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Heretic (2024)
Summary: Unrealistic premise, illogical decisions, Hugh Grant on autopilot, anti-Christianity message, no twist
The first 30 minutes are suspenseful as two young, innocent women are lured into a man's house. However, the tension dissipates when the women make illogical decisions. Despite the man locking the front door, no wife shows up, no windows are big enough to get out and mobile phones won't work because the walls are made of steel, blocking reception. Yet the women agree to go down to his basement. Like Gigsaw,
After that point, the movie loses its excitement. The rest of the film unfolds in near-total darkness, making it difficult to discern what's happening. The actors, including Hugh Grant, mumble their lines, making subtitles necessary. Actually I didn't care as the far-fetched dialogue was all about defaming Christianity (classic left-liberal Hollywood tactics).
And why all the praise for Hugh Grant? His performance feels autopilot. He smiles, looks confused, surprised/raised eyebrows, and occasionally amused in the same manner he has since Notting Hill. Most importantly, he's not scary when trying to mimic Jigsaw including having a miniature model of his house.
Ultimately, the movie lacks a compelling twist. The ending is dull and predictable. Additionally, there's a notable continuity error: the movie starts in summer but ends with snow. If this isn't a mistake, then why? An attempt to fill the subtle arty checkbox?
Smile 2 (2024)
It's not worth 10 stars, but worth your time
If you liked Smile, this follow-up will not disappoint. It's clear that the project had a much bigger budget, and honestly, they made the most of it. In this movie, we follow pop star Skye, who unfortunately gets "infected" by a demon from her drug dealer. It might sound like a boring sequel, but it's not. The film is over two hours long, and I think they used every second perfectly. I'm overwhelmed by Naomi Scott's performance; she brilliantly captures Skye's stressful and chaotic comeback while being possessed by a demon. This is probably one of the best sequels I've seen in decades. Also there are many jump scares but they are perfectly delivered and thereby avoiding boring clichés.
Daddy's Head (2024)
Left with more questions than answers
I normally hate British horror movies but this one begins quite well I would say. The young widow Laura processes the grief after her husband's death with copious amounts of wine in the architect-designed stylish house her husband left behind. Also living in the house is Laura's young stepson, but who has had the misfortune of losing both his father now and his mother earlier in life. But the grieving process takes an unexpected turn when unpleasant events start to occur.
Everything is very well filmed, the cinematography is top-notch and they really manage to capture an eerie atmosphere that persists throughout the film. The setting is perfect, stylish, and the elegant house is an excellent place for unpleasant events. But when the end credits roll, the viewer is left with many more questions than answers.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
What did the forest fire have to do with it?
Why did he suddenly call her mom?
The questions pile up, leaving a bitter aftertaste of having been cheated out of a satisfying conclusion. It almost seems as if all the script ideas ran out halfway through production, which is a shame because this is clearly a movie with potential.
Another thing that brings down my rating a bit is the incredibly slow pace, but this is partly compensated by very good acting performances. However, due to the lack of an ending, the overall impression is not particularly good.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Too many teenagers, too few Aliens
Alien Romulus is a solid addition to the franchise. It's a high-budget production filled with action and impressive effects. However, what really bothered me was that all the actors were teenagers or just slightly older. Not a single adult actor was seen, except for a not-so-great deepfake version of Ian Holm. Maybe it's just me but teens normally don't know how to operate a spacecraft. But magically these teens did, despite being low-class citizens/slaves on a "bad" planet, stolen from Blade Runner. And why did all teen actors speak horrible British accent? Normally I just skim the subtitles but in this movie I had to read every single sentence because everyone mumbled in a horrible unintelligible British accent.
The abundance of teenagers, however, seems to have been compensated by a shortage of Aliens. We didn't see many of those except a bunch of facehuggers chasing the teens in poorly lit corridors.
I was also annoyed by the attention given to 'Andy'-a damn robot! Let him do the dirty work as they did in Part 2 with "Bishop", instead of crying when he breaks down. A robot is a machine, like a fridge or a toaster, not a human being you care about. Other than that, it's a great action movie, but as an adult, I prefer to see adult actors speaking intelligible English.
Oddity (2024)
Better than Caveat and Longlegs but not a masterpiece
I actually liked this movie but there were too many plot holes and too many things were left unexplained. The wooden man, for example, made no sense at all. He didn't pay off either. Once he start moving the scare is gone. Also, why on earth did the husband let her and the wooden man in, how did he get the glass eye and why did he give it to the sister in the first place? A tent in the living room, why? If you think an intruder is in the house, do you really crawl into that tent? So many unanswered questions. Other than that, it's a decent horror film and much better than Caveat and the overly hyped Longlegs, both of which I hated intensely. The film's strength lies in the beautifully filmed scenes, the atmosphere and the calm but treacherous pace. The movie also contains some well-placed jump scares but as a whole it doesn't even come close to "masterpiece" level.
Longlegs (2024)
Breathtakingly bad
Warning! Don't believe the good reviews, either here or somewhere else. This is an almost comically bad "horror thriller" that revolves around a pathetically lame "satanic" premise that we've seen so many times before. Possessed/cursed dolls...? Give me a break!
Longlegs is an incredibly slow film. And dark - literally. The story is supposed to take place around the 80s and normally I like the brownish color tones from that time, but here it's just overdone. The main character "Lee Harker", who will portray an FBI agent, acts like a little unfortunate schoolgirl in every single scene. She looks anything but special agent tasked to solve tough murder cases.
The dialogues are long-winded, woody, cheesy and totally unnatural. In addition, everyone talks in circles and riddles, which is a cheap trick to sound mysterious when you don't have a story to back up the attempt with.
But most importantly - almost nothing happens! Well sure, a bit of murder but it all happens in slow motion and the attempts to bake it into mystical satanism takes away all the tension. I guess the writer/director watched Silence of the lambs + Annabelle + Dead Silence and thought - "Yeah, we can do it too!"
The more I see of Nicolas Cage these days as various absurd characters, the more I feel sorry for him. "Longlegs" is perhaps the peak failure of his career.
My otherwise easily startled wife was squirming in her seat throughout the entire movie- out of boredom while I was checking some emails on my phone. That says it all about the movie.
You've been warned. You're welcome.
You'll Never Find Me (2023)
Psychological low-budget thriller with bad ending
I think that sums it up pretty well. First of all, it's not all bad. I actually enjoyed the first part and even the middle. But all this buildup must lead somewhere, and it doesn't. The ending, as many others have commented, is not good. The 'twist' is not smart enough and lacks context. Yes, I'm fully aware of the very limited budget, and I honestly think they made the most of it. Yet, something more coherent is missing. The acting is actually good. There are only two actors, and even though I had never heard of them, I think they did a good job. Also, the entire plot takes place in a trailer, and it impressed me how well they used the limited space. But the experimental ending ruined it.
Abigail (2024)
"Dead Alive" 32 yrs later and this is what we get?
First of all, this is not a horror movie, even though it pretends to be one. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is scary. I made the big mistake of reading the summary before watching it, and after just five minutes into the movie, I knew exactly who was going to be the first to go and who would survive - including all characters.
I'm genuinely curious about who the intended audience is supposed to be. Is it for 12-year-old kids or people who have never seen a horror movie before? This is basically "Dead Alive" without any humor or charm-just cheap splatter and unscary gore.
To make things worse, the acting is below the level of a school play. It's actually sad to see Giancarlo Esposito in this so-called production.
Caveat (2020)
Horror for people who've never watched horror before
The first problem is the main character. He accepts the job as a guard, companion, and caretaker for a mentally unstable young woman who, btw, lives alone on a small island in an old, creepy, ugly house with an oversized basement. However, it's not the first time he's been on the island with her. He's been there before but has magically forgotten about it.
The second problem is the young woman's circumstances. What did her parents do for a living when they were alive? How does she survive on the island? Who provides her with food, new clothes, dogfood and medicine because there is no boat on the island. If Isaac needs to stay there for a few days, who takes care of her for the rest of the year? Her living alone on the island is a completely unrealistic concept.
The third problem is the disjointed "supernatural" events, like the painting in the bedroom that had nothing to do with the plot. There are whispers everywhere, and Isaac always shouts "Hello," but of course, never gets an answer.
And the little ugly drumming bunny that randomly starts drumming-what was its purpose? To top it off, the young woman's dead mom is placed in a wall in the basement, mummified or something because her body is not decomposed at all. What was the deal with the dog in the backyard?
Finally, why did the guy agree to be locked in that harness in the first place? When he reached for the phone, why didn't he take the key so he could unleash himself? Instead of calling the uncle, why didn't he call the police? Why didn't he keep the crossbow away from the woman? Why didn't he fight back? How could the young woman break his finger when he could have easily pulled his arm back?
And then we have the end. Or rather, the lack of one. Nothing is explained. But for some reason, the corpse in the wall comes alive, makes its way out and... THE END.
Civil War (2024)
Pointless movie about nothing
Completely meaningless film. You follow a group of war photographers embarking on what can only be described as a suicide mission. We never find out the purpose of the civil war. Occasionally, there are intense moments, but following photographers, including a little wannabe reporter, who are supposed to 'capture the war in her own way' (or something) is so absurd that time seems to stand still. There's no purpose, no beginning, no meaning, no message, no point and ends unimaginative. All you see is occasionally Americans killing Americans.
Another issue the film has is that I absolutely didn't care at all about the suicidal photographers, why they travel from NY to D. C., or what their mission is about. None of the actors made an unforgettable contribution, and their involvement is easy to forget.
A third problem is that the film is sometimes very slow. And then a little action... and back to slow. Paradoxically, the film felt short.
Southbound (2015)
We need more films like this one
This is a very unique horror/fantasy film that left me thinking for a long time and to be honest, it's also my favorite genre. I've actually seen it twice and the second time was the best. The story is very different and constantly balances between fantasy and horror, even though the film is labeled as horror. The fantasy elements work more like the punishment they all receive for their sins. Each story connects well to the next without spoiling the real message. The film is sometimes very brutal without being goreish and I appreciated that. I think it reminds of "Triangle", which was also a mind-blowing horror/thriller with fantasy elements. We definitely need more films like this.
Anything for Jackson (2020)
Begins ok, ends in a C-graded mess
I enjoyed about two-thirds of this film. The actors weren't all bad, but as soon as supernatural elements were introduced, it raised a red flag for me. The movie managed to strike a decent balance between stupidity and horror, but it stumbled into a messy territory filled with ridiculous low-budget, unscary clichés. Towards the end, the actors and actresses revealed their lack of education, and the poor direction left me cringing.
Personally, satanic-themed films have never been my cup of tea. It seems they always believe that more is scarier, but often, it just becomes embarrassing and satiric.
La mesita del comedor (2022)
Not my cup of coffee
What's up with horror community? How can this movie have so many good reviews? Only ONE disturbing event happens. The rest is a long and dreary journey to an ending that feels unimaginative. What happens is also completely improbable. Just because the actors speak Spanish doesn't mean a movie is good. I've one positive thing to say about the film, that is it breaks a taboo. You can't do this in a horror film but they did. Unfortunately it's not enough to save it. It's downright boring and I couldn't care less about the characters, who are all over the top and unsympathetic, especially the woman. Also, what was that pedo thing all about? It was not funny, clever, taboo-breaking, cutting-edge or particular radical. Just unpalatable, unrealistic and totally unnecessary, adding absolutely nothing to the story.
The Cleansing Hour (2019)
Childish and immature
Wow this movie was bad. Bad acting, bad script, bad effects, bad everything. It's not even so bad it's good. A bunch of fake exorcists are live streaming their childish nonsense on the net, however suddenly one of the crew gets possessed by a real demon and things are not so funny anymore. I've not idea who this movie is made for. Teens? And what about all the good reviews? Exactly what in this trash movie is worth anything above 2/10? Above all, it never gets scary at all. Just cringe worthy. I couldn't care less about the characters and their ridiculous exorcist show even when the real demon appears. Actually I was hoping the demon was going to destroy them all.
Satanic Hispanics (2022)
It's a comedy, not a horror movie
I honestly enjoyed it. This is quite an entertaining comedy with horror elements that should not be taken too seriously. The 'Traveler' is a guy caught by the police after being the only survivor of a massacre. During interrogation, 'The Traveler' tells a series of strange supernatural stories that we then get to follow. Of course, the detectives don't believe him until it's too late. Sometimes the stories get a bit far-fetched and are all over the place, but overall, this is an entertaining horror-comedy that gets quite violent at times. The film is distantly reminiscent of the 'V/H/S' series of short episodes, so if you like 'V/H/S,' chances are you will like this movie too.
Cuando acecha la maldad (2023)
Boring and incoherent
We are faced with a world where "evil" is something completely normal, where the police don't do anything and where people have learned to live with "evil". Yet people are constantly infected, leading to bloodbaths and gore. The characters are constantly yelling at each other and acting the exact opposite of common sense. No explanation is given as to what the "evil" comes from or what the "evil" wants. Everything is disjointed and the dialogues are totally bizarre. I watched the movie with English subtitles and despite this, I didn't understand anything about the plot. There are several horror elements that could have been explored much more. A missed opportunity.
Who Killed Robert Wone? (2023)
Boring documentary because it doesn't answer its own question
I have heard about this case long before, but never thought it was an exciting case because I think we all know what happened. Three men killed a fourth, but the lack of "concrete" evidence leads to their acquittal. This documentary tries to maximize the mystery of how Robert Wone could be killed without the slightest trace of violence, beyond the stabbing. Unfortunately, it will just be a long harangue of staged interviews with the police investigator vs one of the defense attorneys. No new theories, clues, motives or evidence are presented in the documentary. I recommend this documentary to anyone who has never heard of the Robert Wonge case, but for anyone else familiar with the case, the series brings nothing new to the table.
This Is the End (2013)
This Is The End of comedy
Wow just wow! This movie is so unbelievably bad. I wonder who the target audience is? Millennials on drugs? A bunch of C-rated "actors" end up at James Franco's house. While a post-apocalypse sets the world on fire, the C-rated "actors" act like they're five years old, screaming, fighting and using drugs. It's supposed to be fun that they all play by themselves but it's not. Honestly, participating in this so-called "comedy" has to be their worst career move ever. I understand why Danny McBride and Jay Baruchel (hate them both) thought it would be a good idea to be in this tasteless piece but Jonah Hill and Emma.. ?
I have no idea why Americans always think stupid men-children on drugs screaming, fighting and overusing sex jokes and the f-word is "comedy". GROW UP! IT IS NOT FUNNY!
The Eyes (2016)
A low-budged tribute to the genre
Six people wake up in a room tied to their chairs. They get 2 hours to figure out why they are there. Then bad things will happen. This is the typical premise of "escape room" movies and The Eyes is no exception. Yes, it's a low-budget contribution to genre but has a nice quirky ending. The actors are B-rated but do a decent job throughout the film. At one point the film gives away a little too much but the twist at the end saves it from a nose dive. Don't expect an excessive production. It is basically a bunch of actors, a room and a camera. But if you like escape room movies, this isn't too bad and can definitely be compared to Exam, House of 9, Nine dead and others.
Stopmotion (2023)
I believed the good reviews - bad mistake
I'm writing this review because I only read the good reviews and believed them to be true. The fact is, this is not a good movie at all. It's more of an experimental school film project with basically no budget at all. It tries to be arty and "strange" but fails miserably.
It's about a young woman who's doing stop motion videos together with her stupid and unkind mom. Then the young woman found herself in a twisted dreamlike nightmarish reality and the movie becomes surrealistic but not in a good way. I'm not going to spoil it. But what makes it so bad is both the slow and dull storyline as well as the boring characters I never cared about.
As a school project, sure! But as a commercial movie I strongly recommend you to pick something else.
Nine Dead (2009)
Was about to give it 6 stars
I liked it. But as most of you who read the reviews figured out, the ending is really bad. But until it ends, this is a pretty good thriller reminiscent of the SAW franchise. This is an escape room type of movie with lots of interesting clues and rewards viewers who pay attention. The acting is not too bad even though all the actors/actresses are unknown to me. But the ending makes it impossible to give Nine Dead more than 3 stars which is a shame as it would have only required some small changes to improve the ending. Despite everything, I still recommend the movie to everyone who likes escape room movies. But prepare to be disappointed.
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
Terrible film that aged badly
Staggeringly bad, childish, slow film that is clinically devoid of explanation. We get to follow a slightly strange trio consisting of the couple Jessica and Duncan and Duncan's friend Woody, who all move into a house the three bought. The couple have an odd hobby - making impressions of tombstones on large sheets of paper which then adorn the walls. In the house already lives homeless Emily, who thought it was abandoned. She is offered to stay in house with the other three because she is so nice. Jessica starts hearing whispers, seeing visions while the old men of the village treat Duncan unkindly when he goes grocery shopping. Everyone in the village has small cuts. Emily is getting more and more shady. Also, Jessica discovers that Emily resembles a woman in a very old photograph hanging in the attic. Jessica kills Duncan during one of her visions and Woody is found dead while driving his tractor. The End.
Perhaps this film is the best proof that everything was not better before. As for the tombstone prints, they are left without explanation like everything else.
No One Will Save You (2023)
No One Will Save You from this movie
Is this movie about an alien invasion or is it a metaphor for mental illness? It is difficult to say. As a sci-fi movie though, I'm not that impressed. The CGI is unfortunately amateurish and very poorly done, but the director still manages to create an ominous atmosphere that compensates somewhat. A film without any dialogue sounds like a bad idea but it works even if it's not a game changer. I'm surprised this movie got so much attention because it's basically "Signs" meets "Home Alone", except for the fact that the protagonist is hated in the village where she lives. Unfortunately, IMHO the messy ending ruined the movie. It's not all bad and I understand why many people appreciate it so give it a shot but curb your enthusiasm.
Rob Schneider: Woke Up in America (2023)
Politically incorrect, thus brilliant
It's so liberating to see a stand-up comedian make fun of all the political correctness that exists both in the US and in Europe while also making fun of himself. He doesn't cross any lines yet mocking Trump and Biden in just the right way. Yes, the show is pretty sexist but hits right where it hurts the most. I understand if many left-wing activists feel offended, but that's because they don't understand humor or can't see themselves objectively. I always thought comedians are Trump-hating, conservative-contemptuous left-wingers. But I was wrong and I love it! I highly recommend this show to all who like to be challenged.
Nocturnal Animals (2016)
So slow... so boring.. so bad ending
I can't believe this movie has 7.5 on IMDb! Did I watch the same movie? The storyline is so thin and pointless it's really a joke. Nothing makes sense with the two stories. What was the point? Once again I have been deceived by the excessively high rating and the nice reviews and that makes me angry. The ending is probably the worst I've ever seen. I really hate it. Just because the cinematography is good (it is really good and the only thing that is good) doesn't make a movie good. I like Jake Gyllenhaal a lot but not even he or Amy Adams nor Michael Shannon could save this disasterpiece. What a shame!