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Hellraiser (2022)
Disappointing For Hellraiser Fans
The new "Hellraiser" reboot is serviceable, I guess, but if you are a fan of the original, you will find it deeply disappointing. First of all, the movie is not in any way, shape, or form based on the original "The Hellbound Heart" novella. It's an entirely original movie just using some characters and ideas from the previous "Hellraiser" movies. The story is about Riley, a recovering junkie, who is living in a small apartment with her brother Matt, his boyfriend Colin, and their roommate Nora. She has a boyfriend Trevor who appears to live in some enormous house, but apparently is a petty criminal and convinces her to break into an abandonned house and steal something. And it turns out that what they steal is the Lemarchand Configuration, the puzzle box that if solved, calls the Cenobites...
The biggest issue with this reboot is that is completely violates the Hellraiser canon as created by Clive Barker. Opening the box is an effort, that someone needs to desperately WANT to do. In "Hellraiser 2", when someone got an autistic savant to open the box for him, Pinhead stopped the other Cenobites from taking him by saying, "It is not hands that call us, it is desire."
In this version, it's as simple as a snap to open the box. And in this incarnation, the box has a little spike coming out and if you get stabbed by the spike -- even if you are just a random bystander -- then you are the one the cenobites come for. And of course, in a sign of lazy writing, this little rule is completely ignored when it's convenient for the plot to ignore it.
And during the final 45 minutes or so of the film, the entire mythology seems to be thrown out the window, and the Cenobites become like Michael Myers, just standing around outside a house while people try to keep them out.
The big marketing point of this version is that the "Lead Cenobite" (nicknamed "Pinhead" in the fandom) is played by a woman (Jamie Clayton). This is a pretty trivial change and doesn't really change anything, but when Barker brought his creation to life in the original "Hellraiser", he made the character tall and imposing, which a deep voice. This version modulates her voice to make it deeper and make her sound much more masculine, and Clayton does a decent job but sadly doesn't come close to being the menacing figure that Doug Bradley was.
Bottom line, if you have seen and are a fan of the original "Hellraiser" you will likely be disappointed in this reboot. And if you haven't seen the original "Hellraiser", then watch it instead of this one.
Dollface (2021)
One weird a** movie...
"Doll Face" is one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen. Not weird in a "Being John Malkovich" or "Eraserhead" way, weird in a "What the heck am I watching?" sort of way.
"Doll Face" starts with young French woman Marmalade (yes, that's her name) being willed her grandmother's luxury condominium. The condition is that she must take care of all the dolls her grandmother had, and the condo is LOADED with dolls.... they are everywhere. Marmalade seems to have no problems with that, however, and takes well to living with all the dolls. But... strange things seem to start happening. It appears the dolls might be almost alive, and several dolls seem to be trying to get her to hang herself. Is she imagining things? She does seem to be seeing a psychiatrist so she realizes that's a possibility, but the dollmaker that her grandmother insisted she call if anything happens seems to be hinting about some sort of a curse so maybe it's real...
The movie might have been creepy and interesting -- I mean, the whole place is filled with dolls and "creepy dolls" almost always work. But the writer/director used a "probably sounded better when I wrote it" idea, and maybe the most extreme example of "sounded better on paper idea" that I've ever seen. Marmalade is played by the stunningly gorgeous Alix Villaret, and in order to drive home the concept that she is "one" with the dolls, the writer/director decided to make her talk like a doll would. That is, she didn't move her lips and the voice just came out. I'm sure the effect was intended to seem like someone had pulled a string and the voice came out, but it fails hugely. First of all, it's jarring and you NEVER get used to it. Every time it happens, you sort of recoil. Secondly, the effect itself is a disaster -- her voice is clearly dubbed in a separate track and so when she has a conversation with someone, her voice is so obviously on a different vocal track that not only you have to deal with the fact that the person she's talking to seems to have no problem with her talking in sort of a disembodied voice, the voice is in such a different sound level that you want to laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing. And I can't tell you who the writer/director is, because he or she removed themselves from the credits (literally, the credit is "Written and Directed by (just a bunch of smudges)".
I can only assume that once he or she saw the film and how their idea turned out, they just didn't want their name to be involved. Without this crazy "she's just like the dolls" voice thing, it still wouldn't have been a good movie, but would have been more watchable. There would have been creepy dolls, and Alix Villaret works hard and is engaging and, as I said, absolutely beautiful to look at. But even with that, there would be issues. The ending appears to be obvious, but really doesn't meld with most that that had come before, and there's a tacked on coda that appears to be have been added to pad the movie out to 75 minutes.
Can't recommend it, although part of me says you should watch it just to see the whole thing. Hopefully this review has given you a sense about whether it's worth it for you.
Trust (2021)
Interesting Twisty Romantic Drama ... But Turn Off Before The Very End
"Trust" is a romantic drama/thriller/comedy with some interesting twists, but has what appears to be a terrible tacked-on ending.
We start by meeting Brooke (Victoria Justice) and Owen (Matthew Daddario), a married couple who live one of those idyllic New York lives that only exists in movies -- she is opening an art gallery and he is a reporter on a news TV station. She has entered in an agreement with a young Irish artist Ansgar (Lucien Laviscount), who -- in another "only in movies" situation -- is such a hot artist that people want to spend loads of money to buy his paintings. Ansger also is one of those artists who is irresistible to women and sleeps with anyone he wants. It's the week before Christmas, and Owen wants to go to Paris with Brooke to spend Christmas there and try to start a family. She tells him she has too much work to do, so they can't. However, Ansgar has discovered that some rich guy wants to spend a huge amount of money buying his paintings, and they need to fly to Paris to meet him. Owen is, understandably, sort of crushed that Brooke won't go to Paris with him, but will with Ansgar. She assures him that it's all business, but he has his concerns. Ditto for Brooke, who has seen Owen get texts from odd women and sees his interns fawn all over him at work.
Brooke leaves for Paris, and Owen goes out to a bar with his friend. And while Brooke is over in Paris with Ansgar, Owen meets Amy (Kat McNamara), a journalism student who recognizes him from his work and is clearly showing interest beyond just journalism. And from that point on, things start to get complicated ...
"Trust" is a pretty entertaining way to spend 90 minutes, with one huge caveat. The acting is good and the story is intriguing, it's got some interesting twists and is nicely time twisty in that it circles back and fills in gaps in the story in a pretty satisfying way. A bit of a problem is that the movie just doesn't make you root for Owen and Brooke as a couple, which hurts because when the the tensions start to build we're not as invested as we should be. And they made a critical mistake in so clearly showing us Ansger's art, which is clearly awful. Also, it's also a bit of an odd combination of a male fantasy (married to Victoria Justice and then Katherine McNamara hits on you ... I mean, wow, where do I sign up for that...) and a serious fears of waned trust and infidelity.
The biggest problem, though, is the ending. The last minute of the film completely destroys everything that came before it. I cannot imagine what the filmmakers were thinking. Trust me -- when you watch the movie, at the end, when they are looking at the tickets to Paris, the film fades to black. Turn it off at that fade-out, or fast forward one minute to the credits. That last minute -- which reeks of a studio insisted last minute addition -- betrays all that came before it. Skip that last minute, and it's an immeasurably better movie. But still worth checking out.
Willy's Wonderland (2021)
Insanely Entertaining
OK, "Willy's Wonderland" isn't a great film. Not sure it's even a good one. But it is totally bonkers from beginning to end and is wildly entertaining. Nicolas Cage plays a man, just called "The Janitor" because he agrees to spend a night cleaning up "Willy's Wonderland", a run down version of "Chuckie Cheese." While he's in there, he gets attacked by one of the animatronic animals come to life. He summarily destroys it, puts on a clean "Willy's Wonderland Staff" t-shirt and gets back to cleaning. But it turns out that "Willy's Wonderland" has a dark and horrific past, it's no accident that he is in there, and that won't be the last monster he faces this night...
This movie is insanely entertaining the entire length of its running time. It has a satanic backstory, annoying teenagers getting killed in messy and gory fashion, and Nicolas Cage going full-on "Nicolas Cage", leading to one of the characters saying what should become a classic line -- "He's not locked in with them, they're locked in with him."
Totally recommended. Put your brain on hold for 90 minutes and have a great time.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Remember Me in Quarantine (2020)
(sigh) So predictable.... Interesting Plot Turns PC At The End ...
So the story is simple -- a foreign exchange student is found dead and possibly assaulted. The two suspects are a woman and a Black drug dealer. They are both clearly a couple of scum.
If you guessed that after all that, the real culprit was (all together now) a WHITE MALE, then you win the prize. Sheesh....
American Cannibal (2018)
Refreshingly Serious Horror Film Once You Get Past Setup
"American Cannibal" is a refreshingly serious horror film; despite the fact that the subject matter has been treated humorously dozens of times, this one never devolves into camp and treats itself as a serious horror film. It has some pretty serious flaws in its setup, but once it gets going it's pretty disturbing.
The film is about Rebecca, Ashley, Chelsea, three girls who have just graduated from high school. Rebecca and Chelsea are going away to school together, while Ashley is staying behind to continue to work as a coffee shop. The film takes place on Friday night, when the girls are all going out. Walking past their English teacher's house, Chelsea comments that she hates this teacher because the teacher almost flunked her, and the only reason that she graduated was because she cheated on a final paper and had Rebecca write it for her.
To "get the teacher back", they steal her car by "jump starting" it (I think the writer meant "hot wire", but we'll let that slide). While driving, the car breaks down. They realize they can't call a mechanic because then they'll get caught as car thieves. So instead of walking home, or walking a block or two and calling an Uber/Lyft, they decide that they will knock on the door of a nearby house and see if the owner will let them stay for the night.
The owner of house is Doug, who invites them in. Turns out that he's very pleasant, happy to help them out, and a chef who trained in France. He is also the titular "American Cannibal" and things pretty quickly devolve into an unpleasant nightmare for the three unfortunate girls...
"American Cannibal" is worth waiting out. The setup is so bad, you may be tempted to turn it off early. In addition to confusing "hot wire" with "jump start", the fact is that its been over 15 years since a car was made that could be hot wired. The girls are annoying to the max, and even worse, when they are trying to come up with a story to convince the owner of the house to let them stay, one of the girls actually suggests stabbing the owner and forcing their way in. The suggestion is quickly dismissed, but it still makes us revile the girls when we are supposed to be rooting FOR them. And although most of the effects are practical, a couple of times there is an awful CGI blood spurt that is jarringly bad.
I am, however, willing to give good low budget flicks a pass on a lot of things, and on the whole, "American Cannibal" works. Once the action starts, it's nice and nasty and packs a wallop. It refreshingly takes itself dead seriously, and gets quite disturbing. Worth checking out.
All I Need (2016)
Director Made Best of a Bad Situation...
"All I Need" is a slightly schizophrenic film. It seems to have two conflicting threads, but that turns out to be due to a behind the scenes issue.
The main part of the film concerns Chloe, played by Caitlin Stasey. She wakes up bound and gagged in a house with a group of other girls. They are apparently being held there by some weird costumed guy who is killing them. Most of the film concerns Chloe desperately trying to escape and not fall victim to this creep.
The other thread involves an unemployed shlep, Andrew, played by Markus Taylor. Andrew has serious financial issues and begins to get offers for some sort of job. We assume that eventually, these two threads will meet. But do they, and how...
Well, the answer is "sort of" and "not very well." But from the DVD, we learn that the film encountered a real issue. The first 2/3 of the film was Chloe in the house, and then the rest of the film would follow her story. But when they filmed, they took a Christmas break, and Stasey booked a role in the CW's "The Crown" and never came back to finish the film. So the director was stuck with a little less than 2/3 of a movie that seemed to stop in the middle of things and no way to film an ending because the lead actress had left.
So they thought fast and added the unrelated thread to try to get to where they would have gotten to. Because of that, I am giving it a higher rating than I normally would have; because the issues with the film are due to necessity rather than a director thinking, "This is what I wanted to do."
Incision (2020)
Doesn't quite deliver on its promise...
At of today, November 1, 2020, and I think this might be the first non-fake review of this movie. So there's a certain gravitas to that, I guess!
"Incision" is not terrible, but it's a horror flick that doesn't really deliver on its promise, which is gruesome body horror. After the obligatory cold open, we are introduced to our protagonists and, as is sadly the case in so many horror flicks, they are a bunch of intolerable creeps. We meet Alexa, an "influencer" with millions of followers, her boyfriend Lee who is a football player, Lee's friend Calvin who is some sort of record producer, Trinity the pop star that Calvin is dating and producing, Calvin's hanger-on Kenny who uses his proximity to Trinity to entice hot girls to sleep with him, and Alexa's sister Becca who just left rehab because she was assaulted. We spend the first half of the movie with these entitled jerks who live in mansions and while I think it's to get us to care, they just get more and more annoying until we are almost begging the movie to get them to the crazy surgeon. (to be fair, though, Caylee Cowen's 'Becca' is the only character that escapes this fate -- she is the one character that is made sympathetic and as a result, we like and care about her).
Then, when Calvin goes to play Trinity's "great new single" for the gang, it turns out that Kenny -- for reasons never fully explained -- took the Mac Book that contains the lone copy of this tune and was galivanting around the city with it and somehow lost it. Becca teaches them how to use the "Find my Mac" feature on the iPhone, and they send Kenny out to retrieve it. Somehow (also not explained), it ended up in the house of Dr Gene Cunningham, a plastic surgeon, and his extremely weird family, which consists of the good doctor, an older woman, his older son, and a creepy kid who is his younger son. When Kenny doesn't return, the others pile into a car and go look for him. The doctor greets them, and captures them all, promising to "make them all beautiful." But as you might expect, the doctor is certifiably insane and his views on "beauty" might not be yours....
The biggest problem is that "Incision" promises gruesome body horror but it just doesn't deliver. In a movie like this, we're waiting for extreme set pieces. But they are just not there. The doctor promises to do all manner of horrible things and then... well, either they cut away or something happens to avoid it. So while there are a couple of "close calls", it turns into more of a standard run of the mill "run around trying to get out of the evil house" slasher flick. And when you build up characters as annoying as they are in the this movie, we're in it to see them get it bad. And the direction and editing is off-putting... several times the scene will end, everyone will just sort of "stop acting" and the film just slowly fades to black. Then we're on to the next scene.
There are some good things, though -- the Cunningham family is plenty creepy, and James Allen Brewer is an absolute hoot as the insane plastic surgeon. He is almost worth the price of admission itself! And as I said, Caylee Cowen as Becca gave us a character to root for.
Not a terrible way to spend 90 minutes, but nothing special. I'm probably rating it a little higher than it deserves because the Doctor and his family are unnerving enough to make it sort of entertaining.
The Last Exorcist (2020)
An odd little exorcism film...
"The Last Exorcist" is the story of two sisters, Maddie and Josephine. They are orphans and have been brought up by a priest (Father Peter). When Father Peter dies, Jo is inconsolable whereas Maddie continues to drink and party. In flashbacks, we discover that their mother appears to have been possessed before she died. And now, Jo suspects that Maddie is now also possessed and enlists the assistance of one of Father Peter's friends, the former "Father" Marco, to help exorcise her...
This is a really odd film. The narrative flow is all over the place -- flashbacks and current time intermingle. But most unusual is the tone. It is as serious as a heart attack, and yet there will be episodes of such utter absurdity that it's almost jolting and you think "Wait, is this all really a joke?" We've got exorcisms where the exorcist just stands in front of the possessed and says, "I love you, please, please stop being possessed." We've got a priest stop in the middle of an exorcism and have a kung fu fight with... well, with someone, I'm not sure who or why. We've got parishioners jump to their feet and give a priest a standing ovation after a sermon. And more and more. And all of that along with parts of the film that are treated deadly seriously.
Not sure if the director had one vision in mind, and then was told she needed to shift. There are worse films out there, and it's always nice to see Rachele Brooke Smith and Danny Trejo in action. And I'm a sucker for possession films. But this is pretty low on the "exorcism/possession" scale, so be forewarned.
Evil Under the Skin (2019)
An Attempt to Make a David Lynch Movie
"Evil Under the Skin" (original title "Fading Flowers") appears to be an attempt to make a David Lynch movie. Lynch may be the most influential filmmaker of our time, but it's rare that someone attempts to duplicate the entire Lynch experience.
The plot is simple. Sophie Palmer (get it? "Palmer"?), played by experienced actress Helene Udy, has taken her daughter Rose Lee, played by gorgeous porn star Verronica Kirei under the name "Angela Barajas", out to a lake house for some "bonding time." The two women bond, while neighbors and police are concerned about what's going on in the house.
As I mentioned, much of the movie seems an attempt to make a David Lynch movie. Many of the Lynch trapping are there -- picturesque locations hinting at horrible things beneath the surface, unusual supporting characters, long shots of nature over music (although the music doesn't have the same hypnotic mood as Lynch's films), characters acting and speaking very odd indeed, rampant sexuality (Kirei/Barajas is not shy about showing her body)... It doesn't all work, of course, but surprisingly a decent amount of it does. Some of that comes from an ending that actually explains things, and while I was fairly certain I knew what was going to happen, the ending did come as a bit of a surprise and made what came before it seem even better.
This is one of those films that I objectively know isn't that great, but I found it surprisingly watchable. Maybe a bit of a guilty pleasure?
Paranormal Attraction (2020)
Slow moving, mixed bag of a horror flick
"Paranormal Attraction" is a slow moving low budget horror flick. Sara Meyers (Brooklyn Haley) is apparently trying to start a moving company, and her friend Melanie has hired her to stay at a house and pack it up so she can sell it. Melanie doesn't really explain why the previous owners left so quickly, leaving pretty much their entire belongings, but we have suspicions since the prologue hints of a violent murder taking place there.
Sara starts to clean, taping what she's doing so she can use it as an advertisement for her company. She is joined occasionally by her "bestie" Kelly and Kelly's boyfriend Nick. As a backstory, it turns out that part of the reason Sara has taken this job is that she is running away from a very abusive and scary ex-boyfriend. But as she starts to clean the house, strange things start happening. Sara worries that someone has broken in, so she calls the police, and as is sort of typical, one of the police takes a liking to Sara and they start one of those "only in the movies" relationships. However, in a sort of nice change of pace, the officer is a woman. But as time goes on, whatever is causing the strange things to happen won't leave Sara alone and finally shows itself ...
"Paranormal Attraction" has some things going for it. The lead actors and actresses are appealing and do a nice job, the fact that the relationship we see is woman/woman makes it far more interesting than these things usually are, and the two actresses involved (Haley and Nicole Cinaglia) actually have a nice, easy-going chemistry that makes us sort of root for them.
But it also has things against it. It's way too slow to reveal what's going on, and there is way too much "non-horror" stuff going on. And there's an old joke that asks why would anyone stay in a house that appears haunted. Well, you'll ask about that in spades when you see what happens to Sara. Not just noises, but shapes, door open and close, rooms get ransacked, clothes literally throw themselves at her... crazy amount of stuff that definitely makes you wonder why she sticks around.
So a mixed bag. I've gotta admit I found it a pleasant way to spend 90 minutes, but if you're looking for big scares or extreme horror or "found footage" you won't find it here.
Verotika (2019)
A Glorious Mess
Verotika, Glenn Danzig's adaptation of his erotic horror comic series, is a glorious mess from start to finish. A lot of it is bad... I mean, really bad. But a lot of the "bad" is, I believe, intentional in homage to some of the old horror flicks Danzig is paying homage to. And there are plenty of horror homages to be had in this odd little flick.
There are three stories in the film, and a small wraparound story. We're introduced to our hostess Morella (an homage to the Edgar Allen Poe story of the same name), who introduces us to the stories.
First is a story about Dajette, a model with a bright pink wig. In her house is an albino spider, and whenever she falls asleep, the spider becomes a person (with extra arms, of course) and rapes and kills women by breaking their necks. Dajette can see it all happen in her dreams and it horrifies her, but that doesn't seem to stop her from falling asleep all over the place so the spider can do its nasty work. This story has two very odd parts; first, it's set in France so all the actors use outrageous fake French accents (which leads to this statement from a TV story about the killings -- "Dee police are calling ze murderer, 'Le Neck Breaker.'"). Second, Dajette has eyes instead of nipples and you'd think this might be something that means something but it doesn't, since it's never mentioned again. It appears to be an homage to the legendary night at Lake Geneva that resulted in the creation of Frankenstein. Percy Shelley famously hallucinated that Mary had sprouted eyes instead of nipples, a sequence brought to life in "Gothic", Ken Russell's dramatization of that famous evening.
Next up, we have a stripper who has some sort of burn marks on her face, so she goes around cutting the faces off of other women. She wears them, but when she strips she covers her face anyway. Half of this story is strippers stripping to Danzig music, and there is some hilarious police investigations as well.
The final story is an homage to the Elizabeth Bathory story, where the Contessa bathes in the blood of virgins. And man, does she go through them in a hurry; loads of blood spurting all over the place from slashed necks and wrists, hearts ripped out and eaten, and more! The we're back to Morella who sends us on our way.
As I said, there's a lot of bad here. Direction and editing definitely need to be tightened up; characters finish their lines and then just stand there for a few seconds. Nobody was hired for their acting ability, that's for sure.
But there's something almost charming about it. Clearly a labor of love. Hard not to appreciate how totally into the whole thing Danzig clearly is. There's lotd of nudity from very attractive actresses, and in addition, the movie is strongly female driven (pretty much every villain and victim is female), and the movie never even comes close to being PC. I mean, there are dozens of "Killer stripper" movies and stories and every single one of them has men as the victims to make the story "woke". But not here. And I have to believe that things like the goofy French accents and things like "Le Neck Breaker" are deliberate homages to the old Hershell Gordon Lewis ultra-cheap flicks.
I'm obviously rating is more highly than just about everyone else, but I think that if you love the old, cheap horror films you'll find a lot to like in this one.
The Beach House (2019)
Outstanding Expectation Shaking Horror Flick!
I suspect "The Beach House" will split viewers. Some will love it, and some will hate it. Count me in the former. Its divisiveness will likely come because it totally flips expectations; it sets you up to think you're going to see one type of movie and you end up seeing a different one.
When the movie begins, Emily and Randall (Liana Liberato and Noah Le Gros) go to Randall's father's beach house. Turns out that while Emily is finishing up her degree in Organic Chemistry and is looking to continue onto graduate school, Randall has quit school and is not thrilled with Emily wanting to continue on with her schooling, and this vacation is to try to sort those issues out. Once they get there, they discover that the house is not empty -- Randall's father's friends Mitch and Jane (Jake Webber and Maryann Nagel) are there. They know Randall -- they met him when he was much younger and was called "Randy" -- and turns out that Randall is estranged from his father and didn't even ask if he could use the house.
Seems like Jane might be in the beginning of Alzeihmer's, and they are thrilled to have company, so the four of them decide to have dinner together and then decide what to do the next day. They have a nice dinner, with plenty of conversation, and Randall suggests edibles, and while Emily is horrified about, Mitch and Jane are more than willing to try.
The next morning, they wake up and Mitch is missing. They search for Mitch, and when he returns he seems sort of normal, but then starts acting odd, and Emily notices some odd things, and then let's just say that things start to go very, very wrong...
As I said, the movie sets us up for the typical "Twenty somethings go to a house and encounter some unexpected people" scenario and then rips the rug from underneath us and sends us headfirst into gory, unsettling Lovecraftian horror. But the sharp turn is earned; there is a load of foreshadowing and the events and conversations that happen in the setup definitely lead to what happens. I always think the best twists are those that are unexpected, but when you think about it, it couldn't have happened any other way. "The Beach House" manages to pull this off, and is a success from beginning to end. There are basically only the four actors, and each one does an outstanding job. Each of the characters are likable, fleshed out, and we care about what happens to them.
As I said, I think this movie will split audiences. Some will hate the sharp turn the movie makes, but others -- like me -- will appreciate it. Highly recommended.
Murder Manual (2020)
A Collection of Previously Released Short Films, gathered together...
"Murder Manual" is a collection of short films released in the 2010 decade, grouped together with an attempt to put them in a "theme" that doesn't really work. The films are mostly supernatural in nature, and the attempt to make them connected just doesn't really succeed, especially trying to connect them as "steps in a murder."
The films are of varying quality, some good some not so good. Included is a short film called "Shackled" which Emilia Clarke did back in 2012 (early on in her GOT timeline) and they rather cynically split the film into two parts to make it look like a "wraparound" story. "Shackled" is only 12 minutes in length in total, so if you're watching for Emilia, you'll be disappointed. But it gave them a big name star to use to push the film.
As a fan of short horror films, I was sort of entertained. But not sure it's for everyone.
Two of Us (2020)
Top Notch Zombie Survival Movie
"Dead Earth" (originally "Two of Us") starts out slowly, but enjoyably -- two incredibly beautiful women (Milena Gorum and Alice Tantayanon) are living in a lovely house. They lounge around the house, clown around with each other, sun bathe, swim, do yoga, take showers, have hot lesbian sex, and all the while they are dressed in either skimpy clothes, bikinis, or are nude. At first, it looks like they are living in a paradise, but we discover from a radio that they are sheltering away from an outbreak of infection that is spreading throughout the land (it's not clear it the infected are alive or the living dead, but for convenience sake, in this review I will refer to them as "zombies.")
All is going swimmingly until the generator they've been using runs out of gas, and they need to venture out to find some. And inevitably, their safe environment doesn't remain safe and isolated forever and the girls need to fight survive...
Look, this movie is as good as it gets. The first half is two staggeringly gorgeous women dressed sexily (if at all) doing sexy things. The last half is these two staggeringly gorgeous women fighting zombies. I mean, what else could anybody want in a movie? The zombies are the "fast running" zombies (think "28 Days Later" -- this could have actually been in that universe) and they conveyed a real sense of danger -- the girls need to really fight to defeat them. Gorum and Tantayanon are, for the most part, the entire cast (a couple other bit roles) and fine in their roles.
I suspect that by now, you know whether or not you're going to like this movie or not, so if it's your cup of tea, definitely check it out. It totally worked for me. Also, it looks like this was intended to be part of a longer series; there is a chance encounter that doesn't really add anything but gives us a tiny hint of events that happened before, and there are hints of things that could happen after. Which would be fine with me, to be honest!
Nesting Dolls (2019)
Incredibly Effective Low Budget Thriller
"Nesting Dolls" is an incredibly effective low budget thriller, probably way more effective and powerful than you'd expect. It is difficult to convey the full scope and power of the film without giving away spoilers, so I will use broad strokes --
Three sorority sisters go off together for a week together. Two of them -- Tori and Britt -- seem to be getting the third one (Erica) ready for the rushing event that's coming up. They drink, play games, go boating, and generally have a fun time together. But something happens. And the reaction to that event is a series of horrible decisions that pit the girls against each other and exposes their darker sides as events just continue to spiral out of control....
This film just work on all levels. One of the things that makes the film is so effective and powerful is that although the girls make incomprehensible decisions in reaction to events, they just go so all-in on them, that we accept that, yeah, the decision was mind-blowing but maybe that's what these girls would do? Part of that is the outstanding performance of our three leads, Sydney Amanual, Ali Breneman, and especially Jenna Krasowski (in the toughest role). They are uniformly excellent and all make us believe. And this movie hit me like a brick -- I was actively worried about how it was going to turn out and was completely invested in the characters. Outstanding work from this entire crew.
My only real criticism was the ending. It was a bit of deus ex machina that doesn't really make sense and doesn't live up to the standards of the rest of the movie. But it's not terrible, just a bit of a disappointment given what had come before.
Highly recommended, but with a warning -- I was unable to really convey what this movie shows you because that would have spoiled the movie. But be forewarned, this is not a light-hearted movie. It shows the pitch black soul of some people (or some sorority girls, to be specific) and you likely feel uncomfortable during and once it's done. It will stick with you, believe me.
True Fiction (2019)
Depressingly Predicatable
"True Fiction" is one of those maddening movies that makes you want to bang your head against a wall. Including some spoilers in order to let people know what they're in for. It begins with a tantalizing and fascinating story line, and then abandons it in order to be politically correct.
The film starts with aspiring writer Avery Malone (well played by Sara Garcia) getting a once in a lifetime job to be an assistant to her favorite writer, Caleb Conrad. When she gets to his house, Caleb (also well played by John Cassini) tells her that the two of them are locked in, and has her sign a contract telling her that they will be playing a "game" where they try to have her face her fears. The result is that the two of them will write his new novel based on the events of what happens between them. During the "games," she gets terrified and starts to experience paranoia and starts to question Conrad's motives and, indeed, if that really *is* Caleb Conrad...
The setup and the first 45 minutes or so are fascinating. The performances are great and believable. But if you're like me, or like anybody who has watched any movies for the past five year, you're probably saying to yourself, "A man does mean things to a woman? I'll bet that the 'twist' is that he ends up chained up while the woman - all covered in blood - tortures him, far worse than anything he ever did to her." And yup, that's exactly what happens. It was maddeningly frustrating that the entire setup, and what is actually a pretty unique plot, was thrown out the window so it could end up a "Me Too -- the woman ends up taking violent revenge on a man who was mean to her" saga.
Part of me wants to say to watch it for the first 45 minutes, appreciate the clever plot and the outstanding work by Sara Garcia and John Cassini, and then turn it off and make up your own ending. But it so totally falls apart at the end, so totally abandons the characters in order to be PC and woke that I just can't.
Wonder Valley (2017)
Slow Burning Art House Horror
"Wonder Valley" is an extremely slow burning art house horror flick. The story involves four women -- Kari, who is sullen an withdrawn for reasons never fully explained, has invited her friends Cloudy and Jessica to go to her late aunt's house in the desert. Cloud brings along Sasha, who is apparently some sort of actress who is losing popularity. There is tension from the beginning between them, especially between Sasha and Kari. The group hike and explore, and they do some form of "natural" halucinogenic drug. Eventually, the relationships start to fall apart and strange and horrible things appear to be happening...
On the good side, the film is lush and well shot. All four actresses do an outstanding job making us feel the characters. The film has much of the "art house" motif, which may or may not be to some people's tastes. Events are unclear and there is definitely not a final denoumant that fully explains what has actually happened. And even though the film was written and directed by women, it's a little disheartening to see that there are some "woman always needs a man" tropes still there -- Kari's issues are hinted at being a breakup with a man, and the big relationship issue that splits the group and leads to the final act's events is definitely over a man.
On the whole, however, I found "Wonder Valley" to be entertaining and a nice change from a lot of the "people go on a trip and bad things happen" pattern. Worth a watch, IMO.
Unintended (2018)
Odd, but interesting, little flick
"Unintended" is an odd little flick. Movies like this typically start with our protagonist having mental issues, and the film then slowly unfolds what happened to cause them. This one is different. It starts Lea as a young girl living with her parents in the country. She has a little treehouse hiding place and an older man who is her friend. The family is moving away, and she overhears her parents arguing about getting a divorce. Just before leaving she runs out to get something and ends up in a scuffle with a local boy, and the boy ends up falling down into a hole. Lea runs and tells anyone she can find -- the boy's mother, her parents -- but nobody believes her and eventually she has a little seizure and her parents take her away.
Cut to recent time. Lea, now grown up, has some serious mental issues and cannot totally remember what happened. Her father tries to convince her to go back to their old home with him, and eventually she agrees. Then the first really odd thing happens, when they drive back he, literally, just drops her off in the middle of the road, they hug and he says, "Call me if you get a chance." I mean, I had thought that she was going to stay with him, but OK. So she drives to her old friend's house, and then she gets a complete recollection of what happens and freaks out that she was responsible for the boy's death. Her friend comments, quite reasonably, that if a local boy had gone missing or died, it would have been a big deal and he would have heard about it. But Lea is determined to find out for herself...
As I said, an odd little flick. Showing us what happened in advance sort of dulls what you would normally expect to be the "big reveal" and the inital big mystery is pretty obvious (and, unfortunately, the IMDB credits give it away) so it's good that they sort of "get it out of the way" at the start. But Lea's motivation is hard to really understand, and the major revelations and "surprises" are all about a character that, quite frankly, we don't care about.
The cast is pretty good. Elizabeth Lail is, as usual, charming and vulnerable and really makes us root for her. I also definitely liked that what looked to be one of the forced "romances" never happened. It's s little slow, and not a whole lot happens so if you're looking for an action packed thrilled, look elsewhere. But as a decent low budget flick, there are a lot worse ways to spend 90 minutes.
100 Acres of Hell (2019)
'Danger in the Woods' movie... with middle aged guys?!?!?
"Danger in the woods" horror films follow a consistent formula. We start by meeting a group of attractive young twenty-somethings. For some reason (graduation, cheer one of them up, etc), they are all going out to some remote place (usually a cabin, camping grounds, or something like that). Travelling on dusty roads, they stop at some place where they meet up with some of the locals, and then they tell them where they are going, they are either looked at with horror or they are warned to stay away. The group laughs them off, and makes it to the remote place. When there, they spend some time goofing around, drinking and telling stories, until finally (after about 45 minutes into the movie) they are attacked by a psycho or a deranged family. Horror and chasing and running around ensures, until eventually only the final girl remains. The girl, usually attractive and dressed sexily, is left to fight off the evil doers until she escapes. And at the end, there may or may not be a twist.
Now, perhaps you read this and said, "You know, I really love 'Danger in the Woods' movies, but you know what I'd like? Instead of attractive twenty-somethings I'd much prefer a group of middle aged men. And instead of a sexy and attractive final girl, I'd much prefer a three-hundred pound middle aged man who used to be a professional wrestler." Well, if you did, then have I got a movie for you.
"100 Acres of Hell" is pretty much the standard "Danger in the Woods" movie with the roles replaced as I described. Former wrestler Gene Snisky (who also co-wrote the script) starts at "Buck Severs", a former wrestler who EVERYBODY seems to know and be awed by. After some injury and tragedy, his buddies -- Trent, Bo, and Morgan -- decide to take how out to a game preserve and have a "Bro Trip." The locals tell them about the legend of Jeb Tucker, who they are warned will track them down and kill them. But they go off and, as you might expect, they encounter what they thought was just a legend...
It's pretty much paint by numbers stuff except... well, I missed the hot twenty somethings. A group of middle aged guys with paunches just didn't do it for me. I mean, everybody tried. While some of the dialog was ridiculous, the actors gave it their all. Jeb Tucker is played by Sam Anoai, another former wrestler (he was "Samu" and is part of the Anoa'i family that produced The Rock), so that was sort of cool. There is an attempt to make things more interesting by bring in some bikers, and a quick appearance by the great Catherine Corcoran (really an extended cameo, just a couple of "blink and you'll miss her" scenes). I mean, it's not bad, it's just nothing we haven't seen before dozens of times and the changes to the formula didn't add anything worthwhile to it.
Riot Girls (2019)
Not a bad little "End of the World" flick...
"Riot GIrls" is a fun little addition to the "end of the world" genre. Presented as a literal comic book, we're introduced to a world where a virus killed off all the adults and left only kids. The kids split up into two sections, divided by a bridge -- the "West Side", where all the cool kids live, and the "East Side." The "West Side" is run by the Titans, a bunch of football players jocks who have imposed a rule of law over everyone in the West. The "East Side" is seemingly just a bunch of misfits. We're introduced to one group of misfits and their leader, Jack, who "steals to stay alive" according to the comic. After stealing stuff from the West Side guys, Jack is captured by them and taken into the West Side. His sister Nat, her friend Scratch, and Sony -- a guy from the West Side that Jack saved and brought back -- go on a quest to save Jack.
The film moves along briskly and is pretty entertaining. The two female leads -- Madison Iseman and Paloma Kwiatkowsi -- really shine and have a nice chemistry that holds the film together. Of course, as with so many of these type of films, despite the fact that these girls are on their own with no money, they sport detailed and very fine "goth style" eye makeup and a hairstyle that must take a stylist an hour a day to keep up with (I often wonder by no director has ever seen someone in their "end of the world" film sit in hair and makeup for over an hour to get their style done ever said, "You know, someone in this situation wouldn't be able to keep up the grooming on a blow-dried mohawk with a side razor cut, or expansive goth style eye makeup.").
The down side is that there's not really a lot going on. It's not exactly slow or boring, but if you're expecting an action packed film you're probably going to be disappointed. But if you're in the mood for something a little bit smarter than the average "teenagers left alone" movie, worth checking out. I enjoyed it.
Ready or Not (2019)
Insanely fun flick!
In a year where we have been force fed mindless retreads and paint-by-numbers blockbusters (cough... "Lion King"... cough... "Endgame") it's great to see a fun, low-budget flick that is original and entertaining.
Samara Weaving kills it as a woman who's wedding night doesn't go anywhere like she expected, being force to play "Hide and Seek" for her life. The film is funny, scary, gory, and thrilling from the beginning to the mind-blowing ending. Highly recommended.
Ring Ring (2019)
Not sure what they were going for...
"Ring Ring" starts out as sort of an office comedy, where Will (Malcolm Goodwin) and Amber (Kirby Bliss Blanton) work at some sort of building supply and remodeling company making cold calls (their boss is Lou Ferrigno, who makes a "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry" joke). The boss tells the staff that the company is closing, and Will, Amber, and another friend decide that if they can get the client list, they could start a company and convince the clients to use them instead (I know, but just go with it). So they break into the boss's office and use Will's phone to take photos of the client list.
They go out to a bar to celebrate, and Will hooks up with a hot girl (and he's also drunk beyond belief) and that causes him to leave his phone at the bar. Since it has the client list, it's really important to find, and so the next day, he and Amber use "Find my Phone" to find the location of the phone, and call a ride share to go get the phone back. In an amazing coincidence, the driver is Jacob, the guy who found (and then stole) the phone and he brings them to his house. He's not home (since he's in the car), so they break in. When they eventually go into his basement, he sneaks in and locks them in the basement.
I'm not at all sure what they were going for. The comedy was... OK, I guess. But I think it meant to get to horror or suspense but there was just nothing to it. I mean, nothing really happens. After they are locked in the basement, we might be expecting "horror" or scary stuff but, no, they just stay in the basement and Jacob stays upstairs getting high. The movie is less than an hour and fifteen minutes long, and stuff doesn't really start to happen until an hour into it. And even then, it's not very much.
The shortness of the movie is extra weird since there is stuff hinted at that would have been interesting to know and we don't learn any of it. Amber is a druggy who got arrested and her car was seized, and she told Will that it was for possession, but she whispers to Jacob what it really was and he reacted like it was something worse. But we never find out. There's a seemingly important backstory about Jacob, his mother, and a friend which is hinted at in a conversation that lasts a couple of minutes and then it's dropped. And the ending... wow, it's bad. Really bad.
The three leads give strong performances all around, but just, bleh.
Close Calls (2017)
Entertaining (if a little long) horror flick!
"Close Calls" is an entertaining, if a bit long, little horror flick. The film stars Jordan Phipps as Morgan, a teenaged girl who has been grounded after her father caught her in an, ahem, "compromising position" with her boyfriend. Turns out that a year earlier, her mother died and her father is going out on another date with a woman named Brynn that Morgan hates. As he leaves, he reminds her that she needs to give Gramma her pills. Morgan whines and moans and curses and basically acts like a spoiled brat, and her father leaves for his evening. And then Morgan ends up having quite the night, to say the least.
While there is a lot of creepy goodness going on, "Close Calls" almost seems like they intended to make one movie and then changed their minds halfway through and made another one instead, but left all the footage from the first one in there. Not sure if that was intentional or not, but it gives the movie a surrealistic feel about it. In the first half of the film there are hints of the supernatural -- Gramma lives in some weird almost otherworldly part of the house, locked away with all sorts of supernatural hints about her, and Morgan's interactions with her are really unsettling. Also deeply unsettling is what happens during a visit from her boyfriend. Asi f that weren't enough, Morgan also gets some very weird and creepy phone calls. But most of that is seemingly dropped in the second half when the film moves to other events (which I won't spoil) that are not grounded in the supernatural but are, in many ways, even more disturbing.
At two hours and eight minutes, the film could definitely use some trimming. But it never really drags. Jordan Phipps is getting raves in many reviews for her performance in this film, and those raves are well deserved. It is a brave and complex performance. She spends a lot of time in skimpy outfits and is able to balance vulnerability, fear, and determination throughout. The rest of the cast also does well, and the directing and lighting is clean and professional. As is the case with many indie flicks, the sound could use some work (sometimes too soft and dialogue is spoken very quickly so hard to understand), but still pretty decent. Overall, the film packs a nice whallop and its virtues make it easy to overlook its flaws.
Overall, easy to recommend "Close Calls" as an solid way for horror movie fans to spend a couple of hours.
A Discovery of Witches (2018)
"Predicable" and "Cliched" Doesn't Begin to Describe It...
There was an old SNL joke that there was a contest for first graders, to see how close they could come to the script of a new "Rocky" movie. According to the joke, the contest was cancelled when every single submission matched the screenplay word for word. :)
Same thing here. There's witches and vampires. I know you will be shocked, SHOCKED to find out that the vampires are sexy and brooding. And I'm sure you will be equally shocked that our heroine falls in love with one of those sexy vampires! Shocking!
Of course, that is heavy sarcasm, since that is the plot of literally every single YA supernatural book, movie, and TV show of the past ten years. This is just one more. I'm not even sure I should have flagged that as a spoiler since if you didn't know that was coming, you should give your right to read IMDB.
Some decent acting and ideas, but the "same old, same old" romance at the heart of this show kills it. Pass.