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Watcher (2022)
A pretty good, little movie.
The plot isn't particularly original: a seemingly paranoid woman with a disbelieving partner. The storyline is uplifted by a good cast (Maika Monroe is especially likeable), and well-paced directing. The cinematography helps heighten the creepiness and the costuming suits the scenery beautifully.
Watcher is definitely worth a watch for fans of the genre.
Coffin Baby (2013)
Give it 15-20 minutes before giving up
My initial impression of this was negative because it starts off just terrible. There are clips about Hollywood which are a nod to Tobe Hooper's 2003 Toolbox Murders but are completely unrelated here. Chauntal Lewis is very weak in the beginning, but actually seems to improve as the film progresses. The script is initially nonsensical. (MINOR SPOILER) Lewis is hysterical upon hearing news of her sister's murder, and a police officer yells at her for being insensitive to his plight having to inform the families of victims. And she apologizes to him!
As her character's sanity breaks, the movie improves. Fans of gore and women-in-captivity movies should be happy. There are some enjoyable scenes making it worth a watch. I'd recommend watching Hooper's movie first to make it less confusing, though.
Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
People are being too harsh
People who say this is the worst movie they've ever seen obviously don't watch enough horror. Sure the plot is silly, but it's passable. The acting is pretty good, and the cinematography and special effects are great. Plus you get to see a bit of Bill Moseley, which is always a plus. Try watching Coffin Baby if you want to see what a truly bad horror looks like.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Humour is Subjective
I shouldn't have let bad reviews deter me from watching this, because I liked it a lot. I can see why it's not everyone's cup of tea, but my ADHD-addled brain was entertained throughout. I generally find comedies too "on the nose" to be funny, but this has me laughing out loud. Some scenes are a little too meta at times (ie the script discussion), but then Jarmusch's tongue-in-cheek humour would quickly draw me back in. I watched The Dead Don't Die in an at-home "double bill" along with Ready or Not, and had a very enjoyable evening of blood-stained laughs.
The Night Clerk (2020)
Clueless About Autism
I can't help but wonder whether the reviewers here giving good reviews ever met an autistic person.
The main character doesn't ring true at all. He doesn't seem to understand that murder is wrong, yet he's capable of holding down a job in a hotel? Autistic people tend to be rule followers, yet this guy witnessed a murder and seems to have no concern about helping catch the killer.
Tye Sheridan and Michael Cristofer seem to think not making eye contact and spouting off facts like Rain Man encapsulate the autistic experience. Sheridan acts more like a man-child who's been hit over the head with a frying pan than any autistic person I know. It's painful to watch.
I can't help but think about the Ben Stiller character in Tropic Thunder. Hell, even Forrest Gump was less of a farce.
EDIT TO ADD: I've since seen Tye Sheridan in other movies, and really enjoyed his performances. I think he was ill-prepared by the people in charge, and perhaps steered down the wrong path by the director. Do yourself a favour and watch him in Mud or Detour and skip this one.
Hell House LLC (2015)
If You Hate Clowns, You Should Love This
As a horror fan, I'm used to watching terrible movies. Many have bad acting, and most aren't scary. Yet I still watch, and I'm glad I saw this one.
I understand why some think good reviews for this movie were paid for, but in the right setting it has genuine scares.
This is the type of movie that should be watched alone in a dark room (I watched it in bed on my iPad with headphones). Instead of cheesy CGI, Hell House LLC gets its scares from things that lurk in the shadows.
The acting is passable. The mannequins are scary as hell. Especially if you hate clowns.
I wish more horror movies would make use of the subtle creepiness of the dark instead of relying on unbelievable special effects.
I watched this on Shudder, and this is the only movie there that had moments that scared me. Give it a try.
The Handmaid's Tale: Postpartum (2018)
Bradley Whitford!
When I heard it announced on Real Time with Bill Maher that Bradley Whitford was joining the cast, I was excited to see what evil he would bring. This episode did not disappoint.
I love when shows don't just depict the black and white of a character's personality, and this episode gives us all the shades of gray in between.
I cheered for Aunt Lydia when she advocated for the well-being of baby Holly/Nicole (because breast is best).
I felt empathy for Serena, who has longed for a baby, and could likely have her own without her tyrannical husband. Of course she is unduly cruel to Offred, but in the end chose what she felt best for the baby.
Eden chose to follow her heart instead of blindly following her religion, making her a sympathetic character right before her demise.
And Whitford's Joseph is an enigma. Did he welcome his Martha after she lost her eye, or did he blind her himself? Is his wife telling the truth, or is she insane? Even if she were, he treats her with cruelty. His blunt questioning of Emily is also cruel. But his Martha's not afraid of him, openly cursing over his mess and mocking his threat to beat her.
I can't think of a better actor for his role than Bradley Whitford. He's an interesting contrast to Joseph Feinnes, whose quiet demeanour and sympathetic eyebrows belie a man struggling to keep control over the women in his life.
And that's what this show is all about, isn't it?
Demon Haunt (2009)
Only watch if you're looking for laughs
Trivia provided here states this film features the director's first use of CGI in his 60-year career, and this surprised me. Because the graphics here look like they were created by a 12 year old on a 20-year-old computer.
I love me some low budget horror, and this is the lowest of the low.
Scooby Doo had more realistic monsters. When the actors saw the final product, they probably went into shock.
The dialogue and acting are tongue-in-cheek enough to make this an enjoyable bad-movie watch.
But holy hell, the horrific CGI takes it over the top. The car crash scene would have been more believable if they'd used Hot Wheels cars blown up with firecrackers.
I feel the need to pour out a 40 for the poor actors in this flick.
Bad Seeds (2013)
Strangely Compelling Trash
There's nothing to spoil here, because this is barely a movie. This is not found footage. I watched this title on a free Roku channel, because it was listed under Horror. It's not that, either.
The film follows a group of teenaged girls as they hang out, do drugs and cause a ruckus. It's hard to tell whether the actors followed a script, or mainly improvised using a basic outline.
The 10 star reviews here are obviously fake. From the information available, it seems the "director" couldn't decide whether to stick with the found footage story, or use it to market the lead, who is also his wife, as a "HOT" new star.
There are scenes with a cat that I found genuinely disturbing, and I've watched Cannibal Holocaust and Bad Boy Bubby without flinching. If the Humane Society were on set, they would have pressed charges.
Also, scenes with an underage actor were disturbing. What parents would allow their child to be filmed in this trash having pills and alcohol poured down her throat?
Other than that, the saddest thing is that some of the performances were actually good. I watch a lot of low budget horror with terrible acting, but Dana Ceres and some of the others are quite natural on screen. Do a search on her name to find out why she and Sean Peden bothered to film this dreck.
It's too bad Ceres seems to have no interest in making real movies.