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sikkwolf
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Injustice (2021)
Meh.
I played both of the games quite a bit, I grew up on comic books, and have seen all the live action super hero movies, on top of most of the animated ones; this is a sub-par offering.
The basic premise is that something terrible happens and as a result superman goes over the edge. This is the basic premise of the games, but it's executed pretty poorly in the film, both in terms of it happening too quickly, and the execution feeling somewhat haphazard. However, before you even get into issues with how the film was slapped together, and what was omitted, making the plot line feel "thin" at best... let's talk about the real problems. The film is animated poorly, and no matter how nice the artwork looks at a glance... it's very basic. Further, the voice acting is bottom wrung stuff, I've heard better work in the old anime dubbings from the late 80s. That alone makes it hard to get into and it makes much of the "action" very ineffective at drawing you in. Because it's a DC film, and as an entity DC has always been more open to murder and depictions of extreme violence in their work than Marvel, you'll see some deaths, you'll see some things that should make you feel "some type of way," and you'll have no reaction to either... because who cares if it looks that bad?
Netflix has this problem on occasion well, with their in-animation teams... movies are not of consistent quality in terms of animation and artwork, and that matters. It makes a difference in the mood of the film, which changes how you feel as a participant to the story, it changes your animal attachment to the things that happen on screen between characters, and it changes your cerebral attachment to the narratives. There are films out there, like "The Man from Earth," where you almost remember sequences that are not in the film because they do such a good job at presenting the atmosphere to you, and the actors all deliver their lines in ways that make you /feel/ their thoughts, emotions, and experiences... and then there are films like this, that show you everything, but you just... well... at the risk of being redundant... you just don't care.
Don't bother paying to see it, it's no "Under Red Hood" or "The Killing Joke," it's not even "Batman: Ninja." It's just a low budget film trying to capitalize on the success of the games.
Willy's Wonderland (2021)
Nicholas Rage is slowly becoming irrelevant
This movie is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Cage doesn't say a word the entire film, the victims do the dumbest things they possibly could in the lisle of a situation they know is untenable and will likely result in their deaths... The "storyline" is some kind of weird nonsense about the town sacrificing people to possessed animatronics which now house the souls of serial killers?
I don't know... The action sequences are poorly shot, even more poorly choreographed, Ava ultimately stuck fun of of the movie. I mean, it could have been very entertaining with some effort, but none was given, and so it is not. We watched PG: Psycho Goreman right after this, and we loved that... I mean PG is ridiculous, but it's hilarious and clearly a labor of love for 80s and 90s shows imagined through a lens of bizarre humor.
I only bring that up,bbecause that is what it feels they wanted WW to be, but falls short everywhere; its just not a good movie, at all.
Atone (2019)
So... so bad...
This movie is complete garbage. The "action" is terrible, the acting is worse, and the plot is one of the stupidest twists on "the siege action-thriller" genre I've ever seen. I couldn't finish watching it.
Helix (2014)
Let me save intelligent viewers some pain
Every time netflix suggests some piece of sci-fi trash to me like this at 5 stars I flirt with cancelling my subscription. I'm not going to pretend I found anything redeeming about this show to get people to like my review or even read it past that opening sentence.
My issue with this stupid show is beyond just how dumb the show is, it goes into how every time I wonder how TV shows and movies can sell being as stupid as they are... I end up looking some garbage like this up and 7-10 star reviews full of people defending just how dumb it is. "Duuuuurrrrr if you don't like dis show you is a hater". No, I just have a college education and functioning brain. I'm not entertained by outright idiocy.
Helix is another one of "those virus shows", strange protean virus with ancient roots has been manipulated by man to create super scary monster virus that either kills outright everyone it infects, or it turns them into monsters. This is generally the part where you queue a bunch of scary science terms that someone even someone who paid attention in their highschool science would know don't go together the way these writers try to use them.
I became further irritated (I went into episode 3 because really the first episode isn't bad) when the show turned into a liberal "humanity story". There is the big evil, unethical, envelope pushing, law breaking mega corporation backed science lab, run by a cold and removed Japanese guy. You then have the CDC workers, which, like in "The Strain" are painted out to be naive, borderline suicidal, idealists who act like they don't understand the merit of cutting off a finger to save the rest of the body. Much less proper protocols for handling virulent/contagious bio-material, patient handling/restraint, or even how to handle samples.
It will drive anyone with a functioning brain insane watching these allegedly "brilliant" scientists and doctors flaunt their lack of sophistication by not even following the very protocols THEY set in motion. While our recent real world experience with Ebola lately has certainly shown us that nurses and doctors can be complete jerks and disregard established safety measures, these people are reacting to pathogens we have cures for, and they don't take seriously.
This situation would warrant a very different type of behavior.
If you are the type of person that enjoys stupid horror for the sake of enjoying stupid horror, by all means I'm sure this will peak your interests, and I don't fault you for it.
But if you're like me and require a little rhyme and/or reason as well as plausibility to your "entertainment", pass on this turd, it's worse than "the last ship".
I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)
Absolute rubbish.
This movie is pure drek. It attempts to assault your morals with a lot of unbelievable and nonsensical rape imagery, and then seeks to further ping your emotions by preying on American xenophobia. The idea that the protagonists could have perpetrated anything they manage to in this film is offensive to me on an intellectual level.
If you're thinking of watching this because you enjoyed the original or it's wonderful (I use that word with a bit of trepidation) remake, this is not the film you think it will be. The original film as well as the newer iteration show you a plausible scenario, the kind you've likely seen understated on a crime show and allows to feel the terror and pain of this poor woman as she is victimized, I'd never in my life wanted to jump into a TV screen and help someone so bad in all my years... After this experience you're given the somewhat feel treat of riding along with the main character on what can only be described as a "revenge fantasy of Rambo-ic proportions".
This move has none of that. NONE OF THAT. If you want to watch some poorly choreographed and badly scripted soft core rape exploitation porn? By all means, grab this. Watching her assaulted bothered me greatly, I am a moral man, but her revenge is hollow and unbelievable on top of stupid. There is no sense "I'm glad they got what they deserved", the the woman doesn't come off as strong and capable at the end... She just comes off as a pretty girl that needed an acting gig bad enough she was willing to let a bunch of ***holes grind on her and mock hump her until she gets to scream at them later.
Skip it, and don't believe any of the positive reviews.
Unsealed: Conspiracy Files (2012)
Painfully ignorant nonsense.
I couldn't even make it through the first episode of this hogwash. When they throw some idiot on the screen that starts going on about how the Mayan's masochistically kept up with time and through this devotion plotted out the end of the earth... your first reaction is probably to see if Michael Bay directed the sequence because it's such garbage covered with a frosting of explosions and cryptic dialog, the second is to process that if you know ANYTHING about ANYTHING everything this man says is nonsense.
The unfortunate thing is that what I just described is all this show has to offer. It's painful. I don't suggest you watch it. Period.
Brawler (2011)
You should avoid this movie at all costs.
The thing about "Brawler" is this, it desperately wants to be an indie fight movie about two Irish brothers and MMA... But it fails. The actors aren't Irish, the chicks aren't that good looking and New Orleans doesn't make the same energetic backdrop that Boston or New York does in all the other movies that are ultimately just like it, but far superior in execution.
Out of the two lead actors you have nothing to like, one is a self righteous jerk that spends the first quarter of the film judging his unruly brother. Who by the way, is a skinny jean wearing pansy with a faux hawk. It's so hard to take any of what you're seeing seriously that by the time it does get to the fights you're drenched, marinated in the silliness of the experience and your jaded eyes can't help but see them for what they are, cinematic trash, just like the rest of the movie.
If you want to see a good fight movie about two brothers with "issues", check out Warrior, if you've already seen it, watch it again before you waste your time with this garbage. Just because something is "indie" doesn't mean it's great and defending it or acting like it's something it's not just makes you a fool with low standards.
These are of course just my opinions, if they smack to you as being overly critical then ignore them and torture yourself by sitting all the way through this pile of drek.
RoboCop (2014)
What a stupid movie.
The people that wrote the script for this should never be allowed to work in the movie industry again. The movie is nothing but technophobic pseudo-scientific nonsense heaped on top of a boring plot with dry, two dimensional characters played by actors who are far too talented for the roles they fill. It's obscene that a script so bad even such a massive dose of recognizable star power couldn't safe it from obscurity ever made it out of a pitch room or saw any sort of iteration past a storyboard.
The robots look cool, sure, every robot looks cool these days, artists are great at making shining red lights on black steel look intimidating and cool. The protagonist, who is supposed to be a "military drone expert" comes of as nothing more than an inbred dipstick you can't find a good reason for being present in the story. There are lots of people to dislike in the film and any one of them would have sufficed as the "guy audiences aren't supposed to root for"; some guy that constantly calls the hero "tin-man" making reference to the Wizard of Oz character lacking a heart/humanity and referring to Mr. Murphy as a "robot" or "drone" repeatedly was as irritating to experience as it was unnecessary.
Keaton, one of my favorite actors brings his standard charm to the screen, but it's wasted. The greatest actor in the world can't make a character compelling in any direction if the script outright doesn't allow it and the director is only interested in "power shots". We get it, he's a callous CEO of a dubious super company, can we get the man better lines than "What's bigger than "Hero"?" (To which the wonderfully stupid answer of "Dead Hero" is blurted out by the inbred mentioned above.
The guy who played Murphy is great in "The Killing" and I enjoyed his performance here, as much as I could given the material. But again, just like with Keaton, good acting alone can't salvage a stupid plot and moron director that aren't interested in the quality of what they put out, just "the style".
This movie in totality really calls to mind the kind of irritation I get when I see video games released that are really just predatory offerings meant to shell out a pretty product for kids to impulse buy while requiring as little work as possible on the production side. This film feels hollow and silly at its best, boring and stupid at its worst. I really just wish they hadn't made it.
Also, as a science graduate found the overall tone of the movie offensive. It's just bull-ish someone tried to pass off as "deep and relevant, you know, because "drones" bro..." This pile of trash goes right into my "movies I'll never, EVER suggest anyone watch for any reason" folder.
13 Sins (2014)
Some reality about this film instead of pretentiously masquerading as professional film critic.
13 Sins is one of those movies that could have been an overall 6 star film ride, but blows it with a bunch of ridiculous plot mechanics that only an idiot could see as "devilishly clever" or "whateverotherstupidtermIcouldusetotryandsoundsmarterthanIam".
The film is a standard "what would you do for a Klondike bar" affair that becomes preachy and idealistic by the end of it. Let's address this formula, an average and meek character gets offered a life changing amount of money to do not so average and meek deeds. I'm not telling you anything you don't know by pointing out this all starts with a phone call, but by the end of the movie it appears these calls aren't very rare, and all over the world all the time there are people committing heinous crimes for the entertainment of a faceless wealthy elite... *yawn*. It's such a boring movie in fact, that you can outright divine the plot as each character is introduced by being able ascertain whether or not their position in the plot requires them to be what they appear, or the total opposite, for example, "following the formula this movie clearly ascribes to, is this cop really a cop or in on the whole thing?"
At its base the entire film is driven by overtly simplistic character designs that are only made entertaining by good acting on the part of the cast, but it doesn't make them any more complex. These "twists" that people keep referring to are near more recent M. Night Shamalamadingdong quality, meaning they aren't twists at all, they're forced plot mechanisms intended to make an utterly sterile story seem "intriguing". Easy to picture the writers for this all sitting around a corporate coffee bar piecing the plot together like a bunch of ADD kids, "YEAH THEN THIS HAPPENS AND THAT GUY DOES THIS!" "YES!! BUT THEN THE OTHER GUY TURNS OUT TO..." you get the point.
I don't really think the movie is worth your time to be honest, I sat through it just to have what fun I was having wrecked with their retarded ending and I don't want to facilitate that happening to anyone else.
Jack Reacher (2012)
An enjoyable flick
Look, I'm not sure what all the anger directed at Cruise is about; can you not have fun making a movie anymore? Yes the beginning of it plays out like an old episode of Miami Vice, with Cruise instigating gaping jaws and wet panties from every woman that sees him. If I made a movie tomorrow I would do the same thing, because I could. That is also the beginning of the movie, the body of the film by far and large is an extremely well done mystery/thriller.
I think an easy comparison would be Shooter with Marky Mark. There is a large scale conspiracy plot, a retired military specialist who is somewhat of a disconnected and eccentric personality, and as the story moves on some people get their asses whooped, a few more die. The villain is James Bond quality and Reacher himself a mixture of Jason Bourne and Kwai Chang Kaine. The action is swift and brutal when it happens, the banter from Cruise will make you laugh out loud, even though it's a little cheesy his charisma makes it work.
I personally found the movie to be extremely entertaining and recommended it to my friends, as I am recommending it to you here. But if you're one of those people that didn't like Shooter and hated Michael Clayton your time will be better spent jamming foreign objects into your rectum.
The Local (2008)
Wow.
Okay look, this movie flat out sucks. The "action scenes" are only brutal if you're a child who's never been in a fight, or seen a decent movie. "Collateral" had short, relatively brutal and engaging fight scenes, "Snatch" had a brutal efficiency to the violence in it. This movie has BUTCHERED "flutter sequences", where there is no fluid attachment to the motion, and what you're really supposed to believe, is that a bunch of fat guys in cameo who are coked up are bad asses. Or that the main character is from a video game, where he receives a horrendous beating, charges his super meter, and suddenly "finish him!" rings out and bam, opponent dead from a nonsensical and badly edited series of moves, I mean seriously, these action sequences wouldn't make sense to Michael Bay. If you want a gritty and violent affair, that's fun to watch as well as professionally filmed and acted, check out "Harsh Times", please don't watch this pile of dung.
Darkon (2006)
A bad documentary about a silly pastime.
I have actually known people who involve themselves in this brand of idiocy, and watching this movie was like having engage in a lengthy conversation with one (or more) of them again. These people, by and large, are 34+, make less than 10$'s an hour, make up history as they go along, and develop these strange delusions of grandeur based on the idea that *you* are "mundane" in all facets, and they are not.
They will refer to each other in public settings as "Knight", "Master", "Lord", or "King"... You know what, pardon me as I explain.
My first run in with this breed of individual outside of the ren-fair, was while I was kickboxing and had gotten involved with a weapons team. You could just enroll in the class, it was 40$'s a month, but it was a real deal "the guy that is teaching us has been training in these weapons for 30+ years" kind of class. We had a few members of the "SCA" (Society for Creative Anachronism) join up... Who also decided to show up in class as their "alters". They balls out fabricated huge sections of history, and claimed themselves scholars of the medieval period; they all regaled us with lengthy stories of their tribulations experienced becoming "Masters of the (insert weapon here)" and how the class was meant to refine their already terrible and deadly skills. They all were allegedly training with black belts of various exotic martial arts, they all were at least 90lbs overweight, and they were all underachievers with damaged egos. I left that class @ 17 with a sullied opinion of these "men", any one of which I could have beaten within an inch of his fat life despite their bardic tales of awesomeness. Later on in life I dated a girl who was into it, and I relayed my opinions of it all, she said "Oh that was just a bad experience". It wasn't, it was a normal experience. If there is one thing "Darkon" does really well, it's prevent this side of their "war games group" from bleeding through to the viewer.
This film documents how pathetic, and debased these people are. From a psychological perspective, it's nothing more than a lesson in how far someone will go to escape reality when their real lives are in dire need of attention, this is just as bad as alcoholism, it's just not as obvious or widespread. It's nothing more than World of Warcraft LARP'ed (Live Action Role Playing)out by people who exhibit the same kinds of personal and societal failings. These people aren't "gamers", this isn't something only a "gamer" can understand... These people are dressing up in cheap (read: 450$ V 2000$ breastplates) metal armor and hitting each other with foam rods at public parks and local school or community soccer/football/baseball parks. If you saw these people doing this you would at first wonder if it was some professional reenactment groups... When you found the truth out, you'd laugh, and not in a good way. Further, to hear one of these fat dudes prattle off with "It's sickening that even out here, there is still that real world mentality that makes people need to better than someone else... and it ruins it!" Or to hear one of these floppy chicks blather on about how "I used to be a stripper (i'm sure she made a killing) and now I live in my parents basement at 28, but you know, even though other people my age have houses or can support themselves, at least I've got some station to be proud of." It's mind boggling that anyone sat down and watched this and felt anything other than pity for the people involved. The main subject, even eventually tells the true story of why he was cut out of his fathers business after he passed, for hitting one of his other brothers in the face with a phone... Because that's what honorable men do when their feelings are hurt.
The only people who really make this "thing" interesting (Read: Fun to watch), are the Dark Elf players, who don't get nearly enough time. If this whole documentary had been about them, or really, just about "Darkon" itself, and not the people behind the characters, it might have been more entertaining and less ridiculous.
Bottom line: Watch this if you're curious, but don't let the idiocy of the fact that this is what these people really do with their lives escape you. These people aren't to be admired, they're to be viewed with curiosity and studied from a distance. If one these people was your kid, you wouldn't be "proud" of them, you'd be seeking the best psychotherapist you could afford.
Hunt to Kill (2010)
Wow.
This is quite possibly the stupidest action movie I've ever seen. The plot, is cliché, sure, they all are in this genre now. There is a reason that Stallone and the Spermanator are famous for their abilities to make crappy plots work.
Stone Cold doesn't have that, the dude is a good actor, and was a great athlete, but they have to stunt doubles for him RUNNING for christs sake. And as awesome as a clash between "Steve "I drink beer and have rough sex with fear" Austin" and "Darth Maul" could have been, it's not. It's the antithesis of what you'd expect from such a showdown.
I mean, there is a low speed ****ing ATV chase, and seeing Austin pop a wheelie on a four wheeler to smash a bad guy into a wall, before shooting said ATV with a flare... Was beyond my tolerance for stupidity, I was hung over, on the couch, and helpless to turn this off since my xbox controller was out of reach. I'm warning you ahead of time so no one else has to suffer. Don't watch this.
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)
Fading into the sunset...
Look, anyone who says they didn't like this movie, is either a self righteous fat chick, or has no ability to appreciate film.
On the surface this is a pretty standard "dim look into the very near future" kinda movie, a style that was beaten dry in the late 80's and early 90's. But if you really watch this, and really pay attention, you get way more than what you bargained for. It's not gonna win any awards, don't get me wrong, but it's a fantastic film As has already been stated repeatedly here, the film is so laden with testosterone that watching twice in one day may double you sex drive for a week on top of instigating the formation of a few new active hair follicles. The fight scenes are overacted, the dialog is too snappy for real life, and the characters are so god damned tough you'll look up to them for the rest of your life. Characters, mind you, who couldn't have been casted better, Don Johnson and Mickey Rourke really bring this piece of true performance art together. Not to mention watching "Bobby Sixkiller" from "The Renegade"... You know what, just watch it.