On maths purged of “whiteness”; on the alleged thrill of not owning stuff; and on the crime-fighting powers of the “non-binary” barista:
“Now that I think about it, like, I’m more qualified than a cop to come deal with half the situations that we would call them for,” says our coffee-serving, police-defunding “they/them, 22.”
“I’m a Starbucks barista at a drive-through,” says they. “I’ve de-escalated situations with people with guns… I’ve cooled shit down faster and better than a cop could.”
Readers are welcome to share clips of lively scenes to test this rather boastful hypothesis. It would, I think, have the makings of a compelling reality TV show. With preening, mouthy woke-lings encountering the realities they’ve so carefully ignored.
The subsequent tears and meltdowns could constitute a drinking game.