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Reviews
House of Sand and Fog (2003)
disappointing *spoilers*
Well, I really wanted to enjoy it. After reading the book, (a definite 10 out of 10) I was absolutely thrilled when I found out they would be making a movie out of it and hoped they would do Andre Dubus' brilliant novel justice. I guess I expected too much. I mean, one of the best aspects of the book was that as the reader, you were torn between the two characters. You knew both their stories, where they were coming from, and you genuinely felt for both of them. But in the movie it seemed more lopsided towards one character or the other. (Behrani, in my opinion. It seemed like Kathy's only reason for wanting the house was, "my dad gave it to me.") And Lester, one of the most critical characters to the story, can't act to save his life. I felt almost no emotion for most of this movie, when Ismael was shot I got a bit teary eyed, but for the most part it just didn't move me the way the book did. I also felt it lacked any good character development, as if the story was pushed along too fast, as if those making the movie were more concerned in shooting off the final climatic 25 minutes, rather than developing strong characters in the first 125 minutes. All in all, I'd give it a 6 out of 10. Save some time and just read the book.
House of Games (1987)
*spoilers herein for an already spoiled movie*
I can't believe so many people enjoyed this movie and that most rated it as an 8 out of 10. It was awful. Whoever said it sucked from beginning to end was right. The acting was the worst I've ever seen and the dialogue was so corny it made me laugh out loud. There were too many factual errors and plot holes to count. (i.e. When the "cop" was standing in the bathroom with his gun hanging out of his belt loop and he's talking on the radio in plain view.) (It was right then I figured out they were probably scamming her. And the supposedly intelligent, millionaire psychiatrist doesn't discover this for another half hour or so.) Also, the cop is going to arrest them when they haven't done anything yet and then he dies instantly from a gunshot wound to the stomach. (I might also add that this doesn't tip off the psychiatrist that she's being scammed.) And in the last scene in the airport when she shoots Mike (Joe Mantegna), he's obviously shot in the back of his thigh, (you can see the bullet hole, the fabric flies up) but he grabs the back of his knee, a good 8 inches lower. How they let that one slip through I'll never know. Overall, it was a movie that COULD have been a great thriller with a star cast and a huge budget, instead it was a waste of time.
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (2002)
Ya ya ya
I loved the book and I was so excited when I heard it was going to be made into a movie. Well, I just watched it on DVD and it was such a letdown! They skipped around way too much so that if you hadn't read the book beforehand it would be really confusing. This was a great bunch of actors and actresses each in their own respect but it just didn't work out. I give it a 3 out of 10 for making me laugh every now and then.
Beyond the Prairie: The True Story of Laura Ingalls Wilder (1999)
The True Story...
that's about the biggest lie since the pope ain't Catholic. I was really excited when I heard that they would be doing a movie about her life. I've read all of her books and biographies on her to boot, but the stupid producers of this movie have totally made a mockery of Laura Ingalls Wilder's life. First off, Pa was way too crass. I mean, it wasn't even on for 7 minutes and he was swearing in front of his daughters like a modern day jerk. And they made Laura out to be some ditzy blonde who was romantiscizing over Almonzo. Who's Patsy? Whatever happened to Nellie? That seems like one of the easiest details to keep in the script. And Ma was way too cold and unloving towards her family. This was a terrible adaption of a wonderful series of books. (Even the TV show was better than this garbage.)
NBC Experiment in Television: The Cube (1969)
It really did happen...
Me too. I've been telling people about this for 30 years. I can't believe I found proof it really exists! I was starting to think I'd dreamed it. Jim Henson? That's quite a leap. From "The Cube" to "Sesame Street". It was almost 35 years ago and I just happened to catch it one weekend morning. (I think I was hung over or coming down or something.) But it left a lasting impression on me. I would LOVE to see it again.
Turner & Hooch (1989)
What?!
Hooch was shot during the filming of the movie? I can't believe it! His real name was Beasley, does anyone have anymore information on this? Aside from that disturbing little tid-bit I loved the movie. Tom Hanks plays the role of a perfectionist to a tee. It's so funny to watch all his little habits at the beginning of the movie. (Tearing the tops off the checks, cleaning out the ENTIRE fridge because of a little bit of mustard, thoroughly flossing his teeth etc etc.) :) A great comedy.
Come to the Stable (1949)
What a surprise...
For some reason we bought this movie years ago. Every time I started to watch it I fell asleep before the end. It sat in storage for years and I took it out last week and FINALLY watched it from beginning to end. What a surprise! It's a heartwarming movie. It's definetly a period film, but it's not corny. I think I like the respect that God gets in the storyline. A 10 out of 10, just because!!
Billboard Dad (1998)
*minor spoilers*
"Like OMG! This movie was like so...totally...cool to the max!" NOT!!! Can you say lame or what? This is exactly like all their other movies! (Dead mom, trying to fix up their dad etc...) The twins are the worst actresses ever to cross the screen...them and all their stupid little wanna-be friends that hang around the pool in the movie. That Cody kid and that Tattoo jerk were such little snots. "I did the mix!" What kind of line is that? And what's up with the girls painting their dads face on the billboard...finished it all in one night? That's hard to believe. Most of their lines are generic sayings like, "Cool to the max!" and "Totally awesome!" Whoever was talking about the plot holes in this movie was right! I mean, didn't the kids say how the lady at the cafe had named a sandwich after them? Then when they go in there to eat at the beginning the waitress is like, "Oooh okay. One Tyler Family Special coming up!" and she brings them an ice cream sundae. The whole movie was stupid and not worth watching. Avoid this at all costs!
The Waltons (1972)
The Corniest Show on TV
Possibly the sappiest show ever put on TV. Anyone that would watch this and think it was real life, well, I've got some oceanside property in Arizona to sell them. It seems like every week The Walton Family saves the town from some kind of tradgedy. And Grandma Walton has more spirituality than the pastor. "God moves in mysterious ways," was about the most spiritual thing the pastor ever said. The mom is pretty self righteous too. And how about Mary Ellen and her husband, Curt, or whatever his name is? Whatever made them think they were actors?! This show doesn't depict that Great Generation of the 1930's that gave us so much.
The Outsiders (1983)
The book was WAY better
I know this'll sound like a lot of other comments, but it is totally true that this movie was really bad. Key parts to the storyline were just cut out and other wierd stuff was added in. The opening song for one thing, plus all the other music in the movie was really stupid, and at the end when Pony is reading the letter from Johnny and all of a sudden the camera zooms in on Johnny's eyeball, what the heck is up with that?! Lots of little quirky things like this were stuck in there and made the movie all the less enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED the book, it's still my favorite to this day, but I just think they should have left it at that and not bothered with a movie at all.
Left Behind (2000)
More like a made for TV movie
And so the continuing saga goes on...and on...and on...and on. That's why I quit reading the book series. I felt like it was a total rip off. It never ends, there's no sense of closure. Can't they just take it from point A to point B instead of leading you through a doorway like the "Carpathia" guy in the movie. That's why it was a flop. I mean, no one ever really heard of it, except if you were churched. I'd rate it a 2 out of 10.