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Reviews
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Best video game to big theater adaptation ever!
Amazing everything. I was so shocked at the rotten tomatoes score and i knew for a fact that it wouldn't reflect how the audience really feels. & boy was i right. The animation was stunning, the soundtrack choice was amazing. Even with the story taking a little steer off the path with the "girl power" thing with princess peach, it was enjoyable. Best movie from illumination in a long time. Would argue its one of the best video game movies of all time. Everything you would want in a movie was in this one. Critics may will have to rethink the score in the future. Definitely enjoyable for everyone. Im almost 30 and i loved every bit of it.
Blackout (2022)
Movie missed quite a bit like most of the guys shooting at their target.
This movie...is mid. Now I'm not gonna lie, some of the parts of the movie did leave my mouth wide open. But I was confused for a minute before i figured out what little story it did have. It's an passable action movie. Good amount of gunfire, a few fight scenes, a couple of explosions. If that's what you came for, you're good to go. If you're looking for an coherent story, this is not for you.
One thing i do want to say is can we talk about the shooting? Omg, never shot a g*n in my life but im pretty sure i would have hit my target better than these trained cartel henchman. Dk where they dug up Nick Notle, but unpopular opinion, he may have been the only bright spot about this movie. Anyways, all the rest of the cast falls flat.
The story was pretty much predictable & cliche. How many times we seen the old "undercover agent who gained amnesia from an accident and now is in a place where everything is rigged against them and now they have to fight, shoot, blow up their way to getting their memory back of one particular event that got them in that mess" type of film? This movie thought it could be Bourne Identity, but failed.
Deliverance (1972)
Kinda good disturbing thriller, but not the masterpiece everone else sees.
I can say for a fact that this movie is good. It kept me intrigued, wondering how the 4 men was going to be affected by this turbulent canoe vacation. BUT....it's not all that. Usually i tell people the good / great movies does start kind of slow and then somewhere in the middle turns up as far as the knob go, but this movie started a little too slow. Took a while for the "action" to happen, and i wouldn't say it's that action packed. But it did do a good job of putting on display of how much human nature is willing to do for survival. This movie took a dark turn, and it was worth it. Maybe not almost 2 hours worth it, but worth it nonetheless. Really if i had to give an exact rating it would be like a 6.2-6.3/10.
Beast (2022)
Leave your kids at home when you are trying to survive
I hate I watched this. This movie didn't bring too much of anything of value other than if you were killing time. Idris elba is just the british version of will smith of how his face slapped on a movie to bring attention & dollars to it but it doesn't necessarily make it a automatic classic film. I expected more from him.
So Idris plays Nate, along with his 2 teenage daughters, visits his collegue Martin in a village where his late ex wife grew up at. We learn that that Nate and his wife had divorced, but also in that process she had terminal cancer. This bring about some tension between mainly him and his oldest daughter, as we'll see later on in the movie. But yada yada yada, they're out on the reserve looking at the animals and what not and get caught lacking by this bloodthirsty lion. We later find out that poachers have been hunting lions for their bones and these same poachers may have wiped out this lion's entire pride, which gave this lion entry for revenge. Now the family has to fight for survival.
This movie could have been interesting, but the daughters of Nate really killed it for me. This man is under this jeep that they were in literally trying to fight for his life getting away from this lion and one of the girls constantly asking him: "Dad, are you okay"? "Say something!" "The gun is right there!". The kids were so annoying, and the family drama that I was talking about popped up at the wrong time. Who gives af why your father left your mother? We got more terrible things at hand like this big a** lion waiting to dig into his 4 human sized meals in a jeep.
All in all, Martin got hurt bad by the lion, oldest daughter Meredith saved him (her only redeeming part in this movie) & moved him to the jeep. People showed up, thought they were safe, nope, said poachers showed up. Nate begs them for help, offering to pay, then as they opened the jeep, they see Martin (who took 3 of them out from some unknown mission), situation was escalating bad until the lion showed up and took the poachers out. Martin dies by sacrificing himself after the jeep falls off the cliff and leaks gas to give that big ole kitty a nasty face burn. Martin goes to get the keys. A few tense moments caused by those 2 knuckleheads of his were close calls, got the keys off a dying poacher. Drive to an abandoned school his ex wife went to, the lion catches up with them. The most unbelievable fight i ever seen unfolds. Another lion pride steps in and saves Nate and ends up killing the lion. He's found by someone, they're saved, the end.
As brave as I thought Nate was for taking on the lion, i still couldn't overlook that punch he gave it lol. It was just toying with him which we know in reality, the lion could have just jumped on top of him, snapped his neck and it would've been over. But hey, whatever. This movie is good for passing time, thats it.
The Time Machine (I Found at a Yardsale) (2011)
Han solo and princess leia really let theirselves go
If it hadn't of been for a couple of way more entertaining movie reviews on this, i wouldn't have known this movie's existence. This is like star wars and star trek's deformed child that they abandoned at some orphanage.
Everything is god awful. Usually even bad movies have at least one redeeming quality about it, but this has none. The only thing it helps with is helping people with insomnia fall asleep. You can barely hear the actors voice for one. And let's not talk about the acting, wow! If it's one thing that did get right is that if they wanted 2 of the most boring, flat and non-charismatic people for their male/ female lead roles, they found the perfect ones. The guy looked like some 1950's outcast while the lady acted like that was first time out in the real world.
The editing is atrocious. Matter fact, scratch that. It wasn't any editing at all. If you're the type of person that needs to see everything in a scene, this is the movie for you. The epic "orange juice" scene was just the beginning of what was yet to come. Dont let me get started on the "special effects". Dang near the whole movie is shot on green screen & stock photos. I felt like a youtuber could have came up with better content than this. & the "dinosaur" part....well yeah.
Anyways the only thing that you can only wish from this movie is the time you wasted that you took when watching it. Too bad we don't have time machines for that. It does serve as nice ASMR though.
Prey (2022)
Not bad if you look past the "girl power" narrative.
Now as much as i enjoyed this movie, i still wanted to point out the whole "big strong girl" story. Pretty crazy how this 100 lbs with no real training girl was able to manhandle a camp of 180 and above lb guys with guns. She was way smarter than any of the warriors in her tribe too right? I wanted to give this a 6, but i can say this movie had me far more invested in it than that atrocious 2018 reboot. I did like the angle of it being set in the 1700's. This movie didn't have to believeable for me since it is probably the best one ever made since the 1st movie. So if you are blind to the "girl power" narrative", this movie gives the franchise some hope.
Umma (2022)
This movie def doesn't have any replay value.
As much as its branded as a horror film, it's low end psychological "thriller" at best. The backstory of the main character's childhood abuse wasn't really truly explained clear, you just had to take the little key clues they did give and had to assume her mother used to shock her alot. Visual flashbacks probably would have helped the movie out a little bit more.
This is another movie that had a potentially good idea, but it didnt do any good with it. Didnt too much like the daughter character once she started to get rebellious and curious. This movie was very forgettable. Creepy nonetheless, but nothing scary with the usual jumpscares.
They/Them (2022)
This supposed "slasher" film slashed my expectations
Only Theo Germaine stood out with good acting in this one. Everyone else basically fell flat, surprisingly Kevin Bacon as well. Nobody was interesting enough (besides Theo) so if they got killed, i wouldn't have cared too much about it.
This movie potentially had a good movie idea, but they fumbled it badly. The first half was genuinely ok. After an hour into it, that's when it goes down hill. If you want to know who get's killed, basically all the camp counselors, no students. I was kind of surprised who the killer was, but at the same time I wasn't. It was all predictable if you asked me. I'm not apart of the lgbtq+ community, but if I was, i would be mad and would want this movie cancelled for how dull it is.
Malnazidos (2020)
Fairly decent zombie movie
I'm a sucker for zombie entertainment so I had to download this. It's not much to write home to about, but it was enough to say "not so bad, it might have some replay value". Did have some nice humor sprinkled in as well. Kind of gave me a little Shaun of the Dead / Life After Beth feels.
La noche más larga (2022)
Gonna have some long nights trying to figure this plot out.
As much as I wanted to enjoy this, I really couldn't. It's just your usual action thriller packaged up to be way more better when viewing previews than when you actually dive into it. Watchable but will keep you confused from beginning to end. If there's going to be a Season 2 for this, I will really need some big plot holes to be filled.
Long story short, a psychiatric prison is under attack from a group who wants to take a prisoner, a serial killer i might add. We never know the real reason as to why they wanted to bust him out, other than some mystery man (likely a respectful figure whose a mover and a shaker) is orchestrating all of this mayhem. More confusion as to who the real antagonist was in the series because the warden didnt give a ish about anybodys lives except his kids. I started to feel more compassion for the serial killer than the warden. More lives were lost than there had to be. Didnt understand why he wasn't honest unless maybe a possible season 2 reveals he's not so innocent as he may seem.
To save you from a long and confusing mess, its all of that. If you love head scratching cliff-hangers, this series have it for you. Just when I started to figure it out, It threw some more junk at me. This would be best for background noise to sleep to.
I Am Legend (2007)
I waited a long time to watch this, & i think i should waited longer.
It truly takes me a while to get around to watching certain movies, especially movies I'm very iffy on. This is one of those, and for good reason. It's like I watched a great 1st half of a game, and by midway thru the 2nd i wanted nothing to do with it.
So we have Mr. Robert Neville (a former Army virologist) and his dog Sam. Lucky for him the movie gave him an convient profession of being an scientist in his everyday search of finding a cure for a virus thats killed 90% of human population while the rest are either mutants or immune. How is he immune? Dont ask me. But thank God he was right?
Now to spare the details of the first half of the movie, it was good overall. We get to see how one man and his dog roam the streets of an desolated NYC. Im a sucker for post apocalyptic films. But here's my problem with this. We never truly see how the buildup of how the "cure for cancer" basically backfired on people and destroyed mankind as we know it. I also didn't get how he managed to stay safe from the mutants for 3 years considering the fact that they were intelligent. If they only followed him home because he was attacking their groups by bringing home wounded mutants to experiment on, why did it take the female mutant to be taken before the "Alpha" darkseeker said enough is enough?
The movie went downhill for me when Mr Neville gets caught in his own trap set by the darkseeker. His dog gets bite in the process by mutant dogs and they managed to escape until Sam has to be put down from his wounds. Im pretty sure Robert has set many traps to grab these things but they are just now getting wise to him? You would have thought they would have thought of that 3 years ago since they basically observe him probably everyday wandering in the streets but whatever i guess, he lives.
Let's not dare leave out our two other survivors that pop up much later in the movie, Anna & Ethan. As much as i wanted to care for them, I didnt. They were so rushed in. Then i felt them saving Neville from his botched "suicide" attempt was too unbelievable considering how many mutants had surrounded that area. Anyways the dialog felt so terrible. The whole Bob Marley talk just took me out. I really was baffled as to how the character Anna knew of the singer's son (Damien) but not his more famous father. Wanted to cut it off then lol.
Then this weird religion talk was going on and then a few moments later, hell broke lose. Usually movies would give us a day or so to build rapport but nope, the movie said lets hope this last 30 minutes really does it for the audience. The darkseekers find them, broke through all those silly defenses, guns were laying around but i guess Will..i mean Robert didnt see them. A few close calls then they all go to the lab in the basement to hide, darkseekers find them. Robert gives them the vial that's gonna save humanity i guess, grabs conviently placed grenade in a drawer and throws it, killing him and the darkseekers. Woman and boy drives the most cleanest looking car (ford placement) i ever seen in a apocalypse to this community she was babbling about earlier and i guess happy ending?
This wasnt bad, but this is close to forgettable as it could be for me. I rather watch my dumb zombie films like Resident Evil series to keep me interested.
The Ghost Beyond (2018)
Can using boring and horrible at the same thing a good way to describe the movie?
Man oh man, I tell ya. One of the worst "horror" movies i ever seen in my life. No story, everything bounced around in the movie, acting was terrible. Time and time again we see how very few low budget movies actually keep you entertained. The amount of laughs and disappointments i had are astronomical. Dont waste your time like i did. Save yourself the trouble if you wanted to get scared, F grade horror, D- thriller at best.