Reviews
Iron Doors (2010)
What a total waste of time
Okay .. so we got a variation on the Cube .. guy in a room .. breaks into another room .. now we have guy and girl .. on the brink of dehydration and death .. vault door opens .. and ..
"Toto. We're not in Kansas anymore."
Obviously they are no longer on earth .. but these two have ear to ear grins like they just reached paradise.
The end.
Senseless movie. Why 2 stars? Only because the cinematography and acting was good. (Although the new scene they enter into at the end looks like a back lot paint job with animation added.) I think the only reason for this movie was for a tax write off. It should never have been shown .. but then perhaps the tax code requires that.
In Time (2011)
Drags on for 12 hrs .. oh wait .. it was less than 2 hrs
An interesting twist to Logan's Run and turns into a sci-fi version of Robin Hood and Maid Marian while attempting to wreck the world's economy. Rather than an automatic death sentence at the end of your time ala Logan's Run .. time can be bartered giving some very long lives. But the idea that the way things work .. upping the cost of things .. raising interest rates .. to keep the population in check .. that's the secret? I guess these people are really really stupid not to be able to figure that out without being told.
The story development seems to take way too much time and there was no feeling of suspense until about the last 20 minutes or so.
The ending was predictable with only a couple of choices to be had. Kinda like painting yourself into a corner with little room to wiggle or twist out of it.
The idea of time becoming the future currency of commerce seems like a logical step. As does the idea of keeping the number of people alive at a manageable level .. although there would be better ways in which to keep the population explosion at a minimum rather than killing them off when they ran out of "money". Money equating to time in this case.
I would think that an idea of both reversible and permanent sterilization procedures would be a far better solution to maintain the population. But then these folks are probably too stupid to have thought of that. Just like they couldn't figure out that with everyone basically being immortal would cause a population explosion the likes of which everyone would die within a few years due to simple starvation.
Actually .. at the time it became possible to become immortal at age 25 .. but you might die if you ran out of time .. I am sure there would be an insurrection to end all insurrections the moment this plan as outlined in this movie were put into place. And what about being able to counterfeit the time? I mean .. it's simply a tech device implanted in you right? So there would also be "hackers" into the tech device.
So in the final analysis .. dumb idea .. dumber people.
Extinction: The G.M.O. Chronicles (2011)
Journey Motif with Zombies
With the exception of a lack of gritty "realism" .. aka .. filthy clothing .. straggly beards .. showers .. toilets .. food .. this was a typical journey story. The search for a safe haven from the mutating zombies. Not that many movies give you that gritty dirty body-odor feel in a survival situation. I don't miss it either. Fact of the matter is that most movies brought to that level of realism is a turn off for most viewers. (By golly .. did anyone see them packing toilet paper with them and want to see them use the toilet as well?) The acting was good to excellent. The dialogue was realistic .. for the most part. The soundtrack did just what it was supposed to do .. enhance the scene without being obtrusive.
The two scenes that irritated me the most .. the prisoner living in a cell for 16 days and acting nonchalant about everything given the fact his only water was in the toilet (earlier it was shown that running water was not available) .. and the father's confessional about his NSA life along with his daughter's reaction to overhearing it. Although it was a good touch when the prisoner got sick right after eating .. obviously due to his lack of food during his abandonment in the cell.
The final scene that irritated me was a gimmick scene for the threat of nuclear radiation sickness. Very poor bit about the nuclear power plant melting down. Nuclear reactors have (in the free world anyway) a lot of safety features built into them. The probability of a Chernobyl type of release of nuclear materials is rather slim .. not impossible .. just pretty slim.
The most interesting idea here was the various types of zombies. The walkers .. the runners .. the climbers .. the screamers .. gave a new dimension to the zombie genre. Although the idea of a plant type virus mutating such that it infects humans (notice that animals didn't seem to be affected?) and causes them to mutate as well is pretty far fetched.
In the final analysis .. if you like some action .. you like interpersonal relationships .. a bit of a new idea in having various types of zombies roaming the countryside .. all with a penchant for living human flesh (what self-respecting zombie wouldn't be a brainless flesh eater?) .. then you won't go far wrong watching this one.
Alien Armageddon (2011)
Nice ideas in combination .. poorly executed
I didn't go into watching this movie with high expectations .. just hope. And sadly .. my hope was dashed to the ground. At least the boot didn't grind the hope into the ground.
The story line is not bad. Nothing new but a new way of combining various facets of the sci-fi universe the movie has made for our entertainment. (Yes .. boys and girls .. every idea in this movie has been used in print or TV or movies at least 50 years ago.) However .. the acting was leaden .. the special effects I could have done better on my desktop computer (ok .. I admit some of it wasn't bad) .. the dialogue ranged from okay to horrible (mainly just bad).
One good thing .. was the soundtrack and foley effects which weren't bad at all. One other good thing .. was the story progression. (Sorry that some people seemed to get confused over a relatively straight forward denouement of "the secret" behind the invasion.) That .. at least .. was the "something" that actually kept my attention enough to rate this turkey a 4.
Boys and girls .. this story was laid out like a detective story. Clues and information sprinkled along the way leading to the penultimate clarity of understanding. (P.S. That's also why the "troops" wore full head covers and botched up speech .. to keep you from figuring out a major part of "the secret" too soon.)
Never have figured out why shoestring budget sci-fi movies make a hand weapon that looks like it should weigh 50 lbs but is no different than an AK-47. (Suddenly remembers the tiny cricket from MIB and laughs to himself.)
The saddest part of all .. is that sci-fi does incorporate every type of story .. with sci-fi twists. But in the movies .. it seems the only sci-fi you get is the "action packed" drama. (Bug hunts) And that makes this movie a bit on the remarkable side. The detective sci-fi storyline is not commonly used in movies. (YOU are the detective.)
If you enjoy a movie that doesn't need to keep you on the edge of your seat or reaching for your weapon of choice to join the fight .. but instead like to be given things that make you scratch your head and wonder "what does that have to do with anything" .. you might enjoy this. Well .. if you can get past all the other bad parts .. then maybe.
Sucker Punch (2011)
Heavy Metal meets Live Action
This movie was very reminiscent of the old Heavy Metal animated movie. Sexy .. powerful music (hated the rap bit though) .. flight of fantasy going two levels deep.
By using techniques developed originally by the Wachowski brothers (Matrix) .. and even further developed today .. lend a fantastic visual journey not seen elsewhere.
In essence .. it was like Heavy Metal brought to live action with amazing Matrix like effects and seamless CGI.
The lengthy start was almost enough for me to turn it off. But once the fantasy within a fantasy began .. I was captivated. The irony of the ending should not escape anyone. And happily .. justice did prevail .. although belatedly .. and not for all.
The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)
Rather sad .. even for a 90's B flick
I'm reading through the reviews and figure they must be people that were in some way associated with this movie. I almost gave it a four but just couldn't do it.
This movie actually would make a good MST 3000 spoof. Outside of that .. the acting was poor (I felt that Turkel really didn't want to be in this after he saw what was going on) .. a dressed up sex doll is the AI computer? (cheesy) .. the actors sound like they are reading their lines for the first time .. and then things like a coupling that fits just perfect between two ships built 30 yrs apart? .. and why would such a setup be made in the first place (it certainly isn't now) ... the list keeps growing. Finally .. by the end of the movie .. we just don't really care about any of these people or what happens to them.
The idea of the movie wasn't bad and that's probably what got some of these actors involved in the first place. The entire movie could have been tightened and become quite a nice little thriller IF it had been condensed to a Twilight Zone episode or the like. So it's a shame that there was a nice idea and it was wasted this way.
Virus X (2010)
Barely watchable
I give movies 2 stars IF and ONLY if .. I can make it all the way through it without walking off. And that is where this belongs .. 2 stars and in the reject bin .. the one where you can buy 3 DVDs for a dollar. The acting was poor .. the audio/soundtrack was incredibly mediocre (and this was the best part!) .. the setting completely out of whack .. more like an abandoned cargo ship than a building .. the dialogue? .. it just doesn't get much worse than this .. (honestly .. I've heard worse but not by much) .. and there were all these little screw ups throughout .. so obviously made on a $15 budget .. they couldn't afford to re-shoot even a 2 minute scene that was screwed up.
Sybil Danning was the brightest spot in the whole movie .. all 8 or 9 minutes of her. She is the epitome of the B-movie actress .. competent .. but not a star. I wonder though .. is there ANY movie that Sybil is in that she doesn't appear either in the shower or the bath tub? Sadly .. she is showing her age and really should cut out doing those scenes.
Alien Uprising (2008)
New York City???
When I took a look at where this movie, if you can actually call it that, was made. The first thing that popped in my head was a salsa commercial telling you where some off brand name salsa was made - "New York City?!" Yeah .. it was made in .. a little eye popping here .. Metuchen New Jersey?! Okay .. that explains a lot all by itself.
I actually was kinda torn between giving it a 2 or a 7. I finally decided against the 7 since it just wasn't quite up MST 3000 standards. Almost but not quite. Alright, it wasn't even close. Never mind. Two.
On the other hand I think this is about the cheesiest rip-off movie I've ever had the pleasure/displeasure of watching. Re:Aliens. Honestly, can you really say a guy wearing a hoody and Carhart coveralls is a monster? Well, maybe ... hmm .. no .. no you can't .. not in a sci-fi movie. Sorry. Okay, okay, so James Arness pretty well pulled it off in The Thing from Another World. Must've been better Carharts back then. And cooler hoodies.
If you like pure cheese though, the limburg variety, then definitely you don't want to pass this up. Just don't forget to bring some crackers.
The Witches Hammer (2006)
An almost could've been
Not really all that an original story line .. if you've seen La Femme Nikita that is .. along with an idea of Three Days of the Condor. Oh .. can't forget Blade .. now can we?
All that aside .. everything just misses the mark. The camera work .. acting .. the lines .. the narration .. all sub-par. Obviously the movie was made on a shoestring budget. The fight scenes are reasonably well done though .. that is if you over look the camera work.
So sadly .. it's almost a good movie .. and could have been .. IF .. such a big word .. IF. But it's not a total waste of time to watch either. It does have it's "moments". If you want some light entertainment or an excuse to eat some popcorn .. go for it.
Chrysalis (2007)
Does anyone care about these people?
This could have been an outstanding science fiction/crime thriller. But there was simply no passion here. Everyone seemed dispassionate about any and every thing that was happening or had happened or toward each other. Editing was another problem. There were several disconnects and very little seemed to add or subtract from the story. Even by the time everything comes together, there was still no desire to care about any of these characters or the idea behind the movie.
In short, the movie came across like a dry reenactment of a crime with far reaching repercussions. Remember how interesting U.S. History was in High School? Well, there you go.
Great story. Positively wooden acting. But by the end of the film, who cares? Actually, this would have made for an excellent Japanese anime. At least they would have gotten you to care about these people.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
By far the worst of the Harry Potter movies
Yes, the acting was excellent. Casting of Umbridge was excellent. The special fx likewise excellent.
But acting, casting and fx do not make a movie.
This movie can not stand alone and be enjoyed. If you haven't read the book(s), then the movie will make very little sense to you. It's disjointed, choppy, with little or no continuity, and simply doesn't make much sense.
For instance, the opening scene with Harry and Dudley was about the longest scene in the entire movie. Yet, there was nearly no follow up later in the movie as to how and why it happened.
The capture of the DA members made no sense either, unless you hadn't read the book. Then the means of entry into the Room of Requirement used in the movie is OK.
Or the veil in the ministry. What was that about? (You want to know, go read the book.) The betrayal of the DA breaks the continuity between Harry and Cho from previous stories and future references & possibilities.
Then, of course, what was the purpose of the DA in the first place? Wasn't it due to the OWLS? So was the DA successful or was it a failure? The last scene with the DA and Umbridge seems to say it was a failure.
Okay, so the biggest book of all is crammed into a short movie barely long enough to give the Reader's Digest version. Even so, the liberties taken in the movie, the choppy nature of the movie and the lack of continuity leaves this viewer cold.
I read somewhere that this director was going to be making the next movie as well. If he does, I will certainly wait until I find out if he botched the job again before rushing out and seeing the movie.