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Reviews
Moana 2 (2024)
Rambling, unnecessary sequel
The first Moana was a beautiful homage to Pacific Islander culture and a story of courage and triumph, with some fantasy and magic thrown in. This sequel unfortunately feels like a cheap rewrite of the first movie.
I loved the continual homages to the native culture and heritage, and the Bat Lady was the highlight of the movie with her FANTASTIC voice. Then she was just gone, never to be seen again.
But there was no discernible plot, the voice over acting was stale, and I have no idea who the bad guy actually is - we never see him. I don't care if there is some existential point trying to be made, the movie didn't work.
It was lame. And the kids in the theater I was in were bored. It should say something that the credits feature a song from the original instead of this monstrosity of a film. Complete let-down and totally unfortunate.
From: Revelations: Chapter Two (2024)
Revelations: nothing is revealed
Per the prescribed script of every episode this season, more questions are posed than answers. Characters continue to be vague and obtuse in the things they choose to disclose, and the amount of lying and information withheld causes almost every problem in the episode.
A guy was tortured for no reason. "I remember" that apparently these characters are there in multiple iterations, and nothing makes any sense - STILL, 3 seasons in.
We've already done Lost once before. This show should have ended this season - this literally could have been episode 2 or 3. I was hate watching it at this point.
I will not be watching any further seasons.
From: Revelations: Chapter One (2024)
Broadening instead of narrowing
This series is suffering the same problem that Lost suffered years ago - a good idea has been expanded into far too many subplots, loopholes, and things that make absolutely no sense. What a shame considering the show had such a promising start.
Every episode had turned into filler and no actual plot or character development. Everything that happens is a result of characters lying or withholding information. The formulaic writing has gotten old.
Honestly I won't be watching past this season. It doesn't seem like the writers had a good idea past season 1 or 2 and it's getting strung out on purpose.
The Deliverance (2024)
A movie as offensive as it is NOT scary
This was a disturbing movie to watch. And while one might be tempted to attempt and derive a message about "racism" or whatever, this was about nothing of the sort.
As a portrait of a poor black family growing up in the ghetto, it could have worked. But watching a woman abuse her children because she left her husband and "life is hard," tossed in with some supposed demons who are torturing the family is a gross and unexamined plot.
Glen Close does a fantastic job with her character, and I enjoyed watching the children on screen. The rest of the characters are one-dimensional and static.
There is no real growth from anyone in the movie, and I found it impossible to care about any of them. Overall a disappointment.
Azrael (2024)
Dialogue probably would have ruined it
It's post-rapture and there are cultists who think speaking is a sin, so they cut out their vocal cords. Defectors are considered meat for sacrifice to the demons who walk the earth. This about sums up the movie.
The lack of dialogue is presented as a primary plot point, but it becomes obvious that there was really no room for dialogue in this vague story. I can't imagine any of the characters saying anything that wouldn't have come across as absurd, and without a script, the movie moves incredibly fast - almost too fast, and with too little resolution.
There are too many plot holes, the least of which is why any characters have names in the credits, given that we NEVER HEAR THEM SPOKEN. And the title of the movie is the main character's name, which I only discovered after searching the internet.
Not a terrible movie, but certainly not worth paying for.
Smile 2 (2024)
A very different, but worthy sequel
Following the horror story of the first Smile movie, in which a woman descends into madness in the prison of her own private mind, Smile 2 attempts to break all the rules of the first film and places the audience directly in the same scenario - but this time with a very public pop star. Without spoiling the ending, it doesn't necessarily deliver beyond the very "personal" this second time around, but Smile 2 is a very different, worthy sequel.
Some very beautifully grotesque horror sequences, just enough gore, and a very consistent, well acted script. This franchise was truly elevated by this second installment. Highly recommend.
Terrifier 3 (2024)
A testament to social media hype
Credit where credit is due - the director succeeded in amassing lot of people to see his film given its graphic nature and relative obscurity. And this will likely be the end of the "viral" popularity.
I've reviewed all the films, but watching them in order in one night, these movies have serious problems. Attempting to pay homage to a genre from 30+ years ago (that eventually made fun of itself) doesn't work in three installments in the year 2024.
The acting is laughable, the script uses language that models no real human discourse, and I feel sorry for anyone who thinks this franchise is going to make anyone's career.
Props to a few genuinely horrifying scenes (shower scene, opening scene), but like the last two movies, literally no story or plot. Hopefully these films will be forgotten like the slasher 80s flicks that inspired them.
The Beast Within (2024)
An embarrassment for everyone involved
The person I was watching this movie with had it figured out 15 min in. I kept telling myself that, "no, this movie can't possibly be that prosaic and obvious." Each passing moment led me to realize that there was indeed no real substantive story. Rather, a family domestic abuse tale tied up with absurd werewolf punchlines.
I could rant about plot holes, poor script, etc, but it is largely irrelevant. This movie is a boring, nasty attempt to make something artistic of a young girl dealing with family abuse. Total waste of time, money, and talent.
I get that actors have to hustle and pay the bills, but have some respect for yourself - Kit Harrington should be ashamed of himself for participating in this film.
I Saw the TV Glow (2024)
A lot of potential that goes nowhere
What could have been a great coming of age movie turned into an absolute mess of a story. The seeming premise of the film is that a couple of outcast teenagers who have troubled family lives bond over an odd TV show, and the story models their own friendship over a few years. Following the disappearance of on these two teens, the other is left to cope with reality and try to make sense of it all.
The problem with this movie is not its unanswered questions, but in its handling of the actual serious elements of the story. We aren't left with any resolution for the TV show or the lives of the characters, and so any conclusions that could've been drawn feel wasted and pointless, much like the film seems to intend.
Props for a beautifully shot film and *okay* acting, but I did not like this movie AT ALL. Would not recommend and definitely would not watch again.
The Hangman (2024)
Horrible
Besides a few dead bodies and some screaming, there is nothing about this that resembles a horror movie. The overt racial undertones really destroy the story, and there's nothing subtle about it. All white people bad - got it.
The acting is awful, the dialogue is laughable - a son asks his widower father if he's gay because he's not dating(?)The accents are inconsistent and nonsensical. And by the way, I can't remember one scene or sequence in the movie that actually made me feel scared, suspenseful, or care about any of the characters at all.
Honestly the whole insane racism ala Appalachia theme in movies is really tired. Horrible movie. Do not watch.
Jennifer's Body (2009)
This is what a former stripper can write...
I guess this was the pinnacle of Megan Fox's career. Is it saying much?
A high school degenerate becomes an occult sacrifice and then offs a bunch of boys. That's the crux of the story and it doesn't really go anywhere from there. Amanda Seyfried is quite enthralling and the story doesn't really get "boring," per se. But the story is lacking in basic plot points. Parents. Teachers. Friends and family who might be concerned about said main characters...anyone?
But most of all, Megan Fox actually does shine as a vapid, self-obsessed individual who is obviously too important to even be on screen. I'm still not certain why Chris Pratt is in this movie, but let's assume he needed the paycheck.
The Mental State (2023)
A decent film, not very engaging
This is not a bad movie. Great acting, interesting story and character development. Nice cinematography and music score. Mostly good script.
But the story telling is disjointed. Things that shouldn't have been disclosed are disclosed too early. Parts of the story that should have been made known are told way too late.
Without giving any details away, this is in the vein of a school shooter movie. It is set right around the columbine tragedy.
The human relationships are portrayed very well in this film. But the way in which it is done is not remarkable - the family dynamics are not believable as portrayed.
Slow burn, not terrible story. But impossible to decipher a story arc.
Sunrise (2024)
The title has nothing to do with the movie
The title of this film is not the main problem. It's that it is taking itself far too seriously.
Too many plot points all trying to converge in one coherent way - blatant racism against blacks and Asians, somehow coupled with voodoo and vampires. It's just too much much to try and put in one film. Exactly what is "going on" with the whole Red Coat demon is never really explained, but by that point it becomes apparent the film isn't really even trying to tie up loose ends.
Far too many long, dark camera shots of people just walking around a room with no reason other than to fill time. Acting is good from Guy Pierce but how in the WORLD did they convince him to do this?
Not a great film but 4 stars because the story isn't terrible.
Terrifier (2016)
tries too hard - and FAILS miserably
This movie is really horrible in every way. But what most interesting is that people have actually come to its defense. Having seen Terrifier 1 and 2, I have a theory on why this is:
This movie is made in a social media culture. Every scene - especially kills - are made for description and viewing in a single social media post. And this movie delivers greatly in that regard....woman sawed in half from vagina through head. Man stabbed in both eyes beyond recognition.
There is no backstory needed for a one line post such as this. And as a result, there is no backstory to this ridiculous movie masquerading as horror art.
This entire film is an effeminate vanity project by a director who would have served himself well learning how to write scripts instead of galavanting around as though he is deserves some sort of accolades for this trash.
Do not bother wasting any ounce of energy or intelligent thought on this piece of bilge. It deserves nothing but ridicule.
The Lost City (2022)
Could have been so much better
There is zero chemistry between Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum. I can't blame her - he is really an insufferable "actor" as evidenced by the fact that he takes his shirt off multiple times in this movie, as well as his pants.
There is also the sassy black actress, and Brad Pitt makes an appearance as the only redeeming quality in the movie. This film is really just an attempted remake of Romancing the Stone, a far better movie on every count.
From a technical perspective the movie is quite obviously filmed mostly in front of green screens and the score is overly dramatic. It's hard to take any of it seriously (or in jest) when the actors clearly aren't enjoying themselves and did this for a paycheck.
This movie had a lot of potential that was completed wasted.
Terrifier 2 (2022)
This is not a scary movie
This is not a scary movie.
I am a horror fan. I don't mind gore. I enjoyed all of the Saw movies, even more graphic movies like High Tension, and other films of similar violence level.
I did not enjoy anything about Terriier 2. It was not frightening in any way, there was no tension or buildup to anything. There was nothing but ridiculous torture and violence for no other purpose than to put it on the screen.
For all the talk of the director being a "special effects guy," the gore was unremarkable and fake-looking. The idea that a man could completely twist limbs off a person and scalp her with ease is just dumb - it's like a bunch of 12-year-olds wrote this script.
The run time was way too long...I found myself fast-forwarding through many scenes that were drawn out and BORING. Terrible acting, virtually no plot, no interesting backstory. Just mindless violence that doesn't even work.
Oh and did I mention - this is NOT A SCARY MOVIE. There is NOTHING scary in it.
The Last Thing He Told Me (2023)
Typical NYT mystery fodder
The show is fine - a bit slow at times. But the main problem is the story. Completely ridiculous by the end of it and honestly, this is the same basic plot as every female-lead NYT bestseller mystery novel goes. The main character seems to have an endless amount of money as an artist for a fringe art form, every friend she has is available to drive across town at her beckon call, and she is more resourceful than every law enforcement officer. It's fine - honestly it makes for a good show.
My main issue with the show was the ending. The husband, after evading cops and mafia, shows up to let her know he still loves her.
It's a selfish move, a romance-novel tactic and patently absurd as a plot point. Way to ruin the ending.
Til Death Do Us Part (2023)
Unwatchable
I could not finish this movie - turned it off after about 30 min.
The movie is a mess. I have no idea what it was about, or anything about the characters. Nonsensical script, ridiculous "action" sequences, and *bizarre* casting choices. I am all for including people of all walks of life in all movies, but when you include a little person next to a tall person, and have them argue for comedic purposes, you have failed on every level as a director/producer.
I have absolutely no idea how this film got made, and shocked that no one stopped it in the production process.
Take my advice and avoid this movie at all costs.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
A post-pandemic film that either frustrate or intrigue
I can't think of many modern filmmakers who get as much flak *every* time they make a film as Shyamalan. I also find it amusing that critics write the most lengthy reviews disparaging his films, as though he cares what they think. For this reason alone I recommend this movie.
This is not Shyamalan's best movie, but it's certainly not anywhere close to his worst.
This is a post-pandemic take on many different angles of the human psyche, and a caricature of what would happen if the divulgences of those struggling with "meaning" in life enacted their solutions. It's not a film about religion, cults, homosexuality, or apocalypse.
This is a film about dealing with reality, and the beginning and end of life, like all of Shyamalan's films. He just happened to make a movie that showed homage to what all humans dealt with while in isolation for over a year.
Good film if you're willing to ponder what he has to offer and ignore the pretentious takes by professionals.
A Hollywood Christmas (2022)
A huge WOKE disappointment
Everything wrong with Hollywood, all in one short movie. Attempts to have every possible race of people included for no discernible reason, and of course the white males are the dumbest characters. The lead actress's assistant talks like an anime character - on PURPOSE - it is seriously the most grating sound I have ever had to sit through. And she is in multiple scenes.
The problem with this movie is not the cheesy or campy acting, or the genre it pokes fun at, or its attempt at self-awareness. I've seen dozens of Hallmark Christmas movies and the genre is what it is. The problem is that it's the movie is attempting to make some social statement. The white guy is a privileged Ivy League grad, the female Asian director is just a regular person who had to actually work to get where she is.....yea, we get it. Rinse and repeat woke nonsense. This is not what people sign up to watch when they turn on a Christmas movie. Avoid this movie at all costs.
Barbarian (2022)
Tired tropes, wasted potential
When you are watching a horror film, you expect people to make stupid mistakes. But the main character can't do something stupid. And then the next thing is stupid. And then the next thing stupid. And everything after is stupid.
That is the way this film pans out. This was an extremely frustrating film to watch, with poor decision after poor decision. The "suspenseful" scenes of dark passageways were way too long (I kept fast forwarding). The "monster reveal" was ill-timed and anti climactic.
But what is most egregious is that the entire premise of the movie (and trailer) is completely unrelated to the plot of the movie. This movie hs nothing to do with a double-booked rental home, or the chance meeting of two like-minded individuals.
This movie is a poor attempt to humanize a social media obsessed culture who feign connections due to common interest. This movie was terrible and a complete waste of time.
Cerdita (2022)
Great movie - delivers horror perfectly
You will enjoy this move whether you like horror or not.
That being said, this is a wonderful movie. A modern rendition of a small-town mystery/horror. The perfect amount of cultural history and humor, paired with intrigue and mystery.
And most notably, I appreciated that this European film did not jump around in the timeline - the story was presented in the order of events.
The most appreciated aspect of this film was that it waited to deliver its best. The ending was far beyond my expectations, and it's one of the first movies I've seen that I was neither bored nor regretted waiting through.
Worth all the accolades. Enjoy this fun film!
Goodnight Mommy (2022)
Not unsuccessful but not as effective as original
There is little concern here with the American-ization of an open-ended European film by the production team. There isn't a lot different than the original in terms of plot and this movie tries to make it more "accessible." I was a bit skeptical to hear that there was a remake of this movie at all, the original which I loved. Make no mistake: both films are good. However, the original film successfully states its points and makes the viewer sort it out. This version attempts to make the viewer feel one way emotionally about both sides instead of allowing the viewer on their own. It is a different approach. Not unsuccessful but not as effective as the original.
Glorious (2022)
I didn't think I'd like it but I did
I wouldn't think I would have enjoyed this movie, but I did. I liked the script (it almost read like a play) and I liked the acting. I don't want to give away plot elements that will ruin the film but suffice it to say that it is a movie that makes yo question motives. The story was not predictable, I questioned my take on characters several times and I enjoyed the premise w/o unnecessary backstory. It's not really horror but it was engaging. Mostly a dialogue-driven thriller which is rare to see nowadays. Definitely worth it to watch. And trust me...I don't rate movies this well normally. I think this film deserves a viewing.
Men (2022)
Act 3 ruins it
What started as a very suspenseful and engaging psychological horror was ruined in an attempt to be "artsy." I genuinely LOVED this movie for the majority of the film. But there is a point where a film director needs to begin to close the story, and that moment doesn't happen. Beautiful characters and tragic circumstances are wasted on confusing archetypes that make no sense. I know what I just watched, but it left me disappointed.