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jibalis
Reviews
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Has to be the worst movie I have ever seen
When it comes to this, it seems that there really isn't much of substance to this movie. Various things happen, a lot of commotion on the screen, but where do they ultimately lead? What is the bigger picture? Truth is that there isn't even a bigger picture. What we see, is all that is and it is nothing particularly exciting even if they try to mask the hollowness behind a bunch of explosions, shootings and other stuff.
To be honest, I see no difference between this Star Wars movie or any average Michael Bay movie. Plot wise it's about as deep as Transformers.
We have got Harisson Fordie back and Carrie Fisher and that weird blonde dude. Carrie used to be smoking in the 80's. I mean, she does look a bit like a farmer from 19th century, but in that slave outfit, even if the movie was bland as hell, I could still enjoy the sight of her cleavage. But now she's 60 and that sight isn't particularly attractive to me anymore.
And Ford? He used to be such a man in the 80's. But now he's just an old man, who looks like he should be at a retirement home watching TV with other old people.
And the blonde dude is just as annoying as he was. He ain't a Jedi. Just a farm boy.
This movie really lacks in every department imaginable. How you suppose for me to enjoy a piece like this when there's nothing beyond the sparkling facade? Where's the emotion? Where's the depth?
In my opinion Star Wars has to be one of the worst franchises imaginable and I will never associate myself with any person that belongs to it's fan base.
Sex Tape (2014)
They should refund our money and time
There was promise in the premise of a couple dealing with a too close for comfort situation. Sadly, every single element here is the worst of the worst. From the writing, to the non existent "comedy", to the horrible casting choices and the lack of chemistry in many of the different couples here. It's hard to feel any empathy for the old couple, or even believe any of the spouses were really fond of each other, and the unbelievably stupidity of the script dragged everyone to even lower levels. This was one time when one was wishing for negative numbers to be used for ratings here.
Jason Segel, usually a very likable everyday type only annoys everyone from the beginning, and Diaz can't lend any credibility to her role as the wife of this loser. This is probably to the fact she has always played women who are either a plain Jane type or have the ability to manipulate or deceive those around them. She doesn't seem capable of showing any degree of sexiness, and the dialog she has been given makes the situation more ludicrous than ever.
Here comes Rob who doesn't fare as badly, but there is still nothing he can do with the horrible puns, lines, and directions, if we can call them given to him by whoever was directing this mess. Sitting through this is probably the equivalent of water torture, medieval sadism, or something worse. It was torture for the sense because of the endless barrage of vulgarity, ineptitude, and huge amounts of contempt for those in the audience. It was offensive in so many levels with its visual display of scenes that deserve an NC-17 more than an R. Language, visuals, jokes, special effects, everything is here was deplorable and disgusting.
It's not that we had a couple of desperate morons trying to outdo each other in order to stop a situation like this. We have seen it before, and it has been at least entertaining or done in a creative manner to suggest an action, rather to give unnecessary graphic imagery. What is happening here? We had "The Watch" and their obsession with male private parts and scatological jokes, then "The Wolf" came along, and we were supposed to believe drug abuse was good cinema, and now this came to top everything else. A big problem was that this is lending no credibility to what critics might potentially say in the future. I truly don't understand what film they saw, but there is absolutely nothing to recommend about this disaster.
Blinky Bill's White Christmas (2005)
Amazing
This movie is simply amazing. Still remember watching it on December 31st years ago, when I was still a child. This movie made my new year. It was so amazing, and I had a great time watching it.
Well, what else there is to say. The plot is great. Characters are extraordinary. It just fills you with Christmas spirit.
I think Blinky Bill and his friends can offer many great benefits to children of our generation. It may alter the path of violence and evil, that we're moving towards now. It is the one thing, that can save the mankind. This. Nothing else. Especially, not the Simpsons. Blinky Bill was a life changer for me. It made me, who I am today, and I'm thankful for it.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011)
"Come on Tom, let's finish this the way we started, together."
This movie was very special for me. Nine years ago I saw first Harry Potter movie. I loved it and in few next months read all books available at the moment. It was the first book franchise, I read and tough, it was never my favorite, it always had a very special place in my mind. And now nine years later, after I've read all the books and seen all previous movies, it was time to finish this. Movie started very good. It started just, where the first part ended. Soundtrack, that played in the beginning, was awesome and from the very beginning gave an epic feel to movie.
Storyline was not made by this movie's makers, but by Rowling, so I can't really judge it. I can judge only the way it was told. And that seemed very good to me. Nothing seemed forced or rushed, or going too slow. Movie was moving at a very good pace. Special effects were also good. Loved Daniel's, Rupert's and Emma's performance. Evanna Lynch (Luna) and Mathew Lewis (Neville) did an outstanding job in this movie. I thought they should've given Evanna more screen time, but I had the same thought after watching every movie she was in...
It's been a real while, since I read Deathly Hallows, and I read it only once, so I didn't remember much and couldn't judge any inaccuracies. Though, even if I could, I wouldn't, because, I think, movie doesn't have to go just the same way as books.
I really loved part, where Snape died and showed Harry his memories. For me, It was the best and most touching part in the whole movie. Battle for Hogwart's was also pretty good, tough I think they could've shown us more from it.
Now about things I didn't like. Nothing much to tell really. Special effects in scene, where Voldemort and Harry were jumping/flying (not sure) of the tower, seemed pretty lame. And that's pretty much all. If we wan't to be really picky, then I thought Molly's Weasly's expression after killing Bellatrix was quite strange. And no Fred's, Remus's and Tonks's death scene. So, in the end I loved this movie and enjoyed it very much. I give it 10/10, mostly because it's the last movie and it was very satisfying.
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
So... Unfamiliar?
This movie was one of two movies which for me was worth seeing in cinema this year (other one is "Skyfall"). Spider-man is by far my favorite superhero, so I had high expectations for this movie... But they didn't paid off as I hoped... Firstly everyone claimed this movie to be much closer to the comic books than Raimi's Spider-man. So it made me even more excited about this. But truth was different. Peter went to school with skateboard,he wore contacts at the beginning of movie and most importantly - aunt May had brown hair. That's just wrong. And Peter didn't worked for Daily Bugle as freelance photographer. And they even changed origins of Peter getting his powers. So Suddenly mid through movie I realized it's actually hard for me to believe I'm actually watching Spider-man. Plot also seemed pretty simple and unattractive. From the trailer it seemed that Spider-man in this movie will be humorous and funny like in comics. But the only funny spidey scene was that one shown in trailer with car thief. And I also didn't like that in the end (major spoilers here) Lizard was caught and put in jail. I thought that Lizard was in the first movie, so Spider-man can cure him and leave Connors secret identity as lizard in secret and then in later movies Connors could help him like in comics. Because in comics Connors was actually the good guy and couldn't control himself as Lizard. Now for things what I liked. Emma's Stone's was amazing as Gwen Stacy. She really was perfect for this role. Andrew's Garfield's performance was pretty well too. Stan Lee's cameo was the best I've ever seen. And there were some good scenes like Peter fighting some random dudes in the metro and I actually really enjoyed how thug, who killed Ben, stole cash from shop and passed Peter his milk. It was really cool. So in conclusion... Somehow this movie didn't seemed too good for me. Maybe it's just because I have really related to Raimi's trilogy and I just love Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker. Maybe with time I'll suit to Garfield as Peter Parker and'll be able to watch Webb's work in another light...
Kick-Ass (2010)
Most screwed-up drama ever...
I had quite high expectations for this movie. I thought this will be one of those hilarious half-parody movies. But my expectations were crashed to the ground. And here is why.
This movie actually had very little of comedy elements. VERY. I am not even sure if this movie can be counted as a comedy. Through the whole movie I laughed only one time.
Actually first part of the movie seemed quite depressing to me. Firstly because as I said there was very little of comedy elements and secondly because the new "superhero" failed very hard. I mean he got stabbed, then he got ran over by a car (I suppose this was one of comedy scenes, but... Come on, what are you twelve?), and got taken to a hospital. I am a fan of superheros, have read comics and watched movies of them and his failure seemed quite depressing to me.
Can't say second part of the movie was much better. It weren't depressing anymore. It was just screwed up. All this stuff with Red Mist dude, big daddy and his daughter. And because of lack of humor it weren't very funny.
So after all, what is this movie? Most screwed up drama ever or freakiest action movie of the century?
Sucker Punch (2011)
That's why movies need stories.
When I saw first twenty minutes of this movie, I thought it will be very good movie. I mean, the beginning was nearly perfect. But then...
The plot itself was way too simple.five girls have to get five things. And that's all. Nearly whole movie it was all plot. But the thing that screwed this movie mostly where these random action sequences. They were just plain stupid, unnecessary. At the beginning I was really surprised. I was like, what is this "Mortal Kombat" or something? These random action scenes took about 50% of the movie. These scenes just didn't fit in movie. I wanted to see how the story (no matter how simple it is) progresses, not some "cool" women killing of Nazi zombies. And when producers wanted to make them look more epic adding up some random special effects, it just made whole movie lamer and worse. I wanted to see a movie with a good and interesting plot, I saw a lame action flick... 5/10
Fast Five (2011)
Getting whole crew together - awesome idea
I had quite high expectations about this movie. And they paid of even more that I thought.
I thought that getting all awesome guys from previous movies was great idea. Like Han from "Tokyo Drift" alone made this movie much, much better for me just with his appearance. I also very enjoyed Roman's appearance as I really liked him in "2 Fast 2 Furious" (much peoples say it's lame, but I think it was a great entertainment)and he was pretty cool in here too, tough a lil bit too negative. I didn't really remember Gisele and these two Dominicans Tego and Rico. But I guess, they were from "Fast & Furious". I have seen it only once, so I don't really remember any second plan characters. These guys however were great too. I loved these two Dominicans arguing. Now finally about the movie. Well I loved it from first minutes till last seconds. It was full of tense action. Much more than in previous parts. What I didn't like was, that there were no street races in this one. I guess that bit where Han, Dom, Brian and Rom were racing betting 1 million each, can't actually be counted. I also didn't like Vince's appearance. I disliked him at first movie and don't think he was necessary at this one. Dwayne's Johnson's appearance was great too, because I very like some of his movies (Scorpion king, Welcome to the jungle).
The plot. I liked it. It weren't too advanced and some people might call it unrealistic and lame, but, come on, it's an action movie!
In summary I can say, this movie was one of greatest F&F franchise movies, if not the greatest. I hope to see whole gang together also for the next, because mostly that made this movie so awesome. 9/10