like it was their first beer, ever. Then there is the big alien conspiracy going on. Or we are supposed to think. The whole point I think they were working on was understanding how difficult mental illness is, and how to view it from their perspective. What do we get? 2 dudes jumping around like idiots wearing blankets. Sure, the main guy has mental problems, but what is his friends excuse for playing along? For so long? Not funny, not well done. I really can't find what in the world people are even attempting to get out of this. Oh, and not the makers fault, I think, but this is not horror in the slightest.
The House in Between (2020)
Attempting to be real by being so mild.Ghosts exist, not in this movie
My quick rating - 2,8/10. This movie reminds me of the same thing "Guinea Pig" movies tried to do. They made the torture and violence look so real and pushed the envelope to make you think "Hey maybe this really is a snuff film". That was the whole point, try to get you to believe. This garbage is no different. Everyone knows today with a phone and a piece of glass, you can make things levitate, green screen nearly anything, etc. So this movie keeps it really simple, and boring I might add. Instead of ghosts being spotted or things flying around the room looking way past what most people would believe, the movie documents a house where the BIGGEST supernatural phenomenon that occurs is a bal rolling down the stairs. To watch these idiots try to play off such a MASSIVE breakthrough (if i put a ball on the very edge of a step everyday, I bet it rolls down sooner or later from all kinds of things, mainly gravity and vibration). This is just so plainly fake, yet done so mildly you may just go, "yeah maybe" but no, it isn't. I am hoping the makers of this read this. Go to Techny Towers, in Illinois. I saw ghosts there, they exist. If you have the balls, check it out. Reach out and I'll tell you the whole story of why it is haunted. Then use your money to find a real haunting and not fake this crap.
Snuff 102 (2007)
Tries to shock but only bores
My quick rating - 2,4/10. Ok, first an explanation. These are NOT horror movies. This is its own category, Shocksploitation. The whole point of these movies is to look so poor quality, and shocking you question it being real. If you think this is new, it is not. Guinea Pig started this 40 years ago with underground torture movies that got government attention when they thought it was real. And yes, they graduated to fake snuff. This movie mixes the grainy, fake torture but tries to incorporate a plot of a man being interviewed about the existence of "snuff" movies, all the while the viewer is bearing witness to it supposedly happening in what we assume the man is a part of. The interviewer preps for this by searching the web and finding some well known BS snuff that you may have seen before and the ever popular "beheading" video that was from a terrorist executing "someone." Blah Blah, so they showed something real, but one big rule of these movies, if you are trying to fool people into believing this nonsense, first off, don't tell them at the beginning "all the torture and violence in this film is real" Immediately you know it isn't. Second, what guinea pig did right was shoot in single camera long straight cuts. Made it far more difficult to tell it was fake. These movie has camera angles shifting and moving all the time. Who has time for editing film while torturing someone they kidnapped, am I right? LOL. The atypical camera angles hiding the most depraved scenes forcing you to figure them out or imagine it is also used. My point is, don't let crap such as this make you believe This is not horror, this is a filmed stunt to fool and shock you. I watch this because I am interested in the lengths people go to achieve this but in reality, it is just plain boring. This actually tried so it wasn't as bad as Guinea Pig was. That was a straight 1.5 hours of fake torture, no slim plot. And since American Guinea Pig has come and shifted into making plot driven gorefests now, and August Underground has been shocking in the USA for a while as well, this falls into just another attempt. It fails. Not a single part grossed me out, it has all been done before, and I have seen far WORSE. I give the little points it got on merit of some of the dialogue as it was an educated opinion about snuff at times. Do I think snuff films exist? YES, people are inherently evil and to think none of the sickos haven't filmed their murders before would be hard to believe. I am sure they have, but is their an underground market for it? Hard to say, if there is, I don't care to see it. I get nothing out of watching women get slapped around, and raped with various objects (which is always up to you to figure out since they make sure it is dark or camera is just off enough so you can't see, luckily). Long winded but lots to say on the subject. Long story short, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, AVOID UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE IT.
Black Sheep (2006)
Not BBBBAAAAHHHHHDDD
My quick rating 5,4/10. Nice to see NZ filmmakers paying homage to the great Peter Jackson, that is for sure. We seem to have mutated everything else and turned things into bloodthirsty killers so why not try doing the same with SHEEP lol. Yes, the jokes you are thinking are ever present as well. And abundant. It falls flat on the horror side though, as the goofy gore that these movies are known for is lacking. But the sheer silliness is pretty funny. I would've liked to see a bit more of a couple of the lesser used characters since one of them was quite amusing. Overall it is surely a good effort and did lead me to checking out what else this team has made. I unfortunately did not see much at all (scifi called "Realiti" to check out).Not BBBBAAAAHHHHHDDD. Sorry, I had to.
Babes with Blades (2018)
A rising trend being Cecila Fay..get her a good script, pls
My quick rating - 3,9/10. For a really hockey b-budget flick, this one does have its moments. Mainly Azura (Cecilia Fay) who does have some pretty good martial arts skills it seems. The fight scenes do tend to show off her talent, unfortunately the story itself, or the acting doesn't lend to much more. Instead this movie turns into a woman being taken prisoner in a post-apocalyptic future world by the evil, and horribly acted....well, he doesn't have a name. There imprisoned, she must fight to the death for a bunch of rich types in an arena, which resembles the warehouse where one of the film makers must work to earn his daily pay. Still, a very valiant attempt using some creative special effects that were 80s quality. Kudos for the effort, just take Fay, and give her a real script and you might have something.
Warrioress (2013)
Good female fighters...and that is it.
My quick rating - 3,8/10. The women that fought in this movie were actually quite good, especially Cecily Fay, but beyond that, it wasn't a movie. They attempted to piece together a plot but to no avail. It was more of a showcase of what I can only assume was a group of people, mostly women, that trained at a martial arts dojo of some skill and decided to make a movie. If there was a tiny budget, and some written story, the actresses (i do not mention actors, the men in this were horrid) could have pulled it off. Remember her name though, she should get some work at some point for a good look with well rounded fighting skills.
The Generator (2017)
Didn't a superior movie have this idea and been made in the late 90s?
I am sorry for chiming in on a movie I have not seen yet, but judging by the synopsis, trailer and all these reviews, this movie rips off "Strange Days" with the exact same premise, yet is surrounded by a far better story, film maker, etc. I will not say that this movie is good or bad, nor review it since as I stated I have not seen it, and am not some BS factory judging movies without viewing them. I just needed to point this out after reading up and since I haven't decided if I am going to bother watching, I did not want my initial thoughts lost. If I do get around to watching this, which seems to be a big gamble between all the massive "slam" reviews, and all the obvious "biased" reviews together, it is hard to get a gauge of how this movie actually might be, instead of an all out WIN or MISS. Only spoiler is I haven't seen it LOL. Rating a 5 since it is in the middle and I can't submit without a number. I'll return if I do watch this and adjust accordingly
6 Underground (2019)
The good: Action. The bad: Editing. Ok, that makes it easy for you
My quick rating - 6,9/10. The good: Action. The bad: Editing. Ok, that makes it easy for you. Now if you are reading on IMDB, ignore any review stating a 1 or 2. That is simply haters of Reynolds or Bay in general. I can understand your dislike, but take off the blinders. This movie is just as much a 1 as it is a 10. Both are moronic ratings and can be disregarded. In reality this movie is exactly what you expect, wall to wall action. The opening car chase is excessively long, and highly entertaining. All of that just to lead you into the movie. For those who just want the action and no story, this movie isn't overly complex, just the method of storytelling will lose you if you aren't paying attention (hence the one ratings by the children on here). Reynolds is the main star, and delivers the usual deadpan one liners throughout, half of which don't seem to hit the mark quite as well as he normally does, but the material wasn't quite as spot on as "Deadpool" so can't blame him for it. Almost seems crazy that a movie of this magnitude and budget heads directly to netflix. I have to say this would've looked great on an IMAX screen. Thoroughly enjoyed this movie, and if you don't understand the quick editing technique, you apparently aren't aware Michael Bay started out making music videos and that is just the way they are shot. Using it in high action scenes is just a style, take it or leave it, but please leave the reviewing for people who have brains and don't allow bias to oversway logic. As I stated before seeing this, grab the popcorn, check reality at the door, kick back with a beer and enjoy 2 hours of nearly non-stop action.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
A very well made yet tedious journey from Tarantino
My quick rating - 6,9/10. Well, this is a nice little niche movie from Tarantino. If you aren't familiar at all with the Manson murders, then a bunch of this movie will make little or no sense. That won't make the movie bad by any means. I believe some pretty good performances were turned in by all, for the most part. Although zombie Margot Robbie was a little distracting as Sharon Tate. Anyway, the movie follows the lives of a few Hollywood B listers in late 60s Hollywood, and the intertwining of their lives with the events of the Manson murders. That is a very blanket statement way of covering this, as a few Quentin inside jokes are slipped in along the way, most likely a lot more than I noticed on one viewing. Big nod to Bruce Lee though. I think Tarantino used his clout to try and make a movie to show off a bit of his friendships he has made and the knowledge he has about movies in general, to a good extent for the movie, but also about the only drawback to it. The length of this movie got tedious when it wasn't needed. Put that aside, and the movie wraps itself up, two hours and 40 minutes later, with a not so satisfying ending. It was just far enough off to make it more fiction. Maybe that was done for the sake of it being a movie more than a documentary, I really couldn't tell what they were shooting for at that point. But again, this is not a knock on the film, the movie has typical Tarantino blood abound, when need be, good one liners and fitting humor. Everyone is expecting Pulp Fiction all over again, even I will admit I often think about when he might capture that brilliance again. That is my fault for thinking that way, though. I doubt I am alone when doing that.
9/11 (2017)
A micro look at one of many stories on 9/11 (avoid the fake 1/10 reviews)
My quick rating - 5,5/10. Well, we know the outcome. Tragic, and this movie just focuses on 5 people stranded in one elevator during the event. It was not spectacularly done, but it sure was not poor. The casting is questionable, which I believe was on purpose. Give the more everyday look, so to speak. Whoopi isn't your everyday star type, and Sheen, well, he is not some glam name, and his repuatation works well too be trapped in an elevator shaft. Sinec I am purposely writing this for IMDB at ATM, the reviews here are at 49 (4.1). This board is a GREAT diagram for all IMDB viewers to take note of all the people that gave a 1/10, and claiming how awful it was. These are the people you know 100 percent never to listen to, since they are taking personal bias, and jumping the easy bandwagon of trashing the film on merits it actually has. I am not claiming to be the authority, but I sure don't follow the herd like the sheep that are littering this post. The movie is much better than a 1, and for surely not a 10. Nor am I going to click 10 just to make it jump up either. I assure you after you watch this, you will agree with me, give or take a point up or down.
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
Where has this movie been hiding?
My quick rating 7,5/10. How in the world did this movie sit unwatched by myself for this long? This is an instant classic for Halloween viewing for sure. The flick is an anthology movie of sorts. Each story flows within the context of the whole movie, which is all tied together throughout in such a masterful way, it is near genius. Every bit of scary stories any child in the USA has grown up hearing is reflected in the shorts of this, be it razor blades in candy, or the bus of kids off the cliff, werewolves, vampires, anything that goes bump in the night is all fair game in this film. Michael Dougherty helms the whole shabang and does an incredible job. Each story in its isolation is instantly tied into the story as a whole in a unique way. Much to be said for the editing and continuity department on keeping this all inline. Wonderful shots of decorated homes, great casting including the ever talented Anna Paquin and all the kids really. So much great stuff to be had in this flick. If you haven't seen it, make this top priority on your list for the next All Hallows Eve, as this movie isn't just around the Halloween holiday, but embodies everything Halloween, the day/night is. If this wasn't just an everyday review, I would get into how this movie could be the single best Halloween film ever made just because it is Halloween, whereas the movie "Halloween" could be any other day of the year, and still be a masterpiece. "Trick 'r Treat is Halloween all the way through.
Mary (2019)
Oldman deserves better
My quick rating - 4,8/10. Started off looking promising, but the execution left a lot to be desired. Oldman as the new ship owner that takes on "Mary" (an abandoned sailing ship) plays his role extremely subdued, almost like he was bored. Well, so was I. The movie just goes through the motions of a ghost taking over those aboard the ship in an non-frightening manner. All of these events lead up to a massive letdown of an ending. So not the makes of a movie I would recommend, even for huge fans of Gary Oldman, as I am.
The Haunted (2018)
Not horrible, just not that good
My quick rating - 3,9/10. Don't mind the 1/10 ratings on IMDB, it surely is not that bad however it isn't all that good either. This movie is just a story about one woman stuck in a haunted house for one night. Straight and to the point. Couple jump scares here and there, and a very slow burn to a twist ending that really doesn't surprise anyone. A decent attempt on a shoestring budget with a solid performance but she just doesn't have much to work with. I'd pass up on this one.