Valuing Myself 3.

Self-esteem is life supporting and

life enhancing.
4. 4. It directs our action - and
What it really means to loving the
ultimately, our character.
self? 5. It promotes healthy love and
romantic relationship.
Self-Love 6. 6. It generates self-fulfilling
- it starts with understanding the self and prophecies.
accepting it fully 7. It is a need! Lacking it impairs our
ability to function. (Branden, 2011)
what is self-esteem?
Self-esteem, as psychologists define it, is
our overall, subjective sense of our personal
value or worth. It is our attitude to ourselves.
- Ackerman, 2018

It is a fundamental need, a motive.

- Branden, 2011; Leary, 2011

Self-esteem, as Branden (2011)

- is the disposition to experience oneself as
competent to cope with the basic challenges
of life and as worthy of happiness. How do self-esteem develop?
1. Self-esteem is intrinsic - rooted from
- to trust one’s mind and to know that one is our need to survive. It is dependent
worthy of happiness is the essence of self- on our ability to think and decide for
esteem. To know that, deserve ko sumaya- our well-being.
deserve ko mahalin, is the essence of self- 2. Self-esteem can develop and
esteem. deteriorate. Although intrinsic, it was
not set once and for all in childhood.

Self-esteem is our UNDERSTANDING LOW SELF-

1. confidence in our ability to think, ESTEEM
confidence in our ability to cope with
the basic challenges of life; Why do people have low self-esteem?
2. confidence in our right to be happy
- The self is not permitted to grow due to a
and successful;
disapproving authority figures
3. feeling of being worthy and
- Mirrored behaviors from immediate
deserving
caregivers and the environment
- Presence of a bully
Importance of self-esteem - Presence of parental neglect
1. It helps us persist in the face of - Absence of healthy support system at home
difficulties. and in school
2. It promotes self-respect and - Trauma
ultimately, self-love.
- Unrealistic expectations from society as These terms are different from each other,
portrayed by the media but they are all interrelated components of
self-esteem - in fact, they are said to be the
Self-esteem and other interrelated pillars of self-esteem.
concepts.
Facts: People cannot suffer from too much
Self-esteem is not the same with self- self-esteem.
concept, self-image, self-confidence, and
self-efficacy. Myths: People can suffer from too much
self-esteem and that will lead to narcissism
The Illusion of Self-esteem
Myth 2: People suffer from too much self-
esteem in verge to narcissism/boastfulness
Low self-esteem does not always show.
Oftentimes, they are mistaken as character
The need to prove oneself, boastfulness, and
strengths.
sense of superiority is an indication of low
(Branden, 2011)
self-esteem
Reflect on this Question: NOTE: Sometimes self-esteem is confused
with boasting or bragging or arrogance; but
If I have a low self-esteem, does that mean such traits reflect not too much self-esteem,
that I will fail in life? but too little; they reflect a lack of self-
esteem.
Answer: Not necessarily.
Even when you feel unworthy, you can be Facts: Self-esteem is a birthright - it’s a gift
driven to prove your worth and be and intrinsically possess it.
workaholic. However, it also means that we
will be crippled in our ability to find joy in Myths: Self-esteem is earned from others.
our achievements. There will never be a
sense of contentment and fulfillment. Myth 3: Self-esteem is earned.
(Branden, 2011)
Self-esteem is a birthright - it’s a gift and
DESTRUCTIVE MYTHS ABOUT you intrinsically possess it. You, in your
SELF-ESTEEM own right, are valuable and worthwhile
human being.
Myths: Self-esteem is the same with self-
concept, self-image, self-confidence, Myths: High self-esteem only comes from
and self-efficacy being appreciated and praised by others.
Facts: High self-esteem usually comes from
Facts: These terms are different from each internal self-validation
other

Myth 1: Self-esteem is the same with self- Myth 4: High self-esteem only comes from
concept, self-image, self-confidence, and being appreciated and praised by others.
self-efficacy
Self-esteem is stronger when you affirm it
internally. They can come from the outside -
esteem for prestige - but they don’t only NOTES: Being efficient means getting the
come from external sources most things done in the least time.
Obviously there is some advantage to
Myth: Loving yourself too much will be at getting things done in less time, but it's
the expense of others - you cannot love them absolutely crucial that this should be done in
and risk on hurting them the most EFFECTIVE way. As you can
see, Being vs. Doing is actually about what
Facts: Self-love can automatically transmit you're doing and how you're doing it.
love to others
In being mode, the mind has “nothing to do,
Myth 5: Loving yourself too much will be nowhere to go” and can focus fully on
at the expense of others - you cannot love moment-by-moment experience, allowing us
them and risk on hurting them to be fully present and aware of whatever is
here, right now.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
In doing mode, by contrast, this wonderful
Myth: Good looks, great grades, and high multidimensional complexity of experience
I.Q. is an automatic ticket to high self- is boiled down to a narrow, one-
esteem dimensional focus: What does this have to
say about my progress in reaching my
Myth: There’s no guarantee to high self- goals?
esteem because it’s about chances!

BUILDING POSITIVE SELF- ❖ Often unrealistic comparisons

ESTEEM ❖ Prediction the future from past
events
❖ Inability to feel fulfilled
To build self-esteem, we are
challenged to raise the level of our When can you tell that people have
consciousness in the face of emotional healthy self-esteem?
resistance - to challenge our negative
self-image. ❖ Act assertively and feel the ease of
communicating with others. Thus,
When can you tell that people have he/she can express himself/herself
fully.
low self-esteem?
❖ Present-centric. Avoids dealing with
the past and focus on the now
❖ Feeling of being unworthy and
❖ High regard for equality and treat
incompetent
others with respect (value others).
❖ Usually do self-blame
❖ Rejects manipulation
❖ Taking negatives literally and
❖ Handles constructive criticism well.
personally
❖ They tend to confused with the
difference between doing and being
Building Self-esteem
- Accurate self-assessment

- Celebrate your achievements, no matter

how big or small they are.

- Speak to yourself the way you speak to a

very close friend.

- Change what you can and let go of what

you cannot. Let go of your perfectionism
ideals.

-Practice self-compassion and forgive

yourself

- Recognize your inner critic and its

cognitive distortions

- When trying to help other people with low

self-esteem, remember AB: Awareness of
personal limitations and Boundaries

FROM SELF-ESTEEM TO SELF-

LOVE: HOW CAN YOU START TO
LOVE YOURSELF?