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Reviews
Die Wand (2012)
Took me an hour to realize I was bored.
The trailer looked good. A mysterious invisible wall traps a lady in a mountain valley.
I would have explored the size, shape, and extent of the wall. Tested breaking through it. Looking for the edges, a connection back to civilization. Tried to solve the mystery.
But that is not what 'The Wall' is about. It's about learning to live alone in the wilderness. The wall itself was just a gimmick, forgotten after 10 minutes, a negative Deus ex machina to get her alone.
Took me an hour to realize I was bored. I skipped to the end. Going back for the gun was a big mistake. Just yelling at the stranger would probably have been enough to save the dog. When she returned with the gun, her dog was dead. She sinks into despair, stops wrighting in her journal, THE END.
LOLA (2022)
Gawd, I hate found footage.
Gawd, I hate found footage.
LOLA would have been interesting. The paradoxes of changeing the past have been well explored. But the paradoxes of changing the future, not explored so much.
So I expected more from LOLA. The 'found footage' approach added nothing. Finding it didn't change anything. Just made it cheep, not worth the price of admission. (found footage never is). And it was hard to tell 'current' newsreels from future newsreels. It should be reshot, without the home movies.
The novelty of found footage wore off two decades ago.
Thom's archaic attitudes strongly suggest that her parents were already watching the 60's before she was born.
A Spoonful of Stardust (2021)
Nobody watched this, You shouldn't either.
I am the first to review this film in 3 years. What does that tell you? Nobody watched this, You shouldn't either.
The first 5 minutes is exposition by a STRING PUPPET (in Russian). To an alien audience of all toys!
2 hours written, produced, directed, filmed (on a phone, out of focus), staring, and edited by a pre-teen and 2 friends. No other crew.
In the end they dance for the string puppet and humanity is saved. Then another long speech by the string puppet to his toy audiance.
This might be a 'feel good movie' for kids but adults should avoid. This is a pre-student home movie. (9/6/2024)
Room 0 (2024)
Room 0, Logic 0.
Logic 0. The rules of looping/resetting are inconsistent. People reset but some things, just some, don't, and stay where you left them. You keep your injurys, but sometimes not memoy. Why did it reset to before she had the box?
She eventuly learns to control resets, delay them. For days, maybe longer. So why not LEAVE the room? Live out a normal life. Take the box, leave town with friends and family. Burry it in secret, or destroy it.
She worries that science will always loose control of new tech. Well, Not if you keep resetting the world. But if you ignore the illogic, Room 0 is entertaining. 4/10.
Exceptional Beings (2023)
Exceptionally pretentious, exceptionally boring.
Exceptionaly pretentious, exceptionaly boring.
Starts with a bogus premise, That the gods made a pact to remain myths, unseen, to protect humanity from the burden of striving for godhood (or something).
Bogus because most of humanity believes the myths are reality. Never thought they were myths (unless they are someone else's myths). Only recently recognized as myths, and only by some.
'Exceptional Beings' takes it's 'Don't-look-behind-the-curtan' premise too seriously. It is no fun. Poorly acted, cheap, stupid FX. Too much pretentious dialog. (well, they are gods, so maybe that fits).
In short: Not entertaining at all. 2/10.
ABCs of Superheroes (2015)
From Hamburg with cheese
No budget. Lame script. 11 minutes in "America will run out of cheese in just 8 hours" Because the director stole our cheese generator. But don't worry this German turkey is cheesy enough, you'll swear off cheese for life.
Yeah that's right, from Hamburg with cheese. 12 minutes in is where I turned it off.
No budget. Lame script. 11 minutes in "America will run out of cheese in just 8 hours" Because the director stole our cheese generator. But don't worry this German turkey is cheesy enough, you'll swear off cheese for life.
Yeah that's right, from Hamburg with cheese. 12 minutes in is where I turned it off.
Tales from Pandora's Box Vol. II (2023)
No plot. Just moodiness and skin.
Pandora's box 2
Boring. No plot. Just moodiness and skin.
In the first segment, an Egyptian mummy unwraps itself. It's an attractive naked lady. Spends several minutes washing her face, doing her hair and makeup. Then gets dressed. Then takes her cloths off again, and stabs herself for no apparent reason. No plot, just mood and skin. End first segment.
In the second segment, a guy runs around nude in the rain, for no apparent reason. A lady in the house takes a long shower (more skin) and goes to bed. Crazy naked guy enters the house, and ties her up. She doesn't react. He tries to stab her. She stops him, somehow(?). "I am the Sun." End second segment.
No plot, just mood and skin. I gave up, I didn't stick around for the next segment.
Animator (2018)
No Fun
No Fun
It doesn't deliver what it promises.
The discerption says he draws the future. It shows flying cars on the box. Tubi tags it: Drama, Thriller, Sci-Fi. Sounds like fun so I watched it.
But it had none of that. The opening titles had slow boring music. And a young kid DIES of a sickness in the first 2 minutes. NO FUN. No sign of anything special for 25 minutes. No thrills, not sci-fi, (supernatural magic instead). No flying cars. Just glowing hands. We don't even get to see the magic happen. He just draws the finished result and it's done.
This film should have been a book, or a comic, not a film.
ISRA 88 (2016)
I couldn't write a spoiler if I tried ...
I couldn't write a spoiler for this film if I tried ...
... because the description and trailer already gave the ending away.
Why did they subject us to two boring hours of astronauts getting bored? Some have suggested that watching it again makes it clearer. But I'm not going to waste another two hours on it.
What sense does it make sending out a mission that will take Billions of years to return data? The Earth will be gone by then.
The reviewer "Darkphase" gives a plausible explanation. (a) It is not our universe. It might be smaller. (b) The 'flashbacks' are not flashbacks, but are alternate universes. Dam, I wish the description or trailer told me that. I was too bored to catch the telling details hidden in the 'flashbacks'. Or maybe start the film with a text crawl, "In a universe medium far away".
White Dwarf (1995)
More Fantasy than sci-fi.
More Fantasy than sci-fi. Not futuristic, speculation, nor extrapolation. Things are different just for the sake of being different. Creative perhaps, but just fantasy.
The hard border between day side and night side is total fantasy. Total daylight on one side of the border, total night on other side just a foot away. Imposable.
In reality the border would be like sunset, still light. The light would fade gradually over many miles. Most humans would want to live in that twilight zone.
Not futuristic, the cultures are based on old Earth cultures. Not speculation, nor extrapolation either. Just fantasy.
The Mandalorian (2019)
A baby eating baby
In season 2, a running joke has baby Grogu eating a frog's eggs.
These 'frog' people are portrayed as an intelligent species, and an endangered species. This atrocity by a supposed innocent character, future Jedi, is portrayed as a joke.
Atheists joke about eating babys because it is a ridiculous charge against them. But Grogu is actually seen swallowing eggs several times.
I eat chicken eggs, but chickens are not intelligent nor endangered.
Is eating babys condoned in the Star Wars universe? How can the human writers condone, even joke, about this.
Because the 'frog' people are not human?
9/10
I love this show, but I deduct a point for the baby eating. If a stormtrooper ate the eggs I wouldn't have said anything.
Stargirl (2020)
Starman's sidekick just happens to marry Starman's widow?
I've only seen the first 3 episodes so far.
Starman's sidekick just happens to marry Starman's widow? Sidekick trys to deny that Cortny is Starman's daughter. Takes Stargirl to Justice Society headquarters. Sidekick says he knows everybody's real name. But Sidekick still denies that Cortny is Starman's daughter. And in spite of Stargirl's use of Starman's weapon, The Cosmic Crutch. Stargirl thinks Sidekick is only wrong. Sidekick is not wrong, Sidekick is outright lying. Why can't Stargirl see that Sidekick KNOWS for sure that Stargirl IS (or not) Starman's daughter.
Does Sidekick confess in a future episode?
The Future (2011)
A Paw-paw movie might have been better.
Paw-paw steals the show.
Maybe it's just me, I cared more about Paw-paw than about the main characters. After a while I fast-forwarded through the couple segments, to watch Paw-paw. I want to adopt Paw-paw. They should give Paw-paw it's own youtube channel. I want to see a 'The Future' edit of just the Paw-paw segments. Too bad they killed Paw-paw. A Paw-paw sequel might have sold more tickets.
Did someone call this Science Fiction? The only thing Science Fiction about this movie is the title. They need to understand 'Science Fiction' and 'Fantasy' are two different genres. Without any science, it's not Science Fiction, just fantasy.
Q (1982)
If I owned the building, I'd have my office in the dome.
Youngsters who have never seen a Harryhausen film will hate the FX. But they work well for this film.
Q looks dated but is still a fun watch. The scenes shot inside the dome of NYC's Christler building are fascinating. I always wondered about what is in the dome. Offices? Nope. If I owned the building, I'd have my office in the dome.
Youngsters who have never seen a Harryhausen film will hate the FX. But they work well for this film.
Q looks dated but is still a fun watch. The scenes shot inside the dome of NYC's Christler building are fascinating. I always wondered about what is in the dome. Offices? Nope. If I owned the building, I'd have.
Becoming Truly Human (2017)
Warning, religious propaganda.
Warning, religious propaganda.
This film is dishonest.
It dishonestly defines 'nones' as uncertain about which religion they belong to. What most people would call 'agnostic'.
"None of the above" does not mean "Other".
In the real world, the term 'nones' also includes we who are convinced there is no such thing as a god of any kind. Including hardcore atheists. There are no atheists in this film. The 'No god', or 'We have permanently rejected religion' viewpoint is not presented. So the film is unbalanced.
Happy ending: They all return to the church.
Note that this film came out in 2017, but only has 4 reviews as of 2024.
Chronofilm (2020)
Skip the pilot
Skip the pilot (parts 1&2). Episode #2 of 4 (or #3 of 8) 'Meet the team'', makes a Beter introduction to the series. (I saw the 4 episode version, the 8 episodes were doubled up)
Cronofilm was entertaining, but left too many plotlines unfinished for the 2nd season which will never get made. Other reviewers made the mistake of dropping out after the first episode.
The camerawork and editing needs work. The fake static and glitches were totally unnecessary. Made it look sloppy, not realityish. They were supposed to be a professional production crew.
Unknown benefactor builds a time machine. Secretly sends history researchers back in time to film events. Then airs the footage as recreations on TV. Why, is never explained. Explanations are probably left for season 2, which will never come. The 'groundbreaking recreations' are not seen in the series.
Raised by Wolves (2020)
About the Theam song
About the theam song
I agree with the detractors here. Season 1 started out as good science fiction. Then devolved into lame fantasy by episode 10. ('devolving' was mentioned in episode 9 or 10. But there is no such thing, just evolving in ways that seem counter-productive).
But I want to complain about the theam song.
It sux. Disappointing.
The singer has a beautiful voice, but was misused. The 'song' had no rhythm, no beat. No actual music. Like she was given a sheet of text only, no notes to sing. The 'lyrics' as such, did not relate to the show. A disjointed non-song for disjointed non-sci-fi.
A Ghost Story (2017)
Thirty minutes of story streched out to ninty minutes. (TL:DR)
Thirty
minutes
of
story
stretched
out
to
ninety
minutes.
Just
like
this
review.
I
have
nothing
more
to
say
but
must
use
six
hundred
characters.
Unlike
the
film
makers,
I
am
sorry
for
waiting
your
time.
I
recommend
you
skip
'A
Ghost
Story'.
You
can
stop
reading
now.
This
review
repeats.
Thirty
minutes
of
story
stretched
out
to
ninety
minutes.
Just
like
this
review.
I
have
nothing
more
to
say
but
must
use
six
hundred
characters.
Unlike
the
film
makers,
I
am
sorry
for
waiting
your
time.
I
recommend
you
skip
'A
Ghost
Story'.
You
can
stop
reading
now.
This
review
repeats.
Thirty
minutes
of
story
stretched
out
to
ninety
minutes.
Not Dead Yet (2023)
if you are looking for a creative show like 'Dead Like Me' or 'Ghosts' you are in the wrong place.
The premise is she writes newspaper obituaries, and meets their ghosts, but never explains why.
But if you are looking for a creative show like 'Dead Like Me' or 'Ghosts' you are in the wrong place. There is no need to do anything for the ghosts, just submit the obit, and the ghost 'moves on'.
By the time I discovered Not Dead Yet, episodes 2 to 8 were locked. Episode 1 (pilot) had promise. But by episode 11 it was dead to me. (4 episodes total, watched) Episode 11 was all about mundane office BS. The ghost was a dog. So there was little interaction or story with this ghost. Almost ignoring the premise.
You need to be a fan of the book, I guess. Gina Rodriguez is worth watching, but I dislike most of the others.
Mosquito: A Fistful of Bitcoins (2016)
Zany and fun. You will not mind the low budget.
Zany and fun. You will not mind the low budget.
A larger budget would have only led us to expect too much. (as some reviewers have)
Plot:
A brainless (but loveable and innocent) teen from 2083 gets pulled back to 2013 and gets tasked to stop a facebook clone from getting turned into the 'skynet' clone that rules her world.
Part of it's charm is acting on par with the silent era. Unfortunately we don't get to see her changed 2083 or any resulting paradoxes.
A larger budget would have only led us to expect too much. (as some reviewers have) Part of it's charm is acting on par with the silent era.
Space Truckers (1996)
roller coaster seats are perfect for space travel.
Space Truckers:
Fun Sci-Fi schlock.
I saw Space Truckers years ago and remember it fondly. Just rewatched it (Dec. 2023) and find that I forgot enough that it is still fun. It holds up well.
Cheap but fun and creative. Like 'square pigs' geneticly altered to save space during shipping. And 180 degrees of curved floor to fake centrifical 'gravety'.
Watch for diner patrons tightly gripping the tables to avoid slipping off the benches. The floating line of mustard splashing onto the hot dog was a nice effect.
I haven't thought about it before but roller coaster seats are perfect for space travel.
Weekend at Jesus's (2020)
If you liked Weekend At Bernie's ...
Weekend At Jesus's:
If you liked Weekend At Bernie's you should watch Weekend At Jesus's.
If you liked "The greatest Story ..." Don't watch Weekend At Jesus's.
Weekend At Jesus's is a lot of fun at the expense of a dead guy that too many people think was real. If you are easily offended by people disagreeing with you, This is not for you. You should watch something else.
You know the plot:
J gets put to death for rabble rousing. His fellow cult members need to prop him up, fake a resurrection to keep the cult going.
The rest is alleged history. Only in this movie it's played for laughs. 9/10 for humor, but it is a low budget short.
Squid Man (2013)
it could easily fit into the Marvel Universe.
Most of my reviews are negative because I dislike saying 'me too' about the films that I like. But I liked Squid Man, it is cheap, it is ridiculous, but it is also well written, well acted, and well photographed. If it had the budget of a Marvel movie it could easily fit into the Marvel Universe. Marvel has it's share of third rate heroes/villains. (Venom, Starlord) that make for good stories when handled well. Squid Man is well done and I recommend this film.
Positive reviews are boring, so please forgive me for my negative reviews elsewhere. Positive reviews are boring, so please forgive me for my negative reviews elsewhere.
Mel-O-Toons (1960)
Poorly, cheaply, minimally animated. Good luck getting a kid to sit through them.
Poorly, cheaply, minimally animated. Less than one frame per second. More like 3-5 seconds per frame. Most of the movement is just moving the camera. The art is very flat, like shadow puppets. Maybe educational, but not entertaining. Good luck getting a kid to sit through them. The 'education' is questionable. For instance it says Christopher Columbus was a mapmaker. Crude animation even by 1960 standards. In the public domain, because they are not worth owning. It is doubtful you will remember seeing them when you were a child because they are un-memorable. Good luck getting a kid to sit through them.
The Astronaut of God (2020)
Maybe if this was released in 1963, it would have gotten some traction
Filmed in Romania. The English version is translated and narrated by computer. Maybe it is trying to sound like a documentary.
Written by christians for christians who don't understand science nor fiction. It is a fantasy about a 1962 space mission to find god in orbit. Only a true believer would think it would be that easy. (Maybe if this was released in 1963, it would have gotten some traction.) The idea is not only senseless, but the narration is so dry, it's boring, very hard to stay watching.
He looses cabin pressure, gets hypoxia, has hallucinations and attributes it to the supernatural. Highly unprofessional for an astronaut.
The only positive reviews are from people who think that a space mission to find god is a good idea. This is one of several recent films by christians aimed at science fiction fans. As if they only need to write it in our genre and we'll believe it.
I recommend you skip this film, even if you are a believer. Maybe it is better in the original Romanian.