Better Business Writing

Techniques in Improving Correspondence

Fourth Edition

Susan L. Brock

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 Table of Contents

Part 1 – Back to Basics 2

Part 2 – Sharpening Your Writing Style 11

Part 3 – Improving Your Business Writing 24

Part 4 – Writing for Special Circumstances 31

Part 5 – Know Your Audience 40

Answer Keys (refer to the Teacher’s Book)

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 Part 1 – Back to Basics
Mastering Spelling, Punctuation and Usage

You may be approaching this section with discomfort. Despite your fears, you will find that
it is relatively painless – in part because it is short – but also because it concentrates more on the
most common errors people make.

Many people acquire bad habit in mechanics and usage before leaving school. The purpose
of this section is to strengthen your skills in spelling, punctuation, and word usage. If this section
does nothing than correct a single error you repeatedly make, your writing will improve because
of it.

Six Tips for Better Spelling

How many times have you checked a word in a dictionary, only to refer to the dictionary
again for the same word because you could not remember the correct spelling? Following are six
tips to help you correctly spell some some problem words.
1. Basic Method
Using your senses (seeing, hearing, visualizing, writing) can aid your memory for
how words are spelled.

 Use a dictionary
 Look at the word in syllables
 Say it aloud in syllables
 Visualize it and say it aloud
 Write it out fully

2. Shortcuts Method
Sometimes all we need to remember how to spell our most troublesome words is to
use a mnemonic (memory aid) device.

 Locate the trouble spot in a word (the place where you misspell it)
 Isolate the sound
 Underline the trouble spot
 Emphasize it by mispronouncing it with the correct letter sound
Sep-A-Rate; Fa-Ti-Gue

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  Look for short words in the long word
Argument (gum)
Environment (iron)
Cemetery (met)
3. Gimmicks
You can make up your own gimmick to help you remember how to spell words that
are troublesome for you. Here are a few ideas:

 Question: What would you yell in a cemetery? Answer: Eee!

(Remember that cemetery has three e’s.)
 The accident occurred on the RR tracks. (Remember that occurred has two r’s.)
 Loose as a goose. (Use rhymes to remember that loose has two o’s.)
 A Rat In The House Might Eat The Ice Cream (Use acronyms: The first letter of
each word spells arithmetic.)
 The capitol building has a dome. (Remember that when referring to the building,
capitol is spelled with ol rather than an al.)
4. Spelling Tricks
Remember this rhyme from elementary school?
Use i before e
Except after c
And when sounded like a
As in neighbor and weigh
This spelling rule applies to more than 1,000 words. Can you think of some
exceptions to the rule? Here are a few: neither, weird, sheik, either, seize, leisure.

5. To Double or Not to Double?

Occurred or occured? Which is it? Do you have trouble remembering if words such
as occur have one or two r’s before adding an ending, such as ed?
Here is a trick. Take a look at the following lists of words:
Accent of first syllable Accent on second syllable
layered occurred
offered referring
traveled preferred
canceled remitting

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 benefited omitted
totaled permitted
Do you see a pattern? Notice that the words in the first list do not double the last
consonant before adding -ing or –ed, and the words in the second list do double the last
consonant.

One reason offered does not double the ‘r’ and referred does is that you pronounce
offer with the accent (or stress) on the first syllable. Say it aloud (OFF’ er). Now say
refer aloud (re FER’).

So here is the rule for doubling or not doubling the final consonant before adding an
ending:
 If the accent is on the first syllable, do not double the final consonant.
 If the accent is on the second syllable, do double the final consonant.

Notice that some words may be spelled either way. For example:
canceled or cancelled
traveled or travelled
programed or programmed
If you are in doubt, check your dictionary. But if you use the doubling rule, you do
not have to remember which words can be spelled either way. By following the rule, you
will be able to figure out when to double and when not to. This doubling rule applies to
more than 3,000 words.
6. Endings: Is it –able or –ible?
 Add able to a full word
adapt = adaptable
work = workable
love = lovable [Note: Drop the e before adding the ending.]
desire = desirable [Again, drop the second e before the ending.]
change = changeable [The e stays this time! That is because it is needed to
keep the g sound “soft” – as in fringe – rather than “hard” – as in long.]
manage = manageable [Same rule applies to keep the g soft.]
 Add ible if the root word is not a word by itself.
credible [Cred is not a word when it stands by itself.]
tangible
 Add ible to words that end in x, ns, and miss.

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 flexible
responsible
permissible

About Spell Check

The spell-check feature of word processing software will highlight words that are not in the
computer’s dictionary. These could include misspelled wods, proper names such as Acme
Corporation, and initials or acronyms such as HMO, CPA, and NASA.

The good news is that spell check will find and correct many you have misspelled. But it
will not find and correct those words you have misused but not misspelled, such as the
following:

affect instead of effect

there instead of their or they’re
to instead of too or two
where instead of wear
imply instead of infer
bear instead of bare
wry instead of rye
compliment instead of complement
comprise instead of compose
manger instead of manager

In short, spell check can be a useful tool, but it is no substitute for careful proofreading!

Punctuation Pointers

For spelling, individuals usually fall into one of two categories – good spellers or poor
spellers. Punctuation errors, on the other hand, can trouble everyone.

Fortunately, of the 30 main punctuation marks, business writing requires fewer than a
dozen. Of these, the comma, colon, semicolon, and apostrophe are used more often – and often
incorrectly!

The next few pages touch on only the highlights of the punctuation pointer, but you should
find solutions to many of the problems that trouble you.

Comma (,)
The comma sets off or separate words or groups of words within sentences.

Six Rules for the Comma

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 1. Use a comma after a long introductory phrase.
After working all day at the office, I went home for dinner.

2. If the introductory phrase is short, forget the comma.

After work I went home for dinner.

3. Use a comma if the sentence would be confusing without it.

The day before, I borrowed her calculator.
When you’ve finished, your dinner is ready.

4. Use a comma to separate items in a series.

I need to pack my computer, calculator, business cards, and toothbrush.

5. Use a comma to separate two sentences that are joined by and, but, or, nor, for,
so, yet.
He wanted the promotion, but he was afraid to ask his manager.
She liked her new job, and she respected her colleagues.
They may go to the game, or they may stay here.
The partners aren’t going to the retreat, nor they are happy about it.
Her assistant took a cab, for it was a long way to walk.
They waited until Friday, so it was too late to go.
I’d like to travel, yet I’m reluctant to change jobs.

6. Use a comma to set off nonessential elements in a sentence.

At the podium stood a man wearing a green tie.
At the podium stood Frank, wearing a green tie.
In the first sentence, “wearing a green tie” is used to identify a specific man.

Without it, the reader would not know to whom the writer was referring, so it is essential
to the meaning of the sentence.

In the second sentence, the writer assumes the reader knows Frank, “wearing a green tie”
adds only descriptive information about Frank, but it is not essential to the meaning of the
sentence.

Here is another example:

The computer that is in the hallway is brand new. (The writer identifies one
particular computer “in the hallway,” rather than the computer that is somewhere else.
The location is eesential to the sentence.)

The computer, which is in the hallway, is brand new. (The writer assumes there is
only one computer and adds only descriptive information – “ in the hallway” – that is
nonessential to the meaning of the sentence.)

A Comma No-No
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 Do not separate two independent statements with a comma.
If he bought his first car last fall, it never ran well.

You can correct this sentence in any of the following ways:

 Use a period in place of the comma
He bought his first car last fall. It never ran well.
 Use a comma plus a conjunction (and, but, or, nor, so, for, yet)
He bought his firstcar last fall, but it never ran well.
 Use a semicolon
He bought his first car last fall; it never ran well.

Semicolon (;)
The semicolon separates two independent clauses in one sentence when you want to keep
the two thoughts more tightly linked than if the clauses were to separate sentences: “I type
letters; he types bills.”

Use a semicolon before and a comma after the following words if the words come between
two independent clauses.

accordingly hence moreover similarly

also however namely still
besides likewise nevertheless then
consequently indeed nonetheless therefore
furthermore instead otherwise thus

Examples:
 I thought I had completed the project; consequently, I was surprised to hear about
the additional work.
 We have prepared your estimate; however, you shouldn’t sign it before Friday.
 The partners’ retreat will atke place in March; therefore, all business matters will
be discussed then.
Colon (:)
A colon is a tip-off to get ready for what is next: a list, a long quotation, or an explanation.
A colon can separate independent clauses when the second clause explains or amplifies the first.

 My new office contains the following items: a desk lamp, a swivel chair, and an in box
that’s always full.
 Fred was proud of his sister: She had been promoted to managing partner.
 There are two things to remember in a job interview: Always arrive promptly and
always dress appropriately.

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 Note in the above examples that if the statement following the colon is an independent
clause, the first word of the statement is capitalized.

Apostrophe (‘)
An apostrophe is used to form the possesive of nouns and some pronouns and to mark the
omission of a letter or letters in a contraction. In the contraction can’t, for example, the
apostrophe replaces the omission of the letters no from cannot. An apostrophe is not used to
make a singular noun plural.

Here are some guidelines for forming possesives:

 If the noun is singular, add ‘s
I enjoyed Betty’s presentation.
Someone’s coat is in the lobby.
 The same applies for singular nouns ending in s such as Chris
This is Chris’s new office.
 If the noun is plural, add an apostrophe after the s
Those are the clients’ files.
 If the singular noun ends in s (such as Jones), add es and an apostrophe to make it
both plural and possesive.
Here is the Joneses’ tax information.

Add the Punctuation

Punctuate the sentences below. Not all of the sentences need additional punctuation.

1. The executive watched the competition but the competition went ahead with the
takeover.
2. During our meeting she was genial but shrewd.
3. Today more women are becoming executives in corporations.
4. The job was difficult therefore he quit.
5. My briefcase contained files pencils books and paper.
6. We thought we would have to work late consequently were happy to be home before
dark.

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7. My managers car was in the shop however she borrowed her husbands.
8. In preparation for the meeting Mr. Jones asked us to do three things st up the equipment
clear the tables and close the blinds.
9. We wanted to go to the partners meeting but we were unable to leave the before the
weekend.
10. Alexis résumé arrived yesterday moreover he phoned for an interview next week.

Spelling and Punctuation

Correct any incorrect punctuation and pelling in the following letter.

March 29, 20xx

2929 East Sycamore Street
Chicago IL 60601

Dear Mr. Freemont:

Thank you for meeting with us, and for your time and effort in preparing for the
intervue. We appreciate your accomodating us with a flexable schedule.

We are in the final stages of procesing your application and we need three more
items for our files. Your social secity number permanent home address and your date of

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 birth; as soon as we get this information we can procede to complete your permanent
records.

Everyone here at Southwestern Corporation is looking forward to working with you.

And we are eager to have you begin as soon as possible. Please, call me as soon as you
can with this information.

Sincerely,

Janet L. Estes
Senor Vice President

Part 2 - Sharpening Your Writing Style

In writing, style means how the language is used. The meaning of your message often can
be stated in endless ways most readers understanding what you mean. But a writing style that is
unclear, clumsy, or weak can bog down and distract the reader to the point that the message itself
becomes obscured. On the other hand, learning and using good style makes writing easy to read
and understand. Ideally, the reader does not even notice the style.

Listed below are 10 common pitfalls that can spoil your writing style and lessen clarity,
crispness and vigor in your correspondence. You may personalize this list by jotting down other
pitfalls you have encountered.
1. Too many words
2. Too many big words
3. Jargon
4. Vague expressions
5. Condescending statements
6. Negative expressions

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 7. Inattention to detail
8. Inattention to the reader
9. Lack of commitment
10. Passive construction
11. _____________________________
12. _____________________________

Too Many Words

One word is better than two. A good rule is to limit your sentences to fewer than 17 words.
Edit ruthlessly.

Not: In this letter we have attempted to answer all of your questions, and we hope that if you
have any additional questions whatsoever, you will not hesitate to contact us.
But: If you have additional questions, please call us.

Overuse of Big Words

Keep your writing simple: Use home rather than abode, face rather than visage, use rather
than utilize.

Short words are better than long words. Try to be neutral in your writing. Read your letters
aloud after you write them; they shoud sound human and conversational.

Not: Pursuant to our discussion, herewith we acknowledge receipt of your correspondence as

of the above date.
But: We received your letter on December 16 as we discussed.
TRIM THE FAT
How can you simplify to improve the expressions on the list? This exercise will help you
identify and eliminate wordiness, which editors sometimes call fat. The first two are examples.
terminate the illumination ______lights out_____________
revenue commitment ______tax increase___________
at this point in time ___________________________
in the event of ___________________________
due to the fact that ___________________________
at a later date ___________________________
on a daily basis ___________________________
each and every one ___________________________
firstly ___________________________
in my opinion, i think ___________________________
irregardless ___________________________

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 owing to the fact that ___________________________
there is no doubt but that ___________________________
clenched tightly ___________________________
close proximity ___________________________
in the majority of instances ___________________________
in an intelligent manner ___________________________

Jargon
Consider your reader. Avoid unexplained terms such as facilitator and interface. What is
modified departmentalized schedule? The more general the readership, the less jargon you should
use. If jargon must be used and there is any question someone will not know its meaning, define
the jargon term in parentheses the first time it appears.

Not: Our facilitator will interface with the new commnication systems network.
But: Our administrative assistant will operate the new telephone system.

Vague Expressions
Be concise and specific. If the “profits were affected,” did they increase or decrease?

Not: The company’s negative cash flow position forced it to resize its operations to the
level of profitable market opportunities.
But: The company lost money and had to lay off workers.

Condescending statements
Write with warmth, as one human to another. “Of course” can be interpreted as “as any idiot
knows.”

Not: We are certain you are concerned with saving money. Of course, you will mail the
eclosed card. We thank you in advance.

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But: If saving money is important to you, please mail the enclosed card today. Thank you.

Negative Expressions
Stress the postitive. Rather than telling what you cannot do or do not have, provide good
news.

Not: We’re sorry to tell you that we don’t carry XYZ software.
But: We are sending you a list of distributors who carry XYZ.

Inattention to Detail
Double-check accuracy and quality. Reread for typos and misspelled words. Obvious errors
make readers suspicious of the credibility of the source, regardless of the subject matter.

Not: We hope we can accomodate your office supply and stationary needs.
But: We hope we can accommodate your office supply and stationery needs.

Inattention to the Reader

Write from the readers’ perspective. What is in it for them? This means it may be more
appropriate to write in the second person (you) than in the first person (I, we).
Not: We would like to invited you to attend the conference. (first person)
But: You are invited to attend the conference. (second person)
Not: Direct deposit will save money for our company. (first person)
But: You’ll have immediate access to your money on payday thanks to
the new direct deposit system our company has stated. (second person)

Lack of Commitment
Take a stand. Omit qualifiers such as sort of, rather, quite, somewhat, which serve only to
weaken your statement.

Not: We are quite pleased about our rather exciting word processor.
But: We are pleased about our line of word processors.

Passive Construction
Use active verbs. The standard order of sentences is subject (performer of action), verb, and
object (receiver of action). In passive construction, the order is reversed: The object is first,
followed by a form of the verb be (am, is, are, was, we, have been, is being) with the main verb.
The subject is last, usually preceded by the word by.

Passive: The check was signed by my supervisor. [7 words]

The letter is being typed by the assistant. [8 words]
He practices what has been taught. [By whom is implied.]
Active: My supervisor signed the check. [5 words]
The assistant is typing the letter. [6 words]
He practices what the trainer taught us.

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 Sometimes the subject of the sentence is omitted from passive constructions.

Passive: An employee’s extra efforts should be recognized. [by whom?]

Active: Managers should recognize an employee’s extra efforts.
Passive: Endorsed are your schedules.
Active: I am enclosing your schedules.

Active construction is almost always more direct, more economical, and more forceful than
passive construction.

As you proofread your work, consider making your writing more active by using the verb
forms of be cautiously. Their overuse weakens your writing.

Passive Voice-An Active Writing Exercise

Revise the following sentences so that all main verbs in the active voice. Leave the space
blank if the sentence is already in the active voice.
Example:
The consultant was hired by the manager.
The manager hired the consultant.

1. Our request for an increase in salary will be considered by the board at the nest
meeting.
____________________________________________________________________
2. Our inability to agree is seen by the management as a weakness.
____________________________________________________________________
3. The decision on the annual budget is always made by our board of directors.
____________________________________________________________________
4. Incorrect data on the computer should be deleted.
____________________________________________________________________
5. Our office manager will speak to us on Monday.
____________________________________________________________________
6. It will be necessary to downsize the organization’s marketing department.
____________________________________________________________________
7. Problems should be reported to the office manager.
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 ____________________________________________________________________
8. The check was signed by my supervisor.
____________________________________________________________________
9. Please be advised that these adjustments should be completed immediately.
____________________________________________________________________
10. The jobs were completed by the management team.
____________________________________________________________________

Deleting (Unecessary) Redundancies

Sometimes writers use too many words because of redundant expressions. And the more
words that readers have to wade through to get to the point of correspondence, the more likely
you are to lose their attention.

Look closely at the list below. Many of these expressions sound right because we hear them
so often, but you can delete the word or words in parentheses with no loss in meaning. Notice
how many words are unncessary.

 (advance) planning  (as) for example

 ask (a question)  refer (back)
 (as to) whether  (true) facts
 (as) yet  (when and) if
 (at a) later (date)  whether (or not)
 at (the) present (time)  written (down)
 (basic) fundamentals  (brief) moment
 (specific) example  off (of)
 (but) nevertheless  period (of time)
 (close) proximity  might (possibly)
 (close) scrutiny  since (the time when)
 combine (together)  recur (again)
 (completely) filled  (still) remains
 consensus (of opinion)  (thorough) investigation
 continue (on)  sufficient (enough)
 estimated at (about)  started (off) with
 (exact) opposites  merged (together)
 first (of all)  repeat (again)
 for (a period of) 10 days  blend (together)
 (just) exactly  came (at a time) when
 my (personal) opinion  (false) pretenses
 (absolutely) essential  (on a) daily (basis)

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 WORD WEEDS
Now that you have learned to recognize and eliminate wordiness, this exercise provides a
dditional practice pruning what you write. You may rewrite each, but be careful not to lose the
original meaning.

1. It has been my wish for a considerable period of time to regain entrance into the
field of accounting. This is due to the fact that challenges of my intellect are what
challenge me.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
2. To me it appears that Smith did not give any attention whatsoever to the
suggestion that had been recommended by the consultant.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
3. In the past there were quite a large number of firms located on the West Coast
offering us competition. At this present point in time, the majority of those firms have
been forced to go out of business by the hardships and difficulties of the present
recessionary perios of business contraction and stagnation.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
4. It is the policy of this company in every case to proceed with care in testing each
and every new product under development by us, and such testing must precede our
arriving at any positive conclusion with respect to the effectiveness of said product.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
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 5. In the event that Wilkins does not come forth with an expression of willingness to
lend us assistance in the matter of financing this project, it is entirely conceivable that we
will not be able to make the required acquisitions of raw materials we need without help.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

Forming Parallel Construction

Parallel construction adds clarity, elegance, and symmetry toy our writing. Words, phrases,
and statements are coordinated to be grammatically parallel: noun aligned with noun, verb with
verb, and phrases with phrase.

Not: Speaking in public is sometimes harder than to write in private.

But: Speaking in public is sometimes harder than writing in private.

Not: My partner is a man of action, decisive, and who is bright.

But: My partner is a man of action, decision, and intelligence.

Not: Sarah’s office was painted, had carpeting put in, ad paneled last week.
But: Sarah’s office was painted, carpeted, and paneled last week.

Not: To teach, to supervise, and delegating are a few of the tasks our office manager performs.
But: To teach, to supervise, and to delegate work are a few of the tasks our office manager
performs.
Or: Teaching, supervising, and delegating work are a few of the tasks our office manager
perfroms.

Not only does parallel construction add symmetry, it often reduces wordiness as you can see in
some of the examples above. Do not hesitate, however, to repeat a word if it makes your sentence
clearer. For example:

Not: She has and continues to seem competent.

But: She has seemed and continues to seem competent.

Not: You can program the computer to check the grammar but not think.
But: You can program the computer to check the grammar but not to think.

When you proofread your work, check for parallel construction. The added clarity and economy
will add polish to your style.

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 Make It Parallel

Revise the following sentences to form correct parallel construction. If the sentence is
already parallel, leave the space blank.
1. It was both a long meeting and very tedious.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
2. Joe likes a job with challenging work that keeps him stimulated.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
3. Poor writing wastes time, costs money, and customers feel alienated.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
4. This would eliminate continual errors, repeated corrections, unnecessary memos,
and most important, the time spent on each.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
5. His experience made him sullen, bitter, and a cynic.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
6. Our instructor drilled us, tested us, and he also gave us encouragement.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
7. I went to Maui to enjoy the warm weather and for getting some practice in
snorkeling.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
8. I plunged into the water, swam away from shore, and made my first dive.
____________________________________________________________________

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 ____________________________________________________________________
9. Our first choice is John, who is healthy, witty, capable, and an athlete.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
10. The personnel officer told me that the clerk would answer the phone, greet the
visitors, distribute mail, and some typing.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

11. On a resume: Hobbies: swimming, reading, bicycling, and piano.

____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
12. On an overhead transparency during a business presentation:
What We Can Do For You:
Increase your cash flow
Improve your customer relationships
Reduce employee turnover
New business developments
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
13. Sometimes, going to meetings is as exciting as watching paint dry.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

Recognizing Clichés
A cliché is any trite or fad word or phrase that has become overly familiar or commonplace,
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such as input, parameters, utilize, hopefully, and enclosed please find. The problem with clichés
is that they rob your writing of force and originality, boring your reader in the process.

Not: Enclosed please find the information per your request. Hopefully, you can utilize our
product to benefit your company within the parameters of your computer’s invoice
processing. We appreciate your input.
But: We have enclosed the information you requested. Our product will speed your
computer’s invoice processing. Thank you for your suggestions.

Learn to recognize and avoid trite expressions and clichés:

 along these lines  as per your request

 as per our agreement  at an early date
 at the present time  despite the fact that
 due to the fact that  enclosed herewith
 enclosed please find  for the amount of
 for the purpose of  inresponse to your letter of
 in response to your memo of  pending receipt of
 in view of the fact  please be advised
 per  thank you for your cooperation
 pursuant to  we will file your letter for future
 regarding the matter of reference
 we are returning some herewith  with reference to your letter of
 subsequent to
Avoid Sexist Language
The increasing number of women in business has changed many traditional practices,
including the use of language. The English language has for centuries used the masculine
singular pronoun he when the person to whom the pronoun was reffering could be either male of
female.

For example, “The average American worker changes jobs eight times in his career” was
the correct form in traditional grammar. Nowadays, such grammar rules are evolving to avoid
sexism and to make the language gender neutral.

As Karen Judd points out in Copyediting, Third Edition: A Practical Guide, it is not always
possible to correct sexist language, but some things can be done. Here are a few hints:
1. Recast sentences into the plural to avoid gender references.
Not: An accountant must pass a difficult exam before he can become a CPA.
But: Accountants must pass a difficult exam before they can become CPAs.
2. Reword sentences to eliminate unncessary gender references.
Not: An accountant must pass a difficult exam before he can become a CPA.
But: An accountant must pass a difficult exam before becoming a CPA.
Or: An accountant must pass a difficult exam to become a CPA.
3. Use the second person form when appropriate (if you know your audience):
Not: An accountant must pass a difficult exam before he can become a CPA.

20
 But: As an accountant, you must pass a difficult exam before you can become a
CPA.

4. Use the construction he or she sparingly, where rewriting sentences in one of the
above ways would be awkward. Or alternate references throughout the report or
manuscript, sometimes using he, sometimes she.

5. Do not characterize professions by sex:

Not: Girl Friday; stewardess; male nurse; lady lawyer
But: Administrative assistant; flight attendant; the nurse; the lawyer

6. Avoid, wherever practical, words that use the suffix –man in the traditional sense of
male. Pay attention to common, current usage. This does not mean inventing words,
but just being sensitive to women’s participation in all areas.
Not: Chairman; foreman; spokesman
But: Chair or chairperson; supervisor; spokesperson (or spokeswoman)

7. Use nonsexist and more specific forms of address in salutations of business

correspondence.
Not: Gentlemen; Dear Sirs
But: Dear Partners; Dear Members; Dear Doctors; and the like

Many companies omit the salutation and complimentary close. Letters are simplified to
emphasize their message and streamline their form. The following letter demonstrates this idea.
March 26, 20xx
Human Resources Manager
Sanders Enterprises, Inc.
1425 Seaview Way
Daly City, CA 93456

Special Phone System*

We have established a special phone system to improve the communication

between the employment counselors and employers. Please call our office any
afternoon between 4 and 5 P.M. if you have questions about available applicants
or if you would just like to talk. We believe that if we encourage employers to call,
we can establish a closer relationship with you and better meet your staffing needs.

Ted F. Jones
Employment Counselor

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 Part 3 – Improving Your Business Writing
Strengthening Your Memos
This section contains writing samples of memos that exemplify weaknesses and errors
common in business writing. Some of the weaknesses are subtler than others. Please read each
sample carefully and evaluate each stage: the before version, the corrected version, and the
improved version.

Note how much more direct and clear the revised versions are. The sentences are brief and
to the point, the improved versions sound natural and conversational without being too informal.

Accountant’s Memo
John Freeman, president of ABC Enterprises, asked his accountant to explain why his
accounting bill doubled since lat year. His accountant writes a memo to respond.

Before version:

Dear John:
In response to your letter of June 15, 20xx, enlcosed please find Exhibit A. As you
can see, the work performed for you this year is different than last year. In addition, the
parameters of tasks increased since lat year. Accordingly due to this fact and the fact that
our billing rates were raised this year; it was necessary to increase our charges for

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 professional services rendered. Hopefully, this letter offers some explanation as to the
question you raised. If you require more additional information, please don’t hesitate to
contact us.

Corrected version:

Dear John:
In response to your letter of June 15, 20xx, enlcosed please find Exhibit A. As you
can see, the work performed for you this year is different than last year. In addition, the
parameters of tasks increased since lat year. Accordingly due to this fact and the fact that
our billing rates were raised this year; it was necessary to increase our charges for
professional services rendered. Hopefully, this letter offers some explanation as to the
question you raised. If you require more additional information, please don’t hesitate to
contact us.

Improved version:

Dear John:
We understand your concern, and we hope the following will answer your questions
about the increase in your bill.
1. Last year we spent 12 hours (@ $200/hour) preparing two tax returns for you.
2. This year we spent 15 hours (@ $250/hour) preparing four tax returns for you.
3. This year we successfully represented you in an audit with the Internal Revenue
Service (3hours @ 250/hour).
4. This year we produced monthly financial statements for you, but last year we
produced quarterly financial statements.
Please call me if you would like to discuss this further. We value you as a client.

The Employment Counselor’s Memo

An employment agency counselor is announcing to current and prospective clients his
company’s new telephone communication setup.
Before version:
Dear Employer:
We have established a special phone communication system to provide additional
opportunities for your input. During this year we will give added emphasis to the goal of

23
 communication and utilize a variety of means to accomplish this goal. Your input, from
the unique position of employer, will help us plan and implement an effective plan that
meets the staffing needs of your company. An open dialogue, feedback and sharing of
information between employment counselors and employers will enable us to work with
your staffing needs in the most effective manner.
Corrected version:
Dear Employer:
We have established a special phone communication system to provide additional
opportunities for your input. During this year we will give added emphasis to the goal of
communication and utilize a variety of means to accomplish this goal. Your input, from
the unique position of employer, will help us plan and implement an effective plan that
meets the staffing needs of your company. An open dialogue, feedback and sharing of
information between employment counselors and employers will enable us to work with
your staffing needs in the most effective manner.
Improved version:
Dear Employer:
We have established a special phone system to improve the communication between
employment counselors and employers. Please call our office any afternoon between 4
and 5 P.M. if you have questions about available applicants or if you would just like to
talk. We believe that if we encourage you to call, we can establish a closer relationship
and better meet your staffing needs.
The Sales Manager’s Memo
A sales manager asked her administrative assistant to send a memo (with a copy of quarterly
sales figures) to the sales staff, asking them to meet with her on the following Friday. The
assistant writes the following memo.
Before version:
To: All Sales Representatives
From: Julie Martin
Date: July 15 (year)
Subj: Sales Meeting

RE phone contact of July 8, final sales totals for the quarter ended June are enclosed
herewith. A planning conference for all sales personnel will be scheduled for the near
future and these figures will be discussed. It is hoped that all district managers will be
aware that the figures are such that reductions in the total number of dealerships and
retail units may be indicated. A meeting to discuss this matter will be held on Friday, 18
July, at 3 P.M., in the regional manager’s office. Thank you for your cooperation.
Improved version:
To: All Sales Representatives
From: Julie Martin
Date: July 15 (year)
24
 Subj: Sales Meeting

Please attend a sales meeting on Friday, July 18 at 3 P.M. in the regional manager’s
office. We will discuss the attched quarterly sales totals.
This meeting is important because we may have to reduce dealerships and retail units.

Using E-mail Effectively

E-mail has made communicationg with others quicker than ever. Long gone are the days
when secretaries typed their bosses’ letters to send to customers or clients. More and more,
managers are typing letters for themselves.
With this change, the good news is that administrative assistants are able to take on more
challenging work for a more satisfying career, and everyone is able to respond faster to
colleagues, clients, and customers. The bad news is that the e-mail’s informality has led people to
cut etiquette corners in their e-mail messages.
Remember, no matter how you communicate with them, clients and customers still deserve
respect and consideration. And, equally important, your written communications are a reflection
of you and your professionalism. Just as in other business writing, always use proper spelling,
punctuation, and sentence structure; and proofread your e-mails before sending them. If you are
most efficient when you brainstorm and organize on paper first, then do that before writing the e-
mail. It could save you from sending a hastily prepared message.
Following are the guidelines for making the most of e-mail technology in business.
Pay Attention to Tone
Because e-mail is less formal than a letter but more formal than a conversation, it is
important that your e-mail “sounds” professional and pleasant even if your wods are strong. And
never use all capitals – IT COMES ACROSS AS SHOUTING.
Reread your e-mail aloud before you send it to make sure you do not, even inadvertently,
sound snide, insulting, or sarcastic. If you are writing an e-mail when you are angry, follow the
sage advice of waiting until the next day to reread it. Send it only if it sounds professional.
Along the same line, do not be too flip and cute with the oversue of e-mail jargon or
“emoticons” like ;-). Even though they can communicate quickly, make sure your readers are
receptive to such informalities before you use them.
Write Informative Subject Lines
We often screen our e-mails by scanning subject lines. Readers may discard (without
reading) messages that do not seem relevant or clear. To get your e-mails read, use “Request to
rescheduling meeting” or “How Project XYZ will save $500K per year.” These specific subject
lines communicate your message, even if the recipient does not read the entire e-mail.
When you reply to an e-mail, change the subject line, if necessary, to communicate more
directly. Reply to “Request to rescheduling meeting” with “Meeting rescheduled to May 31,” or
respond to “How Project XYZ will save $500K per year” with “Okay, I’m sold: Let’s do Project
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XYZ.”
Consider Format
E-mail messages are omst effective if kept short. But if you must send a lengthy message,
forecast the structure. On your readers’ first screen, summarize your message and then indicate
what is to come with a listing of your section headings. You can ease reading long passages by
using the same devices you see in the newspaper:
 Headings
 White space
 Occasional all caps, bolds, and underlining
 Indents
 Lists
Just be aware that what you see on your screen may not be what your reader sees. If your
readers’ computer systems are different from yours, your line lengths can cause an annoying text-
wrap effect on their screen. To be safe, keep your lines to 55 or 60 characters including spaces.
Exaggerate any indentation you use to make sure it “catches” on your readers’ screens.
Send Attachments with Care
Because of virus concerns, many people routinely delete e-mails with unsolicited
attachments. So make sure the attachments you send are wanted by the people you are sending
them to. If in doubt, ask first.
Size matters too. Some attachments are huge files that take up a lot of space and can take
significant time to download. Use appropriate file formats and compression programs when
warranted.
Reply to the Right People
As easy as it is to hit “Reply All” and send your e-mail to everyone on the list, no one likes
to receive unnecessary mail. It falls into the “spamming” camp in some people’s minds. Make
sure your e-mails will be meaningful for the people who receive them.
Treat E-mail Like an Open Book
Anyone who receives your message can easily forward it verbatim to others, including those
you may never have intended to see it. Thus, a good rule of thumb is to pretend your e-mail is a
postcard you are sending – open to everyone – even if marked confidential.
Don’t Count on Immediacy
E-mail is a convenient way to send and receive messages, but it is not always read
immediately. If you expect a prompt response, use the telephone. For example, if you are sending
e-mails to invite people to a meeting that is an hour away, do not expect much of a turnout.
Some e-mail systems have a feature that will not notify you when someone has received and
read your e-mail. If that service is important to you, spend some time learning how to implement
it and other useful features of your system.
Even if your recipients do not respond as quickly as you would like, you can do your
send[ers a service by replying promptly to their messages. Do not negate one of the main

26
advantages of e-mail – speed.
Keep these points in mind and you will have fewer regrets about e-mails you have sent.

Ten Tips for a Better Memo

No matter what your position in your organization, good written communication skills make
every other part of your job easier. Follow thses 10 tips for each memo and e-mail message you
write.
1. Get to the point quickly – the reader already knows the purpose of the memo from
th subject line. Make sure your subject line is clear and on point.
2. Be interesting, conversational, and natural.
3. Highlight key ideas (use an asterisk, dash or bullet); make it readable.
4. Keep it short – generally use 17 or fewer words per sentence.
5. Write in A-B-C order (sequentially).
6. If your message includes several questions requiring a response, number them. This
will make it easier for the recipient to respond.
7. Be specific, clear, concise, and economical.
8. Keep your reader(s) in mind.
9. Keep it simple.
10. Keep it to one page.

Memo Editing
Following is a memo sent by the rpesident of XYZ Company to all employees. Revise this
memo on a separate sheet of paper to make it clearer, shorter , and friendlier.
To: All Employees
From: The President
Date: September 15, 20xx
Re: Staff Meeting Postponement

XYZ Company wishes to inform all employees of the postponement of the

previously scheduled staff meeting. This cancellation is due to the fact of a current
pressing financia situation in this company.
This firm had faced a significant drop in sales volume for the past six months. Our
response to this pressing issue must be to make more productive use of our time a nd
effect an increase in sales volume.
This staff meeting will be postponed immediately until further notice by the
president. Employees will be informed of our further developments regarding
rescheduling our meeting and our financial situation.

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 How to Begin
Sometimes, no matter how long you stare at the blinking cursor on your otherwise blank
computer screen, you cannot figure out how to begin. When this happens to you, a good starting
point is to write these words:
I want to tell you that…
Next, tell what you want to tell.
Finally, delete the six words at the beginning and see what you have left.
These steps can at least get you started, so you will have a rough draft to revise and polish.
Here is an example.
1. Dear Dr. Ames:
I want to tell you that…
2. Dear Dr. Ames:
I want to tell you that we need to reschedule your tax appointment for an earlier
time on Friday.
3. Dear Dr. Ames:
We need to reschedule your tax appointment for an earlier time on Friday.
Now this writer can continue the letter to provide additional information, such as the reason
for the change, a suggested alternative appointment time, and so on.

Letter Editing
Even if you spend a lot of time writing for business, you may find yourself spending even
more time editing. As you move up through the managerial ranks, you are likely to edit letters,
memos, and reports written by others.
The following exercise offers some practice in editing letters. Read through the three
paragraphs below; then edit directly on the letter to make it clearer, more concise, and more
grammatically correct. You may rewrite sentecnes, but make sure that the original meaning is not
lost.
March 16, 20xx
Annette Clark
Marketing Director
Central Coast Boat Fabrics
1493 Main Street
Morro Bay, CA 93442

Dear Annette:

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 Thank you for bringing to are attention your product. Kevlar is a good material to
make boat hulls out of because it is not heavy like other hull fabrics and since it is used to
make bulletproof vests and tank armor it is strong. It is difficult to punctuate a boat made
of kevlar.
Unfortunately, kevlar is expensive and kevlar is very difficult to work with due to its
strength. We at the present time do not have the necessary tools to work with this fabric.
For now, we will to construct the boats we make out of fiberglass. As soon as we are
ready for kevlar, however, you can be sure that your company will be carefully
considered as a kevlar supplier.

Sincerely,
A.J. Smith

Part 4 – Writing for Special Circumstances

Special Kinds of Business Writing
Congratulations on your progress! Now that you have practiced the basics, you are ready to
move forward. In this section, you will have the opportunity to learn how to write for two kinds
of situations: when you must convey bad news and when you want to persuade.
Writing Bad News
Often in business we must break bad news to good people. Whether you are rejecting an
applicant for a job, turning down an employee’s request for a raise, or breaking the news to a
customer that you are our of widgets, writing bad news is not fun – but it is often necessary. And
doing it well can help you keep good business relationships.
This section will address strategies and techniques for conveying bad news tactfully, clearly,
and kindly.
Writing to Persuade
Another kind of business writing that requires special handling is persuasive writing. A lot
of business writing is persuasive. Cover letters that accompany resumes are designed to sell the
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applicant, sales letters are designed to sell the product, proposals are designed to sell services,
reports are often designed to sell recommendations or solutions to problems.
This section will show you how to develop your writing to make it more persuasive.

Conveying Bad News Tactfully

Most business writing emphasizes brevity in the interest of respecting your reader’s time.
But when conveying bad news, brevity takes a back seat to tact and tone. Choose your words
carefully, selecting words that are courteous and positive.
Do not use qualifiers, passive construction, or euphemism to avoid accepting responsibility.
For example, a company president wrote the following to her employees:
It is necessary to resize our operation to the level of profitable market opportunities.
What she meant was this:
We must lay off staff.
A memo to correct an employee’s behavior is meore effective if sentences begin with a
word other than you, as you can see in the negative and positive example phrases below.
Whenever possible, avoid overusing the finger-pointing you in favor of a more positive tone.
Negative Positive
You failed to notice… May I point out that…
You neglected to mention… We also can consider…
You overlooked the fact… One additional fact is…
You missed the point… From another perspective…
If you persist in… If you choose to…
I see no alternative but… One clear plan of action…

How to Say No
At times an employee’s request must be denied. Be direct and considerate, but do not be too
subtle or you mislead by offering false hope rather than communicating clearly. Remember, even
criticism can be delivered positively.
The sample memos below address an employee who has been eagerly awaiting a transfer to
the organization’s San Francisco office. The HR manager has been asked to write a memo to tell
him transfer will not take place.
Note the difference in packaging between “before” and “improved” memos. Both versions
deny the request, but the “before” sounds mechanical, stuffy, and cold. Although you want to be
clear and conscise in your writing, do not sacrifice kindness. When you must give bad news, take
the time to select words that are tactful and kind.

Before
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 To: John Williams
From: Marsha Brown
Date: May 12, 20xx
Re: Denial of your request for transfer

I regret to inform you that your request or transfer to our San Francisco office has
been denied. At this point in time, there are no positions open for which you are qualified.
Thank you for your understanding.
Improved
To: John Williams
From: Marsha Brown
Date: May 12, 20xx
Re: Response to transfer request

After we spoke last week, I checked into the possibility of your transferring to our
San Francisco office. Unfortunately, I learned a transfer is not possible for two reasons.
First, our department needs your experience and skills for new product marketing.
Second, this year San Francisco is expanding its accounting department only.
I am sorry proposed transfer will not work out. Please let me know if I can assist you
in any other way.

BREAK THE BAD NEWS

Let’s say you manage an employee who seems to lack motivation. The employee arrives
late to work, dresses inappropriately, and does not finish assigned tasks. In the space below or on
a separate sheet of paper, write a memo to the employee to motivate him or her. Supply
additional information as needed.
_______________________________________________________________________
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 _______________________________________________________________________
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THE BAD NEWS BUSINESS LETTER
You should now be prepared to write a complet letter using the information you have
learned. Mark Smith had applied for a position with your firm for which he will not be hired. As
you write the rejection letter, keep in mind that he has good qualifications and that you would
like more information about him should another position come open.
Refer to the preceding sections as you organize your thoughts, and remember to avoid the
common pitfalls of business writing. Use the space below to begin your outline, then draft your
letter on a separate sheet. Although your letter will be different from the model, it will be well
written if you avoided unnecessary words, jargons, or vague words.
_______________________________________________________________________
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 _______________________________________________________________________
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When the News is Especially Sensitive
It can be difficult to convey the bad news of turning down an applicant, rejecting an
employee’s request, or notifying customers of inventory shortages. Such communications are
relatively routine, however, compared to delivering especially sensitive news, such as an
employee’s life-threatening illness or death or the company’s response to serious workplace
accident. But the same guidelines apply no matter how sensitive the bad news:
 Be tactful
 Keep the tone positive and courteous
 Avoid qualifiers, passive construction, or euphemisms
 Be direct and considerate without being too subtle
 Express appropriate concern

Example Communicating Concern

A manager in a large organization was given the following assignment after a key assistant

33
in the public relations department had been on sick leave for several weeks. This assistant was
diagnosed with AIDS and asked the manager to write a memo to all staff, with full disclosure of
the illness, to prepare them for the assistant’s return to work on the following Monday.
As you read the memo, note how clear, kind, and concerned the manager sounds for both
his assistant and for the other employees.

To: All Staff

From: Paul Henry, PR Manager
Date: Feruary 15, 20xx
Re: David McDermott’s Return

As most of you know, David McDermott has been a key member of our public
relations staff for nearly three years. In his new role as assistant manager, he continues to
provide the timely, quality support that we have aal come to depend on since his arrival in
our group. Now it is our turn to show him just how supportive we can be.
David has asked me to inform you that he was recently diagnosed with AIDS. After
consulting with his doctor, hereceived approval to return to work, and he will resume his
position on Monday, February 26. David and his doctor assure us that he is completely
capable of fulfilling his duties as assistant manager. And after consulting with several
AIDS experts, we are confident that his return to work will in no way jeopardize the
health of any other employees.
I know that you share my feelings of concern for David, and I hope you will help
him in any way possible when he returns. If you have questions or concerns, please
contact me or Anna Chin in Human Resources.

Writing Persuasively
Some people avoid using the word persuasion because it conjures images of manipulation
and deceit. This is unfortunate because most communication is persuasive. Anytime you
influence or affect people, you are being persuasive. And everything you write in business –
memo, invoices, or client proposal letters – affects the reader.
This section provides information on communicating persuasively and offers you an
opportunity to write a persuasive letter using the skills you have acquired in this book.
Here is a good first rule: Show how your reader will benefit. Do not tell your clients and
prospects how great your photocopier is – tell them how great their copies will look.
As Aristotle said, “The Fool tells me his reasons, but the wise man persuades me with my
own.”
Using the Motivated Sequence Outline
When you are preparing a persuasive letter, report, or speech, the Motivated Sequence
34
Outline is an effective tool for organizing your points. To be effective, persuasive letters must
include the following five steps:
1. Get readers’ attention
2. Show readers how a problem affects them
3. Solve the problem
4. Explain what your solution will do
5. Encourage readers to adopt your solution
The Motivated Sequence Outline on the next page takes you step by step through each of
these requirements. But before you begin working through the outline, write a complete sentence
stating exactly what you hope to accomplish in the letters you will write. This will give you
focus. Remember this purpose to keep your message on track as you outline your letter.
1. Attention Step
 Overcome readers’ apathy
 Use illustration, example, etc.
2. Need Step
 Show why change is needed
 Show why readers need to feel affected by the problem
3. Satisfaction (of Need) Step
 State solution
 Demostrate that solution is logical, sensible, and feasible
 Convince that solution will solve problem
 Give examples where solution has worked
4. Visualization (of Future) Step
 Show readers what solution will do for them
 State advantages
5. Action Step
 Convince readers to adopt solution
 Tell readers what you want them to do
 Direct readers to act
Drafting a Letter with the Motivational Sequence Outline
The following letter exemplifies how the Motivated Sequence Outline was used to draft a letter
to attract customers to Elite Travel Agency for vacation planning.
Elite Travel Agency
333 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

April 19, 20xx

Ms. Kathleen Atwood
204 London Street
Oakland, CA 94605

Dear Ms. Atwood:

35
(Attention) If you don’t like romance, beautiful places, and friendly people, stop
reading now.
(Need) But if you need to get away from the pressures of work… if you would
enjoy the exhilaration of bicycling though green pastures and rustic
villages… if you want to be welcomed with open arms by people known
for their warm hospitality… then a guided bicycle tour through Ireland,
one of Europe’s most breathtaking countries, is for you.
(Satisfaction) Elite Travel is offering discount prices for folks like you who wish to
spend a splendid summer vacation experiencing a new culture in a foreign
land – at prices so low you can’’t afford to pass it up. Prices for 10-day
tours begin at only $3,979, including airfare, bike rentals, three meals a
day, and lodging.
(Visualization) Imagine bicycing on well-maintained trails, stopping at points of historical
interest and incredible views, including castles, battlegrounds, and lands
where old Irish tales come to life. Each day we’ll stop, tired and happy, at
favorite bed and breakfast inns for delicious meals, hot baths, and
luxuriating sleep.
(Action) If this package sounds good, call us today. Join us for a vacation you will
talk about for years. Call toll free at 1-800-555-0900 before this offer ends
on April 30. Don’t miss out! We are going to have a great summer, and
we’d love to have you along.
Sincerely,
Dan Edwards
Manager

Attract Your Reader’s Attention

A well-written attention paragraph is crucial to encourage your reader to read to the

last paragraph, often called the action paragraph. Many people, however, find it difficult
to wwrite the opening paragraph to any letter – particularly if the ltter is persuasive. But
once you successfully develop your opening ideas, your remaining thoughts usually flow
more naturally.

In the space below, practice writing an attention-getting opening paragraph to

introduce the gourmet café you are opening on a university campus. The café serves
breakfast and lunch. Remember, your goal in the first paragraph – the attention paragraph
– is to arouse the interest of both students and university faculty. Try to select strategies
that will appeal to both audiences.

_________________________________________________________________

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 _________________________________________________________________
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Sample #1
Dear Students and Faculty:
Are you tired of eating the same old greasy hamburgers and fries? Or tasteless vending-machine
food? Does eating on campus remind you of eating on an airplane? Does “campus food” sound
like an oxymoron? Prepare for change!

Announcing the opening of Campus Cuisine, the first on-campus gourmet café that offers
tantalizing tastes for finite finances.

Sample #2
Dear Students and Faculty:
Imagine walking to class and experiencing the aroma of freshly baked breads and hearty,

37
flavorful soups. Picture yourself sitting at a cozt table enjoying a rare roast beef sandwich, or
spinach and lentil soup with a fresh sourdough baguette, or grilled swordfish with fennel, capers,
and sun-dried tomatoes.

Campus Café is now open – right here on campus – to serve you delicious dishes at just-right
prices.

Scrutinizing the Samples

Note how each of the sample openers includes specifics to students and faculty. Typically,
students are on budgets, so mentioning reasonable prices would be a sound strategy to appeal to
students who have little money. And if it is true that a wider variety of food, including more
exotic fare, would appeal to an older, more sophisticated crowd (such as university faculty), then
describing tantalizing foods might pique their interest.

Note, too, the style of each opener. Sample #1 uses a sentence fragment, an incomplete
sentence – “Or tasteless vending-machine food?” – to make a point. In most professional writing,
complete sentences are more appropriate than fragments. But in sales letter designed to capture
attention, formal writing rules tend to bend a bit.

The second sample includes descriptions that appeal to the senses – “freshly baked,” “rare
roast beef.” Arousing your readers’ senses so they can almost see, hear, taste, or smell can be a
good attention-getting strategy.

Part 5 – Know Your Audience

Identifying Communication Styles

Before you begin to write, you must consider your audience. If you have some insight into
the personality of your reader, you will have the opportunity to tailor your writing to make it
compatible with that personality. What could be more flattering to readers than to receive a letter
or memo written with them in mind? The addition of human element is so often missing in the
business world.

Tailoring your writing to specific personality types begins with identifying the four general
communication styles, based on Carl Jung’s theory. These styles are:

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  Sensor/Action Style
 Thinker/Process Style
 Feeler/People Style
 Intuitor/Idea Style

Identifying a person’s communication style is not a hard-and-fast method for “figuring them
out.” Most people will exhibit traits from each of the style from time to time. Still, one
communication style is generally dominant. And it is to this style that you should tailor your
business writing. Let’s look at each style in more detail.

Sensor/Action Style
People who are in this style like action: doing, achieving, getting things done, improving, and
solving problems.

Description: action-oriented, results-oriented, task-oriented, workaholic, confident, hard-

changing, determined, tough, competitive.

Strengths: pragmatic, assertive, directional, competitive, confident, disciplined in using time,

receptive to options.

Weaknesses: domineering, arrogant, status-seeking, emotionally cold, impulsive, autocratic,

inattentive, impersonal.

Common jobs: athlete, manager, excutive, coach, truck driver, entrepreneur, pilot, doctor.

Opposite style: Intuitor/Idea

Thinker/Process Style
People who are process-oriented like fact-finding, organizing, and setting up strategies and
tactics.

Description: analytical, logical, self-controlled, stubborn, detail-oriented, aloof, critical,

skeptical, conservative, noncommittal.

Strengths: perfectionist, well-organized, objective, rational, conceptual, persistent, accurate,

orderly, hard working.

Weaknesses: indecisive, insensitive, inflexible, slow, judgmental.

Common jobs: accountant, banker, attorney, doctor, scientist, clerk, engineer, computer

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programmer, teacher.

Opposite style: Feeler/People

Sensor/action and thinker/process styles are both common in the business world. These two
styles have different approaches to understanding and appreciating letters. The process style
wants thoroughness and detail; the action style wants to know the bottom line. Consider the
communication style of your reader in everything you write.

Feeler/People Style
Individuals who are people-oriented like to focus on social processes, interactions,
communication, teamwork, social systems, and motivation.

Description: emotional, caring, introspective, melancholic, sympathetic, diplomatic, persuasive,

entertaining, warm, friendly, agreeable, dependable, stable.

Strengths: spontaneous, persuasive, empathic, probing, loyal, warm, supportive, dependable,

sensitive.

Weaknesses: impulsive, sentimental, procrastinating, subjective, overly sensitive, overly

cautious.

Common jobs: nurse, administrator, teacher, social worker, sales associate, psychiatrist, trainer.

Opposite syle: Thinker/Process

Intuitor/Idea Style
People with the idea orientation like concepts, theories, idea exchanges, innovation, creativity,
and novelty.

Description: creative, reflective, quiet, scholarly, reserved, conceptual, intelligent, enthusiastic,

personable, gregarious, impatient, invlved, assertive.

Strengths: original, conceptual, warm, approachable, stimulating, adventurous, sensitive,

receptive to new ideas, creative, idealistic, flexible.

Weaknesses: unrealistic, devious, impractical, manipulative, undisciplined in use of time,

uncontrolled.

Common jobs: scientist, researcher, artist, professor, writer, corporate planner, advertising

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person, stockbroker.

Opposite style: Sensor/Action

Feeler/people and intuitor/idea styles are becoming more common in the business world.
Your letters to readers possessing these traits need to be human. Because so much business
writing seems mechanical and computer-generated, the People and Idea styles will appreciate
your remembering that writing is a personal transaction between people.

Writing to Specific Styles

In the following examples, the sales letter from the previous lesson has been adapted to address
each style of reader.

Adapting to the Action Style

Emphasize action, doing, achieving, getting things done, improving, and solving prooblems. Get
to the point quickly. Don’t waste their time. Be clear and specific.

Elite Travel Agency

333 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

April 19, 20xx

41
 Ms. Kathleen Atwood
204 London Street
Oakland, CA 94605

Dear Ms. Atwood:

Get away from the pressures of work. Recharge your batteries. Do it today. Right
now.
 Bike through Ireland.
 Stop at castles and battlegrounds.
 Work up an appetite for excellent meals.
 Revel in hot baths and down comforters.
 Gear up for the next day’s trek.
Elite travel is offering busy people who like action and luxury – people like you – a
travel package that costs so little you won’t be able to pass it up.
You can join us for a 10-day tour, including airfare, bike rental, three meals per day,
and lodging for only $3,979.
If this package sounds good, call us today. 1-800-555-0900. This offer expires on
April 30. Don’t miss out.
You’ve worked hard. You’ve earned it.

Sincerely,
Dan Edwards

Approaching the Process Style

Emphasize facts, organizing, and structure. Provide more detail than for other syles. Appeal to
logic and reason.
Elite Travel Agency
333 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

April 19, 20xx

Ms. Kathleen Atwood
204 London Street
42
 Oakland, CA 94605

Dear Ms. Atwood:

If saving money and getting away to a place that will recharge your batteries doesn’t
appeal to you, stop reading now.
On the other hand, if you need to get away from the pressures of work and school
and you would enjoy the exhilaration and education of bicycling through the historical
wonders of the Irish countryside, then a guided bicycle tour through Ireland may be just
for you.
If bicycling sounds too rigorous for a relaxing, restorative vacation, you have the
option of sigining up for the accompanying bus trip – your choice.
Elite Travel is offering discount prices for people like you – people who would like
to vacation in Ireland and experience a new culture at prices so low you can’t afford to
pass it up. Prices for 10-day tours are $3,979, including airfare, bike rental or bus fare,
three meals per day, and lodging.
You can find all the details about this package in the enclosed brochure. But
remember: This offer expires on May 15.
If this sounds good, call us toll free at 1-800-555-0900. We’ll be glad to answer all
your questions. Don’t miss out. Join us for the vacation of a lifetime!

Sincerely,
Dan Edwards

Appealing to the People Style

Emphasize social processes, interactions, communication, and teamwork.
Elite Travel Agency
333 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

April 19, 20xx

Ms. Kathleen Atwood

43
 204 London Street
Oakland, CA 94605

Dear Ms. Atwood:

If you don’t like romance, beautiful places, and friendly people, stop reading now.
On the other hand, if you need to get away from the pressures of work, and you
would enjoy the exhilaration of bicycling with other enthusiastic travelers through the
green pastures and rustic villages, if you want to be welcomed with open arms by people
known for their warm hospitality, then a guided bicycle tour through Ireland, one of
Europe’s friendliest and most breathtaking countries, is for you.
Elite Travel is offering doscount prices for people like you – people who would like
to experience a new culture at unbeatably low prices. Prices for 10-day tours are $3,979,
including airfare, bike rental, three meals a day, and lodging.
Throughout this tour we will bicycle on well-maintained trails, stopping at historical
points of interest with incredible views that include castles, battlegrounds, and villages
where old Irish tales come to life. Each day we’ll stop, tired and happy, at favorite bed
and breakfast inns for delicious meals in a family atmosphere, hot baths, and luxuriating
sleep.
If this sounds good, call us toll free today at 1-800-555-0900 before this offer
expires in April 30. Join us for a vacation that you’ll talk about for years. Don’t miss out!
We’re going to have a terrific vacation, and we’d love to have you along.

Sincerely,
Dan Edwards

Enticing the Idea Style

Emphasize theories, exchange of ideas, innovation, creativity, and novelty.
Elite Travel Agency
333 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

44
 April 19, 20xx
Ms. Kathleen Atwood
204 London Street
Oakland, CA 94605

Dear Ms. Atwood:

If you don’t like romance, beautiful places, and friendly people, stop reading now.
On the other hand, if you would enjoy the exhilaration of bicycling through green
pastures and rustic villages, if you want to be welcomed with open arms by people known
for their warm hospitality, then a guided tour through Ireland, one of Europe’s friendliest
and most breathtaking countries, is for you.
Imagine…
bicyling on well maintained trails,
stopping at historical battlegrounds,
enjoying incredible views of castles,
visiting villages where old Irish tales come to life.
Each day we’ll stop, tired and happy, at favorite bed and breakfast inns for delicious
meals, hot baths, and luxuriating sleep.
Elite Travel is offering discount prices for people like you – people who would like
to experience an adventure of a lifetime. Prices for 10-day tours are $3,979, including
airfare, bike rental, three meals per day, and lodging.
If this osunds good, call us toll free today at 1-800-555-0900 before this offer
expires on April 30. Join us for a vacation that you’ll talk about for years. Don’t miss out!
We’re going to have a terrific vacation, and we’d love to have you along.

Sincerely,
Dan Edwards

Ten Techniques for Effective Communication

Working toward better business writing leads in many directions. At first, you may find that
old habits are hard to slip out of. You also may find that when you try to improve your writing, it
will take you longer to write even routine letters. You still may be tempted to use jargons or

45
cliches. You may become frustrated as you stare at a blank computer screen or as you fill your
wastebasket with crumpled paper. Do not despair! Writing is hard work, but the quality of the
final product is the key to greater rewards.
The following list is a summary of the most important points discussed in this book. Make it
a habit to read through the list to incorporate these techniques whenever you practice writing.
1. Keep your writing clear, concise, and simple.
2. Choose your words carefully.
3. Be natural.
4. Avoid fad words, jargons, and cliches.
5. Use active verbs; avoid passive construction.
6. Take a stand, make a commitment, avoid qualifiers.
7. Use familiar words – plain English.
8. Be specific; avoid vagueness.
9. Eliminate redundant expressions.
10. Keep your audience in mind.

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