My Big Decision About Holding My Son Back From Kindergarten

PRESCHOOL, SPEECH

Big Decision

Posted on April 10, 2008

Today was my CPSE meeting for my son.

I always wake with a heavy heart on these morning.

Last week I was given the reports from the therapists and have gone over them at least 8 times with a fine tooth comb, making notes, highlighting, circling, etc.

Monday the therapists and I had a meeting so that we could go over the reports, discuss where things had changed, and so that we were all on the same page. It is really hard sometimes to read the reports because while they paint a broad picture of your child’s progress, the test numbers are there and most of the time they are lower than actual.

Looking over the paperwork for the last time last night, I decided something that I had mostly planned since he was 2.5 years old. I decided it would be in his best interest to hold off Kindergarten for a year and put him in different preschool to give him exposure to a different curriculum.

This morning I headed over to the preschool after dropping off Handsome. We spoke about enrollment, I grabbed the paperwork, dropped my daughter off at my girlfriends and headed to the meeting armed with the knowledge that I would not be sending him to Kindergarten.

It is always strange walking in, I know the therapist and the Chairperson and the child (mine) we are about to speak about. There are 4-6 other people there to discuss my son and together we are to come up with his new IEP.

Today I was just waiting for the moment when I could say my big decision is “I’M NOT SENDING HIM TO KINDERGARTEN THIS YEAR!”

As soon as I said it I saw eyes rolling to each other, and breath being held. I started my explanation of the tests and how as I read the tests I had circled about 25 places where he was only at a 3.2 year old – 4.5 year old level. I asked them why we would rush a kid into Kindergarten if he wasn’t ready. He is going to have to do a minimum of 12 years of school so what if he starts this year or next year?

They tried to play devils advocate and offer all kinds of solutions and concerns.

Since he is so academically advanced would this hinder the advancement? No because the Pre-K has a very structured academic program.

Would he feel like he was around a bunch of babies if he were to stay in a Pre-K 

setting? He is classified as a Preschooler with a special delay so talking to younger kids (at his speech level) may actually give him confidence.

We could have a Para follow him around the class for the day. No, he already has a SEIT follow him around for the 2.5 hours he is in school and he would prefer her to not be there.

We could start him in Kindergarten and then hold him back again if he is not ready for 1st. No, I actually think this would do more harm than good. His friends moving on and him staying back? Why repeat Kindergarten?

I stood my ground and understood why there were concerns but I truly believe that even if he was main stream this would not harm him.

The chairperson told me that if he was not academically where he was she would try to steer me in another direction but she knows that I constantly work with him.

She also gave me a wonderful compliment in that she has never met a mother who knew her child more than I do. “Every parent knows what’s best for their child, but I never met someone who knew their child like you do.” I do try. There is nothing more important to me than my children.

I am excited about his new Pre-K and can’t wait to see how he progresses over the summer.

The chairperson also told me that at anytime I feel that he would do well in Kindergarten or that I made the wrong decision (no matter where we are in the school year) she will put him in kindergarten.

So positive. I wish for everyone to have such a positive CPSE experience.

Handsome Update - Speech and Special Instructions - April 7, 2006

So the kid that is in speech therapy and special instruction according to an evaluation by professionals is currently…

Well wait..let me catch you up…

Handsome will be 3 in May and last summer while talking to some people; they told me (because they know everything) that I should have him evaluated because there were some things that should be “red flags” to me that could indicate a potential learning disability. I thought they were no-it-all kooks and went home. After sitting on it for a day I thought that perhaps these well-meaning folks were onto something. Maybe as his mom I wasn’t seeing any problems because to me he is absolutely perfect. But…what if I ended up being a reason that Jesse didn’t live up to his full potential. I decided to have him evaluation against my better judgement. So three strangers come to my home last June and try to get Handsome to do tricks for them. He knew his alphabet, knew his body parts, knew his shapes and colors but refused to perform with these strangers. I was told upon a 20 minute evaluation that he would be eligible for speech and special instruction. We started Special Instruction with a women who basically didn’t know what to do with Handsome and would come and talk to me most of the time. I was about to change her when she actually pulled herself out and gave me someone in her place. I adore the person who does Special Instruction with Handsome. It is a glorified 45 minute playdate but he and I really look forward to it.

Handsome speech instruction started last October and really knows what Handsome likes and doesn’t like. I have seen Handsome’s speech progress over the last few months but I cannot contribute this to his speech therapist. I think he would have been doing this anyway.

Before these sessions began Handsome knew all his letter, his shapes, and his colors with words and jargon here and there. Like he could not say milk it was “ilk” but hey most kids have some pronouncation problems when they are hello like 2 years old. Give me a break..

He was re-evaluation by the Board of Education because upon turning 3 he would be considered a pre-schooler and would not be eligible for Early Intervention past August 31st of this year. I sat with 11 strangers two weeks ago who by looking at a 30 page report (information gathered from 20 minute interviews with some more strangers at an evaluation facility) on Handsome were about to tell me what Handsome would benefit from. The night before the meeting I sat down with the report and made notes in the margin where there was a change, a discrepancy or where I felt something was taken out of context.

I walked into the meeting said “hello” and before taking my coat off handed the group 8 pictures of my son taken this month. I told them “This is my son, you can pass the pictures around. You only know him from this report and I want you to see the person you are about to talk about.” They were pleasant and told me that they wished more parents brought pictures. After listening to them discuss my son, and that they thought he would benefit from 5 days a week at a facility and 3 hours a day with speech, special instruction and occupational therapy. They mentioned a school bus that would pick up my son and bring him home afterwards. I had done my homework and knew all about the program and the bus.

I told them that I was not ready to place Handsome in a program yet and that I would definitely not be putting him on a bus to go 45 minutes from home. They talked about the safety of the bus and the program. I told them that I had all the information I needed at this time but that as Handsome’s only advocate in the meeting. I would like the extension that would take his current services to August 31st and then I would consider the program after that time. I told them that since the report was written 2 months prior there were so many changes and went over a few with them. I also discussed some things that I thought were out of context or discrepancies (and there were quite a few).

Basically the way it was left was that we would keep the current services Handsome receives until August 31st. After that I will either end services or meet with the group again to discuss what I want for Handsome. Basically I think that none of this can hurt him but I will not be putting him on a bus, or into a 5 day program. He is only going to be 3 and God damn it he is doing wonderful and a full day of school will be starting soon enough.

So the kid who according to the Board of Education needs services currently..
Knows his alphabet on sight, knows his shapes, knows his colors, says about 350 words (some more clearly than others but this gets better everyday). He says “please” when he wants something, “thank you” when he is given something and bless you when someone sneezes. He says “I love you” and “a hug” when he wants a hug.

He also spells:
Blue, X-ray, Read, Book and Home on his own. He draws lines, circles and faces. Ok the faces are cyclops but really the only thing missing is the other eye. Hell they even have hair and a hat!

He is not an angel, he has some occassional tantrums like most kids his age but I think he is perfect just the way he is..

I can’t wait until August when I can go back to the BOE and tell them that I have decided against continuing his services. I can hope!

Dealing With Teens On The Spectrum

This morning my son decided to be all angsty teen. In the car usually he wears his headphones and listens to whatever it is he is listening to. We never speak in the car in the morning. This morning I thought, let’s open up a line of communication. So I asked, “How are you friends at school? Has your friend come back from vacation?” The only reason I know someone is on vacation is because I read his phone. I own it so I read it. Both kids were told when they were handed the phones that we pay for them and until they can pay for it themselves, we would need to password to get in and would be checking up on their social media. I believe all parents should check their teens phones.

When I mentioned to my son that I had read on his phone that somone was on vacation he said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” So I asked, “how about your girlfriend? Is she nice?”  His response, “I would rather die than have a girlfriend.” So, now I know he doesn’t have a “girlfriend” but in the text he wrote to someone “we are back together, we hugged it out and talked things over.”  Knowing my son, I don’t believe he has a “girlfriend” or does he....but a friend that is a girl so I say, it is not nice to say you would rather die”.  He started yelling that he doesn’t know what I am talking about and that I am trying to upset him.  Okay...I know he is a teen and a teen with autistm but this conversation has taken a wrong turn. In trying to open up communication, he is now shutting down and blaming me for ruining his morning

I tell him that no one can make you angry, it is on him if he is feeling that way because I am only trying to talk to him and that at his annual meeting last week, I saw him give 3 other adults that he has only know for the past 6 months a lot of respect and that it is not okay for him to not give it t his parents.  I tell him to see it from my side. My entire work schedule is based around his schedule yet, he never speaks to me in the morning or afternoon and that usually I allow him to zone into his headphones. I ask him to look at it from my point of view and he says. “ know what you are saying, I see it from your point of view and I am sorry. I just didn’t want to talk. Let’s rub it out he says as he rubs my shoulderr (he is in the back seat) I tell him thank you for apologizing but can’t shake the conversation.

We drive to school in silence and I silently cry. It is so frustrating that he is so closed off. Is it the teens or is it the disability? Autistic kids are very set in their ways and he really just wanted to listen to his music but it would be nice to have a conversation with him too.

Anyone else dealing with teens?

Back To School Is Coming Too Soon

It is that time of the summer when the kids and I start discussing "back to school" things like supplies, teachers, friends, missing each other and how much we don't want school to start. I am with them on this, I also don't want school to start. Not a big fan of formal education and as someone who works in the school I see how much wasted time there is and how much we could get done if they were home schooled but since it is the way it is for now we need to talk about it.

My kids are going into 6th and 7th grade and both are attending the same middle school. My Handsome who is supposed to be in the 8th grade in actuality (I held him an extra year you can read about our IEP Meeting Decision and No Kindergarten post here. )

This year the kids and I didn't do much. It is the first year we didn't head to the beach every day in fact we have only been three times so far. We did get fortunate to play in friend's pools which is what we all prefer. We did see a movie, go to Hershey Park, visit my grandparents, celebrate my birthday at a hibachi restaurant but other than that it was quiet. I wish we did more things but money always seems to be the reason why. Hopefully one day that will be better but this year I am just happy to be with them because as they get older these days will be few and far between.

Enjoy every moment.

My Son Holds My Heart In His Hands

I don't know another kid who tries as hard as he does to fit into our world. He is completely unaware that he is any different from anyone else. He just knows he is always either in trouble or praised. I can only imagine how confusing his day to day can be sometimes. The world can be cruel to kids like my son. He thinks differently and that is not his fault. It is who he is and I wouldn't have him any other way. As a spectrum kid he is constantly under the microscope for everything sometimes too much in my opinion. I feel there are a ton of mainstream kids that could use the services he thankfully receives.

My son sees things very literally which means influencing, predictions, figures of speech and thinking outside the box are very hard for him.  He knows what he can see. He has come a long way since his early intervention days which makes me a huge supporter of Early Intervention especially if done right.

I started him a month away from his 3rd birthday. Knowing what I know now there are many things I would have changed especially certain therapists I would have had removed and switched. I can't go back but I know that starting his was the right thing to do.

My son is now 12 and one of the best people I know. He makes my heart sing. When he says something you know he feels and means it.  Even writing this I am tearing with the amount of love I have for this boy.

Currently he gets speech, occupational therapy and group and solo counseling for anger control. He is not an angry boy by nature but his inability to fully understand a situations frustrates him. However this kid knows how to calm himself down and when he does, especially if given the proper amount of time to do so he will come around, apologize with his whole heart and beg you to forgive him.

This is something I am constantly saying to my daughter who will never forgive him even though he should be asking for her forgiveness for the things she says and does to him. At 10 she doesn't understand no matter how many times I tell her that the world is hard enough on him and he deserves a break at home.  I must have explained to her that getting apologies from anyone is not something that occurs often and that when he says it, he truly means it.

Now if I can get the rest of the world to see how amazing this kid all will be well in my life.  My heart breaks for him. He wants friends and doesn't have any real ones. Thankfully he is a loving boy who knows his family loves him. He loves hugs and has no problem cheering for someone else. I can only pray that one the his peers see what an amazing friend he can be if they allow him in.

Handsome, if you ever read this...your mommy is so very proud of you and how you handle every situation in your life. You make me smile every day. I love you so much!

IEP Meeting Continued Part 3 - To Send To Kindergarten or Not To Send To Kindergarten

Originally written January 25, 2008

The longest story in history continues….

If you are interested, here is part 3 of the IEP meeting.

Anyway…

So there I was sitting in the meeting listening to a Kindergarten teacher and Nina talking to my son on various things. He was counting, writing, playing Leapster, answering their questions, whatever when  I heard “Mom is concerned about Kindergarten. She is not sure if she is going to hold him back a year or not.” The other says, “hold him back? He is so ready. He is so smart. He is actually ready for 1st grade.”

Part of me was beaming with pride and the other part was horrified. Did they not hear what I have been saying for the past 2 years?

I have NEVER doubted how intelligent my son is. I am the first person to state that he amazes me with what he knows. Hell he even had his own blog when he had time to write.

My son knew his letters, numbers up to 20, shapes and colors before he was 22 months old. He knew how to spell house, blue, cat, dog and various other words before he was 3 and he taught himself how to write his letters the summer of his fourth birthday and Spy Kids, Xbox and a few other words over the past few months.

I am well aware of how smart he is. So I turned and said, “please don’t misunderstand why I am thinking of holding him back”. I know how smart and ahead of his peers he is. The reason I am considering holding him back is because he is not socially aware. He does not know when someone is picking on him, mad at him, hurt by him, directing a question at him in a crowd or even if someone is about to beat the crap out of him.” I saw it happen with my girlfriend’s son, he was really angry with my son and my son thought it was fun and games. He walked into the room to see my son laughing and my friend’s kid hitting him with fists. My son had no idea there was a problem with this. He thought it was fun and they were playing. Eventually a kid in school would notice this and he would become a punching bag with the other kids jumping on the band-wagon”.

[Excuse me as my son tells me to take him to time-out. What the F?] OK I am back...

Anywhoo where was I…”although I see him getting better and becoming more assertive I am not ready to throw him to the sharks”.

The kindergarten teacher leans back in her chair and says with a smile, “well, I don’t know about us being sharks. We are more like dolphins.”

“I meant the students, sorry.” I tell her.

Before the meeting Nina had offered up the option of a self contained class. It is a smaller class with kids needing extra help with various things, mostly speech.

I actually have a friend whose daughter is in this class and she speaks very highly of it.

So as I had mentioned in my last post, I have a decision to make on how I proceed. I can hold him back in Pre-K to give him an extra year to catch up or not. I can start him in regular K which everyone says he is ready for or I can do the self contained class but wait there is something else..I can do the self contained class with the regular kindergarten class.

Nina mentioned that she would work with us to keep him as mainstream as possible and while she hasn’t done this often she wants me to consider if I plan sending him to the self contained class that I also bus him over half a day to stay with his peers in the regular kindergarten class. He would do gym, art, whatever with them. They call it “the specials”.

If you know me, you know that I will not be putting him on a bus. So this means I would be shuttling back and forth 5 days a week along with my daughter who will be going to pre-school 2 days a week in September.

If this is the course I chose I will do whatever it takes for the better of my son, now I just have to decide.

I am going to go through the registration process and eventually after I weigh all options and sit down with everyone to see what will best benefit my son I will come to a conclusion.

ahhh….now that I have that off my chest. I can move on with the potty training of my Goddess.
Tomorrow is another day!

IEP Meeting And My Drop Off Hell! #TBT

January 19, 2008

So we had an IEP Meeting for Handsome! It was called because I am trying to extend the hours of his current SEIT (Special Education) instructor. Her name is Caroline and I adore her. We have worked with tons of awesome people. There was Kristie, Michelle, Tara, Brandi, Beth, Caroline, Andrea and God damn it what was her name? I loved her too. I can see her face and hear her voice but her name is lost to me at the moment. Anyway…I love these women. They are a wonderful bunch of people and some of them have truly cared for my son above and beyond a therapist. I have found friends in most of them along the way and stay in touch with all most of them.

Caroline, came on board in September.  She attends 2 of his 3 class with him (getting there 15 minutes after he arrives and leaves 15 minutes before he leaves). When she started I mentioned that mostly his academic abilities were very advanced however his social abilities needed some work. She was going to work on helping him assert himself into social situations which is something Tara had been helping us with all along.

OK, back to the reason for the meeting.

The whole things started on November 9th (it was a Friday), when my son told me that he didn’t want to go to school. He always wants to go to school so I figured he must not be feeling well so I kept him home.

The following Monday he still didn’t want to go. I told him that school was his job and that he had to go. I didn’t think much of it but when we got to the school he said, “No,  I don’t want to go” but he got out of the car and went anyway.

The next 4 drops offs were the same.

After about 2 weeks he started crying that he “couldn’t” go to school and I had to drive away a few times because I couldn’t get him to go into the school. On those days I held Mommy school a and kept talking about how important it was for him to go to school. I told him that he wants to go to Kindergarten and this was the first step.

Thanksgiving came and went and I thought we would get through this phase.

December, I started walking him into class and staying because he would shake and cry saying “you can’t leave.”

Right before Christmas I was walking him in and headed to the office to sign in. The desk is fairly high and he put his arms as close to the top as he could and as I was signing in he said, “Hi, I am Kevin McCalister and I am here for my room.”  If someone is actually reading this, Kevin McCalister is the kids name in the movie Home Alone. In Home Alone 2, Kevin does that line when he checks into a hotel after losing his family in an airport.

As we were walking to his class, Caroline mentioned that maybe he is afraid of being HOME ALONE. Well, maybe that IS it. His dad, the Teach and I discussed this and took Home Alone away vowing we wouldn’t discuss it or let him “act” as Kevin and see what happens.

That was before Christmas. After Christmas break I thought we would be fine and excited to start back at something he loves. Man, was I wrong.

It was actually worse. There were tears, screaming and kicking of the door when I left. I started the tough love thing probably a little too late but I totally understand the abandonment fear because hell, I still have one of my own.

I walked out the door standing against the wall trying to distance myself from the fact that the child who was crying wasn’t mine. It was impossible but over time I did learn to just ignore the cries and wait until the stopped. It was never more than 5 minutes before he calmed down.

He was counting on Caroline a lot and when I left would yell for her to hold him. I had not been sending him on Fridays because I didn’t want him to also feel abandoned by her too.

The last two weeks I started calling in the women who heads up these IEP meetings to try to calm him because I couldn’t leave the school until I knew that he was calm and involved in something.
She (Nina) would go in and talk to him and he would stop crying in less than a minute but now I felt like I was counting on her.

Long, drawn out post here….so that’s the history…now let’s cut to the chase.

The meeting is to extend Caroline’s hours to have her there from the moment he arrives until it is time to leave and also have her there the 3 days he’s there.

Hopefully, the Board considers that he will be aged out in May and allows this for the next few months.

Tomorrow; the decision that I have to make in regards to Kindergarten.

Addendum: I am happy to report that Handsome is a well adjusted 5th grader now and has none of these problems going to school. He actually wants to be the first one there and runs into the school every morning.

What The Hell Is An I.E.P Anyway #specialeducation #TBT

Originally Written January 18, 2008

Well fact is I happen to know what it is. It is a term used in Early Intervention Services for an Individual Education Plan. My Handsome has been in Early Intervention Services for almost 3 years now. It started with speech in 2005.
I have spoken very little about my son’s early education (here is a little background on why the whole process was started in the first place) on my blog because the whole process is such a bore and truly mostly unnecessary. While I agree that early intervention is very important, I think that most professionals fail to consider personal life experiences and base everything on a few charts written up by other professionals.

Today, while sitting in yet another IEP meeting with a bunch of people as we decided on how to proceed with my son’s services, I was reminded of my first impression of these people.

I walked into the meeting armed with an envelope of pictures of my son. I was ready to roll up my sleeves and beat the shit out of anyone who said anything I considered negative or personal. This was my son, a 2 year old baby who just welcomed a new sister into his life and these people, these strangers were going to tell me how I should handle him and his speech delay based on calculations they come up with from interviewing him. Interviewing my 23 month old!

I threw the envelope on the table as I wheeled my sleeping newborn in her carriage into the meeting. “This is the boy you are about to discuss. I know he is only a name on all that paperwork. Here is is.” They were excited to look through the pictures and said that they wished more people came in with them. I softened a bit and waited to hear what they had to say. I agreed with only about 25% of their findings and felt that a lot of things were taken out of context. I had sat down the night before and gone over all the paperwork and there was a lot of it. Every therapist who sat with him for 10-20 minutes had a report of about 10-18 pages long. I had made notes in the margin and highlighted things that I wanted to address. Things that were incorrect, taken out of context or had changed since the interviews.

The group decided on speech therapy, occupational therapy and special instruction. I thought and still think that everything else is totally unnecessary and tell every new therapist that starts exactly that.
The meeting today was nothing like that first meeting. Because I am in their face and make myself available, say hello when I am in the building they know me, my daughter and my son by face and name. The meeting which included my two kids today (who were awesome by the way) went really well.

I think this post is long enough so I will stop here for now. Tomorrow I will write more about why the meeting was called today and the decision I have to make. Until then I wanted to leave this message for my son.

Baby Boy, everything I do is for you. I want you to always know how proud I am of you and how far you have come. I have recently watched some video of you from a year ago and I am floored with your advancements. You are incredibly smart, very interested in learning, love writing, recently your newest addiction is Xbox. You play for 1.5 – 2 hours as a reward for doing well in school. You beg to play it daily but the 3 school days are enough for now. I put you on a timer and you know when it rings your time is up and shut it off. The therapists and every professional in that meeting were extremely impressed with how intelligent you are. You are a little shy at times but occasionally you are very much the social butterfly wanting everyone to talk to you. You are a big help to me with your sister and I love how you play the big brother role for her. Helping her with her shoes, coat, turning on lights or setting up a game for her. You love reading books, pretend playing and reading along to tapes. Your sensitivity surprises me sometimes. You don’t like me to be angry with you and cry when you feel I am mad.

I love you with every beat of my heart. You are my heart on legs and I can’t wait to see what you do next.

Love Mommy

No Kindergarten For Us Was The Best Move!

Handsome has come a very long way . We had his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) Meeting yesterday and he is doing awesome. His overall level of achievement is High Average, his standard score in written expression is superior and academic skills are advanced. WOW, this kid has come a long way. When I started him in early intervention at 3, I was unsure if I was doing the right thing. When I held him back a year before putting him in Kindergarten I met a lot of resistance from the school and from friends and family. I know it now as I knew it then that it was the best move for HIM! After days of rain this mommy's heart is still bursting with pride

I wrote this July 15, 2008 but since I had my son's IEP meeting yesterday I thought I would share this again. It was originally on my blog In the Blink Of An Eye.

 I have decided that my son will NOT be going to kindergarten this year. Back in April I discussed his IEP meeting and how I was confident that another year in Pre-K would be beneficial to him.

The school for some reason seems to be against his staying in Pre-K. They believe that I should put him in Kindergarten and if he needs more time, he can repeat Kindergarten. This just makes no sense to me.

What is the most frustrating, is that my son who has been in Early Intervention since he was 21 months for a speech delay would be fine in Kindergarten but it is not Kindergarten that I am worried about. It is every grade after that. He is academically ready for 1st grade but his academics have never been the issue. My kid was telling me B-L-U-E spells blue and H-O-U-S-E spells house when he was 22 months old.

My decision has been based on his IEP as well as my daily interactions and concerns with him. I have been telling his therapists that I recently made a call to the school to let them know that I have made my final decision, he will not be coming in September.

There was a bit of an attitude on the phone from someone who I thought was my ally. Maybe they were having a bad day or maybe there is some red tape they will need to go through now that he is 5 (above Pre-K age), but still in services.

I have no idea.
What I do know is this…
My son had a speech delay which contributed to a social, emotional and mental delay. This along with the personality of a pre-schooler (testing the waters, talking back) and the inability to remain focused, along with a self esteem problem because for the past 3 years he has been corrected every time he tried to say something and a classification of a preschooler with a disability = a definite reason to delay the start of school.

While he has been making great progress since starting services, I see no reason why this is meeting with such resistance.

There are mainstream children who have no classification or present any of the above mentioned reasons for delaying Kindergarten, yet because of their birthday or immaturity wait a year to begin. So, why are we rushing my son?

He is enrolled in a preschool that I have been talking with for over 4 months now and I am excited to see what September hold for him.

Supposedly he will also get speech and OT at the Elementary school 4 times a week but if this does not fit into my schedule (I do have another child and we will be waiting in town for close to 2.5 hour a day, 4 times a week), I have no problem cutting off therapies, giving him a year off and resuming again when he starts kindergarten.

I have a call into the Special Education Department to discuss more what will happen in September. Hopefully all goes well and they and I can continue to work together for my son’s benefit. If not, I will have to confront them on their attitude and demeanor on our last call and ask that they refrain from further discussions of my son with me unless we are in a Board of Education Meeting.

School Issues in July?
I thought we were all getting along.

Introducing Mr. Name Caller

Yesterday I wrote about Goddess and the kicking incident at school. This morning I had the opposite reaction to my other child's teacher telling me about "bad behavior".

I bring my son to school and the aid motions for me to come over. Goddess is in the car so I tell her it has to be quick. She proceeds to tell me that the teacher received a call this morning from a parent saying that a classmate stayed out of school yesterday because of Handsome's name calling.

Huh! So what I am hearing is that a child was so upset by my son's name calling that his mother actually kept him out of school.

She then tells me to go inside and speak to the teacher. I ask her to watch Goddess and run in.



As I step in I hear "Handsome, I heard something about you today and I am very upset." Handsome is standing on line after just walking in the door with his classmates and a bunch of 5th graders walking up and down the stairs. His class is on the 2nd floor so they usually stand their after coming off the bus or a parent's car until they are all there then the teacher brings them up.

She sees me and says, "Oh good you are here".

I tell her that the aid sent me in but is has to be quick because Goddess is in the car and needs to get to school.

She says, "I have been hearing from a bunch of parents that there has been some problems on the bus in the morning." (Wait didn't the aid just say that it was a call from A PARENT? Now it is a bunch of parents? Was this an honest mistake or was she trying to make a mountain out of a molehill? Saying one parent wasn't big enough in her eyes?)

I say, "The Morning?" (Handsome doesn't take the bus in the morning, I drive him.)

She says, "Oh I mean the afternoon and in the lunch room too.

So I say, "Oh from _________ mom (the name is being left out to protect the innocent).

She says, "He has been calling kids names and kids are getting upset. When kids get off the bus he calls them names".

I say, "Oh like "poopy head, fart face, someone here smells like diaper? Yes, this has been a problem at home. He learned these names from a boy at school and we have been dealing with it since October."

She says, "I know he isn't being mean-spirited or malicious, I think he just thinks he is funny."

I say, "Yes, he wants to be like the other boys and he does think it is funny. I will talk to him about this when he gets home."

She then says, "I wasn't aware of this but today I will go to lunch and watch. This has to be addressed."

I say, "Obviously. His father and I will talk to him, but I have to go I have the baby in the car."

I tell the aid thank you and leave the parking lot.

As I drive, the anger sets in.

Why was I lied to?
Why was the teacher making a mountain out of a molehill?
Why was he addressed before he even got to his class?
Why was he addressed in front of his classmates?
Is he ok?

After I dropped Goddess off, I spoke to her preschool teachers (Handsome's teachers last year). They felt like I did. This is appropriate behavior for this age. It isn't nice but they are all talking like this. If you want to make a little boy or a man for that sake talk about farts and poop.

I drove home and thought, wait a minute...this is bullshit in plain English. If I was the teacher and I knew a child wasn't being mean spirited or malicious I would have waited until we got to the classroom. Started the morning and when everyone was doing their thing, pulled Handsome aside for his side of the story. Then I would have addressed the class as a whole. Telling them that sometimes names hurt and that calling each other names is not OK. I would have talked about feelings and kindness and then maybe at story time picked a story talking about name calling or hurt feelings. After all this is Kindergarten and the kids are very young.

My anger increased as the morning went on. It just seemed that things weren't handled correctly. There was no reason to make a mountain out of a mole hill and how dare someone start my son's day in such a negative way about something so ridiculous.

Was he OK? Was he sad? Was he wondering why she "wasn't happy with him?" He didn't even know he did something wrong. It just seemed so unfair.

We are our child's advocates and I felt that this should have been handled much differently.

Goddess gets picked up at lunch time so I emailed the teacher with a simple sentence, "I will be picking Handsome up in a half hour."

When I got to his school, my desire was to talk to his teacher and tell her that the reason I was pulling him early was because I needed to talk to him. I needed to know that he was OK.

As parents we put our children into the hands of teachers, bureaucrats, moms, aids, other children, office workers, everyone with their own life, background, agenda and more. I need to know that my child is safe, in mind, body and spirit.

Like a mother bear I simply needed to talk to my child and know he was OK, that he felt safe, and that he understood what was happening.

When I got him home, I spoke with him in private which is more than his teacher did for him in the morning. He is OK! I address the problem and we will be working on this full time.

We did 10 pages in a workbook and then I let him be for now.

How would you have handled this if you were the teacher? Do you understand why I felt like I needed to sign him out early? Feel free to be honest, you don't have to agree with me. I love hearing how others parents.

Fun on A Budget Costs About 59 Cents

My son has been in occupational therapy since he was two. Thanks to his therapists I have learned a lot of wonderful ways to keep the kids busy with things that are fun for them and also helpful and useful for certain sensory fun.

Neither of my children have a sensory issue but they do love playing with shaving cream. Why not, I love playing with it too. It's squishy, fun, smells good, and you can do so many things with it. I look for the cheap cream and wait for it to go on sale. When it does I pick up a few cans of it.

Information on Sensory Disorder:
Some children who deal with sensory processing disorder experience tactile defensiveness. Parents who have a clear understanding of the nature of the tactile defensive child can incorporate “messy play” activities at home. These activities can have a positive effect on the child's sensory needs.
Overview of Tactile Defensiveness

• Children with tactile defensiveness are over-sensitive to touch and other tactile input when compared to their peers.

• Messy play provides the child with a fun way to experience new textures.

Messy Play Idea – Shaving Cream

An inexpensive can of shaving cream can create a great opportunity for your child to experiment with new textures. If your child also has a sensitive sense of smell, it would be wise to find a fragrance-free brand of shaving cream. Spray the shaving cream on a mirror and allow the child to write or draw with his fingers. Once he is more comfortable with that sensation, encourage him to make handprints; using the entire hand gives a completely different feeling than using fingers alone.

We usually just take serving trays and I spray a huge amount of cream in the center. They make snowmen, rub it all over the trays, squeeze it between their fingers, hid smalls toys inside it, and eventually have it up to their elbows. They will play for about 15-20 minutes and love it!

BTW, here is a great source for sensory recipes.

CSE Meeting Knocks Me Out of My Chair

Now that I have had time to calm down I am ready to start writing about my CSE meeting. This is where the Committee on Special Education sits down once a year and discusses my son Handsome.

Where do I start? Well how about here, this is the post where I discuss what happened last year. Last year he was supposed to go to Kindergarten and this post tells you why I decided against it and what the Committee said.

I got the reports from all the therapists and evaluators on Wednesday. I read them each about 4 times like I have every year. Mostly I check for inconsistencies, fudged claims, changes since the evaluation and mostly ridiculousness. This years favorite ridiculousness was this statement:

"Academic Knowledge, is a sampling of Handsome's knowledge of the Sciences, history, geography, government, economics, art, music and literature". I had to laugh. What the hell were they asking him? Who was our first president. Umm...hello people he is in preschool.

Anyway, the report went on to say, "that his performance on Academic Knowledge was below that of the average student in grade K". Well, so as far as I concerned he is below because he is not in Kindergarten! Duh!

I digress, then it goes on to state "that his standard score is within the low average range for his grade and his Academic knowledge is limited". Now for my favorite part: "He will probably find similar grade-level tasks very difficult."

How the hell does this person know this? Does she have a crystal ball because if so, I could use the Pick 6 numbers for this week, I am broke. HE HAS NOT BEEN EXPOSED TO ANY OF THESE ACADEMIC SUBJECTS.

Anway, the reports showed him as 85% average. Much better than last year when he was low on 85% of the reports. Which was the reason I held him out of K this year. I put him in a 5 day a week preschool. Mostly to give him time to catch up socially and verbally. He had a speech delay which is what started the whole process. He was talking (see my speech my ass post here) but there were some folks who were saying he needed to be evaluated. Very first evaluation is here and my first meeting with the committee is here.

This meeting started 35 minutes later than it was supposed to. I walked in telling them I could only give the 25 minutes because I had to pick up my son at 12:00.

It was so rushed. They all read things on the reports out loud and I listened while keeping Goddess happy with crayons.

So, at the end, the leader of the meeting says, Ok, so we are all in agreement that he goes into self contained kindergarten?! They go around the table saying "yes". I stand as I look at the time, I have 8 minutes to get to my son's preschool on time and say as I place my bag on my shoulder and lift Goddess to my hip. "No, I do not agree. Do not put me down as a yes, I will look over these reports again and get back to you." I was livid. I said, "I wanted him mainstream, I held him back for him to go mainstream and get the opportunity to have these Kindergarten teachers. Who will be the teacher?" They tell me they have no idea yet.

I left so pissed off.

First, how dare you. No idea on the teacher! Don't even tell me that this is a possibility? The reason I held him last year was because there was no Self Contained or he would have been in Kindergarten, going into first right in September.

I am assuming that self contained (7-12 students with 3 teachers) is now available and they need to have the numbers in order to show the State why this class needed to come back.

Last year when he was "low" on his evaluations and not even showing up as a 4.2 year old on some things they fought me (see the first link) on it. Now that he is average, right where he needs to be they want him in self contained?!

Grrrr....this is not to say, I will not eventually decide on self contained. This may be the right fit for him, but I am also not ready to take mainstream Kindergarten away. Just like last year, I will sort it all out and make the best decision for HIM. Because, out of the 12 or so people on the committee I am the only one who LOVES him. September is a long way away and I see no reason to make this decision right now!!

Shhhhhhiiiittttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!

Could it be Dyspraxia???

Dyspraxia is what I am currently looking into in regards to Handsome.

The symptoms in pre-school children - 3 to 5 year olds

Children with dyspraxia may demonstrate some of these types of behaviour:Dyspraxia entails the partial loss of the ability to coordinate and perform certain purposeful
movements and gestures in the absence of motor or sensory impairments.

Developmental dyspraxia (referred to as developmental coordination disorder (DCD) in the US) is a life-long condition that is more common in males than in females, and has been believed to affect 8% to 10% of all children (Dyspraxia Trust, 1991). Ripley, Daines, and Barrett state that 'Developmental dyspraxia is difficulty getting our bodies to do what we want when we want them to do it', and that this difficulty can be considered significant when it interferes with the normal range of activities expected for a child of their age. Madeline Portwood makes the distinction that dyspraxia is not due to a general medical condition, but that it may be due to immature neuron development. The word "dyspraxia" comes from the Greek words "dys" meaning bad and "praxis", meaning action or deed.

Dyspraxia is described as having two main elements:

Ideational dyspraxia - Difficulty with planning a sequence of coordinated movements.

Ideo-Motor dyspraxia - Difficulty with executing a plan, even though it is known.

Assessment and diagnosis

Assessments for dyspraxia typically require a developmental history, detailing ages at which
significant developmental milestones, such as crawling and walking, occurred. Motor skills screening includes activities designed to indicate dyspraxia, including balancing, physical sequencing, touch sensitivity, and variations on walking activities.

A baseline motor assessment establishes the starting point for developmental intervention
programs. Comparing children to normal rates of development may help to establish areas of
significant difficulty.

However, research in the BJSE has shown that knowledge is severely limited in many who should be trained to recognise and respond to various difficulties, including Developmental Coordination Disorder, Dyslexia and DAMP. The earlier that difficulties are noted and timely assessments occur, the quicker intervention can begin. A teacher or GP could miss a diagnosis if they are only applying a cursory knowledge.

Developmental profiles

Various areas of development can be affected by developmental dyspraxia and many or all can
persist into adulthood. Often various coping strategies are developed, and these can be enhanced through physiotherapy.

Speech and language

Developmental verbal dyspraxia is a type of ideational dyspraxia, causing linguistic or phonological impairment. This is the favoured term in the UK; however it is also sometimes referred to as articulatory dyspraxia and in the USA the usual term is apraxia of speech [2]. Key problems include:

* Difficulties controlling the speech organs.
* Difficulties making speech sounds
* Difficulty sequencing sounds
o Within a word
o Forming words into sentences
* Difficulty controlling breathing and phonation.
* Slow language development.
* Difficulty with feeding.

Fine motor control

Difficulties with fine motor co-ordination lead to problems with handwriting, which may be due to either ideational or ideo-motor difficulties. Problems associated with this area may include:

* Learning basic movement patterns.
* Developing a desired writing speed.
* The acquisition of graphemes – e.g. the letters of the Latin alphabet, as well as numbers.
* Establishing the correct pencil grip
* Hand aching while writing

Whole body movement, coordination, and body image

Issues with gross motor coordination mean that major developmental targets including walking,
running, climbing and jumping are affected. One area of difficulty involves associative movement, where a passive part of the body moves or twitches in response to a movement in an active part. For example, the support arm and hand twitching as the dominant arm and hand move, or hands turning inwards or outwards to correspond with movements of the feet. Problems associated with this area may include:

* Poor timing
* Poor balance (sometimes even falling over in mid-step) Tripping over one's own feet is also not uncommon.
* Difficulty combining movements into a controlled sequence.
* Difficulty remembering the next movement in a sequence.
* Problems with spatial awareness, or proprioception
* Some people with dyspraxia have trouble picking up and holding onto simple objects [3] due to poor muscle tone.
* This disorder can cause an individual to be clumsy to the point of knocking things over and
bumping into people accidentally.
* Some Dyspraxics have difficulty in determining left from right.
* Cross-laterality, ambidexterity, and a shift in the preferred hand are also common in people with dyspraxia.
* Dyspraxics may also have trouble determining the distance between them and other objects.

General difficulties

Dyspraxic people may have Sensory Integration Dysfunction, a condition that creates abnormal
oversensitivity or undersensitivity to physical stimuli, such as touch, light, and sound [citation
needed]. This may manifest itself as an inability to tolerate certain textures such as sandpaper or certain fabrics, or even being touched by another individual (in the case of touch oversensitivity) or may require the consistent use of sunglasses outdoors since sunlight may be intense enough to cause discomfort to a dyspraxic (in the case of light oversensitivity). An aversion to loud music and naturally loud environments (such as clubs and bars) is typical behavior of a dyspraxic individual who suffers from auditory oversensitivity, while only being comfortable in unusually warm or cold environments is typical of a dyspraxic with temperature oversensitivity.

Monochrome Monday - Correct Hand Placement

If you know any of my history you would know that this photo of my son shows just how far he has come. At 5 years old he was still holding his pencil with a 5 finger grip. Notice the correct finger placement in this shot.

We have been getting speech, occupational therapy and special instruction for the past 3 years. It has been a loooonnngg process, one that I wasn't crazy about when we started. Over the years we have learned that my son's speech delay was a physical one. He has lax core muscles which contribute to most of his problems. Speech has been working on helping him with his lisp, "sh" "l" "t," and "w" sound. Occupational therapy has worked on his grip, grasp and other muscular issues. I have been concerned about his footing for about a year now. I asked for a physical therapy evaluation and we will be getting that now too.

Speech, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Preschool, Tao Kwan Do, Gymnastics and life make this child very busy. I would never be able to hold his schedule. Thank God he has youth on his side.

BTW...look at the size of that mitt. He is 5 years old but his hand looks like an adults.

Gymnastics is for Boys Too

I took my son to his first gymnastics class today. He did awesome. There was another boy in the class which was something I had originally wondered about.

I wrote about some of my son's speech issues here, here and here. It has been a long road and his speech has come such a long way. Over the summer I spent a lot of time working on his grip. We played a lot of tug-of-war and a lot of hanging on monkey bars at the park. The hardest part was holding Goddess back from jumping into the class. She wanted to participate so bad. I wish she fell into the age requirements because I would love to see her doing this also. Maybe next year.

Putting him in Gymnastics for me is just an extension of all the work we are doing and his OT which we will start again in a few weeks.

The classes are expensive but watching him today listening to his instructor, following directions, doing the uneven bars, kicking, jumping, and everything else involved makes it all worth it.

When we left he asked "maybe we come back again sometime really soon?" He will be very surprised when we walk in again next week. I am sure we will be seeing a lot of changes in him this year.

Holding him back from Kindergarten this year, getting him into a different pre-school for a different experience, gymnastics, soccer, and more are only the beginning of his metamorphosis.

Sweetie, I cannot wait to see you blossom this year. You make me so proud. I am amazed by your reading, your words, what you can write, and how I can ask you what letter starts each word and you can figure it out. You are extremely intelligent and such a sweet boy. I love you with all my heart and am so glad I was chosen to be your mommy.

No Kindergarten for Us

I have decided that my son will NOT be going to kindergarten this year. Back in April I discussed his IEP meeting and how I was confident that another year in Pre-K would be beneficial to him.

The school for some reason seems to be against his staying in Pre-K. They believe that I should put him in Kindergarten and if he needs more time, he can repeat Kindergarten. This just makes no sense to me.

What is the most frustrating, is that my son who has been in Early Intervention since he was 21 months for a speech delay would be fine in Kindergarten but it is not Kindergarten that I am worried about. It is every grade after that. He is academically ready for 1st grade but his academics have never been the issue. My kid was telling me B-L-U-E spells blue and H-O-U-S-E spells house when he was 22 months old.

My decision has been based on his IEP as well as my daily interactions and concerns with him. I have been telling his therapists that I recently made a call to the school to let them know that I have made my final decision, he will not be coming in September.

There was a bit of an attitude on the phone from someone who I thought was my ally. Maybe they were having a bad day or maybe there is some red tape they will need to go through now that he is 5 (above Pre-K age), but still in services.

I have no idea.

What I do know is this...

My son had a speech delay which contributed to a social, emotional and mental delay. This along with the personality of a pre-schooler (testing the waters, talking back) and the inability to remain focused, along with a self esteem problem because for the past 3 years he has been corrected every time he tried to say something and a classification of a preschooler with a disability = a definite reason to delay the start of school.

While he has been making great progress since starting services, I see no reason why this is meeting with such resistance.

There are mainstream children who have no classification or present any of the above mentioned reasons for delaying Kindergarten, yet because of their birthday or immaturity wait a year to begin. So, why are we rushing my son?

He is enrolled in a preschool that I have been talking with for over 4 months now and I am excited to see what September hold for him.

Supposedly he will also get speech and OT at the Elementary school 4 times a week but if this does not fit into my schedule (I do have another child and we will be waiting in town for close to 2.5 hour a day, 4 times a week), I have no problem cutting off therapies, giving him a year off and resuming again when he starts kindergarten.

I have a call into the Special Education Department to discuss more what will happen in September. Hopefully all goes well and they and I can continue to work together for my son's benefit. If not, I will have to confront them on their attitude and demeanor on our last call and ask that they refrain from further discussions of my son with me unless we are in a Board of Education Meeting.

School Issues in July?

I thought we were all getting along.

Big Decision - CPSE Meeting - Kindergarten or Not!???

Today was my CPSE meeting for my son.

I always wake with a heavy heart on these morning.

Last week I was given the reports from the therapists and have gone over them at least 8 times with a fine tooth comb, making notes, highlighting, circling, etc.

Monday the therapists and I had a meeting so that we could go over the reports, discuss where things had changed, and so that we were all on the same page. It is really hard sometimes to read the reports because while they paint a broad picture of your child's progress, the test numbers are there and most of the time they are lower than actual.

Looking over the paperwork for the last time last night, I decided something that I had mostly planned since he was 2.5 years old. I decided it would be in his best interest to hold off Kindergarten for a year and put him in different preschool to give him exposure to a different curriculum.

This morning I headed over to the preschool after dropping off Handsome. We spoke about enrollment, I grabbed the paperwork, dropped my daughter off at my girlfriends and headed to the meeting armed with the knowledge that I would not be sending him to Kindergarten.

It is always strange walking in, I know the therapist and the Chairperson and the child (mine) we are about to speak about. There are 4-6 other people there to discuss my son and together we are to come up with his new IEP.

Today I was just waiting for the moment when I could say my big decision is "I'M NOT SENDING HIM TO KINDERGARTEN THIS YEAR!"

As soon as I said it I saw eyes rolling to each other, and breath being held. I started my explanation of the tests and how as I read the tests I had circled about 25 places where he was only at a 3.2 year old - 4.5 year old level. I asked them why we would rush a kid into Kindergarten if he wasn't ready. He is going to have to do a minimum of 12 years of school so what if he starts this year or next year?

They tried to play devils advocate and offer all kinds of solutions and concerns.

Since he is so academically advanced would this hinder the advancement? No because the Pre-K has a very structured academic program.
Would he feel like he was around a bunch of babies if he were to stay in a Pre-K setting? He is classified as a Preschooler with a special delay so talking to younger kids (at his speech level) may actually give him confidence.
We could have a Para follow him around the class for the day. No, he already has a SEIT follow him around for the 2.5 hours he is in school and he would prefer her to not be there.
We could start him in Kindergarten and then hold him back again if he is not ready for 1st. No, I actually think this would do more harm than good. His friends moving on and him staying back? Why repeat Kindergarten?

I stood my ground and understood why there were concerns but I truly believe that even if he was main stream this would not harm him.

The chairperson told me that if he was not academically where he was she would try to steer me in another direction but she knows that I constantly work with him.

She also gave me a wonderful compliment in that she has never met a mother who knew her child more than I do. "Every parent knows what's best for their child, but I never met someone who knew their child like you do." I do try. There is nothing more important to me than my children.

I am excited about his new Pre-K and can't wait to see how he progresses over the summer.

The chairperson also told me that at anytime I feel that he would do well in Kindergarten or that I made the wrong decision (no matter where we are in the school year) she will put him in kindergarten.

So positive. I wish for everyone to have such a positive CPSE experience.

Article in FamilyFun in favor of delaying Kindergarten.

IEP Meeting Continued

Ok, so to continue the story from yesterday.

The IEP meeting was called because I am trying to extend the hours of his current SEIT (Special Education) instructor. Her name is Caroline and I adore her. We have worked with tons of awesome people. There was Kristie, Michelle, Tara, Brandi, Beth, Caroline, Andrea and God damn it what was her name? I loved her too. I can see her face and hear her voice but her name is lost to me at the moment. Anyway…I love these women. They are a wonderful bunch of people and some of them have truly cared for my son above and beyond a therapist. I have found friends in most of them along the way and stay in touch with all most of them.

Caroline, came on board in September. She attends 2 of his 3 class with him (getting there 15 minutes after he arrives and leaves 15 minutes before he leaves). When she started I mentioned that mostly his academic abilities were very advanced however his social abilities needed some work. She was going to work on helping him assert himself into social situations which is something Tara had been helping us with all along.

Ok, back to the reason for the meeting.

The whole things started on November 9th (it was a Friday), when my son told me that he didn’t want to go to school. He always wants to go to school so I figured he must not be feeling well so I kept him home.

The following Monday he still didn’t want to go. I told him that school was his job and that he had to go. I didn’t think much of it but when we got to the school he said, “No, I don’t want to go” but he got out of the car and went anyway.

The next 4 drops offs were the same.

After about 2 weeks he started crying that he “couldn’t” go to school and I had to drive away a few times because I couldn’t get him to go into the school. On those days I held Mommy school a and kept talking about how important it was for him to go to school. I told him that he wants to go to Kindergarten and this was the first step.

Thanksgiving came and went and I thought we would get through this phase.

December, I started walking him into class and staying because he would shake and cry saying “you can’t leave.”

Right before Christmas I was walking him in and headed to the office to sign in. The desk is fairly high and he put his arms as close to the top as he could and as I was signing in he said, “Hi, I am Kevin McCalister and I am here for my room.” If someone is actually reading this, Kevin McCalister is the kids name in the movie Home Alone. In Home Alone 2, Kevin does that line when he checks into a hotel after losing his family in an airport.

As we were walking to his class, Caroline mentioned that maybe he is afraid of being HOME ALONE. Well, maybe that IS it. His dad, the Teach and I discussed this and took Home Alone away vowing we wouldn’t discuss it or let him “act” as Kevin and see what happens.

That was before Christmas. After Christmas break I thought we would be fine and excited to start back at something he loves. Man, was I wrong.

It was actually worse. There were tears, screaming and kicking of the door when I left. I started the tough love thing probably a little too late but I totally understand the abandonment fear because hell, I still have one of my own.

I walked out the door standing against the wall trying to distance myself from the fact that the child who was crying wasn’t mine. It was impossible but over time I did learn to just ignore the cries and wait until the stopped. It was never more than 5 minutes before he calmed down.

He was counting on Caroline a lot and when I left would yell for her to hold him. I had not been sending him on Fridays because I didn’t want him to also feel abandoned by her too.

The last two weeks I started calling in the women who heads up these IEP meetings to try to calm him because I couldn’t leave the school until I knew that he was calm and involved in something.

She (Nina) would go in and talk to him and he would stop crying in less than a minute but now I felt like I was counting on her.

Long, drawn out post here….so that’s the history…now let’s cut to the chase.

The meeting is to extend Caroline’s hours to have her there from the moment he arrives until it is time to leave and also have her there the 3 days he’s there.

Hopefully, the Board considers that he will be aged out in May and allows this for the next few months.

Tomorrow; the decision that I have to make in regards to Kindergarten.

Update on Handsome

So the kid that is in speech therapy and special instruction according to an evaluation by professionals is currently...

Well wait..let me catch you up...

Handsome will be 3 in May and last summer while talking to some people; they told me (because they know everything) that I should have him evaluated because there were some things that should be "red flags" to me that could indicate a potential learning disability. I thought they were no-it-all kooks and went home. After sitting on it for a day I thought that perhaps these well-meaning folks were onto something. Maybe as his mom I wasn't seeing any problems because to me he is absolutely perfect. But...what if I ended up being a reason that Handsome didn't live up to his full potential. I decided to have him evaluation against my better judgement.

So three strangers come to my home last June and try to get Handsome to do tricks for them. He knew his alphabet, knew his body parts, knew his shapes and colors but refused to perform with these strangers. I was told upon a 20 minute evaluation that he would be eligible for speech and special instruction. We started Special Instruction with a women who basically didn't know what to do with Handsome and would come and talk to me most of the time.

Just as I was about to swap out she actually pulled herself out and gave me someone in her place. I adore the person who does Special Instruction with my son. It is a glorified 45 minute playdate but he and I really look forward to it.

Handsome's speech instruction started last October and really knows what Handsome likes and doesn't like. I have seen his speech progress over the last few months but I cannot contribute this to his speech therapist. I think he would have been doing this anyway.

Before these sessions began Handsome knew all his letter, his shapes, and his colors with words and jargon here and there. Like he could not say milk it was "ilk" but hey most kids have some pronouncation problems when they are hello like 2 years old. Give me a break..

He was re-evaluation by the Board of Education because upon turning 3 he would be considered a pre-schooler and would not be eligible for Early Intervention past August 31st of this year. I sat with 11 strangers two weeks ago who by looking at a 30 page report (information gathered from 20 minute interviews with some more strangers at an evaluation facility) on Handsome were about to tell me what he would benefit from. The night before the meeting I sat down with the report and made notes in the margin where there was a change, a discrepancy or where I felt something was taken out of context.

I walked into the meeting said "hello" and before taking my coat off handed the group 8 pictures of my son taken this month. I told them "This is my son, you can pass the pictures around. You only know him from this report and I want you to see the person you are about to talk about." They were pleasant and told me that they wished more parents brought pictures.

After listening to them discuss my son, and that they thought he would benefit from 5 days a week at a facility and 3 hours a day with speech, special instruction and occupational therapy. They mentioned a school bus that would pick up my son and bring him home afterwards. I had done my homework and knew all about the program and the bus.

I told them that I was not ready to place Handsome in a program yet and that I would definitely not be putting him on a bus to go 45 minutes from home. They talked about the safety of the bus and the program. I told them that I had all the information I needed at this time but that as my son's only advocate in the meeting, I would like the extension that would take his current services to August 31st and then I would consider the program after that time. I told them that since the report was written 2 months prior there were so many changes and went over a few with them. I also discussed some things that I thought were out of context or discrepancies (and there were quite a few).

Basically the way it was left was that we would keep the current services Handsome receives until August 31st. After that I will either end services or meet with the group again to discuss what I want for him. Basically I think that none of this can hurt him but I will not be putting him on a bus, or into a 5 day program. He is only going to be 3 and God damn it he is doing wonderful and a full day of school will be starting soon enough.

So the kid who according to the Board of Education needs services currently..
Knows his alphabet on sight, knows his shapes, knows his colors, says about 350 words (some more clearly than others but this gets better everyday). He says "please" when he wants something, "thank you" when he is given something and bless you when someone sneezes. He says "I love you" and "a hug" when he wants a hug.

He also spells:
Blue, X-ray, Read, Book and Home on his own. He draws lines, circles and faces. Ok the faces are cyclops but really the only thing missing is the other eye. Hell they even have hair and a hat!

He is not an angel, he has some occassional tantrums like most kids his age but I think he is perfect just the way he is..

I can't wait until August when I can go back to the BOE and tell them that I have decided against continuing his services. I can hope!