Insights
from Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty
After college, author Jay Shetty traded in his suit for a robe and left north London to join an ashram in India. For the next three years, he
lived as a monk and learned why monks are the happiest people on the planet: monks have mastered the art of letting go.
Let go of external expectations
We go through life with a sense of what our parents and society expect us to do. Shetty’s parents expected him to
be a doctor or a lawyer, but Shetty knew if he was to live a purpose‐driven life he had to tune out the expectations
of others and tune into the person he truly was. In addition to a daily meditation practice, Shetty started a choice
awareness practice. Shetty says, “Take stock of the values that currently shape your life and reflect on whether
they’re in line with who you want to be and how you want to live.”
When you decide how to spend your time and money (ex: decide to go for lunch with a friend or sign up for a professional development
conference next month), take a second to name the value driving your choice. Then wonder, “Is that value true to me?”
Are you signing up for a work conference because you value learning or simply because your boss expects you to go?
As you become aware of the underlying values that drive your decisions, you will make more choices that align with the person you want
to be and not merely become the person people expect you to be.
Let go of negativity towards others
You will have negative thoughts, but how long will you hold onto them?
When you have a fight with your spouse, will you continue the argument in your head all week?
When you feel cheated by your boss or business partner, are you going to be consumed with bitterness and
hate every time you see them?
In the aftermath of interpersonal conflict, we spend roughly 1% of the time constructively resolving the issue and 99% needlessly swirling in
negative thoughts, which serve no purpose other than to make us miserable.
Conduct these three exercises each time bitterness and anger boil up to let go of needless negativity and keep moving forward:
1. Transformational forgiving: forgive without waiting for someone to apologize or expecting them to reciprocate goodwill.
2. Well‐wishing: generate feelings of joy by reflecting on what you’re grateful for in your life, then imagine passing on your
happiness to the person you’re angry at.
3. Taking delight in their success: If a friend got the job you wanted, see them celebrating in your mind’s eye, and think “I'm happy
for you,” over and over until it feels like their success was your success.
Let go of attachment
“Everything—from our houses to our families—is borrowed. Clinging to temporary things gives them power
over us, and they become sources of pain and fear.” – Jay Shetty
Take out a sheet of paper and list the externals you're afraid of losing (ex: phone, car, house, hair, friends, family).
Then list the internals you're afraid of losing (ex: reputation, status in a community, professional identity you're
proud of). Now, go down the list, one by one, and tell yourself, “I'm merely borrowing this.” Then feel as though
you're releasing your grip from the item you’re focused on.
When you learn to detach from people and things you cherish, you love those people and enjoy those things more. Shetty says, “Imagine
you’re driving a luxury rental car. Do you tell yourself that you own it? Of course not. You know you only have it for the week, and in
some ways, that allows you to enjoy it more—you are grateful for the chance to drive a convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway
because it’s something you won’t always get to do.”
Find your dharma through selfless service
Dharma (Sanskrit for “your calling”) = Interest + Expertise + Usefulness.
Your genuine interests will become apparent the more you let go of external expectation, negativity, and
attachment. But to increase expertise and usefulness, you need to serve. When you serve others, you see that the
world needs what you have to offer, which generates the internal drive to become an expert and be increasingly
useful to others.
Elevate your service by thinking of three people you want to help today and ask yourself, “How can I attain a
higher‐level of service?” Higher‐level service leverages your unique set of skills and goes above and beyond what
people expect. When you serve, serve with the sole intention to improve the people’s lives. As Shetty’s teacher,
Gauranga Das, says, “Plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit.”
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