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Reviews
The Ark (2023)
It's so bad
This show is one of the worst sci-fi shows I've seen in recent history. I love sci-fi, I don't even mind your average cheesy low quality SyFy shows, but this is so bad. The first episode just hurts to watch.
Most of it just doesn't make sense. Why is the entire command together? The best and the brightest, except nobody hired anyone with a background in risk management and nobody else despite all these intelligent people found it odd. The guy who couldn't walk and fell down because of atrophy is immediately skipping around and fit as a fiddle. A handful of led lamps that aren't even bright enough to cause blindness take more power than hundreds of now decommissioned cryopods. One of the world's most important ships uses budget life support software that didn't even alert about oxygen levels until people were ready to pass out and it was minutes from lockdown. Oh, there's a small oxygen leak that apparently drained the entire ship and it can only be stopped from outside.
The writing was so bad it made the acting look good, which made me almost not notice the CGI or what looked like a guy back stage grabbing the air tanks. I just can't with this show. If this was a high school project I'd give it high marks, but I've seen better scripts and acting from high school kids so the 1 I'm giving it is deserved.
The fact that anyone gave this a 10 blows my mind. The terrible writing, the mediocre acting, the bad cgi... are they friends and family of the show?
Maybe I'm being too harsh, but this wasn't even B movie good. It was trying to be serious, but it was seriously bad. I feel bad saying it because someone worked hard on, but it needs to be said and when you flop you flop. Learn from your mistakes and don't write garbage next time. I just can't believe anyone read the script and was like "sounds awesome" and didn't just straight up tell them so much of it was nonsense and requires you to suspend belief so hard.
Now excuse me while I reroute all my home's power to my grow lamps for my Aerogarden.
Don't Worry Darling (2022)
Pretty, and pretty boring
Visually, artistically, it's decent if you like this kind of setting. I think the director did a good job, wardrobe, everything came together to present the visual aspect of things as it should be. The film didn't go amiss here.
The failure was in the script. It's just bad. The movie is boring. It's trying to say something important, or be about something, but all it did was slowly amount to nothing. I honestly don't understand why movies like this get made, that just drag and feel like they want to be a critique on something but fail to really say things in a meaningful way and only give us a mediocre at best film.
This would be a straight to DVD or streaming movie you watch when you've got nothing left if only it weren't for the higher budget visuals and actors. They tried to salvage a bad movie with money. I think that added to my annoyance.
Cyberpunk: Edgerunners (2022)
This is how you adapt a videogame into an anime
There are so many attempts to adapt video games into a movie or series, and many of them flop. I am happy to say this got it right. It got the feel of the world, just how abysmally craptacular Night City is. There could have been more world building, but I think with only 10 episodes they did what they could to keep it story focused.
The story was great. It would have been nice to learn more about some of the characters, but once again an issue of being a 10 episode series you can't learn all that much about anyone other than a couple main characters if you want to contain all that story and action. The artwork is beautiful. The music, the sound work, everything just fit.
I don't want to spoil any of the series, and it's hard to write a review without giving anything away, so for anyone who was a fan of the game or the game world and enjoys anime this an absolute must watch. It's an action packed roller coaster that actually makes you feel things.
Resident Evil (2022)
Terrible. Even if you aren't a fan of the series it's objectively bad.
I'm not even going to bother writing a full on review. It doesn't deserve it. It's hot garbage. It's an insult to the RE franchise and even as far as zombie shows go it's just bad. I don't know how anyone watched this and then greenlit it. The acting is sub par, the story is meh, this is like something you'd expect from the SyFy channel back in the day but it lacks the self awareness. I can't give it more than one star while it carries the RE branding. They've done a beloved series dirty, and that hurts. Being bad on its own I still wouldn't waste time watching it, but what they've done here is criminal.
Ye Wen: Zong shi jue xing (2021)
This just isn't good.
This doesn't feel like Ip Man at all. Not just that, but as far as martial arts movies go it wasn't even enjoyable. The acting was bad, the story was bad, everything about this felt really sub par. I may have enjoyed it as a bad martial arts movie more if it wasn't trying to pass itself off as an Ip Man movie.
Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time on this. The martial arts felt more 80s martial arts than modern day. The acting was rough, I struggled to watch the fights. This is not anywhere close to Donnie Yen quality.
Crimes of the Future (2022)
Not terrible not good
I get what they were trying to do here. It was an art horror take on our current society depicted as a dystopian future where people seek ever more extreme ways to fill the void. It just fell a little flat. It was like a B movie written for a college project while on LSD but with a decent budget.
I've seen a lot better. I've seen a lot worse. It did get its message across, but I wasn't in any way, shape, or form moved by it. It was gratuitious solely for the sake of it. For the sake of avoiding spoilers I won't say more than this, but I don't recall seeing any full exposed naked body other than that of a child's corpse, which made me feel like they were just trying to be edgy about it and it almost ruined the movie for me. There's things to be edgy about, and things not to, and low class garbage doesn't make deep art.
Russian Doll (2019)
Season 2 is some of the worst writing
Season 1 was great. I had forgotten all about this show until season 2 dropped and I was excited. I made it a couple episodes in before it became clear this wasn't anywhere near the quality of season 1. The writing got so bad. I don't know how to describe this better than to say it's a MacGuffin wearing a Gundam suit of plot armor that was so unbelievable in the context of this story and the characters that I immediately began to feel disgusted with the show. It was so immensely stupid that I couldn't even move on to the next episode.
If you haven't started this series yet don't. They took a great show and then ruined it. It went from a solid 7 or 8 to at best a 3 or 4. Season 2 is such a disservice to what was a good show. I only kept watching out of morbid curiosity, but I stopped caring about the series.
Ms. Marvel (2022)
They should make a Marvel Kids to put on stuff like this
I like superhero shows. I was expecting Stargirl, potentially maybe geared more towards a somewhat younger audience... But this? It was... cheesy. I'm not sure what exactly I got roped into watching. I can only assume this is a children's show. It's not all bad, but it's not good. I mean not as a superhero show, and not for anyone not a tween. I guess I would call this a children's show that has a superhero in it.
I think a lot of my annoyance is that it's a Marvel show, but it's not clearly labeled as Disney children's programming, and I just don't know what I'm watching. Is this really supposed to be children's programming? Is this supposed to be a real Marvel show? What is this? It had its OK moments, but overall it was just... not good as a superhero show and felt like Nickelodeon kids programming.
Halo (2022)
This isn't Halo, and the Cortana app in Ep 3 lost me
I could have tried to enjoy this as a generic action scifi show and ignored the fact it tried to be based on Halo. But then the entire epispde 3 was an advertisement for Microsoft Cortana. I'm out. I wanted to watch some space scifi not be sold Microsoft junk, it's so out of place.
Overall it could be a mediocre scifi show, something worth tuning until each week because there's nothing else in the genre, but it's absolutely nothing stellar and I feel like this episode really lost me. If you're actually a fan of Halo, this is gonna be a painful watch.
From (2022)
Characters aren't believable and relatable
Without spoiling the show, should you choose to watch it, there's just too much wrong with the characters. It's plot armor in some cases, and it's just bad. Watching people act in ways that seems entirely contrary to how a reasonable person would act in a situation where their life is supposedly at stake (and they believe that) is just annoying.
With everything wrong and then not enough characters that felt relatable it just didn't draw me in. It's overall just a bad show. I stopped caring about the plot because I didn't care about the people. I wanted to like it because I enjoy shows like this, but it just doesn't click.