nitzanhavoc

Wow, where do I even start?? Let's just go by the numbers.

1. Stop casting The Rock in finesse clandestine roles!!! The dude is the size of two and a half average people, in what universe does he enter a place without every single person with less than savory intentions spotting him from a mile away?!

2. Yes, Gal Gadot is gorgeous and her accent just adds to her sex appeal, no arguments here! But being able to fool a professional and extra paranoid arms desler by promising him sex?! What are you, a twelve year old?!

3. And of course, the "plot twist". You see, I'm a huge fan of plot twists, it shows high level writing and usually upgrades films. But when the story is so bland, the pace is either frustratingly low or irrationally and unprofessionally high and the audience has honestly lost interest and doesn't care either way? There is zero need for a twist, especially such an unbelievable one. You know, when the cake you made turns out stale - adding chilly peppers isn't going to save it.

So, Reynolds is funny, Gadot is charismatic and exquisite, and The Rock is big and domineering. That is all. That is the entirety of this film, and I actually watched it in two sittings because I found lying in bed and aimlessly browsing YouTube more compelling than this film's mess of a plot. Will you hate it? Probably not. Can you find someting better to watch? 100% yes.

Let's start off by saying I'm a die hard old school Transformers fan, yet I managed not to be an edgelord back when Michael Bay created his first adaptation. I actually enjoyed everything, from the slightly unnecessarily edited SFX to the entirely unnecessarily ultered looks of the Transformers themselves. I even liked most of the stories and plots enough, because why not? This has been true for each and every one of the previous installments, Bumblebee included. And then came Rise of the Beasts.

The robots are as awesome as ever, you just won't notice, because the banal interactions between the human characters get most of the screen time. Particularly, the new robot characters (Maximals) are totally bada**, if only we'd actually see them fighting for more than two minutes. Don't get me wrong, the human charachters display some fine acting skills and character design and the characters themselves are likable, but this should have been balanced with a greater focus on the Autobots just like what had been done in the previous films.

Also, the antagonist (Scourge) is made to be invincible, almost like an excuse for the lack of fight scenes (sort of like a "why bother showing them fight, he almost killed everyone last time they had a 30 seconds battle), and the greatest threat Unicron, whule actually loyal to original canon (I'm so glad they dropped the whole "Earth is Unicron" bit from the Knights story, that one was an eyesore...), receives even less screen time than the others. Seriously, if you've never watched the original full length animated movie from the 80's you'll find Unicron completely underwhelming and it won't be your fault at all.

All in all, while watching it wasn't a pain, it certainly was disappointing and I'm kind of sorry I didn't use the time to watch something else. The disappointment is even greater since I had really managed to enjoy all the previous films and it wasn't even all that difficult. Now, when they start talking about the next one, I'll be far less optimistic.

I'm usually an easy grader, seeing the best and noteworthy in each horror feature. This time, I found myself checking the remaining play time and anxious for it to finish already only 45 minutes in. I was simply bored, and this, to me, says everything.

The idea is spectacular, focusing on just how horrifying a malevolent smile could be. The execution, however, is disappointing to the point of frustration. If the point was to show yet another human document dealing with the cold and lonely descent to madness - why hadn't the trailers and teasers focused on that? If they wanted to, again, for the billionth time, show how difficult it is to have nobody believe you when you're seeing a monster - why create such a buzz around the smile phenomenon?

Unlike what the trailers had made us think (and quite deliberately, I'd say), this is a movie about coping with mental issues (not done as well as The Babbadook, for instance) and having nobody believe you about being haunted by monsters (not done as well as the original Nightmare on Elm Street, like 40 years ago).

Now, to be honest, the acting is absolutely superb, from the leading roles to the supporting cast to characters with two lines. The dialogue, and especially the non-verbal relaying of emotion and state of mind are just spot on, seriously, a huge round of applause for the entire cast. Everything else was simply disappointing, wanting and badly done. I really hope that some day we'll see better uses of the whole 'scary smile' trope, it has much potential and deserves much, much more than what Smile actually is.