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Singin' in the Rain (1952)
The song and dance isn't integrated with the story
The songs don't move the story forward. It's a repeating barrage of a few minutes of plot and then showtime with a song and dance number largely removed from the context. I found this to be boring and grating after the first half hour.
This may be the first example of Milli Vanilli syndrome where a producer decides to have someone sing for someone else because they don't like one of the lead's voices.
Debbie Reynolds is adorable and it's heartbreaking reading the trivia about how much Gene Kelly mistreated her during filming. This really changed my view of this kind of "classic" movie. I don't think I care much for Mr Kelly any more. Ignorance is bliss but I'd rather know the truth.
I also wasn't a fan of how they ridiculed the lead actress in the beginning of the film. They could have come up with a better reason she wasn't suited to the role than make fun of her very obvious Queens accent.
A Shine of Rainbows (2009)
Predictable but heartwarming
It's a beautiful story made seven years before Hunt for the Wilderpeople which is also a great movie. Similar themes but told very differently. I like both movies for different reasons.
The young man is endearing and his mother is adorable. Aidan Quinn as the frustratingly quiet would-be father figure is very convincing. It works towards a predictable conclusion but that doesn't take away it's charm. I think it softens the blow of what is to come and even then you might find some tears.
We all need a story like this sometimes. Learning to grieve for lost loved ones takes time. Stories like this help us get where we need to be.
The Polar Express (2004)
Light on story, heavy on unlikely physics
I didn't like the animation style but I did like the musical score. The whole movie feels like a loosely constructed video game. It's a roller coaster ride of improbable events concocted in a child's mind. It suffers from poor graphics and rough styling of the characters, especially the faces which don't move very much. They're more like mannequins than living people. At times it's hard to tell what they're looking at. Their gaze is downcast the entire time like they're all depressed.
There are only light, sentimental references to Christmas. Everything that happens slows the story down rather than propels it forward. Cliche dialogue with phrases cribbed from better movies. And an odd mix of traditional Christmas songs and original ones sung by the characters. The music doesn't match what is happening. It swells and gets emotional when not very much is happening.
The train travels a long physical distance but the emotional, psychological distance traveled is too short. We don't get a good reason "why" the young man chooses to believe other than not wanting to miss out on getting a present. That's a little shallow for all of the investment in this film. Not every Christmas movie has to have a deep meaning but this felt like it was aiming for a target that it missed. And ot wound up on a very commercial note.
Transylvania 6-5000 (1985)
Hot garbage
I thought this would be a romp but it's awful. The jokes are stupid and it's not kid friendly. Leonard Maltin didn't think it was funny either when it came out. So it's not a question of aging poorly. The jokes fall flat. I didn't laugh a single time. The kids these days would call it "cringe". The humor level insults the intelligence of the actors and the audience. There's no substance to latch onto in the story. No running gags other than everyone in this film is a dimwit. Even Jeff Goldblum, who I love, had to force himself to drop 100 IQ points for this role.
This might have been funny as a child watching Saturday afternoon TV with all of the offensive parts removed. But as a grownup it is unfunny, unsexy and a waste of time. I wouldn't recommend it to my friends or show it to my parents. It was dated and in poor taste from the day it was released. There is no director's cut or any other way to make it palatable.
Day Shift (2022)
Action holes are as bad as plot holes
I realize how silly it is to pick apart a movie like this. It's popcorn fuel. The entire point is to have fun for two hours of nonstop action and watch cool people kill vampires.
But! And it's a big "but"! The story is just ho-hum. There are many action scenes that don't cut into each other well. The bendy vampire thing gold old quickly. The fight choreography was mediocre.
Dave Franko's character was too pathetic. He was so pathetic I got tired of hearing his sob stories.
Major spoiler. They never explained how two vampires turned out to be good. Or did they? I don't care to go back and watch it again either way.
It's "OK" as a one time watch but it got boring and repetitive very quickly. With a little more attention to action sequencing so it didn't feel like there were a lot of goofs or action holes (like plot holes) I would have enjoyed it more. Never a bad time watching Jamie Foxx and Snoop Dogg in the same movie though. That was the best part.
Wendigo (2001)
Would have made a great kids movie
An interesting movie about anger. But the amount of cursing in front of a child was surprising. And the intense sex scene kills the vibe of this movie. Otherwise it is a good allegorical film that would be suitable for all ages. Unfortunate when someone decides there's not enough sex! It doesn't need it and even detracts from the rest of the story.
I'm glad I watched it once. But not twice. The story is well written. And I enjoyed the brief special effects. It makes sense that the kid is a major part of the film. But they should have told it from his perspective entirely and made it a young adult coming-of-age story. Almost a really good cult classic.
Star Trek Beyond (2016)
Too similar to a movie 3 years earlier
Major spoilers. After a re-watch I finally realized this is very similar to Thor Dark World 2013. Commandeering the enemy's ship (Thor and Loki pilot the Dark Elves' ship). Making a person super human (the Cursed warrior). A goopy space substance (the Ether) that causes mass destruction. The need for a focal point to release it so it can do the most damage (the Convergence of the Nine Realms). The action story arc is almost exactly the same trajectory.
They lifted a lot of tricks from Marvel to make this installment of Star Trek. However, Malekith's motivations were much more sophisticated than Captain Edison as played by Idris Elba. On top of that, using 20th century rock music as an emotional punch up (Led Zeppelin for Thor) doesn't fit Star Trek the same way. Marvel should be flattered. But for Star Trek, such heavy-handed borrowing is not a good look. I'd rather have to wait longer between Star Trek films so they can make them more original and unique to the Star Trek universe. Quality is better than quantity.
Of course I like the final idea that you can lose a ship and still retain the crew that make it special and rebuild with a new ship, and come out even stronger on the other side. Although it is a strong borrow from Iron Man losing all of his suits but remaining confident in his ability to adapt. It's the very essence of, "Asgard is not a place. It's a people." And that's never a bad message. The end credits to Leonard Nimoy and Anton Yelchin was also the right thing to do.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)
Hard to follow and slow
Turned on subtitles because I can't hear the dialogue. Cinematography is beautiful but the storytelling is awful. The first hour it jumps back and forth between a narrator and enough characters for a hatful of names I've never heard before. I didn't know who any of these people were and it was confusing and hard to follow. I have never read about Jesse James but I tried to keep an open mind.
I would not call this a western or a crime caper. It's a drama that reveals itself very slowly. Robert "Bob" Ford (Casey Affleck) was the most nuanced character in the film. Watching him go from youthful admiration of James to a more disillusioned perspective in the theme of "be careful to never meet your heroes" was compelling. But everyone else was one-dimensional. But the movie felt like it tried to focus on Jesse James which made it feel off balance. Robert Ford's (Bob's) character was a lot more interesting yet we kept being pulled away from him.
I wanted to like at least one of the characters played by actors I already know I love. Brad Pitt, Jeremy Renner, Sam Rockwell, etc. But they were all distant and unknowable, like microbes in a petrie dish. Ultimately it was just a long depressing movie with a smattering of cruel torments, waiting for the slow crawl to the title's inevitable conclusion.
Super 8 (2011)
Fails at willing suspension of disbelief over and over again
Why name it Super 8? There was no reason to do that. It's like naming a film Fourth WalL Break.
At first glance an unnecessary reboot of E. T. On second glance it's an awkward mashup of two different movies. One with a sophisticated government attempt to keep aliens secret. The other is about a bunch of kids making a zombie film.
There's nothing I hate more than a film within a film. Watching the chatacters film their own movie in the movie is a non-stop fourth wall break. Every time they reference it, it pulls me back out of the movie and I wonder why I am wasting my time watching it.
The kids' language is so forced. That's not how teenagers talk. They keep announcing what is happening in the movie, breaking the "show, don't tell" cardinal rule of filmmaking. Too many things happen that are unusually convenient for the protagonist's success. Let's hug and have a whole conversation while the monster is fifty feet away.
The village drama and grief is overbearing. Having a monster come to town will help mend all of your dysfunctional relationships is a tired trope.
The kids are super self conscious but there's not an ounce of humor. Not a single laugh in the whole movie. That makes for a very forced, unenjoyable experience. Both thumbs down.
The Absent Minded Professor (1961)
Light on story, mostly antics
The professor is the most insufferable protagonist of any Disney film. I wanted the door to get slammed in his face so we could move on with someone more likable and less annoying. But he is front and center and rambles the entire film.
The story is flimsy and light. There's no real plot other than her trying to get his attention long enough to get married to him. And his only goal is to get recognized for his alleged scientific breakthrough. Although he seems only to practice the art of self-distraction.
The special effects are ridiculously overblown and nobody seems to notice. Since when can anyone jump over the basketball hoop? Nobody even mentions they are superhuman feats. It's a painfully silly live-action cartoon for kids. But worst of all, there's no story.
There are so many other good Disney movies, I'm sorry to downvote this one but it's a flopper.
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
An attempt at something new runs out of ammo
*Heavy Spoilers*
I don't watch Mad Max movies for the brutal murders and sadism. I want to see how he survives. And up to now the gruesome stuff was in the background. This movie puts it in your face. The mother's death is vile and repulsive and the movie forces you to look directly at it. Furiosa is forced to watch, as are we, her friend die. It crosses a boundary the other movies didn't. The previous films put characters into a Rube Goldberg Machine of death to which we already knew the outcome. In this film, a person suffers gruesomely before they die. It crosses the border from entertainment to visceral experience. Mutilations aren't witty. They're the most obvious, dumb things you can do.
I liked the opportunity to learn more about the Bullet Farm, Gastown and the Citadel. But we didn't end up learning anything about them. Or their leaders. There's a self-conscious thread that runs through the movie that prevents me from feeling immersed in it.
The two leads were miscast. She's too deadpan. There's no emotion at all. It's like watching a mannequin. Her character goes from not speaking at all to suddenly delivering a Shakespearean monologue. It drags you out of the film again. He's too famous. And his fake nose is too obvious. Dragging us back out again. The movie might as well have several Deadpool style fourth wall breaks. "This is where I get my revenge!" And we are never given a reason his followers are so loyal even though he throws them under the wheels every time he's on screen. His own henchmen call him scum but stay by his side inexplicably.
And you can't cast the same actor who played Slit from Fury Road who has a very recognizable voice as a new character in Furiousa. That was bothering me the whole time so I had to look it up. Again, dragging the viewer out of the cinematic experience. There are so many unknown actors who deserve a chance. It's just wishful thinking that you can get away with that.
There's no narrator most of the film. Then suddenly there's a narrator. Dragging you back out again. There's a whole movie trailer's worth of scenes from the first film in the rolling credits reminding me that Fury Road is a much better movie. Begging the question, why did I just watch this?
But ultimately the entire film is about one thing. That Christopher Nolan-esque thing that is currently being played to death in action movies. Putting a woman's supposed vulnerability, that a man allegedly doesn't share, at the center of the story. Justice for the rape and murder of a woman as the core reason for the motivation of the protagonist. As if men can't be raped or murdered. "Woman", that fragile thing that must be protected at all costs and when she can't she must be avenged. This film's twist that isn't really a twist is that it's a woman avenging a woman. It tries to turn Nolan's patriarchal version on its head but it doesn't do it thoroughly enough, even though their conversation meant to be a revelation dragged on and on. Instead we walk away feeling the patriarchy, not the egalitarian need to protect all people regardless of their gender. This story thought it had some good ammunition to pull off a new tale worthy of the effort but unfortunately it misfires.
Chronesthesia (2016)
Bait and switch of a story
This film could use a trigger warning. It's the worst bait and switch since Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia's When a Man Loves a Woman which was presented in the trailers as a cute love story! But no, that film was about alcoholism.
With Love and Time Travel the trailer makes it look like it's going to be a low budget sci-fi about time travel, maybe like Primer, so that's why I watched it. But it's really a film for mental illness advocacy. I'm all for supporting mental illness. But with a title like this film, what I expect is a sci-fi movie, to relax and have an enjoyable hour and a half. The only thing close to time travel with this movie is at the end you realize you wasted an hour and a half you'll never get back.
It's not sci-fi at all. It's also not a comedy so I don't know why IMDb categorized it as comedy / drama. There isn't a single funny scene in it. If the one throwaway line about time travel was meant to be funny it was completely ruined by the title of the movie giving it away. The protagonist's intuition works overtime in his dreams and he sleepwalks. This is basic Jungian psychology. There is no time travel. I wanted to feel sorry or sympathy for the guy. But his awkwardness and pushiness comes across as coercive and his social inappropriateness is extremely uncomfortable. Add to that the incredibly slow pace of the film and it's really a punch in the gut when you realize nobody is time traveling. We're just trying to figure out what mental illness he has and if he's even capable of having a normal relationship with other people.
I really wish I had known what this film was from the start because I would never have watched it, at least not in the context of a sci-fi film. It's beautifully shot and well-acted. I just didn't like the story. The buyer's remorse is intense. I really hated this film. Not for what it is. But because of how it was misrepresented. When it ended there was no closure for their relationship and no diagnosis for our protagonist. Just the tragedies of grief and missed opportunities. Because that's always fun. :(
Z (2019)
Doesn't live up to the promise
Movie trailers and promo images are like a little promise of what the movie offers us if we take the time to watch. And I am tired of movies that drop the ball like this one does.
This film has good acting and a reasonably well-developed story. But for a horror fan, when a movie promo promises a monster, by Jove, I want to see a monster! There is the suggestion of a monster through certain camera tricks. But we never get to see an actual monster for more than a split second.
It's irritating to be short-changed a good monster, even in a low budget horror. You might as well make another We Need to Talk About Kevin which was a waste of time to me because I prefer spending my valuable time with monsters. So if you say it's going to be a monster, for Pete's sake, give me a monster! Even if it's only in the protagonist's imagination. We can still understand the allegorical side of the story. But give me the ding dang monster.
I'm also tired of so-called horror movies that are allegories for family dysfunction. The only film that did this well in recent years was The Uninvited. So at the end of the day if I want drama about horrible family life I pick something else. Please stop promising monsters and giving us the bait and switch like Z does.
Talk to Me (2022)
Creepy is ok but it pretends to be scary
Heavy spoilers. This movie is creepy but not scary. All it does is take near-death and out of body experiences and combine them with demon possession to try to make death scary. Some of the really gross makeup is creepy. But the worst things happening to the underage kid to me is just cruel and lacks imagination.
The kids experimenting with the hand never say, "Hey, what would a scientist or one of our teachers think about this phenomena we have discovered?" and try to consult with an adult. That makes no sense to me. And the montage scene where they're all taking rapid turns with the hand like a dizzying merry go round made light of the whole thing and drew me out of the story like a fourth wall break.
But my biggest complaint is the movie never ties up several loose ends with any concrete evidence. Did her mother kill herself or not? What was the deal with scratching at the door? If she was possessed, was it by the hand or something else? Did she use it before the main character ever started? If they plan to make a sequel, then great. Maybe they'll explain more. But that's not the way to treat viewers in the first installment. It makes me think they haven't actually figured out the internal logic necessary to make certain parts of it work. Are the victims in purgatory or what is going on? It made it unenjoyable to watch, feeling like it's an unfinished product.
I thought it was interesting that it was about demons. But it focuses too much on making death scary and that alone is not enough to make a great horror movie. "Death is scary!" Ok, but why - in this movie - is death scary? I liked all of the actors but the story was tedious with no reward. And the "twist" coming at the end is too obvious. Hard pass.
A Quiet Place Part II (2020)
Nobody can find shoes in these movies?
The single most important thing when you're on the run, and they can't find any shoes? Even if you can't find any on the feet of dead people, the stores are going to have something close enough in your size! Everybody's dead! You don't even have to cash out. Just grab and go! Did the writers not see Dawn of the Dead? It came out in 1978. It's a blueprint of what to do and what not to do in a zombie apocalypse. The writers chose to ignore basic common sense. Even in the first Terminator movie, the hero grabs shoes.
I'm sorry but this is a stupid series of slow motion anti-climactic boredom. In no universe would Emily Blunt be a damsel in distress constantly on the verge of tears. You can't go from kicking the crap out of everyone to suddenly being one of the most useless people on screen without a really good reason.
They tease viewers for two seconds by showing the aliens in action and then it's back to slowly walking around outside crying. And they only approach real time action again when the "people are worse than the aliens" trope rears its ugly head.
The deafness of the children does nothing to elevate the story. At best it's a plot element to slow everything down. It doesn't help explain the human condition. But the real problem is the adults can't seem to apply critical thinking skills. Then the kids discover they can save the world with microphone feedback? Is this supposed to be the empowering punk rock movement of the next generation? I will not be wasting any more time on this rubber chicken caught in a hurricane of emotional gobbledygook.
X-Men '97 (2024)
Terrible dialogue, worse animation
The animation is extremely boring. Like someone played pin-the-arms-on-the-hero on a refrigerator. We are used to much better animation, not just from Japan but domestically. Disney animation from the 40's to the 60's is far superior. Pixar has made some incredible, inspirational things.
The dialogue is the most cliche rendering of comic book language imaginable. It's not artful in any way. It's an insult to our intelligence.
It doesn't have to be as polished as the recent animated Spiderman movies with Miles Morales. But it needs to be a lot better than this. It's a sad rendering of some of the most well known heroes in the Marvel universe. Can't we get animation that doesn't look like the most basic stop motion graphics?
The glowing reviews this is getting have to be bogus. It's not fun to look at and it's not fun to listen to. It doesn't merit anything above five stars.
Celia (1989)
Don't watch it for a pick-me-up
On the surface it is a depressing story about a girl who seems to have trouble telling the difference between the real world and make believe. She sees monsters when bad things happen, which is a nice metaphor. But it takes a serious turn when she has a shotgun in her hands.
Digging a little deeper it's a feminist perspective on home life for a young girl and her mother. And the situations that unfold when a new family moves in next door with a pretty but independent-thinking neighbor's wife.
The drama around the danger of the neighbors being communist was surprising. As well as the misogyny from the young heroine's father. It all works up towards an ominous conclusion so it's never boring. But where it goes is quite unsettling.
The children in her neighborhood school are no less brutal and political than my childhood was. But it's a very dark story for a group of pre-teens.
Teddy (2020)
When a werewolf movie is not a werewolf movie
It's an interesting film to talk about once you've seen it. An obnoxious and easily agitated young man believes he is bitten by a werewolf and unfortunate events ensue. It's unclear whether this is truly a werewolf movie or if the protagonist has a bad trip after consuming mushrooms.
The experience of watching this film is more like watching a younger man's version of Falling Down with Michael Douglas. In some ways it's easy to identify with him. But in other ways he is just repulsive. The film is more sophisticated than it lets on in the trailers.
The girlfriend tries to do the right thing when she realizes the inevitable. But he can't let go. It's kind of a coming-of-age story. And there's a hint of class war, rich vs poor. There are a few interesting layers to the story. But not a conventional werewolf movie by any means. Horror fans will be disappointed. But indy movie fans will be intrigued. If they had called it, "The Werewolf of Le Boulou
(or wherever he's from in the film)" I think it would have been a better title.
Shaolin xiao zi (1984)
Really awful
So many songs! They don't even provide subtitles for the songs but they are clearly making poop jokes and saying crass things based on their gestures.
The whole thing is over the top campiness. Meanwhile making allusions to a mother who can only give birth to girls and therefore ruining her husband's life and the joke of the entire village. I wanted to like it and give it a chance but the movie just keeps digging a deeper and deeper hole into the realms of bad taste.
I'm surprised this even passed the censors when it came out. But I guess the Chinese film industry thought this was good clean fun? It's terrible. Jet Li is one of my favorite martial artists but this is one to skip.
The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey (2007)
Slow moving sappy movie
My main complaint is that it's painfully slow. It took me three or four times to finally get through it on streaming. It's a very cute, quaint story with great young actors. The actress who plays the mother, Joely Richardson is adorable. Probably the youngest I've seen Saoirse Ronan and she's great in everything. As much as I love Tom Berenger in other things, he was a little stiff in this one. But that's what the story calls for, so no one is to blame.
It's just a simple slow moving story that probably could have been better if it was just an hour long special instead of an hour and a half theatrical length. It's also a little heavy handed with the country music and number of times they mention baby Jesus. I like baby Jesus. But I don't like movies that thump the bible over your head like you're in Sunday school.
I didn't really get why the movie was named after Mr Toomey. But now that I know there's a book, maybe some day I'll read it since other reviews said the book is better. But that's usually the case with adaptations.
Dark City (1998)
Not as sophisticated as it aspires to be.
Some like to say the film is too hard to understand and maybe it should have been dumbed down. But the real problem is that it's not told in a coherent narrative and a lot of odd liberties are taken. There isn't much to unpack after all the verbose explaining by the main characters at the end. It would have been improved by not having them blurt out all of the most crucial dialogue in the final fifteen minutes. This is what the Matrix handled a million times better.
My greatest complaint is how miscast the major characters are. The asthmatic, breathy speaking style Kiefer Sutherland uses to portray the doctor / mad scientist is more aggravating than his injured eye makeup. Rufus Sewell's perpetually damp curly hair is distracting. And why can we only see one of his eyes half the movie? Jennifer Connelly can't lip sync or dance. There's nothing stylish or sexy about any of it even though that's obviously what they were going for.
The attempt at "film noir" results in unintentional comedy. The uptight yet goofy Strangers reminded me of the Gentlemen on the Buffy episode Hush, only that was a million times better. I kept laughing at things Doctor Kiefer was saying. When there's zero sense of humor and a lot of people randomly falling down in the dark, it's hard to stay immersed in the story. It's like watching a movie projected into in a fish bowl.
The praise Roger Ebert gives this film is unwarranted. The movie has so many flaws. The over-explaining and excessively dark scenes. Moreover, there was no need for it to be rated R. The nudity in this film was gratuitous and use of violence against women for intrigue is shallow. You can make an enthralling murder mystery without flashing body parts. Infidelity as a sci-fi plot element is also silly. The questionable sanity of the now-retired investigator Walenski (Colin Friels) was a lot more interesting and they treated it as a throw away.
I wanted to give this movie the benefit of the doubt but it doesn't hold up. I might watch the director's cut because it's supposed to be better. It removes the opening narration of the theatrical release, which is the version that is streaming, which is ideal because it's out of context yet explains half of the film before you've even met any of the characters. Then at the end it explains the other half. When a mostly quiet and somber film's problems are all resolved with a lot of talking and explaining by one or two characters at the end it's a bad script. So the director's cut may be better. I'll try to give it a chance if I can get a copy.
I could write a lot more but I don't want to ruin it any more than I already have for anyone. Just a very disappointing film.
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Weak character development for Hulk's MCU debut
Thankfully they ignored the first movie. But the whole feel is still more Sony Spider-man than MCU Hulk. They simplified Banner's origin story. I've never read an omnibus of the original comic series but what they did is definitely not what was in the 70's TV show which was beautifully crafted. Although Joseph Harnell's The Lonely Man theme song from the TV show is given credit, I didn't even notice hearing it and I adore that piece of music. It played at the end of every episode. It would be great if it can be made the centerpiece for the Hulk again in the future.
Banner's girlfriend Betty is a beautiful girly-girl, waiting for her man in shining armor to whisk her away. No evidence of her having any science genius. She's just a pawn to be pulled back and forth between Banner and Ross. Putting a woman's life in jeopardy is the climactic moment of tension? Can we please stop playing that card? And Banner can't have sex now because that would be too exciting? Puritanical barf!
Ross keeps using the dumbest tactics to try to contain the Hulk. His stupid measures fail over and over again. It's not just frustrating for Ross, it's frustrating for the viewers too. This is too hard to watch if you're at all familiar with the comic books or the 70s TV show.
Tim Roth's performance as the ambitious Blonsky is refreshing. Even though I didn't care for the finale with the Abomination. Not a great film by itself and not the greatest starting point the Hulk could have had. I can see why Ruffalo isn't interested in doing a stand-alone Hulk film. Not when they screw up this badly. He's safer in the mix with the other characters.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
No humor or finesse in this murky storytelling
It's too dark to see anything most of the time. When they finally add enough light to see, it's a closeup of someone's smashed head or an innocent victim's face. What are supposed to be shocking moments only emphasise what is already obvious.
A more subtle, smarter film would draw viewers in. It doesn't feel like we the viewer are treated with respect. Poor storytelling is notorious for under-appreciating the intelligence of the audience. In the hands of a more adept storyteller the film could have been a hundred times better, worth many rewatches. Unfortunately it's hardly worth watching even one time to find out what it does wrong.
There are no interesting puzzle boxes or hidden secrets. No plot twists or revelations. Where is the creature during the day and why can't they find where he's hiding? That's unacceptable. The writers never came up with a good trick as to how Dracula managed to avoid being found on a boat six people can scour in twenty minutes. The crew never even say out loud that they're safe during the day because the killings are only happening at night. There's no inductive reasoning whatsoever.
The movie takes itself so seriously that it becomes deadening to the senses. Not even a passing moment of humor. The special effects were good but in some scenes the creature looks like Smeagol more than Dracula.
It's just not an inspiring new take. Even the triumphant music at the end is misplaced in this tragedy of an attempt at horror. Hard pass.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
Let's just pretend this one doesn't exist
Jean Grey never got the full treatment her character deserved. Her power is on the order of a Titan yet she was treated as a side character most of the time. Now it's a disaster. What an awful film for so many reasons. Not just stylistic ones but core story elements are completely out of line with canonical X-Men.
On the pettiest level of complaints, why is Jean wearing so much makeup? She looked so much better in Apocalypse. And why the drastic change in Mystique's makeup? There was no need to do anything different between these two movies.
Jean's character was never plotted out with any finesse. I refuse to acknowledge this craptastic episode as MCU cannon.
I also hope Marvel pretends this movie doesn't exist and brings Mystique back. I am not ready to mourn Mystique and refuse to let her be dead. She's one of my favorite characters and the death they gave her was not a hero's death.
Escape from L.A. (1996)
So bad it's not good
Snake Plissken is so badass he can play basketball and even surf! It's supposed to be campy and over the top. But holy smokes it couldn't be any slower. The pace drags like a corpse behind a garbage truck of a script. If it was 20 minutes shorter it would tighten up the flow and really bring out a ridiculous tone we could shout about. Instead it's a terrible snoozer of sad jokes and tough guy bravado. What's with stealing the main funny line from Patrick Swayze's Road House? That was the lowest blow of the whole movie. Write your own script!
Campbell, Fonda and Grier are only in it for a second. It's almost worth watching Steve Buscemi be Steve Buscemi for a few scenes. But then the story curls up and dies and it's over. A sad end to Snake indeed.