Change Your Image
arfdawg-1
Reviews
From (2022)
Completely Ruined By the Third Season
The Plot Unravels the mystery of a nightmarish town in middle America that traps all those who enter. As the unwilling residents fight to keep a sense of normality and search for a way out, they must also survive the threats of the surrounding forest; including the terrifying creatures that come out when the sun goes down.
First two seasons were great and then it took a bad turn. Way more violent. Way more bad acting. A script that doesn't make sense. And the very worst ending of any TV series ever made. No joke.
In fact, it's an embarrassment. How sad it had such promise but the writers couldn't sustain the story. If there's a 4th season I wont be watching.
Aiden (2024)
Surprised It Didn't Get a Ten
Plot: Aiden has spent years trapped in a tumultuous and abusive relationship with his partner, Ivan, whose charming facade masks a volatile temperament. After a particularly harrowing incident, Aiden makes the courageous decision to escape, seeking sanctuary in a secluded cabin nestled deep in the woods. This safe haven represents not just a physical refuge but a chance to reclaim his life and confront the haunting shadows of his past. In the isolation of the cabin, Aiden is introduced to an unconventional therapist, Dr. Williams, who employs unorthodox methods to help him process his PTSD. Through intense and often unsettling sessions, Aiden is pushed to confront his feelings such as fears, insecurities, and the emotional scars left by Ivan's abuse. As he delves deeper into his psyche, Aiden begins to unearth memories and truths that threaten to unravel everything he thought he knew about love, trust, and his own identity.
It's one of those movies that gets great reviews here, you watch it, and scratch your head and say, "why?"
But we know. It stinks.
The Shadow Strays (2024)
Ruined by the Dubbing
Plot: Codename 13, a 17-year-old trained assassin is under suspension because of a sloppy mission in Japan. The girl built a conscience when she met Monji, an 11 year old boy who lost his mother to a crime syndicate. When Monji is captured, 13 is hellbent on setting a path of destruction to rescue the boy, including going against her mentor and the organization who hires her, the Shadow.
This could have been an 8 rating if there were subtitles instead of the dubbing into English. The dub actors are downright awful. So much so that you'll think it's comical. It's unfortunate because the non-stop action is great. Try to get a version with sub titles!
Super Hot (2021)
Nearly Unwatchable
The Plot:
A former pizza delivery girl discovers her neighbor is moving into a sorority house of vampires. It's a race against the clock to stop her crush from being sacrificed at midnight.
Whatever.
The movie starts off pretty OK, up until the chick quits her job, which is like 5 minutes into the flick. Then things go downhill really, really quick.
There is so much talking and so little action that you'll fall asleep. And the talking is just plain dumb. It tries way too hard to make pithy references to Hollywood movies and they pretty much all fall flat.
Early on I became very bored. Even the "sepecisl effects" are bad. A severed hand, for example, looks plastic.
Can't recommend.
Coney Island (1917)
Great Time Capsule of Luna Park
The Plot: Fatty and his wife are spending the day at the beach at Coney Island. Feeling restless and wanting to go to the amusements at Luna Park, he ditches his wife. At the amusement park, he meets a pretty young woman. She arrived at the amusement park with one man and went in with another who had money to pay her entrance, before she ends up spending much of the day with the rotund husband, who managed to get the second man arrested. As the husband and the pretty young woman get into one misadventure after another.
Notable for it's scene of Luna Park, Coney Island around the turn of the century. Fascinating. The comedy is simplistic as was most back in the day.
The acting is a bit over the top -- also the norm back then.
Overall, it's an easy and enjoyable watch.
Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)
Not a Boad Movie
The Plot:
Struggling with his dual identity, failed comedian Arthur Fleck meets the love of his life, Harley Quinn, while incarcerated at Arkham State Hospital.
This is really TWO movies.
One is the Joker movie which is really good.
The other are the musical numbers which suck.
They make no sense and are just a distraction from the plot. They are horrible.
Not really sure why they were inserted in this movie. Too bad. Joker 1 was great this isn't. It's decent without the songs.
Gaga isn't a bad actress but why there was this push to put songs in this flick is beyond the pale.
Too bad. Buh Bye.
Brittany Runs a Marathon (2019)
What a Disconnect with Reality
The Plot: New Yorker Brittany Forgleris everybody's best friend -- except maybe her own. At 27, her hard-partying ways, chronic underemployment and toxic relationships are catching up with her, but when she stops by a new doctor's office to try to score some Adderall, she gets slapped with a prescription she never wanted: Get healthy. Too broke for a gym and too proud to ask for help, Brit is at a loss, until her seemingly together neighbor Catherine pushes her to lace up her Converse sneakers and run one sweaty block. The next day, she runs two. And soon, after finishing her first mile, she sets an almost unthinkable goal: running in the New York City Marathon.
What's really unthinkable is that this movie is getting close to a seven rating here. That's the only reason I watched it. It's horrible.
The budget is really low, and the directing is really bad. Just like the acting. And the storyline is just plain ridiculous. I wanted to like it, but it's just bad.
The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)
Not a Winner
The Plot: In 1840, a samurai comes home to find his wife in bed with another man, so he kills them both and then himself. Flash-forward to the present day, and an American family of three moves into this since-abandoned house and starts to experience incidents of haunting and possession.
Full disclosure: I only watched this for two reasons a) I love Kyoto and wanted to see what it looked like in the 1980's and b) I was hoping Susan George got naked.
Unfortunately most of the scenes are interiors and George was already hitting the wall by the time this movie was made. She did look a bit hot in the blue shirt scene however.
The premise is sort of dumb and the directing is slower than a pour of molasses.
The Tip (2010)
The One other Review is Wrong
The Emporio Armani commercial begins with the waiter arriving with room service, where Megan Fox opens the door. He sets up the table while watching her in the other room.
She's pretty hot but has a really weird belly button. Like it's so weird it's distracting. Anyway there is only one other review here and the guy clearly didn't bother to watch it. And it only lasts 90 seconds. She is not undressed when this ad begins. She is wearing a bra and panties over which is a robe. The point ot the ad is she's getting dressed not undressed and wearing Armani Jeans.
A number of directors have made ads for commercial products. Polanski comes to mind immediately.
This one is sort of vapid and not all that interesting., even tho I love Armani's clothing.
Little Bites (2024)
Not Better than Bobadook
The Plot:
Trapped in the living nightmare of motherhood, Mindy, a single mother harboring a horrible secret, has willingly cut herself off from her unsuspecting precious daughter, Alice. After all, the girl must never know what's been going on behind her back. But as Mindy's unimaginable problem gets the best of her, fear and abuse slowly drain her life away. And the thing in the basement is always hungry; no matter what, its feeble human host must keep feeding it, or else.
What a bore. The movie is so slow, you'll fall asleep before it's over and then you don't get the denouement. Not that you'd want it by then.
Queer Church (2023)
How to Waste Money
The "plot""The Church in America and the world, they still don't know what to do with Queer Folk" - Pastor Drew Stever. Transgender Pastor Drew and the "House of the Lord" hold a controversial Queer Church Service for Queer People and Allies.
Said to have a $40K budget that looks more like three cents.
The entire premise is ridiculous and boring. It's poorly rendered. Looks like a film made by amateurs who have no clue about movie making.
I was bored beyond belief for the entire movie.
So at the end of the day we really have to wonder who actually thought it was smart to put up money to support this movie?
Never Let Go (2024)
Hits the Trifecta of Bad
Plot: In an isolated cabin in the woods, Momma lives with her two sons, the boys Samuel "Sam" and Nolan, and the dog Coda scared by the evil in the surrounded forest. She considers the cabin their holy ground and ties themselves to ropes when they need to go to the woods to hunt small animals or collect supplies. When there is a scarcity of food for their survival, Nolan questions his mother whether evil really exists. A hiker passes by the cabin and a tragic thing happens...
This is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Had I seen this in the movie theatre I know for sure I would have walked out in less than 15 minutes.
The movie is a mess. Firstly, Halle Berry can't act. She's horrendous. Then there are the kids. Guess what? They are worse actors. It's impossible to want to watch any of them. And finally, there's the plot. Some magic rope that keeps the zombies away? It's idiotic and poorly directed.
Don't waste your time.
Film (1965)
No, Just No
The Plot:
A twenty-minute, almost totally silent film (no dialogue or music, save one 'shhh!') in which Buster Keaton attempts to evade observation by an all-seeing eye. But, as the film is based around Bishop Berkeley's principle 'esse est percipi' (to be is to be perceived), Keaton's very existence conspires against his efforts
Let's be honest. Even Keaton knew this was not a very good film. It's the kind of movie they show in film class because it's thought of as "artsy." Only it's really just a waste of celluloid.
You won't recognize the Keaton of old at all. He's just a person doing what the director told him to do.
On the Conditions and Possibilities of Hillary Clinton Taking Me as Her Young Lover (2016)
Simply Horrible
"The Plot"
A demented comedy-satire about a delightfully earnest Kiwi academic enters the US with an oddly plausible plan to save the Free World by winning the heart of America's Next Top Mama. Only one thing stands in his way: the department of Homeland Security.
How did that go for you?
This short is a total and complete waste of $40 Plus thousand dollars. The money could have been better spent on a lifetime supply of Chik Fil La.
The production values are crude and the story line is just plain dumb. It's really an insult to your intelligence.
And then there is the acting. Oh, wait a minute. What acting?
Woman of the Hour (2023)
Huge Disappointment
The Plot: Woman of the Hour is based on the stranger-than-fiction true story of Cheryl Bradshaw and Rodney Alcala. Bradshaw was a bachelorette on the hit '70s TV matchmaking show The Dating Game and chose handsome and funny bachelor No. 3, Rodney Alcala. But behind Alcala's charming facade was a deadly secret: He was a psychopathic serial killer.
Well the true story has been told a million times before. The TV clips are all over YouTube. So we needed a poorly made fictionalized version of the story?
This is Anna Kendrick's directorial debut and she needs a lot more work before she can successfully make a movie. She should have made a bunch of shorts first because her director style is rudimentary at best.
It's like she read a book on directing and said, "I can do that." I liked in a another movie whose title I don't remember but watching this flick, it's clear she's also a one trick pony. She does the same acting over and over.
Frankly, I was bored.
Desperate Acts of Magic (2013)
Silly but Harmless
It's a low budget flick with really goofy music that brings it down a peg. It's the kind of music you hear in a goofy kid's movie with clowns.
It tries to be a bigger movie but doesn't get there. Part of the problem (besides the goofy music) is that it tries to be too pithy, and the writer just isn't that talented. (Sorry)
So the story line is kinda dumb, but overall, the movie has some heart so you'll probably overlook that. I guess the way I can describe the movie is that it's cute.
None of the individual parts (acting, directing, writing, music) would win awards, but taken together it becomes a harmless moderately entertaining flick.
The Parker Sessions (2021)
I Was Thoroughly Bored
First Observation:
The guy who made this movie has only filmed shorts and hasn't made another feature film after this movie.
Second Observation: This is the first film of the woman who plays Parker and she hasn't worked again since. It's been 5 years!
This tells you a lot about the quality of the people involved in this movie. Very quickly you get keyed into the format. Woman claims one thing and subsequent footage proves the opposite. It becomes really tedious really quick.
So I wondered why five years following the release of this movie it's still able to maintain a really good score of over 7 here. It doesn't deserve it at all but if you know how the agenda works you'll know why it gets the score within literally the first 10 minutes of the movie.
And BTW it's not filmed in "high contrast" black and white. It's normal black and white.
London in the Raw (1964)
Where's the "Raw?"
People who say this is a sexploitation movie didn't watch it.
It's basically a movie showing the quirkiness of Londoners with maybe 5 minutes of topless nudity (with pasties) thrown in toward the end of the film.
It's really a pretty boring flick. Turns out what the filmmakers thing are interesting profiles of everyday life in London winds up being a giant bore.
It's made in the Mondo format. A voice over introduces the scene then you watch it with more narration. But none of the segments are interesting.
Even the brief nudity segment falls flat. You will be bored out of your mind. One positive note -- the color looks like it was filmed in technicolor. It really pops.
Ten Violent Women (1982)
Bad Grindhouse Flick
A group of women miners get fed up with their lifestyle and decide to try crime. After successfully pulling off a jewelry store robbery, they fail to sell the jewelry and are forced to trade the jewels for cocaine. Soon they are busted by undercover cops when they try to sell the drugs, sending four of the women to a prison where a butch head guard uses the prisoners for her own deviant pleasures.
And that's just the beginning!
You know what kind of movie you're about to see when in the very first scene the dynamite guy is wearing a thin plastic construction hat --- something you'd get at a Party City.
It's bad. One guy actually has a Salvador Dali mustache. Lordy this stinks.
The Cursed Man (2020)
Shockingly BAD Movie
I watched this solely because it gets a 6.7 rating here. But guess what?. The movie is HORRIBLE. Let's see why...
The budget is non-existent. It appears to have been filmed with an iPhone. And not a new one either.
The acting is completely non-existent. These "performers" are just the pits. It's like some rudimentary acting class attendees who put on a show.
The direction is really poor too. Lots of really bad closeups to hide the lack of sets. The musical track is overly dramatic, like it's trying to hide how bad the movie is.
And let's talk about the special effects -- they stink! They are so bad you'll laugh out loud.
No one on earth would think this is a remotely good movie. It's bad through and through.
The Apocalypse Box (2024)
A Next-to-No-Gore "Horror" Movie
PLOT: A right-wing politician, aims to "Keep Britain British." On election eve, he gathers 6 strangers to unlock a wish-granting box. Ella, his spin doctor, faces chaos, scandal, and temptation with the mysterious "Apocalypse Box."
If you like poorly written and directed movies this one is your jam. Frankly, it's so silly I actually thought it was a comedy-satire!
It's not. It's just not all that good. The musical track is over the top dramatic, but it doesn't serve to make the movie better. It makes you realize how totally not dramatic or horrific the film is.
The movie takes forever to get going but then it goes nowhere! And what's with all the tight close ups? Who directs like that?
It was a bore.
The Bunny Game (2011)
Horrible
Everything about this movie is horrible. Particularly the directing which is chaotic to say the least. It will drive you nuts with an inability to focus.
But let's start at the beginning. The story is supposed to be about a drugged-up prostitute who takes on the wrong trick. Problem is she doesn't look all that strung out. Her life is supposed to be spiraling out of control, but she looks pretty hot most of the time. It's simply not believable.
Then finally she hooks up with the wrong trucker and you think things are gonna get good, but it doesn't. The dude spends an endless amount of time basically staring at her.
Thanks for nothing.
The Day the Music Died (2022)
A Stretch at Best
This is a 15 minute story that was stretched to a boring hour and a half.
Don't get me wrong, I love the song. I bought the album when it came out and played it incessantly. I still have it too. But years later I bought the CD to play.
There are quite a number of great songs on American Pie that get overlooked. McClean never really rose to the occasion after this album and part of it is that he is apparently very difficult to work with and only want things his way.
During covid he did a zoom meeting where he talked about the song and even sang it. His voice is shot.
Anyway, this movie is really a stretched-out story that is long in the tooth. It's over produced, and it drags on and on.
Deadly Pursuits (1996)
Wow! Tori Spelling had Quite a Body
The absolute only reason to watch this made for TV movie is to see bra-less Tori Spelling hopping around in very hot outfits.
I didnt realize that back in the day she had quite a smoking torso. The movie itself is sort of dumb, but boy-oh-boy can she move. She (or the director) knew exactly how to position her on the screen for maximum hotness.
Don't expect an earth shattering drama. This is very light fare. Her acting ability is adequate for this sort of flick. I neglected to mention there is also a boy-toy lead. Very typical for this kind of movie. Frankly, I spent more time looking at Tori's body than trying to get engaged in the plot.
The dialog is dumb. And her alleged background as a former stripper really doesn't come into play much. And that brings me to an unfortunate thing about this flick -- the longer it goes on the more demure Tori's clothing becomes. Until the end in the crop top. It turned into quite a climax.
The Further Adventures of Walt's Frozen Head (2018)
Poorly Realized
The Plot:
During his yearly thaw to oversee the direction of his company, the cryogenically frozen head of the world's largest media conglomerate, Walt Disney, convinces Peter, a low-level park employee, to kidnap him for a day in the Magic Kingdom.
OK. I watched this movie soley on it's 6.4 rating, even though it had ZERO written reviews. Big mistake on my part. It's pretty bad.
The concept is cute and even though this is a very, very, very low budget flick, they try to structure it like a bigger budget movie.
Problem is they should have spent the money on better actors. The performances are horrible. Plus, it's really hard to sustain a 90-minute interest in a head in a box, who doesn't really look like Walt.
Pass on buy and ignore the good rating.