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jerronspencer
Reviews
Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004)
Better than the previous two Scarecrow films... (includes spoilers)
This third installment in the Scarecrow series is by far the best of the lot. I know, I know...but how good is it? Well, let's not be silly. It's still pretty bad, but by comparison to the first two, it's a fine film. Again shot on digital, with decent lighting and good camera work.
****SPOILER****
When a college baseball team hazes new members, one is left in a diabetic coma. Of course, they abandon him in a cornfield, tied to a scarecrow. In keeping with the legend, the boy's soul is transferred into the body of the scarecrow, which comes to life and wreaks terrible vengeance on, well, pretty much everyone. The co-eds drive to the beach, which is somehow very close to the cornfield. On the sunny beach, they are killed one by one by the whistling scarecrow.
Writer/director Brian Katkin does a credible job of bringing some much-needed drama to the film. Unfortunately, the drama leaps over good and lands in common cheese. Much of the acting was fair, but there were some really terrible bits, including an awful piece of poorly done lip-synching. Some plot points were left mostly unresolved, and most were used to get someone alone so they could be slaughtered. Again, better than the previous installments, but still lacking.
Reign in Darkness (2002)
This is not "Blade" (includes spoilers)
If only low-budget film makers would think before making their movie. A well-shot film, likely on digital, that purported to be in a league with BLADE. It is not.
****SPOILER****
An AIDS researcher is infected with his own work, becoming a creature of the night. Finding himself hungering for blood, he seeks revenge on a shadowy group that is ultimately responsible. On the way, he has to deal with a powerful vampire and a human mercenary.
The action sequences, if that is indeed what they can be called, are plodding, poorly thought out and mostly non-existent. It is a very poor script with terrible dialogue and lamentable acting. While some of the camera work was good, it could not make up for the many other technical short-comings. The one thing it had going for it was that it finally came to an end.
Demon Slayer (2004)
Pace.......slow.......zzzzz (spoilers)
'The whores are evil, and only a disjointed story can save the day.'
****SPOILER****
Five delinquents are given the chance to do community service by fixing up an old mental hospital. Of course, the patients killed the staff and themselves, and the whole thing was built on the site of a demon worshiping bordello.
Well shot with good camera work, but the story and dialog were weak and the sound was frustrating. The fact that the 'demon slayer' character was introduced an hour into the film is the best example of the too-slow pacing.
There were some neat bits of editing when the lead had visions of the past, but nothing strong enough to outshine the clumsy script.
Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp (2003)
Not as bad as you might think (spoilers)
'What am I doing with this hockey mask? Why, nothing, officer.' For a wonder, this movie was really not that bad.
****SPOILER****
At a camp by a lake, several camp counselors are stalked by a vicious killer. When even the police don't believe them, how will anyone survive? The killer, Jason Voorhees...no, wait. That was the other camp massacre movie. Anyway, the killer kills, the young people die, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Overall, a fair film that had very moody lighting and decent camera work. Acting and dialog were passing fair. Ch-ch-ch. Wa-wa-wa.
The Void (2001)
The Void was devoid of goodness and should be avoided (spoilers)
The void here was in the story. Decent cinematography and nice locations give this film a much-needed boost. I love both Paul and Tapping, but this was not their best work.
****SPOILER****
An engineer (Paul) and a physicist (Tapping), both instructors at a local university, must stop a mad scientist (McDowell) from performing an experiment which is likely to destroy the whole world. The experiment was performed once, and the world didn't end, but this time...look out. I know what you're thinking: 'Malcolm McDowell as the bad guy? Get out!' (and did you know his daddy was a damned dirty ape?)
The script was not bad and the acting and dialog was fairly good, this film just didn't feel right somehow. Maybe it was the inane plot twists?
They (2002)
Worth your time. (spoilers)
PITCH BLACK meets DARKNESS FALLS. What? You want more? Okay. Well shot with great lighting and good script, this Wes Craven backed film is well worth your time.
****SPOILER****
When a friend, Billy, commits suicide in front of her, Julia (Laura Regan) has a recurrence of her childhood night terrors. She meets some friends of Billy, and learns that they all had night terrors as children. When neither her boyfriend (Blucas) or her childhood psychiatrist believes that she is being stalked by They, dark-dwelling creatures, Julia must try and survive on her own. In the end, Julia is committed to a psychiatric ward, where she is promptly snatched and killed by They. Unless you like the alternate ending, where the entire story is just a delusion. What? Oh, now it's too much info. Aren't you ever happy?
I think this film deserved a theatrical run. It was at least as good as half of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, and better than most of the Friday the 13th flicks.
Final Stab (2001)
Where are the previous stabs? (spoilers)
Was there a previous stab? Like in a past life, maybe? In the world of low budget horror, there is nothing more annoying than seeing a large sum of money go to a seriously crappy film.
****SPOILER****
In this star-barren flick, six Ivy League grads are part of a 'devious' plot to drive a middle-class outsider crazy. Their leader, a self-styled super bitch, sets up a mock murder mystery where everyone really dies. Her plan is to blame the killings on our poor outsider. The bodies pile up, but the tables are turned and the outsider comes out on top.
This movie was slightly disjointed and greatly lousy with bad acting and too-dark lighting. Two strong pointsgood title sequence and fairly decent musical score.
Final (2001)
Good film, even if a little odd (spoilers)
Dennis Leary may have started a comedian, but he is becoming a top-notch actor. His TV work just keeps getting better, and Final shows how good he can be.
****SPOILER****
In this film by Independent Digital Entertainment, Leary plays Billy, a man who wakes in a mental hospital with no clear memory of why he is there. Billy is lead to believe it has only been one week since he had an accident, but he thinks it has been four hundred years and that he is slated to be killed. As things progress, it is made increasingly clear that there is something unusual going on. Billy remembers more and more of the events leading to his accident and finally discovers the truth.
This film was well shot on digital and had good acting and great dialog. All in all, a good movie with a decent take on the whole coma/cryogenic/future/past combo.
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Could have been really good if not mixed with Pinhead (spoilers)
'We'll tear your will to watch movies apart!' Yet another failed attempt at reaping the benefits of the Hellraiser franchise. In this film, the whole Pinhead-Cenobite connection is extremely vague.
****SPOILER****
A man is under suspicion for the murder of his wife, the only woman to ever defeat Pinhead at his own game. As the mystery unravels, we learn that the man is merely suffering a last-minute flash before dying and going to hell.
The best thing this film had going for it was the story, which would have been really good if not clumsily entwined with the Hellraiser series. Some really great visuals mixed with strong editing and music.
Arachnid (2001)
Alien breeds with local fauna, film at eleven. (contains spoilers)
'The giant alien spider-scorpion-thingy climbs up the water spout.' This European Union made film was decently shot with lovely tropical locations.
****SPOILER****
A group of adventurers are hired to lead a medical expedition into a jungle.
Things go terribly wrong when an alien creature begins breeding with local fauna, giving life to a giant alien spider-scorpion-thingy. Only a few survive, of course, unknowingly leaving behind the next generation of giant alien spider-scorpion-thingy.
Good acting, passable dialogueterrible script. Where's the rain to wash this story out?
Do You Wanna Know a Secret? (2001)
Does not star Reese Witherspoon (spoilers)
The secret is...this movie blows. Sorry, but it just did.
****SPOILER****
In this bad riff on I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER and SCREAM, Beth, played admirably by Dorie Barton, joins several friends on a Spring Break trip. The group rents a fancy house and tries to enjoy a fun vacation. Then, the deaths begin. First one then another then another of the friends is murdered, leading to a sad and trite climax with predictable results.
One note, Dorie Barton is the poor man's Reese Witherspoonshe looks like Reese, acts like Reese and could pass for Reese in a police lineup. Maybe that's how they cast her? Anyhoo, decent cinematography and fair acting could not quite make up for bad dialog and terrible writing.
Paranoid (2000)
Also known as "Frightmare" (spoilers)
How many movies are going to use "Frightmare" as a title? And why do they all suck? This low-budget horror flick was poorly shot, likely on digital, with bad acting, dialog and plot. I wish there was something nice I could say, but...
****SPOILER****
Anyway, a serial killer shows up in a small town and terrorizes a highschool senior class. One of the students is a journalist who has studied the killer's exploits. Of course, the police don't buy their story, so the students are forced to try and survive on their own--inside a school-sanctioned haunted house.
The story is lame, the acting is lame, the story is lame...did I say that? Well, it's true.
Equilibrium (2002)
Not "The Matrix", but didn't need to be (spoilers)
'Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson. That is the sound of false advertising.' Ah, at lastthe poor man's MATRIX. Or so they would have us believe.
****SPOILER****
This is a film about the dangers of a society under complete governmental control. After World War III, a group of Clerics are created whose sole purpose is to find and destroy all human works that do or might inspire emotion. No art, music, poetry, moviesit's all gotta go. To keep the people in line, the perfect drug has been createdit keeps you completely calm at all timesas long as you take it. When Bale's Cleric becomes one of the resistance, refusing to take his drug, he becomes involved in a plot to end the control of the Big G.
A few twists and one turn keep this movie rolling. Claims to be something it's not, which is too bad, since it is a good idea with decent execution.
Route 666 (2001)
Should have stayed an action pic (spoilers)
Route 666...highway of the beast. Here is a film that had some great desert locations and some decent gunplay. And that's about all.
****SPOILER****
In this ghostly action thriller, Jack (Phillips) is a--get this--Federal Marshall, who used to do under-cover work for the CIA, and before that was a Navy SEAL. How's that for background? Of course, he has an unspoken love for his partner, played by Petti. They're attempting to deliver a witness to trial along a closed and dangerous stretch of old Route 66. This highway is haunted by the souls of four convicts who were murdered by the guards set to watch them. In an amazing coincidence, one of the convicts was Jack's long-lost father.
This sluggish film was more entertaining in the beginning, as an action film, than later, when it became a poorly-executed tale of family redemption, ghosts and secrets from the past.
Legion of the Dead (2001)
Spread your arms and embrace the crap (contains spoilers)
'Arms spread wide, I laugh at you thusly...hah, hah, hah!' This film was decently shot, likely on Super 16mm or 35mm. That is its one strong point. Things really go down hill from there.
****SPOILER****
Two friends are held hostage by a drooling, crazy dude who wants to kill them. They are saved by the sudden arrival of a cousin, who crashes a truck into the maniac. This event somehow ties into the friends being caught up in the middle of a demon recruiting action. And let's not forget the demon girl, who just wants to wait tables and be left alone.
Wanted to be PULP FICTION meets BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER...but it was not. A bad script and awful dialogue could not be saved by fair acting. This movie was horrible in a way that only pseudo-art house German crap can be. Really.
Frost: Portrait of a Vampire (2003)
Shouldn't vampires avoid sunlight? (spoilers)
Oh, the stink of a really bad movie just won't wash off. Gary Busy must have owed someone a favor. Why else would he make this, um, film.
****SPOILER****
When a mercenary is turned into a vampire, his lust for blood drives him to kill those closest to him. This is after he walks in the daylight, grows absurdly long hair and leaves a tome on vampire lore for his former commander. I know, I knowwhere's Gary? Well, he's telling this story, which is a flashback to events that took place ten years earlier. Gee, isn't that a compelling tale? Anyway, the former commander kills his vampiric buddy and just fades into the background. Then the story ends with a supposedly blind Busey pulling off his shades, revealing himself to be a vampire. One that can walk in the day, has absurdly tall hair and knows all about vampire lore. Hmm?
Decent cinematography, shot on digital, good musicthe rest is crap. This is a film to be avoided, unless you just have to watch vampire flicks. And if so, just remember that you were warned. Sniff. Do you smell that?
Shatter Dead (1994)
Never watch this "film" (spoilers)
'Rage...building. Contempt...growing. 'Hatred...inevitable.' This 'film' is a crime against humanity. I watched in horror as the movie progressed from one clip to the next. When it was silent, I begged for dialog. When there was dialog, I plead for silence.
****SPOILER****
Apparently, the dead have risen, but all they really want is a good job and benefits. The hero tries to stay away from some rather lame bad guy, and ends up becoming one of the undead. Sound generic? It was...except for the almost pornographic pistol sex.
Plot? Story? Character? PHAW! Who needs 'em? Please, God, let this be the last time any living creature has to view this fetid pile of monkey droppings. Never, ever watch this movie. Never. Never...never.