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Reviews
Born on the Fourth of July (1989)
Oliver Stone's affecting account of Vietnam's aftermath
First, a confession: I am a HUGE fan of Oliver Stone. Second, I was born in 1983, so I never personally experienced any of the stuff this movie deals with.
Whose heart wouldn't break for Ron Kovic when he finds out that not only will he never walk again, he's also been castrated--by an enemy's bullet in a war he volunteered for. When he is finally rehabilitated enough to go home, he receives something less than a hero's welcome, and he can't shake all the horrible things he did while fighting. The government won't give much money to help the Vietnam veterans and Ron feels betrayed by his country, by his community, and by his family. Born on the Fourth of July deals with all these elements masterfully. However, the whole excursion to Mexico was just confusing and weird, and I think it could have been handled better.
Still, it picks up again by the end, and this film makes it easy to see why Oliver Stone is one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. Stone pours his soul in every film he makes, especially the ones that involve the Vietnam War in some way. He makes people think less of how "right" it is to become embroiled in a conflict, and more of the unending pain that involvement inevitably causes, the wounds that never heal, the losses never regained.
Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veterans Day have become excuses for backyard barbecues, trips to the shore on the long weekend, and ten percent off all recliners at the furniture store. This is a crying evil. Films like Born on the Fourth of July serve to remind us of just how jaded Americans have become. Oh look at us, we're so freaking great, everybody wave your miniature American flags at the crippled veterans living from tiny disability check to tiny disability check! This may not be Oliver Stone's finest film (look to Platoon or JFK for that), but it is definitely an eye-opener for all the nutty jingoists and ignorant patriots out there.
Rent it, buy it, do whatever you have to do, but everyone in the world should see Born on the Fourth of July at least once.
The Concert for New York City (2001)
Best Concert Special Ever
I was lucky enough to catch this when it first aired on VH1, and I still look back on it fondly months later. The selection of musicians is great, and Woody Allen's and Kevin Smith's short films are both touching and hysterically funny. Jon Bon Jovi's performance is my favorite. Don't miss this one.
Alias (2001)
Watching Alias is not quite as enjoyable as drinking bile.
Alias is the story of some pretty-faced college student who is recruited by the CIA to run off on her little spy missions (a pale rehash of just about everything ever filmed on the subject of espionage). The real CIA should be ashamed of this portrayal of their work. It appears that everyone on this series, ESPECIALLY Jennifer Garner, have matriculated at the Block of Wood School of Acting.
The fact that THIS has been beating The X-Files in the ratings this season is a valid argument in favor of devolution. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be beating The X-Files by too much, so maybe this won't last too much longer.
American Pie (1999)
Pathetic
As if teens who choose abstinence don't need to be ostracized any further, there's this lovely sack of crap to alienate them even further. I had the privilege of seeing the unrated version. I didn't find the movie's content in and of itself offensive, it's just that it has a terrible message ("you must lose your virginity as soon as possible, even if you're a teenager") and isn't even that funny. Guy has violent diarrhea after so-called "friend" slips him some laxative. Guy drinks beer with semen in it. Guy prematurely ejaculates when he's about to have sex with his dream girl. People use various objects for sexual gratification. Oh, stop, or I'll just DIE laughing!
God help the people who produced this assualt upon the reputation of the art of film, because He obviously did not bless those poor souls with good judgment. No wonder Hollywood is thought of as a great cesspool of horror and depravity--because it IS a great cesspool of horror and depravity!
I can't wait to see American Pie 3: They All Get Genital Warts. (How hard will it be for them to get laid when their nether regions look like relief maps of the Andes?)
Evolution (2001)
Nothing huge, just an entertaining movie
As a hard-core fan of The X-Files, I was, of course, obligated to see this movie due to David Duchovny's presence. Although I hadn't been expecting much, I found myself pleasantly surprised--it's fairly funny and has a nicely developed sci-fi plot.
Evolution reminds me of a film called Home Fries more than anything, actually. It's not really a laugh-out-loud comedy. It's comedy that makes you smile as it keeps you engaged in the relatively serious plot that is the core of the film. (Ironically, Home Fries was written by Vince Gilligan, who is the best writer for The X-Files, IMHO, and has written many of the series's more comedic episodes--and it's thanks to those episodes of The X-Files that we've gotten a taste of David Duchovny's comedy acting talent before. I was glad to see he was able to exhibit one of his strengths in this film.)
As for the other performances, they were great. Julianne Moore was hysterical--she's got talent for physical comedy. Orlando Jones was a little too wide-eyed and wild at times, but other than that managed to credibly play his role (particularly during the insect extraction scene).
If there's any complaint I can have, it's that the romance seemed rather tacked-on. (Just like the final scene of The X-Files's season finale, hmm!) It really didn't add anything to the film, and the two actors involved didn't have any romantic chemistry. Also, the butt jokes went a little too far. One was an obvious reference to Independence Day, but it was still gratuitous and over-the-top.
Despite its flaws, I think Evolution is a fine film. It's probably not going to get anyone an Academy Award, but it's good when you want something that is pure entertainment.
The Lone Gunmen (2001)
The Lone Gunmen were assassinated by the FOX network!
The watchword of The X-Files may be "trust no one", but we can trust Vince Gilligan, John Shiban, and Frank Spotnitz to do right by that series, as well as this, its spinoff. I should have known better than to be skeptical of the team that brings out the best episodes of The X-Files. This show quickly put to rest my fears that it wouldn't work--it does, and in original and inventive ways.
(Contrary to popular belief, Chris Carter is NOT the only person who runs The X-Files or The Lone Gunmen, and certainly isn't the only genius behind either show's greatness!)
The pilot left something to be desired, and the first six episodes, while often better, were still trying to find the series' groove. Starting with "Planet of the Frohikes", though, the series experienced a renaissance, putting out fantastic episode after fantastic episode. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried after "Tango de los Pistoleros" because it was so sad and sweet. "All About Yves", the season finale, also made me cry, but because I was laughing SO HARD. If you gave up after the pilot, believe me, you have missed a LOT.
The prospect of never getting a resolution to that cliffhanger sickens me. I will not settle for a resolution through The X-Files. For anyone else who is upset about the show's cancellation, please make sure you watch it if it gets reruns, and write to the FOX network and tell them that you want it back. This show is too wonderful to let go.
The Patriot (2000)
See it for SOUTH CAROLINA!
Say what you will about the historical accuracy, but one part was definitely true--South Carolina did, in fact, fight the hardest of the colonies for their collective independence. Look in any detailed historical text about the war, and the truth is very clear. British folks--I know that not all Revolutionary War British army people were like Tavington... but the real-life Tarleton, on whom Tavington was based, did a lot of things no self-respecting Brit would be proud of. Sorry. So did Americans.
I was very happy to see that the entire film was shot on location in South Carolina--I think the location is the best aspect of the film, actually. South Carolina is a very beautiful state and I think it shows well. Watch it once just for the scenery and you'll know what I mean.
The script was very good, with one line of exception: (INCONSEQUENTIALLY SMALL SPOILER) "It's a free country." (END INCONSEQUENTIALLY SMALL SPOILER) That one line drew me out of the movie temporarily because it's so glaringly modern-sounding. If nothing else, the plot was original--I've never seen a film willing to let the audience get attached to a character, only to knock off that character and cause major angst.
The directing could have been better, but it did a great job of showing off the South Carolina scenery. The battle scenes were very well-done--I thought it was a little tame in terms of gore, though. (Then again, I'm the only female I know who was able to watch all the battles in their entirety.)
I was unhappy to learn that, while the film was originally supposed to be about Francis Marion, "The Swamp Fox," they changed it when some people alleged that Marion had hunted Cherokee for sport and raped slaves. That's a load of hogwash. There's absolutely no evidence to substantiate any of that.
In closing, see this movie soon, and visit South Carolina, because South Carolina and The Patriot both ROCK.
The X Files (1998)
A phenomenal show deserves a phenomenal film. They got it.
You had better get into the plot really fast, because it has lots of corners. Thankfully, snappy direction keeps the audience in line as they treat us to this story: A little boy falls down a hole in North Texas, four firemen are sent after him, and none of them comes out quite the same. Meanwhile, a building in Dallas containing FEMA offices explodes, killing five people. Terrorist plot or a sinister government coverup? Our heroes Scully and Mulder take us through an action-packed two hours where we not only discover the answer, but lots more.
You don't have to have watched the TV show in order to like this film. All you really have to know is contained within the first fifteen minutes--no cheesy flashbacks or anything, we just get to see Mulder and Scully in true form as she reluctantly follows him on yet another one of his crazy jaunts. But I think it does help to know the running plot on the series--where Mulder and Scully do battle against the Cigarette Smoking Man and the Consortium, resulting in alien abductions and implants and terminal cancer and alien bounty hunters and what have you.
One thing I didn't like was the unbalanced profanity. It felt a little tacked on with Mulder. Scully, on the other hand, was supposed to say something really vulgar (I can't remember what) during the scene by the railroad tracks, and by cutting it, I think they really cut the intensity of her frustration.
Also, I thought Martin Landau was a poor casting choice--I didn't like the way he played his character. His character had a lot of potential, but it was wasted.
What this film manages to do is give significant answers to that running storyline for regular viewers of the series, while being entertaining and engaging for those who've never seen the show. It's remarkable how they pulled it off and remarkable that they even pulled it off at all. It sent me away smiling. I recommend this film to anyone who likes darn good action mixed with lots of suspense and also proves that smart IS sexy, especially on the big screen.
Return to Me (2000)
You'll laugh so hard you'll cry, you'll cry so hard you'll laugh
I am so happy that I chose to see a sneak preview of this movie rather than wait for it to come out or come to video. Return To Me has a lot of heart (sorry about the pun) but refuses to be maudlin, and has a lot of humor that will leave you guffawing in the aisles. It's also a tearjerker, so I suggest bringing a few tissues. David Duchovny proves he's no one trick pony. Minnie Driver is impressive. The secondary and tertiary characters aren't just there to fill up the background, either. This is a purely enjoyable film, through and through, and I recommend it highly to anyone.
Li'l Abner (1959)
Like the itch you can't scratch...
I've been forced to watch this so many times that I know it inside and out, and I've hated it from the very first time I saw it! The songs are outright stupid, the acting is terrible, and the only thing that keeps me from writing hate mail to who or whatever is responsible for this movie is the brief appearances of Julie Newmar. Stubby Kaye wasn't so bad, though his character, "Marryin' Sam", became more irritating as time went on. Unless you're *really* bored and you don't have MST3K: The Movie on hand, AVOID, AVOID, AVOID!