natmavila

Picture this: Christmas Eve, Tokyo, three homeless pals stumble upon a wailing, abandoned baby in the trash. Sounds like the setup for a gritty crime thriller, right? Nope! It's actually one of the most unexpectedly heartwarming, ridiculous, and strangely beautiful movies ever made about misfits just trying to make it through the holidays. Satoshi Kon somehow took a trio of chaotic characters-a grumpy alcoholic, a trans woman with a heart bigger than Tokyo, and a runaway teenage girl-and made them feel like your new best friends after only 90 minutes.

These three wise "men" stumble through an absurd cityscape that feels like Tokyo on holiday-season steroids, encountering everyone from gangster debt collectors to sketchy cab drivers to literal divine intervention (okay, maybe it's just coincidences, but I'm choosing to believe there's Christmas magic here). The movie is a rollercoaster of mishaps, heartfelt confessions, and moments of pure, unhinged luck that feel like they were orchestrated by a drunk guardian angel who's just winging it. And don't even get me started on the miracle of a chase scene with a baby in tow-I'm pretty sure I held my breath for a solid five minutes.

What makes _Tokyo Godfathers_ so special is that it juggles the comedy of screwball situations with real, honest portrayals of people often overlooked by society. Kon doesn't romanticize the struggles of homelessness or push a preachy agenda. Instead, he lets these misfits shine in their messiness, desperation, and genuine humanity. By the time the credits roll, you're somehow both laughing and ugly crying over the fate of this absurd found family. And if a movie can make you believe in Christmas miracles and make you laugh out loud in the same breath, well, that's a holiday classic in my book.

Alright, *All I Want for Christmas* (1991) is like getting coal, but the coal is somehow insulting you. This movie follows two kids who plot to get their divorced parents back together for Christmas, and it's like *Home Alone* and *The Parent Trap* had an illegitimate lovechild who was promptly disowned. It's supposed to be "heartwarming," but the only thing it warms is my impatience, which was boiling over around the 30-minute mark. These kids' plan is so convoluted it feels like a test in unnecessary problem-solving. And don't even get me started on the "romantic" moments between the parents-it's like watching two cardboard cutouts flirt.

The dialogue here could've been written by a chatbot, and not even a good one. Every line feels like it was workshopped at a corporate board meeting where no one has ever experienced joy. Watching the kids try to manipulate their parents is somehow both creepy and mind-numbing; they keep whispering and giving each other knowing looks like little Bond villains. It's weird. There's a scene where they try to set their mom up with a "suitable" partner, and honestly, I was hoping she'd just run away with him to escape this chaotic nightmare.

And the cherry on top? Santa Claus himself shows up, but he looks like he's barely holding it together, and I'm pretty sure his Christmas magic ran out back in 1989. By the time the movie ended, I was just grateful the credits rolled and didn't reveal a sequel. *All I Want for Christmas* made me realize what I really want for Christmas: 90 minutes of my life back.

Oh boy. *Christmas Evil* is like if Santa took a sharp left turn off the North Pole and right into the deep end of "What were they thinking?" This movie wants to be a psychological thriller about a man's descent into holiday-fueled madness, but what it really delivers is 90 minutes of off-brand Santa giving everyone the creeps. Our lead, Harry, has the intensity of a man who looks like he eats candy canes *whole,* plastic wrapper and all. Watching him get angrier and angrier about people not respecting Christmas is less scary and more like watching your weird uncle rant at the family dinner table about "the true meaning of the holidays."

The pacing? Slower than a one-horse open sleigh stuck in molasses. Harry doesn't actually start doing anything "evil" until well over halfway through the film. Up until then, we're treated to an endless parade of him peering through binoculars at neighborhood kids, spying on co-workers, and obsessively keeping lists of who's "naughty" and "nice" like a deranged Walmart Santa with a grudge. When he finally goes full Santa-slasher, the kills are bafflingly sparse and lackluster. For a movie titled *Christmas Evil,* you'd expect more...well, *evil*. Instead, he mostly just looks confused, shuffling around in a costume that looks like it was borrowed from a local theater production of *A Christmas Carol.*

But, in a weird way, *Christmas Evil* is almost so bad it's good. There's something genuinely entertaining about how earnestly the movie tries to sell this deranged holiday spirit as both tragic and terrifying. Instead, it's just awkward, with random musical cues and baffling edits that make it feel like a fever dream of a Christmas nightmare. It's not scary, it's not heartwarming, and it's definitely not a holiday classic, but if you're looking for an accidental comedy that's equal parts unsettling and unintentionally hilarious, *Christmas Evil* might just be the lump of coal you're looking for.