There we were, my dad and I awkwardly standing in line, both unknown to the mistake

he’d soon make. I tried my best to make this a nice and normal conversation. “Hey, so how was

your day?”, as I broke the silence of our wait. We were at “Ding Tea”, which was the only thing

that really made me happy then. The line was really long, leading out of the store into the cold

wind, so I took it as an opportunity to start a conversation.

“It was okay,” my papi replied.

I didn’t expect much more out of that so I followed up with, “How so? What’d you do at

work, any more argumenting?” We both know he’s a stubborn guy in standing up for his beliefs,

and I understand that he should, it’s his right to, but it gets tiring listening to someone always

arguing because their opinion has to be the right one.

His answer was the same, sounding like an excuse for me to keep any of my worries out

of his life, “Well I can’t say much about my job but my day was pretty stressful.”

“Why was your day stressful papa?”

It’s the same response as always so I didn’t listen, instead I looked around the building

noticing that the sun was about to set so we’d soon get colder. “Well you know, work, your sister

Sam, and the house is in construction, so I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. How was your

day?”

I hated my day, and not just today, but yesterday, and the day before and this whole

week actually, I had to deal with Gaby...Gaby, Gaby, Gab- My mind started venting but the

only words that came out were... “It was pretty stressful too, just tired.” If he asks me why I’m

stressed, I’ll say the truth, he shouldn’t because as he says “got a lot on his plate”.

“Why was your day stressful?” He asked me in surprise by what I said. Usually, I seem

fine while I’m at home, it’s been like this for the past year and a half. He doesn’t know I’ve been

holding my stress and worries aside from the family to help around the house.

Gulping down the risks of my response knowing how our last conversation went when I

spilled the name... “Gaby...” The pause I took between the start and end of the sentence set me in
panic, you could tell it in my eyes as they turned a bearing pink, and water would collect. She

hates me, she said I was a brat, she thinks she can tell me to change because SHE'S married to

you, YOU changed when you married her, how could YOU let this happen, YOU never hear me

out and always listen to that stranger that lives in our house. Pa I simply wish you would be

there for me, and you aren’t. Once again my mind started pouring all my emotions out but only

this came out... “...well we don't get along. We always argue. I always have to deal with your

guys’ stress.” We didn’t notice half of the line left and moved forward, we stepped up and were

still outside.

My father’s eyes began to change too. It was a worrisome look blurred by anger, he took

a second of preparation, tightened his jaw…and let out a deep but quiet sigh... “Well I am

stressed, Sara, we all are, Gaby is taking care of Sam 24/7 and hasn’t had her own time, I have

barely been able to work at home all quarantine because Sam’s always crying, the construction

isn’t getting done-”

I couldn’t let him finish, not again. I’ve had enough of him justifying their behavior and

this whole situation is an excuse to make me suffer, especially after I’ve given my all and done

my best to help keep aside my problems…“I’m human too, I get stressed, I am stressed. I

haven’t had anyone to talk to since my friends moved on without me and those left don’t

understand. YOU don't understand. YOU promised you’d be there for me when things get rough

and you haven’t all year whereas I’ve tried and tried and tried to help, cleaning for Gaby, helping

with Sam’s afternoon tantrums, and sacrificing my time to help you with any minor house

maintenance. The other day Gaby got upset and interrupted OUR conversation when I said I

wanted to stay with mom because of this situation. I’ve expressed how strongly I feel about

living with mom but Her only comment was, “We don’t have enough money for that”, how could

you have let her interrupt us? You didn’t tell her anything! I understand you are the parent, but I

shouldn’t have to go through your stress. You are not always right.”
 I could see the judgement in his eyes because he gave me a dead stare as if to say “you’re

wrong, I’m right”. Though, he only said “Sara, you see, everyone is going through something, I

think maybe you should just suck it up.” The heat in my body grew, and the anger that I’ve kept

bottled up was about to explode as my brows furrowed, giving space to widen my eyes

desperately looking for regret in his words. I started to become eager with will to fight my father,

my papi, my own blood, someone I no longer felt connected to. . My mind kept repeating and

repeating, That's the worst thing you could say, wtf, how could you say this to your own

daughter.

“Excuse me? What did you just say??” trying to give him the opportunity to redeem

himself and fix his mistake. “I really think you should suck it up.” He had, without doubt, the

audacity to tell his own daughter to simply not show emotion or care for this situation, he

wanted me to just move on in a split second. We moved the conversation into the store and for a

brief second all eyes were on us.

Normally at this point, I’d cry and walk away, but this time I couldn't. The bottle of

emotions is finally bursting out . “You should be there for me Ehab, you should be there for

your own daughter, I need you to say, ‘I understand I shouldn’t have laid my stress on you and

I'll talk to Gaby,’ please don’t push me away AGAIN, don’t you see this is why I wanted to stay

with mom.” I crossed my arms tight as a way of saying “That’s final, tapping my foot anxiously

waiting for this long line to end, and finally get out of there and out of our argument.

I realized then that nothing would change his mind, no matter how many times I have

had this conversation because after my last words, to no one’s surprise he said ”I think you're

being sensitive…” I blurred out the rest of his, “oh so important speech”, and ended it with “Yes

sir.” I’ve given up, tired of him and his repeated excuses, bound to bow down to him so he could

just shut up. I ordered my usual lychee black tea with lychee jelly and took it to go,

unfortunately, no longer getting the euphoric feeling of its sweet yet bitter-dry loven that I tasted

yesterday. I excuse his behavior by thinking, maybe because he grew up having to do things
independently and sucking the rest up, that he thinks it’s fitting for me as well. Everything from

then on was quiet and awkward, I’d look at him...then look away...then back again and neither of

us could bear to see each other for longer than a few seconds, or so it felt that way.

I wouldn't take the supposed advice or lesson that I should as he says “suck it up” but,

what I will take is that you WILL be lonely a lot of your life. No ONE person will be there for you,

not always, not never. Therefore, you can’t expect that even if you’re there for them 24/7,

bleeding and falling for them, that you’d get the same response back. In fact, don’t lose yourself

in another person like that ever, “helping”, while forgetting to give yourself worth.

Sara Rahman