Anchoring

What is an anchor? Essentially, an anchor is a push button on a state, but it is a

button which can take many forms. It can be a hand gesture, a word, a sound, a facial
expression, or just about anything else. The most well-known anchor is a kinesthetic
anchor, a touch anchor, but it is also the least useful anchor especially when used for
persuasion.

Why anchor? You want to anchor so you can use the emotions that people experience
and attach those emotions to what you want. For example, a person might feel his best
friend is reliable and you attach it to your business card. By doing this you can invisibly
nudge people in the directions in which you want them to go, and it will feel natural and
like their own ideas.

When do you anchor? All the time! If you wait until you are ready to move the person
in a direction, then it is too late. You should be anchoring during small talk and while
gathering information, not when you are ready to close the deal or ask someone to do
something.

How do you anchor? When looked at in its most basic form, anchoring is quite simple:
elicit an emotion, set the anchor to that emotion, and fire the anchor to attach that
emotion to your goal.
Ready!

The first part of getting ready is your own emotional state. If you are a nervous
wreck or if you are only thinking about what you want to get off that person, then your
results will be very limited. It is important to be able to control your state in order to be
able to anchor.

The other part of ready is to elicit a state in someone else. For today, we are going
to focus on 3 states which you will be eliciting during the week. As well we will have two
ways of eliciting them: one way for people who are more outgoing and one way for
people who are more subdued.

Openers

Direct Openers

What's it like…When I… I am curious…What is the difference for you…When you…

Soft openers

Do you think....Have you ever…If you can….Sometimes I wonder....

I wonder….Can you tell me….I’m curious….

Suggestions

Direct Suggestions

…feel X …think of X
…when you X …see someone X

Soft Suggestions

…known someone who can X …what is it like to X

…felt like you could X …notice that it feels X

Emotion....X – Here are some ideas to finish the suggestions above.

Direct – relax, curious, fun, connect, warm, playful, interesting

Soft – special, different, a certain way, catches your attention

Notice the emotional response in them.

Anchor if good. If not, use step 4 to amplify the emotion.
Accelerator

Direct Accelerator

What is the best part of that?

When does it feel best?
What is the perfect amount?

Soft Accelerator

Sometimes more than others

In a special/certain way
Sometimes different than normal
When it really gets your attention
Can you tell me more

Exercise 1
Use the space below to write some elicitations which you think you could use in the real
world. While an outgoing person might use a command form, a subdued person might
soften with a question, such as, “What do you think about…?”

Relaxed or Calm
Direct

Soft

Happy or Curious
Direct

Soft

Playful
Direct

Soft
The Shift – How will you know you have achieved your goal? You will specifically be
looking for a state shift. This will be apparent in facial expression, posture, and
verbalization. We are asking you to notice a difference instead of asking you to notice
specifics, as we want you to focus on the task at hand instead of minutiae at this point.

If You Miss It, Re-elicit! – This is a quick state re-elicitation when you miss anchoring
the state. There are a lot of phrases you can use, which are quick, simple and
conversational.

 So you…

… had a great time.

… had a really relaxing trip.

… enjoyed the massage.

… thought it was worth it.

… really love that feature.

 I know what you mean.

 I know how that feels.
 Yeah. I know.
 It is, isn’t it?

To make this work best:

 Feel the state that they give you.

 Use the wording/the tonality/the movement that they give you and use with the
statements above.
 Aim!

Now that you have elicited a state, it is time to set the anchor. You can really use
almost anything for an anchor, but for now we are going to give you only a few choices.

There are 4 ways you can choose to anchor the state you just elicited. Even with such
limited choices you will need to decide in advance which ones to utilize.

1) Body Position
a) Shrug shoulders
b) Tilt head
c) Lean in or Lean back

2) Hand Movement/Position
a) Hand out and palm up with a slight downward movement at waist to chest level;
relaxed hand
b) Hand out and palm down with a slightly emphatic downward movement at waist
to chest level; rigid, energetic hand
c) Hand or hands sideways in front of you with a little movement; not rigid and not
relaxed, but a little loose; movement can be movement of the fingers or
movement of the entire hand

3) Something on you
a) Collar tug
b) Tap or twist watch
c) Adjust sunglasses
d) Tug earring
e) Pull at necklace

4) Steal a self-anchor – This takes a little more observation, but can be the easiest way
to set an anchor. You will pay attention to if there is an obvious movement the
person makes when they go into the state, or if a specific word seems to be attached
to the emotion. You will have to replicate the pace, motion and position of the
movement. If it is a word you will have to replicate the speed, volume and tone of
the word.

a) Hand movement
i) Position
ii) Movement
iii) Relaxed or rigid
 iv) Pace

b) Body Movements – still pay attention to position, movement, relaxed or rigid, and
pace
i) Move back or forward
ii) Shrug shoulders
iii) Rock from side to side
iv) Head nod

c) Vocal
i) Specific word
ii) Volume
iii) Energy or emphasis
iv) Speed – quickly or slowly
v) Tone – excited, calm, etc.
 Fire!

This is what anchoring is all about. It is when you use it! This is when you fire the
anchor to attach it to what you want. What would you like this person to feel this way
about?

Speaking and Firing the Anchor

1. Think of the state you’re going to attach and the anchor you have set it to.

2. Go into the state slightly and fire the anchor while you give the command.

3. Notice if there is a shift – The shift won’t be as extreme as when they went into
the state on their own.
i) Facial expression
ii) Posture shift
iii) Leaning

Using the Anchor

When do you fire and anchor?

 On a command
 On an action
 On behavior
 On agreement

But NEVER with no reason at all are you to fire an anchor creating a free floating
anchor that is outside your control. You don’t know what that person will attach the
anchor to!
When Do You Anchor?

You want to anchor someone when the state is accelerating. Acceleration occurs when
someone begins to feel the emotion. You will notice the emotion start and at some point
as you describe or the other person describes the emotion, it will begin to accelerate. I
like anchoring things during the acceleration stage of the emotion because it gives the
emotion direction.

Peak

Acceleration

Anchoring
Opportunity

Empty Bucket Elicitations

This is an elicitation which allows a person to fill in his own experience instead of trying
to guide them to a specific emotion. You are guiding them toward a certain type of
emotion such as any good emotion, but you don’t know exactly what emotion you are
going to get. This makes it easier to get an emotion to anchor as you are not guessing
what they need to feel to get your result.

 There are things you want and there are things you don’t want.
 You know how that/it feels to do/have X.
 You know what you want when you X.
 What is important to you about X?
 Only you know what this means to you.
 Only you know what this can mean for you..
 Only you know how this can change your life.
 Only you know what you want out of this.
 Only you know what you want to do…
 You know what a good vacation is.
 You know what it means to you.
 You know what this can do for you.
 You know what this will do for you.
 You know what this can change for you.
 I know how that feels.
 You know how you feel when you X.
 You know how it feels when you X.
 You know how it feels when you have a day when you don't have to do anything.
 You know what you want to do on vacation.
 You are starting to get results.  That feels good, doesn't it?
  You know the difference between X and Y.  (Ex.  You know the difference
between where you are and where you want to be.) (Ex.  You know the
difference between what works for you and what doesn’t.)

Basic Elicitations

Here are a few conversational ways of eliciting emotions that you can use as guidelines.

X = what you do that elicits an emotion

Y = the emotion or state

Self-Referential

I went X last week and it was so Y. What do you do for Y?

When I X, I find it really Y. You know how that is, right?

Ex: When I water ski, I find it really exhilarating. What’s exhilarating for you?

Blatant

Tell me about X. What’s the most Y part of it?

What do you do for Y?

Tell me about when you X.

Can you tell me about the last time you Y / X?

You know what that’s like, don’t you?

You know, right?

You’ve seen that?

What was it (Y) like?

Ex. Tell me about your vacation. What was the most relaxing part of it?

Recall

What makes you Y?

How do you know when to Y?

What Ys you?
When you X or Y, what does that feel like?

Remember when Y…

Accelerators – Use these when you aren’t getting a very strong response or when the
person is all over the place. They aren’t used alone.

What kind of X is your favorite?

What was your favorite part of Y?

What is your favorite part of X?

I know you did a lot of things on your X, but what was the most Y part of it?

What’s the most Y part of it?

Ex. What was your favorite part of your vacation?

When talking about emotions, it sounds more natural if you preface it with something
you did where you felt that emotion.

As you might notice there is overlap between the different types of elicitations. That is
because this is all part of natural conversation which will flow together.

Questions Which Give You More Than Yes or No

You look like you are in a good mood. Are you on the way to somewhere fun? or Where
are you going?

What do you have going on today?

I was trying to figure out something fun to do this weekend. Do you have any
suggestions?

You look happy. You must be having a good day!

You look like you wish you were anywhere / somewhere else. – looks unhappy, bored
Elicitation Matrix LITE

1) Openers – Start your elicitation with one of the openers below…

Direct Openers

What's it like…When I… I am curious…What is the difference for you…When you…

Soft openers

Do you think....Have you ever…If you can….Sometimes I wonder....

I wonder….Can you tell me….I’m curious….

2) Suggestions – …then add one of the suggestions below to complete it.

Direct Suggestions

…feel X …think of X
…when you X …see someone X

Soft Suggestions

…known someone who X …what is it like to X

…felt like you could X …notice that it feels X

3) Emotion....X – Here are some ideas to finish the suggestions above.

Direct – relax, curious, fun, connect, warm, playful, interesting

Soft – special, different, a certain way, catches your attention

Notice the emotional response in them.

Anchor if good. If not, use step 4 to amplify the emotion.

4) Direct Accelerator

What is the best part of that?

When does it feel best?

Soft Accelerator

Sometimes more than others

In a special / certain way
Sometimes gets your attention
 Can you tell me more?

Sliding Anchors

Sliding an anchor is a way of accelerating the anchor to move the emotion to a higher
level or lower level. For example, if someone is happy sliding the anchor will make that
person happier.

What makes a good slide? The things that make the best slides are things that are
naturally more intense. Of course for each sense the thing that makes a good slide is
different, so we’ll go through each individually to mark out the good intensifiers.

Touch/Tactile Anchors

Pressure Speed Sliding toward the body

Spatial and Visual Anchors

Higher Closer Bigger Faster More Movement

Auditory

Louder Faster Closer Higher Pitch

You can set a slide many different ways

 Verbally by saying something like, “Sometimes it’s intense, but sometimes it’s
more intense”, “You know how it is. Sometimes it’s good but sometimes it’s
better”, “Some hikes are fun, but some hikes are really fun”, “Sometimes more
than others”, and sliding the anchor as you go or marking out the slide.

 Also, you can do this by asking them questions about different occasions when
they felt/did this and one time may have been all right, but another time was even
better.

 You can also set the sliding anchor by following the emotions they go into, by
noticing when the emotion is just a little and when it grows more intense. You
should intensify your emotion while you do this.

 For some it is easier to lead the other person into a more intense emotion simply
by intensifying his or her own state while in rapport and setting the sliding anchor.

Here are some examples of anchors:

 Tilt your head to the side for the anchor, and use more of a tilt to intensify/slide
the emotion.
  Set a slide to the raising of your eyebrows.

 Sliding your hand up or closer in the air or for states like relaxation sliding your
hand downward.

 Put your hand on someone's shoulder and squeeze a little to intensify the anchor.

Notice that a lot of these slides aren't big motions that would be consciously noticeable.
They don't have to be!

Some of these don’t depend on natural intensity, but the better you get at leading
people into rapport, shifting their emotions with your own, and at anchoring the less you
will have to depend on that.

The only thing to avoid in sliding an anchor is what we call over amplifying it. This is
when you keep turning it up to try to make the person pop. There are two reasons to
avoid doing this. One is that at some point the state won't feel natural or comfortable for
the person when turned up too far. The other is that at some point the emotion will turn
into a different emotion. There is a threshold where anticipation could turn into anxiety.
Keep it conversational and calibrate, and this won't happen.

Self Anchors

Self anchoring is setting an anchor on yourself so you can go into emotions quickly and
easily whenever you want to. Self anchoring is incredibly simple if you follow a few
simple steps.

Step 1 – Decide the emotion that you want to anchor.

Step 2 – Decide what you want the anchor to be.

Step 3 – Then you have a choice you can either elicit the emotion in yourself or just wait
until you experience the emotion in your life.

Step 4 – Set the anchor.

Step 5 – When you fire a self anchor you are aware of the emotion you want to go into
and have the intent to go into this emotion. You can also slide the anchor to intensify it.

It is just that simple.

What will you use self anchors for? You shouldn't use them for personal change.
There are better, more permanent ways to get personal change. You should use self
anchors to get out of negative emotional states you find yourself in. For example, if
something happens to upset you like missing a train or falling down, and you really need
to calm down and focus then you can fire an anchor to change your emotional state.
What if it is something you do need to change like getting angry every time someone
cuts you off in traffic? For this you would fire a self anchor when it happens, and use
another technique to change it permanently when you have the time.

Choosing the state you want to anchor. Since you should only be using self anchors
for emotional triage, it is important to choose the right state to anchor. Choose a state
that isn’t overly amped. The overly amped states utilize the part of the brain that the
problem states utilize, so they won’t be as effective. So, don’t choose states like super
excited. You want to choose a state which will help you to refocus or readjust. So,
when you choose a state, go into the state and decide if it will help you to achieve this
result.

Transferring Anchors

Transferring an anchor is when you set an anchor one way, for example setting it
spatially in front of you, and then you decide you want to have the anchor attached to
something else like a word or a sound. The original anchor will still work, but now you
have the ability to fire the anchor over the telephone. I’m sure you can see how this
could be useful.

Step 1 - Fire the original anchor to get the person to feel the emotion.

Step 2 - Set the second anchor while you maintain your emotional state and continue to
fire the original anchor.

Step 3 - Release the original anchor.

Step 4 - Test the new anchor.

This sounds like it takes a long time, but it actually takes only seconds. So rest
assured, if it is a word that you want to transfer to or from that it is quite simple and
quick.

Another use for this is if you steal someone’s anchor and need to transfer it to your
anchor map. What if you don’t want the original anchor to work for that person
anymore? Then you steal the anchor, transfer it, and set something that is not so
positive to the original anchor.

Stealing Anchors

Stealing an anchor is when you take someone else’s anchor and make it your own. A
good example is that one of my nephews looks at me a certain way when he wants
something and it just melts me. So Tom stole this anchor and looked at me in that
certain way to try to melt me and get what he wanted.
It’s really simple to steal an anchor if you know what you are looking for:

 Emotion – What emotional state is the person in when they fire the anchor?

 The Anchor – What is the key part of the anchor? Is it a look? Is it holding one’s
arms a certain way? Is it an expression? Is it a word or sound? Is it a
combination of these things or all of these things?

 You can steal anybody or any thing's anchors. You can steal a cat or dog’s
anchors on its owner. This is a good example of figuring out what’s important to
make the anchor work. You can blink the way a cat does to tell its owner it loves
him, but you don’t have to be down on all fours. That would be quite
inconvenient.

 You can also test different parts of the anchor to see exactly what you need to do
to get the good response, and then just transfer it to something that is convenient
for you!

Stacking Anchors – The Nuclear Button

Stacking anchors is taking several emotions that you want a person to feel and
combining them all together. When would you use this? You could stack all of the
feelings your boss would have toward the ideal employee, put them in one place, and
attach them to giving you a raise. What if you did this when you were interviewing for a
job?

Step 1 – Elicit a good emotion and set the anchor.

Between these two steps you can have a neutral state or just random conversation.

Step 2 – Elicit the second emotion and set the anchor.

What is the difference between changing the anchor that you have set in a spot and
stacking the states together? Your emotion and your intent. These are the all-important
parts of setting and firing anchors.

So if you are stacking the anchors on one spot, then obviously the intent is to create
some combination of the emotions. Choose what you will use as an anchor and anchor
the first emotion. With the second emotion, you will elicit the emotion and set the
anchor, and so on for any further emotions added in.

Since they are all emotions that lead in the same direction, you only need to have a
general feeling in the direction of the anchor to fire the anchor.
Anchor Maps

An anchor map is a way for you to keep track of the different anchors you use on
everyone. If you always use putting your hand on a person’s shoulder when that person
feels good as the anchor, it’s really easy to keep track of.

If you are using hand movements, imagine spatially in front of you an imaginary board,
and on this board you can have a map for all of the anchors that you want to use
frequently.

Keep in mind that your NATURAL movements should guide the way for choosing your
map. It should fit your personality. This map fits someone who talks a lot with their
hands. If you don't to that then your map can be different.

If you are not overly expressive then your map will have more subtle anchors. If you
move your body a lot when you talk then your map will include body movement. Your
entire map might be head tilts and facial expressions.

Everyone is different so we will help you choose what will work best for you.

Finding Out How You Naturally Move

Most of the time we are not aware of our own movements, so the best way to find your
natural anchors is to get someone to help you.

 Step one is elicit the states you want on your map. Start with a general good
state, a general bad state, and unimportant.
o Good anchor – You can use fun, excitement, happy, good decision, etc.
o Bad anchor – You can use bad decision, dislike, uncertain, confused, etc.
o Unimportant – This is a state where something just doesn’t matter.
 Have someone elicit these states in you and tell you what your natural body
movements are.
 Choose which of your natural movements you want to use as the anchor and test
to see if it feels like you can use it. You can choose to use one type of anchor for
everything. If you find that you tilt your head a lot then you can use a series of
head tilts. The important thing is that it feels natural enough for you to use it.
 To test, elicit the state in the person you intend to anchor and set the anchor
using the natural movement you have chosen.
Setting Up Your Anchor Map

We want you to set up a simple anchoring map, which includes three states:

o Good – States such as fun, excitement, happy, good decision, etc.

o Bad – States such as use bad decision, dislike, uncertain, confused, etc.
o Unimportant – This is just something that doesn’t matter and it is like your
anchoring trash can.

You can accomplish almost everything you want with these three anchors. Sometimes
you will choose a couple of other anchors specific to what you do in addition to these.
For example, if you are a public speaker or teacher it could be a state like focus or trust.
Use just these three anchors to get started.

Anchoring Map for Spatial Hand Movements

Not

Important

Bad Good
Activating the Anchor – Fire!

While embedded commands can work alone, we found that it was just too much work
and there was not enough measurable impact. You want to punctuate the command by
infusing it with a state. This is the best way to attach your anchor to an action.

The first way to do this is when you are talking blatantly to a person and you just drop
your tone on the command phrase. For example, "When do you think you will be ready
to sign the contract", while firing the good anchor.

The second way of using embedded commands is to use short embedded phrases
while firing anchors, but not be so blatant. For example, “I know you don’t have to buy.
You should only do it if you think it is a good decision. I wouldn’t unless you really want
to.”

Embedded Anchoring Commands Exercise – First underline the embedded

commands in these sentences, and then say the sentences using your voice to embed
the commands in them.

You can do this if you want to. (While Firing Anchor)

I am not saying you need to be here. (While Firing Anchor)

Feel free to give me a call, if you think you need to see more. (While Firing
Anchor)

Embedded Anchoring Questions

For those who are more comfortable with a softer, less direct technique, embedded
questions is a great way to go. You start out your sentence with a question tonality, use
a very slight pause, and then you finish it with a downward command tonality/embedded
command. This opens the person up to being ready to help you, and then you throw in
the command.

I was wondering if (question tonality) you can help me. (Command tonality)
(While Firing Anchor)

Can you (question tonality) find the time to help me. (Command tonality)(While
Firing Anchor)

Are you ready (question tonality) to make this decision. (Command tonality)
(While Firing Anchor)

Embedded Questions Exercise 1 – Say these phrases aloud using the proper tonality
and firing the anchor.
 I was wondering if.... you can help me. (While Firing Anchor)

If you can...., would you like to help me with this? (While Firing Anchor)

You can also use positioning with this using a subordinate position on the question and
a dominant position on the command.

Embedded Question Openers

Here’s a list of beginning questions, which you can put a command at the end of and list
what anchor would work to give it power.

I was wondering if… If you get a chance… Could you…

If you can… Do you think… Have you ever…

Would you… Can you… What if…

If you think you could… If you think it’s possible…

Embedded Questions Exercise 2

Now you need to write a few embedded questions of your own. Make your examples
something you could really use. Think about where you could use this at work and
where you could use it socially. In your examples, note what position of power you
would use in each part of the embedded question.

Objection Destroyer

We’ve talked about how we always have filters which we view people through, some
good and some bad. Sometimes we have to work with someone who is viewing us
through the filter of an objection. There is an easy way to deal with this.

 As you verbally acknowledge the objection you put a hand out in front of you,
possibly like you are holding the objection, in order to anchor it.
 As you verbally set that aside, you also physically set it aside, by moving your
hand with the anchor off to the side.
 Take your other hand, and as you verbally change the state you bring your hand
up between you again to set another filter / anchor in that place.

You can do this when someone actually mentions an objection or when you are aware
the objection is there even if they haven’t told you. It is better to take care of the
objection up front than to have them judging everything you say through the filter of that
objection.

Here are some phrases to set the objection, move it aside, and set a good anchor.
Set Anchor on Objection
I agree that is important…
I understand why you want that…
I know that price is important…
I completely understand…
I see your point…
I know there are some things you are uncertain of…
I know there are some things you have questions about…
I see why that is important to you…
That’s a good point…
That’s important too…
I know how things were…
I can’t give you exactly what you are asking for…
I can’t meet the exact price you are looking for…
I know you would like a little more…
I understand…
I know what you probably to expect…
I know this is unexpected…

Move Objection Aside

…that being said…
…normally I would agree…
…normally that would be true…
…but…
…let’s talk about that in a minute…
…so let’s get through this…
…and…
…but you know that…

Bring in Good Anchor

…let’s take a look at this.
…let’s take a look at this idea.
…so let’s make sure we get back to that in a minute.
…if it is still important
…if you still have questions about ita
…and then we’ll see I that’s important or not.
…see if we already have the answer to that.
…things are different now.
…do things differently.
…I would love the opportunity to show you what I can do for you.
…let’s see what else I can do for you.
…this is what we can do.
…that’s not how I do things.
 Objection

Good

Anchor

Examples

That’s a good point. Let’s talk about that in a minute if it’s still important.

That’s important too, so let’s get through this and then we’ll see if that’s important or not.

Let me get through this and see if we already have the answer to that.

I know how they did things, but we don’t work that way.
How does this match up with what you are looking for.

How does this compare to what you have already looked at

I don't know if
I don't know how
Only you know if