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Reviews
Hauru no ugoku shiro (2004)
Somewhat disappointing
I'm a big fan of Miyazaki's work, and having seen everything else he's done, I had to see Howl as soon as I could locate a subtitled version. Unfortunately, I must rank it among his weaker efforts. It's certainly not a BAD film - I don't think the man is capable of that - but after the brilliance of Mononoke, and Spirited Away, I was disappointed.
The big problem, putting it bluntly, is that the movie makes no sense. It's possible the fansub I was watching mangled it, but I can't imagine a way for the script to be written to make the events cohesive. It takes the dream-logic of Spirited Away, but takes it to a point that it becomes nearly impossible to get "into" the movie. With Spirited, you always felt like there were rules to the world, even if as an outsider you didn't understand them. This never seemed the case with Howl.
Furthermore, Miyazaki seems to have dipped into his bag of stock tricks a bit too often. There's little in here that you haven't seen in some form in his previous films. There doesn't appear to be anything new he has to say with this film, it's just retreading the themes that have run throughout his work. I could easily forgive Mononoke as being a thematic remake of Nausicaa, since I feel his message had grown sufficiently in the decade separating those films to be worth repeating. That's not the case here.
But, as I said, it's still not a bad film. I suspect people who haven't seen all of Miyazaki's canon will find it quite enjoyable. The richness and nuance of his character animation continues to grow. No one makes more expressive animated figures than Miyazaki, and the characters alone nearly carry the film. And supported by another wonderful score by Joe Hisaishi, as in all of Miyazaki's works, there are moments of staggering beauty rarely seen in films of any genre or style.
And despite the incomprehensibility of the plot, he makes it compelling and watchable, even as you have no clue what's going on or why.
So, I give the movie an above-average rating and a recommendation, simply on the strength of being a Miyazaki film. The worst of his movies is still better than just about anything else out there. But the purists are likely to be a bit disappointed.
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
Until LOTR, the best fantasy movie made
This one is easily an underrated classic, and one of the few films I actually like better every time I see it. It has all of the elements of your standard "swords and sandals" fantasy - the buxom warrior babes, the bloody swordfights, the unstoppable hero - but what makes it work are a few choice directorial decisions made by John Millius.
Most of these sorts of movies get bogged down in heavy-handed, or simply corny, dialog. Millius's decision was to stip out every bit of dialogue that wasn't absolutely needed for the story, and allow huge chunks of the movie to play out in near silence. The movie is 90% carried solely by the visuals and Basil Poledouris' incredible operatic soundtrack. This allowed them to show a story which would normally be trite, cliched, and even corny in such a way that it comes off more like a Wagner production.
It even has surprising depth, or at least the illusion thereof. By stripping out the dialogue, the movie *suggests* as much as it actually tells, which adds greatly to its rewatchability. Why, for example, does Conan laugh upon the Tree of Woe? We're never told, we're only given the vaguest hints - but contemplating what could have been going through Conan's mind at that point makes it appear far richer.
Excellent photography and an almost dream-like flow furhter add to it. But if artistic stuff isn't your bag, it also has loads of sex, nudity, and some truly spectacular battle scenes. And contrary to a lot of reviewers, I love James Earl Jones' understated performance as Thulsa Doom. Chewing the scenery and going over the top would have been too easy. Instead he is the wolf in sheep's clothing, someone you *know* to be evil, yet casts a seductive air of love and peace around him.
All in all, a truly great action movie, and one that deserves to keep being seen.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh
This has become my favorite bad movie of all time. Like the person a bit below who can't stop watching it, I have to pull it out every few months. That's not to say I think any part of it is any good - but it's so excellently wretched as to be one of the funniest movies ever made. (actually, that's not entirely true. This is, AFAIK, the first film to feature a full-on Pern style dragon dogfight. And that IS cool) Things to watch and/or drink to:
1)Every time that Snails (Wayans) talks like a modern person. I don't think he has a single line which is "in character" for the time period.
1a)Notice him mocking Damodar. I don't think the director realized he was being serious.
2)Damodar - slowest villian in history? All together now! "I... will... KILL... you... ... ... slooowwwwlllyyyy..." By the time he says one line, everyone has time to flee.
2a)and make sure to mock his blue lipstick mercilessly.
3)Jeremy Irons delivering the best manically-over-the-top villian performance ever. I don't think there's an adjective to adequately describe his style here. ("Wagnerian" is far too subtle and restrained)
3a)And notice his eyebrows. How did he do that? It's like his forehead put on a completely separate, but equally rediculous, performance.
4)Anything with Richard O'Brien is cool and funny. He appears fully aware how rediculous the movie is and milks it for all he can.
4a)Look at Marina's face when he gropes her. That was NOT reheared.
5)And finally, observe a moment of silence for poor Tom ("Dr Who") Baker, who actually attempts (and nearly succeeds) in bringing a moment of quiet dignity to a film that has, and indeed deserves, none.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Excellently bad
There is one reason people should see this movie - to laugh at it. This is one of the best movies to MST3K ever made. The characters are idiotic, the dialogue rediculously over the top, and Travolta trundling around on stilts is too funny for words. It may be wretched to watch sober and alone, but get some friends and some beers, and it could be the most fun you spend in front of your TV.
Magic Knight Rayearth (1994)
Decent, but not great
It's a fun series, but after a strong beginning, it starts slowing down. Several episodes have very little point in the overall plot, and the Role Playing Game storyline just isn't complex enough to really fill 7 or 8 hours. Animation is decent, but occasionally they get cheap with it, especially when it comes to animating the big battles. Finally, the payoff at the ending just is not NEARLY as good as it should have been, especially considering how long the journey was. Not that I object to the ending, just that it seems like it could (and should) have built up to something much bigger. Probably worth renting or borrowing off a friend, but not worth buying.
The Return of the King (1980)
Too butchered
I'm not one of those people that seems to think a Tolkien adaptation should be 100% faithful to the book. However, they just took far too many liberties here. It was probably a bad idea to attempt to adapt this in the first place, doing a favor to Bakshi or not. Most of the characters have changed entirely, and while the "best bits" of the plot are still there, it's almost unrecognizable if you know the story, yet difficult to follow if you are not. (when I was a kid, one of the biggest mysteries was what, exactly, the Phial of Galadriel was) Also annoying is the blatant funny-scary-funny-scary pace the show sets, trying to maintain SOME sense of the book but always retreating way back to keep from scaring the kiddies. (best example - the cool "Samwise the Strong" sequence, where Sam contemplates taking The Ring, followed immediately by the incredibly cutesey "Little Things" sequence as he talks himself out of it) One plus is that it does have some good music, but that's too little too late - and the disco-dancing Orcs are far too much to take. But check out their Hobbit, it's quite good.
The Hobbit (1977)
I have an enduring soft spot for this...
I grew up watching this. I have no idea how many times I saw it before I was 10. Still have a copy. It got me into Tolkien in the first place. Looking at it objectively, it does mangle the plot a bit. Some people, however, seem to forget it was written for TV - the length is exactly right for it to fit in a 1:30 spot. It's possible the network said that was all the time they had, since if it had been 2:00, they could have come close to adapting the whole thing. Still, I think it works, and does a good job capturing the essence of the book. (I was especially happy that they kept the lyrics for many of the songs) Certainly more enjoyable than their Return of the King.
Problem Child (1990)
One of the worst movies I've ever seen
And I've seen a lot of 'em. I'm not ashamed in the least to say that I walked out in the middle of this one when it was my roommate who rented it. It was after about 50 minutes that the sheer thrill of being able to exactly predict EXACTLY what would happen in every scene wore off. I like lowbrow comedies as much as the next person (Blazing Saddles is a favorite) but this brings "purile" and "stupid" to whole new levels. It also doesn't help that the kid playing "Junior" was utterly wreched, giving a no-note performance and, at times, seeming to be utterly disconnected from the scene. IE, something happens, cut to his reaction, something else happens, cut to him, etc. The only good thing that could POSSIBLY be said about this film is that it's better than its sequels.
Space Truckers (1996)
Amusing.
I have to respect movies which promise something and deliver exactly that. When I rented this (I was bored tonight) I had absolutely no expectations for some great piece of art, another Star Wars or Aliens. It was, however, a very cute and often amusing piece of sci-fi satire. (probably my favorite bit was how the truck's voice was a redneck woman, instead of the usual authoritative british guy) If you try to take it seriously, of course you'll hate it. But if you rent it because you want to see a beer & popcorn B-movie, then it's a REALLY good B-movie. I may have lost 90 minutes of my life and gained no new insights on the meaning of the universe, but I did have a good time.
Tron (1982)
Still not that great...
At a friend's urging, we rented the DVD of this and gave it another try. He's always had a soft spot for it. (conversely, I will admit to liking The Black Hole, which he despises) I was impressed with the visual design - setting it inside a computer gave the graphics a kind of "timeless" quality which lets it age better than other early Computer Graphics efforts. However, despite some nice touches (the whole religious element involving programs believing in their "users") what little plot exists is fairly infantile and poorly implemented, and the dialogue is frankly horrible. If you haven't seen it in awhile, it's probably worth renting (*ON DVD* Widescreen only!) for what is one of the most unique design schemes ever put on film, but don't expect much of a movie beneath the gloss. (and look for both Bruce Boxleitner and Peter Jurasik a decade prior to their reunitement on Babylon 5)
High Art (1998)
Mesmerizing, tantalizing, but ultimately disappointing
I can't say that I was bored too often watching this. The dialogue and the cinematography combine to make an experience which felt like one of the depressed highs the characters are constantly in. Even when relatively nothing is happening onscreen, it's still fascinating. The problem is the characters. I didn't care for them in the least. Several of us watched this together, and roughly 3/4 of the way through, I asked if anyone actually CARED what happened to them. Nope. By this point, in fact, we were only even vaguely interested if\when someone else would get naked. Did they all starve making this film? Anyway, it's basically yet another sad movie about sad people leading sad lives doing sad things to make themselves sadder. When Syd tells Lucy "I think I love you." we're forced to wonder how exactly she can tell. The only character with much emotive capacity at all was the German actress who was stoned out of her head throughout the movie. (she emoted, that is, when we wasn't passed out, which constituted half her scenes) In the end, it was fascinating to view, but leaves one feeling almost as emotionally empty as its characters.
Wing Commander IV: The Price of Freedom (1995)
Probably the most expensive film to ever call itself a game
They actually spent $10 million filming the video segments in this. Film historians might be amused to note that's about what Star Wars cost. Amazingly enough, they did make their money back, and the budget certainly shows. In terms of sets, actors, and effects, this is also probably the best movie to be paired with a game. The cast is a well-made-up crew of 2nd and 3rd-tier actors who, while fine performers, never became stars in their own right. (like John Rhys-Davies and Malcolm McDowell)
Unfortunately, the game itself isn't that hot BECAUSE the movie segments were the focus. The missions are, for the most part, boring and uninspired compared to most of the other WC games. My suggestion, if you pick it up, is to just set the thing on easy, and breeze your way through the "game" to enjoy the movies and plot.
Last Action Hero (1993)
Like everyone else is saying, underrated
I'd intended to come out here and be the dissenting voice claiming it's not THAT bad. Turns out everyone feels the same way. Perhaps it's that, as action films just get bigger and more rediculous, the satire which permeates the first half of this film gets funnier. McTiernan only THOUGHT he was making fun of action films in his time. Turns out he made the movie a few years too soon. It's worth renting just for the first half. (in fact, I'd argue it's worth renting for the "dream sequence" with Arnie in Hamlet. "No one is telling THIS sweet prince goodnight!") Unfortunately, it still falls apart in the second act. The "real" world seems no more real than the movie, and while watching Arnie mercilessly parody himself at the Slater IV premiere is fun, it just loses it. The final scene in the theatre is SO horrible and SO arbitrary that it'll make one forget how much fun the movie started out. Just focus on the satire of the first half, and turn off the film when they cross over.
The Doom Generation (1995)
Drags one down to the same level as its characters
This movie is oddly compelling. I've seen it twice now, along with seeing bits and pieces when my roommates are watching it. I've finally decided what it is. The violence, sex, and humor (and yes, if you're sick enough, it IS funny) all serve to, over the course of an hour and a half, bring the viewer to nearly the same level of detachment as its characters. At the end, you (if "you" are male) probably most badly due to sympathetic pain than out of sympathy for the characters. In this way, I believe, he is making people confront that mindset to give them more reason to avoid it in real life.