Reviews

I loved the ewoks between the ages of 11 and 13. That's an embarrassing admission since my age rendered me a little too old to be part of the target Ewoks audience. Nevertheless, I lapped-up every ewok book, comic, toy, and movie. I especially loved the first season of the cartoon series. The DVD release of the Ewoks series reminds me that while I'm not entirely proud of my fondness for ewoks, a little perspective adds a lot of clarity.

I wasn't blind to the fact that the ewoks were kinda stupid in RotJ, and they were even lamer in the ewok TV movies. But as a child who'd grown up on a steady diet of Star Wars I remained unwilling to let go of my Star Wars youth. I was determined to like the ewoks, lest my life be deprived of new Star Wars.

Quite frankly, when stacked against the scant few "Expanded Universe" properties available at that time, the early ewoks projects didn't seem so bad. Granted, most of the ewoks books were too immature for my pre-adolescent tastes (it seemed like nine out of 10 ewoks story lines involved picking berries). But some ewok projects were fun.

For example, Joe Johnston wrote and illustrated a rather enjoyable ewok storybook titled "The Adventures of Teebo" that formed the basis of the Ewoks cartoon. Among other things the book introduced the Duloks (who were originally much nastier than the bumbling Duloks in the TV series).

Overall the Ewoks and the Droids cartoons were fairly well-crafted compared to other Saturday Morning cartoons of the period. The shows featured visual designs that were original at the time. Both shows presented continuing story lines, which were uncommon among mid-80s Saturday Morning shows.

The Ewoks episodes referenced just about every previously developed incarnation of the ewoks and pulled everything together into one plot. Characters from RotJ, the ewok TV movies, the Kenner toys, the coloring books (!) and the storybooks blended together nicely thanks to the show's writers.

The debut Ewoks episode introduced Morag, the primary villain. The segments which featured the Tulga Witch are compiled on the DVD as "The Haunted Village." The collected story represents the best of the Ewoks cartoons. The common story thread has Morag exploring various methods of ewok extermination and Logray thwarting her wicked plots.

A particularly thoughtful aspect of the first Ewoks series was the fact that the debut episode was set in the late Summer (coinciding with its September airdate). The cartoon seasons changed in harmony with North American seasonal changes that were occurring as the episodes aired.

The weaknesses of the show are all rooted in its kid-friendly nature, as well as Ewoks' reliance on vapid Saturday Morning cartoon formulas. For instance, the Duloks are the "silly villains," and not surprisingly they're as unfunny as every 80s "silly villain." The "Wicket saves the day" spiel is exhausted by the second episode. Wicket's brother is a drooling, obese, mentally-challenged disaster of a character embodying the most cringe-worthy elements of broad, uninspired children's comedy. The use of ewok words from Return of the Jedi starts out clever, but quickly becomes irritating as hell.

The most successful single Ewoks episode ("Asha") is thankfully included on the new DVD. "Asha" is the very best episode among all of the Droids and the Ewoks shows. "Asha" demonstrates that the writers could have easily adapted these Star Wars properties into something interesting given the chance.

Alas, the shows were not given the chance to grow after "Asha" aired. Droids was cancelled after its first season, and Ewoks was only renewed when it agreed to a full lobotomy. Even then, very few major ABC markets carried the second season of Ewoks.

Before the lobotomy, I begged my way to see the cartoon Ewoks perform at the Ice Capades. I was 13 ... and I was desperate to see something --- ANYTHING --- related to Star Wars. The Ewoks' Ice Capades performance was very sobering. The skating ewoks sang rap songs, duloks told even cornier jokes than seen on the TV show, and many berries were picked.

I was horrified that my childhood passion had led me to pay to see ... tacky space bears rapping on ice skates! I bid Star Wars a bitter farewell after the Ice Capades. I packed away the toys and books and decided to pursue new interests … like goofy 80s pop music and boys. The Ice Capades inspired such acute self-loathing that I didn't look back again at Star Wars until the Zahn novels … and really, only Clone Wars has come close to capturing the childhood magic of the original films.

I've since viewed the second series Ewoks episodes on video, and they're utter crap. All cool visual elements were eradicated. The likable secondary characters were turned into bad comic relief. The stories were wholly mindless. The show's second season is a collection of the worst formulas Saturday Morning shows had to offer at the time.

The latest DVD release truly presents the best of Ewoks. If you don't like what you see on the DVD -- know that the show didn't get any better.

As with all Lucas products, the cartoons on the DVD have been 'updated.' The wacky Taj Mahal opening song is now gone, as are many of the ambient flute sounds/music cues heard throughout the series (which were kinda annoying in the original show as a result of overuse). The changes were largely unnecessary, but they do no harm.

It's too bad that I didn't have a show like Clone Wars to embrace when I was 13. No … all I had was Ewoks. It was OK for the time, but it surely didn't break any ground. A brave few of us who'd grown-up on Star Wars tried our best to continue loving Lucas' (d)evolving creations, and now we must live with that shame.

Saw offered the ideal blend of gore and silliness to make my Halloween fun. It's an enjoyable low budget B-horror movie with ample plot gimmicks to make up for its apparent lack of production funds.

If you're looking for something like Silence of the Lambs, forget it. Expect "People Under The Stairs" and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

One could point out how Saw borrows from other films like Phonebooth, Cube, Seven, and Panic Room ... but why bother? You can play the same "connect the dots" game with any Dario Argento movie. Indeed, Saw owes much to Argento. I wish Argento could have made Saw -- it would be a truly superior film instead of an above-average b-flick.

These days I hear a lot about new horror film directors who want to emulate "70s styled-horror movies." The directors of Cabin Fever, House of 1000 Corpses, Resident Evil 1 et al. claim 70s inspiration. Unlike those films, Saw is the real deal in respect to capturing a 70s horror tone.

THE GOOD: Lots of gory fun with a sly wink. Granted, Saw is clearly NOT going to have the psychological impact of a film like Seven. Saw is cute and clever, but not terribly moving. With Saw, I found myself giggling as often as I was wincing.

Even when the plot treads too far into preposterous terrain, the actual story remains compelling. Gimmicky, sure, but Saw's twists and turns are nicely assembled.

I also liked the creepy imagery of things like the jester doll/mannequin and the "bear-trap" device. The understated gore achieves its goals 100% of the time ... that's noteworthy in and of itself.

THE BAD: The Memento/Reservoir Dogs out-of-sequence plot reveal wears out its welcome too soon. Most of the out-of-sequence scenes would have benefited from another round of editing ... they drag. The abuse of temporary amnesia as a plot device smacks of laziness, too.

THE UGLY: Cary Elwes! I usually LOVE Elwes, but he's just awful in Saw. He's so terrible that he's the main reason I'm writing about Saw! Good LORD what happened? He seems like he's trying to emulate a supporting Dan Aykroyd performance ... with Keanu Reeves' anti-flair for regional accents. Perhaps Elwes was so focused maintaining his bad American accent that he couldn't concentrate on his acting ... or maybe the only American actor he had time to study in advance was Scott Bakula.

Danny Glover isn't much better than Elwes, so perhaps the director or the dialogue coach didn't have a handle on the project. Or maybe there wasn't enough time for the actors to prepare/rehearse. Whatever the reason, the acting in Saw is unusually poor given the talent involved and it almost seems as if the less-seasoned actors have a better handle on the material than the vets.

Despite its flaws, Saw is among the more enjoyable modern b-movies I've seen in a while. It's far less disposable than films like Ghost Ship, Jeepers Creepers, Urban Legends, Darkness Falls, Cabin Fever, or even Final Destination. Saw is a fine debut effort from a promising young writer/director ... and it made for a terrific Halloween night at the movies.

Between the critics and reviewers here, my expectations going into Resident Evil Apocalypse couldn't have been lower, and maybe that was a good thing. I had read nothing but venom directed at this film.

Only in a world gone mad would Spiderman 2 receive glowing reviews while Resident Evil 2 is slammed.

If you dig good old fashioned sci-fi, action, or horror, Resident Evil: Apocalypse delivers. It's not rocket science ...nor does it have the depth of, say, Lost In Translation or Dogville ... but it's perfectly fun if you leave your brain at the door.

I also didn't think the movie looked especially cheap ... a criticism I've seen reiterated at IMDb several times. If every future "Made-In-Canada" movie looks this good, Hollywood is history.

I bought this DVD as a gift for my mother (at her request). To my horror, I learned I was also expected to WATCH the film.

I admit I don't normally like this type of movie. There are exceptions to my 'no Hollywood-churned romantic comedy' rule, such as "Lost in Translation" and "When Harry Met Sally." "Something's Gotta Give" made me appreciate the exceptions all the more.

"Something's Gotta Give" tells the story of a whiny yet successful 50-something woman (Keaton) who inexplicably falls for her daughter's repulsive yet successful 60-something boyfriend (Nicholson) after he suffers a heart attack. The two adults have a three-day fling, then they go their separate ways. Keaton writes a play about the fling and ends in a committed relationship with a sensitive young doctor (Reeves), only to dump him when her bloated three-day sex toy has a change of heart.

Nicholson is terrible. He's not even trying -- you can tell he's just collecting another paycheck. His charmless character behaves like someone on a morphine drip, not blood pressure medication. He's lifeless throughout, and you need some heavy duty suspension of disbelief to buy that he's such a hit with the ladies.

Without a doubt Keaton carries the movie, but I'm not convinced her shoulders were strong enough to support the weight of such a contrived script.

The only time I laughed during the film was when Reeves first spoke in the ER. I'm sorry, but he just doesn't cut it as a doctor, and his "whoa, dude, you're having a heart attack" delivery is hilarious. Still, Reeves has the honor of playing the only likable character in the movie, and he puts some real effort into the role.

Overall, I found this film to be painfully shallow. If this is the public's concept of romance, then that explains the divorce rate. Perhaps the director simply failed to establish chemistry between her main characters in the script and hoped the actors would compensate. Reeves and Keaton try hard, but Nicholson would clearly rather be somewhere else.

"Something's Gotta Give" is a sterling example of everything that sucks about paint-by-numbers romantic comedies. I will never buy my mother another Nancy Meyers film again, lest I be forced to watch it.

My husband and I first caught Lexx during a marathon on the Sci-Fi channel in 2000. Up until that point, Sci-Fi's ad campaign was so wretched that neither of us bothered to watch the show. Although the episodes in the marathon didn't make a lot of sense (Sci-Fi aired the Season 2 episodes out of order) we were hooked by the black humor, the funky music, and the show's overall stylishness.

I think the show was a lot smarter than most people realize.

In a nutshell, Lexx is the American Red Dwarf. Fans of Red Dwarf know that the British creators once tried to sell the show to a US network ... and failed. Attempts at Americanizing Red Dwarf included adding more sex and "adventure" to the show while keeping the jokes and action squeaky clean. It didn't work. But Lexx succeeded where Red Dwarf failed by being hip and gritty.

Of the first four Lexx movies only the first and fourth are truly must-see material. The middle episodes feature fun cameos but don't really advance the plot ... they've always felt like filler designed to stretch out the production budget. But the first and last movies are sci-fi gems. Funny, sick, and slick all at the same time, they really solidified the mood of the show.

Episode for episode, Season 2 IS the heart of Lexx. The season offers up the most spot-on humor and the most interesting plots. The season bore a few misses (the hillbilly episodes mainly) but the shows are consistently enjoyable if you appreciate the bizarre. The running gag in which every new character introduced dies by the end of each episode never turns stale. The main characters grow with the plot throughout the season. There's even a thoroughly enjoyable MUSICAL episode toward the end (my favorite Lexx episode).

Season 3 was a complete misfire. I'm surprised Lexx survived to see a fourth season ... that how weak Season 3 is. A plot that should have lasted two episodes is stretched into an entire season. All of the character growth seen in Season 2 is tossed out the window. The episodes drag out via poor pacing, asinine logic, and de-emphasized humor. And the season only got worse as it went along. I didn't enjoy Season 3 when it aired, and it still sucks on DVD ... especially when compared to every other incarnation of Lexx.

Season 4 was a worthy successor to Season 2 and a return to form. It's a shame that the fourth season based several plot threads on the third season because, ideally, viewers should be able to skip Season 3 altogether. While the fourth season isn't as strong as the second, it comes pretty damned close. I was skeptical about the "Lexx comes to modern earth" theme... but through creativity and a keen sense of satire, Lexx's creative team pulled off a plot device that no other Sci-fi show has been able to successfully tackle (re: Battlestar Galactica 1980). There are some episodes that go nowhere (sadly the prison episode, which employs two actors from Red Dwarf, is one of the most disposable episodes) and the characters go through the exact same growth pattern seen in Season 2. But I give the creators props for having the balls to inject caustic anti-American sentiments into the season ... given the post 9-11 culture in which they were released AND the fact that it was the first incarnation of Lexx to be heavily promoted in the US. Sometimes the anti-American elements are too heavy-handed and belie a superficial grasp of US culture, but that's OK. It works more than it doesn't. The creators did a much better job at managing a continuing storyline than they did in previous seasons ... culminating in a truly rousing and tragic conclusion.

I also applaud the creators for ending their pet project decisively. Sure, there MIGHT be another Lexx someday, but the conclusion of Season 4 didn't leave any loose ends or nagging issues.

Warts and all, Lexx stands as one of the most interesting and innovative sci-fi shows ever attempted. I have a feeling that this show will grow more popular with the passage of time.

Brian Yuzna's "Beyond Re-Animator" isn't the stuff of legends like the original Re-Animator, but it still provides a fair share of laughs and gross-out moments.

However, the music video included on the DVD (Move Your Dead Bones) is worth its weight in gold; it's so mind-bending that it deserves its own listing here at IMDb.

Performed by some dancin' fool named "Dr. Re-Animator," the Euro-techno number outshines the film itself in terms of sheer ambition and unrepentant goofiness (and the video also contains most of the best scenes from the film).

Dr. Re-Animator looks a bit like a big-chinned George Michael. His sincerity and over-the-top delivery of the hilarious lyrics made me care more about him than I cared about Beyond Re-Animator's Dr. Howard. When Dr. Re-animator croons, "Let me give you some green color and you will ask for more," you know he means every word.

"Party without limits, have sex and don't be blue!" (get it? BLUE!) Brilliant.

Anyway, Dr. Re-Animator is eventually joined by an ensemble of dancing zombies who look like they just stepped out of a Rocky Horror midnight screening. The choreography isn't the greatest but it's the thought that counts here.

The most incredible thing about the video is: it features end credits that are almost as long as the feature film's!

In short, "Move Your Dead Bones" is perhaps the greatest 80s video made in the new millennium. Once you're hooked, you'll find yourself watching the video over and over again until your brain is on the verge of exploding out of your ears. The music video is worth the price of the DVD! MTV would be a thousand times more entertaining if they showed this video 24 hours a day.

"Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" inspires more laughs than Troma's entire catalog. Original, ambitious, and quite clever, "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" reminded me of Sam Raimi's early short films, except JCVH is ten times funnier.

Most indie filmmakers only dream of creating such an entertaining full-length outing.

My only criticism is: Jesus would have worked a bit better had he kept the long hair and beard. I'm not sure why the filmmakers decided to shave him down. Granted, the film works without the running sight gag, but a traditional Jesus image would have more of an impact.

Apart from that, JCVH is a delicious low-budget treat. I liked the music a lot. The photography was tight and interesting, and I thought the acting matched the film's mood perfectly.

JCVH improves with repeat viewings, so if you thought it a bit slow, give "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" another look.

I can't wait to see what these guys do next!

Brian Helgeland's "The Order" fails on so many levels that it's hard to believe the film's writer/director is the same guy who wrote "A Knight's Tale," or even "Highway To Hell."

"The Order" feels like only a half of a movie ... and that's a remarkable achievement considering that the movie also feels too long.

The cast seems especially forced in this film. Not once did I mistake Heath Ledger or Marc Addy for real priests. Not once did I think Benno Furmann creepy, sad, or evil.

Peter Weller is the only bright spot in this celluoid black hole. And most of his bright moments are unintentional: like when he utters the words "Warrior Pope!" I almost peed myself, I laughed so hard.

I'm a big fan of Helgeland's past work, but "The Order" is just a big jumbled, plotless mess. Avoid this while it's in theatres. Maybe ... just maybe ... a better edit will surface on DVD.

I hated HEAVY METAL 2000 the first time I saw it. A huge fan of the original HEAVY METAL, I bought 2000 as a pre-viewed video copy, and I promptly filed it away after my debut viewing.

For reasons unknown, I unearthed the video the other day and gave it another look-see.

As I watched the film, I wondered to myself, "Why did I hate this so much the first time?" The animation/art is spotty, but competent. Every word out of "Julie's" mouth makes me cringe, but that shouldn't wreck a whole movie. The story structure itself is really just a padded-out shameless rip off of the original "Taarakian" tale from HEAVY METAL. The music felt forced, but the original HEAVY METAL's music feels the same way.

The film definitely has flaws --- nothing so unforgivable that it should have left me HATING the film.

Then came the ending ... and I remembered why I hated HEAVY METAL 2000. The climax is so stupid and ill-conceived, it magnifies all of the aforementioned flaws and renders the entire viewing experience a waste of time.

I also realized that HEAVY METAL 2000 is merely a poor mid-90's "Bad Girl" comic book set into motion. Nothing artful, no soul; just inflated boobies and annoying b*tch-chick "attitude."

Because HEAVY METAL 2000 is so similar to the original "Taarna" story from HEAVY METAL, there's really no reason to watch 2000. The original is superior in every way.

In spirit, ANIMATRIX is the true follow-up to the original HEAVY METAL, so that's a must-see. If you want to watch an AWFUL story that's at least beautifully animated, see FINAL FANTASY. If you yearn for more 80's animated adventures, see FIRE AND ICE. But whatever you do, don't lose 88 minutes of your life for the sake of HEAVY METAL 2000. You'll regret it.

As many viewers note, the collected ANIMATRIX DVD is far more satisfying than RE-LOADED.

But I'd like to say the ANIMATRIX spots are the best samples of animated storytelling since HEAVY METAL. In fact, I think it's some of the finest adult-oriented animation I've ever seen.

I've viewed ample amounts of Anime in my life. Some I've liked; some of it I've detested. I think the East meets West quality of ANIMATRIX lends a uniqueness to the project that wouldn't necessarily be there had it been entirely Japanese or entirely American.

Even the weaker Animatrix spots have something to offer. All are worth repeat viewings.

The stories in ANIMATRIX are about as smart as what's seen in HEAVY METAL, which doesn't mean the plots are brilliant. But the animation IS brilliant -- far beyond the scope of HEAVY METAL.

So if there are any other "Heavy Metal" freaks in the house, buy the ANIMATRIX DVD immediately. The directors' interviews and the quality of the shorts make the DVD purchase more worthwhile than a downloading experience. The stories flow into one another quite nicely, too.

Perhaps ANIMATRIX was a crass marketing ploy, but the individual animators and directors elevated the project into something much bigger. The ANIMATRIX is a must-have for animation fans.

This hyper-lame sequel to the genuinely original CUBE fails to engage its viewers on every level. The dialogue is annoying, the (over)acting horrific, the F/X are not nearly as charming as in the original, the characters are undeveloped, and the ending is a complete cop out.

Poor writing is the main thing I blame for HYPERCUBE's weaknesses, but I suspect that another issue enhancing the crappiness is the fact that none of the original creative crew played a part in this poor-man's sequel.

If you enjoyed the first CUBE enough to buy it, rent HYPERCUBE. If you're merely a casual CUBE fan, skip HYPERCUBE entirely. Take my word: you won't miss anything.

I first caught "The World of the Dark Crystal" on PBS a few weeks after the film "The Dark Crystal" saw release. The documentary made me dash out to the movie theater the very next day. That alone should speak volumes about its quality.

Unlike so many cold, congratulatory "making of" documentaries available today, this one really gets to the heart of the creative process. The amount of energy that Henson and company invested in The Dark Crystal has only been matched recently ... by Peter Jackson in his Lord of the Rings films.

The documentary now available on the Dark Crystal DVD, and it's every bit as entertaining as the film itself.

Also of interest in "The Making of the Dark Crystal" are the interview segments with Gary Kurtz, the producer of the first two Star Wars movies. There is little doubt that Kurtz's talents had a great deal to do with the success of the original Star Wars, seeing how the series turned to garbage the moment he left.

As I watched EVOLUTION I thought to myself, "this film would actually work if it did away with the attempted comedy and stayed serious." Therefore, I'm not surprised to read here that Ivan Reitman turned a straight sci-fi plot into a unrepentant series of butt gags.

Let me cut straight to the chase: not once did EVOLUTION make me so much as 'crack' a smile. It's a movie that oozes gooey potential; potential that is ultimately wasted on anal humor.

One of the strongest aspects of GHOSTBUSTERS was the chemistry among the cast members. There is no such discernable chemistry between David Duchovny (who's about as funny as a hunk of steel wool) and Orlando Jones. And when that chemistry fails (which is quite often), the film descends into a stream of uncomfortably forced racial humor reminiscent of WILD WILD WEST with Wil Smith and Kevin Kline. Oh, and did I mention the anal jokes?

On the positive side, the special effects are wonderful ... the critters steal the show. The basic plot is also compelling.

EVOLUTION is a failure, but it's an interesting failure. I found it amusing to hear Reitman remark on the DVD how the strength of the film was its comedy; it reminded me of listening to George Lucas insist on the Phantom Menace DVD that "Jar Jar is the key to the whole movie."

EVOLUTION could have been a classic had the story fell into a different pair of hands. Rent it to ooh and ah the F/X eye candy.

Entrancing? Inspired? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? How else can you describe Two Towers? When completed, these three movies will permanently change the way people view film possibilities.

That said, I do think Two Towers had a one or two rough spots. Peter Jackson smoothed over the scant few jagged Fellowship edges with his extended cut. I have confidence he'll do the same here. The Two Towers still stands as a wholly enjoyable theatrical experience.

But speaking as a more casual LotR reader, I've enjoyed all of the story changes that Jackson ultimately ran with. I see the Lord of the Rings epic in the same way I view Arthurian Legend. It's like spoken word: mutable and open to interpretation ... so long as the epic's roots aren't forgotten. That's not going to happen anytime soon.

When great stories are "re-imagined" by someone who actually has imagination, it only enhances the original stories.

I only wish Jackson had more freedom to play fast and loose with plot possibilities and characters ... without risking the wratch of a hundred million Tolkien fans. And speaking selfishly, I wish Arwen played more of an pro-active role in Two Towers; I liked the heroic Arwen from the Fellowship better than the 2-D character in the books.

Smart, warm, and refreshing, Lilo & Stitch makes up for years of Disney mediocrity and then some. I just wish it was an hour longer. All of the characters, from Mr. Bubbles to Stitch himself, are highly compelling and ultimately likable. This is a well-designed film -- both visually and in terms of plot/characters. A triumph for any studio let alone Disney, who really needs a crowd-pleaser right about now.

I went in expecting to dislike Lilo & Stitch. I think like most folks, I'm tired of the saccharine, cookie-cutter musicals and the regurgitated plots Disney has spit out over the years. Likewise, the pop-culture-reference laden Shrek and its "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" ilk lack an epic feel and are destined to seem 'dated' at some point. And I love a Pixar film as much as the next guy/gal, but all of those entries save the original Toy Story feel somewhat disposable.

Lilo & Stitch is the most enchanting film I've seen since Amelie. In some ways, Lilo's eccentricities reminded me of the Amelie character -- Lilo's treasured snapshot collection; her self-made doll; her trip to bring a sandwich to the fish.

But it's because of the rich characters that the animation seems so complimentary to the story. This is a welcome departure from 'business as usual,' where the story does nothing but propel snazzy animation.

I'd also like to say that I think Disney did itself a disservice by poking fun of its past successes in the Lilo & Stitch trailers. I think they almost took the anti-Disney barbs seen in Shrek TOO seriously. The trailers really turned me off to the film. I was expecting a self-parody in the tradition of (the beat-to-death) Animaniacs -- the type of film that I had no interest in seeing. Lilo & Stitch stands on its own as a classic. I'm so glad I gave it a shot despite Disney's childish, self-referential advertising campaign.

Have you seen the original Superman? How about Burton's first Batman? OK, didja catch Raimi's own Darkman? If you answered 'yes' to any of the above questions, you've no reason to catch Spiderman. You've seen it already. And if you saw the first two titles, you've seen BETTER!

Raimi apparently still wants to be thought of as a "serious director," because the heavy-handed doses of melodrama drag this film so far down it makes Bette Midler's 'Beaches' look like an action-packed thrill-a-minute rollercoaster ride. The sappy dialogue and characterizations make for 'groaner' material from start to finish. There's too much talk and not enough webslinging. Too many teary eyes; yet no developed personalities you really care about. No actor could deliver those cumbersome scenes well, so the blame falls squarely upon the filmmakers, not the actors (who did their best for the most part).

The story is derivative of just about every comic-to-screen adaptation made in the last thirty years (especially Superman). The imagery is nothing new (remember those parade balloons from Batman? Hope you liked that scene -- it's 're-imagined' in Spiderman). The CGI is CGI -- to a degree where there is little or no suspension of disbelief. Again, nothing ground-breaking. Don't even expect Raimi's signature ingenious camera work, because with the exception of one scene, there's nothing special here.

The hype around this film is both stupefying and alarming. There's really nothing new to see here. Except maybe Dunst in a wet T-shirt. Which you can see in the trailer. When the hype whirligig subsides, Spiderman will prove as disposable as The Shadow. Or Mantis. Or even Darkman.