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Reviews
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
What the fox
Dull, forced, uninteresting, cheap, awful, amateurish, ruinous. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, utterly disappointing from start to finish. To be recycled and forgotten.
Death on the Nile (2022)
Such great expectations followed by a fiasco of a remake
It's difficult to pinpoint what exactly went wrong. Perhaps everything. A mediocre attempt at bettering a masterpiece, nothing more. Made me want to re-watch Peter Ustinov's take on Poirot. Gal Gadot is beautiful but appears out of context. The previous instalment of the Orient Express from Branagh was an 8 and enjoyable. This one is a generous 5.
Po tu storonu smerti: Bystrov 2 (2018)
Akhmedova is awful
Sabina A is pathetic. Who told her that she could act? Facial expressions are most primitive and the acting is unremarkable. Choosing a different vocation would do her good.
Ted Lasso: Headspace (2021)
Top stuff
Absolutely amazing, and I'm saying that as a resident in Richmond ))
Beckett (2021)
Seriously poor
Awful doesn't even begin to describe how poor this is. Washington Jr. Can't act, shouldn't act, and he doesn't.
The Match (2020)
A poor version of a great story
The plot is dull, the football action meek and amateurish. Three stars fully justified by cameos from Viduka, Kova & Lovren. More of a freestyle, pseudo-docu reconstruction that looks cheap and.fails to generate any emotional attachment. Really poor.
The Marksman (2021)
Pitiful
Duller than watching paint dry. Somehow Neeson has become a once famous footballer after 40.
Luce (2019)
Multi-layered and underwhelming
What a pathetic attempt at thought-provoking. So deep that it's shallow beyond annoyance. Time wasted.
Vikings: The Last Act (2020)
And it started so well
If I ever decide to watch the show again, I'll stop right after Ragnar's death. It all went downhill from then on to the very end that was anti-climactic and stillborn. The whole of S6 is a collection of random episodes without much meaning and lots of new characters filling up the vacuum created by poor writing. How could something so great turn so sour?
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
What a load of carp
Almost half the film in, and I'm forcing myself to go on. What a disappointment, can't even pinpoint what exactly is wrong - it's lacking in everything. Cheap and uninteresting.
The Undoing: The Bloody Truth (2020)
Sadly, cannot be unwatched
The last episode lets the whole show down and makes it an unreasonably oversized 6-part episode in a courtroom drama series, and a weak one at that. Ridiculously flat, almost from the very beginning, and simply ridiculous when Kidman offers to testify. Additionally, perhaps her worst performance ever, throughout the entire show.
Let Him Go (2020)
Dull beyond worst fears
There're slow movies where the purpose is to encourage viewers to reflect. And there's this film that provokes one though only: why? Why did they make it? There's nothing to take away from here. I give it 3 points, 1 each to the 2 lead actors and N.Dakota.
Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018)
A shameless theft of both time and money
If such garbage generates profits in excess of $100M despite poor ratings and negative reviews it means that the public were lured into cinemas and robbed of their money for very little value. How awful and shameless.
Viking Quest (2015)
Ridiculously bad
Quite possibly the worst TV production ever. Wooden would be an undeserved compliment to the acting and the script lacks itself. Should be studied by aspiring actors, directors and producers as an example of what not to do.
Unhinged (2020)
A thriller that lacks, well, thrill...
Along with everything else one would expect from a Crowe led film. I realise that it's difficult to surpass A Beautiful Mind and Gladiator but what on earth compelled him to agree to this one? The only plausible explanation I can come up with is that, unlike Bale who famously undergoes body transformations in preparation for many of his roles, Crowe simply wanted to justify his previous lack of diet and exercise. The film's script is poor, the heroine annoying, her family not really likeable, and there's a nagging question why this wasn't made into a 12min short. 3 for Crowe being in it, otherwise worse that trash. Unwatchable rather than Unhinged.
Doctor Who: Blink (2007)
Classic Dr. Who
Perhaps Carey Mulligan's best role ever. Should've stayed in that tardis universe.
Stealth (2005)
Disgraceful
What a disgrace - cheap, and hardly worth a fart. I'm struggling to imagine what compelled the producers to OK this vomit of a movie.
The Salisbury Poisonings (2020)
Could be better
Not really captivating in any way one looks at it, be it a fact-based drama or a work of fiction. The cross-breed is week, the characters bleak, and the "Russian angle" bordering on nothing of note. The "Putin will get me" quote is nearly laughable. Honestly, I expected much more from BBC on such a well covered topic with far-reaching implications.
Zavod (2018)
Weak and pointless
It's not awful, it's simply disappointingly shallow. The script is weak as is the portrayal of a divide in the society. The climax couldn't have been more anticlimactic. The storyline lacks credibility and purpose. Overall, weak and pointless.
Max Steel (2016)
Decent... compared to 1 and 2-star films
Felt like I only had 1 option on in-flight entertainment. After 20 min I firmly reminded myself that I was at home and switched it off. Such a relief
Offline (2012)
Not wooden at all
Calling this amateur diy product wooden wouldn't be a fair estimate and an insult to many a wooden production. Wooden is way more flexible compared to this. Whatever the recipe, the served dish lacked absolutely everything, from story to acting. Pity I can't give it a minus.
Midsommar (2019)
Awfully beautiful
What rubbish, honestly - 2 couples asked me after the show whether they'd missed anything to appreciate this. I reassured them that they hadn't.
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
A downward slope
Great up until S5, good in S6-7, awful and unrewatchable from the very start of S8... What a shame
How I Met Your Mother: Who Wants to Be a Godparent (2012)
5 max (or lower)
Shamefully not funny and awfully boring to the point of fast-forwarding the season.
The World's End (2013)
What a disaster
Oh my my - so much British talent assembled to such an obscene outpouring of rubbish. Before you judge my opinion, this is just about my favourite collection of actors/actresses, and I've now attempted to re-watch it a whopping 5 times. Utter rubbish. Feeling sorry for the cast - surely they must've'felt the same, or worse.