JOKES
Read and complete the jokes with a suitable punchline from the box. Then listen and check.
"The Best Restaurant on this Block." "Exactly!" "Next, please."
“I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
"Good, because I haven't done my homework." “You are a taxi.” "Your feet." “I'm her
mother.”
Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow? “I don't think I know either, sir.”
1. A: Just look at that young person with short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. _________________________________________________________________
2. A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. __________________________________________________________________
3. The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
The daughter answers, "First day?
__________________________________________________
4. Principal: "I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all of your teachers. What have you
been doing?"
Johnny: "Nothing, sir."
Principal: ___________________________________________________________________
5. Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: __________________________________________________________________
6. In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. ________________________________________________________________
7. Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest
lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even
know what a lie was."
____________________________________________________________________
8. A student is talking to his teacher.
Student: "Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?"
Teacher:" Of course not."
Student: _______________________________________________________________
9. There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said
"The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best
Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said
__________________________________________________________
10. A girl and a boy are talking.
The girl says, "You would be a good dancer except for two things."
The boy asks, "What are those two things?"
The girl answers, __________________________________________________________
11. The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays
any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, ___________________________________________________
