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They/Them (2022)
Probably the worst slasher film of the decade
First of all: I'm gay myself and I'm a horror and slasher fan.
The first minutes of the movie were pretty good and gave me big hopes that the rest of the movie was going to be the same.
Well, it wasn't.
The movie wasn't even horror or a slasher, because there was absolutely no tension, and the murderer was after nobody I would really care for. The whole movie just felt like a personal revenge killing spree that was only made to attract and feed a Gen Z they/them audience. I just kept guessing who the murderer was, but even that wasn't really hard if you could count to 3.
On top of the boring story, almost nobody of the main characters was likeable and the main protagonist Theo Germaine had the expressional acting bandwidth of a rock. The character development and their background stories were so shallow that it rather felt like a camp of deaf-mutes. There was almost zero dialogue that would reveal anything meaningful about the characters.
Sadly, neither Kevin Bacon nor Carrie Preston (known from True Blood) were able to save the movie from the poor script. Please try again and get better writers because this was thumbs down deluxe.
Knock Knock (2015)
Literally a torture to watch
This is - without exaggeration - one of the worst, dumbest and most pointless movies ever made in the history of mankind.
Compared to this, a movie like "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" seems like a decent Oscar nominee.
I don't get how Keanu Reeves, after playing blockbusters like the Matrix, saw this script and said "Oh hey that sounds like a really good movie, I'm gonna do it".
I really can't put this movie into words, its basically like watching a two hour car crash accompanied with polka music. Terrible, boring, annoying and just leaves you angry that you spend the time watching this, instead of just doing a nice hike into nature.
My honest opinion: Don't - just don't.
The Midnight Sky (2020)
The boredom sky
This got to be the most boring movie I watched ever.
Millions spent on scenes and special effects for a movie that has almost no storyline, no climax, no depth, no point, no nothing. And maybe 2 scenes where something is actually happening.
I fell asleep 2 times and at the end I needed to forward several times, cause the movie feels like waiting 5 hours on an airport for your delayed flight. Or like watching 2001: A space odyssey twice. Although, if I think about it, that might actually even be more exciting.
Spare yourself this boredom fest.
And George Clooney, please do not direct a movie again - ever.
Tenet (2020)
Another overhyped plothole galore
When I watched Interstellar, I thought I wouldn't see another highly rated movie with that many unnoticed plot holes. But yet here it is.
The whole "time-reversed" plot may support the story but if you actually think about it, it makes absolutely zero sense and falls apart in many places. And a lot of times even contradicts itself.
One time for instance when a car follows them driving reverse. But if those people started in the future and their time runs backwards, why would they drive the car in reverse drive? Just a few minutes later the main protagonist also goes back in time and he drives another car normally, proving you don't need to drive backwards.
Also at one point in the movie "reversed people" also talk reversed to people in the normal timeline, but later in the movie another "reversed person" can speak normally with the antagonist - who is not reversed. The same person also doesn't need an oxygen mask, yet the movie establishes earlier, that you can't breathe without a mask when going back in time.
You'll understand later, they added/left out these elements to support the plot, but either didn't notice that they ended up contradicting themselves or simply didn't care. Its the sum of these little things that make Tenet seemingly understandable but actually very confusing logically.
If it weren't for ill-considered plot, I would've rated Tenet at solid 7-8 stars. But in its current form, I'd rather reverse-time it out of my head. If you're a die-hard action fan who doesn't put a lot of thought into a movie, you might still enjoy it.
Utopia (2020)
Best series I've seen in a while
I really don't get how so many people say the British original is better. I gotta admit I watched the remake first and I really enjoyed watching it (a lot).
Just yesterday I watched the first episode of the British one and its just cringy, not thrilling at all and sometimes just far from reality (like: who would keep their eyes open and stare, when they just got them rubbed with chilis?).
The story from the remake makes a lot more sense, is less confusing and just pure gold. I also liked the more refined characters. Even Jessica Hyde is a convincing anti-hero although (or rather: because) you can't always relate to her decisions.
The cryptic artworks of João Ruas really managed to add another layer of artistic depth to the series. I would've wished for a little more clue hunting in those artworks, but then that's just me. The soundtrack is awesome and the intro and title tune manages to really portray the whole feeling of the series.
I honestly can't find any grain of salt in this remake.
Absolute recommendation for this really underrated gem.
If you didn't watch the British one, this is a must see.
Kingdom (2019)
Plothole galore
Kingdom has a great start, awesome cinematography and a story that is ridden with plotholes and logic errors from the beginning to the end.
Lots of the characters make incomprehensible decisions that seem only to be there to fuel the storyline. And lots of the story seems to be very far-fetched if you think about it. (I don't wanna put spoilers here, but the whole "who has the right to be king" storyline is already flawed).
Also lots of scenes are so obscenely dragged out, that I had to fast forward some of them.
But, if you look past these sometimes very obvious mistakes, Kingdom is still an entertaining series, visually great and fun to watch.
I just wished it'd have made more sense.
Dynasty (2017)
The writers of season 3 should be fired
I enjoyed this show a lot and the first two seasons are really good and binge worthy. But the third season goes too much into cheesy slapstick land which peaks in episode 4 when they start SINGING (this is blamed on hallucinations by a gas leak).
What the EF?
I honestly don't know who thought this would be a great idea and who authorized it and if they're new or if they're just on drugs. But IMO they all should honestly be fired cause this is really a no go - spinning a show about fame, money and intrigues into slapstick realm and pull a Riverdale? Nope. Just nope. I hope Netflix snaps out of this musical mood very soon, cause I don't wanna watch a Season of "The Haunting of Hill Mansion" which turns into a musical.
I'm really thinking of just quitting to watch this show and rather watch the old ones from the 80s. At least they don't start to sing there.
The Midnight Gospel (2020)
Poorly animated podcast for the ADHD generation
I'm not as hyped as everybody else. To me it leaves the impression of typical weed talk along with a rather crappy-choppy animation paired with three-colored characters that have the complexity of a side character in the drawing of a 4 year old. This show makes a first season episode of the Simpsons look like a masterpiece of animation.
While the talk touches deep subjects like our existence its IMO all a little bit too much about consuming substances. Which gives me the strong impression, that the creators were on these substances while creating the show. Which might explain why they thought its a good idea pairing these dialoges with a completely dissociative animation plot, which makes you miss half of the dialogue.
But as I said in the title, its probably made for the ADHD generation, who miss half of whats happening anyways watching this along with something on their phone and playing Xbox at the same time. And this is where we get to the next problem I have with this show:
Wrapping this up in a cartoony package directed at Adventure Time teens seems highly immoral to me. I don't know if you want your 12 yo to get the idea that consuming cannabis, shrooms and LSD is something cool... *thumbs down*
Next in Fashion (2020)
Trash wins - Talent goes home
I like the concept of this show, what I don't like is that utter trash that I wouldn't even dress a toddler in gets praise while real elegant, wearable clothes get critique. There are two asian ladies who produce sheer cr*p every episode and each episode they stay while real talented designers are sent home. Mostly cause the people moderating the show have no taste in design, what they prove each episode in wearing grotesquely kitschy clothing.
Its really a pain to watch. For instance in a rock-themed episode those asian ladies produce some kind of oversized 70's sci-fi baked potato tinfoil look that comes even unfinished. Then theres a team which made a totally cool Jean-Paul Gaultier meets rock look - and they get sent home. What the heck?
As a fashion fan since the early 90s, this show just makes me really sick and angry...
Polaroid (2019)
Cliché hell
This movie is worse than the obvious computer generated particle snow in it.
First, it's not researched very well - an SX-70 polaroid land camera doesn't even have a flash, yet the makers decided it would be cool if you heard the deafening sound of an old camera flash every time it takes a photo. (I also don't recall the old camera flashes to be THAT loud)
But thats not even where the fun starts. This film is so full of horror film clichés you don't know if you wanna cringe or laugh. It goes from the obligatory student party over the warped sound effect of the monster that has to play after every killing scene to finally the rising sun at the end of the movie. Ouch.
Yet its not unbearable to watch, and has a little twist in the story, thats why I leave 3 stars. But in the end I hope this doesn't get a successor.
American Horror Story: The End (2018)
WOW
The initial episode of AHS explodes with creativity and end time mood.
I would say it even has a little of David Lynch's Dune.
There is very little that I don't like (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapmans acting leaves a little bit to be desired). But generally this is a series I'd binge in 1 day if I could.
Awesome kick-off and I hope it stays like that and doesn't turn in the inappropriate cheesiness we know of some seasons.
Lucifer (2016)
How to spend millions on cheesy galore
Lucifer is good from the cinematic view, but that's about it.
The story is so cheesy you sometimes have to cringe. And worst of all they manage to underbid their own cheesiness when you even thought they couldn't.
The devil helps a LAPD detective and falls in love ... Jeezus puhlease. Who even remotely thinks "Oh cool lets produce it".
If I was an actor for this series, I don't know if I had to laugh, cry or just be tempted to quit every time I read the script.
Seriously this is one series you can skip without batting an eye. Thank god (pun intended) this show got cancelled, cause it's really a waste of time, talent and money.
You're better off watching your neighborhood from the window than a whole season of this cr...
Star Trek: Discovery (2017)
Thrilling series with major plot holes.
StarTrek has lost much of its intellectual feel. While STD was interesting to watch and never boring, it felt more like an action movie that doesn't always make as much sense as I wished for.
Like for instance (spoiler!): A Klingon ship is destroyed and they make the plan that the leader has to be captured in order to prevent that he's gonna be a martyr. So instead of just locating him and beaming him over they decide its the best idea to beam to the ship with a team of just 2 women. I mean who cares about the security staff you have on the ship when you have the chance to showcase gender activism that makes no sense.
But the 2 episodes of series has been fun to watch. The computer generated animations are okay although they look more like from a video game than any realistic. They've seemed to put a lot of money in special effects make-up, which came out really good. Although the Klingons look nothing like Klingons, the makeup is extraordinary. The crew seems not as diverse as in former StarTrek series, but also the focus mainly seems to be on 3 characters.
As conclusion I give a solid 7, almost 8.