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Reviews
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
The Cabin Down Below
Wow, that was just, how do you say, terrible? I saw this flick on a list of the top 10 horror movies. I had read about it over the years so I thought I would finally give it a try. What a mistake. Just the premise is so absurd. Now, I realize its a movie and its a horror movie so one must suspend your disbelief for an hour and a half but this was so stupid pretty much from beginning to end.
It started out like a thousand other horror movies but then it shows the guys controlling the zombies and everyone acting like it was a normal day at work talking about accounting and if they get overtime.
And in the it comes down to one guy to save the earth.
One guy who had to die!
Terrible waste of my time. This was worse than Zeroville, which is saying alot!
Zeroville (2019)
Zero for sure
Its been a long time since I reviewed a film this bad. Its as if it was a class project for a film student and was told by the instructor to use everything he has been taught. I am trying really hard to find something positive to say but nothing is coming out. Rogen's character was just stupid and made no sense. Franco's character smiled once I think. I don't know why any woman would want to hang around a guy that was so glum and had no sense of humor at all.
Ferrell played his usual weird self. I am not sure how he became so popular but its probably just me.
So by now you have probably guessed that I would not recommend this drek to anyone.
Linoleum (2022)
Starman
As a big Gaffigan fan I felt compelled to watch this, not knowing what I was getting into. I thought I knew what was going on but it keeps you guessing throughout. It's so engaging and the characters so interesting that you enjoy the not knowing. It's very refreshing to see a film that successfully deals with some pretty deep issues without being melodramatic or sappy. Gaffigan gives the best performance of his career. And all the supporting actors-although most are not well known-are great. Not a single weak link. Hope a lot of people will watch it even though it's not a big Hollywood blockbuster-that's actually a big plus to me. This film so much heart and soul.
Give it a try.
Don't Speak (2020)
Don't See
OMG, the characters in this drek are so helpless they give the human race a bad name. The "monster" cant see but hears well, sound familiar. The family starts getting picked off one by one, each covered in copiuous amounts of blood yet make no attempt to wipe off even a little of their faces. Make absolutely no attempt to find a weapon, not a bat or a stick or a knife much less an ax or a gun. They move with uncanny slowness when trying to save each other and do alot of screaming.
The sister picks up a shovel but not to sneak up on the monster but to beat it on the wall, drop it and then jump out of the window. Just helpless people. All.
So bad.
Grotesquerie (2024)
Strangesquerie
Well, I watched to the end although I almost didn't. It was going along pretty well as murder mysteries go, you were lead to believe it was the priest or maybe even Kelce's character, which by the way, I thought he did a fine job. But episode 7 made me think somehow another series had been edited in. The priest is now a doctor, the nun is now a detective, and the list goes on and on. Weird.
If there was a point where everything comes together I missed it. It must have been hidden deep in all the weird, odd and strange things that occur. Just totally bizarre. Now I can get back to finishing up Fargo.
Ribâ, nagarenaide yo (2023)
River Runs Deep
What a great little indie film. Loved the female lead character Mikoto, she kept me watchingl
While stuck in a loop, the staff of a hotel try to both keep their guests happy and informed while also attempting to understand and extricate themselves from the situation. Unlike other loop themed tales, everyone recalls everything from previous iterations. This allows them to perform a variety of experiments to gain information that could lead to an exit. At same time all the usual human responses and interactions proceed apace. With an overlay of Japanese mannerisms, the story is completely beguiling.
Give it a try.
Doors (2021)
Bizarre
Bizarre but in a good way
I liked the movie a lot. It got some bad reviews, but I believe that that's because it went above many people's heads. The anthology aspect was supposed to help people connect with the movie's theme. It was about the shortcomings of humanity, and how things would be drastically different if we realized just how closely interconnected we really are. That's why there was a need to REFRESH. Humanity was given another chance to get it right. Just like bees and ants work together for the greater good, humanity would be so much more well off if we did the same.
It was certainly a different take on aliens.
The Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping (2024)
Wow
I thought it was a really well done documentary. I just cannot believe that these clowns are still running these cons and cults. It certainly seems that she has done all she could now its up to the politicians/lawmakers. Hopefully word will get around with this excellent documentary and parents that are having problems with their teens will choose another route, I would think one on one counseling with a licensed professional.
I checked out Narvin on FB to leave a message but was unable. He has a really long "manifesto" dissing this documentary.
I thought the best part was actually seeing him in a bar singing and you were filming him.
Well done.
Old Man (2022)
The Odd Man
Never compelling, never interesting, never surprising. I even found Stephen Lang's performance annoying. I often like slow burning thriller/horrors but this never held my attention. Rarely do I think a movie was a total waste of my time, but this one was.
Oh, so, lame. I realize that quite a few people liked this film and for the life of me I cannot figure out why.
He goes in a trunk and comes out in a hotel, changes back and forth to the guy that said he was lost in the cabin, then shot a guy who was having sex with his girlfriend? His wife? His sister? We dont know,they dont tell us. Dont waste your time, you'll thank me later. Watch Bone Tomahawk instead!
Hausu (1977)
Louse not House
Looks like I watched a different House than most people. I cannot see rating this drek anything above a 2.
They call it horror?!
House alternates between stunning visuals and seizure-inducing animation to create a memorable but impossible to describe viewing experience. Imagine if David Lynch was hired to direct an unusually surreal episode of The Teletubbies while under the influence of high-grade blotter acid and working with a script by Charlie Kaufman written after not having slept for four days. That'd get you about halfway to how messed up House is. It's pretty much impossible to decipher what the hell is going on at any given moment, so it's probably best to just let the interesting images wash over you, try not to laugh too loud at the ridiculous stuff, and be content to simply scratch your head and move on when it is all said and done.
Its terrible.
The Eternal Daughter (2022)
The Infernal Daughter
If you have 90 minutes to waste listening to conversations that lead nowhere, this might what you're looking for. In the 90 long, tedious minutes devoid of any dramatic twists, the only exciting thing that happens in this drek is the dog getting lost then found.
I like Tilda, she is one of my favorites and she did her job in this film but the blame is not on her.
I kept waiting and waiting for something to happen. I thought the dog was going to be found mutilated but no, it wasn't the dog.
I thought Bill was going to be a rapist/burglar/murderer escaped from the nearby spooky asylum but no, it wasn't Bill.
Then towards the end I see that the mother was never there and I guess, the cousin knew that Tilda had issues since he brought birthday gifts for the mum.
Preacher (2016)
Papa don't Preacher
I thought the series started strong, but it can't escape the snare of mediocrity, no matter how much craziness it throws our way. And while the show is rarely subjectively bad, it continues to have issues with tone and characterizations.
The first season was good, different for sure, but good. I liked the premise of the show (I thought) then I started watching season 2. As the season went on it started to drag. Then season 3, I am still hanging in there but it just kept going on and on and on and on. I made it to episode 5 before I started fast forwarding. Then season 4, I skipped a couple of episodes and fast forwarded through the rest.
So needless to say, Seth owes me about 30 hours of my life back if he ever finds God.
A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)
A Quiet Place: Day zero (I wish)
So this movie is about comparing the noise of NYC before the invasion and the quietness of NYC after the invasion, that's what the director said. Nothing about surviving or escaping or helping another person out?
I hated the male character from the get-go until the end so this drek had no chance with me. The first Quiet Place was really good, the second Quiet Place was pretty good, this one, on the hand, was just BAD.
Sometimes, the third in a series (let's call it) is good, not often but sometimes. They really should have stopped at Two with this and please don't make number 4.
Why not have some kind of back story regarding the aliens?
Stagecoach (1939)
Ragecoach
Its hard to believe this film is 85 year old first of all. Secondly, its hard to believe I haven't seen it from start to finish (at least I don't think so). Thirdly, I heard on TMC that this was his 80th film but the movie that put him on the map. He was making about 10 films a year all through the 30's.
Another thing that stuck out to me was the way they had to handle prostitution and pregnancy back then. I know that it was tightly watched by the censors in movies and TV up to about 1960 but in 1939 you really had to make some serious assumptions and downright guesses.
I had no idea the high fallutin' lady was pregnant until the "prostitute" came out with the baby. I also had no idea why Claire Trevor playing Dallas the "prostitute " was being snubbed by almost everyone she came in contact with! I thought I had missed something.
But, the Duke didn't care, he basically asked her to marry him after he knew her for two days! But, that's the way movies did it back then.
Kinds of Kindness (2024)
Kinds of weirdness
Let me just say I am a big fan of Yorgos. This is my seventh movie I have seen of his so I knew it was going to be strange but the other 6 have been good. With Dafoe and Stone, two of my favorite actors, I felt compelled to watch.
It started out strange and got progressively stranger. There was one common thread between the 3 segments, which, in my opinion was not needed at all, just an extra, kind of like built in cameras on the dash of some cars now so you can take selfies, not while driving of course.
The eerie vocalizations and sinister music really went well, I would have to say that and Emma Stone dancing in the last 15 seconds was the best parts of the film .
I think I will rewatch Dogtooth now.
Jackpot! (2024)
Dumbpot!!
Absolutely one of the dumbest movies and wastes of time I have ever seen. I have seen quite a few of Cena's movies where he plays pretty much the same character in all of them but that's OK, he's pretty funny. The whole time, Akwafina's character starts out profoundly stupid and becomes increasingly stupid as the story progresses. There is nothing redeemable about her utter stupidity and the whole time I was rooting for her to be killed so that her stupidity could not continue to poison the species. Everyone who watched this movie is dumber for having seen it and is owed compensation of some sort from the studio.
I'm giving it a 2 as a shout out to Cena, he tried.
Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)
Just a beautiful film
I urge you to experience two hours of pure joy and poignant sadness by watching it. In a sea of mediocre films, this is a true diamond shining bright.
The first thing that struck me was the beautiful colors in this film, they really seem to leap off the screen. I found it impressive that the director could go from Mad Max to this film with equal dexterity. Its a different kind of love story. I really knew nothing about the movie except that it had two of my favorite actors which was enough for me and it did not disappoint.
The cinematography is simply masterful along with the costumes and set design. Words cannot fully express my admiration for this exceptional film.
Jonah (2023)
Jonah and the dud
Film started out pretty watchable, I had an idea where the film wanted to go and it played with some cool abduction themes.
It had some potential but I must have missed something, what is the deal with the mom? It made absolutely no sense.
The protagonist gets cut kicking a window to escape a locked bedroom, then get sliced by the mom with a knife, then get shot in the stomach with a shotgun and he's still walking around and he and the kid get in a spaceship, I am assuming.
Was the mom drugging the child? Not clear.
Why did the mom have the whole house bugged so she could see and hear everything to went on? Not clear
What a dud.
Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (1973)
Pat Garrett & a lame movie
I was expecting a lot more than this.
I like James Coburn, Elam and quite a few of the well-known tertiary characters.
]There was too much shooting and killing for no apparent reason. I KNOW its Peckinpaw but come on. Pat Garrett had ONE job and took him forever to do it.
I guess they threw Dylan a bone because he wrote the soundtrack, which wasn't bad. I hate his character (who was unnecessary), I hate his facial expressions, his 6 different hats for no apparent reason. Also the rest of the movie was boring, many of the characters were introduced solely so that they could die in the scene in which they were introduced and there was no sense of a driving story.
Sorry, lame.
Bastarden (2023)
The "Must See " Land
What a great film. I have seen 5 or 6 of Mads' movies and they have all been great but I think this one goes to the top of the list. The story was gripping and the acting superb. I also will nod my cap to the casting director because the actors picked for the roles were spot on. The movie was a glimpse into the past for good or for bad. The movie made me feel some of the struggles and hopelessness that existed at that time. Our hero (Mads Mikkelson) is a flawed but determined man. He travels the hero's journey to eventual redemption. So enjoyable I may watch it again. The antagonist was so hateful you knew he would get his comeuppance the question was just, by whom. Go see it.
Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021)
Barb & Star make a funny movie
I took a gamble on this and it paid off. My wife and I have very little in common when it comes to movies but this one was right up "our" alley.
Kristen Wiig,always good and her good friend Annie Mumolo really hit a home run here.
Parts were dumb, parts were even stupid (not many), but mostly it was really funny.
This movie is truly the funniest film I've seen in a long time! It's almost like a mix between Austin Powers/Police Academy/Airplane type funny. Kristen Wig and Annie Mumolo are such amazing comedic writers and performers, and Jamie Dornan is the perfectly naive and lovable henchman/love interest. I truly wanted this movie to keep going on and never end! It will lift your spirits and make you stupid laugh, especially with the musical numbers! Absolutely loved every second!!!
There was even a funny cameo at the end.
Give it a view.
The Decameron (2024)
Surprising
I thought I would give this series a shot based on a few of the reviews and I am really glad I did.
I don't know anything about the original Decameron but this series is a great mix of humor and drama. I don't understand the low ratings, the acting was topnotch, there were plenty of surprises and the sound track was great as well. A lot of surprising songs that on the surface would not seem to fit this type of movie but indeed, they did.
It was basically about the haves and have nots who were also dealing with the plague. Sounds gruesome, and parts of it was, but the humor made it all with worthwhile.
I recommend it highly.
The Big Empty (2003)
The Big Nothing
I had seen this flick quite a few years ago but nothing looked familiar until the last 15 or 20 minutes. I dont know if that is good or bad.
It had a lot of different angles that may have been able to come to a logical conclusion however, this ended up being nothing. It just flittered away to nothingness which is unfortunate because it could have been a contenda!
Kelsey Grammar was a surprise to see. They must have paid him a fortune to appear in this drek.
Steve Buschemi would have been really good in this with his crazy look and crazy way of speaking. That would have lifted up a bit.
Anyway, I would have to say don't waste your time. Re-watch Ironman.
The Third Man (1949)
The Man Who Didn't Appear Until Almost The End of the Film
I love the noir and Orson Welles but this one did not resonate with me at all. I saw all the reviews, 9's and 10's raving about Joseph Cotton and Orson. Its on the "must see" list of many critics, won awards from many country's yet films that are over 80 years old just don't cut with me any more I guess.
Some of it just didn't make sense. Anna must be an idiot; millions of people were trying to get out of Europe entirely, or at least escape from behind the Iron Curtain. Anna was given the chance and she threw it away.
As for the ending, what's Holly doing? He's wearing the same clothes he had on in the sewer, presumably just days ago, and they're none the worse for wear. Was the wardrobe budget for this THAT low? Did men really wear a 3 piece suit and a giant overcoat ALL THE TIME?
The cinematography/lighting is good and Wells gives a good performance the very short time he is on the screen.
The Tall T (1957)
The Tall Cowboy
What a great western. This is one of the few I have not seen. Randolph Scott was born to play a cowboy and this film could not have found a better actor to play the lead, and this includes The Duke.
Richard Boone always plays an excellent "bad guy" and was spot on for this movie.
Maureen O'Sullivan seemed a little long in the tooth for this flick, it's hard to believe that she used to be Jane.
All of the actors fit perfectly for the role. Brennan's buddy, the stage driver was spot on, loved his dialogue. Matter of fact, all of the dialogue was spot-on and Randolph Scott's delivery was excellent.
Great flick!