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Reviews
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
Bizarre!!!!
Okay, okay - its not the greatest of the series (I personally like Part 5 and Jason X for its pure unadulterated hamminess), but I think the problem with the film is more than just being bad but it was bizarre - it was so totally off the charts, I enjoyed it more looking at it from the perspective of a stand-alone film rather than part of the series. As part of the series, well, lets just say there is a lot to complain about, but on its own - its not bad. Certainly has a bit more personality than the other films. It felt a bit like Freddy Part 6 but made less sense! Its not that bad - worth a look if you like the series.
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Just Plain Stupid and Awful
I'm sorry, this film seems to be quite popular but I thought it was appalling. The characters of Ricky Bobby, his wife, his friends, actually everyone, especially his repulsive children are so dislikable it is impossible to get past. The jokes are never quite on the mark and were particularly stupid, I found most of the characters vulgar and offensive.
This is nitpicking but as usual I often find in American films of this calibre that the filmmaker is quite unable to differentiate between different nationalities, the French Guy for example is of course gay because all French people are generally gay in this sort of film for some reason, secondly he is driving in the car listening to opera and drinking a macchiato - this is supposedly an attempt to play on a stereotype but I hate to break this to the filmmakers but for all intents and purposes opera and macchiatos are Italian, not French, if you are going to cheaply play on a stereotype at least get it right! Have him munch on some frogs legs or wear a beret! Don't get me wrong, my mind is quite capable of wallowing in the gutter but this was just bad, it seems to be trying to parody the macho American race car driver but they never quite enforce the parody which is another thing that bugs me, if you are going to use satire, once again, GET IT RIGHT! Make it subtle, make it obvious but don't just "have a go".
I could go on forever about what was wrong with this film.
This was a terrible, sloppy, messy movie - avoid at all costs!
Final Destination 3 (2006)
Disappointing
MINOR SPOILERS The first film was different, gruesome and one of the genuinely scary films I have seen in a while, the second film was scarier and more gruesome and actually achieved a deeper level by sorting out the mystery at the end, but this one just seems to have been made for cheap thrills.
It is gruesome, the roller coaster idea is everyone's worst nightmare, I think the car accident scene in Number 2 was possibly one of the most gruesome teen horror film events in history and was much more impressive than the FD3 scene.
This film seems to go back to the first one, it ignores the advances made in the second film and seems a bit pointless. The girl was annoying - actually the characters in general were annoying, I much preferred Ali Larter at least she had a bit of attitude, this one could stand in for Bambi.
This film just rehashes old material in order to screen some more gruesome death scenes, it could have been better.
Stay Alive (2006)
Watchable but Weak
I think the main problem is there are just too many of these movies lingering about. They are all the same, group of teenagers, gruesome deaths etc etc. The premise is pretty ridiculous, a haunted video game, having said that the plots of all these films usually have some ludicrous element, my main problem with this one is that they don't even bother trying to explain it! At least in The Ring they suggest that Samara projected her evil thoughts onto the videotope using her psychic powers, they don't even bother with that here! That Blood Countess must have some fantastic programming skills and a decent distributor as well because that is the only explanation the film seems to offer! But I digress - it is watchable, but it gets very boring towards the end and the Blood Countess looks like a graphic out of Kings Quest 1! I think it also takes itself seriously which is a bad move, these films are supposed to be hammy and cheesy, but this one actually seems to think it is a seriously scary film which it is not.
If you want a stupid horror movie about teenagers getting sliced up stick with Urban Legend, Friday the 13th and the like, they are all terrible but at least they have a bit of fun.
Brivido giallo: La casa dell'orco (1988)
Oh Dear...
This was really a very bad movie. I am a huge fan of Italian Horror, Argento, Mario Bava, Fulci and yes, even our good friend here Lamberto sometimes comes out with a good one. I found the first two 'Demons' films to be highly entertaining - they were so bad they were great but this one is just so bad that it is really, really bad. It is intensely boring, the story never goes anywhere and I hated the characters - the wife slapping husband and whiny cry-baby pain in the *** wife drove me mad, there was nowhere near enough of the story devoted to the Ogre who was probably the best actor in the whole film. I turned it off about three quarters of the way through because I was very, very BORED! Don't bother.
Il cartaio (2003)
Not great Argento but not awful
This movie deserves a bit more credit - it is not the best Argento film but it is certainly better than Phantom of the Opera. I think the main complaint that an Argento fan could have about this film is it is very un-Argento - it feels a bit more like a gory Ruth Rendell. However the plot is quite tight, the poker playing serial killer is a new concept that I quite appreciated, the main actress I thought was excellent, she reminded me a lot of Franka Potente. Definitely give this one a watch, its not the usual Argento style but it is still a good thriller. Do not watch this one if you are not a fan of Agatha Christie/Ruth Rendell/Inspector Morse and are expecting Argento's usual slightly bizarre edge - this is a pretty ordinary "detective trying to catch serial killer" flick.
The Monster Club (1981)
Decent 70's/80's Horror Anthology
This Film was just what I expected when I purchased it for $8 (AUD). If you need to make a comparison think - the original Tales From The Crypt films, The Uncanny, Hammer House of Horror (the series)etc. Thoroughly enjoyable with a very "tongue in cheek" style especially with regard to the narration, though certainly not scary. Vincent Price, a Vampire after borrowing a little blood from a successful horror writer (John Carrdine) invites the writer to join him at the "Monster Club" - as suggested by its name, a club for monsters. He thereafter proceeds to tell the writer three tales of terror to help inspire his writing. My only major complaint is the absolutely horrible 80's bands that get to play a set in between each story - truly the scariest part of the film (and I don't mean that in a good way!!!)
The Mangler (1995)
Good Story, TERRIBLE film adaptation
The makers of this film obviously read the quite terrifying story by Stephen King and thought "Hey, its scary as a book, let's make it into a film!" Bad Idea. This was a great story, it certainly did not include poor Robert Englunds revolting sadistic character, and the machine itself is just ludicrous. This was just a simple scary story about a very suspicious laundry machine, it sounds silly and certainly looked that way as a film but it really is a great read, for anyone who is interested it is part of a collection of stories in "Night Shift" by Stephen King (which by the way also includes "Children of the Corn" and "The Lawnmower Man". This should never have been made into a film, especially such a cheesy ridiculous one as this. Don't bother.
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
If you are a fan, don't miss this!
I was a bit wary of seeing this film due to the recent bout of poor film sequels of late, however this was really very good. This film had the same eerie feeling that is with you throughout Exorcist 1 & 3 (lets just forget all about 2)and keeps your attention by creating a mystery combined with chilling moments. No Hollywood Horror junk in this one, just pure moments of evil terror. I also felt this film tied in with "The Exorcist" very well and provides a deeper insight into how all the events in the Exorcist came to be. A very mysterious and well thought out prequel to the Exorcist Series. The final chapter in the church is one that has actually scared me! I find the low rating that I have seen here to be very heavy handed, I was very impressed. 8/10
Eko eko azaraku (1995)
Worth having a look at....
This was on the other night on SBS really late (for those not in Australia this is the foreign channel). Being a big fan of Japanese horror films I waited up to watch it. Its really not bad! The film opens with a particularly gruesome death scene - which got my attention straight away - and it is suggested it was caused by these people using voodoo dolls. We are then introduced to a high school and a new girl at the school. Lots of strange things happen at this school, perverted teachers, mysterious deaths, suicides and the like. It seems that the new girl is in fact a witch and is investigating all the evil occurrences until one night when 13 students are locked in the school and they have to escape or die trying from those trying to summon the devil. Nothing is really explained, some character depth , but very little. Being Japanese Horror there is of course a fair level of unnecessary sexual scenes (girl on girl). Being female I found this quite amusing, but if you don't approve of completely unnecessary sex scenes I'd give it a miss. So all in all good horror, no plot connecting, sex and violence - ingredients of a good B grade horror and all the better because it is Japanese B grade horror, which is always much classier than our B Grade horror! 4/10 Don't rush out and buy it but if you come across it it is worth a peek.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
A bit disappointing
I was disappointed with this film. The action scenes were ludicrously fast, you could not see what was going on! You never got a good look at the zombies or the monsters really, as a horror fan I want to see the blood and the bites and the killing! It was never really explained what happened to Milla, and personally I felt they got a few ideas from Alien Resurrection (the whole using mutations to whoop ass deal). The ending was confusing and made me feel like I was watching someone playing the game rather than a film version of it - I kept waiting for her to advance to the next level. The first film was much better, a good blend of horror and sci-fi action, good actors and you could actually make out what was going on! And by the way is it just me or was anyone else annoyed that the female STARS member was decked out in a mini skirt, boob tube and army boots throughout the film like that was completely normal mercenary uniform?
Jason X (2001)
Great Homage!
This film is a great homage to the Friday the 13th series.
I was always more of a Freddy Fan than a Jason fan, the majority of the Friday the 13th films were boring nonsense, but this one is more like a joke! (SPOILER) The scene where they set Jason up in the Virtual Reality room with those two virtual teenage girls smoking pot and having extramarital sex "we love extramarital sex!" is hilarious!
Dont try and take this one seriously, I enjoyed this for the same reason I enjoyed Halloween 8, its a laugh - dont expect to much and try and look at it as a satire.
This one in particular has some great moments - I especially enjoyed "Mega Jason"! and unlike the murder scenes in previous Friday the 13th films - these ones actually are quite original and gory!
7/10
The Cat in the Hat (2003)
Horrifying
There are plenty of comments already posted saying exactly how I felt about this film so Ill keep it short.
"The Grinch" I thought was marvellous - Jim Carrey is a truly talented, physical comedian as well as being a versatile clever actor (in my opinion). Mike Myers on the other hand gets his laughs by being annoying. I used to like him very much in his "Waynes World" and "So I Married an Axe Murderer" days - but Ive never been fond of Austin Powers and "the Cat In The Hat" has just finished me off.
This film was horrible - the gags were horrible! inappropriate for children not only in adult content but in the fact that some of them were so dated they havent amused anyone for 50 years! The plot was messy, messy, messy! Its a shame really because the children were very likeable as was "Mom". They probably could have picked a better villain than Alec Baldwin - but he could have pulled it off if it weren't for Myers ugly, revolting over-acted portrayal of the Cat.
I mean - did Myers even glance at a script? Was one written? The other actors seemed to have one - but the Cat just seemed to be winging it!
On the other hand I would like to mention that the sets and props were marvellous!!! But unfortunately they cant save this film.
Poor Dr Seuss - the man was a genius! Dont ruin his reputation by adapting his work in a such a lazy, messy way!!!
1/10
The Master of Disguise (2002)
Not Much Can Be Said...
What a horrible movie! Dana Carvey is repulsive, revolting and self-serving. Who in Gods name allowed him to go ahead and produce such utter crap. Not even my partners seven year old brother laughed. Im not even going to bother explaining why - just trust me and avoid at all costs.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
Messy
I received the Exorcist Trilogy for my birthday because I am a huge fan of the first and third films, I hadn't seen the second film, but I wasn't too worried. I'd heard bad things, but I figured it would be watchable. It isnt - the first half isnt so bad - it seems to be building towards something (but never makes it). I particularly liked the scene where Regans psychiatrist and the priest are under hypnotherapy and the demon from Regans past is grabbing at the psychiatrists heart.
I wasn't expecting horror, I knew the film was more from the "spiritual" angle - but it didnt even seem to get there, the whole plot just dissapeared half way through and became a messy jumble of about three different story-lines. The old priest in Africa, Regans psychic ability (which is never explained)and the main priest dithering around and upsetting everyone. I found him a particularly unnecessary and annoying character.
The scene at the end where Regan and the Priest are battling the sexy evil Regan is laughable - its so cheesy, there is no tension or suspense - (the scene I believe inspired many of the half horror half porno films of the early eighties).
Also the acting of Regans maid was horrendous and thats all I want to say about her.
This was a messy film - it started with the right idea, but someone got confused along the way. 2/10
Pet Sematary (1989)
Extremely Scary Novel, Very Scary Movie
Being a Stephen King fan and a horror film fan, I would like to recommend this film to anyone who genuinely wants to see a scary film. This is a horror movie. It is dark, dismal and shocking. There is no humour and no good vs evil - this is true horror. They actually toned down the horror in the film - the book is much worse and I would recommend any readers out there to read the book for the same reason as I have recommended the film.
This film has some truly scary moments (try and look beyond eighties horror look this film has got - this is no slasher flick, It may look cheesy, but it isnt).
Im not going to spoil anything, but I will warn you - if you like happy endings, dont watch this one. It leaves you feeling a little strange.
Little Nicky (2000)
Wonderful!!!
I was shocked and appalled to see Little Nicky's rating on this fine website! I have voted 10. I'd also like to note that I have an education, am a huge cinema buff and love a wide range of movies so I am not speaking from the mouth of an easily entertained, fart-joke appreciating below 90 IQ personality.
This is a great movie. Honestly, people try and take things too seriously! This is an original, funny, thoroughly entertaining film. The acting is great, the characters are unusual and its nice to see A grade actors such as Harvey Keitel lowering themselves and having some fun.
Sandlers character (and no I am not a huge Sandler fan - some of his movies are very good - some are very bad) is utterly adorable, and although I have read comments saying that his mangled face just isnt funny - I thought it was great - it takes alot of effort to hold that kind of feature (Olivia D'abo in Waynes World 2 almost dislocated her jaw trying to maintain the same sort of expression)although people have viewed this as an attempt to get cheap laughs from stupid people, I think it was a very good example of dark humour.
I realise that by no means is this film a brilliant cinematic masterpiece nor am I trying to make it out to be, but what it is is alot of fun. Dont think too much, just sit back and enjoy it!
The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)
Very Different and Intriguing
Bill Pullman is an anthropologist who on a previous visit to Haiti experienced the power of black voodoo,filling his mind with evil dreams and eventuating in the murder of his pilot. His Jaguar spirit leads him to safety. Upon returning to America he is asked by a drug company to return to Haiti and investigate the process of "Zombification" as proof of a man being brought back from the dead has been discovered and the Americans of course would love to know how it is done.
In Haiti Dr Allen meets a beautiful female psychiatrist and together they become embroiled in a world of good vs evil voodoo style in search of this miracle which is in the form of a powder.
However, their is evil at work in the form of a very nasty voodoo witchdoctor, who unfortunately also happens to be Chief of Police in the very much oppressed Haiti.
This was a great film. I only just purchased and watched it for the first time on DVD for $6.95 AU, at that price I wasn't expecting much - Reviews I have read regarding this film dubbed it dissapointing, but I found it to be highly entertaining.
The film is eerie, the acting is excellent. I have found in most reviews that people have complained that the film is far-fetched and doesn't make sense. Well, in my opinion - that is the nature of voodoo -it is un-explainable and to a skeptical mind is silly, but there have been many accounts in real life of voodoo magic and it's power and this film was based on some such accounts.
The film starts of a little slow and can be described as a bit messy. However, as the plot unfolds, not only are we watching an eerie film about the supernatural, we are also watching an action packed political thriller. This is a very unusual film. There is just enough blood and gore to entertain the slasher fans, but not too much discourage the general film appreciating public.
As opposed to common belief, I found the story-line of this film to be tight, different and utterly engaging.
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Great Film
There is a lot that can be said for this film. Firstly I want to mention its failings - the film is fairly predictable, gets lost in parts and the werewolves are slightly on the fake side. However, to defend those points this film was made on a low budget with a no-name cast - which is by no means necessarily a good thing - but they certainly "pull it off" with Dog Soldiers.
This is not your typical werewolf movie. I wholeheartedly agree with the person that mentioned the refreshing lack of sexy stupid teens. How refreshing for a horror movie! In this one we are dealing with gung-ho army guys in more the style of "Aliens" than "I Know What You Did Last Summer".
People stuck in a deserted mansion being hunted down one by one by creatures of the night is certainly not a new concept. In fact to describe the plot to someone who has not seen the film would probably discourage them - "its been done before" is what immediately comes to mind. Being a horror buff, I tend to support whatever is released and coaxing my partner to see this film ran along the lines of what I have just said, however, despite all that we both found this to be a fantastic film.
The film is fun, funny, scary and contains some of the most gruesome scenes I have ever seen - sure its been done before - but who cares?! Its a great movie and well worth hiring if not adding to your own collection.
The Uncanny (1977)
Great Film
I can see why people criticise this film, it is predictable in parts and the whole concept is ludicrous. However, if you can get past this and apply your imagination this is in my opinion a great film.
Firstly, I would like to suggest that to truly enjoy this film you must be a cat person. If you don't like cats or simply think they are just dumb animals then you are not going to appreciate this film because it will seem silly. However, to those (like myself)who believe there is a great deal more to the humble housecat than meets the eye then this film can be chilling and thoroughly entertaining.
Mr Cushing as usual overacts - but his portrayal of an ignorant human being who with this horrific revelation has just discovered the grey in a world that is usually so black and white.
As to the far-out concept of cats seeking revenge (although greatly exaggerated in the film) this may not be quite as ludicrous as it seems.Anyone who has punished a cat for disobedience, seen the malicious lookin its eyes only later to have a stack of books pushed onto their head from atop a bookcase, would understand that the concept of cats getting their own back is not so far out.
The acting is decent, the suspense is unnerving - the cats are brilliant and on the whole a thoroughly interesting film