Running Head: VIOLENT RELATIOSHIPS 1

Violent Relationships

Kilee Saylor

Ottawa University
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Violent Relationships

Although they can’t always be seen, violent and abusive relationships are all

around. Physical, sexual, emotional, and mental violence are all equally dangerous to

both men and women. Some believe violence is caused by a chemical reaction in

someone’s mind, some believe that it is caused by triggers or past experiences, others

believe that people are just vicious human beings. The warning signs for these

relationships can be difficult to spot. Unfortunately, those being victimized by these

relationships find it very difficult to speak up, or leave the relationship. There are many

reasons as to why it is hard for them to leave. Every relationship, and victim, is different.

IPV, otherwise known as Intimate Partner Violence, can be brought on by

multiple causes. Those who believe violence is brought on by a chemical reaction in a

spouse’s mind, aren’t exactly wrong. There was a study performed on 80 men who were

the perpetrators of a violent relationship, there were many tests performed on them to

decipher why they got so angry when they did, and why that anger was unleashed on

their spouse. Every response was different, but there was a very interesting statistic found

by a few Neuropsychologists in New York City. John Persampiere, from Springer

Science and Business, states, “An early clinical sample study found 53 % of male spouse

abusers had histories of significant head injury.” (Persampiere, pg. 625).

In another test performed by this group of Neuropsychologists, the men had to

listen to a recording of two women having a conversation, one of the woman portraying

the spouse he had previously victimized. This conversation revealed personal facts about

the couple’s relationship, and is meant to me threatening to the male’s ego (Persampiere,

2014). It was found that many of these men were easily, and violently, angry. Some
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admitted to getting angry as soon as they heard their spouses speaking of their

relationship in general (2014).

Anyone who has been in a violent and abusive relationship will say that they wish

they knew what was going on in their spouse’s mind, and why they did the things they

did. A Relationship and Family Therapist at Texas Tech University named Jason B.

Whiting was asked this very question. Since he wasn’t sure of the answer, he performed a

study on men who were involved in an IPV relationship. Some sources revealed that men

want to be able to feel like they have total control and dominance over the woman in their

life. By feeling like they have achieved complete control, they feel more like a “man”

(Whiting, 2014). It was also found that the concept of women in general, not just spouses,

make some men feel like they need to have complete dominance over them. Jason

Whiting highlights in his article Explanations of a Violent Relationship: The Male

Perpetrator's Perspective, “[…] in the U.S., sons are less controlled than are daughters,

which may suggest the acceptability of expecting female submissiveness.” (Whiting, pg.

278)

It is a common misconception that woman are the only victims of domestic

violence. Although it can be said that violence against men is downplayed because men

can typically fight off the violence of a woman, it is still an issue that should not be taken

lightly. In an article written by Viveka Enander, from NORA (Nordic Journal of Feminist

and Gender Research), it is stated that, “common couple violence is fairly gender-

symmetrical and rooted in less gendered processes of stress and family conflict.”

(Enander, pg 115). This tells her readers that gender isn’t always viewed as a factor in

these relationships. Anyone can lose their temper at any given point in time. The only
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thing they can do, is learn how to control the violent tendencies that are brought up by the

intense anger that they feel.

Krim K. Lacy, who works with The Journal of Family Violence, took a deep look

into violent relationships that consist of minority woman. She tells her readers, “Minority

women are among those who are more vulnerable to abuse.” (Lacy, pg. 669). When

women are asked why they don’t leave the relationship, it is hard for them to generate a

solid answer. Krim K. Lacy ran studies to figure out why it is so hard for women to leave

their violent relationships. “Staying or even in some cases leaving an abusive relationship

can have mental health and other consequential effects” (pg. 669). It is thought that a

significant reason why woman stay in their relationships is because of the time, love, and

finances they poured into the relationship (2010). “Victims of abuse may return to the

relationship because they perceive their alternatives within the relationship as more

rewarding and less costly than alternatives outside the relationship.” (pg. 671). They

think that maybe it’ll get better. Maybe it is worth it to stay or to return to their violent

partner. Not realizing that nothing will ever be worth being in such a dangerous, and

damaging relationship.

Spotting the signs of domestic violence is a hard task. These victims are

everywhere. At the grocery store, the mall, the gym, sporting events, etc. The key to

spotting these signs is reading between the lines. Listening to what the victim isn’t

saying, as opposed to hearing what they are saying. Janet P. Foushee, R.T states, “[…]

should look for signs of withdrawal, nervousness, and avoidance of eye contact during

interactions with the patient.” (Foushee, pg. 219). In this statement, Foushee is referring

to healthcare professionals and how they should look for these signs in their patients.
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Healthcare professionals are trained to know the facts of domestic violence and how to

spot the victims. “Patients are more likely to open up to providers who show sympathy

and concern and follow up on nonmedical clues raised by patients, such as stress levels.”

(pg. 219).

Giving support to those involved in an abusive relationship is a very crucial step

in their recovery. There are many outreach programs available to men and women who

have been through this struggle. Although, the victims may not reach out, because it is

such a hard experience to come to terms with. Maggie A. Evans, PhD, highlights in her

article; Help-seeking amongst women survivors of domestic violence: a qualitative study

of pathways towards formal and informal support, “The final trigger to contacting a DVA

agency was usually a crisis such as rape, physical assault or being rendered homeless.”

(Evans, pg. 66). This tells her readers that so many woman wait until it’s too late to reach

out and get support. It is hard for many women to realize when the best time to tell

someone and get support.

Domestic violence is an issue that is much too common. Men and women all

around the world struggle with this every day. It is a double ended sword, a lose-lose

situation. If the victim stays in the relationship, he or she is forced to go through

traumatizing spells every day. If the victim leaves the relationship, they can suffer

mentally and they are more likely to end up in, yet another, dangerous relationship. To

find a good support system, and to overcome this present issue, men and woman need to

be stronger than ever before. All it takes is the motivation of safety and self-worth.
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Resources

Enander, V. (2011). Violent Women? The Challenge of Women's Violence in Intimate

Heterosexual Relationships to Feminist Analyses of Partner Violence. NORA: Nordic

Journal Of Women's Studies, 19(2), 105-123. doi:10.1080/08038740.2011.567999

Evans, M. A., & Feder, G. S. (2016). Help-seeking amongst women survivors of domestic

violence: a qualitative study of pathways towards formal and informal support. Health

Expectations, 19(1), 62-73. doi:10.1111/hex.12330

Foushee, J. P. (2016). Identifying Domestic Violence in Patients. Radiologic Technology, 88(2),

218-221.

GORDON, R. (2016). Succeeded where others have failed? Has Rojiroti's model of microfinance

led to a reduction in domestic violence?. Enterprise Development & Microfinance, 27(3),

173-191. doi:10.3362/1755-1986.2016.015

Keeling, J., Smith, D., & Fisher, C. (2016). A qualitative study exploring midlife women's stages

of change from domestic violence towards freedom. BMC Women's Health, 16(12), 1-8.

doi:10.1186/s12905-016-0291-9

Lacey, K. (2010). When Is It Enough for Me to Leave?:Black and Hispanic Women’s Response

to Violent Relationships. Journal Of Family Violence, 25(7), 669-677

Persampiere, J., Poole, G., & Murphy, C. (2014). Neuropsychological Correlates of Anger,

Hostility, and Relationship-Relevant Distortions in Thinking among Partner Violent Men.

Journal Of Family Violence, 29(6), 625-641. doi:10.1007/s10896-014-9614-5

Whiting, J., Parker, T., & Houghtaling, A. (2014). Explanations of a Violent Relationship: The

Male Perpetrator's Perspective. Journal Of Family Violence, 29(3), 277-286.

doi:10.1007/s10896-014-9582-9