BentCrewStreak

Like a tradesman crafting an exquisite piece of art, Cum Fart Cocktails is deftly directed by experienced master of cinema Jake Malone. At the helm of previous blockbusters such as "Cum Stained Casting Couch" (vols 1-6), "Gang Bang My Face" (vols 1 and 2) and "Dirt Pipe Milkshakes", which strangely enough, had no sequel, Malone has been highly touted as this generation's Martin Scorsese. Lee Bank falls perfectly in line as Malone's Robert DeNiro, appearing in many of his most profitable films, including "Own My Ass 2" and "Throat Gaggers 10" which most critics, including Roger Ebert, felt advanced throat sex filming techniques by leaps and bounds.

But enough of my fawning adoration for Malone's work. Cum Fart Cocktails was not only "successful" enough to warrant *four* sequels, but is the perfect "companion piece" to a movie I've previously reviewed, "1001 Ways to Eat My Jizz". Some young, enterprising director should now make a movie called "Anal Chocolate Cake" and you could have an entire meal.

I have heard some unsubstantiated Internet rumors that both Hallmark and the Lifetime Channel passed on the opportunity to produce "Cum Fart Cocktails". How foolish they must feel now!!!

See it with someone you love.

I had heard about this film for quite a while in my "Lovers of Cinema" discussion group, but had not been able to see it until just recently.

Many of the movie's supporters withing our elitist circle of movie snobbery thought that it was a milestone in effective storytelling and a dramatic leap in terms of lighting and set design, etc...

I thought it was movie about people eating semen on bread products. Silly me.

Anyways, I'm not sure what type of person would see the title of this movie and immediately rush out to rent (or God forbid, buy) it. Perhaps somebody who has only experienced eating jizz 1,000 ways, maybe?

"Hmm..let's see. I've eaten jizz on toast, English muffins, croissants, crepes, and pancakes. I just don't know what else to eat jizz on!"

The charming plot review on this very site will bring you up to speed in case you missed the first two movies in this series:

"11 girls suck cock and eat jizz off of/with various foods"

You just know that somewhere on some dark side of the Internet, two "porn-geeks" were discussing the merits of this movie.

Pervert 1: "Dude, you totally gotta see it on the big screen! It's like you're right there eating the jizz with 'em!!!"

Pervert 2: "Nah, I'll wait for it to come out on video. The series went downhill with the second one. LOL!"

Sometimes I just want to curl into the fetal position and quietly weep for humanity.

Well, gotta go. "Jackass" is coming on! It's the one where Steve-O accidentally saws his own arm off! Now, that my friends, is comedy!!!!

On a cold winter eve, I decided to rent a couple of movies to warm my heart. I decided on "Willie Wanker at the Fudge Packing Factory". Then, for a comparative analysis, I also rented the actual Wille Wonka movie that inspired this parody.

When my Great grandmother Hester heard that I had the original movie, she asked, nay, she demanded, that I let her borrow it so she and the grandkids would have something to watch while they were having a sleepover at her house.

Well, as is often the case in Three's Company episodes, a wacky mix-up ensued and I accidentally let her borrow this movie.

Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore and I was quickly written out of her will.

Do you recall the "tunnel ride" in the original? If you were a child, it stirred up many emotions...mainly fright. Well, this movie has its own version of the "tunnel ride" and it manages to awaken those same feelings of fright in me as an adult. Of course, the tunnel is a bit different, being that it is the entryway to the "fudge packing" factory.

Anyways, a chewy, "chocolate-y" fun time for everyone. Except for your grannies kids.