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The Thief (1952)
The Thief
Ray Milland is on good form in this cold war thriller. He's scientist "Fields" who is providing photography of secret formulae to his foreign paymasters. Is this voluntarily or is he being blackmailed? Well the next ninety minutes sees him illustrate quite a degree of personal conflict as he delivers more and more information to the enigmatic "Mr. Bleek" (Martin Gabel) whilst becoming increasingly disgusted with his own behaviour. He takes to heavy drinking but that isn't going to help him when one of his couriers is accidentally killed and the FBI find evidence of espionage. His paranoia is well founded as they start to put together a list of possible traitors - and he knows he is going to be on it. What makes this drama all the more tense is the complete lack of dialogue. Nope, not a word is spoken as Herschel Burke Gilbert's score is left to do all the heavy lifting, and it does it well. It helps develop senses of tension, frustration, fear and panic whilst Milland, and the frequent use of the telephone ringing, delivers quite a palpable sense of desperation as the drama unfolds. I can't stay I loved the denouement, but it's simplicity; the tautness of the direction and the uncertainty as to the culpability of the perpetrator all adds up to quite an intriguing watch.
Schöner Gigolo, armer Gigolo (1978)
Just a Gigolo
When the fastidious "Lt. Paul Przygodski" (David Bowie) returns to Berlin society after the end of the Great War, he finds that things have profoundly changed and that his skills - such as they are - are not going to help him make much of a living. What he does have, though, is looks. He can easily turn an head or two when he walks into a room and so quickly realises that he can make some money "entertaining" the wealthier class of lady - already married or not, or even the occasion gentleman. As the Weimar Republic starts to give way to embryonic Naziism, the story also attempts to take a more serious track attempting to illustrate the profound societal changes in the city and the country whilst he and his clientele attempt to stay aloof and immune from the increasing anger and intolerance on the streets. It's really that attempt at the political that spoils this. Had it been left as a seedy story of a man using his beauty and, to an extent, his brains to get on in life then it have made for a decent watch. It doesn't though, it meanders all over the place mixing it's themes and delivering something that doesn't quite seem to know where it wants to go or who it's for. There's a decent enough effort from Sydne Rome as maybe the only honest woman in his life "Cilly" and there's a charming cameo from Marlene Dietrich who just about manages to, almost breathlessly, sing the title song but the rest of the cast seem underused and their characterisations undercooked to the point where I began to wonder if the likes of Kim Novak and Curd Jürgens just owed director David Hemmings a favour. It has it's moments, but just not quite enough of them and it does show up Bowie as rather wooden.
Mighty Aphrodite (1995)
Mighty Aphrodite
To minimise the inconvenience to their daily lives, a married couple adopt a baby from birth, but by the time he is five the fizz has rather gone out of their marriage. He's a sports journalist and is a bit bored with her (Helena Bonham Carter) more "arty" friends whom she knows from her all-consuming work in her gallery. When their adopted son "Max" starts to show signs that ne might just be some sort of a prodigy, dad "Lenny" (Woody Allen) decides that he wants to try to track down the birth mother. Imagine his disappointment when he discovers that it's "Linda" (Mira Sorvino). She's an expensive hooker with hopeless aspirations to get on the stage and as thick as two short planks into the bargain. He decides that maybe he can help her out of her wicked ways, so tries to set her up with one of his pals so she can better conform to his own expectations of the parent of this boy genius. All the while, "Lenny" (and the audience) is being informed and guided by an ensemble of artistes from an ancient greek chorus who offer him sagely words of wisdom and prophecy which he invariably chooses to disregard - and so what ensues can at times resemble a work that might just have made Aeschylus proud. Allen always just seems the same to me, and here is no different, but Sorvino really does deliver the goods as the well-meaning woman who has an honesty streak a mile wide. Of course, there's the obligatory age gap between the two, and between him and his wife (she's thirty years his junior) which again serves to fuel the frustrations of a man who seems determined never to be satisfied - but hey, isn't that true of most Woody Allen films. There is some wit from the observational script but it's really all down to the comically potent artistes delivering their warnings of woe and joy and to a superbly engaging Sorvino to make this work. They do.
In the Electric Mist (2009)
In the Electric Mist
The problem from the outset of this film is that it is far too convoluted. That is a shame because Tommy Lee Jones as "Lt. Robicheaux" is on really good form. This adaptation of James Lee Burke's book needed a much more aggressive perspective in adapting the story to keep it taut to watch. This story sees him investigating the murder of a local prostitute who is tied up (not literally!) with local mobster "Baby Feet Balboni" (John Goodman) who is co-funding an American Civil War film. Simultaneously, the star of that movie - "Elrod Sykes" (Peter Sarsgaard) is pulled over for being under the influence and reveals that he has found a body in a swamp. A body that our detective believes may have been that of a person he saw murdered some 30-odd years ago... Investigations galore!! This is a much more character-driven crime drama with few distractions from what is a good lead performance of a good story. It is directed well when it is focussed, but it is not always focussed and at times it is just too busy.
'O re (1989)
'O re
Though at times I did quite enjoy this, I will admit to not always knowing what was going on! It blurs the lines between biopic, history and pantomime to the point where it is often quite difficult to discover just who is sane and who is not. There certainly was a King Francesco II of Naples and the Two Sicilies (Giancarlo Giannini) who was married to Maria Sofia (Ornella Muti) and they were deposed by Garibaldi before Vittorio Emanuele incorporated their realm into the newly founded kingdom of Italy, but as to the rest of this drama - well it's a speculative romp through the caricature of characters, costumes and silliness that accompanied the two ex-monarchs as they first fled to Rome as a guest of the Pope then became a bit more broke and migratory. The King was fairly stoic about his chances of restoration, his wife much less so. She was adamant that an heir would solve their problems but he wasn't interested. He seemed much more intent on getting beatification for his late lamented mother rather than looking after the future of his own family. It was quite a turbulent time in Europe and as powers ebbed and flowed, so did their fortunes and that's what this jovial exercise depicts. Giannini looks like he is having a good time indulging in an array of antics that possibly illustrated why he was deposed in the first place; Muti does well enough without a great deal to work with and Carlo Croccolo steals most of his scenes as their savvy butler "Rafele". The narrative takes quite a swipe at the ideology of patriotism, of loyalties and, frankly, of dynastic incompetence fuelled by stupidity at all levels of what could loosely be called "government". Sadly, it's a jumbled mess most of the time and the queen's penchant for dressing up as a man to stir feelings of rebellion didn't always work. That said, though, it's quirky and interesting to see how auteur Luigi Magni took a more domestic (less Hollywood) look at aspects of the sometimes quite brutal foundations of his modern nation whilst poking a bit of fun at the zealous excesses that involved.
The Stranger Wore a Gun (1953)
The Stranger Wore a Gun
When an innocent man is gunned down during a robbery, "Travis" (Randolph Scott) flees to a small Arizona town where he adopts a different identity. Not long after he arrives, though, he encounters his old malevolent friend "Mourret" (George Macready) and is soon embroiled in that man's scheme to rob the local freight line of it's regular gold supplies. When a tragedy occurs, he swears vengeance and as he was a spy during the US civil war he is quite adept at double dealing as he works to entrap his former friends. Meantime, his long time associate "Josie" (Claire Trevor) has also arrived hoping to pick up where she left off with "Travis", only he has now taken a bit of a shine to "Shelby" (Joan Weldon) who just happens to be the boss who's getting his gold attacked. As the temperature rises, it's not clear where the greater danger lies for "Travis". Might he have more to fear from a scorned lady than from a vengeful criminal? It's all a fairly procedural drama this, probably only notable for early contributions from Lee Marvin and for a heavily choreographed fist fight with Ernest Borgnine that saw a great deal of furniture smashed up. Some of the photography (intended for 3D) can seem a touch aggressive as you watch things heading towards your head enthusiastically, but Scott is as pedestrian as usual and the story slips neatly into the well establish tram-lines that passes eighty minutes easily enough, but entirely forgettably.
Everyone Says I Love You (1996)
Everyone Says I Love You
This is one of those internecine familial dramas that at times is really quite preposterous, but is also quite observationally funny. First, there's "Joe" (Woody Allen) who used to be married to "Steffi" (Goldie Hawn) who is now married to "Bob" (Alan Alda). She has two daughters by her second marriage and he one son by his first - a entertainingly died-in-the-wool republican in this nest of liberalism! Then there's "Holden" (Edward Norton) and "Skylar" (Drew Barrymore) madly in love, but unable to afford a $50,000 wedding ring and pretty useless when it comes to anything romantic. Meantime, "Joe" is living in Paris and reeling from his latest emotional setback with a considerably younger woman, so he comes to visit his other family only to bump into the married "Von" (Julia Roberts) whilst she is out jogging, and... As the threads start to knit quite amiably here, we are introduced to the star of the film - for me, anyway - and that's Tim Roth as the obviously lecherous ex-con "Ferry". He is invited by the kindly "Bob" for a rehabilitative dinner only to fall for "Skylar" and offer her a life that's maybe less staid than that offered by the unimaginative "Holden". It's all pieced together using some musical numbers that gives just about everyone to sing and for Norton to show us he can master a dance step or two, too. The writing has a certain potency to it, and though there is a certain distastefulness about the relationship between "Joe" and just about all of the (always younger) women in his life, that starts to morph into something rather pitiable as his character strives constantly for the happiness, or a least contentedness, he sees around him. Allen is largely just the same old, same old here but Hawn can certainly hold a tune together and is in her element here, as is an on-form Alda and a Barrymore who works well as a foil to the increasingly daft antics of her criminal buddy who thinks nothing of embroiling her in his smash and grab activities. It's short and sweet with plenty of characters to like, loathe and laugh at and I did quite enjoy it.
Modesty Blaise (1966)
Modesty Blaise
With the evil, bleach-blonde, "Gabriel" (Dirk Bogarde) on the trail of a £50m cache of diamonds, it falls to the beleaguered British secret service to come up with some sort of plan to thwart him diverting them from their intended purpose. With their previous agents being less than competent (or alive), they alight on the dazzling charms of this eponymous character (Monica Vitti) who, together with her dapper partner "Garvin" (Terence Stamp) are to be recruited for this perilous task. It's all about oil concessions you see, and the loot is destined to prop up an Arab sheikhdom so suffice to say there's duplicity a-plenty over the next two hours as this sultry but savvy woman has her work cut out avoiding capture, torture (well, sort of) and betrayal. It's actually not that bad, but it's far too long and slow in too many places. The espionage elements could have been fun - it's got shades of "Thunderball" (1965) to it with a super-villain and his super-yacht living on an island amidst the beautifully azure sea with his black-clad henchmen, but Bogarde exudes a rather too annoying smugness as if to say "hey, I'm getting paid for this!". There's a bit of a twist to the tale towards the conclusion as it becomes clear that our spy and our sheik (Clive Revill) might have something unexpected in common, too, and there's a solid cast behind this as, for most part, it's tongue is firmly enough in it's cheek to make it watchable, if just a little predictably dull.
The Wonderful Country (1959)
The Wonderful Country
This is really just a film for Robert Mitchum fans. He is "Brady", a hard-nosed drifter who manages to get embroiled in some gun-running on the US/Mexican border, then to break his leg, then to have to fight off the designs of Julie London's "Helen" (who happens to be married to a Yankee captain - Gary Merrill). The film is certainly not dull - aside from some gently smouldering scenes from Miss London, poor old "Brady" is constantly jumping ships with aplomb - trying to stay just one step ahead each time. The dialogue is sometimes quite pithy, and there are plenty of action scenes. Mitchum brings some charisma to the screen, but London should have stuck to singing, her acting never had very much depth to it. The rest of the film is just a little bit too busy - too many characters, too many complications and by the end I wasn't sure if I was really so very bothered.
Le locataire (1976)
The Tenant
This is probably my favourite Roman Polanski film, as he takes centre stage playing the timid "Trelkovsky". He is looking for an apartment to rent in Paris and despite the rather frosty reception from concierge (Shelley Winters), the inquisition from his landlord "Zy" (Melvyn Douglas) and the fact that it's got no bathroom he decides to live there. He knows from the start that the previous occupant tried to kill herself by jumping from the window, and that she is still clinging on in hospital, so he goes to visit her and encounters her pal "Stella" (Isabelle Adjani). She's a bit of a live wire and that doesn't sit well in his new lodgings where a library-like atmosphere is actively encouraged. Indeed, before long he begins to feel that his neighbours are engaged in a plot to force him out, or even worse. He's hearing noises, voices; he's imagining things. Or is he? His flat is broken into; he fears that someone is going to try and kill him as he sleeps. In short, paranoia is taking a firm hold of this man. What also doesn't help is the fact that he is becoming increasingly obsessed with the (now deceased) previous occupant, and that leads to significant changes to his frequently erratic behaviour too. Is all of this real or is he just losing the plot? Polanski delivers well here, as does Adjani but it's really the whole concept that makes this interesting. It reminded me a little of "Rosemary's Baby". Not in any Satanic fashion, but in the way the claustrophobia of his dwelling with animosity on all sides; his own personality instinctively weak, susceptible and all in the face of a danger that might be real, or then again... It has some effective menacing elements of a psychological conspiracy thriller to it that I though worked really quite well and the two hours flew by as his character really does start to get under your skin.
Smashing Time (1967)
Smashing Time
The timid "Brenda" (Rita Tushingham) and her more brash mate "Yvonne" (Lynn Redgrave) arrive in London determined to make it big. Pretty quickly, though, they find themselves at odds with each other as success visits the latter whilst the former ends up working in a greasy spoon. Several food fights later, they realise that perhaps it's better to work together, but after some brief success fleecing the wealthy - like the posh "Mone-Rath" (Ian Carmichael) a real opportunity presents itself. "Yvonne" wins £10,000 on one of those "you have to laugh" television shows where they demolish your house as a surprise for you coming home from work, and then you're meant to giggle about it. She decides to invest the cash in a record deal, and with her pal in tow as her assistant, she finds herself with an hit on her hands and the talk of the town. It's this bit that rather livens the film up as it delivers an entertainingly savage swipe at the whole faux nature of show-business. The endless spongers and hangers-on, the executives - in this case the smarmy "Jeremy" (Jeremy Lloyd) - who are out for themselves, and the party-goers who live their lives for the moment. It all comes to an head in the revolving restaurant of London's Post Office tower where, yep, more food gets flung. Musical impresario George Melly was behind quite a lot of this, and you can appreciate his jazzy-style on the soundtrack as the story stays just about on the right side of farce. The two women work quite well together and though the script isn't much to write home about, the film works better than I was expecting as a piece of 1960s satire on the working class, sexuality, fashion, aspiration and the fickleness of the music business. There are some fun scenes around Carnaby Street too!
Doctor Who: The Keeper of Traken: Part One (1981)
Dr Who: The Keeper of Traken
The "Doctor" (Tom Baker) and his new pal "Adric" (Matthew Waterhouse) are parked above the planet of "Traken" when it's throned and elderly keeper visits them in the TARDIS. He's a bit of a harbinger of doom, but still asks the time lord to come to the planet to help avert a bit of nastiness with the statuesque "Melkur". No sooner have they arrived, though, then they are suspected by the locals of being the epitome of evil, and it's clear that the scheming of "Melkur" is already well under way - and that he has a fifth columnists from amongst the hierarchy of councillors to help with his devious plan. As this four-part adventure continues, we see that the "Doctor" is going to have to come face-to-face with a rather decrepit version of his oldest nemesis for quite a duel of wits. I liked Waterhouse as an assistant. He brought a bit of science and different kind of enthusiasm to the role, and here he works well with Baker and a solid collection of character actors to deliver a simple story that is light on visual effects but actually quite menacing as it races to it's inconclusive conclusion. Not the best nor the most memorable, but still watchable.
Doctor Who: The Armageddon Factor: Part One (1979)
Dr Who: The Armageddon Factor
This final, six-part, instalment of the "Key to Time" series splits quite neatly into two stories, really. The first sees our travelling Time Lord (Tom Baker) and his colleague "Romana" (Mary Tamm) arrive on the planet of "Atrios" right in the middle of their war with the neighbouring "Zeos". Thus far it's proved a bit of a stalemate, but the "Marshal" (John Woodvine) reckons he has a plan that will prove decisive, despite the more pacifist hopes of his princess "Astra" (Lalla Ward). Meantime, though, the "Doctor" begins to wonder if someone else isn't pulling the strings here and when they stumble upon a trans-mat beam they are introduced to the maniacal "Shadow" (William Squire) who rather worryingly knows more than he should about the closing stages of their quest. The "Key to Time" theme was always a rather weakly exploited one, and this denouement didn't really catch fire either. It's all adequate storytelling but there's just too much over-acting and not enough action until the final episode when a combination of factors and some participation from "K9" (and his laser gun) livened it up a bit. I usually felt four parts did the job with these, any more and they were too strung out - and this rather proves that theory. Time for a new assistant, too, I think.
The Grass Is Greener (1960)
The Grass is Greener
Having packed their kids off for the weekend, the "Earl and Countess of Ryhall" (Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr) are looking forward to a few days of rest and recuperation in their stately pile. Not that it's exactly private as they've long since had to allow the public to wander through at half-a-crown a time. One such visitor isn't so good at obeying the rules, though, when he ignores a "private" sign and walks into her sitting room. He turns out to be an American millionaire called "Delacro" (Robert Mitchum) and he's quite a charmer. So much so that he kind of sweeps her off her feet, and though her husband's arrival cools things for a time, pretty soon she has travelled to London ostensibly to see her hairdresser and to meet her wacky pal "Hattie" (Jean Simmons), but well... Thing is, her husband isn't quite prepared to give up the ghost on his marriage and so invites this man back to their home where the most genteel of games ensues as both men vie for the affections of the Countess whilst the mischievous "Hattie" does a bit of manoeuvring of her own. The story provides for an amiable clash between old and new money, but is really about the nature of true affection and decency. There's not really anything unpredictable about the plot nor it's evolution, but seeing these four folk on screen together does remind us of just what style and star quality is. Even Mitchum keeps his tongue in his cheek and there's also an enjoyable turn from Moray Watson as the aspiring writer-cum-butler who looks upon the antics here with a sympathetic if somewhat bemused attitude. It's aptly titled and worth a watch.
If.... (1968)
If...
At a posh private school there is an hierarchy that sees the housemaster exercise rather arbitrary authority through his three "whips". It's usually the younger pupils they like to terrorise, but at this school there are three older men who attract their attention. There's "Mick" (Malcolm McDowell), "Johnny" (David Wood) and "Wallace" (Richard Warwick) and led by the former, they have little interest in conforming with the expectations of the establishment. Amidst this culture of bully or be bullied, there is also some military training provided and it's this that sparks an idea of a more direct form of rebellion - and when better to implement their plan than at a high ceremonial with an HRH and an army general in attendance. McDowell is at his malevolently mischievous best here as he exudes a spirit of belligerent bloody-mindedness that shines quite a light on the toxic atmosphere at a place of learning where individuality was distinctly frowned upon. That's not just individuality of thought and mind, but there are also asides made to sexuality as "Wallace" has a lot less interest in their new friend from the tea bar (Christine Noonan) and she has quite a bit more enthusiasm for "Mick". Though the brutality of the daily behaviour isn't explicitly displayed, there's little left to our imagination and by the end it's quite clear that writer David Sherwin is taking a swipe not just at the privilege on display here, but about the broader societal attitudes to class rather than merit. There's a fairly solid array of supporting effort on display here, too, with many characterisations firmly propping up the out-dated notions of perpetuating the status quo and inherited entitlement that help this thought-provoking story stand out.
Flesh+Blood (1985)
Flesh+Blood
The Lord "Arnolfini" (Fernando Hilbeck) makes quite a misjudgement when he promises a fortune to mercenary leader "Martin" (Rutger Hauer) if he agrees to help him retake his castle, only to renege on the deal. "Martin" and his merry band duly attack a caravan that is carrying his son "Steven" (Tom Burlinson) and fiancée "Agnes" (Jennifer Jason Leigh). She is brutally raped by the men, with the complicity of their leader who quickly claims her as his own. Their travels take them to a castle which they decide to capture, but what they don't realise is that the army of their former employer is giving chase. If he succeeds in catching up with them, then we might be in for quite a lively siege. This is quite a fun drama with plenty of earthy, even bawdy, action scenes that depict quite plausibly just how a marauding band of 16th century adventurers might have behaved. There's some enjoyable science from the young "Steven" who's quite adept at some sophisticated engineering and with explosives, JJL enters into the spirit of things quiet enthusiastically and Hauer is exactly the same as he is in "Ladyhawke" - also from this year, as his less is more dialogue delivery is coupled with a screen presence that only he could deliver. It's a bit on the long side, but there's plenty of action once it gets going and loads of frying pan to fire scenarios for everyone to escape from. It's got the look of a spaghetti fantasy to it, and though maybe just a bit too repetitive, I quite enjoyed it.
The Cove (2009)
The Cove
There is something pretty harrowing about this documentary and it's definitely not for the squeamish. It follows a clandestine investigation by some American conservationists who suspect that a remote cove near the Japanese town of Taiji is being used by local fisherman to kettle and then slaughter hundreds of dolphins. Facing the hostility of the locals and the authorities, the team are determined to capture video evidence of this atrocity and so using state of the art technology and quite a bit of legerdemain, they attempt to infiltrate the highly secure locale to obtain it. In the course of their planning, we are made aware of the role the International Whaling Commission has in policing the fishing of cetaceans around the world, and plausible assertions are made that Japan is using financial and economic muscle to attract new members to it's fold so they can have it's long-term bans reversed or a least modified. We are also advised of the dangers of mercury within the food chain, and of the dangers of consuming dolphin meat as children - frequently when it is ill-defined on the packaging and/or disguised as something else. There's fairly clear complicity from the authorities demonstrated here, usually presented in the name of tradition and to an extent this documentary rather sneers at that. These are centuries-old fishing communities that quite possibly have always fished like this. That's not to excuse their current, brutal, practices - but what this does lack is a little of the historical context in which these fishermen behave and which might possibly explain some of their government's broader strategy in a nation that looks, like many other island nations, to the sea for the bulk of it's food. At times it uses the imagery as a bit of a blunt instrument to make a point that would also benefit from augmentation by debate. It's thought provoking and well worth a watch, but maybe just a little too simplistic in it's broad-brush philosophy.
The Longest Yard (1974)
The Longest Yard
On the face of it, the warden "Eddie Albert" maybe wasn't having his brightest idea when he decides that his prisoners should play a game of American football against his guards, but when a former pro is sent down for eighteen months after an altercation with a Citröen and the harbour, he has just the man to put together an opposing team. "Crewe" (Burt Reynolds) is offered preferential treatment for himself - and that might well mean early release, and for his team and so he and fellow inmate "Nate" (Michael Conrad) start recruiting. Obviously, there are no storage of volunteers but what starts off as a bit of glorified prank starts to mean something a little more to the team, and to "Crewe" himself as he must balance his selfish promises to the governor with the aspirations of a team that finally have some sense of purpose in their lives. With that conflict building as the game grows ever closer, just what will "Crewe" decide to do? It's all a little predictable on that last front, but Reynolds turns in quite a charismatic performance and Albert an equally dastardly one as the drama comedically illustrates the futility of imprisonment as a method of reintegrating folks into society. There's an entertaining mix of stereotypical inmates from which to choose from, and plenty of action towards the end giving us quite a sense of how perilous this ball game can be coupled with some entertaining shunts, bumps and black eyes.
Urban Cowboy (1980)
Urban Cowboy
Country boy "Bud" (John Travolta) finds himself in the bright lights of Houston where he encounters "Sissy" (Debra Winger) and like grease lightening, they find themselves married. He's a grafter and works hard at a nearby oil refinery, but he also plays hard too - and that quite swiftly drives his new wife into the arms (and fists) of "Hightower" (Scott Glenn) in just about as acrimonious a fashion as you can imagine. "Bud" also tries to move on, befriending "Pam" (Madelyn Smith Osborne) but in his heart, well we just know what he really wants. Then their local bar installs a rodeo horse and with $5000 at stake (or steak), "Bud" decides to have a go at raising the cash and winning back his gal. This sets the scene for quite an head-to-head between the two men, with "Hightower" determined to have the cash, regardless of just how the tournament turns out. It's all watchable enough, this, but I couldn't help thinking that Travolta was just a too under-powered for this role. He has the swagger but not the style nor charisma and when it comes to it, Winger isn't really very impressive either as her character lurches from the feisty to the pathetic somewhat implausibly. For me, the best thing about the whole film is Charlie Daniels's ultimate toe-tapper "Devil Went Down to Georgia", but the rest of the soundtrack works well as a musical template for this otherwise all rather predictable and seriously over-stretched drama.
Mask of Thorn (2019)
Mask of Thorn
The writing might have been on the wall for poor old "Bethany" (Eve Kathryn Oliver) when her indifferent parents don't care a jot for her sixteenth birthday. Luckily for her, though, her pals do and so they concoct a plan to kidnap her and hold a surprise party in their locked-up school. That's maybe not the best idea when this "Skeletor" type of fella with glowing blue eyes shows up and starts a-slaughtering her drippy mates. Doors and walls, even service tunnels, prove no barrier to this lurching menace - but what could he possibly want with her? Well quite possibly he blamed her for the appalling script and decided that she had to pay on behalf of the viewing public? Indeed, maybe he quite kindly decided to eliminate the whole shower of them before they could make a third film in this woefully conceived, low-budget, example of just how amateur film-making can be. Using the darkened school could have helped with aspects of the menace, but it doesn't - it just ensures that we can't see a thing for most of the time, taking the pressure off the make-up artist, visual effects person and enabling the actors to remain largely anonymous for the sake of their own future careers (in anything but acting!). Clarke Tribe merits a special mention in the credits, perhaps he bought the moonshine for the wrap party? He certainly didn't do anything at all to make this look or sound better on the screen - but then nobody else did either. One to avoid I'm afraid, even for die-hard fans of the genre.
Doctor Who: The Power of Kroll: Part One (1978)
Dr Who: The Power of Kroll
You might get the impression from watching this that the budgets were already a bit stretched for this season, so they just resorted to some green body paint to create a race of rudimentary "Swampies" who are rebelling against some human interlopers who have plonked a drilling rig off their coast. The "Doctor" (Tom Baker) and "Romana" (Lalla Ward) are still continuing their search for the Key to Time when they arrive and find themselves drawn onto this conflict as she finds herself a would-be sacrifice to the eponymous squid-god and he determined to rescue her and find out just why this monstrous tentacled creature is quite so irritable. There are quite a few famous faces popping up in this drama, not least Neil McCathy, Glyn Owen and the usually much higher brow Philip Madoc (who also did the Brain of Morbius in 1976) but they don't really add much to this disappointingly pedestrian adventure that really needed the "Brigadier" to liven it up. There's no "K9" in this one, but that's perhaps because Norman Stewart decided to let John Leeson out of the tin for a few scenes as crew member "Dugeen", otherwise I'm afraid this is all just at the more forgettable end of the Time Lord's travels.
Agent of Happiness (2024)
Agent of Happiness
I'm not sure if this ought to be called "Agent of Contentedness" instead? Not content as in barely having enough, but as in genuinely satisfied with your lot in life. That's what Amber seeks to find out as he travels the breadth of this tiny Himalayan kingdom, bi-annually, trying to ascertain just how it's citizens feel about things. Using a combination of tools, he chats with residents old and new, urban and rural, traditional and more modern - all with a view of establishing just how the population feel and feeding that back to a government that wants to listen and learn about those attitudes to help keep it's folks in a good place - mentally and physically. This documentary introduces us to a range of individuals whose aspirations vary considerably - sometimes depending on age, ability, location, education/vocational abilities - but mostly you are left with a sense of their appreciation of their surroundings. Even though their livelihoods might be seen by the West as more basic, agrarian, undeveloped; their own perception of their existence high in the mountains with beautiful scenery, fresh air and the blessings of their Gods upon them seems to offer that elusive sense of less being more and fulfilment. Obviously not everyone is deliriously happy, but there is a distinct lack of "clamouring" for change as the respect for the King and status quo seems to permeate all demographics screaming it ain't broke, so don't fix it. There are quite a few characters here, some more entertaining and a few downright curmudgeonly, and Amber sometimes has his work cut out for him trying to get meaningful answers to his questions so he can extrapolate the data usefully. In a society that hasn't really evolved technologically, it still seems to enable everyone to access the internet and there is a proud tradition of educating everyone to empower their decision making - and yet they still, broadly, feel that magic word. Happy. Owning cows seems to help, too!
Doctor Who: The Androids of Tara: Part One (1978)
Dr Who: The Androids of Tara
Well we've had Ronald Colman, Stewart Granger and even Peter Sellars had a go - so it was only fair that Tom Baker got to take his turn at his own version of "The Prisoner of Zenda" in this pretty obvious homage to that famous Anthony Hope story. He and "Romana" (Mary Tamm) arrive on the eponymous planet just as it's weakling prince "Reynart" (Neville Jason) is to be crowned king. Thing is, the evil "Graft Grendel" (Peter Jeffrey) has set his own sights on the throne and by manipulating his android version of a princess who could be the identical twin of "Romana" he hopes to kill quite a few birds with one stone. Luckily, though she falls into the wrong hands, the "Doctor" and "K9" fall into the more loyal ones of "Zadek" (Simon Lack). Now it's straight to the impersonation game with the crown likely to go to robot with the most durable power pack... I enjoyed this. It gives Baker a chance to show off his sword fencing skills, there's a good old fashioned dose of thespian ham from Jeffrey and some of the doubling-up shows off the improving skills of the visual effects department as this four-parter hits the ground running delivering a fun costume adventure in the "Key to Time" series. There's plenty of outdoor photography and Leeds Castle in Kent makes for a perfect backdrop to the mediaeval plot.
Restoration (1995)
Restoration
"Merivel" (Robert Downey Jnr.) is an aspiring doctor who just happens to be in the right place at the right time. Charles II (Sam Neill) has just been restored to Britain's post-Cromwellian thrones and is rather fond of his spaniel. It's poorly, the doctor makes it better and next thing he's enjoying the life of a libertine at the king's court. Now the king has a reputation as a bit of a Lothario, so he decides to get his favourite physician to marry one of his mistresses so as to turn the heat down a little. The only stipulation is that he isn't to fall in love with "Celia" (Polly Walker) but you can guess how successful that strategy proves. Furious, what the king giveth he can taketh away, and promptly "Merivel" is out on his ear - just as plague sweeps the country. Perhaps salvation might come in the form of wench "Katharine" (Meg Ryan)? At times it's bawdy fun, but for the most part it's just a rather dull interpretation of life at a legendarily vibrant and debauched court that's all too devoid of fun. Downey embraces the character to an extent, but I felt he relied way too much on the design (production and costume) to present his persona or to really show us how seriously he took his profession. Sam Neill is just plain wooden as the mischievous king and though the ensemble cast enter into the spirit of the film with varying degrees of enthusiasm, even this familiar array of British thesps can't make this sow's ear into a silk purse. History tells us that though Charles II was undoubtedly a ladies' man, he was also quite a philanthropist and had the writers tried to raise this above the level of a latter day "Carry On" film, we could have put some more meat on the bones of a story about people at a crossroads in history. There's some period Henry Purcell to be found amidst the soundtrack and it does look great, but somehow it just doesn't deliver.
Hustle & Flow (2005)
Hustle & Flow
Terrence Howard really does put his heart and soul into this gritty story of an aspiring man who wants to leave his pimping days behind him and become an hip-hop MC. Living in Memphis, the city has an huge musical tradition but his own personal baggage threatens to drag him down at every opportunity as he tries to attach himself to visiting superstar "Skinny Black" (Ludacris). He knows that this is likely to be his last opportunity to escape the cycle of hopelessness he faces, but can he stay focused, on-course and away from crime long enough to prove his worth? The main characterisation of "Djay" is strongly portrayed here with guts and a degree of viscerally plausible credibility that really works at times. Sadly, though, the bulk of the rest of it resorts to more aggressive and would mouthed stereotyping that reinforces so many pejorative views of how African American men treat each other and the women (and children) in their lives. It's that very sad predictability that rather ruined the potency of Howard's effort here, and by mid-way through I can honestly say I couldn't have cared less whether he succeeded or not. Too many lives had already been ruined by his previous behaviour, so why should he escape the consequences of a vicious circle he had quite an hand in creating? There's plenty for fans of the musical genre to get their teeth into as that offers a boxing-like conduit for those without academic credentials to use their more creative talents to escape their torpor and find hope. It may well resonate more in the USA, but elsewhere it can come across as a story of an unlikeable man who played in the dog-eat-dog world until it no longer suited him, then tried to escape being eaten himself.
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