Reviews

I can't fault the actors, but the story and script are relentlessly depressing with no likeable characters. No respite, no happy ending and no character development. There's no resolution but the grave for this one. None of the characters is on a redemptive arc in this story and the relationships are too sparsely written to be credible, let alone entertainting. Howard's taking to Annie occurs in a scene change with no rhyme nor reason given, unless we infer Howard's realisation he's lost a housekeeper. The dialogue is the film's worst feature-what there is of it -and the attitudes represented bear little resemblance to human nature. Almost every step is wrongfooted. I watched to the end in bemusement wondering how this was going to resolve into the "beautiful, sweet, etc" film other reviwers had seen.... it didn't.

I'm sure like me you had a dream that Nichola Walker's character Cassie had faked her own death to get a death in service payout, flew to Argentina, had facial plastic surgery, and came back, applied for her old job & slotted straight back in for one more shot at that pension. Only Sunny would be in on it & the last season would be another cracker. Humph. Foiled again.

Sadly Sunny is not sunny any more. Gurning & groaning & moaning about his new horrible boss who is at home/work/on her phone gurning & groaning & moaning about her cratering home life, while the staff soldier on hiding under their desks from the 'boss lady' & hating every minute of it.

Meanwhile there appears to have been a murder & the boss isn't really interested. I mean why would you be interested if you're the senior officer of a murder squad right?

There are various characters strewn about with their own depressing stories running which are slowly tying together but so transparent it's no fun at all being an armchair detective.

When Cassie was around she & Sunny had a good friendship which helped to elevate the otherwise sad story lines. But she's gone & Sunny has turned into a real prat in the only other personal relationship he's got going for him.

I'm half way thru the 5th season & bored witless waiting for someone to get with it but in my head I'm just sitting like Sunny at Cassie's gravestone mourning the passing out of the series of the ever fabulous Nichola Walker.

Jeremy Clarkson is a force of nature. Larger than life, (possibly due in part to all that glorious farm food) with the energy of a raging toddler, the optimism of a Ned Flanders, the mouth of a sailor on his fourth case of Hawkstone beer, there appears to be no stopping him. Except there is.

I'm pretty sure that anyone whose dealt with a rural local council over anything more difficult than getting missed bins picked up took one look at the face on the presiding council chief and knew the answer to Jeremy's most reasonable request for planning permission was going to be a big fat "No!"

There are some fantastic people living in the area, many of whom are struggling farmers who deserve every helping hand they can get. But no. Because Jeremy is not considered a 'real farmer' the whole lot can go to the wall with him as far as the council is concerned. Bye bye to the co-opertive they were organising together that could have gone a long way to save them all. A local nameless resident even had a bitter spiteful nasty little lawyer read out a bitter nasty spiteful statement calling Jeremy every bitter spiteful nasty little name in the book. This is small minded Britain at it's worst.

Jealousy is a terrible blight on the character & it seems the area Jeremy is trying to make a go of farming is heaving with it. Because he is well known & has the audacity to be wealthy, he has no business calling himself a human being, let alone a farmer. Everything has been done, above & beyond the call of spite, enforcing policies that are applied normally without the draconian penalties of hatred levelled at him.

I live rural so I get it. You're either in or you're out & if you're out you might as well live on the moon because you'll never ever be accepted as part of the 'us' that is deemed so spectacularly full of wonderfulness. Sadly for Chadlington Oxfordshire, the public really like Jeremy Clarkson evidenced by their willingness to travel miles to visit his shop. There's little chance there will be any purchases made in that village as they journey thru, or anything more than deliberately driving over the no parking cones lined up like Daleks all along the road to make everyone's life a misery & some rubbish thrown out car windows for good measure on the high street. All I can say is, you asked for it.

It happens to many a top series. Take Foyle's War as an object lesson in what not to do & the makers of Vera should have paid attention.

Beloved of us all, Foyle boasted top rate acting & story lines, stable characterisations, relatable. The series met with its inevitable tidy end with Foyle retiring & the team wandering off into the sunset of a new post war world. And it should have stayed there. But no, after far too many fallow years & not a single decent creative idea showing up for a new series elsewhere, it was thought best to go back to Foyle. What a horrible mistake.

Gone was the excellent camaraderie between the team, gone was the sweet naive Sam, the respect between Foyle & Milner. Everyone had changed, not only their circumstances but their whole personalities. They were not likeable & the magic was gone.

Enter Vera. Once a cast iron character, entirely recognisable as the curmudgeonly spinster, uncompromising, irritable, with an aversion to children & socialising, zero interest in colleagues 'home issues', & great banter with the office crew like Kenny.

When David Leon left & dear Paul Ritter left us bereft in real life I thought the real magic was gone. I got used to 'Aidan', a bit wooden but still Vera stayed the same which helped. Paul Kaye was pure counterpoint brilliance - even more curmudgeonly than Vera. Then came the natural end. Vera, just like Foyle retired & moved off into the sunset. But wait! No! Let's forget all that & bring her back with a personality transplant, & ruin everything that has been carefully built for 11 great seasons!

Vera went Woke! Suddenly there's no insulting banter with Kenny in the office, poking fun at his hair & his many girlfriends. Maybe Kenny complained he was a victim & his feelings were hurt. Suddenly Vera cares a whole lot about Aiden's family time & pats his bottom off to the wife & bairn. Paul Kaye left as the pathologist & in his place a jumped up but diverse 12yr old actress play acting at being a bright 12yr old pathologist. No possibility of real grown up snide ankle biting, just baby talk pretending to be mature. Suddenly NE England, Tyneside & Northumberland are the epicentre of cultural diversity & the trans movement. It's a blooming' miracle! Vera is right in there with the wokeists, not even batting an eye at the only trans in the village as if it's an everyday interaction.

I hate it in case you hadn't noticed. The stories are dark & dire because the very fun & levity & crackling ankle biting wit of the old curmudgeon is gone & what we're left with is a weak, boring old appeasing wet blanket of a DI.

I normally like Skerritt. I have no idea why he chose to produce & star in this depression fest. There are no redeeming features, no uplifting moments, no heartwarming scenes, no redemption.

SPOILERS GALORE!

The main character Skerritt is dying of cancer. We open the scene with him making a lame attempt at suicide with a shotgun leaving his dog at the bottom of the stairs. He bails & meets his lovely sweet daughter for dinner. Treats her like dirt, won't talk to her or engage with her & walks out with her in tears saying how much she misses him & wants to spend time with him. Nice guy.

Goes on a road trip with his lovely dog, picked up by 2 lovely people he doesn't deserve. Dog gets attacked. Walks out of the wilderness & gets picked up by a lovely man who takes him to a lovely vet. Skerritt can barely bring himself to smile or utter thanks so he doesn't. Having fun so far?

Vet is lovely, fixes the dog up, buys him dinner, lets him sleep over, gives him breakfast. Skerritt can barely bring himself to smile but just barely audibly manages a grumpy thanks.

Skerritt goes to visit his estranged brother. I'd say the brother got off lightly. But here we learn that Skerritt is even more of a selfish moron than we thought. He left his brother pretty poorly off caring for their father alone & he didn't even bother to help him out or come to the old man's funeral. What a guy! He was a cardiac surgeon & he was too busy. Like we can all relate to that as to why he's a Class A horror.

Gets the vet to phone his daughter to pick up the dog. Goes after another moron who stole his shotgun & leaves it on his brother's porch. Wow, what a generous gesture of kindness & appeal for forgiveness.

Daughter shows up, picks up the dog & the grumpy old dad & drives them home.

Honestly that was it.

I have no clue why anyone without a death wish would want to sit through this. If you're hoping for some kind of redemption moment, don't bother, I just saved you an hour & a half.

Right up there with one of the worst movies I've ever seen & I've seen some duds. How actors like Daniel Craig & Ed Norton could have read the script & thought it was a winner is beyond me. Terrible story. No wait. There really was no story to speak of so I can't even rate that. Soooooooo looooooong when no one said anything of value to advance the non plot, not enough murder & mayhem, a lot of useless smashing & blowing stuff up with no point. And Daniel love, that old duffer accent...please. If you wanted people to forget you were once the inimitable Bond, job done. I hated this film for the full 2 1/2 hrs I waited in vain for it to get better.