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The Penguin (2024)
Colin Farrell is NOT in this show!
I don't know why his name is in the cast list, because the star of this show is THE PENGUIN! Colin Farrell absolutely disappears into this role, so much so that there is nothing left of the classically handsome man that used to go by that name. The voice, the walk, the stare, the mannerisms all belong to Oz Cobb and he's a fascinating protagonist. The story is amazing as well. You never know for sure if Oz has a plan or if he's flying by the seat of his pants. Will he be successful, or will he be shot in the head during the next scene? You know the latter won't happen, but the way the story is laid out still makes it seem like a very real possibility. If there's a weak performance in the bunch, it must have been left on the cutting room floor because everybody brings their 'A' game. Cristen Milioti seems like an odd protagonist, with her sleight frame and huge soulful eyes, but so far, she seems to be up to the task...equally as unpredictable as Oz, if not moreso due to her mental instability. It's great to see Michael Kelly once again proving that even a side character is elevated when he's playing the role. At this point, I'm only two episodes in...but I want to see more, which is more than I can say for 98% of the other dross that passes for entertainment.
Reagan (2024)
Ronnie deserved better
I hated this movie! The nine and ten star shills would say that makes me a "hater", but I'm not a hater of Reagan or his politics..I'm a hater of bad movies. BROTHER is this a bad movie! The pacing is just so off! Reaction shots are held for what seems like an eternity just so we can tell how earnest the actors are. The shots were needed I guess, because the performances of the actors never conveyed any real emotion. The actress portraying Nancy was soap opera bad and literally elicited audible groans from me at times then laughter the next. The camera blocking was completely inert, never doing anything interesting or compelling with angles or lighting, bringing it, once again, into the realm of daytime soap operas. I will say that Dennis Quaid does a serviceable job as Reagan, but the script and directing never gives him a chance to make the man human. It is as if the scriptwriter read a book of Reagan's most famous quotes, then wrote the script to zig-zag between them and loosely tie them together. Honestly, if I had been watching this at home, I would have turned it off after twenty minutes.
Barbie (2023)
It's just so...stupid!
I sat through about 45 minutes of this before I finally figured out it wasn't going to get any better. Just because the subject of your movie is plastic dolls, that doesn't mean you have to have them act like plastic dolls. It's like the entire movie was written by a 6-year-old girl that was just getting into her "I hate boys" phase. The dialogue was beyond a basic and for the life of me, I can't understand how anybody would think it was clever. I kept reading about the amazing sets and the imagination that went into making them. All they were was enlarged versions of Barbie toys...not a lot of imagination required there. Even the fish out of water scenes, where Barbie and Ken enter the real world, were just one missed opportunity after another. My wife and I looked at each other five or six times and asked "why didn't they do this" or "why didn't they do that...it would have made it so much funnier!" To be honest I went into this not expecting much, and it didn't disappoint!
Friends (1994)
More relevant and necessary now that Hollywood is tanking.
My wife and I have probably watched this entire series fifteen times, beginning to end. Whenever there is nothing good to watch, (and that is more often the case than not today) Friends is our go-to for a warm, familiar, yet STILL HILARIOUS alternative. The show has taken on a more poignant dimension with the loss of Matthew Perry, but his are still our favorite scenes. Friends is the perfect machine. Remove any piece and the machine wouldn't work. Behind-the-scenes documentaries always stress how close the cast members were in real life and that comes through in every frame of the show. Everyone is having a great time and the fun is infectious! The huge irony is that we never watched the show during it's original run, but we're more than making up for it in syndication!
Back to the Future Part II (1989)
Painful to watch!
Well, we know from the first movie that everybody involved in this can act, so I guess the fault lies in the direction and writing. Both the younger and older versions of the characters are so cartoonishly overwrought that they smack of an acting class exercise. How do you act old? Hunch your back and talk in a creaky voice. How do you act young? Pretend like you've burned half your brain cells. The aging makeup looks like plastic Halloween masks. The writing? Overflowing with ridiculous exposition dumps that come nowhere close sounding like actual speech. The dinner scene at Old Marty's house is especially egregious. I've heard this sequel referred to as "the world's longest coming attractions trailer" and that sounds about right. Fortunately, they pulled it together for the final chapter.
Boardwalk Empire: Farewell Daddy Blues (2013)
Poorly written, tragedy for the sake of tragedy.
Nothing bothers me more than when a character, especially one that has gotten a lot of screen time, does something that they would never do, or act in a way totally contrary to the version of themselves that has been built up in the story so far. Richard Harrow is an expert sniper, Army trained and cool headed. Every time we've seen him perform whatever duty had to perform, he did it with a cool head and an unerring aim. Now all of a sudden, on the most important shot he would ever take in his life (because it would be his last before "retiring"), he gets nervous, his hand gets unsteady and he accidentally shoots a bystander. Not only is this ridiculous, but he's doing it from a location so close to the victim but he can't help but be caught! Every other shot he's taken has been a great distance or a firing position that proved advantageous to escape. Here, for some reason, he's firing from 40 yards away, from a balcony in easy view of others. It seems like they just lazily set him up to be killed in an attempt to add pathos where none was needed. He could have completed his task and rode happily off to be with his new wife and child that he loved. This whole plot point seemed so artificial and without purpose.
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)
Jack Reacher and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I was never one of those people who carped on Tom Cruise being the Halloween miniature candy bar version of Jack Reacher. He may not have had the physical stature of his literary counterpart, but he pulled off the job convincingly enough to make even Lee Child happy. The first movie had a lean, stripped down feel to it, and everything from the fight scenes (which were short and sweet as per Jack Reacher's style), to the obligatory car chase (which is one of the best I've seen it any movie) felt like they could have come right off the pages of one of the novels. This movie pairs Reacher with Cobie Smulders, (in full Marvel superhero mode) and an AAF teenager, both of whom relegate Reacher to a third wheel in his own movie. There is nothing in this sad affair that lives up to its predecessor. If the quality jumped from a 10 in the first movie to a two in this one, let's hope Tom Cruise never puts on Jack Reacher's shoes again!
Suits (2011)
It ran out of steam four seasons before it ended!
I'm the beginning, the characters and storylines crackled, the danger was palpable and the personal interactions felt real. Then the stories became convoluted and labyrinthine and the personal interactions devolved into people walking into each other's offices and yelling and making grand speeches. Every line became a knockout punch and, instead of characters, we got charicatures. People did things that they would NEVER do, except to set up a future conflict of some sort. Seeing people at each other's throats, constantly trying to undercut and backstab each other wears thin. It all got very tiring!
Billions (2016)
Seasons 1 and 2 are acting classes, then, cringe city!
Like a champion sprinter stuck in a marathon, the beginning was breathtaking, but it quickly runs out of steam and falls flat. The fatal blow comes in season two, with the introduction of the dreaded "Mary Sue" character in the body of Taylor Mason, a non-binary they/them who emerged from the womb superior in every way to Bobby Axlerod, who has been in the trenches for decades. Once she does the inevitable "et tu brute?" and stabs Axe in the back, the show devolves into nothing more than Taylor and Axe trying, with every deal they make, to do maximum damage to each other and anyone in their orbits. Seriously, the everyday running of their respective firms goes out the window and it devolves into a no-holds cage match...boring and repetitive. In addition, the dialog becomes too clever for it's own good, which leads to characters spitting out movie dialog lines and references about fifty times an episode! I'm only on season four now, but each change or character addition only increases the cringe level. A prime example is Ari Spyros who, every time he appears on screen, makes me want to throw the remote through my screen! He is a horrible caricature who is so over the top and annoying that he grinds everything to halt. The Bobby Axlerod in seasons 1 or 2 would have ground somebody like that under his heel and never looked back, but he becomes a full-time employee and somewhat trusted advisor. I'll keep plodding along, watching this disaster unfold, but I don't foresee it getting any better!
Spy (2015)
Better than it has any right to be!
My wife talked me into watching this because of Melissa McCarthy's performance in Bridesmaids. She had to drag me, kicking and screaming, especially after I saw that Paul Feige not only directed it, but wrote it! After seeing what he did to Ghostbusters 2016, I had NO CONFIDENCE that this would be even close to being watchable. Man, was I wrong! The balance between serious and absurd is just right. The cast is top notch, with Jude Law playing the suave international spy and Jason Statham, playing hilariously against type as a caricature of his usual "human weapon" schtick. Everyone hits all the right notes and the plot could have been lifted right out of a James Bond movie. Give it a chance and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Terriers (2010)
Makes me madder everytime I watch it!
This show was a one season wonder. Why? I have no idea! It was a critical darling, and you can see by the viewer ratings that the people on the other side of the TV loved it. It infuriates me that FX was so quick to pull the plug on a well acted, well written buddy detective show. The chemistry between the two leads jumped off the screen and all the supporting characters for their roles like a glove. The whole affair had an easy-going Rockford Files vibe. The story, while convoluted (like all decent detective stories) is never so dense that the viewer gets lost or loses interest. The real kick in the crotch is that it ends with a cliffhanger, that, and the fact that, in the last episode, we get introduced by a mastermind of a antagonist, played by Neal McDonough, who would have put in another memorable performance (see Justified for a great example). Back in 2021 there were whispers about reviving the series, but the twin main actors may have aged out of the parts and I wouldn't want to see it rebooted with replacements. Bad form FX...bad form!
The Night Agent (2023)
A good, serviceable espionage tale
All the standard spy caper tropes are solidly in place, but they're played without quips, over the top cartoon action or overwrought melodrama. The eye rolling moments are kept to a minimum and people act like I would think real people would react under the given set of circumstances. I'm three episodes in so far and it's still holding my interest. I have seen a few of the higher brow espionage movies and they seem dull as dirt. They may be closer to what being a spy is actually like, but who wants to watch hours of clandestine meetings in dark alleyways? So far, I don't really feel like I'm being beaten over the head with any social agendas or woke messaging. Unless things go seriously south, my current rating will stand. If they do, I'll be back to revise it.
The Killer (2023)
Such a slow burn that it never fails to generate any heat.
This is the standard "hitman procedural" that we've all seen done a dozen times before into much better effect. You get your standard allotment of shadowing the victim, preparing the plan, assembling the weapons, Forward by the cold dispatch of the intended target. And just so things don't get too boring, which they still do, they throw in the occasional messy hit where fisticuffs and martial arts moves come in handy. To be honest, this one hand to hand fight is the only thing that rose above a standard paint by numbers, connect the dots, "hitman on a mission" movie tropes. It's a good thing this was released on Netflix, because it would have died a quick death at the cinema.
Fringe: Wallflower (2011)
Another expendable episode.
The best episodes of Fringe deal with the story arc having to do with the multi-universe, the observers and "the pattern". Several of the episodes that are standalone in nature would simply lift out without affecting the structure at all. These are usually the least effective episodes, filled with plot holes, lazy writing and main characters acting inconsistently with their established behavior. This is one of those episodes. It's easy to spot these episodes based on how many times you roll your eyes and mutter "oh, come on!" under your breath. For example, Olivia and a group of other officers are searching a building for a deadly suspect. Out of nowhere, she says "this is taking too long let's split up!", at which point the group of agents splits off, leaving Olivia to search by herself. This leads, of course, to the eventual fight and suspect capture. Eye roll.
Loudermilk (2017)
The show was barely treading water, then the liberals tossed it a brick!
My wife and I started watching this show because we're big fans of Ron Livingston and the work he did in Office Space and Band Of Brothers. We also love Brian Regan and Will Sasso, so that caught our attention immediately. The thing that drove it home was the fact that the Farrelly brothers were involved. The three aforementioned leads made the show bearable even when the jokes turned out to be more groaners than laughers. In true Farrelly brothers form, the rest of the cast is made up of unknown, average Joe actors without a lick of talent or screen presence between the whole lot. As the title suggests, the scripts were peppered with liberal talking points and shots across the bow of conservatives, but then again, with the show being set in Seattle, I guess that was to be expected. What really turned me off was hearing a full-blown lecture about the 20% pay disparity between men and women, even though that's been shown to be a widely discredited argument. If you want to flick spitballs at me in the middle of entertaining me, I can excuse that, but a straight on liberal indoctrination session I will not sit through. Three stars for the three stars of the show.
The Nice Guys (2016)
Stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID!
If you saw this movie and you thought it was quirky, clever and a laugh a minute...congratulations, you're one of the nimrods Hollywood keeps producing this garbage for! What is the highest amount that you've asked yourself "why the heck did they do that?" while watching a movie? Multiply that by about ten and you'll get an idea of how I passed my time during this movies (seemingly) six hour run time. You've got two fine actors tied up in a plethora of sad, stupid coincidences, half-baked quips, annoying side characters and one of those precocious teen girls that you'd somehow like to see her shot in the face...or at least the kneecap. I felt dumber for having watched it.
Perry Mason (2020)
Oh HBO...you just couldn't help yourself!
Season one was a real pressure cooker, filled with intrigue, violence, adultery and murder... everything you'd expect in a good film noir period piece. Matthew Rhys, fresh off his role as an all-Ameican Russian spy in The Americans, inhabits the skin of Perry Mason like a tailored suit. But HBO has to tinker, pulling an early 20th century story, kicking and screaming into modern day and shoehorning 21st century sensibilities into the framework whether they fit or not. First off, Paul Drake has been race-swapped, which is a non issue, because Chris Chalk is amazing in his role, cool and controlled on the outside yet burning with intensity inside. But they didn't stop there. Now, Della Street is a lesbian and Hamilton Burger is her gay confidant. It's getting tiresome and serves absolutely no purpose within the story, except to check a social justice item off of the list. If it weren't for this blatant pandering, I would have rated the series much higher.
Heartland (2007)
It would have to get WAAAAAY better to be a Hallmark movie!
Does beautiful scenery and the presence of horses raise the level of a show from a one star to ten? Apparently a lot of viewers think so. My wife and I started watching this because of the high rating and, within ten minutes, I knew this was one that she was going to be finishing on her own. She can do these Hallmark kind of shows. Me? Not at all! The acting isn't even soap opera quality. The opening truck crash sequence, which sets up the rest of the series, I guess, is shot with all the finesse of a first year film student, and a failing one at that. Don't get me wrong, a show doesn't have to have explosions and car chases to be out-of-this-world awesome (Ted Lasso anyone?), but it should meet at least a minimum quality requirement. This one...does not.
Ted Lasso (2020)
This show is all heart...great big, loving heart!
I can't wait for each new episode of Ted Lasso because it REALLY makes the world brighter! Not since the sixties has a show existed that wears it's heart so unashamedly on it's sleeve. Jason Sudekis doesn't seem to be so much acting a character as inhabiting his skin. The spiritual highs in this show are so authentic, that when it does have a dramatic moment, it his like a hammer...and there WILL be tears. The writing and acting, even in the smallest roles, is sharp and well defined, like ingredients in a fine dish. Remove one, and the absence is palatable. When the characters are friends, you feel like they are actually friends, and when you hate a character...you really HATE THEM! Season three was supposed to be the finale, but a glimmer of hope has come over the horizon and I've heard rumors of a fourth! If they can maintain the quality, I would watch through season ten! Job well done Jason Sudekis, Brendan Hunt and AppleTV+
UPDATE:
It took eight seasons for Game Of Thrones to go from "must see TV" to "must forget it ever existed TV"...Ted Lasso did it in three. At some point, one (or more) of the writers decided to make half the cast gay, throw in a mystery pregnancy, some racist vandalism and suck out all the humor and goodwill built up in the first two seasons...then *BANG* you've got yourself a dumpster fire! So many people lauded the show for finally having some "representation", you know...LIKE EVERY OTHER SHOW ON TV. With one stroke of a pen, the writers turned the show from something that wasn't like anything else, to something that's like everything else. Sad.
Spirited (2022)
The Christmas version of La La Land
This thing was all sizzle and no substance, a tired retelling of A Christmas Carol just packed to the gills with forgettable songs and generic dance numbers. If they were going for a Christmas classic, they missed by a mile because there was no heart beating in the chest of this monster, just sly quips and asides. It's trying to be too cool for its own good, with both Ferrell and Reynolds regurgitating the same old chops we've seen a dozen times before, adding nothing new or fresh. The Christmas classics mentioned earlier may seem simple, maybe even maudlin by today's standards, but that makes them all the more heartfelt. I couldn't discern anything heartfelt in this movie, just contrived and calculated to elicit an "emotional" response.
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"You just don't get it!"
"This is supposed to be lame", "The laugh track is supposed to be annoying', "It's a take-off on sitcoms" Oh I see...I guess this show is so funny that it's NOT funny...I see it now! I guess I'm just so old fashioned that I expected good writing, good performances and for the show...we'll...just not to suck. I just feel so sorry for Annie Murphy, going from Schitt's Creek to this.
Grey's Anatomy (2005)
Nineteen seasons...of THIS?
This show is melodrama at its lowest and most manipulative. It rises to the level of a middling soap opera, but never above it. The voiceover narration is a stylistic choice I guess, but not a very good one since the narrator isn't very interesting or has anything interesting to say. I'm still early on in this blah blah blah and, reading all the one star review saying that it goes woke and political, I think I'll bail on this dreck now instead of investing any more time in it.
The Gray Man (2022)
I was happy when it ended!
This movie started off okay, some clever dialog, some good action scenes still grounded in reality, (you know, where Newton's laws still apply), and some very creative camera angles. Then, as usually happens, it turned into a Roadrunner/Wilie Coyote cartoon. Humans became superhumans, injuries, no matter how numerous and serious, never slowed our protagonist and one man bested armies. This was so bad...I GUARANTEE a sequel!
The Boys (2019)
Must miss TV
The one word I would use to describe this show is...FUN...enjoyable, disgusting, heartwarming, blood 'n' entrails fun! The good guys are the worst guys and there's no such thing as a straight line from point A to point B. This show definitely is NOT for everyone. In fact, the more warped your sensibilities are, the more fun you'll have. There are a few things in season three that become a bit cringe (it wouldn't be a Hollywood production without a little bit of "THE MESSAGE"), but they pass and the story's back on track. It's great to see this show's a hot because Carl Urban is too great an actor to be riding the pine. Every second he's on screen is electric, and his chemistry with Hughie Campbell (played by Jack Quaid), his polar opposite, is great. I hope this goes on for awhile, because I'll take all they can give me!
UPDATE: Wow! Season 4 is it for me! No, it's not because Starlight butchered her face, it's because the writers butchered the plot! I spent three seasons watching Frenchie and Kimiko build a solid, heartfelt relationship...then BAM, Frenchie touches another guy's hand and turns STRAIGHT UP GAY! And I know that it has been established that he's either gay or bi in past story lines and it didn't bother me, but this smacks of lazy writing. All the other jabs at the right wing and straight up mocking of Christianity got slathered on a bit thick as well. But hey, the show runner told me that if I didn't like this...DON'T WATCH! Well, you get your wish!
All the Old Knives (2022)
A slow burn labyrinth.
I almost didn't watch this movie because of the low rating, but MAN I'm glad I did! The plot is full of twists and turns and the dialogue is spot on, but if you're watching it while you're surfing on your phone you WILL get lost...guaranteed! There is fantastic chemistry between Chris Pine and Thandiwe Newton and the romantic sections of the film never becomes overly syrupy or maudlin. The twist endings (yes, there are a couple) flow logically, which makes them all the more heartbreaking. Many of the critiques of this movie claim that it's dreadfully slow and boring. As the title of this review indicates it is a slow burn, eschewing explosions and car chases for character development and story complexity. What the dialogue doesn't communicate, facial expressions do...something you can't get while the camera is jiggling back and forth during a fight or swooping around during a car chase. While the two main leads are riveting, the fringe characters are also well written and fantastically acted. This was a streaming movie that I could honestly say I would have gladly seen in a theater.