G E O R GE M A C D O NA L D S

’
W R I T I N GS .

WI T H I L LU S T RA TI O N S O N WO O D A N D ST EE L .

A mi ne of o n
“ !

a nd
q u a int s z m ilz t u des
na l Th e ir
' '

ee f
d p recep tz o
'

n: o I mm u nna t u re a re c ert a inly r em a rk

a ble .
-
T HE C E N T UR Y M A G AZI N E .

A nn al s o f a Q u ie t N igh b o h oo d e r .

T he S b r ea oa d
P a ish A Se q u e l t o r
nnals o f Q u ie t . A a
N e igh b o rh oo d .

G u ild Cou rt A . S ry L ondon to .

e r
A l c Fo b e s- o l o wg le n .

Ro e t n r
b r Fal c o e .

e r
h Vica s D augh te r A n u b
’
ph c to y . A to iogra i al S r .

Fa er
P au l b , Su r e o n
T h o mas Wingfo d, C u rat e
.

W
.

ilfnd C u mb e rmede An u b ph c St o ry . A to iogra i al .

Sir G ibbie .

St . Geo ge
r and St M ic h ael A N ov e l . . .

T h e P o r e nt t
A S or t y
W
. .

P h antast es F acric . A
m c fo r M e nand o me n R o an e .

D av id E lginb rod .

A dela at art
C hc .

M al co l m .

Th e M a u is o f L o ss ie
Warl ock
.

G lc nw arlock . A H o mel y R o m ance .

M ary M ar t n s o
W igh d and Wanting
.

e e .

D onal G rant .

St e p h e nA rc h e r
W
.

h at s M inc s M ine
’ ’
.

SO L D SE PA R AT E L Y .

22 Vo l u mes , rz mo , C lot h ( inb o x ) . p er se t ,

Cl t h p l m o ,
er v o u e,

M ay 6 : bt i ned f
o a ll B k ll w ill b
o a oo se ers o r e se nt, p re
p a id , o nr e eip t f p i by th P é l /
c o r ce e u
'

z s z ers .

G E O R G E R O U T L E D G E S SO N S
’
,

9 L AF A Y E TT E P L A C E N E W Y O R K , .
P AU L F AB E R .
 S U RG E O N

G E O R G E M A CD O N A L D , L L D . .

“ “
A U T HO R OF R O BE R T FA LCON ER , D AVID E LG I N B R O D ,
"
W I LF R I D C U M B E R M E D E, ST . G EO RG E AN D
”
ST . M I C HA E L , E TC . , E TC .

af
aith sincere
D raw n fro m th e w isdom t h at b e gins w ith f ear
WO RD SWO RTH —Second E v e n ing Volu nta ry
.

. .

N E W YO R K

G E O RG E R O U T L E D G E S SO N S
'

9 L A F A YE T T E PL A CE
 W . C . T .

T UUM E ST .

Cl ear d d t m pl f th G d f gra
-
w in ow e e e o e o o ce,

F r m th lo d w in
o ed t m dh iding p l a !
u o e -
ce

T h girdb road land with genial m t i n rif

ee s o o s e,

B ut int h d w ll h igh th r ned th L if f lif !

ee e s, -
o ,
e e o e

Th y t t n tagni es m t m at h alflfill d w it h m d
o s o e u ,

B t li ing w at r w itn mg nflood

u v e s ess i

T h y p ri t b a t y l ad and g p l h d
es ess , e u - c , os e - s o ,

A fellow lab r r inth art h with G d

o e e e o

Good w ill art th and g d n all th y art ou , oo ess s

D o ves t t h ir w in
o d w andt t h
e fly h art l
o st o ee e s

T ak f th orn inth y d ar h lt r gr wn
e o e c e s e e o ,

Wh i h l th t rm h ad all t r dely blow n

c e se e s o oo u

W h nt a high r t mpl th h al t m unt

e o e e e ou s o ,

Th y art h ly gift inh a nly f ri nd h all

e s nt e ve e s s co u

L t th
e fi r t f r it
ese nt r th y lo ft y d r
s -
u s e e oo ,

A nd golden li upo nth y go lden fl re oo .

G M D
. . .

PO RTO FlN o , D eceméer , 1 8 7 8.

 CO N TE N TS .

PA G E

1. TH E L A N E
11 TH E M I N I ST E R S DOO R
’
.

111 TH E M A N O R H O USE
.

x v TH E R E C TO R Y
.

.v TH E R O A D TO O WL K I R K

v 1 TH E CO TT AG E
.

vu
. TH E P UL PI T
vm .TH E MANO R HO USE D I N I NG ROOM
-

1x
. TH E R EC TO R Y D RA WI NG R OO M
-

M R D R A K E S A R BO R
’
.x .

x 1 TH E C H A M B E R A T TH E C O TT A G E
.

x xx
. TH E m msrs a s G A R D E N
’

x m. TH E H E ATH AT N E ST L E Y
TH E G A R D E N AT O WL K I R K
xv TH E P AR L O R AT o w u cm x
.

x v x TH E B U T C H E R S S HO P
’
.

x vu .TH E PA RLO R AG A I N
x vm . TH E PA R K AT N E ST L E Y
x xx
. TH E R EC TO R Y .

AT TH E PI A NO

TH E PA STO R S STU DY
’

x x u. T WO M I N DS

x x m . TH E M I N I ST ER S BE D R OO M
’

xx x v m u m s C H A M B E R
.
’
viii CON TE N TS .

O STE R F X E LD P A RK
TH E SU RG E R Y D OO R
x x v n TH E . G R O AN S OF TH E I NA RTx c AT E

xx v m . CO W LA N E C H AP E L
-

x x xx . TH E DOC TO R S HO U S E ’

TH E PO NY CA RR I AG E
-

x x x r . A CO N SC I E NCE

x x x n TH E O L D H O USE AT G LA STO N
.

x x x m P A U L F A B E R S D RE SS I N G R OO M
’
-
.

x x x x v TH E BO TTO M L E SS PO O L
.

A H EART
TWO M O R E M I N DS

x x x vu .TH E DOC TO R S ST UD Y ’

x x x vm .TH E m m) O F
x x x xx .AN OTH E R M I N D
X L .A D ESO L A T I O N
x u .TH E O L D G A R D E N
x u r TH E PO TT E
. RY

x u n TH E G A T E LODG E
.
-

x u v .TH E C O R N E R O F TH E B UT C H E R S ’
SHO P

X LV .H E R E A N D TH E R E
X LV I .TH E M I N I ST E R S ST U D Y ’

X LVX I TH E B LO WI NG O F TH E WI N D
.

X L V II I TH E BO R D E R LA N D
.
-

x u x . E M PT Y H O U SES

L. F A LLO W F I E L DS

TH E O L D HO US E
N EW

L ll . TH E LEV EL O F TH E L Y T H E
M Y LA D Y S C H A M B ER
’
L I H.

L I V. N O WH E R E A N D E V ER YW H ERE
 PA U L FA B E R .

C HA PTE R I .

T HE L ANE .

T HE rector sat o n th e box o f his carriage , d rivi ng his

horses toward h is ch u rch th e gran d ol d abbey ch u rch of -

Glaston H is W i fe was i nsi d e and an old woman —h e had

,

stopped on the road to tak e her up—sat with her bask et on

.
,

the foot board behi nd H is coachman sat b esid e hi m he

-
.

n ever took the rei n s when his maste r was th ere M r B evis . .

d rove like a gentleman i n an easy i nformal yet thoroughly

busi ness like way H i s horses were black — large wel l bred
, , ,
- -

, ,
.

and well fed but n either yo ung nor showy and the harness
-

, ,

was j ust the least bit shabby I ndeed the enti re tu rnou t .
, ,
’
i nclu d ing his own hat an d th e coachman s offered th e ,

behold er that aspect of i nd i fference to show which by th e , ,

su ggestion of a n odd i ng acqu aintance with pove rty gave it ,

the right clerical a i r of bei ng n ot of thi s world M rs Bevis . .

had her bask et on the seat before her contai ni ng beneath , ,

an u ppe r stratu m of flowers som e o f the fi rst rh ubarb o f the

,

season and a po u nd o r two o f fresh b utter for a poo r relation

i n the town .

T he rector was a man abou t si xty with k een gray eyes , ,

a good hu mored mouth a nose whose enlargement had not

-

of late gon e i n th e d irectio n of its origin al d esign and ,

a face more than i ncli ning to th e rubicu nd suggestive of ,

go od livi ng as well as ope n ai r A ltogether he had the look.

of a man who k new what he was about an d was on tolerable ,

terms with hi mself an d on still better with his neighbor

, .

T he heart u nder hi s ribs was larger even than i nd icated by

the benevolence of hi s cou ntenance an d th e h u mor hovering
over his mouth U po nthe cou ntenanc e o f hi s wife rested a
.

placid ity si nk i ng almost i nto fatu ity I ts featu res were .

rathe r i nd ications than completion s bu t there was a co n ,

 P AU L FAB ER .

scio us ness o f comfo rt abou t the mouth an d the eyes were ,

alive .

T hey were passing at a good speed through a varying

cou ntry—now a thicket of hazel now great patches of fu rze ,

u pon O pen common and anon well kept farm hedges and ,
- -

clumps of pi n e the remnants of ancient forest when half

, , ,

way through a lane so narrow that the rector felt every yard
toward the other end a gai n his horses started th rew u p , ,

thei r heads and looked for a moment wi ld as youth J u st

,
.

i n front of them i n the air over a high hedge scarce tou ch

, , ,

i ng the topmost twigs wi th h is hoofs appeared a great red ,

horse Down h e came i nto the road bri ngi ng with him a
.
,

rather tall certai nly handsome and even at fi rst sight at

, , ,

tractive rider A d ark brown mu stache u pon a somewhat

.

smooth sunbu rned face and a stern settli ng o f the strong yet ,

delicately fi nish ed features gave hi m a military look ; bu t

the sparkle of his blu e eyes contradicted his otherwise cold
ex pression H e d rew u p close to the hedge to mak e room
.

for the carriage but as he neared hi m M r B evis slackened

,
.

his speed and d u ri ng the followi ng talk they were movi ng

,

gently along with j ust room for the rid er to k eep clear of th e
off fore wheel .

’
H eigh Faber said the clergyman you ll break you r
, , ,

n eck some day ! Y ou shou ld thi nk of you r pati ents man ,

.

T hat wasn t a j u mp for any man i n his senses to tak e

’
.

It is but fai r to give my patients a chance now and

then retu rned the su rgeon who n ever met the rector but
, ,

there was a merry passage between them .

”
U pon my word said M r B evis when you came over , .
,

the hedge there I took you for D eath i n the R evelati ons
, ,

that had tired out his own an d changed horses with t other ’

one .

A s he spoke he glanced back with a qu eer look for h e

, ,

fou nd himself gui lty o f a little i rreverence an d hi s con ,

science sat behin d hi m i n the person o f h is wife B ut that .

conscience was a very easy one being almost as incapable ,

of seeing a j ok e as of refu si ng a requ est

— How many have you bagged this week ? conclu d ed
.

the rector .

I haven t cou nted u p yet ’

answered the su rgeon , .

You ve got o ne behin d I see

’
he added signi ng with , , ,

his whi p over his shou lder .

P oor old th ing said the rector as if excusing himself , ,

’
she s got a heavy basket an d we all n eed a lift someti mes ,
 P AUL F A BE R .
3

—eh d octor — i nto the world and

,
o ut again ,
at all
events .

There was more of the reflective i n this utterance than the

parson was i n the habit of d isplayi ng bu t he liked the
d octor and althou gh as wel l as every on e else h e k new h i m
, ,

to be no friend to the chu rch or to Christianity or even to , ,

religiou s belief of any sort hi s lik i ng cou pled with a vagu e , ,

sense of d uty had u rged hi m to this most u nassu ming at

,

tempt to cast the fri end ly arm of faith aro u nd th e u nbeli eve r .

”
“
I plead gu ilty to the former answere d Faber but , ,

somehow I have never practiced the eu thanasi a T he in .

stin cts of my profession I su ppose are agai nst it B esid es

,
.
,
”
that ought to be you r b u si ness .

”
N ot altogethe r said the rector with a k i ndly look from
, ,
’
his box which however only fell on the top of the d octor s
, , ,

hat.

Faber seemed to feel the influ ence of it notwithstand i ng ,

for he retu rned ,

I f al l clergymen were as liberal as you M r Bevis th ere ,

.
,

wou ld be more danger of some of u s givin g in .

T he word liberal seemed to rou se the rector to the fact

that hi s coachman sat o n the box yet anothe r conscience , ,

beside h im Su b azm one mu st not b e too liberal T here

’
’
. .

was a freed om that came ou t b ette r over a bottle of W i n e

than over the back s of horses With a word h e qu ickened .

the pace of his cleric steeds an d th e d octor was d ropped ,

parallel with the carriage wi ndow T here catchi ng sight of .

,

M rs Bevis of whose possible presence h e h ad n ot thought

.
,

once h e paid hi s compli ments an d mad e his apologies then

, , ,

trotted his gau nt R uber agai n besid e the wheel and resu med ,

talk but not the same talk with th e rector For a few mi n
, , .

utes it tu rned u pon th e state of th is and that aili ng parish

io ner for whil e th e rector left all the duti es of public se rvice
,

to his cu rate h e mi nistered to the ai ling and poor u pon and

,

i mmediately arou nd h is ow n little p roperty whi ch was i n ,

that corn er of his parish fu rthest from the town ; bu t ere

long as all talk was su re to d o between th e parson an d any
,

body wh o owne d but a d o nk ey it veered rou nd i n a certa i n ,

di rection .

You d on t seem to feed that horse of you rs u pon beans

’

,
”
Faber he said , .

“
I d on t seem I grant retu rned the d octor ; but you
’

, ,

He eats e nou gh for two but he cant

’
shou ld see h i m feed ,

mak e fat all goes to mu scle and plu ck .

4 PA UL F A B ER .

Well I m ust allow the less fat he has to carry th e better

, ,
’
i f you re i n the way of heavi ng him over such h edges on to
the hard road I n my best days I shou ld n ever have faced
.

a j u mp lik e that i n cold blood sai d the rector , .

I ve got no little belongi ngs of wife o r chi ld to make a

’

”
pru dent man o f me you see retu rned the su rgeon , At , .

’
worst it s but a k nock on the head and a l ongish snooze .

’
T he rector fanci ed he felt his wife s sh u d der shake the
carriage bu t th e sensati on was of his o wnprod uci ng T he
, .

careless defi ant words wrought i n hi m an u naccou ntab le

k i n d of terror : it seemed almost as if they had ru shed of
themselves from his own li ps .

Tak e care my d ear si r he sai d solemnly

,
T here , .

may be somethi ng to beli eve though you d on t believe it ’

.

I must tak e the chance replied Faber I wi ll d o my , .

best to mak e calamity of long life by keeping the rh eu matic ,

and epileptic and phth isical alive whi le I k now how Where , .

n othi ng canbe k nown I prefer n ot to i ntru de "

, .

A pause followed A t length said th e rector .

,

Y ou are so good a fellow Faber I wish you were better , , .

Wh en wi ll you come an d d in e with me

Soon I hope answered the su rgeon but I am too
, , ,

bu sy at present For all her sweet ways and looks the

.
,

spri ng i s n ot frien dly to man an d my work is to wage war ,

with natu re .

A second pause followed T he rector wou ld glad ly have .

sai d somethi ng but nothing wou ld come , .

B y the h e said at length I thought I saw you

‘

pass the gate— let me see — o n M on day : why d id you not

,

look i n
’ ’
I had n t a moment s ti me I was sent for to a patient .

”
i n the vi llage .

Y es I k now ; I h eard o f that I wish you wou ld give

,
.

me you r i mp ressi on of the lady S he is a stranger here . .

J oh n that gate is swi ngi ng across the road Get d own and
shut it —
.
,

W ho an d what is she
.

T hat I shou ld be glad to learn from you A ll I k now .

i s that she i s a lady T here can not be two opi ni ons as to .

”
that.

They tell me sh e is a beauty said the parson ,

.

T he doctor n odd ed hi s head emphatically .

’
H aven t you seen her he said
Scarcely—only her back She walks well Do you
.

, .

k now n othi ng abou t her ? Who has she with her ?

 P A UL F A BER .
5

N obody .

T hen M rs Bevis shall call u po n her

. .

I thi nk at p resent she had better n ot M rs Puck ridge . .

i s a good old sou l and pays he r eve ry attention

,
.

What i s th e matter with he r ? Nothing i nfecti ou s ?

Oh n o
,
S he has cau ght a chi ll I was afraid of .

pneu moni a yesterd ay .

T h en sh e is better ?
I confess I am a little anxi ou s abou t h er B ut I ou ght .

not to be dawdli ng lik e this with half my pati ents to see

I must bid you good morning — Good morn ing M rs Bevis
.
,

.
, . .

A s h e spoke Faber d rew rein and let the carriage pass

, ,
’
then turned h is horse 5 head to the other si d e of the way ,

scrambled u p th e steep bank to the fi eld above and galloped ,

toward Glaston whose great c h u rch rose high i n sight

,
.

Ove r hedge an d d itch he rod e straigh t for its tower .

”
T he you ng fool ! sai d the rector look i ng after hi m ,

ad mi ri ngly an d pu lli ng u p hi s h orses that he might more

,

conven iently see hi m rid e .

J olly old fellow said the su rge on at hi s secon d j u mp .

I wonder how much he beli eves now of all the rot

E nough to h u mbu g hi mself with— not a hai r more H e has .

’
no passion for hu mbu ggi ng other people T here 5 that
cu rate of hi s now believes every thi ng and would h u mbu g ,

th e whole world i f he cou ld H ow any man can com e to

fool himself so thorou gh ly as that man does is a mystery to
me — I wond er what the rector s drivi ng i nto G laston for
,
’

on a Satu rday .

Pau l Faber was a man wh o had espou sed the cau se of

science with all th e en ergy of a su ppressed poetic natu re .

He had such a horror of all k ind s o f i ntellectu al d eception

or mistake that he wo u ld rath er ru n the risk of rej ecting
,

any n u mber of truths than of accepti ng on e error I n thi s .

spirit he had concl u d ed that as n o immed iate co mmu nica ,

tion had ever reached his eye o r ear or hand from any , , '

creator of men he had no grou n d for beli evi ng i n the exist

,

ence of such a creator while a thou san d u nfitnesses

evident i n the world ren dered th e existence of one perfectly
,

wise and good an d powerfu l absolu tely impossible I f on e , .

said to hi m that h e believed thou sand s of things he had

never hi mself k nown he answered h e d id so u pon testi mony
, .

I f on e rej oin ed that here too we have testimony h e replied ,

it was not cred ible testi mony bu t fou nd ed o n such ex pe ,

rien ces as h e was j ustifi ed inconsid eri ng imagi nary seei ng ,

6 P AUL F A BER .

they were lik e non e h e had ever had hi mself When h e was .

asked whether while h e yet believed there was su ch a b eing

,

as his mother tol d hi m o f he had ever set hi mself to act ,

u pon that belief b e asserted h imself fortu nate i n the omis

,

sion of what might have riveted on hi m the fetters of a d egrad

ing faith Fo r years h e had tu rned hi s face toward all
.

specu lati on favoring the non exi stence of a creati ng Wi ll -

his back toward all ten d ing to show that such a one might
be . A rgu ment on the latter side h e set d own as born o f
prej u d ice and appeali ng to weak ness on th e other as
, ,

springi ng from cou rage and appealing to honesty H e had , .

n ever pu t it to himself which wou ld be th e worse d eception

—to believe there was a G od when there was none o r to
believe there was n o G od when there was one .

H e had however a large share of the lower but equ al ly

i ndispensabl e half of religion—that namely wh ich has
, ,

, ,
’
respect to on e s fellows N ot a man i n G laston was readi er .
,

by d ay or by night to run to the help of another an d that

, ,

n ot merely i n his professional capacity b u t as aneighbor , ,

whateve r th e sort of help was n eeded .

T homas Wingfo ld the cu rate had a great respect for h im

, ,
.

H avi ng himself passed throu gh many phases of seriou s and ,

therefore pai nfu l d oubt he was not as much shock ed by th e ,

su rgeon s u nbeli ef as some wh ose real faith was even less

’

’
than Faber s but h e seld om lai d h imself ou t to an swer his
obj ections H e sou ght rather bu t as yet apparently i n
.
,

vai n to cau se the roots of those very obj ections to strik e

,

i nto an d th us d isclose to the man hi mself the d eeper strata

, ,

o f his being T his might i ndeed at fi rst only rend er h i m

.

the more earnest i n his d en ials but at len gth it wou l d ,

probably rou se i n h i m that spi ritu al natu re to which alon e

su ch qu esti ons really belong and which alon e is capabl e of ,

coping with them T he fi rst notable resu lt however of the

.
, ,

su rgeon s i ntercou rse with the cu rate was that whereas h e

’

, ,

had till the n kept his O pin ions to hi mself i n the presence of
those who d id not sympathi ze with them h e now u ttered ,

h is d isbelief with such plain ness as I have show n h im u si ng

toward the rector T his d i d n ot come of aggravated
.

’
antagonism b ut o f ad mi rati on of the cu rate s open ness i n
,

the presentment of truths wh ich must be u nacceptable to th e

maj ority of hi s congregation .

T here had arisen therefore betwixt th e d octor and the

cu rate a certai n sort of i ntimacy wh ich had at length come ,

He had n o doubt, b efore th i s heard

’
to the rector s ears . .
 PAUL FA BER .
7
"

many complai nts against th e latter but he had laughed ,

them aside N o theologian hi mself he had fou nd the ,

qu estions hith e rt o raised i n respect of Wingfo ld s teachi ng

.

altogether beyon d the pale of his i nterest H e cou ld not .

c omprehend why people shou ld not content themselves

with bei ng good C h ri stians mi nd ing thei r own affairs goi ng
, ,

to ch u rch and so feeling safe for the next world W hat d id

,
.

O pin ion matter as long as they were good Christians ? H e

d id not exactly k n ow what he bel ieved himself bu t he hoped ,

he was none th e less o f a C hristian for that Was i t n ot

’
enough to hold fast whatever lay i n the apostles th e N icen e , ,

an d th e A thanasian creed without Splitting metaphysical

,

hai rs Wlth you r n eighbor ? B u t was it d ecent that his

cu rate shou ld be han d an d glove with one wh o d eni ed
th e ex istence of G od He d i d not for a moment d oubt the
faith of Wingfo ld bu t a man mu st have some respect for
appearances : appearances were facts as well as real ities
were facts A n honest man must not k eep company with a
.

thief if he wou l d escape th e j u dgment of bei ng of thievi sh

,

ki nd Somethi ng mu st be d one ; probably somethi ng sai d

.

wou ld b e en ough an d the rector was now o nhi s way to

,

say it .

C H A PT E R I I .

’
TH E M I N I STE R S D OO R .

E VE R Y body k new Mr Faber whether h e rode R uber or

Niger—R ubber and N igger hi s groom called them— an d
.
,

many were th e greeti ngs that met hi m as he passed along

P i n e Street fo r despite the bran d o f his atheism he was
, , ,

popu lar T he few lad ies out shoppi ng bowed graci ously
.
,

for both his manners an d perso n were pleasi ng and h is ,

professional atte nti on s were u nexcepti onable When h e .

d ropped i nto a qu ick walk to let R uber cool a little ere h e

,

reached hi s stall he was several times accosted and detained

, .

T he last who add ressed hi m was M r D rew th e pri nci pal .

,

d rape r of the town H e had bee n stan ding for some ti me

.

i n his sh op d oor bu t as Faber was abou t to tu rn the corner

-

, ,

h e stepp ed ou t on the pavement an d the d octor ch ecked h i s

,

hors e inth e gutter .

8 P AUL FA BER .

I wish you wou ld look i n u pon M r D rake sir h e said .

, , .

I am qu ite u neasy abou t hi m I ndeed I am su re h e m u st .

be i n a bad way though he won t allow it H e s not an ,

’
.
’

easy man to d o any thin g for bu t j u st you let me k n ow w h at

can be don e for hi m — and we ll contrive
,

A nod you k now

‘

.
, ,

d octor etc , .

I don t well see how I can retu rned Faber

’
T o cal l , .

now with out bei ng sent for when I n ever called before ,
”
N o M r D rew I d on t thi nk I cou ld
,
.
,
’
.

I t was a lovely spring noon T he rai n that had fallen .

heavily d u rin g the night lay i n fl ashi ng pools that fi lled th e

street with su ns H ere and there were little gardens before
.

the h ou ses and the bushes i n them were h u ng with bright

,

d rops so bright that the rai n seemed to have falle n from

,

th e su n himself not from the clou ds ,

.

Why good ness gracious

,
cri ed the d raper h ere s ,
’

you r excu se come d i rect

U nd er the very n ose of th e d octor s great horse stood a ’

little woman child stari ng straight u p at the h uge red head

-

above her N ow R uber w as n ot qu ite gentle and it was

.
,

with some di smay that his master although the animal ,

showed n o offense at the gloweri ng little thing pu lled him ,

back a step or two with the cu rb the thought d arti ng through ,

hi m how easily with one pash o f his mighty hoof the horse
cou ld an nihilate a mi rrore d u niverse .

“
Where from he ask ed by what he wou ld h imself ,

have called a half consci ous cerebration -

.

m in
’
‘
fl F ro somewhere they say you d on t beli eve doctor , ,
“ '
answered the d raper I t s l ittl e A manda the mi n ister s ’

own darli ng— Nau ghty littl e d ear

.
,

he contin u ed hi s ,

rou nd good h u mored face wri nk led all over with smi les as
-

he caught u p the truant what ever d o you mean by splash ,

ing through eve ry gutter between home an d h ere maki ng a ,

little d rab of you rself Why you r frock is as wet as a

d ish clout l—amz you r shoes
-
My graciou s ’

Th e little one answered only by patting hi s cheeks which ,

i n shape much resembl ed her o w n with her little fat pud s , ,

as i f she had bee n beati ng a d ru m wh ile Faber look ed ,

down amu sed an d i nterested .

H ere doctor ,
th e d raper went o n yo u tak e th e ,

little mischief on the sadd le before you and car ry her h ome ,

that will be you r excu se .

A s h e spok e h e held u p th e child to him Faber took .

her; and sitting as far back i n the sadd l e as he cou ld set ,

 PA U L FAB ER .
9

her upon the pommel She screwed u p he r eyes and .

,

gri nned with delight spreadi ng her mouth wid e and show
, ,

i ng an i ncred ible n u mber of dai ntiest little teeth When .

R uber began to move she shrieked i n h er ecstasy .

H old ing h is horse to a walk the d octor crossed the mai n ,

s treet an d went d own a si d e on e toward the river whence ,

agai n he entered a narrow lane T here with th e hand le o f .

h is whi p h e managed to ri ng th e d oo r bell of a little old -

fashioned hou se which rose i mmed iately from th e lan e with

out even a footpath between Th e d oor was opened by a .

lady lik e you ng woman with smooth soft brown hai r a white
-

, ,

forehead an d seri ou s rather trou bled eyes

, ,
.

” ’
“
A u nty au nty cried th e chi ld D u cky i d ing l ,

M iss D rak e look ed a little su rprised T he d octor li fte d .

h is hat She gravely retu rned his greeti ng an d stretched

.

u p her arms to tak e the chi ld B u t sh e d rew back n estli ng .

,

agai nst Fabe r .

A manda ! come dear sai d M iss D rake

,
H ow k i nd
, .

I m afrai d you ve been a

’ ’
o f D r Faber to bri ng yo u home
.

—
naughty child agai n ru n ni ng ou t i nto the street ”
.

’ ’
S uch a g eat id e cri ed A manda heed less o f r eproof
A yeal ossy— big
, .

’
big
S he spread h er arms wi d e i n i ndi cation of th e vastness of ,

the u pbeari ng body whereon she sat B u t still she lean ed .

back agai nst the d octor an d h e awaited the resu lt i n ,

amu sed silence A gai n her au nt raised her hand s to tak e

.

h en
“
M o yid e cried the chi ld look i ng u p backward to , ,

fin
’
d Faber s eyes .

B ut her au nt caught her by th e feet an d ami d stru ggling ,

and laughte r d rew her d own and held he r i n her arms , .

”
I hope you r fathe r i s pretty well M iss D rak e sai d th e , ,

doctor wasting n o ti me i n need less ex planati on

, .

D u cky said the girl setting d own the ch ild go an d

, , ,

tell grand papa how k i nd D r Faber has bee n to you T ell . .

hi m he i s at th e d oor T hen tu rn i ng to Faber

. I am ,
”
sorry to say he does no t seem at all well she answered ,

hi m
.
“
He has had a good d eal of annoyance lately an d ,

at his age that sort of thing tells .

A s she spok e sh e look ed u p at the d octor fu ll i n hi s face , ,

bu t with a cu riou s qu aver i n her eyes No r was it any .

wonder she shou ld look at hi m strangely fo r she felt ,

toward him ve ry strangely : to he r he was as i t were the

apostle of a kak angel the prophet of a d octri ne that was
,
10 PAU L F ABER .

evil yet perhaps was a truth T erribl e d oubts h ad for s ome

time been assailing her—d oubts which she cou ld i n part
.
,

trace to him and as he sat th ere on R uber h e looked like a

beautifu l evi l angel who knew there was no God —an evil
, ,

angel wh om the cu rate by hi s bold speech had raised and

, , ,

cou ld not ban ish .

T he su rgeon had s carcely begu n a reply when the old ,

mi nister mad e his appearance H e was a tall wel l bu ilt .

,
-

man with strong featu res rather handsome than otherwise

, ,

but his hat h ung on h is occi put gave his head a look of ,

weak ness and odd ity that by natu re d id not belong to it ,

wh ile baggy i ll mad e clothes and big shoes mani fested a t e

,
-

acti on from the ove r tri mn ess of earli er years He greeted

-
.

the d octor with a severe smile .

“
I am much obl iged to you M r Faber h e said for ,
.
, ,

bri ngi ng me home my littl e ru naway Where d id you h nd .

”
her ?
“
U nder my h orse 5 head lik e th e temple between the ,

paws of th e Sphi nx answered F aber speak i ng a parab le

, ,

without k nowing it .

“
S he i s a fearless little damsel sai d the mi nister i n a , ,

hu sky voice that had on ce ru ng clear as a bell over crowded

congregations — too fearless at ti mes B u t the very igno r
“
.

ance of d anger seems the panoply o f ch ild hood A nd in .

d eed wh o k nows i n the midst of what evils we all walk that

neve r tou ch u s
A Solon o f platitu d es said the d octor to h i mself .

She has been i n the river once and almost twice M r

— I shall h ave to tie you with a stri ng
, , .

D rake went o n .
,

pussie ! C ome away from the horse What if h e shou ld .

take to strok i ng you I am afrai d you wou ld h nd his hands

both hard and heavy .

H ow d o you stand this t ryi ng spri ng weath er M r , .

’
D rak e ? I d on t hear the best accou nts of you sai d th e ,

su rgeon d rawi ng R uber a pace back from the d oor

,
.

I am as well as at my age I can perhaps ex pect to b e

I am getting old —and —an d
,

answered the mi nister “

.

we al l have ou r troubles and I tru st o u r God also to set , , , ,

”
them right for u s h e ad ded with a suggesti ng look i n the
, ,

face of the d octor .

B y J ove sai d Fabe r to hi mself the spri ng weather

“
,

has roused the worshipi ng i nsti nct T he clergy are

awak e to d ay ! I had better look out or it will soon be too
-

hot for me .
 PA UL FABER . I I

I can t look you in th e face d octo r resu med th e old

’

, ,

man after a pau se an d beli eve what people say of you

,
.

It can t be that you d on t even believe there is a G od

’ ’

Faber wou ld rather have sai d n othi ng ; b u t his i ntegrity

he m u st k ee p fast hold o i or perish i n his own esteem ,
.

“
I f there b e one he replied I only state a fact when
, ,

I say He has never given me grou n d su flicié nt to think so ‘

.

You say you rselves H e has favorites to whom H e reveals

H imself I am not on e of them an d mu st therefore of ne ,

cessity be an u nbeliever
B ut thi nk M r Faber— if there shou ld b e a G od what
.

.
, ,

an i nsu lt it i s to deny H i m ex istence .

”
I can t see it retu rned the su rgeon su ppressi ng a
’

, ,

laugh . I f there be such a o ne wou ld H e not have me ,

speak the truth ? A nyhow what great matter can it b e to ,

’
H im that one shou ld say h e has n ever seen H im and can t ,

therefore beli eve H e is to be seen ? A god shou ld be above

”
that sort of pride .

Th e minister was too mu ch shocked to fi nd any answer

beyond a sad reproving shak e of the head B ut h e felt .

alm ost as if the heari ng of su ch i rreverence without wither

i ng retort mad e hi m a party to the si n agai nst the H oly
,

Ghost Was he not now con ferri ng with one of the gen
.

erals of the army of A ntichrist ? O ught h e not to tu rn his

back u pon him and walk i nto the hou se ? B u t a su rge of
,

concern for th e frank you ng fellow wh o sat so strong an d

alive u pon th e great horse brok e over his heart an d he , ,

looked u p at hi m p itifu lly .

Faber mistook the cau se and obj ect o f his evi dent
emotion .

Come now M r D rake be frank with me

,
. he sai d , , .

You are out of health let me k now what i s the matte r .

T hou gh I m not religiou s I m not a hu mb ug an d only speak

’

,
’

the truth when I say I shou ld be glad to se rve you A man .

mu st be neighborly o r what is there left of hi m ? E ven,

you will allow that o u r d uty to ou r neighbor is hal f th e law ,

an d there i s some h el p i n medici ne though I confess it i s ,

”
n o scie nce yet and we are bu t dabblers
, .

B ut sai d M r D rak e I don t choose to accept the

,
“
.
,
’

help of on e who look s u pon all who thi nk with me as a set

of hu mbugs and regards those wh o deny every th ing as the
,
”
only honest men .

B y J ove si r I tak e you for an honest man o r I

, ,

shou ld n ev er trouble my head abou t yo u What I say .

I 2 P A U L F A B ER .

of such as you i s that havi ng i nherited a lot of h u mbu g

, , ,
’
you d on t k now it for such an d d o the best yo u can with ,
’9
It

If such is you r O pi nion of me —an d I hav e n o right to

complai n of it i n my own person— I shou ld j ust l ike to ask
you one qu estion about anoth er sai d M r D rak e : D o “
,
.

you i n you r heart believe that J e su s Ch rist was an

impo stor
I beli eve if th e story about hi m b e tru e that h e was a
well meani ng man enormou sly self —
,

-
deceived , .

Y ou r j u dgment seems to me enormously i llogical .

T hat any ord inarily good man s hou ld so d eceive himself

appears to my mi nd altogether i mpossibl e and i ncred ible .

A h but he was an extraord i nari ly good man .

T herefore the more likely to thi nk too mu ch of h i m

self
Why n ot ? I see the same thing i n his fol lowers al l
”
about me .

D oubtless the servant shall be as h is master sai d the ,

mi nister and closed his mouth resolved to speak no more

, , .

Bu t his consci ence woke and goaded hi m with the truth

that had come from th e mouth of its enemy—the reproach
,

his d isciples brought u pon thei r master for i n the j udgment , ,

of the world the master is as his d isciples

, .

Y ou C h ristians the doctor went o n seem to me to

”
, ,

mak e you rselves most u n necessarily the slaves of a fanci ed

, ,

id eal I have no s uch i deal to contemplate ; yet I am not

.

aware that you d o better by each other than I am ready to

’
d o for any man I can t pretend to love every body but I
.
,

d o my best for those I can help M r D rak e I wou ld glad ly . .

,

serve you .

T he old man said nothing H is mood was stormy . .

Wou ld h e accept life itself from the hand of h im w h o

deni ed his M aster — seek to the powers o f dark ness for
cu re — kneel to A ntichrist for favor as i f h e and not J esu s ,

were lord of life and d eath ? Wou ld lze pray a man to

whom the B ible was n o better than a book of ballads to ,

come betwi x t hi m and the evi ls of growi ng age and disap

pointment to lighten for hi m the grasshopper and stay the
, ,

mou rners as they went about his streets ! H e had half

tu rned an d was on the poi nt of walki ng silent i nto the
,

hou se when he bethought hi mself of the impression it

,

wou ld mak e on th e u nbeliever if he were thus to meet the ,

offer of hi s kind ness Half tu rn ed h e stood h esitati ng

.
,
.
 PAUL F A BER . r3

I have a passion for therapeuti cs persisted the d octor ,

and i f I can d o any thing to ease the yok e u pon the

shou lders of my fel lows
M r D rak e d i d not hear the e nd of the sentence : he
.

h eard instead somewhere i n h is sou l a voice sayi ng My

, , ,
”
yok e i s easy an d my bu rd en is light ,
H e could not let .

Faber hel p h im .

“
Doctor you have th e great gi ft of a k i nd heart he
, ,

began stil l half tu rned from h im

, .

’
My hea rt i s l ik e other people s i nterru pted F aber , .

I f a man wants help an d I ve got it what more natu ral ,

’

than that we shou ld come together ?

T here was i n the d octor an opposition to every thi ng that
had i f it were bu t th e odor o f religion abou t it which might ,

well have suggested d oubt of his own doubt an d weak ness ,

buttressing itself with assertion B ut th e case was n ot so What .

u ntruth there was i n h im was of another and more subtl e

k i nd N eith er must it be su pposed that h e was a propagand
.

i st a proselyt izer Say nothi ng and the d octor said noth

,
.
,

i ng F ire but a saloon pistol however an d o ff went a

great gu n i n answer—with no bravad o for th e d octor was
.
, ,

a gentleman .

M r Faber said the mi nister now tu rni ng toward hi m

.
, , ,

and look ing him fu ll i n the face i f you had a fri end whom ,

you loved with all yo u r heart wou ld you be u n der obliga ,

tion to a man wh o cou nted you r friendsh ip a folly

T he cases are not parallel Say the man merely d id .

not believe you r friend was alive an d there cou ld be n o ,

”
i nsu lt to either .

“
I f the d en ial of h is being i n life open ed the d oo r to
the greatest wrongs that cou ld b e d on e hi m —and i f that
,

denial seemed to me to have its sou rc e i n some element of

moral antagonism to hi m— cou/a I accept— I p u t it to you r ’

self M r Faber—cou la I accept assistance from that man ?

, .
’

Do not tak e it i ll You priz e honesty so d o I te n times .

rather wou ld I cease to l ive than accept l ife at the han d of

an enemy to my L ord an d M aster .

”
“
I am very sorry M r D rak e sai d the d octor ; bu t “
,
.
,

from you r point o f view I su ppose you are right Good .

morning .

H e tu rned R u ber from th e mi nister s door went o ff

’

,
’
qu ick ly and entered his own stable yard j u st as the rector s
,
-

carriage appeared at the furth er en d of th e street .

 C H A PT E R I I I .

T HE M ANOR HO U SE .

MR . a
d rove u p to the i n n th rew th e rei ns to h is
rs ,

coachman go t d own and h elped hi s wi fe out of the car

, ,

riage T hen they parted she to tak e he r gift of flo wers

.
,

an d butter to her poor relation he to call u pon M rs R am , .

shorn .

T hat lady b eing as every body k n ew the wi dow o f a d ean

, , , ,

considered herself the chi ef ecclesiastical authority i n G las

ton H er ack nowledged friends wou ld if pressed have
.
, ,

fou n d themselves compelled to ad mit that her th eology was

both scanty an d confused that h er influ ence was not of the ,

most elevati ng natu re and that those who doubted her per ,

sonal piety might have somethi ng to say i n excuse of thei r

u ncharitableness b ut sh e spok e i n the might o f the matri
mon ial ni mbu s arou n d he r head and her clai ms were u ndis ,

puted i n G laston T here was a propriety springing from

.
,

qu ite another sou rce h owever i n the rector s tu rn i ng hi s , ,

’

footsteps fi rst toward th e M anor H ou se where she resi ded ,

.

For h is cu rate whom h is b u si ness i n Glaston that Satu rday

,

concerned had some n in e o r ten months before married

, , ,

M rs R amshorn s n iece H elen L i ngard by name who for

.
’

, ,

many years had lived with her au nt addi ng i f n ot to the , ,

comforts of th e hou s ek eepi ng for M rs R amshorn was ,

.

plenti fu lly e nough provided for th e remnant of h er ab od e i n

thi s world yet considerably to th e style o f her menage
,
.

T h erefore when all of a su dd en as it seemed the girl

, , ,

calmly i nsisted on mar rying the cu rate a man obnoxious to ,

’
eve ry fi b e r of her au nt s ecclesiastical natu re and trans ,

ferri ng to him with a most u nrighteou s scorn of marriage

,

settlements th e entire prope rty i nherited from her father

,

and brother the disappoi ntment of M rs R amshorn i n her

,
.

n iece was equ aled only by her d isgu st at the obj ec t o f her
ch oice .

With a fi rm dignifi ed step as if h e measu red th e d i s

, ,

tance the rector paced the pavement between th e i n n and

,

the M an or H ouse H e k n ew of no cau se for the veiling of

.

an eyelash before hu man being It was tru e he had closed .

his eyes to certai n fau lts i n the man of good estate and old
 PA U L FA BER . 15

name who had d o n e h im the honor o f requ esti ng the hand

of his one child and leavi ng her to j u dge for herself had
, , ,

not given her the k nowledge which mi ght have led her to
’
another conclu sion it had satisfi ed h i m that th e man s wi ld
oat s were sown after the crop he mad e no i nqu i ry I t was .

also tru e that he had no t menti oned a ce rtai n vice i n the

last horse he sold but the n he hoped the seve re measu res
taken had cu red h im He was aware that at times he took
.

a few glasses of port more than he wou ld have j udged

it proper to carry to the pul pit o r the com mu n ion table for ,

those he cou nted the presence of his M aker bu t there was a

ti me for every thi ng He was consci ou s to himself I repeat
.
, ,

of nothing to cau se him shame and i n the tramp of his boots ,

there was certai nly no self abasement It was tru e he per

formed next to non e of the d uties of the rectorshi p—bu t then
-
.

neither d id he tu rn any of its i ncome to his own u ses part

he pai d his cu rate and th e rest he lai d out on th e ch u rch
, ,

which might easily have consu med si x ti mes the amou nt i n

d esirable ; if not absol utely needfu l repai rs What fu rthe r .

qu estion cou ld be mad e of th e matter ? the ch u rch had he r

work done and one of her most preci ou s bu ild i ngs p re
,

served from ru i n to the bargai n H ow i nd ignant h e wou ld .

have been at the suggestion that he was afte r al l o nly a n

idolator worshi pi ng what he called Tlze Clzu n/z i nstead o f
, ,

the L ord Christ the heart in habiti ng world ru li ng k i ng o f

,
-

,
-

heaven B ut h e was a very good sort of i dolator and some ,

of the C hristian graces had fi ltered throu gh the roofs of the

temple u pon hi m— emine ntly those o f h ospitality and ge n
eral hu man ity—even u prightness so far as hi s light
extended ; so that he d id less to obstruct th e religion he
thought he fu rthered than some men who preach it as o nthe
,

house tops
-
.

I t was from policy not from confi dence i n M rs R am

, .

shorn that he we nt to h er fi rst He lik ed his cu rate and

, .
,

eve ry on e k new she hated h im I f of any th ing he d i d two

i nterpretations were possible— on e good an d one bad there
.
, ,

, ,

was no room for a d oubt as to which she wou ld ad opt and

publish Not even to herself however d i d sh e allow that
.
, ,

one chief cause of h enhatred was that havi ng all he r li fe , ,

been u sed to a pai r of horses she had n ow to p u t u p with ,

only a brougham .

T o the brass k nocke r o nhe r d oor the recto r appl ied hi m ,

self and sent a co nfi dent an nou ncement of his presence

,

throu gh the hou se A lmost i nstantly the long faced butler

.
-

,
16 PA U L FA BER .

half u nd ert ake r half parish clerk O pened th e d oor ; and

,
-

seeing the rector d rew it wid e to the wal l inviting him to

, ,

step i nto the library as he had n o d oubt M rs R amshorn ,

.

wou ld be at home to lzzm N or was it long ere she

'

appeared i n rather youthfu l morni ng d ress and gave him a

, ,

hearty welcome ; after which by no ve ry wi d e spi rals of ,

d escent th e talk swooped presently u pon the cu rate

,
.

T he fact is at len gt h said the memorial shad ow o f the

“

M r Wingfo ld is n ot a gentleman
,

d ean d eceased ,
It . .

grieves me to say so o f the hu sban d of my n iece wh o ,

has been to me as my o wn ch ild bu t the truth mu st

"

be spoken I t may be diffi cult to k eep such men out of

.

h oly ord ers b ut if eve r the b enefi ces of the ch u rch come to
,

be freely bestowed u pon them that moment the d eath bell ,

-

of religion is ru ng i n E ngland My late hu sband sai d so . .

Whi le such men keep to barns and conventicles we can

despise them bu t wh en they creep i nto the fold then there
, ,

i s j u st cau se for alarm T he longer I live the better I se e .

,

my poor h u sban d was right .

I shou ld scarcely have thought su ch a man as you de

”
scribe cou ld have captivated H elen said the rector with a ,

smi le .

D epend u pon it she perceives her mi stak e well enough

by this time retu rned M rs R amshorn,
“
A lady born an d . .

bred must make the d iscovery before a week is over B u t .

poor H el en always was h ead strong ! A nd i n this out o f -

th e worl d place sh e saw so little of gentleme n

-

T he rector cou ld n ot h elp thi nk i ng bi rth and breedi ng

must go for little i ndeed if n othing less than marriage cou ld ,

reveal to a lady that a man was not a gentleman .

“
Nobody k nows conti n u ed M rs R amshorn who or
what h is father— n ot to say hi s grand fath er was ! B u t
.
, ,

wou ld you beli eve it wh en I asked her w iza the man was -

havi ng a right to i nformati on concerni ng th e person she

was abou t to con nect with the family she told me she had ,

n ever thought of i n qu i ri ng I pressed it u pon her as a d uty .

sh e owed to soci ety ; she told m e she was content with th e

man hi mself and was n ot goi ng to ask hi m abou t his fami ly
, .

S he wou ld wait ti ll they were married ! A ctu al ly o n my ,

word as a lady sh e sai d so M r Bevis ,

What cou ld I d o ? , .

Sh e was of age an d in dependent fortu n e A nd as to ,

.

gratitu d e I k now th e ways of the world too well to look for

,

that .

We old ones M rs R amshorn brid led a littl e sh e was

-
.
 PAUL FABER . 1 7

only fi fty seven have had ou r tu rn and theirs i s come

-

, ,

sai d the recto r rather i nconsequ ently .

A nd a pretty mes s they are lik e to mak e of it

what with infidelity an d blasphemy— I mu st say it
blasphemy —R eally you must d o somethi ng M r B evis
-

,
. .

T hi ngs hav e arrived at such a pass that I give you my ,

word reflectio ns n ot a few are mad e u pon the rector f or

committi ng h is flock to the care of such a wolf—a fox 1 call
,

”
him .

To morrow I shal l hear hi m p reach said the parson

-

, .

T he n I sincerely tru st no on e will give him warn i ng of

you r i ntention he i s so clever h e wou ld th row d u st i n any ,
’ ”
body s eyes .

The rector laughed H e had n o overweeni ng estimate .

of his own abilities bu t he d id prid e hi mself a little on hi s ,

common sense .

“
B ut the lady went o n i n a place lik e this where
”
, , ,

every body talks I fear the chance is small agai nst his hear ,

i ng of you r arrival A nyhow I wou ld not have you tru st .

to one sermon H e wi ll say j u st the opposite the next . .

H e contrad icts himself incredibly E ven i n the same ser .

”
mon I have heard him say th ings d iametrically opposite .

“
H e can not have gone so far as to advocate the real
presence a ru mor of that has reached me sai d the rector , .

There it is cried M rs R amshorn I f you had . .

asked me I shou ld have said he i nsisted the holy e u charist

,

meant neither more nor less than any othe r meal to wh ich
some sai d a grace T he man has n ot an atom of consist .

e ncy i n h is natu re H e wi ll say and u nsay as fast as o n e .

sentence can follow the other and if you tax h i m with it , ,

he wi ll su pport both si des at least that i s my experience ,

with him I speak as I h nd h im

.
”
.

“
What th e n wou l d you have me do ? said the rector .

"
T he straightforward way wou ld dou btless be to go to h im .

You wou ld I fear gai n nothi ng by that H e is so , , .

speciou s T he only safe way i s to d ismiss hi m without giv

i ng a reason Otherwise he wi ll certai nly prove you i n the
.
,
’
wrong D on t tak e my word G et th e opi n ion of you r
. .

chu rch ward ens E very body k nows he has mad e an atheist
-
.

of poor F aber I t is sad d er than I have word s to say H e

. .

w as s uch a gentleman ly fellow

T he rector took his d epart u re and mad e a series of calls ,

u pon those he j u dged the most influ ential of the congrega

ti on H e di d not thi nk to ask for what they we re influen
.
18 PAUL F A BER .

tial o r why h e shou ld go to them rather than the people of

,

the alms house What he heard embar rassed him not a

-
.

l ittle H i s friends Spoke highly of Wingfo ld h is e nemi es

.
,

othe rwise : th e character of hi s frie nd s his j u dge d id n ot

attempt to weigh with that of his e nemi es n either di d he ,

attempt to discover why these were hi s enemi es and those

his fri ends N o more d id he make th e obse rvati on that
.
, ,

wh ile his enemi es d i ffered i n the thi ngs th ey said agai nst
him hi s friends agreed i n those they sai d for hi m ; the fact
,

bei ng that those who d id as h e roused their consci ence to

,

see they ought more or less u nderstood the man and h is

,

aims ; whi le th ose wh o wou ld n ot submit to the authority

he brou ght to bear u pon them and yet tried to measu re and ,

ex plain hi m after th e standards of thei r own b ei ng and

endeavors failed lu d icrously
,
T he chu rch ward ens told .
-

him that ever since he came the cu rate had don e n othi ng
, ,

but set th e congregati on by the ears ; an d that h e cou ld

not fai l to receive as a weighty charge B ut th ey told hi m .

also that some of th e pri ncipal d issenters d eclared him to be

a fou ntai n of life i n the p lace— an d that seemed to him to
i nvolve the worst accu sation o f all Fo r without goi ng so .
,

far as to hold or even say without meani ng it that di s

, ,

senters ou ght to b e bu rn ed M r B evis regard ed it as one of ,

.

the fi rst of merits that a man shou ld be a g ood cfi u rc/zman

, .

CHAPT E R IV

T HE R EC T O R Y .

T HEcu rate had been i n the stu dy all th e morni ng Th ree .

ti mes had his wife softly tu rned the hand le of his door bu t ,

fi nding i t lock ed had re tu rned the han d le yet more softly

-

an d d eparted noiselessly Next time she k nock ed —an d he

, ,

came to he r pale eyed b ut his face almost lu mi n ou s an d a

-

, ,

smi le hoveri ng abou t h is lips sh e k new then that either a

battle had been fought amongst the hi lls an d he had won , ,

o r a thought storm had been ragi ng throu gh which at len gth

-

had d escended the meek eyed P eace She look ed in his -

face for a moment with silent reverence then o ffered her ,

 PA U L F A BER . 19

li ps took hi m by the hand and without a word led hi m

, , , ,

d own the stai r to their mid day meal When that w as over -
.
,

she mad e hi m lie d own and taki ng a novel read hi m aslee p , , .

She wok e h i m to an early tea— not however afte r it to , , ,

retu rn to hi s stu dy i n the d rawi ng room besi d e hi s wi fe -

he always got th e germ of his d isco urse—h is germon he

, ,

called it— ready for its growth i n the pu lpit N ow h e lay

,

on the couch now rose and stood now walked abou t the
, ,

room now th rew h imself agai n on the couch while al l the

, ,

time his wife played softly o n he r piano extempori z i n g and ,

i nterweaving with an i nvention taste an d ex pres s ion o f

, , , ,

which before her marriage she had been qu ite i ncapable .

T he text i n h is mi nd was Ye am not serve G od and ,

”
M ammozz B u t not once d i d he speak to h is wife about it
. .

H e d id not even tel l he r what hi s text was L ong ago he .

had given he r to u nd erstand that he cou ld not part with her

as one of his congregatio n —cou ld not therefore tak e he r
i nto his sermon before he met her i n h er heari ng phase i n
chu rch with th e rows of pews an d faces b etwixt h i m and
,

her mak ing her once more o ne of h is flock th e same i nto

, ,

whose heart h e had so often agon ized to pou r the words of

rousi ng of strength of consolation
, , .

O nthe Satu rday except his wife saw good reason she, ,

wou ld let no one trouble hi m an d almost the sole reason she ,

cou nted good was trouble i f a perso n was troubled t he n ,

h e might trouble H is friends k new this an d seld om came

.
,

near hi m on a Satu rday B ut that eveni ng M r D rew the .

,
.
,

d raper who although a d issenter was o ne o f th e c u rate s

, , ,
’

warmest fri ends called late when he th ought i n his way of

, , ,

look ing at sermons that for the morrow mu st be now ,

fi nish ed and laid asid e lik e a parcel for del ivery th e next
,

morn ing H elen went to hi m H e told her the rector was

. .

i n the town had called u pon not a few of h is parishi on ers

, ,

and dou btless was going to chu rch i n the morni ng .

T hank you M r D rew I perfectly u nderstand you r

,

k i ndn ess sai d M rs Wingfold but I shall not tell my

. .

“
, .
,
”
hu sband to night
E xcu se the liberty ma am but—b ut—d o you thin k it
-
.

“ ’

, ,

well for a wife to hid e thi ngs from her h u sband

H elen laughed merri ly .

A ssu red ly not as a rule she repli ed ,

B ut su ppose I , .

k new h e wou ld b e vexed with me if I told hi m some p artic

u lar thi ng ? S u ppose I kn ow now that whe n I d o tel l h i m ,

on M onday he wil l say to me T hank you , wife I am

, ,
.
20 PAUL F A B ER .

glad you kept that from me ti ll I had d one my work — what ,

’

then
A ll right th en answered the d raper , .

Y ou see M r D rew w e thi nk married people shou ld be

, .
,

so su re of each other that each shoul d not only be content ,

bu t shou ld prefer n ot to k now what the other thi nk s it bet

ter n ot to tell I f my h u sband overheard any o ne calli ng
.

me names I d on t thi nk h e wou ld tell me H e k nows as

’

, .
,

well as I d o that I am not yet good enough to behave bet

,

ter to any on e for knowi ng she hates and reviles me It .

wou ld be but to propagate the evil and for my part too I , ,

”
wou ld rather not be told .

’
I qu ite u nd erstan d you ma am answered the d raper , , .

I k now you d o retu rned H elen with emphasis

, ,
.

M r D rew bl u shed to the top of his white forehead wh i le

.
,

the l ower part of his face which i n its forms was insignifi ,

cant blossomed i nto a smi le as radiant as that of an i nfant

,

H e k new M rs Wingfo ld was aware of the fact k nown only

.

,
.

to two or three beside i n the town that the lady who for , ,

the last few months had been lodgi ng i n his house was his ,

o wnwife who had forsak en him twenty years before

,
T he .

man wh o d u ri ng that ti me had passed for her h usband had ,

been otherwise d ishonest as well and had fled the cou ntry ,

she and her daughter brought to absolute want were re , ,

c eiv ed i nto his hou se by her forsaken hu sband there they

occu pi ed the same chamber the mother ord ered eve ry thi ng , ,

and the daughter d i d n ot k n ow that she pai d for not h ing .

I f th e ways of transgressors are hard those of a righteou s ,

man are not always easy When M r D rew wou ld now and . .

then stop su d d en ly i n the street take o ff his hat and wi pe ,

h is forehead little people thought the rou nd smili ng face

,

had such a secret behi nd it H ad they su rmised a skeleton .

i n his ho use they wou ld as little have su spected it mask ed

,

i n the handsome well d ressed woman of little over forty

,
-

who with her pretty dau ghter so tossy and ai ry occu pi ed

, ,

his fi rst floo r an d was su pposed to pay him hand somely for
,

it .

T he cu rate slept sou nd ly an d woke i n the morning eager ,

to u tter what he had .

 CHAPTER V

T H E RO A D TO O WL K I R K .

PA U L F A BE R
fared otherwise H ard ly was he i n bed .

before h e was called o u t of i t agai n A messenge r had .

come from M rs Puck ridge to say that M i ss M eredith w as

.

wor s e an d i f the d octor d i d not start at once she wou ld be

, ,

d ead before h e reached O wlk irk H e sent ord ers to his .

groom to sad d le N iger an d bring h im rou nd i nstantly and ,

hu rried on his clothes vex ed that h e had take n R u ber both

,

i n the morn i ng an d afte rnoon an d cou ld n ot have h i m now ,

.

Bu t N ige r was a good horse also i f he was bu t two thirds -

of R ub er s size he was b u t o ne third of his age and saw

’

,
-

better at night O nthe other hand he was less easily seen

.
,

b ut th e mid night the re was so still and d eserted that that ,

was of small consequ ence I n a few min u tes they were ou t

.

together i n a lane as dark as pitch compelled n ow to keep ,

to the roads for there was n ot light enough to see th e

,

pocket compass by which th e su rgeon sometimes steered

-

across co u ntry .

C ould we learn what wak i ng d reams hau nte d th e boyhood -

o f a man we shou ld have a rare hel p toward u nd ers tandin g

,

the character h e has d eveloped T hose of the yo un g Faber .

were almost exclu sively o f playing the prince of h el p and

, ,

del iverance among women and men L ik e most boys that .

d ream h e d reamed hi msel f rich an d powerfu l b ut th e

, ,

wealth and power were for th e good of h i s fellow creatu res -

.

I f it mu st b e confe ss ed that he l i ngered most over the

thanks an d ad mi rati on he set to hau nt hi s d ream steps and -

hover about his dream person it mu st b e remembere d that

-

he was th e only real person i n the d reams and that he t e ,

garded lovi ngly th e mere shad ows of hi s fel low me n H i s -

d reams were not of strength an d d estruction bu t of influ ,

ence and l ife E ve n his revenges n ever reached further

.

than the mak i ng of hi s en emi es a sham ed .

It was the spi rit of help then that had u rged hi m i nto , ,

the profes s io n he followed H e had fou n d much d i rt about

.

the d oor of it and had n ot been able to c ross t he threshold

,

withou t some cleavi ng to hi s garme nts H e i s a high sou led .

-

y outh i ndeed i n whom

,
the low regards and corru pt knowled ge
22 PAU L FA BER .

of his su periors wi ll fai l utterly of d egradi ng influence he

must be on e stronge r than F aber who can listen to sco ffi ng
material ism from the li ps of authority and ex peri ence and n ot ,

come to look u pon h u manity and life with a less reverent

regard What man can l earn to look u pon the dying as so
.

much matter about to b e rek neaded and remod eled i nto a

fresh mass of feverou s j oys futi le aspi rati on s and stinging
chagri ns with out a sel f —
, ,

,
contempt from which there i s no
sh elter b ut th e poor hope that we may b e a little better than
we appear to ou rselves B u t Faber escaped the worst H e
. .

did n ot learn to look o n h u man ity without respect o r to ,

meet the stare o f appeali ng eyes from man or ani mal with ,

out genu i ne respon se— withou t sympathy H e n ever j oi ned .

i n any j est over su fferi ng not to say betted on the chance

,

of th e man wh o lay panti ng u nder the terrors of an im

pendi ng operati on Can on e be capable o f su ch things
.
,

and n ot have su nk d eep i ndeed i n the putrid pit o f deco m

posi ng h u manity ? I t i s tru e that before h e began to prae
tice Fabe r had come to regard man as a body and not an
,

embod i ment th e highest i n hi m as depen dent o n h is physi

,

cal organi z ati on — as i nd eed bu t th e aroma as it were o f its , ,

blossom th e b rai n therefore s ubj ect to all the vicissitu d es

,

of the h u man plant from wh ich it rises ; b u t he had been

tou ch ed to issu es too fi ne to be absolutely i nter pen et rated
an d inslave d by the reaction of accepted theori es H is .

poeti c n atu re like the in dwelli ng fi re of th e world was eve r

, ,

ready to play havoc with i nd u rati on and constri cti on and ,

the same moment when d egrad i ng influ ences ceased to

O perate the d elicacy of his feeli ng began to revive E ven
,
.

at its lowest thi s d elicacy prese rved h im from much i nto

,

which vu lgar natu res pl u n ge it k ept alive the memory of

a lovely mother and fed th e flame of that wonderi ng wor ,

shi pi ng reverence for women wh ich is the savi ou r of m en

u ntil th e T ruth H i mself saves both A few years of wor .

thy labor i n hi s profession had d one m uch to develop hi m ,

an d his characte r for u prightnes s benevolence and skill , , ,

with th e p eople of G laston and its n eighborhood where he ,

teri ng only about a year w as al ready of ,

ve n now when i n a fever of honesty

, , ,

here could be n o God i n such an i ll

so fu ll was h is heart o f the hu man
half of religion that h e cou ld not stand by the bedsid e of
,

dying man or woman withou t lamenting that there was no

—that stern truth wou ld allow hi m to c ast no
,

consolati o n
 P A U L F A B ER . 2
3

fe eblest glamo u r of hope u pon the departi ng s had ow H i s .

was a nobler natu re than thei rs wh o believi ng n o more than ,

he are satisfi ed w ith th e assu rance that at the heart of the

,

evi ls of the world li e laws u nchangeable .

The mai n weak point i n hi m was that w hil e h e was in , ,

d eed ten der hearted an d d id no k i nd nesses t o be seen of

-

men h e d i d them to b e see n of himself : he saw hi m wh o

,

did them all th e time T h e boy was i n the man d oi ng his

.

deed s h e sought not the approbati o n merely bu t th e ad mi

, ,

ration of his own consciousness I am afrai d to say thi s .

was w rong but it was poor an d chi ld ish cri ppl ed his walk
, , ,

and obstructed his higher development He l ik ed to know .

him self a ben efacto r S u ch a man may wel l be of noble.

natu re but he i s a mere dabbl er i n n ob il ity Fabe r d e

,
.

l ighted i n th e thou ght that havi ng repu d iated al l motives ,

of personal i nterest i nvolved i n religiou s b elie f al l that ,

regard for the futu re with its rewards and pu n ishments , ,

which i n hi s ignorance gen u i ne or wi llfu l of essential

, , ,

C hristian ity he took for its mai n potence h e mi nistered to

, ,

his neighbor d oing to hi m as he wou ld have hi m d o to him

,

self hopeless of any d ivi n e recognition o f any betterness

, ,

beyond the grave i n a fashion at least as noble as that of

,

the most devoted of C hristians I t d i d no t occu r to hi m to

ask if he loved hi m as wel l— if hi s care abo ut hi m was
.

equal to his satisfaction i n himself N eith er d i d h e reflect .

that the d evotion h e ad mi red i n hi mself had bee n brought

to the birth i n hi m throu gh others i n whom it was fi rst gen ,

crated by a fast belief i n an u nselfi sh lov ing self d evoti ng , ,

-

G od Had he i nqu i red he mi ght have d iscovered that this

.

belief had carried some me n i mmeasu rably fu rthe r i n the

hel p of thei r fellows than he had yet gone I nd eed he , .

might I th ink have fou nd i nstances of me n o f faith spend

, ,

i ng thei r lives for thei r fellows whose d efective th eology o r ,

d iseased hu mility wo u ld n ot allow them to hop e thei r o wn

salvation I nqu i ry might h ave give n hi m grou n d fo r fear
.

i ng that with the love o f the imag ined G od th e love o f the ,

i ndubitabl e man wou ld d ecay and vani sh B u t su c h as .

Fabe r was h e was both loved an d h onored by all wh o m he

,

had ever attend ed and with h is fi ne tastes hi s genial , ,

natu re his q u iet consci ence h is good h ealth h i s e nj oyment

, , ,

of life his k nowled ge and love o f h is profession h is activ

ity hi s te nd e r h eart —especially to women an d chi ld ren hi s
, ,

, ,

k een intellect an d hi s devisi ng though not e mbodyi n g im

,

agin at ion,
if any man cou l d get on without a God Fabe r ,
24 PAUL F A BER .

w as th at man H e was n ow trying it and as yet the trial

.
,

had cost h im n o effort : h e see med to him self to be doi ng

very well i ndeed A n d why shou ld he n ot d o as wel l as the
.

thou sands w h o cou nting th emselves religi ou s people get

, ,

through the bu siness of the h ou r the day the week the , , ,

year without on e reference i n any thi ng they d o or abstai n

,

from d oing to th e will of G od o r the words of Ch rist ? I f

, ,

he was more helpfu l to hi s fel lows than they he fared bet ,

ter ; fo r actions i n themselves good however imperfect the ,

motives that give rise to them react blissfu lly u pon charac ,

ter an d n atu re I t i s better to be an atheist who d oes the

.

wil l of G od than a so call ed C hristian wh o does not T he

,
-

ath eist will not be d ismi ssed because h e said L ord L ord , ,

and d i d not obey T he th i ng that G od loves is th e on ly

.

lovely th ing and he wh o d oes it d oes well and i s u pon th e

, , ,

way to d iscover that h e d oes it very bad ly When he comes .

to do it as th e will of th e perfect G ood then is h e on the

road to d o it perfectly—that is from love o f its o wninh er
,

ent self —
,

constituted good ness born i n the h eart of the P er ,

fect T he d oi ng o f thi ngs from d u ty is but a stage o n the

.

road to the k ingd om of truth and love N ot the less mu st .

the stage b e j ou rneyed every path d iverging from it is

th e fl owe ry way that lead s to the broad gate and the great
fi re .

I t was with more than his u su al zeal of helpfu lness that

Faber w as n ow ridin g toward O wlk i k to revisit his n ew r
,

patient Cou ld he have mistaken the symptoms o f her

.

attack ?

C H A PT E R V I .

T HE C OT T A G E .

M R S P U C K R I D G E was anxiously awaiti ng the d octor s

.
’

arrival She stood by the bedsid e of her lodge r mi serabl e

.
,

i n he r ignorance and consequ ent hel plessness T h e lady .

tossed an d moaned but for very pai n cou ld neither toss n or

moan mu ch and breathed —panted rather—ve ry qu ick
,

, , .

H er color was white more than pal e an d n ow and the n sh e

-

sh ivered from head to foot b ut h er eyes bu rn ed M rs , . .

P uck ridge k ept bri ngi ng h er h ot flannels an d stood talki n g ,

b etween the changes .

 PAU L FABER . 2
5

I wish the d octor wou ld come l—T hem d octors ! — I

’
ho pe to good ness D r Faber wasn t ou t when the boy got to
.

Glaston E very body i n th is mortal u n iverse always i s ou t

.

when he s wanted that s my ex perience Y o u ai n t so ol d

’ ’
.
’

as me miss A nd D r F aber you see miss he be such a

,
. .
, , ,

favorite as lame to go o ut to hi s d i n ner not u n frequ ent .

T hey may have to sen d miles t o fetc h hi m .

She talked i n th e vai n hope o f d istracti ng the poor lady s ’

atte ntion from her su ffering .

I t was a little u p stairs cottage room the corn ers betwixt -

th e ceiling and the walls cu t o ff by the slope of the roof .

So d ark was the n ight that whe n M rs P uck ridge carri ed

, ,
.

the candle out of the room the u nshad ed d ormer wi ndow ,

d id not show itself eve n by a blu ish glimmer B u t light .

and d ark were ali ke to her wh o lay i n the little tent bed i n -

the mid st of whose white cu rtai ns white coverli d and white , ,

pillows her large eyes black as hu man eyes cou ld ever b e

, , ,

were like wells of dark n ess throwing ou t flash es of strange

light H er hair too was dark brown black of great plenty
and so n
-
.
, , ,

ne that it seemed to go off i n a mist o n the white

ness It had been her c u stom to throw it over the back of
.

her bed but i n this old fash ioned one that was impossible
,
-

and i t lay i n loveliest confusion scattered here an d th ere

, ,

over pi llow an d coverl id as i f th e wi n d had been tossi ng it

,

all a long night at his wi ll S ome of it had strayed more .

than half way to the foot of the bed H e r face d istorted .

,

almost though it was with di stress showed yet a regu larity ,

of featu re rarely to be seen i n combinatio n wi th su ch evi

d ent powe r of ex pression S u ffering had n ot yet flatte ned .

the d el icate rou nd ness of her ch eek o r sharpen ed th e angles ,

o f he r chi n I n her whiteness an d her constrai ned pang

.
, ,

thwarted motions from sid e to sid e she look ed lik e a form ,

of marbl e i n the agoni es of comi ng to l i fe at th e p raye r of

some Pygmalion I n throwi ng ou t h er arm s sh e had fl u n g
,
,

back the bedclothes an d her d ai ntily embroid ered night

,

gown revealed a rather large grand th roat of the sam e

rare whiteness H er han ds were perfect—every fi nger
, ,

and every n ail

T hose fi ne‘ nimb l e b reth rensmall ,

Armed with pearl sh ell h el mets all -

.

{j oslz u a Sy lvester
:
I su spec t the word ought to be fi ve no t fi ne
, , as
my co py (1 6 1 3) h as it .
26 PA U L F ABER .

When M rs Puck ridge came i nto the room sh e always set

.
,

h er cand le on the si ll of the storm wi nd ow : it was there -

happi ly wh en th e d octor d ew n ear the vi llage and it gu i ded

,
r
,

h i m to the cottage gate H e fastened N ige r to the gate

-
.
,

crossed the little gard en gently lifted the d oor latch and
,
-

ascen ded th e stai r H e fou nd th e d oor o f the chamber

.

O pen signed to M rs P uck ridge to be sti ll softly approached

,
.
,

th e bed an d stood gazi ng i n silence o n th e s u fferer wh o

, ,

lay at the moment apparently u nconsciou s B ut su d d enly .

,

as if she had become aware of a presence she flashed wi de ,

her great eyes an d the pitiful entreaty that came i nto them
,

when sh e saw hi m went straight to his heart Faber felt

,
.

more for the su fferi ngs o f some o f th e lower animals than

for certai n of his patie nts ; but child ren an d women h e
wou ld serve like a slave T he d u mb ap peal of her eyes .

al most u nmanned hi m .

“
I am sorry to see you so i ll he sai d as h e took her , ,

wrist.
“
Y ou are i n pai n : wh ere .

H er othe r hand moved toward her sid e i n reply E very .

thi ng i nd icated pleu ri sy— su ch that there w as n o longer

room for gentle measu res S he mu st be reli eved at once : .

h e m ust open a vei n I n th e changed practice o f late r days

.
,

it had seldom fallen to the lot of Faber to perform the ve ry

si mple operati on of venesecti on but that had little to d o ,

with th e trembling of the hands which an n oyed hi m wit h

’
hi msel f when h e proceed ed to u nd o a sleeve o f his patient 5
,

n ightd ress Fi ndi ng n o b utton he took a pai r of scissors

.
,

from his pock et cu t ruthlessly through li nen and lace and

, ,

rolled back the sleeve I t d i sclosed an arm the sight o f

.

which wou ld have mad e a scu l ptor rej oice as over some
marbles of old G reece I can n ot d escribe it an d i f I cou ld
.
, ,

for very love an d reverence I wo uld rather let it alone .

Faber felt hi s heart rise i n h is th roat at the necessity of

breaking that ex qu isi te su rface with even such an insignifi
cant breach an d blem ish as th e sh ini ng steel betwixt h is
fo refi nger and thu mb mu st occasion B ut a slight tremble .

of the hand h e h el d ack n owledged th e i ntru d ing sharpness ,

and then the red parabola rose from the gol den bowl He .

strok ed the lovely arm to help its fl ow and soon the girl ,

once more opened her eyes and look ed at h i m A lready .

her breath i ng was easi er B ut presently her eyes began to

.

glaze with approach i ng fai ntness an d h e pu t his thu mb on ,

the wou nd She smi led a nd closed them He bou nd u p

. .

her arm lai d it gently by h er sid e gave h er somethi n g to

, ,
 P A U L F A B ER . 2
7

d ri nk and sat down He sat u nti l h e saw her su nk i n a

,
.

quiet ge ntl e slee p ease had d ethron ed pai n and ord er had
, ,

begu n to dawn ou t of threatened chaos .

”
T hank G od ! h e said i nvolu ntarily an d stood u p : , ,

what all that meant G od onl y k nows ,

.

A fter vari ou s d i recti on s to M rs Puck ridge to wh ich sh e .

,

seemed to attend but which bei ng as s imple as nece ssary

, , ,

I fear she forgot the moment they we re uttered th e d octor ,

mou nted and rode away T he d ark ness was gon e for the
,
.
,

moon was risi ng bu t when th e road compelled h im t o face

,

her she bli nd ed h im nearly as mu ch Slowly she rose

,
.

th rough a sky freck led with wavel ets of clou d and as sh e ,

crept u p amongst them she brought them al l ou t i n b l u ish , ,

pearly and opalin e gray T hen su dd en ly almost as it

, .
, ,

seemed she left them and walk ed u p aloft d rawing a thi n

, , ,

vei l arou nd her as she ascend ed A l l was so soft so sleepy .

, ,

so vagu e it seemed to P aul as h e rod e slowly along him

, ,

self almost asleep as if the N ight had lost the blood he had
,

caused to flo w and the sweet exhaustion that followed had

,
’
from the lady s brai n wand ered out over Natu re h e rself as ,

she sank a lovelier K atadyo mene i nto th e hu shed sea of

, ,

pai n won repose

-
.

Was he i n love with h er ? I d o not k now I cou ld tell .

,

if I knew what bei ng i n love is I thi nk no two loves were .

ever the same since the creatio n of the world I k now that
someth ing had passed from her eyes to his —bu t what H e
.

may have be en i n love with her al ready b ut e re l ong my

read er may be more su re than I that h e was not T he .

Maker of men alone u n derstand s H is awfu l mystery between

the man and th e woman B ut withou t it frightfu l i nd eed .
,

as are some of its resu lts assu red ly the world H e has made ,

wou ld bu rst its bi nd i ng ri ngs and fly asu nd er i n shards ,

leaving Hi s spi rit n othi ng to enter n o time to work H is ,

lovely will .

It mu st be to any man a te rribl e thi n g to fi nd himself i n

wi ld pain with no G od of whom to entreat that hi s sou l may
,

not faint withi n hi m bu t to a man who can th ink as well as

feel it were a more terrible thi ng sti ll to h nd h i mself aflo at
, ,

on the tid e of a lovely passi on with n o G od to whom to cry , ,

accou ntable to H imself for that which He has mad e Wil l .

any man w h o has ever cast more than a glance i nto the
mysteri es of h i s bei ng dare th i nk himself su ffi cient to the
,

ru li ng o f his natu re ? A nd i f h e ru le it n ot what shall h e ,

be bu t th e sport of the d emons that wil l rid e its tempests ,

28 P A U L F A B ER .

that will rou se an d torment its ocean What hel p then is

there ? What h igh hearted man wou ld consent to be pos -

sessed and sweetly ru led by the lovel iest of angels ? T ru ly

it were bu t a dai nti er mad ness Come thou holy L ove .
, ,

father of my s pi rit n earer to the u nk nown d eeper me than

,

my consci ou sness i s to its k nown self possess me utterly , ,

for t h ou a rt more me than I am myself R u le th ou T hen . .

fi rst I rule S had ow m e from the too rad iant splend ors of
.

thy own c reative thought Folded i n thy calm I shall love .

, ,

and not di e A nd ye women be the dau ghters of H i m

.
, ,

from w h ose heart came you r mothers be the saviou rs o f

men and n either thei r torment n or their prey
,

C HAPT E R VI I .

T HE PU LPI T .

B E F O RE
morning it rain ed hard agai n bu t it cleared at
su nrise and the fi rst day of the week fou nd the world n ew
,

washed G laston slept longer than u su al however for all

.
, ,

the shi ne and i n the mou nti ng su n look ed dead and

,

deserted T here were n o gay shop windows to re flect his

.
-

beams o r fi ll them with rainbow colors T here were n o

,
.

carriages or carts an d on ly for a few moments on e rider

, , , .

T hat was P au l Faber agai n on R uber n ow agl ow i n th e , ,

morning T here were n o chil d ren playing yet about the

.

streets o r lanes ; bu t the cri es of some came at i ntervals

from u nseen chambers as th e S u nd ay soap stu ng thei r eyes , ,

or the S u nday comb tore thei r matted locks .

A s Faber rod e out of h is stabl e yard Wingfo ld took h is -

hat from its peg to walk th rou gh hi s chu rchyard H e

,
.

lived almost i n th e chu rchyard for happi ly si nce his mar , , ,

riage the rectory had lost i ts tenants and M r B evis had ,

.

allowed hi m to occ u py it i n li eu of part of his salary It ,

.

was not yet chu rch time by hou rs bu t h e had a cu stom of

-

goi ng e v ery S u nday morni ng i n th e fi ne weather qu ite , ,

early to sit for an hou r or two alon e i n the pu l pit amidst

, ,

th e absol ute solitu d e and silence of th e great chu rch I t .

was a do Or h e said th rough which a man wh o cou ld n ot

, ,

go to H oreb might enter and fi n d the power that dwells on

,

mou ntaintops and i n dese rt places

- -

.
 PAUL FA BER . 29

He went slowly throu gh the chu rchyard , b reathi ng d eep

breaths of the delicious spring morni ng ai r R ai n d rops -
.
-

were sparkl ing all over the grassy graves and i n the hol ,

lows of the stones they had gathered i n pools T he eyes of .

th e d eath heads were fu ll of water as i f weepi ng at the

-

d efeat of thei r master E very n ow and the n a soft little wi n d

.

awok e lik e a throb of the spirit of life and shook together

, ,

th e scattered d rops u pon th e trees an d then d own came d ia ,

mond showers on the grass and daisies of th e mou nds an d ,

fed the green moss i n the letters of the epi taph s O ver all .

the su n was shin ing as i f eve rywhere and forever spring

,

was the ord er of thi ngs A n d is i t n ot so ? I s n ot the id ea

.

o f the creation an eternal spri ng ever trembli ng o n the verge

of su mmer It seemed so to the c u rate wh o was not given ,

to sad still less to senti mental morali zi ng ove r the graves

,
.

From such mood s h is heart recoiled T o h i m they wer e .

weak an d mawk ish an d i n hi m they wou ld hav e been t reach

,

ero u s N o grave was to h i m th e place where a friend was

lying it was but a cenotaph —the place where the L ord had
.

lai n
.

L et th ose possessed with d emons hau nt the tombs he ,

said as h e sat d own i n the p u lpit

,
for me I wi ll tu rn my ,

back u pon them with th e ri se n C hri st Yes fri end I hear .

, ,

you I k now what you say Y o u have more affection than

I you can not forsak e the last resti ng place of the beloved -

Well yo u may have more feeling than I ; there is n o gauge

,

by which I ca n tell an d if there we re it wou ld be u se less

we are as God mad e u s — N o I wil l n ot say that I Wlll say
, ,

,
.

rather I am as G od is mak i ng me and I shal l o ne d ay be

, ,

as He has mad e me M eanti me I k now that H e wil l have

.

me love my enemy tenfold more than n ow I love my fri end

T hou beli evest that the malefacto r— ah there was faith n ow
.

O f two men dyi ng together i n agony an d shame th e on e ,

beseeches of the other the grace of a k i ng T h ou believest

I say—at least tho u pro fessest to believe that the malefactor
,

was that ve ry day with J esu s i n P aradise and yet thou ,

’
b roo dest over thy friend s grave gathering thy thoughts ,

about the pitifu l garment h e left behi nd him and letting ,

h i mself d ri ft away i nto the u nk nown forsak en o f all ,

bu t thy vagu est mo st s h apeless thi nk i ngs ! T ell me no t

,

thou fearest to enter there whence has issu ed n o revealin g .

I t is God who gives thee thy mi rror of i magi nati on an d i f ,

thou ke ep it clean it wi ll give thee back n o shad ow bu t of

,

th e truth N ever a c ry o f love went fo rt h fr om h u man h eart

.
30 P A U L F A B ER .

bu t it fou nd some heavenly chord to fold it in B e s u re thy .

friend i nhabits a day n ot ou t of harmony with thi s morni ng

of eart h ly spri ng with thi s su nlight t h o se rai n d rops that
, ,
-

,
”
sweet wi nd that flows so softly over hi s grave .

It was th e fi rst sprouti ng of a g ermon H e covered it u p .

and left it : h e had somethi ng else to talk to h is people

about this morni ng .

Whi le h e sat thu s i n the pu lpit hi s wife was prayi ng for ,

hi m ere she rose Sh e had n ot learn ed to lov e h im i n th e

.

vestibu l e of society that cou rt o f the Genti les but i n th e

, ,

chamber of to rtu re and the cloud ed ad ytu m o f her o w n

spiritual templ e For there a d ark vapor had hi d the d eity
.

enthroned u nti l the words of H is se rvant melted the gloom

,
.

T hen she saw that w hat she had taken fo r her own i n ner
most chamber of awfu l void w as the d welling place o f the ,
-

most high most lovely only O ne and t h rough its wi nd ows

, , ,

she behel d a cosmos dawni ng o ut of chaos T herefore the .

wife walked besid e the husband i n the strength of a common

faith i n absol ute G ood and n ot seldom d i d the fi re wh ich
the torch of his p rophecy had k i nd led u pon her altar k ind le ,

agai n that torch wh en some b itter wind o f evil words or

, ,

mephitis of h u man perversity or th u nder rain of foil ed ,

-

charity had exti ngu ished it S he loved every hai r u pon his
,
.

head but loved his well bei ng infi nitely more than his mortal
,
-

life A wri nkl e on hi s forehead wou ld cause he r a pang yet

.
,

wou ld she a thou san d ti mes rather have seen h im d ead than
k nown him gu ilty of o ne of many thi ngs done openly by n ot
a few of his p rofession .

A nd now as one someti mes wonders what h e shall d ream

,

to n ight she sat wond ering what n ew thi ng or what old

-

, ,

thing fresher and more al ive than th e new wou ld this day ,

flo w from h i s heart i nto hers T he following i s the sub .

stan ce of what a few hou rs after sh e d i d hear fro m h im

, , .

H is rector sitti ng between M rs B ev is and M rs R amshorn

,
. .
,

heard it also T he rad iance of truth shon e from Wi ng

.

’
fold s face as he spoke and those of the congregation who ,

tu rned away from his words were those whose lives ran
cou nter to the spi rit of them Whatever h e u ttered grew .

out o f a whole world of thought bu t it grew before them ,

that i s he always thou ght afresh i n the p resence of the

,

people an d spoke extempore

, .

Ye am not serve G od and mammon .

’

W ho said thi s T he L ord by whose name ye are called ,

 PAU L F A BER .
31

in wh ose name this hou se was bu i lt an d wh o will at last ,

j u dge every o ne of u s A n d yet how many of you are and

.
,

have been for years tryi ng you r very hardest to do the

,

thing you r Master tells yo u i s impossible T hou man

Thou woman ! I appeal to thi ne o wn con scie nc e whether
thou art not strivi ng to serve G od and mammon
B u t stay am I right — I t can n ot b e For su rely i f a
.

man strove hard to serve G od an d mammon h e wou ld pres ,

ently d iscove r the th ing was i mpossible It i s not easy to .

serve God and it i s easy to serv e mammon i f one strove

,

to serve God the hard thi ng along with serving mammon

, , ,

the easy thi ng th e i ncompatibility o f the two e nd eavors

,

mu st appear T he fact i s there i s no strife i n you W ith

. .

ease you se rv e mammon every d ay and h ou r of you r lives ,

.

and fo r G od you d o n ot even ask you rselves the qu estion

,

whether you are servi ng H i m or no Yet som e o f you are .

at this very moment i nd ignant that I call you se rv ers of

mammon T hose o f yo u wh o k now that G od k nows you
.

are H is servants k now also that I d o not mean you there

,

fore those who are i nd ignant at bein g called the servants of

,

mammon are so becau se they are i nd eed su ch A s I say

,
.

these words I d o not lift my eyes not that I am afraid to ,

look you i n th e face as utteri ng an offensive thi ng bu t that

, ,

I wou ld have you r o w nsou ls you r accu sers .

L et u s conside r for a mom ent th e God you d o n ot se rve ,

and then for a moment th e mammon you d o serve T h e .

God yo u d o not se rve is th e Father o f L ights the S ou rce of ,

love the M ak er of man an d woman the H ead o f the great

, ,

family the Father of fatherhood and motherhood the L i fe

,

giver who wou ld d ie to preserve H is chi ld ren but would ,

rather slay them than they sho u ld live th e servants of evi l

the G od who can n either th ink nor d o nor end u re a ny th i ng
mean or u nfai r ; the G od of poetry an d mu sic and eve ry
marvel ; the G od of th e mou ntai n tops and the rivers that ,

ru n from the snows o f d eath to mak e th e earth j oyo us with

life th e G od of the valley and th e wheat n
,

e ld the G od w h o -

has set love betwixt youth and maid en th e G od an d Father

of ou r L ord J esu s C hrist the perfect th e G od whom Christ
,

k new with whom C hri st was sat isfi ed of whom He d eclared

, ,

that to k now H i m was eternal li fe T he mammon you d o .

se rve is not a mere negation bu t a posi t ive D eath H is , .

temple is a darkness a black h ollow eve r hu ngry i n the

, , ,

heart of man who tu mbles i nto it every thi ng that shou ld

,

mak e life nobl e and lovely To al l wh o se rve hi m he mak es

.
32 PAUL F A BE R .

it seem that his alon e is th e reasonab le se rv ice H i s wages .

are death but h e calls th em l ife an d they bel ieve hi m I w i ll

tel l you some of the mark s of h is se rvi ce—a few of the badges
.
, ,

of his hou sehold —for h e has no visible temple n o man bends

the k n ee to h im i t i s only hi s sou l his manhood that th e , ,

worshiper casts i n the d u st before hi m I f a man talks of .

the mai n chance mean i ng thereby that of maki ng money or

, ,

of n u mber one meani ng thereby self except i nd eed h e

, ,

honestly j est h e is a serv ant o f mammon ,

I f when thou .
,

makest a bargai n thou thi nkest only of thyself and thy gai n
, ,

though art a servant o f mammon T he eager looks of those .

t h at wo u ld get money th e troubled looks of those w h o have ,

lost it worst of all the gloati ng look s of them that have it

, ,

these are su re signs of the serv ice of mammon If in .

th e ch u rch thou sayest to th e rich man S it here i n a good ,

’ ’
place an d to th e poor man
,
Stand there thou art a , ,

mammon se rver I f thou fav o rest the company o f those

-
.

whom men cal l well to do when t h ey are only wel l to eat - -

,
- -

wel l to drink o r wel l to show and declinest that of th e sim

- -

,
- -

ple an d the meek the n i n thy d eepest consci ousness k now

,

that thou se rvest mammon not G od I f thy hope of well ,

.

being i n ti me to come rests u pon thy hou ses o r lands o r , , ,

bu si ness or mon ey i n store an d n ot u pon th e livi ng God be

, , ,

thou fri endly an d ki nd with the o v erflow ings of thy posses

sions or a chu rl whom n o man loves thou art equ ally a
, ,

server o f mammon I f th e loss of thy goods would tak e .

from thee the j oy of thy life i f it wou ld tear thy heart that
the men thou hadst feasted shou l d hold forth to thee th e
two fi ngers i nstead of the wh ole han d nay i f thy thought ,

o f to morrow makes th ee q uail before the d uty of to day i f

- -

thou b ro o dest over the evi l that i s n ot come a nd tu rn est ,

fro m the G od who i s with thee i n the life of th e hou r thou ,

serv est mammon h e hold s thee i n his chai n thou art his
ape whom he lead s abou t the worl d for the mock ery of
,

hi s fellow devils I f with thy word yea even with thy

-
.
, ,

j udgment thou co nfe ssest that G od i s the only good yet

, ,

live st as i f H e had sent thee i nto th e world to make thyself

rich before thou d i e ; i f it will add o ne feeblest pang to
the pai ns o f thy d eath to thi nk that th ou mu st leave thy ,

fai r house thy ancestral trees thy horses thy shop thy
, , , ,

books beh ind thee th en art thou a servant of mammon

, , ,

and far tru er to thy master than h e will prove to thee .

Ah slave ! the moment th e b reath i s out of the body

, ,

lo he has al ready d ese rted thee an d of al l i n which

,
 PAUL FA BER .
33

thou d idst rej oice all that gave thee such power over
,

thy fellows there is n ot left so m uch as a spike of thistle

,

d own for the wi nd to waft from thy sight For all thou .

hast had there i s nothing to show Where is the friend

, .

shi p i n which thou mightst have i nvested thy mon ey i n ,

place of bu rying i t i n the maw of mammon ? T roops

of the dead might now be coming to greet thee with love
an d service hadst thou made thee friends with thy money
,

but alas ! to thee it was n ot money bu t mammon fo r

thou d idst love it—not for the righteou sn ess and salvation
, , ,

thou by it s means mightst work i n the earth but for the , ,

honor it brought thee among men for the plea su res and ,

i mmu nities it pu rchased S ome of you are sayi ng i n yo u r .

hearts Preach to thyself an d practice thi n e o wnpreach

i ng ; —an d you say well
, ,
’
A n d s o I mean to d o lest .
,

h avi ng preached to oth ers I shou ld be myself a cast away

— d rown ed with some o f you i n the same pond o f n
-

lth .

G od has pu t money i n my power through th e gift of

on e whom you k now I shall e ndeavor to be a faithfu l.

steward of that which God through he r has committed to me

i n tru st H ear me friends —to n one o f you am I the less
.
,

a friend that I tel l you truths you wou ld h id e from you r

own sou ls : money i s not mammon ; it i s G od s inven ’

tion ; it i s good and th e gift of God B ut for money and .

the need of it there wou ld not be half th e friendshi p i n

,

the world I t is powerfu l for good when d ivinely u sed

. .

G ive it plenty of ai r an d it is sweet as th e hawthorn sh u t

,

it up and it cank ers an d breeds worms L ik e all th e best

, .

gifts of G od like th e ai r an d the water it must have

, ,

motion an d change and shak i ngs asu nd er ; like the earth

itself like t h e heart and mi nd of man it mu st b e broke n
'

, ,

and tu rned n ot heaped together and n eglected I t i s an

,
.

angel of mercy whose wi ngs are fu ll of balm and d ews an d

,

refreshin gs bu t whe n you lay hold o f him pl uck h is pi n ,

i ons pe n h i m i n a yard and fall d own and worshi p hi m

, ,

then with the blessed vengeance of his master h e d eals

, ,

plagu e and confu sio n an d terror to stay the idolatry I f I , .

misu se or waste or hoard the d ivi n e thi ng I pray my M as

ter to see to it—my God to pu nish me A ny fi re rather
,

than be given over to the mean i d ol A nd now I wil l mak e

an o ffer to my t ownsfolk i n the face of this congregation
that whoever wi ll at the end of three years bring me his
, , ,

books to hi m also wil l I lay O pen mi n e that h e will See how

, ,

I have sought to mak e friend s of th e mammon of u nright

34 PA U L FA BER .

eo us ness O f th e mammon server I ex pect to be j u dged

.
-

accord ing to the light that is i n hi m and that light I k now ,

to be dark ness .

Friend be not a slave B e wary

,
L ook n ot on the
. .

’
gold when it i s yellow i n thy p u rse H oard n ot I n G od s
name spend —spen d o n Tak e heed how thou spend est
. .

, ,
.

but tak e h eed that thou spend B e thou as the su n i n .

heaven let thy gold be thy rays thy angels of love and li fe ,

and d eliverance B e thou a candle of the L ord to spread

.

H is light throu gh the world I f hitherto i n any fash ion of.

,

f aithlessness thou hast rad iated darkn ess i nto th e u n iverse

, ,

hu mble thyself an d arise an d shi ne

, .

B ut i f thou art poor then look not on thy pu rse when it

,

is empty H e who d esires more than G od wi lls h im to have

.
,

i s also a servant of mammon for h e trusts i n what G od has ,

made and not i n G od H i mself H e who laments what G od

, .

has taken from h im he is a servant of mammon H e wh o

,
.

for care can not pray is a servant of mammon T here are

,
.

men i n thi s town who love and trust their horses more than
th e G od that mad e them an d their horses too N on e th e .

less confi dently will they give j u dgment on th e d octri ne of

G od B ut th e O pin ion of n o man wh o d oes n ot render back
.

his sou l to the living G od and live i n H im 1s i n religion , , ,

worth the spli nter o f a straw Frien ds cast you r i dol i nto .
,

th e furnace melt you r mammon down coi n hi m u p mak e , ,

G od s mon ey o f him and send hi m cou rsing

’

,
M ak e o f .

hi m c u ps to carry the gift of G od th e wate r o f life th rou gh

the world —in lovely j u stice to the oppressed i n healthfu l
, ,

labor to them whom n o man hath hi red i n rest to the ,

weary who have born e th e bu rden and heat o f th e d ay i n ,

j oy to the heavy hearted i n laughter to th e d u ll spi rited

-

,
-
.

L et them all be glad with reason an d mer ry without revel ,

.

A h what gifts i n mu sic i n d rama i n the tale i n the pic

, , ,

tu re i n th e spectacle i n books and models i n flo wers and

, , ,

fri end ly feasti ng what t ru e gifts might n ot the mammon o f

,

u nrighteou sness changed back i nto the money of God give

, ,

to men an d women bone o f o u r bone and flesh of o ur

, ,

flesh H ow wou ld you not spend you r money for the

L ord i f He needed it at you r han d ! He does n eed it ;
,

for he that spend s it u pon the least of his fel lows spends it ,

u pon hi s L ord T o hold fast u pon God with one hand and
open wid e th e other to you r neighbor—that i s religion ;
.
,

that i s the law and the p rophets an d the tru e way to all
better th ings that are yet to come — L ord defend u s from
,

.
,
 PAU L FABER .
35

M ammon H old T hy temple against h i s fou l i nvasion

. .

Pu ri fy ou r money with T hy ai r and T h y su n that it may , ,

”
be ou r slav e and T hou ou r M aster A men
,
. .

T he moment his sermon was end ed the cu rate always set ,

himsel f to forget it T his for three reasons fi rst he was s o

dissat isfi ed with it that to think of it was pai nfu l —an d the
,
.

more that many thi ngs h e might have sai d and many bet
, ,

ter ways of sayin g what h e had said wou ld constantly pre ,

sent themselves Second it was u seless to brood ove r what

.
,

cou ld not be bettered an d thi rd it was hu rtfu l i nasmu ch

, , ,

as it prevented the growth of n ew hopefu l i nvigorati ng , ,

t h ought and took from hi s stren gth and the qu ality of his
, ,
’
following endeavor A man s labors mu st pass lik e th e su n
.

rises and su nsets o f the world T he n ext thi ng not the .

,

last mu st be h is care When h e reached home h e wou ld

,
.
,

therefore u se means to th i s en d of d iversion an d not u nfre ,

qu ently wou ld write verses H ere are those he wrote that

.

afternoon .

LET YO U R L I G H T SO SH I N E .

Sometimes, O L ord. tho u l ightest inmy h ead

A l amp th at w el l migh t Ph aros all th e l ands
Ano nth e ligh t w ill neith er b u rnn o r spread

Sh rouded indanger gray th e b eaconstands .

A Pharo s ? O h dul l b rain O h poo r q uench ed lamp

, , ,

Under a b ush el w ith anearth y smell

.

M o l dering it l ies inru st and eating damp

Whil e th e slow oil keeps ooz ing from its cell
, ,

F or me it were en ou gh to b e a flower
K no wing its roo t inth ee w as so mewh ere h id
T o b l o sso m at th e far appoin ted h our,
A nd fo l d insl eep wh enth ou my N ature , b id . .

Bu t h ear my b reth rencry in g inth e dark

L igh t u p my l amp that it may shine ab road
—
.

F ainw o ul d I cry See, b ro th ers sisters, mark

T h is is th e sh ining o f l igh t s fath er, God
'
.
 C HAPTE R VI I I .

T HE M A N O R HO U S E D I N I N G R O O M -
.

T H E rector neve r took his eyes off the preach er b u t the ,

preacher n ever saw him T he reason was that h e dared not .

let his eyes wande r i n th e d irection of M rs R amshorn he .

was not yet so n ear perfection but that the sight o f h er

su percili ou s u nbelievi ng face was a rev ivi ng cord ial to th e
, ,

old A dam whom he was so anx iou s to poison with love and
,

prayer Ch u rch ove r the rector walked i n si le nce between

.
, ,

the two lad i es to the M anor H ou se H e cou rted n o greet

, .

ings from the sheep o f h i s neglected flo ck as he went and ,

retu rned those offered with a constrained solemn ity T he .

moment they stood i n th e hall together and before the ,

servant who had open ed the d oor to th em had qu ite d is

appeared M rs R amsho rn to th e i nd ignant consternation
, .
,

of M rs Bevis who was u tterly forgotten by both i n the

.
,

colloquy that ensu ed tu rn ed sharp on th e rector and said , , ,

T here what d o you say to you r cu rate now ?

H e is enough to set th e whole parish by th e ears he ,

answered .

I told you so M r B evis ! ,

.

O nly it d oes not follow that therefore he is i n the wrong .

O u r L ord H i msel f came n ot to send peace on earth but a

”
sword .

I rreverence i ll b ecomes a b enefi ced clergyman M r

Bevis sai d M rs R amshorn —who very consistently regard
, .

”
, .

ed any practical reference to ou r L ord as i rrelevant thence ,

natu rally as i rreverent .

A nd by J ove ,
add ed the rector heed less of h er ,

remark an d tu mbling back i nto an old college habit

,
I -

fear h e is i n th e right an d i f h e is it wi ll go hard with you ,

”
and me at the last day M rs R amshorn ,
. .

D o you mean to say you are going to let that man tu rn

every thing topsy tu rvy an d th e congregati on out of the-

ch u rch J oh n B evis
,

I n ever saw su ch a congregation i n i t before M rs ,

.

”
R amshorn .

’
It s little bette r than a l ow b red conventicl e n ow an d -

what it wi ll come to if thi ngs go on l ik e thi s G od k nows, , .

 PAU L FABER .
37

T hat ought to be a comfort sai d th e rector Bu t I , .

hard ly k now yet where I am T h e fellow has kn ocked the .

wi nd out o f me with his personalities and I have n t got my ,

’

breath yet H ave you a bottle of sherry open

.

M rs R amshorn led the way to the d i ni ng room where

.
-

the early S u nday d i nner was already laid and the d ecanters ,

stood on the sideboard T h e rector pou red h imself ou t a

.

large glass o f sherry and d rank it off i n th ree mou thfu ls

, .

Such bu ffoon ery su ch coarsen ess su ch vu lgarity

such i ndelicacy cried M rs R amshorn whi le the parson .
,

was still occu pied with the sherry N ot content with talk .

ing abou t himself i n the pu l pit he mu st even talk about ,

’
his wi fe What s he or h i s wife i n the house of God
When his gown is o n a clergyman i s n either M r T his nor
, .

M r That any longer but a priest o f the Chu rch of E ngland

.
, ,

as by law established My poor H elen . She has throw n

herself a way u pon a charlatan A n d what will become of
her money i n the hands of a man with su ch leveli ng n otions ,
”
I d read to thi nk .

H e sai d somethi ng abou t buyin g friends with it sai d ,

the recto r .

B ribery and corru ption mu st come natu ral to a fellow

who cou ld preach a sermon like that after marryi ng money
Why my good madam wou ld you have a man tu rn h is
, ,

back on a gi rl becau se she has a p u rse i n her pock et

B ut to preten d to d espise it A nd then worst of al l ,
’
I d on t k now whether the i ndelicacy or th e profan ity was
the greate r — when I thi nk o f i t now I can scarcely believe
I really heard i t —to offer to show hi s book s to every
,

i nqu isitive fool itching to kn ow my niece s fortu n e Well ’

—
,
”
she shan t see a penny o f min e that I m d etermi ned o n
’ ’
.

You need not be u n easy about the books M rs R am , .

shorn Y ou remember th e cond ition an nexed

.

’
Stu ff an d hypocrisy H e s played hi s game wel l B ut
”
ti me wi ll show .

M r B evis check ed hi s answer

. H e was begi n ni ng to get .

d isgu sted with th e old cat as h e called h er to h imself

, .

He too had mad e a good specu lation i n th e hymeneo

mon ey mark et otherwise he cou ld hardly hav e afforded to
-

give u p th e ex ercise o f h is profession M rs B evi s had . .

brought hi m th e nice little prope rty at l kirk where if he

worshi ped mammon —and after his cu rate s sermon h e was
, ,
’

not at all su re h e d id notf h e worshi ped hi m i n a very

moderate and gentlemanly fas h io n E ve ry b o dy liked th e
o

p
'
38 PA U L F ABER .

rector and two or three loved hi m a little I f it wou ld be a

,
.

stretch of the truth to call a man a Christian wh o n ever yet

in his l ife had consciously don e a thi ng becau se it was com
manded by Christ he was n ot therefore a god less man
,

whi le throu gh th e age long process of spi ritu al infi ltratio n

,
-

he had received and retai ned much that was C hristian .

T h e lad i es went to tak e o ff thei r bon nets and their ,

d epartu re was a relief to the rector H e helped himself to .

another glass o f sher ry and seated hi mself i n the great ,

easy chai r formerly approved of th e d ean long promoted , .

B u t what are easy chai rs to u n easy men ? D in n er however , ,

was at hand an d that wou ld mak e a d iversi on i n favor o f

,

less d isqu ieting thou ght

M rs R amshorn also was u ncomfortabl e —too much so to
.

.
, ,

be relieved by tak ing o fi her bon net S he felt with n o little .

,

soreness that th e rector was not with her i n her d eprecia

,

ti on of Wingfo ld She d i d her best to play th e hostess b ut

.
,

th e rector while enj oying hi s d i nner d espite d iscomfort i n

,

th e i nward parts was i n a mood o f si lence altogether n ew

,

both to hi mself an d hi s compani ons M rs B ev1s however . .

, ,

talked away i n a soft conti n u o u s mu rmu r S h e was a good

,
.

natu red gentle sou l withou t whose so rt the world wou ld be

, ,

hard e r for many She d i d not contribute mu ch to its

.

positive en j oyment but for my part I can n ot help bein g

, ,

gratefu l even to a cat that wi ll condescend to pu rr to me .

B ut she had n ot mu ch mo llilying influence on her hostess

’

wh o snarled an d j u dged an d cond emned n or seemed to

, , ,

e nj oy her d i nner the less W hen it was ove r th e ladi es went .

,

to the d rawing room ; and th e rector fi nding h i s company

-

,
’
u n pleasant d rank but a week day s allowance of wine and
,
-

went to have a l ook at h is horses .

T hey neighed a welcome th e moment his boot stru ck th e

stones o f the yard for th ey loved thei r master with al l th e
,

love th ei r strong timi d pati ent h earts were as yet capable

, ,

of. Sat isfi ed that th ey were comfortable for h e fou nd them ,

bu sy with a large feed o f oats and ch aff and I n dian corn ,

he threw hi s arm over th e back o f hi s favorite and stood , ,

lean i ng agai nst h er for mi nutes half d reaming half think , ,

i ng A s long as th ey were bu sy th ei r mu n ch ing an d

grind ing soothed hi m— held hi m at least i n qu i escent mood
.
,

the moment it ceased h e seemed to hi mself to wak e u p out ,

of a d ream I n th at d ream h owever h e had been more

.
, ,

awak e than any h ou r for long years and had heard and ,

seen many thi ngs H e patted his mare lovingly then , with
.
,
 P A U L F A B ER .
39
’
a faint sense o f rebuk ed i nj ustice went i nto th e horse s stall
an
, ,

d patted an d strok ed h im as he had never d on e before .

H e went i nto the i nn an d ask ed for a cu p o f tea

, He .

wou ld have had a slee p o n M rs Pink s s sofa as was his ’

cu sto m i n his stu dy— little stu dy alas went o nthere —bu t
.
,

, ,

he had a cal l to mak e an d mu st rou se hi mself an d that was

, ,

partly why he had sought the i nn For M rs R amshorn s . .

’

hou sehol d was so well ord ered that nothing was to be had
o u t of the u su al routi ne I t was lik e an A merican cou ntry
.

i nn where if you arrive after su pper you will most likely

, , ,

have to starve till n ext m orni ng H er servants i n fact .

, ,

were her masters and sh e dared not go into her own kitche n
,

for a j u g of hot water Possibly it was her d eth ron ement

.

i n her o wnhou se that mad e her with a futi le cl utchi ng afte r

,

lost respect so anxiou s to ru le i n the abbey ch u rch A s it

,
.

was although J oh n B evis an d she had k now n each other

,

long and i n some poor sense i nti mately h e wou l d never i n

, ,

he r hou se have d ared ask for a cu p o f tea except it were o n

th e table B ut here was the ease of hi s in n wh ere th e
.
,

landlady herself was prou d to get hi m what h e wanted .

She mad e th e tea from he r o w n caddy ; an d when he had

d ru nk th ree cu ps o f it washed his red face an d re ti ed hi s
, ,
-

white n eck cloth h e set ou t to mak e his call

-

, .

C H A PT E R I X .

T HE R EC T O R Y D R A W I N G R O O M -
.

T HE cal l was u pon hi s cu rate I t was years si nce h e had

.

entered the recto ry T he people who last occu pi ed it h e

.
,

had scarcely k n own and even d u ri ng its preparati on for

,

Wingfold he had not gon e n ear the place Yet o f that .

’
house had been his d ream as h e stood i n hi s mare s stall ,

and it was with a strange feeli ng he n ow approach ed it .

Fri end s generally took the pleasanter way to the gard en

door openi ng o nth e chu rchyard but M r Bevis went rou n d
, ,
.

by the lan e to the more public ent rance .

A ll h i s years with hi s fi rst wife had been spent i n that

house She w as d elicate when he marri ed her and so on
.
,

grew sick ly an d su ffering One afte r an other her chil dren

.
40 P A U L F A B ER .

d ied as babies A t last came one wh o lived and then th e

.
,

mother began to d ie She was one of those l owly women .

who apply th e severity born o f thei r creed to th emselves ,

an d spend only th e love born of the indwelling S pirit u pon

thei r n eighbors S he was rather melanch oly bu t hoped as
.
,

much as she cou ld an d when sh e cou ld n ot h O pe d i d n ot

,

stand sti ll but walked on i n the dark I thi nk when th e

,
.

su n rises u pon them some people wil l be astonished to h nd

,

how far they have got i n the dark .

H er h u sband without veri fying for h imself one of th e

,

things it w as his bu siness to teach others was yet held i n ,

some so rt of commu n ion with sacred th i ngs by h is love for

h is su ffering wi fe and h is ad mi ration of her good ness and
,

gentleness H e had look ed u p to her thou gh several

.
,

years you nger than h im self with somethi ng of th e same ,

reverence with wh ich h e had regarded hi s mother a women ,

with an el ement o f greatness i n her It was n ot possibl e .

h e shou ld ever have adopted her vi ews or i n any active ,

man n er allied hi mself with the school whose d octri n es she

accepted as th e logical embod iment of the gospel b u t there ,

was i n hi m all the ti me a vagu e someth ing that was n ot far

from th e ki ngdom o f heaven S ome of hi s wife s fri end s .
’

look ed u pon him as a wol f i n th e shee pfold h e was n o wolf ,

h e was only a h ireli ng A ny n eighborhood might have .

been th e better for having su ch a man as b e for th e parson

o f the parish — only for one commissi oned to be i n the
world as he was i n th e world —wh y he k new more abou t
,

'
the will of G o d as to a horse s legs than as to th e h eart ,

o f a man .A s he d rew n ear the hou se the older an d ten ,

d erer time came to meet h im and the spirit o f his su fferi ng , ,

mi nisteri ng wife seemed to o vershad ow him T wo tears

grew half way i nto h is eyes —
.

-
they were a little bloodshot ,

bu t k i nd tru e eyes H e was n ot sorry he had married

,
.

again for h e and his wife were at peace with each other
, ,

b u t he had fou nd th at th e sam e part o f his mi nd wou ld not

se rve to thi nk of th e two they belonged to d i fferent zones
of his u nex plored world For on e thing hi s present wife .
,

look ed u p to h i m with perfect ad miration an d h e k nowing , ,

his own pove rty rath er look ed d own u pon her i n co u se

,

q uence though i n a l oving gentle an d gentleman lik e way

H e was shown i nto th e same room look i n
,
.
, ,

g ou t onthe ,

chu rchyard wh ere i n th e fi rst months of hi s ma rried li fe h e

sat and heard hi s wife si ng h er few songs accompan
, ,

ying
’ '

them o n th e little pian o he h ad saved h ard to buy for her ,

'
’

- -
 P A U L F A B ER .
41

u nti l she mad e him lo v e them I t had lasted only throu gh .

those few months after he r fi rst baby d ied she rarely sang , .

But all the colors and forms of the room were d i fferent an d ,

that mad e it easi e r to check the lu mp rising i n his throat .

It was the faith of his cu rate t hat had thu s set his wife
before him although the two wo u ld hard ly h ave agreed i n
,
’
any confession narrower than the A postle s creed .

Whe n Wingfo ld entered th e room the rector rose went , ,

halfway to meet hi m an d s hook hands with h i m h eartily

, .

They seated themselves and a short si lence followed B ut , .

the rector k new it w as h is part to speak .

“
I w as i n chu rch this morn ing he said with a half , ,

hu morou s glance right i nt o the clear gray eyes of his c u rate .

So my wi fe tells me retu rned Wingfo ld with a smile

,
.

’ ”
Y ou did n t k now it the n ? rej oined the rector with ,

now an almost qu izzical glance i n which hovered a little ,

”
doubt . I thou ght yo u were preach i ng at me all th e time .

God forbid ! sai d th e cu rate ; I was not aware of “

you r presence I d id not even k now you were i n the town

.

”
yesterday .

’
Y ou mu st have had some one i n you r mi nd s eye N o .

man could speak as yo u d id this morni ng wh o add ressed ,

mere abstract hu man ity .

I w ill not say that i ndivid uals d id n ot come u p before

me how can a man hel p it where he k nows every body i n
his congregation more or less ? B u t I give you my word ,
”
si r I n ever thought of you
, .

Then you might have d one so with t h e greatest pro

priety ,
retu rn ed the rector My consci ence sided with .

’
you al l the ti me You fou n d m e ou t I v e got a bit of the
. .

mu scle they call a heart left i n me yet thou gh it Izas got ,

rather leathe ry B ut what d o they mean wh en th ey say

.
-

you are setti ng the parish by the ears

’
“
I d on t k now si r I have heard of n o quarreling I
,
. .

have mad e some enemies bu t they are not very dangerou s , ,

and I hope n ot very bitter ones ; an d I have mad e many

”
more friends I am su re ,
.

What they tell me is that you r congregati on i s d ivi ded

—that they tak e sid es for and against you wh ich i s a most
,

u nd esi rable thing su rely ,

I t i s i ndeed ; an d yet it may be a thing that for a .

time can not be hel ped Was there ever a man with the
,
.

cu re of sou ls concerni ng whom there has n ot been more or

,

less of such d ivision ? B ut i f you wil l have pati ence with ,

42 PA UL F A BER .

me si r I am bol d to say beli evi ng i n the force and fi nal

, , ,
”
victo ry of the truth there wi ll be more u nity by and b y
I d on t d ou bt it B ut come now —
, .

’
you are a thorou gh ly
good fellow —that a bli nd horse cou ld see i n the dimmits
.

and I m accou ntable for the parish —cou ld n t you d raw it a

,
’ ’

little mi lder you k now ? cou ld n t you mak e it j ust a little '

less pecu liar— only the way of p utting it I mean —so that
,

it shou l d look a little more like what they have been u sed
to ? I m only suggesti ng th e thi ng you k now— d ictating
’

n othi ng o nmy sou l M r Wingfo ld I am su re that what

,

, , .
.
,

eve r yo u d o you wi ll act accord ing to you r own conscience

, ,

otherwise I shou ld n ot ventu re to say a word lest I shou ld ,

”
lead yo u wrong .

I f you will allow m e said the cu rate I wi l l tell yo u

“
, ,

my whole story an d then if you shou ld wish it I will ,

resign my cu racy withou t sayi ng a wo rd more than that my

,

rector th ink s it better N either i n p rivate sh all I mak e a

.

"
si ngle remark i n a d i fferent spi rit .

L et me hear said the rector ,

.

T hen i f you wi ll pl ease tak e this chai r th at I may ,

”
k now that I am not wearyi ng yo u bod i ly at least .

T h e rector d id as he w as requ ested lai d h is h ead back , ,

crossed h is legs an d folded his han ds ove r h i s worn waist

,

coat he was n ot on e of th e n eat order o f parsons h e had

a not u nwholesome d isregard of h is o utermost man and ,

d id not k now when he was shabby Without an atom o f .

pomposity or ai r rectorial h e settled himself to listen

C ond ensing as much as he cou ld Wingfold told hi m how
, .

through great doubt an d d ismal trouble o f mi nd he had, ,

come to h O pe i n G od and to see that there was n o ch oice

,

for a man but to give h imself heart and sou l and body to , , , ,

the love and will and care of th e Bei ng wh o had mad e h im

, ,
.

H e cou ld no l onge r h e said regard h is profession as any

, ,

thi ng less than a call to u se e v ery m eans and energy at his

command for the rou si ng of m en an d women from that
spi ritu al sleep and moral carelessness i n which he had hi m
s elf been so lately s u nk .

'

I d on t want to give u p my cu racy h e conclu ded ,

.

Stil l less d o I want to l eave G laston for there are h ere ,

some whom I teach and some wh o teach me I n all that .

has given grou nd for complaint I have seemed to myself ,

to be but followin g the dictate s of common sense ; if you

think m e wron g I have n o j u stificat io nto o ffer We both .

love G od ,
 P A U L FA BER .
43

H ow d o yo u k now that i nterru pted the recto r

wish you cou ld make me s u re of that .

”
I d o I k now I d o sai d t h e cu rate earnestly
, ,
I can .

”
say n o more .

’
My d ear fellow I haven t the merest shadow of a d oubt
,
”
o f it
“
,
retu rned the rector smi li ng W hat I wished was ,
.
,

that yo u cou ld mak e me su re 1 d o .

Pardon me my d ear si r bu t j u dgi ng from sore ex peri

, , ,

ence i f I cou ld I wou ld rathe r mak e you d o u bt it ; the

,

doubt even if an utte r mistak e wou ld i n the end be so mu ch

, ,

more pro fitab le than any present convicti on .

Yo u have you r wish then Wingfo ld : I d oubt i t very , ,

”
much replied the rector
,
I m ust go h ome an d thi nk .

abou t it all Yo u shall h ear from me i n a d ay o r two

. .

A s h e spok e M r Bevi s rose an d stood for a momen t lik e

.
,

a man greatly u rged to stretc h his arms and legs A n ai r .

o f u neasi ness pe rvaded his whole appearance .

Wi ll you n ot stop an d tak e tea with us ? sai d the

cu rate . My wife wi ll be d isap poi nted if you d o not You .

have bee n good to her for twenty years she says , .

“
She mak es an old man of me retu rned the rector ,

musingly I remember h er su ch a ti ny th i ng i n a white

.

frock and cu rls Tell her what we have been talki ng about
.
,
”
and beg her to excu se me I mu st go home . .

He took his hat fro m the table shook hands with Wing ,

fold and walked back to the i nn

,
T here he fou n d h is .

horses bed ded an d th e hostle r away H is coachman was

,
.

gone too n obody k new wh ither

,
.

T o sleep at th e i n n wou ld have given poi nted offense bu t ,

he wou ld rather have d on e so than go back to th e M anor

H ou se to hear his cu rate abu sed With the help of the .

barmaid h e put the horses to the carriage h imself and to

, ,

the astonishment of M rs R amshorn and hi s wife d rew u p .

,

at the door o f th e M anor H ouse .

E xpostu latio n o n th e part o f the former was vai n T he .

latter mad e non e : i t was much th e same to M rs B evi s .

where she was so long as she was with her h usband

, .

I ndeed few thi ngs were more pl easant to her than sitti ng
i n the carriage alon e contemplati ng the back of M r Bevis
, .

on the box and the moti on of h is elbows as h e d rove

, .

M rs R amshorn received thei r ad i eu x ve ry stitfly and n ever

.
,

after mentioned the rector W ithou t ad d i ng the epithet ,

poor man
M rs B evis en j oyed the d rive ; M r B evis d id not T h e
. . .
44 P A U L F A B ER .

d oubt was growing stronge r and stronger all th e way that ,

h e had n ot behaved lik e a gentleman i n his relation to th e

head o f the chu rch H e had natu rally as I have al ready
.
,

shown a fi ne honorabl e boyish if not chi ldlik e natu re an d

, , ,

the eyes of his min d were n ot so d i m with good l ivi ng as one

might have feared from the l ook of those i n h is h ead : i n
th e glass of loyalty h e n ow saw hi mself a d efau lter i n th e
scales o f honor h e weighed an d fou n d himself wanting O f .

tru e d isci pleshi p was n ot n ow th e qu estion : h e had n ot

behaved l ike an hon orable gentleman to J esu s C hrist I t .

was only i n a spasm of terror St Peter had d eni ed hi m : .

J oh n B evis had for n igh forty years been tak ing his pay ,

an d for th e last thirty at least had d one nothi ng i n retu rn .

E ither J esu s Christ d i d n ot care and then what was th e

ch u rch —
,

what the whole system of thi ngs called Chris

t ianity — o r he d i d care and what then was J oh n B evis i n
,

the eyes of his M aster ? When th ey reached home h e ,

went n either to the stable n or th e stu dy b ut withou t even , ,

lighti ng a cigar walke d o ut o n th e n eighbori ng h eath

, ,

where h e fou nd the u n iverse rather gray abou t hi m Wh en .

h e retu rned he tried to behave as u su al but h is wi fe saw ,

that h e scarcely ate at su pper an d left half of his b randy

,

and water Sh e set it d own to th e annoyance th e cu rate

.

had cau sed h im and wisely forbore troubli ng hi m with

,

qu estions .

C H A PT E R X .

’
MR . D RAKE S A RBOR .

WH I L E the cu rate was preaching that same Su nd ay m orn

i ng i n th e cool cavernous ch u rch with its great lights
overhead Walter D rak e—the old mi n ister h e was now
, ,

cal led by hi s d isloyal congregation —sat i n a little arbor

, ,

look ing out on th e river that flo w ed throu gh th e town to

the sea G reen grass went d own from where h e sat to the
.

’
v ery water s brink I t was a spot the old man loved for
.
,

there hi s best thou ghts came to hi m There was i n hi m a .

good d eal of the stu ff o f whic h poets are mad e and si nce ,

trou ble overtook him th e river had more and more gathered
,
’
to itself the aspect of that i n the Pilgri m s P rogress ; and
 PAUL FABER .
45

often as he sat thu s almost on its edge h e fanci ed himself

, ,

waiti ng the welcome su mmo ms to go home I t was a tidal .

river with many changes N ow it flo wed with a fu ll calm

cu rrent conqu eri n g the tid e like life sweepi n
.
, ,

,
g d eath with ,

it d own i nto the bosom of the eternal N o w it seemed to .

stand sti ll as i f aghast at the i nroad of the awfu l th ing ;

,

and then th e mi nister wou ld bethink h imself that it was th e

ti de of the eternal risi ng i n the narrow earthly chan nel
men he said to hi mself called it deat/z becau se they d i d
, , ,

n ot k n ow what it was or th e loveli ness of its qu icken ing

,

energy It fails on the i r sense by the might of its grand

.

excess an d they call it by th e name of its opposite A

,
.

weary and rather d isappointed pilgri m he thu s comforted ,

hi mself as he sat .

There a great salmon rose an d fell gleaming like a bolt ,

of silver i n th e su n ! T here a little waterb eetle scu rri ed

along after some i nvi sible prey T he bl u e smoke of his pipe .

melted i n the Sabbath ai r T he softened sou nds of a si ng .

i ng congregation came across gardens an d hedges to his

ear T hey sang with more e nergy than grace and not for
.
, ,

the fi rst time he felt they d id Were they i nd eed singing

, .

to the L ord he asked h imself or only to the i dol C usto m

, ,

A si lence came the you ng man i n the pu lpit was givi ng out
his text an d th e faces that had tu rned themselves u p to
,

Walter Drake as flowers to the su n we re now all tu rn i ng to ,

the face of hi m they had chosen i n his stead to mi nister ,

to them i n holy thi ngs H e took his pipe from his mouth
.
,

and sat motion less with hi s eyes fi x ed o n the grou n d

,
.

B ut why was he n ot at chapel himself C oul d it be that

he yi elded to temptation actually preferri ng his clay pi pe
,

an d the long glid e of the rive r to the worshi p an d the , ,

hymn s and th e sermon H ad there not bee n a time when

he j u dged that man careless of th e truth who d id not go to
the chapel and that man little better wh o went to the
,

chu rch Yet there he sat on a S u nday morning the chu rch ,

on one sid e o f h i m and the chapel on the othe r smoking hi s ,

pi pe H is daughter was at the chapel sh e had taken

D ucky with her the dog lay i n the porch waiti ng for them
the cat thought too m uch of herself to mak e friend s with
her maste r ; he had forgotte n hi s N ew T estame nt o nth e
study table an d n ow he had let h is pi pe o ut .

He was not well it i s tru e but h e was well e nou gh to have

, ,

gone Was he too prou d to be taught W here he had bee n

.

a teacher P or was it that the youth i n h is place taugh t there

46 P AU L F A BER .

d octri nes which n either th ey n or thei r fathers had k n own ?

It cou ld n ot su rely be from resentment that they had su per
an nu ated h im i n the pri me o f his old age with a pared thi rd ,

of his late sa lary wh ich n othi n g b ut honesty i n respect to

,

the small moneys h e owed cou ld have prevented h im from

re fu si ng
I n truth it was i mpossibl e the old mi n ister sh ou ld have
any great esteem for the flashy you th prou d of h is smal l ,

L ati n and less G reek a mere u nit o f the hu nd reds wh om

,

th e d evi l of ambition d rives to preachi ng o ne who whether ,

th e d octrines he tau ght were i n the N ew Testament or n ot ,

certain ly n ever fou nd them there bei ng b ut th e merest di s

,

ciple o f a d isci ple of a d isci ple an d fervi d i n words of

,

which b e perceived scarce a glimmer of th e d ivin e pu rpo rt .

A t the same time he might have seen poi nts of resemblance

,

between hi s own early h istory an d that of th e callow chi rper

o f d ivin ity now hold i ng forth from h is pul pit which m ight ,

have tend ed to mollify his j ud gment with sym pathy .

H is people had behaved i ll to hi m and h e cou ld n ot say ,

h e was free from resentment or prid e bu t h e d id mak e for ,

them what excu se lay i n th e fact that the congregation had

bee n dwi nd li ng ever since the cu rate at the abbey chu rch -

began t o speak i n su ch a strange outspok en fashi on T h ere .

now was a right so rt of man h e said to himself N o .

attempted oratory with hi m no prepared su rprises n o

playhouse tricks n o stu d ied graces i n waftu re of hands an d
u pheaved eyes A nd yet at moments wh en h e b ecam e
possessed with h is obj ect rather than subj ect every i nch of
hi m seemed alive H e was o dd—very o dd pe rhaps h e was
,

crazy—b ut at least h e was h onest H e had heard h im hi m

.

self and j u dged h i m well worth h elpi ng to what was better

, ,

fo r alas n otwithstand ing th e vi gor of h is preaching he d id

, ,

n ot appear to have himself d iscovered as yet th e treasu re

h i d i n the fi eld H e was nevertheless inco mparably th e
.
, ,

su peri or o f th e you ng man whom expecting h im to draw

, ,

th e d eacon s o f h i s ch u rch with th e members behi n d them

, ,

had substitu ted for hi mself wh o had for more than fi fteen
,

years m in istered to them the bread o f li fe

B read — Yes I thi nk it might h on estly be called b read
.

that Walter D rak e had mi ni stered It had n ot been free .

from chalk or potatoes : bits o f shell an d peel might have

been fou n d i n it with an occasional bit o f d i rt and a hai r or
, ,

two yes , even a little alu m and that i s bad becau se it tends
, ,

to d estroy , n ot satisfy the h u nger T h ere was sawd u st i n it

. ,
 P A UL FA BER .
47

an d parch ment d u st and lu mb er d u st ; i t was i l l salt ed

-

,
-

b adly baked sad sometimes it was blu e moldy an d som e

,
-

times eve n maggoty ; bu t th e mass of it w as honest flo u r ,

and those who d id not recoil from th e look o f it or recog ,

nize th e p resence of the variety of foreign matter cou ld ,

live u pon it i n a sense u p to a certai n pitch o f li fe B ut a

great d eal of it was not of h is bak ing at all —h e had bee n
, , .

merely the d istributor—c ru mbling down other bakers loaves ’

and mak ing th em u p agai n i n his own shapes I n h is d e .

~

clin ing years however he had bee n really begi n ning to

, .

learn the bu siness O nly i n his congregation were many

.
,

who not merely preferred bad bread of certai n k i nd s but ,

we re i ncapable of d igesting any of high quality .

He wou ld have gon e to chapel that morni ng had th e

you ng man been su ch as h e cou ld respect N eithe r h is d oc .

tri ne nor the behavi or o f the chu rch to hi mse lf wou ld have
, ,

k ept him away H ad he followed his i nclinatio n h e wou ld

.

have gon e to the ch u rch only that wou ld have look ed sp ite
,

fu l H is late congregati on would easily excuse his non attend

.
-

ance with them they wou ld eve n pitifully ex plai n to eac h

other why h e cou ld not appear j u st yet bu t to go to chu rch
wou ld be i n thei r eyes u n pardo nable —a d eclarati on of a
war of revenge .

T here was however a reason be sid es why M r D rak e

, , , .

coul d n ot go to chu rch that morn i ng and if n ot a more ,

seriou s it was a mu ch more pai nfu l o ne S ome short time

, .

before he had any gro un d to su spect that h is congregation

was faltering i n its loyalty to h im his d au ghte r had d is ,

covered th at th e chapel butcher when h e sent a piece of ,

meat i nvariably charged for a few ou nces beyond the

,

weight del ivered N o w M r D rake was a man of such h on

. .

esty that a ll k inds of cheatin g d own to the most respectable, ,

we re abomi nable to h im ; that th e man was a professor of

relig ion mad e hi s cond uct u n pard onabl e i n h is eyes and that ,

he was on e of h is own congregation rend ered it insuppo rta

ble Havmg take n pains to satisfy h imself of th e fact h e
.
,

decli ned to deal with hi m any fu rt her and d id not spare to ,

tell him why T he man was far too d ishonest to pro fit by

,

the rebu k e save i n ci rcu mspecti on an d cu nn ing was t e ,

~

vengefu l i n proporti on to the j u stice of the accu sation and ,

of cou rse brought h 1s in fl uence which was n ot small to 7 ,

bear u po n th e votes of the ch u rch memb ers inrespect o f ~

the pastorate .

H ad t h ere been anothe r butcher i n connecti on with the

48 P AU L FA BER .

chapel M r D rak e woul d have tu rn ed to h i m b ut as there

, . ,

was n ot and th ey cou ld n ot go without meat he had to b e

, ,

tak e hi mself to th e pri nci pal butcher m the place w h o was ,

a member o f th e C h u rch o f E nglan d S oon after his .

trou bles commenced and before many weeks were over he

,

saw plainly en ough that h e mu st eith er resign altogether ,

an d go o ut i nto t he great world o f d issent i n search of some

pastorless flock that m ight vote hi m thei r crook to be ,

gu ided by hi m wh ither they wanted to go and whither most ,

o f them b eli eved th ey k n ew the way as wel l as h e or accept ,

th e pittance o ffered h im T his wou ld b e to reti re from the

.

forefront o f th e battle and take an u n d isti ngu i shed place

,

i n the crowd o f mere camp follo wers bu t fo r the sak e of

-

honesty as I have already expl ai ned and with the hope

, ,

that it might be on ly for a brief season h e had chose n the ,

latter half o f th e alternative A nd tru ly i t was a great re

.

li ef not to have to gri nd out of his poor weary groan ing

mi ll th e two i nevitabl e weekly sermons —labor su fficient to
, ,
~

dark e n th e face o f n atu re to th e consci entio us man Fo r .

his people thought themselves i ntellectual an d ce rtai nly were ,

critical M ere edifi cat io n i n holi ness was n ot enough for

.

them A large i nfu sion o f some polemic element was

.

n ecessary to mak e th e meat savo ry and such as thei r sou l s

loved Th ei r ambition was n ot to grow i n grace but i n
social influ ence an d regard —to glorify thei r d issent n ot th e
.
,

commu nio n o f sai nts U pon the chief corner ston e they
.
-

wou ld bu i ld th ei r stubbl e of palt ry religion ism they wo u l d

set u p th e i r ragged tent i n the midst o f the eternal temple ,

careless how it block ed u p wi ndow and stair .

N ow last week M r D rak e had requ ested his new b utcher

to sen d hi s bil l—with some little anxiety becau se o f the
.

su dd en limitation o f his i ncome b ut wh en he saw it he was

filled with horror A mou nti ng only to a very few pou nds
.
,

cau ses had come together to mak e it a large o ne i n compar

i son with the fi gu res he was accu stomed to see A lways .

feeding some o f hi s flock he had at this ti me two sick ly

, ,

nu rsmg mothers wh o d rew thei r mortal li fe from h is k itch

en; and bes id es th e doctor had some time ago ord ered a
, , , ,

larger amou nt of an i mal food for the littl e A man da I n fi ne .

,

th e su m at the bottom of that long sli p o f paper with the ,

wood cu t o f a pri ze o x at the top o f it smal l as h e wou ld

-

have t h ought it at on e p eri od o f his histo ry was greater than ,

h e cou l d i magi ne h ow to pay and i f h e went to ch u rch ,

it wou ld be to feel th e eye o f the butcher and not that o f the
 P AU L FABER .
49

curate u p on hi m all th e ti me It was a d ismay a h orror to .

,

him to have an accou nt rendered wh ich he cou ld not settl e ,

an d especially from his new butcher after h e had so severely ,

rebuk ed the old one Where was the mighty d i fference

.

i n honesty betwee n himself an d th e offender ? the on e

claime d for meat h e had not sold the oth er ord ered that fo r ,

which h e cou ld not pay Wou ld n ot M r J ones i magi ne h e .

had left his fellow b utcher an d come to h im becau se he had

-

ru n u p a large bill for which h e was u nable to write a check

T his was that over which the spi rit of th e man now brooded
by far the most pai nfu lly this it was that mad e him leave
his N ew T estament i n the stu dy let hi s pipe out and look , ,

almost lovi ngly u pon the fast flowi ng river because it was a -

symbol of death .

He had chosen preach ing as a pro fess ion j u st as so

many tak e orders —with this d i fference from a large pro
,

portion of su ch that he had strive n powerfu lly to convi nce

,

h imself that h e tru sted i n th e merits of the R ed eeme r .

Had he n ot i n this met with tolerable su ccess he wou ld not ,

’
have yi eld ed to th e wish of his fri ends and left his father s
shop i n h is native cou ntry town fo r a d issenti ng college i n
-

the neighborhood of L ondon T here he worked well and .

,

became a good scholar learning to read i n the tru e sense of

,

the word that is to try th e spirits as he read H is charac

, , .

ter so called was sou nd and his consci ence i f n ot sensi

, , , ,

tive was fi rm and regnant B ut h e was inj u red both spirit

, .

u ally and morally by some o f th e instru cti ons there given .

For on e of the obj ects held u p as d uti es before h i m was to ,

become capable of ren dering hi mself accqptaéle to a congre

gation .

M ost of th e stu dents were b ut too ready to regard or at ,

least to treat this obj ect as the fi rst an d foremost of d uties .

T he master d uty of d evoti o n to Christ and obed ience to

-

eve ry word that proceeded out of H is mouth was very ,

much treated as a thi ng u nderstood requ iring little enforce ,

ment while th e mai n thing demanded of the m being se r

mons i n some sense thei r own—honey cu lled at least by
,

thei r own bees an d not bough t i n j ars mu ch was sai d abou t

, ,

th e plan an d composition of sermons about style and elo

c ut io n and action —all plain ly an d confessed ly with a vi ew
,

to pulpit success—the lowest o f all low successes an d the

, ,
-

most worldly .

T hese i nstructions Walter D rak e accepted as th e wisdom

o f the holy serpent —d evoted large attenti on to composition ,
50 P AU L FABE R .

labored to form his style o n the best models and before begi n ,

ni ng to write a sermon always h eated th e fu rnace of pro

,

d uction with fu el from some e x citi ng or su ggestive author

.

it wou l d be more correct to say fed th e mi ll of composition ,

from some such sou rce one consequence o f all wh ich was ,

that when at last afte r many years he d i d begi n to d evelop

, ,

some i n d ivid uality h e cou ld not and n ever d id shak e h im

, ,

self free of those weary mod els h i s th oughts appeari ng i n ,

cloth es which were n ot mad e for them wore always a cer ,

tai n sti ffness and u nreality wh ich d i d n ot by natu re belong

t o them blu nti ng the i mpressi ons which his earnestness and
,

sincerity d i d notwithstan d in g mak e .

D etermi ned to succeed he cu ltivated eloqu ence also

,

what b e su pposed eloqu ence that is bei ng of cou rse merely

, , , ,

elocution to attai n the right gestu res belongi ng to which

,
’
he looked far more frequ ently i nto his lan d lady s mi rror ,

than for his spi ritu al action into the law of libe rty He .

had hi s reward i n th e su ccess h e sou ght B ut I mu st mak e .

haste fo r the story of world ly success i s always a m ean tale

, .

I n a few years and for n ot a few after h e was a popu lar

preacher i n one o f th e subu rbs o f L ondon—a good d eal
, ,

sought after an d greatly lau ded

,
H e lived i n comfort .
,

i ndu lged i ndeed i n some amou nt of show married a wid ow

with a large life an nu ity which between them they spent
-

enti rely an d that not altogether i n mak ing friends with

,

everlasti ng habitations ; i n a word gazed out on the social ,

lan dscape far oftener than lifted h is eyes to th e hills .

A fter some ten or twelve years a chan ge began They , .

had three chi ld ren ; the two boys h ealthy an d beautifu l , ,

took scarlatina and d i ed the poor sickly girl wai led o n , .

H is wife wh o had always been more d evoted to her ch il

,
.

d re n than her h usban d p ined an d d ied also H er mon ey

, ,
.

went i f n ot with her yet away from h im H i s spi rits began

, ,
.

to fai l hi m an d hi s small pu ny p eaki ng daughter d id n ot

, , ,

comfo rt him mu ch H e was capable of tru e but not yet of

.
,

pu re love at present hi s love was capriciou s L ittle D ora

—a small D orotlzy i n deed i n hi s estimation —had always
.

been a better chi ld than eith er o f h er brothers but h e loved ,

th em th e more that others admi red them an d h er the ,

less that others pitied her : h e d id t ry to love her ,

for there was a large element o f j u stice i n hi s natu re .

T his but for hi s b eing so mu ch occu pi ed with making lzzm

'

self acceptable to h is congregation wou ld have given hi m a ,

lead ershi p i n th e risi ng rebelli on against a th eology which

 PAU L FABER .
51

crushed th e hearts of men by attributi ng i nj ustice to th ei r

G od A s it was he lay at anchor an d let the tid e ru s h
.
, ,

past him
Fu rther change followed —grad ual bu t rapid H is co n
.

.
,

gregat io nbegan to d iscover that he was not th e man he had

been They complai ned of lack of variety i n his preachi ng
.

said he took it too easy ; d id not stu dy his sermons su ffi ciently ;

often spok e extempore which was a poor compli ment to ,

t/zem ; d id not visit with impartiality and i nd eed had all ,

along favored the carriage peo ple T here was a pa rty i n .

the chu rch which had not bee n cord ial to h im fro m the fi rst
partly from his fau lt partly fro m thei rs h e had always
, ,

mad e them feel they were of the lowe r grad e an d from an

i ncrease of shops i n th e n eighborhood this party was now ,

gatheri ng head T hei r leaders went so far at lengt h as to

.

hi nt at a nece ssity for explanation i n regard to the accou nts

of certai n ch arities ad mi nistered by the pasto r I n these .
,

u nhappily lem me were patent I n h is troub les th e pastor

,
.

had grown careless B ut it was altogether to his own loss

.
,

for not merely had th e money been spent with a rigidity of

u prightne s s s u ch as few i ndeed of his accu sers ex ercised i n
,

thei r business affai rs but h e had i n hi s d isbu rsements

,

exceed e d the contributio n committed to h i s charge C on .

fi dent however i n his position , an d mu ch occu pied with

, ,

other thoughts h e had taken n o care to set d own th e par

,

t icu lars o f his expen ditu re an d his enemi es d id not fai l to ,

h int a con nection between th is fact and the loss of h i s wi fe s ’

an nu ity Wo rst of all d oubts of hi s o rthodoxy began to be

.
,

expressed by the more ignorant an d harbored withou t ,

exami nation by the less ignorant .

A ll at once h e became aware of th e general d isloyalty

of his flo ck an d i mmed iately resigned
,
Scarcely had h e .

d on e so when he was i nvited to G laston and received with ,

open arms T here he wou ld heal his wou n ds an d spen d

.
,

the rest of his days i n peace H e caught a sli p or two .

i n d escendi ng but soon began to fi nd the valley of h u mi lia

,

tio n that wholesome place which al l tru e pilgri ms have ever

d ec lared it C omparative reti rement some sense o f lost
.
,

labor some su spici on o f th e wo rth of the en ds for which h e

,

had spent his stren gth a waki ng d esire after th e G o d i n ,

whom he had vagu ely believed all the ti me h e was letti ng

the d u st of paltry accid ent inflame his eyes bli steri ng an d ,

d ead eni ng hi s tou ch with the efllo rescent cru sts an d agaric
tumors u po n the d ry bones of theology gild i ng th e van e o f ,
52 P AU L FA BER .

his chapel i nstead o f cleansi ng its porch and its fio or—these

all favored th e bi rth i n h is mi nd o f the qu estion wh ether ,

h e had ever e ntered i n at the straight gate himself o r had ,

n ot merely been stand ing by its si de calling to others to

enter in Was it even as wel l as thi s with h i m
. H ad h e
not been more i ntent on gathering a wretched flock withi n
the rou gh wool steali ng wi nd sifting beggarly h u rd les of
,
-

,
-

h is chu rch than o n hou si ng tru e men an d women safe i n

,

the fold of the tru e Shepherd ? Feed i ng t rou ghs for th e

sheep there might be many i n th e fi elds and they might or ,

might not be presid ed over by servants of th e tru e Shep

herd bu t th e fold they we re n ot
,
H e grew h u mble befo re
th e M aster an d the M aster began to lord it lovi ngly over
,

h im H e sought H is presence an d fou nd H i m ; began to

.
,

thi nk less of book s an d rabbis yea even for the time of , , ,

P au l and A pollos and Cephas an d to pore and pon der ove r ,

the l iving tale o f the N ew C ovenant began to feel that the

L ord meant what H e said and that H is apostl es also meant ,

what He sai d forgot C alvi n a good d eal outgrew the ,

influ ences o f J onathan E dwards an d began to u ndersta nd ,

J esu s Christ .

Few sights can be lovelie r than that of a man who hav ,

i ng rushed u p the stai rcase of fame i n h is youth — what

matter whether the fame of a paltry world or a paltry sect ,

o f that world — comes slowly gently graciou sly down i n , ,

hi s old age content to lose that wh ich h e n ever had an d

, ,

carefu l only to b e hon est at last I t had n ot been so with .

Walter D rak e H e had to come d own fi rst to begin to get

.

th e good of it but once d own it was n ot long e re h e began

, ,

to go u p a very d i fferent stai r i ndeed A change took .

place i n hi m which tu rned al l aims al l e fforts all vi ctories , ,

of the world i nto th e merest most poverty strick en t rifling

, ,
-
.

He had bee n a tarrer an d smearer a mark er and shearer of ,

sheep rather than a pastor ; but n ow he recogni zed the rod

,

and leaned on the staff of th e tru e Shepherd Who feeds

both sheph erds and sheep H earty were the thanks he .

o ffered that he had bee n stai d i n h is worse than foolish

career .

S ince then he had go t i nto a hollow i n the valley and at

, ,

this moment as he sat i n his su mmer hou se was look ing

,
-

from a verge abru pt into what seemed a bottomless gu lf o f

hu miliation For his handsome L ond on hou se h e had littl e
.
,

better than a cottage i n which h i s stu dy was n0t a qu arter

,

o f the si ze of th e o ne h e had left ; h e had sol d t wo thi rds -

 P AU L FA BER .
53

of his books ; for th ree men and fou r w ome n servants h e ,

had but on e old woman and his own daughte r to d o th e

work of the house ; for all qu ad ru pedal men i e he had bu t ,

a nond escript cani ne an d a contemptu ou s felin e fou nd ling ;

from a d evoted congregation of comparatively ed u cated
people h e had su nk to one i n which there was n ot a perso n
,

of highe r stand ing than a trad esman an d that congregation ,

had now rej ected hi m as n ot u p to thei r mark tu rn ing hi m ,

o ff to d o h is best with fifty pou n ds a year H e had himself .

heard the cheati ng butche r remark i n th e open street that

it was qu ite enough and more than ever his M aste r had
, .

B u t all these thi ngs were as n oth in g i n hi s eyes beside his

i nability to pay M r J ones s bi ll H e had outgrown his for
.
’
.

mer self bu t thi s ki nd of misery it wou ld b e b u t d eeper

,

degradation to outgrow A ll before thi s had been b u t

.

hu mi liation th is was shame N o w fi rst h e k n ew what

.

poverty was ! H ad God forgotten him ? T hat could not

b e ! that which cou l d forget cou ld n ot b e G od Did he .

not care then that su ch thi ngs shou ld befal l his creatu res ?
Were they b ut trifles i n his eyes ? H e ceased thi nk ing ,

gave way to th e feel ing that God dealt hard ly with hi m

an d sat stu pid ly i nd ulging a sense of gri evance—with self
,

pity than which there is scarce on e more chi ld ish or enfeeb

,

li ng i n the whole ci rcl e of th e e motions Was this what .

God had brought hi m nearer to H imself for ? w as this th e

end of a ministry i n which h e had i n some measu re at least , ,

d eni ed himself and se rved G od an d his fellow ? H e cou ld

bear any thing bu t shame That too cou l d h e have borne
had h e not bee n a teacher of religion —one whose fai lu re
must brand hi m a hypocrite H ow mean i t wou l d sou nd
.

what a reproach to m use that the congregational min i s

,

ter had ru n u p a bill with a ch u rch butcher wh ich he was -

u nable to pay I t was the shame — th e shame h e cou ld not

bear O ught he to have been subj ected to it
A hu mbler and better mood slowly dawn ed with u n co n
sciou s change and he began to ponder with hi mself wherei n
,

he had been misu si ng th e money given h i m eith er h e had

been misu si ng it or God had not give n h i m enou gh seei ng
, ,

it woul d not reach th e e nd of h is need s bu t h e cou ld thi nk

only of the poor he had fed and th e chil d h e had ad opted
, ,

and su rely G od wou ld overlook those poi nts of e x t rava

gance Still i f he had not the m eans h e had not the ri ght
.
, ,

to do such things I t might not i n itself be w rong bu t i n

.
,

respect of hi m it was as d ishonest as i f he had spent the

54 PAU L FABER .

money on h i mself— n ot to mention that i t was a thwa rti ng

of the coun sel of G od wh o if H e had meant them to be so
, ,

aid ed wou ld have sent him the money to spen d u pon them
,

honestly H is on e ex cuse was that h e cou l d not have fore

.

seen how soon his i ncome was going to sh rink to a th i rd .

I n futu re h e wou ld withhold his hand B ut s u rely he might .

k eep the child Nay having once take n her i n charge h e

, ,

mu st k ee p th e child I t w as a comfo rt there cou ld be no

.
,

d oubt abou t that G od had money enou gh an d ce rtai nly

.
,

H e wou ld enable h i m to do that ! O nly wh y then d id H e ,

bring hi m to such poverty ?

So rou nd i n his mi ll h e went rou nd an d rou n d agai n an d , ,

back to th e old evil mood E ither th ere was n o G od o r h e

.
,

was a hard u sed man whom his M aster d id not mi nd bring

-

i ng to shame before hi s enemi es H e cou ld n ot tell which

wou l d tri u mph the more— the ch u rch b utcher over d issent -

or the chapel b utcher over the ch u rch butcher an d th e pas

- -

tor wh o had rebuk ed hi m for d ishon esty H is very sou l

was di squ i eted withi n hi m H e rose at last w ith a tear .

trickli ng down his cheek an d walk ed to and fro i n h is ,

garden .

T hings went on n evertheless as if all was right with th e

world T he L ythe flo w ed to th e sea an d th e silver mailed
.
,
-

salmon leaped i nto th e more li mpi d ai r T he su n shon e .

graci ou s o v er all his ki ngdom and hi s little praisers were ,

lou d i n eve ry bu sh T h e pri mroses earth born su ns were

.
,
-

shi ni ng abou t i n eve ry border Th e sou nd of the great .

organ came from the gran d o ld chu rch an d th e sou n d of ,

many voices from the h u mbl e chap el Only , where was the .

heart o f i t all ?

CHAPT E R XI .

T HE C HA M B E R AT T HE C OTTAG E .

M E A N W H I L E Faber was mak ing a rou n d with th e vi llage ,

o f O wlk irk for the en d o f it E re h e w as half way thither

.

.
-

h is groom w as teari ng after hi m u pon N iger with a message ,

from M rs P uck ridge which h owever d i d not overtak e him

.
, , ,
.

H e opened the cottage door an d walked u p stai rs expect

-

, ,

ing to fi nd hi s pati ent weak , bu t i n th e fai rest o f ways to

 PAU L FABER .
55

recover speed ily What was his horror to see her land lady
.

weeping and wringing her han ds over th e bed an d fi nd the ,

lady lyi ng motionless with blood less li ps and d istend ed

nostrils—to all appearance dead
,

P illows sheets blankets , , ,

looked one mass of red T he bandage had shifted while .

she sl ept and al l ni ght her blood had softly flo wed H ers
,
.

was one o f those pecu liar organizations i n which from some ,

cau se but d i mly conj ectu red as yet the blood once set fl ow ,

i ng will flo w o nto d eath and even the ti ni est wou nd is hard ,

to stanch Was th e lovely creatu re gon e

. I n her w rist h e
cou ld d iscern n o pu lse H e fold ed back the bed clothes an d .
-

laid his ear to her heart H is whole sou l listened Yes ; . .

there was certai n ly the faintest fl utte r He watche d a .

moment yes h e cou ld see j u st the fai ntest tremor o f th e

d iaphragm
—for G od s sake ru n and b ri ng m e a
.

”
R u n he cried, ,
'

j ug of hot wate r and two or three basi ns T here i s j ust a

,
.

chance yet l I f you make haste we may save her B ri ng ,

.

me a syri nge I f you haven t one ru n from hou se to house

.
’

,
”
til l you get one H e r life d epend s on it . B y this ti me h e .

was shou ti ng after the hu rryi ng land lady .

I n a mi nute or two she retu rned .

H ave you got the syringe he cried the mome nt he ,

heard her step .

To his great relief she had H e told her to wash i t out .

thorough ly with the hot water u nscrew the top an d tak e , ,

out the piston Wh ile giving hi s d i rections he u nbou n d

.
,

the arm enlarged the wou n d i n the vei n longitu d i nally and
, ,

re bou nd the arm tight below the elbow

-
then qu ick ly ,

opened a vei n of his own and held th e syri nge to catch the ,

spou t that follo wed When it was fu ll h e replaced the .

,

piston tell ing M rs Pu ck ridge to pu t h er thu mb on his

,
.

wou nd tu rned the poi nt o f the syri nge u p an d d rove a little

,

out to get rid of the ai r then with the hel p of a probe , , ,

i nserted the nozzle i nto the wou nd and gently forced i n th e ,

blood T hat d one he placed his own thu mbs on the two
.
,

wou nds an d mad e the woman wash o ut the syri nge in clean
,

hot water T hen h e fi lled i t as before and agai n forced

.
,
’
its contents i nto the lady s arm T his process he went .

throu gh repeated ly T hen listeni ng h e fou nd her heart

.
, ,

beating qu ite perceptibly though i rregu larly H e r breath , .

was fai ntly coming and goi ng Several times more h e .

repeated the strange d ose then ceased and was occu pied i n , ,

b i nding u p he r arm when she gave a great sh u dderi n g ,

‘
56 P A U L F A B ER .

sigh By th e ti me h e had fi nish ed the pu lse was percepti

.
,

b le at h er w rist L ast of all he bou n d u p h is own wou nd

.
,

from which had escaped a good d eal beyond what he had

u sed While thu s occu pied h e tu rned sick and lay d own
.
, ,

on the floor P resently however h e grew able to crawl

.
, ,

from the room and got i nto the garden at the back of the
,

h ou se where h e walked softly to the little ru de arb o r at th e

'

end of it and sat d own as i f i n a d ream B ut i n the d ream

,
.

his sou l felt won d rou sly awak e H e had been tasting d eath .

from the same cu p with th e beautifu l woman wh o lay there ,

coming alive with h is life A terrible weight was heaved .

from h is bosom I f she had d ied h e wou ld have felt all

.
, ,

h is life lo ng that h e had sent on e of the loveliest of

,
’
N atu re s livi ng d reams back to th e d ark ness an d the worm ,

long years before h er tim e an d with the foam of the cu p of ,

li fe yet on her li ps T hen a horror sei zed hi m at the pre

.

su mptu ousness of the liberty h e had tak en What if the .

beautifu l creatu re woul d rather have d ied than have the

blood of a man o ne sh e neither loved nor k n ew i n her
, ,

vei ns an d cou rsing throu gh her ve ry h eart

,
S he m ust
n ever k now it .

I am very gratefu l h e sai d to h i mself then smiled and ,

won dered to whom h e was gratefu l .

H ow the old stamps and colors come ou t i n th e b rai n

when one l east ex pects it he sai d What I meant was ,

H ow g lad ! am
H on est as h e was he d i d not feel called u pon to examine
,

wh eth er g lad was really the word to represent the feeling

which the thought of what h e had escaped and o f th e ,

creatu re h e had saved from d eath had sent u p into h is con ,

sc io u sness G lad h e w as i nd eed

. but was there not
mingled with h is glad n ess a tou ch of something else very ,

slight yet potent en ough to mak e h im mean g ratefu l when

,

the word brok e from h i m ? and i f there w as such a some

thi ng where d i d it come from ? P erhaps if h e had caught
,

and held th e feel in g an d submitted i t to such a searching

,

scr utiny as h e was capable of giving it h e might have ,

d oubted whether any mother i nstilled su perstition eve r -

stru ck root so d eep as the d epth from which that seemed at

least to come I merely su ggest it T he feel i ng was a
. .

fai nt an d poor on e an d I d o n ot care to reason from it I

,
.

wou ld not wi llingly waste u pon small argu ments when I see ,

more and more clearly that ou r paltriest fau lts an d d i shon

est ies n eed one an d th e same en ormou s cu re .
 PA U L FA BER .
57

B u t i nd eed neve r had Fabe r less time to examin e hi mself

than now had h e bee n so incli ned With that bi g wou nd
,
.

’
i n it he wou l d as soon have left a s hell i n the lady s
,

chambe r with the fu s e lighted as he r arm to itself H e did ,

.

not leave the vi llage all d ay H e went to see another .

patient i n it and on e o nits outsk i rts bu t he had h is d i nner

, ,

at the little i n n where h e put u p R uber an d al l night long ,

he sat by the bedsid e of his patient T here the lovely wh ite .

face blin d like a stat u e that n ever had eyes and the per
, ,

fec t arm which no w an d then with a restless u neasy feeble

, , , ,

toss she wou ld fl ing ove r the cou nterpan e th e arm h e had
, ,

to watch as the very gate of d eath grew i nto hi s heart He , .

d read ed the mome nt whe n sh e wou ld open her eyes an d ,

his might n o longer wand er at wi ll ove r h er cou ntenance .

A gai n and agai n i n th e ni ght he pu t a hand u nd er her head ,

and held a cooling d rau ght to h er li p s ; bu t n ot even whe n

she d rank d id her eye s o pen lik e a c hi ld too weak to trust
itself therefore free of al l anxi ety and fear sh e took what
, ,

ever came qu esti on in g nothing He sat at th e foot of the

,
.

bed where with th e slightest movement h e cou ld through

, , , ,

the openi ng of the c u rtai ns see her perfectly ,

.

B y some change of position h e had u nknowingly d rawn ,

one of them back a little from between he r a nd h im as h e ,

sat thinkin g abou t h er The can dle s hone f u ll u pon hi s

.

face but the other cu rtai n was between t h e can dle an d his
,

pati ent Su dd enly she opened her eyes

. .

A d ream had bee n with h e r an d sh e d i d not yet k n ow ,

that it was gone S he cou ld hardly be said to know any

.

thing Fever from loss of blood u neasin ess perhaps from

.
, ,

the presence i n he r system of elements elsewhere fashi oned

and strangely foreign to its economy the remnants of slee p
and of the d ream the bewi ld ermen t of su dde n awaki ng
all had combi ned to paralyze he r j udgment and giv e her ,

imagination fu ll career When sh e opened her eyes she

.
,

saw a beautifu l face an d nothi n g e lse an d it seemed to her

, ,

itself the sou rce o f the light by whi ch sh e saw it H er .

«

d ream had bee n on e of great trouble an d when she beheld

the shi ning cou ntenance sh e thou gh t i t was th e face of th e
,

Saviou r : h e was looki ng down u pon he r heart which h e ,

held i n hi s hand and read i ng al l that was written there

,
.

The tears ru shed to her eyes and th e n ext mom ent Faber ,

saw two fou ntai ns of light and weepi ng i n the face which
h ad b een bu t as o f loveliest marble T he cu rtai n fell . .

between them and the lady thou ght th e vision had vanished
, .
58 P A UL F A B ER .

T he d octor came softly through the d u sk to h er b edside .

H e felt her pu lse looked to th e band age on her arm gave

, ,

her something to d ri nk an d left th e room P resently M rs

, . .

P uck ridge b rought her some beef tea .

C HAPT E R X II .

’
T HE M I N I STE R S G A RDEN .

U P and d own th e garden paced th e pasto r, stu ng by the

gadflies of d ebt I f h e were i n L ond on h e cou ld sell his
watch an d seals he had a rin g somewhere too—anantiqu e
.

, ,

worth what n ow seemed a good d eal ; bu t h is wife had

given h i m both B esi des it wou ld cost so much to go to
.
,

L ond on an d h e had no money

,
M r D rew doubtless
. .
, ,

wou ld len d h i m what h e wanted bu t h e coul d not bring

,

hi mself to ask hi m I f h e parted with them i n G laston

.
,
’
they wou ld b e p u t i n th e watchmaker s wi nd ow and that
wou l d be a scand al —with th e Bapti sts mak i ng h ead i n th e
,

ve ry n ext street ! For n otwithstanding th e h eartless way

,

i n which th e C ongregationalists had treated him thei rs was ,

th e cau se of scri ptu ral C hristian ity and it mad e h i m sh u dd er

,

to thi nk o f bringi ng the smallest d iscred it u pon the de nom

i mation T he chu rch b utche r was i nd eed a worse terror to
.
-

hi m than A pollyon had bee n to C h ristian for it seemed to ,

hi s faithlessness that n ot even the weapon o f A ll p raye r -

was equal to his disco mfiture ; nothi ng could rend er hi m

harmless b ut th e payment of his bi ll H e began to look .

back with something lik e horror u pon th e sermons h e had

preache d o n hon esty ; for how wou ld hi s i nability to pay
hi s d ebts appear i n th e eyes o f those wh o had h eard them
O h wh y had h e n ot pai d for every thi ng as they had it P
T hen when the time came that h e cou ld n ot pay they wou ld ,

only have had to go without whereas now there was the

, ,

bi ll lou ri ng at the back o f the want

When M iss D rak e retu rned from the chapel she fou nd ,

her fath e r leani ng on th e su n d ial where sh e had left h im

~
,
.

T o all appearance h e had no t m oved He k n ew h er step .

b u t d id no t sti r.

Fathe r ! sh e sai d .
 PA U L F A B ER .
59

I t is a hard th ing my child h e respond ed still with , , ,

out moving when the valley of H u mi liati on comes n ext

,

the river D eath an d n o land of B eu lah between ! I had

,

my good thi ngs i n my youth and now I have my evi l ,

”
things .

S h e laid he r hand on hi s sho uld e r lovi ngly tend erly , ,

worshi pfu lly bu t d id not speak, .

“ ’
A s you see m e n ow my Do rothy my G od s gi ft you , ,
-

wou ld hardly beli eve you r father w as once a yo u ng and

popu lar p reache r h a h a ! Fool that I was ! I thou ght
, ,

they priz ed my preaching an d loved me for what I taught ,

them I thou ght I w as somebody

. With shame I confess
it ! Who were they or what was thei r j u dgment to fool , ,

me i n my own concern ing myself ! T hei r praise was

"
i nd eed a fi t rock for me to bu ild my shame u pon .

B ut father d ear what i s even a si n whe n it i s re pented

, ,

A shame foreve r my ch ild O u r L ord d id n ot cast

,
.

out even an apostle fo r h is conceit an d self su fliciency bu t -

he let hi m fall .

He has not l et yo u fall father > sai d D orothy with , ,

tearfu l eyes .

He is bringi ng my gray hairs wi th sorrow an d shame to

”
the grave my chi ld , .

Why father ,
c ried the gi rl shocked as she well might , ,

b e at his words
,
“
what hav e I don e to make you say
,
”
that ?
D one my d arling ! you don e ? You have d one nothing
,

but righteousness ever si nc e yo u cou ld do any thing Yo u

have been l ike a mother to you r old fathe r I t i s t h at bil l .

'
that horrid butcher s bi ll
Dorothy b u rst ou t laugh i ng throu gh h er d i smay and ,

wept and laughed together for more than a mi nute ere sh e

could recover hers elf .

’
F ather you d ear father you re too good to live
Why there are fork s and spoons en ou gh i n the hou se to pay
that paltry bi ll — not to mention the cream j u g which i s
,

and the teapot which we thought was silver becau se L ady ,

’
Sykes gave it us Why d id n t you tel l me what w as
.

troubling you fathe r d ear ?

I can t bear—I n ever could bear to owe money I
,
“ ’
.

ask ed th e man for hi s bil l some time ago I co uld have .

’
paid i t th en thou gh i t would n t have left me a pou nd T h e
, .

moment I look ed at it I fel t as i f the L ord h ad forsak en ,

60 P A U L F AB E R .

me I t i s easy for yo u to bear ; you are n ot th e one

.

accou ntabl e I am A n d if the pawnbrok er or the silver

. .

smith d oes stan d between me and absol ute d ish on esty yet ,

to fi n d myself i n such a miserable cond ition with next to ,

n othi ng between us an d the work hou se may well mak e me ,

d oubt whether I have been a tru e servant of th e L ord for ,

su rely such shall n ever be ashamed ! D u ri ng th ese last

d ays the e nemy has even dared to tem pt me with th e
qu estion wh eth er after all these u nbeli evers may not be
, ,

right an d the G od that ru leth i n the earth a mere pro

,

j ectio nof what the consci ence an d heart bribe th e i magin a

ti on to construct for them
’
I wou ld n t thi nk that b efore I was d riven to it father , ,

said D orothy scarcely k nowi ng what she said for h is

, ,

d oubt shot a poisoned arrow of d espai r i nto the very heart

o f her h eart .

H e n ever d oubting th e secu rity of his chi ld s faith had n o

’

, ,

slightest su spicion i nto what a sore spot hi s words had car

ri ed tortu re H e d i d n ot k n ow that the gen iu s of d ou bt
.

shall I call hi m angel or d emon — had k n ock ed at h er d oor ,

had called throu gh her wi ndow ; that words d ropped by

Faber i nd icati ng that sci ence was agai nst al l idea of a God
, ,

an d the co nfi dence of thei r tone had conj u red u p i n her ,

bosom h ollow fears fai nt d ismays and stingi ng qu esti ons

, , .

R eady to trust an d i ncapable of arrogance it was hard for

, ,

her to i magi ne h ow a man lik e M r Faber u pright an d k i nd .

,

an d self d enyi ng cou ld say such thi ngs i f h e d id n ot know

-

them tru e Th e very word science appeared to carry an

.

awfu l authority She di d n ot u nderstand that it was on ly

.

becau se sci ence had n ever come closer to H i m than th e

mere sight o f the fringe o f the outermost folds of the taber
nacle of H is presence that her worshipers d ared assert ,

ther e was n o G od S he d i d not perceive that nothi ng eve r

.

sci ence cou ld fi nd cou ld possibly be the G od o f men that

,

sci ence i s only the h uman reflex of truth and that truth -

itself can n ot be measu red by what of it i s reflected from th e

mi rror of the u nd erstand ing Sh e d i d n ot see that n o .

i ncapacity of sc i ence to fi nd G od even tou ched the matter ,

of honest me n s belief that H e mad e H i s d welli ng with th e

’

hu mble an d contrite N oth ing sh e had learn ed from h er .

father either provi ded her with reply o r gave h ope of fi nd ,

i ng argu ment of disco mfit ure ; n othin g of al l that went o n

at chapel or chu rch seemed to have any thi ng to do wi th
th e q uestion s that presented th emselves ,
 P AU L F A B E R . 61

S u ch a rough shaki ng of so called faith has bee n of en d -

less servic e to many c h ie fly by ex posing the in secu rity of

,

all fou ndation s of beli ef save that wh ic h i s d iscovered in

,

diggi ng with the spad e of obed ience Well i nd eed is i t for .

al l honest sou ls to be thu s shaken who have been bu i ld i ng ,

u pon doctri n es co ncerni ng Christ u po n faith u pon ex per , ,

iences u pon any th i ng b ut C hrist H imself as revealed by

, ,

H imself and H is spi rit to all wh o obey H i m an d so reveal

i ng the Father—a d octri n e j ust as foolish as the rest to
,

men l ik e Faber but th e powe r o f G od an d the wisdom of

,

G od to such wh o k now themselves li fted out of d ark ness

and an evenpresent sense o f somethi ng wrong—ii it be
on ly i nto twilight and hope .

Dorothy was a gi ft of G od an d th e troubl e that gnawed ,

’
at her heart she wou ld n ot let out t o gnaw at her father s .

’
There s Du cky come to call u s to din n er sh e said , ,

an d risi ng went to meet h e r

, .

Di nne r groaned M r D rak e an d wou ld hav e .

,
’
remai ned where h e was B u t for D orothy s sake h e rose .

an d followed her feeling almost lik e a repentant thief wh o

,

had stole n the meal .

C H A PT E R X III .

T HE HEA T H AT N E ST L E Y .

ON th e M on day morni ng M r B evis s groom came to the , .

’

rectory with a n ote for the cu rate begging hi m a nd M rs .

Wingfo ld to d in e at N estley the same day if possible

,

I k now the rector wrote

, M ond ay is or ought to b e , , ,

an i d le d ay with you an d I write instead of my wife becau se

, ,

I want to see you on bu siness I wou ld hav e come to you .

,

had I not had reasons for wishing to see you here rather
than at Glaston Th e earlier yo u can come an d the longer
.

you can stay th e better bu t yo u shall go as soo n afte r an

,

early d in n er as yo u please Yo u are a bee an d I am a .

d rone God bless you

.
J O HN B E V I S
. .

T he cu rate took th e n ote to h is wife T hi ngs we re at .

once arranged an answe r of ready obed ience c ommitted to

,
’
the groom and H elen s pony carriage ord ered out
,
-
.
 P A U L F A B ER .

T he cu rate called eve ry thi ng H elen s He had a great ’

.

contempt for the spi rit of men who marry rich wive s
an d the n lord it over thei r money as i f they had d one a ,

fi ne thing i n getti ng hold of it an d the wife had been but ,

keep ing it from its rightfu l owner They d o n ot kn ow .

what a confessi on thei r whole beari ng is that but for thei r , ,

wives money they wou ld be but the merest poorest nob o d

’

, ,

i es So small are they that even that suffi ces to make them
.

feel big B ut H elen d id not lik e it especially when he ,

wou ld ask her i f he might have th is or that o r d o so and ,

so. A n y common man wh o h eard hi m wou ld have thou ght

hi m afrai d of his wife bu t a large heart ed woman wou ld at -

once have u nd erstood as d i d H elen that it all came of his, ,

fi ne sense of truth and real ity an d obli gation ,

Still H elen ,
.

wou ld have had hi m forget all s uch matters i n conn ection with
her T hey were one beyond obligation Sh e had given
. .

h i m h erself an d what were bank notes afte r that ? B ut h e

,
-

thought of her always as an angel who had tak en h im in ,

to comfort an d bless an d cherish hi m with love that he

, , ,

might th e bette r d o th e work o f h is God and hers there

fore his obligatio n to h er was h is glo ry .

You r pon ies go splendidly to day H elen h e said as -

, , ,

ad mi ringly he watched how her hand s on the reins seeme d

to mold th ei r movements .

T hey were th e ti ni est d ai ntiest thi ngs o f the smallest , ,

ever seen i n harness but with all the ways o f big horses, ,

therefore amu si ng i n their very grace T hey were th e .

d elight of th e chi ld re n of G laston and the vi llages rou n d .

W b y w ill you cal l them my poni es T homas ? retu rned ,

his wife j u st su ffi ciently vexed to fi nd it easy to pretend to

,
’
be cross I don t see what good I have got by marrying
.

you if every th ing is to b e mine all the same

,
’ "
“
D on t be u n reasonable my H elen ! sai d the cu rate , ,

looki ng i nto the lovely eyes wh ose colors seemed a l ittle

blown about i n thei r ri ngs D on t you see it is my way of ,
’

feeli ng to mysel f how m uch an d with what a halo about ,

them they are min e ? I f I had bought them with my own

,

money I sho u ld hardly care for them T hank God they

,
.
,

are not mi ne that w ay o r i n any w ay lik e that way You

are mi ne my li fe an d they are you rs—mi n e therefore
.
,

, ,

becau se they are about you like you r clothes or you r watch .

They are mi n e as you r handk erchief and you r gloves are

min e— throu gh worsh i pi ng love L isten to reason I f a . .

t hi ng i s you rs i t is te n times more min e than i f I had bought

 P AU L F ABER . 63

it, for , j u st becau se it is you rs , Iable to possess it as th e am

meek and not the land owners i nherit th e earth It makes -

lzaw rzg such a d ee p and high — i ndeed a perfect thi ng !

.
, ,

I
’

tak e pleasu re withou t an atom of shame i n eve ry rich thi ng

you have brought me D o you thi nk i f you di ed and I .
, ,

carried you r watch I shou ld eve r cease to feel the watch

,
’
was you rs ? J u st so they are you r pon ies and i f you d on t
lik e me to say so yo u can contradict me every ti me yo u
, ,

k now all the same

,
.

I know people wi ll think I am l ik e the lady we h eard of

th e other day wh o told he r h u sband the si deboard was hers
, ,

not his Thomas I lzale to look lik e th e rich one when all
.
, ,

that makes li fe wo rt h living for or fi t to be lived was an d , ,

is given me by you .

’
N o no no my darli ng don t say t hat you terrify me
, , ,
.

”
I was but th e postman that brou ght you the good news .

“
Well ! and what else with m e and the ponies an d the
money an d all that ? D id I make th e poni es ? O r d i d I
eve n earn the money that bou ght them ? It i s o nly th e
’
money my father and brothe r have don e with D on t mak e .

me look as i f I d i d not behave like a lady to my ow n h us

band T homas
,
.

“
Well my beautifu l I l l mak e u p for all my wrongs by
, ,
’

orderi ng yo u abou t as i f I were the M arqu is of Sal u zzo ,

an d you the patient G risel .

’
I wish you wo u ld You d on t ord er me abou t half .

en o ugh f
’

’
I ll try t o d o bette r Y ou s hall see . .

N estley was a lovely place an d the ho use was ol d enough

to be qu ite respectable —one of those hou ses with a histo ry
,

an d a growth wh ich are getti ng rare r every day as the u gly

,

temples of mammon u su rp thei r places I t was d u sky cool

an d somber—a little shabby i nd eed wh ich fel l i n barmo
.
, ,

, ,

nio usly with its pecu liar charm and i nd eed added t o it A ,
.

lawn not i mmacu late of th e s weet fault of d aisies sank

, ,

slowly to a babbli ng little tributary of the L ythe and beyon d ,

were fern covered slopes an d heather and fu rz e and pi ne

-

. , ,

woods T he rector was a sensible E nglish man wh o o b

.
,

j ected to have th ings done afte r the taste of his gard ene r
i nstead of his own H e loved grass like a v illage poet and
.
,

wou ld have n o flo w er beds c ut i n his lawn Neither wou ld

-
.

h e have any flo wers planted i n th e su mme r to b e take n u p

agai n before the wi nter H e wou ld have n o cock ney gar .

d eni ng abou t his place h e sai d Perhaps that was partly , .

64 PAU L FA BER .

wh y h e n ever employed any bu t hi s old cottagers about the

grou nd s and th e resu lt was that for h alf the show h e had
twic e th e loveli ness H is ambition was to have every
.

possibl e E nglish gard en fl ower

A s soon as h is visitors arrived he an d h is cu rate w
.

ent
away together and M rs Wingfo ld was shown i nto the d raw
,

,
.

i ng room where was M rs B evis with h er k nitti ng A

-

, . .

greater contrast than that o f the two ladi es then seated

together i n th e long low d usky room it were not easy to
, , ,

i magin e I am greatly p u z zled to thi nk what consciou s

good i n life M rs B evi s enj oyed—j u st as I am pu zzled to
.

u nd erstan d th e eagerness with which h orses not hu ngry , ,

and evi d ently i n fu ll enj oyment of th e su n an d ai r an d easy

e x ercise wi ll yet h u rry to thei r stable th e moment thei r
,

head s are tu rned i n the di rection of them I s it that they .

have n o hop e i n the u nk nown and then alone i n all the , ,

vicissitu d es o f thei r d ay k now thei r d esti nati on ? Wou ld ,

but some good ki nd wid ow of the same type with M rs ,

.

B evis withou t ch i ld ren tel l me wherefore she is u nwi lling

, ,

to di e She has no special friend to whom she u nbosoms

herself— i nd eed so far as any o ne k nows sh e has n ever had
, ,

any thi ng of which to u nbo som herself S he has n o pet .

d og or cat or monk ey or macaw and has n eve r been seen

Sh e n ever reads poet ry—I d oubt i f sh e
,

to h ug a chi ld .

k nows more than the fi rst li n e o f H ow aot/z S he re ad s ’

.

neither n ovels nor h isto ry an d looks at the n ewspaper as if ,

th e type were fly spots Y et there she sits smiling

-

. Why
oh w h y P robably she d oes n ot k n ow N ever di d qu es .

ti on not to say d oubt cau se th ose soft squ are end ed fi ngers
, , ,
-

to move on e atom less measu red ly i n the constructio n of

’
M rs B evis s mu ffetee th e so l e k n ittable thi ng her n atu re
.
,

seemed capable o f N ever was sock seen on her n eedles

.

the tu rn i ng of th e h eel was too m uch for her T hat sh e .

had h er v i rtu es however was plai n from the fact that her
, ,

servants stai d with h er years an d years ; an d I can beside , ,

from obse rvatio n set d own a few o f th em S he n ever ask ed .

h er hu sband what h e wo u ld have for d i nn er When he was .

ready to go out with h er sh e was always ready too Sh e

n ever gave one tru e reason and k ept back a tru er— possi
.
,

bly there was n ot room for two thou ghts at once i n her
brai n S he n ever screwed d own a depen d e nt n ever k ept
.

small tradespeopl e waiti ng for th ei r money n ever refused

a reasonable requ est I n fact she was a stu ffed bag of vi r
.
,

tu es the bag was of n o great si z e but n either were the vi rtu es ,

 PAU L FABER . 65

insignifi cant T here are d ozens of sorts of people I shou ld

.

feel a far stronge r obj ection to livi ng with but what pu z

z ics m e is how she contrives to live with herself neve r qu es ,

t io ning the comfort of th e arrangement or d esi ring that it ,

shou ld on e day come to an end S u rely she mu st b e d eep .

,

and k now some sec ret

For the other lady H elen L ingard that was sh e had si nce
, ,

her marriage altered consi d erably in the right d irection .

She u sed to be a little d ry a littl e sti ff an d a little stately

, , .

To the last I shou ld be far from obj ectin g were it n ot that ,

her stateli ness was of the mechanical sort belonging to the ,

spine and not to a sou l u plift N ow it had left her spi n e

,
.

and settled i n a sou l that scorned th e low an d loved th e

lowly H er ste p was lighte r her voice more flex ible her
.
, ,

lau gh much merrier an d more frequ ent for now her heart ,

was gay H er h u sban d praised G od when h e heard her

.

lau gh ; the laugh suggested th e praise for itself ran g like ,

praises S he wou ld pu ll u p her poni es i n the mid dle of the

.

street an d at word or si gn th e carriage wou ld be fu ll of

, ,

child ren Whoever cou ld might scramble i n ti ll it was fu ll

. .

A t the least ru de ness th e offen der wou ld b e ordered to th e

,

pavement an d wou ld always obey generally weeping Sh e

, , .

wou ld d rive two or three ti mes u p an d d own th e street with

her load then tu rn it out and tak e another an d another
, , , ,

u nti l as many as she j ud ged fi t had had a taste of the pleas

u re T his she had learne d from seeing a costermonger fill
.

his cart with child ren an d pu sh behi nd whi le the donkey i n

, ,

front p ulled them along the street to the praise an d glory ,

o f G od .

She was overbeari ng i n on e thi ng and that was sub m is ,

’
sion O nce when I was i n her hu sband s stu dy sh e mad e
.
, ,

a remark on somethi ng he had sai d or written I forget what , ,

for which her consci enc e of love i mmed iately smote her .

She th rew he rself o n the floor crept u nder th e writi ng table ,

at wh ich he sat an d clasped hi s k nees

, .

I beg you r pardon husband sh e sai d sorrowfu lly

, ,
.

H elen he cri ed laugh i ng rather od d ly

, ,
you w i ll ,

mak e a consu mmate id i ot o f me before yo u have d one .

”
Forgive me sh e plead ed ,
.

’
I can t forgive you H ow can I forgive where there i s
.

positively nothin g to be forgiven

I do n t care what you say I know better ; you must for
’
!

”
give me .

Nonsense l
 P AU L F A B E R .

F o rgive me .

’
D o get u p D on t be si lly
. .

Forgive m e I wi ll lie h ere ti ll you do

. .

B u t yo ur remark was perfectly tru e .

I t makes no d ifference I ou ght not to have said i t lik e .

"
that Forgive me or I wi ll cry
.
,
.

I wi ll tell n o more of it P erhaps it is silly o f me to tell .

any b ut it m oved me strangely

,
.

I have said e nough to sh ow there was a contrast between

th e two lad ies A s to what passed i n the way of talk that
.
, ,

from pu re i ncapacity I dare not attempt to report I di d

, .

hear them talk once and they lau ghed too bu t not o ne
, ,

sal ient poi nt cou ld I lay hold of by which afterward to -

recall thei r conversati on D o I d islike M rs Bevi s Not i n

. .

the smallest d egree I cou ld read a book I loved i n her

.

presence T hat wou ld b e i mpossibl e to me i n the presence

.

of M rs R amshorn
. .

M rs Wingfo ld had d eveloped a great facu lty fo r liki ng

.

peopl e I t was qu ite a fresh shoot of her natu re for sh e

.
,

had before been rather of a repellent disposition I wish .

there were more and amongst the m some of the best o f

,

people si mi larly changed S u rely the latter wou ld soon b e

, .
,

i f once they had a gli mpse of how m uch the coming o f th e

ki ngdom i s retard ed by d efect of cou rtesy T he people I .

mean are s low to like an d u nti l they come to like they seem
, ,

to d islik e I h ave k nown su ch whose man ner was fi t to

.

im ply enti re d isapprobati on of the very exi stence of those

u pon whom they looked for the fi rst time They might then .

have been saying to th emselves I wou ld n ever have created ,

such people H ad I not k nown them I cou ld not have ,

i ma gi n ed them lovers o f G od or man thou gh they were of ,

both T ru e cou rtesy that i s cou rtesy born of a tru e h eart

i s a most lovely an d absol utely i nd ispensable grace —o ne
.
, , ,

that n obody but a Ch ristian can thorou gh ly d evelop G od .

grant u s a coming o n d ispositi on as Shak espeare calls it

-

,
.

Who shall tell whose angel stand s nearer to th e face of the

Father ? Sh ou ld m y brother stand lower i n the social scale
than I shall I not be th e more tend er an d respectful and
, , ,

self refusi ng toward hi m that God has placed h i m there

-

who may al l th e ti me be greater than I ? A year before ,

H el e n cou ld hardly e nd u re d ou ghy M rs Bevis but now she .

,

had fou nd someth i ng to like i n her and there was co nfi ,

d ence an d faith between them So there they sat the elder .

,

lady mean d eri ng o n and H elen who had tak en care to

, ,
 PA U L F A B E R . 67

br ing some work with her every now an d the n casti ng a ,

bright glance i n her face o r sayin g two or three words with ,

a smile o r aski ng some si mple qu estion M rs Bevis talked

,
. .

ch iefly of the su pposed affai rs an d u ndoubted i llness of M iss

Mered ith concern i ng both of which rathe r strange reports
,

had reached he r .

M eantime the gentlemen were walki ng through the park

i n earnest conversatio n They crossed the littl e brook and .

climbed to the heath on th e other si de T here th e rector .

stood and tu rni ng to hi s compani on sai d

, ,
’
It s rath erlate i n the day fo r a fellow to wak e u p ai n t ’

it Wingfo ld
,

,
You see I was brought u p to hate fanaticism ,

and that may have bli nded me to somethi ng you have seen
and got a hold o f I wi sh I cou ld j u st see what it is but I
.
,

never w as mu ch of a theologi an I ndeed I su spect I am .

rather stu pi d i n some thi ngs B ut I wou l d fai n t ry to look .

’
my d uty i n the face It s not for m e to start u p an d teach
.

the people because I ou ght to have been doi ng it al l thi s

,
’
ti me : I ve got nothi ng to teach them God only k nows .

’
whethe r I have n t bee n break ing eve ry one of the com
mandments I u sed to read to them every S u nday .

B ut G od does k now si r sai d the cu rate with even , , ,

more than his u sual respect i n hi s ton e and that i s well , ,

for otherwi se we might go on breaki n g them forever .

T he rector gave hi m a su dd en look fu ll i n the face but , ,

sai d noth ing seeme d to fall a thi nki ng an d fo r some ti me

, ,

was silent .

’ ’
T here s one thi ng clear h e resu med I ve bee n tak ,

i ng pay and doi ng no work I used to thi nk I was at least

doing no harm—that I was merely u si ng on e of th e privi
.
,

leges of my positi on I not only pai d a cu rate bu t all the ,

repai r the chu rch ever got w as from me N ow however .

, ,

for th e fi rst time I reflect that th e mon ey w as not given me

,

fo r that Doubtless it has been all th e better for my con

.

gregatio n but that i s only an i nstance of th e good God

,

brings out of evil and th e evi l i s mi n e sti ll T hen agai n

, .
, ,

there s all thi s property my wi fe brought m e what have I

’

done with that ? T h e ki ngdom of heaven has not come a

’
hai r s breadth n earer for my bei ng a parson of the Chu rch of
-

E ngland neither are the peopl e of E ngland a shad e the ,

better that I am one of h er land owners I t i s su rely ti me -

.

I did something Wingfo ld my boy , ,

I thi nk it i s si r answered the cu rate

, ,
.

Then i n G od s name what am I to d o

,
’
retu rn ed th e ,

rector almost testi ly

,
.
 PAU L FABER .

N obody can answer that qu estion but you rself si r

repl ied Wingfo ld
, ,

“ ’
It s n o u se my t ry ing to preach I cou ld n ot write a .

sermon i f I took a month to it I f it were a paper on the .

management o f a stable n ow I think I cou ld write that , ,

respectably I k now what I am about there I cou ld eve n

. .

write one on some of the d iseases of horses an d bu llocks

’ ’
b ut that s not what th e ch u rch pays me for T here s on e
thi ng th ou gh —ircomes over me strong that I sh ou ld lik e
.

to read p rayers i n the old place agai n I want to pray and .

,
’
I d on t k n ow h ow and it seems as i f I cou ld shove i n
some o f my owni f I had them goi ng th rou gh my head once
again I tel l you what we wont mak e any fu ss about it
’

what s i n a name —
.

’
bu t from this day you shall be incu m
bent an d I will be cu rate Y ou shall p reach o r what you
,
.
m

please and I shall read the prayers or not j u st as you please

, ,
.

T ry what you can mak e o f me Wingfo ld

’
D on t ask me ,
.

to d o what I can t but help m e to d o what I can L ook

’

here— here s what I ve been thi nk ing— it came to me last

,
.

’ ’

n ight as I was walk i ng about here after coming from G las

ton —h ere i n this corner of th e parish we are a long way
, ,

from chu rch I n the village there there is no place of

.
,
’
worshi p except a little M ethod ist on e There isn t one of
thei r— local preachers I believe they call them—that don t
.

preach a d eal better than I cou ld i f I tried ever so mu ch .

’
I t s vu lgar enough sometimes they tel l me but then th ey , ,

preach an d mean it N ow I mi ght mean it b ut I shou ldn t ’

preach — for what is it to people at work all the week to have

,
.
,

a man read a sermon to them ? Y ou might as well d rive

a nai l by pu shin g it i n wi th the palm o f you r hand T hose .

men u se the hammer I ll bred conceited fellows some of .

-

, ,

th em I happen to k now but they k now thei r bu si ness N ow

, ,
.

wh y shou ld n t I bu ild a little place here on my own grou nd and

’

get th e bishop to consecrate it I wou ld read prayers for you

i n the abbey ch u rch i n th e morn i ng and th en you wou ld not ,

b e too tired to come an d preach here i n the eveni ng I .

”
wou ld read the praye rs here too i f you l ik ed ,
.

“
I think yo u r scheme d elightfu l answered the cu rate , ,

after a moment s pau se I wou l d only ventu re to su ggest

’

e i mprovement—that you sh ou l d n ot have you r chapel

.

on

consecrated You wi ll fi nd it ever so mu ch more u sefu l

. .

I t wil l th en b e d ed icated to the G od o f the whol e earth ,

”
i nstead of th e G od of the C hu rch of E ngland .

“ ”
Why ! ai n t they the same ? ’
cri ed th e rector half ,

aghast as he stopped an d faced rou n d on the cu rate

, .
 PAU L FABER . 69

Yes answered Wingfo ld

,
an d all will be well whe n
the C hu rch of E nglan d really recogn iz es the fact M ean .

ti me its idea of G od is suc h as wi ll not at all fi t the God of

the whole earth A nd that i s why she is i n bondage
. .

E xcept she bu rst th e bond s o f h e r own selfi sh ness she wi ll ,

bu rst her heart and go to pieces as her en emies wou ld have ,

her E very piece wil l be alive though I trust more or

.
, , ,

less .

’
“
I d on t u nd erstan d you said the rector What has ,
.

all that to do with th e consecration of my chapel

I f you don t consecrate it
” ’
answered Wingfo ld i t wi ll , ,

remai n a po rti on of th e u n iverse a thoroughfare fo r all ,

d ivi n e influences open as the heavens to every wi n d that

,

blows C onsecration
.

H ere the cu rate check ed h imsel f He was going to say

i s anothe r word for congestion —bu t he bethought
.

hi mself what a wick ed thi ng it wou ld b e for the satisfaction ,

of speak ing hi s mi nd to d istu rb that of his rector brood i ng

, ,

ove r a good work .

” “
B ut he concl u d ed therefore
,
there will be ti me ,

en ou gh to think abou t that T he scheme i s a d elightf u l

one A part from it however altogether— if yo u wou ld but
.

, ,
.

read prayers i n you r own ch u rch it wou ld wond erfu lly ,

strengthen my hands On ly I am afrai d I shou ld shock

.

you someti mes .

“
I will tak e my chance of that I f you d o I will tell .
,

you of it A n d i f I d o what you do n t lik e you mu st tell

.
’

me of it I trust neither of u s will fi nd th e other i ncapabl e

.

of u nd erstanding his n eighbor s position ’

.

‘
T hey walked to the spot which th e rector had already i n
h is min d as th e most su itable for the proj ected chapel It .

was a bit of gently risi ng grou n d n ear on e of the gates , ,

whence they cou ld see the whole of the little vil lage of
O wlk irk On e of th e n earest cottages was that of M rs
. .

P uc kridge T h ey saw th e d octor ri d e i n at th e other end

.

of the street stop there fasten h is horse to the pali ng an d

, , ,

go in .
 C H A PT E R X IV .

T HE G A RDEN AT O WL K I R K .

No sooner h ad Faber left th e cottage that same morn ing ,

than th e foolish M rs Pu ck ridge proceed ed to pou r out to

.

the patient sti ll agitated both with her d ream and her
,

wak ing visi on al l the terribl e d anger she had been in and
, ,

th e marvelou s way i n which the d octor had brought h er

back from the threshold of d eath E very d rop of the little .

blood i n her body s ee med to rush to h er face then back to ,

he r heart leaving behi n d it a look o f terror S he covered

, .

h er face with th e sheet and lay so long without movi ng ,

that her n u rse was alarmed When she d rew the s h eet .

back she fou nd her i n a fai nt and it was with great d i th

, ,

cu lty sh e brought h er out of it B ut not o ne word cou ld .

sh e get from her S he d id not seem even to hear what she

.

said. P resently sh e grew restless and soon h er flushed ,

cheek and bright eye in d icated an i ncrease of fever When .

F aber saw her he was m uch d isappointed perceived at

, ,

once that something had excited he r and strongly su spected ,

that for al l her promises M rs P uck ridge h ad betrayed th e

, ,
.

means by which h e recovered her .

H e sai d to hi mself that h e had had no choi ce but then ,

n either had the lady and th e thi ng might be h atefu l to h e r

, .

Sh e might be i n love an d then how she mu st abomi nate

,

th e b u si ness and d etest h im I t was horrible to th ink of

,

her k nowing it B u t for k nowi ng it sh e wou ld never be a

.
,

whit the worse for h e n ever had a day s i lln ess i n h is life
,
’

and k new of no taint i n his family .

When she saw h i m approach h er bedside a look remindi ng ,

h im o f th e ri pple of a su d d en cold gu st passi ng with the

shad ow of a clou d over sti ll water swept across her face .

S he closed he r eyes an d tu rned a li t t le from hi m What

,
.

color sh e had came and we nt pain fu lly C u rsi ng i n his

,
.

heart th e faithlessness o f M rs P uck ridge he assu med h is .

,

cold est hard est professional mann er felt her pu lse with the
, ,

gentlest yet most perempto ry i nqu i ry gave her attend ant

, ,

some authori tative d i recti ons and left her saying h e wou ld , ,

call agai n i n th e aftern oon .

 PAU L FABER .
71

D u ri ng seven days h e visited her twice a d ay H e had .

good cause to be anxiou s an d her recove ry was ve ry slow

, .

O nce and agai n appeared threaten i ngs of the pri mary com
plai nt whi le from the tardi ness with which her veins refi lled
, ,

he fe ared for her lu ngs D u rin g all these vi sits hard ly a

.
,

word beyond the most necessary passed between them A fte r .

that ti me they were red uced to on e a day E ver as the .

lady grew stronger sh e seemed to become cold e r and her

, ,

manner grew more d istant A fter a fortnight h e agai n

red uced them to on e i n two days—very u nwilli ngly for by
.
,

that time she had come to occu py nearly as mu ch of h is

thoughts as al l the rest of h is pati ents togethe r She mad e .

him fee l that his vi sits were less than welcome to her ,

except fo r the h el p they brou ght her allowed him n o ,

i nsight i nto her character and ways of th ink i ng behaved to ,

h im indeed with su ch restrai nt that h e cou ld recall no ex pres

,

sion of her face the memory of which d rew hi m to dwel l

u pon it yet her face and form possesse d hi m with thei r
mere perfection H e had to set hi mself someti mes to get rid
.

o f what seemed al l but her ve ry presence for i t threatened to ,

un fi t hi m fo r the right d ischarge of his d uties He was .

haunted with the form to which he had give n a ren ewal of

life as a mu rd ere r is hau nted with the form of th e man h e
,

has k i lled I n those marv elou s i nte rvals betwixt sleep and
.

waki ng whe n the sou l i s like a camera 065 m m i nto which

, ,

throng shapes u nbid d en hers had d isplace d al l oth ers and

, ,

came constantly— now flashing with feverou s rad iance now ,

pale and blood less as d eath itself B ut ever and always .

he r cou ntenance wore a look of aversion S he seemed i n .

these vi sions to regard h i m as a vi le necromancer who fi rst

, ,

cast her i nto th e sepu lche r an d the n brou ght her back by
,

some hellish art Sh e had fascinated hi m B ut h e wou ld

. .

not allow that he was i n love with he r A man may be fas .

c inated and hate A man is not n ec essari ly i n love with

.

the woman whose form hau nts h im So said F aber to hi m

.

self and I can not yet tell whether h e was i n love with her
or n ot I d o n ot k now where the i nd ivid uality of love com
mences—when love begi ns to be love
.

H e mu st have been .

a good way toward that poi nt however to have thu s , ,

betaken h imself to d enial H e was the more i nterested to

.

prove h i mself free that he feared almost believed there

, , ,

was a lover concern ed and that was th e reason sh e hated

,

hi m so severely for what h e had done .

H e had long come to th e conclu sion that ci rcu mstances had

72 P AU L F ABER .

straitened themselves arou nd her E x peri ence had given .

hi m a k een eye an d he had noted seve ral thi ngs abou t h er

,

d ress For on e thi ng wh i le he had obse rv ed that her

.
,

u n der clothi ng was pecu l iarly d ai nty h e had o nce or twice

-

caught a gl impse o f such an i ncongru ity as he was com

pelled to set d own to p overty B esides what reason i n .
,

wh ich poverty bore n o part cou ld a lady have for being ,

alone i n a poor cou ntry lodgi ng without even a maid ,

I ndeed might i t n ot be the consci ou sness of the pecu liarity

,

of he r positi on and no d isl ike to h i m that mad e h er treat

, ,

hi m with such i mpenetrable politeness M ight she n ot

well d read bei ng misu nd erstood
S he wou ld be wanti ng to pay h i m for h is attend ance
and what was he to d o H e m ust let her pay something ,

or she wou l d consid er herself sti ll more gri evou sly wronged
by him b ut how was he to tak e th e money from her hand
,

I t was ve ry hard that e phemeral creatu res of th e earth born ,

bu t to d i e to gl eam ou t u pon the black cu rtai n and vanish

,

again might n ot for the brief ti me th e poor yet gloriou s

, ,

b ubble swelled an d throbbed o ffer and accept from each ,

other even a few su nbeams i n which to dance Wou ld n ot

the i n evitable rain beat them d own at n ight and mass “
,

them i nto the common clay H ow then coul d they h u rt

each other —why shou ld they fear it—when they were all
wand eri ng home to the black obl iterative bosom of thei r ,

grand mother N ight ? H e well k new a ce rtai n reply to such

re flect io n b ut so h e talk ed with hi mself
,
.

H e wou l d tak e h is leave as i f she were a d uchess But .

h e wou ld n ot u nti l sh e mad e hi m feel another visi t wou ld be

an i ntru si on .

O n e day M rs P uck ridge met hi m at th e d oor look i ng

.
,

mysteriou s S h e poi nted with h e r thu mb over her shou lder

.

to i nd icate that the lady was i n the gard en bu t at th e same ,

ti me n u dged hi m with her elbow co nfident that the i mpart ,

ment sh e had to mak e wou ld j ustify th e l iberty an d led the ,

w ay i nto the little parlor .

P lease si r and tell me sh e said tu rni ng and closi ng

, , , ,
’
the door what I b e to d o S he says sh e s got n o mon ey
,
.

to pay neither me n or the d octor so sh e give me this and , ,

’

wants me to sell it I d are n t sh ow it T h ey d say I stole

.
’

it Sh e d eclares that i f I menti on to a living sou l where I

’
got it sh e ll n ever s pe ak to m e agai n I n cou rse sh e d id n t
’

, .

m ean you si r seci u as d octors an c lergymen ai n t nob ody

’ ’ ’

— leastways n obody to speak o n—an d I m su re I b eg you r

, ,
’
 PAU L FABER .
73

pa r
’ ’
do n si r b ut my meanin i s as they ai n t th em as ai n t to
, ,
’

be told thi ngs I declare I m most terrifi ed to set eyes

’
.

o nthe th ing 1
S he handed the doctor a little morocco case H e opened .

it and saw a ri ng which was plai nly of valu e I t was old

fashioned —a ro u nd mass o f small diamo nds with a good
.
, ,

siz ed central on e .

You are quite right he said T he ri ng i s far too val

, .

u ab le for you to dispose o f B ri ng it to my hou se at fou r .

o clock and I wi l l get rid of it for you

’

,
.

M rs Puck ridge was greatly reliev e d and ended the

.
,

i nterv iew by leadi ng th e way to the back door Whe n she -

.

opened it he saw his patient sitti ng i n the little arbor S he

, .

rose and came to meet h i m

,
.

You see I am qu ite well n ow she said holdi ng out , ,

he r hand .

H e r tone was gu ard ed bu t su rely the ice was melting a ,

little ! Was sh e tak i ng cou rage at the near approach o f

her d eliverance ?
Sh e stooped to pick a double daisy from the bord er .

P rompt as h e gen erally was he cou ld say nothi ng he ,

k new what was comi ng next S he spok e while still she .

stooped .

When you come agai n sh e sai d will you ki nd ly let , ,

me k now how much I am i n you r d ebt ?

A s sh e ended she rose an d stood before hi m but she ,

looked no higher than his shi rt stu ds Sh e was ashamed to -

.

speak of he r i ndebted ness as an amou nt that cou ld be

reckoned The whiteness o f her cheek grew warm which
.
,

was al l her complexion ever revealed of a blush I t showed .

plai ne r i n the deepen ed d ark ness of her eyes and the trem ,

u lo u s i ncrease of light i n them .

I will he replied without the smallest response of

, ,

confu sion for he had recovered hi mself

,
Y o u wi ll be
carefu l h e add ed I nd eed yo u must or you wi ll never
.
,

be strong .

She answered only with a little sigh as i f weak ness was ,

su ch a weariness and looked away across the gard en

hedge out i nto the infi nite— i nto more of it at least I think ,

than Faber recogn i zed

A nd o f all thi ngs he went o n wear shoes—every time
.

you have to step o ff a carpet— not mere foot gloves like

, ,
-

”
those .

Is this a health y place D octor Faber ? sh e asked , ,

74 PAU L FABER .

look ing hau ghtier he t hought bu t p lai nly W ith a little

, ,

trouble i n h er eyes .

D ecidedly he answered ,
A n d when you are able to .

walk o nthe heath you wi ll h nd th e ai r i nvigorati n g O nly .

please mi n d what I say abou t you r shoes — M ay I ask if you .

i nten d remain i ng here any time

I have already remai ned so mu ch l onger than I in
tended that I am afraid to say M y plans are n ow uncer
’

tai n
E xcu se me— I k now I presu me — bu t i n ou r p rofession
.

we must ventu re a little n ow an d then — cou ld you n ot have

some fri en d with you u nti l you are pe rfectly strong agai n
A fter what you have come th rou gh it may be years before ,
’
you are qu ite what you were I d on t want to frighten you
—o nly to mak e you carefu l
.

”
T here i s n o on e sh e answered i n a l ow voice which
, ,

trembled a little .

N o on e repeated Faber as i f waiti ng for th e en d ,

of the sentence B u t hi s heart gave a great bou nd

. .

N o o ne to come to me I am alone in the world M y . .

m oth er d i ed whe n I was a chi ld and my father two years

ago He was an o ffi cer I was h is only child an d u sed to
. .
,

go about with hi m I have no friend s . .

H er voice faltered more and more When it ceased she .

seemed chok i ng a c ry .

“
“
S i nce then she resu med
,
I have been a governess ,
.

My last situ ation was i n York shi re i n a cold part of the ,

cou nty an d my h ealth began to fail me I heard that

,
.

G laston was a warm place and one where I shou ld be likely ,

to get employment B ut I w as taken i ll on my w ay there

.
,

and forced to stop A lady i n the trai n told m e thi s was

.

su ch a sweet qu iet little place and so when w e got to th e

, ,

stati on I came o nh ere .

A gai n Faber cou ld n ot speak T he thou ght o f a lady .

lik e her travel i ng about alon e look i ng for work was fright
fu l A nd they t alk of a G od i n th e world 1 h e said to
himself— an d felt as if h e n eve r cou ld forgive H im .

”
I have papers to sh ow she ad d ed qu ietly as if b e , ,

thi nk ing he rself that he might be tak i ng her for an im

postor .

A ll the ti me she had never look ed hi m i n the face Sh e .

had fi x ed her gaz e on th e far hori zon b ut a smile half piti , ,

fu l half p rou d flick ered about the wonderfu l cu rves o f her

, ,

u pper lip .
 P A U L F A B ER .
75

I am glad you have told me h e said I may be of , .

service to you i f you will permit me I k now a great many

, .

”
fami lies about here .

O h thank you,
she cried an d with an ex press ion of ,

dawn ing hope which mad e her seem more beautifu l than
,

ever sh e raised her eyes and looked him fu l l i n th e face it

,

was th e fi rst ti me he had seen he r eyes lighted u p except ,

with feve r T he n she tu rned from h im and ap parently

.
, ,

lost i n reli ef walked toward the arbor a few st eps d i stant

, .

He followed her a little behi nd for the path w as narrow

, , ,

h is eyes fi x ed on her exqu isite cheek I t was bu t a m om e nt .

,

yet the very silence seemed to become consci ou s A l l at .

once she grew paler sh u d d ered put he r han d to her h ead , , ,

and enteri ng the arbor sat down Faber was alarmed ,

. .

H er hand was qu ite cold S he wou ld have d rawn it away .

,

but he i nsisted on feeli ng her pu lse .

”
Yo u must come i n at once he sai d ,
.

She rose visibly trembling He su pported h er i nto the

, .

hou se mad e her li e d own got a h ot bottle for her feet and
, , ,

covere d her with shawls and blankets .

You are qu ite u nfit for any exerti on yet he said an d , ,

seated himself near her Y ou mu st consent to be an in .

valid for a while D o not be an xiou s T here is n o fear of

. .

you r fi nding what you want by th e ti me you are able for it .

I pledge myself Keep you r mi n d perfectly easy

. .

S he answered hi m with a look that dazzled him H e r very .

eyelids seemed radiant with thank fu ln ess T he beauty that .

had fi x ed hi s regard was now but a mask through which h er

sou l was breaki ng assimi lating it Hi s eyes sank before ,
.

the look an d he felt himself catch ing hi s b reath lik e a

,

d rown ing man Wh en he raised them agai n h e saw tears

.

streami ng d own her face H e rose an d sayi ng he wou ld .

,

call agai n i n the even ing left the room , .

D u ring th e rest of h is rou nd h e d i d n ot h nd it easy to

give d u e attention to his other cases H i s custom was .

to brood u pon them as he rod e but now that look and the
tears that followed seemed to bewild er hi m taki n g from hi m ,

all command of his th ou ght .

E re lo ng the shad ow that eve r hau nts th e steps of th e

angel L ove the shad ow whose nam e i s B eneficence began
, , ,

to reassu me its earlie r tyran ny O h the bliss of k nowi ng .

,
’
one s self the sou rce of wel l being the stay an d p rotector th e -

, ,

comfo rt an d life to such a woman of wrappi ng he r ro u nd

,

in da ys of peace instead of anxi et y and pai n an d labor !

,
76 PAUL FA B E R .

B u t ever th e thou ght o f h er looki ng u p to h im as the sou rce

o f h er freedom was present th rou gh it all
,
W hat a glo ry .

to be th e obj ect o f s uch look s as h e had n ever i n h is d earest

d reams i magi ned It made h is head swim even i n the very ,

moment while his great R u ber astonished at what h is master ,

requ i red o f h i m that d ay rose to some high thorny h ed ge

, ,

o r sti ff rai l H e was perfectly ho nest the consequ ence he

sou ght was on ly i n hi s own eyes—an d i n hers there was noth
.

i ng of v ulgar patronage i n the feel ing n ot an atom of low

pu rpose fo r self i n it T he whole mental conditio n was
.

nothi ng worse than th e blossom of the d ream of his chi ld

h ood —th e d ream o f b ei ng t/ze ben efactor o f hi s race of ,

b ei ng loved and worshi ped for his k i nd ness B ut the .

poison of th e d ream had grown more active i n its b lossom .

S i nce then th e cred it of good ness with h imself had gathered

sway over hi s spi rit an d stoical prid e i n good nes s i s a
far worse and lowe r thi ng than d elight i n th e thanks of o u r
fellows He was a mere slave to h i s own i d eal an d that
.
,

i deal was n ot brother to the angel that beholds th e face of

the Father N ow h e had tak en a backward step i n time b u t
.
,

a fo rward step i n his r eal hi story for agai n another than ,

hi msel f had a part i n his d ream I t wou ld be long yet .

,

h owever e re he learn ed so to love good ness as to forget its

,

beauty T o hi m wh o is good good ness has ceased to be

either ob j ect or abstraction it i s inhim —a thi rst to give
.
,

a solemn qu i et passion to bless a d elight i n behold ing well

,

bei ng A h how we d ream an d prate of love u nti l the holy

.
, ,

fi re of the tru e d ivi ne love th e love that G od k i nd les i n a

,

man toward his fellows bu rns the shadow o f it out

,

I n the aftern oon M rs Puck ridge appeared with th e ri ng

. .

H e took it told h er to wait an d went out

,
I n a few mi nu tes
,
.

’
h e retu rned and to th e woman s astonishment gave he r
, , ,

fi fty po u nds i n n otes H e d id n ot tell her he had been to

.

nobody bu t h is own bank er T he ring h e laid careful ly .

asi d e with n o defi nite resolve concerni ng it bu t th e great

, ,

h ope of somehow managi ng that it sh ou ld retu rn to her one

d ay . T h e thou ght shot across h is h eaven —what a lovely
wedd in g p resent it wou ld mak e ! and the meteor d rew a
long trai n o f shi ni n g fancies after it .
 C HAPT E R X V .

T HE P A R LOR AT O WL K I R K .

W HEN h e called as h e had said i n the eveni ng sh e

, , ,

looked mu ch bette r and there was even a touch of playful

,

n ess i n her manner H e cou ld not bu t h O pe some crisi s had

.

been passed T he money sh e had received for the ri ng had

.

probably somethi ng to d o with it Perhaps sh e h ad not .

kn ow n h ow valuable th e ri ng was T hereu pon i n h i s .

consci entiou sness he began to doubt whether h e had given

her its worth I n reality h e had exceeded it by a few
.

pou n ds as he d iscovered u pon i nqu i ry afterward i n

,

L on don . A nyhow i t d i d n ot mu ch matte r h e sai d to ,

himself he was su re to fi nd some way of restori n g i t to

her.

S u d denly she lo oked u p an d sai d hu rried ly ,

I can neve r re pay you D r Fabe r No o ne can do th e , . .

”
impossible .

You can repay me retu rned Faber , .

H ow she sai d looki ng startled , .

By n ever agai n thi nki ng of obligation to me .

You mu st not ask that of me she rej oined It wou ld ,

.

not be right .

T he ti nge o f a rose not absolutely white flo ated over her

face and forehead as sh e spok e .

Then I shall b e content h e replied i f yo u wi ll say , ,

nothin g abou t it u nti l you are well settled A fter that I .

’
promise to sen d you a bi ll as long as a snipe s .

Sh e smi led looked u p brightly an d sai d

, , ,

Yo u promi se ?
I do .

’
I f you d o n t k ee p yo u r promi se I shall have to take ,
’
severe measu res D on t fancy me without money I could
pay you n ow—at l east I thi nk so
. .

I t was a great good sign o f he r that she cou ld talk about

money plai nly as she d id I t wants a thoroughbred sou l to .

talk j ust right abou t money M ost people treat money like .

a bosom si n -
they follo w i t earnestly , bu t do n ot talk abou t
i t at al l i n society .
 P AU L FA BER .

I o nly pay si x shi lli ngs a week for my lodgi ngs she
ad ded with a merry laugh
,
.

What had becom e of h er constrai nt an d stateli ness ?

C ou rtesy itself seemed gone an d simpl e tru st i n its place ,

Was she years you nge r than he had thought her ? S he was
hemmi ng somethi ng which demanded her eyes bu t eve ry , ,

now and the n sh e cast u p a glance an d they were black ,

su ns u nclou d i ng over a white sea E very look mad e a .

’
vi ntage i n the d octor s heart T here cou ld be no man i n the .

case ! O nly agai n wou ld fifty pou nds with the loss of a
, ,

fami ly ri ng serve to acco u nt for su ch a change ? Might she

,

not have heard from somebody si nce he saw her yesterday ?

I n her presence h e dared not follow th e thought .

Some books were lyi ng on the table which cou l d n ot

well be M rs Pu ck ridge s He took u p o ne : i t was I n
’
. .

M emorzam
’

D o you lik e T ennyson ? she asked .

T hat i s a hard questi on to answer straight o ff h e ,

replied — He had o nce lik ed T ennyson else he wo u ld not

—
.
,

have answere d so “
H ad you asked me i f I liked [n
.

M emorzam h e went o n I cou ld more easily have an

'

, ,

swered you .

T he n don t you l i ke I nM emorzam’ '

,
”
N o it i s weak and exaggerated .

’ ’
A h ! you don t u nd erstan d it I d id n t u nti l after my .

father d ied T hen I began to k now what it meant and n ow

.
,
”
think it the most beautifu l poem I eve r read .

You are fond o f poetry then ,

’
I don t read mu ch bu t I thi nk there i s more i n some
”
poet ry than i n all th e prose i n the world .

T hat is a good d eal to say .

’
A good d eal too much when I th i nk that I have n t
read I su ppose twenty books i n my l ife—that is book s
,

, , ,
’
worth calli ng book s : I d on t mean novels an d thi ngs of
that k i nd Yet I can not beli eve twenty years o f good
.

reading wou ld mak e me change my mi nd about 1 nM emorzam

’
Y ou d on t lik e poetry
I can t say I d o—mu ch I lik e P ope and C rabbe—and
.

'

—let me see —well I u sed to like T homson I l ike th e men

.

.
,

that give you th i ngs j ust as they are I d o not lik e th e .

poets that mix th emselves u p with what th ey see an d the n ,

rave abou t N atu re I confess myself a lover o f the truth

.

”
beyond all thi ngs .

B ut are yo u su re sh e retu rned l ooki ng hi m gently b ut

, ,
 P AU L FABER .
79

S traight i n the eyes that i n you r anx iety not to mak e

, ,

more of thi ngs than they are y ou d o n ot mak e less of them ,

than they are ?

T here i s n o fear of that retu rned Fabe r sad ly with an , ,

u nconsciou s shak e of the h ead So long as there is youth .

and imagi nation on that si d e to pai nt th em ,

E xcu se me : are you n ot beggi ng th e question ? D o

they paint or d o they see what they say ? S ome profess to
,

believe that the child sees more truly than the grown man
—that the latter is the one who pai nts — paints o ut, that i s , ,

with a coarse brush .

Y ou mean Wordsworth .

"
N ot hi m only .

T ru e n o e nd of poets besides T hey al l say it now a .

-

”
days .

B ut su rely M r Faber i f there be a G od

,
.
, ,

Ah i nterru pted th e d octor there you beg th e q u es ,

tion Su ppose there shou ld be n o G od what then

.
,

T hen I grant you there cou ld be n o poetry Somebody

, , .

says poet ry is the speech of hope ; and certai nly if there

”
were no G od there cou ld be n o hope
,
.

Faber was struck with what she said n ot from any feeli ng ,

that there was truth i n it but from its i nd ication o f a n ot ,

i llogical min d H e was on the poi nt of replyi ng that

.

certain k ind s of poetry and [n M emorzam i n particu lar

'

, ,

seemed to hi m more lik e the speech of a d espai r that had

n ot the cou ra ge to confess itself an d d i e ; but h e saw she
had not a suspici on h e spok e as he d id for any thing but
argu ment and feared to fray hi s bird by scatteri ng h is
,

cru mbs too rou ghly He hon estly believed d eliverance .

from th e su perstition i nto which h e granted a fi ne natu re

was read ier to fall than a common o ne the greatest gift one ,

hu man bei ng cou ld o ffe r to anothe r but at th e same time

h e cou ld not bear to thi nk o f he r recoi l from su ch u tterance
of his u nfaith as he had n ow almost got i nto the habit of
mak ing He bethou ght himself too that he had al ready mi s
.
, ,

represented hi mself i n givi ng her the impression that he was

,

incapable of e n j oyi ng poetry of th e more imagi native so rt .

He had i n deed i n hi s youth been passionately fon d of such

verse T he n came a time i n which h e tu rned from it with
.

a sick dismay Feel ings and memories of agony which a

.
,

word a li ne wou ld rouse i n hi m afresh had b rou ght hi m to

, , ,

avoid it with an aversion seemingly d eep roote d as an i nsti nct -

and mou nting even to l oathi ng ; and when at len gth he cast
80 P A U L F ABER .

from hi m th e semi beli efs of his ed ucati on he persuaded hi m

-

self that h e d i sliked it fo r its falseh ood H e read hi s .

phi losophy by the troubled light of wrong and su ffering an d ,

that i s no t the l ight o f the morn ing but of a bu rni ng ,

house O i al l poems natu rally e n ough h e th en d islik e d

.
, ,

[72 M emorzam the most and now it mad e h im almost angry

'

that J u li et M ered ith shou ld like so mu ch what he so

mu ch d islik ed N o t that he wou ld have a lady i nd i fferent
.

to poet ry T hat wou ld argu e a lack of poetry i n herself

.
,

an d su ch a lady wou ld be lik e a scentless rose Y ou cou ld .

not ex pect wh o i nd eed could wish a lady to be scientifi c i n

,

her ways of regard i ng things ? Was she n ot th e l ive con

centration the perfect outcome o f the vast poetic show of
, ,

N atu re ? I n shape i n motion of body an d brai n i n tone

, ,

an d look i n color an d hai r i n faithfu lness to ol d d olls an d

, ,

carelessn ess o f h earts was sh e n ot th e sublimation th e es

, ,

sence of su nsets and fadi ng roses and b utterflies andsnows

, , , ,

an d ru n ni ng waters and changi ng clou ds and cold shad owy

, , ,

moon light ? H e argu ed thu s more now i n sorrow than i n ‘

ange r for what was th e woman but a b ubble on th e sand

of the infi nite sou lless sea— a bubble o f a h u nd red lovely
hu es that mu st sh in e becau se i t cou ld not hel p it an d for
, ,

th e same reason break ? Sh e was n ot to blame L et her .

shi ne an d glow an d spark le and vanish F o r h im he cared

for n othing bu t science —n othi ng that d i d n ot p romise one
,
.
, ,

d ay to yield u p its k e rnel to the seek er T o hi m science .

stood for truth an d for truth i n the i nward parts stood

,

obed i ence to the laws o f Natu re I f h e was one of a poor .

race he wou ld rise above h i s fellows by bei ng good to them

,

i n thei r misery ; whi le for hi mself he wou ld confess to n o

misery L et th e laws of N atu re work — eyeless and heart
.

l ess as the whi rlwi nd he wou ld l ive hi s life be himself be , ,

Natu re an d d epart without a mu rmu r N o scratch on th e

,
.

face o f t ime insignifi cant even as the pressu re of a fern

,

leaf u pon coal sh ou ld tell that h e had ever thought his fate
,

hard H e wou ld d o hi s endeavor and d ie and retu rn to noth

i ng— not then more d u mb of complaint than now S u ch
.

had been for years h is stern phi losophy and why shou ld i t ,

n ow trouble hi m that a woman thought d i fferently ? D i d

the sou n d of faith from such li ps the look of hope i n su ch ,

eyes sti r any thi ng out o f sight i n h is heart ? Was it for a

,

moment as if the corne r of a ve il were lifted the lower ,

edge of a mist and h e saw someth i ng fai r beyon d ? C ame

,

there a littl e gl ow and fl utter out o f th e o ld time ? A ll

 PA UL FABER . 81

forget h e said to h imself

,
I too have forgotten Why
. .

shou ld n ot Natu re forget P Why shou ld I be fooled any

more ? I s it not enough ?
Y et as he sat gazi ng i n the broad light of day th rough the
, ,

cottage wi nd ow across whose panes waved th e l ittle red

,

bells of th e commo n fuchsia something that had n othi ng ,

to do with science and yet w as seemed to linger and h ove r

over the little gard en — something from th e very depths of
,

lovel iest folly Was it the refrai n of an old song ? or th e

.

smel l of withered rose leaves o r was there i nd eed a k i nd

of light such as n ever was o n sea or shore ?
Whatever it was it was ou t of the midst of it th e voice
of the lady seemed to come —a clear mu sical voice i n com
,

mon speech but now vei le d and trembli ng as if it brood ed

, ,

h eark ening over the words it u ttered

I wro ng th e grav e w ith fears u ntru e

Sh all l o v e b e b l amed for w ant o f faith ?
T h ere mu st b e w isdo m w ith great D eath
Th e dead sh all look me thro ugh and th rough .

Be near u s wh enwe cl imb o r fall

Ye w atch l ike G o d th e ro ll in g h ours
W
, ,

ith larger o th er ey es t h ano u rs ,

T o make all owan

”
ce for u s a ll .

She ceased , and the si lence was lik e that which follows
sweet mu sic .

A h you thi nk of you r father h e hazard ed an d hoped ,

i ndeed it was her father of whom sh e was th inki ng .

Sh e mad e no answer He tu rned toward her i n anxi ety

. .

She was stru ggli ng with emotion T h e n ext i nstant the .

tears gushed i nto her eyes while a smi le seemed to struggle

,

from her li ps and spread a little way over he r face I t was

,
.

i nex pressibly tou chi ng .

He was my friend she said ,

I shal l n ever h ave su c h .

love agai n .

A ll i s not lost whe n much i s lost sai d the d octor with , ,

”
sad comfort . There are spri ng d ays i n winter .

’
A nd you d on t like poetry sh e said a sweet playfu l ,

scorn shi n ing th rou gh her tears .

“
I spok e but a sober truth h e retu rne d ; so sober
,
-

that it seems bu t the sadd e r for its tru th T he struggle of .

li fe i s to mak e the best of things that might b e worse .

S he looked at hi m pitifu lly For a moment her li ps .

82 P AU L FABER .

part ed then a strange look as of su dden bod ily pai n

,

crossed h er face he r li ps closed and he r mou th looked as

, ,

if it were locked S he sh ut the book which lay u pon her

.

k nee an d resu med her needlework A shadow settled u pon

, .

h er face .

What a pity su ch a woman sh ou ld b e wasted i n b eliev

i ng lies thou ght the doctor H ow m uch better it wou ld .

be i f she wou ld look things i n th e face an d resolve to live ,

as she can d oing her best and e ndu ri ng he r worst an d wait

, ,

i ng for th e en d A n d yet seei ng color is n ot the th i ng

,

itself and only i n the brai n whose eye looks u pon it why
, ,

shou ld I think it better ? w h y shou ld she n ot sh in e i n the

color o f h er fancy ? w h y shou ld sh e grow gray b ecau se the
color i s only i n herself ? We are bu t bubbles flyi ng from
the rou n d of Natu re s mill wheel O u r j oys and gri efs are
'
~
.

the colors that play u pon the b ubbles T hei r throbs an d .

ripples and changes are o u r mu sic and poetry an d thei r ,

b u rsti ng i s ou r e nd less repose L et us waver and float an d .

shin e i n th e su n let u s bear pi tifu lly an d be k i nd for th e

night cometh an d there an en d
, .

B ut i n th e sad silence he an d th e lady were perhaps,

d rifti ng fu rther and fu rther apart

”
“
I d id not mean h e said pl u nging i nto what came fi rst
that I cou ld n ot enj oy verse o f th e k i n d you prefer—as
, , ,

verse I took th e matter by the more seriou s hand le

.
,

becau se evi dently you accepted the tone and the scope of
, ,

it I have a weak ness for honesty .

T here is somethi ng not right about you though M r

—
, , .

Faber if I cou l d fi nd it o ut sai d M iss M ered ith

”
Y ou ,

can n ot mean yo u enj oy any thi ng you d o n ot bel ieve i n

S u rely there are many th ings o ne can enj oy withou t
”
believi ng i n them ?
O n th e contrary i t seems to me that enj oyi ng a thi ng
,

i s only an other word fo r believi ng i n it I f I thought the .

sweetest air o n th e violi n had n o truth i n it I cou ld n ot ,

”
listen to i t a m oment longer
O f cou rse the ai r has al l th e truth it p reten ds to —the
.

truth that i s o f the relati ons of sou nd s an d o f i nterval s

, ,

also of cou rse the truth o f its relation as a wh ole to that

, ,

creative somethi ng i n the h u man mi nd which gave birth to

It
That is n ot all it pretend s It pretends that th e some .

thi ng it gives bi rth to i n the hu man mi nd is also a tru e

thing .
 P A U L F A BER . 83

Is there not then another way also i n which the viol in ,

may be said to be tru e ? I ts ton e throughout i s of s u ffer

ing : d oes it n ot mou rn that n either what gives rise to it ,

n or what i t gives rise to is any thi ng but a lovely vapor ,

th e phantom of an existence not to be lived o nly to b e ,

d reamed ? D oes it not mou rn that a man th ou gh necessa ,

rily i n harmony with the laws u nd er which he lives yet can ,

n ot be su fli ciently consciou s of that harmo ny to kee p h i m

from strai ni ng after his d ream ?
Ah said M iss M ered ith then th ere is strife i n th e ,

k i ngdom an d it can not stan d

,

There is stri fe i n the k i ngdom an d it can not stand , ,

said th e d octor with mingled assent and assertion

,
H ence .

it is forever falling .

B ut it is forever re newed she obj ected ,

.

With what ren ewal rej oi ned Fabe r What retu rn .

i s there from th e j aws of d eath T he ind ivid ual is

gone A new consciousness is n ot a renewal of consci ou s
.

n ess .

Sh e looked at hi m keenly .

It is hard i s it not she sai d ,

.

I wi ll not d eny that i n certai n mood s it look s so h e ,

an swered .

She d i d not perce ive h i s d ri ft and was feeling after it , .

”
S u rely sh e sai d the th ing that ought to b e i s the
, , ,
”
thi ng that mu st b e .

H ow can we tel l that ? h e retu rned What d o we

Whatever l ives an d th rives—animal
.

see like it i n natu re

o r vegetable —o r hu man — it is all one —eve ry th ing that lives
and thrives i s forever l iving an d thrivi ng on th e loss the
, ,

defeat the d eath of another T here i s n o u n ity save ab so

,
.

lutely by means of d estructi on D estruction i s i nd eed the .

very center and framework of th e sole existing u n ity I will .

not therefore as some do cal l N atu re cru el : what right

, , ,

have I to complain ? Natu re can not help it She i s n o .

more to blame fo r bri nging me fort h than I am to blame for ,

being brought forth O ug/zt i s merely the reflex of like We

call ou rselves the h ighest i n Natu re —an d probably we are
. .

bei ng the apparent resu lt of the whole—w he nce natu rally

,

, ,

having risen we seek to rise we feel afte r somethi ng we

, ,

fancy higher For as to th e system i n which we live we

.
,

are so ign orant that we can bu t blu nderingly feel ou r way i n

i t and if we k new all its laws we co uld neither ord er nor ,

control save by a poor subse rvi ence We are the slave s of

,
.
84 PAU L FABER .

ou r ci rcu mstance therefore betak e ou rselves to d reams o f

,
”
what ouglzt to oe .

M iss M eredith was silent for a time .

“
I can n ot see h ow to answer you sh e sai d at length , .

B u t you d o n ot d istu rb my hope of seei ng my father again .

We have a su re word of prophecy .

Faber su ppressed th e smi le o f cou rteou s contempt that

was ready to break forth an d she went on ,

It wou l d i ll become me to d ou bt to day as you w ill -

grant when I tell you a won derfu l fact T hi s m orn i ng I .

had not money en ou gh to b uy myself th e pai r of strong

shoes you told me I mu st wear I had n othi ng left but a
few tri nk ets o f my mother s—o ne o f them a ri ng I thought
.

worth abou t ten pou n ds I gave it to my lan dlady to sell

.

for me hoping she wou ld get fi ve for it S he brought me

, .

fi fty an d I am rich
,

H er last word s trembled with tri u mph H e had h imself .

been bu i ld ing her u p i n h er fooli sh faith B ut he took con

solation i n t hink i ng how easily with a word h e cou ld any
moment d estroy that buttress o f he r phantom hou se It .

was h e th e u nbel ieve r and n o G od i n or o ut of her

, ,

B ible that had h elped h er

,
I t d i d not occu r to hi m that
she might afte r al l see i n h i m only a reed blown o f a d ivi ne
wi nd .

I am glad to hear o f you r good fortu n e he answered , .

I can n ot say I see h ow it bears on th e argu ment You had

‘
.

in you r possessi on more than yo u k new .

D oes the length o f its roots alter th e k i nd of the

”
plant ? sh e ask ed D o we n ot k now i n all natu re an d
.

history that G od l ikes to see things grow ? T hat mu st be

the best way It may be th e only right way I f that ring
. .

was given to my mother agai nst the time when the last
ch ild o f her race shoul d h nd h erself oth erwise helpless ,

wou l d th e fact that the p rovision was mad e so early tu rn

th e resu lt i nto a mere chance m eeti ng o f n ecessity and
subsidy ? A m I bou nd to call every good thin g I receive a
chance except an angel come down visibly o ut of the bl ue
,

sky and give it to me T hat wou ld be to believe i n a G od

wh o cou ld not work H is wil l by H is own laws H ere I am
free an d hopefu l —all I n eed ed E very th in g was dark and
.
,

”
troubled yesterday th e su n i s u p to day -
.

T here is a tid e i n the affai rs of men which tak en at th e ,

”
floo d lead s o nto fortu n e sai d the doctor
,
.

“
I begi n to fear you mean what you say M r F a b er , . .
 P AU L FABER . 85

’
I hoped it was only for argu ment s sake retu rned M iss ,

M ered ith .

S he d i d not raise her eyes from he r work this ti me .

Faber saw that she was d istressed if not h u rt an d that he r ,

sou l had closed its lips to hi m H e sprang to his feet an d .

,

stood bend i ng b efore her .

”
M iss M ered ith h e said forgive me I hav e offend e d
, , .

You have not o li ended me sh e sai d qu ietly , .

”
H u rt yo u then which i s worse
, .

H ow shou ld I have got through sh e sai d as i f to her , ,

self and d ropped h er hand s with her work on her k nees

, ,

if I had not believed the re was On e cari ng fo r me all th e

time eve n when I was most alon e
,

D o you n eve r lose that faith asked th e d octor .

Yes many and many a ti me B ut it always comes .

b ack f
’

C omes and goes with you r h ealth

N o—i s strongest someti mes when I
.

am fu rthest from

Whe n you are most feverish said the d octor What ,

”
a fool I am to go on contradicti ng her ! he added to
himself .

I thi nk I k n ow yo u better than you i magi n e M r , .

’
Faber said M iss M ered ith after j u st a moment s pau se
, , .

Y ou are on e of those men wh o like to represent the m

selves worse than they are I at least am bou n d to thi nk
.

bette r of you than yo u wou ld have me O ne who lives as .

you d o for other people can not b e so far from th e truth as

,

you r words .

Faber honestly re pu di ated th e praise for h e felt it more ,

than he d eserved H e d id try to d o wel l by his n eighbor

.
,

but was aware of n o such d evoti on as it implied O f late he

had fou nd his work bore h i m n ot a little —especially when
.

ri di ng away fro m O wlk irk T he praise notwithstand ing

.
, ,

sou nd ed sweet from her li ps was sweeter sti ll fro m h er eyes

, ,

and from the warmer white o f her cheek which had begu n ,

to resu me its soft rou ndn ess .

“
Ah thought the doctor as he rod e slowly home , ,

were it not fo r sickn ess age and death this wo rld o f ou rs

, , ,

wou ld be no bad place to l ive in S u rely mi ne i s the most

needfu l and the noble st of calli ngs —to fi gh t for youth an d
.

health and love agai nst age and sick ness and d ecay ! to
, , , ,

figh t death to the last , eve n k nowi n g h e m ust h av e th e b e st

86 PAU L FABER .

of i t i n the en d to set law agai nst law an d d o what poor ,

thing may be d on e to reconci le the i nex orable with th e

desi rable Who k nows—if law be bli nd an d I am a m an
that can see —for at the last an d only at the last do eyes
,

come i n th e head of Natu re —who k nows but I may fi nd ou t

,

amongst the bli nd laws to which I am the eyes that bli nd

law which li es n earest the root o f life —A h what a d reamer
,

I sho ul d have been had I lived i n the ti me when great

,

d reams were possible B eyond a d oubt I shou ld have sat

broodi ng ove r the elixi r of li fe cook i ng and mi x ing h eating
, ,

an d cooli ng watchi ng for the flash i n the goblet W e

, .

kn ow so mu ch n ow that the range of hope is sadly li mited

,

A tho usan d dark ways of what seemed blissfu l possibi lity

are n ow closed to u s becau se the re the l ight n ow shi nes
, ,

and shows naught bu t d espai r Y et why shou ld the thi ng .

be absu rd ? Can any on e tell w /zy this o rgan ism we call

man shoul d n ot go on working foreve r ? Why shou ld it
not si nce its law i s change and renewal go o n changi ng
, ,

an d renewi ng forever ? Why shou ld it get ti red ? Why

shou ld its law work more feeble its relation s hold less ,

fi rmly after a h u nd red years than after ten

,
Why shou ld
,

it grow and grow the n sink and si nk ? N o one kn ows a

,

reason T hen wh y shou ld it be absu rd to seek what shall

.

encou nter the u nk n own cau se and encou nteri ng reveal it ?

,

M ight sci ence be brou ght to the pitch that su ch a woman

sh ou ld live to al l th e ages how many common lives ,

might not wel l be spared to su ch an end ! H ow many

n oble ones wou l d n ot wi lli ngly cease for su ch a co nsu m
mation —dyi ng that life shou ld be lord and d eath no longer ,

k ing !
P lai nly Faber s materialism spra ng from no d efect i n th e
’

region o f th e i maginati on ; bu t I fi nd myself u nabl e to

d etermi ne how much h on esty and how much pride and the ,

d esire to b e satisfi ed with h imself had relatively to d o with ,

it
. I wou ld n ot be u nd erstood to i mply that h e had an
u nu su al amou nt o f pri d e and I am su re he was less easily
sat isfi ed with hi mself than most are M ost peopl e will .

make excu ses for themsel v es wh ich they wou ld neither

make nor accept for thei r n eighbor thei r own fai lu res and
follies trouble them little F aber w as of another sort A s .

ready as any other man to d iscover what cou ld be said on

hi s sid e h e was n ot so ready to ad opt it H e requ ired a
,
.

good d eal of h i mself B ut then h e u nconsciou sly compared

.

hi mself with his ac q uai ntances and mad e what he k new of ,

 P AU L F A B E R . 87

them the gauge i f not the measu re o f what he re q u i red of

, ,

himself .

It were u ni ntelligible how a man shou l d prefe r bei ng the

slave of bli nd helpless L aw to bei ng th e chi ld of livi ng Wis
d om shou ld beli eve i n the ab so lute Nothi ng rather than i n
,

the perfect Wi ll were it not that he d oes not can not see th e
, ,

Wisdom o r the Wil l except h e d raw nigh thereto

,
.

I shall be answered
We d o not prefe r We mou rn th e change which yet
.

w e can not resist We wou l d glad ly have th e God of ou r

.

former faith were it possible any longe r to beli eve i n H i m

,
.

I answer agai n
A re yo u su re of what yo u say D o you i n reality
mou rn over you r lost faith P Fo r my part I wou ld rather ,

d isbelieve with yo u than have what you have lost F or I

,
.

wou ld rather have n o God than the God whom yo u su ppose

me to believe in and who m therefore I tak e to b e th e God
,

i n whom you imagi ne yo u beli eved i n th e d ays of you r

ignorance T hat those were d ays of igno rance I d o not
.
,

d oubt ; bu t are these the days o f you r k nowledge ? T h e

ti me will come whe n yo u wi ll see d eeper i nto you r own
hearts than now and wi ll be hu mbled lik e n ot a few other
, ,

men by what you behold

, .

C HA P E R X V I .

’
T HE B U TC H E R S SH O P .

A B O U T fou r years previou s to the ti m e o f which I am now

writing and whi le yet M r D rak e was i n high repute among
,
.

th e peo ple of Gowlan e chapel h e went to L ondon to visit ,

an old friend a woman of great practical benevolence ex er

, ,

c ised ch iefly toward o rphan s J ust then her thou ghts and
.

feeli ngs were largely occu pi ed with a lovely littl e girl the ,

chai n of whose hi story had been severed at the last li nk and ,

lo st utterly .

A poo r woman i n Sou thwark had of her own motion ,

partly from love to ch i ld re n an d compassio n fo r both the m

and thei r mothers partly to earn he r own bread with pleas
,

u re established a sort of créo/ie i n her two rooms where

.
,
88 P AU L FABER .

mothers who had work from home cou ld bri ng thei r chi ld ren
i n th e morn ing and leave them ti ll night T he child had
, .

been committed to her charge day after day for some weeks .

O n e m orn i ng w h en sh e brought h er the mother seemed

,
‘

out o f health and d i d not appear at night to tak e her home

, .

T he next day th e woman heard she was i n the small pox -

hospital For a week o r so th e mon ey to pay fo r the ch ild

.
,

came almost regu larly i n postage stam ps then ceased ,

-

altogether an d th e woman heard nothi ng either from o r of

,

th e mother A fter a fortnight she contrived to go to the

.

hospital to i nqu i re after her N o o n e correspon ding to her .

de scri pti on w as i n the place T h e name was a commo n one .

,

an d several pati ents beari ng it had lately d ied an d bee n

b u ri ed whi le others had recovered and were go ne H er
, .

i n qu i ries i n the neighborhood had no better success n o o ne '

k new her an d she d i d n ot even d iscover where sh e h ad

,

lived Sh e cou ld n ot bear th e thou ght o f tak i ng th e chi ld

.

to th e work hou se an d k ept her fo r si x o r eight week s b u t

-

, ,

sh e had a sick ly so n a grown lad to su pport and i n d read , , ,

lest she shou ld b e compelled to give h er u p to the parish ,

had applied for co u n sel to the lady I have mentioned When .

M r D rak e arrived sh e had for some ti me been searchi ng

.
,

abou t i n vai n to h nd a n est for her .

S i nce hi s boys had been tak en from hi m an d the u nprized ,

gi rl left behi n d had grown so preci ou s M r D rak e had , .

learn ed to love chi ld ren as the little o n es of G od H e h ad .

no d oubt lik e many people a d read of ch i ld ren with

, ,

u nkn own anteced ents wh o cou ld tell what root of bitter

ness beyon d th e common i nh eritance might spri ng u p i n
, ,
’
them ? B ut all that was k nown o f this one s mother was
u nu su ally favorable an d when h is fri end took hi m to see the
chi ld h is heart yearn ed afte r her H e took her home to
,
.

D orothy an d sh e had grown u p su ch as we have see n her

, ,

a wild rogu ish sweet forgetfu l bu t not d isobed i ent chi ld

, , , ,

-
very d ear to both the D rak es wh o called her thei r ,

duck h n g .

A s w e have seen how ever M r D rak e had i n h is adver

‘

, , .

sity grown fearfu l an d faint hearted and had begu n to -

d oubt wh ether he h ad a right to k eep her A nd of co u rse ,

h e had n ot i f i t was to be at th e ex pense of h is trad es

,

people B u t h e was of an i mpetuou s natu re and wou ld nor

.
,

give even God ti me to d o th e thi ng that n eeded ti me to be

d one well H e saw a cr isi s was at hand Per h aps how
. .
,

eve r, G o d saw a spir1tu al where h e saw a tem poral crisis , .

 P A U L F A B ER . 89

Dorothy had a small su m saved by her moth er so , ,

inve sted as to bri ng he r about twe nty pou nd s a year an d of ,

the last payment she had two pou nd s i n hand H e r father .

had nothing and qu a rter day was two months o ff T hi s

,
-
.

was the common k nowledge of thei r affai rs at which they

arrived as th ey sat at break fast o n the Mon day morn i ng ,

after the saddest S u nday either of them had ever spent .

T hey had j ust risen from the table an d the old woman was ,

removi ng the cloth whe n a k nock came to the lane door

,
-

and sh e went to open it leavi ng the room door aj ar where

,
-

by the mi nister caught a gli mpse of a blu e apron and feel ,

i ng hi mself tu rni ng sick sat down agai n L isbeth re en ,

.
-

te red with a rather greasy look i ng note wh ich w as of cou rse-

from the butcher and M r D rak e s hand trembled as he

’

.
,

open ed it M r J ones wrote that he wou ld n ot have troubled

. .

hi m had h e not ask ed for his bill but if i t was qu ite co nv en

, ,

ien t he wou ld be glad to have the amo unt by the end of

,

the week as h e had a hea v y payment to mak e the followi ng

,

M onday M r D rak e hand ed the note to his daughte r rose

. .
,

hastily and left the room Dorothy threw it d own half read
,
.
-

and followed him H e was o pening the door his hat i n h is

.
,

hand .

Where are yo u goi ng i n s u ch a hu rry father d ear ? she ,

Wait a moment and I ll go with you ’

.

My chi ld there is not a mome nt to lose

,
he replied
excited ly .

“
I d id not read all th e letter she retu rned ; but I th i nk ,

he does not want the money ti ll th e end of the week .

A nd what better shall we be the n h e rej oin ed almost ,

angrily The man look s to me an d where will h e fi nd

.
,

himself on Mond ay ? L et u s be as honest at least as we can

B ut we may be able to borrow it—o r—w h o k nows what
.

might happen
There i t i s my d ear Who k nows what
,
We can be
”
su re of nothing i n this world .

A n d what i n th e n ext father ? ,

T h e minister was sil ent I f God was anywhere h e was .

,

here as much as there T hat was not the matter i n han d ,

howev er He owed the mon ey an d was bou n d to let th e

.
,

man k now that h e cou ld not pay it by the en d of the week .

Without anoth er word to Dorothy he walked from th e ,

hou se and like a man afrai d of coward ice went str aight at
, , ,

the obj ect of hi s d ismay He was o ut of th e lan e and well

.

into Pi ne str eet before h e thou ght to put on hi s hat .

90 PAU L FABER .

F rom afar he saw the butcher stand i ng i n front o f h is ,

shop —a tall thi n man i n bl u e H is steel glitte red by his

,
.

sid e and a red n ightcap h u ng its tassel among the cu rls

,

o f his gray hai r H e w as d iscu ssi ng over a small j oint of

.
,

m utto n some point of economic interest with a cou ntry

,

cu stomer i n a check shawl T o th e m i nister s an noyance -

.
’

the woman was o ne of hi s late co ngregation and h e wou ld ,

glad ly have passed the shop had he had the cou rage , .

When he came n ear the bu tcher tu rned from the woman

an d said taki n
, ,

g his nightcap by th e tassel i n ru d imentary

,

obeisance .

A t you r service si r ,
.

H is cou rtesy added to M r D rak e s confus ion : it was

’

plai n the man i magi ned he had b rought hi m his money !

T imes were i ndeed changed si n ce his wife u sed to d rive
o ut i n her brougham to pay the bi lls 3 Was this what a man
had for working i n the vineyard the better part of a lifeti me ?
T he property he d id not heed T hat had been the portion .

of the messengers of heaven from th e fi rst B ut the shame

—what was he to d o with that ? Who ever h eard of St
.

P au l n ot being ab le to pay a butch er s bill N o doubt St ’

.

P au l was a mighty general and he but a poo r subaltern , ,

b u t i n the service there was no respect of pe rsons O nth e .

other han d w h o ever heard o f St P au l havi ng any bi lls to

—
.
,

a
p y l o r for that matter i nd eed o f his marrying a rich , ,

wi fe an d gettin g i nto ex pensive habits th rou gh popu lar

,

ity Who ever h eard o f his bei ng d ependent o n a congre

g at io n H e accepted hel p sometimes but had always his
goats hai r an d his tent maki ng to fall back u pon — O nly
,
’
- -

afte r all was the L ord never a hard master ? H ad he n ot

,

l et it come to th is ?
M uch more o f the sort went th rou gh his mi nd i n a flash .

T h e cou ntry woman had agai n d rawn the attention of the

butcher with a parting word
Y ou don t want a chicken to day— do you M r D rak e
.

’
-
.
,

she sai d as sh e tu rned to go

,
.

N o thank yo u M rs T homson H ow is you r h u sband

, , . .

B etter I thank yo u si r G o od morn i ng si r

said the m in ister— an d as h e spoke h e
, .
.
,

M r J on es
.
”
, ,

stepped i nsi d e th e shop removed hi s hat and w i ped h is , ,

forehead I com e to you with shame I have n ot mon ey

,
.

e nough to pay you r bill I nd eed I can not even pay a por .

ti on of i t ti ll n ext q uarter day -

.

Don t mention it M r D r ak e
’
'

, . .
 PAU L FA BER .
91

But you r bill o n M onday M r J ones.

, .

O h never mi nd that I shall do very well I d are say .

, .

I have a many as owes me a good d eal more than you d o ,

si r and I m mu ch obliged to you for letti n g of me k now at

,
’

once Y o u see si r if you had n t

'

, ,
.

Yes I k now I asked for it

,
I am th e sorri er I can t ’

pay it after all It is qu ite disgracefu l bu t I simply can t

.
,
’

help it .

D isgracefu l si r exclai med M r J on es al most as it

,
.
,

h u rt I wish they thought as you do as has ten times the

reason si r ,

B ut I have a requ est to make the pastor went o n , ,

'
heed less of the butcher s remark and p u lli ng o ut a large ,

an d handsome gold watch Wou ld you oblige me by

taki ng thi s watch i n secu rity u nti l I d o pay you ? It is worth
a great d eal mo re than you r bi ll It wou ld ad d mu ch to .

the obligation if yo u wo u ld p u t it ou t of sight somewh ere

, ,

an d say nothing abou t it If I shou ld d i e before paying .

you r bill you will be at liberty to sell it and what is over

, ,

after d ed ucting interest yo u will k in d ly han d to my ,

”
daughter .

M r J ones stared with open mouth

. H e tho ught th e .

mi nister had lost his senses .

What do you make of me sir ? h e said at last Yo u , .

g o for to trust me with a watch lik e that an d fancy I ,

wo u ldn t trust you with a little bi ll that ai n t been owi ng

' ’

’
three months yet Y o u mak e m e that I don t k now myself ,

si r N ever you mention the bill to me again si r I ll ask ,

.
’

for it all i n good time Can I serve yo u with any thi ng to

,
.

day si r
,

N o I thank you I mu st at least avoi d add in g to my

,
.

"
d ebt .

’
I hope what yo u do have yo u ll have of me si r I , ,
.

’
don t mi nd waiting a good ish bit for my money bu t what ,

cuts me to the heart i s to see any on e as owes me mon ey a

goin over the way as i f e adnt a fo u nd my meat good ’
’ ’ ’ ’ ’

enou gh to se rv e hi s tu rn ah that was why h e d o it T hat ,

’
.

does ri le me
T ak e my word for it M r J on es—all the meat we have , .

we shall have of you B ut we mu st be carefu l You see I

am not qu ite so—so
. .

He stopped with a sick ly smile .

L ook ye here M r D r ak e brok e i n the butcher :

,
.

n
’
ar sons ai n t proper brou ght u You ai t learn d
’

ou e
y p p .
,
92 P AUL FABER .

to tak e care o f you rselves N ow u s trad espeople we re .

,
’

l earned from the fi rst to look arter n u mber on e and not on ,

n o acco u nt to forget which is n u mber one B ut you parsons .

,

n ow — you ll e x cu se me s ir ; I don t mean no o ffense you

,
’

,
’

ain t brought u p to t an it ai n t to be e x pected of you

’ ’ ’ ’

bu t it s a great n eglect i n you r eddicatio n si r an the con

’

,
'

sek en c e i s as how u s as k nows better as to tak e care on ‘

’ ’
you as d on t k n ow no better I can t say I thi nk mu ch 0 .
’

’ ’
them senters they d on t stick by thei r own but you re a ’

h onest man si r i f ever th ere w as a h onest man as was

, ,

again the ch u rch an ask you for that money I never wil l
’

,
’

, ,
'

acau se I k now when you can pay it s pay you wi ll Keep ,

.

’
you r mi nd easy si r I shan t come to gri ef for lack 0 what
,
’

you owe me O nly d on t you go a starv i ng of you rself M r ’

, .

’
D rak e I d on t hold with that nohow H ave a bit 0 meat
. .
'

when you wan t it an d on t th ink over it twice T here ,

’ ’
.

T he mi nister w as j u st able to thank hi s new fri en d and

n o more H e hel d ou t his hand to h im forgetfu l of the
.
,

grease that had so often d riven hi m from th e pavement to

the street T h e butche r gave it a squ ee z e that n early shot
.

i t ou t of h is l ub ricated grasp and they parted both better , ,

men for the i nterv iew .

When M r D rak e reached h ome he met his daughter

.
,

comi ng out to fi nd him H e took h er hand led her i nto .

,

the hou se and u p to his stu dy and closed th e d oor ,

.

Dorothy he said it i s sweet to b e h u mbled T he

, ,
.

S pi rit can bri ng water from the rock an d grace from a hard ,

heart I mean mi ne not the butcher s H e has beh aved

.
,
’
.

’
to me as I don t see how any bu t a Christian cou ld and ,

that althou gh his pri nci ples are scarcely those of o ne w h o

had given u p all for the tru th H e is like th e son i n the .

parable who said I go not but went whi le I mu ch I fear , , ,

me am lik e the othe r w h o said I go sir but went not

, , , ,
.

A las I have always fou n d it hard to be gratefu l th ere is

somethi ng i n it u n palatabl e to the old A dam but from the
bottom of my h eart I thank M r J on es and I wi ll pray G od .
,

for hi m ere I open a book D orothy I begi n to doubt ou r .

,

way of chu rch membershi p It may mak e th e good better

-
.

bu t i f a bad one gets in it certai n ly makes h im worse I ,

.

begi n to think to o that eve ry mi ni ster ought to be i nde

pen d ent of hi s flock— I d o n ot mean by th e pay o f the state
,

God forbi d but by h avi ng some trade o r professi on if no .

fortun e Sti ll i f I had had the money to pay that bill I

shou ld now be where I am glad n ot to b e—u p on my castle
, ,
.
,
 P A U L F A B ER .
93

top i nstead of down at the gate H e has mad e me poor

, .

that H e might send me hu mi lity and that I fi nd u nspeak ,

ably preciou s P erhaps H e wi ll sen d me th e money n e xt

. .

But may it not be i ntended also to mak e u s live mor e

si mply—o nvegetables perhap s ? D o you not remember how
it fared with Daniel Hananiah M ishael and A zariah whe n
, , , ,

they refused the meat an d the wi ne an d ate pu lse instead ,

A t the en d of ten days thei r cou ntenances appeared fai re r

and fatter i n flesh than al l th e chi ld ren which d id eat th e
’
portion of the k ing s meat P u lse you k now means peas
and beans and every thi ng of that kind —wh ich is n ow
.
, ,

proved to be almost as fu ll of n ou rishment as meat itse lf ,

and to many constitution s more wholesome L et u s have .

a d i nne r of beans You can bu y haricot beans at the

grocer s —can yo u not
.

’
I f D ucky does not thrive on the m ,
’
o r they don t agree with you my Dorothy you wi ll have , ,

only to d rop them I am su re they wi ll agree with m e

. .

B ut let us try and the n the money I o w e M r J on e s will

,
.
,

not any longer hang like a millston e about my neck .

We will begi n thi s very day said Dorothy d e l ighted , ,

to see her father restored to equ an i mity I will go and .

see after a d inner of herbs We shall have love with it any .

-

how father ,
sh e add ed k issing h i m ,
.

T hat day the mi nister wh o i n hi s earlier day s had be en

,

al lowe d by hi s best frie nds to be a l ittle particu lar about

h is food an d had bee n n o mean conn oisseu r i n wines fou n d
, ,

more pleasu re at his table from lightness of heart and the , ,

j oy of a new i nd epend ence than h e had had for many a ,

day It ad ded much also to h is satisfaction with the

.

experiment that i nstead of sleepi ng as his custom was

, , ,

after d i n ne r h e was able to read without d rowsi n ess even

,
.

P erhaps D orothy s ex peri ence was n ot qu ite so satisfactory

’

for sh e look ed weary wh en they sat down to tea .

C H A PT E R X VII .

T H E P A RL O R A G A I N .

F A B ERhad n ever mad e any effo rt to bel ieve i n a div i n e

order of things—i nd eed he had n ever mad e stren uo u s e ffo rt
to believe i n any thing It had never at all occ urred to h im
.
 I

94 P AUL F A B ER .

that it migh t be a d uty to believe H e was a k i nd ly and .

n ot a repellent man but when he dou bted another he d oubted

, ,

him ; it n ever occu rred to him that perhaps he ought to

beli eve i n that man T here mu st be a lack o f something
.
,

whe re a man s sense of d uty u rges h i m main ly to d en ial

’

H is ex istence is a positive thing—h is main utterance ou ght

.

to be positive I would n ot forget that the natu re of a

.

denial may b e such as to i nvolve a strong positive .

T o Faber it seemed the tru e an d therefore right thing ,

to d eny th e existence of any such bei ng as men call G od .

.

I heartily admit that such d en ial may argu e a nobler con

d ition than that of th e man wh o will reason for the ex istence
o f what h e calls a D eity bu t omits to order his wa afte r
y ,

what h e professes to believe H is will A t the same ti me hi s .

,

concl usion that he was no t boun d to beli eve i n any God ,

seemed to l ift a ce rtai n weight o ff the heart of th e d octor

the weight namely that gathers partly from the k nowledge
, ,

o f having d on e wrong thi ngs partly from the consci ou sness ,

of n ot being altogeth er right It wou ld be ve ry u nfai r how .

,

ever to leave the impressi on that this was the origi n of all
,

the relief the docto r derived from the concl u sion For .

thereby he got rid i n a great measu re at least of th e n otion

—horrible in p roport ion to th e d egree i n wh ich it is actually
, ,

present to th e min d althou gh I suspect it i s not i n a tru e

, , , ,

sense cred ibl e to any mi nd — o f a cruel careless u nj u st

, , ,

B eing at the h ead of a ffai rs T hat su ch a n otion shou ld .

ex ist at all i s main ly the fault of the mass of so called rel i

,
-

g io u s people for they seem

,
to believe in an d certain ly pro ,

claim su ch a G od I n their excu se it may be u rged they

.

tel l the tal e as it was told to them but th e fau lt lies i n this ,

that with the gospel i n thei r han ds they have yet lived i n
, ,

su ch d isregard of its precepts that th ey have n ever d is ,

covered th ei r representation of the God of T ruth to be such ,

that the more h on est a man is the less can h e accept it ,

.

T hat the hon est man however shou ld n ot thereu pon set , ,

himself to see wh ether there might n ot be a tru e G od

notwithstand i ng whether such a G od was not conce ivabl e
,

consistently w ith things as th ey are whether the bel ievers ,

had not d istorted the revelation they professed to follow ;

especially that h e should p refer to believe i n some sort
machi ne equally void of b enefi cence an d
’

of
’

oztalzc ,
.

mal evolence ex isting because it can n ot hel p it and

, ,

giving birth to all sorts of creatu res men and women in

c lu d ed becau se it can n ot hel p it—mu st arise from a con
,

,
 PAU L FABER .
95

dition of being call it spi ritual moral or mental —I can

, , ,

n ot be obliging enough to add cerebral becau se so I shou l d ,

n u llify my conclu si on seei ng there wou ld be n o su bstance

,

left wherei n it cou ld be wrou ght ou t— for which the man I ,

can not but th ink will on e day d iscove r that he was to

blame —for which a livi ng God sees that h e i s to blame
,

makes all th e e x cu se he can and wi ll give the n eed fu l pu n ,

ish men t to th e uttermost lash .

T here are some again to whom the id ea of a G od ,

perfect as they cou ld imagin e H i m i n love an d d evotion

an d truth seems they say too good to be tru e : such
, , ,

have not yet perceived that n o G od any th in g less

than absol utely gloriou s i n loveliness wou ld be wort h
believing ih or such as the h uman sou l cou ld beli eve
B ut Faber d id not belong to this class —stil l less
,

in.

to that portion of it whose i nconsolable grief over the

lack of such a God may any day blossom into hope of
fi ndin g H im He was in practice at one with that
.

portion of it w h o accepti ng things at thei r worst fi nd

, ,

alleviation for thei r sorrows i n the stren uou s effo rt to

mak e the best of them ; but he sought to content himself
with the ord er of things which bli nd an d d eaf and non ,

willin g he sai d had e x isted for evermore most lik ely—the

, ,

thi n g was hard ly worth d iscu ssing ; blind for we can not ,

se e that it sees ; deaf for w e can not hear that it hears ;

,

and without will for we see no stri fe pu rpose or change

, , ,

i n its goin g !
T here was n o G od then and peopl e wou ld be more , ,

comfortable to k n ow it I n any case as there was n one .

, ,

they ou ght to kn ow it A s to hi s certainty of there being

.

non e Faber felt no d es ire to fi nd one had met with n o proof

, ,

that there was on e an d had reasons for su pposing that

,

there was n one He had n ot searched very l ong o r

.

very wide or with any eager d esi re to d iscover H im if in

, ,

d eed there should be a G od that hid H i mself H is .

gen ial natu re d elighted i n sympathy an d he sought it ,

even i n that whose perfect O peration i s the destruction of ,

all sympathy Wh o d oes not k now the pleasu re of that

.

moment of nascent commu n ion when argu ment o r ex po stu ,

lation has begu n to tell conviction begins to dawn and the , ,

fi rst fai nt thrill of respon se i s felt P B ut the j oy may be

either of two ve ry d i fferent k inds —delight i n victory and th e
.
_

personal success of persuasion or th e ecstasy of th e shared ,

V isi on of truth i n w h ic h con tact s ou ls come neare r to each

,
96 PAU L FA BER .

othe r than any closest famil iarity can e ffect S uch a near .

nes s can be brought abou t by n o n egation however gen u in e ,

or however evi l may be the thi ng d en ied .

Sympathy then such as he d esi red Faber was n ow bent on

, , ,

fi nding or bringin g about i n J u liet M ered ith

, H e wou ld .

fai n get n earer to her S omething pu shed something d rew

.
,

hi m toward the lovely ph en omenon into which had flow

ered invisible Natu re s bu d of shapeless protoplasm H e
’

wou ld have her tru st him believe him love hi m I f h e , , .

su cceeded so much the greater wou ld be th e val u e and th e

,

pleasu re of th e conqu est that it had been gain ed i n spite of

,

all he r p rej u d ices of ed ucation an d consci ence A n d if in .

the process of fi nding truth a home i n her bosom he shou ld ,

cau se her pai n even to agony wo u ld n ot the tend ern es s ,

born of thei r lon ely n eed for each other be far more con ,

soling than any mere aspiration after a V isionary comforter ?

J u liet had been so far as her fath er was concern ed i n her
,

ed u cation religi ou sly brou ght u p

,
N o d oubt Captain .

M ered ith was more fervi d than he was reasonable bu t he ,

was a tru e man and i n his regi ment on which he brou ght
, ,

all h is influ ence to bear had been regarded with respect

, ,

even where n ot h eartily loved B ut her mother was on e of .

those weakest of women wh o can n eve r forget the beauty

they once p ossessed or qu ite believe they have lost it re
, ,

main ing even after the ve ry traces of it have vanished as

, ,

greedy as ever o f admi ration H er ma x i ms an d pri nci ples .

,

i f she cou ld be sai d to have any of the latter were n ot a ,

’

l ittle opp osed to her h usban d s ; bu t she d ied w hen J u liet

was only fi ve years old an d the ch i ld grew to be almost the
,

compan ion of her father H ence it came that she heard mu ch

,

religiou s conversati on often partak i ng not a little o f the

,

character o f d iscu ssi on and even of d ispute S he thu s b e .

came familiar with th e forms o f a religious belief as narrow

as its partisan s are n u merou s H er h eart d id n ot remain .

u ni ntereste d bu t she was n ever i n earnest su ffi c iently to

,

d iscover what a thi ng of beggarly elements the system was ,

and how i ncapabl e of sati s fying any ch ild lik e sou l S he .

n ever qu estioned th e truth of what she heard an d became ,

sk ill ed i n its id ioms and argu ments an d forms of thought .

B ut the more familiar on e becomes with any religiou s

system whil e yet the consci ence an d will are u nawak en ed
,

an d obedience has n ot begu n the harder is i t to enter i nto ,

th e k i ngd om of heaven S uch familiarity is a sou l k illi n g

.
-

ex p eri ence an d great will be the excu se for some of those

,
 PAU L FABER .
97

s ons of religious parents who have gon e fu rthe r toward

hell than many born and bred thieves an d sin n ers .

When J u liet came to u n derstan d clearly that h er new

friend d id mean thorough going u nbelief the rej ection of -

all the doctrin es she had bee n taught by him whose memo ry
s h e revered she w as altogether shocked an d for a day and a
, ,

night regarded him as a monste r of wick edn ess B ut h er .

horror was main ly the reflex of that with which h er father

wou ld have regard ed him an d al l that was needed to mod ,

crate horror to d isap proval was famil iarity with h is doc ,

tri nes i n the light of his agreeabl e presence an d u n d en iabl e

good q u alities Thoroughly acqu ainted as sh e believed
.

”
herself with th e plan of salvation J esu s of N az areth was ,

to her bu t the vagu e shadow of something that was more

than a man yet n o man at all I had n early sai d that what
, .

He came to reveal had become to he r yet more vagu e from

her nebu lou s notion of H i m who w as its revelation H er .

religion was as a matter of cou rse as d usky an d u ncertain

, , ,

as th e obj ect center of it was obscu re an d u nrealiz ed S i nce

-
.

’
her father s death and he r comparative isolati on she had ,

read and thou ght a good deal ; some of my readers may

even thi nk she had read and thought to tolerable p u rposes
j u dging from her an swers to Faber i n the fi rst serio u s con
versation they had but her religion had lai n as before i n a
state of d u ll qu i escence u nti l her late ex peri ence realiz ing
, ,

to her th e i dea of the special care of which she stood so

mu ch i n need awok e i n her a k een sense of d elight an d if
, ,

not a sense of gratitu d e as well yet a d u l l d esire to be ,

gratefu l.

T he n ext day as she sat pon derin g what had passed b e

,

tween them altogethe r u naware of her own weak n ess she

was suddenly sei z ed with the ambition — in its inward rela
, ,

tions the same as his —o f converting hi m to her belief .

T he pu rpose j u st ifi ed an i nterest i n h im beyond what grati

tu d e obligated and was in part the cause wh y she n eith e r
.

shrank from his soci ety n or grew alarmed at th e rapid ,

growth of h er i ntimacy B ut they only who love the truth

.

si mply an d altogether can really k now what they are about

, .

I d o not care to follow the i ntellectu al d u el betwee n them .

A rgu ment save that of a man with hi mself whe n cou nci l
, ,

is held between heart wi ll imagi nation co nsci ence v isi o n

, , , , ,

and i ntellect i s of little avai l o r wo rth N o th ing however

, .
, ,
’
cou ld have su ited Faber s d esi res better U nd er the shadow .

o f s uch diffi cu lt ies as th e wise man pon d ers and the fool
9 8 PAU L FABER .

flau nts difficulties which have been diffi cu lties from the
,

d awn of h u man tho u ght an d will i n new shapes k eep retu rn

,

i ng so long as the h u man u nderstand i ng yearns to i nfold

its origin Faber brou ght u p an array of argu ments u tterly
,

destructive of the wretched theories o f forms of religio n

which were al l sh e had to bri ng i nto the fi eld so w retched
an d false were they— feeblest she fou nd them j ust where
sh e had regarded them as i nvi ncible — that i n d estroying
th em Faber d i d even a poor part of the work of a sol dier of
G od M eph istopheles d escribes hi mself as
E in T h eil v o nj ener K raft,
D ie stets das B ose w il l, u nd stets das G u te sch aflt,

der G eist der stets v erneint .

’
For the natu re of J u li et s argu ment I mu st be content to
refer any cu riou s read er to th e fal s e d efenses mad e and lies ,

spoken for G od i n many a pu l pit and many a volu me by the

, ,

worshi pers of letter an d system wh o for their sak es accept ,

H i s person an d plead u n righteou sly for H im B efore the

,
.

common sense of Fabe r they went down lik e toys and , ,

J u li et with out consciou sly yi eld ing at fi rst soon came

, ,

to perce ive that they were worse than worthless— weapons

W hose hand les were sharper than their blad es S he had no .

others n or metal of which to mak e any an d what with the

,

persuasive influence of the man and the pl easu re i n th e mere ,

exerci se of her u nd erstandi ng became more an d more in ,

t erest ed as she saw th e drift of his argument and appre ,

hended the weight o f what truth lay u pon h is sid e For .

even the falsest argu ment is su stai ned i n v i rtu e of some

show of truth or perhaps some cru mb of reality belonging
,

to it T he absol ute li e if su ch be frameable by li ps of men

.
, ,

can look only th e blackn ess of dark ness it is T he li e that .

can hu rt hu rts i n the strength of the second li e i n which it

,

is fold ed — a l ik en ess to the truth It wou ld have mattered .

little that sh e was d rive n from lin e after li n e of her defense ,

had she not whi le sh e seemed to herself to be its champion

, ,

actu ally lost sight of that for which she thought sh e was
striving .

I t add ed m uch to Faber s influ ence on J u liet that a tone

’

of pathos an d an el ement of poetry generally pervad ed the

forms of h is d en ial T h e ton e w as the more penetrating
.

that it veiled th e prid e behi nd it all the p rid e namely of an ,

u nh ealthy consciou s i nd i v id u ality the p ride of self as self , ,

 P AU L F A B E R .
99

which mak es a man the center of h is own u niverse and a ,

mocke ry to all the d emon s of the real u n iverse T h at man .

only who rises above the small yet mighty pred ilecti on who ,

sets the self of his own consci ou sness behi nd his back and ,
’
cherishes only the self of the Father s thought the angel ,

that beholds the eternal face that man on ly is a free and ,

noble bei ng he only breathes the ai r of the infi nite A nothe r

,
.

may well d eny the ex istence of any such Father any su ch ,

infi nite for he k nows nothing of the natu re of either and

, ,

his testi mony for it wou ld be as worthless as that is whic h

h e gives against it .

The natu re of J u li et M ered ith was tru e and trusti ng

but i n respect of her moth er she had been sown i n weak
ness and sh e was n ot yet raised i n strength B ecau se of
,
.

h is wife Captai n M ered ith had more than once had to

,

exchange regiments B ut from hi m J u liet had inherited

.

a ce rtai n strength of honest pu rpose which had stood hi m ,

i n better stead than the whole su m of his gifts and acqu i re

ments which was by no means d espicable
,
.

L ate one lovely even ing i n the early su mmer they sat ,

together i n the du sky parlor of th e cottage with the wi nd ow ,

to the garden open T he sweetest of western airs came in

.
,

with a faint scent ch iefly of damp earth moss and pri mroses , , ,

i n which to the pensive i magi nati on th e fad ed yellow of

, ,

the su nset seemed to bear a part .

I am sorry to say we mu st shu t the wi nd ow M iss ,

M ered ith sai d the doctor rising

, You must always be , .

j ealou s of the night ai r It will never be friendly to you

. .

What e nemi es we have al l about u s 1 she retu rned with

a slight sh iver which F aber attributed to the enemy i n qu es
,

tion and feared his care had not amou nted to p recaution
, .

It is strange she went o n that all thi ngs shou ld con

, ,

s pi re or at least rise agai nst the roof and crown of thi ngs ’

, , ,

as Ten nyson calls u s A re they j ealou s of us .

Clearly at all events we are not at home amidst the m

, ,
”
not gen u i nely so ad mitted the doctor
, .

A nd yet you say we are spru ng o f them ? said J uliet .

”
We have lifted o u rselves above them rej oin ed the ,

doctor an d mu st conqu er th em next

, .

“
A nd u ntil we conqu e r them suggested J u li et ou r , ,

lifti ng above them is i n vai n

For we retu rn to them assented Faber ; and si lence ,

fell
. Yes he resu med , it i s sad Th e u p per ai r is
, .

sweet and the heart of man loves the su n

,
 PAU L FA BER .

“
T hen interru pted J u liet
,
why woul d you h ave me ,

willi ng to go down to the dark ness

I wou ld not have you wil ling I woul d have you love .

the li ght as yo u d o We can not bu t love the light for i t i s

.
,

good ; and the sorrow that w e m u st leave it an d that so ,

soon only mak es it d earer T h e se nse of co ming lo ss is o r

,
.
,

ought to b e the strongest of all bon ds between the creatu res

,

of a day T h e sweetest saddest most entrancing songs

.
, ,

that l ove can sing m ust b e b ut variations o n this one

,

th eme — T he morn ing is clear ; the dew mou nts heaven

.
‘

ward th e od or spread s th e s u n look s over the hill th e

world break s i nto lau ghter let u s love o n e another l T he
su n gro ws hot the shad ow li es d eep l et u s sit i n it and
, ,

remember th e sea li es fl ashi ng i n green d u lled W ith p u rple ,

the peacock spreads h is glori es a livi ng gard en of flo wers ,

all i s mu te but the ru sh of the stream : let u s love one

anoth er T he soft even i ng d raws n igh the dew i s comi ng
d own agai n th e air i s cool d u sky an d thi n it is sweeter , ,

than the morning other words of d eath gleam out of th e

deepeni ng sky ; the bi rd s close thei r wings and hid e thei r
heads for death is near : let u s love on e another ! T h e
,

night i s come and there is no morrow i t is dark the en d

,

i s nigh ; it grows cold i n the dark ness and the cold we

tremble w e si nk a moment and we are no more ah ah
, ,

beloved l et u s love let u s cleave to on e another for we

, ,
D)
di e
B ut it seems to me that the pitifu l ness with which w e
,

ought to regard each other i n th e horror of bei ng the off

spri ng of a lov e we d o not love i n the danger of wanderi ng ,

ever the child ren of light i n the m idst of dark n ess immeas
, , ,

u rably su rpasses th e pitifu lness demand ed by the fancy that

we are th e c reatu res of bu t a day .

M ov ed i n hi s sou l by the sou n d of his o wn words bu t ,

hi mself th e harp u pon which th e fi nger s of a mighti er

Natu re than he k new were playi ng a prel u d e to a grander

phantasy than h e cou ld comp re hen d Faber caught the hand ,

of J u liet where it gleamed white i n th e gatheri ng gloom .

B ut she withd rew it sayi ng i n a tone which through the

,

dark ness seemed to him to come from afar tinged with ,

mock ery
You ought to hav e been a poet— n ot a doctor M r
.

.
,

Faber
T he j ar of h er apparent coolness brou ght hi m back with
a shock to the common place He almost shu dd ered It . .

was lik e a gust of icy W i nd pier cing a summer night .

 PAU L FABER . IO I

I tru st the doctor can ru le the poet h e said recover , ,

ing h is self possession with an effort and risi ng

-

, .

T he doctor ought at least to k eep the poet from false

hood I s false poetry any better than false religion
.

returned J u liet .

I do not qu ite see

You r day is not a tru e pictu re of life su ch as you wou ld
mak e it — L et me see ! I will give you one —
. S it dow n . .

G iv e me time The morn i ng i s dark ; the mist b angs

.
‘

and wil l not rise ; the sodden leaves si nk u nder th e foot ;

overh ead th e bou ghs are bare ; the col d creeps i nto bone
and marrow let us love on e anoth er 1 T h e su n is b u ri ed in
miles of vapor the bird s sit mute o n the damp twigs the
gathered d rizzl e slowly dri ps from the eaves the wood will
not bu rn i n the grate there is a crust i n the larder no win e ,

i n th e cellar let u s love one another

Y es cried F aber agai n seizi ng her hand let u s bu t
, ,

love and I am content

,

A gai n sh e withd rew it .

N ay but hear my song out she sai d tu rn in g her face

, , ,

toward s the wi nd ow — I nth e fadi ng light h e saw a wi ld look

.

of pai n which vanished i n a strange bitter smi le as sh e

, ,

resu med T h e ashes of l ife s volcano are falling ; they

.
‘ ’

bepowder my hai r ; its fi res hav e withered the rose of my

lips my foreh ead i s wri nkl ed my cheeks are fu rrowed my , ,

brows are su llen I am weary an d d isconte nted and , ,

u nlovely ah let u s lov e on e another

,
T h e wheels of time
grind on my heart is sick an d cares not for thee I care ,

not for myself and thou art n o longer lovely to me ; I

,

can n o more recall wherefore I desired thee once ; I long

only for the endless sleep death alon e hath charms
to say L et u s love on e anoth e r were now a mock e ry too
, ,

bitter to be felt E ven sad ness i s withered N o more can

. .

it mak e me sorrowfu l to brood over the d ays that are gone ,

or to remember the song that once wou l d have mad e my

heart a fou ntai n of tears A h hah ! the folly to thi nk w e
.
,

cou ld love to th e end B ut I care not the fancy served its

tu rn and there i s a grave for thee and me—apart or
together I care not so I cease T hou needst not love me
, .

an y more ; I care not for thy love I hardly care for the .

blessed dark ness itself G iv e me no sweet obliviou s anti

.

d ote no preciou s poison su ch as I once prayed for when

,

I feared the loss o f love that it might O pen to me the gate

,

of forgetfu lness tak e me so ftly in u nseen arm s and sin k

~

, ,
10 2 PAU L FABER .

with me i nto th e d u ri ng dark N o I wi ll not calmly but .

, ,

i n u tter i n d i fference await th e e nd I d o not love thee ;

, .

bu t I can eat and I enj oy my wi ne and my rubber of

, ,

whist
S he brok e i nto a d readfu l lau gh I t was all h orribly un .

natu ral S he rose and i n th e d eepeni ng twilight seemed to

,

d raw herself u p far beyond her height the n tu rn ed and , ,

look ed out o nthe shadowy last o f th e su nset Faber rose .

also H e felt her shu dder thou gh she was n ot with i n two
.
,

arm s lengths o f hi m H e sprang to h er side

’

M i ss M eredith—J u liet—you have su ffered

-
. .

The world
has been too hard for yo u L et me d o all I can to mak e u p
for it I too k n ow what su ffering is and my h eart is bleed ,

i ng for you
What are you not part of the world ? A re you not her
last born —the perfection of her h eartlessn ess ? — and will
-

you act th e farce o f consolati on I s it the last strok e of the

eternal mocke ry
J u l iet h e sai d and once more took her hand
, ,
I love ,

A s a man may sh e re j oi ned with scorn and p u lled ,

her han d from his grasp N o such love as you can give . ,

is too poor even for me L ove you I w ill not I f you . .

speak to me so again you wi ll d rive me away Talk to me , .

as yo u will of you r voi d idol T ell me of the dark n ess of .

hi s dwelling and the sanctu ary it afford s to poor tormented

, , ,

specte r hu nted h u man ity ; bu t d o not talk to me of love

-

also for where you r idol is lov e can n ot b e

Faber mad e a gentle apology an d with drew—abash ed an d
,
.
,

h u rt— vex ed with hi mself and ann oyed with h is failu re , .

T he mom ent h e was gone sh e cast herself o n the sofa ,

with a choked scream an d sobbed and grou nd her teeth , , ,

but shed no tear L i fe had long been poor ari d vagu e ;

.
, ,

n ow there was n ot left even the lu x u ry of grief Where al l

was loss n o l oss w as worth a tear
, .

It were good for me that I had n ever been born

sh e cri ed .

B u t th e d octor came agai n and again and look ed devoti on , ,

though h e n ever spok e of love H e avoi ded also for a time

any fu rther pressi ng o f his opi nion s—talk ed of poetry of
.

sci ence o f natu re all h e said tinged with th e same sad

,
-

glow T hen by d egrees d i rect d en ial came u p agai n and

.
,

J u li et scarcely attempted op p osition G rad u ally sh e got .

q u ite u s ed to his doctri ne ; and as she got u sed to it it ,

 PA UL FABER . 103

seemed less d read fu l and rather less sad What wicked

, .

ness cou ld there be i n d enyi ng a G od whom the very works

attributed to hi m d eclared not to ex ist M r Faber w as a .

man of science and k new it S he cou ld see for herself that

, .

it must d raw close r the bonds between hu man bei ngs to ,

learn that th ere w as n o such power to hu rt them or aid them ,

or to clai m lordshi p over them and enslave them to hi s w ill !

For J u l iet had n ever had a gliinpse of the id ea that inone
, ,

n ess with the love creati ng Wi ll alon e li es freedom for the

-

, ;

love created When Faber perceived that hi s words had

begu n and conti n u ed to i nfl u ence her h e on his part grew , , ,

more k indly d isposed toward her su perstitions .

L et me h ere remark that u nti l we see G od as H e i s an d

, ,

are changed i nto H is lik en ess all ou r beliefs mu st partak e ,

more or less of su perstition ; but i f there be a G od the ,

greatest su perstition of al l wi ll be fou n d to h ave consisted

i n d enying hi m .

D o not thi nk me i ncapable h e sai d o ne day after they , ,

had at length sli d back into thei r former freedom with each
other of seeing mu ch that i s lovely and graci ou s i n the
,

orthodox fanci es of religi on M u ch d epends of cou rse .

, ,

u pon the natu re of the person wh o holds them N o beli ef .

coul d be beautifu l i n a mi nd that is u nlovely A sonn et of .

Shak espeare can be no bette r than a bu rned ci nder i n su ch a

mi nd as M rs R amshorn s B u t there i s M r Wingfo ld
.
’
. .
,

the cu rate of the abbey ch u rch a tru e honest man who

-

, ,

wi ll give even an infi del lik e me fai r play : n othi ng that

fi nds acceptance with hi m can be other than n obl e wh eth er ,

it be tru e or not I fear he ex pects me to come over to

.

him one day I am sorry he will be d isappoi nted for he is

.
,

a fellow qu ite free from th e flummery of his professi on .

For my part I d o not see why two fri end s shou ld n ot con
,
’
sent to respect each other s O pi ni ons letti ng the on e d o h i s ,

best without a G od to hi nd er hi m and th e other hi s best ,

with h is belief i n on e to ai d hi m S uch a pai r might be the .

most emu lou s of rivals i n good work s .

J u liet retu rn ed no satisfactory response to this tentative

remark ; but it was from n o obj ection any longe r i n he r
mi nd to su ch a relatio n i n the abstract She had not yet at .

all consented with herself to abandon the faith o f he r fath er ,

bu t sh e d id not see an d i ndeed it were hard for any on e i n

,

her condition to see wh y a man and a woman th e one d eny

, ,
’
ing after Faber s fashi on the oth er beli evi ng after hers
, ,

Shou ld not l ive together an d love and hel p each other O f all
, .
1 04 PAU L FABER .

valu el ess thi ngs a merely sp ecu lative theology i s o ne of th e

,

most val u eless T o her G od had n ever been mu ch more than

.
,

a name— a name it is tru e that always occu rred to her i n

, ,

any vivi d moment of h er life bu t the B ei ng whose was that

name w as vagu e to her as a storm of sand — hardly so mu ch
,

he r father as w as the fi rst forgotten ancestor of her line A n d .

now it was sad for her that at su ch a ti me o f pecul iar emo

tion when th e h eart i s ready to turn of itself toward its
,

u nseen origi n feeling after the fou ntai n of its love the ve ry
, ,

occasion o f the tid e G odward shou ld be an influ enc e d e

stru ctive of the same U n d er the growi ng fascinati on of th e .

han dsome n oble m inded doctor she was fast losing what
,
-

little shadow of faith she had possessed T he theology sh e .

had attempted to d efen d was so fau lty so u n fai r to G od , ,

’
that F abe t s atheism had an advantage over it as easy as it
’
was great H is u nbelief was less selfi sh than J u liet s faith
.

consequ ently he r faith sank as her consci ence rose meeting ,

’
what was tru e i n Fabe r s utterances H ow cou ld it be other .

wise wh en sh e opposed lies uttered for the truth to tru ths ,

uttered for the li e ? the truth itself she had n ever been tru e
enough to look i n the face A s her argu ments yea th e .
,

ve ry thi ngs she argu ed for went down before h i m her faith , , ,

wh ich , to be faith shou ld have been i n the livi ng sou rce of

,

all tru e argu ment fou n d no obj ect was swept away like the
, ,

u prooted weed it was an d whel med i n retu rn ing chaos ,

.

I f su ch is your G od h e sai d I do H i m a favor i n , ,

denying H i s existence for H is very being wou ld be a d is ,

grace to H imself A t ti mes as I go my roun ds an d think

.
, ,

o f th e horrors of mise ry and su ffering before m e I feel as ,

if I were o ut on a campaign agai nst an E v i l su preme the ,

A u thor of th em all B ut when I reflect that H e mu st then

.

actu ally create from very j oy i n the inflictio nan d sight of

agony I am ashamed of my foolish an d cru el though bu t
, ,

momentary i magination an d T here can be no such ,

bei ng I say I but labor i n a region of i nexorable law

.
,

bli n d as J u stice herself law that works for good i n the

main an d whose carelessn ess o f i nd ivi du al su ffering it i s
,

for me and all who k now i n any way how to su pplement

, ,

with the i n divid ual care of man for his fellow men w h o -

, ,
’
eithe r from N atu re s own n ecessity or by n eglect or vi ola ,

tion of h er laws fi nd themselves in a sea of troubles

,
For .

N atu re hersel f to th e man who will work i n harmony with

,

h er affo rds the means o f alleviation o f re storation even

, ,

wh o kn ows i f n ot of somethin g better stil l

“

th e m e ans , -
 PA U L F A B ER . 1 05

that is of enco unteri ng the i lls that resu lt from th e breach

,

of her own laws and the best th e man w h o wou ld help his
fellows can do i s to search after an d fi nd su ch other laws
, ,

whose applied operation wil l restore the general cond uction ,

an d ren d er life after all an end u rable if not a d esirable ,

"
thi ng.

B u t yo u can do nothi n g with d eath sai d J u liet

Nothing—yet—alas
, .

I s d eath a law or a breach of law then,

s he ask ed , .

That i s a qu estion I can not answer .

I n any case were it n ot better to let t he race d i e o ut

, ,

instead of laboriou sly piecing and patchin g at a too old

garment and so leave room for a n ew race to come up
, ,

which the fru it of ex peri ence both sweet an d bitter left , ,

behi nd i n book s might enable to avoid like ru in

,

A ges before they were able to read ou r books they ,

wou l d have broken the same laws fou nd the same evi ls , ,
,

an d be as far as we are n ow beyon d the hel p of foregon e

ex periences they wou ld have the ex perience itself of ,
”
whose essence it is that it is sti ll too late ,
.

T hen wou ld n ot th e k i n d est thi ng be to poi son th e race

-
as men on the p rai ri es meet fi re with fi re—an d so with
d eath foi l D eath and have d on e with dying ?
I t seems to me better to live on i n the hope that some
on e may yet— ih some far off age it may only b e but w hat -

a thing if it shou ld be —d iscover th e law of d eath learn

,

how to meet it and with its fore ru n ners di sease and

, ,
-

d ecay ban ish it from the world Wou l d yo u cru sh the

,
.

drago nfly th e moth o r the bee becau se its days are so

, , ,

few R ather wou ld yo u n ot p itifu lly rescu e them that they ,

might enj oy to their natu ral en d the w il d i ntoxication of

bein g
A h bu t they are happy wh ile they live
So also are men — al l me n — for parts of thei r time
,

H ow many d o you think wou ld than k me fo r the o ffered

, ,

poison
Talk after talk of this k ind wh ich the scope of my h istory ,

forbid s me to follow took place between th em u nti l at

, ,

length J u liet gen erally silence d came to be si lenced not

, ,

u nwil li ngly A l l th e ti me thei r common h u man ity each

.
, ,
‘
perceiving that the other had sufi ered was u rging to mutual ,

consolation A n d all the time that mysteriou s force inscru

.
, ,

table as creation itself which d raws the i nd ivid ual man an d

woman togethe r was mightily at work betwee n them —a
,

,
1 06 P AU L F A B E R .

force which terrible as i s the array of its attendan t shad

,

o ws will at length appear to have been o n

,
e o f the most
powerfu l in the redemption of the world B ut J u liet d id .

nothing said nothing to attract Fabe r H e wou ld have

, ,
.

cast hi mself before h er as a slave beggi ng an own er bu t ,

for somet h i ng i n her carriage whi ch constantly prevented

him A t o ne ti me he read i t as an u n forgotten grief at
.
,

an oth er as a cherished affection an d trembled at the thought ,

o f the agonies that might be i n store for him .

Weeks passed an d h e had n ot mad e o ne i nqu i ry after a

,

situ atio n for h er I t was not becau se he wo ul d glad ly have

.

prolonged th e present arrangement of th i ngs b ut that he ,

fou nd it almost i mpossible to bri ng h i mself to talk abou t

he r I f she wou ld but accept hi m he thought —then there
.
,

wo uld be n o need l Bu t he d ared not u rge her— mai nly

from fear of failu re n ot at all from excess of modesty seei ng
, ,

he soberly believed su ch love an d d evotion as his worth the ,

acceptance of any woman — even wh ile h e bel ieved also ,

that to be loved of a tru e woman w as the one only thing

wh ich cou ld make u p for the en ormou s swi ndle o f life i n ,

which man mu st ever be a sorrow to himself as ever lag ,

ging behi n d hi s own child his i d eal E ven for this th e ,

.
,

worm that mu st forever li e gnawing i n the heart of hu man

ity it wou ld be con solati on enough to pl uck together the
,

roses o f youth th ey had it i n thei r o wnpower to di e while

thei r od or was yet red Why di d she repel hi m D oubtless
.
,

he con cl ud ed over and over again becau se with h e r lo fty , ,

id eal o f love a love for this world on ly seemed to her a

,

love n ot wo rth th e stoopi ng to take I f he cou ld but per .

su ad e her that the love o ffered i n th e agony of th e fi re

mu st be a n obler love than th at whispered from a bed of
roses th en perhaps d issolved i n co nflu ent sadn ess an d
, ,

sweetness sh e woul d hold ou t to hi m the chalice of h er

h eart an d the one pearl of the world wou ld yet be h is—a
,

woman al l hi s o wn— pu re as a flower sad as the n ight and , ,

d eep as n atu re u nfathomable .

H e h ad a grand id ea of woman H e had been bu ilt with .

a go ddess n iche i n h is sou l

-
an d thought how h e wou ld ,

worshi p the woman that cou ld fi ll it T here w as a time .

when sh e m u st beyond qu esti on be o ne whose rad iant

, ,

mirror had n ever reflected form o f man but h is : no w h e

wou ld be content i f fo r h i m sh e wo u ld abj u re and obliterate
her past T o mak e the woman who had loved forget
.

utterly was a greater v icto ry he sai d than to wake love in

, , ,
 PAU L FABER . 10
7

th e heart of a girl and wou ld yi eld hi m a h uer treasu re a

rich er conqu est O nly pu re as snow she mu st be— pu re as
, ,
'

.
,

the su n himself ! Pau l Faber was absol utely tyrannou s i n

his n otions as to femi ni ne pu rity L ike the d iamond shield
.

of Pri nce A rthu r Knight of M agnifi cence m u st b e the

, ,

pu rity that wou ld satisfy this lord of th e race wh o cou ld

l ive withou t a God Was h e then su ch a master of pu rity
himself ? one so i mmacu late that i n hi m su ch aspi rati on
was n o presu mptio n ? Was what h e kn ew h i mself to b e ,

an i d ea to mate with hi s u nspotted i deal T h e notion me n

have of thei r own worth and o f claims fou nded thereon i s
, ,

amazing most amazing of al l i s what a man wi ll set u p to

himself as the standard of the woman he will marry What .

the woman may have a right to claim never e nters his

,

thought He n ever d oubts th e right o r righteou sn ess of

.

aspiri ng to wed a woman between whose natu re an d hi s

l ies a gu lf wid e as between an angel praising G od and a
, ,

d evi l tak ing refuge from hi m i n a swi n e N ever a shadow

.

o f compu nctio n crosses th e leprou s sou l as he stretches

,

fo rth his arms to i nfol d the clean woman A h white dove ,

thou must li e for a whi le among the pots I f only thy .

mother be not more to blame than th e wretch that acts bu t

after his ki n d ! He does not d i e o f self loath ing ! how
-

then cou l d h e i magin e the horro r of d isgu st with which a

glimpse of h im such as h e is wou l d blast the sou l o f th e
woman Yet has h e—what i s it —th e virtu e ? the pri d e
or th e cru e l in solence —to sh ri nk with ru dest abh orrence
from on e who is i n natu re an d h istory an d rui n hi s fi tting
, ,

and proper mate T o see only how a man wi ll be content

to be hi mself th e th i ng wh ich he scorns anothe r for bei ng ,

might well be enough to sen d any on e crying to th e God

there may b e to come betwee n hi m and h imself L ord !
, .

what a tu rning of thi ngs u psi d e d own there will b e on e

day What a setting of lasts fi rst and fi rsts last
,
 CHAPT E R X VIII .

T HE P A RK AT N E ST L E Y .

J U ST i nsid e the park o n a mossy k n ol l a little way from

, ,

th e anci ent wrought i ron gate that opened almost u pon th e

-

on e street of O wlk irk the rector d ug the fou n dation of h is

,

chapel —anoblong G oth ic hall o f two squares and a half , ,

capable of seati ng al l i n th e parish nearer to it than to the

abbey ch u rc h I n h is wife s eyes M r B evi s was no w an
.
’

,
.

absolute sai nt for not only had he begu n to bu ild a chapel

,

i n his o wn gro u nds but to read prayers i n his own ch u rch

,

Sh e was n ot th e only one however w h o remark ed how , ,

d evou tly h e read them an d h i s p resence was a great com

,

fort to Wing fo ld H e ofte n obj ected to what his cu rate

.

preach ed — b u t only to h is face an d seld om when they were ,

not alo n e T here was policy i n this restrai nt h e h ad come

.

to see that i n all probability he wou ld have to give in— that

h is cu rate wou ld most likely sati sfy hi m that h e was right .

T he relati on between them was marvelou s and lovely T he .

’
rector s w as a qu iet awak eni ng a gentle secon d bi rth almost ,

i n old age B ut then h e had been but a boy al l the time and a
.
,

very good sort of boy H e had acted i n n o small measu re

.

accord i ng to th e light h e had an d ti me was of cou rse give n ,

hi m to grow in I t is n ot the world alone that requi res th e

.

fu llness of its ti me to come e re it can receiv e a revelation the

,

i nd ivid u al also h as to pass th rou gh his variou s stages of

P agan G u ebre M oslem J ew E ssene — G od k n ows what all
, , , ,

— before h e can b egi n to see an d u n derstand th e living

Ch rist T h e chi ld has to pass through all the phases of
.

lower an imal life ; wh en change is arrested he is born a ,

monster and i n many a Ch ristian the ru d iments of former

stages are far from e x ti nct — not seld om revive an d for the ,

time seem to reabsorb the d evelop ment mak i ng ind eed a ,

monstrous show .

For myself — I give a passage from Wingfo ld s n ote

” ’

book written for h is wife s read i ng

,
I feel s ometimes as if
’

I were yet a pagan struggling hard to break through where

,

I see a gli mmer of somethi ng bette r called Christianity ,

.

I n any case what I have can be bu t a foretaste of what I ,

have yet to be an d if so t hen i nd eed is th ere a glory lai d ,

 PAUL FABER . 1 09

u p for them that wil l have G od th e l of thei r 1 to th rone , ,

it i n the temple he has bu i lt to pervad e the li fe h e has ,

llfm o ut of hi mself My sou l is now as a chaos with a h u ngry

’
.

heart of ord er bu ri ed ben eath its slime that longs an d longs ,

for the movi ng of the breath o f God ove r its wate r an d

mu d .

T he fou ndation ston e of th e chapel was to be laid with

-

a short an d sim ple ceremony at which no clergy b ut them ,

selves were to be prese nt T he rector h ad not con sented .

,

and the cu rate had no t u rged that it shou ld remai n u nco n ,

secrated it was therefore u ncertain so far at least as ,

Wingfo ld k new whether it was to be chapel or lectu re hall

, .

I n either case it was for th e use and b enefi t of the vi llagers ,

and they were all i nvited to be present A few of the .

n eighbors who were frien ds of the recto r an d h is wi fe were ,

also i nvited and among them was M iss M ered ith

,
.

M r and M rs B evis had long ere n ow called u pon her

. .
,

and fou nd her as M rs Bevis said fi t for any soci ety S he

,
.
, .

had l u nched several times with them and her h ealth bein g , ,

now greatly restored was the read ier to accept the present
,

i nvitation that she was growi ng agai n anx iou s abou t

,

employment .

A lmost every o ne was take n with he r sweet man ner ,

shad ed with sad ness A t on e time self d issatisfacti on had

.
-

mad e her too anxiou s to please i n the mi rror of othe r

mi nds she sou ght a less u n favorable reflect io nof h erself .

Bu t trouble had greatly mo dified this tendency and taken ,

'

the too much ou t of her cou rtesy

-
.

She an d M rs P u ck ridge went togethe r an d Fabe r cal l

.
, ,

i ng soon after fou n d th e door locked H e saw the gath er

,
.

i ng i n th e park h o wever had heard someth ing about the

, ,

ceremony conclu d ed they were assisti ng and afte r a little

, , ,

qu estion ing with hi mself led h i s horse to th e gate mad e , ,

fast the rei ns to it went in an d approached the little assem

, ,

bly E re h e reached it he saw them k neel whereu pon he

.
, ,

mad e a ci rcu it an d got beh in d a tree for he wou ld not wi ll ,

ingly seem ru d e an d h e dared not b e hypocritical

,
T he nce .

he descri ed J u liet kneeling with the rest an d cou ld not hel p ,

bei ng rath er an noyed N eithe r cou ld he h elp being a l ittle

.

struck with the u nu su al k i n d of p rayer the cu rate was mak

i ng fo r h e spok e as to the G od of workmen th e G od of ,

i nvention and creati on who mad e the hearts of h is creatu res

,

so like his own that they mu st bu ild and mak e .

When the obse rvance was over, and the people were
I IO PAUL FABER .

scatteri ng i n grou ps till they shou ld be su mmoned to the

,

repast prepared for th em the rector caught sight of the ,

doctor and went to hi m

, .

Ha Fabe r ,he cried hold in g out his hand this is , ,

k i n d of you I shou ld hard ly hav e ex pected you to be

present on such an occasi on
I hoped my presence wou ld not o ffe nd you answered ,

the d octor I d id n ot pres u me to come closer than j u st

.

withi n earshot o f you r d evotions N either mu st you think .

me u nfriend ly for k eeping aloof .

Certain ly not I wou ld n ot have you gu i lty of irrever

.

en
’
cef

T hat cou ld hard ly b e if I recogni zed no presence , .

T here was at least rej oi ned M r B evis th e presence, .

,

of a good many of you r n eighbors to whom you n ever fai l ,

to recogniz e you r d uty an d that is the second half of re ,

lig io n wou ld it n ot have sh owed want of reve re nce toward

them t o b ri ng an u nsympathetic p resence i nto the mi dst of
,

their devotion ?
T hat I grant said the d octor , .

B ut it may b e said the cu rate wh o had come u p whil e

, ,

they talk ed that what you perhaps j u stifi ab ly refuse to

, , ,

recognize as i rreverence has its root i n some fau lt of whi ch

yo u are not yet aware .

T hen I m not to blame for it sai d Faber qu i etly

’

, .

B ut you might be terribly th e loser by it .

T hat i s you mean if there should be O ne to whom

, ,

reverence is d u e ?
”
Yes
Would that b e fai r the n—inan A l l wise that is toward
.

, , ,

an ignorant bei ng
I thi nk n ot T herefore I look for something to reveal
.

it to yo u B ut alth ough I dare n ot say you are to blame

.
, ,

becau se that wou ld be to tak e u pon myself the o ffice of a

j udge which i s G od s alon e He only being able to give fair
,
’

play I would yet have yo u search you rself and see wh eth er
, ,

you may not come u pon somethi ng which k eeps you from
givi ng fu ll an d h onest attention to what some people as ,

honest as you rself thi nk they see tru e I am speak i ng only

,
.

from my k nowl edge of myself an d the convictio n that we ,

are all mu ch alik e What i f you sh ou ld d iscover that you

d o not really and absol utely d isbel ieve i n a G od —that the
.

h u man natu re i s not capable of s uch a d isbelief —that you r

u nbelief h as b een only in di ffer ence and i rreverence—and
 PAUL FABER . I I I

that to a B ei ng grander an d nobler and fai re r than n u man

h eart can conceive ?
I f it be so let H i m pu n ish me said the doctor gravely
I f it be so He will sai d the cu rate solemnly —an d
, , .

you wi ll thank H i m for it—after a wh ile T he G od of my

, , ,

belief is too good not to mak e H imself k nown to a man who

”
loves what is fai r and honest as you d o ,
.

T he d octor was silent .

While they were talki ng thu s two lad i es had left the others
and now approached them — M rs Wingfo ld an d M iss M er
,

ed ith T hey had heard th e last few sentences an d seeing

.
,

two clergymen agai nst one infi del hastened with the gener ,

osity of women to render h i m what aid they might .

“
I am su re M r F abe r is honest sai d H elen .
,
.

”
That i s much to say for any man retu rned the c u rate ,
.

I f any man i s then adj ected J u liet , ,

.

T hat is a great I f rej oi ned Wingfo ld A re you ,

.

honest H elen ,
h e ad ded tu rn ing to his wife , .

”
No she answered ,
but I am honeste r than I was a
year ago .

So am I sai d he r husban d
,
an d I hope to be
’
honester yet before another is over I t s a big thi ng to say .
,

I um lzofzest .

J ul iet was silent and H elen w h o was mu ch i nterested

, ,

with her tu rned to see how she was tak i ng it H er l ips were
, .

as white as her face H elen attributed the change to anger .

,

and was si lent also T he sam e moment th e rector moved .

toward the place where th e lu ncheon tables were and they -

all accompanied him H ele n still walki ng i n a little an xiety , , ,

’
by J u liet s si de I t was some mi n utes before the color came
.

back to her l ips ; but when H elen n ext ad d ressed her sh e ,

answered as gently and sweetly as if the silence had bee n

n othing bu t an ord inary one .

“
Y ou wi ll stay and lu nch with us M r Faber ? said the
T here can be no hypocrisy i n that—e h ?
,
.

rector .

T hank you retu rned th e d octo r heartily

,
bu t my
work i s wait ing me an d we al l agree that must be d on e
.
, ,

whatever our O p i nions as to the grou nd of the obligation .

’
A nd no man can say you d on t d o it re j oined the cu rate ,

ki ndly T hat s one thing we d o agree in as you say let

.
’

us hold by it Faber and keep as g ood friends as we can

, , ,

till we grow better ones .

Fabe r cou ld not q u ite match the cu rate i n plain speak ing
the pu pil was not u p w ith his maste r yet .
1 12 PAUL FABER .

T hank you Wingfold h e retu rned and his voice was

, , ,

not free o f e moti on though J u l iet alon e felt the trembl e of

th e on e vibrati ng th read i n it ”
,

M iss M ered ith h e went .

— ,

o n tu rn i ng to her
“
,
I have heard of somethi ng that perhap s
,

may su it you w ill you allow m e to call i n the eveni ng and ,

talk it over with you

P lease d o responded J u liet eagerly
,
Come before .

”
post time i f you can It may b e n ecessary to write
-
. .

”
I will G ood morni ng
. .

H e mad e a gen eral bow to the company an d walked away ,

cutting off th e heads of the dandelions with his whi p as h e

went A l l followed with thei r eyes h is fi rm gracefu l fi gure
.
, ,

as he strod e ove r the grass i n his rid i ng boots and spu rs -

.

H e s a fi ne fellow that
’
sai d the rector B u t bless .
-

me h e ad ded tu rni ng to his cu rate h ow thi ngs change

, ,

I f you had told me a year ago the d ay woul d come when I ,

shou ld call an atheist a fi ne fellow I shou ld almost have ,

thou ght you mu st be one you rself Yet here I am sayi ng

it— and n ever inmy life so mu ch i n earnest to be a Christian
H ow i s it Wingfo ld my boy ?
.

, ,

H e wh o has th e spi rit o f his M aster will speak the truth ,

” ’
even of his M aster s en emies answered the cu rate To , .

this h e i s d rive n if h e d oes n ot go willi ngly for he k nows ,

h is Master loves his enemi es I f you see Faber a h ue fel .

low you say so j u st as the L ord wou ld and try th e more to

, , ,

save hi m A man wh o loves and serves his n eighbor let h i m

.
,

speak ever so many words agai nst the S on of M an is n ot ,

si nn ing agai nst th e H oly G host H e is still open to th e

sacred influ ence—the vi rtu e which i s ever goi ng forth from
.

God to heal I t is th e man wh o i n th e name of religion

.

opposes that which he sees to be good wh o i s i n danger of ,

eternal si n
C ome come Wingfo ld whatever you do d on t mis
.

, , ,
”
qu ote said the rector
, .

I don t say it is th e right read i ng retu rned the cu rate

’

, ,

but I can hardly be convicted of misqu oti ng so long as it ,

”
is that of the two old est man u scri pts we have .

”
You always have the better of me answered the rector
B u t tell me—are n ot the atheists of the present day a b et
.
,

ter sort of fellows than those we u sed to hear of when we

were you ng
I d o thi nk so B ut as on e wh o believes with h is whol e
.
,

sou l and strives with h is whol e will I attribute thei r better

, ,

n ess to the growing influences of G od u pon th e race th rou gh

 P A U L F A BE R . 1 13

th em that have beli eved A nd I am ce rtai n of thi s that

.
, ,

whateve r they are it need s bu t time and conti nu ed u nbelief

,

to bri ng them down to any level from whatever height .

They will either repent or fal l back i nto the worst things
, ,

believing no more i n thei r fellow man and th e d uty they o we

him—o f which they now rightly mak e so mu ch and yet not
-

half enough— than they d o i n G od an d H is C hrist B u t I .

d o n ot beli eve half th e bad things C hristians have sai d and

written of atheists I nd eed I d o n ot believe the greater
.

nu mber of those they have called su ch were atheists at all , .

I su spect that worse d ishonesty an d greater inj u stice are to

, ,

be fou nd among the champions lay an d cleric of religiou s , ,

O pi nion than i n any other class I f G od were such a O ne

,
.

as many of those w h o wou l d fancy themselves H is apostles ,

th e u niverse wou l d be but a h uge h ell L ook at certai n o f .

the so called religi ou s newspapers for i nstance R el igi ou s

-

,
.

Thei r tongu e i s set on fi re of hell I t may b e said that they .

are mere money specu lations ; bu t what mak es them pay ?

-

Wh o buys them T o please whom d o they write ? D o not

many buy them wh o are now and th en themselves d isgu sted
with them Why d o they n ot refuse to tou ch the u nclean
thi ngs I nstead of k eeping the commandment that ,
’
he who loveth G od love his broth er also these th e p rime , ,

chan nels of Satani c influ ence i n the C hu rch powerfu lly

teach that H e that loveth G od must abuse his broth er—o r
,

he shall be hi mself abu sed .

”
I fancy sai d th e rector
,
th ey wou ld withh old the
,

name of brother from those they abu se .

”
No not always .

T hey would from an u nbeliever .

Yes B ut let them then call hi m an en emy and behave

to hi m as su ch —that is love hi m or at least try to give
,
.

, ,

hi m the fai r play to wh ich th e most wicked of d evi ls has the

same right as the holiest of sai nts I t i s the v ile falsehood .

and miserable u nreality of C hristians their faithlessness to ,

thei r M aster thei r love of th ei r own wretch ed sects th ei r

, ,

world liness an d u nchristianity thei r talki ng and not d oing

, ,

that has to answer I suspect for the greater part o f ou r

, ,
"
present atheism .

I have see n a good d eal of M r Fabe r o f late J u liet .

,

said with a slight tremo r i n her voice and h e seems to me

, ,

i ncapable of falling i nto those v ile cond itions I u sed to hear

”
attributed to ath eists .

T he atheism of some men sai d th e cu rate is a , ,

1 14 PA U L FABER .

nobler thi ng than the C hristianity of some of the foremost

of so called and so beli eved C hristians and I may not
- -

,
”
d oubt they will fare better at the last .

T he rector look ed a little blank at this but said nothi ng , .

H e had so often fou nd u pon reflect io n that what seemed

, ,

extravagance i n his cu rate w as yet the spi rit of Scri ptu re ,

that he had learned to su spend j u dgment .

M iss M ered ith s face glowed with th e pleasu re o f hearing

’

j u stice rendered the man i n whom sh e was so mu ch i nter

est ed and she looked th e more beauti fu l
,
S he went soon .

after lu ncheon was over leavi ng a favorable imp ressi on

,

behi nd her S ome o f the ladi es sai d she was much too
.

fond of the doctor bu t th e gentlemen admi red her spi rit i n

standi ng u p for hi m S ome obj ected to her paleness ;
.

others sai d i t was not paleness but fai rn ess for her eyes , ,

an d hai r were as dark as th e nigh t ; b ut all agreed that ,

whatever it was to be called her complexi on was pecu liar ,

some for that ve ry reason j u dgi ng it the more ad mi rable ,

and others the contra ry S ome said she was too stately
.
,

and attributed her carriage to a pri de to which i n he r ,

position sh e had no right they said Oth ers j u dged that

, , .

sh e need ed su ch a bearing the more for self defense espe -

cially i f she h ad come d own i n the world H er d ress it was

generally allowed was a littl e too severe—some thought
.
,

, ,

i n its defi ance of the fashion assu mi ng N o on e d isputed , .

that sh e had been accu stomed to good society and n one ,

coul d say that she had mad e the slightest i ntru sive move
ment toward thei r ci rcle Still why was it that n obody
.
,

k new any thi ng about he r ?

C H A PT E R X I X .

T HE R EC T O R Y .

T HE cu rate and h is wife had a good d eal o f talk about

J u li et as they d rove h ome from N estley M uch pleased .

with herself they heard from thei r hostess what she had
,

learn ed of h er history and we re th e more i nterested T hey

must n
.
,

u d her a situ ation they agreed where she wo uld

, ,

feel at home ; an d i n the meantime wou ld l et her u nder

 PAU L FABER . 1 15

stand that i f she took u p her abod e i n G laston an d were so

, ,

inclined the town was large en ough to give a good hope of

,

fi ndin g a few daily engagements .

B efore they left N est ley H elen had said to M rs B evis ,

.

that she wou ld like to ask M iss M ered ith to visit the m for
a few days .

N 0 one k nows much abou t her remarked M rs Bevis ,

.
,

feeling responsible .

’
S he can t be poison retu rned H elen A n d i f sh e
, .

’ ’
were she cou ld n t h u rt u s T hat s th e good of bein g
,
.

husband an d wife so long as you are of o ne mi nd yo u can ,

d o almost any thi ng .

When Faber cal led u pon J u liet i n th e even ing nothi ng ,

passed betwee n them concerni ng the situ ation at which h e

had hi nted When he e ntered s he was seated as u su al i n
.

the corner of the d i ngy little cou ch u nd er the smal l wi nd ow ,

looki ng i nto th e garden i n the shadow S he d i d not rise

,
.
,

but held out her hand to hi m H e went hastily u p to her .

,

took the hand she o ffered sat d own besid e her an d at once
broke i nto a fu ll d eclaration of h is love—no w vol uble n ow
, ,

hesitati ng no w submissive now persuasiv e b ut h u mblest

, , ,
’
when most passionate Whatever the man s conceit o r h i s
.
,

esti mate of the thing he wou ld have h er accept i t was i n all ,

honesty an d modesty that he offered her th e su rrend er of

the very citad el of his b eing alas too empty swept an d w
, , ,
”
garnished ! J u liet kept her h ead tu rned from hi m h e
felt the han d he h eld trembl e an d eve ry now and the n ,

mak e a fai nt struggle to escape from his b ut h e cou ld not

see that her emotion was such as hard ly to b e accou nted
for either by pleasu re at the heari ng of welcome word s o r ,

sorrow that her reply mu st cau se pai n H e ceased at .

lengt h and with eyes of longi ng sought a gli mpse o f her

,

face and caught on e Its wi ld waste expressio n frighten ed

, .
,

him It was palli d lik e an old su nset and h er b reath came

.
,

an d went stormi ly T hree ti mes i n a growi ng agony o f

.
,

effo rt her lips failed o f speech

, Sh e gave a su dd en .

d espai ri ng cast of her head sid eways h er mouth opened a ,

little as if with mere hel plessness she th rew a pitifu l glance ,

i n his face bu rst i nto a tu mu lt of sobs an d fel l back o n the

, ,

couch N ot a tear came to he r eyes but su ch was her

.
,

trouble that she d id not even care to lift he r hand to her face to
hid e the movem ents of its rebelliou s mu scles Faber b ewild .
,

ered but from th e habits o f hi s profession maste r of hi mself

, , , ,

instantly prepared her something which she took obedi ently ,

1 16 P AU L FA BER .

and as soon as sh e w as qu ieted a little mou nted an d rod e

away : two th i ngs were clear—o ne that sh e cou ld not be
,

i nd i fferent to him th e other that whatever th e cau se of , ,

her emoti on sh e wou ld for the present be better withou t

,

hi m H e was both too k in d and too prou d to persist i n

.

presenting h imself .

T he n ext morning H elen d rew u p h er poni es at M rs .

P uck ridge s d oor and Wingfo ld got o ut and stood by thei r

’

head s wh ile sh e went i n to call on M iss M eredith

,
.

J u l iet had passed a sleepless night and greatly d read ed ,

’
the n ext i nte rview with Fab er H elen s i nvitation therefore .
, ,
’
to pay th em a few days visit came to h er lik e a redemption ,

i n thei r hou se sh e wou ld have protection both from F aber

an d from herself H earti ly with tear s i n her eyes sh e ao
.
, ,

c epted it and h er cord ial and gratefu l readi ness placed her
yet a step higher i n the regard o f her n ew fri en ds T he ao .

ceptan ce of a favor may b e th e conferring of a greater .

”
Q u ickly h u rriedly she p ut u p h er bag of n eed ments an d
, , ,
’
with a sad sweet smile of gentle apology took the cu rate s
, ,

place besid e h is wife whi le he got i nto th e seat behi nd

,
.

J u liet havi ng b een o f late so mu ch co nfi ned to the house

, ,

cou ld not k eep back the tears called forth by the pleasu re
o f th e rapi d motion th rough the ai r th e constant change of ,

scene and that sense o f hu man st o ry wh ich hau nts the mi nd

,

i n passi ng u nk nown h ouses and farms and villages A nol d .

th atched barn work s as d irectly on the social feeling as the

anci ent castl e or venerable manor seat many a simple hou se -

wil l move on e s h eart lik e a poem ; many a cottage lik e a

’

mel ody When at last she caught sight of the great ch u rch
.

tower sh e clapped her han ds with d elight T he re was a

place i n which to wand er and hi d e l sh e thought—in which
.
,

to fi nd refuge an d rest and coolness an d shad ow E ve n for

,

Faber s o w n sak e she wou ld n ot b elieve that faith a mere

’

folly which had b u ilt such a pile as that Su rely there was
some way of meeting the terrible th ings he sai d —if only she
cou ld fi nd it
A re you fasti dio u s M i ss M eredith o r willi ng to do any
, ,

thing that i s hon est the cu rate ask ed rath er abru ptly lean ,

ing forward from the back seat .

”
I f ever I was fasti diou s she answere d I think I am
“
, ,

pretty n early cu red I shou l d ce rtai nly lik e my work to be

.

”
so far withi n my capacity as to b e pleasant to me .

T hen there is no fear answered the cu rate T he , .

people who don t get o n are those that p ick an d choose

’

,
 PA U L F A B E R . 1 17

u pon false pri nciples T hey ge n erally attempt what they are
fit for and d eserv e their failu res —A re you willing to teach
.

un ,
.

little p ud s and little tongu es

Ce rtai nly .

T ell me what you are able to do ?

I wou l d rathe r not You might think d i fferently when .

you came to k now me B ut you can ask me any q uestions .

’ ’
you please I shan t hid e my k nowledge an d I can t h id e
.
,

my ignorance .

T hank you sai d the cu rate and leaned back agai n i n

, ,

his seat .

A fter lu ncheon H elen fou nd to her delight that althou gh

, ,

J u liet was defi cient enough i n the mechan ics belonging to

both voice and i nstru ment she cou ld yet si ng and play with ,

ex pression and facility whi le her voice was o ne o f the lo veli ,

est she had ever heard When the c u rate came home from .

his afternoon attentions to the aili ng of his flock he was d e ,

’
l ighted to hear h is wi fe s report of her gifts .

Wou ld you m i nd read ing a page or two alou d 7 he sai d

to thei r visitor after they had had a cu p o f tea
,
I ofte n .

get my wife to read to me .

She consented at once H e put a volu me of Carlyle i nto .

her hand S he had never even tasted a book of h is before

.
,

yet presently caught the spi rit of the passage and read ,

charmingly .

I n the cou rse of a day o r two they d iscovered that sh e was

sadly defective i n spelling a paltry poverty no doubt yet , ,

awkward for one w h o wou ld teach chi ld ren I n grammar .

and arithmetic also the cu rate fou nd her lack ing G oing from .

place to place with her father she had never been mu ch at ,

school she said and n o one had ever compelled her to at

, ,

tend to the d ry th ings B ut nothing cou l d b e more satis .

factory than the way i n which sh e now with the help o f th e ,

cu rate an d his wife set herself to learn an d u ntil sh e shou ld

,

have gai ned such pro ficiency as wou ld enab le them to speak
of her acqu irements w ith co nfidence they persuaded her , ,

with n o great diffi cu lty to conti nu e their guest Wing fo ld ,

.
,

wh o had been a tutor i n hi s day w as well q ualifi ed to assist ,

her and she learned with wond erfu l rapid ity

, .

The point that most perplexed Wingfo ld with her was that ,

whi le very capable of perceiving and ad mi ri ng the good she ,

was yet capable of ad miring things of altogether i nferior

quality W hat d i d it mean
. C ou ld it arise from an excess
of prod uctive facu lty not yet s ufficiently d i fferenced fro m
,
1 18 P A U L F A B ER .

th e receptive P O n e coul d i magi ne such an excess ready to

seize the poorest mold s flow i nto them and e nd ow them
, ,

for itself with attributed life an d power H e fou n d also that .

sh e was familiar with the modes o f thought and ex pression

pecu liar to a ce rtai n school of theology—embod iments from
which having d on e thei r good and long commenced doing
, ,

thei r evil T ruth had begu n to withd raw itself consu ming as
, ,

it withd rew For the moment the fi re ceases to b e the life

.

o f the b ush i n which it appears the b u sh will b egi n to be ,

consu med A t th e same time he cou ld p erfectly recognize

.

th e influence of Faber u pon her For not u nfrequ ently the .

,

talk between th e cu rate and his wife wou ld tu rn u pon some

point con nected with the u nbel ief o f the land so much more ,

active though b ut seemingly more extensive than heretofore

,

when she wou ld n ow mak e a remark now ask a qu estion i n , ,

wh ich the cu rate heard the d octor as plai nly as if the words
had come d i rect from his li ps those wh o d id not believe
might answer so an d so—might refuse th e evid ence— might
explai n the th ing d i fferently B ut she listened well an d
.
,

seemed to u nd erstand what they said T he best o f h er u n .

d oubted ly appeared i n her music i n which she was fu nda ,

mentally far su perior to H elen though by no means so wel l ,

trai ned taught or practiced i n it whence H elen had the u h

,

speakable d elight o ne whi ch only a hu mbl e large and lofty

, ,

mi nd can ever have o f consciou sly mi nisteri ng to th e growth

,

o f another i n th e very thing wherei n that other i s natu rally

the su peri or T he way to the b lessed ness that is i n mu sic
.
,

as to all other blessed nesses lies through weary lab ors an d

, ,

the master must su ffe r with th e d isci pl e H el en took J u li et

l ik e a chi ld set her to scales and ex ercises and made her
, ,

practice hou rs a day .

C H A PT E R X X .

AT T HE PI A NO .

W HEN Faber called on J uliet the morni ng after th e l ast ,

inte rview recorded and fou nd where she was gone he d id

, ,

not d oubt she had tak en refuge with her n ew friend s from
his i m portu n ity and was at once confirmed i n th e i d e a h e
,
 PAU L FABER . 1 19

had cherished through the whole wake fu l night that the ,

cause of her agitation was nothi ng else than the co nflict

between h erheart and a false sense of d uty , born of prej u
d ice and su perstition She was n ot wi llin g to send hi m
.

away and yet she dared not accept hi m H er behavior had

,
.

certainly revealed any thing but i nd i fference and therefore ,

mu st not make h im miserable A t the same ti me if it was .

her pleasu re to avoid him what chance had he of seei ng her ,

alone at the rectory P T he thought mad e h im so savage that

for a moment he almost i magined his fri end had been play
ing hi m false .

I su ppose he thi nks every thing fai r i n religi on as well ,

as i n love and war ! he said to himself It s a mighty ’

stak e n o dou bt—a sou l lik e J u liet s

.

'
’

He laughed scorn fu lly It was bu t a momenta ry yi eld i ng

.

to the temptation of i nj u stice however for his consci ence , ,

told hi m at once that th e cu rate was i ncapable of any th i ng

either overbearing o r u nd erhand H e wou ld call 0 11 her as
‘

his patient an d satisfy himself at once h o w th i ngs were

,

between them A t best they had tak en a bad tu rn

. .

He j ud ged it bette r however to let a day o r two pass

, , .
‘

W hen he d id call h e was shown i nto the d rawi ng room

,
-

where he fou nd H elen at the piano and J u liet having a ,

si ngi ng lesson from her T i ll then h e had never heard

-
.

’
J u liet s song voice A few notes of it di mly reached hi m
.

as he approached the room and perhaps prepared hi m fo r ,

th e i mpression he w as about to receive wh en th e door

opened like a wi n d on a more mobile sea it raised su dden
, .

tu mu lt inhis sou l Not once i n hi s life had h e ever bee n

.

agitated i n su ch fashion he knew hi mself as h e had n ever

k nown himself I t was as i f some po t ent element
.
,

u ndreamed of before came ru shi ng i nto th e ord ered sphere

.

of his world and shou ld ered its elements from th e rhythm

,

of thei r going It w as a fu ll contralto with pathos i n the

.
,

ve ry heart of it and it seemed to wrap itself rou nd his heart

,

l ike a serpent of sadd est splendor an d press th e blood ;

from it u p i nto hi s eyes T h e lad ies we re too much occu pi ed

.

to hear h i m an nou nced or note hi s entrance as he stood by

, ,

the door absorbed entranced

, , .

Presently h e began to feel annoyed and proceed ed there ,

u pon to tak e precautions with h imself For J u li et w as hav .

i ng a lesso n of the severest ki nd i n which sh e accepted ,

eve ry lightest hi nt with the most heedfu l attenti on an d con ,

formed thereto with th e swee test obed ience whence it

1 20 PA UL FA BER .

came that Fabe r th e n ext moment after fancyi ng he had

,

screwed his temper to stoic pitch fou nd hi mself passi ng ,

from d ispleasu re to i ndignation and thence almost to fu ry , ,

as agai n and agai n some e x qu isite ton e that went thrilling ,

through all his being d iscoveri ng to him d epths and recesses

,

h itherto u nimagi ned was u nceremon iously o r with bri efest

, ,

apology c ut short for the sak e of some suggestion from

,

H elen Wheth er su ch suggestio n was right or wrong was

.
,

to Faber n ot o f the smallest consequ ence it was i n itself a

sacri lege a break i ng i nto the house of life a causing of that
, ,

to cease whose very being w as its j ustifi catio n M rs Wing . .

fold she was not fi t to si ng i n the same chorus with her

J u liet was altogether out of sight of her H e had h eard
M rs Wingfo ld s ing many a time and she co u l d n o more
.

.
,

bri ng o u t a note lik e one of those she was dari ng to

criticise than a cat co u ld e mu late a th rush I
A h M r Fabe r — I di d not k now yo u were there sai d
,

.
, ,

H elen at length and rose We were so busy we never

, .

”
heard you .

I f she had look ed at J u li et she wou ld have said [ i nstead ,

o f we .H er k i nd man ner brou ght Faber to hi mself a little .

P ray do not apologize

, he said I cou ld have listened
, .

’
fo rev erf
’
“
I don t wond er It is not often on e h ears n otes lik e
.

those Were you aware what a voice yo u had saved to the

.

worl d P
N o t i n the least M iss M ered ith leaves he r gifts to be
.

d iscove red .

A ll good things wait the seek er sai d H el e n wh o had , ,

tak en to preaching si nce she marri ed the cu rate some of

her half —
,

fri en ds said the fact bei ng that life had grown to

her so gracious so happy so serious that she wou ld not , ,

u nfrequ ently say a thi ng worth saying .

I n the i nterstices of thi s l ittle talk J ul iet and Faber had ,

shak en hands an d mu rmu red a conventional word or t wo

,
.

I su ppose th is i s a professional v isit P said H elen .

S hall I leave you with yo u r pati e nt P

A s she put the qu e stion however she t u rned to J u li et , , .

”
There is not the least occasion J u liet replied a little , ,

eagerly an d W ith a rather wan smi le

,
“
I am qu ite well .
,
”
and have d ismissed my d octor .

Faber was i n the mood to i magi ne more than met th e ear ,

and the words seemed to hi m of cru el signifi cance A fl ush .

of an ger rose to his forehead , and battl ed with the pale ness
 P A U L F A B ER .

of chagrin He sai d nothi ng B u t J u li et saw and u nd er

. .

stood I nstantly she held out her hand to h im agai n an d

.
,

su pplemented the o ffend ing speech with the words ,

-
bu t I hope retai ned my frie nd P
, ,
’
The light rush ed agai n i nto Faber s eyes and J u li et ,

repented afresh for the wo rds had wrought too far i n the
,

other d i rectio n .

”
T hat i s she amend ed
,
if M r Faber wi ll condescen d ,
.

”
to friend shi p after havi ng played the tyrant so long
,
.

I can only aspi re to it sai d the d octor , .

It sou nd ed mere common compli ment th e sill iest thing

between man and woman and M rs Wingfo ld d ivi ned noth
,

, .

i ng more she was not qu ick i n such matters H ad she .

su spected sh e might not knowi ng the mi nd of the lady

, , ,

have been a little perplexed A s it was she d id not leave .

,

th e room an d presently the cu rate entered with a news

, ,

paper i n his hand .

T hey re stil l at it Faber he said

’
with thei r heated
, , ,

liqu i ds and an imal life

I need not ask which sid e yo u tak e sai d the d octor , ,

not mu ch i nclin ed to enter u pon any d iscu ssion .

I tak e neither answered the cu rate ,

Wher e i s th e .

u se or i nd eed possibi lity so long as the men of sci ence t hem

, ,

selves are d isp uting about the facts of ex peri ment ? I t will
be time enough to try to u nd erstan d them when they are ,

agreed and we know what the facts really are Whateve r .

they may tu rn ou t to b e it i s but a tru ism t o say they mu st

,

be consistent with all other truth although they may entirely ,

”
u pset some of ou r n otions of it .

T o which sid e th en d o you lean as to the weight of the ,

evid ence P ask ed Faber rathe r listlessly , .

H e had been maki ng some ex peri ments of hi s own i n the

d i rection referred to T hey were not so compl ete as he
.

wou ld have liked for he fou nd a large cou ntry practice

,

u nfri end ly to i nvestigatio n ; bu t such as they were they , ,

favored the concl u si on that n o fo rm of li fe appeared where

protecti on from the ai r w as thorough .

I tak e the evid ence answered the cu rate ,to be i n ,

favor of what th ey so absu rdly cal l spontan eou s gen era

tion .

I am su rp rised to hear you say so retu rned Faber , .

The concl usi ons n ecessary thereu pon are opposed to all ,

y ou r theol ogy .

M u st I then becau se I believe i n a livi ng T ru th be

, ,
1 22 P A U L F A B ER .

myself an u nj u st j u dge ? sai d the cu rate B ut i ndeed .

the conclu sions are opposed to no theology I have any

acqu ainta nce with an d if they were it wou ld give me n o ,

concern T heology i s n ot my origin bu t G od N or do I

.
,
.

acknowledge any theology but what C hrist has taught and ,

has to teach m e When and u nder what ci rcumstances

.
, ,

li fe comes fi rst i nto hu man k en can not affect H is lessons of ,

tru st and fairness I f I were to p lay tricks with the truth

.
,

sh irk an argu ment refu se to look a fact i n the face I shou ld

, ,

be ashamed to look H im i n the face What he requ ires of

his fri ends i s pu re open eyed truth ,
-
.

B ut how sai d the d octor can you grant spontaneou s

, ,

gen erati on and believe i n a Creator P

,

I sai d th e term w as an absu rd one rej oi ned the cu rate ,

.

N ever mi nd th e term then you admit the fact P sai d

Faber .

What fact P ask ed Wingfo ld .

T hat in a certai n liqu id where all life has b een d e ,

stroyed and where n o contact with life is ad mitted life of

, ,

itself appears defi ned the d octor

”
,
.

N o no I admit n othi ng of the sort cried Wingfo ld

, ,
‘
.

I only ad mit that the evid ence seems i n favor of b eliev

i ng that i n some liqu ids that have been heated to a high
poi nt and k ept from the ai r life has yet appeared H ow
, , .

can I tell wh ether all li fe al ready there was fi rst destroyed P

whether a yet higher temperatu re wou ld not have destroyed
yet more life P What if the h eat p resu med to d estroy all ,

k nown germs o f life i n them shou ld be the means of d e ,

ve10pin g other germs fu rther removed ? T hen as to spou

,

tauezfy as to life appearing of itself that qu estion i nvolves

'

, ,

somethi ng beyon d physics A bsolute l ife can ex ist only of .

an d by itself else were it no perfect thi ng ; bu t wi ll yo u

say that a mass of protoplasm—that proto by th e way i s a
,

begged qu esti on — ex ists by its o wnpower app ears by its ,

ownwi ll P I s it n ot rather there becau se it can not hel p i t P

It i s there i n virtu e o f the life that is i n it said Faber
retu rned Wingfold
,
.

O f cou rse that i s a mere tru ism , ,

equ ivalent to I t lives i n vi rtu e o f l ife T here is nothing

,
.

spon tan eous i n that I ts life mu st i n some way spring from

.

”
the tru e the origi nal the sel f ex istent life
, ,
-
.

T he re yo u are begging the whole qu estion obj ected ,

th e doctor .

No not th e whole persisted the cu rate ,

for I fancy
y o u will
you rself ad mit th ere is some bli nd d rivi ng law b e
 PAU L FABER . 1 23

hind the phen omen on B ut now I wi ll beg the whole qu es .

ti on i f you lik e to say so for the sak e of a bit of pu rely

, ,

metaphy s ical argu ment : the law of life behind if it be ,

spontan eou sly e x istent can n ot be a bli nd d eaf u nco n , , ,

sciou s law ; i f i t be u nconsci ou s o f itself it can not be ,

spontaneou s ; whatever is of itself m u st be G od and the ,

”
sou rce of all non spontan eous that is all other e x istence
-

, , .

”
T hen it has been only a d ispute about a word P said
Faber .

Y es but a word i nvolving a tremendous qu estion

, ,

answered Wingfo ld .

Which I give u p altogether sai d the d octor assert , ,

i ng that there i s uot/uug spontaneo u s i n the sen se you give

’

the word —the origi nal sense I admit

,

From all etern .

ity a blind u nconsci ous law has been at work prod uci ng
, , .

I say an awf u l livi ng L ove and T ruth and R ight creat

, ,

i ng chi ldren of its own said th e c u rate an d there is ,

”
ou r d i fference .

”
Yes assented Faber .

A nyhow then said Wingfold so far as regards the

,

, , ,

matter i n hand all w e can say is that u nd er su ch and such

C i rcumstances life appears—w /zeuoe w e beli eve d i fferently
, ,

lzow n either of us can tell — perhap s will ever b e able to tell

,
.

I can t talk i n scientifi c phrase lik e you Faber bu t truth

’

, ,

is not tied to any form of words .

”
It is well disputed sai d the d octor and I am , ,

i nclin ed to grant that the qu estion w it h which w e started

d oes not i mmed iately concern the great d i fferences
”
between u s .

I t was rather hard u pon Faber to have to argu e w hen o ut

of cond ition and with a lady besid e to whom he was long
i ng to pou r ou t his sou l —h is antagonist a man wh o never
cou nted a su fficing victory gai ned u nless hi s adversary had ,

had light and wi nd both i n his back T rifling as was the .

occasion of th e present sk irmish he had taken his stand ,

on th e lower grou nd Faber imagi ned he read both tri u mph

.

’
and pity i n J u liet s regard and cou ld scarcely end u re hi s ,

position a moment longer

—I see
.

Shall we have some m u sic P said Wingfo ld .

th e piano open O r are you on e of those worsh i pers of

.

work wh o put mu sic i n th e morn ing i n the same category

,

with look ing o nthe wi ne wh en it is red P "

Th eoretically n o bu t practi cally yes answered

F aber, —at least for to d ay I shou ld n t lik e p oor Wid o w
, , ,
’
-
.
1 24 PA U L FA BER .

M u llens to li e listeni ng to th e sou nd of that old water wheel -

till it took u p its parable against th e faithlessness of me n i n

’
general and th e d octor i n particu lar I can t do h er much
,
.

good poor o ld sou l bu t I can at least mak e her fancy her

, ,

self of consequ ence en ou gh not to be forgotten

T he cu rate frowned a little — thoughtfu lly—but sai d noth
.

ing an d followed his visitor to th e d oor When h e retu rned

,
.
,

he said ,

I wond er what it i s i n that man that won t let hi m ’

”
b eh eve l
P erhaps h e will yet some day sai d J u l iet softly
, , , .

”
H e wi ll h e mu st answered the cu rate
,
H e always .

reminds me of the you ng man wh o had k ept the law and ,

whom ou r L ord loved S u rely he mu st have been on e of

.

the fi rst that came an d laid his wealth at the apostles feet ’

M ay not even that hal f of the law which Faber tries to k eep
be school rnaster enough to lead h im to C h ri st P— B ut come
,
-

M iss M eredith n ow for ou r mathematics

E ve ry two or three days the d octor called to see his late
patient S he wanted l ook i ng after h e sai d B u t not once
.
,
.

d id he see her alone H e cou ld not tell from thei r behav

.

i or whether she or h er hostess was to blame for his recu r

ri ng disappoi ntment bu t the fact was that his ri ng at the ,

d oor b ell was the signal to J u liet n ot to be alone .

CHAPT E R XXI .

’
T HE PAS TOR S S T UD Y .

H A PP EN I N G at length to hear th at visito rs w ere ex pected ,

J u li et n otwithstan di ng th e assu rances of h er h ostess that

,

there was pl enty of room for her i nsi sted on find i ng lo dg ,

i ngs and taking more d i rect measu res for obtai n i ng employ
,

ment B ut the cu rate had n ot been i d le i n her affai rs an d

.
,

had al ready arranged for he r with some of his o wn people

w h o had small chi ld ren only he had meant she shou ld n ot
,

begi n j u st yet H e wanted her both to b e a littl e stronger

.
,

and to have got a little fu rth er with on e or two of her stu d ies .

A n d now consulti ng with H elen , he broach ed a n ew i dea o n

,

th e matter of her lodgrnent .

 P A U L FA BER . 1 25

day or two before J ones the bu tcher had been talk ing
A
to him about M r D rake —saying how bad ly h is congregation
, ,

had behaved to h i m and i n w h at trouble he had come to ,

him becau se he cou ld not pay his bill T he good fello w

,
.

had all this ti me n ever mentioned the matter an d it was

from growi ng concern about the minister that he now spoke
of it to the cu rate .

We d on t know all the ci rcu mstances howeve r M r

’

, , .

J ones the cu rate repl ied

,
an d perhaps M r D rak e hi m .

self d oes not thi nk so bad ly of it as you d o He is a most .

worthy man M i nd you let h i m have whatever he wants

. .

’ ’
I l l see to you D on t mention i t to a sou l . .

B less you r h eart an d liver si r exclaimed th e butcher , ,

’
he s te n ti mes too much of a gentleman to d o a k i ndn ess
to I cou ld n t take no liberty with that man— no not if he
.
’

,
’ '
was most dead of h unger H e d eat the rats o ut of h is .

’
own cel lar I d o believe before he d accept what you may
, ,

call a charity ; an d for buyi ng when h e k nows h e can t ’

’ '

pay w h y h e d beg outright before h e d d o that What h e

, .

d o live on no w I can t noh ow make out— and that s what ’ ’

doos make me angry with h i m— as i f a honest trad esman

’
d id n t k now how to behave to a gentleman Why they tell ,

me si r he d id u se to d rive his carriage an d pai r i n L ond on

, ,

A nd n ow he s a d oi n of his best to live o n no think at al l

’ ’

—leastways so they tell me —seein as how h e d have e m ’ ’ ’

believe he was tu rned a— what s it they call it l—a—a—a

,
’

wegetab larian — that s what he d o si r

’
B ut I k now better , .

H e may be cati n grass lik e a o x as d id that same o ld k in g

’

,
’
0 I srael as growed the feathers and claws i n consequ ence
and I do n t say he ai n t but one thing I m su re o f an d that
' ’ ’

i s that i f he b e i t s by cau se h e can t hel p it Why si r I

’ ’

pu t it to you —no gentleman wou ld —if h e cou ld help it

.
, , , ,

” ’
Why don t he come to me for a bit 0 wholesome meat P he
’

H e k nows I m ready for

’
went on i n a sorely i nj u red tone .

an yth ink i n reason T he m peas an beans an cabbages an ’ ’ ’

porridges an carrots an t u rm its—why si r they ai n t

’ ’

, ,
’

no th ink at all but water ah wi nd

’ ’
I d on t say as they .

'
mayn t keep a body alive for a year o r two but bless you , , ,

there 5 no th ink i n them and the manll be a sk elinto nlong ’

before he s d ead an bu ried ; an I shed j est like to k now

’ ’ ’

’ ’
where s the good 0 life on sich terms as them
T h us J ones the butcher—a man who n ever sold bad meat
, ,

n ever charged fo r a n ou nce more than h e d elivered and ,

when he sold t the poor considered them I n buyi ng an d

? , .
1 26 P AU L FABER .

selling he had a weak ness for givi ng the fair play h e d e

m anded H e had a l ittle spare money somewhere b u t h e
.
,

d id n ot mak e a fortu ne out of hu nger reti re early and b u i ld , ,

ch u rches A local preacher once ask ed h im i f h e k new

.

what was the plan of salvation H e answered with th e

u tmost i n nocence cutting h i m off a great lu m
.

p o f leg of
,

beef for a family he had j u st told hi m was starvi ng that he ,

had n t an id ea but n o Christian cou ld d oubt it was all righ t

’

, .

T he cu rate then pond ering over what M r J ones had told

, , .

h im had an id ea and n ow h e an d his wife were speed ily of

,

on e m i nd as to attempti ng an arrangement for J u liet with

M iss D rak e What sh e wou ld be able to pay wou ld they
.
,

thou ght ease them a little while she wou ld have the advant
, ,

age o f a better protection than a lod gi ng with more hu mble

people wou ld afford he r J u li et was wi lli ng for any thi ng .

th ey thought best
Wingfo ld therefore called on th e mi n ister to mak e the
.

proposal to hi m an d was show n u p to h is stu dy— a mere,

box wh ere there w as j u st room for a chai r on each sid e of

,

the littl e writing table T he walls from top to bottom were

-

entirely hid d en with book s .

M r D rak e received h im with a tou chi ng mi x tu re o f sad

.

n ess and cordiality an d h eard i n silence what h e had to say ,

.

I t is very k i nd of yo u to thi nk of u s M r Wingfo ld he ,

.
,
’
repli ed after a moment s pau se
,
B u t I fear th e th i ng is .

i mpossible I nd eed it i s o ut o f th e qu esti on Ci rcu m

.
,
.

stances are changed with u s T hings are n ot as th ey once .

were .

T here had always been a certai n n egative vi rtu e i n M r .

D rak e wh ich on ly h is fri en ds were able to see and only the

wise st o f them to set ove r agai nst h is d isplay—this namely
, ,

, ,

that h e n ever attempted t o gai n cred it for what he k n ew he

had not A s h e was not above show I can not say he was
.
,

safely above false show for he wh o is capable of th e one is ,

still i n d an ger o f the other bu t h e was altogether above

d eceptio n : that h e scorn ed I f i n his time of ple nty h e .
,

lik ed men to be aware of hi s world ly facil ities he no w in , ,

the ti me of h is poverty preferred that men shou ld be aware ,

of th e bond s i n wh ich he l ived H is natu re was simple and .

,

loved to let i n th e d aylight Concealment w as altogether .

ali en to h i m From mo rni ng to n ight anxiou s h e cou ld not

.
,

bear to be su pposed of easy heart Som e men think poverty .

such a shame that they wou ld rather be j u dged absolutely

mean than confess it M r D rak e s openn ess may have
’
. .
 PAUL FA BER . 1 27

S pru ng from too great a d esi re for sympathy or from a

d iseased hon esty— I can not tel l I wil l freely al low that if
,

his faith had bee n as a grai n of mu stard seed h e wou ld not ,

have been so hau nted with a sense of his pove rty as to be ,

morbidly an x iou s to confess it He wo u ld have k nown that .

his affai rs were i n high charge an d that i n th e fu l l fl ow ,

of th e fou ntai n of prosperity as wel l as i n the scanty , ,

gravelly d riblets from the hard wrou ght pu mp o f pove rty th e -

su pply came all the same from u nd er the throne of G od ,

and he wo u ld n ot have felt poor A man ought never to .

feel rich for riches n or poor for poverty T he perfect man

,
.

mu st always feel rich becau se God i s rich ,

.

T he fact is M r D rak e we nt o n w e are very p oor

absolutely poor M r Wingfo ld—so poor that I may not even
.
, ,

.
,

refu se the trifling an nu ity my late congregation wi ll d ole

out to me .

I am sorry to kn ow it sai d the cu rate , .

”
B ut I must tak e heed of i nj ustice the pastor resu med ,

I d o not th ink they wou ld have treated me so had they

not imagined me pos s essed of private means T he pity n ow .

i s that the n ecessity which wou ld mak e me glad to fal l i n

with you r k ind prO po sal itself rend ers the thi ng impracti
cable E ven with what you r fri end wou ld contribute to the
.

housekeepi ng w e cou ld not provid e a table fi t for he r B u t .

D orothy ought to have the pleasu re of heari ng you r k i nd

”
proposition if you will allow me I wi ll call her
Dorothy was i n th e k itchen mak i ng pastry— for th e rare
.

treat of a chicken pu dd ing : they had had a present o f a

cou ple o f chick ens from M rs T homson —when she heard .

’
he r father s voi ce calli ng her from the top of th e little stai r .

Whe n L i sbeth opened the door to the cu rate sh e was on h er

way out an d had n ot yet retu rned ; so sh e did not k now
,

any on e was with him and hu rri ed u p with he r arms bare

,

She recoi led half a step when she saw M r Wingfo ld

.

.
,

then went frankly forward to welcome h im h er hand s i n ,

her white pin afore .

’
It s on ly flo u r sh e said smi lin g
, , .

I t is a rare pleasu re now a days to catch a lady at work - -

sai d Wingfo ld My wi fe always d usts my stu dy for me

I told her I wou ld not have it d one except sh e d i d it—j u st
, .

to have the pleasu re of seeing h er at it M y conviction is .

,

that only a lady canbecome a thorou gh se rvant

.
”
.

’
Why d on t you have lady h elps then P said D orothy -
.

Becau se I d on t k now where to fi nd th em L ad ies are

'
.
128 P A U L FA BER .

scarce an d any thi ng almost wo ul d be better than a h ou s e

fu l o f half ladi es -
.

I thi nk I u nd erstand sai d D orothy thou ghtfu lly

H er father now stated M r Wingfo ld s p roposal— in the
.
,
’
.

ton e of one sorry to be u nabl e to entertai n it .

“
I see perfectly wh y you thi nk we co u ld not manage it ,

papa sai d Dorothy

,
B ut wh y shou l d n ot M i ss M ered ith
.

lodge with u s i n the sam e way as with M rs Puck ridge ? .

Sh e cou ld have the d rawing room an d my bed room and -

he r meals by hersel f L i sbeth is wretch ed for want of .

”
d i nners to cook .

M iss M ered ith wou ld hardly reli sh the i dea of tu rnin g

you ou t of you r d rawi ng room sai d Wingfo ld
”
-

,
.

T ell h er i t may save u s from bei ng tu rn ed ou t of the

”
hou se T el l h er she wil l be a great h elp to us retu rn ed
.
,

Dorothy eagerly .

M y chi ld sai d her fath e r the tears stand in g i n his

, ,
”
eyes you r reproach si nk s i nto my very sou l
,
.

My reproach fath er re peated D orothy aghast

,
.

’
H ow you d o m istak e me I can t say with you that the
will o f G od i s every thing ; but I can say that far less
than you r wi ll— you r abil ity— will always be en ough for
”
me .

My child retu rned her fath er yo u go on to rebuk e

, ,

me Y o u are i mmeasu rably t ru er to me than I am to my

G od — M r Wingfo ld you love th e L ord else I wou ld not
. .
, ,

confess my si n to you o f late I have often th ou ght or at ,

least felt as if H e was d eali ng hardly with me A h my .

,

d ear si r yo u are a you ng man for th e peace of you r sou l

se rve G od so that by th e ti me you are my age you may
, , ,

be su re o f H im I try hard to put my tru st i n H i m but my

.
,

faith i s weak I t ou ght by this time t o have been strong

I always want to see the way H e is lead in g me—to u nd er
. .

stan d something of what H e is doing with me or teachi ng

me before I can accept H is will o r get my heart to consent
, ,

not to com plain It mak es m e v ery u nhappy I begi n to

. .

fear th at I have never k n ow n even the begi nni ng of co nfi

d ence and that faith has been with me b ut a thi ng o f the
,
”
u n derstanding an d the li ps .

H e bowed h is head on his han ds D orothy went u p to .

hi m an d laid a hand on h is shou lder look i ng u nspeakably ,

sad A su dden impu lse moved the c u rate

. .

”
L et u s p ray he said risi ng an d k neeled d own
, , ,
.

It was a strange u nlik ely thi ng to d o ; but he was an

,
 P A U L F A B ER . 1 29

u nlik ely man and d id it Th e others mad e haste to kn eel

,
.

also .

G od of j ustice h e said T hou k nowest how hard it i s

, ,

for u s an d T hou wilt be fai r to as We have see n n o

,
.

visions we have n ever heard th e voice of T hy Son of ,

whom those tales so d ear to u s have come dow n the ages

, ,

we have to figh t on i n much darkness o f spi rit and o f mi nd ,

both from the ignorance we can not hel p and from th e ,

fau lt we cou ld have helped we inherit bl in dn ess from the

error of ou r fathers and whe n fear or the d read of shame , ,

or th e pai ns of d eath come u pon u s we are ready to d es , ,

pai r and cry ou t that there i s n o G od o r i f there b e H e

, , , ,

has forgotten H is child ren T here are ti mes when the dark .

ness closes abo ut u s l ik e a wall and T ho u appearest no ,

where either i n o u r hearts or i n th e oute r u n iverse ; we

, ,

can not tell whether the things we seemed to d o i n Thy

name were not mere hypocrisies an d ou r very life is but a
, ,

gu lf of dark ness We cry alou d and ou r d espai r i s as a

.
,

fi re i n ou r bones to mak e u s cry ; bu t to all ou r cryi ng and

l isteni ng there seems n either hearing n or answer i n the
,

bou nd less waste T hou wh o k nowest T hyself G od who

.
,

k nowest Thyself that for which we groan T hou whom J esus ,

called Father we appeal to Th ee not as we i magi n e T hee

, , ,

but as T hou seest T hyself as J esu s k nows T hee to T hy

very sel f we cry—h el p u s 0 Cau se of u s l 0 T hou from
, ,

whom alone we are this weak ness throu gh whom alon e we

can become stren gth h el p u s—b e ou r Fathe r We ask for
,

.
,

nothing beyond what T hy S on has told u s to ask We beg .

for n o signs o r wonders bu t for T hy breath u pon ou r sou ls , ,

T hy spi ri t i n ou r hearts We pray for no cloven tongu es of

fi re—for no mighty rou si ng of brai n or imagi nation ; but
.

we do with al l ou r power of prayer pray for T hy spirit ;

, ,

we d o not even pray to k now that it i s give n to u s let us ,

i f so it pleases T hee remai n i n d oubt of th e gift for years

to come —bu t lead u s thereby Knowi ng ou rselves only as
,

poor and feeble aware only of ord inary an d common move

,

ments of mind and sou l may we yet be possessed by th e ,

spirit of G od led by H i s wi ll i n ou rs For all thi ngs i n a

, .

man even those that seem to hi m the commonest and least

,

u plifted are th e creation of T hy hea rt and by th e lowly

, ,

d oors of o u r waveri ng j ud gment d u ll i magi nation luk e , ,

warm love and palsi ed wi ll T hou canst en te r and glorify

, ,
.

al l G ive u s pati ence becau se ou r hope is i n T hee not i n

.
,

ou r selves Work T hy will i n u s and ou r prayers are en ded

.
, .

”
A men .
 PA UL FABER .

T h ey rose T he cu rate sai d h e wou ld call agai n i n the

.

even ing bad e them good by and went M r D rak e tu rned

,
-

,
. .

to h is daughter an d said
D orothy that s n ot the w ay I have been u sed to pray
,
’

or hear people pray ; n eve rtheless th e you ng man seemed

to speak very straight u p to G o d I t ap pears to me there .

was another spi rit t h ere with h is I wi l l h u mble myself .

before the L ord Who k nows bu t h e may lift me u p

.

What can my father mean by saying that perhaps G od

”
wi ll lift him u p ? sai d D orothy t o herself when she was
alone . It seems to me i f I on ly k n ew G od was anywhere ,

I shou ld want no other lifti ng u p I shou ld then be li fted .

u p above every thing forever

H ad she sai d so to the cu rate h e wou ld have told her
.

that the only way to be absolutely certain o f G od i s to see ,

H i m as H e I S and for that we m u st fi rst become absol utely

,

pu re i n heart For this H e i s work i ng inu s an d pe rfection

.
,

and visi on wil l flash together Were convicti on possible .

with ou t that pu rity an d that vision I imagi n e it wou ld work ,

evi l i n u s fi x i n thei r imperfecti on ou r i deas n otions feel

, , ,

i ngs concern ing G od give u s for H is glo ry th e warped

, ,

reflect io nof ou r crack ed an d spotted and rippled glass and ,

so tu rn o u r worship i nto an id olatry .

D orothy was a rather little woman with lightish aubu rn ,

hai r a large an d somewhat heavy forehead fi ne gray eyes

, , ,

small well fashioned featu res a fai r com plexion on a thi n

-

sk i n an d a mouth that wou ld have been better i n shape i f i t

,

had n ot so often been i nformed of troubl e With this trouble .

thei r poverty had nothi ng to do that d id not weigh u pon

’
her a straw S he was p rou d to share he r father s lot an d
.
,

cou ld have lived on as little as any labori ng woman with

seven chi ld ren S he was i nd eed a t rifle happi er since her
.

’
father s d isplacement and wou ld have been happi er still had ,

he fou n d it withi n th e barest possi bility to d ecline the ann u ity

allotted h i m for as far back as sh e cou ld remember she had
bee n aware of a d islik e to hi s position —partly from p rid e it
, ,

may b e but partly also from a sense of the i mperfection of

the relati on between h i m and his people—o ne i n which love
,

mu st be altogether p redomi nant else i s it hatefu l —an d ,

—
chi efly becau se of a certai n sord i d element i n the commu nity
a vil e way of look i ng at sacred thi ngs through the spec
taeles of mammon more evi d ent—I only say more evident ,

-
in dissenti ng than i n Ch u rch of E ngland commu n ities ,

becau se o f the p ressu re of ex pen ses u pon them Perhap s .

 PAU L FABER . 13 1

’
the impossibility of regard i ng her fathe r s ch u rch with rev
erence laid her mi nd more open to the cause of h er trouble
—such doubts n amely as an active i ntellect nou rish ed o n
,

, , ,

some of the best books and d isgu sted with th e weak fervo r
,

of others rated high i n he r hearing had been su ggesti ng for ,

’
years before any words of Faber s reached he r T he mor e .

her devout natu re longed to worshi p th e more she fou nd it ,

i mpos sible to worshi p that which was p resented fo r her love

and adoration See b elieved enti rely i n her father bu t she
.
,

k new he coul d not meet he r d oubts fo r many thi ngs mad e ,

it plai n that h e had n eve r had such himself A n ord i nary .

mi nd that has had d oubts and has encou ntered and over ,

come them or ve rifi ed and fou nd them the porters o f th e

,

gates of truth may be profou ndly u sefu l to any mi nd sim i

,

larly assailed ; but no k nowledge of books n o amou nt of ,

logic no d egree of acquai ntance with the wisest concl u sions

,

of others can enable a man who has n ot encou ntered skep

,

t icism i n his o w nmi nd to afford any es s ential h el p to th ose

,

caught i n the net For one thi ng such a man wil l be inca
.
,

p ab le of conceivi ng the possibility that th e net may be the

net of T he Fisher of M en .

D orothy therefore was sorely O pp ressed For a long

, , .

time her life had seemed witheri ng from her and now that ,

her fathe r was fai nting on the steep path and she had n o ,

water to offer him she was ready to cry alou d i n bitterness

,

of spirit
S he had n ever h eard the cu rate p reach — had heard talk
.

of his odd ity on all sides from men an d women n o more ,

capable of j u dgi ng hi m than the caterpillar of j u dging the

b utterfly—which yet it mu st become T h e d raper w h o .
,

u nderstood him natu rally shru nk from praisi ng to her

,

the teaching for which he not u nfrequ ently d eserted that of

her father and she never look ed i n the d i rection o f hi m with
,

any ho pe Y et now the ve ry fi rst ti me she had heard h i m

.
,

speak ou t of th e abu ndance of his heart he had left behi nd ,

h im a fai nt brown ray of hope i n hers I t was very pecu liar .

of him to break ou t i n prayer after such an abru pt fashion

—inthe presence of an old er mi nister than hi mself—and
prayi ng for hi m too B ut there was such an ap pearance of
reality abou t the man such a si mpl icity i n his look such
a d irectness i n his petitions such an active fe rvo r of hop e
i nhis ton e —without an atom of what she had heard called

m utton! H i s thought and speech appeared to arise from

no separated sacred mood that might be assu med and laid
132 PA U L F A BER .

asid e bu t from p resent faith an d feeling from the ab so

, ,

lute poi nt o f l ife at that moment bei ng l ived by h im It .

was an i mmediate ap peal to a heari ng and u nder stand ing , ,

an d caring G od whose breath was the very ai r H is creat

,

u res breathed th e element o f thei r life ; an utter ack nowl

,

e dgm en t o f H is wil l as the bl iss of H is sons and dau gh

ters S u ch was the shini ng o f the cu rate s l ight and it ’

awok e hope i n D orothy .

I n the evening he came agai n as h e had said and brought ,

J u liet . E ach i n the other Dorothy and she recognize d ,

su ffering and i n a very few moments every thi ng was

,

arranged between them J u li et was charmed with th e si m

.

plicity an d i ntentn ess o f D orothy ; i n J u liet s mann er and

’

carriage D orothy at once recogn i z ed a breeding su perior to

,

her ow n an d at once lai d h ol d of the excellence by ack nowl

,

edging it I n a momen t she mad e J u l iet u n derstan d how

.

thi ngs were an d J u l iet saw as qu ick ly that she mu st assent

,

to the arrangement proposed B ut she had not been with .

them two d ays when D orothy fou n d th e d rawing room as

,
-

open to her as before she came an d far more p leasant , .

W hil e th e girls were talk in g below the tw o clergymen sat ,

agai n i n th e stu dy .

“
I have tak en th e l iberty sai d th e cu rate of b ri nging
, ,

an old book I should like you to look at if you don t min d ’

—c h iefly for th e sak e of some verses that pl eased me m u ch

,

when I read them fi rst an d n ow pl ease me more when I

,

read them for the tenth time I f you Will allow me I will .
,

read them to you .

M r D rake lik ed good poet ry b ut d id not much relish

.
,

being called u pon to ad mi re as h e imagined he was now , .

H e assented o f cou rse graciou sly en ough an d soon fou n d

, , ,

his mistake
T his is the poem Wingfo ld read
.

C O N SI D E R T H E R A VE N S .

L o rd ,
acco rdin
T hy w o rds,
g to
I h av e co nsidered T hy b irds
A nd I h nd th eir l ife go o d ,

A nd b etter th e b etter u nderstoo d

Sow ing neith er co rn no r wh eat
T h ey h av e all th at th ey caneat
R eaping no mo re th anth ey so w ,
T h ey h av e all th ey cansto w
H aving neith er b arnno r sto re ,

Hu ngry again, th ey eat mo re .

 P A U L F A B ER . 13 3

Co nsiderin g I see too th at th ey

H av e a b usy l ife, and pl enty o f pl ay
I nth e earth th ey dig th eir b ill s deep,
A nd w o rk w ell th o ugh th ey do no t h eap
T h e nto pl ay inth e air th ey are no t l o th ,

A nd th eir nests b etw eenare b etter th anb o th .

Bu t th is is wh enth ere b l ow no sto rms

W h enb erries are pl enty inw inter, an d wo rms
W h enth eir feath ers are th ick, an d o il is en o ugh

T o keep th e co l d o u t and th e rain05

I f th ere sh o ul d co me a l o ng h ard fro st,
T h enit l oo ks as T hy b irds w ere l o st .

But I consider furth er and h nd ,

A hu ngry b ird h as a free mind

H e is h u ng ry to day, not to mo rro w
- -

Steal s no co mfo rt , no grief do th b o rro w

T h is mo ment is h is T h y wil l h ath said it
, ,

T h e next is n oth ing til l T h o u h ast made it .

T h e b ird h as p ain, b ut h as no fear,

Which is th e w o rst o f any gear
W h enco l d and h u n ger and h arm b etide h im,
He g ath ers th em no t to stu ff inside h im
Con ten t w ith th e day s ill b e h as got,
’

He w aits j ust, no r h aggl es with his lo t

N eith er j umb l es G o d s w ill
'

W ith drib l ets from h is o w nstill .

But next I see, inmy e ndeav o r,

Th y b irds h ere do no t liv e fo rev er
T h at co l d o r h unger, sick ness o r age,
F inish es th eir earth l y stage
T h e ro ok drops w ith ou t a s trok e
A nd nev er giv es ano th er cro ak
B irds lie h ere, an d b irds lie th ere,
With l ittl e feath ers all astare
A nd inTh y o wnsermo n, T h ou
T h at th e sparro w fall s dost allo w .

I t sh all no t cause me an y al arm ,

F o r neith e r so co mes th e b ird to h arm,
Seeing o ur F ath er, T h ou h ast said,
I s by th e sparrow s dy in
'

g b ed
T h erefo re it is a b l essed pl ace,
A nd th e sparro w inh igh grace .

I t cometh th erefo re to t h is L o rd.

I hav e co nsidered Th y w o rd ,

A nd h encefo rth w il l b e Th y b ird .

By the time Wingfold ceased the tears were ru n n ing

,
1 34 PAU L FABER .

d own th e old man s face W hen h e saw that the cu rate

’
.
,

rose at once laid the book on the table s h ook hands with
, ,

him an d went away T he mi nister laid his head on the

,
.

table an d wept
,
.

J u liet had soon al most as mu ch teach ing as sh e cou ld

manage P eop le lik ed her and ch ild ren came to l o v e her
.
,

a l ittle A good report of her spread T he work was hard

. .
,

ch ic fly because it i ncl u d ed more walk ing than she had been

accustomed to bu t D orothy generally walked with her and ,

to th e places fu rthest off H elen frequ ently took her with ,

’
h er pon ies and sh e got through the day s work pretty well
,
.

The fees were small bu t they su ffi ced and mad e life a little
, ,

easier to her host an d h is family A man da got very fon d .

of her and without p reten di ng to teach her J u li et tau ght

, , ,

her a good deal O n S u n days she went to chu rch ; an d

.

D orothy althou gh it cost her a stru ggle to face th e i mputa

,

ti on of resentment by which the chapel peopl e wou ld n ec

,
-

essarily interpret the change went regu larly with h er i n the , ,

growi ng h O pe of receiving light from th e curate H er .

father also n ot u nfrequ ently accompan ied her .

CH A PT E R XXI I .

T WO M IN D S
.

ALL th i s time poor Faber to h is o ffer of hi mself to J u liet , ,

had received n o answer but a swoon— o r somethi ng very

n e ar it E very attempt h e mad e to see her alone at th e
.

rectory had been foiled and h e almost came to the conclu

sion that the cu rate an d h is wife had set themselves to prej
u dice agai nst h imself a mi nd already prej u d iced against h is
pri nci ples It add ed to his u neasiness that as he soon d i s
.
,

covered she went regu larly to chu rch H e k new th e power

,
.

and persu asion of Wingfo ld an d looked u pon his influ ence ,

as antagon istic to his h opes P ride anger and fear were .

, ,

all at work i n hi m bu t h e went on calling and d i d his best ,

to preserve an u ntroubled d emeanor J u liet i magined no .

change i n his feeli ngs and h er beh avi or to hi m was not su ch ,

as to prevent them from d eepeni ng still .

E very time h e w ent it was with a desperate resolution of

 PAUL FA BER . 135

layi ng his hand on the vei l i n wh ich sh e had wrapped her

self bu t every time h e fou nd it impossible for on e reason
, ,

or another to mak e a single movemen t toward withd raw

,

i ng it A gai n and agai n he tri ed to write to her but the

.
,

haunti ng suspicion that sh e wou ld lay hi s epistle before her

new friends always mad e hi m th row d own hi s pen i n a
,

smotheri ng i ndignation H e fou n d h imself compelled to

.

wait what opportu nity chance or change might afford h i m .

When h e learned that she had gone t o live with the

D rakes it was a reli ef to hi m ; for althou gh h e k new the
,

mi n iste r was far more personal i n his h osti lity than Wi ng

fold he was co nfi dent his i n flu ence ove r her wou ld not be
,

so great ; an d now he wou ld have a better chance h e ,

thou ght of seei ng her alon e M eantime he took satisfac

, .

tion i n k nowing that h e d id no t n eglect a single pati ent and ,

that i n no case had h e been less su cce ssfu l eithe r as to

d iagnosis or treatment becau se of his troubl e H e pitied .

hi mself j ust a little as a martyr to the truth a martyr the ,

more meritorious that th e truth to which he sacrifi ced h im

self gave him no hope for the futu re an d for the present n o ,

shadow of compensation beyon d th e satisfaction of not

bei ng d eceived I t remains a qu esti on however wh ich
there was no on e to p u t to Faber—whether he had not
,
.
,

some amend s i n relief from the n otion vagu ely it may b e

yet u npleasantly hau nti ng many mi nds—o f a S u preme B eing
, ,

— a D eity—putting forth clai ms to obed ience —anu n co m

fo rtab le sort of phantom however imagi nary for on e to , ,

have broodi ng above hi m and conti nu ally coming between ,

hi m and the fre ed om of an else empty u niverse T o the .

hu man sou l as I have learned to kn ow it an empty u n iverse ,

wou ld be as an ex hau sted receiver to th e lu ngs that thirst

for ai r ; but Faber lik ed the id ea how h e wou ld h ave lik ed
the reality remains another th i ng I su spect that what we .

call d amnation i s somethi ng as n ear it as i t can be mad e

itself it can not b e for eve n the d amned mu st live by G od s
’

life Was it I repeat n o compensation for h i s martyrdom

.
, ,

to hi s preci ou s truth to k now that to non e had he to rend er

,

an accou nt ? Was h e reli eved from n o misty sense of a

-

moral consci o u sness j udgi ng his and ready to enforce its

rebuk e —a belief which seems to m e to i nvolve the highest
,

i d ea the n oblest pledge th e rich est promise of ou r natu re P

, ,

Th ere may be men in whose t u rni ng from implicit to

explici t d eni al n o su ch elemen t of relief i s concerned —I
,

can n but altho ugh th e s truc tu re of Pau l Faber s l i fe

’
ot tell
136 P A U L F A B ER .

had i n it material of nobl e sort I d oubt i f he was o ne of ,

su ch .

T he su mme r at len gth reigned lord ly i n th e land T he .

roses were i n bloom from th e black pu rple to the warm ,

white A h those roses He must i nd eed be a God who

.
,

invented the roses T hey sank i nto the red hearts of men
.

and women caused old men to sigh you ng men to long and
, , ,

women to weep with strange ecstatic sad ness B ut thei r .

scent mad e Faber lonely and poor for th e rose heart wou ld ,
-

n ot open its leaves to hi m .

T he winds were soft and od or laden T he wid e meadows -

.

through which flo wed the river seemed to smite the eye ,

with thei r green ness and the black and red and white k i ne
bent d own thei r sleek neck s among the marsh marigolds and -

the mead ow sweet and the h u nd red lovely t hi ngs that

-

bord er the level water cou rses and fed on the blessed grass
-

, .

A long th e banks here with nets there with rod an d li ne

, , ,

they caught the gleaming salm on and his si lver armor ,

fl as hed u seless i n the su n T he old pastor sat much i n his .

little su mmer h ou se and paced h is green walk o nth e border

-

of th e L yt he b ut i n al l th e gold of the su nlight i n all the ,

glow an d the plenty arou n d h im his heart w as O ppressed ,

with th e sense o f h is poverty It was not that he cou ld n ot .

d o the thi ng h e wou ld but that h e cou ld not meet and ,

recti fy the thi ng h e had d one He cou ld behave h e said to .

,

himself neither as a gentleman nor a C hristian for lack of

, ,

money ; an d worst of all he cou ld not get ri d of a sense of

wrong—o i rebelli ou s h eavi ngs o f heart of resentments of
, ,

, ,

d oubts that came th ick u pon hi m— not of th e ex istence of

G od nor of H i s good n ess towards men i n gen eral but o f
, ,

H is ki nd ness to h imself L ogically n o doubt they were al l

.
, ,

bou nd i n o ne and the bei ng that cou ld be u nfai r to a b eetle

,

cou ld not be G od cou ld not mak e a beetle bu t o u r feeli ngs

, ,

especially wh ere a wretched self i s concerned are n otably ,

i llogical .

T he morn ing of a gl ori ou s d ay came i n with saffron gold , .

and crimson T h e color sobered b ut the glory grew

.
,
.

T he fleet ing dyes passed but the azu re sky the white , ,

cl ou d s and the yellow fi re remai ned Th e larks d ropped

,
.

d own to thei r breakfast T he k i ne had long been bu sy at .

the irs for they had slept their short night i n the midst o f
,

th ei r food E very thing th at cou ld move was i n motion

.
,

an d what cou ld n ot move was sh ini ng and what cou ld not ,

shi ne was fe elin g warrn B ut the pastor was tossi ng rest .

 PAU L FABER . 13 7

less He had a troubled night T he rent of his h o u se

. .

fell d u e with the miserable pittance allowed hi m by the

ch u rch ; bu t the hard thing was n ot that h e had to pay
nearly the whole of the latter to meet the former but that ,

h e mu st fi rst tak e it T he thought of that bu rned i n h is

.

vei ns like poison B ut he had n o c hoice To refuse it

. .

wou ld be d ishonest it wou ld be to spare or perhaps i nd ulge

hi s feeli ngs at the expense of the gu i ltless He must n ot .

k i ll h imself h e said because h e had i nsu red his life and

, , ,

the act wou ld leave his daughter n early d estitute Ye t .

h o w was the i nsu rance longe r to be paid ? I t w as hard ,

with all his fau lts to be brought to this

,
I t w as hard that
he who al l his li fe had been u rgi ng people to have faith ,

shou ld have his own tu rned i nto a mock ery .

H ere heart and conscience together smote him Well .

might his faith be mocked for what better was it than a ,

mocke ry itself Where was this thin g he cal led h is faith ?

Was he not cherishing talk i ng fl at u nbelief P—as much as
,

telling G od h e d id not trust i n H i m ? Where was the faith

lessn ess of which his faithlessness complai ned ? A phan
tom of its own ! Yea let God be tru e and every man a
liar ! H ad th e ho u r come and not the money ? A n
,

,
ne
faith it was that d epend ed on the ve ry presence of th e
hel p — that requ ired for its existence that the su pply shou ld
come before the n eed a fine faith i n truth wh ich still
-

wou ld follow i n the rear of sight — B u t why then d i d G od

,

leave hi m thus withou t faith ? Why d id n ot G od mak e

hi m able to trust ? He had prayed qu ite as mu ch for
faith as for money H i s consci ence rep lied “
T hat i s
you r part—the thi ng you will n ot do I f God pu t faith i nto
.
,

you r heart without yo u r stirri ng u p you r heart to believe ,

’
th e faith woul d be G od s and not you rs It is tru e all is .

G od s ; he mad e this you call me and mad e it able to

’

believe and gave you H i mself to beli eve in; and i f after
,

that He were to make you believe withou t you d oi ng you r

u tmost part He would be mak i ng yo u d own agai n i nto a
,

so rt of holy d og n ot maki ng you grow a man lik e Christ

,

J esus H i s Son B u t I have tried hard to trust i n H i m ,

sai d the little sel f Yes an d then fai nte d and ceased
.
, ,

sai d the great self the conscience , .

’
T hu s it went on i n the poo r man s sou l E ver an d anon .

he said to hi mself T hough He slay me yet wil l I tru st i n

, ,

H im and eve r and anon hi s heart sickened afre sh and h e

, ,
“
said to himsel f I shall go down to the grave with shame
, ,
138 PAUL FABER .

and my memorial will be d ebts u n paid for the L ord hath ,

forsaken me A ll the n ight he had lai n wrestli ng with fear

.

an d d oubt : fear was hard u pon h im bu t doubt was much ,

hard er I f I cou ld but trust he said

. I cou ld e nd u re , ,

any thi ng .

I n the splendor of the dawn he fell into a troubled sleep , ,

and a more troubled d ream which woke him again to mi s ,

e ry O utsid e his chamber the world was rich i n light i n

.
, ,

song i n warmth i n odor i n growth i n color i n space ;

, , , , ,

i nsid e all was to him gloomy groanfu l cold musty

, , , , ,

u ngenial d in gy co nfi ned yet there was he more at ease

, , ,

shru nk from the light and i n the glori ou s morni ng that ,

shone through the chi nks of h is shutters saw but an ali en ,

common day not the coach of his Father come to carry

, ,

hi m yet another stage toward h is home H e was i n want of .

nothi ng at the moment T here we re n o holes in the well .

polish ed sh oes that seemed to k eep ghostly guard o utsi de

his chamber d oor T he clothes that lay by hi s bedside
-
.

were i ndeed a little th readbare but sou nd an d spotless ,

.

T he hat that hu ng i n the passage below might have been

much shabbier without n ecessarily i nd icating poverty H is .

’
walki ng stick had a gold knob like any earl s I f he did
-
.

choose to smoke a ch u rch warden he had a great silver -

mou nted meerschau m on his mantle shelf T rue th e -

.
,
’
b utcher s sh 0p had fo r some time contributed nothing to h is
di n ners but his vegetable d iet agreed with hi m H e wou ld
,
.

himself have given any man time wou ld as soon have tak en ,

his child by the throat as h is debtor had wor s hiped G od ,

after a bettering fash ion for forty years at least and yet ,

wou l d not give God ti me to d o H is best for h im— the best ‘

that perfect love and power li mited only by the lack of ful l
,

consen t i n the man h imself cou ld do ,

.

H is daughter always came i nto his room the fi rst thi ng i n

the morn i ng I t was plai n to her that he had been more
.

restless than u sual and at sight of hi s glazy red rimmed

,
-

eyes an d gray face her h eart sank within her ,

For .

a mome nt she was half angry with h im th i nk ing i n herself ,

that if she believed as he d i d she wou ld n ever trouble her ,

heart abou t any thi ng her h ead shou ld d o all th e bu siness .

B ut with h is faith she wou ld h ave d on e j u st the same as h e

,
.

I t is o ne thi ng to be so u sed to certai n statements an d

modes o f th ought that you take all for tru e and qu ite ,

another so to believe the h eart of it all that you are in ,

essential an d im pe rt urbable peace and glad ness bec aus e of

 PAUL FABER . 139

it .B ut oh how the poor gi rl sighed for the freedom of a

,

God to tru st i n S he cou ld content herself with th e hu sks

the swi ne ate if sh e on ly k new that a Fath er sat at the home
,

heart of the u niverse wanti ng to have her Faithfu l i n he r

, .

faithlessness she d id her best to comfort her believing

,

father beyond the love that offered it she had but cold ,

comfort to give H e d i d not listen to a word she said and

.
,

she left hi m at last with a sigh an d went to get him his ,

breakfast Whe n she retu rn ed she brought h im h is l etters

.
,

with h is tea an d toast H e told her to tak e them away s h e

.

might o pen them herself i f she liked they cou l d be nothi ng

but bills S he might tak e the tray too he d id n ot want any
breakfast what right had he to eat what h e had n o money
’
to pay for T here wou ld be a long bill at th e bak er s n ext
What right had any one to live on other people D orothy
told hi m she paid for every loaf as it came an d that there ,

was n o bi ll at the baker s thou gh 1ndeed he had d one hi s ’

best to begi n one H e stretched o ut h is arms d rew he r

.
,

down to his bosom said she w as h is only comfort then , ,

pu shed her away tu rned his face to the wall and wept
, ,
.

S he saw it wou ld be better to leave h i m and k nowin g , ,

i n this mood h e wou ld eat n oth i ng sh e carried the tray ,

with her A few moments after sh e came rushi ng u p th e

.
,

stai r like a wi nd and entered his room swiftly her face

, ,

white with th e whiteness of what i s d ead .

C HAPT ER XXII I .

T H E M I N I STE R ’
S BED RO O M .

T HE
next d ay i n the afternoon old L isbeth appeared at
, ,

the recto ry with a h u rried note i n which D orothy begged

, ,

M r Wingfo ld to come and see he r father

. T he cu rate rose .

at once an d went W he n he reached th e h ou se D orothy

.
, ,

who had evi dently been watchi ng for h is arrival herself ,

o pened the door .

’
What s the matter ? h e asked Nothi ng alarmi ng I ,

hope ?
I ho pe n ot she answe red T here was a strange light
,
.

on h er face lik e that of a su nl ess sk y on a d ee p s had ow ed

, ,
1 40 P AU L FABER .

well B u t I am a littl e alarmed about hi m He h as suf .

fered mu ch of late A h M r Win

.

gfold you don t k now how

’

.
,
.
,

good he is O f cou rse being no friend to the ch u rch ,

I d on t wond er at that th e chu rch is so little of a fri end

’

to herself i nterru pted the cu rate relieved to fi nd her so

, ,

composed for as he came along he had d read ed somethi ng

,

terrible .

He wants very much to see you H e think s p erhaps .

you may be abl e to help hi m I am su re if you can t nobody .

’

’
can B ut please d on t heed mu ch what he says abou t hi m
.

self H e is feverish and e x cited T here i s su ch a th ing

is there n ot P— as a morbid hu mility P I don t mean a false
. .

hu mility bu t on e that passes over i nto a k i nd of self

,
”
disgu st .

I k now what you mean answered the c u rate layi ng , ,

d own his hat h e n ever took his hat i nto a sick room -
.

D orothy led th e w ay u p th e narrow creak i ng stai rs .

It was a lowly little chamber i n which the once popu lar

preacher lay— not so good as that he had occu pied when a
’
boy two stories above h is father s sh 0p
,
T hat sho p had .

been a thorn i n his spirit i n the days of h is worldly su ccess ,

but agai n an d agai n this morn ing he had been remembering

i t as a very haven of comfort an d peace H e almost forgot .

hi mself i nto a d ream of it once for on e blessed moment ,

through the u pper half of the wi nd ow he saw th e sn ow fall

i ng i n the street whil e h e sat i nsid e an d half u nder the
,

cou nter read ing R obi nson C rusoe C ou l d any thi ng sho rt
,

o f h eaven be so comfortable P
A s th e cu rate stepped in a grizzled head tu rned toward ,

him a haggard fac e with d ry bloodshot eyes and a l ong , ,

han d came from the bed to greet him .

A h M r Wingfo ld
,
cried the mi nister
. God h as for ,

sak en me If H e had only forgotten me I coul d have borne

.
,

that I thi nk ; for as J ob says th e ti me wou ld have come

, , ,

when H e wou ld have had a d esi re to the work of H is hands .

B ut He has tu rned H is back u pon me and tak en H is free ,

S pirit from me H e has ceased to tak e H is o w nw ay to d o

.
,

H is will with me and has given me my way and my will S it

,
.

d own M r Wingfo ld You can not comfort me b ut you a re

,
. .
,

a tru e se rvant of G od an d I wi ll tell you my sorrow I ,

.

am n o friend to the ch u rch as you k now but , ,

So long as you are a fri en d of its H ead that goes for ,

littl e with me sai d th e cu rate ,

B ut i f you wi ll allow .

m e I shou ld lik e to say j u st on e word on th e matter

, .
 PAUL FABER . 14 1

He wished t ry what a d iversion of thought might d o

to
not that he foolishly desi red to mak e hi m forget his trouble ,

but that h e kn ew from ex perien ce any gap might let i n

comfort
Say o n M r Wingfo ld I am a worm an d n o man
.

. . .
,

I t seems then to me a mistak e for any comm un ity to

, ,

spen d p reciou s en ergy u pon even a j u st fi nding of fau lt with

another T he thing is to tri m the lamp an d clean the glass
.
,

of ou r own that it may be a light to the world I t is j ust

,
.

the same with commu n ities as with in d ivid u als T he com .

mu n ity which casts if it be but the mote out o f its o w neye ,

’
does the best thing it can for the beam i n its n eighbor s .

For my part I co nfess that so far as th e clergy form and

, ,

re present the Chu rch of E ngland it i s an d has for a long

time been doin g its best— not its worst thank G od —to
,

serv e God an d M ammon .

’
A h that s my beam cried the min ister I have .

been serv ing M ammon assid uously I served h i m not a .

little in th e time of my prosperity with co nfi dence and show , ,

an d then i n my adversity with fears an d complai nts O u r .

L ord tells u s ex pressly that we are to take n o thought for

the morrow because we can not se rv e G od and M ammon I
,
.

have been tak ing thou ght for a hu nd red morrows and that ,

not patiently but gru mblin g i n my h ea rt at H is dealings with

,

me T herefore now He has cast me o ff

. .

H ow do you k now that Hé has cast you off P ask ed the

cu rate.

B ecause He has given me my o wnway with su ch a ven

geance . I have been pu lling pu lling my hand out of H is , ,

and H e has let me go an d I li e i n the d irt, .

B ut you have not told me you r grou n ds for co nclu d

in
”
g so.

S u ppose a child had been c ryi ng an d fretti ng after his

mother for a spoonfu l of j am said th e min ister qu ite , ,

gravely and at last she set h i m d own to a whole pot

,

what wou ld you say to that P

I shou ld say sh e meant to give him a sharp lesson
perhaps a reproof as well —c e rtain ly not that she meant to
,

cast h i m o ff answered Wingfo ld laughing

,
B ut sti ll I , .

"
d o n ot u nd erstand .

H ave you not heard th en P D id n t D orothy tell you P ’

She has told me noth ing .

N ot that my old u ncle has left me a hu n d red thou san d

pou nds an d more P
14 2 P AU L FA BER .

T he cu rate was on the poi nt of sayi ng I am ve ry glad ,

”
to hear it when the warn ing Dorothy had given him
,

retu rned to his mind and with it the fear that th e pastor,

was u nd er a d el usi on — that as a rich man i s sometimes not ,

u nnatu rally sei z ed with the man ia of i magined poverty so ,

’
this poor man s mental barometer had from excess of ,

poverty tu rned its i nd ex right rou n d agai n to riches

, .

Oh he retu rned lightly an d soothi ngly perhaps it

, ,

is n ot so bad as that Y o u may have been misinformed

.
-

T here may be some mistak e .

No no retu rned the min ister

,
it is tru e eve ry word ,

of it Y ou shall see the lawyers lette r

. D orothy has it I ’
.
,

thi nk My u ncl e was an i ronmonger i n a cou nt ry town got

.
,

o n and bought a little bit o f lan d

,
i n which h e fou n d i ron .

I k new h e w as flo u rish ing but h e w as a ch u rch man an d a ,

terrible To ry an d I n ever d reamed he wou ld remember me

, .

T here had been n o commu n ication betwee n ou r family an d

h is for many years H e mu st have fanci ed me still a flo u rish
.

i ng L ond on min iste r with a rich wife ! If h e had had a ,

su spicion of how sorely I n eed ed a few pou n ds I can n ot ,

believe he wou l d have left me a farthing H e d id not save .

his money to waste it o nb read an d cheese I can fancy him ,

”
sayi ng .

A ltho ugh a look almost o f despair k ept coming an d goi ng

u pon hi s face h e lay so still an d spok e so qu ietly and col
lectedly that Wingfo ld began to wond er wh ether there
, ,

might n ot be some fact i n his statement H e di d n ot well .

k n ow what to say
W hen I heard th e n ews from D orothy— she read th e
.

letter fi rst M r D rak e went o n —o ld fool that I was

,
.
,

I was fi lled with su ch d elight that although I cou ld not ,

have said whether I believed o r n ot th e very i dea of the

thing mad e me w eep A las M r Wingfo ld I have had vis
,

,
. .

ions of G od i n which th e whole world wou ld not have

seemed worth a salt tear A n d no w I j u mped ou t of
bed and hu rri ed on my cloth es but by th e ti me I came to
, ,

k neel at my bed sid e G od was away I cou ld not speak a ,

.

word to H i m I had l ost all th e troubl e that k ept m e

’
c rying after H i m lik e a little child at his mother s heels the ,

bon d was brok en and H e was o u t o f sight I tri ed to b e .

thank ful b u t my heart was so fu ll o f the money it lay like

, ,

a stu ffed bag B u t I dared n ot go even to my stu dy till I

.

had prayed I tram ped u p and down this little roo m,

.

’
thi nk ing more about payi ng my butcher s bill than any thi ng
 P AU L FA BER . 14 3

else I wou ld give hi m a si lver snu ff box but as to G od

.
-

an d H is good ness my heart felt l ik e a ston e I could not

l ift it u p A ll at once I saw h ow it w as H e had heard my
.

prayers i n anger M r Wingfo ld the L ord has sent me this .

,

money as H e sent the qu ai ls to the I sraelites whil e it was

yet as it were between my teeth H e smote me with hard
, , ,

ness of heart 0 my G od how shall I live i n th e world

.

with a hu ndred thou sand pou nd s i nstead o f my Father in

heaven ! I f it were only that He had hi dden H is face I ,

shou ld be able to pray somehow H e h as given me over

to the M ammon I was worshi pi ng Hypocrite that I am
how often have I not poi nted ou t to my people whi l e yet I ,

dwelt i n the land of G osh en that to fear pove rty was the ,

same thi ng as to love money for that both came of lack of ,

faith i n the living G od T herefore has He tak en from me

th e light of H is cou ntenance which yet M r Wingfo ld w ith , ,
.
,

all my sins and sho rtcomi ngs yea an d my hyp ocrisy is the , , ,

all i n all to m e
H e look ed the cu rate i n th e face with such wild eyes as
convi nced him that even i f p erfectly sane at present he
, ,

was i n no smal l d ange r of l osing h is reason .

T hen you wou ld w illingly give u p thi s large fortu n e ,

h e said an d retu rn to you r former cond ition P

R ather than n ot be abl e to pray—I wou ld I woul d
,

h e cried then pau sed and add ed , — if on ly H e wou ld give

m e enough to pay my d ebts and not have to beg of other
”
peopl e .

T hen with a tone su d denly changed to one of agon ized

,

e ffo rt with cl enched hands and eyes sh ut tight h e cri ed

, , ,

vehemently as if i n the face o f a lingeri ng u nwilli ngn ess to

,

encou nter again the miseries th rou gh which he had been

passi ng .

N o n o L ord ,
Forgive me I will n ot thi nk of con
, .

ditio ns T hy will be d on e
. Tak e the mon ey an d let me
be a d ebtor and a beggar i f T hou w ilt only let me pray to ,

T hee and d o T hou mak e it u p to my cred itors .

Wingfold s spirit was greatly moved H ere was victory

’
.

W heth er the fort u n e was a fact or fancy mad e n o featu re ,

of d i fference He thanked G od an d took cou rage T he

. .

same i nstant the door opened and D orothy came i n hesi ,

tati ng and look ing strangely anxi ou s H e threw her a

, .

face q uest io n S he gently bowed he r head and gave hi m

.
,

a letter w1th a b road black border w hich she held i n h er

hand .
144 PAU L FABER .

H e read it N o room for rational d oubt was left He

. .

fold ed it softly gave it back to h er an d risi ng k neeled

, , ,

d own by th e bedsi d e n ear the foot and said , ,

Fathe r whose is the fu llness o f the earth I thank T hee

, ,

that T hou hast set my brothe r s h eel o nthe n eck of his ene
’

my . B u t th e su dd en n ess of T hy relief from h oly pove rty

an d evi l care has so shak en his hea rt and brain or rather
, , ,

perhaps has mad e h i m th ink so k eenly o f his lack of faith

,

i n his Father i n heaven that he fears T hou hast thrown him ,

the gift i n disdai n as to a d og u nder the tabl e though, ,

never d idst T hou d isdai n a d og an d n ot give n it as to a ,

child from T hy han d i nto h is Father let T hy spi rit come

,
.
,

with the gift o r tak e it agai n an d mak e h im poor and able

to pray — H ere came an amen groaned o ut as from the
, ,

.
,

bottom of a d u ngeon P ardon h im Father the cu rate .

, ,

prayed o n all hi s past d iscontent an d the smalln ess of h is

,

faith T hou art ou r Father and T hou k n owest u s tenfold

.
,

better than we k now ou rselves we pray T hee n ot only to

pardon u s but to mak e all righteou s excu se for us when
, ,

we dare n ot mak e any for ou rselves for T hou art th e truth , .

We will try to be better c h i ld ren We will go o n cl imbing .

the mou nt o f G od th rough all th e clou dy d ark ness that

swaths it yea even i n the face of th e worst terrors—that
when we reach the top we shall h nd n o o ne there —H ere
, ,

, .

D orothy bu rst i nto sobs Fath er thu s th e cu rate en ded .

his prayer tak e pity on T hy child ren T hou wilt not give
them a pi ece of bread i n place of 1 ston e—to poison them
,
.

,
’
T he egg T h ou givest wi ll not be a serpent s We are T hi ne .
,

an d T hou art ou rs i n u s be T hy will d one A men .

A s h e rose from h is k nees h e saw that the mi nister had ,

tu rn ed his face to th e wall and lay perfectly sti ll R ightly ,

.

j u dgi ng that he was ren ewi ng the vai n effort to rou se by ‘

force of th e will feeli ngs which had been stu n n ed by th e

,

strange shock h e v entu red to try a more authoritative mode

,

of add ress .

A nd now M r D rak e you have got to spen d this

,
.
,,

money he said
,
and th e soon er you set about it th e bet
,

ter Whatever may be you r i deas about the p ri nci pal you
.
,
”
are bou nd to spend at least eve ry penny of th e i ncome .

T he sad hearted man stared at the cu rate

-
.

H ow is a man to d o any thi ng whom G od h as for

sak en ? h e sai d .

I f He had forsak en you for as d reary work as it wou l d ,

b e you woul d have to t ry to d o you r d uty notwithstand i n g

, .
 PAU L FABER . 14
5

But He has not forsak en you He has given you a ve ry .

sharp lesson I grant an d as su ch you mu st tak e it bu t that

, , ,

is the very opposite of forsak ing you H e has let you k now
‘

what it i s n ot to trust i n H im and what it wou ld be to have ,

money that d id not come from H is hand You did not con .

qu er i n the fi gh t with M ammon when you were poor an d ,

G od h as given you another chance H e ex pects you to get

the better of him n ow you are rich I f G od had forsaken .

you I shou ld have fou nd you strutti ng about and gloryi ng

,

over imagi n ed enemi es .

D o you really thi nk that i s the mmd of G od toward

”
me ? cried the poor man starti ng half u p i n bed ,
“
Do .

you thi nk so P h e repeated staring at the cu rate almost as ,

wildly as at fi rst but with a d i fferent ex pression

,
.

I d o said Wingfold
”
,
an d it wi ll b e a bad j ob i nd eed
i f you fai l i n both tri als B u t that I am su re you will n ot
. .

It is yo u r bu siness now to get thi s money i nto you r hands

as soon as possible an d p roceed to soend it , .

Wou ld there be any harm i n ordering a few thi ngs from

the tradesp eople ? ask ed Dorothy .

H ow shou ld there b e ? retu rne d Wingfold .

’
B ecaus e you see answered D orothy we can t be su re
, , ,

of a bird i n th e bu sh .

C an you be su re of i t i n you r hands P I t may spread

its wings when you least expect it B ut H elen wil l be .

d elighted to tak e the risk — u p to a few h u nd reds he ad ded

”
,

laughi ng .

Somebody may d isp ute the will they d o sometimes ,

said D orothy .

T hey d o very often answered Wingfold , It does not .

look lik ely i n th e present case b ut ou r trust mu st be

neither i n the will n or i n the fortu ne but i n the living G od , .

’
Yo u have to get all the g ooa ou t of th is money you can If .

you wi ll walk over to the rectory w ith me n ow wh ile you r ,

father gets u p we will carry the good n ews to my wife and

, ,

sh e will lend you what mon ey you l ik e so that you n eed ,

o rder nothing without payi ng for it .

Please ask her not to tell any body said M r D rak e , . .

’
I shou ld n t l ik e it talked abou t before I u nderstand it
”
myself .

You are qu ite right I f I were you I wou l d tell n obody

.

yet bu t M r D rew H e is a right man an d wil l hel p you t o

. .
,

bear you r good fo rtu n e good fo rtu ne

.
h T

harder to bear than bad .

146 P AU L F A B E R .

D orothy ran to pu t her bonnet o n T h e cu rate went .

back to th e bedsid e M r D rak e had agai n tu rned h is face

. .

to the wall .

S ixty years of age l h e w as mu rmu ring to h imself

M r D rak e said Wingfo ld so long as you bu ry you r
.

,
, ,

self with the centi pedes i n you r own cellar instead of going ,

out i nto God s world you are tempti ng Satan and M ammon
’

together to come and tempt yo u Worshi p the God who .

mad e th e heaven an d the earth an d th e sea and the mi n es ,

of i ron an d gold by do ing H is wi ll i n the heart of them

,
.

’
Don t worshi p the poor pictu re of H i m you have got hang
ing u p i n you r closet —worshi p th e livi ng power beyond
yo u r k en B e strong i n H i m whose i s you r strength a nd al l
.
,

stren gth H el p H i m i n H is work with His own G ive life to

. .

H is gold R u b the cank e r o ff it by send ing it from han d

.
,

to hand Yo u mu st rise an d bestir yo u rself I wi ll come

. .

an d see yo u agai n to morrow G ood b y for the p resent

-
.
-
.

H e tu rned away and walk ed from the room B u t h is .

han d had scarcely left th e lock wh en h e h eard th e mi nister ,

alight from hi s bed u pon the floor .

’
H e ll d o said th e cu rate to h imself and walk ed d own ,

th e stai r .

When h e got home h e left D orothy with h i s wife an d

, ,

goi ng to hi s stu dy wrote th e following verses which had

, ,

grown i n hi s mind as h e walked silent besid e he r

WH A T M A N I S T H E R E O F Y O U ?
Th e h om el y w o rds h o w o ftenread ,

H ow sel do m fu lly k now n

Wh ich fath er o f yo u ask ed fo r b read
Woul d giv e h is so na sto ne P
, ,

H o w o ft h as b itter tear b eensh ed ,

A nd h eav ed h ow m any a gro an ,

B ecau se T h o u w o u l dst no t giv e fo r b read

T h e th ing th at w as a sto ne

H ow o ft th e chil d T h ou w o u l ds t h av e fed ,

T hy gift aw ay h as th ro w n
H e p ray ed T h o u h eardst and gav st th e b read :
'

, ,

He cried, it is a sto ne

L o rd if I ask indo u b t o r dread

,

L est I b e l eft to mo an
I am th e m anw h o , ask ed fo r b read
Wou l d giv e h is so na stone
,

A s D orothy retu rn ed from the rectory wh ere H elen had ,

 PAU L FABER . 14 7

mad e her happi er than all the money by the k in d words she
sai d to her she stopped at M r J ones sh O p and bought of
,
.
’

hi m a bit of l oi n of mutton .

’
S han t I pu t it down mi ss ? h e suggested seeing her
tak e out her pu rse — H elen had j ust given he r the pu rse :
, ,

they had had great fu n with both tears and lau ghter over ,

It

I wou ld rathe r not —thank you ve ry much she replied ,

with a smi le .

He gave her a k i nd search i ng glance an d took th e , ,

money .

T hat day J u l iet d ined with them When the j oi nt ap .

peared A manda wh o had been i n the k itchen the greater

, ,

part of the mo rn ing clapped her hands as at sight of an old ,

acquai ntance .

D ere it comes I d ere it comes sh e cri ed .

’
B ut the mi niste r s grace was a l ittl e longer than sh e lik ed ,

for h e was tryi ng hard to feel gratefu l I thi nk some peo .

ple mistak e pleasu re and satisfaction fo r thankful ness M r .

D rake was not so to be tak en in E re long ho wever he

fou nd them a good soi l for thankfu lness to grow in—So
.
, ,

A manda fi dgeted n ot a little an d the moment the grace ,

was over
N o w en n ow en
‘ ’
sh e almost screamed her eyes
Iss is d i nn er — O u don t have
,
’ ’
sparkling with delight .

d in ner eve ry day M iss M ellidif ,

”
B e qu iet D ucky said h er au nt as she called her
, , , .

’
You mustn t make any remark s .

’ ’
D ucky ai n t mak i n n o marks retu rned the child look , ,

ing anxiou sly at the tabl e cloth an d was qu i et b ut not for -

long .

L i sbe t say su rely papa s si p come home wit e nice d i n ’ ’

ner she sai d n ext .

”
No my d ucky sai d M r D rak e
,
it was God s shi p
, .
’

”
that came with it .

D ood si p sai d th e child .

It wil l come on e day and anothe r and carry us al l ,

”
home said the mi ni ster
, .

Where D ucky s yeal own papa and mamma yive i n a big

’

house papa P asked A manda more seriou sly

, , .

I wi ll tell yo u more about it when you are old er sai d ,

M r D rak e
. N ow let u s eat th e d i nn e r G od has sent us
. .

H e was evid ently far happier al ready th ou gh hi s dau ghte r ,

cou ld see that eve ry n ow an d th en hi s thou ghts were away

14 8 PAUL FABER .

she h oped th ey were thank ing G od B efore d inn er was .

over h e was talki ng qu ite cheerfu lly d rawi ng largely from

, ,

hi s stores both of readin g an d ex perience A fter the child .

was gon e they told J u li et o f th ei r good fortu ne S he con

, .

gratu lated them h eartily then l ooked a little grave an d , ,

sai d
P erhaps you wou l d l ike m e to go P
What sai d M r D rak e d oes you r frien dshi p go n o
.

fu rther than that ? H avi ng h elped u s so mu ch i n adversity ,

will you forsak e u s the moment prosperity looks i n at the

win dow P
J u liet gave on e glance at D orothy smil ed and said n o , ,

more For D orothy , sh e was already bu ild ing a castle for

J u li et—bu sily
.

C H A P T E R XX I V .

J U L I E T S C H A M BER .

A F T E R tea M r D rak e an d D orothy went out for a walk

together —
.
,

a thi ng they had n ot once d on e si nc e the chu rch

meeting of acri d memo ry i n which had been d ecreed the
’
close of the min ister s activity at least i n G laston I t was , .

a lovely J u n e twi light th e bats were fl itti ng abou t like the

children o f th e gloamin an d th e lamps o f th e labu rnu m ’

an d li lac hu n g d usky among the trees of O sterfi eld Park .

J u liet l eft all bu t alon e i n the hou se sat at h er wind ow

, , ,

read ing H er room was on the fi rst flo o r but the d i ning

.
,

room beneath it was o f low pitch and at th e lane door there ,

-

were two steps d own into t he h ou se so that h er wi ndow ,

was at n o great height above the lan e It was open b ut .

,

th ere was littl e to be seen from it for i mmed iately opposite ,

rose a high old garden wall hi di ng eve ry thing with its gray -

bu lk lovelily blotted with lichen s an d m oss b rown an d

, ,

green and gold except the wall flo wers an d ston e crop that
,
- -

grew on its cop ing an d a ru n n i ng plant that hu ng d own

,

over it lik e a long fringe worn thi n H ad sh e pu t her head

,
.

o ut of th e wi nd ow sh e woul d h av e seen i n the on e d i recti on

,

a cow h ou se an d i n th e other the tall n arrow i ron gate of

th e gard en —and that w as all
-

Th e twilight d eepen ed as .
 PA U L F ABER . 149

she read u ntil th e words before he r began to play hi d e an d

,

seek they got worse an d worse u ntil she was tired of ,

catching at them and whe n at last she stopped for a mo

ment they we re all gon e lik e a troop o f fairies and her
, ,

reading was end ed She closed the book an d was soon

.
,

d reami ng awak e an d the twilight world was the globe i n

which the d ream fi sh es came an d went— n ow swellin g u p
-

strange and near now si nk i ng away i nto the cu ri ou s d is

,

tance.

H er mood was brok en by the sou nd of hoofs which she ,

’
almost immed iately recogn i zed as those of the d octor s red
horse—great hoofs falling at th e en d of long straight flung -

steps H er heart began to beat violently an d co nfident i n

.
,

the protection of the gathering night she rose an d looked ,

cautiously ou t toward the si de o n which was the approac h .

I n a few moments rou n d the fu rthest visible corner and past

, ,

the gate i n the garden wall swu ng a huge shadowy form

-

gigantic i n the d usk S he d rew back her head b ut ere she

.
,

cou ld shape her mi nd to retreat from th e wi nd ow th e soli d ,

gloom h u rled itself thu nd eri ng past and sh e stood trembling

and lonely with the ebb of R ub ers paces in her ears—and
,
’

i n her hand a letter I n a mi nute sh e came to h erself closed

.
,

her window d rew down the bli nd lighted a cand le set it o nthe
, , ,

w indow sill and opened the letter I t contai ned these verses
-

,
.
,

and nothing more

M y mo rning ro se inl augh ter

A go l d and az u re day .

D ull cl o uds came tro oping after ,

L iv id and su l lengray
, .

At n oo n, th e raindid a er, b tt
An d it th undered ik e a h e l ll
I sigh ed, it is no matter,
A t nigh t I sh a s eep as w e ll l ll .

B ut I l o n ged w ith a madness tender

F o r anev ening l ik e th e mo m ,
T h at my day m igh t die inspl endo r,
N o t fo l ded inm ist fo rl o rn

D ie l ik e a to ne el y sian,
L ik e a b ee ina cactus fiow er, -

L ik e a day su rp rised v isio n,

-

L ik e a w ind ina summer sh ow er .

Th ro u gh th e v aulted cl o uds abo ut me

Broke tremb l ing anaz u re space
1
50 P A U L F A B ER .

Was it a dream to flou t me

O r w as it a perfect face P

T h e sky and th e face togeth er

A re go n e , and th e w ind b l ow s fell .

B ut w h at matters a dream o r th e weath er?

A t nigh t it w ill all b e w ell .

F o r th e day o f l ife and l ab or,

O f ecstasy and pain,
I s o nl y a b eatentab o r,
A nd I sh all no t dream again .

B ut as th e o ld N igh t steal s o er me,

'

D eepening till all is dead,

I sh al l see th ee still b efo re m e
Stand w ith av erted h ead .

A nd I sh all th ink , Ah so rrow

Th e m ig /z t th at nev er w as may I
T h e nigh t th at h as no mo rrow
An d th e su nset all ingray

J u liet lai d her head on her hands and wept .

Why shou ld I not let him have h is rosy su nset ? she

thought . I t is all h e hopes for— cares for I thi nk— poor ,

fellow A m I n ot good en ough to give hi m that ? What

does i t matter abou t me if it is all but a vision that flits b e
,

twee n h eave n and earth and mak es a passi ng shadow on

hu man brain and n erves P—a tale that is tel ling—then a tal e
,

that is told M u ch the good people mak e out of thei r bet

ter faith S hou l d I be tro ubled to learn that it was i ndeed
a lasti ng slee p ? I f I were d ead an d fou n d myself wak ing
, ,

should I want to rise o r go t o sleep agai n ? Why shou l d

,

not I too dare to hope for an end less rest ? W here wou ld
be th e wrong to any P I f there b e a G od H e will have but ,

to wak e me to pu n ish me hard en ough Why shou l d I not .

hope at least for such a l ovely thi ng ? C an any one h elp

d esi ri ng peace P O h to sleep and sleep and wak e n o more
, , ,

forever an d ev er I wou ld n ot hasten th e sleep the end

will su rely come and why shou ld we n ot e nj oy th e d ream a
little longer—at least while it is a good d ream an d the tossi ng
,

has not begu n ? T here wou ld always be a time Why wake .

before ou r time ou t o f th e d ay i nto the d ark nothi ng ? I

shou ld always want to see what to morrow and to morrow - -

an d to morrow wou ld bri ng—that is so long as he loved me

-

H e i s noble and sad an d beautiful and graciou s —

.
,

b ut
— — — Why
, , ,

h m
wou ld e cou l d he love e to t e d ev en h e n if P
 P A U L F A B ER . 1
5 1

shou ld we not mak e the best o f what we have P W hy shou ld

we n ot mak e life as happy to ou rselves and to others as we
can —however worthless however arrant a cheat it may b e ? ,

E ven if there be n o su ch thi ng as love if it be all bu t a ,

lovely vanity a bubble play of color why not let the bub
,
-

ble globe swell an d the tid e of its ocean of color fl ow and

-

rush and mingle and change P Will it n ot break at last and ,

the last come soon enough wh en o f all the glo ry is left bu t ,

a tear on the grass P Whe n we d ream a pl easant d ream and ,

k now it is but a d ream we will to d ream o n an d qu iet ou r

, ,

mi nd s that it may not be scared an d flee why shou ld we

not yiel d to the stronge r d ream that it may last yet anothe r ,

sweet begu iling moment ? W hy shou ld h e not love me

,

k iss me ? Why shou ld we not be sad together that we are

not an d can not b e th e real man an d woman we wou ld —that
,

we are but the forms of a d ream —the fleeting shadows of the

night of Natu re P — mou rn together that the med dlesom e hand
o f fate shou ld have rou sed us to consci ou sness and aspi ration
so long before th e matu rity of ou r powers that we are b ut a
lau ghter—no —a scorn an d a weeping to ou rselves P We cou ld
at least sympathi ze with each other i n ou r common mise ry
bear with its weak ness comfort its regrets h id e its mo rtifi
, ,

cations cherish its poor j oys and smooth the way d own the
, ,

steepen ing slope to the grave T hen if i n th e d ecrees o f ,

bli nd fate there shou ld be a slow d u l l procession toward

, ,

perfection if i ndeed some hu man G od be on the way to be

,

born it wou ld be grand although we shou l d k now nothi ng

, ,

of it to have done ou r part fearless and hopeless to have

, ,

lived and d ied that th e tri umphant Sorrow might sit throned
on th e ever dying heart of the u niverse B ut never n ever .
,

wou ld I have chosen to live for that Yes one might choose ,

to be born i f there were su ffering one might live o r d i e to

,

soften to cu re
,
T hat wou ld be to be like P aul F aber To .

will to be born for that wou ld be grand i nd eed 1

I n paths of thought lik e these her mi nd wand ered her ,

head lying u pon h er arms o n the old fashioned wid e spread -

,
-

wind ow si ll A t length weary with emoti on an d weeping

-
.
, ,

she fell fast asleep and slept for some time , .

T he house was very still M r D rak e and D orothy were . .

i n no haste to retu rn A mand a was asleep and L isbeth was

i n the k itchen —perhaps also asleep
.
,

J u liet wok e with a great start A rms were arou nd her .

from beh i nd l ifting her from he r half pron e positi on of sor

,
-

row fu l rest With a terrified c ry sh e strove to free h ers elf

.
, .
1
52 PAUL FABER .

J u liet my love my h eart be still and let me speak

, .

sai d Faber H is voice trembl ed as i f ftill of tears

, ,

. I can .

bear this no longer You are my fate I never lived till I . .

k new you I shal l cease to live when I k now for certai n that
.

you tu rn from me
J u liet was lik e o ne half —
.

d rown ed j ust l ifted from the ,

water struggling to beat it away from eyes and ears and

,

mouth .

P ray leav e me M r Faber she cried half terrifi ed ,

.
, ,
-

half bewildered as she rose and tu rned toward him

-

,
B ut .

whi le sh e p u shed h im away with on e hand she u nco n ,

scio u sly clasped h is arm tight with th e other You have

n o right to come i nto my room and s u rprise me —
.

startle ,
”
me so D o go away I wi ll come to you . .

P ard on pardon my angel D o n ot speak so lou d

, , ,

h e said falling o nhis k nees an d claspi ng hers

, , .

D o go away persisted J u liet t ryi ng to remove his

What will they thi nk i f they h nd u s—yo u here
, ,

grasp . .

”
T hey know I am pe rfectly well .

You d rive me to liberties that mak e me tremble J u li et , .

E ve rywh ere you avoi d me You are never to be seen with .

out some hatefu l protector A ges ago I put u p a prayer

to you —o ne of life o r d eath to me and l ik e the G od you
.

, ,

believe in you have left it u nanswered You have n o pity

,
.

on th e su fferi ngs you cause me ! I f you r G od be cru el ,

why sho uld you be cru el too P I s not o ne to rm entor enough

i n you r u n iverse P I f there be a futu re let us go on together
.

to h nd it I f there b e n ot let u s yet enj oy what of life may

. ,

be enj oyed M y past i s a sad one .

J u liet shu d dered .

A h my beau tiful you too have s u ff ered

,
he went o n , .

L et us be angels o f mercy to each other each h elpi ng the ,

other to forget ! My griefs I shou ld cou nt worthless i f I

might but erase you rs .

I wou ld I cou ld say th e same said J u liet b ut on ly m .

,

her h ea rt .

“
Whatever they may have been he contin u ed my , ,

highest ambiti on shall be to mak e yo u forget them We .

wi ll love like bei ngs whose only eternity i s the moment .

C ome with me J u liet ; we wi ll go d own i nto the last darkn ess

,

together lovi ng each other and then peace A t least there i s

,
.

n o eternal hate i n my poor i ce cold religion as there is i n ,

-

you rs I am not su fferi ng alone J u liet A ll whom it is

. ,
.

my work to reli eve are su fferi ng from you r u nk ind ness ,

.
 PA U L FA BER . 153

For a ti m e I prided mysel f that I gave eve ry o ne of them

as fu ll attenti on as before but I can not k ee p it u p I am , .

defeated My brai n seems d ese rti ng me I mistak e symp

. .

toms forget cases confou nd med ici nes fal l i nto i ncred ible
, , ,

bl u nd ers My han d trembles my j u dgment wavers my

.
, ,

wi ll is u nd eci d ed J u liet you are ru i ni ng me .

,
.

”
He saved my life said J u l iet to herself an d that it , ,

is wh ich has brought hi m to this H e has a clai m to me . .

I am his prope rty He fou n d me a castaway o n the sh ore

.

of D eath an d gave m e lzzs life t o live with He mu st n ot

'

su ffe r where I can prevent it —Sh e was on the poi nt of

.
,

yield ing .

T he same moment sh e heard a ste p i n the lane approach

i ng the door .

I f you love me d o go now cl ear M r Faber she sai d , ,

.
, .

I will see yo u agai n Do not u rge me fu rther to night .

-
.

A h I wish I I wish
,
she ad ded with a deep sigh and , ,

c eased .

T h e steps came u p to the d oor T here came a knock at .

it T hey heard L isbeth go to open it Faber rose . .

”
G o i nto th e d rawi ng room said J u liet L isbeth -

,
.

”
may be comi ng to fetch me she mu st not see yo u h e r e .

He obeyed Without a word h e left the chamber and

.
,

went i nto th e d rawing room He had been hard ly a mo -

.

ment there when Wingfo ld entered I t was almost dark

, .
,

bu t the d octor stood agai nst the wi n d ow and th e cu rate ,

knew him .

A h Fabe r
, h e said it is lon g si nce I saw you Bu t , .

each has been about h is work I su ppose and there cou ld , ,

n ot be a better reason .

U nder d ifferent masters then retu rn ed Faber a little , , ,

o ut of tempe r .

I d on t exactly think so A ll good work i s d on e u nde r .

the same master .

“ ”
Poo h ! P ooh !
Wh o i s you r master the n P ,

My consci ence W h o is you rs ? .

”
Th e A uthor of my conscience .

A legend ary personage

O ne wh o i s eve ry d ay mak ing my conscience hard er
u pon me U nti l I beli eved i n H im my consci ence was d u ll
and stu pid —n ot half awak e i ndeed
.
,
”
-

, .

O h ! I see ! You mean my con sci en ce is d ul l and

”
stu pi d .
15 4 PAU L FABER .

I d o n ot B ut i f yo u were once lighted u p with the

.

light of th e world you wou ld pass j u st such a j udgment on

,

you rself I can t thi nk you so d ifferent from myself as

.
'

,
’
that that sho u ld n t be th e case thou gh m ost h eartily I
grant you d o you r work ten times better than I did A n d .

all the time I thought myself an h onest nan I wasn t A ’

’
man may h onestly thi nk himself hon est and a fresh week s ,

e x perience may make h i m d oubt i t alto geth er I sorely .

”
want a God to mak e me honest .

H ere J u l iet entered the room greeted M r Wingfo ld an d ,

.
,

then shook hands with F aber H e was glad the room was .

dark .

What d o you th i nk M iss M e red ith — is a man s con

’

,
"
sci ence en ough for h is gu idance P said th e cu rate .

’
“
I don t kn o w any thi ng about a man s conscie nce
’

answered J u l iet .

A woman s then P sai d th e cu rate

'

What else has sh e got ? retu rned J ul iet .

T he d octor was i nward ly cu rsi ng th e cu rate for talk i n g

shop O nly if a man k n ows n othi ng so good so beautifu l
.
, , ,
c
o n ecessary as the things i n h i s shop what else ou ght h e
to talk — especia lly i f h e is ready to give them without money
, ,

and without price ? T he d octor wou ld have d on e better to

talk shop too .

O f cou rse h e has n othi n g else answered th e cu rate ; ,

and i f h e had h e m ust fol low h is consci ence all the

,

same .

T here you are Wingfo ld l— always talk ing paradoxes

,

sai d Faber .

“
Why man ! you may only have a blu nd eri ng boy to
,

gu id e you but i f h e i s you r only gu id e you m ust follow

, ,

him Y ou d on t th erefore cal l hi m a su ffi cient gu id e

.
’

“
What a logomachist you are ! I f it i s a horn lantern
you ve got you need n t go mock in g at it
’ ’

.
,

T he lantern is n ot the light Perhaps you can n ot .

change you r h orn for glass bu t what i f you cou ld better ,

’
th e light ? S u ppose the boy s father k new al l about th e
cou ntry bu t you n eve r thou ght i t worth wh i le to send the
,
”
lad to him for i nstructi on s P
’
S u ppose I d i dn t beli eve h e had a father ? Su ppose he
’
told m e he had n t ?
S om e men wou ld cal l out to kn ow i f there was any body
i n th e hou se to give th e boy a u sefu l hi nt .

I m q u ite con ten

’
O h both er t with my fel low .
 P A U L F A B ER . 15 5

Well for my part I shou ld cou nt my con science were it

, ,

te n time s better than it is poor company o n any j ou rney ,

.

N othi ng less than the living T ruth ever with me can mak e
existence a peace to me —that s the j oy of th e H o ly Ghost ’

M iss M ered ith —What if you shou ld h nd on e d ay Faber

, ,

, ,
.

that of all facts the thing yo u have bee n so coolly refusing

, ,
”
was the most precious and awfu l P

Faber had had more than enou gh of it T here was bu t .

on e th ing precious to him J u liet was the perfect flo wer of

natu re the apex of law the last presentment of evol u tio n
, , ,

the fi nal reason of things ! T h e very sou l of th e world

stood there i n th e d usk and there also stood th e foolish ,

cu rate whirli ng his littl e vortex of d ust and ashes between

,

hi m and her
I t comes to this sai d Faber what you say moves
,

noth ing i n me I am aware of n o need n o want of that

.
,

Being of whom you s peak S u rely if i n H i m I d i d live and .

move and have my bei ng as some old heathen tau ght you r ,

Sau l of Tarsus I shou ld i n one mod e or another be aware

,

of H i m
Whi le h e spok e M r D rak e an d D orothy had come i nto
,
.

the room They stood silent

. .

T hat is a weighty word sai d Wingfo ld B u t what i f , .

you feel H is presenc e every moment on ly d o not recognize ,

it as such ?
Where wou ld be the good of i t to me th en P
T he good of it to you might li e i n the bl i nd ing What .

i f any fu rther revelation to one who d i d n ot seek it wou ld

bu t obstruct the k nowledge of H i m ? T ru ly revealed th e
word wou ld be read u ntru ly— even as T he Word has been
,

read by many i n al l ages O nly th e pu re i n heart we are .

,

told shal l see H im T h e man who mad e by H i m does

not d esi re H i m—how shou ld h e k now H i m ?
.
, , ,

’ ” ’
Why don t I d esi re H im th en P I don t -
.

T hat i s for you to fi nd out ”

.

I d o what I kn ow to be right ; even o n you r theory

I ought to get o n said Faber tu rni ng from him with a laugh
, , .

I think so too repli ed Wingfo ld G o o n and prosper

On ly i f there be u ntruth i n you alongsid e of th e truth — P
, .
, .

It might b e and you are not awak e to it

,
It i s marv elou s .

what thi ngs can co ex ist i n a hu man mi nd

-
.

I n that case why shou ld n ot you r G od h el p me P

,

Why not ? I think he will B ut it may [zaoe to be i n a .

-

"
way yo u will not lik e .
1
56 PAUL FABER .

Well well good night Talk is but talk whatever be

the subj ect of it —
, .
,

I beg you r pardon .he added shaki ng , ,

hands with the mi nister and hi s d au ghter I d id not see

you come in G ood n ight ”
. .

I won t allow that talk i s only talk Faber Wingfo ld

’

, ,

called after him with a friend ly laugh Then tu rni ng to M r . .

D rak e Pardon me,

he said for treati ng you with so
, ,

mu ch co nfi dence I saw you come in bu t beli eve d you

.
,

wou ld rather h ave us en d o u r talk than break i t off .

’
Ce rtai nly B u t I can t help thi nk ing you grant h i m too
.

mu ch M r Wingfo ld sai d the mi n i ster seri ou sly

,
.
, .

I never h nd I lose by givi ng even i n argu ment sai d the , ,

cu rate Faber ri des h is hobby well bu t the brute i s a sor ry

.
,

j ad e H e wi ll fin d on e day sh e has n ot a sou n d j oi nt i n her

.

”
whole body .

T he man wh o is anxi ou s to hol d eve ry point will speed ily ,

bri ng a qu estion to a mere dispute about trifles leav ing the ,

real matte r whose e lements may appeal to the godlike i n

,

eve ry man o ut i n the cold S uch a man h aving gai ned hi s

,
.
,

paltry poi nt wi ll crow lik e th e bantam he is wh ile th e

, ,

othe r wh o may be the greate r perhaps the better man

, , ,

although i n th e wrong i s embi tte red by hi s smallness an d

, ,

tu rn s away with i ncreased prej u dice H u man nature can .

hardly be blamed for its read i ness to i mpute to the case the
shallown ess of its plead er Few men d o more harm than .

those w h o tak ing the right si de d ispute for pe rsonal victo ry

, , ,

an d argu e as th ey are su re then to d o u ngene rou sly B ut

, , .

even gen u i ne argu ment for the truth i s not preaching the
gospel n either is he whose u nbelief is thus assailed likely to
, ,

be brought thereby i nto any mood but o ne u nfi t for receiving

it A rgu ment shou l d be k ept to book s preachers ought to
have nothing to d o with it—at all events i n the pu lpit
.

T here l et them h old fo rth l ight and let hi m wh o wi ll receive , ,

it an d h i m wh o wi ll not forbear
,
G od alon e can convi nce, .
,

an d till th e fu ll ti me i s come for the bi rth of the truth i n a

sou l the words of even th e L ord H imself are n ot there
,

potent .

T he man i rri tates me I con fess sai d M r D rak e I , ,

. .

do n ot say h e is sel f satisfied bu t h e is very self su fh -

,
-

ci ent .

He is su ch a good fellow sai d Wingfold that I think , ,

G o d wi ll n ot let hi m go on lik e th i s ve ry long I thi nk we .

shall live to see a change u pon hi m B u t mu ch as I esteem .

an d l ove th e man I can n ot h elp a suspi ci on that he has a

,
 P A U L FA BER . 15 7

great lump of pride somewhere about h im which has not a ,

"
littl e to do with his denials .

’
J u liet s blood seemed seethi ng i n he r veins as she heard her
love r thu s weighed an d talked ove r an d therewith came the
,
-

fi rst rift of a threatened breach betwixt her heart an d the '

friends w h o had been so good to her H e had d on e far .

more for he r than any of them an d mere loyalty seemed to

,

call u pon her to defend h i m ; but she d i d not k now how ,

and dissatisfi ed with herself as well as in dignant with them,

,

she mai ntained an angry si lence .

C H A PT E R X X V .

O S T ER F I E L D P A R K .

IT was a long ti me si nce M r D rak e an d D orothy had had

.

such a talk together o r had spent su ch a pleasant even i ng

,

as that o n which they went i nto O sterfi eld P ark to be alone

with a k nowledge of thei r changed fortu nes T h e anx iety .

of each d i ffering so greatly from that of the othe r had

, ,

tended to shu t u p each in loneli ness beyon d the hearing of

the othe r so that whi le there was n o breach i n their love ,
,

it was yet i n dange r of h av i ng long to en d u re

nexpansio n
a ,

th inness b eat
"
L ik e go l d to air y .

’
B ut th is even ing thei r sou ls ru shed togethe r T he father s .

'
anx iety was ch iefly elevated the daughte r s remai ned mu ch
what it was before yet these anx ieties n o longer avai led to
kee p them apart .

E ach relati on of life has its pecu liar beauty of hol iness
bu t that beau ty is the ex pressio n of its essential truth and ,

the essence itself is so strong that it bestows u pon its em

bod i ment eve n the powe r of partial metamorphosis with all
othe r vital relations H ow many daughte rs have i n the
.

devotion of thei r tenderness become as mothers to thei r

,

o wn fathers l W ho has n ot k nown some siste r more of a

wife to a man than she for whose sak e he neglected he r ?
B ut it will tak e the loves of all the relation s of life gathered
i n on e to shadow the love which i n the k i ngdom of heaven
, , ,
158 P AU L F ABER .

i s recogn ize d as d u e to each from each h u man b eing per se .

It i s for the sak e of the essenti al h u man that all h u man ,

relation s and all forms o f them ex ist — that we may learn

what it i s an d become capable of loving it aright
, .

D orothy wou ld now have been as a mothe r to her father ,

had she had but a good h O pe if no more of fi nding her Father

, ,

i n heaven She was n ot at peace enou gh to mother any

.

body She had i ndee d a grasp of the sk i rt of H is robe

.

only she cou ld no t be su re it w as not the mere fringe of a

clou d she held N ot the less was her father all her care and
.
,

pride and j oy O f his fau lts she saw none there was
, .

en ou gh of the n oble an d gen erous i n h i m to h id e them from

a less partial beholde r than a dau ghter T hey had never .

been seri ou s i n compari son with h is vi rtu es I d o n ot .

mean that every fau lt is n ot so seriou s that a man mu st be

willi ng to d i e twenty d eaths to get ri d of it but that rela ,

t ively to th e getting rid o f it a fau lt is seriou s o r n ot i n pro

, ,

portion to the d epth of its root rather than the amo unt of ,

its foliage N either can that be the wo rst con ditioned fau lt
.
-

the man s o wnsu spicion of which wou ld make hi m hang h is

’

h ead in shame those are h is wo rst fau lts wh ich a man will
start u p to d efen d ; those are the most dangerou s moral
d iseases whose symptoms are regard ed as the signs of
health .

L ik e lovers they walk ed o ut together with eyes on ly for

each other for th e good n ews had made them shy—throu gh
,

the lane i nto the cro ss street an d ou t i nto P in e street along

, , ,

wh ich they went westward meeting the gaze of th e low su n

, ,

wh ich wrapped th em rou n d i n a vei l o f light an d dark for ’

,

th e light mad e their eyes dark so that they seemed feeling ,

thei r w ay ou t o f the light i nto the shad ow .

T his i s lik e life sai d the pastor look i ng down at the

, ,

preciou s face besi de h im ou r eyes can best see from u n der

th e shad ow o f afflict io ns .

’
I wou ld rather it were from u nder th e shad ow of G od s
wings replied D orothy ti mid ly
, .

So it is so it is A fflict io ns are b ut th e shad ow o f H is

”
wings sai d h er father eagerly
,
Keep there my chi ld and
.
, ,

you wi ll n ever need the afflictio ns I have n eed ed I have .

b ee n a hard on e to save .

B ut th e chil d thought withi n herself A las father ! you , ,

h ave n ever h ad any afllictio ns which you or I eith er cou l d

”
n ot b ear tenfold better than what I have to b ear S he was .

perhaps right O n ly sh e d id not k now that when sh e got

.
 P A U L FA BE R .
9

throu gh all wou ld be transfig ured with the light of her

,

resu rrection j ust as her father s poverty now was i n the light
’

of hi s plenty .

L ittle more passed between them i n the street A ll th e .

w ay to the e ntrance of the park they were silent T here the y .

exchanged a few words with the sweet faced little dwarf -

woman that opened the gate and those few words set the ,

c u rrents of thei r thoughts si ngi ng yet more sweetly as they

fl owed T hey entered the great park th rough th e trees that
.
,

borde red it still i n silence but when they reached the wide
, ,

ex panse of grass with its clu mps of trees and thickets simu l
, ,

tan eo usly they breathed a deep b reath of the sweet wind ,

an d th e fou ntains of thei r d eeps we re b roke n u p T he .

eveni ng was lovely they wandered about long i n d elight , ,

an d much was the trustfu l converse th ey held I t was .

getti ng dark b efore they th ought o f retu rni ng .

T he father had b een telli ng the daughter how he had

mou rned an d wept when h is boys were take n from him ,

never th ink i ng at al l of the girl wh o was left him .

A nd now h e sai d I wou ld not part with my D orothy

, ,

to have them back the fi nest boys i n the world W hat .

woul d my old age be withou t you my darling P ,

’
D orothy s heart beat high Su rely there must b e a Father .

i n he aven too T hey walk ed a while i n a great silence for ,

the heart of each was fu ll A n d all the time scarce an all u .

sion had been mad e to the mo ney .

A s they retu rned they passed the new h ou se at some d is ,

tance on the highest poi nt i n the park It stood u nfi nish ed

, .
,

with all its wind ows board ed u p .

T he walls of that hou se sai d M r D rak e were scarcely , .

,

above grou nd when I came to Glaston So they had been .

for twenty years and so they remai ned u ntil as you remem
, ,

ber the bu ild ing was recommenced some th ree or fou r years
,

ago N ow again it is forsaken and only the wi n d is at

.
, , ,
”
home i n it .

T hey tell m e th e estate i s for sal e sai d D orothy ,

.

T hose bui ld ing lots j u st where the lane leads i nto Pi ne

-

,
”
street I fancy bel ong to it
, .

I wish retu rned her fath er they wou ld sell me that

,
“
,

tu mble down place i n the h ollow th ey call the O ld H ou se of

-

G laston I shou ld n t mind payi ng a good su m fo r it W hat

.
’
.

a place it wou ld be to live i n A n d what a pleasu re there

would be i n th e maki ng of it once more habitable and watch ,
.

ing ord er dawn ou t of n egl ect

1 60 P A U L F A B ER .

It wou l d b e d elightfu l respo n de d Dorothy When I ,

.

was a chi ld it was one of my d reams that that hou se was my

papa s—with th e w ild garden and all the fru it and th e terri
,
’

bl e lak e and the ghost of the lady that goes ab out i n the
,

sack sh e was d rowned in B u t wou ld you really b uy it

”
.
,

father if you cou l d get it ?

,

I thi nk I shoul d D orothy answered M r D rak e

Wou ld it n ot b e damp —so mu ch i n th e hollow ? Is it
, .
, .

”
n ot the l owest spot i n th e park P
I n the park —yes for th e park d rai ns i nto it B ut the .

park lies high ; and you m ust note that th e lak e d eep as
it i s—ve ry deep yet d rai ns i nto the L yth e For all they say
,

.
,

o f n o b ottom to it I am n early su re th e d eepest part of the

,

lak e is higher than th e su rface o f th e river I f I am right

then w e cou ld if w e pleased empty the lak e altogether— n ot
.
,

, ,

that I shou ld lik e the place n early so well without it T h e

situ ation i s charmi ng—an d so sheltered l— look ing full
.

south — j u st the place to k eep ope n hou se i n

T hat i s j u st like you father cri ed D orothy clapp ing , ,

her hands once and hold i ng them together as as sh e look ed

u p at him T he ve ry d ay you are out of prison you want
to begi n to k eep an open hou se l— D ear father
.
,

D on t mistak e me my darling T here was a ti me long

’

,
.
,

ago after you r mother was good enough to marry me when

I am ashamed to confess it even to you my ch ild — I d id
, ,

enj oy mak i ng a show I wanted people to see that although

.
, ,

I was a mi n iste r of a sect look ed d own u pon by the wealthy

pri ests of a world ly establ ishment I k new how to live after ,

the world s fash i on as well as they T hat time you wil l

’
.

scarcely recall D orothy P ,

’
I remembe r th e coachman s b uttons answered D orothy ,
.

Well I su ppose it wi ll be the same with n ot a few ti mes

an d ci rcu mstances we may try to recall i n the other world .

S ome insignifi cant thi ng will be all and fi tt ingly too by

which we shal l be able to i d entify them — I liked to give nice
, ,

di n ner parti es and we retu rned every i nvitati on we accepted

,
.

I took much pai ns to have good wines an d the right wines ,

wi th the right d ishes and all that k i n d of thi ng— though I

,

d are say I mad e more bl u nd ers than I k new Y ou r mother .

had been u sed to that way of l ivi ng an d it was n o show i n ,

her as it was i n me T hen I was prou d of my library and the

.

rare books i n it I delighted i n showing them and talk ing over

.
,

the rarity of thi s ed ition th e tall ness of that copy the bi n d , ,

ing and s uch l ik e follies A n d where was th e wond er see

,
-
.
,
 PA U L F A B ER . 16 1

i ng I served religion so mu ch i n the same way—d escanti ng

u pon the need lework that clothed th e k ing s daughter in ’

stead of her i nward glory l I d o not say always for I had ,

my bette r times B ut how often have I n ot i nsisted o n the

.

mi nt and anise an d cu mmi n and forgotte n th e j u dgment , ,

mercy and faith H ow many sermons have I n ot preached

’
about the latchets of C hrist s shoes whe n I might have been ,

talki ng about Christ h i mself B u t n ow I d o not want a

good hou se to mak e a show with any more I want to b e
’
hospitable I d on t call givi ng d i nners bei ng hospitabl e I
. .

wou ld have my hou se a hid ing place from th e wi nd a covert -

from the te mpest T hat wou ld be to b e hospitable A h

. .

i f you r mother were with u s my chi ld B u t you wi ll b e my

little wi fe as you have been fo r so many years now —G od
,

k eeps O pe n house ; I shou ld l ik e to k ee p o pen hou se —I

.
,

wond er does any body ever preach hospitality as a C hristian

d uty P
’
I hope you won t k ee p a b utler an d set u p for grand , ,

father said D orothy

, .

I nd eed I wi ll not my chi ld I wou ld n ot ru n the risk

, .

of postponing the pleasu re of the L ord to that of i nhospitable

servants I will look to you to k eep a warm comfortable
.
, ,

welcoming hou se and s u ch servants only as shal l b e hospi

,

table i n heart an d behavior an d mak e no d ifference b etween ,

”
the poor and the ric h .

I can t feel that any body is poor sai d D orothy afte r a

’

except those that can t be su re of G od — T h ey are

, ,
’
pau se ,
.

so poor she ad ded .

Y ou are right my ch ild retu rn ed her father It was

n ot my poverty —it was n ot bei ng su re of G od that cru she d
, .

me —H ow long is it si nce I was poor D orothy P

Two days father— not two ti ll to morrow morn i ng
.
,
-
.
,

It look s to me two centuri es My m ind is at ease and .

,

I have n ot paid a d ebt yet H ow vile of me to want th e

money i n my ownhand and n ot be content it shou ld b e i n ,
’

G od s pocket to come out j u st as it was wanted

,
A las
’
I have more faith i n my u ncle s leavings than i n my Fath er s ’

generosity B ut I mu st n ot forget gratitu d e i n shame

C ome my child —n o on e can see u s—let us k neel d own here
.

on the grass and p ray to G od wh o is i n yon star j u st twi nk

ling through the gray and i n my heart an d i n you rs my , ,

child .

I will not give the word s o f th e mi nister s prayer T he ’

.

words are not the prayer M r D rak e s words were common . .

'
162 PAU L FABER .

place with much o f th e co nventionality an d platitu d e o f

,

prayer meeti ngs H e had always obj ected to th e fo rm al ity

-
.

o f the P raye r book b ut the words of his own prayers without

-

b ook were far more formal th e prayer itself was i n the

heart n ot on the l ips and was far better than the word s
, , .

B ut poor D orothy heard on ly the words and they d id not ,

help her T hey seemed rather to freez e than revive her

.

faith mak ing her feel as if she n ever cou ld beli eve i n the
,

G od of her father S he was too u nhappy to reason well or

.
,

she might have seen that she was not bou n d to measu re G od
by th e way her father talk ed to h im —that the form of th e
prayer had to d o with her father n ot i mmed iately with G od
—that God might b e altogether ad orab le notwith stand ing ,

the prayers of all heathens and of all sai nts .

T hei r talk tu rn ed agai n u pon the O ld H ou se o f Glaston .

I f it be tru e as I have heard ever si nce I came sai d

, ,

M r D rake
. that L ord d e B arre means to pu ll d own the
,

hou se an d plow u p the gard en and if he be so short of ,

money as th ey say h e might perhaps tak e a few thou san ds

,

for it T he L yth e bou n ds the estate an d there makes a

.
,

great loop so that a po rt io n might be cut o ff by a straight

,

l i ne from one arm o f the cu rv e to the other which wou ld ,

be qu ite o u tside th e park I wi ll set some i nqu i ry on foot . .

I have wished for a long time to leave th e river only we ,

had a lease T he O ld H ou se i s n othi ng l ike so low as th e

.

on e we are i n n ow B esid es as I p ropose we s h ou ld have

.
, ,

spac e to bu ild i f we fou nd it d esirable o nthe level of the

, ,

park .

Whe n th ey reached the gate on thei r retu rn a second ,

dwarfi sh fi gu re a man pigeon chested short neck ed and - -

asthmatic—a strange gnome like fi gu re came from the

, , , ,
-

, ,

lodge to open it E ve ry body i n G laston k n ew Polwarth the

.

gatek eeper .

H ow i s the asthma to night M r P olwarth ? said the -

, .

pastor H e had n ot yet got ri d of th e ton e i n wh ich i n h is

.

you ng d ays h e had been accustomed to add ress th e poor of

his flo ck—a tone hal f fami liar half con d escendi ng T o big , .

shi ps barnacles wi ll st ick and may ad d weeks to th e l ength _

of a voyage too .

N ot very bad thank you M r D rak e B ut bad o r n ot

, ,
. .
, ,
”
it i s always a friend ly d evi l answered the little man , .

“
I am ast a l ittl e su rpri sed to hear you u se su ch
”
exp ress yo u rself so M r Po lwarth sa id the min , .
,
 PAU L FABER . 1 63

Th e l ittle man laughed a qu iet hu sk i ly melod iou s gently , ,

merry lau gh .

“
I am not origi nal i n th e i dea and scarcely so i n my ,

way of ex pressi ng it I am sorry you d on t lik e it M r

.
’

, .

D rak e he said
,
I fou n d it i n the second epistle t o the
.

Cori nthian s last night an d my heart has been fu ll o f it eve r

,

si nce I t is su rely n o very bad sign i f th e truth shou ld

.

make us merry at a ti me I I t ou ght to d o so I thi nk seei ng , ,

merriment is o n e of th e lower forms o f bl iss .

I am at a loss to u nd erstand you M r Polwarth sai d ,

.
,

the mi nister .

I beg yo u r pard on M r D rak e I will come to the

,
. .

poi nt I n the passage I refer to St P au l says

. T here .

was given to me a thorn i n the fl esh the messenger of Satan

—
,

to bu ffet me lest I shou l d be exalted above measu re

,
am
I n ot right i n speak ing o f su ch a d emon as a friend ly one ?
H e was a gift from G od
I had n ot observed —that i s I had not tak en particu lar
.

“
,

n otice of the u nu sual combi nation of phrases i n the pas

sage answered M r D rak e
,
I t is a ve ry remarkable one
. .
,

certainly I remember n o other i n which a messenger of

.

Satan i s spoken of as bei ng g ivenby G od .

C learly sir St P au l accepted hi m as somethi ng to be

, ,
.

gratefu l for so soon as hi s mi ss ion was ex plai n ed to hi m ;

,

and after that who is to say what may not be a gift of

G od I t won t d o to gru mble at any thi ng—wi ll it si r ,

when it may so u nex p ected ly tu rn out to be g ivento u s by

God I begi n to su spect that never u ntil we see a th ing
.
,

plainly a gift of G od can we b e su re that we see it right

,
.

I am qu ite certai n th e most u n pleasant th ings may be su ch

gifts I shou ld be glad enough to part with this asth ma of
.

mi ne i f it pleased G od it shou l d d epart from me b ut

,

woul d I yield a fraction of what it has brought me for the ,

best lu ngs i n E nglan d ? I trow not

You are a happy man M r P olwarth —if you can say ,
.

”
that an d abid e by it .

“
I u m a happy man si r I d on t k now what wou ld come
, .
’

’
of me sometimes for ve ry glad ness i f I had n t my good
, ,

friend the asthma d evi l to keep me d own a bit Good

,
-

nigh t sir h e ad d ed for M r D rak e was already movi ng

,
”
, ,
.

awa i
e
H felt su perior to th is man set h i m d own as forward , ,

di d not qu ite approve of hi m A l ways ready to j udge ih .

volu ntari ly from externals h e wou ld have been shocked to ,

1 64 PA U L F ABER .

d i scover h ow mu ch th e d eformity of the man which cau sed ,

hi m d iscomfort prej u d iced hi m also agai nst hi m T hen

, .

P olwarth seldom went to a place of worshi p and when h e ,

d i d went to chu rch

,
A cranky vi si onary talkative man , , ,

h e w as i n M r D rak e s eyes H e set h i m d own as one of

'

. .

those mystical i nterpreters of the Word wh o are always ,

searching it fo r strange thi ngs whose very i nsi ght leads ,

them to vagary bli ndi ng them to the relative valu e of thi ngs
, .

It i s amazi ng from what a mere fracti on of fact concerni ng

hi m a man wi ll d are j u dge the whole of another man I n
, .

reality little P olwarth cou l d have carried big D rak e to the

,

top of any hi l l D iffi cu lty u p which i n hi s spiritu al pilgri m

age h e had yet had to go panting an d groan ing—and to
, ,

the to p of many another besides withi n sight even o f which ,

th e mi nister wo u ld never come i n this world .

H e is too ready with his spi ri tual experi ence that littl e ,
”
man too fond of ai ri ng it sai d th e min ister to h is
-

daughter I d on t qu ite k now what to mak e of hi m H e

’

is a favo rite with M r Wingfo ld b ut my experience makes

. .

”
me doubtfu l I su spect prod igies . .

N ow P olwarth was n ot i n the habit o f ai ri ng h is religi ou s

ex periences ; b ut all G laston cou ld see that th e ministe r
was i n trouble a nd h e caught at the fi rst opportu nity h e
,

had of showi ng his sympathy with him offeri ng hi m a share ,

of the comfo rt h e had j u st been receiving hi mself H e .

smi led at its apparent rej ection an d closed the gate softly , ,

sayi ng to himself that the good man wou ld thi nk of it yet ,

h e was sure .

D orothy took little i nterest i n Polwarth little therefore i n ,

’
her father s j u dgment of hi m B ut better even than Wi ng .
,

fold hi mself that poor physical fai lu re of a man cou ld have

,

hel ped her from u nd er every graveston e that was now

cru shi ng the life out o f her—n ot so much from
su peri ority of i ntel lect ce rtai nly n ot from su periority ,

of learn ing but mai n ly becau se he was alive al l through b e

, ,

cause the li fe eternal pervad ed every atom of his life every ,

thought every action D oor nor win d ow o f hi s bei ng had

, .

a lock to it A l l of the m were always on the swi ng to the

wi nd that bloweth where i t listeth U pon occasions when .

most wou l d seek refuge from the dark sky and gusty
weather of trouble by hi d i ng from the messengers of ,

Satan i n the d ee pest cellar of th ei r hearts th ere to sit ,

grumbli ng P olwarth always went out i nto the open ai r I f

,
.

the wi nd was rough there was n one the less life i n it t he

,
 PAU L FA BER . 16
5

breath of G od it wa s rou gh to blow the fau lts from h im

, ,

ge nial to p ut fresh energy i n hi m ; if th e rai n tell it was ,

t h e water of cleansing and growth M i sfortu ne h e would .

not k now by that name there w as no mzy bu t i n himself

’

an d that the messenger of Satan was there to bu ffet 8 0 .

long as G od w as all w as right N o wond er the mi nister

,
.

then was i ncapable of measu ri ng the gate k eeper But -

P olwarth was right about h im— as he went home he pon

d ered the passage to which he had referred h im wond eri ng ,

whether h e was to regard the fo rt u ne sent h im as a messen

ger o f Satan given to bu ffet h im .

C H A PT E R X X V I .

THE S U R G E R Y D O O R .

T H A T J u liet loved Faber as she had at on e time resolved

n eve r to love man she n o longer attempted to conceal from
,

herself bu t she w as far from being prepared to confess the

d iscovery to him H is atheism she satisfactorily j u stifi ed
.

herself i n being more r eady to pity than to blame There .

were diffi cu lties T her e w e re more than diffi cu lties Not

a few of them sh e d i d n ot herself see how to get over If
her father had been aliv e then i ndeed — child ren mu st n ot
,

break thei r parents h earts B ut if as appeared the most

’
.
,

lik ely thi ng that father ten derly as she had loved hi m was
, , ,

gon e from her forever if life w as bu t a flash across from

,

birth to the grave w hy sh oul d n ot those wh o loved mak e

,

the best of it for each other d u ri ng that o ne moment brief

as the l ightn ing i n the collied n ight P T hey must t ry to
”

be the more to on e another and the time was so short A ll, .

that Faber had ever plead ed was no w blossoming at once in

h er thought S he had n ot a d oubt that he loved her—as
.

wou ld have been enough once at all events A man of

m en h e was l—n oble u nselfi sh i nd epend ent a ru ler o f h im
.

, , ,
'

self a benefactor of hi s race

,
W hat right had th ose oelzeo
er: t o speak o f hi m as they d id P I n any personal qu estion
h e was far their su perior T hat they u nde rvalu ed him .
,

came all of th ei r narrow prej ud ices ! He was n ot of thei r

k i nd therefore h e m ust be below the m But there w ere fi rst
,

that shou ld be last and last fi rst

,
1 66 PAU L FA BER .

She felt herself n o whit worthy of him S he believed her .

:

self not for a moment comparab le to hi m But h is infi nite

ch ival ry gentleness compas sion wou ld be her refu ge
, , ,

S uch a man wou ld bear with her weak nesses love her love , ,

and forgive he r si ns I f he took her God from her h e ,

must tak e H is place and b e a G od l ik e man to he r ! T hen

,
-

i f ther e shou ld be any fu rther truth d iscove rable why ln

-

deed as hi mself said shou ld they not d i scover it together ?

, ,

C ou ld they be as likely to d iscove r it apa rt and d istr acted ,

with longing ? S he mu st thi nk about it a little longer ,

though She cou ld not mak e u p her m ind the o ne way

.
,

an d woul d not the other S he wou ld wait and see S he . .

dared not yet Someth ing might tu rn u p to d eci d e her I f

. .

she cou ld b ut see into his heart for a moment

A ll th is later time she had been going to chu rch every
,

S u nday and listeni ng to sermons in which the cu rate pou red

,

o ut the energy of a faith growi ng stronger day by day but

n ot a word he said had as yet laid hold of one root fib er -

of her bei ng S he j u dged sh e accepted she ad mi red

.
, , ,

she refu sed she condemn ed b ut she never did T o many

, ,
.

s ou ls h ell itself seems a less frightfu l alternative than the

agony of resolve o f tu rni ng of bei ng born agai n but J u liet

, ,

had neve r got so far as that sh e had never yet looked the
th ing requ i red of her i n the face She camh herself to .

wonder that she had mad e any stand at all agai nst the argu
ments of Faber B ut how i s it that any one wh o has been
.

educated i n Christianity yet d oes not become the d isciple

,

o f J esu s Christ avoi ds becom ing an atheist ?

,
To su ch the
whole th ing must look so u nlik e what it really is D oes he
p refer to k eep half believi ng the revelation i n order to ,

attribute to it elements altogether u nlovely and so j ustify ,

h imself i n refu sing it P Were it n ot bette r to rej ect it alto

gether if it be not fi t to be believed in? I f h e b e u nable to
d o that i f he dare not proclaim an i ntellectual u nbelief if
, ,

some reverence fo r father or mother some i nward d rawing ,

toward the good thing some d esire to k eep an open door

,

of escape prevent what a hideou s folly i s the moral d is t e

, ,
’
gard The thing is true but I don t mi nd it What i s
,

this acknowledged heedlessness this apologetic arrogance P ,

I s it a timid mock e ry o r the putting fo rth of a fi nger i n the

,

very face of th e L if e of the world ? I k n ow well how fool

ish word s lik e these mu st seem to su ch as Faber b u t for ,

su ch they are not written they are written for the men and
wo menwho close the lids of but h alf — bli nded eyes , an d
 P A U L F A B ER . 167

thi nk they d o G o d se rvice by not denying that there i s not

a su n i n the h eave ns T here may be some d enyi ng Christ
.

who shall fare bette r than they when H e comes to j u dge ,

the world with a j u d gme nt which even those whom H e send s

from H im shall confess to be absol utely fai r—a j u dgment
whose very righteou sness may be a consolatio n to some
u pon whom it falls heavily .

T hat night J u liet hard ly k new what she had sai d to Faber ,

and longed to see him agai n She sle pt little an d i n the morn .
,

i ng was weary and ex hau sted B ut he had set he r the gran d .

example of placi ng work be fore every thi ng else and she ,

wou ld do as he taught her So i n the name o f he r love r .

, ,
’
and i n spite of her headache she rose to he r day s d uty , .

L ove d elights to put on the live ry o f the loved .

A fter break fast as was thei r cu stom D orothy walked

, ,

with her to the place where she gave her fi rst lesson T he .

nearest way led past th e hou se o f the d octo r but h ith

e rto as often as she cou ld frame fitting reason gene rally
, ,

o nthe grou nd that they were too early an d mu st mak e a .

l ittle longer walk of it J ul iet had contrived to avoid tu rn

,

ing the corne r of M r D rew s shop T his day however

’
. .
, ,

sh e sou ght n o excu se and they went the natu ral road She
wanted to pass his house—to get a glimpse of hi m i f she
, .

might .

A s they approached it they we re startled by a su dd en ,

noise of strife T he next i nstant the d oor o f the su rgery

.
,

wh ich was a small bu i ld ing connected with the hou se by a

passage flew open and a you ng man was shot out He
, , .

half j u mped half fell d own the six o r eight ste ps tu rned at
, ,

on ce an d ran u p agai n He had rather a refi ned look n ot

,
.
,

withstand ing th e annoyance and resentment that disco m

posed his featu res Th e mat had caught the door and h e
.

was j u st i n time to prevent it from bei ng sh ut i n his face .

I will not submit to su ch treatment M r Faber cried ,

.
,

the youth It is not the part of a gentleman to forget that

.

”
anothe r is one .

T o the d evi l with you r g entleman they heard th e doc

tor shout i n a rage from behi nd the half — closed door
,
T he .

less sai d about th e gentleman the better whe n the man is ,

nowhere
M r F a b er I will allow n o man to i nsu lt me said the
youth an d mad e a n
.
, ,

,
eree attempt t o pu sh th e door open .

Yo u are a wret ch below i nsu lt retu rn ed th e d octor ,

an d th e next m oment th e you th staggered agai n d own the

1 68 P AU L FABER .

steps this time to fall i n awkward and ignomin i ou s fash io n

, ,

half on the pavement half i n the road ,

.

T hen o u t o n the to p of the steps came P au l Fabe r wh ite ,

with wrath too fu ll of i n d ignation to see person or thing

,

e x cept the obj ect of it .

You d amned rascal h e cried I f you set foot on .

my premises agai n it wil l be at the risk of you r co ntempti

,

ble li fe .

Come come M r Faber thi s won t d o retu rn ed the

, ,
.
’

you th de fi antly as h e gathered hi mself u p

, ,
I d on t want .
’

to mak e a row b ut ,

Yo u d on t want to mak e a row you p u p py T hen I

’

,
' ’
d o Y ou don t come i nto my hou se agai n I ll have you r
traps tu rn ed ou t to you — j enk in s — Y o u had better leave
. .

” ’
the town as fast as yo u can too for thi s won t b e a secret , , .

You ll allow me to call on M r Crispi n fi rst ?

'
.

’
D o T ell hi m the truth and see whether he ll tak e the
.
,
’
thing u p I f I were G od I d damn you ,
“
Big words from you Faber said the youth with a ,

sneer struggling hard to k eep the advantage he had i n

,
’
temper E very body k nows you d on t believe there is any
God .

T hen there ought to b e so lon g as su ch as you ain t ,

’ ’

got you r deserts You set u p for a d octor

. I wou ld sooner
lose all the practice I ever made than send y ou to visit
woman or ch ild yo u h eartless miscreant ,

T h e epithet th e d octor really used h ere was stronger and

more contemptu ou s but it is better to tak e th e liberty of ,

substituting th is .

What hav e I d on e then to let loose all this B ill ings

” “
gate ? cried the you ng man i ndignantly I hav e d on e .

nothing the most d istingu ished i n the p rofession haven t ’

d on e twenty times over .

’
“
I don t care a damn What s the p rofession to h u
’
.

manity ! For a wond er the publ ic i s i n th e right on this

qu estion and I si d e with the public T he professi on may
—
.

—
,

g o to T u rk ey P robably T u rk ey was not the place he

had i nten d ed to sp ecify but at the moment he cau ght sight ,

o f J u li et and her companion T here he conclu ded .

,

pointing to the d oor beh i nd him you go i n an d put you r

things u p—a u a be of
,
” ’
.

W ithout another word th e you ng man a scend ed the step s , ,

and entered th e hou se .

J u liet stood stari ng moti onl e ss and white A gain and ,

.
 P A U L F A B ER . 169

agai n D orothy wou ld have tu rned back bu t J u liet grasped ,

her by the arm stood as if frozen to the spot and wou ld

, ,

not let her move S he must k now what it meant A nd all

. .

the time a little crowd had bee n gathering as it well might , ,

even i n a town n o bigger than G laston at su ch u proar i n ,

its u sually so qu iet streets A t fi rst it was all women who .

,

sh owed thei r i nterest by a fi x ed regard of each speak er i n

the qu arrel i n tu rn and a confused stari ng from on e to the
,

other of themselves N o h an dle was yet v isibl e by which .

to lay hold of the affai r B u t th e moment the you ng man .

re entered the su rge ry an d j u st as Faber was tu rni ng to go

-

after h im out like a bolt shot from the open door a long
, , ,

legged gau nt mongrel dog i n su ch a pitifu l state as I will

, ,

not horrify my read ers by attem pting to d escribe I t i s .

enou gh to say that the k nife had been u sed u pon him with
a ghastly freedom I n an agony of sou nd less terro r the .

poor animal wh o cou ld never recover the u sage he had had

, ,

and seemed lik ely to tear from himself a part of his body at
every bou nd ru shed through the spectators wh o scattered
, ,

horror strick en from his path A h what a wi ld waste look

-

th e creatu re had l—as if h is spi rit withi n hi m were wanwith

.
,

d ismay at the lawless i nvasion of his hu mble house o f life .

A c ry almost a shriek rose from th e l ittle crowd to wh ich

, , ,

a few men had n ow add ed themselves T he doctor came .

dashing d ow n the steps i n p u rsu it of h im T h e same in .

stant having j ust escaped collision with the d og u p came

, ,

M r D rew
. H is rou nd face fl amed lik e the su n i n a fog
.

with anger and p ity and ind ignation H e ru sh ed straight .

at th e docto r and wou l d have collared h im Faber flu ng

, .

h i m from hi m withou t a word and ran o h T h e d raper ,

.

reeled but recovered hi mself an d was starting t o follow

, , ,

when J uli et h u rrying u p with white face and flashi ng eyes

, , ,

laid her hand on his arm and sai d i n a vo ice of whose , ,

authoritative tone she w as herself u ncon sciou s ,

”
“
Stop M r D rew ,
. .

The d raper obeyed bu t stood speechless with anger not , ,

yet d oubting it was th e doctor wh o had so misused the d og .

I have been here from th e first sh e went o n

”
Mr ,
. .

Faber i s as angry as yo u are — P lea se D orothy wi ll you

come P— I t i s that assistant of h is M r D rew ! He hasn t
.
, ,
’

,
.

”
been with hi m more than three d ays .

With D orothy besi d e her J u liet n ow told hi m lou d , ,

enou gh for all to hear what they had heard and seen , .

“
I must go and beg his pardon said the d raper I , .
1 70 PAU L FABER .

had n o right to com e to su ch a hasty conclu si on I hop e .

h e will not h nd i t hard to forgive me .

You d id no more than he wou l d have d one i n you r

place replied J u liet
,
— ”
B ut she add ed w here is th e
“
.
, ,

G od of that poor animal M r D rew P , .

“ ’
I expect H e s taken hi m by thi s ti me answered the ,

draper B u t I mu st go and fi nd the d octor

. .

So sayi ng he tu rn ed an d left them

,
T h e lad ies went .

also an d the crowd d ispersed

,
B ut already ru mors as .
,

evi l as d iscordant were ab ro ad in G laston to th e prej u dice

'

o f Faber and at the door o f h is godless n ess was from all

’

sides lai d th e charge of cru elty .

H ow difficu lt it is to mak e prevalent th e right notion of

any thi ng B u t only a little reflectio nis requ i red to explai n
the fact T he cau se is that so few people give themselves
.
,

th e smal lest trouble to u nd erstan d what i s told them T h e .

fi rst thi ng su ggested by the words spok en is tak en instead

of the fact itself and to that as a grou nd plan all that follows
,
-

is fi tted P eople listen so badly even when not sleepi ly

.
, ,

that th e won der is any th i ng of consequ ence should ever b e

even approx imately u nde rstood H ow appal ling it wou ld .

be to o ne anx iou s to convey a meani ng to see the shapes ,

h is words assu med i n the mi nd o f his listeni ng friend For ,

i n place of falling u pon the table of hi s perception k ept ,

steady by wi ll an d j u dgment h e wou ld see them tu m b le ,

u pon the sou nd i ng board of h is imagi nation ever vibrati ng

-

, ,

an d there be danced lik e sand into all man ner o f shapes ,

accordi ng to th e tu ne played by the caprici ou s i nstru me nt '

T h us i n G laston th e strangest sto rie S o f barbarity and

, ,
'

cru elty were n ow attributed to a man enti rely i ncapable of

them H e w as no t o ne o f the fou l seek ers after k n owledge
.
,

and i f he had had a presenti ment o f the natu ral tend ency
of his opi ni ons he wou ld hav e trembled at the v ision an d
, ,

set himself to d iscover whether there might not be truth i n

another way o f things .

A s h e went abou t i n th e afternoon amon gst his sick and

n eedy th e cu rate heard several of these ill reports S ome
,
.

comm u n icated them to ease thei r o w nhorror others i n the ,

notion o f pleasi ng the believer by revolting n ews o f the u n

beli eve r I n on e h ou se h e was told that the poor you ng
.

man whom D r Faber had e nticed to be his assistant had

.
,

behaved i n the most gentlemanly fash ion had thrown u p ,

his situati on consenting to the loss of hi s salary rather than

, ,

connive at the horrors o f c ruelty i n which the doctor cla imed

 PAU L F ABER . 171

his help G reat moan was mad e over th e pity that su ch a

.

nice man shou ld be give nto su ch abomi nati ons bu t where

was the wonde r some said seei ng h e w as the enemy of G od
, , ,

that h e shou ld be the e nemy of the beasts G od had made ?

M uch truth an d many wise re flectio ns were uttered only
, ,

they were not as level as the can non to his blank for they ,

were poi nted at the wrong man .

T here was one th ing i n which Wingfo ld d iffered from

most of hi s parishioners h e c ou ld bear with h is j u dgment ,

and mak e his i magi nation li e still A t th e same ti me i n .

,

order to arrive the more certai nly at the truth i n any matter ,

presented to him he wou ld i n general l iste n to th e en d of

, , ,

what any body had to say So d oing he let eagerness ex .

haust itself and di d n ot by op positi on i n th e fi rst b eat of

,

narration excite partisan i nterest o r wak e malevolent

, ,

caution If the commu nication was worthy h e th u s got all

.
,

the wo rt h of it it it was ev il h e saw to the bottom o f it , ,

an d d iscovered if su ch were there th e filth y reptil e i n th e

, ,

mu d ben eath which was setting th e whole u gly pool i n com

,

motion B y this deliberateness h e also gave th e greater

weight to what answer h e saw fi t to giv e at last—sometimes
.

with th e resu lt o f consid erable con fusion o f face to the n ar ,

rator I n the presen t instance h e conten ted himself with

.
,

th e strongest assu rance that th e whole sto ry was a mistak e

so far as it applied to M r Faber w h o had i n fact d ismissed
.
, , ,

h is assistant for th e ve ry cri me of which they accu sed hi m

self T he next aftern oon h e walk ed the whol e length of
.
,

Pi ne street with th e d octor conversi ng all th e w ay , .

N or d id he fai l to tu rn th e thi ng to advantage He had .

for some time been awaiti ng a fi t opportu nity for i nstru cti ng
his people u po n a p oin t w hich h e th ought greatly n eglected
here was the opportu n ity and he mad e haste to avai l him
,

self of it .

C H A P T E R XX V I I .

THE G ROANS OF T H E I N A RT I C U L A T E .

T HE rest of the week was rai ny but S u nday rose a day ,

o f perfect su mme r A s the cu rate went u p the pu lpit stai r

.
-

he felt as i f th e pu lse of all creatio n wer e beating i n u niso n

172 PA U L FA BER .

with hi s o wn for to d ay h e was the speak er for the speech

-

l ess th e i nterpreter o f groans to th e creati on o f G od

, .

He read A re not tw o sparrow s sold f or a f art/zzug l and

'

on f tb em sb all not fall ou t/ze g round w ithout y ou r F at/zer

e o
,

and sai d
My friend s d oth G od care for sparrows ? O r saith H e
,

i t altogether for o u r sak es and n ot at all for the sparrows ? ,

N o tru ly for i n deed it wou ld b e n oth ing to u s i f it were

,

not every thing to the sparrows Th e word can n ot reach .

’
o u r d oor except th rou gh the sparrow s nest F o r see ! .

what comfort wou ld it be to u s to be tol d we were of m ore

valu e than ever so many sparrows i f th eir valu e was n oth
i ng—if G od on ly k new and d i d not care for them ? T he
,

sayi ng wou ld b u t import that we were o f more valu e than

j u st n othing Oh h ow sk i llfu l i s u nbeli ef to tak e al l the
.
,

color and all the sweetness and all th e power out of the
words of T he Word H imself ! H ow many C hristians are
there not wh o tak e th e passage to mean that not a sparrow
can fall to the grou nd without th e know ledge of its C reator
A mighty thing that for th e sparrow I f such a C h ristian
seemed to the sparrow the lawfu l i nterpreter of th e spar
row s C reator he would mak e an infi del of th e sparrow
’

, .

What C hri st like h eart what h eart o f lovi ng man cou ld

-

, ,

be content to tak e all the comfort to itself an d leave non e ,

for the sparrows ? Not that o f o u r mighty brother P au l .

I n h is ears sou nd ed i n hi s h eart echoed th e cries of all the

, ,

creati on o f G od T hei r groan ings that cou ld n ot be

.

uttered rou sed th e response of h is great compassion

,
.

When C hrist was born i n the heart of P au l th e whole crea ,

tion of G od was born with h im ; n othing that cou ld feel

’
cou ld he hel p lovin g ; i n th e trouble of th e creatu res trou
bles spran g to li fe i n h i s heart the h ope that all that cou ld
, ,

groan shou ld yet rej oice that on the l owest servant i n the,

hou se shou ld yet d escend th e fri nge o f th e robe that was

cast abou t the redeemed body o f th e S on H e was no .

pettifogging pri est standi ng u p for th e rights o f the

su perior A nexcl u sive i s a self excl u ded Christian T h ey -
.

that sh ut th e door wi ll h nd themselves on th e wrong side o f

the d oor they h aVe shut They that push with the horn .

and stamp with th e h oof can not be ad mitted to th e fold ,

.

St P au l wou ld ackn owledge n o distinctions He saw every

wall —o f secl usion of excl usion of partition broke n d own
. .

J ew and G reek barbarian Scyth ian bond an d free —all

, , .
,

, , ,

must com e i n to h is h eart M anki n d was not enou gh to fill .

 PAU L FABER . 1 73

that divi ne space e nlarged to infi nitude by the presence of

,

the Christ : angels pri nci palities and powers mu st share i n

, , ,

its consciou s splend or N ot yet filled yet u nsatisfi ed with .

,

bei ngs to love P au l spread forth hi s arms to the whol e

,

groan ing and trou bled race of ani mals Whatever cou ld .

sen d fo rth a sigh of d iscomfort or heave a helpless limb i n

pai n he took to the bosom of his hope and a ffection—yea
,

, ,

of his love an d faith : o n them too he saw the cu p of , ,

’
C hrist s heart o verflow For Pau l had heard if n ot from .
,

H is own yet from th e li ps of the m that heard H i m speak

, ,

the words A re not five sparrow s soldf or t wo f artb zngs and

'

, ,

not one of tlzem is forgottenbefore Goa 7 What i f th e little ’

half farthi ng thi ngs bear thei r share and always have borne
-

, ,

i n that whi ch i s behi nd of the su fferi ngs of C hrist P I n any

case not one of them n ot on e so you ng that it topples
, ,

from the edge of its nest u nable to fly i s forgotten by the , ,

Father of men I t shall not have a lon ely d eathbed for the
.
,

Father of J esu s wi ll be with it I t must be tru e It is . .

i nd eed a daring word bu t less wou ld n ot be en ough for the ,

h earts of men for th e glory of God fo r the need of th e

, ,

sparrow I d o n ot close my eyes to o ne of a thou sand

.

seemingly contradictory facts I misdoubt my read i ng of .

th e small pri nt notes and appeal to the text yea beyond

-

, , ,

the text eve n to the God of the sparrows H i mself

,
.

I cou nt it as belongi ng to th e smal lness of ou r faith to ,

the poo rness of o u r religion to the ru d imentary cond ition ,

’
of ou r natu re that ou r sympathy with G od s creatu res is so
,

small Whatever the narrowness of ou r pove rty strick en

.
-

threadbare theories concerni ng them whatever the inh ospi ,

tality an d excl usiveness of ou r mean prid e toward them ,

we can n ot escape ad mitting that to them pai n is pain an d ,

comfort is comfort that they hu nger and thirst that slee p

restores and d eath delivers them : s u rely these are grou nd
e nough to th e tru e heart wherefore it shou ld love and
cherish them—the heart at least that believes with St Pau l .
,

that they need and have the salvatio n of C hrist as well as

we . R ight grievously though bli ndly d o they groan , ,

after it .

The ignorance an d prid e which i s foreve r si nk ing us

toward them are th e very elements i n u s which mislead as
,

i n ou r j u dgment concern ing them causi ng u s to i magin e ,

them not u po n a lower merely bu t u pon an altogethe r d if ,

ferent footing i n creation from ou r o wn T he same thi ngs .

we call by one name i n as and by another i n them H ow , .

1 74 PAU L FABER .

j ealou s have not men been as to allowin g them any share

worthy the name of reason ! B ut you may see a greater
d i fference i n this respect between the lowest and the h igh
est at a common school than you will between them an d
,

us. A pony that has tau ght itself without han d s to pu mp

water for its thi rst an elephant that puts forth its mighty
,

lip to lift th e moving wheel of the heavy wagon over the

body of its fallen d river has rather m ore to plead on th e
,

score of i ntellect than many a schoolboy N ot a few of .

them shed tears A bishop on e o f th e foremost of ou r

.
,

scholars assu red me that once h e saw a certai n ani mal

,

lau gh while playing off a practical j ok e on another of a d if

ferent k in d from hi mself I d o n ot mentio n th e k i nd of
.

ani mal becau se it wou ld give occasi on for a si lly arti cu late
,

j oke far i nferior to his practi cal on e I go fu rther and say

,
.
, ,

that I more than su spect a rud i mentary conscience i n eve ry

animal I care n ot h ow remotely ru d imentary There
. .

mu st be i n the moral world absolute and right potent ger

mi nal facts which li e infi nitu des beyon d the reach of any
moral microscope as i n the nat u ral world beyon d th e most
,

powerfu l of lenses Yet su rely i n this respect also one may

.
,

see betwixt boys at th e same sch ool greater d i fferences than

there are betwixt th e h ighest of the ani mals an d th e lowest
of the h u mans If you plead for time for the boy to d evelop
.

hi s poor ru d i mentary moll usk of a conscience tak e it an d ,

hea rtily welcome— but grant it the ani mals also With .

some of them it may n eed millions of years for any thing I

k now Ce rtai nly i n many hu man bei ngs it n ever comes
.

plai nly i nto ou r k en all th e ti me they walk th e earth Who .

shall say h ow far th e vision of the apostle reached ? but

su rely th e h op e i n whi ch h e says God H imself subj ected th e
creatu re to van ity mu st have been an infi nite hop e I will
,

h O pe infi nitely T hat th e B ibl e gives any grou n d for th e

.

general fancy that at death an ani mal ceases to exist i s bu t -

th e merest d u llest assu mption N eith er i s there a si ngle .

scien t ifi c argu ment so far as I k n ow agai nst the conti nu ed

, ,

existence of th e animals which wou ld n ot tell equally ,

agai nst hu man i mmortality My hope i s that i n some w ay .

, ,

concerni ng which I d o n ot now ch oose to specu late there ,

may b e progress growth for them also Whi le I beli eve

, ,
.

for myself I must h op e for them T his much at least seems

clear—an d I cou ld press t h e argu ment fu rther : i f n ot o ne
.
,
-

o f the m is forgotten before G od — and on e of them yet

passes ou t o f bei ng—then i s G od the G od o f the dead and
 P AU L m e an . 1 75

not of the living B u t we praise T hee we bless T hee we , ,

worsh i p Th ee we glori fy T hee we give thanks to T hee for

, ,

Thy great glory O L ord G od heavenly Ki ng G od the

, , ,

Father almighty Thy u niverse i s li fe life an d n ot d eath , .

E ve n the d eath which awok e i n the bosom of S in T hy S on . ,

opposing H i mself to its hate an d letti ng it spe nd its fu ry ,

u pon H i m hath abolished I k now nothi ng therefo re care

,
.
,

little as to whether or n ot i t may have pleased G od to bring

,

man u p to the hi ll of h u man ity throu gh the swamps and

thickets of lower an imal natu re but I d o care that I shou ld ,

n ot now any more approach that level whether once ,

ri ghtly my own or not For what i s honor i n the animals

.
,

wou ld be d ishon or i n me N ot the less may such be the .

pu nishment perhaps red empti on i n store fo r some men and

, ,

women For au ght I k now or see u nworthy i n the thought

.
, ,

the self su fli cing exqu isite for i nstance may one day fi nd
-

, ,

himself chatteri ng amongst fellow apes i n some monkey

v illage of A frica or Bu rmah N or i s the s u ppositi on .

absu rd thou gh at fi rst sight it may wel l so appear L et us

, .

remember that we carry i n us the characteristics of each an d

every animal T here is n ot on e fi ercest passi on on e m ove
.
,

ment of a ffecti on on e trait of an imal economy one quality

, ,

either for praise o r blame ex isti ng i n them that d oes n ot .

exist i n u s T h e relationshi p can n ot be so very d istant

. .

A nd if theirs b e so freely i n u s why d eny them so mu ch we ,

call ou rs P H ear how on e of the ablest d octors o f th e

E nglish chu rch J oh n D onn e D ean of St Pau l s i n th e
’

, , .

reign of J ames the fi rst writes ,

M anis l
a u mp wh ere all b easts k neaded b e
Wisdom makes h im anark w h ere all agree
The foo l inw h o m th ese b eas ts do l iv e at j ar
, ,

I s spo rt to o th ers , and a th eater

N o r scapes h e so , b u t is himsel f th eir prey
A ll w h ich w as maninh im , is eat aw ay
A nd n o w h is b eas ts o no ne an o th er feed,

Yet coupl e inange r, and new m o nsters b reed .

H o w h appy s h e w h ich h ath du e p l ace assigned

'

T o h is b e as ts and disafo rested h is mind

,

I mpal ed h imsel f to k eep th em out, not in

C anso w , and dares trust co rnw h ere th ey h av e b een
C anu se h is h o rse , go at, w o l f and ev ery b east, ,

An d is n o t ass him sel f to all th e rest

E l se manno t o nl y is th e h erd o f sw ine,
B u t h e s th ose dev il s, too which did incl ine
’

T h em to anh eadl ong rage , and made th em w o rse

F or mancanadd weigh t to h eav ens h eav ies t cu rse
’
.
1 76 PAU L F ABER .

I t aston ish es me frien ds that we a re not more terrified , ,

at ou rselves E xcept th e livi ng Father have brou ght order

.
,

harmony a world o ut of H is chaos a man i s but a cage of

, , ,

u nclean beasts with no one to ru le th em however fi ne a

, ,

gentleman h e may th i nk h i mself E ven i n this fai r wel l .

,

ord ered E ngland of o u rs at Ki rkd ale i n Y orkshi re was , , ,

d iscovered some fi fty years ago a great cavern that had

, ,

once been a n est o f gigantic hyen as evid enc ed by thei r ,

own brok e n bon es an d th e cru shed bon es of ti gers ele , ,

ph an ts bears and many other creatu res

, ,
S ee to what a .

lovely peace th e C reati ng H and has even now brou ght ou r

E ngland far as she is yet from being a provmce i n the
,

ki ngd om o f H eaven but see also i n h er former condition a

type o f th e horror to which ou r sou ls may festeri ng si nk if ,

we sh ut out H is free spirit an d have i t n o more movi ng ,

u po n th e face o f o u r waters A n d when I say a type let us .

,

be assu red there is n o type worth the name wh ich i s not poo r
to ex press the glo ry o r the horror it represents .

T o retu rn to the ani mals they are a care to God they

occu py part of H is thoughts we have d uties toward them ,

owe them friend li ness tend erness T hat G od shou ld see u s

u se them as we d o i s a terrible fact—a severe diffi culty to
, .

faith For to such a pass has the worshi p of Knowledge

.

an id ol vi le even as M ammon h i mself and more cru el ,

arrived that its pri ests men k i nd as other men to thei r own
, ,

child ren k i nd to the animals o f thei r hou sehold k i n d even

, ,

to some of th e wi ld ani mals men who will scatter cru mbs ,

to the robin s i n wi nter and set wate r for the sparrows on ,

th ei r hou se top i n su mmer wi ll yet i n th e worship of th is

-

, ,

thei r i dol i n thei r greed after the hid den th ings o f the life
,

of the fl esh without scru pl e confessed ly withou t co mpu nc

, ,

tion wi ll I say d ead to th e natu ral motion s o f the d ivi ne

, , ,

element i n them th e i nherited pity of G od subj ect i nn o

, ,

cent h elpless ap peali ng d u mb sou ls to su ch tortu res whose

, , ,

bare descript1o nwou ld j ustly set me forth to the blame of cru

elty toward th ose who sat listeni ng to the same H ave these .

livi ng movi ng seei ng heari ng feeling creatu res wh o cou ld

, , , , ,

not be bu t by th e wi ll and th e presence of A n other any more

than o u rselves — have they n o rights i n th is thei r compelled
existence ? Does the most earnest worshi p of an i d ol eit
cu se robbe ry with violence extreme to obtai n th e sacrifices
h e loves P D oes the val u e of the thing that may be fou nd
there j usti fy me i n breaking i nto the house of another s life ? ’

D oes his ign orance of the existence of that which I seek

 PAU L FABER . 177

alter the case ? C an it be right to wate r th e tree of kn owl

edge with blood and sti r its boughs with th e gusts of bitter
,

agony that we may force its flo wers into blossom before

,

thei r ti me P Sweetly hu man must b e the delights of k nowl

edge so gai ned grand i n themselves and ennobl i ng i n thei r,

tendenci es Wil l it j ustify the same as a noble a lau dable , ,

a worshipfu l end eavor to cove r i t with the reason or pretext

—God k nows which —o f su ch love for my o wnhu man ki nd
as strengthens me to the most ruthless tortu re of thei r poorer
relations whose little treasu re I wou l d tear from them that
,

it may teach me how to ad d to thei r wealth P M ay my G o d

give me grace to prefer a h u n d red d eaths to a life gain ed by
the su fferi ng of one simplest creatu re H e holds his li fe as
.

I ho ld min e by fi nding himself there where I fi nd myself .

Shal l I qu iet my heart with the throbs o f another heart ?

soothe my nerves with the agon ized tension of a system ?
live a few days longer by a centu ry of sh riek ing deaths ? It
were a hellish w rong a selfi sh hatefu l violent i nj ustice A n
, , , .

evil life it were that I gained or held by such fou l means

H ow cou ld I even attem pt to j u sti fy th e i nj u ry save o n the ,

plea that I am already better and more valu able than h e

that I am the stronger that the possession of all the
pleasu res of hu man i ntelligence give s me the right to tu rn
th e poor i nnocent j oys of his senses i nto pain s before which ,

threate ni ng my own person my very sou l wou ld grow gray

,

with fear ? O r let me grant what many professional men

d e ny utterly that some k no wledge of what i s called practical
valu e to the race has been th u s attained —what can be its
,

resu lts at best but the adding of a cubit to the life P G rant
that it gave us an i mmortal earthly existence one so happy ,

that the most sensual wou ld never wish for d eath : what
wou ld it be by su ch means to l ive forever P G od i n H eaven
w h o what is th e man wh o wou ld d are live a life wru ng from
,

the agonies of tortu red i nnocents P A gai nst the will o f my

Maker l ive by means that are an abhorrence to H i s sou l
,

S uch a life mu st be all i n the flesh l th e spi rit cou ld have

little share therei n C ou ld i t be even a life of the h esh th at
.

came of treason committed agai nst essential ani mality P It

cou ld be bu t an abnormal monstrou s existence that sprang
toad stool l ike from th e bloo d marsh of cru elty—a life
, ,
- -

neither spiritual nor flesh ey but d evi lish

It i s tru e we are above th e creatu re s —
.
,

but not to keep

them d own they are fo r ou r u se and service b ut neither to ,

be trodd en u nd e r th e foot of pride nor misu sed as mi n isters ,

,
1 78 PAUL FABER .

at thei r worst cost of su ffering to ou r i nord i nat e desi re s of

,

ease A fter no such fashion d id G od give them to be o u r

.

helpers i n living T o be to rtu red that w e might gather ease

.

none but a d evil could have mad e them for that When I
see a man w h o p rofesses to believe n ot only i n a G od bu t ,

su ch a God as ho ld s H is cou rt i n the person of J esus Christ ,

assai l with miserable cru elty the scanty love ly timorou s , ,

l ives of th e h elpless about him it sets my sou l aflame with

,

su ch i nd ignant wrath with su ch a sen s e of horrible inco n

,

g ru ity an d wrong to every harmony of Natu re h u man an d ,

d ivi ne that I have to mak e has te an d ru sh to th e feet of the

,

Master lest I shou ld scorn and hate where H e has told me

,

to love S uch a wretch n ot content that C hrist shou ld have

.
,
’
d i ed t o save men will tear Christ s livi ng things i nto palpi
,

tating shred s that he may d iscover from them how better to

,

save the same men I s this to be i n the world as H e was i n

.

th e world ! P ictu re to you rselves one of these Christian

i nqu i rers erect before his class of stu dents k n ife i n hand ,

h e i s demonstrati ng to them from th e live animal so fi x ed ,

and screwed and wi red that h e can n ot fi nd for his agony even
the poor reli ef of a yelp how this or that writhing n erve or
,

twitching mu scle operates i n the b u si ness o f a life wh ich

his d emonstration has tu rned from the gift of love i nto a
poison ed cu rse ; picture to you rself su ch a o ne so bu sied ,

su dden ly raisi ng h is eyes and seeing th e eyes that see h im

the eyes of H i m wh o when H e h u ng u pon the cross k new
, ,

that H e su ffered for the whole creation of H is Father to ,

lift it o ut o f dark n ess i nto light o ut of wallowing chaos i nto

,

order an d peace 1 T hose eyes watch ing hi m that pierced ,

hand soothi ng his victim wou l d n ot the k nife fall from his
,

han d i n th e d ivi ne paralysi s that shoots from th e h eart an d

conscience P A h me to have those eyes u pon me i n any
wrong d oi ng
-
O ne th i ng only cou ld be worse—not to have
them u pon me —to be left with my d evils ,

Yo u all k now the i mmed iate cause of th e tu rni ng of ou r

thou ghts i n this d irecti on —the sad case of cru elty that so
u n expectedly ru shed to light i n G laston So shocked was .

the man i n whose hou se it took plac e that as h e d rove from ,

his door the u nhappy youth wh o was gu i lty o f the crime ,

this testi mony i n the righteou s i n dignation of h is sou l b e

, ,

lievi ng as you are aware i n no God an d Father of al l brok e

, , ,

from hi m with cu rses T here ought to be a G od to pu n ish

’ ’
su ch cru elty . B egone he said N eve r wou ld I commit
,
.

’
woman or child i nto th e hands of a willfu l autho r o f su fferi ng .
 PAU L FABER . 1 79

We are to rule over the animal s the op posite of ru le

15 tortu re the fi n al cu l mination of anarchy
,
We slay them .
,

and if with reason the n with right T herei n we d o them

,
.

no wrong You rselves will bear me witness however an d

.

always i n this place I have protested that death i s no evi l

, ,

save as the element of i nj u stice may be mi ngled therei n .

T he sti ng of death is si n D eath righteously i nfl icted I

.
, ,

repeat is t he reverse of an i nj u ry
,
.

What if there i s too much lavishment of hu man a tlee

ti on u pon obj ects less than hu man it h u rts less than if
there were no ne I confess that it moves with strange d is
.

comfort one who has look ed u pon swarms of motherless

chi ld ren to see i n a childless house a ru i ned dog overfed
, , ,

and snarli ng with d iscomfort even on th e blessed th rone o f

child hood the lap of a woman B ut even that is better
than that the woman sh ou ld love n o creature at al l—infi n
.
,

itely better It may be sh e loves as she can H er heart .

may not yet be equ al to the love of a chi ld may be able ,

on ly to ch erish a creatu re whose oppositions are merely

amusing and whose presence as doubtless it seems to he r
gives rise to n o responsibilities L et her love her dog—even
, , ,

although her foolish treatment of hi m shou ld d elay the poor

an i mal i n its slow trot towards can i ne perfectio n she may
come to love hi m better ; she may herself th rough hi m
advance to the love an d the saving of a child —who can
tell P B ut do not mistake me there are women with hearts
so d ivi nely i nsatiabl e i n loving that in th e mere gaps of thei r
,

u ntiring mi nistration of hu manity they wi ll fondle any l iv ,

ing thing capable of receivi ng th e o v erflo w of thei r affec

tion L et su ch love as they wil l they can hardly err I t
. .

is n ot of su ch that I hav e spok e n .

“
A gain to how many a lonely woman is not life mad e
,

en du rable even p leasant by the possessio n and the love of

, ,

a devoted dog ! T he man wh o wou ld focu s the bu rn ing

glass of science u pon th e ani mal may well mock at su ch a ,

mission an d speak word s contemptu ou s of the yellow old

,

mai d with her yellow ribbons and he r yellow dog N o r .

wou ld it change his cou ntenance or soften his heart to be

assu red that that with ered h usk of womanhood was lovely
once and the heart i n it is lovi ng still that she was red uced
,

to all but mise ry by the self i nd ulgence of a b rother to -

whom the d esolati on of a sister was bu t a pebbl e to pave

the way to his pleasu res that there i s n o on e left her n ow
to love or to be gratefu l for her love bu t the creatu re
, ,
1 80 P A U L F A BE R .

’
which he regards merely as a box of natu re s secrets wo rthy ,

only of being ru d ely ransacked for what it may contai n and ,

thrown aside when shattered i n the search A box he i s .

i nde ed i n which lies i nclosed a shini ng secret — a truth too

,

radiant for the eyes of su ch a man as h e ; the love of a liv

ing G od is i n hi m an d h is fellows ranging th e world i n ,

brok en i ncarnation mi niste ri ng to forlorn hu manity i n

,

d u mb yet d ivin e service Who k n ows i n thei r great silence

.
, ,

how germane with ou rs may not be thei r share i n th e groan

i ngs that can not be u ttered
Friends there mu st be a hell I f we l eave scri ptu re
,
.

and hu man belief aside sci ence reveals to u s that natu re has
her catastrophes—that there is j u st so mu ch o f th e failed
,

cycle o f the u n recovered the u nbalanced th e i ncompleted

, , , ,

th e fallen short i n her motions that the resu lt must be col

-

, ,

lisio n shatteri ng resu mption th e rage of u nspeakable fi re

, , .

O u r world and all the world s of the system are I su ppose , , ,

d oomed to fall back at length i nto thei r parent fu rnace .

T hen will come one en d an d another begi nn ing There i s .

many an e nd and many a begi nn i ng A t on e o f those ends .

,

an d that not the fu rthest must su rely li e a hell i n which of

, , ,

all si ns the si n of cru elty u n der whatever p retext commit

, ,

ted will receive its meed from H i m with whom there is n o

,

respect of persons but who giveth to every man accord i ng

,

to his work s N or will it avail h im to plead that i n life he

.

n eve r believed i n such retrib ution for a cru elty that wou ld
have been restrai ned by a fear of hell was non e the les s
h ellwo rt h y .

B ut I will n ot fol low thi s track T h e general convi e .

tion of hu man ity wi ll be fou n d right agai nst any conclu s

ions calli ng th emselves scientifi c that go beyon d th e scop e ,

or th e reach of science N either will I presu me to su ggest

.

th e O perati on of any lex talzoms i n respect of cru elty I

' '

k n ow little concern i ng th e salvation by fi re of which St Pau l .

writes i n his fi rst epistl e to the C ori nth ians but I say this ,

that i f th e diffi cu lty of cu ri ng cru elty be commensu rate with

the horror of its nature then v erily for the cru el mu st the
,

fu rnace of wrath be seven ti mes heated A h ! for them .

,

poor inj u red ones th e wrong passes away , Friend ly ,

lovely d eath th e midwife of H eaven comes to their reli ef

, , ,

and their pai n si nks i n preci ous peace B ut what is to be .

’
d on e for ou r b rother s sou l bespattered with th e gore of ,

i nnocence ? S hall the cri es and moans of the to rtu re

he inflicted hau nt him lik e an evil smell ? S hal l
 P A U L F A B ER . 18 1

the phantoms of exqu isite and sickeni ng pai ns fl oat

lambent abou t the fi ngers and pass and repass
,

through the heart and brain that sent thei r realiti es qu iver
,

i ng and bu rni ng i nto the sou ls of the speechless ones ? I t

has been sai d somewhere that the hell for the cru el man
wou ld be to have the faces of all the creatu res h e had
wronged come stari ng rou nd him with sad weary eyes , , .

B ut mu st not the d ivi ne natu re the p itifu l heart of the

,

u niverse have already begu n to reassert itself i n him

, ,

before that wou ld hu rt hi m P U pon su ch a man the j ustice

i n my heart desi res this retribution —to desi re more wo u ld
be to be more vile than he to d esire less wou ld not be to
love my brother — that the sou l capable o f su ch d eed s
shall be compelled to k now the natu re of its d eeds i n the
light of the absolute T ruth—that the eternal fact shall flame
out from the d ivi ne region of its o w n conscience u nti l it
writhe i n the shame of bei ng itself loathe as absol ute hor
,

ror th e d eeds which it wou ld no w j ustify an d long for ,

d eliverance from that which it has mad e of itself Th e .

moment the disci pline begins to blossom the moment th e ,

man begins to thirst after confession and reparation then is ,

he once more my brother then from an obj ect of disgust

i n spite of p ity he becomes a bei ng for all tender honest
, ,

hearts i n the u niverse of G od to love cherish revere , , .

“
M eantime you wh o behold with aching hearts th e
,

wrongs don e to the lower brethren that ought to be cher

ish ed as those to whom less has been given havi ng d one ,

all stand comforted i n the thought that not on e of them

,

su ffers without the lovi ng caring su staining presence of

, ,

the great Father of the u n iverse the Father of men the , ,

God and Father of J esus C hrist th e G od of the sparrows

'

and the ravens and the oxen —yea of the lilies of the
,

fi e ld .

A s might be ex pected M rs R amshorn was i ndignant

,
. .

What right had h e to d esecrate a p ul pit of the C hu rch of

E ngland by misusi ng it for the publication of his foolish
fancies about creatu res that had not reason ! O f cou rse
nobody wou ld think of being cru el to them poor things ,

But there was that silly man talking abou t them as i f they
were better Christians than any of them H e was i ntr ad
ing i nto things h e had not seen vai nly p uffed u p by hi s
,

flesh ly mi nd .

T he last po rtion of these remarks she mad e i n the hear

ing of h er n i ece w h o carried it home for the amusement of
,
182 PA UL FABER .

her hu sband He sai d h e cou ld laugh with a good con

.

science for the readin g of t h e passage accord ing to the

, ,

oldest manu scripts we have w as not the thi ngs he hath ,

"
not seen but th e thi ngs he hath seen and he
thought it meant— hau nti ng the visible the sensu ous
, ,

, ,

th e flesh ly so for the satisfaction o f an earthly

, ,

i magination i n love with embod iment for its own sak e

, ,

worshipi ng angels an d not k eepi ng hol d of the invisible

the real the tru e—the mi nd namely and spi rit of the livi ng
, ,

, , ,

Christ the H ead

, .

P oor au ntie repli ed H ele n wou ld hold herself qu ite

, ,

above the manu scri pts With her it i s the merest sectarian .

ism and radicalism to meddle with th e text as appoi nted to

be read i n ch u rches What w as good enough for th e d ean
.
,

mu st be far more than good en ough fo r an u nb ene ficed

cu rate
B ut th e recto r who loved dogs an d h orses was del ighted
’

, ,

with the sermon .

’
Faber 5 whol e carriage and cond u ct i n regard to the
pai nfu l matter was su ch as to ad d to J u li et s co nfi dence in ’

him S omehow she grew more at ease in h is company an d

.
,

n o longer took pai ns to avoid him .

C H A PT E R X X V I I I .

CO W -
LANE -
C H A PE L .

d egrees M r D rak e s mi nd grew qu iet and accommo

’
BY .
,

dated itself to the cond ition of the new atmosphere i n wh ich

at fi rst it was so hard for hi m to d raw Spi ritual breath H e .

fou nd hi mself agai n able to pray and w hi le he bow cd his ,

head lower before G od h e lifted u p his heart h igher toward ,

’
hi m H is u ncle s bequ est presenting n o approp riat ive diffi cul
.

ti es h e at onc e set himself to be a faithf ul and w ise steward

o

o f the grace of G o d to which holy activity the retu rn of his

,

p eace was mai nly owi ng N ow and then the fear wou ld .

retu rn that G od had sent hi m the money i n d ispleasu re that ,

H e had han ded hi m over all h is pri ncipal and refused to be ,

his bank er any more and the l ight wi nged hau nting d read -

took from h im a little even of th e b lameless pleas u r e th at

 PAU L FABER . 83

natu rally belonged to the payi ng of his d ebts A lso he n ow .

b ecame plai nly aware of a sore fact which h e had all

his life d imly suspected — namely that there was i n his ,

natu re a spot of the leprosy of avarice the d esi re to accumu ,

late H ence h e grew almost afrai d of h is money an d his

.
,

anx iety to spend it freely and right to k eep it flo wing lest ,

it should p ile u p its waves and d rown h is hea rt went on ,

steadily i ncreasing T hat he cou ld hoard n ow if b e pleas e d

.

gave hi m j u st the opportu nity of bu rni ng the very possibility

ou t of his sou l It is those who are u naware of their p ro
.

c liv ities and neve r p ray agai nst them that mu st be led i nto
, ,

temptation lest they shou ld forever conti nu e capable of ev il

, .

When a man cou ld d o a thi ng th en fi rst can h e abstai n from ,

d oing it Now with his ex perience of both poverty an d

.
,

riches the minister k new that he mu st mak e them both fol

,

low lik e hou nds at hi s heel I f he were n ot to love money

.
,

if even i n the free u se of it he were to regard it wi t h honor

, , ,

fear its loss forget that it came from G od and mu st retu rn

, ,

to God through holy chan nels he mu st si nk i nto a pu rely ,

contemptible slave W here wou ld be the room for any fu r

.

th er repentance ? He would have had eve ry chance and ,

failed i n every trial the most opposed 3 He mu st be lord of

hi s wealth Mammon mu st be the slave not Walter D rak e , .

Mammon mu st be more than his browni e more than his ,

R obi n G oodfellow h e must be the subj ect Dj in of a holy

spell —holier than Solomon s wisdom mo re potent than the
’

stamp of his seal A t pres ent h e al most feared h im as a

.

C aliban to whom he might not be able to play P rospero an ,

Ufreet half escaped from his j ar a d emon he had raised fo r

-

, ,

whom he mu st h nd work or be torn by h im i nto fragments

, .

T he slave must have d rudge ry and the master mu st tak e ,

’
heed that h e never se nd hi m alon e to d o love s d ear
se rv ice .

I am sixty he said to hi msel f and I have learned to

, ,

begi n to learn B ehi nd hi m h is p u blic life look ed a mere

.

tale that is told h is faith i n the thi ngs h e had taught had
b een little better than that which hangs abou t an ancient
legend He had been i n a measu re truthfu l he had
.

endeavored to act u pon what he taught bu t alas the

accid ents of faith h ad so o ften been u ppermost with h im
‘

i nstead of its eternal fu ndamental truths H ow u n lik e the

al i airs of the ki ngdom d id all that chu rch business look to
th e rich men ru li ng—the poor men gru mbling
-

h im now -

I n the whol e assembl y inclu ding hi mself cou l d h e honestl y

“

,
1 84 PAU L FABER .

say h e k n ew more than one man that sou ght th e k i ngdom

of H eaven fi rst ? A n d yet he had been tolerably content
u nti l they began to tu rn agai nst hi mself —What better could
,

they have done than get rid of hi m ? T he whole history of

thei r relation appeared now as a mess of u ntruth shot
throu gh with th reads of light N ow now he wou ld strive
.
, ,

to enter i n at the strait gate the qu estion was not of

p ush ing others in H e wou ld mortify the spi rit of worldly
.

j u dgments and ambitions he wou ld be h u mble as the serv

ant of C hrist .

’
D orothy s heart was rel ieved a little S h e cou ld read h er .

’
father s feelings better than most wives those of thei r h u s
bands and she k n e w h e was happi er B u t she was n ot her
, .

self happi er S he wou ld glad ly have parted with all the

.

money for a word from any qu arter that cou ld have assu red
her there was a God i n H eaven wh o loved B ut the teaching .

of the cu rate had begu n to tell u pon he r S he had begu n .

to have a fai nt perception that if the story of J esu s Christ

was tru e there might be a Father to be loved and bei ng
, ,

might be a b liss T he poorest glimmer of H i s loveliness

.

gives a dawn to ou r belief i n a God and a smal l amou nt

i ndeed of a gen u i n e k n owledge of H i m wi ll serve to ne utral
i ze th e most co nfi de nt d eclaration that science is agai nst
the i dea of a G od —anutterance abs ol utely false Scientifi c .

men may be u nbel ievers but it i s n ot from the teachi ng o f

,

sci ence Sci ence teaches that a man must not say he k nows
.

what he does n ot k now ; not that what a man does n ot

k n ow he may say d oes not exist I wi ll grant howeve r .
,

and wi llingly that tru e scie nce is agai nst Faber s id ea of

,

other people s id ea of a G od I wi ll grant also that th e

’
.

tendency of one who excl usively stu d i es sci ence i s certai nly
to d eny what no one has proved an d he is u ni nterested i n
,

proving ; bu t that is th e fault of the man an d his lack of

science n ot of the science h e h as I f people u nderstood
,
.

better the arrogance of which they are themselves gu ilty ,

they wou ld be less ready to i magin e that a strong asse rtion

necessarily i mpl ies k nowl edge N oth ing can be k nown
.

except what is true A negative may be fact but can n ot

.
,

be lznow nexcept by the kn owledge of its op posite I believe .

also that n othi ng can b e really believed except it be tru e ,

.

B ut people thi nk they beli eve many thi ngs which they d o not
and can n ot i n th e real sense .

When howeve r D orothy came to concern h erself about

, ,

th e wi ll of G od i n tryi ng to hel p h er father to d o th e best

,
 P A U L F A BER . 185

with th ei r money she began to reap a littl e ge n u i ne comfort

, ,

for the n she fou nd things begi n to exp lai n themselves a little .

Th e more a man occu pi es hi mself i n doi ng the works of the

Father—th e sort of thing th e Father d oes the easie r wil l ,

h e fi nd it to bel ieve that s uch a F ather is at work i n the

wo rld .

I n the cu rate M r D rak e had fou nd not only a man he

.

co u ld trust bu t on e to whom you ng as h e was h e coul d

, , ,

look u p and it was a trait i n the mi n ister nothing short of

noble that h e d i d look u p to the cu rate— perhaps withou t
,

knowing it H e had by this time al l b ut lost sight of the

.

fact vnce so monstrous so u nch ristian i n his eyes that he

, , ,

was the pai d agent of a govern ment chu rch ; the sight of -

'
the man s own hou se bu i lt on a rock i n which was a wel l o f
,

the wate r o f life had mad e him nearly forget it I n his

, .

tu rn he cou ld give the cu rate mu ch the latter soon discov

ered that h e k n ew a great deal more abou t O ld T estament
criti cism ch u rch h istory and theology— u nd erstand ing by
,
-

th e last the records of what men had believed and argu ed

about G od —than h e did Th ey often d isagreed an d not sel
.

dom d ispute d but whi le each h eld th e wi ll and law of

C hrist as the very fou nd ation of the world an d obed ience ,

to H i m as the way to possess it after its idea how cou ld they ,

fai l to k now that they were brothers ? T h ey were gentle

with each other for the love of H i m whom i n eager obed i
ence they called L ord .

The moment his property was his availably the mi n iste r ,

betook himself to the cu rate .

N ow he said — h e too had th e gift of going p retty

,

straight though not qu ite so straight as the cu rate

,
Now ,

M r Wingfo ld tell me plai nly what you think the fi rst th ing
.
,

I ought to d o with this money toward mak i ng it a tru e gift

of G od I mean what can I d o with it for somebody else
.
,

some perso n or persons to wh om money i n my hands not ,

i n thei rs may become a small saviou r P

,

You want i n respect of you r mon ey

,
rej oin ed the ,

cu rate to be i n th e world as Christ was i n the world

, ,

setting right what is wrong i n ways possibl e to you an d not ,

counteracti ng H is ? You want to d o th e gospel as well as

preach it ?
T hat is what I mean—o r rather what I wish to mean
You have said it —
.

What d o you cou nt th e fi rst thing I

.

shou ld try to set right P

I sh ou ld say in
j ustice M y very sdu l re volts agai n st th e
'

.
186 P AUL FABER .

talk abo u t ki ndn ess to th e poor wh en su ch a great part o f ,

th ei r mise ry comes from th e i nj u stice an d greed o f the

rich .

I well u nd erstan d retu rn ed M r D rake that a man s

,
.
,
’

fi rst bu si ness is to be j ust to his n eighbor but I d o n ot so ,

'

clearly see wh en he i s to i nterfere to mak e others j ust O u r .

L ord wou ld not settle the d iv ision of the i n heritance between

th e two brothers .

N 0 but he gave them a l esson concerni ng avarice and

, ,
'

left that to work I d on t su ppose any body i s u nj ust fo r

.

’
love o f i nj u stice I d on t u nderstand the pu re d evilish ve ry
well —thou gh I have gl impses i nto it Y ou r way must be
.

’
di ff erent from o u r L ord s i n form that i t may be the same ,

i n spi rit you hav e to work with mon ey H is father had

give n H i m non e I n H i s mission H e was n ot to use al l means
—only the best B u t even He d id n ot attack individu als to
.

make them do right and i f you employ you r money i n

doing j u stice to the oppressed and afflicted to those shorn ,

of the commonest rights of h u manity i t wi ll b e th e most pow ,

e rful in flu ence of all to wak e the sl eeping j u stice i n th e d u ll

hearts of othe r men I t is the bu si ness of any body who can to
.
,

set right what any body has set wrong I will give you a special .

i nstance which has been i n my mi n d all th e ti me L ast

spri ng—an d it was the same th e Spri ng before my fi rst i n
, .

G laston —the fl oods brou ght misery u pon eve ry fam ily i n
,

what th ey call th e P otte ry here H ow some of them get .

through any wet season I can not thi nk bu t Faber wil l tell
you what a mu ltitu de of sore throats cases of crou p scarlet , ,

fever an d d iphtheria h e has to atten d i n those hou ses every

, ,

Sprin g and autu mn T hey are crowd ed with lab orers an d

.

thei r fami li es wh o si nce th e railway cam e have n o choice

, , ,

bu t live there and pay a much heavi er rent i n p roport i on to

thei r accommod ation than you or I d o—ih proportion to th e
,

valu e of the p roperty i mmensely heavi er I s it not h ard ?

M en are thei r b roth ers k eepers i ndeed —bu t i t i s i n chains
.
,
’

of wretch edn ess they k eep th em T hen agai n— I am told .

that th e owner of th ese cottages wh o d raws a large yearly ,

su m from them an d to the entreaties of h is tenants for

,

really n eedfu l repai rs gives n oth i ng but p romises i s on e of

, ,

th e most influ ential attend ants o f a chapel you k n ow wh ere , ,

S u n day after S u nd ay th e gospel i s preached I f this be

,
.

tru e h ere agai n i s a sad wrong what can th ose pe opl e

,

thi nk of religion so repres ented P

”
I am a si nfu l man exclai med the p astor ,
.
 P A U L F A B ER . 187

Barwood is on e of th e d eacons He is the owner of the .

chapel as well as the cottages I ought to have spoke n to

hi m years ago — But h e cried starti ng to h is feet
.

.
,
the , ,

property is for sale I saw it i n the pape r this ve ry morn

ing ! T hank G od —H e caught u p his hat I shall .

hav e n o choice bu t buy the chapel too h e ad d ed with a

—it i s part of the prope rty
, ,

qu eer hu morous smile

, .

C ome with me my dear si r We mu st see to it d irectly

,
. . .

You wi ll speak I wou ld rather not appear i n th e affai r

u ntil the property i s my o wn bu t I will buy those hou ses ,

please God an d make th em su ch as H is poor sons and

,

daughters may l ive i n without fear or shame .

T he cu rate was n ot on e to give a cold bath to enthu siasm .

They went out together got al l needfu l i nformati on and , ,

withi n a month th e title d eed s were i n M r D rake s posses

-

.
’

s ron
.

When the ru mor reached th e members of hi s late

congregation that h e had come i n for a large pro perty ,

many called to congratu late him and such congratulations ,

are pretty su re to be si ncere B ut he was both an noyed

and amu sed when— it was i n the morn ing d u ri ng busi ness
.

hou rs—D orothy came and told him not withou t some show ,

of d isgu st that a d epu tation f om the chu rch i n C ow lane

,
r -

was below .

’
We ve taken th e libe rty of calli ng i n th e name of the ,
”
chu rch to congratu late you M r D rak e sai d th ei r lead er
, ,
.
, ,

rising with the rest as the mi nister entered the d i nin g room -
.

”
Thank you retu rned the m i ni ster qu ietly
,
.

I fancy said the other who was Barwood h imsel f

, , ,

with a smile such as heralds th e faceti ou s you will hard ly ,

con descend to receive ou r little gratu ity now P

”
I shall not requ i re it gentlemen , .

O f cou rse we shoul d never have o ffe red you such a

’ ”
smal l su m if we had n t k nown you were i nd epend ent of u s
, .

”
Why then d id you o ffer i t at all P ask ed the mi n iste r .

A s a token of ou r regard .

T he regard cou l d n ot be very lively that mad e n o

i nqu i ry as to ou r ci rcu mstances My daughter had twenty .

pou nd s a year ; I had nothi ng We w ere i n n o small peri l .

”
of simple starvati on .

’
B less my sou l we had n t an i d ea of su ch a thi ng si r ,

Why d i d n t you tell u s P

’

M r D rak e smi led and mad e n o other re ply

.
,
.

Wel l si r resu med Barwood after a very bri ef pau s e

, , , ,
18 8 P A U L F A B ER .

for h e was a man o f magnifi cent as su rance as it s all

'

,
’
tu rned ou t so wel l you ll let bygones be bygones and give
, ,

u s a h and P
I am obliged to you for calli ng sai d M r D rak e
—
, .
,

especially to you M r Barwood becau se it gives me an , .

,

O pportu nity of confessing a fault of omissi on on my part

toward you .

H ere the pastor was w rong N ot h aving done his d uty .

when he ought he shou ld have sai d n oth ing now it was

,

n eed less for the wronged and lik ely o nly to i rritate the ,

wrong doer -
.

D on t mention it pray sai d M r Barwood

’
T h is is, . . .

a time to forget every th i ng .

“
I ought to have pointed ou t to you M r B arwood ,
.
,

p u rsu ed the min iste r both for you r own sak e and that of ,

those poor fami lies you r tenants that you r property i n thi s
, ,

lower part of the town was qu ite u nfi t for the habitation of

h uman bei ngs .

’
D on t let you r con science trouble you on th e score o f
that neglect answered the d eacon h is face fl ushi ng with
, ,
’

anger while he tri ed to force a smi le

,
I shou ld n t have pai d
the least attention to i t if you had My fi rm O pi ni on has .

'

always been that a mi nister s d uty is to preach the gospel ,

not med dle i n the private affai rs of the members of his

ch u rch ; an d if you k new all M r D rak e you wou ld not ,
.
,

have gon e out of you r way to mak e th e remark B ut that s .

’

’
n eith er here n or there fo r it s not the b usi ness as we ve ’

come u pon —M r D rak e it s a clear thi ng to eve ry o ne as

,
’
.
,
.

look s i nto it that th e cause wi ll never p rosper so long as

,
’
that s th e chapel we ve got We d i d thi nk as perhaps a
’
.

you nger man might d o somet h ing to cou nteract ch u rch

influences ; bu t there don t seem any sign of betterment
’

’
yet I n fact thi nk s l ooks worse N o si r ! it s the chapel
.
,
.
,

as is the stu mbl i ng block What has religion got to do with-

.

what s u gly and d i rty ! A place that any lady o r gentl e

’

man let he or sh e be so much of a Chr istian might tu rn u p

, ,

the nose and refrai n th e foot from N o l I say what we

want i s a new place of worshi p C ow lan e is behi nd the .
-

age— an d tbal mu sty u w

“
With th e words of truth left sticki ng on the wal ls ?
suggested M r D rak e
H a l h a ! h a l—G ood th at ! exclai m ed several
. .

”
.

’
B u t the pastor s face look ed stern an d the voi ces d ropped ,

i nto rebuk ed silence .

 PAU L FABER 18
9
’
At lea s t you ll allow si r persiste d Barwood ,
that the, ,

house of G od oug h t to be as good as the h ou ses of his

people It stan ds to reason
. Depend u pon it H e won t .
,
’

give u s n o success ti ll we give H i m a d ecen t hou se What .

are we to dwell i n houses of cedar and the ark of the L ord ,

’
i n a tent ? That s what i t comes to si r ,
’
T he pa stor s spi ritu al gorge rose at this pagan ism i n J ew
clothi ng .

You thi nk G od loves n ewn ess and fi nery bette r than the
”
old walls where gen eration s have worshi ped P he said .

”
I mak e n o d oubt of it si r answered Barwood ,
What s , .
'

generations to hi m ! H e wants the people d rawn to H is

hou se and what there is i n Cow lane to d raw is more than -

I know .

I u nd e rstan d yo u wish to sell the chapel said M r , .

D rak e I s it n ot rather i mpru d ent to bri ng d own the

.

valu e of you r property before you have got ri d of it ?

Barwood smi led a su perior smi le He consi dered the .

bargai n safe and thought th e p u rchaser a man who was

,

ce rtai n to pu ll the chapel d own .

I k now w h o the intend ing pu rchaser i s said M r D rake , .

,

an d
’
Barwood s cou ntenance changed he bethought hi mself
th at the conveyance was not completed and half started ,

from his chair .

Y ou wou ld never go to do su ch an u n neighborly act ,

he cri ed as
—A s conspire to bri ng down th e valu e of a prope rty
,

the moment it ha d passed ou t of my hands P— I wo u ld n ot ,

M r Barwood ; and thi s very day the intend i ng pu rchaser

.

”
shall k now of you r proj ect .

Barwood lock ed h is teeth togethe r an d gri n ned with rage , .

He j u mped from his seat k nock ed it over i n getti ng h is hat

,

from u nd er it and ru shed o ut of the hou se M r D rake

,
. .

smiled an d looki ng calmly rou nd on the rest of th e deacons

, ,

held his peace It was a very awkward moment fo r them

. .

A t length one of them a small trad esman ve ntu red to , ,

speak H e dared make no allu sion to the catastrophe that

.

had occu rred It wo uld tak e much refl ectio n to get hold of
.

the tru e weight and beari ng of what they had j u st heard and
seen for Barwood was a mighty man among them
—an d you will
.
,
”
What we were thi nk ing si r he said , , ,

please to remember M r D rak e th at I was always o n you r

,
.
,

si de an d it s better to come to the poi nt there s a strong

’ ’

,
 PAUL FA BER .

party of us i n the chu rch si r that wou ld lik e to have you , ,

back and w e w as thi nki ng if you wou ld condescend to help

,

u s n ow as you re so well able to si r toward a n

’

, ew chape l , , ,

now as you have the means as well as the will to do G od , ,

service si r what with the chapel bu ild ing society and every
, ,
-

man j ack of u s setti ng ou r shou ld er to th e wheel and we

-

shou ld all d o o u r very best we sh ou ld get a n ice new I , , ,

won t say showy but attractive — that s th e word attractive

’ '

, ,

place— not gau dy you k now I never wou ld give i n to that

but ornamental too— and i n a word attractive— that s it—a
, , ,
’

place to which the people wou ld be d rawn by the look of it

outsi d e and ke p by the look of it i nside — a place as wou ld
,
’

make the people of G laston say Come an d let u s go u p to

the hou se of the L ord —if W ith you r help sir we had such
, ,
’

, , , ,

a place then perhaps you wou ld condescen d to tak e the

,

rei ns agai n si r and we shou ld then pay M r R u d d as you r

, , .

ass1stan t leaving the whole management i n you r han ds

,
to -

preach when you pleased and leave it alon e when you

d id n t — T here si r I thi nk that s much the whole th ing i n
,
’ ’
.
,
”
a n ut s hell .

A n d now will you tell me what result you wou ld look

for u n der su ch an arrangement ?
’
We shou ld look for the blessing of a l ittle su ccess it s
a many years si nce w e was favored with any .

A n d by success you mean P

A large attendance of regu lar hearers i n the m orning
not a seat t o let l— and the people of Glaston cro wding to
hear the word i n th e even ing an d going away becau se they ,
’
can t get a foot i nsi d e th e p lace T hat s the success I ’

”
shou ld like to see .

W hat wou ld you have all G laston s uch as you rselves

exclai med th e pastor i ndignantly Gentlemen thi s is the .
,

c rowni ng h u mi liation of my life Y et I am glad of it b e ,

cause I d eserve it and it will help to mak e and k eep me

,

h u mb le I see i n you th e wood an d hay and stubble with

.

which alas I have bee n bu ildi ng all th ese years I I have

,

been preaching d issent i nstead of Christ and there you are ,

— d issenters in deed — but can I — can I call you Christians P

A ssu red ly d o I believe th e form of you r chu rch that o r
dai ned by the apostles but wo e i s me for the material ,

whereof it is bu ilt Were I to aid you r plans with a si ngl e

penny i n the hope of W ithd rawi ng o ne i nhabitant of Glaston
from the preach ing of M r Wingfold a manwh o speak s the .
,

truth and fears nobody as I alas have feared you because , , ,

 P A U L FA BER
'

. 19 1

of you r d ull ness of heart and slowness of u nd erstand ing I ,

shou ld be doing the body of C hrist a gr ievou s wrong I .

have been as one beati ng the ai r i n talk i ng to you aga inst

episcopacy when I ought to hav e been preaching aga i nst
d ishonesty e ulogi zi ng congregati onalism whe n I ought to ,

have bee n trai n ing you i n the three abid ing graces and ,

ch ic fly i n th e greatest of them charity I have taken to ,

.

pieces and p ut together for you the plan of salvation when ,

I ou ght to have spok e n only of H i m who i s the way and th e

li fe I have bee n losing my life and helpi ng you to lose
.
,

you rs B ut go to the abbey chu rch an d there a man will

.
,

sti r you u p to lay hold u pon God will teach you to k now ,

C h rist each man for hi mself and n ot for anothe r S hut u p

, .

you r chapel p ut off you r scheme for a new on e go to the

, ,

abbey chu rch an d be fi lled with the fi nest of the wheat

, .

T hen shou ld this man depart and one of the common e pis ,

copal train whose G od i s th e chu rch and whose n eighbor

, ,

i s the order of the priesthood come to tak e hi s place and , ,

preach agai nst d issent as I have so foolishly preach ed

agai nst the chu rch —then and not u ntil then will the time , ,

be to gathe r together you r savi ngs and bu ild you rselves a

house to pray in T hen i f I am alive as I hope I shall not
.
, ,

b e come and I will ai d you r p u rpose liberally

, ,
D o not .

mistake me ; I believe as strongly as ever I d id that the

constitution of the C hu rch of E nglan d is all wrong ; that
the arrogance an d assu mpti on of he r p riesthood i s essent
ially opposed to the ve ry id ea of the k i ngd om of H eaven
that the A thanasian creed i s u n i ntell igible and w here in ,

tellig ib le cru el but whe re I h nd my L ord preached as only

,

one who u nderstan ds H i m can preach H im an d as I never ,

cou ld preach H im and never heard H im preached before

, ,

even fa u lts great as those shal l be to me as merest accidents .

G entlemen every thing i s pu re loss — chapels an d creed s and

ch u rches—al l is loss that comes between u s and C hrist —in
,

d ivid ually masterfu l ly A nd of u nchristian th ings on e of

,
.

the most u nchristian is to d ispute an d separate i n the n ame

of H i m whose one obj ect was and whose on e v ictory wi ll be
u n ity —G entlemen if you shou ld ever ask me to preach to
,

.
,
”
yo u I wil l d o so with pleasu re
,
.

T hey rose as on e man bad e hi m an embarrassed good ,

morning an d walked from th e room some with thei r head s

, ,

thrown back othe r hangi ng the m forward i n worshipfu l

,

shame T he former spread the rumor that th e o ld mi niste r

.

had gone crazy the latter began to go n ow and then to

,

church .
 PAU L FABER
.

1 92 .

I may he re menti on as I shall h ave n o other opportu nity , .

that a new chapel w as not bu i lt that the you ng pastor soon

left th e old o ne that the d eacons declared themselves un
able to pay the rent ; that M r D rak e took the place i nto .

hi s o wnhan ds and preach ed th ere every S u nday evening

,

but went always i n the morn ing to hear M r Wingfold

,

. .

T here was k i nd ly h u man work of many sorts d one by them

i n concert an d each felt the other a tru e su pport When
,
.

th e pastor and th e parson chanced to meet i n some lowly

cottage it was never with embarrassment or apology as if
, ,

they se rved two masters b ut always with hearty an d glad ,

greeti ng an d th ey always went away together I doubt if

,
.

wickedn ess d oes half as much harm as sectarianism whether ,

it be th e sectarian ism of the chu rch or of dissent the sec ,

tarianism whose virtu e is cond escension or the sectarianism ,

whose vice is pride D ivision has don e more to hi d e C hrist

.

from th e vi ew of men than all the infi delity that has ever been
,

spok en It i s the half C hristian clergy of eve ry d enomi na

.
-

ti on that are the mai n cau se of th e so cal led fai lu re of th e -

C hu rch o f C hrist T hank God it has not failed so miser

.
,

ably as to succeed i n the estimation or to the satisfactio n of

any party i n it .

B u t it was not merely i n relation to forms of ch u rch gov

ern ment that the heart of th e pastor n ow i n h is old age
began to wi den It is foolish to say that after a ce rtain age
a man can not alter T hat some men can not—o r wi ll not
.

,
.

( God only can d raw the li n e between those two n ots

) I
allow but the cause i s not age and it is not u n iversal ,
.

T he man wh o does n ot care an d ceases to grow become s ,

torpi d sti ffens is i n a se nse d ead ; b ut he who has been

, ,

growi ng all the time n eed never stop and where growth is ,

there i s always capabi lity of change growth itself i s a suc

cession of slow melod iou s ascendi ng changes
, ,
.

T h e ve ry next Su nday after the visit of thei r d eputa

tion to hi m the chu rch i n Cow lane ask ed their old
,
-

mi nister to preach to them D orothy as a matter of .

,

course went with her father althou gh dearly as sh e loved

, , ,

him sh e wou ld have mu ch preferred heari ng what the

,

cu rate had to say T he pastor s text was Ye pay tzt/ze of

'
’

,
.

mint and anise ana cu mmin ana lzave omitted the w ezglztzer
'
’ ’

matters of tile law —j u ag ment mercy and j azz/z

,

I n his
’
’
.
, ,

se rmon he en forced certai n of the dogmas of a theology

which once expressed more truth than falsehood bu t n ow ,

at least conveys more falsehood than truth becau se o f the ,

 P A U L F A B ER .

changed cond itions of those who teach an d those who

hear it for even where hi s faith had been vital e nough to
,

bu rst the verbally rigid formal and i nd eed Spi ritually vu l

, ,

gar theology he had been taught h is i ntel lect had not bee n ,

strong enough to cast off the h u sk s H is ex pressions as .

,

sert io n
,
s and argu ments tying u p a b u nd le of mighty truth
,

with cord s take n from the lu mber room an d t h e ash pit - -

grazed severely the tenderer natu re of his daughter When .

they reached the hou se and she fou n d herself alon e with
,

her fathe r i n his stu dy she broke sud d en ly i nto passionate

complai nt—not that he sh ou ld so re present G od seei ng for
,

, ,

what she kn ew He might i nd eed b e su ch bu t that so repre

, , ,

senti ng God he sh ou ld ex pect men to love H im It was n ot

,
.

often that her sea however troubled i n its d epths rose i nto
, ,

su ch visible storm S h e threw herself u po n the floor wit h

.

a lou d c ry an d lay sobbi ng an d weeping H er father was

,
.

terribly startled and stood for a moment as if stu n ned ;

,

then a fai nt slow light began to break i n u pon h im an d he ,

stood si lent sad and thoughtful H e k new that he loved

, , .

G od yet i n what he said concerni ng H i m i n th e i mpression

, ,

he ga ve of H i m there was that which prevented the best

,

daughte r i n the worl d from lovi ng her F ather i n H eaven

H e began to see that h e had n eve r really th ought ab ou t
these things h e had been taught them but had never
tu rn ed them over i n the light never perceived the fact that , , , w
how ever much truth might be there there also was w hat at ,

least looked l ik e a fearfu l lie agai nst G od For a mome nt .

he gazed with keen compassi on o n hi s daughter as sh e lay ,

actually writhing i n her agony then k n eeled besid e her an d , ,

layi ng his han d u pon he r said gently ,

“
Well my d ear i f th ose things are n ot tru e my sayi ng
, , ,

them wil l n ot mak e them so .

She spru ng to he r feet threw her arms abou t hi s n ec k

, ,

k i ssed h im an d left the room T h e minister remained u pon

, .

his k nees .
 C H A PT E R XX I X .

’
THE D OC T O R S H O U SE .

TH E holidays came an d J u liet took advantage of the m

,

t
a escape from what had begu n to be a bondage to her
the d ai ly i ntercou rse with people wh o d isapproved of the
man she loved I n her thoughts even she took n o i ntellect
.

u al positi on agai nst them with regard to what she called

doctri ne an d F aber su perstition H er fathe r had believed
,
.

as they d id she cl u ng to his memory perhaps sh e believed

as he d id she cou ld not tell T here was ti me yet wherei n .

to make u p her mi nd She had certai nly beli eved so once

.
,

she sai d to herself and sh e might so beli eve again Sh e

,
.

wou ld have been at fi rst highly offend ed b ut the next ,

moment a little pleased at bei ng told that i n reality she had

never believed on e whit more than F abe r that she was at ,

present i nd eed i ncapable of bel i evi ng P robably she wo uld .

have replied T hen whe re i n am I to blame P B ut although

,

a woman w h o sits with her chi ld i n her arms i n the midst of

h er bu rnin g hou se half asleep an d hal f stifled an d d azed
, ,

w ith th e fi erc e smok e may not be to blame certain ly the

, ,

m oment she is abl e to excu se h erself sh e is bou n d to make

for th e door So long as men d o n ot feel that th ey are in a
.

bad cond ition and i n danger of worse the message of deliv ,

crance will sou nd to th em as a threat Yea the o ffer of .

,

absolute well bei ng u pon the only possible cond iti ons of the
-

well bei ng itself mu st if heard at all rou se i n them a d is

-

, , ,

c omfort whose cau se th ey attribute to the message n ot ,

to themselves and i mmediately they will endeavor to j u s

t ify themselves i n d isregard ing it T here are those d oi ng .

all they canto strengt hen themselves i n u nbelief who i f th e , ,

L ord were to appear plai nly before thei r eyes wou ld tell ,

H i m they cou ld not h el p it for H e had n ot u nti l then given

,

them grou nd enough for faith an d when He left them wou ld , ,

go on j u st as before e x cept that they wou ld specu late and

,

prid e th emselves o n the vision I f men say We want n o .

,

such d eliverance then the M ak er of them mu st either

,

destroy them as vile thi ngs for whose existence H e i s to

H imself accou ntable o r compel them to change I f th ey
,
.

say We ch oose to be d estroyed H e as t h ei r M aker has

, , , ,

a choice i n the matter too I s He n ot free to say Y ou .

,
 P A U L F AB ER . 1 95

can not even slay you rselves an d I choose that you shall
,

kn o w the death of livi ng witho u t M e ; you shall learn to

choose to live i ndeed I choose that yo u shall k now what 1
.

kn ow to be good P A nd however m uch any i nd ivi d ual

consci ousness may rebel su rely the i nd ivi d ual consci ou sness
,

which called that other into bei ng and is th e Father of that ,

bei ng fi t to be su ch becau se of H imself H e is such has a

, ,

right to obj ect that by rebellio n H is creatu re shou ld d estroy

the very power by which it rebels and from a being capable ,

of a d ivine freedom by partaki ng of th e d ivin e natu re ,

should make of itself the merest slave i ncapable of wil l of any

sort ! I s it a wrong to compel H is creatu re to soar aloft
i nto the ether of its origi n an d h nd its d eepest its only
, ,
’ ’
tru e self ? I t is God s k nowi ng ch oice of life agai nst man s
i gnorant choice of d eath .

B u t J u liet k new n othi ng of su ch a region of strife i n th e

hu man sou l S h e had n o su spicion what an awfu l swamp
lay arou nd th e prison of he r self content— n o self discon
.

- -

tent—inwhich she lay chai ned T o her th e on e good an d

,

d e s irable th ing was the love and company of Pau l Faber .

H e was her sa v iou r she said to h erself and the woman wh o

, ,

cou ld n ot love an d tru st and lean u pon such a heart of

d evotion and u nselfi sh ness as hi s was u nworthy of the ,

smallest of his thoughts He was nobi lity gen erosity j ust

.
, ,

ice itself I f she sought to lay her fau lts bare to him he ,

wou ld b ut fold her to his bosom to sh ut them out from her

own vision H e wou ld bu t lay h is hand on the l ips of con
fessio n and silence them as u nbelievers i n his perfect affec
tion ! H e w as better than th e G od th e Wingfo lds and
,

D rakes believed ih with whom h u mi liation was a cond ition

,

of acceptance
She told the D rak es that for th e ai r of O wlk irk she was
, ,

goi ng to occu py her old qu arters with M rs P uck ridge d u r .

i ng the h olidays T hey were n ot m u ch su rprised for they

.
,

had remarked a change i n her manner and it was not long ,

u n explai ned for walki ng from the O ld H ou se togethe r

,

one eveni ng rather late they met he r with the d octor i n a

,

little frequ ented part of the park W he n she left them .

,

they k ne w she wou ld not retu r n; and her tears betrayed

that she k new it also .

M eanti me the negotiation for the pu rchase of the Old

H ou se of Glaston was advancing with slow legal sinu osity .

M r D rake had offered the fu ll valu e of the property and

.
,

the tend e r seemed to be regard ed not u nfavorably R u t .

 96 PAU L FABER .

h is heart and min d were far more occu pi ed with th e h u m

b ler property he had al ready sec u red i n th e town that was
now to be fo rt ifi ed agai nst the i ncu rsi ons of the river , with
its attend ant fevers and agu es A su rvey of the groun d .

had sat isfi ed hi m that a wall at a certai n poi nt wou ld d ivert

a great porti on of th e water a nd this wall he proceeded at,

once to bu i ld H e hoped i n the e nd to i nclose the grou n d

.

altogether or at least to d efend it at every assai lable poi nt

, ,

but there were many other changes i mperative with diffi ,

cu lties such that they cou ld n ot al l be coped with at once .

T h e worst o f th e cottages mu st be p u lled down and as ,

they were al l even over fu ll he m ust contrive to bu i ld fi rst

-

, .

N or u nti l that was d one cou ld h e e ffect mu ch toward re n

,

d eri ng th e b est of them fi t for hu man habitati on .

Som e o f th e hou seholders i n th e lower part of the adj oin

i ng street shook their h eads when they saw what the brick
layers were about T hey had reason to fear they were
.

tu rni ng the water more u pon them and it seemed a wrong

that the wretched cottages which had from time i mmemorial
been accu stomed to th e water shou ld b e n ow protected ,

fro m it at the cost o f respectable houses I t d i d n ot occu r

to them that i t might be time for L ady Fortu n e to give h er
wheel a few i nches of a tu rn T o common mi nds cu stom .
,

i s always right so long as it is on thei r sid e .

I n th e meanti me the chapel i n the park at N estley had

been advanci ng for the rector wh o was by natu re n o
, .

d awd ler where h e was i nterested had been pu shi ng it on ,

and at len gth on a certai n S u nday evening i n the autu mn ,

the peopl e of th e neighborhood havi ng been i nvited to

attend the rector read prayers i n it and the cu rate preached
, ,

a sermon A t the close of the se rv ice the congregati on was

.

i nformed that prayers wou ld b e read there every S u nday

eveni ng and that was all M rs B evi s hon est sou l the
,
. .
, ,

green mantled pool of whose bei ng might wel l desi re a

-

wi nd if o nly from a pai r of bellows to d i stu rb its repose

for not a fish m oved to that e nd i n its su nless d eeps— I say
, , ,

d eeps for su ch there mu st have been altho ugh n either

, ,

sh e no r her friends were acqu ai nted with any thing there

but shall ows—was the o nly one i ncli ned to gru mbl e at the
total absence of ceremonial pomp sh e d id want her h usband
to have th e credit of the great d eed .

A bout the same ti me it was that J u li et agai n sought the

cottage at O wlk irk with the fu l l consci ousness that sh e
,

went there t o meet he r fate Fabe r came to see h er everv

.
 P A U L F A B ER . 1
97

day, an d b oth R uber and N iger began to grow sk i nny .

B u t I have already said e nough to show the natu re and

cou rse of the stream an d am not bou nd to linge r longer ,

over its noi se among the pebbles S ome thi ngs are i nte r .

esti ng rather for thei r resu lts than thei r process and of ,

su ch I confess it i s to me the love maki ng of these two -

”
What ! were they not h u man ? Yes : bu t with a tru n
cat ed h umanity— even shorn of its fi o wer bu ds and ful l -

onl y of variegated leaves It shall su ffice therefore to .

say that i n a wi ll less sort of a way J uliet let the matter

,
-

d rift that although she withhel d ex plicit co nsent she yet

, ,

at length al lowed F aber to speak as if she had given i t that

they had long ceased to talk abo ut G od or no G od about ,

life and death about truth an d su perstiti on an d spoke

, ,

only of l ove and the d ays at hand and how they wou ld
, ,

spend the m that they pou red out thei r hearts i n praisi ng
and worshipi ng each other ; and that at last J u liet fou nd , ,

herself as fi rmly engaged to be P au l s wife as if sh e had ’

granted every on e of the promises he had sought to d raw

from h er bu t which sh e had avoided giving i n the weak
,

fancy that thu s she was h old i ng herself free It was per .

fectly u nd ersto od i n al l th e neighborh ood that th e doctor

and M iss M ered ith were engaged Both H elen and .

Dorothy felt a little h u rt at her keepi ng an absol ute si lence

toward them concerning what th e cou ntry seemed to k now
bu t when they spok e of it to her she poi ntedly denied any ,

engagement and in deed although helplessly d rifti ng toward

,

marriage had not yet give n absol ute consent eve n i n he r

,

own mind She dared not eve n then regard it as i nevitable

. .

H er two friends came to the conclu sion that she cou ld not
h nd the cou rage to face d isapproval and perhaps feare d ,

ex postu lation .

S he may well be ashamed of su ch an u nequ al yoki ng

sai d H ele n to her hu sban d .

“
The re is no u nequ al yok ing i n it that I see he ,

retu rned . I n the matter of faith what i s there to choose ,

between them ? I see nothi ng T hey may carry the yoke .

straight enough I f there be one of them fu rther from the

.

truth than the othe r it mu st be the on e wh o says [ g o sir

, , ,

and goes not Between dont believe and aont care 1 d on t

’ ’ ’ ’
.
,

care to choose L et them marry and G od bless them It

wi ll be good for them— for one thi ng i f for no othe r—it is
.
.

s u re to bring trouble to both .

I ndeed M r Wingfold
,
retu rne d H ele n playful ly
. .
1
98 PAU L FABER .

So that i s how you regard marriage —Su re to bring

trouble
S he lai d her head on his shou lder .

Trouble to every one my H elen like the gospel itself , ,

more trou ble to you than to me but n one to either that ,

will not serve to bri ng u s close r to each other he answered ,

.

B ut about those two— well I am both d oubtfu l and hope ,

fu l A t al l eve nts I can n ot wish them n ot to marry I

. .

th i nk it wi ll be for both of th em a step n earer to the truth .

T he trou ble wi ll perhaps d rive the m to find G od T hat

, , .

any one wh o had seen an d loved ou r L ord sh o u ld consent ,

to marry one whatever that one w as besi des w h o d id n ot

, ,

at least reve re and try to obey H im se ems to me impo ssi ,

ble B u t agai n I say there is n o su ch matter i nvolved

.

betwee n them — Sh all I confess to you that with all her

.
, ,

frank ness all her charming ways all the fullness of the gaze
, ,

with w hich her black eye s look i nto you rs there i s some ,

thing abo ut J u liet that pu zzles me ? A t ti mes I have

thought she mu st be i n some trouble out of wh ich sh e was ,

on the poi nt o f asking me to help her ; at others I have

fancied she was tryi ng to be agreeab le agai nst her i ncli na
tion an d d i d not more than h alf approve of me Some
,
.

times I confess th e shad ow of a d oubt crosses me is she

, ,

altoget h er a tru e woman ? B ut that vani shes the moment

sh e smiles I wish she cou ld have been O pen with me
. .

I cou ld have helped her I am pretty su re A s it i s I ha v e

, .
,

n ot got o ne step neare r the real woman than when fi rst I

’
saw her at the rector s .

’
I k now sai d H elen ,
B ut d on t you thi nk it may be
.

that sh e has n ever yet come to k now any thi ng abo u t herself
—to perceive eith er fact o r mystery of h er o w nnatu re ? I f
sh e is a stranger to herself she can not reveal herself
—at least o f her own wi ll— to those about h er S he is j ust
,

what I w as T homas before I k n ew yo u — a d u ll sle epy

, , ,

hearted thing that sat o nher d ignity B e su re sh e has not .

an i d ea of the d ivin e tru th you have taught m e to see u nd er

lying creation itself— namely that every thi ng possessed ,

owes its v e ry valu e as possession to the power wh ich that

possession gives o f parti ng with it
You are a pu pil worth havi ng H elen l—even if I h ad
.

h ad to mou rn all my d ays that you wou ld not love me .

”
A nd now you have sai d you r mind about J u liet H elen ,

went o n allow me to say that I tru st he r more than I do

,

Faber I do n ot for a m oment i magi ne h im consci ou sly

.
 P A U L F A B ER . 1 99

d ishonest but he makes too much show of his honesty for

me I can not hel p feeli ng that he i s se lfi sh—and can a
,

selfi sh man be honest ?

Not thoroughly I k now that on ly too well for I at al l
.
,

events am se lfi s h H elen
‘ ,
.

I do nt s ee it but i f you are you k now it and hate it

’
“
, , ,

an d stri v e agai nst it I d o not thi nk h e k nows it even .

,

when he says that every body is selfi sh On ly what better .

,

way to get rid of it than to love and marry P

O r to co nfi rm it said Win gfo ld thou ghtfu lly
, .

’
I shou ld n t won der a bit if they re married already !
’

said H elen .

Sh e was not far from wrong although not qu ite right , .

A lready Faber had more than hi nted at a hu rri ed marriage ,

as private as cou l d be com passed It was impossible of .

cou rse to be married at ch u rch T hat wou ld be to cast

,
.

mockery on the marriage itself as well as o n what Faber ,

called his beliefs T h e obj ection was enti rely o n Faber s

.
’

si d e b ut J u l iet d id not hi nt at the least di fferenc e of

,

feeling i n the matte r S he let every thing tak e its way .

now .

A t lengt h having i n a neighbori ng town arranged all the

, ,

necessary prelimi naries Faber got one of the other doctor s ,

i n Glaston to atten d to hi s practice for three weeks and ,

we nt to tak e a holid ay J u liet left O wlk irk the same d ay . .

They met were lawfu lly married and at the close of th e

, ,
’
three weeks retu rned together to the doctor s house
,
.

T he sort of th ing d id not please G laston soci ety and ,

although Faber w as too popu lar as a doctor to lose position

by it G laston was slow i n ack nowledgi ng that it k new th ere
,

was a lady at the head of his house M rs Wingfo ld and M iss . .

D rak e howeve r set thei r neighbors a good example and

, , ,

by degrees th ere came abou t a d ribbling sort of recognition

T hei r social su periors stood the longest aloof—c h iefly b e
.

cau se th e lady had been a governess an d yet had behaved ,

so like on e of themselves ; they thou ght it well to give her a

lesson Most of th em however n ot willing to o ffend the
.
, ,

lead ing d octor i n th e place yield ed an d called Two eld erly ,

.

spi nsters and M rs R amshorn di d not T he latte r d eclared

. .

she d i d not bel ieve they were married M ost agreed they .

were the han dsomest cou pl e ever seen i n that quarter and ,

l ook ed all right .

J u li et retu rned the calls made u pon her at the proper ,

retaliatory inte rval s and gradu ally h er mod e of existence

,
2 00 PAU L FABER .

fell i nto routi ne T he d octor went o ut eve ry d ay and was

.
,

out most of the day while she sat at home and worked
’

or read Sh e had to amu se herself an d sometimes fou n d

l ife d u ller than whe n sh e had to earn her bread —when as
,
.

sh e went from place to place she might at any tu rn meet ,

P au l u pon R uber o r N iger A lready the weary weed of the

.
-

common place had begu n to show itself i n th e marriage

garden — a weed which lik e all weeds requ i res only neglect
, ,

for perfect d evelopme nt when it wi ll d rive the lazy E ve who

,

has n ever mad e h er life worth living to ask whether life be ,

worth b o oing She was not a great reader N 0 book had

. .

ever yet been to her a well spring of life and su ch books as

-

she l ik ed best it was perhaps j u st as well that sh e cou ld not

easi ly procu re i n Glaston for always ready to appreciate ,

the noble she had not moral d iscernment suffic ient to pro
,

t ect her from the i nflu ence o f such book s as paint poor
acti on i n noble color For a tim e also she was sti nted i n her
.

natu ral n ou rishment her hu sband had ord ered a grand

piano from L on don for h er but it had not yet arrived and ,

the first tou ch sh e laid o nthe tall spinster look ing o ne that -

had stood i n th e d rawi ng room for fi fty years with red silk
-

wri nkles rad i ating from a gilt center had mad e her shri ek , .

I f only Pau l wou ld buy a yellow gig like his fri end D r M ay , .

of B ro u gh ill and tak e her with hi m on his rou nds O r i f

,

sh e had a friend o r two to go and see when he was o ut

frien d s lik e what H elen o r eve n D orothy might have been
she was not going to be hand inglove with any body that - -

di d n t like her P au l
’
Sh e missed ch u rch too —not th e
prayers mu ch bu t sh e d i d lik e hearing what she cou nted
,

a goo d sermon that is a lively o ne

, ,
H er husband wanted .

h er to take u p some sci ence but if h e had considered that , ,

with all h er gift i n mu sic sh e ex pressed an utterindifference

,

to thorough bass he wou ld hardly have been so foolish

, .

C H A PT E R X X X .

T HE P ONY -
C A R RI A G E .

ONE Satu rday mornin g th e d octor w as called to a place a

good many mi les d istant and J u li e t was left with the prospect
,

of bei ng longer al on e than u su al She felt it almost su ltry .

although so late i n the seas on , and cou ld not rest i n the

 PAU L FABER . 20 1

hou se S he preten ded to hersel f sh e had some sh opping to

.

do i n P ine Street but i t was rather a longi ng for ai r and

,

motion that sent he r out A lso certai n thoughts which she .

,

d i d not like had of late bee n coming more frequ ently and
, ,

she fou n d it easier to avoi d them i n the street T hey were .

n ot su ch as trou bled h er from being hard to thi nk out .

P roperly speak i ng she t/zoug /zt less now than ever Sh e

, .

often said nice things bu t they were mostly the mere gra
,

c io us movements o f a natu re sweet playfu l tru sting fond of , , ,

al l beautifu l th ings an d qu ick to see artistic relation where

,

her perception reached .

A s sh e tu rned the corn er o f M r D rew s sh O p the h ouse .

’

d oor opened an d a lady came out It was M r D rew s

,
. .
'

lodger J u liet k new nothi ng abou t he r and was not aware

.
,

that she had ever seen her ; b ut th e lady started as if she

recognized her T o that k i nd of th i ng J u l iet was accu s
.

to med for h er styl e of beauty was an

,
y thi ng bu t common .

’
T h e lady s regard however was so fi x e d that i t d rew he rs ,

and as their eyes met J u liet felt something almost a physical

, ,

pai n shoot throu gh her heart S he cou ld not u nd erstan d it

, .
,

bu t p resently began to su spect and by d egrees became qu ite ,

certai n that she had seen her before though she cou ld not tel l ,

where T he effect the sight of her had had i nd icated some

.
,

painfu l association which she must recall before she cou ld

,

be at rest S he tu rned i n th e other d i rection an d walked

.
,

straight from th e town that she might think w ithout eyes

,

u pon h en
Scene after scen e of her life came back as she searched to
hn d some ci rcu mstance associated with that face O nce and .

agai n she seemed on the poi nt of layin g hold of somethi ng ,

w h en the face itself vanished and she had that to recall an d ,

the search to resume from the begin n ing I n the process .

many pai nfu l memori es arose some connected w ith h er , ,

mother u nhappy i n themselves othe rs connected with her

, , ,

father grown u nhappy from her marriage for the reby sh e

,

had bu i lt a wal l between h er thoughts and he r memori es o f

h i m ; and i f there shou ld be a life beyon d this had hol
, ,

lowed a gu lf betwee n them foreve r

G rad ually he r thoughts took another d irection — C ou ld it
.

be that already the glamu o r had begu n to d isperse the roses ,

of love to wither th e magic to lose its force the common

, ,

look of things to retu rn P P au l was as k i nd as cou rteou s as , ,

con siderate as ever and yet there was a d i fference

,
H er .

h eart d id not grow wild h erblood d id not ru sh to h er face

, ,
20 2 PA U L F A BER .

’
W hen she heard th e sou nd of his horse s h oofs i n th e street ,

though she k new them i nstantly Sadder an d sad der grew .

her thoughts as she walked along careless whither , .

Had she begu n to cea se lovi ng P N o S he loved bette r .

than she k new but sh e must love infi nit ely better yet T he
, .

fi rst glow was gon e— already sh e had thou ght it wou ld not
go an d was miserable She recal led that even her honeymoon
,
.

had a little d isappoi nted her I wou ld n ot be mistaken .

as implyi ng that any of these h er reflectio ns had th ei r origin

i n what was peculiar i n the characte r outlook o r specu lati on , ,

o f herself or her hu sband T he passion o f love is but the

vestibu le—the pylon — to the temple of love A garden lies
.

between the pylon an d the adyt u m T hey that wi ll enter th e .

sanctu ary mu st walk th rough th e garden B ut some start .

to see the roses al ready witheri ng sit d own and weep an d ,

watch their d ecay u ntil at length the aged flo we rs hang

,

d rooping all arou nd them and 10 1 thei r hearts are withered

,

also an d wh en they rise they tu rn their backs on the holy of

,

holies and thei r feet toward the gate

,
.

J u li et was prou d of her P au l and loved hi m as mu ch as ,

she w as yet capable of lovi ng B u t she had thought t hey .

w ere enough for each oth er and already althou gh sh e was , ,

far from ack nowledging i t to herself she had i n the twi light , ,

o f her thi nki ng begu n to doubt it

,
N or can she b e bla med .

for the dou bt N ever man and woman yet su cceed e d i n

.

bei ng all i n all to each other .

It were presu mption to say that a lonely G od wou ld be

enough for H i mself seei ng that we can k now nothing of G od
,

but as He i s ou r Father What i f the C reator H i mself is su f

.

fi cient to H i mself i n vi rtu e of H i s self e x istent ereatorss o -

L et my reader th i nk it ou t T he lower we go i n the scale .

of creation the more i ndependent i s the i nd ivid ual T he

, .

richer and more perfect each of a marri ed pai r i s i n the other

relati ons of li fe the more is each to the other For u s th e
, .
,

chi ld ren of eternal love th e ve ry ai r ou r spi rits breathe and

, ,

withou t which they can not live is the eternal life for u s , ,

th e brothers and sisters of a cou ntless fami ly the very space ,

i n wh ich o u r sou ls can ex ist is the love of each and eve ry ,

sou l of ou r ki nd .

’
S u ch were not J u liet s thou ghts T o her su ch wou ld have .

seemed as u nreal as u ni ntelligible To her they wou ld have .

look ed j u st what some of my rea ders will pronou nce them ,

not i n the least k nowing what they are S he was su d denly .

’
rou s ed from h er pai nfu l reveri e by th e pu lli ng u p of H elen s
 PA U L FA BER . 20 3

ponies with mu ch clatte r and wriggli ng recoil close b esid e

, ,

her mak i ng more fu ss with thei r toy carriage than the

,
-

mighti est of tractive steeds with the chariot of pomp .

J u mp in J u li et cried thei r d river add ressi ng her with

”
, , ,

the great e rabano onthat sh e was resolved n o sti ffness o n her

’

part shou ld d eposit a grai n to the si lti ng u p of the chan nel

of former affecti on She was on e of the few wh o u nder .

stand that no being can afford to let the smallest love germ -

di e
.

J u liet hesitated S he was not a little bewi ld ered with the

.

su dde n recal l from the moony plains of memory an d th e ,

d eman d for i mmediate action S he answered u ncertainly .

,

tryi ng to thi nk what was i nvolved .

I kn ow you r husband is not waiti ng you at home pu r

I saw hi m on R uber three n
,

su ed H elen . elds off ri d ing , ,

away from G laston J u mp in dear You can make u p that .

, .

mi nd of you rs i n the carriage as wel l as u pon the road I .

wi ll set you down wherever you please My h usban d is ou t .

too so the slaves can tak e thei r pleasu re

,
.

J u li et cou ld not resist had little i ncl ination to d o so , ,

yielded withou t an other word and took her place besid e ,

H elen a littl e shy of bei ng alon e with her yet glad of her
, ,

company A way wen t the pon ies and as soon as sh e had

.
,

got them settled to their work H elen tu rned her face toward ,

J u liet.

I am so glad to see you she sai d .

J u liet s heart spok e too lou d for her th roat I t was a

’
.

relief to her that H elen had to k eep her eyes on her charge ,

the qu ickness of whose eve ry motion rend ered watchfu lness

right need fu l .

’
H ave you retu rned M rs B evis s call yet ask ed .

H elen .

No mu rmu red J u liet

,
I haven t been able yet : .
’

Well here i s a good chance S it where you are and

, .
,

you wi ll be at N e stley i n half an hou r and I s hal l be the ,

more welcome Y ou are a great favorite the re

.

H ow k i nd you are l sai d J u liet the tears begin n ing to

I ndeed M rs Wingfo ld , .
,

You used to call me H elen said that lady pu ll ing u p ,

her ponies with su dd en energy as they shied at a bit of ,

paper on the road an d n early had themselve s and all they

,

( lrew i n the d itch .

May I call you so still P

S u rely What else P
20 4 P A U L FABER .

You are too good to me said J u li et and wept out ,

right .

My d ear J ul iet retu rned H elen I will be qu ite plain , ,

with you and that will pu t thi ngs straight i n a moment

, .

You r fri end s u nd e rstand perfectly why you have avoid ed

them of late and are qu ite su re i t i s from no u nk i ndness to
,

any of them B ut n either mu st you i magi ne we think hardly

.

of you for marrying M r Fabe r We d etest his opi nions so . .

much that we feel su re i f you saw a little fu rther i nto them ,

neither of you wou ld hold them

B ut I d on t—that is I
’

Y ou d on t k n ow whether you hold them or not I un

’

derstand qu ite wel l My h u sband says i n you r case it d oes .

not matter much ; for i f you had ever really believed i n

J esu s C hrist you cou ld not have d one it A t all events now
, .

the thi ng is d on e there i s n o qu estion abou t it left D ear , .

J u liet thi nk of u s as you r fri ends still wh o wi ll always be

, ,
”
glad to see you and ready to hel p you where we can , .

J u liet was weepin g for gen u i ne glad ness now B ut even .

as she wept by one of those strange movements of ou r bein g

,

which those w h o have bee n qu i ck est to qu estion them won

der at the most it flash ed u pon h er where she had seen th e ,

lady that came from M r D rew s hou se and h er heart su nk .

’

withi n her for th e place was associated with that portion of

,

her h istory wh ich of all sh e wou l d most gladly hide from

herself D u ring the rest of th e d rive she was so silent that
.
,

H elen at last gave u p trying to talk to her T hen fi rst she .

obse rved how the clo u d s had risen on all sides and were
meeti ng above and that the ai r was more sti ll and su ltry ,

than ever .

J ust as they got withi n N estley gate a flash of lightning -

, ,

scarcely followed by a lo u d th u nder clap shot fro m over -

h ead T he pon ies plu nged reared swayed asu nder from
.
“

, ,

th e pole nearly fell and recovered themselves only to dart off

, ,

i n wild terror J u li et screamed . .

’
Don t be frighten ed child said H elen T here is no , ,
.

danger here T he road is staigh t and there is n ot h i ng on

.

’
it
. I sh all soon pu l l them u p O nly d on t cry o ut : that .

will be as little to thei r taste as th e lightni ng .

J u liet caught at the rei ns .

For God s sake d on t d o that ! cried H el en balki ng

’

,
’

h er clutch You will k ill u s both

. .

J u liet sunk b ack i n her seat T h e pon ies went at fu ll speed .

along the road T he dange r was small for the park was .
,
 PAUL FABER . 20 5

u pon both sid es level with the d rive i n which there was a
, ,

slight ascent H el en was perfectly qu iet and went on

.
,

grad ually tighten ing her p u ll u pon the rei ns B efore they .

reached the house sh e had enti rely regai ned her command
,

of them When she d rew u p to the d oo r they stood qu ite

.
,

steady but panting as i f thei r little sides wou ld fly asu nder

, .

B y thi s time H elen was red as a rose h er eyes were flash

i ng and a smile was playi ng about h er mouth bu t J u li et
,

was lik e a li ly on which the rai n has been fall i ng al l n igh t

her very li ps were bloodless When H elen tu rned and saw .

her she was far more frightene d than the poni es cou ld mak e
,

he r .

Why J u liet my d ear ,

she said I had no thought
, ,

you were so terrifi ed ! What wou ld you r hu sban d say to

me for frighteni ng you so B ut you are safe now .

A se rvant came to tak e the pon i es H el en got out fi rst .

,

and gave her hand to J u liet .

’
D on t thi nk me a coward H el en she said It was , ,
.

the thu nd er I never cou ld bear thu nder

. .

I shou ld be far more of a coward than you are J u l i et , ,

answered H elen if I beli eved or even feared that j u st a

, , ,

false step of l ittle Z ephyr th ere or one plu nge more fro m ,

Z oe might wi p e ou t the world an d I shou ld never more see

, ,
”
the face of my hu sband .

She spoke eagerly lovi ngly believi ngly J u liet shivered

, , .
,

stopped and laid hold of the baluster rail T hings had bee n
, .

too mu ch for her that day S he looked so il l that H elen .

was agai n alarmed bu t she soon came to herself a little and

, ,
’

they went on to M rs B evis s room Sh e received the m . .

most ki ndly mad e M rs F aber lie on the sofa covered her

,
.
,

over for she was still trembling and got her a glass of
, ,

wi ne B u t she cou ld not d ri nk it and lay sobbi ng i n vain

.
,

end eavor to control herself .

M eanti me th e clou d s gathered th icke r and thicker : the

thu nd er peal that frightened the poni es had been but the
-

herald of the storm and now it came on i n earnest T he , .

rain rushed sudd enly on the earth an d as soon as she heard ,

it J u liet ceased to sob

,
A t every flash howeve r although
.
, ,

she lay with her eyes shut and her face pressed i nto the pi l ,

low she shive red and moan ed

,
Why shou ld on e thou ght .
,

H elen who i s merely and only the child of Natu re h nd

, ,

h erself so little at home with her ? P resently M r Bevis .

came ru nni ng i n from the stable d renched i n crossin g to ,

th e hou se A s he passed to his room he opened the d oor

.
,

of his wife s and looked ln ’

,
.
206 P A U L FA BER .

I am glad to see you safely hou sed lad i es h e said , , .

Yo u must mak e u p you r mi nds to stay where you are It .

wil l n ot clear before the moon rises and that w ill be about ,

mid night I wi ll send J oh n to tell you r h usbands that you

.

are not coweri ng u nder a h edge and wi ll n ot be home to ,

night .

H e was a good weather p rO pliet The rai n went o n I n -

. .

the even i ng the two hu sbands appeared d ri ppi ng T hey ,

.

had come o n horseback t ogether and wou ld rid e h ome ,

agai n after d in ner T h e d octor wou ld have to be out the

.

greater part of the S u nday and wo u l d glad ly leave his wi fe ,

i n such good quarters ; the cu rate wou ld walk out to his

preachi ng i n the eveni ng an d d rive home with H elen ,

after it taki ng J u liet if sh e shou ld be able to accompany

, ,

them ,

A fter di nn e r whe n the lad ies had left them between t he

, ,

two c lergymen and the d octor arose t h e c onve rsati on of

which I w ill now give the substance leavi ng the commence ,

ment and taki ng it u p at an advanced poi nt

, .

”
N ow tell me said Faber i n th e ton e of on e satisfied he
mu st be allowed i n the right which is the nobl er—to serve
, ,

you r n eighbor i n the h ope of a futu re bel ievi ng i n a God ,

w h o wi ll reward you or to serve him i n th e dark obeyi ng

, ,

you r conscience with no other hope than that those who

,
”
come after you wi ll be the better for you P
I all ow most heartily answered Wingfo ld and with
”
, ,

all ad mi ration that it i s i ndeed grand i n one hopeless for

,

himself to l ive well for the sak e of generations to come ,

which he will never see and which will never hear of him ,
.

B u t I will not allow that there i s any thi ng grand i n bei ng

’
hop el ess for one s self o r in serving the U n seen rather than
,

tho se about you seeing it i s easier to work for those wh o

,

can not oppose you than to end u re the contrad iction of si n

,

n ers B u t I k now you agree with me that the best way to

.

assist posterity is to be tru e to you r contemporari es so there ,

I n eed say n o more — except that the h opeless man can d o

the least for his fellows being u nable to give them any thing
,

that shou ld render th em other than hopeless themselves ;

an d if for the grandeu r of it a man were to cast away his
, ,

pu rse i n order to have the praise of parti ng with the two

mites left i n his pocket you wou ld simply say the man was
,

a fool T h is much seems to me clear that i f there be no

.
, ,

G od it may be n obler to be able to live without one but

, ,

i f there be a G od it must be n obler not to be able to l ive

,
 P A U L F A BE R . 20 7

without H i m T he moment howeve r that nobil ity becomes

.
, ,

t h e obj ect i n any action that moment th e nobleness of th e

,

action vani shes T he man wh o serves hi s fellow that he

.

may himself be noble misses the mark H e alone wh o fol

,
.

lows the truth not he who follows nobility shall attai n the
, ,
’
noble A man s nobi lity will i n the end prove j ust com
mensu rate with his hu manity—with the love he bears his
, ,
.

neighbor— not th e amou nt of work he may have d one for

h im A man might throw a lord ly gift to his fellow like a
.
,

bone to a d og and damn himsel f i n the d eed You may in

,
.

su lt a d og by the way you give h i m his bon e .

I d ispute noth ing of all that sai d Faber— while good ,

M r Bevis sat listen ing hard n ot qu ite able to follow the d is

.
,

c assion but I kn ow you w ill ad mit that to d o right from

respect to any reward whatever hardly amou nts to doi ng ,

right at all .

I doubt i f any man ever d id or co ul d d o a thi ng worthy

of passing as i n itself good for the sak e of a reward , ,

rej oi ned Wingfo ld C ertai nly to d o good for something

.
,

else than good is not good at all B ut perhaps a reward

,
.

may so influ ence a low natu re as to bri ng it a little into con

tact with what is good wh ence the better part of it may
,

make some acquai ntance with good A lso the desire o f the .
,

approbation of the P erfect might nobly hel p a man wh o was ,

fi nding hi s d uty hard for it wou l d hu mbl e as well as

,

strengthen h im an d i s bu t another for m of the love of th e

,

good T he praise of God will always hu mble a man I

.
,

think .

T here you are out of my d epth sai d Faber I k now ,

.

nothi ng about that .

I go on the n to say conti nu ed th e cu rate that a man

, ,

may wel l be strengthened and e ncou raged by the hope of

bei ng made a better and truer man and capable of greate r ,

self forgetful ness an d d evoti on T here is noth i ng low i n

-
.

having respect to su ch a reward as that i s there P ,

”
It see ms to me better pe rsisted the doctor to d o right, ,

for the sak e of d u ty than for the sake of any good ness eve n
,
”
that wi ll come thereby to you rself .

“
A ssu red ly i f self i n the good ness and n ot th e good ,

ness itself be the obj ect assented Wingfo ld

,
“
When a
, .

d uty lies before on e self ought to have n o part i n th e gaz e

,

we fi x u pon i t b u t wh e n thought reverts u pon h i m

self who wou ld avoid the wish to be a better man ? The
,

manwho will not d o a thi ng fo r d uty will neve r get so far ,

20 8 PA U L F A B E R .

as to d e rive any nelp from th e h ope of goodn ess But d u ty .

itself i s on l y a St age toward somethi ng better It is bu t .

th e i mpu lse G od given I bel ieve toward a far more vital

,
-

c ontact with the tr u th We s h all on e day forget all about

.

d uty and d o every thing from the love of the loveliness of

,

it the satisfactio n o f the rightness of it

,
What wou ld you .

say to a man who min istered to the wants of his wife and
fam ily only from d uty ? O i cou rse you wish h eartily that
the man wh o n eglects them wou l d d o it from any cause ,

even were it fear of the whi p bu t the strongest and most

operative sense of d uty wou ld n ot satisfy you i n s uch a rela
ti on T here are depths with i n d ep t hs of righteousness
. .

D uty i s the only path to freedom but that freedom i s th e ,

love that i s beyond and prevents d uty .

B ut said F aber
,
I have heard you say that to take
,

from you you r beli ef i n a G od wou ld be to render you in

capable o f action N ow the man —I don t mean myself
.
,
’

bu t the so rt o f a man for whom I stand u p— does act does ,

h i s d uty withou t the strengt h of that belief is he n ot the n

the stronger P—L et u s d rop the word noble
,

I n the case su pposed he wou ld be the stronger—fo r a

.

time at least repli ed the cu rate ,

B ut you mu st remem .

ber that to tak e from me the j oy an d glory of my life ,

namely th e belief that I am the child of God an hei r of the ,

I nfi nit e with the hope of bei ng mad e perfectly righteou s

, ,

loving lik e G od H imself wou ld be something more than ,

merely red uci ng m e to the level of a man who had n ever

loved G od or seen i n the possibility of H im any thing to d raw
,

him I shou ld have lost the mighty d ream of the u n iverse

.

he wou ld be what and where he chose to b e and might ,

well be th e more capabl e Were I to be convinced there is .

n o G od and to recover by th e mere force of an imal life

,

from the prostration i nto which the conviction cast me I ,

shou ld I hope try to d o what d uty was left me for I too

, , ,

sh ou ld be filled for a time at least with an endless pity for

, ,

my fel lows ; but all wou ld be so d reary that I shoul d be ,

almost paralyze d for servi ng them an d shou ld long for d eath ,

to d o them an d myself the only good se rvice T he thought .

o f the generations d oomed to be born i nto a su nless present ,

wou ld al most mak e me j oi n any conspiracy to pu t a stop to

the race I should agree with Hamlet that the whole thing
.

had better come to an end Wou ld i t necessari ly i nd icate .

a lower natu re or cond ition or habit of thought that hav

, , , ,

i ng che rished such hopes I shou ld wh en I lost the m be , , ,

more tro ubled than one who n ever had had th em P

 PAU L FABER . 209

Still sai d Faber

,
I ask yo u to allow that a natu re
,
“

which can d o witho ut help i s greater than a natu re which

”
can not .

“
I f the thi ng d on e were the same I shou ld allow it , ,

answered th e c u rate b ut the thi ngs d on e wi ll prove alto

gethe r d i ffe rent A n d anothe r thing to b e n oted is that
.
, ,

whi le the need of help might i nd icate a lower natu re the ,

capacity for receiving it m ust i nd icate a higher T h e mere .

fact of being able to live and act i n more meager spiritu al

ci rcu mstances i n itself proves nothi ng it is not the highest
,

natu re that has the fewest needs T he highest n atu re is the .

on e that has the most n ecessities bu t the fewest of its o w n ,

mak ing H e is not th e greatest man w h o i s th e most i nd e

.

pend ent but h e wh o thi rsts most after a consci ou s harmony

,

with every element and portion of th e mighty whole

d emands from every regi on thereof its influences to per
fect his i nd ivid u ality regards that ind ivi d uality as his
k ingdom his treasu re n ot to hold but to give
, ,
sees
i n his Self the one thi ng he can d evote th e on e pre ,

cio u s means of freedom by its sacrifi ce and that i n no ,

contempt or scorn bu t i n love to G od and his children

, ,

the mu ltitu des of his k ind B y dying eve r thu s ever thu s
.
,

losi ng h is sou l h e lives like G od an d G od k nows him an d

, , ,

he k nows God T hi s i s too good to be grasped bu t n ot

.
,

too good to be tru e T he highest i s that which n eeds the

.

highest the largest that which needs the most ; the fi nest
,

and strongest that which to live mu st breath essenti al life ,

self willed life G od H i mself It follows that it i s not the

-

, .

largest or the strongest natu re that wi ll feel a loss the

least A nant will not gather a grai n of corn th e less that
.

h is mothe r i s d ead whi le a boy wi ll tu rn fro m hi s book s an d

,

hi s play and his di nner becau se his bi rd i s d ead is th e ant ,

therefore the stronger natu re P

,

I s it not weak to be miserable ? said th e d octor

Yes —without goo d cau se answered the cu rate ,
But .

you d o not k now what it wou ld be to me to lose my faith i n

my God My mi sery wou ld be a misery to whi ch n o assu r
.

ance of immortality o rof happi ness cou ld bri ng any th i ng but

tenfold misery—the convictio n that I shou ld n ever be good
myself never have any thi ng to love absolutely n ever be
, ,

able to make amends for the wrongs I had d one C all such .

a feeling selfi sh if you wi ll : I can not hel p it I can not .

cou nt on e fit for existence to whom such thi ngs wou ld be no

grief . T he wo rthy existence mu st hu nger after good T h e .
2 10 PAUL FA B E R .

largest natu re mu st have the mighti est h u nger Who calls .

a man selfi sh because he is hu ngry ? H e is selfi sh if h e

brood s on the pleasu res of eating an d wou ld not go without ,

hi s d in ner for the sak e of another b ut if he had no hu nger ,

where wou ld be th e room for his self denial P B esid es i n -

spiritu al things th e on ly way to give th em to you r neighbors

,

is to hu nge r after them you rself T here each man i s a .

mouth to the body of the whol e creation I t can n ot be .

selfi sh n ess to hu nger and thirst after righteou sn ess which ,

righteou sness i s j ust you r duty to you r G od and you r neigh

bor I f there be any selfi sh ness i n it the very answer to
.
,

you r prayer will destroy it .

’

“
T here you are agai n out of my region said Faber ,
.

B ut answer m e on e thing : is it n ot weak to d esi re

happin ess P
Yes i f th e happin ess is poor and lo w rej oi ned Wi ng ,

fold . B u t the man wh o wou ld choose even the gran deu r

of d uty before the bliss of the truth m ust be a lover of him ,

self. S uch a man mu st be traveling th e road to death I f .

there be a God truth must b e j oy I f there be n ot truth

may be misery —
, ,
.

B ut hon estly I k now not on e advanced

.
, ,

C hristian wh o tries to obey for the hope of H eaven or the

fear of hell S uch i deas have long vanished from such a
.

man H e loves God he loves truth he loves his fellow

.
,

and k nows he mu st love hi m more Y ou j u dge of Chris .

t ianity either by th ose wh o are not tru e representatives of it ,

an d are i ndeed less of Christians than you rself ; or by

,

others wh o bei ng i ntellectu ally i nferior perhaps eve n stu pid

, , ,

belie Christ with thei r d u ll theori es concerni ng H i m Yet .

the latter may have i n them a nobl e seed u rging them u p ,

heights to you at present u nconceived and i nconceivabl e

whi le i n the meanti me some of them serve thei r genera
, ,

tion well an d d o as much for those that are to come afte r

,
”
as you do you rself .

T here i s always weight as wel l as force i n what you

u rge Wingfo ld retu rned Faber
”
Sti ll it look s to me j u st
a cu nn ingly d evised fable —I wi ll n ot say of the pri ests but
, ,
.

of the hu man mind deceiving itself with its o wnhopes and

”
desi res .

It may well look such to those wh o are outsid e o f it ,

and it m ust at length appear such to all wh o feeling i n it ,

any clai m u pon them yet d o not put i t to the test of thei r
,
”
obed ience .

Well you have had you r tu rn and now we are havi ng

, ,
—
o urs vou of the legends we of the facts ”
,
.
 PA UL FABER . 211

No,said Wingfo ld we have not had ou r tu rn an d you

, ,

have bee n havi ng you rs fo r a far longer time than we B ut .

if as you profess you are doin

, g the truth you see i t belongs
, ,

to my belief that you wi ll come to see the truth you do n ot

see C h ristian ity is n ot a failu re ; for to it mai nly is the
.

fact owing that here is a class of men which bel ieving i n n o ,

God yet believes i n duty toward men

,
L ook here i f .

Christianity be the outcome of hu man aspi rati on the natu ral ,

growth of the hu man soil is it n ot strange it shou ld be ,

such an utter fail u re as it seems to yo u P and as such a

nat u ral growth i t must be a failu re for i f it were a su ccess
, , ,

must not you be the very one to see i t P I f it i s false it is ,

worthless or an evil : where then is yo u r law of develop

,

ment i f the highest resu lt of that d evelopment i s an ev il to

,

the natu re and the race P

I d o not grant it the highest resu lt sai d Faber It is
—
.
,
”
a failu re a false blossom with a tru er to follow ,
.

T o p rod uce a su peri or architectu re poetry mu sic ? , ,

P erhaps not B ut a better scie nce. .

A re the architectu re and poetry an d mu sic parts of the

failu re P
Yes— bu t they are not altogethe r a fai lu re for they lay ,

some truth at th e root of them all N ow we shall see what .

wil l come of tu rni ng away from every thi ng we d o not

"
know .

T hat is not exactly what you mean for that wou ld b e ,

never to k now any thing more B ut the highest you have .

i n v iew i s immeasu rably below what C hristianity has always

d emanded of its followers .

B ut has never got from them an d never will L ook at the , .

wars the hatred s t o wh ich you r g ospel has given rise L ook
, ,

at C alvi n and poor Servetu s L ook at th e strifes an d d ivis

ions of ou r own day L ook at the religiou s newspape rs
A ll granted I t is a ch ao s th e motions of whose organi
.
,

z atio n mu st be strife T he spi rit of li fe i s at war with

.

the spasmatical body o f d eath I f Ch ristianity be n ot .

still i n the process of develop ment it is th e sad dest of all ,

fail u res
T he fa ct is Wingfo ld you r p rophet wou ld have been
.

, ,

King of the race if He had not believed i n a God .

“
I dare not speak the an swer that rises to my lips sai d
Wingfo ld
,

B u t there i s more truth i n what you say than

.

you thi nk an d more of essential li e also My answer is ,

, .

that the fai th of j es u s i n H is G od and F athe r i s even n ow , ,

212 PAUL FABER .

savi ng me setti ng me free from my one horror selfi sh ness

, ,

mak i ng my l ife an u nspeakable boon to me letting me ,

k now its root s i n the eternal an d perfect ; givi ng me such

love to my fellow that I tru st at last to love h im as Christ
,

h as loved me B ut I do not ex pect you to u nderstand me

. .

H e in whom I believe said that a man mu st be born agai n to

”
enter into the k ingdom of H eaven .

T he doctor laughed
Yo u then are one of the d ouble b orn Wingfo ld P he
.

I believe I thi nk I hop e so

,
replied th e cu rate ve ry
, , ,

gravely .

A nd you M r B evis P ,
.

I don t k now I wish I doubt answered th e rector

’
. .
, ,

with equ al solemnity .

O h n ever fear
,
sai d Faber with a qu iet smi le and , ,

rising left the clergymen together

,
.

B ut what a morni ng it was that came u p after the storm

A l l night the lightni ng had b een flashi ng itself i nto peace ,

and gli ding fu rther and fu rther away B ellowi ng and growl .

ing the thu nder had crept with it b ut long after it cou ld
n o more be heard the lightning k ept gleaming u p as if
, ,

from a sea of flame behi nd the horizon T h e su n brou ght .

a gloriou s day an d look ed larger and mightier than before

,
.

T o H elen as she gazed eastward from her windo w he

, ,

seemed ascend i ng h is lofty pulpit to preach th e story of

the day named after hi m — th e story of the S u n day ; the -

risi ng agai n i n splen dor of the dark ened and bu ried Su n of

the u niverse with whom all the worlds an d all thei r hearts
,

an d su n s arose A light steam was flo ating u p from the

.

grass an d the rai nd rops were sparkling eve rywhere

,
T he .

day had arisen from the bosom o f the n ight ; peace and
graciou sness from th e bosom of th e storm ; she herself from
the grave of her sleep over which had lain th e tu rf o f the ,

darkn ess ; and all was fresh life and n ew hope A nd .

through it all revivi ng afresh with eve ry sign o f N atu re s

, .

u niversal law of bi rth was th e consc iou sness that her life
her ow n self was risi ng from the d ead was being n ew bor ri
, ,

, ,

also S he had not far to look back to the time when all
.

was d u ll an d d ead i n he r bei ng whe n th e earthqu ak e

came and the storm an d the h t e and afte r them the stil l
, ,

small voice breathing rebuk e and hope and stren gth H er

, , ,
.

whol e world was n ow rad iant w ith expectation I t was .

throu gh h er hu sban d the change had come to her b ut he ,

 PAU L FABER . 2 13

was not the rock onwh ich sh e bu i lt For h is sak e she could
—
.

g o to h ell yea cease to exist bu t there w as O ne whom

she loved more than hi m —th e one O n e whose love was th e

,

self —willed cause of all love wh o from that love had sent ,

fort h her hu sband an d herself to love one an other whose

heart was the nest of thei r b i rth the cradle o f thei r ,

growth the rest o f thei r bei ng Yea more than her

,
.
,

hu sban d sh e loved H im he r elder B rother by whom the

, ,

F ather had done it all the M an wh o lived an d d ied and

,

rose agai n so many hu nd red years ago I n H im the perfect .

,

O ne she hoped for a perfect love to he r h usband a perfect

, ,

natu re i n herself S he k new how Faber wou ld have mocked

.

at such a love the very ex istence o f whose obj ect she cou ld
,

n ot prove how mocked at the noti on that H is l ife even now

,

was influencing hers S he k new how he wou ld say it was

.

merely love and marriage that had wrou ght th e change ;

but while she recognized the m as forces altogether d ivi ne ,

she k new that not only was the Son of Man behi nd them ,

but that it was her obedience to H i m an d her co nfi dence i n

H i m that had wrought the red h eart o f the change i n h er .

S he k new that sh e wou ld rather break with her husband

altogether th an to do one actio n contrary to th e k now n
,

m ind and wi ll of that M an Fabe r wou ld cal l h er faith a .

mighty perhaps a lovely illu sion : her l ife was an active

,

waiting for the revelation of its obj ect i n splend or before the
u niverse T he world seemed to her a gran d march o f res
s—
.

u rrectio n out o f every sorrow spri ngi ng the j oy at its

heart with out which it cou ld not have bee n a sorrow ; ou t
,

of the troubles and evi ls and su fferi ngs an d cru elties that
, , ,

clou d ed its histo ry ever arisi ng the hu man race th e sons of

, ,

G od redeemed i n H i m wh o had been made subj ect to death

,

that He might conqu er D eath for them an d for his Fath er

a su ccession of mighty facts whose meani ngs only God can ,

evolve only the obed ient h eart behold

,
.

O nsuch a morning so fu l l of resu rrection H ele n was

, ,

on ly a little troubled not to be one of he r h usban d s congre ’

gatio n she wou ld take h er N ew T estament and spen d th e ,

su n ny day i n the open ai r I n the evenin g he was coming

.
,

and wou ld preach i n the little chapel I f only J u liet might .

hear him too B ut sh e wo uld not ask her to go .

J u li et was bette r for fatigu e had compel led sl eep T h e

, .

morn ing had brought her little hope however n o sense of res , ,

u rrectio n A certai n dead thi ng had begu n to move i n its

.

co ffi n she was utterl y al one with it , and it made th e worl d

2 14 PAU L FA BER .

feel a tomb arou nd her N ot all resu rrecti ons are th e res .

u rrec t io no f life thou gh i n the end th ey will be fou n d

,
e v en ,

to the lowest bi rth of the power o f the e nemy to have con ,

tributed thereto Sh e d id n ot get u p to b reak fast H elen

.

p ersuad ed her to rest an d h er s elf carried it to h er B u t

,
.

she rose soon after an d decla red herself qu ite well , .

The rector d rove to G laston i n h is d og cart to read -

prayers H elen went out i nto the park with he r N ew T es

.

tament and G eorge H erbert P oor J u liet was left with M rs . .

Bevis w h o happily cou ld n ot be d u ller than u su al although

, ,

it was Su n day B y the ti me the rector retu rned bringing

.
,

his cu rate with hi m she was bored almost b eyond endu r

,

ance S he had n ot yet s uch a love of wisdom as to be able

.

to bear with folly T he fooli sh an d weak are the most easily

.

di sgusted with folly and weak ness which is n ot of thei r own

sort and ar e the last to mak e allowances for them T o
,
.

spen d also th e evening with the softly smili ng old woman ,

who wou ld n ot go across the grass after such a rai n the

n ight before was a thing not to be contemplated J u li et
,
.

borrowed a pai r of galoshes and insisted on going to th e ,

chapel I n vai n th e rector and hi s wi fe d issuad ed h er

. .

N either H ele n nor her hu sband sai d a word .

C H A P T E R XXX I

A CO N SC I E N C E .

T HE i n the park at N estley havi ng as yet received

. c h apel ,

no color an d having n o organ or ch oi r w as a cold u nin

, , ,

terestin g little place I t w as n eat but had small beauty

.
, ,

and no history Y et even already had begu n to gather i n

.

th e hearts o f two or three of th e congregation a feeli ng of

qu iet sacred ness about i t some soft air s of the Spirit wi nd -

had been wand ering through their sou ls as they sat there
and l iste ned A nd a gentl e awe from old associati on s
.
,

with lay worshi p stole lik e a soft twilight over J u liet as she
,

entered E ven the antral d usk of an old reverence may

.

hel p to form the fi tt ing m ood th ro u gh which shall slid e u n

hindered the still small voice that makes appeal to what of
G od i s yet awak e in th e sou l T here were present about a .

score of v illagers and the part y fro m the hou s e

, ,
 P A U L F A B ER . 21
5

C lad i n no vestments of o flice bu t holdi ng i n his han d ,

the N ew T estament wh ich was always hel d either there or i n ,

h is pock et Wingfo ld rose to speak

,
H e read .

B ew are ye of { b e leavenof tb e P izarzsees w /ue/z 1s bypoe

' ' '

F or tilere 1s not/zzn ered, th at s/ not be

’
’
zall
'

reo ealea
'

rzsy .
g cov
neztlzer lzza, t/zat slzall not be kno w n
'
’
'

T hen at once he began to show th em i n the simplest in ,

terpretatio n that th e hypocrite w as one wh o p retend ed to

,

be what he was not who tri ed or consented to look other

an d better than he was T hat a man from u nwi ll ingness .
,

to look at the truth concerning himself might be but half ,

consciously assenti ng to the false appearance wou ld h e , ,

said nowise serve to save hi m from whatever of d oom was

,

i nvolved i n th is utterance of ou r L ord concerning the crime .

T hese words of explanation an d cautio n premised he ,

began at the practical begi nn ing and spok e a few forcefu l ,

things on the necessity of absolute truth as to fact i n every

commu nication between man an d man telling them that so , ,
’
far as he cou ld u nd erstand H is word s recorded o u r L ord s ,

obj ection to sweari ng lay ch i efly i n thi s that it encou raged ,

’
u ntruthfu lness tend ing to mak e a man s yea less than yea
, ,

his nay other than nay H e said that many people who .

told l ies every d ay wou ld be shocked whe n they d iscovered

,

that they were liars and that thei r lyi ng mu st be d is

covered for the L ord said so E very u ntruthfulness was a
,
.

passing hypocrisy and if they wou ld not come to be hypo ,

crites out an d out they mu st begi n to avoid it by speak ing

,

every man the truth to hi s n eighbor I f they d i d not b e .

gi n at once to speak th e truth they mu st grow worse an d ,

worse liars T he L ord called hypocri sy leaven becau s e of

.
,

i ts irresistible perhaps as well its u nseen growth an d

, ,

spread h e called it the leaven of tlze P /zamsees because it

’

was the all pervadi ng quality of thei r being and fro m them
-

was work ing moral d issol utio n i n the nation eati ng lik e a ,

canke r i nto it by i nfecting with lik e hypocrisy all who

,

looked u p to them .

“
I s it not a strange d rift this of men sai d the cu rate , , ,

to hid e what i s u nd er the vei l of what i s n ot ? to seek

,

refuge i n lies as if that which is n ot cou ld be an armor of

, ,

adamant P to ru n from the daylight for safety d eeper i nto ,

the cave ? I n the cave h ou se th e creatu res of the n ight

the tigers and hyenas the serpent and the old d ragon of ,

th e dark ; i n the light are tru e men an d women and the ,

clear eyed angels B ut th e reason is only too plai n ; it is ,

-
.
2 16 P A U L F A B ER .

alas that they are th emselves of the d ark n ess and not o f
the light T hey d o not fear th ei r o wn T hey are more
. .

comfortable with th e beasts o f d ark n ess than with the

angels of light T hey d read th e peering of h oly eyes i nto
.

thei r hea rts ; th ey feel themselves naked and fear to be

ashamed therefore cast th e garment o f hypocrisy abou t
,

them T hey have that i n th em so strange to the light that

.

they feel i t m u st b e h idd en from th e eye of day as a thing

'
,
’
lzzaeou s that is a thi ng to be hi d den
, ,
B ut the hypocrisy i s .

worse than all it wou ld h id e T hat they have to hide agai n .

,

as a more h id eou s thi ng stil l .

G od h id es n othing H i s ve ry work from th e begin ning

i s revelatzon—a casting asid e of vei l after vei l a showing
.

u nto men o f truth after tru th O n an d o h from fact to .

,

fact d ivi ne He advances u ntil at l ength i n H is S on J esu s He

, ,

u nveils H is ve ry face T hen begi ns a fresh u nveili ng for

.
,

the ve ry w ork o f the Father is the work the Son H imself has
to d o—to reveal H i s l ife was th e u nveili ng o f H i mself
.
,

and th e u nveili ng o f the So nis still goi ng o n and is that for ,

th e sake o f which th e world exists W hen H e is u nveiled .

,

that i s wh en we k now the S on we shall k now the Father

, ,

also T he whol e o f creation its growth its h istory the

.
, , ,

gathering total o f hu man existence i s an u nvei li ng o f the ,

Father He is the li fe the eternal life the O nly I see it

ah bel ieve me —I see it as I can n ot say it From month
,
.
,
.

to month i t grows u pon me Th e lovely h ome light th e .

-

on e essence o f peacefu l being is G od H i mself , .

H e loves light and n ot d ark ness therefore sh in es there , ,

fore reveals T ru e there are infi nite gu lfs i n H im i nto

.
, ,

which ou r smal l vision can not pierce but they are gulfs o f ,

l ight an d th e truths there are i nvisible only through excess

,

o f thei r own clarity T here i s a d ark ness that comes o f

.

effu lgenc e and the most vei ling o f all veils is the light
, .

T hat for whi ch the eye ex ists i s light but t/zrouglz

light n o h u man eye can pi erce —I fi nd myself beyon d
,

my d epth I am ever beyond my d epth afloat i n an

.
,

infi nit e sea but th e d epth of th e sea k nows me for ,

th e ocean of my bei ng i s G od — What I wou ld say i s .

th is that the light is not blind ing becau se G od wou ld hid e

, ,

but becau se th e truth i s too glorious for ou r visi on The .

e ffu lgence of H i msel f G od veiled that He might u nveil it

inhi s S on I nter u n iversal spaces aeons eternities—what
-

word of vastness you can fi nd o r choose—tak e u n fathom

.
, ,

able darkn ess itsel f i f yo u will to ex p ress th e infi nit ude o f

, ,
 P A U L F A B ER . 21 7

G od that original splend or existi ng only to th e conscio u s

n ess of G od H imself— I say H e hid es it no tsb ut i s reveali ng
,

it ever forever at all cost of labor yea of pain to H i mself

, , , .

H is whole creation i s a sacrifi c ing of H im s elf to the being

and well bei ng of H is little ones that bei ng wrought out at
-

, ,

last i nto partakers of H is d ivi ne natu re that natu re may be ,

revealed i n them to thei r d ivi nest bliss H e bri ngs h idd en .

thi ngs out of the light of H i s own bei ng i nto the light of
ou rs
B ut see how d i fferent w e are— u nti l we learn of H i m
.

S ee the tendency of man to conceal h is treasu res to claim ,

even truth as his o wnby d iscove ry to hi d e it and be prou d ,

of it gloati ng over that which he thi nk s he has i n hi mself

, ,

instead of groan ing afte r the infi nite o f G od We wo u ld

be foreve r heapi ng together possession s d ragging things ,

i nto the cave of ou r fi nitu de ou r i nd i v id ual self not per , ,

ceiv in g that the th ings which pass that d reariest o f d oors ,

whateve r they may have been are thencefo rth but straws , ,
’
smal l sticks an d d ust of the flo o r When a man wou ld
,
.

have a tru th i n thither as i f it were of private i nterpretat ion ,

he d rags i n only the bag which the truth remai n ing o ut ,

side has bu rst and left

, .

N owhere are such child ren of dark ness born as i n the

caves of hypocrisy n owhere else can a man revel with
such misshapen hybrid s of religio n an d si n B ut as on e .
,

day will be fou nd I believe a strength of physical light b e

, ,

fore which eve n solid gold or black est marble becomes trans
parent so is there a spi ritual light before which al l veil s of
,

falsehoo d shall shrivel u p an d pe rish an d cease to hide so

that i n i nd ividu al character i n the facts of being i n
, , ,
’

the d ensest o i Pharisaical hypocrisy there is nothi ng ,

covered that shall not be revealed n othin g hid that shall ,

not be k nown .

I f then brother or sister thou hast that which wou ld be

, ,

hidden mak e haste and d rag the thi ng from its cove rt i nto
,

the presence o f thy G od thy L ight thy Saviou r that if it be

, , , ,

i n itself good it may be cl eansed ; ii evil it may be stu ng

, ,

throu gh an d through with the bu rn i ng arrows of tru th and ,

perish i n glad relief For the o ne bliss o f an evil thi ng is to

.

perish an d pass th e evi l thing and that alone is the n atu ral
food of D eath—nothing else wi ll agree with the monster I f
, ,

we have such fou l things I say withi n the ci rcu mference of

, ,

o ur known selves we mu st confess th e c harn el fact to ou r

,
-

selves and to G o d an d i f there be an y one else wh o has a

218 P AU L FABER .

( 11 to k n ow it to that on e also must we confes s c asting

8 1111 , ,

out the vi le thi ng that we may b e clean L et us mak e haste .

to open the doors of ou r li ps and the wi nd ows of ou r h u

mility to let out the demon of dark n ess and i n the angels of
light —so abj u rin g the evil B e su re that concealment i s
, ,

u tterl y absol utely hopeless I f we d o not thu s ou rselves

,
.

open ou r house the day w il l come when a roari ng blast o f

,

H is wi nd or the flame of H is k een l ightni ng will d estroy

, ,

eve ry d efense o f d ark ness and set u s shiveri ng before the ,

u n iverse i n o u r nak ed vileness ; for there i s n othi ng covered

that shall not be reveal ed n either h i d that shall n ot be k nown
,
.

A h ! well for man that he can not hid e ! What vau lts o f
un cleanness what sinks of d read fu l horrors wou ld not the
, ,

sou ls of some of u s grow B ut for every one of them as ,

for the u niverse comes the day of cleansi ng H appy they

, .

wh o hasten it wh o O pen wid e th e doors take the broom i n ,

the hand an d begi n to sweep T he d ust may rise i n clou ds ;

,

th e offense may be great ; the sweeper may pant and ch ok e ,

an d weep yea grow faint an d sick with self d isgu st ; but

, ,
-

th e e n d wi ll be a clean house and the light and wi nd of ,

H eave n shi ni ng and blowi ng cl ear and fresh and sweet

throu gh al l its chambers B etter so than have a hu rrican e.
,

from G od b u rst ind oors and windows an d sweep from his ,

temple with the besom of d estru ction every thi ng that loveth
and mak eth a lie B rothers sisters let us be clean T he
.
, , .

l ight an d th e ai r arou nd u s are G od s vast pu rifying furnace ’

ou t i nto it let u s cast all hypocri sy L et u s be open h earted .

-

,
”
an d speak eve ry man th e truth to his neighbor A men . .

T he faces o f the little congregation had been staring all

’
th e time at th e s peak er s as the flo wers of a little gard en
,

stare at th e su n L ik e a white lily that had begu n to fade

.
,

that o f J u liet had d rawn th e eyes o f the cu rate as the ,

whitest spot always wi ll B ut it had d rawn his heart also

. .

H ad her troubles already begun poor girl ? he thought , .

H ad the sweet book of marriage already begu n to give out

its bitterness P
It was not j u st so M arriage was good to her sti ll N o t
. .

yet though bu t a thing of this world as she and h er husband

, ,

were agreed had i t begu n to grow stale and wearisome She

,
.

w as troubl ed I t was with n o reacti on again st the opini ons

.

to which sh e had p ractically yield ed ; but not the less had

the serp ent of the truth bitten her for it can bite th rough ,

th e gau ze of whatever op i n 1on s o r theories C onsci ous per .

,

sistent wrong may hard en and thicken th e gau ze to a q uilted

 PAU L FABER . 21
9

armor bu t even th rough that the sou nd of it s teeth may

,

wake u p Don Worm the con science an d then i s the baser

, ,

natu re between the fell incensed poi nts of mighty opposites .

I t avails a man little to say h e d oes n ot believe thi s or that ,

if the whil e h e can not rest becau se of some word spoken .

T ru e speech as well as tru e scriptu re i s given by i nsp iration

, ,

o f God ; it goes forth on the wi nd of the S pirit with th e ,

min istry of fi re T he su n will shi ne and the win d willb lo w

.
, ,

the flo o ds wil l beat and the fi re will bu rn u nti l the yield ing
, ,

soul t e born i nto chi ld hood spread s forth its hand s and
,
-

rushes to the Father .

I t was d ark and J u liet took th e o ffered arm o f th e rector

,

and walked with him toward the hou se Both we re silent .

,

for both had been touched T he rector was b u sy tumbli ng .

over the contents now of thi s now o f that o ld c hest and

cabi net i n the lu mber room of hi s memory seek i ng for things
-

to get rid of by holy confession ere the hou r o f proclamation

shou ld arrive H e was fi nding littl e yet beyon d boyish esca
.

pades an d fau lts and sins which he had ab j u red ages ago
,

and almost forgotten H i s great sin o f which h e had al ready

repented and was studyi ng more and more to r epent —that
.
,

o f u nd ertak ing holy ser v ice for th e sak e of the loaves a nd the
fi sh es—then i n natu ral sequ ence o nly taki ng th e loaves an d
, ,

the fi sh es and d oi ng no service i n retu rn d id no t come u nde r

, ,

th e name of hypocrisy bei ng i nd eed a cri me patent to the

,

u n iverse even whe n hid den from h imself When at length

, .

th e heavy li ds of his hone st slee py eyed natu re arose and he -

saw the tru th o f hi s cond ition h is d u ll stu rdy sou l had gath , ,

ered itself lik e an old wrestler to th e stru ggle an d hard ly ,

k new what was requ i red o f it or what it had to overth row , ,

ti ll it stood panting ove r its adversary

J u liet also was occu pied —with n o such search as the rec
.

’
tor s hardly eve n with what cou ld be called thought bu t
, ,

with somethi ng that mu st eith er soon cau se the keenest

thought o r at length a spi ritu al cal lo sity somewhere i n her
,

was a moti on a something tu rned and twisted ceased and

, ,

began again boring l ike an anger o r was i t a creatu re that

,

tried to sleep bu t ever and anon started awak e and with

, ,

fretfu l claws pu lled at its n est i n the fi b ers o f her hea rt ?

The cu rate and hi s w ife talked softly all the way back to
th e house .

D o yo u really think said H elen that eve ry fau lt one

, ,

has ever Committed wil l on e d ay be tru mpeted ou t to the

u niverse P
2 20 P A U L F A B ER .

That were hardly worth the while of the u niverse an ,

swered he r husband S uch an age long h owling of evil

.
-

stu pidities wou ld be enough to tu rn its b rai n with en n u i and

d isgu st N everth eless the hypocrite will ce rtai nly know
.
,

hi mself discovered an d shamed and u n able any longe r to ,

hid e himself from h is n eighbor H is past d eeds also wi ll be .

mad e p lai n to all wh o for fu rthe r ends of recti fication t e

, ,

qu ire to k now them S hame wi l l then I trust be the fi rst

.
, ,

approach of hi s red emption .

J u li et for she was close behin d them heard hi s words and

, ,

shu ddered .

You are feeli ng it cold M rs Faber said the rector , .

, ,

and with the fatherly familiarity of an old man d rew her

, ,

cloak better ar ou nd h er .

"
I t i s n ot cold sh e faltered ,
b ut somehow the night
"
ai r always makes me shiver .

T he rector pu lled a mu ffler from his coat pocket and lai d -

i t lik e a scarf on her shou ld ers .

”
“
H ow ki nd you are ! sh e mu rmu red I don t de .
’

”
serve it .

Who d ese rves any th ing ? said t he rector I less I .

,

am su re than any o n
,
e I k now O nly if you wi ll beli eve my .
,
”
c u rate you have but to ask an d have what you need ,

I wasn t the fi rst to say that si r Wingfo ld struck in

, .

' ”
, , ,

tu rni ng h is head over hi s shou ld er .

“
I k now that my boy answered M r Bevis ; but you
were the fi rst to make m e want to fi nd its tru e — I say M rs
, ,
.

.
, .

Faber what i f it shou ld tu rn ou t after al l that there w as a

, ,

gran d treasu re h i d i n you r fi eld an d mi ne that we n ever got ,

the good o f because we d id n t bel i eve i t was there and d ig ’

for it ? What if this scatter brai ned cu rate o f mi n e shou ld -

be right when h e talks so strangely abou t o u r living in the

midst o f calli ng voi ces cleansi ng fi res bapti z ing d ews and
, , ,

w ont heark en won t b e clean won t give u p o u r sleep and

’ ’ ’

, ,

o u r d reams for the very bl iss for which we cry o u t i n them I

T h e old man had stopped tak en o ff hi s hat an d tu rned , ,

toward her H e spok e with such a strange solemnity of

.

voice that it cou ld hardly have been beli eved hi s by those

wh o k n ew hi m as a j u dge of h orses an d n ot as a read er of
prayers The other pai r had stopped also
. .

I shou l d call it very hard retu rned J u li et to come so , ,

"
n ear it and yet m iss it .

’
E speci ally to be d riven so n ear it agai nst o ne s will and ,

yet su cceed i n getting past without touching it said th e ,

 P A U L FA B ER . 221

cu rate with a flavor of as perit y H is wife gently p inched

,
.

his arm and h e was ashamed

,
.

When they reached home J u liet went straight to bed ,

or at least to her room for th e night .

I say Wingfo ld remarked the rector as they sat alone

,
”
, ,

after su pper that sermon of you rs was above you r con

gregat io n .

I am afraid you are right si r I am sorry B u t if yo u ,

. .

had see n thei r faces as I d i d perhaps you wo ul d have mod i

,
”
fi ed th e conclu sion .

I am very glad I heard it though sai d the rector

They had mo re talk and when Wingfo ld went u p stairs
, , .

, ,

he fou nd H elen asleep A n noyed with hi mself for having

.

spoken harshly to M rs Fabe r an d more than u sually har

.
,

assed by a sense of failu re i n his sermon h e threw himself ,

i nto a chai r and sat brood i ng and p raying till the light
,

began to appear O ut of the reed s shake n al l night i n th e

.

wi nd rose with th e morni ng this bird

,

T H E SM O K E .

L o rd I h av e
,
l aid my h eart upo nThy al tar ,

B u t can no t get th e w o o d to b urn

I t h ardly flares ere it b egins to fal ter ,

A nd to th e dark retu rn .

O ld sap, o r nigh t fall endew , h as damped th e fuel

-

I nv ainmy b reath w o u ld flam e pro v o k e

—
Y et see at ev ery po o r attempt s renew al
’

T o T h ee ascends th e smo k e .

—
Tis all I h av e smo k e, fail ure, fo il ed endeav o r,
’

C o l dness, and do u b t, and pal sied l ack

Such as I h av e I send T h ee perfect G iv er,
—
Sen d T h o u T h y l igh tning b ack .

’
I n th e morni ng as soon as breakfast was over H elen s
, ,

ponies were brought to the door she and J u li et got into th e ,

carriage Wingfo ld j um ped u p beh ind an d they retu rned to

, ,

G laston L ittle was sai d o n th e way an d J u liet seemed

.
,

strangely d epresse d T hey left her at h er own d oor

What d i d that look mean P sai d Wingfo ld to h is wi fe
. .

the moment they were rou nd the corner of M r D rew s .

'

shop.

You saw it then ? retu rned H elen I di d n ot think .

"
you had bee n so qu ick .
222 P AU L F A B E R .

I saw what I co uld not help tak ing for relief said the ,

cu rate when the maid told h er that h er h usband was not

,

at home .

T hey said n o more ti ll they reach ed the rectory where ,

H elen followed h er h usband to hi s stu dy .

H e can t have tu rned tyrant already she said resum

’

,
’ ”
i ng the subj ect of J u l iet s look B ut she s afraid of him .
’
.

It d id look lik e it rej oi ned her hu sband O h H elen

, .
, ,

what a hid eou s thing fear of h er hu sband mu st be for a

woman wh o has to spend not her days o nly in his presence
, ,

but her n ights by his side I do won der so many women

dare to be marri ed T hey would need all to have clean
.

"
consc iences .

O r no en d of faith i n thei r hu sbands said H elen If ,

.

ever I come to be afraid of you it wi ll be becau se I have ,

”
done somethi ng ve ry wrong i nd eed
D on t be too su re o f that H elen retu rned Wingfo ld
.

'
.
, ,

T here are very d ecent hu sbands as hu sbands go who are ,

yet u nj u st exacti ng selfi sh T he most devoted of wives

, ,
.

are someti mes afraid o f the men they yet consider the very
models of h u sbands It is a brutal shame that a woman .

shou ld feel afrai d or even u n easy i nstead of safe beside

, , ,
”
her husband .

You are always on the si de of the women T homas

and I love you for it somehow— I can t tell
, ,
’
said hi s wife
why .

’
“
Y o u make a mistak e to begi n with my dear you don t ,

love me becau se I am on the sid e of th e women but becau se ,

I am o n th e si de of the wronged If th e man happen ed to .

be th e i nj u red party an d I took th e sid e of the woman you

, ,

wou ld b e d own on me lik e an aval a nche .

’
“
I dare say B ut there i s something more i n it I d on t
. .

thi nk I am altogeth er mistaken You d on t talk lik e most .

’

men T hey have su ch an u gly way of asserting su perior

.

ity an d sneeri ng at women

,
T hat you n ever d o and as a ,

woman I am gratefu l for it .

T he same afternoon D orothy D rak e paid a visi t to M rs .

Faber and was hard ly seated before the feeling that some
,

thi ng was wrong arose i n her P lai nly J u li et w as su ffering

— from some cause sh e wi shed to conceal S everal times
.

she seemed to tu rn fai nt h u rri edly fann ed he rself an d d rew , ,

a d eep breath O nce she rose hastily and went to the win
.

dow as i f struggl i ng with some oppression and retu rn ed

, ,

looki n g very pale .

 P A U L F A B ER . 2 23

Dorothy was frighten ed .

What is the matte r d ear ? she sai d ,

.

N othi ng ans we red J u l iet tryi ng to smi le

,
P e rhap s , .

”
I took a little cold last night she added with a shiver , .

H ave you told you r h usband ? ask ed Dorothy .

I haven t seen hi m since Satu rday she answe red qu ietly

’

, ,

bu t a pallo r almost d eathly overspread her face .

”
“
I h o pe he will soon be home sai d Dorothy M i nd , .

you tel l hi m h o w you feel the i nstant he comes in .

J u liet an swered with a smi le bu t that smi le D orothy ,

never forgot It hau nted her all the way home Wh e nsh e
. .

entered her cham b er her eyes fell u pon th e petal of a ,

monthly rose which had d ropped from th e little t ree i n he r

,

wi nd ow and lay streaked and cru mpled o n th e b lack earth

,

o f th e flo we r pot by one of those qu ee r mental vagari es i n

-

which th e i magi natio n and the logical fac u lty seem to

combi ne to mak e sport of the rea son H o w is it that smile
h as got here before me ? she sai d to he rself .
'

S he sat do wn and thought Cou ld it be t h at J u liet had .

,

lik e he rself begu n to fi nd there could be n o peace witho ut

,

the k nowledge of an absol ute peace ? I f it were so and ,

she wou ld but let her k now it then siste rs at least i n sorrow , ,

and search they wou ld togeth er seek the Father of thei r

,

spi rits i f haply they might fi nd H i m together they wou ld

c ry to H im —and ofte n it might b e H e wou ld hear them
,

and reveal H imself H e r heart w as sore all day th i nki ng

.
,

of that sad face J u liet whether she k n ew it or not was

.
, , ,

lik e herself i n tro uble becau se sh e had n o G od

, .

T he concl usion shows that Dorothy w as far from h O pe

less T hat she cou ld believe the lack of a God was the
.

cause u nk nown to herself o f h e r friend s d epression ’

i mplies an assu rance of the h uman n eed of a G od and a ,

h 0pe there might be O ne to be fou nd For herself if sh e .

,

cou ld bu t h nd H i m sh e felt there wou ld be nothi ng bu t bliss

,

evermore Dorothy then w as more hopef u l than sh e he r

.

self k ne w I d oubt if absolu te hopelessness i s ever born

.

save at the word D epart from me H ope spri ngs with us

, .

from God H i mself and however d own beaten however sick

, ,
-

and nigh u nto d eath will eve rmore lift its head and rise
,

aga in .

S he cou ld say n othi ng to her father S he loved him .

oh how dearly ! and trusted h im wh ere she cou ld tru st

hi m at all —oh how perfectly bu t she had no co nfi dence
, ,

in his u nd erstand i ng of her self Th e mai n cause whence .

2 24 P A U L FA BER .

arose his insuffi ciency and her lack o f tru st was that all his ,

faith i n G od was as yet scarcely more independent of

th ought forms w ord shapes d ogma and creed than that
-

,
-

, ,

of the Catholic or Calvi nist H ow few are the re whose

.

faith i s simpl e an d mighty i n the Father of J esu s C hrist ,

waiti ng to believe al l that H e w ill reveal to th em H ow

many of those wh o talk o f faith as the one n eedful thi ng
'

will accept as su ffi cient to th e razi ng of the walls of par

titi on between you and them you r heartiest d eclarati on ,

that you believe in H im with the whol e might of you r

nature 1ay you r sou l bare to the revelation o f H is spirit
an d stir u p you r wi ll to obey H im P— A nd then comes
, ,

y ou r temptation — to e x cl u de namely from you r love and

, ,

sympathy the weak and boisterous b rethren wh o after the .

,

fashi on possible to them believe i n you r L ord becau se they

, ,

ex clu d e you and pu t as little co nfi dence i n you r truth as i n

,

you r i nsight I f you d o k now more o f C hrist than they

.
,

u pon you li es th e heavi er obligati on to be tru e to them as ,

was St Pa ul to the J u daiz ing Chri stians whom these so

.
,

much resembl e w h o were hi s chi ef h in d rance i n the work

,

his M aste r had given h im to d o I n C h rist we mu st forget .

P au l and A pollos and C e phas pope an d bi shop an d pastor

,

and p resbyter creed and i nterpretati on and theory C are

,
.

less of thei r opi ni ons we mu st be carefu l of themselves

,

carefu l that we have salt i n ou rselves an d that th e salt lose ,

not its savor that the old man d ead through C h rist shall
, , ,

not vampi re li ke creep from his grave and suck the blood
,
-

of the sai nts by whatever n ame they b e called or however

, ,

little they may yet have e ntered i nto th e freedom of the

gospe l that G od is light an d i n H im i s n o dark n ess at all
, .

H ow was D orothy to get n eare r to J u liet fi nd out he r ,

trouble and comfort her ?

,

A las sh e sai d to he rself what a thing i s marriage i n

,

se parati ng fri end s

 C H A P T E R X XX I I .

T HE O LD H O U S E o r G L A ST O N .

T 11 11 same eveni ng D orothy and he r father walked to the

.

Old H ouse A lready the place look ed mu ch changed T he

. .

ve ry d ay the deeds were signed M r D rake who was n ot the ,

.
,

man to postpone action a moment after the time for it was

come had set men at work u pon th e substantial repai rs
,
.

Th e hou se was origi nally so wel l b u ilt that these were n ot

s o heavy as might have been ex pected an d when completed ,

they mad e little sho w o f change T he garden however .

, ,

looked qu ite anoth er thi ng for it had li fted itself u p from ,

the wild erness i n which it was su ffocated revivi ng like a ,

’
repentant sou l reborn U nde r its owner s keen watch its .
,

ancient plan had bee n rigid ly regard ed its anci ent featu res ,

carefu lly retain ed T he old bu shes were wel l tri mmed but
.
,

as yet nothi ng live except weeds had been u prooted T he

, ,
.

hedges and bord ers of yew an d h olly and box tal l and
, ,

broad looked very bare an d broke n and patchy bu t now

,

that the shears had afte r so long a season of n eglect

, ,

removed the gathered shad e th e naked stems an d branches ,

wou ld agai n sen d out the you ng shoots of the spri ng a new ,

bi rth wo u l d begi n everywhere an d th e old garden w ou ld ,

d awn anew For all hi s lack of sympathy with the older

.

forms of religiou s economy i n th e cou ntry a th ing alas ! , ,

too easy to accou nt for th e mi niste r yet loved the past and
felt its myste ry H e sai d once i n a sermon — and it gave
,

o ffense to more than on e of his d eacons for they scented i n ,

it Germanzsm T he love of th e past the desi re of th e

'

, ,

futu re an d the enj oyme nt of the present mak e an eternity

, , ,

i n which ti me is absorbed its lapse lapses an d man par , ,

takes of the i mmortal ity of his M ak er I n each present .

personal being we have the whole past of ou r generation

,

i nclosed to be t e developed with endless d i fference i n each

,
-

i nd ivid uality H ence perhaps it comes that every now and

.
,

then into ou r consci ou snesses fl oat strange odors of feeli ng

, ,

strange tones as of bygone affections strange gli mmers as ,

o f forgotte n truths strange mental sensati ons of in

, describ a
ble sort and textu re Fri end s I shou ld be a terror to
.
,

myself did I not believe that whereve r my d i m consciou s

,
”
ness may come to itsel f G od is there , .
2 26 PAU L FABER .

D orothy wou ld have hastened the lighter repai rs i nsid e

the house as well so as to get i nto it as soon as possible
,

but he r father very wisely argu ed that it wou ld be a pity to

get the hou se i n good cond ition and then as soon as they , ,

went i nto it an d began to h nd how it co u ld b e altered

,

better to suit thei r tastes an d necessiti es have to d estroy a ,

great part of what had j u st been d one H is plan therefore .

, ,

was to leave the hou se for the wi nter now i t was weather ,

tight and with the fi rst o f the su mmer partly occ u py it as it

,

was fi nd out its fau lts an d capabi liti es and have it grad
, ,

u all repai red and altered to their mi nds and requ i rements
y .

T here wou ld i n this way b e plenty of ti me to talk about

every thi ng even to the merest suggestion of fancy and d is
, ,

cover what they wou l d really like .

B ut ever si nce the place had b ee n thei rs D orothy had ,

been i n the habit of going almost d aily to the hou se with ,

her book an d her work sitting n ow i n this n ow in that , ,

empty room u nd istu rbed by the n oises o f th e work men

, ,
’
chiefly outsid e the foreman was a me mber of her father s
chu rch a d evout man and she k n ew eve ry on e of his peo
, ,

ple S he had taken a strange fancy to those empty rooms

.

perhaps she felt them like her own heart waiti ng for some ,

thi ng to come and fi ll them with life Nor was there any .

thing to prevent her though the work was over for a time
, ,

from i nd u lging h erself i n goi ng there sti ll as often as sh e ,

pleased and she woul d remai n there for hou rs someti mes
, ,

nearly the whole day I n her present condition of mi nd

.

and heart sh e d esired and n eeded solitu d e she was on e o f

,

those wh o when troubled r ush from thei r fellows and u rged , ,

by th e hu man i nstinct after th e d ivi ne seek refu ge i n lon e

liness—th e cave o n H oreb th e top o f M ou nt Si nai the
,

closet with shut door— any lonely place where u nseen and
, ,

, ,

d read ing no eye the h eart may c all alo u d to the G od h id

,
.

d en behi nd the vei l o f the things that d o appear .

H ow d i ffe rent yet how fit to merge i n a mutu al sympathy

, ,

were the thoughts o f th e two as they wandered about th e ,

place that even ing D orothy was th i nki ng h er commonest

thought—h ow happy sh e cou ld be if only she k n ew there
was a Wi ll central to the u n iverse w il ling all that came to
her—good or seeming bad —a Will whom she might love
,
-

and than k for all things H e wou ld be t o her no G od whom

.

sh e cou l d thank only whe n He sent h er what was pleasant .

She mu st be able to thank H im for eve ry th ing or sh e cou ld ,

thank H i m for nothing .

 PA U L F A BER . 227

H er father was sayi ng to hi mself he cou ld n ot have

b elieved the lifting from his sou l of su ch a grave ston e of
d ebt wou ld have mad e so little d i ffere nce to h is happi ne ss
,
.

He fancied honest J ones the butcher had more mere , ,

pleasu re fro m the si lver snu ff box he had given him than he-

had himself from his fortu ne R elieved h e certai nly was .

,

bu t th e relief was not happi ness H i s d ebt had bee n the .

stone that blocked u p the gate o f P arad ise the ston e was
rolled away but the gate was n ot therefore open
. He .

seemed for the fi rst time begi nn i ng to u nd erstan d what he

had so often said and i n public too and had thought he
, ,

u nderstood that God H i mself and n ot any or all of H i s gifts

, , ,

is the life of a man He had got ri d of the d read imagina

.

tion that G od had given hi m the money i n anger as H e had ,

given the Israelites th e qu ai ls nor d id h e h nd that the pos ,

sessio n forme d any barri er between h i m an d G od his

danger n ow seemed that of forgetting th e love of the
Giver i n h is anxi ety to spend the gi ft accord ing to H i s
will .

Yo u and I ought to be very happy my love h e sai d , , ,

as now they were walk i ng home .

H e had often said so before an d D orothy had he ld he r ,

peace but n ow with her eyes o n th e grou nd she rej oi ned

, , ,

i n a low rathe r broken voice

, ,
”
Why papa P
,

Becau se we are lifted above the anxi ety that was cru sh
”
i ng u s i nto th e very mu d he answered w ith su rpri s e at h er
, ,

qu estion .

It n ever troubled me so much as all that she answered , .

It is a great relief to see you free from ir father ; but ,

otherwise I can not say that it has mad e mu ch d i fference to

,
”
me .

My dear D orothy said th e mini ster it i s ti me we

, ,

shou ld u nd erstan d eac h other You r state of min d has for .

a long time troubled me bu t while d ebt lay so heavy u pon

me I coul d give my attention to nothi ng else W hy shou ld
, .

there b e any thi ng bu t perfect co nfi dence between a fathe r

and dau ghter wh o belong to eac h othe r alon e i n all the
world ? T ell m e what it is that so plai n ly oppresses you .

What prevents you from openi ng you r heart to me ? You

can n ot d ou bt my love .

“
N ever for one moment fathe r she answe red almost , , ,

eagerly pressi ng to her heart th e arm on which sh e leaned

, .

I kn ow I am safe with you becau se I um you rs and yet ,

2 28 P AU L FA BER .

somehow I can n ot get so close to you as I wou ld Some .

.

thing comes betwee n u s an d prevents me , .

What i s it my chi ld ? I will d o all and eve ry thing I

,
”
can to remove it .

You d ear fath er ! I d on t believe ever ch il d had such ’

a father .

“
Oh yes my d ear ! many have h ad better fathers but
, ,

none bette r than I hope one day by the grace of G od to be

to you I am a poor c reatu re Dorothy bu t I love you as
.
, ,

my own sou l Y ou are th e blessi ng of my days an d my

.
,

thoughts brood over you i n the n ight i t wou l d be i n utter

conte nt i f I only saw you happy
,
I f you r face were .

acqu ainted with smi les my heart wou ld be acqu ai nted ,

with glad ness .

For a ti me neith er said any thi ng more Th e si le nt .

’
tears were streami ng from D orothy s eyes A t length she .

spoke .

I wond er i f I cou ld tell you what it i s withou t hu rti ng

you father
,
she said .

I can hear any thing from you my chi ld h e answered , , .

T hen I will try B ut I do n ot thi nk I shall ever qu ite

.

k n ow my fathe r o n earth o r be qu ite able to O pen my heart ,

”
to him u nti l I have fou n d my Father i n H eaven
, .

A h my child i s i t so with you ? D o you fear you have

,

n ot yet given you rself to the Saviou r ? G ive you rself n ow .

H is arms are ever O pen to receive you

T hat i s hard ly the poi nt father —Will you let me ask
.

.
,

you any qu estio n I please P

”
A ssu redly my child H e always spoke though qu ite
,
.
,

u nconsci ou sly with a little of the ex eat/zearal tone

,
-
’
.

“
T hen tel l me father are you j u st as su re of God as
, ,

you are of me stand i ng here before you P

She had stopped and tu rned an d stood look ing hi m fu ll ,

i n th e face with wide troubled eyes ,

.

M r D rak e was si lent

. H atefu l is the professional con .
,

t empt ib le is the love of display but i n h is case they flo ated ,

only as vapors i n the air of a gen u in e sou l H e was a tru e .

man an d as he cou ld n ot say yes n ei t her wou ld he hid e h is

, ,

no i n a mu ltitu d e of words — at least to h is own daughter

he was not so su re of G od as he was of that daughter with ,

those eyes looki ng straight i nto his C ou ld it be that h e

n ever had believe d i n G od at all P T he thought went
th rough hi m with a great pang I t was as i f the moon .

grew dark above hi m and the earth with ered u n der hi s ,

 PAUL FABER . 22
9

feet He stood before h is ch ild like o ne whose h y pocri sy

.

had bee n p roc laimed from the housetop .

A re you vexe d with me father P said D orothy sad ly , .

”
N o my chi ld an swered the mi nister i n a voice of
, , ,

u n natu ral composu re B ut you stand before me there.

like th e very thou ght started out o f my sou l alive and ,

visible to que s ti on its o wn origin

,
.

A h father cried D orothy let u s qu esti on ou r ,

origin .

T he minister never even heard th e words .

That ve ry doubt embod ied there in my chi ld has I , , ,

n ow k now been hau nti ng me doggi ng me behi nd eve r si nce

, , ,

I began to teach others he sai d as i f talki ng i n his sleep , ,

.

N ow it look s me i n the face A m I myself to be a cast

away P— D orothy I am not su re of G od — n ot as I am su re
.

of you my d arli ng , .

H e stood si lent H is ear ex pected a low voiced sorrow

.
-

fu l re ply H e started at the ton e of glad ness i n which

.

D orothy cri ed
T hen father there is henceforth n o clou d betwee n u s
, , ,

for we are i n the same clou d togethe r It d oes not d ivi de

u s it on ly brings u s close r to each other
,
H elp me father .
,

I am trying hard to fi nd G od A t the same time I confess .

,

I wou ld rather not h nd H im than h nd H i m s uch as I have ,

sometimes heard you represent H i m

It may well b e retu rned her father—the ex
.

the professional tone had vanished utterly for the ti me and ,

he spok e with the voice of an h u mbl e tru e man it may ,

well be that I have d one H i m wrong for si nce now at my

age I am compelled to allow that I am not su re of H i m ,

what more likely than that I may have been cherish ing
wrong i d eas concerni ng H im and so n ot look i ng i n the ,

right di rection for fi nding H im P

”

Wh ere d id you get you r notions o f G od fath er—those , ,

I mean that you took with you to the pu l pit P

,

A year ago even i f he had bee n ask ed the same question

, ,

h e wou ld at once have answered From the Word of G od ,

but now h e hesitated and mi n utes passed before h e began a

,

reply For h e saw now that i t was not from the B ible be
.

had gath ered them wh ence soeve r they had come at fi rst He
pond ered an d searched —and fou nd that th e real answe r
, .

elu d ed him h id ing itself i n a time beyond his earli est mem
,

or y . It seemed plai n th erefore that the sou rce whence , ,

first h e b egan to d raw th o se n otio ns, ri ght or wrong mu st

' '

,
230 P A U L F A B ER .

be the talk and behavi or of the hou se i n which he was born ,

the words and carriage of his father an d mothe r an d thei r

friend s Next sou rce to that came th e sermon s he h eard on
.

S u ndays and the books give n hi m to read T he B ible was one

,
.

of those books but from the fi rst he read it throu gh the noti ons
,

with wh ich his mi n d was already vagu ely fi lled an d with the ,

comments of his su periors arou nd h i m T hen fol lowed the .

book s recommend ed at college this author and that an d the

“

, ,

lectu res h e heard there u pon the attributes of G od an d the

plan of salvation T he spirit o f commerce i n the mi dst of
.

wh ich he had been bred d id not occu r to h i m as on e of the

,

sou rces .

B ut h e had perceived e nough He opened h is mouth and .

bravely answere d h er qu estion as well as h e cou ld n ot giv ,

~

i ng the B ible as the sou rce from which he had taken any on e
of the notions of G od h e had been i n the habit of presenting .

B ut mi nd he add ed ,
I d o not allow that therefore ,

my i d eas mu s t be i ncorrect I f th ey b e secon d han d they .

-

may yet b e tru e I d o ad mit that where th ey have co n

.

ti nn ed only secon d hand they can have been of littl e valu e

-

to me .

“
Wh at you allo w th en father sai d D orothy is th at
, , , ,

you have you rself taken n on e of you r i deas d i rect from the
fou ntai n head P -

I am afraid I mu st confess it my chi ld — with this modi ,

fi cat io n that I have th ought many of them over a good deal

, ,

an d altered some of them n ot a little to mak e them fi t the

m olds of truth i n my mind .

I am so glad father ! sai d D orothy I was posi

t ively ce rtain from what I k new o f you —wh ich i s more
,

than any o ne else i n this world I d o beli eve—that some o f

,

the things you said concerni ng G od never cou ld have risen

i n you r o w nmi nd .

T hey might be i n the B ibl e for all that sai d the mi nis ,

ter ve ry an xi ou s to be an d speak th e right thi ng

,
A .

man s h ea rt is n ot to be tru sted for correct n otions of

’

G od .

N o r yet for correct i nte rpretation of th e B ible I sh o uld ,

thi nk said D orothy

, .

Tru e my chi ld answered h er father with a sigh

— , ,

except as it b e already a G odlik e heart T h e L ord says a

,

bramble bush cannot b ri ng forth grapes

-
.

Th e n oti ons you gath ered of G od fro m oth er people ,

m u st have come ou t of thei r h earts fath er P ,

 P A U L F A B ER . 23 1

O ut of some b ody s h eart P ’

J u st so answered Dorothy
,
.

G o o n my child ,
sai d h er fathe r L et me u nd erstand .

clearly you r d rift

1 have heard M r Win
.

gfo ld say retu rn ed Dorothy

“
, ,
.

that however me n may have been d rive n to form thei r

i d eas of G od before C hrist came n o man can with thorou gh , ,

honesty take the name of a Christian whose i d eas of the

, ,

Father of me n are gathe red from any other fi eld than the
life thought words d eeds of the only S on o f that Father
, , , , .

H e says it is not from the Bibl e as a book that we are to

d raw o u r ideas of God but from the livi ng M an i nto whose ,

presence that book brings u s Who is alive n ow and gives , ,

H is spi rit that they wh o read about H i m may u nd erstand

what k i nd of bei ng H e i s an d w hy He d id as He d id and , ,

k now H im i n some possible measu re as H e kn ows H i mself

, , .

I can only repeat the lesson like a chi ld .

I su spect retu rned th e mi nister

,
that I have been ,

greatly astray B ut after this we wi ll seek ou r Fathe r

.
,
”
together i n ou r B rothe r J esu s Christ
, , .

I t was th e i nitiatio n of a daily lesson togethe r in the N ew

Testament wh ich whi le it d rew thei r hearts close r to each
, ,

other d rew them with growi ng d elight nearer an d n earer

, , ,

to the id eal of h u manity J esu s Ch ri st in who m shi nes th e , ,

glory of its Father .

A man may look another i n the face for a hu nd red years

and not k now hi m M en bane looked J esu s C h ri st i n th e
.

face an d not k nown either H i m o r hi s Father I t w as need

, .

fu l that He shou ld appear to begi n the k nowi ng of H i m but , ,

speedi ly was H is visibl e presence tak en away that it might ,

not become as assu red ly i t wou ld have become a vei l to

, ,

h id e from me n the Father of thei r spi rits D o you long for .

the assu rance o f some sensible sign P D o you ask why n o

i ntellectu al proof i s to be had ? I tel l you that su ch would
bu t d elay perhaps altogether i mpai r for you that bette r
, , ,

that best that on ly vi sion i nto which at last you r world

mu st blossom—su ch a contact n amely with the heart of
, ,

, ,

G o d H imself such a perception of H i s bei ng an d H i s ab so

, ,

lute oneness wi th you th e child of H i s thou ght th e i nd i , ,

v iduality softly parted from H is spi rit yet l ivin g still and ,

only by H i s presence and love as by its own rad iance wi ll , , ,

sweep d oubt away forever Being then i n th e ligh t and .

knowing it th e lack o f i ntell ectu al proof concerni ng that

,

W hich is too h igh for it wi ll trou bl e you no more than ,

23 2 P A U L F A B ER .

wo u ld you r i nabil ity to silence a metaphysician who d eclared

that you had n o real existence I t is for the sak e of such .

vi sion as G od wou ld give that you are d en ied su ch vision as

you wou ld have T he Father of ou r s pi rits is not content
.

that we shou ld k now H im as w e no w know each other There .

is a better closer n earer than any hu man way of k nowing

, , ,

an d to that H e i s gu idi ng u s across all the swamps of ou r

u nteachableness the s eas of ou r faithles sness the d ese rt of
, ,

o u rign o ran ce It i s so very hard that we shou ld have to wait

.

for that wh ich we can n ot yet receive ? S hal l we complain

o f the shadows cast u pon o u r sou ls by th e hand and the
napk i n polishing thei r mi rrors to th e receivin g of the more
excellent glory ! H ave pati ence ch ild re n of the Father , .

P ray always and d o not fai nt T he mists and th e storms .

and the cold wi ll pass— th e su n and the sky are for ever
more . T here were n o volcanoes and n o typhoons bu t for
th e warm heart of the earth the soft garment of the ai r , ,

an d the lord ly su n over all T he most loving of you can

.

not imagi ne how one d ay the love o f the F ath er wi ll mak e

yo u love even you r own .

M uch tru stfu l talk passed betwee n father and dau ghter
as they walked home th ey were now n earer to each other
than ever i n thei r l ives before .

’
Yo u d on t mi nd my coming ou t he re alone pap a ? said ,

D orothy as after a little chat with th e gate kee per they

, ,
-

l eft the park I have of late fou n d it so good to be alone

.

I think I am begi n ni ng to learn to th ink .

D o i n eve ry thi ng j ust as you please my chi ld sai d h er , ,

father . I can have n o obj ection to what you see good .

O nly d on t be so late as to mak e me anx ious

’
.

I like comi ng early sai d D orothy , T hese lovely .

morn ings mak e me feel as i f the stru ggles of life w ere over ,

and only a quiet old age were left .

Th e father looked an x iou sly at his d aughter Was she .

going to l eave h im ? I t smote h i m to th e h eart that he had

d on e so little to make her life a blessed o ne H ow hard no .

small po rti on of it had been H ow worn and pale she

looked Why di d sh e not show fresh and bright lik e other
you ng women —M rs Faber for i nstance P H e had n ot
;

gu id ed her steps i nto th e way of peace A t all events h e

h ad not l ed h er home to t h e hou se of w isd om and rest ! ‘

T 00 good rea son wh y—h e had n ot h imself yet fo u nd that

home .H encefo rth fo r h er sak e as w el l as his ow n h e
,

w ou ld be si ege the h eavenly gr ace with prayer

,

.
 PA U L F A B E R . 23
3

Th e open i ng of h is heart i n confessi onal response to hi s

d aug h ter proved on e of those fre s h starts i n the s pi ritu al
,

life of which a man needs so many as he climbs to th e

,

heavenly gates .

C H A PT E R X X X I I I .

’
PAUL FABER S D R ESSI N G -
RO OM .

FABER d i d not reach home til l a few mi n utes before the

d inn er hou r H e rod e i nto th e stable yard ente red the
.
-

house by the s u rgery and went straight to his d ressing ,

room for the roads were vi llianou s and R u b er s large feet ,

’

had mad e a won derfu l sig ht of his master w h o t e ,

’
spected his wife s carpet A t the same ti me he hoped as it
.
,

was so near d i n ne r time to h nd her i n her chambe r S h e

-

, .

had however already mad e he r toilet and was waiting his

, , ,

retu rn i n the d rawi ng room H er heart made a false motio n

-
.

and stu ng her whe n she heard h i s steps pass the d oor and
g o u p stai rs for generally h e came to greet her the moment
h e entered the hou se — H ad he seen any body —
,

. H ad h e
heard any th ing P It was te n d read fu l mi nutes before h e came
d own bu t he entered cheeri ly with th e gathered warmth of
. ,

two days of pent u p a ffection S he d id he r best to meet

-
.

hi m as i f nothin g had happe ned For i nd eed what had

happen ed —except her goi ng to chu rch ? I f nothi ng had
.

take n place si nce she saw hi m — si nce sh e k new h im—why

such pertu rbation ? Was marriage a slavery o f the ve ry
sou l i n which a wife was bou nd to confess every th i ng to
,

her hu sband even to her most secret thou ghts and feelings P
,

0 1 was a husband lord n ot only over the present and futu re

of his wife but over he r past also ? Was sh e bou nd to d is
,

close every thi ng that lay i n that past ? I f Pau l mad e no

clai m u pon her beyon d the grave cou ld he cl ai m back u po n ,

the d ead past before he k new her a period over which she ,

had now no more control than over that whe n she wou ld be
bu t a portion of the material all P
B ut whatever might be P au l s theories of marriage o r claims ’

u pon his wi fe i t w as enough for her miserable u n rest that

,

she was what is called a living sou l with a hi story an d what , ,

has come to b e called a conscience — a somet h ing that is as , ,

23 4 P A U L F A BE R .

most people regard it which has th e power and u ses it of

, , ,

mak i ng u ncomfortable .

T h e existe nce of such qu esti ons as I have i nd icated re

veals that already between her an d h i m there showed space ,

separati on n on con tact J u li et was too bewi ldered with

,
-

misery to tel l whether it was a cleft o f a hair s breadth o r a ’

‘

gu lf across which n o cry cou ld reach thi s moment it

seemed th e one the n ext the othe r T he k n owl edge which
,
.

caused it had trou bled her whi le h e sou ght h er love had ,

troubled he r on to th e very eve o f her s u rrend er T he d eeper .

her love grew the more fi ercely she wrestled with the evi l
fact A low moral d e velopm ent an d the pu rest resolve of
.

an hon est natu re afforded her many pleas and at length sh e ,

believed she had fi nally pu t i t d own S he had argued that .

,

from the O pini ons themselves of Faber th e thing cou ld not ,

consistently fai l to be as n o thi ng to h im E ve n were sh e .

mistak en i n this concl usion it wou ld be to wrong his large ,

natu re his gen erou s love h is u nselfi sh regard his tend er

, , ,

pitifu lness to fai l o f putti ng her si lent tru st i n h im B esides

, .
,

had sh e not read i n th e newspapers the utterance of a cer

tai n worshipfu l j u dge o nthe ben ch that no man had any
th ing to d o with his wi fe s ante n u ptial h istory ? T he con
’
-

tract the n was certain ly not retrospective What i n her re .

mai n ed u nsat isfi ed after all her argu ments reasons and , ,

appeals to common sen se an d conse q u en ces she strove to ,

strangle and thought hoped sh e h ad su cceeded She

, , ,
.

wi lled her wi ll mad e u p her mi nd yi eld ed to Pau l s solicita

’

, ,

tions and p ut th e whole pai nful thi ng away from her

, .

T he step tak en the marriage over n othi ng cou ld any

, ,

more affect either fact O nly u nfortu nately for th e satis

.
,

faction an d repose she had d esi red an d ex pected h erlo ve to ,

her h usband had gone on growing after they were married .

T ru e she sometimes fancied it otherwise bu t wh ile the petals ,

of the rose were falling its capsu le w as filling ; and not ,

withstand i ng th e opposite tend ency of th e d eoxygen ated

atmosph ere i n wh ich thei r thoughts moved she had begu n ,

already to long after an absolute u nion with h im B ut this .

growth of her love and aspi rati on after its perfecti on

, ,

although at fi rst they covered what was gon e by with a

deepeni ng mist of apparent oblivi on were all th e ti me ,

b ri nging it cl oser to h e r consci ousness — ou t of the far i nto

th e near A n d n ow su d d enly that shape sh e k new o i lyi ng
.
,

i n the bottom o f th e dark est pool of th e stagnant Past had ,

been stu ng into li fe by a wi nd of words that swept through

 P A U L FA BER . 23
5

N est ley chapel , had stretched u p a hid eou s neck and threat
ening h ead from the d eep , and was stari ng at her with sod
den eyes henceforth she k new that th e hideou s Fact had
its ap poi nted place between her and her beauti fu l P au l th e ,

d emo n of the gu lfy cleft that parted them .

Th e moment she spok e i n reply to his greeti ng h e r h u s

band also felt somethi ng divid i ng them bu t had n o p re ,

senti ment of its bei ng any th ing of i mport .

”
Yo u are over ti red my love he said and tak i ng he r
-

, , ,

han d felt her pu lse I t was feeble and frequ ent

,
. .

What have they been d oi ng to you my darli ng ? he ,

asked . T hose little d emons of poni es ru n n ing away

agai n P
N 0 she answered scarce au d ibly
, , .

Somethi ng has gone wrong with you h e persisted , .

H ave you caught cold ? N one of th e ol d symptoms I ,

”
hope ?
N on e P au l T here is nothi ng th e matter sh e an
,
.
,

swered laying her head lightly as i f afrai d of the liberty

, ,

sh e took u pon hi s ,
shou ld er H is arm went rou n d h er .

wa ist.

What is it then my wife ? he said tend erly

Which wou ld you rather have P au l —have me d ie or
.
, ,

, ,

do somethi ng wicked P
J u liet thi s wi ll n ever d o
,
he retu rned qu ietly but
almost severely You have bee n agai n givi ng th e re i ns
.

to a mo rb id i magi nation Weak ness a nd folly only can come .

of that I t i s nothi ng better than hysteria

. .

N o but tel l me d ear P au l she persisted plead i ngly

, , , .

A nswer my qu estion D o please .

,
.

T here i s no such qu estion to be answered he retu rned , .

You are not going to d ie and I am yet more certai n you ,

are n ot going to d o any thi ng wick ed A re you now P .

N o P au l I nd eed I am not B ut
,
. .

I have it ! he exclai med Yo u went to ch u rch at .

N estley last night C onfou n d them all with thei r h u mbu g

Y ou have been letti ng thei r i n fernal n onsense get a hold of
you agai n It has qu ite u pset you —that an d goi ng much ,

too long without you r d in ne r What can be k ee pi ng it P .

H e left he r hu rried ly and rang the bel l You must speak .

to the cook my love She is getting out of the good

habits I had so mu ch trouble to teach he r B ut no —n o
.
,

you shal l n ot be troubled with my serv ants I will speak to .

her myself A fte r d i nner I wi ll read you some of my

.
23 6 PA U L F ABER .

favorite passages i n M ontaign e N o you shall read to me .

,

you r French 15 so mu ch better than mi n e .

D i n ner was an nou nced and n othi ng more was sai d P au l .

ate well J u li et scarcely at all bu t she managed to hid e

, ,

from hi m th e o ffense T hey rose together an d retu rned to

.

the d rawi ng room -

.

T h e moment Faber sh ut th e d oor J u liet tu rn ed 1nt he

mi d d le of th e room an d as h e came u p to her said i n a
, ,

voice mu ch u nl ike her own

P au l i f I w ere to do any thi ng ve ry bad as bad as cou ld
, ,

be wou l d you forgive me ?

”
C ome my love,
e x postu lated Faber Speak i ng more
, ,

gently than before for he had had hi s d i nner su rely you

, ,

are n ot goin g to spoi l ou r eveni ng with any more su ch non

”
sense l
A nswer me Paul or I shall thi nk you do not love me
, , ,

she sai d and the ton e of her entreaty verged u pon d emand
, .

Woul d you forgive me i f I had d one somethi ng very bad P

”
O f cou rse I shou ld h e answered with almost i rritated
—
, ,

haste ,
that is if I cou ld ever brin g myself to allow any
,

thing you d i d was wrong On ly you wou ld witch me ou t .

,

of opi ni on and j u dgment an d eve ry th in g else with two

words from you r d ear lips .

Sh ou ld I Pau l P she sai d an d lifti ng her face from

,

h is shou lder she look ed u p i n hi s from the d epths of two

,

dark fou ntains fu ll o f tears N ever d oes th e sou l so nearly .

id entify itself with matter as when reveal ing itself through

the eyes n ever d oes matter so n early lose itself i n spi ritual
’
absorption as w hen two eyes l ik e J u liet s are possessed and
,

glo rifi ed by the ru sh of the sou l through thei r portals .

Faber k issed eyes and lips and n eck i n a glow of d elight .

She w as the visi on o f a most blessed d ream and she was ,

his all an d altogethe r hi s

,
H e never thought then how his
own u ncreed an d th e prayer book were of the same mi nd -

that D eath wou ld o ne d ay part them T here i s that i n every .

high an d simple feeli ng that stamps it with etern ity For my .

own part I bel i eve that i f li fe has n ot long before twi nned
,

any twai n D eath can d o nothing to d ivid e them T he

,
.

natu re of each and every pu re feeling even i n th e man wh o ,

may si n away th e ve ry memo ry of it i s immo rtal and who ,

k nows from u nder what a d epth of ashes the love of the

savi ng God may yet revive i t
T h e next moment the d octor was su mmoned When he .

retu rned J u li et was i n bed an d p reten ded to be asleep

, , .
 P AU L F ABER . 23 7

I n the morning sh e appeared at the break fast table so

pale so worn so troubled that he r hu sban d was qu ite
, , ,

anx iou s about her A ll she wou ld confess to was that she
.
,

had not sle p t well and had a head ache A ttributi ng he r ,

.

cond ition to a nervou s attack he gave her some medici ne , ,

took her to the d rawi ng room and prescribed the n ew piano -

, ,

which he had already fou nd the best of al l sedatives fo r h er

S he loathed the very thou ght of it—cou ld n o more have
-

touched it than if the ivory keys had been white hot steel .

S he watched hi m from the wi nd ow whi le he mou nted hi s

horse bu t the momen t the last red gleam of R uber vanished
, ,

she fl u ng her arms above he r head and with a stifled cry ,

threw herself on a couch stu ffed he r handkerchief i nto he r

mouth an d i n n
,

,
eree d u mb agony tore it to shreds with ,

hand s an d teeth P resently she rose opened the d oor

.
,

almost fu rtively an d stole softly d own the stai r look i ng this

, ,

way and that lik e on e i ntent on some evi l d eed A t the

,
.

bottom she pu shed a green baize covered door peeped i nto -

a passage then crept o nti ptoe toward the su rgery A rrived

,
.

there sh e darted to a spot she k n ew an d stretched a ,

trembling hand toward a bottle fu ll of a dark colored liqu id -

.

A s i nstantly she d rew it back an d stood liste ni ng with ,

bated breath and terrifi ed look I t w as a footste p ap .

pro ac h ing th e oute r d oor of the su rgery S he tu rn ed an d

fl ed from it sti ll noiseless an d n ever stopped ti ll she was i n
, ,

her own room T here she sh ut and locked the door fell on
.
,

her k nees by the bedsi d e an d pressed he r face i nto the ,

coverlid S he had n o thought o f p rayi ng S he wanted to

. .

hid e o nly to hid e N either was it from o ld habit sh e fel l

, .

u po n h er k nees for she had neve r bee n give n to k neel ing

, .

I can not but thi nk n eve rtheless that there was a du mb , ,

germ of prayer at th e heart of th e action — that falling u pon

her k nees and that hid ing of her face T he same moment
, .

someth ing took place withi n h e r to wh ich sh e cou l d have

given no name wh ich she cou ld have represented i n n o
,

word s a something which came sh e k new not whence was

, ,

she k new n ot what and went she k new not whither of which
, ,

i ndeed she wou ld neve r have become aware except for what
followed but wh ich yet so wrou ght that she rose from her
, ,

k nees sayin g to herself with clenched teeth and bu rni ng

“
eyes I w ill tell hi m
, .

A s i f she had k nown th e moment o f he r death near sh e ,

began mechan ically to set eve ry thi ng i n ord er i n the room ,

and as she came to herself she was saying L et him k ill ,

23 8 PA U L F A BER .

me I wish he wou ld I am qu ite willi ng to d i e by hi s

. .

hand H e wi ll be k i nd an d d o it gently H e k nows so

.
,
.

many ways
I t was a terrible day She d id not go out o f her room
.

agai n H er mood changed a hu nd red times T he resolve

. .

to con fess alternated w ith wild mockery and lau ghter but ,

sti ll retu rned S he wou ld struggl e to persu ade herself that

.

her whole conditi on was one o f foolish exaggeration of

senseless excitement about n oth ing—the merest d eli ri u m of
,

femini ne fastid iou sness ; and the next i nstant wou ld tu rn

cold with horror at a fresh gl i mpse o f the mere fact What
cou ld the wretched matter be to him now—o r to her ? Who
.

was th e worse or had eve r been the worse but herself P A n d

,

what di d it amou nt to P What clai m had any one what ,

clai m cou ld even a G od if su ch a bei ng there were have

, ,

u pon the past wh ich had gone from her was no more i n any ,

possible sen se with in her reach than i f it had never bee n P

Was it n ot as if it had never been ? Was the woman to be
hurled —to h u rl h erself i nto mise ry for th e fau lt of the girl P
It was all n on sense— a t rifle at worst—a d isagreeable trifle ,

n o doubt but sti ll a t rifle ! O nly wou ld to God she had

d i ed rather—even although then sh e would never have
,

k nown Pau l l— T ut ! sh e wou ld n eve r h ave thought of it

’
agai n b ut for that horrid woman that lived over th e d raper s
shop A ll wou ld have been wel l if she had but kept from
thi nki ng about it ! N obody wou ld have been a h ai r the
worse the n — B ut poo r Pau l —to be marri ed to such a
,

woman as sh e
I f sh e were to be so fool i sh as let hi m k now h ow wou ld ,

it strike P au l ? What wou ld he thi nk of it ? O ught she n ot

to b e su re o f that before she committed herself—before she
uttered th e i rrevocable words P Wou ld he call it a tri fle or ,

wou ld he b e ready to k ill her ? T ru e h e had n o right he

, ,
’
eoula have n o right to k now b ut how horribl e that there
should be any thou ght o f right b etween them still worse ,

any thi ng whatever between them that h e had no right to

k now worst o f all that s he d id no t belong to h im so u tterly
,

that h e mu st have a right to k now every thi ng about her

Sh e w ould tell h im all S he wou ld l sh e wou ld she had
n o choice she mu st — B ut she n eed not tell hi m now S he .

was not stro ng enough to u tter the necessary words B ut .

that made t he thi ng ve ry d readful I f she cou ld n ot speak

the wo rds how bad it m u st really be — I mpossible to tel l
her Pau l T hat was pu re absu rd ity —A h b u t she coula not 1
,
’
.
,
 PAU L FABER . 2 39

She woul d be ce rtai n to fai nt—o r fall d ead at h is feet T h at .

wou ld b e well l— Y es that wou ld d o S he wou l d tak e a

wi ne glass fu ll of lau dan u m j u st before sh e told hi m then
-

if he was k i nd she wou ld confess the opi u m and he cou l d

, ,

save her if h e pleased ; i f he was hard she wou ld say ,

nothi ng and d i e at his feet S he had hoped to d i e i n his

arms—all that was left of eternity B ut her life was h is he
.
,

had saved it w ith hi s own —o h horror that it shou ld have

.
,

been to d isgrace h i m —and it shou ld n ot last a moment

longer than it was a pleasu re to hi m ,

Worn ou t with thought and agony sh e often fel l asleep ,

only to start awak e i n fresh misery an d go ove r and over ,

the same tortu ring rou nd L ong before her hu sband ap .

peared she was i n a bu rn i ng fever

,
Whe n he came he pu t .
,

he r at once to bed and tend ed her with a solicitud e as

,

anx iou s as it w as gentle He soothed her to sleep and .

,

then went and had some d i nn er .

O nhis retu rn fi nding as he had ex pected that sh e sti ll

, , .

slept he sat down by he r bedsid e an d watched H er slu m

, , .

ber was broken with now and the n a d ee p sigh now an d ,

then a moan A las that we shou ld d o the th ings that mak e

fo r moan —bu t at least I u nd erstan d why we are left to d o
.
,

them it i s becau se we can A d u ll fi re was bu rn i ng i n h er .

sou l and over it stood the cald ron of her history and 1t
, ,

b ubbled i n sigh s and moans .

F aber was ready enou gh to attribute eve ry th i ng h u man to

a physical origi n but as he sat there pond eri ng her cond i
,

tion recalling he r emotion and strange speec h o f the n ight

,

before and watchi ng the state sh e was n ow in an u ncas t

n ess began to gather—undefi ned but othe r than conce rned
, ,

her health Something must be wron g somewhere He k ept

. .

constantly assu ring hi mself that at worst it could be bu t some

mere moleheap of wh ich he r loveli ly sen s itive o rgamz atio n
, ,

u n der the influence of a foolish preachment mad e a mou nt ,

ain Sti ll it was a h uge d isord er to come from a trifle !

.
,

A t the same time wh o k new better than he u po n what a

merest trifle ne rvo u s excitement wil l fi x the attent1o n o r how
to th e mental eye such a speck wi ll grow and grow u nti l it
absorb the u niverse O nly a certai n other d is q u ieting
thought havi ng come on ce wou ld keep retu rni ng—that
, , ,

thoroughly as he bel i eved himself acqu ai nted with he r mi nd ,

he had very little k nowledge of her history He d i d not k no w .

a si ngle friend of hers had neve r met a pe rson who kn ew any

,

thing of her tam 1ly, o r h ad even an acqua int ance with her
240 P AU L FABER .

earli er than his own T he th i ng h e most d readed was that the

.
,

shad ow of some o ld a ffection had retu rn ed u pon her sou l ,

an d that i n her excessive d elicacy sh e heaped blame u pon

, ,

h erself that she had n ot absolutely forgotten it He fl u ng .

from him i n scorn every slightest su ggestion of blame H is

B ah l— B ut he must get her to
.

J u li et hi s glorious J u l iet
say what the matter was—for h er ow n sak e he must help
her to reveal her trou ble whatever it might b e—e lse how ,

was h e to d o hi s best to remove it S he should fi nd he k n ew

h ow to be generou s 2
T hu s th inking h e sat patient by her sid e watchi ng u nti l
, ,

th e su n o f her c onsciou sness shou ld rise an d scatter the

cl oud s o f sleep H ou r after h ou r h e sat and sti ll she slept
.
, ,

o utweari ed with the rack o f emoti on M orn i ng had begu n .

to peer gray th rough the wi ndow cu rtai ns when sh e wok e -

with a c ry .

S he had been d reaming I n th e little chapel i n N estley .

P ark she sat l i steni ng to th e cu rate s denou ncement of

’

hypocrisy when su dd enly th e scene changed : the pu lpit

,

had grown to a mighty clou d u pon wh ich stood an arch ,

angel with a tru mpet i n his hand H e cried that the hou r .

o f th e great d oom had come for all who bore withi n them
the k nowledge o f any evi l thi ng n eith er bemoaned before
G od nor confessed to man T hen he l ifted th e great silver .

tru mpet with a gleam to h i s lips and eve ry fi b er o f her fl esh ,

quivered i n ex pectation o f the teari ng blast that was to fol

low ; whe n i nstead soft as a breath of spring from a bank
,

o f pri mroses came th e words uttered i n th e gentlest of sor

, ,

ro w fu l voices an d the voice seemed that of her u nbel ievi ng

,

P au l “
I wi ll arise and go to my Father It was no won .

d er therefore that sh e wok e with a cry It was on e of in

, ,
.

d escribabl e emotio n W hen she saw his face bend ing ove r
.

her i n anx i ou s love she threw her arms rou n d his neck bu rst
, ,

i nto a storm o f weepi ng and sobbed ,

.

O h P au l h usband forgive me I have si nned agai nst

you terribly—th e worst si n a woman can commit O h P au l
.

Pau l mak e me c lean or I am lost , .

"
J u liet you are ravi ng h e said bewild ered a little
, , , ,

angry and at her cond ition not a l ittl e alarmed For the
,
.

confession it was p reposterous : they had not been many

,

weeks married ! “
C al m you rself or you will give me a ,

lu natic for a wife h e sai d T hen changing his tone for .

,

his heart rebu k ed h im when h e saw th e ashy d espai r that

,

spread over he r face and eyes B e sti ll my preci ou s he , , ,

 PAU L F ABER . 24 1

went o n A ll is well You have bee n d reami ng and are

. .
,

not yet qu ite awake It i s the morphi a yo u had last n ight

.

D on t look so frightened
’
It is only you r h usband No . .

one else i s near you .

W ith the tend erest smi le h e sou ght to reassu re her and ,

wou l d have gently released hi mself from the agon iz ed clasp

of her arms about h is neck that he might get her something
. , .

B u t she tightened her hold .

D on t leave me P au l she cried

’
I was d reami ng
, , .
,

bu t I am wide awak e now and k now only too well what I ,

”
have d one .

D reams are nothing T h e wil l is not i n them he said .

, .

But the thou ght of hi s sweet wife even d reami ng a thi ng

to be re pented of i n such d ismay tore h is heart For he was
on e of the many— not all of the pu rest—who cheri sh an ideal
, .

of woman which althou gh i ndeed poverty strick en an d cru d e

,
-

is to thei r mi nds of snowy favor to thei r j u dgment of lofti est ,

excelle nce I trust i n G od that many a woman despite the

.
,

mu d of d olefu l ci rcu mstance yea even the defi lement that , ,

comes fi rst from within has risen to a radiance of essential ,

i nnocence i neffably beyond that whose form stood white i n

Faber s imagi nation For I see and u nderstand a little how
'
.

G od giving righteousness mak es p u re of si n an d that verily

—b y n o theological qu ibbl e o f imputation by no play with
, ,

,
,
!
words by no shutti ng of the eyes no oblivion willfu l or i rre
‘

, , ,

sist ib le bu t by ve ry fact of cleansing so that the consciou s

, ,

ness of the si nner becomes glisteri ng as the raime nt of th e

L ord o nthe mou nt of H is t ransfi gu ratio n I do not expect
'

the P harisee who calls the si n ner evi l names and d rags he r ,

u p to j u dgment to comprehen d this ; but woman cry to

, , ,

thy Father i n H eaven for He can mak e thee white even to , ,

the contentment of that womanhood which thou hast thyself

o utraged .

Faber u nconsciou sly prid ed himself on the severity o f hi s

requ i rements of woman and saw hi s o wn i mage reflected ,

i n the polish of h is id eal an d now a fear whose presence

he wou ld not ack nowledge began to gnaw at his heart a ,
’
vagu e su ggestion s horri d image to which he woul d yield ,

no space to fl it abou t h is brai n

,
.

Wou ld to G od it were a d ream Pau l answered the ,

strick en wife .

”
You fooli sh chi ld ! retu rned the nigh trembl ing hu s
“
band , how can yo u ex pect me to be lieve married but
yesterday you have al ready got ti red of me
,
 PAU L F ABER .

T i re d of you Pau l ! I shou ld desi re n o other eternal

,

paradise than to li e thu s u nder you r eyes forever .

T hen for my sake my d arli ng wife send away this ex , ,

t ravagan ce this folly thi s absu rd fancy that has got su ch a

, ,

hold of you I t wi ll tu rn to somethi ng seriou s i f you do n ot

.

resist it T he re can be no truth i n it and I am ce rtai n that

.
,

on e with any strength of character can d o much at least to

”
prevent the d eeper rooting of a fi x ed i d ea B ut a s h e .

spok e th u s to her i n his o wnsou l he w as as o ne fi gh ting the

,

d emons off with a fan T ell me what the mighty matter .

”
i s he we nt o h
,
that I may swear to you I love you the
,

more for the worst weak ness you have to confess .

A h my love,
retu rned J u liet how lik e you are n ow ,

to th e Pau l I have d reamed o f so often B ut you wi ll not

be able to forgive me I have read somewh ere that men
n ever forgive —that thei r h onor is before thei r wives with
.

them P au l i f you shou ld not be able to forgive me you

.
,
”
mu st help me to d ie and n ot be cru el to me , .

J u liet I wi ll no t listen to any more such foolish word s

, .

E ith er tell me plai nly what you mean that I may convi nce ,

yo u what ”
a goose you are o r be qu iet and go to sleep ,

agai n .

Canit be that after all it d oes n ot signi fy so mu ch ? she

sai d alou d but only to herself med itati ng i n the light of a
, ,

little glow worm o f h 0pe O h i f it cou ld be so ! A n d

‘

-
.

what i s it really so much ? I have n ot mu rdered any body

I w ill tel l you Pau l ,

Sh e d rew his head closer d own lai d he r lips to h is ear , ,

gave a great gasp and whispered two o r three words ,

.

H e started u p su nd eri ng at once the bond s of her clasped

,

hands cast on e bri ef stare at h er tu rn ed walk ed with a

, , , ,

great qu ick stri d e to his d ressi ng room entered and closed -

, ,

th e door .

A s it with o ne ru sh o f a fell wi nd they were ages deserts , , ,

empty star spaces apart S h e was outsi d e th e u niverse i n

-

th e cold fren zy o f infi nite lon el i ness T he wolves of d es .

pai r were h owlin g i n her B ut Pau l was i n the n ext room .

T here was o nly the d oor between them 3 S he spru ng from

her bed and ran to a closet T he n ext moment she ap .

p e ar e d i n h er h u sband s d ressi ng room -

.

P au l sat su nk together i n his chai r h is head hangi ng for ,

ward h is teeth set his whole shape i n l imb an d featu re

, , , ,

carry in g the show o f profou nd o f i rrecoverable i n j u ry He ,

.

started to hi s feet when sh e e ntered S he did not once lift .

 PAU L FABER .
43

her eyes to his face but su nk o n her k nees before him , ,

h u rried ly slipped her n ight gown from he r shou lders to her -

waist and over her head bent toward th e fl oor held u p to

, , ,

him a riding whi p -

.

T hey were balefu l stars that look ed d own on that naked

worl d beneath th em .

To me scarce any thing i s so utterly pathetic as the back .

T hat of an an imal even i s ful l of sad su ggestion B u t the

hu man back —I t is th e other th e dark sid e o f the hu man
.

moon the blin d si de of th e being d efenseless and ex posed , ,

to every thi ng the ignorant sid e tu rned toward the abyss ,

of its u nk nown origi n ; the u nfeatu red sid e eyeless and

d u mb and helpless —the end u ri ng animal o f th e marvelou s
,

commonwealth to be given to th e smite r an d to bend

, ,

beneath the bu rd en — lovely i n its patience and the tend er

forms of its strength .

A n evi l word resented by th e lowest o f ou r sisters

, ,
’
ru shed to th e man s l ips bu t d ied there i n a strangled mu r ,

mnr i

Pau l said J u liet i n a vo ice from whose ton e it seemed,

as if her sou l had su nk away and was c ryi ng out of a

hol low place of th e earth take it—tak e it Strike me
,

He made n o reply— stood utterly moti onless hi s teeth

,
. .

clenched so hard that h e cou l d not have spoken without

gri ndi ng them S he waited as moti onl ess h er face bowed
.
,

to the h oor the whi p held u p over her head

, .

Pau l she sai d again you saved my li fe once save ,

my sou l now Whi p me an d tak e me agai n

. .

H e answered with only a strange u nnatu ral laugh th rough

h is teeth .

Whip me and let me d i e then she said ,

.

H e spoke n o word S he spok e agai n Despai r gave he r

both i nsight and utterance —d espai r an d great love and the
. .

truth of God that u nderli es even despai r .

”
You pressed me to marry you she said what was I ,

to d o ? H ow cou ld I tell yo u ? A nd I loved you so l I

persuad ed myself I was safe with you —you were so gener
ous Yo u wou ld protect me from every thing eve n my
.
,

own past I n you r name I se nt i t away and wou ld not

.
,

thi nk of it agai n I sai d to myself yo u wou ld not w ish me

.

to tell you th e ev 1l that had befal len me I persuad ed my .

self you loved me e nou gh even fo r that I held my peace .

trusti ng you O h my hu sban d my Pau l my heart i s

.

cru shed T he d read fu l thi ng has come back I thought i t

. .
24 4 P AU L FABER .

was gone from me an d now i t wi ll not leave me any more

, .

I am a horror to myself T here is n o o ne to pu n ish and .

forgive me bu t you Forgive me my h u sband You are the

.
, .

G od to wh om I pray I f you pard on me I shal l be content.

even with myself I shall seek n o other pard on you r

.

favor i s al l I care fo r I f you tak e m e for cl ean I am

clean for all the world Y o u can mak e m e clean —you only
.
,

. .

D o it P au l ; do it h u sban d M ak e me clean that I may

, ,
.

look women i n the face D o P au l tak e th e whi p and strik e .

, ,

me I long for my d eserts at you r hand D o comfo rt me

. . .

I am waiti ng th e sting o f it P au l to k now that you have , ,

forgiven me I f I shou ld cry o u t it wi ll be for glad n ess

Oh my h usband — h ere her voice rose to an agony o f
.
, .

I w as bu t a gi rl —hard ly more than a chi ld i n

, ,

e ntreaty
k n owledge —I d i d n ot k now what I was d oi ng H e was
much old er than I was and I trusted h i m — 0 my God I
.

hard ly k now what I k new an d what I d id n ot k now it was

only whe n it was too late that I wok e an d u nd erstood I hate .

myself I scorn myself B ut e m I to be wretch ed forever

. .

because o f that o ne fau lt Pau l ? Wil l you n ot be my saviou r ,

and forgive me my si n ? O h d o not d rive me mad I am , .

only cl inging to my reason Whi p me and I shall be well . .

Tak e me agai n Pau l I wil l not i f yo u l ike even fancy

,
.
, ,

myself you r wi fe any more I wil l be you r slave You . .

shal l d o w ith me whateve r you wi l l I wi ll obey you to th e .

very letter O h beat me and let me go

. .

S he su nk pron e o nthe floor and claspe d an d k issed h is ,

feet .

H e took the whi p from her hand .

O i cou rse a man can n ot strik e a woman H e may tread

her i n the mi re h e may clasp her and th en scorn her ; h e
may ki ss he r close an d th en d ash h er from h i m into a d u ng
heap b ut he must not strik e her—that wo ul d be u nmanly
,

O h ! grac e itself is the rage of th e pitifu l Oth ello to the

forbearance o f many a self contai n ed cold blood ed self -

,
-

carefu l slave that thi nk s himsel f a gentlem an ! I I ad not

,
-

Faber been even then fu l l of h is o w npreciou s self had he ,

yielded to h er prayer or to hi s o wn wrath how many h ou rs ,

o f agony wou ld have been saved them both l What

wou l d you hav e had hi m really strik e h er ? I wo ul d have
had hi m d o an y t/zzn
'

g rath er than choose himself and rej ect

hi s wife mak e of it what you will H ad h e stru ck once .
,

had he seen the pu rple streak rise i n th e snow that i nstant ,

h is prid e frozen h eart wou ld have melted i nto a torrent of

-
 P A U L F A B ER . 24 5

grief he wou ld have fl u ng himself o nthe flo o r besid e her ,

and i n an agony o f pity over her and horror at h is own sacri

lege wou ld have clasped her to h is bos om and baptized her
,
‘

i n the tears of remorse and repentance from that moment

th ey wou ld have been marri ed i ndeed .

’
When she felt hi m take the whi p the poor lady s heart ,

gave a great heave of hope ; then he r fl esh qu ivered with

fear S he closed her teeth hard to welcome the blow
.
,

without a cry Wo u ld he give her many stri pes ? T hen the

‘
.

last sh o uld b e welcome as the fi rst

.
Wou ld it spoi l her.

sk i n ? What matter if it was h is own han d that d id it

A brief d elay—long to her then th e hiss as it se emed , ,

of the comi ng blow B u t i nstead o f th e pang she awaited ,

the sharp ring of breaki ng glass followed he had throw n

th e whip through the wi nd ow i nto the gard en T h e same .

moment he d ragged his feet ru d ely from her embrace an d ,

left the room T he d evi l and the gentleman had conqu ered
. .

H e had spared her n ot i n love bu t i n scorn

, ,
S he gav e .

one great cry of utter loss an d lay senseless

, .

C H A PT E R XX X I V .

T HE B O T TO M L E SS P OOL .

SHE came to herself i n the gray d awn S h e was cold as ice

—cold to the very heart bu t she d i d not feel the cold : the re
.

w as nothing i n her to com pare it against her very bei ng

was frozen T he man who had give n her l ife had th rown
.

h er from hi m He cared less for he r than for th e tortu red

.

d og S he was an outcast defi led an d miserable A las

alas this w as what came of speak ing the truth —o f mak ing
.
, .

confession T he cru el scri ptu re had wrou ght its own fu l

fillmen t mad e a mock of he r an d ru i ned her hu sban d s
’

, ,

peace S he k n ew poo r P au l wou ld neve r be h imself again !

.

She had carried the snake s o long harmless i n her bosom

o nly to let it at last c ree p from he r li ps i nto he r hu sband s ’

ear sting the v ital co re of her u niverse and blast it for

H ow foolish she had been —
, ,

eve r What was left he r to

do ? What wou ld her hu sband have h er to d o ? O h misery
h e cared no more what she d i d o r d id not d o S he was
alone —utterly alon e
.

B ut she need not live .

24 6 P AU L F A BER .

D imly vagu ely th e vapor of s uch thoughts as th ese

, ,

passed through her d espai ri ng sou l as sh e lifted he rself ,

from th e fl oor and t ottered back to her room Y et even .

then i n th e very mid st of her freez in g mise ry there was

, , ,

althou gh she had not yet begu n to recogniz e it a nascent ,

comfort i n that she had spok en an d co nfessed S h e wou ld .

not real ly have tak en back h er confessi on A n d althou gh .

the tortu re was greate r yet was it more en d u rable than that
,

sh e had been su ffering before S h e had told h i m wh o had .

a right to k n ow — B u t alas ! what a d eception w as that

.
,

d ream of th e tru mpet an d th e voice A poor trick to

entrap a helpless si n ner
Slowly with ben u mbed fi ngers an d t rembling hand s she
, ,

d ressed herself that bed she wou ld li e i n no more for sh e ,

had wronged her h u sban d Whether before o r after he was .

her hu sband mattered n othi ng T o have ever called him

, .

h usband was the w rong S he had seemed that sh e was not .

,

else he wou ld n ever have loved or sou ght her sh e had out
raged his d ignity defiled hi m he had cast h er o ff and she
, ,

could not wou ld n ot blame hi m H appily for her e ndu r

, .

ance of her misery she d i d not tu rn u pon her id ol and cast

,

hi m from h is pedestal she d id n ot fi x h er gaze u pon his

fail u re i nstead o f h er o w n she d id n ot espy the co ntempti
bl e i n his cond uct an d revolt from h er allegiance
,
-

B u t was such a man then altogethe r th e id eal of a wom

an s sou l P Was he a fi t champion o f hu manity wh o wou ld
’

ai d o nly withi n th e limits o f his prid e P wh o when a d espair ,

i ng creatu re cried i n sou l agony for hel p thought fi rst and -

only o f his own h onor ? T he n otion men cal l their h onor

i s th e shad ow o f righteou sness the shape that i s where the ,

light i s n ot the d evi l that d resses as n early i n angel fashi on

,
-

as h e can bu t is n on e th e less for that a sneak and a

,

coward .

S he p u t o nh er cl oak and bonnet th e house was h is n ot ,

hers H e an d sh e had n ever bee n o ne sh e mu st go and

.

meet h er fate T here was o ne powe r at least th e key to

.
, ,

the great d oor o f l iberty wh ich the weak est as well as the ,

strongest possessed she could d i e A h how welcome .

,

wou ld D eath be n ow D i d he ever k now or heed the right

time to come withou t bei ng sent for—with ou t bei ng com
,

e lled P I n th e meanti me her only anx i ety w as to get o ut

p
o f the hou se away from Pau l she wou ld u n d erstand more
precisely what sh e had to d o W ith th e feeli ng of his angry .

presence sh e cou ld not thi nk Yet h ow she loved hi m

,
.
 P A U L F A B ER . 24 7

strong i n his vi rtu e an d i ndignation S he had n ot yet .

begu n to pity h ersel f o r to allow to her heart that h e was ,

hard u po n her .

S he was leavi ng the room when a glitter o n he r hand

caught her eye t he old d iamond d isk which he had bought ,

o f her i n her troubl e an d restored to he r o n her wed ding ,

d ay was answering the heral d of the su n rise S he d rew i t

,
.

off he must have it again With it she d rew o ff also h e r .

wedd i ng ring -
T ogeth er she laid them on the d ressi ng
.

table tu rned again and with noiseless foot and desert heart
, ,

went th rough the house opened th e d oor and s tole i nto , ,

the street A thi n mist was waiting for h er A lean cat

. .
,

gray as the mist stood on t he steps of the door opposite

, .

N o other living thing was to be seen T he ai r was ch ill . .

T he au tu mn rai ns were at hand B ut her heart was the only .

desolation .

A lready she k n ew wh ere she was goi ng I n the street .

she tu rned to the left .

S ho rtly before sh e had gon e with D orothy for the fi rst

, ,

ti me to see the O ld H ou se an d there had had rath era n ar

, ,

row escape Walking d own the garden they came to th e

.

pond or small lake so well kn own to the chi ld ren o f G l as ,

ton as bottomless T w o stone steps led from the end of .

th e pri ncipal walk d own to th e wate r whi ch w as at the , ,

ti me nearly level with the top of the second O nth e u pper

, .

ste p J uliet was stan d ing not with ou t fear gazi ng i nto th e , ,

gu lf wh ich was yet far d eeper than she i magi ned when
, , ,

without the smallest preind ication th e lowe r step sudd enly ,

sank J u liet sp ru ng back to th e walk bu t tu rned i nstantly

.
,

to look again S he saw th e ston e sinki ng and he r eyes

.
,

open ed wid er and wid er as it swelled an d th i nned to a ,

great d u ll waveri ng mass gre w d i mmer an d d immer then

, , , ,
”
melted away and van ished utterly With stricke n look .
,

and fright fi lled eyes she tu rned to D orothy w h o was a

-

, ,

little behin d her and said , ,

H ow wi ll yo u be abl e to sleep at n ight ? I shou ld be

always fancyi ng myself slid i ng down i nto i t th rough the
”
d arkness .

T o this place of terror sh e was now on the road Whe n .

consciousness retu rned to h er as she lay on the floo r of her

’

hu sban d s d ressing room it bro u ght with it fi rst the awfu l-

pool an d the si nk ing stone S he seemed to stan d watchi ng

it si nk lazily settli ng with a swi ng this way and a sway
,

that i nto the bo s om of th e ea rth d own an d d own , and sti ll

, ,
d own N or d i d the visio n leave her as sh e came more to
.

herself E ven wh en h er m ental eyes were at lengt h qu ite

.

ope n to the far more frightfu l veriti es of her cond ition half ,

of her consci ou sness w as still watchi ng the ever si nk ing

stone ; u ntil at last sh e seemed to u nd erstand that it w as
showi ng her a d oor o ut o f he r mise ry o ne easy to open
, , .

Sh e went th e same way i nto the park that D orothy had

then tak en h er—through a little d oor o f p rivi lege which she
had shown h er how to o pen and n ot by the lodge The , .

l ight was growing fast bu t th e su n was n ot yet up With , .

feeble steps b ut feverou s haste sh e h u rri ed over th e grass .

H er feet were wet through her thi n shoes H er d ress was .

fri nged W ith d ew B u t there w as n o n eed fo r tak ing care

.

o f h erself n ow sh e felt h erself already beyond th e reach of

sickn ess T h e sti ll p ond wou ld soon wash o ff the d ew
. .

S udd enly with a tremor of wak i ng hope cam e the thought

, ,

that when sh e w as gon e from his sight the heart of her

, ,

hu sban d w ou l d p erh aps tu rn agai n toward her a l ittle For .

wou ld h e n ot th en be avenged ? would not his j u stice b e

sat isfi ed P S he had been well d ri lled i n the theological lie ,

that pu n ishment i s th e satisfaction o f j u stice .

O h n ow I th ank you Paul

,
she said as she hastened , ,

along Y o u taught me th e d ark n ess an d mad e m e brave

.
,

to seek its refu ge T h i nk o f m e sometimes Pau l I w ill

come back to you if I can —but n o there i s n o coming
,
. .

back n o greeting more no shadows eve n to m i ngle thei r

, ,

loves for i n a dream there i s but o ne that d reams I shall

,
.

be th e o ne that does n ot d ream T here i s n othing wh ere I

am going— n ot even the d ark ness — noth ing bu t n othi ng
.

A h wou ld I were i n it n ow ! L et me mak e haste A ll

, .

will be o ne for all will be non e when I am th ere M ak e you

,
.

haste too an d come i nto the d ark ness Pau l I t is sooth

, ,
.

ing and soft and cool I t w il l wash away th e si n of the.

girl and leave you a noth ing .

While sh e was h u rrying toward th e awfu l pool her hu s ,

band sat i n his stu dy su n k i n a cold fu ry of conscious d is

grace—n ot because o f his cru elty not becau se he had cast a
,

woman i nto hell —b ut becau se h is honor his self satisfac

,

ti on i n his o w nfate w as thrown to the worms D id he fai l

,
.

thu s i n consequ ence of having rej ected th e common belief ?

N o ; somethi ng far above the common belief it mu st b e ,

that wou l d have enabled hi m to act otherwise B ut had he .

kn ow nth e M an of the gospel h e cou l d not have left her ,

.

He wou l d have taken h er to h is sorrowfu l bosom wept with ,

 P A U L F A B ER . 24
9

her forgotten himself 1n pitifu l grief over the spor u pon

,

he r whiteness he wou ld have washed he r clean with love

and husband powe r H e wou ld have welcomed his shame
-
.

as his hold of her b u rden whereby to lift it with all its , ,

misery and loss from he r he art forever H ad Faber d on e

,
.

so as he was he wou ld have come close u p to th e gate of

,

the k ingdom of H eaven for he wou ld have bee n like ,

mind ed with H i m wh o sought n ot H is own H is honor for .

,

sooth ! Prid e is a mighty hon or ! H is prid e was great

i nd eed but it was not grand
,
N oth ing re flected nothing ,

whose obj ect is self has in it the poorest e lement of grand eu r

,
.

O u r selves are ou rs that we may lay them on the altar

of love L ying there bou nd and bleed ing an d bu rn
i ng i f n eed b e they are grand i nd eed —for th ey are i n thei r
.
,

nobl e place and rej oici ng i n thei r fate B ut thi s man was
, .

miserable becau se the possessor of a priceless j ewel h e had

, , ,

fou nd it was not such as wou ld pass for flawless i n the

j u dgment of men — j u dges themselves u nj u st whose very ,

hearts were fu ll of bribes H e sat there an i nj u red h u s

band a wronged woman cheated mock ed man —h e i n
.

, , ,

whose eyes eve n a smutch on her face wou ld have lowered

a woman—who wou ld not have listened to an angel with a
broke n wi ng feather -

’
L et me n ot be su pposed to mak e a l ittle of J u liet s loss
What that amou nted to let J u liet feel — let any woman say, ,

wh o loves a man an d wou ld be what that man thi nks he r

,

B u t I read and think I u nderstand the words of th e per

, ,

fect P u rity Neither d o I cond em n thee go and sin n o

"
more .

C H A PT E R X X X V .

A H EA RT .

IF people were both obse rvant and memoriou s they ,

would cease I fancy to be astonish ed at coi nci d ences

, ,
.

R ightly regard ed the u n iverse is but on e coi ncid ence

,

only wh ere wi ll has to be d evel oped th ere i s n eed for h u man ,

play and room for that mu st be provid ed i n its spaces

, .

The works of G od being from the begi n ni ng an d all his ,

begi n ni ngs i nvi sible either from greatness o r smalln ess or

nearness or remoteness nu mberless coinci d ences may pass ,
2
50 P A U L F A B ER .

’
i n eve ry man s hi story before h e becomes capable of k n ow ,

i ng either the need or the good of them or even of noti ng ,

them .

T he same morni ng there w as anoth er awak e an d u p early .

When J u liet was about half way across the park hu rrying -

to the water D orothy w as O pen i ng the d oor of th e empty

,

hou se seek ing solitu d e that she might find th e one D wel ler
,

therei n S he went straight to on e of th e u pper rooms look

.

i ng ou t u pon the gard en an d k n eeli ng p rayed to he r ,

U nknown G od A s she k neel ed th e fi rst rays of the su nrise

.
,

visited her face T hat face w as i n itself su ch an embod ied

.

prayer that had any o ne seen it he might when th e beams

, , ,

fel l u pon it have i magi n ed he saw prayer and answer meet

, .

It was an other su n r ise D orothy w as looki ng for but sh e ,

started an d smil ed when the warm rays touched her they ,

too came from th e home o f answers A s the daisy mimics the .

sun so i s the cen tral fi re of o u r system bu t a flo w er that

,

blossoms in the eternal e ffu lgence o f the u napproachable

light .

T he G od to whom w e p ray i s nearer to u s than the

ve ry praye r it self e re it leaves the heart he nce H is answer s
may w ell come to u s th rough th e chan n el of o u r own
th ou ghts B u t the world too bei ng itself one of H is
.

th oughts He may also wel l mak e the least likely of H is

,

creatu res an angel o f H is own wi ll to u s E ve n th e blind . .

,

i f G od be with hi m that is if h e k nows h e is bli nd and , ,

d oes not th i nk he sees may become a leader of th e bli nd u p ,

to the n arrow gate I t i s th e bli nd who says 1 see that

.
,

lead s his fellow i nto th e d itch .

T he wi n dow n ear wh ich D orot h y k neeled and toward ,

which i n the i n sti nct for light sh e h ad tu rned her face ,

looked straight d own th e gard en at the foot of wh ich the ,

greater part o f the ci rcumference of th e pond was visible .

B ut D orothy bu sy with h er prayers o r rather with a weight

, ,

of hu nger an d thi rst from which lik e a bu rst o f lightni ng

,

Skyward from the overcharged ea rth a prayer wou ld n ow ,

and then break an d ru sh h eavenward saw nothing o f th e ,

outer world between h er and a sister soul i n mortal agony ,

h u ng the cu rtai ns o f h er eyeli ds B u t there were n o shutters .

to h er e ars and i n at thei r portals al l o f a su dd en d arted a

,

great an d bitter c ry as from a heart i n the grip e o f a fi erce

,

terror Sh e had b een so absorbed and i t so startled and

.
,

shook her that sh e n ever c ou ld feel ce rtai n whether th e cry

,

sh e heard was of this world or n ot H alf aslee p one hears .

-
 P A U L F A B ER . 25 1

such a c ry and can not tel l whether it entered hi s con

,

scio usn ess by the ear or th rough some h idd en channel o f ,

the sou l A ssu red that wak i ng ears heard nothi ng he

.
,

remai ns i t may b e i n equ al d oubt whethe r i t came from

, , ,

the other sid e of li fe or was the mere c ry of a d ream .

Before D orothy was aware of a movement of he r wi ll she ,

was on her feet an d staring from the wi nd ow ,

S omethi ng .

was lying on the grass beyond the gard en wall close to the ,

pond it looked lik e a woman She d art ed from the house .

,

ou t of the gard en and down the other sid e of the wall , .

When she came nearer she saw i t was ind eed a wo man
evi dently i nsensible Sh e was bare —
,

head ed H er bon net was

. .

flo ating i n the pond ; the wi nd had blown it al most to the mid

d le of it H er face was t u rned toward th e water O n e hand
. .

was i n it The bank overhu ng th e pond an d with a si ngl e

.
,

movement more sh e would probably have bee n beyon d hel p

from D orothy She caught her by the arm an d d ragged
.
,

her from the bri nk before ever sh e look ed i n her face ,

.

The n to her amazement she saw it was J u li et She opened .

her eyes and it was as if a lost sou l look ed out of them

u pon D orothy —a bei ng to whom the world was n oth ing so
,

occu pi ed was it with some torment which alone measu red ,

its existence — far away although it h u ng attached to the ,

world by a single hook of brai n and n erve .

J u liet my darli ng said D orothy h er voice trembli ng

, ,

with the love which on ly sou ls that kn ow troubl e can fe el for

the troubled come with me I wi ll tak e care of you
,
. .

A t the sou n d of her voice J u liet shu dd ered T hen a better ,

.

light came i nto her eyes and feebly she end eavored to get ,
’
up. With D orothy s help she succeed ed bu t stood as i f ,

ready to si nk agai n to th e earth She d rew her cloak abou t .

her tu rned and stared at the water tu rned agai n and stared
, ,

at Dorothy at last threw herself i nto h er arms and sobbed

, ,

and wailed For a few moments D orothy held her i n a close

.

embrace T hen she sought to lead he r to th e hou se and

.
,

J uli et yielded at once Sh e took her i nto o ne o f the lower

rooms and got her some wate r—it was all sh e cou l d get for
.

h er and mad e h er sit d own on th e wind ow seat

,
It seemed -
.

a measu reless time before sh e mad e th e least attem pt to

speak ; and agai n and agai n when sh e began to try she ,

fail ed Sh e opened h er mouth but no sou nd s wou ld come

.
,
.

A t len gth i nterru pted with chok ing gasps low cri es o f d es
, ,

pai r and long i nterv als of sobbing she said somethi ng l ike
, ,

thi s
2
52 PA U L FA BER .

I was going to d rown myself Whe n I came i n sight of .

the water I fel l d own i n a half kind of fai nt A ll the time

, .

I lay I felt as i f some o ne was d ragging me n earer and

,

nearer to the pool T hen somethi ng came an d d rew me .

back — and it was you D orothy Bu t you ought to have left , .

me I am a wretch Th ere i s no room for me i n this world

. .

any more She stopped a moment then fi x ing wid e eyes

.
,
'

on D orothy s said “
O h D orothy cl ear ! there are awfu l
, , ,

th ings i n the wo rld ! as awful as any you eve r read i n a

”
book !
I kn ow that dear B u t oh I am sorry if any o f them
,
.

have come you r way T el l me what i s th e matter I w ill

. .

help you if I can .

“
I d are n ot ; I dare not ! I shou ld go ravi ng mad i f I
”
sai d a word about it .

’
T hen d on t tell me my d ear Com e with m e u p stai rs , .

th ere i s a warmer room there— fu ll of su nshin e you are

nearly d ead with cold I came here th is morni ng J ul iet .
, ,

to be alon e and pray to G od and see what H e has sent me

Y ou d ear Come u p s tai rs Why yo u are qu ite w et Y ou
,
.
,

will get you r d eath o f cold

T hen it would be al l right I wou ld rather n ot kill .

myself i f I could d i e withou t B ut it mu st be somehow . .

We ll talk abou t it afte rward Come now

’
. .

Wlth D orothy s arm rou nd h er wai st J u li et cl imbed

’

trembl ing to the warmer room O na rickety wooden chai r .

,

D orothy mad e her sit i n the su nshi n e wh ile sh e went and ,

gath ered chips and shavings an d bits of wood left by the

workmen With these sh e soon ki nd led a fi re i n the ru sty
.

’
grate Then sh e took o ff J u liet s sh oes and stock i ngs an d
.
,

pu t h er o wnu pon her She mad e n o resistance only her eyes .

,
’
followed Dorothy s bare feet goi ng to an d fro as if sh e felt ,

somethi ng was wrong an d h ad not strength to i nqu i re i nto it ,

.

’
B ut D orothy s h eart reb uked h er for its own l ightness .

It had n ot been so light for many a day It seemed as if .

G od was letting her k now that H e w as th ere She spread .

h er cloak on a su n ny spot o f th e floo r mad e J u li et li e d own ,

u pon it put a b undle of shavi ngs u n d er h er head covered

, ,

her w ith h er own cloak which sh e had d ri ed at th e fi re an d , ,

was l eavi ng the room

Where are you going D orothy P cri ed J u li et seemi ng , ,

al l at once to wak e u p .

I am goi ng to fetch you r h u sband d ear answered , ,

D orothy .
 PA U L F A B E R . 25 3

Sh e gave a great cry rose to her k nees and clasped , ,

Dorothy rou n d hers .

No no no
,
she screamed
,
You shall n ot I f you . .

d o I swear I wi l l ru n straight to the pond

,
.

N otw ithstandi ng the wi ld ness of he r voice and look , there

was an evident d etermination i n both .

’
“
I wi ll do nothi ng you d on t like d ear sai d D orothy , ,
.

I thought that was the best thin g I cou ld d o for you .

N o ! n o n o any th ing but that

T hen of cou rse I wo nt B ut I must go an d get you
’

”
somethi ng to eat .

“
I cou ld not swallow a mouth fu l ; it wou ld choke me .

A nd where wou ld be the good of it when l ife i s over ,

D on t talk lik e that d ear

’
L i fe can t be ove r till it is
, .
’

taken from u s .

A h yo u wou ld see it j u st as I d o if you k new al l

, ,

T ell me all the n , .

W here i s the use when th ere i s n o hel p P ,

N o help echoed Dorothy —T he word s sh e had so .

often u ttered i n h e r own h eart comi ng from t he li ps of ,

another carried i n them an i ncred ible contradiction — Cou ld

—
, .

G od make or the world b reed th e i rreparable P “

J u liet ,

she went o n after a little pau se

,
“
I have often sai d t he same ,

myself but
,

You i nterru pted J u liet you wh o always professed

to believe
’
D orothy s ear cou ld not d isti ngu ish whether the ton e was
of i nd ignati on or of bitterness .

You n ever heard me J ul iet sh e answered profess , , ,

any thing I f my su rrou ndi ngs d i d so for me I cou l d n ot

.
,

help that I n eve r dared say I believed any thing B u t I

hope—and perhaps she went on with a smil e
. .

, ,
see ing ,

H ope i s own si ster to Faith she may bring me to k now her ,

too some day Pau l says .

D orothy had been brought u p a d isse nter and n ever sai d ,

St this one or that any more than the Christians of the N ew

.
,

Testament .

A t th e sou nd of the name J u liet bu rst into tears the fi rst , ,

sh e shed fo r the word P aul lik e the h ead of the j avel i n torn
, ,

from the wou nd brou ght the whole fou ntai n after it S he
, .

cast herself down again and lay and wept D orothy k neeled , .

besid e her and laid a han d on her shou lde r I t was th e

, .

only way she cou l d reach her at all .

”
Yo u see sh e said at last fo r the weepi ng went on and
, ,
2
54 P A U L F A B ER .

o n there is nothin g wi ll d o you any good bu t you r

,

h usband .

N o n o ; he has cast me from h im forever

,
sh e cried ,

i n a strange wail that rose to a shriek .

The wretch exclaimed D orothy clenching a fi st ,

whose little bon es look ed fi erce th rough th e whiten ed sk in .

N o r etu rn ed J u li et su d denly cal med i n a voice almost

, , ,

severe it i s I who am th e wretch to give you a moment ,

i n which to blame h im H e has d on e n othing bu t what is .

”
right .

I d on t beli eve it ’
.

I d eserved it .

I am su re you d i d not I wou ld believe a thou sand .

thi ngs agai nst him before I wou ld believe on e against you ,

my poor white q u een cri ed D orothy k issi ng her hand , .

S he snatched it away and covered her face with both ,

hand s
I shou l d only n eed to tell you o ne thing to convi nce
you she sobbed from beh i n d them
, .

T hen tel l it me that I may not be u nj u st to h i m , .

I can not .

’
I won t tak e you r word against you rself retu rned ,

D orothy d etermi ned ly Y ou wi ll have to tell me or lea v e .

,
"
me to th i nk the worst of h i m S h e was moved by n o vu l .

gar c u ri osity how is on e to help withou t k nowi ng ? T el l

me my d ear sh e went on after a little
, ,
tell me all about
it and i n th e name of the God i n whom I h ope to beli eve
, ,

I promise to give myself to you r service .

T hu s adj u red J u liet fou n d hersel f compelled B ut with

, .

what heart tearing groans and sob s with w h at i ntervals of

-

du mbness i n which the truth seemed u n utterabl e for des

,

pair and shame fol lowed by what h u r rying of wild con ,

fessio n as i f she wou ld cast it from her the sad tale fou n d
, ,

its way i nto D orothy s ach ing heart I wi ll not attempt to des ’

c rib e It is enough that at last it w as told and that it had

.
,

entered at the wid e open eternal doors of sympathy lf J ul iet -

,
.

had lost a h u sb and she had gai ned a frien d an d that was
something— i nd eed no little thing—for i n her k i nd the fri end
, ,

was more complete than the h usban d She w as truer more

enti re —in fri endsh ip nearly perfect When a h mal bu rst of
,
.

te ars h ad e nd ed the story of loss an d d espai r a si lence fell ,

.

O h those men th ose me n

,
sai d D orothy i n a low ,

voice of bittern ess as if sh e k n ew th em and thei r ways ,

well though n ever had k iss of man save h er father l ighted

,
 PAU L FABER . 25 5

on her cheek M y poor darli ng she sai d afte r

-

another pau se —and he cast you fro m h i m

.

,
I su ppose a -

woman s heart she we nt o n after a thi rd pau se

’

,
can ,
’
never mak e u p for th e loss of a ma n s but here i s mi n e for ,

yo u to go i nto the very middle o f an d li e d own there ,

.

J u liet had as sh e told her sto ry rise n to h er k n ees

, ,
.

Dorothy was on hers too and as she spok e sh e opened wi de ,

her arms and clasped the d espised wife to her bosom

,
‘
.

N on e b ut the arms of he r h usband J u l iet beli eved cou l d , ,

mak e her alive with forgiveness yet she felt a strange com ,

fort i n that embrace It wrought u pon h er as i f sh e had

.

heard a far o ff whi sper of the word s : T/zy sins be forg iven
-

tbee. A nd no wonde r : there was the bosom of one of the

’
L ord s clean ones for her to rest u pon ! It was h er fi rst
lesson i n the mighty truth that si n of all th ings i s mortal ,

and pu rity al on e can live for evermore .

C H A PT E R XXX VI .

T WO M O RE MI NDS .

N o rnm o mak es a man strong lik e a call u po n hi m for

hel p a fact which poi nts at a u nity more d elicate an d close
-

an d profou n d than h eart has yet perceived I t i s bu t a ,

.

”
mod ern i nstance how a mother i f sh e be but a hen , ,

becomes bold as a tigress for her peril ed o ffspri ng A .

stranger wi ll fi gh t for the stranger wh o puts hi s tru st i n

h i m T he most foolish of me n w il l search h i s musty brai n
.

to fi nd wise saws for his boy A n anx iou s man goi ng to .

,

hi s fri end to borro w may retu rn havi n g lent hi m i nstead

, .

The man who has fou nd nothi ng yet i n th e world save food
for the hard sharp clear i ntellect will yet cast an eye
, , ,

arou n d the u niverse to see i f perchance there may not b e

a G od somewhere for the hu ngeri ng heart of hi s friend .

T he poo r bu t lovely the d oubting yet l iving faith of

, , ,

D orothy arose stretched ou t its c ri ppled wi ngs an d began

, ,

to arrange and straighte n th ei r d isordered feathe rs I t is a .

fai r sight any creatu re be it but a fly d ressi ng its wings

, , ,
’
Dorothy s were feeble ru tfled thei r pen feath ers bent an d, ,
-

’
a littl e cru shed bu t J u liet s we re f u l l of mud paralyz ed ,
 P A U L F A B ER .

with d i suse an d gri evously si nged i n the smold eri ng fi re

,

of her secret A b utterfly that has b urned its wi ngs i s n ot

.

ve ry u n lik e a caterpi llar agai n .

L ook here J u liet sai d D orothy,

th ere mu st be some
,

way o ut of it o r there i s no savi ng G od i n the u n ive rse

, .

’ ’
N ow d on t begi n to say there i sn t becau se you see it i s , , ,

you r only chance I t wou ld be a pity to mak e a fool of

.

you rself by bei ng ove r wise to lose eve ry thi ng by takin g it

-

for granted there is n o G od I f after all there sh ou ld be .

on e it wou l d be th e sad dest thi ng to perish for want o f

,

H i m I won t say I am as mi serable as you for I haven t

’ ’

,
.

a hu sban d to trample on my heart but I am mi serabl e

’
enough and want d read fu lly to be saved I don t call t his
, .

life worth livi ng N othi ng is right nothi ng goes well

.
,
’
there is n o harmony i n me I do n t cal l it life at all I . .

want mu sic and light i n me I want a G od to save me ou t .

”
of this wretched n ess I want health . .

I thought you were n ever i ll D orothy mu rmu red , ,

J uliet li stlessly .

I s it possi ble you d o n ot k n ow what I mean P retu rned

D orothy D o you never feel wretched an d sick i n yo ur
ve ry sou l P—d i sgu sted with you rsel f an d longing to be
.

lifted u p o ut of you rself into a region o f hi gher cond itions

altogether P
T hat k i nd of thin g j u li et had been learn in g to attribute
to the state of her health —had partly learn ed i t i s hard to
l earn any thi ng false t/zoroug /zly for it cannot so be learned , .

It i s tru e that i t i s often perhaps it i s gen erally i n troubled

, ,

health that su ch thoughts come fi rst b ut in natu re there

,

are facts of color that the clou dy day reveals So su re am I .

that many things which i llness has led m e to see are tru e ,

that I would end lessly rath er n ever be well than lose sight
”
of them So wou ld any mad man say of h is fi x ed id ea
. I .

wi ll k eep my mad n ess then for therei n most d o I d esi re , ,

the noble and to d esi re what I d esi re i f it b e bu t to d esi re , ,

is bette r than to have all yo u o ffer us i n the name o f truth .

T b rough su ch d esi re an d th e hope of its attainment all ,

greatest thi ngs have bee n wrought i n the earth I too have
my u nbeli ef as wel l as you — I can n ot believe that a lie lo n
th e belief of wh ich ih as d epended ou r high est d evelopment .

Yo u may say you have a high er to bring in B u t that .

high er you have become capable of by the preced ent l i e .

Yet you vau nt truth Yo u wou ld si nk u s low i nd eed mak

i ng o ut falsehood ou r best n ou rish ment—at s ome period of
,
 PAU L F A BER . 2
57

ou r history at least I f however what I calltrue and h igh

you call false and low—my asserti on that yo u have n eve r
.
, , ,

seen that of which I so speak wi ll n ot help —the n i s there

n othing left u s but to part each go h i s own road an d wait
the en d —which accord ing to my ex pectati on wi ll show the
, "
,

truth accord ing to you rs bei ng nothing wi ll show n othing

, , , .

"
I can not hel p thi nki ng if we cou ld only get u p there , ,

Dorothy went o n I mean i nto a life of which I can at

least d ream —if I cou ld bu t get my head an d heart into the
,

kingdom of H eaven I shou ld fi nd that every thi ng else wo u ld

come right I beli eve it is God H i mself I want—nothi ng
,

wi ll d o but H imself i n me M r Wingfo ld says that we h nd

.

. .

thi ngs al l wrong about u s that they k eep goi ng agai nst ou r ,

wil l and ou r liking j u st to d rive thi ngs right i nsi d e u s or

.
,

at least to d rive u s where we can get them p ut right and

that as soon as thei r work is d on e the waves wil l li e do wn
, ,
"
at ou r feet or i f n ot we shall at least walk over thei r crests
, , .

It sou nds very nice and wou ld comfort any body that ,
'
wasn t i n trouble sai d J u li et
’
but you wou ld n t care one
,

bit for it all any more than I d o i f yo u had pai n and love ,
”
like min e pulli ng at you r heart .

I have seen a mothe r mak e sad faces en ou gh ove r the

”
baby at he r breast sai d D orothy L ove an d pai n seem
, .

so strangely on e i n this world the wond er i s how they will ,

ever get parted What God mu st feel like with th is world

.
,

hanging on to H i m with all its pain s and cri es

It s H is o wnfau lt sai d J u l iet b itterly
’
Why d i d He
— , .

mak e us o r why d id H e not mak e u s good P I m su re I ’

d on t k now where was th e u se of mak i ng me

’

”
P erha ps not much yet replied Dorothy bu t then H e , ,

hasn t mad e you He hasn t d on e with you yet H e i s mak

’ ’

, .

”
ing you n ow an d you do n t lik e it ’

No I d on t—ii you cal l this maki ng Why d oes H e d o

.
,
’

.
,

it ? H e cou ld have avoided all thi s trouble by leavi ng us

alone .

I p ut someth i ng like the same qu estio n o nce to M r .

Wingfo ld sai d D orothy an d h e told me i t was i mpossible

”
, ,

to show any on e the truths of the k ingdo m of H eaven he

mu st learn them for himself I can d o little more he .
,

said than give you my testi mony that i t seems to me al l

,

right I f God has not mad e you good H e has mad e you
.
,

with the feeli ng that yo u ou g h t to be good an d at least a ,

half conviction that to H i m yo u hav e to go for hel p to b e

-

come good When yo u are good then yo u wil l k n ow why

.
,
25 8 P AU L FA BER .

H e d id not make yo u good at fi rst an d will be perfect ly ,

sat isfi ed with the reason becau s e you wi ll h nd it good and

j ust and right—so good that it was altogether beyon d the
,

’ ’
u n derstand i ng o f one who was n ot good I don t think he .
,

said you will eve r get a thoro ugh ly satisfacto ry answer to

,

any qu estion ti ll yo u go to H imself for it— an d then it may

tak e years to mak e you fi t to receive that is to u nd erstand ,
’
the answer O h J u liet sometimes I hav felt i n my heart e

as if— I am afrai d to say it even to you

.

, ,
’
I shan t be s h ock ed at any th i ng I am long past that ,

s ighed J u liet .

It i s not of you I am afraid sai d D orothy It i s a ,

.

ki nd of awe of th e u n iverse I feel B ut G od is the u ni .

verse H is i s the o nly ear that will hear me and H e k n ows

my thoughts already J u li et I fee l someti mes as if I must
.
,
’
be good fo r G od s sak e as i f I was sor ry for H im because ,

H e has su ch a troublesome n u rsery of ch i ld ren that wi ll not ,

or can n ot u n d erstan d H i m an d wil l n ot d o what H e tells ,

them and H e al l th e ti me d oi ng the very best for them H e

can .

It may be all very tru e or all great nonsense D orothy

dear I d on t care a bit abou t it A ll I care for i s— I d on t
, , ,
’ ’

k now what I care for— I d on t care for any th ing any more ’

— there i s nothi ng left to care for I l ove my h usban d with .

a heart like to break — oh how I wish it wou ld H e hates ,

’
and d espises me an d I dare not wish that he wou ld n t I f .

he were to forgive me qu ite I sh ou ld yet feel that h e ought ,

to d espise me and that wou l d be all the same as i f he d id

, ,

and there i s n o hel p Oh how horri d I look to h im . I ,

cant bear it I fancied it was all gon e b ut th ere it is and

’
.
,
’
there it m u st be forever I d on t care about a G od If . .

there were a G od what wou ld H e be to m e w ithout my

,

P au l P
I thi nk J u liet you will yet come to say What wou ld
, , ,

my Pau l be to m e withou t my G od P I s u s pect we have no

more i dea than that lonely fly on t h e wi ndow the re what it ,

would be to b o w a G od .

“
I don t care I wo uld rathe r go to hell with my P aul
’
.

”
than go to H eaven without hi m moaned J u liet ,
.

B u t what i f G od shou ld be th e o nly where to fi nd you r

”
P au l P sai d D orothy What if the gu lf t h at parts you is
j ust the gu lf of a G od n ot beli eved in—a u nive rse wh ic h
.

neither of you can cross to meet the other—j u st becau se you

d o not b elieve i t i s there at all ?
 P A U L F A B ER . 25 9

J u liet made no answer— D orothy cou ld n ot tel l whether

from feeli ng or from i ndi ffere nce T he fact w as the words .
,

conveyed n o more mean in g to J u liet than they will to some

of my read ers Wh y d o I write them then ? B ecau se there
.

are some who wi ll u nd erstan d them at once an d others wh o ,

wil l grow to u nd er stand them D orothy was astoni s hed to fin d .

herself saying them T he d emand s of her n ew o ffic e of com

.

forter gave shape to many half formed thoughts substance -

to many s hadowy percep t i on s somethi ng lik e mu sic to n ot a ,

few d im feelings moving withi n her but what she said

hard ly seemed her o wnat all .

Had it not been for Wingfo ld s help Dorothy might not

’

have learned these things i n th is worl d ; bu t had it n ot been

for J u liet they wou ld have tak en years mo re to blossom i n
,

her bei ng and so become he r own H er fai nt hope seemed

,
.

now to break forth su dd enly i nto power Whether o r not .

she was sayi ng such thi ngs as were withi n the scope of
J u liet s apprehension was a matter of comparatively little
’

moment A s she lay there i n misery rock in g h erself from

.
,

sid e to si d e on th e flo o r she wou ld have tak en hold of n oth,

i ng B ut love i s the fi rst comforter and where l ove and

.
,

truth speak the love w il l be felt where th e truth is never

, .

perceived L ove i nd eed is th e highe st i n al l truth ; and the

.

pressu re of a hand a k iss the caress of a child will d o more

, , .

to save sometimes than the wisest argu ment even rightly ,

u nd erstood L ove alone i s wisdom love alon e is powe r

.
,

and where love seems to fai l it is where self has stepped b e

twee n and d u lled the pote ncy of its rays .

D orothy thought of another li ne of ex postu lation .

J u liet she said su ppose yo u were to d rown you rsel f

, ,

and you r h usband were to repent P

That i s the only hope left me You see yo u rself I have .

no choice .

You have no pity it seems fo r what the n wou l d b e ,

come o f hi m P What i f h e shou l d come to himself i n bitter

sorrow i n wild longi ng for yo u r forgiven e ss but yo u had
, ,

taken you r forgive ness with you where he had n o hope of ,

ever fi nding it P Do you want to pu nish h i m P to make hi m as

miserable as yo u rself ? to ad d immeasu rably to the wrong
you have d on e him by going where no wo rd n o message
no letter can pass no c ry can cross ? N o J u liet—d eath can
, , ,

, ,

set nothi ng right But i f there be a G od the n nothi ng can

.
,

go wrong but He can set i t right and set it right bette r than ,

it was before .
26 0 P A U L F A B ER .

H e cou l d n ot mak e it better than it was

What —i s that yo u r i d eal of l ove — a love that fails in
.

the fi rst tri al P I f H e co u ld n ot better that , then i nd eed H e

were n o Go d worth th e name
Why the n d i d H e mak e u s such— mak e su ch a world as
.

i s always goi ng wrong P

M r Wingfo ld says it i s always goi ng righter the same
.

time it is goi ng wrong I grant H e wou ld h ave had no right to

.

mak e a world that might go fu rther wrong than H e cou ld

set right at H is o w ncost B ut i f at H is o wn c ost H e tu rn
.

its ills i nto goods P its u glin ess i nto favor ? A h i f it shou ld ,

b e so J u liet l It may be so I do n ot k n ow I have n ot

, . .

fou n d H i m yet H elp me to fi nd H im L et u s seek H im

. .

togethe r I f yo u h nd H i m you can not lose you r h u sband

. .

If L ove is L o rd of th e world love mu st yet be L ord i n his ,

heart I t wil l wak e i f n ot sooner yet when th e bitterness

.
, ,

has worn itself o u t as M r Wingfo ld says al l evil mu st b e

,
.
,

cau se its heart i s death an d not life .

“
I don t care a straw for li fe If I cou ld bu t fi nd my
’
.

h u sband I wou ld gladly d i e forever i n hi s arms It i s n ot

,
.

’
tru e th at th e sou l longs for i mmo rtality I d on t I long
only to r love —for forgiven ess—for my h usban d
. .

”
.

B ut wou ld you d i e so long as there was the poorest

chance o f regai n i ng you r place i n hi s heart P
N o G ive me th e feeblest chance of that an d I will
.
,

live I cou ld live forever on the mere hope of it

. .

I can t give you any hope but I have hope of it i n my

’

own heart .

J uli et rose o nher elbow .

‘
B ut I am d i sgraced ! sh e said almost i nd ignantly , .

It wou ld be d i sgrace to hi m to tak e me agai n 1 I remem

ber o ne of the o fficers wives ’
N o n o ! h e hates and ,

d espises me B esi des I cou ld n ever look on e of h is fri ends

.

i n th e face agai n E ve ry body wi ll say I ran away

with some o ne—o r that h e sent m e away because I was
.

wicked Y ou all had a p rej u d ice agai nst me from the very
fi rst .

Yes i n a way confessed D orothy

, ,
I t always seemed .

as i f we d i d not k no w you and cou ld n ot get at you as if

you avoi d ed u s—with you r h eart I mean — as if you had
,

resolved we shou ld not know you —as i f you had something

,

”
you were afrai d we sho ul d di scover .

A h there it was you see

,
cri ed J u liet
,
A n d now .

th e hi dden thi ng i s revealed T hat was it I n ever co u ld

 P AU L F A B E R . 26 1

get ri d of the s ecret that was gnawi ng at my life E ven .

when I was hard ly aware o f it i t was there Oh i f I had ,

.
,

only been u gly then P au l wou ld never have thought of me

,

She threw herself down agai n and bu ri ed her face .

H id e me ; hid e m e ”
she went o n lifti ng to Do rothy
, ,

her hands clasped i n an agony while her face conti n u ed ,

tu rned from her L et me stay here L et me d i e i n

. .
!

peace Nobody wou ld ever thi nk I was here

. .

“
T hat i s j u st what has been comi ng and goi ng i n my
mi nd answered Dorothy
,
I t i s a strange old place you .

might be here for months an d nobody k now .

wou ld n t you mi nd it ? I should n t live long I

’ ’
Oh .

’
could n t you kn ow
,
“
I wi ll be yo u r ve ry sister i f you wi ll let me repli ed
only the n you m ust d o what I tel l you —and
, ,

D orothy
begin at once by promisi ng not to leave th e hou se ti ll I
come back to you .

A s she spok e she rose .

Bu t some on e wi ll come sai d J u liet half rising as if , ,

-

she wou ld ru n after her

N 0 one wi ll B ut i f any one shou ld —come here I wi ll
.

.
,

show you a place where nobody wou ld h nd you .

S he helped h er to rise and led her from th e room to a ,

door i n a rather d ark passage This she opened and .

, ,

striki ng a light showed an ord i nary closet with pegs fo r

, ,

hangi ng garments u pon Th e si d es o f it were pan eled

.
,

and i n one of them not read ily d isti ngu i shable was another
, ,

d oor I t opened i nto a room lighted on ly by a little wi nd ow

.

high u p in a wall through whose d u sty cobwebbed panes

, , ,

crept a mod ic um of second han d light from a stai r -

.

“
There said D orothy I f yo u shou ld h ear any .

sou nd before I come back ru n i n here See what a bolt ,

.

th ere is to the door M i nd you shu t both Yo u can close

—
. .

that sh utter over the wi nd ow to o i f you like only nobod y

’
can look i n at it withou t getti ng a l add er and there isn t ,

on e about the place I d on t beli eve any o ne knows of this

.
’

”
room bu t myself .

J uliet was too miserable to be frighten ed at the look o f it

which was wretched enou gh S h e promised not to leave .

the hou se and D orothy went

, M any times before sh e .

retu rn ed had J u liet fl ed from the sou n ds of imagi ned

approach and tak en refu ge i n the mu sty d u sk of the roo m
,

withd rawn When at last D orothy cam e she fo und her i n

.
,

it trembli ng .
26 2 P A U L F ABE R .

Sh e came bri ngi n g a basket with every thing needfu l for

,

break fast S he had not told her father any thi ng he was
.

too simple she sai d to herself to k eep a secret w ith com

, ,

fort ; and she wou ld risk any th ing rather than d iscovery
whi le yet sh e d id not clearly k now what ought to be d one .

H er version of the excellent Fre nch proverb— D ans le aoule ’

w as Wn
,

abslzen s tozé enyo u are n ot su re w azt— which goes

' '

, ,

a little fu rther i nasmuc h as i t i nd icates e x pectation and

, ,

may i mply faith With diffi cu lty she prevailed u pon her to
.

tak e some tea and a l ittle b read and butter feed i ng h er

, ,

l ik e a ch i ld and t ryi ng to comfo rt h er with hope J u li et

,
.

sat on th e flo o r leaning agai nst the wall the very pictu re

of d espai r white like alabaster rather than marble—with a
, ,

, ,

bluish whiten ess H er look was o f on e utterly lost . .

’ ”
We l l let th e fi re o ut now sai d D orothy for the sun ,

is shi n ing i n warm and there had better be n o smok e ,

.

T he wood is rathe r scarce too I wi ll get you some more .

,

and here are matches you can light it agai n when you
please .

Sh e then made her a bed o nth e fl oor with a quantity of

wood shavings an d some shawls she had brought and when
, ,

she h ad lain down u pon it k neeled besi de her and coveri ng , ,

h er face with he r han ds tried to pray B ut it seemed as if , .

all the mise ry of hu manity was lai d u pon he r and G od ,

wou ld not speak not a sou n d wou ld come from her th roat ,

till sh e bu rst i nto tears and sobs I t stru ck a strange .

chord i n th e sou l of th e wife to hear the maid en weeping

over her B u t it was no private trouble it was th e great
.
,

need common to al l men that opened the fou ntai n of he r

tears It was h u nger after th e light that slays the darkn ess
.
,

after a comfort to confront every woe a l ife t o lift above ,

d eath an antid ote to all wrong I t w as one of th e groan

,
.

i ngs of the spi rit that can not be uttered i n word s articu late ,

o r even formed i nto thou ghts defi n ed B ut J u liet was fi lled .

only with the thought of herself an d her h usband and the ,

tears o f h er fri end but bed ewed the l eave s of h er bittern ess ,

d id n ot reach the d ry roots of h er misery .

’
Dorothy s spi rit revived wh en she fou nd herself once
more alon e i n th e park o nher way home the secon d time
'

She mu st be o f better co u rage sh e sai d to herself Strug ,

.

gli ng i n th e S lough of D espond she had co me u po n on e ,

worse mired than sh e for whose sake sh e mu st search yet ,

more vigorou sly after the h id d en step pi ng ston es th e ,

- -

peak s wh ose bases are th e center of the world .

 P A U L F A B ER . 26 3

G od help me sh e sai d ever an d anon as sh e went

an
,

d every ti me sh e said it she qu icken ed h er pace and ,

ran.

It was j ust break fast tim e when she reache d th e hou se -

.

H e r fathe r was coming d own the stai r .

“
“
Wou ld you mind father sh e sai d as they sat it I , , ,

were to mak e a ro om at the Old H ou se a l ittle comfort

able ?
I mi nd noth ing you please to d o D orothy h e answe red , , .

B ut you must not become a recl use I n you r search for .

God you mu st not forsak e you r neighbor

, .

I f on ly I cou ld fi nd my neighbor sh e retu rned with ,

“
a rather sad smile I shall never b e able even to look for
.

”
him I thi nk ti ll I have fou nd O ne n eare r fi rst
, ,
.

Y ou have su rely fou nd you r neighbor whe n yo u have

fou n d his wou nd s an d you r hand is on the oi l flask said
,
-

h er father who k n ew her ind efatigable i n her mi nistrations

, .

’
I don t feel it so she answered When I am d oing
,
.

th ings for people my arms seem to be miles long

, .

A s soon as her father left the table she got her bask et ,

again filled it from th e lard er and store ro om lai d a book

,
-

or two on the top and telli ng L isbeth she was goi ng to the
,

O ld H ouse for the rest of the day set o ut o n her thi rd ,

j o u rney thithe r T o he r delight she fou nd J ul iet fast asleep

. .

Sh e sat down rather ti red and began to re flect H ergreat

, ,
.

fear w as that J u liet wou ld fal l i ll and then what was to be ,

d one P H ow was she to take the responsibil ity of n u rsing

her ? B ut she remembered how th e L ord had said she was
to take n o thought for the morrow and therewith sh e began
to u n derstan d the word Sh e saw that one can not do any .

thi ng i n to morrow and that all care which can not be pu t

-

i nto the work of to day i s tak en ou t of it O n e thi ng seemed

-

clear—that so long as i t was J u liet s desi re to remai n con

.
,
’

cealed from h er h u sband sh e had n o right to act against ,

that desi re Whether J u liet was right o r wrong a sense of

.
,

secu rity was for the present absolu tely n ecessary to qu iet
her mi nd I t seemed therefore the fi rst thin g she had to
.
,

d o was to mak e that con cealed room habitable for her I t .

was dreadfu l to thi nk of h er bei ng there alone at night bu t ,

her trouble was too great to l eave much room for fear
and a n yhow there was no choice So whi l e J u li et sl ept .
,

she set abou t cleaning it and hard work she fou nd it G reat ,
.

also was th e labor afterward when pi ece by piece at , , ,

night or i n th e early morning sh e carried th ither eve ry ,

264 PA UL FABER .

th ing n ecessary to mak e abod e i n it cl ean and warm and

soft .

T h e labor of l ove i s its o wnreward but D orothy received ,

much more F o r i n the fresh imp u lse and freed om born of

.
,

thi s serv ice sh e soon fou nd not only that she thought bet
, ,

ter and more cl early o nthe poi nts that troub led her bu t ,

that thu s spen ding herself she grew more able to beli eve
, ,

there mu st be O ne wh ose glory is perfect min istration A lso .

,

her anx iou s concentration of thought u pon the u su rping

thoughts of others with its tend ency to d iseased act ion in
,

the logical powers was the reby check ed mu ch to her relief

, ,
.

Sh e was n ot fi nding an atom of what i s called proof but

when the longi ng hea rt fi nds itsel f abl e to hope that th e per
fect is the fact that th e truth i s alive that th e lovely is
, ,

rooted i n ete rnal p u rpose it can go o n with out such proof ,

as belongs to a lowe r stratu m of thi ngs an d can not be had ,

i n these Wh en we rise i nto the mou ntai n ai r we requ i re

.
,

n o other testimony than that of o ur l u ngs that we are i n a

h ealthfu l atmosphere We d o not fi nd it n ecessary to sub
.

mit i t to a qu antitative analysi s ; we are content that we

breath e with j oy that we grow i n strengt h become lighter
, ,

hearted an d better tempered T ruth i s a very d i fferent

-
.

thi ng from fact ; i t is th e lovi ng contact of the sou l with

spi ritu al fact vital and potent I t d oes its work i n th e sou l
,
.

i nd epen dently of all facul ty or q ualificat io nthere for setting

it forth or d efend i ng it T ruth i n the i nward parts is a .

power not an O pi nion I t were as poor a matter as any

,
.

held by those who d eny it i f it had not its vitality i n itself , ,

i f it d epended u pon any buttressi ng of other an d lower

material .

H ow shou ld it be oth erwi se ? I f G od b e so near as the

ve ry i dea of H i m n ecessitates what other avai ling proof of ,

H i s ex istenc e can there b e than such aw areness as mu st ,

come of the d evelopi ng relation between H im an d us ? The

most sati sfy i ng of i ntellectual proofs i f such were to be ,

had wou ld be of no valu e G od w oul d be n o n earer to u s for

,
.

them all T hey wou ld b ri ng abou t n o blossomi ng of th e

.

mighty fact While He was i n o u r ve ry sou ls there wou ld

.
,

yet li e b etw een H im an d us a gu lf of misery of no ,

k nowledge .

P eace i s for those wh o do th e truth n ot those who O pin e ,

it
. T h e tru e man troubled by i ntell ectu al doubt is so ,

trou b led u n to fu rther h ealth and growt h L et h im be alive .

an d hopeful ab ove all obedi ent and h e wil l be able to wait

, ,
 PAU L FABER . 26 5

for the d eeper content which m us t follow with completer

in sight M en may say su ch a man but d eceives hi mself
.
,

that there is nothi ng of the kin d h e please s himself with

i magi n ing ; bu t th is is at least worth reflecting u pon —that
whi le the man who aspires fears he may be d eceivi ng h im
self i t i s the man who d oes n ot aspi re wh o asserts that he
,

is O ne day the former may be su re and the latter may cease

.
,

to deny an d begi n to d oubt

, .

C H A PT E R XX X V I I .

’
THE D OC T O R S ST U D Y .

’
PA U L F A B ER conditi on as h e sat throu gh the rest o f that
s ,

night i n his stu dy was abou t as near absolute misery as a

,
’
man s cou l d wel l b e i n this life I imagi n e T he woman he
, ,
.

had been watching throu gh the fi rst part of it as h is essen

tial bli ss h e had left i n a swoo n lyi ng nak ed o n the fl oo r
, , ,

an d wou l d not an d d id n ot go n ear her agai n H ow cou l d

P— T hat
.

he ? Had h e n ot been d u ped sold marri ed to , ,

way mad ness lay H is prid e was bitterly wou nded Wou ld
. .

it had been mortal ly but prid e seems insome natu res to .

’
thrive u pon wou nds as in others d oes love Faber s prid e ,
.

grew an d grew as he sat and brooded o r rather was , , ,

brood ed u pon .

He P au l Faber who k n ew hi s own worth his truth hi s

love his d evotion—h e with h is gran d id eas of woman and
, , , ,

, ,
’
pu rity and u nity consci ou s of d eserving a woman s best
,

regards— h e whose love (to speak tru ly his u nword ed u nd e

, ,

fin ed impressio n of h imself ) any woman might be prou d to

cal l hers —h e to be th u s d eceived to have take n to h is
bosom one who had before tak e n another to hers and ,

thought it yet good enough for hi m It wou ld n ot bear

thi nk ing I nd ignation an d bitterest sense of wrong almost
c razed hi m For evermore h e mu st be a hypocrite goi ng
.
,

abou t with th e k nowledge of that concern i ng hi mself which

he wou l d not have kn own by others ! T his was how the
woman whom he had brou ght back from d eath with the life
,

o f h is own heart had served h i m Years ago sh e had sac

,

rificed h er bloo m to some sneak i n

g wretch who flattered a
266 P A U L F A B ER .

G o d with prayers then enticed and bewitched and married

,

lzzm ’
’

I n all this thi nk i ng there was n o thought but for hi mself

-
not on e for th e woman whose agony had been patent
even to h is wrath bli nded eyes I n what i s the wretched
-
.

ness of ou r cond ition more evid ent than i n th is that the ,

sense of wrong always mak es u s u nj ust ? I t is a most h u m

bli ng thought God help u s H e forgot how sh e had
. .

avoid ed hi m resiste d h i m refu sed to confess the love whi ch

, ,

his good ness h is i mportu n iti es h i s besi egi ng love had com
, ,

pelled i n her heart It w as t ru e she ou ght either to have

.

refused hi m absolutely and left him or confessed and left ,

the matter with hi m ; b ut he ought to have remembered

for another i f ever he had k nown it for h imself the hard
, ,

ness of some d uti es and what d uty cou ld be more tortu r

i ng to a d el icate mi nd ed woman than either of those — to
-

leave the man sh e loved i n passionate pai n sore wou nded ,

-

with a sense of u ndeserved cru elty o r to give him the ,

strength to send h er from hi m by confessi ng to his face

what sh e co ul d n ot recall i n the sol itu d e of her o w ncham
ber but th e agony wou ld b reak out wet on her forehead
We d o ou r brothe r ou r sister grievou s wrong every time
, , ,

that i n ou r selfi sh j u stice we forget th e excu se that miti

, ,

gates the blame T hat G od n ever d oes for it wou ld be to

.
,

d isregard th e truth A s H e wil l n ever ad mit a false excuse

.
,

so wi ll He n ever n eglect a tru e on e It may be H e mak es .

excuses wh ich the si n n er d ares n ot thi nk o f ; whi le th e

most speci ous o f false on es sh rivel i nto ashes before H im .

A man is bou n d to thi nk o f all j u st excu se for h i s o ffen d er ,

for less than the righteou sn ess of G od wi ll not ser v e hi s

tu rn .

I wou ld n ot have my read er set Faber d own as h eartless .

H i s life showe d the contrary B ut his prid e was rou sed to .

such fu riou s self asserti on that hi s heart lay beaten down

-

u nder the sweep of i ts cyclon e Its tu rn was only de layed .

’
.

T he heart i s always there an d rage i s not T h e heart i s a ,

.

constant even when most i ntermittent force I t can bid e

,
.

its ti me N or i ndeed d i d i t now li e qu ite still ; for the

.

thou ght of that w hite self offered sac rifice let hi m rave as
,
-

he wou ld agai nst th e stage trick e ry of the scen e hau nted -

hi m so that o nce an d agai n h e had to rou se an evi l wi ll to

,

restrai n hi m from ru shi ng to cl asp h er to h i s bosom .

T hen there was th e qu esti on why now had sh e told hi m

all—if ind eed sh e had mad e a clean b reast of it ? Was it
 PA UL FA BER . 26 7

from love to hi m o r reviving h onesty i n herself P From

n
,

either h e sai d S u perstitio n alone was at the root of it

,
. .

She had been to ch u rch and the preach i ng of that honest

idi otic enth usiast Wingfo ld had terrified her —
,

,
A las what ,
.

re fuge i n her terror had sh e fou nd with h er hu sban d ?

Before morni ng he had mad e u p h is mi n d as to the cou rse
he wou ld pu rsu e H e wo uld not publish hi s own shame
.
,

b ut neithe r wou ld he leave the smallest d oubt i n her mi nd

as to what he tho ught o f her o r what h e felt toward he r , .

A ll shou ld be utterly changed between them H e wo u ld .

behave to her with e x tre me wi th mark ed politeness ; h e ,

wou ld pay he r every attention woman co uld clai m bu t h er ,

friend he r h u sband he wou ld be no more H is tho ught s

, , .

of vengeance took many tu rns some of them ch i ld ish H e , .

would always call her M rs F aber N ever e x cept they had . .

,

fri ends wou ld he sit i n the same roo m with he r T o avoid

, .

scandal he wou ld d i n e with her if he cou ld not h el p bei ng

, ,

at home but when h e rose from the table it wou ld be to go

, ,

to his stu dy I f he happened at any time to be i n the room

.

with her when she ro se to reti re he wou l d l ight her cand le , ,

carry it u p stai rs for her open the door mak e her a polite , ,

bow and leave her N ever once wou ld h e cross the t h res
,
.

hold o f her bed room She sho ul d have plenty of mon ey .

the pu rse of an adventu ress was a greedy o ne but h e wou ld ,

do his best to fill it no r once reproach he r with ex trava

gance—o i whi ch fau lt let me remark sh e had never yet
,

, ,

shown a sign H e wou ld refu se her nothi ng she ask ed of

hi m—except it were i n any way hi m self A s soon as his
.

old au nt d ied h e wou ld get h e r a brougham bu t n ever

, ,

wou ld h e sit i n it by her si d e S uch h e thought wou ld be .

, ,

the vengeance of a ge ntleman T hu s h e fu med and raved .

an d tri fled i n an ago ny of selfi sh su fferi ng — a p rou d

, ,

i nj u red man ; and al l the tim e the obj ect of hi s vengefu l

in di gnation was lyi ng i nsensible on the spot where she had
prayed to him her lovi ng heart motionless withi n a bosom
,

of ice .

I n th e morn ing h e went to hi s d ressi ng room had his -

,
’
bath and went d own to break fast half d esi ring his wife s
, ,
-

appearance that h e might begi n his cou rse of vi ndictive

,

to rtu re He cou ld n ot eat and was j u st ri sing to go out

.
, ,

whe n the d oo r opened and the parlor maid who se rved ,

-

also as J uliet s attend ant appeared'

,
.

I can t fi nd mis ess nowhere si r she sai d

' ’

, ,
.

Faber u nd ersto od at once that sh e had left him and a ,

26 8 P A U L FABER .

terror n either vagu e nor i ll fou n d ed possessed itself of

,
-

hi m He spru ng from his seat and d arted u p the stai r to

.
,

h er room L ittl e more than a gl ance was n ecessary to

.

assure hi m that sh e had go ne d eliberately i ntend i ng it ,

shou ld be forever T he d iamond ri ng lay on h er d ressi ng

.

table spend in g itself i n flashi ng back the si ngle ray of the

,

su n that seemed to have stole n between the cu rtai ns to h nd

it h er wedd i ng ri ng lay besi d e it and th e spark le of the ,

d iamonds stu ng h is heart l ik e a d emoniacal laughte r over

it th e more horribl e that it was so si lent an d so lovely
,
it
’
was b ut th ree d ays si nce i n h is wife s presence he had been , ,

j u stifying su icid e with eve ry argu me nt he cou ld bri ng to

bear I t was tru e he had i nsisted o n a proper regard to
.

ci rcu mstances and especially on givi ng d u e consid eration

,

to th e qu esti on whether th e act wou l d h u rt others more

,

than it wou ld rel i eve th e person co ntemplating it b ut ,

after th e way h e had treated h er there cou ld be n o doubt ,

how J u li et i f sh e thought of it at all was compelled to

, ,

an swer it H e ru shed to the stable sadd led R uber and

.
, ,

gal loped wi ld ly away A t the en d of th e street h e remem .

be red that h e had n ot a si ngle i d ea to gu i de hi m She was .

lying dead somewhere but whether to tu rn east or west or ,

n o rth or sou th to h nd her h e had not th e slightest notion , .

H i s co nditi on was horrible For a moment or two he was .

ready to blow h is brai ns o ut that i f th e o rthodox were ,

right was his only chance fo r over tak i ng her What a

,
-
.

laughi ng stock h e wou ld the n be to the m al l T he strangest

-

wi ld est madd est thoughts came and went as of themselves

, ,

and whe n at last h e fou n d himsel f seated on R uber i n th e

mi ddle of th e street an hou r seemed to have passed I t , .

was bu t a few moments and the thought that rou sed him ,

w as co uld she have betak en herself to h er old lodgi ng at

O wlk irk P I t w as not likely i t was possible h e wou ld rid e
and see .

T h ey wil l say I mu rd ered he r h e said to h imself as h e

rode —so little d id h e ex pect ever to see her again
,

I .

don t care T hey may prove it i f th ey can an d hang me I

’
.
,
.

shal l mak e n o d efense I t will be bu t a fi t end to the farce .

”
of life .

H e laughed alou d stru ck hi s Spu rs i n R ub er s flanks

’

, ,

and rod e wildly H e was d esperate H e k n ew n either

. .

what he felt n or what he d esi red I f he had fou nd her .

al ive he wou ld I d o not d oubt have behaved to her c ru elly

, , , .

H is life had fallen i n a heap about him ; h e was ru i ned ,

 P A U L F A B ER . 2 69

and she had d one it he said h e thou ght h e bel i eved He

, , ,
.

was not aware h o w much of h is mi sery was occasioned by

a shri nki ng d read of the j udgments of people h e d espi s ed .

H ad he k n own it he wou ld have bee n yet more m iserable

, ,

for he wou ld have scorned hi mself for it T here is so mu ch .

i n u s that is beyond ou r reach

Before arriving at O wlk irk he mad e u p h is mi nd that i f
, ,

she were not there h e wou ld rid e to the town of B ro ugh ill
—not i n the hope of any n ews of her b u t because there
,

dwelt the only professi onal frien d he had i n the n eighbor

hood —one who sympathi zed with his view of things and ,

wou ld not clos e h is heart against h im because h e d id not

believe that this horrid ugly d isj oi nted thi ng of a world
, ,

had bee n mad e by a G od of love G enerally h e had been .

,

i n the habit of dwelling on the loveliness of its d evelop

ments and the beauty of the grad ual adaptation of life to
,

ci rcu mstance but now it was plai ne r to h im than ever that

i f made at all it w as made by an evi l bei ng ; —fo r h e
, ,

, ,

said an d said tru ly a consciou s bei ng wi thout a heart

, ,

mu st be an evil bei ng T his was the righteou s j u dgment

.

o f a man who cou ld by one te nd er consoli ng word have

, , ,

mad e the su n ri se u pon a gloriou s world of consciou s

womanhood but wou ld not say that word an d left that
, ,

world lying i n the tortu red chaos of a slow d isi ntegration .

T his consciou s bei ng with a heart this P au l Faber who saw , ,

that a God of love was the only G od su pposabl e set his own ,

pri de so far above love that his on e i d ea was to satisfy the

, ,

j ustice of his outraged d ignity by th e tortu re of the sin ner

—even whi le all the time d imly aware of reb uk e i n hi s sou l .

I f she shou ld have d estroyed herself h e said once and agai n ,

as he rod e was it more than a j u st sacrifi ce to hi s wronged

,

honor ? A s su ch he wou ld accept it I f sh e had i t was

best —best for her an d best for hi m
.
,

What so mu ch d id it
matter ! S he was very lo vely l—tru e — but what was th e
,

qu intes se nce of d ust to hi m ? Where either was there any

great loss ? H e an d she wou ld soon be wrapped u p i n the
primal dark ness the mothe r and grave of all th i ngs to
gether — no n ot together n ot even i n the dark o f nothi ng
, ,

n ess cou ld they two any more li e together H ot tears

force d thei r way i nto his eyes whence they rol led d own , ,

the lava of the sou l scorchi ng h is cheek s H e stru ck hi s

, .

spu rs i nto R uber fi e rcely and rod e mad ly o n ,

.

A t length h e neared the outski rts of B ro ugh ill He had .

rid d en at a fearfu l pace across cou ntry leavi ng al l t o his ,

2 70 P A U L F A BE R .

horse wh o had carried hi m wisely as well as bravely B ut

,
.

R uber althou gh he had years of good work left i n h im was

, ,

n ot i n hi s fi rst strength an d was getti ng exha u sted with hi s

,

wild morni ng For all th e way h is master apparently

.
, , ,

u nconsciou s of eve ry thi ng else had been i mmed iately aware ,

of th e slightest slack eni ng of mu scle u nd er him the least ,

falteri ng of the onward pace and i n the temper of the sav , ,

age which wakes the moment th e man of civi li z ati on i s hard

,

pu t to it th e moment he h agged sti ll d rove the cru el spu rs

, ,

i nto his flank s wh en the gran d u nresenti ng creature wou ld

, ,

ru sh forward at strai ning speed — not I ventu re to thi nk so , ,

mu ch i n obed ienc e to the pai n as i n obed ie nce to the will of ,

his master fresh recognized th rough the pai n

, .

Close to th e high road where they were n ow approach ing ,

it through th e fi elds a rai l fence h ad j u st b een pu t u p

,
-

i nclosi ng a pi ece of grou nd wh ich the ow ner wish ed to let

for b u ild i ng T hat the fac t might be k n own he w as about
.
,

to erect a post with a great board annou nci ng it For th is .

post a man had d ug the hole an d then gon e to his d in ner ,

.

T he i nclosu re lay between Faber an d the road i n the d irect

li n e he was tak i ng O nwent R uber bli nd ly— more bli ndly
,

than h is master k n ew for with th e prol onged ru n ni ng he

, , ,

had partially lost hi s sight so that h e was cl ose to the fence

before he saw it B u t he rose bol d ly an d cleared it—to
,

.
,

light alas ! o n the oth er sid e with a foreleg in the hole

,
.

D own he came with a terribl e crash pitched his master i nto ,

the road u pon h is head an d lay groani ng with a brok en leg,

.

Fabe r n either spok e n or moved but lay as h e fel l A poor , .

woman ran to hi s assistance and fi nding she cou ld d o n oth ,

i ng for hi m hu rri ed to th e town for help H i s fri end wh o

,
.
,

w as the fi rst su rgeon i n th e place flew to the spot and had , ,

hi m carri ed to his hou se I t was a severe case of concu s .

si on of th e brai n .

P oor o ld R uber was speed ily h elped to a worl d b etter

than thi s for horses I trust , .

M eanti me G laston was i n commotion T he servants had .

spread th e frightfu l n ews that thei r mistress had van ished ,

B u t h e wo nt
’
an d th eir master ri d den off lik e a mad man .

fi nd her alive poor lady ! I d on t think

’

, w as the general
close of th ei r commu n ication accompan ied by a wou ld be
,

wise an d really sympath etic shak e of the h ead I n this

c oncl u sion most agreed for there was a gen eral i mp ressi on ,

o f someth ing strange about her partly occasion ed by the ,

mysteri ou s way i n whi ch M rs Puck ridge had spok en con .

 PA U L FABER . 27 1

cerni ng her illn ess and the marvelou s thin g the doctor had
done to save h er life People now su pposed that sh e had
.

gone su dd enly mad o r rather that the latent mad n ess so

, , ,

plain to read i n those sple nd id eyes of hers had been su d

denly developed and that u nd er its influ ence sh e had ru sh ed
,

away an d probably d rowned herself

,
Nor were there .

wanti ng among the d iscontented women of Glaston some

who regard ed the event—vagu ely to th ei r own consci ou sness
, ,

I gladly ad mit—as almost a j udg ment u pon Faber for marry

,

i ng a woman of whom n obody knew any thing .

H u n dreds went out to look for the body d own th e river .

M any hu rried to an old quarry half fu ll of wate r o n the , ,

road to B ro ughill and peered horro r stricken over th e ed ge

,
-

but said nothing T he boys of G laston were mai n ly o f a

.

mi nd that the pon d at the Old H ou se was of al l places the

most l ikely to attract a su ici de for with the fascination of ,

its horrors they were themselves acqu ainted T hither there .

fore th ey sped and soon G laston received its ex pected

’
second shock i n th e ti dings that a lady s bon net had been
fou n d flo ating i n the frightfu l pool while i n th e wet mass
the boys brought back with them some of her acquai ntance ,

recognized with certai nty a bonnet they had seen M rs Faber .

wear T here was n o room left for dou bt the body of the
.

poor lady was lying at the bottom of the pool ! A mu lti

tud e rushed at once to the spot althou gh they k n ew it was ,

impossible to d rag the pool so d eep was it an d for its depth

, ,

so small Neither wou ld she ever come to th e su rface they

.
,

said for th e pik es and eels wou ld soon leave noth ing but
,

th e sk eleton So G laston took the whol e matter for e nd ed

.
,

and began to settle d own agai n to its own affairs condoling ,

greatly with th e poor gentleman such a favorite ! who so , ,

you ng and afte r such a brief ex perience of marriage had

, ,

lost i n such a sad way a wife so handsome so amiable

, , , ,

so clever B ut some said a d octor ou ght to have k nown

.

better than marry such a person however handsome and , ,

they hoped it wou ld be a lesson to h im O nthe whole so .

,

sorry for hi m was G laston that i f the d octor cou ld then

, ,

have gon e abou t it i nvisible he wou ld have fou n d h e had

,

more frien ds and fewer enemies than h e had su pposed .

For th e fi rst two o r three days no on e was su rprised that

h e d id not mak e his appearance T hey thou ght he was .

u pon som e false trail B u t when fou r days had elapsed

.

and no n ews was heard of hi m for his friend k n ew nothi ng ,

of what had happened had written to M rs F abe r and the

,
.
,
27 2 P AU L FABER .

letter lay u nopened some began to h i nt that h e mu st have

,
’
had a hand i n his wife s d isap pearance and to breathe a ,

presentiment that he wou ld n ever more be seen i n G laston .

O nth e morni ng of th e fifth d ay however hi s acci dent was , ,

k nown and that he was lyi ng i nsensibl e at the hou se of his

,

fri en d D r M ay whereu pon althou gh h ere an d th ere might

,
.
,

be heard th e expression of a pretty strong conviction as to

th e character of the vi sitation the sympathy both felt and ,

uttered was larger than before T h e oth er medical men .

immed iately d ivided hi s p ractice amongst them to k eep it ,

together against his possible retu rn thou gh few believed he ,

wou l d ever agai n look on scenes d ark ened by the memory

n
of bliss so su d d enly blasted .

For weeks h is recove ry was d oubtfu l du ri g wh ich time , ,

even if they had dared it wou ld have been u seless to

,

attempt acqu ai nting hi m with what all bel ieved the cer
tai nty of hi s loss B ut wh en at length h e wok e to a m em
.

ory o f the past an d began to d esi re i nformation his friend

, ,

w as compelled to answer his qu estions H e closed his lips .

,

bowed his h ead o n h is breast gave a great sigh and held , ,

h is peace E very one saw that h e was terribly stri ck en

. .

C H A PT E R X X XVI I I .

THE M IN D o r J U L I ET .

T HE R E was on e however wh o I mu st confess was n ot a

, , , ,

little reli eved at th e n ews of what had befallen F aber For .

,

although far from d esi ring hi s d eath which i n deed wou ld ,

have ru i ned some of her warmest hopes for J u li et D orothy ,

greatly d readed meeting h i m S h e w as a poor d issembler.

,

hated even the shadow of a l i e an d here was a fact which , , ,

i f truth cou ld conceal it mu st n ot be k n own H er d read

,
.

had been that the fi rst ti me sh e saw Faber i t wou ld be

, , ,

beyon d h er power to l ook i n nocent that her k n owledge ,

woul d be legible i n h er face an d mu ch she hoped thei r fi rst

encou nter might b e i n th e p resence of H elen o r some oth e r
ignorant friend behi nd whose i n nocent front sh e might
,

shelter her consci ou s secrecy T o truth su ch a sil ence mu st

.

feel lik e a cu lpabl e d eception an d I d o n ot thi nk s u ch a

,
 PAU L FA BER . 2 73

painfu l position can ever arise except from wrong some

where Dorothy cou ld not tell a l ie S he cou ld not try to
. .

tell one and i f she had tried she wou ld have bee n i nstantly ,

d iscovered throu gh the enmity of her very bei ng to the l i e

sh e told from her l ips it wou ld have been as transparent
as the truth It is no wond er th erefore that she felt
.

relieved when fi rst she heard of the d u rance in which Fabe r

was lying B ut she felt equal to the withhold ing from J u liet
.

’
of th e k nowledge of her husband s cond ition for the present .

’
She j ud ge d that seei ng she had saved her friend s life she
, ,

had some right to thi nk and choose for the preservation of

that life .

M eantime she must beware of secu rity an d cu ltivate ,

caution and so successfu l was she that week s passed and , ,

not a si ngl e d ou bt associated D orothy with k nowledge

where others desi red to know N ot even her father had a .

suspi cion i n the d i rection of th e fact S he k ne w he wou ld .

on e d ay approve both of what she d id an d of her silenc e ,

concern i ng it T o tell him thorou ghly as he was to be

.
,

tru sted wou ld be to i ncrease the risk ; an d besid es she had

, ,
’
no right to reveal a woman s secret to a man .

It was a great satisfaction however n otwithstand in g her , ,

d read of meeting h im to hear that Faber had at length,

retu rned to G laston for i f he had gone away how cou ld ,

they have eve r k nown what to d o ? For on e thi ng if h e ,

were beyond thei r k nowledge he might any d ay i n fu ll c on , ,

fi dence go and marry agai n

,
.

H er fathe r not u nfrequ ently accompani ed h er to th e Ol d

Hou se but J u liet and she had arranged su ch signals an d
, ,

settled such u nderstand ings that the simpl e man saw noth ,

i ng heard nothi ng forefelt nothing N ow and then a l ittle

, ,
.

’
pang wou ld qu aver th rough D orothy s bosom when sh e ,

caught sight of him peerin g d o wn into the terribl e d u sk o f

the pool or heard hi m utter some sympathetic hope for the
,

futu re of poo r Faber ; but sh e comforted h erself with th e

thought of how glad he wou ld be whe n she was abl e to tell
hi m all and how h e wou ld lau gh over th e story o f th ei r p re
,

cautions again st h i msel f .

’
H er ch ief anxiety was for J u li et s h ealth even more fo r ,

the sak e of avoid i ng discovery than for its own When th e ,

.

nights were warm sh e wou ld someti mes tak e her out i n the
park and every day one time or anothe r wou ld mak e he r
, , ,

walk i n the gard en while she k ept watch on the top of the
steep slope H e r fath er wou ld sometimes remark to a friend
.
 P A U L F A B ER .

’
how Dorothy s love of solitu de seemed to grow u pon h er
but the remark s uggested nothing an d slowly J u liet was ,

bei ng forgotten at G laston .

It seemed to D orothy strange that she d i d n ot fall ill .

For the fi rst few days sh e w as restless and mi serable as

hu man being co uld b e S he h ad but on e change of mood
.

either she wou ld talk feverou sly o r si t i n the gloomiest si ,

le nce n ow an d then vari ed with a fi t of aband oned weepi ng

, .

E very time D orot hy came from G laston she wou l d over

wh el m her wit h q uestions —w h ich at fi rst Dorothy cou ld
,

easily meet for sh e spok e absol ute fact when she said she
,

k new n othi ng c oncern i ng her h u sban d When at length .

the cau se o f h is absence w as u nd erstood she told her he ,

was with his fri end D r M ay at B ro u gh ill Knowi ng the

,
.
,
.

u niversal belief that sh e had committed su icide noth ing ,

cou ld seem more natu ral B ut wh en day after d ay sh e.

, ,

h eard the same th ing for week s she began to fear h e wou ld ,

n ever be able to resu me hi s practice at least at G laston , ,

and wept bitterly at th e t hought of the evi l she had brought

u pon hi m who had given her life an d love to boot For ,
.

her heart was a gen u ine o ne an d d welt far more on the ,

wrong her too eager love had d on e hi m than on the hard ,

n ess with wh ich he had resented it Nay she ad mired hi m .

,

for the fi erceness of h i s resentment witnessi ng i n her eyes , , ,

to th e p u rity o f the man wh om h is n eighbors regard ed as

wick ed .

A fter th e fi rst day she paid even less h eed to any th i ng

,

o f a religiou s k i n d with which D orothy i n the strength ,

of h er o wnd esi re after a perfect stay so u gh t to rou se or ,

con sole her When D orothy ventu red o n such grou nd

.
,

whi ch grew more and more seld om she wou ld sit list ,

less heedless with a far away look

, ,
S ometi mes when
-
.

D orothy fanci ed she had been listeni ng a l ittle her n ext ,

word s wou ld s how that her th oughts had been only with
her h usban d When th e subsid i ng of th e d el uge of her
.

agony allowed words to carry mean ing to her any hi nt

, ,

at su pernal consolation mad e h er angry an d she rej ected ,

every th ing D orothy said almost with i nd ignation To seem

,
.

even to accept su ch comfo rt she wou ld have regard ed ,

as traitorou s to h er h u sban d N ot the devotion of the friend

.

wh o gave u p to her all of her life she cou ld call her own ,

fi ced to mak e h er li sten even with a poor patience

su f So .

absorbed was she i n her trouble that she had no feeli ng of ,

what poor D orothy had d one for her H ow can I blame .

 PAU L FABER . 27 5

her poor lady

,
I f ex i stence was not a thi ng to be enj oyed ,

as for her it ce rtai nly was not at present h o w was sh e t o be ,

thankfu l for what seemed its preservation P T here was

mu ch latent love to D orothy i n her heart I may go fu rthe r
and say there was much latent love to G od i n he r heart ,

only the latte r was very latent as yet W hen he r heart was .

a little freer from gri ef and the agony of loss she wou ld love
D orothy but G od mu st wait with his own patience —wait
,

long fo r the child o f H i s love to learn that her very sorrow

came of H i s dearest affection W ho wants such affection as .

that Psays the u nlovi ng N o one I answe r but every o ne

.
,

wh o comes to k now it glo rifi es it as the only love that ever

,

cou ld satisfy h is bei ng .

D orothy wh o had withi n her the chill of her own doubt

, ,
'
soon yielded to J u liet s cold ness and ceased to say any thi ng ,

that cou ld be call ed religious S h e saw that it was not the .

ti me to speak sh e mu st content herself with being N or .

had it ever bee n any thing very defi nite sh e cou ld say S he .

had seld om gone beyond th e ex pressio n of her o wn hope ,

and the desi re that her friend wou ld look u p S he cou ld .

say that all the men sh e k new from books or i n life o f the , ,

most delicate honesty the most gen u i n e repentance the most

, ,

rigid self den ial th e lofti est aspi ration were C hristian men
-

, ,

but sh e cou ld neither say he r k nowledge of histo ry o r of

life was large nor that of the men she k n ew who p rofessed
, ,

to bel ieve the greater part were honest or muc h ashamed

, , ,

o r rigid agai nst them selves or lofty toward G od S he saw

, .

that he r part was not i nstruction but min istration and that , ,

i n obed i ence to J esu s i n whom she hoped to believe W hat .

matter that poor J u liet den ied H i m ? I f G od commend ed

H is love toward u s i n that wh ile we were yet si n ners C hrist
,

di ed for u s He wou ld b e pleased with the cu p of cold wate r

'

given to one that was not a d isci ple D orothy d ared not say .

she was a d isci ple herself ; she dared only say that right
gladly wo u ld she become o ne i f she cou ld I f only the ,
.

lovely th e good the te nder the pu re the grand th e ad orable

were also th e absolutely tru e —tru e no t inth e h u man idea
, , , , , ,

only b ut i n absolute fact i n d ivin e ex istence ! I f the story of

, ,

J esu s was tru e the n j oy to th e u niverse for all was wel l

, ,

She waited and hoped and prayed and ministe red

, ,
.

T here i s a great powe r i n qu i et for G od i s i n it N ot ,

.

seld om H e see ms to lay H is hand on one of H is chi ld ren as ,

a mother lays hers on the restless on e i n the crib to still him ,

.

Then the ch ild sl eeps but the man begi n s to live u p from
,
276 P A U L FA BE R .

the lower d epths of his natu re So th e W inter comes to still .

the plant whose l ife had been ru shi ng to blossom and fru it .

When the han d of G od i s laid u pon a man vai n moan and , ,

stru ggle and complai nt it may be in d ignant outcry follows ,

bu t w h en o u twearied at last he yield s if it be i n d u ll sub mis

, , ,

si on to th e i ne x orabl e an d i s sti ll then the G od at the heart

, ,

of him t h e G od that i s there or the man cou ld n ot b e begi ns

, ,

to grow T hi s poi nt J u liet had not yet reach ed and her

.
,

troubl e went o n She saw n o light n o possible outlet H er

.
, .

cri es her longi ngs her agoni es cou ld not reach even th e ears
, , , ,

cou ld n ever reach th e heart o f the man who had cast her
o ff
. H e beli eved h er d ead might go and marry an othe r , ,

and what wou ld be left her then ? N oth ing but the death
from which she now restrai ned herself lest as D orothy had , ,

taught her sh e shou ld d eny h im the fru its of a soften i ng

,

heart and retu rn i ng l ove T h e moment she heard that he .

sou ght an other she wou ld seek D eath and assu red ly fi nd
,

hi m O n e lette r sh e wou ld write to l eave behi n d her an d

.
,

then go H e shou ld see an d u nderstan d that the woman he

.

d espi sed for the fau lt o f th e girl was yet capable of th e ,

noblest act o f a wi fe sh e wo ul d d i e that h e might live

that i t might be well w ith her h u sband H avi ng e ntertained .
,

comp reh end ed an d settled this i d ea i n her mi nd sh e became ,

q u i eter A fte r this D orothy might have spok en without

.
,

sti rri ng u p so angry an op positi on B ut it was qu ite as wel l .

sh e d i d n ot k now it and d i d not speak ,

.

I have sai d that D orothy wond ered she d id not fal l i ll .

’
T here was a hope i n J ul i et s mi nd of whi ch sh e had not
spok en bu t u pon which th ou gh vagu ely sh e bu ilt fu rther
, , ,

hope and which may h ave b ad part i n her physical en

,

d u rance th e sight o f hi s baby might move th e heart of her

hu sban d to pardo n he r l
B u t th e ti me even with th e preoccu pation o f mise ry grew
, ,

very d reary Sh e had n ever had any resou rces i n herself

.

except her mu sic and eve n i f here she had had any o ppor
,

t unity of d rawi ng u po n that what is mu sic but a mock ery ,

to a b reaking heart ? Was mu sic ever born of to rt u re of ,

mise ry ? It i s o nly when the cl ou d o f sorrow is si nk i ng i n

the su n rays that th e song lark s awak e and ascend A
-

,
-
.

glo ry of some so rt mu st fringe th e sk i rts of any sad ness th e ,

light of the sorrowi ng sou l itself mu st be sh ed u pon it and ,

th e clou d mu st be far e nou gh removed to show th e reflected

light before it w i ll yield any o f the stu ff of wh ich so ngs are
,

mad e A nd thi s light that gathers i n song what i s it but

.
,
 P A U L F A B ER . 27 7

hope behi nd th e sorrow—hope so little recognized as such ,

that it i s often called d espai r ? It is revivi ng and not decay

that sings even the sad dest of songs .

J uli et had had little consciousn ess of her own bei ng as an

obj ect of reflectio n J oy and sorrow came and went she .

had never brooded N ever u ntil now had she k nown any .
,

very dee p love E ven that she bore her fath er had not
.

ri pened i nto th e gran d love of the woman chi ld S he for -

.

got qu ickly she hoped easily she had had some cou rage ,

an d n atu rally mu ch activity she faced necessity by i nsti nct

and took al most no thought fo r the morrow —b u t this after
,

the fashion of the b irds not afte r th e fashi on requ ired of ,

those who can consid er the bi rds it is o ne th ing to take n o

thought for want of thought and another to tak e no
, ,

thought from su flicing thou ght whose fl ower is co nfi dence

The one way i s the lovely way of God i n the bi rds —the
.
, ,

other H is lovelie r way i n h is men an d women S he had i n

he r the mak i ng of a noble woman —only that is tru e o f every
, .

woman ; an d it was no tru er of he r than of every other

woman that withou t religion sh e cou ld n ever b e i n any
, , , ,

worthy sense a woman at all I k now how narrow an d absu rd

, .

this wi ll sou nd to many of my read ers but such simply do not ,

'

k now what religion means and thi nk I d o not k now what a ,

woman means H itherto h erpast had always tu rned to a d ream

.

as it glid ed away from her b ut now i n the pauses of her ,

prime agony the tid e rose from the infi nite sea to which her
,

river ran an d all her past was borne back u pon her even to
, ,

her far gone childish quarrels with her silly mother and the
-

neglect and d isobed ience she had too often bee n gu i lty o f
toward her fathe r A nd the cente r of h er memories was
.

the hot coal of that on e secret arou nd that they allb u rned
and hissed N o w for the fi rst time her past w as and she
.
,

cowered an d fl ed from it a slave to her own hi sto ry to her , ,

own deed s to he r own concealment A las like many

, .
,

another terror stricken child to whom the infi nit e bosom of

-

ten derness and love stretches out arms of shelte r and heal
i ng and l ife she tu rned to the bosom of d eath and imagined
, ,

there a shelter of obliviou s dark ness For life is a thing so

d eep so high so pu re so far above the reach of commo n
, , ,

thought that although shad owed o ut i n all the harmonic

, ,

glori es of colo r and speech and song and scent and

, , , ,

moti on and shine yea even of eyes an d lovi ng hands to

common minds—and the more merely i ntellectu al the com
, , , ,

moner are they — it seems but a phantasm T o u nchildlik e .

278 P A U L F A B ER .

mi nd s the region o f love an d worshi p to which lead the

, ,

climbi ng stai rs of d uty is b ut a neph elo co ckygia they ac ,

k nowledge the stai rs however thank God and i f they wi ll , , ,

bu t climb a han d wi ll be held out to the m N ow to pray

,
.
,

to a G od th e very tho u ght of whose possible ex iste nce

,

might seem enough to tu rn the coal of a d ead life i nto a

d iamon d of e t ernal rad iance is W ith many s uch enough to ,

stamp a man a fool It wi ll su rprise me nothi ng i n the new

.

worl d to hear su ch men h u d i ng they are not d ead after all , ,

begi n at o nce to argu e that they were qu ite righ t i n refusi ng

to act u po n any bare possibi lity — forgetting that the qu es
t io ning of possibi liti es has been the sou rce of all sci enti fic
k nowledge T hey may say that to them there seemed no
possibi lity u pon which wi ll come the qu estion —whence
.

arose their i ncapacity for see ing it P I n th e meantime that ,

th e same cond iti on which constitutes th e bliss o f a ch ild ,

shou l d also be the essentialb liss of a man is inco mpreh ensib le ,

to h i m i n whom the chi ld is d ead o r so fast asl eep that noth ,

ing b u t a tru mpet o f terror can awak e h im T hat the rul es

o f the n u rsery — I mean th e n u rsery wh ere the tru e mother is
.

the present geni u s n ot the hell at the top of a L ond on

,

hou se — that the ru l es o f the n u rse ry over which broods a

wise mother with outspread wi ngs o f te ndern ess shou ld be ,

the laws also o f cosmic o rder o f a world s well being of ,

’
-

national greatness and of all personal d ignity may well b e

, ,
’
an o ld wives fable to th e man who dabbles at saving the
- -

world by sci ence ed ucation hygi en e and other economics

, , .

T here i s a k nowled ge that wil l d o it bu t of that he k nows ,

so little that h e wi ll not allow i t to b e a k n owled ge at all

,
.

I nto what wou ld h e save th e world ? H is parad ise wou ld

prove a te n ti mes more miserable cond ition than that out
of which he thought to rescu e it .

B u t any thi ng that giv es obj ectivity to tro uble that li fts ,

th e clou d so far that i f bu t for a mome nt it sh ows itself a

, ,

clou d i nstead o f being felt an envelopi ng penetrating

palsyi ng mi st—setti ng it wh ere the min d can i n its tu rn
, , ,

prey u pon it can play with it pai nt it may come to si ng of

, , ,

it is a great help toward what health may yet be possible

,
’
for the troubled sou l With a woman s i nsti nct D orothy .
,

borrowed from the cu rate a vol u me of acertainmore attract

ive ed iti on o f S hak espeare th an sh e herself possessed an d ,

left it i n J u liet s way so arranged that it shou ld open at the

’

tragedy o f Othello Sh e th ou ght that i f sh e cou ld be

.
,

d rawn i nto sympath y with su fferi ng lik e , bu t d i fferent and

 PA U L F ABER . 2 79

apart from he r own it wou ld take her a little out of herself

, ,

an d might lighten th e pressu re o f he r load N ow J u liet .

had never read a play of S hak espeare i n her life and k new ,

O thello only afte r the vu lgar i nterpretati on , as the type ,

that is of j ealou sy but when i n a pau se of the vagu e

, ,

reverie of feeling which sh e called tho ught a tou ch of e nn u i ,

su perven ing u pon su ffering she began to read the play th e

, ,

cond ition of he r own heart afford ed her th e i nsight neces

sary for descryi ng more truly the Othel lo of Shakespeare s ’

’
mi nd Sh e wept for D esd emona s i n nocence an d hard fate
.

but she piti ed more the far hard er fate of Othello an d fou nd ,

the d eath o f both a cons olation for the troubl e thei r troubles
had sti rred u p i n her .

T he cu rate was i n th e habit of scribbling o n his books ,

an d at the e nd of the play which left a large blank o n the

,

page had writte n a few verses as sh e sat d reami ng ove r

,

the tragedy J u liet al most u nconsciously took them in

, .

T hey were th ese

I nth e h o t h ell 0
'

J ealousy sh ines O th ell o

L o v e indespair,
A n angel inflames
Wh il e pu re D esdemo na
W aits h im al o n e a ,

G h ost inth e air,

W h ite w ith his b l ames .

B ecomi ng su dd enly aware of thei r i mport she bu rst o ut

weepi ng afresh but with a very d ifferent weepi ng— A h i f
,

, ,

it might be so S oo n the n had the repentant Othel lo ru sh ,

i ng afte r his wi fe ex plai n ed all an d received easi est par

, ,

d on he had but ki lled her H er P au l wou l d n ot even d o

.

that for her ! He d i d not l ove her en ough for that I f .

she had but thrown h erself i nd eed into th e lak e th en

perhaps —who cou ld tell —sh e might now be n earer to hi m
,

than she shou ld eve r be i n this world .

A ll the ti me Dorothy was mu ch and vai nly ex ercised as

,

to what might become possible for th e bri ngi ng of them

together agai n B u t it was not as if any misu nd erstandi ng
.

had arisen betwee n them such a diffic ulty might any

moment be re moved by an explanation Th e thing that .

divided them was the origi nal misu nd erstand ing which lies , ,

deep and black as th e pit between every sou l and the sou l
,

next it where self an d n ot G od is the fi nal thought T he

,
.
280 PAUL FABER .

gulf i s forever crossed by bright shoots of everlasti ng “

n ess th e lightni ngs of i nvol u ntary affection ; but nothi ng

,

less than the wi lled love o f an infi nite d evoti o n w 1ll se rve to
close it ; any moment i t may be lighted u p from beneath ,

an d th e horrible d istance between them be lai d bare I nto .

thi s gu lf it was that with absol ute gift o f hi mself the L ord
, , ,

d oi ng l ik e hi s Father cast H i mself an d by su ch devotion

,

alo ne can H i s d isci ples become fellow work ers with H i m -

h el p to slay the evi l self i n the world and rou se the holy ,

self to lik e sacrifi ce that the t ru e th e eternal life of men

, , ,

may arise j ubi lant and crown ed T hen is th e o ld man o f .

clai ms and rights and d isputes an d fears re born a child ,

-

whose are all thi ngs and who clai ms an d fears nothi ng .

’
I n ignorance of Faber s mood whethe r he mou rn ed over ,

h is harsh ness o r j ustifi ed h imself i n resentment D orothy

, ,

cou ld but wait and tu rn ed herself agai n to thi nk what

,

cou ld be d one fo r the consolatio n o f h er frien d .

C ou ld sh e k nowi ng h er prayer might b e o ne wh ich Go d

,

wou ld n ot grant u rge h er to pray ,

For herself sh e k new , ,

if there was a G od what sh e d esi red m ust b e i n accordance

,

with H is will but if J u liet cri ed to hi m to give her back her

hu sband and He d i d n ot wou ld not the silent refusal the
, , ,

d eaf ear of H eaven send back th e cry i n settled d espair u pon

,

h er spi rit ? With her o w n fear D orothy feared fo r her

fri end . S he had n ot yet come to see that i n whatever ,

troubl e a man may h nd hi mself the natu ral th ing bei ng to ,

mak e hi s requ est k nown his b rother may h eartily tell hi m ,

to p ray Why w h at can a man d o but pray ? H e is h ere

— helpless ; and h is O rigi n the breather of his soul his
.
,

, ,

God may b e somewh ere A n d w hat else sh ou ld h e p ray

,
.

abou t bu t th e thi ng that troubles hi m ? N ot su rely the

thi ng that d oes n ot trouble hi m ? What is the trouble
there for b ut to m ak e h i m c ry ? I t is the pu ll of G od at
,

h is bei ng L et a man only pray

. P rayer i s the sou n d to .

which not m erely i s the ear o f the Father open b ut for ,

wh ich that ear i s l isteni ng L et hi m pray fo r the thi ng h e .

thi nks h e need s for what else I repeat can h e pray ? L et , ,

a man c ry fo r that i n whose loss life is growing black the

heart of the Father i s o pen O nly l et the man k n ow that .
,

even for his prayer the F ather will n ot give him a stone
,
.

B u t let the man pray an d let G od see to it how to answer

,

h im I f i n hi s childishness and i gnorance h e sho u ld ask

.

for a serpent h e wi ll not give him a serp ent B ut i t may

,
.

et be the Father will fi n d some way of givi ng hi m his

y
 PAU L FA BER . 28 1

heart s d esi re G od only k nows how rich G od i s i n power

’
.

o f gift S ee what H e has done to mak e H imself able to g ive

.

’
to H is own heart s d esi re T he givi ng of H is S on was as the
.

k nife with wh ich He wou ld d ivide H i mself amongst H is chi l

d ren H e k n ows H e only th e heart th e needs th e deep
.
, , , ,

desi res the h ungry eternity of each of them all T here

, ,
.

fore let every man ask of G od Who giveth to al l men

liberally an d u pbraideth not—and see at least what will
,

come of it .

B ut he wi ll speak lik e one of the foolis h if he say thu s

L et G od hear me and give me my d esi re and I wi ll tr ust
, ,

i n H im T hat wou l d be to tempt th e L ord his G od I f a

. .

father gives h i s child ren thei r will i nstead of his they may ,

well tu rn o nhim agai n and say “

Was it then the part of
a father to give me a scorpion becau se n ot k nowi ng what it ,

was I ask ed for it ? I besought h i m for a fanci ed j oy an d

, ,

lo it is a sorrow for evermore

B ut it may be that sometimes G od i nd eed d oes so an d to ,

su ch a possible complaint has this reply i n H i m self : I

gave thee what thou wou ldst becau se not otherwise cou ld I ,

teach the sti ff neck ed his folly

-
H adst thou bee n patient .
,

I wo uld have made the thing a j oy ere I gave it thee ; I

would have changed the scorpion into a gold en beetl e set
with rubi es and sap phi res H ave thou patience no w . .

O ne thing i s clear that poor J u liet l ik e most women

, , ,

and more men wou ld never have begu n to learn any th ing
,

worth learn i ng i f she had not bee n b rought i nto genu i ne

, ,

d ownright trouble I nd eed I am not su re bu t some of

.

those wh o seem so good as to requ i re n o trouble are j u st ,

those wh o have al ready been most severely tried .

C H A PT E R X XX I X .

A N O T H E R M IN D .

B UT whil e th e two lad ies were free o f all su spici on o f

d anger and i n d eed were qu ite safe they were n ot alon e i n
, ,

the knowledge of thei r secret T here w as one wh o for .

,

som e ti me had been o n the track of it and had l ong ago

, ,

tr aced it with certainty to its cove rt i nd eed h e had all bu t

28 2 P A U L F A B ER .

seen i nto it from the fi rst B ut although to h is i nti mate .

,

friends k n own as a great an d i nd eed wond erfu l talker h e ,

was generally regarded as a somewhat silent man and i n ,

truth po ss essed to perfection the gift o f hold ing his tongue .

E xcept that his ou tward insignificance was so great as to

pass the extreme h e was not one to attract attention but
,

those w h o k new Wingfo ld well heard h i m speak of M r , .

P olwarth the gate keeper oftener than o f any other and

,
-

from what she heard hi m say D orothy h ad come to have a ,

great reverence for the man although she k new hi m very ,

little .

I n retu rn i ng from N estley with J u l iet by her sid e H elen ,

had take n th e road through O sterfi eld Park When they .

’
reached Po lwart h s gate she had as a matter of cou rse , , ,

pu lled u p that they might have a talk with the k eeper

, .

H e had o nth e few occasions o nwh ich he caught a passi ng

,

gl impse of M iss M ered ith been struck with a somethi ng in

her that to h i m seemed to tak e from h er beauty—that look
,

of strange ness nam ely which eve ry one felt an d wh ich I

, , ,

imagi ne to have come o f th e consciou sness of her secret ,

hold ing h er back from blend i ng with the h u man wave and
now therefore while the carriage stood he glanced often
, , ,

at h er cou nte nance .

F rom long obse rvati on mu ch sil ence an d gentle p on ,

d eri ng from constant ill n ess and frequ ent recu rrence o f ,

great su fferi ng ; from loving acceptance of the same an d ,

hence an o v erflo wing sympathy with every form of h u manity ,

even that more d i mly revealed i n the lower an i mals an d ,

especially su ffe ring h u mani ty from d eep acqu aintance with

th e motions of his o wnspi rit and th e fu llest convicti on that ,

one man i s as another ; from th e enti re co nfi dence o f all

wh o k n ew him and the resu lts of h is e fforts to help them
,

above all from persistently dwelli ng i n th e secret place o f

,

the M ost H igh an d th u s e nteri ng i nto the hidd en thi ngs o f

,

life from the center whence the i ssu es o f th em d iverged

from al l th ese had bee n d eveloped i n hi m th rough wisest ,

u se an i nsight i nto th e natu res o f me n a power of readi ng

, ,

the cou ntenance an ap prehension o f what was moving in

,

the mi nd a contact almost for th e moment a j u nction with

, ,

th e goings o n of thei r sp i rits wh ich at times revealed to ,

hi m n ot only character an d p revaili ng pu rpose or d rift o f

,

natu re bu t even the mai n points o f a past moral history

, .

Sometimes i n d eed h e wou ld recoil with te rror from what

se emed the th reaten ed d awn i n him of a m ysterious power ,
 P A U L F A B ER . 283

pro bab ly latent i n eve ry soul of read ing the fu tu re of a

,

pe rson brought with i n certai n poi nts of s piritu al range .

What startled him howeve r may have bee n si mply an

, ,

invol u ntary conclu sion i nstantaneou sly d rawn from the

, ,

plai n convergence of all the forces i n and u pon th e i nd ivid

ual toward a poi nt o f fi nal d eliverance or of n ear catas
t ro ph e when the mo rtal i nstru ments are stead ily work
ing for evil the only h 0pe of d eliverance li es i n catastrophe
, .

When P olwarth had thu s an opportu nity of read ing

J uliet s cou ntenance it was not weari ng its u sual ex pres
’

sion the ferment set at work i n her mi nd by the cu rate s ,

’

sermon had intensifi ed the strange ness of it even to some ,

thing almost of defi nement ; an d it so arrested hi m that

after the ponies had darted away lik e bi rds he stood for a ,

whole mi nute i n th e spot and postu re i n which they had left

him .

’
’ ’
“
I n ever saw Polwarth look azstrazt before sai d th e ,

cu rate and was abou t to ask J u liet whether sh e had n ot

,

been bewitchi ng h im when th e far away miserabl e look of

,
-

her check ed hi m and h e d rop ped back i nto h is seat i n

,

sflen ce .

B ut Polwarth had had no su dd en i nsight i nto J u li et s ’

cond itio n ; all he had seen was that sh e was strangely

troubled —an d that with n o si ngle feeling
,

that th ere was

an u nd eci ded contest i n her spi rit ; that something was
requ ired of he r which she had not yet resolved to yield .

A lmost the moment sh e vanished from his sight i t dawned ,

u pon hi m that she had a secret A s on e k nows by the sign s

.

of the heavens that th e matter of a storm i s i n them and

’
must break out so P olwarth had read i n J u liet s sky the
,

i nward throes of a pent convu lsion .

He k new somethi ng of the docto r for he had met hi m ,

agai n and agai n where h e hi mself was t ryi ng to se rve ;

but they had never had conversation together Faber .

had not an id ea of what was i n the creatu re who repre

’
sented to hi m on e of N atu re s fai lu res at man maki ng ; -

while Polwarth from what h e heard and saw o f the

,

d octor k n ew him better than h e k new hi mself ; and

,

although the moment when h e cou ld se rve hi m had not

begu n to appear look ed for such a moment to come
, .

T here w as so mu ch good i n th e man that h is h eart ,

longed to give hi m someth ing worth having How

"

.
.

Faber wou ld have laugh ed at the notion ! Bu t Po l

.

warth felt co nfi dent that o ne d ay th e fri end ly d octor

284 PAU L FABER .

wou ld b e led o ut o f th e miserable d ese rt where h e

cropped th istles and sage an d fancied h imself a hero .

’
A nd now i n the d rawn look of his wi fe s face i n the ,

brok en lights of h e r eye i n the absorption an d the sta rt h e

, , .

thought he perceive d the qu arte r when ce u nwelcome d eliver

ance might be o n its way and resolved to keep attention ,

awak e for what might appear I n hi s i nmost b eing he k n ew .

that the m issi on o f man is to hel p h is neighbors B ut i n as .

m uch as h e was ready to hel p h e recoi led from meddl ing , .

T o meddle is to destroy the holy chance M edd lesomeness .

i s the ve ry opposite of hel pfu lness fo r it con sists i n forcing ,

you r self i nto another self i nstead o f o pening you r self as a

,

refu ge to th e oth er T hey are opposite extremes and like

.
, ,

al l extremes tou ch It i s not correct that extremes meet ;

,
.

they l ean back to back T o Polwart h a hu man self w as a

.
,

shri ne to b e app roache d with reverence even whe n h e bore ,

d elive rance i n h is han d A nyw here eve rywhere i n the

.
, ,

seventh heaven o r the seventh hell h e cou ld worsh i p G od ,

with the o utstretche d a rms o f love the bended k nees of ,

j oyou s adoration but i n helpi ng his fellow he not only wor

sh iped b ut serve d G o d—mi n istered that is to the wants of
, ,

G od—d oing it u nto H im i n the least o f H i s H e k new that

, ,

.
,

as the Father u n resti ng work s for the weal o f me n so eve ry ,

so n fol lowi ng the M aster Son mu st work also

,
-
T hrough ,
.

we ak ness an d su ffe ri ng h e had learned it B ut h e n ever .

d oubted that hi s work as mu ch as hi s b read wou l d be given

hi m n ever ru shed o ut wi ldly snatchi ng at something to do
,

fo r G od n ever helped a lazy man to break stones n ever

, ,

preached to foxe s It was what th e Fathe r gave hi m to d o

.

that h e cared to d o an d that only I t was the man n ext

h i m that h e hel ped —the n eighbor i n need o f the help he
.
,

had H e d id not trou bl e h imself greatly abou t th e hap

.

p in ess of men but wh en th e ti me an d the o ppo rtu nity arrived

,

i n wh ich to ai d th e stru ggli ng bi rth o f the ete rnal bliss the ,

whol e stren gth of h is bei ng respo nd e d to th e call A nd .

n ow having felt a th read vibrate lik e a sacred spid er he sat

, ,

i n the center o f h is web o f love and waited an d watched ,

.

I n propo rti on as the love i s pu re and on ly i n propo rtion ,

to that can su ch be a p u re and real cal ling T he least speck

o f self will deh le it— a l ittle more may r ui n its m ost hopefu l
.
,

e ffort .

Two days after h e h eard from some o f th e b oys hu rryi ng

, ,

to the po nd that M rs Fab er was missmg

,
. He fo ll owed .

t h em an d from a spot beyond the h o use l ookin g d own

, ,
 PA UL 1 4 13 1111 . 2 85

u pon the lake watched thei r p roceed ings He saw the m

d her bonnet —a resu lt wh ich left h i m room to doubt
.
,

fin .

A lmost the next mome nt a wavering film o f bl u e smok e

rising from the O ld House caught his eye I t d id not .

su rprise h im for he k new Do rothy D rak e was i n the habit

of going th ere—k new also by he r face for what she went
,

accu stomed to seek solitu d e himself he k new the relations of ,

it
. V ery little had passed between them Sometimes two .

persons are lik e t wo drops ru nn ing alongsid e o f each other

d own a wi n dow pane : on e marvels how it i s they can so
-

long escape ru n ni ng togethe r P ersons fi t to b e bosom .

friend s will meet an d part fo r years an d never say muc h ,

beyond good morn ing an d good n ight

- -
.

B ut he bethought him that h e had n ot before k nown her

light a fi re and th e day ce rtainly was not a cold o ne A gai n
,
.
,

how was it that with the cries of the boys i n her ears ,

searchi ng for a sight of the body i n her ve ry garden she ,

had neve r come from the hou se o r eve n look ed from a wi n ,

dow ? T hen it came to his mi nd what a place for conceal

ment the O ld H ouse was he knew eve ry corne r o f it and
thu s he arrived at what was almost the conviction that M rs .

Fabe r was the re When a day or two had passed he was

.
,

sat isfi ed that , fo r some reaso n o r othe r she was there for ,

refuge T he reason mu st be a good o ne else D orothy wou ld

n ot be aid ing —an d it mu st of cou rse have to d o with her
.
,

husband .

He next noted h ow for some time D orothy neve r went

, ,

through h is gate although he saw reason to believe she went

,

to the O l d H ouse every day A fter a whi le however she .

, ,

went through it eve ry day T hey always exchanged a few

.

words as sh e passed and h e saw plai nly enough that sh e

,

carried a secret By and by he began to see the h over o f

.

word s u nuttered about her mouth sh e wished to speak

about something b ut coul d not qu ite mak e u p he r mi n d to
it
. He wou ld someti mes meet her look with the corre
spo n ding look of
“
Well w h at is it ? but thereu pon sh e
,

wou ld i nvariably seem to change he r mind wou ld bid hi m ,

good morn ing and pass o n ,

.
 C H A PT E R X L .

A D E SO L A T I ON .

W HEN Fab er at lengt h retu rned to G laston hi s friends ,

were shocked at h is appearance E ithe r the han d o f the .

L ord or the han d of cru sh ing chance had been heavy u pon
, ,

him A pale haggard worn enfeebled man with a n eye o f

.
, , , ,

su ffering an d a look that sh ru nk from qu estion h e repai red

, ,

to his d esolate hou se I n the regard o f his fellow townsmen

.
-

he was as J ob appeared to the eyes of h is frie nd s and some

o f them w h o k new no more o f religion than th e sou n d of
,

its name piti ed h i m that he had not the comfort of it A ll

, .

G laston was tender to h im H e walk ed feebly seldom .

,

showed the ghost o f a smile an d then only from k ind ness , ,

n ever from pleasu re H is face was n ow almost as white as

.

t h at o f his lost J u l iet H is brother d octors behaved with

.

brotherly truth T hey had attended to all h is patients

.
,

poor as well as rich and now i nsisted that h e shou ld

,

resu me hi s labors grad ually while they fu lfi lled his lack So , .

at fi rst h e visited on ly his patients i n the town for he ,

was u nable to ri de and his gran d o ld horse R uber i n wh om , ,

h e tru sted and whom he wou ld have ventu red sooner to

,

mou nt than N iger w as gone ! For week s he looked like a man

,

o f fifty and alth ough by d egrees th e restorative in flu ences of

work began to tell u pon him h e n ever recovered the look of ,

hi s years N obody tri ed to comfort h im Few dared for

. .
,

very reverence s peak to th e man wh o carried i n hi m su ch

,

an awfu l sorrow Who would be so h eartless as cou nsel

.

hi m to forget i t P an d what other cou nsel was there fo r one ‘

wh o refu sed lik e hi m ? Who cou ld have brought himself to

say t o h im T here is lovel iness yet l eft and withi n thy ,

reach tak e th e good etc forget the n othing that has been
,
.
,

i n the somethi ng that may yet for awhile avoi d bei ng noth
i ng too comfort thy h eart with a fresh love th e time will
come to forget both i n the everlasti ng tomb of the anci ent
dark ness P Few men wou ld consent to be comfo rted i n
accordance with thei r professed theories o f l ife ; an d more
than most wo u ld Faber at th is period of his su fferi ng have
, ,

scorn ed su ch t ruth for comfort A s it was men gave hi m a .

,

squ eeze of the hand an d women a tearfu l look b u t from

,
 P A U L FA B ER . 28 7

thei r sympathy h e d erived no fai ntest pleasu re for he k new h e ,

d e served n othi ng that came from heart of tend erness N ot .

that he had begu n to cond emn h imself fo r hi s hard ness to

the woman wh o whatever her fau lt yet hon ored hi m by
, ,

confessi ng it o r to bemoan her hard fate to whom a man

,

had not been a hidin g place from the wi nd a cove rt from -

the tempest of life a shadow shelter from the scorch i ng of

,
-

her own sin A s he recovered from the double shock an d

.
, ,

his strengt h slowly retu rni ng hi s work i ncreased bri ngi ng , ,

h i m agai n i nto the ru n of common l ife hi s sen se of d esola ,

tion i ncreased A s his head ached less h is hea rt ached the

.
,

more nor d id the hel p he mi nistered to his fellows any

,

longer retu rn i n comfort to h i mself H itherto hi s regard o f .

ann ihilation had bee n as o f somethi ng so d istant that its ,

approach was relatively by d egrees infi nitesimal bu t as the ,

d ays went o u h e began to d erive a gray consolation from

,

th e thought that he must at len gt h cease to exist He wou ld .

not hasten th e end ; he wou ld be brave and see the play ,

out O nly it was all so d u ll

. I f a wo manlooked k ind ly at
h im if for a moment it gave hi m pleasu re the next it was as
, ,

an arrow i n hi s heart What a white splend or was vanished

.

from his li fe Where were those great l iqu id o rbs o f rad i

ati ng darkn ess P—where was that smile with its flash o f
whiteness P—that form so lithe yet so stately so perfect i n
mod u lation P—where were those hands an d feet that spok e
, ,

without word s and took thei r own way wit h hi s heart

,

those arms P H i s bei ng shook to its ce nte r O ne word .

of tendern ess and fo rgiveness and all wo u ld have bee n h is

—
,

o wnstill B u t on what terms P— O f d ishonor and false

h ood he said and grew hard agai n He was sorry fo r J u liet
, ,
.
,

bu t she and not h e was to blame Sh e had ru ined h is life .

,

as wel l as lost her own and hi s was th e hard er case for h e

, ,

had to live o h and she had tak e n with h e r all the good th e
,

earth had for hi m S he h ad bee n th e sole obj ect of h is

.

worshi p he had ack nowledged n o othe r d ivi nity ; she was

the loveliness of all th i ngs bu t sh e had d ropped from he r
ped estal and gone d own i n the sea that fl ows waveless an d
,

wi ndless and silent arou nd the worlds A las for life But .

he wou ld bear on till its wi nter came T he years wou ld be .

as ted i ou s as h el l but noth i ng that e nd s can be oth er than

brief N ot willi ngly eve n yet wou ld he fai l of what work
.

was his T he world was bad en ou gh he wou ld not leave

.

it worse than h e had fou nd it He woul d wo rk life out that .

,

he might d i e i n peace Fame tru ly there was no ne fo r hi m

.
,
28 8 P A U L F A B ER .

but hi s work wou ld n ot be lost T he wretched race of men .

wou ld su ffer a l ittle the less that he had lived P oor com .

fo rt i f more o f h ealth b u t mi ni stered to th e potency of su ch

,

angu ish as now bu rrowed i n hi m lik e a mole of fi re

T here had been a time wh en i n th e you ng pathos of ,

things h e wou l d shu t h is eyes that th e su nset might n ot

,

wou nd h i m so sore ; now as h e rod e h omeward i nto the

,

fronti ng su nset h e felt n oth ing cared for nothi ng only ached
, , ,

with a d u ll achi ng th rough body an d sou l H e was still .

k i n d to hi s fellows bu t th e glow of th e k i nd ness had van

,

ish ed and tru est thank s hard ly wak ed th e slightest thri ll

H e ve ry seld om saw Wingfo ld now an d less than ever
.
,

was i ncli ned toward his d octri n e for had it n ot been

through h im thi s misery had come u pon h i m ? H ad h e not ,

with the co nfi dence o f al l the sci ences uttered th e merest ,

d reams as eternal truths ? H ow cou ld poor J u l iet hel p

su pposi ng he k new th e thi ngs he asserted an d tak i ng ,

th em for facts ? T he h u man heart was the o ne u nreason

able th ing sighi ng eve r after that which i s not ! S pru ng
from n othi ng it yet d esired a creator —at least some
,

h earts d i d so h is d i d n ot h e k new bette r !

T here was o f cou rse no reason i n thi s Was th e thi ng .

not a fact wh ich sh e had confessed ? w as he not a wor

shiper o f fact ? d id h e not eve n d igni ty i t with th e name Of
truth ? and could he wish h is wife had k ept th e miserable
fact to herself leavin g hi m to hi s fools parad ise of igno
,
’
-

rance P Why then shou ld he fe el resentment agai nst the man

whose teachi ng had o nly co mpelled her to confess it P— B u t
th e th ing was o ut of th e realm o f science and its logic .

Someti mes h e gre w h erce an d d etermi ned to face eve ry

,

possible agony en d u re all an d d omi nate h i s mise ry ; b ut

, ,

ever an d anon it retu rn ed with its o w n d isabling sick n ess ,

bri nging the se nse o f th e u nend u rable O f his own moti on .

h e saw nobody except i n hi s practice H e stu d ied hard .

,

even to weari ness and fai ntness contrived strange ex peri ,

ments an d cau ght h e beli eved c u ri ou s peeps i nto the hou se

, , ,

of li fe U pon the m h e fou n ded theori es as wi ld as they

.

were dari ng an d hob nobb ed with d eath an d corrupti on

,
-
.

B ut li fe is at th e wi ll o f th e Mak er an d mise ry can n ot k ill ,

it
. B y d egrees a littl e com posu re retu rn ed an d th e old ,

k een look began to revive B u t there were wri nk les on the

.

foreh ead that had h ithe rto been smooth as ivo ry fu rrows ,

th e d ry wate r cou rses o f sorrow appeared on his ch eek s

-

, ,

and a few si lvery threads gli nted i n h i s hai r H is step was .

 P A U L F A B ER .
9

h ea vy ,
and his voice had lost its ri ng — the chee r was o ut of
it
. He no more obtru ded his opi nions for as I have said , , ,

h e shru nk from all i nterchange bu t he held to them as fi rmly ,

as ever H e was not to be d rive n from the truth by su ffer

.

i ng ! B ut the re was a certai n strange movement i n hi s

spirit of which he took no note—a feel ing of resentment as ,

i f agai nst a G od that yet di d not exist for mak i ng u pon ,

hi m the e x peri ment whether he might not by oppression be , ,

d rive n to believe i n H i m .

Whe n Do rothy k new of hi s retu rn and h is ways began to ,

show that he i nten de d livi ng j u st as before hi s marriage ,

the ti me seemed come for telli ng J u li et of the accid ent and

his recovery from the e ffects of it S he went into vi olent .

hysterics and the moment she cou ld speak blamed Dorothy

, ,

bitterly for not having told he r before .

It is all you r lyi ng religion sh e said .

You r behavior J u liet answe red D orothy putting o n

, , ,

th e matron and speak ing with authority shows plai nly

, ,

how right I was Yo u were not to be trusted and I k new it

.
, .

H ad I told you you wou ld have ru shed to hi m and been

, ,

anything bu t welcome He wou ld not even have k nown .

’
yo u and you would have been two on the doctor s hand s .

You wou ld have mad e every thi ng publ ic and when you r ,

hu sband came to h imsel f wou ld probably have been the ,

d eath of hi m afte r all .

H e may have begu n to thi nk more ki ndly of me by that

”
ti me sai d J u liet h u mbled a little
, , .

We mu st not act on may lzaves answered D orothy -

You say he looks wretched now su ggested J u li et , .

A nd well he may after concu ssio n of the brain not to

, ,

mention what preced ed it sai d Dorothy ,

.

She had come to see that J uliet requ ired very plai n
spe ak i ng S he had so long practiced the art of deceiving
.

herself that she was ski llfu l at it I nd eed bu t fo r the fau lt .

,

sh e had committed she wou ld all her l ife long have bee n
,

given to petting an d pityi ng j u sti fying and approving of ,

herself O ne can not hel p somet imes feeli ng that the only
.

chance for ce rtai n pe rsons is to commit some fau lt su fficient

to shame them ou t of th e self satisfaction i n which they
b u rrow A fau lt i f only it be great an d plai n enough to
.
,

exceed thei r powers of self j u stifi cat io n may the n b e of , ,

’
G od 5 mercy not i ndeed an angel of light to d raw them but
, ,

verily a gobli n of dark ness to te rrify them ou t of themselves .

For th e powers of dark ness are H is se rvants also thou gh ,

2 90 PAUL FABER .

i ncapable of k n owi ng it H e who is fi rst and last can even ,

of those that l ove t h e l i e mak e slaves of the truth A n d

, .

they wh o wil l not be so ns shall be slaves let them rant and

wear crowns as they please i n the slaves qu arters .

You mu st n ot ex pect h im to get ove r such a sh o ck al l at

,
”
once sai d D orothy —I t may b e she conti nu ed that
.
"
, ,

you were wrong i n ru n ning away from hi m I d o not pre .

ten d to j ud ge between you but perhaps after the i nj u ry

, , ,

you had d one hi m you ought to have left it with h im to say

,

what you were to d o n ext By tak ing it i n you r own hands

.
,

you may have only add ed to the wrong ;

A n d wh o helped me ? retu rned J u liet i n a tone of d eep ,

reproach
H elped you to ru n from h im j u l iet l—R eally i f you
.

, ,

were i n the habit of behavi ng to you r h u sband as you d o to

me She check ed herself and resu med calmly ,

You forget the facts o f th e case my d ear So far from ,

.

helpi ng you to ru n from h im I stopped you from ru nni ng so

,

far that neither cou ld h e h nd you n or you retu rn to hi m ,

again B ut n ow we m ust mak e the best of i t by waiti ng

. .

We mu st h nd o ut wh ether h e wants you agai n o r you r ab ,

sence i s a relief to h i m I f I had been a man I shou ld have

.
,

been j u st as wi ld as h e .

S he had seen i n J u l iet some signs that self abhorrence

was wanti ng and self —
-

,
pity reviving and sh e woul d con n ive ,

at no u n reality i n h er treatment of herself S he was on e .

thing whe n bowed to th e earth i n mise ry and shame ,

an d qu ite another i f thi nk ing herself hard ly u sed on all

sid es .

I t was a strange position fo r a you n g woman to be in

that of watcher over the marriage relations o f two persons ,

to n either of wh om she cou ld be a friend otherwise than

ab ex tra E re long she began al most to d espai r Day after
. .

day sh e h eard o r saw that Faber conti nu ed su nk i n hi mself ,

an d how thi ngs were going there she cou ld n ot tell Was h e .

thi nk i ng abou t the wife h e had lost or b rood i ng over th e

wrong sh e had d one hi m ? T here was the qu estion —and
,

wh o was to answe r it ? A t the same ti me sh e w as all bu t

ce rtai n that th ings being as th ey were any reconciliation
, , ,

that might be e ffected woul d o we itself merely to the raisi ng ,

as it were of the d ead and the root o f bitterness wou ld soon

,

tro uble them afresh I f but o ne o f them had begu n th e task

.

o f self conqu es t there wou ld be h ope for both

-

,
B ut of such .

a ch an ge there was i n J u l iet as yet no sign .

 PAU L FABER . 29 1

D orothy then u nd erstood he r position —it was wond erfu l

W ith what clearness but solitary necessity i s a hot su n to
ripen What was she to do ? T o what quarter—cou ld sh e
,

to any quarte r look for help ? Natu rally sh e thought fi rst

of M r Wingfo ld B ut she di d n ot feel at all su re that h e
. .

wou ld consent to receive a commu n ication u pon any othe r

u nderstand ing than that h e was to act i n th e matter as h e
might see best and wou ld it be right to acquai nt hi m with
the secret of anothe r whe n possibly he might feel bou nd to
reveal it P Besid es if he k ept it hi d th e resu lt might be
, ,

blame to him an d blame she reasoned although a small , ,

matter i n regard to on e lik e herself might i n respect of a ,

’
man i n the cu rate s position i nvolve seri ou s consequ ences .

W hile sh e thu s reflected i t came i nto her mi nd with what

,

enthu siasm she had heard hi m speak of M r Polwarth .

,

attributing to hi m the begi n ni ngs of all e nlighten ment he

had himself eve r received Withou t this testimony she .
,

wou l d not have once thou ght of h im I ndeed she had been .

more than a little do ubtfu l of him for she had never felt ,

attracted to hi m and from her k nowledge of the u nhealthy

,

religiou s atmosphe re of the chapel had got u nreaso nably ,

su sp ic ious of cant S he had not had ex perience enou gh to d is

.

t inguish with any certai nty the speech that comes from the
head and that which comes out of the fu l lness of the heart .

A man mu st talk out of that which is i n hi m hi s well must

give ou t the water of its own spri ng ; but what seems a well
may be only a cistern an d the water by n o means living
,

water What sh e had once o r twice heard h i m say had

.
,

rath er repelled than d rawn her but Dorothy had faith an d

M r Wingfo ld had spok en
,

. M ight sh e tel l him ? O ught

.

she not to seek his hel p ? Wou ld he k eep the secret ?

C ou ld h e help i f he wou ld ? Was h e i nd eed as wise as
they sai d P
I n the meantime little as she thought it P olwarth had
, ,

been awaiting a commu nication from her ; bu t when he

fou nd that the qu esti on whose presence was so visible i n he r
whol e beari ng neith er d ie d n or bo re fru it he began to th ink
, ,

whether h e might not hel p he r to speak T h e next time .

,

therefore that h e opened the gate to her he held i n his

, ,

hand a little bu d h e had j u st broken fro m a monthly rose .

I t was a hard littl e button u pon which the green leaves of

,

its calyx clu ng as i f chok i ng it .

“
What i s the matte r with this bu d do you thi nk M i ss , ,

D rak e P he ask ed .
29 2 PA U L F A B ER .

T hat you have pl uck ed it she answered sharply throw , ,

i ng a su spiciou s glance i n h is face .

N o that can not be it h e answered w ith a qu i et ,

smile of i ntel ligence It has bee n j ust as you see it for

.

the last three days I on ly plucked it th e moment I saw you

.

coming .

Then th e frost has cau ght it .

”
T he frost b as caught it h e answered but I am not ,

qu ite su re whether the cau se o f its d eath was not rather its
o w n li fe than th e frost .

I d o n t see what you mean by that M r P olwarth sai d

’

, ,
.

D orothy d oubtfu lly an d with a feeling of d iscomfort

, , .

I admit it sou nd s paradoxical retu rn ed the little man ,

.

W hat I mean i s that the struggl e of the life i n it

,

t o u nfold itself rather than any thing e lse was the cau se of
, ,

its d eath .

B ut the frost w as th e cau se o f its n ot b eing able to un

fold itself said Dorothy
, .

T hat I admit sai d Polwarth ,

and p erhaps a weak er
life i n th e flower woul d have yield ed soone r I may have .

carri ed too far an a nalogy I was seeking to establi sh between

it and the h u man heart i n which rep ression i s so mu ch more
,

dangerou s than mere O ppression M any a hea rt has withered .

lik e my poor littl e bu d because it d id n ot k now its fri end

,

when it saw hi m .

D orothy was frighten ed H e k n ew somethi ng ! O r d i d .

h e only suspect ? Perhaps h e was merely gu essing at her

religiou s troubles wanti ng to h el p her S he mu st answer
,
.

carefu lly .

I have no d oubt yo u are right M r Polwarth sh e said ,

.
,

bu t there are some things i t i s no t wi se an d other things ,

i t wou ld n ot be right to speak about .

Q u ite t ru e h e an swered
,
I d i d not th i nk i t wise to .

say any thi ng soone r but n ow I ventu re to ask how the poor
,

lady d oes P
What lady P retu rned D orothy d read fu lly startled and
"
, ,

tu rni ng white .

M rs Faber answered Polwarth with the utmost cal m

.
, ,

n ess . I s she not sti ll at the O ld H ou se ?

Is it k nown then P faltered Dorothy
, .

T o n obody bu t myself so far as I am aware repli ed , ,

th e gatek eeper .

A n d h o w long have yo u k nown it P

From the ve ry day o f her d isap pearance I may say ,
.
 PA U L F A B E R . 2 93

’ ”
Why d idn t you let me k now sooner ? sai d D orothy ,

feeling aggrieved though she wou ld have fou nd it h ard to

,

show wherei n lay th e inj u ry .

For more reason s than one answered Polwarth ,

bu t
one w ill be enou gh : you d id n ot tru st me I t was well .

therefore to let you u nd erstand I cou ld k eep a secret I .

let yo u know now only becau se I see yo u are troubled

about her I fear you have n ot got her to take any comfort
.
,

poor lady
D orothy stoo d si lent gazi ng d own with bi g frightened
, ,

eyes at th e strange creatu re wh o look ed steadfastly u p at

her from u nd er what seemed a hu ge hat—for his h ead was
as large as that of a tall man He seemed to be read ing her
.

ve ry thoughts .

“
I can trust you M iss D rake h e resu med
,
If I did
,
.

n ot I shou ld have at once acquai nted the authorities with

,

my suspicions for you wi l l observ e you are hi d ing from a

, ,

commu nity a fact which it has a right to k now B u t I have .

faith en ough i n you to believe that you are only waiti ng a

fi t time and have good reasons for what you d o
,
I f I can .

give you any help I am at you r service

, .

He took o ff his big hat and tu rned away i nto the hou se
, .

Dorothy stood fi x ed for a moment or two longer then ,

walk ed slowly away with her eyes on the grou nd B efore

, .

sh e reach ed the O ld H ou se she had made u p her mi n d to

,

tell Polwarth as mu ch as she cou ld without b etraying J u liet s ’

secret and to ask h im to talk to her for which she wou ld

, ,

contrive an oppo rtu nity .

For some time she had been growing more anxi ou s eve ry
day N o sign o f change showed i n any quarter ; n o way
.

o pened through the diffi culties that su rrou nded them whi le ,

these were greatly added to by the lik el ihood appearing that

another life was on its way i nto them What was to be .

done P H ow was she i n her ign orance so to guard the

hopeless wi fe that motherh ood might d o something to con
sole her ? Sh e had two lives npo nher hands and d i d i ndeed ,

want cou nsel T he man wh o k new thei r secret already

.

the mi nor prophet she had heard the cu rate call him
,

might at least hel p h er to the n ext step sh e mu st tak e .

’
J u liet s m ental condition was n ot at all encou ragi ng S he .

was often ai li ng an d peevish behavi ng as if she owed ,

D orothy grud ge i nst ead of grati tu d e A nd i n deed to her .

self D orothy w ou ld remark that i f n o thi ng more came o ut

of it th an seem ed likely n o w J u li et wou ld be u nd er n o very
,
2
94 PAU L F A BER .

ponderou s obligati on t o h er S he fou nd it more and more

.

diffi cu lt to i nterest her i n any thi ng A fter O thello s h e d id .

not read an other play N o th ing pleased her bu t to talk

.

about her h usband I f D orothy had seen hi m J u liet had

.
,

en d less qu estions to pu t to her about hi m ; and when she

had answered as many of the m as sh e cou ld she wou ld p ut ,

them all over agai n afresh O u on e occasi on when D orothy

.

cou ld n ot say she believe d he was when she saw hi m thi nk , ,

ing about his wife J u li et went i nto hysterics

,
S he was .

growi ng so u nmanageabl e that i f D orothy had not partially

open ed her mi n d to P olwarth sh e mu st at last have been ,

compelled to give her u p T he charge was wearing h er ou t

.

her strength was givi ng way and h er temper growing so ,

i rritable that she was ashamed of herself— and all without

any good to J u li et Twice sh e hi nted at letti ng he r hu sband
.

k now where sh e was but J u l iet although on both occasi ons

, , , ,

sh e had a mom ent before been talk ing as if D orothy alon e

prevented her from retu rnin g to him fell on h er k nees i n ,

wi ld d istress an d entreated her to bear with h er A t the

, .

smallest approach of th e i dea toward actu ality th e reco llec

tion ru shed scorch ing back —o f h ow she had i mplored him
,

how sh e had hu mbled h erself sou l an d body before h im h ow ,

h e had tu rn ed from her with loathi ng would n ot put fort h ,

a hand to lift her from d estru ction an d to restore h er to

peace had left her n ak ed on the floor nor once retu rn ed to
ask th e spotted prin cess how she fares —an d she sh ru nk
, ,

with agony from any real thou ght of agai n su ppl icati ng h is
mercy .

P resently an other diffi cu lty began to show in the n ear d is

tance M r D rak e havi ng mad e u p his mi n d as to the alter
.
,

atio n s he wou ld have e ffected had begu n to thi nk there was

,

no occasion to put off till th e spring an d talked of com ,

mencing work i n th e ho u se at no d istant day D orothy .

th erefore proposed to J u liet that as it was i m possible to con ,

c eal her there much longer sh e should go to some d istant

‘

part of th e cou ntry whe re sh e wou ld contrive to follow h er

,
.

B ut the thought of moving fu rther from her h u sband whose ,

n earness though she dared n ot seek hi m seemed her only

, ,

safety was frightfu l to J u li et Th e wasting anxi ety she

,
.

cau sed D orothy did n ot occu r to her Sorrow i s not selfi sh .

,

b ut many persons are i n sorrow enti rely selfi sh I t mak es .

them so i mp o rtant i n thei r o wneyes that they seem to have

_

a cl aim u pon all that people can d o fo r them -

.

T o th e extent therefore of what sh e mi ght herself h ave

,
 PAUL 11 11131111 . 29
5

k now nwithou t
’
J u l iet s confessi on Dorothy d riven to her , ,

wits end resolved to open the matter to the gatek eepe r ;

’

and accord ingly on e eveni ng on her way home called at

, ,

the lodge an d told Polwarth where an d i n what cond iti on

,

sh e had fou n d M rs Faber an d what she had d one with her

.
,

that she d id not thi nk it th e part of a frien d to advise her

retu rn to her husband at present that sh e wou ld n ot her
self hear of retu rn ing ; that she had n o comfo rt and h er ,

life was a bu rd en to her an d that she cou l d not possibly

keep h er conceal ed m uch longer and d i d n ot k now what ,

next to do .

P olwarth answered only that he mu st mak e th e acqu ai nt

ance of M rs Faber I f that cou ld be effected he beli eved
. .
,

he shou ld be abl e to help them out of thei r difficu lties .

Between them therefore they must arrange a plan for hi s

, ,

meeting her .

C H A PT E R X LI .

T HE O L D G ARDE N .

T HE next morn i ng J uli et walk ing listlessly u p and dow n

, ,

the gard en tu rn ed the corne r of a yew hedge an d came

, ,

su dd enly u pon a fig u re that might well have appeared on e

of the kobolds of G erman legend He was d iggi ng slowly
but stead ily crooni ng a strange song—so low that u nti l she
.

, ,

saw hi m she d id n ot hear hi m .

She started back i n d ismay T h e k obold neither raised .

hi s head nor showed othe r sign than the ceasi ng of his song
that h e was aware of h er presence S lowly and steadily he .

went on with hi s work H e was trench ing the grou nd deep .

,

sti ll th rowi ng th e earth from the bottom to th e top J u liet .

,

conclud ing h e w as d eaf and the ceasing of h is song acci ,

d ental tu rned softly an d wou ld have retreated B u t Po l

, ,
.

warth so far from bei ng d eaf heard better than most

, ,

people H i s senses i nd eed h ad been sharpen ed by hi s in

fi rmities —
.
, ,

all bu t those of taste and smell which were fi tfu l , ,

now d u ll and n ow exqui sitely keen A t the fi rst move .

men t b re ak i ng the sti llness i nto wh ich conste rnati on had

cast h er he s pok e
,
.
2 96 PAU L FABER .

C an you gu ess what I am doing M rs Fab er ? h e said ,

.
,

th rowi ng u p a spadefu l an d a glance together like a man ,

who cou ld spare n o ti me from his work .

’
J ul iet s heart got i n the way and sh e cou l d not answer ,

hi m S he felt much as a ghost wand eri ng through a h o u se

.
, ,

might feel i f su dd enly ad d ressed by th e name she had

,

born e i n the old d ays whil e yet she was cloth ed i n the gar
,

ments o f the flesh Cou ld it be that th is man led su ch a

.

reti red life that although livi ng so n ear G laston and see
, ,

i ng so many at hi s gate he had yet never heard that she ,

had passed from the k e n of th e living ? O r cou ld it be that

D orothy had betrayed he r ? S he stood qu ak i ng T he situ .

ati on was strange B efore her was a man w h o d id n ot seem

.

to k no w that what h e k new concerni ng her was a secret

from al l the world besi d es A nd with that she had a su d
d en i nsight i nto the con sequ ence of th e fact of h er ex istence
’
coming to her h usband s k nowledge : wou ld it n ot add to
his contem pt and scorn to k n ow that she was not even
d ead ? W ou ld h e n ot at once conclud e that sh e had been
contrivi ng to work on h is feeli ngs that she had been speen ,

lati ng on hi s repentance cou nti ng u po n and awaiti ng such

,

a retu rn of h is old fond ness as wo uld mak e hi m forget all ,

her fau lts and prepare h im to receive her agai n with d e

light P— B ut she mu st answer the creatu re
,

111 cou ld she

a ff ord to offend him B ut what was she to say P She had
utterly forgotten what h e had sai d to her She stood star .

ing at hi m u nable to speak I t was bu t for a few moments

,
.
,

bu t they were long as m i nutes A n d as she gazed it seemed .

,

as i f the strange bei n g i n the tre nch had d ug his way u p

from the lower parts of the earth bringi ng her secret with ,

hi m an d come to ask he r qu estions What an earthy yet

,
.

u n earth ly look h e had l A l most fo r th e moment sh e

believed th e anci ent ru mors of other races than those o f
manki nd that shared th e eart h with them bu t led su ch
, ,

di fferently cond iti oned l ives that i n the course of ages , , ,

on ly a scanty few o f th e u nb lending natu res crossed each

’
other s path to stan d astare i n m utual aston ishment
,
.

P olwa rth went on d iggi ng n or once look ed u p A fter a , .

littl e while h e resu med i n the most natu ral way spe ak i ng
, ,

as i f h e had k nown her wel l

M r D rak e and I were talki ng som e week s ago about
.
, ,

a ce rtai n cu ri ou s l ittl e old fashion ed flower i n my garden at -

th e b ack of th e lodge He ask ed me i f I cou ld spare h im a

.
-

r oot of it I told hi m I cou ld Spa re h im any thi n g h e wou ld

.
 PAUL FABER . 297

l ike to have bu t that I woul d gladly give hi m eve ry fl owe r

,

inmy garden roots and all i f he wou ld bu t let me d ig three

, ,

yard s squ are i n h is garden at the O ld H ou se an d have all ,

"
that came u p of itself for a year .

He pau sed agai n J u liet n eithe r spok e n or moved H e

. .

d u g rathe r feebly for a gnome with panti ng asth mati c , ,

b reath .

“ ’
P erhaps you are not aware ma am he began agai n , ,

an d ceasi ng his labor stood u p lean ing o n the spad e which ,

was nearly as high as hi mself that many of the seed s

,

which fall u pon the grou nd d o n ot gro w yet strange to tell , , ,

retai n the power of growth I suspect myself bu t have not

.
,

had opportu nity of testi ng th e conj ectu re that such fall i n ,

thei r pod s o r shells and that before these are su fficiently

, ,

d ecayed to allow the su n an d moistu re an d ai r to reach

them they have got covered u p i n the soi l too d ee p for
,

those same influences T hey say fi sh es a long ti me bed d ed

.

i n ice wi ll come to l ife again I can not te ll about that bu t ,

it is well enough k nown that i f you d ig d eep i n any old

gard en such as this ancient perhaps forgotten flo wers
, , , ,

will appear T h e fashi on h as changed they have been

.
,

n eglected o r u prooted but all th e time thei r life is hi d below

,
.

A nd th e older they are the n earer perhaps to thei r primary

,

id ea
B y th is ti me she was far mo re composed though n ot yet ,

had she mad e u p her mi nd what to say o r how to treat th e ,

d ilemma i n which she fou nd herself .

A fte r a brief pau se therefore b e resu med agai n ,

’
I don t fancy he said with a lo w asthmatic laugh
, , , ,

that we shall have many forgotten weeds come up T hey

all I su spect keep pretty W
.

, ,
ell i n the su n B ut j ust think .

how the h erc e d iggi ng of th e cri 5 1s to which the great

H usband man every now an d the n lead s a nation bri ngs ,

back to the su rface its old forgotten flo wers What vi rtu es .

,

for i nstance the R evolution brought to light as even yet i n

,

the natu re of the corru pted n obility of France

“
What a pecu liar gobli n it i s l thought J u liet b egi n ,

n i ng to forget herself a littl e i n watchi ng and li steni ng to

the strange creatu re She had ofte n seen h i m before bu t
.
,

had always tu rned from h im with a k ind of sympathetic

shame : of cou rse the poor creatu re cou ld not bear to be
l ook ed at he must k now himsel f i mprope r
“
I have sometimes wond ered Pol wa rth yet agai n t e ,
“
su med whether th e troubles withou t end that some people
,
2 98 P A U L F A B ER .

seem born to—I d o n ot mean those th ey b ring u pon them

selves —may not be as su bsoil p lows teari ng d eep i nto the ,

fami ly mold that the seed s of t h e lost v i rtu es of th ei r race

,

may i n them be once more brought withi n reach o f s u n an d

ai r an d d ew I t wou ld be a pleasant h o pefulth o u gh t i f on e
.
,

might h old it Wou ld it n ot ma am P

.
,
’

”
I t wou ld i ndeed answe red J u l iet with a sigh wh ich
, ,

J ose from an u n defi ned feeli n g that i f som e h id d en vi rtu e

wou ld come u p i n her it wou ld be wel come H ow many , .

peop le wou ld lik e to be good if o nly th ey might be good ,

w ithout taking trouble abou t it T hey d o n ot like good ness

well enough to h unge r an d thi rst after it or to sell all that ,

they hav e that they may buy it they wi ll n ot batter at th e

gate o f the k i ngd om of H eaven ; bu t the y look with pleasu re
on th is o r that aerial castle of righteo u sness an d th ink it ,

wo u ld be rather n ice to l ive i n i t T hey do n ot k now that

it i s good ness al l the time thei r ve ry being is pi n i ng after ,

an d that they are starv i ng thei r natu re of its necessary food .

’ ’
Then Po lwart h s idea tu rned itsel f rou nd i n J u liet s mind ,

an d grew cleare r but assu med reference to weed s only an d

, ,

n ot flo wers S he thought how that fau lt of hers had like the

.
,

seed of a poison plant been bu ri ed fo r years u nknown to

-

e al ive and forgotten almost by he rsel f— so d il igently for

, ,

on ,

gotten i n d eed that it seemed to have grad ually sli pped

,

away ove r the h orizon of her existence ; and n ow here it

was at th e su rface agai n i n all its horro r and old reality n or
that merely for al ready it had blossomed an d borne its
,

righ tfu l fru it o f d ismay— anevil pod filled W ith a sick ening
'

j u ice an d swarming with gray fl ies — B ut she m u st speak

,

,
.
,

and if possible prevent the od d creatu re fro m going an d

, ,

p ublish ing i n G laston that h e had seen M rs Faber an d sh e .

,

was at the O ld H ouse .

H ow d id yo u k n ow I was h ere P she ask ed abru ptly .

H ow d o you k n ow that I k n ew ma am P retu rned ,

’

Polwarth i n a tone which took from th e word s all appearanc e

,

o f rude n ess .

You were not i n th e least su rprised to see me she ,

answered .

A man retu rn ed the d wa rf wh o k e eps h is eyes open

, ,

may al most cease to be su rprised at an y th i ng I n my ti me

I have seen so mu ch that 15 wonde rfu l —in fact eve ry thing
.

seems to m e so wo nd erfu l that I hard ly e xp ect to be su r

prised any more .

He sai d th i s d esi ri ng to p rovoke co nversation

,
B ut .
 P A U L FA BE R . 29
9

J uli et took th e answer for an evasive one an d i t strength ,

ened her su spicion of D orothy S he was getti ng tired of

he r ! T hen there was on ly o n e thing left l— T he m inor
.

prophet had betak en hi mself agai n to h i s work d elvi ng ,

d eeper an d throwi ng slow spad efu l afte r spadefu l to the

,

su rface .

M iss D rak e told yo u I was h ere said J u liet .

, N o i nd ee d M rs Faber N o on e told me answered

, ,
. .
,

Polwarth I learn ed i t fo r myself I cou ld hardly hel p

. .

fin ding it out
T hen — then —does eve ry body k now it P sh e faltered
.

”
,

her heart si nk ing withi n her at th e thou ght .

’
“
I ndeed ma am so far as I k now not a sin gle person
, , ,

is aware you are al ive except M i ss D rake and myself I .

have not even told my n i ece who lives with me an d wh o ,

can k eep a secret as well as myself .

J u liet breathed a great sigh of relief .

Will you tell me why you have kept i t so secret P she

ask ed .

’
Because it was you r secret ma am not mi ne , , .

B u t you were u nd er no obligation to k eep my secret .

H ow d o you j ustify su ch a frightfu l statement as that ,

’
ma am P
Why what cou ld it matte r to yo u P
,
"
E very th ing .

I d o not u nd erstan d Yo u have n o i nterest i n me . .

"
You cou ld have no i nd ucem ent .

O u the contrary I had th e strongest i nd ucement : I

,

saw that an oppo rtu nity might come of serving you .

B ut that is j ust the u n i ntelligible thi ng to me T he re .

i s n o reason why yo u shou ld w ish to se rv e me sai d

J u liet th ink i ng to get at the bottom o f som e d esign
, .

T here yo u mistak e ma am I am u nd er the most ab so '

lu te an d i mperative obligati on to serve you —the greatest

,
.

u nd er which any being can fi nd h i mself .

What a rid icu lou s c rooked littl e monster said

,

J u liet to herself B ut she began the same moment to thi nk

.

’
whether she might not tu rn the creatu re s d evotion to good
accou nt S he might at all events in su re h is si lence
. .

“
Wo u ld you be k i nd e nough to explai n you rsel f ? she
said no w also i nterested i n the conti n uance of the conve r
,

sation .

“
I wou ld at once replied Polwarth “
had I su flicient
, ,
”
grou n d for hopi ng you wou ld u n ders tand my ex planation .
3 00 P A U L F A B ER .

I do not know that I am pa rti cu larly stu pid sh e ,

retu rn ed with a wan smile

,
.

I have heard to th e contrary said Polwart h Yet I , .

can not h el p greatly d oubting wh ether you wil l u nd erstan d

what I am now going to tel l you For I wil l tell yo u —o n
th e chance I have no secrets—that is of my own — I am
.

, .

”
on e of those M rs Faber he went on after a moment s ’

, ,
.

pause but h i s voice n either became more sol emn i n tone

, ,

n or d id he cease his d igging although it got slower who “

, , ,

again st th e no new aen ee o f their senses

’
’
-
beli eve there is a ,

M aste r o f men the o ne M aster a right perfect M an wh o

, , ,

d emand s of th em and lets them k now i n themselves the ,

rectitu d e of the d emand that they also shall b e right and

tru e men that is tru e brothers to thei r b rothers and sisters
, ,

of mank i nd I t i s record ed too and I bel ieve it that this

.
, ,

M aster sai d that any se rv ice rendered to o ne of H is peop le

was rend ered to H i mself T h erefore for love of H i s will .
, ,

even i f I had n o sympathy with you M rs Faber I shou ld , .

,

feel bou nd to hel p you A s you can not bel ieve me i nterested .

i n you rself I mu st tell you that to betray you r secret for

,

th e satisfaction o f a love o f gossi p wou ld b e to si n agai nst ,

my h igh est j oy agai nst my own h ope agai nst the heart of
, ,

G od from which you r bei ng an d mi ne d raws th e life of its

,
”
eve ry moment .

’
J u liet s heart seemed to tu rn sick at the thou ght of such a
creatu re claiming b rotherh ood w ith h er T hat it gave .

grou n d fo r such a clai m seem ed for the moment an i rre ,

sist ib le argu ment against th e ex istence of a G od .

I n her cou ntenance P olwarth read at once that h e had

bl u ndered an d a sad n oble h u mble smil e i rradiated hi s
, , , .

It had its effect o n J u li et S he wou ld be generous and .

forgive h is presu mption : sh e k new dwarfs were always

conceited —that wi se N atu re had provid ed them with hi gh
thoughts wherewith to add th e missi ng cu bit to th ei r statu re .

What repu lsive thi ngs Ch risti an i ty tau ght H er ve ry flesh

recoiled from th e poor ape
’
I trust you are satisfi ed ma am the k obold added , , ,
’
after a moment s vai n ex pectation o f a word from J u li et ,
”
that you r secret is safe with me .

I am answered J u liet with a cond escend i ng m oti on

, ,

o f her stately n eck sayi ng to herself i n feeling i f n ot i n

,

consciou s thou ght A fter all h e is hard ly hu man I may

,

accept h is d evotion as I wou ld that o f a do g

The moment sh e h ad thu s far yield ed sh e b egan to long ,
 PAUL FABER .
30 1

to speak o f her hu sband P erhaps he can tel l h er some .

thi ng of him A t least h e cou ld talk abou t him S he would .

have bee n eage r to look on hi s reflectio n had it been possi ,

ble i n the mi nd of a d og that loved h im S h e wou ld tu rn

, .

the conversation i n a d i rection that might h nd h im .

B ut I d o not see sh e went o n how you M r Po l

warth —I think that is you r name— how you can consist
, , , .

ently with you r pri nci ples ,

’
E xcu se me ma am I can not even by si lence seem t o
, , ,

ad mit that you k now any thi ng whatever of my princi ples .

“
Oh she retu rned with a smi le o f generou s co nfes ,

sion ,
I was brought u p to believe as you d o .

T hat but satisfi es me that for th e p resent you are i ncapa

”
ble of k nowi ng any thing of my p ri nci ples .

I do not wond er at you r thi nk ing so she retu rned with , ,

the condescensi on of su peri or ed ucation as she su pposed , ,

and yet with the fi rst motion of an u nconsci ou s respe ct fo r

th e odd li ttle monster — He with wheezing ch est went on
.
, ,

throwing u p th e deep d amp fresh earth to hi m smelli ng of

, , ,

ma rvelou s things R uth woul d have ached al l ove r to see

.

h im work ing so hard Still J u liet went o u su pposin g , ,

you r j u dgment of me correct that on ly mak es it the stranger ,

you shou ld imagi ne that i n se rvi ng su ch a on e you are ,

pleasing H i m you call you r M aster He says whosoever d e .

nies H i m before men He wi ll deny before the angels of G od .

What my L ord says He will d o He will d o as He meant , ,

it wh en H e sai d it what H e tells me to do I t ry to u nde r

_ ,

stand and d o N ow H e has told me of all things not to say

.

that good comes of evil He cond emned that i n the P hari .

sees as th e greatest of crimes When therefore I see a man .

, ,

like you r hu sband h elpi ng hi s n eighbors n ear and far

, ,

bei ng k i nd i nd eed lovi ng an d good hearted to all men

, ,
-

H ere a great sigh checked an d broke n i nto many little

,

ones came i n a tremu lou s chai n fro m the bosom o f the wi fe

,

I am bou nd t o say that man is n ot scatteri ng hi s M aste r

abroad He i s i ndeed opposi ng H i m i n word s h e speak s
.

against the Son of M an bu t that th e S on of Man H imself

says shall be forgiven h im I f I mistak e i n th is to my own .
,

M aster I stan d or fall .

H ow can He be his Master i f h e d oes not ack nowled ge

H im P
B ecau se the ve ry tongu e with wh ich he d enies H im i s
yet H i s I am the master of the flowers that will now grow
by my lab or thou gh not o ne of them wi ll k now me —h ow
.

,
302 P AUL FABER .

much more mu st He be th e Master of th e men He has cal led

i nto being thou gh they do not ack nowledge H i m ! I f the
,

sto ry of the gospel be a tru e on e as with my hea rt and sou l ,

and all that i s i n me I believ e it is then J esu s of Nazareth ,

is L ord and M aster of M r Faber and for h i m n ot to ack no wl

.
,

edge it i s to fall fro m the su mmit o f h is bein g To deny .

”
o ne s M aste r i s to be a slave
’

,
.

Yo u are ve ry polite sai d M rs Faber an d tu rned .

,

away She recalled her imagi nary d anger however an d tu rn

.
, ,

i ng agai n said B u t thou gh I d i ffer from you i n opin ion

, , ,

M r P olwarth I qu ite recogn ize you as n o common man and

.
, ,
”
put you u pon you r hon or with regard to my secret .

H ad you entru sted me with you r secret ma am th e ,

’

phrase wou ld have had more significance B ut obeying my .

,

M aster I d o not requ i re to th ink of my o wn h onor T hose

, .

who do not ack nowledge thei r Master can n ot a fford to for

get it B u t if they d o not learn to obey H im they wi ll n
,

. ud ,

by th e time they have got throu gh what th ey call life they ,

have left themselves little hono r to boast o f .

He has gu essed my real secret th ou ght poor J u liet ,

and tu rni ng away i n confusion w ith out a word o f farewel l , ,

went straight i nto th e hou se Bu t before D orothy wh o had .

,

b ee n o n th e watch at the top o f th e slope came in Sh e had , ,

begu n to h ope that th e word s o f th e forward d isagreeable , ,

conceited d warf had i n them noth ing beyon d a general

remark .

W hen D orothy entered sh e i nstantly accu sed h er of ,

treach ery D orothy rep ressing her i n dignation begged she

.
, ,

wou ld go with her to P olwarth B ut when th ey reached the .

spot the gnome had van ished

,
.

H e had been d iggin g only for the sak e of th e flowers

bu ried i n J u liet and had gon e h ome t o li e d own H is
,
.

b od ily strength w as ex hausted but will an d faith an d pu r ,

pose n eve r forsook the sou l cramped u p i n that d istorted

frame W hen greatly su fferin g h e wou ld yet su ffer with his
will — not merely resign in g hi mself to the w ill of G od but
.
,

d esi ri ng th e su fferi ng that G od w illed When t h e wearied .

sou l cou ld n o longer k ee p the su mmit of th e task whe n n ot ,

stren gth me rely bu t the con sciou sness o f faith and d uty
,

failed hi m he wou ld cast faith an d strength and d uty all h is

, ,
’
being i nto the gu lf o f the Father s will an d simply su ffer
—
, , ,

n o longer t ryi ng to feel any thi ng waiting on ly u nti l th e

L i fe shou ld send h i m light .

D orothy tu rned to J u li et .
 PA UL FA BER .
3 03

You might have asked M r Po lwart h J u liet whether I

'

,
.
,
"
had betraye d you sh e said ,
.

N ow I thi nk of it he d id say you had not told hi m B ut

, .

how was I to tak e the word of a creatu re li ke that P

J u liet sai d D orothy very angry I begi n to d oubt i f
, , ,

you were worth tak ing the trouble for

She tu rned from he r and walked toward th e hou se, .

J u liet rushed after h er and cau ght he r i n he r arms .

”
“
Forgive m e D orothy ,
she cried I am not i n my
,
.

right senses I d o believe What is to b e done now this

, .

man k n ows it P
T hings are n o worse than they were said D orothy as , ,

qu ick ly appeased as angered O nthe contrary I beli eve we .

,

have the only one to help u s who i s able to d o it Why .

,

J u liet why what am I to d o with you when my fathe r sends

,

the carpenters an d brick layers to the hou se ? T hey will be

i nto every corner He talks of commenci ng n ext week an d ,
"
I am at my wits end ’
.

’
O h d on t forsake me D orothy afte r all you have d one
, ,

for me cried J u li et I f you tu rn me out there never was

creatu re i n the world so forlorn as I sh all b e—absolutely
.
, ,

h el pless D orothy
,

I wil l d o all I can for you my poor J u liet but i f M r , .

’
P olwarth d o not th ink of some way I d on t know what will ,
’
become of u s You do n t k now what you are gu ilty of i n
despisin g hi m M r Wingfo ld speak s of hi m as far the fi rst
.

. .

man i n G laston
C ertainly M r Wingfo ld M r D rew an d some oth ers of
.

, ,
. .

the best men i n the place d i d thi nk hi m of th ose they k new

, , ,

the greatest i n the k ingd om of H eaven G laston was alto .

gethe r of a d i fferent O pi n ion Which was th e right O pi ni on .

,

must be left to the measu ri ng rod that shall fi nally be

applied to the statu res of men
T he histo ry of the k ingdom of H eaven —n eed I say I mean
.

a very d i fferent th ing from what is called elzu reb l ustory -

i s the only histo ry that wi ll eve r be able to show itself a his

to ry —that can eve r come to be thoroughly written or to be ,

read with a clear u n d erstandi ng for it alon e will prove abl e

to ex plai n itself wh i le i n d oing so it will ex plai n ah othe r
,

attempted h istori es as well M any of those who wil l then .

b e fo u n d fi rst i n the eternal record may have been of little ,

regard i n the eyes of even thei r religiou s contemporaries ,

may have been absolutely u nk nown to generations that came

after , and were yet th e men of life and potency work ing as ,
3 04 PAU L FABER .

light as salt as l eaven i n the world Wh en the real wort h

, , , .

o f t h ings 1s over al l the measu re of thei r esti mation then

, ,

i s the k i ngd om o f o u r Go d an d H i s C h rist .

C H A PT E R X L I I .

T HE P O TTERY .

Ir had been a ve ry dry autu mn an d th e period ical rai ns ,

had been long d elayed so that th e mi ni ster had been able

,

to d o mu ch fo r the hou ses he had bought called th e P otte ry , .

T here had been but j ust rai n enou gh to reveal th e advant

age of the wall h e had bu i lt to compel the water to k eep
th e wide r street T horoughly d ry an d healthy it was impos
.

sible to mak e them at least i n th e ti me b u t it i s one thi ng

,

to have the wate r all about th e place you stan d o u and ,

another to b e u p to th e k n ees i n it N ot at that poi nt only .

,

however bu t at every spot where the water could enter

,

freely he had d on e what h e cou ld p rovisionally for the

d efense o f h is poo r colony— for alas h o w mu ch among the
,

wel l to d o i n town o r c ity are the poor lik e colon ists only
- -

— and he had great h opes o f th e resu lt Stone and brick

, ,

an d cement h e had u sed freely an d one o r two of the people ,

about began to have a glimmeri ng i dea of th e u se of mon ey

after a gospel fas h ion —that is for thorough work where and ,

because it was need ed T he cu rate was fu ll of ad mi ratio n

.

an d sympathy B ut th e whol e thi ng gave great dissatisfac

.

ti on to others not a few For as the cu rrents of i nu ndati on

.
,

wo u ld b e so mewh at altered i n d i rection an d increased i n

‘

f0rce by h is obstructions it became necessary for several ,

oth ers also to ad d to th e d efen ses o f thei r property and this ,

o f cou rse was felt to be a gri evance T hei r personal inco n .

v en iences were lik e th e shillin g that h id es the moon and , ,

i n the resentment they occasioned blin d ed thei r hearts to ,

th e seriou sn ess o f the evils from which thei r merely tem

po rary annoyance was the d el iverance of thei r n eighbors .

A fancy of prescri ptive right i n thei r own comforts o ut

weigh ed all the long an d heavy su fferi ngs of th e others
Why shou ld n ot thei r n eighbors cont i nu e miserable when ,

th ey had b ee n mi serab le all thei r lives h ith ert o P T hose wh o .

,
 PAUL FABER .
3 05

on the contrary had been comfortable all thei r lives and

liked i t so much ought to contin u e comfortable—ev en at
, ,

thei r ex pense Why n ot let wel l alon e ? O r i f people

.

wo u ld b e so u n reasonable as to want to be comfo rtable too ,

when nobody cared a straw abou t them let them make ,

themselves comfortable withou t an noyi ng those su perio r

bei ngs who had been comfortable all the ti me — P erson s
who consci ou sly or u nconsciously reason thu s wou ld d o
, , ,

wel l to read with a little attenti on the parable of the rich

’
man and L azarus wherei n it seems recogniz ed that a man s
,

having been u sed to a th i ng may b e j u st the reason not for ,

the conti n uance but for the alteration of his cond iti o n I n the
,
.

present case the person wh o most fou nd h imself aggrieved ,

was the d ish onest b utcher A piece of b rick wall which the
.

min ister had b u i lt i n contact with the wall of h is yard wou ld ,

in dubitably cau se such a rise i n the water at the d escent i nto

the area of his cellar that i n ord er to its protection i n a
moderate flood —ina great on e th e cellar was always filled
, ,

the add ition to its defense of two o r three more rows of

b ricks wou ld b e requ i red carryi ng a corresponde nt diminu
,

tion of ai r and light It i s on e of the pu n ishments o vert ak

.

ing those who wrong thei r neighbors that not only d o they ,

feel more k eenly than others any i nj u ry don e to themselves ,

bu t they take many thi ngs for inj u ri es that d o not b elong to
the catego ry I t was bu t a matter of a few shillings at the
.

most but the man wh o d id not scru pl e to charge the less

,

carefu l of his cu stomers for u ndel ivered ou nces gathering ,

to pou nds and pou nd s of meat resented bitterly the necessity

,

of the outlay He k new or ought to have k nown that he

.
, ,

had but to acqu aint the mi nister with the fact to have the ,

thing set right at once but the mi ni ster had fou nd hi m ou t ,

and he therefore much preferred the possessi on of hi s griev

ance to its removal T o hi s fri end s h e regretted that a
.

min ister of the gospel shou ld be so corru pted by th e mam

mon of u n righteousness as to u se i t agai nst members of his
own chu rch that h e said was not the way to mak e friend s
, ,

with it B ut on the pretense of a C hristian spi rit h e avoid ed

.
,

showi ng M r D rak e any sign of h is resentment for th e fac e

.

of his neighbors shames a man whose heart condemns hi m

but shames hi m not He restricte d himself to gru mbli ng
.
,

an d brood ed to cou nterplot th e mischiefs o f the mi niste r .

What right had h e to i nj u re hi m for th e sak e o f the poor ?

Was it not written i n the B ible T ho u shalt not favor the
poor man i n his cause P Was it not written also For eve ry
3 06 PAU L F A BE R .

man shall h ear h is own bu rd en P That was common sense

H e d id hi s share i n su ppo rti ng th e poo r that were ch u rch
members but was he to su ffer for i mprov ements on D rake s
,
’

p roperty for the sak e of a pack of roughs L et him be

charitable at hi s own cost etc etc Self i s pro lifi c i n argu .
, .

ment .

I t su ited M r D rak e well n otwithstand ing h i s chu rch

.
,

republican theories against which i n the abstract I cou ld

, , ,

i l l obj ect seei ng th e whol e cu rrent o f B ibl e teaching is

,

toward the G od in spi re d i d eal c ommonwealth — it su ited a

-

man lik e M r D rak e well I say to be an autocrat an d was

.
, , ,

a most happy thi ng for his ten ants for ce rtai nly n o other ,

system of gove rn ment than a wi se au tocracy will se rve i n

regard to the dwellings o f the poor A n d already I repeat .
, ,

h e had effected not a littl e S everal new cottages had .

been bu i lt and o ne i n corrigibl e old o ne pu lled down B u t

, .

it had dawned u pon h i m that however d esi rable it might be ,

on a dry hill sid e o nsu ch a fou ndation as this a cottage was

-

th e worst form o f h u man d welli ng that cou ld be bu ilt For .

when the whole soil was i n ti me o f rai n l ike a fu l l sponge ,

eve ry room u pon i t was little bette r th an a hol low i n a clou d ,

an d th e right th in g m u st be to red u ce contact with th e soil

as m uch as possible O n e high house therefore with many
.
, ,

stori es an d ston e feet to stan d u po n mu st be th e proper

, ,

k i n d o f bu ild i ng for su ch a situ ation He m u st l ift th e fi rst .

house from the water an d set as many more hou ses as con
,

ven ient u pon it .

He h ad therefore al ready so far prepared for th e bu ildi ng

o f su ch a ho u se as shou ld lift a good many fami lies far above
all delu ge that i s h e had d ug th e fou ndation and deep
, , ,

to get at th e more soli d grou nd I n thi s h e had b een pre .

c ipitate as not u n frequ ently i n hi s li fe ; for whi le h e was

,

yet med itati ng wh ether h e shou ld n ot lay the fou ndation

altogethe r solid o f the u n porou s stone o f the n eighborhood
, ,

th e rai ns began an d th ere was the great hole to stand all

, ,

the wi nter fu l l o f water i n th e midd le of th e cottages

,
’
T he weathe r cleared agai n b ut after a St M arti n s ,
.

su mmer u n u sually prolonged the rai n came d own i n terribl e ,

earn est D ay after d ay th e clou d s con densed grew water

.
, , ,

an d pou re d li ke a squ eezed sponge A wet N o vemb er

i n deed i t was—wet overhead —wet u n d erfoot—wet all
.

rou nd an d the rivers rose rapid ly .

When the L yth e rose b eyond a ce rtai n poi nt it overflo wed ,

i nto a hollow hardly a valley an d thereby a po rtion o f it

, ,
 PA U L FABER .
3 07

descended almost straight to Glasto n it came that . H e nce

i n a floo d the town was i nvad ed both by the rise of the rive r
from below an d by this cu rrent from above o n its way to
, ,

rej oi n the mai n body of it an d th e streets we re soon tu rn ed ,

into canals T he cu rrents of th e slowly swelli ng rive r and

.

of its temporary b ranch then met i n P in e street an d fo rmed ,

not a ve ry rapi d but a heavy ru n at ebb tid e ; for G laston

, ,

though at some d istance from the mou th of the rive r meas ,

u ri ng by its cou rse was not far from th e sea which was
, ,

visib le across the green flats a silve ry l in e on th e ho ri zon ,

.

L andward beyon d th e flats h igh grou n d rose o n all sid es

, , ,

an d hence it was that the flood s came dow n so d ee p u pon

G laston .

O na certai n Satu rday it rain ed al l the morn i ng heav i ly ,

but toward the aftern oon cleared a littl e so that many ,

hoped the ch max had been reached whi l e the more ex pe ,

rien c ed looked for worse A fter su nset the clou ds gathered .

thicker than before an d the rai n o f th e d ay was as nothi ng

,

to the torre nt d escendi ng with a steady clash al l n ight .

When the slow d u ll morn in g came G laston stood i n the

,

mid dle of a brown lake i nto which water was rushi ng from ,

th e sky i n straight conti n uou s li nes T he prospect was d is

, .

composi ng Some too co nfident i n the apparent change

.
, ,

had omitted n eed ful precauti ons i n most parts non e we re ,

n ow possible an d i n many more n one wou ld have been of

,

u se M ost cellars were fu ll and the water was risi ng on the

.
,

grou nd floo rs It was a very d i fferent affai r from a fl ood i n

-
.

a mou ntai nou s cou ntry but seri ou s enou gh thou gh without
, ,

i mmed iate dange r to life Many a person that morni ng .

stepped ou t of bed u p to the k nee i n mu ddy water .

With the fi rst o f the dawn the cu rate stood peeri ng from
the wi nd ow of his d ressi ng room throu gh the water that -

cou rsed down the pan e to d iscover the state of the cou ntry
,

fo r the wi nd ow looked i nlan d from the sk i rt o f th e town

.
.

A ll was gray mist brown wate r and sh eeti ng rai n T he

, ,
.

only things clear were that n ot a sou l wou ld be at chu rch

that morn ing an d that thou gh h e cou ld d o nothi ng to
, ,

d ivid e them the bread need fu l for thei r sou ls he might d o ,

someth ing for some of thei r bod ies I t was a happy thi n g .

i t was S u nday for havi ng l ai d i n thei r stock of bread the

, ,

day before people were not so d ependent on the bak er s

, ,

half whose ovens mu st n ow be fu l l of water Bu t most of .

th e k itchens mu st be flood ed he reason ed the fi re wood , ,

-

soak i ng and th e coal i n some cellars i naccessible The

,
.
 PAUL FABER .

very l u ci fer match es i n many h ouses wou ld b e as u seless as

-

th e ti nd erbox o f a sh i pwrecked sai lor A n d i f the rai n .

were to cease at once th e wate r wou ld yet k ee p risin g for

many hou rs H e tu rn ed from the wi n dow took h is bath i n
.
,

h o m o path ic preparati on and then went to w ak e his wife , .

S he w as one of those blessed women wh o always open

thei r eyes smi li ng S he owed very l ittle of her power of
.

sympathy to personal su ffering ; the pe rfecti on of her

h ealth might have mad e on e who was too an x i ou s for her
Spiritu al growth even a l ittl e regretfu l H er hu sband th ere .

fore had seld om to thi nk o f sparing her whe n any thi ng had
’
to be d on e S h e cou l d lose a n ight s sleep withou t the
.

smallest in j u ry and stan d fatigu e better than most men ;

,

an d i n th e requ i rements of the present n ecessity there

wou ld be mingled a large el ement o f adventu re al most of ,

frolic fu ll of d elight to a vigorou s organ ization

, .

“
What a good time of it the angels of win d an d h ame
mu st have sai d th e cu rate to h i mself as he went to wak e
her What a d elight to b e embodi ed as a wi nd or a flam e
o r a rushi ng sea l— C ome H elen my h elp
.
, ,

G laston wants
, ,

you he sai d softly i n her ear

,
.

S h e started u p .

What i s it T homas ? she said h old i ng her eyes wid er

, ,

open than was n eedfu l to show h i m she was capable , .

”
N othi ng to frighten you darlin g h e answe red ,
but , ,

plenty to be d on e T h e rive r i s out and the peopl e are al l

.
,

asleep M ost o f them wil l have to wait for thei r breakfast

.
,
”
I fear We shal l have n o prayers th is morni n g
. .

”
“
Bu t pl enty of d ivin e serv ice rej oi ned H elen with a , ,

smil e for what her au nt cal led on e of h is whi ms as sh e got ,

u p an d sei zed some of her garments .

Tak e ti me for you r bath d ear sai d her h u sband , ,

.

Th ere wil l b e time for that afterward sh e replie d ,

What shall I d o fi rst ?

Wak e the se rvants an d tel l them t o light the k itchen
,

fi re an d make all the tea an d coffee they can

,
B ut tell them .

to mak e it good We shall get more of eve ry thi ng as soon

.

as it i s light I ll go and bri ng th e boat I had i t d rawn

.
’
.

u p an d moored i n th e ru i ns ready to fl oat yesterday I .

wish I hadn t put on my shi rt though I shal l have to swi m

’

for it I fear
,
.

I shal l have o ne ai red before you come back said ,

H elen .

“
A i red retu rned her h usban d : you had better say
 P A U L F A B ER .
3 09

Watered I n fi ve mi nutes neither o f us wi l l have a d ry

.

’
stitch o u I ll tak e it off again and be content with my
.
,

blu e j ersey .

He hu rried o ut i nto the rain H appily there was n o .

wi nd .

H ele n waked the se rvants B efore they appeared sh e .

had the h t e lighted an d as many utensi ls as it wou ld ao

commodate set u pon i t with water W hen Wingfo ld re
,

tu rned he fou nd her i n the midst of he r hou sehold busi ly

, ,

preparing eve ry k i nd of eatable an d d ri nkable they cou ld lay

hands u pon .

H e had brought his boat to the c hu rch yard and moored

it betwee n two headstones they wou ld have thei r breakfast
fi rst for there was no saying when they might get any
,

lu nch and food i s work B esi des there was littl e to be

,
.
,

gai ned by rou sing people o ut of thei r good sleep there was
no danger yet .

It is a great comfo rt sai d the cu rate as h e d rank his , ,

co ffee to see how D rak e goes i n heart and sou l for his
tenants He i s pompou s —a little and something o f a n
,

. ne ,

gentleman bu t what is that besid e his great truth

,
T hat
work of his is the simplest act o f C hristian ity of a public
k i nd I have ever seen
B ut is there not a great change on hi m si nc e he had his
money ? sai d H elen He seems to me s o mu ch hu mbler .

”
in his carriage and simpler i n his manners than before .

I t i s qu ite tru e repl ied her h u sband It is mortify ,

.

”
ing to thi nk he went on after a little pau se how many of
, ,

o u r clergy from mere beggarly prid e holdi ng thei r rank

su peri or—as better accredited servants o f the Carpenter of
, ,

Nazareth I su ppose —wou ld look down on that man as a

,

hedge parson T he world they cou rt look ed d own u pon

-
.

themse lves fro m a yet greate r height once and may come ,

to d o so agai n Perhaps the soon er the better for the n .

,

they wi ll k now which to choose Now they serve M ammon .

and think they serve God .

It is not qu ite so bad as that su rely said H elen , .

I f it is not world ly prid e what i s it P I d o n ot thi nk

'

it i s spi ritual pri de Few get on far en ough to be much i n .

dange r of that worst of all vices I t mu st then be ch u rch .

prid e and that i s the worst form o f world ly prid e for it is

, ,

a carrying into the k ingd om of H eaven of the habits an d

j u dgments of the ki ngd om of Satan I am wrong ! su ch .

thin gs can not b e i mported i nto the k in gdom of H eaven

3 10 PAU L FABER .

they can only be i mported i nto the Ch u rch which is bad ,

’
enough H elen the chu rchman s pri d e i s a thi ng to tu rn a
.
,

saint sick with d isgu st so utterly is it at d i scord with the

,

lovely h u man harmony he i magi n es himself the mi n iste r o f .

H e i s the P hari see i t may be th e good P harisee o f the

, ,

k i ngdom of H eaven but if th e prou d ch u rchman be i n the

k i ngdom at all it must b e as on e of the least i n it
,
I d on t .
’

beli eve one i n te n who i s gu i lty o f this pri de i s aware of the

si n o f it O n ly the other e ven i ng I heard a wo rthy canon
.

say it may have been more i n j ok e than appeared that h e

, ,

wo u ld have all d issenters b u rn ed N ow the canon wou ld

not hang on e of th em—but h e d oes l ook down o n them
.

al l with contempt S uch miserable paltry weakn esses and

.

wick ed n esses for i n a se rvant of the Kingdom the feeli ng

,

which suggests s uch a speech is wick ed are the moth holes ,

i n th e garments of the Chu rch the tered o i n i ts piles th e , ,

d ry rot i n its floo rs the scali ng and cru mbli ng of its b ut

,

tresses T hey d o more to ru i n what su ch men call th e

.

C hu rch even i n o utward respe cts than any of the ru d e

, ,

attacks of those whom they th us d espise H e wh o i n the .

,

name o f C h ri st pu shes his n eighbo r from h i m is a sch is

, ,

matic an d that of th e worst and o nly d angerous type B ut

,
’

we had better be going I t s of n o u se telli ng you to tak e

.

you r waterproof ; you d only be givi ng it to the fi rst poor ’

”
woman we p ick ed u p .

I may as wel l have the good of it ti ll the n said H elen , ,

an d ran to fetch it whi le the c u rate went to b ri ng h is boat

,

to th e hou se .

Whe n h e o pened the d oor the re was n o longer a spot of

earth o r o f sky to be seen —o nly water an d the gray sponge
,

filling the u pper air through wh ich cou rsed m ultitu d inous
,

perpen dicu lar ru nn els o f water Clad i n a pai r of old trow .

sers an d a j ersey he went wadi ng and where th e grou nd

, ,

d ip ped swimming to th e western gate o f the ch u rchyard

, ,
.

I n a few m i n utes he was at th e k itchen wind ow hold i ng the ,

boat i n a long pai nter for th e water although qu ite u p to , ,

the recto ry walls was not yet d eep enough there to float
,

the boat with any body i n it T he se rvants handed him out .

th e great cans they u sed at school teas fu ll of hot coffee -

, ,

an d bask ets o f bread an d h e placed them in the boat cov

, ,

eri ng them with a tarpau li n T h en H ele n appeared at the .

d oor i n her waterproof with a great fu r cloak — to throw

, ,
-

over him she said whe n sh e took the oars for she meant to
, , ,

have h er share of the fu n it w as so seld om th ere was any

 PA U L F A B E R .
311

going o n a S u nd ay l—H ow she wou ld have sh ocked her

au nt and bette r wome n than sh e
,

T 0 day said the cu rate we shall praise G od with the

-

, ,

mzrt/z of the good ol d h u nd redth psalm and not with the

’

fear o f the more modern version .

A s h e spoke he bent to his oars and through a narrow

lane the boat soon shot i nto P i n e street— now a wi d e canal
,
-

bank ed with h ouses d reary and d ead save where from an , ,

u pper window peeped ou t h ere and there a slee py d ismayed

, ,

cou ntenance I n sile nce except for the sou nd s of the oars
.
, ,

and the d u ll ru sh of wate r everywhere they sli pped alon g , .

Th is is fu n said H elen whe re sh e sat and steered , .

”
Very qu iet fu n as yet answered the c u rate B ut it .

will get faster by and b y .

A s ofte n as he saw any o ne at a wi nd ow he called o ut ,

that tea an d coffe e wou l d be wanted for many a poor creat

’
u re s breakfast B ut here they were all big houses and h e
.
,

rowe d swiftly past them for hi s busi ness lay not where , ,

there were servants an d well stocked lard ers but whe re -

there were mothers and ch ild ren and old people and little ,

but water besides N or had they left Pi ne street by man y

.

hou ses before they came where hel p was right welcome .

D own the fi rst tu rni ng a mise rable cottage stood th ree fee t
d eep i n th e water O u t j u mped the cu rate with the pai nter
.

i n h is hand and open ed the door

,
.

O nth e bed over the edge of which the water was lappi ng
, ,

sat a sick ly you ng woman i n her night dress holding her -

baby to her bosom S he stared for a moment w ith bi g eyes.

,

the n looked d own and said nothi n g ; but a rose ti nge ,

-

mou nted from her heart to her pale cheek .

Good morn ing Martha said the cu rate cheerily

R ath er damp —ai n t it P Whe re s you r h u sband P
, .

’ ’

A way look i ng for work si r answered M artha i n a , , ,

hopeless ton e .

’
T he n he won t miss you Come along G ive me the . .

bab >
’
l can t come lik e this si r I ai n t got no clothes
’
.
,

’ ’
Tak e them with you You can t put them on they re .

all wet M rs Wingfo ld is i n the boat she ll see to eve ry

. .
’

'
thi ng yo u want T he d oor s hard ly wid e enough to let the
.

’
boat through or I d pu l l it close u p to the bed fo r you to
,
"
get ih .

She hesitated .
312 P A U L F A B ER .

’
C ome along h e repeated I wo n t look at you O r
, . .

wait— I ll tak e t h e baby an d come back for you T hen you

’

, .

won t get so wet

’
.

He t ook the baby from h er arms an d tu rn ed to the ,

d oo n
’
I t ai n t you as I mi nd sir sai d M artha getti ng i nto the
—n o more n my own
, , ,

water at once and following hi m ,

’

bu t all the to wnll be at the wi nd ows by thi s

’
people
”
time .

’
Never mi nd we ll see to you he retu rned , .

I n half a m i nute more with the help of the wi ndowsi ll , ,

sh e was i n the boat the fu r cloak w rapped abou t her and

,
-

the baby d ri nk ing the fi rst cu p of the hot coffee

, .

We mu st tak e her home at once said the cu rate .

You sai d w e shou ld have fu n said H el en th e tears ,

ru shing i nto her eyes .

S he had left the tiller and whil e th e mother d rank her , ,

coffee was patti ng the baby u nder the cloak B ut she had
, .

to betak e herself to the tiller agai n for the cu rate was n ot ,

rowing straight .

When they reached the recto ry the se rvan ts might all ,

have been grand mothers from th e way they rece ived the
woman and her child .

G ive th em a warm bath together said H elen as

qu ick ly as possible — A nd stay let me ou t T homas—I must
, ,

.
, ,
’

go ”an d get M artha some clothes I shan t be a min .

u te
T he n ext ti me th ey retu rn ed Wingfo ld look ing i nto the
.

, ,

k itchen cou ld hardly believe the sweet face he saw by the

n
,

rc so refi n
,
ed i n its comforted sad ness could b e that of ,

M artha H e th ought whether the fi ne l inen c lean and

.
,

white may not help the righteou sness even of the sai nts a
,

little .

T hei r n ext tak e was a boat load of c hi ld ren an d an old -

grand mother M ost of the houses had a higher sto ry and

.
,

they took only those who had no refuge M any more how .
,

ever d rank of thei r coffee an d ate of thei r bread T h e

,
.

whol e of the morn i ng they spent th u s cal ling on thei r pas , ,

sages wherever they thou ght they cou ld get help or h nd

,

accommodation B y n oon a score of boats were o ut render

.

i ng si mi lar assistance T he water was higher than it had .

been for many years an d was still risin g Faber had lai d ,
.

hands u pon an old tu b of a salmon coble and was the fi rst -

out after th e cu rate B u t there was n o fu n i n th e poor doc

.
 PAU L FABER .
3 13
’ ’
tor s boat O nce the cu rate s an d hi s met i n the midd le of
Pine street —both as fu ll of people as they cou l d carry
.

Wingfo ld an d H elen greeted Fabe r fran kly and k i n dly He .

retu rned thei r greetin g with solemn cou rtesy rowi ng heavily ,

past .

B y lu nch time H ele n had her h ou se almost fu ll and d id

-

, ,

not want to go agai n there was so mu ch to b e d one But

her h u sband per s u aded he r to giv e h i m on e h ou r more the
se rvants we re d oing so wel l ! he sai d She yielded H e . .

rowed her to the chu rch tak i ng u p th e sexto n an d his boy ,

on thei r way T here the c rypts an d vau lts were fu ll o f

.

wate r O ld wood carvin gs and bits of an ci en t co hi ns were

.
-

flo atin g about i n them B ut th e fl oor of the chu rch was.

above th e wate r : he land ed H elen d ry in the porch and ,

led her to the organ loft N ow the organ was o ne o f great -

.

power ; seldom i nd eed large as the ch u rch was d id they , ,

ventu re its fu ll force h e requ ested h er to pu l l o ut eve ry

stop an d send the voice of th e chu rch i n fu ll b last i nto
, , ,

every corner of G laston He wou ld come back for her i n .

h alf an hou r and tak e her h ome H e d esired the sexton t o .

leave all the doors open an d remembe r that the i nstrumen t ,

wou ld wan t eve ry breath of wi nd h e an d h is boy cou ld

ra ise .

He had j u st laid hold o f h is oars when o ut o f th e porc h ,

ru shed a roar of harmony that seem ed to seiz e h is boat an d

blow it away u pon its mission like a feather—for i n th e d e
light of th e music the cu rate n eve r felt th e arms that u rged
it swiftly along A fter hi m it came pu rsu i ng an d wafted
.
,

hi m mightily o u Ove r the brown waters it w en t rolling a

.
,

gran d bi llow o f i n nu merable i nvolving and i nvolved waves .

H e thought of th e spi rit of God that moved on the fac e o f

th e pri meval waters and out of a chaos wrought a cosmos ,
.

”
Wou ld h e sai d to h imself
,
that ever f rom th e chu rch ,

d oor went forth such a spi rit of harmony an d h eali ng of

peace an d life B ut the ch u rch s foes are they of her o wn
’

household who with th e axes and hammers of p ri d e and ex

,

elu siveness and vu lgar priestlin ess break th e carved work ,

o f her nu mberless chapels yea bu i ld d oorless scre en s from , ,

floor to roof d ivi d in g nave an , d choi r an d chancel and tran

septs and ai sles i nto secti ons n u mberless and wi th the evi l , ,

d u st they raise d ark en for ages the wind ows o f her clere
,

story
The cu rate was thi n ki ng of n o p arty bu t o f i n d ivid u al ,

spi rit O i the pri estliness I have encou nter ed I can n ot d e

.
,
3 14 P A U L F A B ER .

termin e wheth er th e worse belonged to the Chu rch of En

glan d or a certai n body of D issenters .

C H A PT E R X L I I I .

THE G A TE LODG E
-
.

M R B E V I S had hi s horses p ut to , then taken away again

.
,

and an ol d h u nter sad d led B ut half way from home he

.
-

came to a bu rst bridge an d had to retu rn mu ch to th e t e

, ,

lie f o f h i s wife who whe n she had h im i n the house again

, , ,

cou ld enj oy the rain she sai d it was so cosey and comfort
,

able to feel you cou ld n ot go o ut o r any body call I pre , .

su me sh e therei n seemed to take a b on d o f fate and d oubly ,

assu re th e eve ry day d u lln ess o f her existence Well sh e

-
.
,

was a good c reature an d d oubtless a corner wou ld be fou nd

,

for her u p above wh ere a little more work woul d probably

,

be requ ired o f her .

P olwarth an d h is n iece R uth rose late for n either had ,

slept well When they had b reak fasted they read together
.
,

from the Bible : fi rst th e u ncle read th e passage he h ad

last got l ight u pon —h e was always getti ng light u pon pas
sages an d then th e n iece the passage she had last been
,

glad d ene d by after which they sat an d chatted a long ti me

by the k itch en fi re .

I am afrai d you r asth ma was bad last n ight u ncle ,

“
d ear sai d R u th
,
I heard you r b reathi ng every ti me I
.

wok e .

I t was rather answered th e littl e man bu t I took my

, , ,
”
revenge an d had a good crow over it
, .

I k now what you mean u ncl e d o let m e hear the ,

crow .

He rose an d sl owly climbi ng the stai r to h is chamb er

, ,

retu rn ed with a half sh eet of paper i n his hand resu med

n
,

h is seat an d read th e followi g li n es which h e had written

i n penc il when th e light came :
, ,

Satan, avaun t!
N ay, tak e thine h our ;
~

T hou can st n ot daun t,

T h ou h ast no p ow er ;
 PAU L FABER .
3 15

B e w el co me to th y nest,
T hough it be inmy b reast .

B u rrow am ain
D ig l ik e a m o l e
F il l ev ery v ein
W ith h al f b urned co al
-

Pull th e k eendust ab out,

A nd all to ch o k e m e o u t .

F ill mu sic s w ay s
’

W ith creak ing cries,

T h at no l o u d p raise
M ay cl imb th e skies
A nd o nmy lab oring ch est
L ay mo u ntains o f u nrest .

My l
s um b er steep
I ndreams o f h aste ,
T h at o nl y sl eep ,
N o rest I taste
With stiflings, rimes o f rote ,
A nd h ugers o nth e th ro at .

Satan, th y m igh t
I do defy
L iv e co re o f nigh t ,

I patient lie
A w ind co m es up th e gray
Will b low th ee cl eanaw ay .

C h rist s angel , D eath ,

'

A ll radiant w h ite ,
! Vith o ne co l d b reath
W ill scare th ee q u ite ,

An d giv e my l u ngs an air

A s fresh as an sw ered p ray e r .

So Satan, do
,

T hy w o rst w ith me ,

U ntil th e T ru e
Sh all set me free ,

A nd end w h at H e b egan,
B y makin g m e a m an .

I t i s n ot m uch of poetry R uth he said raisi ng h is

—n o song of th rush o r blackbi rd
, ,

eyes from the pape r ;

I am asha med that I called it a cock crow —fo r that i s on e -

of the fi nest thi ngs i n the world —a clarion defi ance to

darkness and sin —far too good a name for my poor j i ngle
—e xcept,
i nd eed you call i t a C ochi n china cock crow
,
- - -

from ou t a very wh eezy chest

’
M y strengt h is mad e pe rfect i n we ak ness sai d R u th ,
3 16 PAU L FABER .

solemnly heed less of th e depreciati on To h er the verses

,
.

were as fu ll of mean in g as if sh e had m ad e th em herself

I thi nk I lik e th e older read i ng better—that is without
.

th e M y said P olwarth : Strength i s mad e perfect i n

Somehow I can n ot ex plai n th e feeling—to
,
’
weak ness .
-

hear a gran d aph orism spok en i n wid est appl ication as a , ,

fact of more than h u man ity of al l creation from the mouth , ,

of the h u man G od the l ivi ng Wi sd om seems to bring m e

close to th e very heart of th e u n iverse Strength —strength
, ,

itself— all over— i s mad e perfect i n weakn ess ;— a law of

.

bei ng you see R u th n ot a law of Ch ristian growth on ly

, , ,

bu t a law of growth even all th e growth lead ing u p to the

,

Christi an which growth i s the h ighest k i n d of creation

,
.

’
T h e M aster s own strength w as th u s perfected an d so must ,

be that of H i s brothers and sisters A h what a strength

mu st be h is l—how pati ent i n end u rance—h ow gentle i n
.
,

ex ercise — how mighty i n devotion — how fi ne i n its issu es ,

perfected by such su ffering ! A h my child you su ffer

sorely sometimes— I k now it well ! but shal l we n ot let
, ,

pati ence have her perfect work that we may— on e d ay

R uth o ne day my chi ld —b e perfect and enti re wanti ng
, ,

, , ,

nothing P
L ed by the cl imax of h is tone R uth sli pped from her ,

stool on her k nees P olwarth k neeled besi de h er and sai d

.
,
“
0 Fath er of life we praise T hee that one day T hou ,

wilt tak e T hy poor crook ed creatu res and give them bod i es ,
’
like C h rist s perfect as H is and full o f T hy light H el p u s
, , .

to grow faster— as fast as T hou canst h el p u s to grow .

H elp us to k eep ou r eye s o n th e opening of Thy han d that ,

we may k now th e man na when it comes O L ord we .

,

rej oice that we are T hy mak i ng thou gh T hy h and iwork i s ,

n ot very clear i n ou r ou ter man as yet We bless T hee .

that we feel T hy han d maki ng u s What if it be i n pai n .

E vermo re we hear th e voice o f the potter above th e h u m

and gri n d of h is wheel Father Thou onl y k nowest how .
,

w e love T hee Fashion th e clay to Thy b eautifu l wi ll To

. .

th e eyes of men we are vessels of d ishonor bu t we k now ,

T hou d ost n ot d espise u s for T hou hast ma de u s and T hou , ,

dwellest with u s Th ou hast mad e u s love T hee an d hop e

.
,

i n T h ee and i n T hy l ove we wi l l be brav e and en du re A ll

,
.

”
i n good ti me 0 L ord A men , . .

Whi le they th u s prayed k neel in g on th e ston e floo r o f th e ,

littl e k itch en dark u n d er th e u n iversal cano py ; o f clou d

, ,

the rai n we nt on clashi ng and mu rmu ri ng all aroun d , ru sh

 PAU L FABER .
3 17

in g from the eaves and explodi ng with sharp hi sses i n the

,

fi re and i n the mi ngled noise they had n either heard a low

,

tap several ti mes repeated no r the soft open ing of the

, ,

door that followed When they rose fro m thei r k nees it

.
,

was therefore with aston ish ment they saw a woman stand ing
moti onless i n the d oorway without cloak or bon net her , ,

dank garments cli ngi ng to her form and d ri ppi ng with rai n .

When J u li et woke that morning she cared little that the ,

sky was d u ll and the earth dark A selfi sh sorrow a selfi sh .

,

love even mak es us stu pid an d J u li et had bee n growi ng

, ,

more and mo re stu pid Many people i t seems to me .

, ,

through sorrow endu red perforce an d without a gracious

submissi on slowly si nk i n th e scale of ex istence S uch are
,
.

some of those mid dle aged women who might be the very
-

strength of social well being bu t have n o aspi ration and

-

hope only d ownward —afte r rich hu sband s fo r thei r dau gh

, ,

ters it may b e—a n ew bonnet o r an old coronet—the d evil

,

k nows what .

Bad as the weather had been the day before D o rothy had ,

yet contrived to visit her and see that she was provid ed
,

with every n ecessary ; and J u liet never d oubted she wou l d

’
come that day also She tho ught of D orothy s mi n istra
tions as we so oft en d o of God s —as of thi ngs that come of
.

themselves for which there is n o occasio n to be thankfu l

,
.

When she had fi nish ed the othe r little hou se work requ ired -

fo r her comfo rt a labor i n which she fou n d some little res

,

pite from the gnawi ngs of memory and the blank ness o f
antici pation she end ed by mak i ng u p a good fi re thou gh
, ,
’
without a thought of D orothy s being wet whe n she arrived ,

an d sitti ng d own by th e wi ndow stared o ut at the pools , ,

spread ing wider an d wid er on t he gravel walks ben eath her .

She sat till she grew chi lly the n rose an d d ropped i nto an
,

easy chai r by the fi re an d fel l fast asleep

, .

S he sle pt a long time and woke i n a terror see ming to

, ,

have wak ed herself with a c ry T he h t e was out an d the .

,

hearth cold S he sh ivered and d rew her shawl abou t he r

. .

T hen su dd en ly she remembered the frightfu l d ream she had

had .

S h e d reamed that she had j u st fled from h er hu sban d an d

gai ned the park when the mome nt she e nter ed it some
, , ,

thing sei zed he r from behind and bore he r swiftly as i n the

—
arms of a man o n ly she seemed to hear the ru sh o f wings
, ,

behi n d her —the way sh e had bee n going S he stru ggl ed i n .

terror, bu t i n vai n the power bore her swi ftly o n an d sh e ,

3 18 P A U L F AB ER .

k new whither H er ve ry b eing recoi led from the horrible

.

d epth of the motionless pool i n w hich as she now seemed , ,

to k n ow l ived on e of the loathsome creatu res of the semi

,

chaotic era of the world which had su rvived its k i nd as well ,

as its coevals and was ages olde r than th e h u man race T he

pool appeared —bu t not as sh e had k nown it for it boiled
.
,

an d h eaved bubbled an d rose From its lowest d epths it

, .

was moved to meet and recei ve h er C oi l u pon coil it

li fted itself i nto the air toweri ng li ke a waterspout th e n , ,

stretched ou t a lo ng writhing shiveri ng neck to tak e her , ,

from the i nvisible arms that bore ber to her d oom T he .

.

n eck shot o u t a head and th e head shot o ut the tongu e of ,

a water snak e S he shriek ed and woke bathed i n terror

-
.
,
.

W ith the memo ry of the d ream n ot a l ittle of its horror

retu rn ed sh e rose to shak e it off an d went to th e window ,
.

What d i d sh e see there ? Th e fearsome pool had entered

the gard en had come half way to the hou se an d was plai nly
,
-

risin g eve ry moment M ore o r less the pool had hau nted .

h er ever sin ce sh e cam e sh e had seld om dared go nearer

i t than half way d own th e gard en B ut for th e d u lling
-
.

i n fl u ence o f he r misery it wou ld have been an u nend u rable ,

h orro r to h er now it was comi ng to fetch h er as sh e had

,

seen it i n her warn ing d ream H er brai n reeled for a

moment sh e gazed paralyzed with horro r the n tu rn ed from ,

the wi n dow and with almost the co nviction that th e h en d

, ,

of her vision was pu rsu i ng her fled from th e hou se an d , ,

across the park th rou gh th e sheets o f rain t o the gate lodge

, ,
-

n or stopped u ntil al l u naware of havin g once thou ght of

,
’

hi m i n her terror she stood at th e door of Polwart h s

,

cottage .

R uth was darti ng toward her with ou tstretched han d s ,

wh en h er u ncle stop ped her .

R u th my child
,
h e sai d ru n an d light a fi re i n the
, ,
”
parlor I wi ll welcome o u r visitor
. .

S he tu rn ed i nstantly and l eft the room T hen Polwarth ,

.

went u p to J u li et w h o stood trembl ing u nable to utter

, ,

a word and said with perfect o ld fashion ed cou rtesy

, ,
You -

are hearti ly welcome ma am I sent R uth away that I ,

’
.

might fi rst assu re you that you are as safe with her aswith me .

S it here a moment ma am You are so w et I dare not ’

place you nearer to the fi re —R uth

,
.
,

S he came in stantly .

”
R uth h e repeated th is lady is M rs Faber S he i s
, ,
. .

come to visit u s for a while N obody mu st k now of it . .

 P A U L F A B ER .
3 19

You n eed not b e at all uneasy M rs Fabe r Not a sou l w ill , . .

come n ear us to day B ut I wi ll lock the d oo r to secu re

time i f any on e sho uld —Yo u will get M rs Faber s roo m
-
.
,
’
.
, .

ready at once R u th I wil l come and hel p you B ut a

spoon fu l of brandy i n hot wate r fi rst please —L et me move
.
,
.

you r chai r a little ma am—o ut o f th e d rau ght

.
,
’
.
,

J uliet i n silence d id eve ry th ing she was told received the ,

prescribed antid ote from R uth and was left alone i n the ,

kitchen .

B ut th e moment she was freed from o ne d read she was ,

seized by another su spicion took the place of terror an d

as soon as she heard th e toi ling of the goblins u p the creak
i ng staircase sh e crept to th e foot o f it after them an d
, ,

with n o more compu nction than a pri ncess i n a fai ry tal e -

set herself to listen It was not difficult fo r the l ittle

.
,

i nclosed staircase carried eve ry word to the bottom o f it .

I t/zougb t she wasn t d ead she heard R uth exclai m

’

j oyfu lly and the words and ton e set her wond ering .

I saw yo u d id n ot seem greatly astonished at the sight

of he r ; but what mad e you thi nk such an u n likely th ing P
rej oined her u ncle .

I saw you d id not believe sh e was dead T hat was .

e nou gh for me .

You are a witch R uth l I never sai d a word o ne way

,

or the other .

“
Which showed that you were thi nk in g and mad e me ,

thi nk You had somethi ng i n you r min d which you d id not

.

ch oose to tell me yet .

A h child
,
rej oi ned her u ncl e i n a solemn ton e how , ,

diflicult it is to hid e any thing !

’
I d on t thi nk G od wants
any thi ng hi dd en The light i s H i s region H is ki ngdom
.
, ,

H is palace home It can only be evi l outsid e o r in that

-
.
, ,

mak e s us tu rn from the fu llest light o f the u niverse .

T ru ly one mu st be born agai n to enter i nto th e k i ngdom

J u liet heard eve ry word heard an d was bewi ld ered T he , .

place i n which she had sought refuge was plai nly l ittle
better than a k obold cave yet merely from listeni ng to th e
-

talk of th e kobold s without half u nderstand in g it she had ,

begu n already to feel a sense of safety steal in g over he r ,

su c h as she had n ever bee n fo r ani nstant aware of i n the

O ld H ou se even with Dorothy besid e her
, .

T hey went o n talkin g an d sh e went on listen i ng T hey ,

were so much her i n teriors there cou l d be no 1mpro pr1ety 1n

doi ng so
3 20 P A UL FA BER .

T he poor lady sh e heard th e man goblin say h as

,
-

h ad some d i fferenc e with her hu sban d bu t whether sh e

wants to h ide from hi m or from the wh ole world or from both ,

she onl y can tell O u r bu siness i s to take care of her and

.
,

d o for her what G od may lay to ou r hand What sh e .

d esi res to hi d e i s sacred to u s We have n o secrets of ou r

, .

o wn R uth an d have th e more room for those of other peo

, ,

ple wh o are u nhappy en ough to have any L et G od reveal .

w hat He pl eases there are many who have n o right to k now

what they m ost d esire to k now Sh e n eeds n u rsing poo r .
,

thing We wi ll p ray to G od for her .

B ut h ow shal l we mak e h er comfo rtable i n su ch a poor

little hou se P retu rn ed R uth It is th e d earest place i n
the world to me—bu t how wil l she feel i n it ?
.

‘f
We wi ll k ee p her warm and clean answered h er u ncle , ,
"
an d that i s all an angel wou ld requ ire
A n angel l—yes
.

’
an swered R uth for angels do n t
,

eat ; o r at least i f they d o for I d oubt i f you wil l grant

, , ,

that they d on t I am ce rtai n that th ey are not so hard to

’

please as some people d own h ere T he poor d ear lady is

delicate—you k now she has always been —and I am not
.
,

much o f a cook .

Yo u are a very good cook my d ear P erhaps you d o not ,

.

k now a great many d ishes bu t you are a dai nty cook of ,

those you d o k n ow Few peopl e can have more n eed than

w e to be carefu l what they eat —we hav e got such a pai r of
.

troublesome cranky littl e bod i es and if you can su it them ,

I feel su re you will b e abl e to su it any i nvalid that is not

”
fastidiou s by natu re rather t han n ecessity .

”
“
I wi ll d o my best sai d R uth cheerily comfo rted by
, ,

her u ncle s co nfidence

'

T he worst is that for her own

.
,

sak e I must not get a gi rl to hel p me

,
.

T h e lady will hel p you with h er own room said Po l ,

warth . I have a shrewd n otion that it is only th e fi ne

lad ies those that are so little of ladi es that they mak e so much
,

of bei ng lad i es wh o mi n d d oi ng thi ngs with their own

,

hands N ow you mu st go an d mak e her some tea while

.
,
”
she gets i n bed S he is su re to lik e tea best
. .

J u liet retreated n oiselessly an d when the woman gnome ,

-

entered th e k itchen there sat th e disco nso late lady where

,

she had left her sti ll lik e th e outcast princess of a fai ry

,

tale sh e had walked i n at the d oor and they had i mme ,

diat ely begu n to arran ge for he r stay an d the stran gest ,

thi ng to J uli et was that sh e hardly felt it strange It was .

 PA U L F A B E R .
321

only as if she had come a day soone r than she was ex pected
— which i ndeed was very much the case for P olwa rth had ,

been look ing forward to the possibi lity and latterly to th e ,

like li hood o f he r becoming thei r guest .

You r room is ready now sai d R uth app roaching her , ,

timid ly and looking u p at her with her woman s chi ldlik e

,
'

face on the body of a child Wi ll you come P .

J u liet rose and followed her to th e garret room with the -

dormer wind ow i n wh ich R uth slept , .

“
Will you please get into bed as fast as yo u can she ,

said and whe n you k nock o n the fl oor I will come and
,

tak e away you r clothes and get them d ried P lease to wrap .

this new blanket rou nd you lest th e col d sheets should give,

you a chil l They are well ai red though I willb ring you
.
, .

a hot bottle and some tea D i nn er wil l b e ready soon

, . .

So saying she left th e chamber softly T he creak o f th e .

door as she closed it and the white cu rtai ns of the bed and
,

wi ndow remi nded J ul iet of a certai n room she o nce ocen

,

p ied at th e hou se of an old n u rse where she had bee n hap ,

p ier than ever si nce i n all her life u nti l her b ri ef bliss with ,

Faber : sh e bu rst i nto tears and wee pi ng u nd ressed and ,

got i nto bed T here the d ryness and th e warmth an d the

.

sense of safety soothed h er speed ily and with the comfort

crept i n the happy thought that here she lay o nthe very
edge of th e high road to G laston and tha t nothi ng coul d be ,

more probable than that sh e wou ld soon see he r h u sband

rid e past With that o ne h 0pe she cou ld sit at a W indow
.

watchi ng for centu ri es 0 Pau l Pau l my Pau l she

moaned I f I cou ld bu t be mad e clean agai n for yo u
. I
woul d wi llingly be bu rned at the stake if the h t e wou ld ,

only mak e me clean fo r th e chance o f seei ng you agai n i n

,

th e other world B u t as the comfort into he r b rai n s o ,

the peace of he r new su rrou nd ings stole i nto her heart .

T he fancy grew u pon her that she was i n a fai ry tal e i n -

which she must tak e every thi ng as it came fo r she cou l d not ,

alter t h e text Fear vanished ; n eithe r starin g eyes n or

.

creepi ng pool co ul d h nd he r i n the guard iansh i p of th e

benevolent goblins She fell fast aslee p and the large
.
,

clear gray eyes of th e little woman gnome came and looked

,

at her as sh e slept and thei r gaze d id no t rouse he r

,
.

Softly she went an d came agai n but althou gh d in n er was

, ,

then ready R uth k new better than to wak e her She k new
, .

’
that sleep i s the chief n ou risher i n life s feast and wou ld not ,
’
withd raw th e sacre d d ish H er u ncle sai d sl ee p was G od s
.
3 22 PA UL FABER .

contrivance for givi ng man th e hel p h e cou ld n ot get i nto

hi m whi le h e was awake So the lovi ng gnomes had their
.

di nner together putti ng asid e th e best porti ons of it agai nst

,

the wak i ng of the beautifu l lady lying fast asleep abov e

-

C H A PT E R X L I V .

'
1 111: C O R NE R OF T HE B U T C H E R S S HOP .

A LL that sam e S u nd ay morn i ng th e ministe r and D oro ,

thy had of cou rse plenty of work to thei r hand for thei r ,

more i mmed iate n eighbors were all of th e poor T hei r o wn .

hou se although situated o n th e very bank of the river was

, ,

i n n o worse plight than most of the h ou ses i n th e town for ,

it stood u pon an artifi cial elevation and before long w hile ,

it had its lower parts fu ll of water lik e th e rest its u pper ,

rooms were fi lled with peopl e from th e lan es arou nd B ut .

M r D rak e s heart w as i n the P ottery for h e was an xiou s as

'
.
,

to the su ffi ciency of h i s measu res M any o f th e n eighbors .

,

driven from the i r h omes had betak e n themselves to h is ,

i nclosu re and whe n he went he fou n d th e salmon fi sh ers

, ,
-

still car rying fami li es thithe r H e set o ut at once to get .

what bread he cou ld from th e bak er s a qu antity of meat ’

from th e b utche r cheese coffee and t i ns o f bi scu its and

, , ,

prese rv ed meat fro m the grocers : all with in his bou nd s were
either h is own people o r hi s gu ests and h e mu st d o what he ,

cou ld to feed them For the fi rst ti me h e felt rich and

.
,

heart ily glad an d gratefu l that h e was H e cou ld please .

God hi s n eighbor and hi mself all at once getti ng n o en d

, , ,

o f good o ut o f the slave o f which th e u n righteous mak e a

god .

H e took D orothy with hi m for h e wou ld have felt hel p ,

less o nsu ch an ex ped itio n w ithout her j u dgment an d as ,

’
L i sbeth s hand s were more than fu ll they agreed it was ,

b etter to take A manda D orothy w as far from comfortable

.

at havi ng to leave J u li et alon e all day b ut the p ossibi lity of ,

he r bei ng compelled to o mit her c ustomary V isit had b een

contemplated between th em and she cou ld n ot fai l to ,

u n d erstan d it o n thi s th e fi rst occasion A nyhow better .

,

cou ld not b e, for th e d uty at h ome was far th e more press

 PAUL 11 4 131 11 .
3 23

i ng That day she showed an energy which astonished

.

eve n her fathe r Nor d id she fail of her reward S he

. .

received insights i nto hu manity which grew to real k nowl

edge I was going to say that next to an i nsight i nto th e
.
,

heart o f G od an i nsight i nto the heart o f a hu man bei ng i s

th e most preciou s of things ; but when I thi nk o f it—what
,

i s the latter bu t th e former ? I will say thi s at least that ,

no one reads the h u man h eart well to whom th e read ing ,

reveals nothi ng of the heart o f th e Fathe r T he wi re gau ze .

-

of soberi ng trouble over th e flaming fl ower of h u man ity ,

enabled Dorothy to see right down i nto its fi re heart an d -

d istingu ish there the loveliest hu es an d shad es W here th e .

struggle for own life is i n abeyance and th e stru ggl e fo r ,

other life active there th e heart that G od thought o ut a nd

,

means to perfect the pu re love heart o f H i s hu man s

,
-

reveals itsel f tru ly an d is graciou s to behold F o rthen the

, .

will of the i n divid ual sides d ivi nely with h is d ivi n e impu lse ,

and his heart is u nifi ed i n good When th e will of the man .

sid es perfectly with the holy impu lses i n h im the n all i s ,

well for then his mi nd i s o ne with the mi n d o f his M ake r

God and man are on e .

A manda shrieked with d elight when she was carried to

the boat an d went on sh riek ing as she flo ated ove r h ower
,

beds an d box borde rs caught n ow and the n i n bu shes and

-

overhanging branches B ut th e great h erce cu rrent ridg

. ,

i ng the middle of the brown lak e as it followed the tid e o ut

to the ocean frightened he r a little T h e featu res o f the
,
.

flat cou ntry were al l but obliterated trees only an d hou ses
and corn stacks stood out of the water while i n the direc
-

tion of the sea whe re were only mead ows al l ind ication of ,

lan d had vani shed o ne wid e brown level was everywhere , ,

with a great ru shi ng serpent of wate r i n the mid d le o f it .

A mand a clapped her little hand s i n ecstasy N eve r was .

there such a child for ex uberance o f j oy her au nt thou ght .

O r i f the re were others as glad where were any wh o let

, ,

the light of thei r glad ness so shi n e before men i nvad ing , ,

con q u eri ng th em as she d i d with th e rush of he r j oy

Dorothy hel d fast to th e sk irt o f he r frock fearin g every ,

i nstant the exp losive creatu re wou ld j u mp overboard i n

elemental sympathy B ut p oled carefu lly along by M r
.
, .

D rake they reached i n safety a certai n old shed an d get

, ,

ti ng i n at the door of the loft where a cow k eeper stored his -

hay and straw throu gh that d escen d ed i nto the h eart of

,

the P otte ry which its owner w as d elighted to h nd— n ot

,
3 24 PA U L F ABER .

i nd eed d ry u nd er foot with su ch a rai n falling bu t free ,

from lateral i nvasi on .

H is satisfaction however w as of sh o rt d u ration D orothy

, , .

went i nto o ne o f the n earer d wel lings and he was c rossi ng ,

an O pen space with A manda to get h elp from a ce rtai n ,

cottage i n u nload i ng th e boat an d d istributing its cargo ,

when h e caught sight of a b ubbli ng pool i n the mid d le of it .

A las it was from a d rain whose coverin g had bu rst with ,

th e pressure from withi n H e shouted for hel p Out . .

h u rri ed men women an d child re n o n all si des Fo r a few

, .

moments h e was entirely occu pi ed i n giving ord ers and let ,

’
A manda s hand go every body k n ew h er an d there seemed ,

n o worse mischief withi n reach for he r than dabbling i n

th e pools to wh ich sh e was sti ll d evoted
, .

Two o r three spades were soon plyi ng bu sily to mak e the ,

breach a little wider whil e men ran to bring clay and stones ,

from on e o f the cond emned cottages S u d d enly arose a .

great c ry an d the crowd scattered i n all d i rections T h e

, .

’
wall o f d efense at the corn er o f th e butcher s shop had
give n away and a torrent was gal loping across the P ottery
, ,

straight for the spot where the wate r was ri si ng from th e

d rai n A manda gazi ng i n wond er at th e figh t of th e peopl e
.
,

abou t her stood right i n its cou rse but took n o heed of it
, , ,

o r never saw it coming It cau ght h er swept h er away .

, ,

an d tu mbled with her foaming and roari ng i nto th e d eep , ,

fou ndati on o f wh ich I have spok en H er father had j ust .

missed h er an d was look ing a littl e anx iou sly rou nd when
, ,

a sh riek o f horror an d fear bu rst from the p eople and they ,

ru shed to th e hole Without a word spok e n h e k new .

A man da was i n it He d arted through them scattering .

,

men an d wome n i n all d i recti ons bu t p u lling off h is coat as ,

h e ran .

T hou gh gettin g old h e was far from feebl e an d had , ,

been a strong swimmer i n h is youth B u t h e plu nged .

heedlessly an d th e torrent still falli ng some l ittle height

, , ,

cau ght hi m and carri ed h i m almost to the bottom When

,
.

he came to the to p h e look ed i n vai n for any sign o f the ,

chi ld T he crowd stood breath less on the bri nk N 0 o ne

. .

had seen her th ou gh all eyes were starin g i nto the tu mu lt

,
.

H e d ived swam abou t ben eath gropin g i n the frightfu l

, ,

opacity bu t sti ll i n vai n T hen d own th rough the water

came a shout an d h e sh ot to the su rface—to see on ly
.
,

something white vanish B ut the recoi l of the torrent from .

below caught her and j ust as he was d ivi ng agai n brought

, ,
 PAU L FA BER .
3 25

he r u p almost withi n arm s l ength o f hi m H e darted t o ’

-
.

her clasped he r and gained the brink He cou ld n ot have

,

got out th o u gli the cavity was n ow bri mfu l bu t read y

,

, ,

hand s had him i n safety i n a moment Fifty arms were .

stretched to tak e the chi ld b u t n ot even to D orothy wou l d ,

h e yi eld he r R eady to fall at every ste p he blun dered

.
,

throu gh th e wate r wh ich no w spread over the whole place , ,

an d followed by D orothy i n mute agony was mak i ng for ,

the shed behin d which lay hi s boat when o ne o f th e salmon ,

fi sh ers who had brought hi s coble i n at the gap crossed

, ,

them and took them u p M r D rak e d rop pe d i nto the

,
. .

bottom of th e b oat with the child pressed to hi s bosom , .

H e coul d n ot speak .

’ ’
To Doctor F abe t s F o rth e child s l ife said Dorothy ,

an d th e fish er rowed lik e a mad man .

Faber had j ust com e in He u ndressed the chi ld with .

his own hands rubbed her d ry an d d id eve ry thi ng to initi

, ,

ate respi ration For a long time all seemed u seless bu t he

.
,

persisted beyond the utmost verge o f hope M r D rak e . .

and Dorothy stood i n mu te dismay N either was qu i te a .

el ula o f G od yet and i n the old man a rebelliou s spi rit

'
’
,

mu rmu red it was hard that h e shou l d have evi l fo r good

that hi s end eavors for hi s peopl e shou ld be the loss o f his
child
Faber was on the poi nt of ceasing hi s e fforts i n u tte r
d espai r wh en h e thou ght h e felt a slight moti on o f th e
,

d iaphragm an d renewed them eagerly , She began to .

,

breathe S u dd enly she opened he r eyes look ed at hi m for

.
,

a moment then with a smile closed them agai n T o the

, .

watchers heaven itself seemed to O pen i n that smil e B ut .

Faber d ropped the tiny form started a pace backward from ,

th e bed an d stood stari ng aghast T h e n ext moment h e

,
.

threw th e blankets over the child tu rn ed away and almost , ,

staggered from th e room I n hi s su rgery h e pou red him self .

ou t a glass of brandy swallowed it n eat sat down and held , ,

his h ead i n his hand s A n i nstant after h e was by the .

,
’
child s sid e again feeli ng her pu lse and rubbing h er li mbs
, ,

u nder th e blank ets .

’
Th e mini ster s hand s had tu rn ed blu e an d h e had begu n ,

to sh iver bu t a smile o f sweetest delight was on hi s face

, .

’
G od bl ess me cried th e d octor you v e got n o coat
.
,

o n and you are d renched

. I never saw any thing but th e .

child .

“
He pl u nged into th e horrible hol e after her ,
3 26 PAU L FABER .

D orothy H ow wick ed of m e to forget hi m for any ch ild

.

u nder th e s u n H e got her out all by hi mself M r Faber !

—C om e home father d ear —I wi ll come back and see to , .

.
,
”
A manda as soon as I have got h im to bed .

Yes D orothy ; let u s go

,
sai d the m in ister and p ut , ,

his hand o n her shou ld er H is teeth chattered and h is .

hand shook .

T he d octor rang th e bell violently .

N either o f you shall leave thi s house to night Tak e -

.
-

a hot bath to the spare b ed room an d remove th e sheets , ,

he sai d to the housek eeper wh o had answered th e su mmons , .

My d ear sir he went o n tu rni ng agai n to the mi nister

, , ,

you mu st get i nto th e b lank ets at once H ow careless of .

’
me Th e child s life will be d ear at th e cost o f you rs .

Y ou have brought back the sou l of the chi ld to me M r , .

”
Faber sai d the mi ni ster trembling
,
an d I can never , ,
”
thank you enou gh .

’
“
T here won t be mu ch to thank me for if yo u have to go
i nstead —M iss D rake whi le I give you r father his bath you
,

.
, ,

m ust go with M rs R obe rts an d p ut on d ry clothes T hen

.
, .

”
you will be able to nu rse h im .

A s soon as D orothy whose garments J u li et had been ,

weari ng so l ong was d ressed i n som e of h ers sh e went to

, ,

h er father s room H e was al ready i n bed bu t it was long

’
.
,

before they cou ld get h i m warm T hen h e grew b u rni ng .

hot an d all night was talki ng i n troubled d reams O nce

,
.

D orothy heard h im say as if he had been talk i ng to G od ,

face to face O my G od i f I ha d but once seen T hee I , ,

d o not thi nk I cou ld ever have mistru sted T hee B ut I .

”
cou ld n ever be qu ite su re .

T h e morn i ng brought lu cid ity How many d awns a .

morni ng bri ngs H is fi rst words were H ow goes it with

th e chi ld P H av mg heard that sh e had had a good n ight ,

an d was almost well he tu rned over and fell fast asleep

, ,
.

T hen D orothy w h o had been by h is bed al l night resu med

, ,

her o wngarments an d went to th e d oor ,

.
 C H A PT E R X LV

HE R E A N D T HE R E .

T HE rain had ceased and the flood was greatly d i mi nished

, .

I t was possible sh e j udged to reach the Old H ou se an d

, , ,

after a hasty breakfast sh e set o u t leavi ng her fathe r to

, ,
’
M rs R ob erts s care T he fl ood left he r n o choice bu t go
. .

'
by th e high road to Po lwarth s gate an d then sh e ,

had ofte n to wad e th rough mu d an d water Th e .

moment she saw th e gatek eeper she k new somehow by hi s ,

face that J u li et was i n the lodge When she entered sh e .

,

saw that al ready her n ew ci rcu mstances were worki ng u pon

her fo r peace The spi ritu al atmosphere so entirely hu man
.
, ,

the sense that sh e was not and wou ld not b e alone the ,

strange talk which they h eld openly before her the food th ey ,

coax ed her to eat th e whole su rrou ndi ng of thoughts an d

,

thi ngs as they shou ld b e was operati ng far more potently ,

than cou ld be measu red by her u nd erstand ing of thei r

effects or even consci ou sness o f thei r influences S h e still
looked dow n
.
,

u pon the dwarfs condescende d to them had a , ,

vagu e feeli ng that sh e h onored them by acce pti ng th ei r

mi nistration —for which on e d ay she wou ld requ ite them , ,

handsomely Not th e l ess had she all th e ti me a feelin g

.

that sh e Was i n the soci ety of mini stering spi rits o f G od ,

good and safe and tru e From the O ld H ou se to the cot .

tage was from the I nferno to the P u rgatori o across whose ,

bord ers fai nt wafts from P aradise no w an d then strayed

wand eri ng Without k nowing it she had begu n al ready to
.
,

love the qu eer little woman with th e wretched body the , ,

fi ne head and gentle su ffering face wh i le the indescrib a

, ,

bl e awe i nto which her aversion to the k obold with hi s

, ,

pigeon chest hi s wheezing breath his great head an d his big

-

, , , ,
’
stillface wh ich to such eyes as the cu rate s seemed to be
,

look i ng i nto both world s at once had passed over bore n o , ,

u nimportant part i n that po rti on of her d isci pl in e h ere com

menced O n e of th e lofti est spi rits of th e mi ddle earth i t
.
,

was long before she had quite ceased to regard h im as a

p ower o f th e n eth er world p artly h u man and at onc e som e
thi n
, ,

g less and som ethi ng more Yet even already sh e was .

begin ni ng to fee l at home with th em Tru e the world i n ,

3 28 PAU L F ABER .

which they really lived was above her spiritu al vision as ,

beyond her i ntellectu al co m preh ension yet not the less was ,

the ai r arou n d them th e essential ai r o f h omeness for th e

tru ths i n wh ich thei r spi rits lived and b reathed were th e same ,

which li e at th e root of every feeling of home safety i n the -

world which mak e th e bliss of th e chi ld i n his mother s bed

,
’

th e bliss of you ng beasts i n their nests of b i rd s u nd er their ,

’
mother s wi ng T h e love which in closed her w as far too
great for h er— as th e heaven of the mother s face is beyon d
.

the u n derstand ing o f the n ew born chi ld over whom sh e -

’
ben d s b ut that mothe r s face is n evertheless the chi ld s j oy ’

an d p eace S he d id n ot yet recogni ze it as love saw only

.
,

the mi nistrati on b ut it w as what sh e sorely n eeded : she

said th e sort o f thi ng su ited her an d at once began to fall ,

i n with it What i t cost her e ntertai ners with organi zati on

.
,

as d eli cate as u ncouth i n the mere matte r of bod ily labor

sh e had n ot an i d ea—imagin ed in d eed that sh e gave them
, ,

n o trouble at all b ecau se having overheard th e conversation

, ,

between them u pon her arrival sh e d i d herself a part of ,

th e work requ i r ed for h er comfo rt i n her o w n room Sh e .

n ever saw the p oor qu arters to which R uth for her sak e had
ban ish ed herself—n eve r perceived the fact that there w as
n othing good en ou gh wherewith to repay them except
worshi pfu l gratitu d e love admi ration and submission
, , ,

feelings sh e cou ld n ot even have i magin ed possible i n regard

t o su ch i n teriors .

A nd n ow D orothy had not a little to say to J u liet about

her hu sband I n telling what had tak en place h oweve r she
.
, ,

had to hear many more qu estions than sh e was able to

answe r .

D oes h e really beli eve me d ead D orothy P was o ne o f ,

them .

I d o n ot beli eve there i s o ne person i n G laston wh o

k nows what h e th i nk s answered D orothy ,
I have not .

h eard of his once openin g hi s mouth on th e subj ect H e i s .

j u st as silen t now as h e u sed to be ready to talk .

My poor P au l ! mu rmu red J u li et and h i d her face ,

an d wept .

I n d eed n ot a sou l i n Glaston or elsewhere k n ew a single

thou gh t h e had C ertai n mysteri ou s advertisements i n the
.

cou nty paper were i magin ed by some to be hi s an d to refer

t o hi s wife S ome as th e body had n ever been seen d id
.
, ,

b egin to d ou b t wh ether sh e was d ead Some o n th e other .

,

ha nd h i nted that h er hu sband had hi m self mad e away wi th

'
‘

,
 PAU L FABER .
3 29

her —fo r they argu ed what cou l d b e easi er to a d octor and

, , ,

why else d id he mak e n o search for th e body ? To D oro

, ,

thy this su pposed fact seemed to in d icate a belief that she

was not d ead — perhaps a hope that she wou ld soone r betray
herself if he manifested no anx iety to fi nd he r B ut she .

sai d nothi ng of th is to J u liet .

H e r news of h i m was the more acceptable to th e famished

heart of the wi fe that from h is great k i ndn ess to them all
, , ,

and especially from th e perseverance which had restored to

’
the m thei r little A manda D orothy s heart had so warmed ,

toward him that she could not hel p speak ing o f h im i n a

,

tone far more agreeable to J u l iet than hithert o she had been
able to use H is pale worn look and the tok ens o f trouble
.
, ,

throu ghout his d emeanor all more evid ent u pon n eare r ,

approach had also wrought u po n her ; and she so d es

,

c rib ed h is care anx iety an d tenderness ove r A man da

,
that
, ,

J u liet becam e j ealou s o f th e child as she wou ld have been ,

of any dog she saw h im caress When all w as told an d she .

,

was weary of aski ng qu estions to which the re were n o

answers sh e fell back i n h er chai r with a sigh a las she
, ,

was no n earer to hi m for th e heari ng of h er ears ! Wh ile

she lived sh e was open to his scorn an d d ese rved it th e ,

more that she had seemed to d i e S he mu st d ie for then

at last a little love wou ld revive i n hi s heart e re h e d ied too ,

an d followed her nowhith er O nly fi rst sh e m u st leav e hi m

his child to plead for her — sh e u sed someti mes to catch
.

herself prayin g that th e i nfan t might be lik e her .

L ook at my j acket said Dorothy I t was o ne of .

'
J uli et s an d she hoped to mak e he r smi le
,
.

D id Pau l see you with my clothes on P sh e sai d angri ly .

D orothy started with the pang of h u rt that shot throu gh

her B ut the compassionate smile o n the face of Polwarth
.
,

who had j ust entered and had heard the last article of the,

conversati on at onc e set h er right For n ot only was h e

,
.

capable o f i mmed iate sympathy with emotion bu t of reveal ,

ing at once that h e u nderstood its cause R uth who had .

,

come i nto the room behi nd him secon d o nly to her u ncl e i n ,

the i nsight of love foll owed his look by ask i ng D orothy i f

,

she might go to the O ld H ou se as soon as the weathe r per ,

mitted to fetch some clothes fo r M rs Faber wh o had

,
.
,

brought noth ing with he r but what sh e wore ; whereu pon

D orothy partly for leisu re to figh t her temper said she
, ,

wou ld go herself and went B ut wh en sh e retu rned sh e

, .
,

ave the b ag to R uth at th e d oor , and wen t away without

g
33 0 PAUL FABER .

seeing J u liet agai n Sh e was getting ti red o f her selfi sh ness

.
,

sh e sai d to herself D orothy was not herself yet perfect i n

love—which beareth al l thi ngs beli eveth al l thi ngs hopeth
.

, ,

all thi ngs end u reth al l thi ngs

Faber too had been u p all n ight—b y th e bedsid e of the
.
,

little A man da Sh e scarcely n eed ed su ch close attendance

.
,

for sh e slept sou ndly and was hard ly at all feverish

,
Fou r .

or fi ve ti mes i n th e cou rse of the n ight h e tu rned d own th e ,

bed clothes to examine h er body as if h e feared some ln

-

j u ry n ot hith erto apparent O f su ch th ere was n o sign . .

I n his youth h e had occu pied hi mself mu ch with com

parative anatomy an d physiology H i s pr edilection for .

th ese stu d ies had greatly sharpened hi s observati on an d he ,

noted many things that escaped the eyes of better than ord i
nary obse rvers A mongst other k i nds of thi ngs to wh ich he
.

k ept h is eyes o pen h e w as ve ry qu ick at n oti ng in stances of

,

the strange persi stency with which Natu re perpetuates

mi nute pecu liarities carryi ng the m o n from generation to
,

generati on O ccu pied with A mand a a certainimperfection

.
,

i n on e o f the cu rves of the outer ear attracted his attention .

I t is as rare to see a p erfect ear as to see a perfect form an d ,

the varieti es of u nfi nish ed cu rves are many but this imper

fect io nwas very pecu liar A t th e sam e time it was so slight
.
,

that n ot even th e eye of a l ove r none save that o f a man of ,

sci ence aliv e to mi nu test i nd ications woul d probably have

, ,

seen it T he sight of it sta rtled Faber n ot a little it was

.

the seco n d i nstance of th e pecu liarity that had come to h i s

k nowledge It gave hi m a n ew i d ea to go u pon and when
.
,

the ch ild su dd enly O pe ned h e r eyes h e saw an oth er face ,

looki ng at h i m ou t of hers T h e i d ea then hau nted hi m .

an d whether i t was that i t assi mi lated facts to itself o r that ,

th e signs were p resent fu rther search afforded what was to

,

hi m co nfi rmatio no f the i nitiatory s uspici on .

N otwithstandin g th e state of feeblen ess i n whi ch h e fou nd

M r D rak e th e n ext morni ng h e pressed hi m with qu estion
.
,

u pon qu est i on amou nti ng to a thoro u gh cross exami nation

,
-

’
concernin g A man da s histo ry u ndeterred by th e fact that , ,

whether itself merely bored or its n atu re an noyed him his , ,

pati ent plai nly d isre li shed h is catech isi ng It was a subj ect .

wh ich as hi s love to th e chi ld i ncreased had grow n less and

, ,

l ess agreeabl e to M r D rak e sh e was to hi m so e nti rely h is

.

o w nthat h e had n ot th e least d esi re to h n d ou t any thi ng

abou t her to learn a singl e fact or hear a si ngle conj ectu re
,

to remi nd hi m that sh e was n ot i n eve ry sense as well as th e

 P A U L F A B ER .
33 1

best hi s own dau ghter H e was therefo re n ot a little an

, .

n oyed at the persistency of the d octor s qu estion ing but ’

, ,

b eing a co u rteou s man and u nde r e nd less obligatio n to him

,

for the ve ry chi ld s sak e as well as his o wn he combated

’

di si nclination and with success acqu ainti ng the d octor with

, ,

every poi nt h e k new concerning A manda T hen fi rst the .

doctor grew capable of givi ng his attenti on to the minister

hi mself ; whose so n if he had been he cou ld hard ly have ,

shown him greate r d evotion A whole week passed before .

he wou ld allow hi m to go home D orothy waited u pon hi m .

,

an d A mand a ran about the hou se Th e doctor an d sh e had .

bee n friend s fro m the fi rst an d now whe n he was at home , , ,

there was never any d oubt where A mand a was to be fou nd .

The same day o n wh ich the D rak es left h im Faber ,

started by the night trai n fo r L ond on an d was absent th ree

-

days .

A mand a was now perfectly well but M r D rak e contin ued , .

poorly D orothy was anxi ou s to get him away from the

.

river sid e and proposed putti ng th e workmen i nto the Old

-

House at once T o th is b e read ily consented but wou ld not

.
,

listen to he r suggestio n that i n the meanti me he shou ld go

to some wateri ng place H e wou ld be qu ite wel l in a day o r
-
.

two and there was n o rest for hi m he said u nti l th e work

, , ,

so sadly bu ngled was properly d one He d id not believe .

hi s plans were d efec t ive an d cou ld n ot h el p d oubti ng ,

whether they had been faithfu lly carri ed ou t B u t th e .

bu ild er a man of honest repute protested also that h e cou ld

, ,

not accou nt for the yield ing of the wall except h e had had ,

the mishap to b u i ld over some d eep d rain or old well which , ,

was not likely so close to the river He offered to put it u p

,
.

agai n at hi s own expense when perhaps they might d iscover ,

th e cause of th e catastrophe .

S und ry opi ni ons and more than one ru mor were c u rrent
among th e neighbors A t last they were mostly d ivid ed
.

i nto two parties th e o ne professing the conviction that the

,

butcher who was k nown to have some gru dge at the mini ster
, ,

had u nder th e testu do sh elte r of h is slaughter ho use u nder

,
- -

mi ned the wal l ; the other in dignantly asserting that the

absu rd ity had no fou ndati on exce pt i n the evi l thou ghts of
chu rchmen toward d isse nte rs bein g in fact a wicked ,
’
slande r Whe n th e suggesti on reached the mi nister s ears
.
,

h e k nowi ng th e butcher and believing the bu ild er was in

, , ,

c lin ed to i nstitute i nvestigation s but as such a cou rse was

not likely to lead the butche r to repentance , he resolved ih
33 2 P AU L F AB ER .

stead to consu lt with hi m h ow his p remises might be i nclu ded

i n th e d efense T he butche r chuckl ed with consciou s su c
.

cess an d fo r some months always chu ck led wh en sharpen

,

i ng hi s k nife b ut by an d by the coals of fi re began to scorch

an d went o n scorch i ng—the more that M r D rak e very soon
,

became h is landlord an d volu ntarily gave hi m several advant

,

ages B ut h e gave strict o rd ers that there shou l d be no

.

d eali ng s with h i m It was o ne thing h e said to be good to

.
, ,

the si nner and anoth er to pass by hi s fau lt without con

,

fessio n treati n
,
g i t lik e a mere personal affai r which might
be forgotte n B efore th e butch er died there was not a man
.
,

wh o k new h i m wh o d i d not believe h e h ad u nd ermi ned th e

wall H e left a will assigni ng all h is property to tru stees for
.
,

th e bu i ld ing of a new chapel but when h is affai rs cam e to ,

b e look ed into there was hard ly enough to pay h is d ebts

, .

T he mi nister was n ow subj ect to a sort of agu e to which ,

h e paid far too littl e heed Wh en D orothy was n ot imme .

diately look i ng after hi m h e woul d sl i p o ut i n any weather,

to see how things were goin g on i n th e Pottery I t w as no .

won der th erefore that h is health d i d n ot i mprove B u t he

, , .

cou l d not b e i nd uced to regard hi s cond ition as at all seri ou s .

C H A PT E R X L V I .

1 111: 11111 15 1 13 18 3 ST U D Y .

H ELE N was i n th e way o f n ow an d the n writi ng mu sic to

any son g that specially t ook her fancy— not with foolish
hank eri ng after publ ication b u t fo r th e pleasu re of brood ing ,

i n melody u pon the words an d si ngi ng them to her hu s ,

ban d O n e day h e brought h er a few stanzas by an u nkn own

.
,

poet which h e said seemed to have i n them a slightly n ew

, , ,

element T hey pleased her more than hi m an d began at

.
,

once to si ng th emselv es N o soon er was her hu sband ou t of.

th e room than sh e sat d own to h er piano with them B efore .

th e evenin g sh e had written t o th em an ai r with a si mpl e

,

accompan iment Whe n s h e no w su ng the verses to h im he

.
,

tol d her to he r immense d elight that h e u nderstood and

, ,

liked them far better T h e n ext morning havi ng carried .

,

out on e or two littl e suggestio ns h e had mad e , sh e was sin g

 P AU L 11 11 13 13 11 .
3 33

ing them by herself i n th e d rawi ng room when F abe r to -

, ,

whom she had sent because on e of he r se rvants was i ll ,

entered He mad e a sign begging he r to conti nu e and she

.
,

fi nish ed the song .

Will you let m e see the word s h e said , .

She hand ed them to hi m H e read them laid d own the

.
,

manuscri pt and requ esting to be tak en to h is patient t u rned

‘

, , ,

to the door P erhaps h e thought she had laid a mu sic snare

.
-

for him .

T h e verses were th ese

A Y E A R SO N G .

Sighing b v
a o e,
R ustl ing b el ow ,

T h rou gh t h e wo ods
Th e w inds go .

B eneath dead crow ds

.

A bo v e l ife b are ;
.

A nd th e b eso m w in ds
Sw eep th e air .

Heart leave t/zy woe

,

Let t/te dead t/z in g: go .

T h rough th e b row n leaves

G ol d stars push
A mist o f green
Veil s th e b u sh .

Here a tw itter,
T h ere a croak
T hey are co ming
T h e spring fo lk -

Heart, be not du mb
Let I lze live th ing s come .

T hro ugh th e beach

T h e Vt inds go
With a long speech
,

L o ud and l
s o w.

Th e grass is fi n e,
An d so ft to lie in
Th e su ndo th sh in e
Th e b l ue sky in .

Let t/ze new t/zz n

'

g: tbrz w
'

R o und again!
Here no w
A rimy fru it
O na bare bo ugh l
 P A U L F A BER .

T h ere th e w inter
A nd th e sn ow
A nd a sigh ing ev er
T o fall and go
H eart My b o a r sha ll be
,

7 by dead w ill comf ort thee .

Fabe r was sti ll folded i n the atmosphere o f th e song when ,

’ ’
from the cu rate s d oor he arrived at the mi n ister s resolved
to make that mo rn ing a ce rtai n d isclosu re—o ne h e wo uld
, ,

glad ly hav e avoi d ed bu t felt bou nd i n honor to make

, .

The mi n iste r grew pale as h e listened b ut hel d h is peace , .

N ot u ntil the point came at which he fou nd hi mself p erson

ally concerned d i d he utter a syllable
,
.

I will i n my own word s give the substance of the doctor s '

commu n ication stati ng the facts a little more fai rly to h im

,

than his pri d e wou ld allow hi m to pu t them i n his narrative .

Pau l Faber was a stu d ent o f St Ba rtholomew s an d d u r

’

,
.

i ng some ti me held there the o ffice o f assi stant hou se su r -

geon S oon after h is appoi ntment he being then th ree and

.
,

twenty a you ng woman was tak en into on e of the wards i n

, ,

whom he grad ually grew mu ch i nterested H er complai nt .

caused her mu ch su fferi ng b ut was more tedi ou s than ,

dangerou s .

A ttracted by h er sweet looks but more by her patience , ,

and th e gratitu d e with wh ich she received the attenti on

shown her h e began to talk to h er a little especially du ring
, ,

a slight operation that had to be not u n frequ ently performed .

T h en h e came to givin g h er book s to read an d was often ,

charmed w ith the truth an d simplicity o f the remark s she

wou ld mak e S he had been earn i ng her livi ng as a clerk
.
,

had n o fri end s i n L ondon and therefore no p lace to betak e

,

h erself to i n h er ill ness b ut the hospital T he d ay she left .

it i n the si mplicity o f h er heart and with m uch timi dity

, , ,

she gave hi m a chai n sh e had mad e for hi m of he r hai r O n .

the grou nd of su pplementa ry attention partly d esi rable , ,

partly a pretext b ut u nassociated with any evil i ntent he

, ,

visited her after i n he r lodgi ng T he j oy o f he r face the .

,

light of her eyes when he appeared was enchanti ng to hi m ,

.

S he pleased eve ry gentle element o f h is n atu re her worsh ip

fl attered him h er co nfi dence bewitched h im H is feeli ngs
,
.

toward her were su ch that he n ever d oubted h e was h er

friend He d i d her n o en d o f k i nd ness taught her much
.

gave h er good advice as to her b ehavior and th e d angers ,

sh e was in; w ou ld have p rotected her from eve ry en emy ,

 PAUL 1111 131111 .
33 5

real and i magi nary while all the ti me u nd esi gn ed ly he was

, , ,

d epriving her of th e very n erve of sel f d efense He still -

gav e h er book s—and good books —C arlyle even and T en

.

nyso n read poetry w ith h er and taught her to read alou d ,

went to her chapel with her sometimes of a S u nday eveni ng

-
for he was then so he said an d so h e imagi ned a thorou gh
, , ,

believer i n revelation H e took he r to the theater to pic .

,

tu res to conce rts tak i ng eve ry care of h er h ealth her man

, , ,

ners her pri nci ples B ut on e enemy h e forgot to guard her

, .

against : how i s a man to protect even the woman h e love s

from the hid de n god of his i dolatry—his ow n gran d con
tempt ib le self P
I t is needless to set th e foot of narration u pon every ste p
of the slow descend i ng stai r With al l hi s tend er feeli ngs
-
.

and generou s love of h is ki nd Pau l Faber had not yet

learned the simplest lesson o f hu manity—that h e who wou ld
,

not be a mu rd erer mu st be hi s brother s k eeper—sti ll more

’

,
’
his sister s protecti ng every woman fi rst of al l from himself
—
,

from every u ntruth i n h im ch iefly from every u nhallowed ,

approach of h is lower natu re from eve ry thing that calls ,

itself love and i s but its black shad ow i ts d emon ever mu r ,

mu rin g 1 love that it may d evou r T he priceless reward o f

,
.

such honesty i s the power to love bette r bu t let no man in

sult his natu re by imagi ni ng hi mself n oble for so car rying
himself A s soon l et hi m thi nk himself noble that he i s n o
.

swindle r D oubtless Fabe r sai d to hi mself as well as to her

.
,

and said it yet oftener whe n the recoi l of h is selfi sh ness struck
u po n the doo r of h is conscience an d rou sed D on Worm ,

that he wou ld be tru e to he r forever B u t what di d h e .

mean by the word s P D id he k now ? H ad they any sense

of which he wou ld n ot have bee n ashamed even before the
gi rl herself P Woul d such truth as he co ntemplated mak e
of hi m h er hid i ng —place from the wind her cove rt from th e ,

tempest ? He n ever even thought whethe r to marry he r o r

not neve r vowed eve n i n h is heart n ot to marry an other A l l
,
.

h e cou ld have sai d was that at the t ime h e had no i ntention ,

o f marryi ng an other an d that h e had the intention of keep

,

i ng her fo r hi mself indefi nitely which may be all the n oti on ,

some people hav e of eternally B ut th ings went well with .

them and they seemed to themselves n otwithstand ing the

, ,

tears shed by on e of them i n secret only the better for the ,

relation between them .

A t len gth a chi ld was born The heart o f a woman i s .

i ndeed infi nite b ut ti me he r presence her th oughts he r

, , , , ,
3 36 PAU L FABER .

han ds are fi nite sh e cou ld n ot seem so mu ch a l over as b e

fore becau se she mu st be a moth er now God only can th ink
,

of two things at once I n his en d u ring selfi sh ness Faber felt

.
,

th e ch ild come between them and re proached her neglect , ,

as he called it S he answered hi m gently and reasonably ;

.

but n ow hi s bonds began to wea ry hi m S he saw it and i n .

,

the misery of the waste vision open ing before her eyes her ,

tempe r till now sweet as d evoted began to change A nd

, , .

yet wh ile she loved her child the more passi onately that she
,

loved her forebod ingly almost with the love o f a woman

,

already forsaken sh e was nearly mad sometimes with her own

,

heart that she cou l d not give herself so u tterly as before to

,

h er id ol .

It took b u t o ne i nte rv iew after he had confessed it to h im

self to reveal th e fact to her that she had grown a bu rde n to
,

hi m He came a little seldomer and by degrees which

.
,

seemed to h er terribly rapid mo re an d more seldom He , .

had never recogn ized d uty i n h is relation to her I d o not .

mean that he had n ot d one the e ffects of d uty toward he r

l ov e had as yet p revented the necessity of appeal to the stern
daughter of God B u t what love with wh ich o u r h u man ity
.

is acquai nte d can keep healthy without call in g i n th e ai d of

D uty ? Perfect L ove i s the mothe r o f all d uties and all
v i rt u es an d n eed s not be admonished of her child ren but
,

not u ntil L ove i s perfected may she casti ng o ut Fear for

, , ,

get also D uty A n d hence are th e cond ition s o f su ch a

.

relation altogether i ncongru ous For the moment the man .

,

n ot yet debased ad mits a thought of duty he i s aware that

, ,

far more i s d emanded o f h i m than even for th e sak e of ,

p u rest ri ght h e has e ith er the cou rage or the conscien ce to

,

yi eld B ut evenn ow Faber had not th e most d is tant i mten

.
'

tion of forsak ing her ; only why shoul d h e l et her bu rden h im ,

an d make hi s life miserabl e ? T here were ot h er pleasu res

besides the company of th e most chi ld ish ly d evoted of
women : why shou ld h e n ot tak e them ? Why shou l d h e
give all hi s leisu re to on e who gave more than the half of it
to her baby P
H e had money o f his o wn and n ever extravagant u pon , ,

h imself was more liberal to th e poor gi rl than ever she

,

d esired B ut th ere was n othi ng mercenary i n h er She

. .

was far more i ncapable o f tu rpitu d e than h e for she was of ,

a higher natu re an d loved mu ch where he loved only a

,

l ittle S he was n obler sweetly prou d er than b e She had

sacrifi ced all to hi m for love —
.
,
.

c ou ld accept nothi ng from

 P AU L FABER .
337

h i m withou t th e love which alone i s the sou l of any gift ,

alone mak es it rich S he wou ld not cou ld not see hi m .

,

u nhappy I n her fi ne generosity struggling to be strong

.
, ,

she sai d to h erself that after all she wou ld leave hi m richer
than she was before—richer than he was now H e wou ld
, , ,

not want the chi ld h e had give n her ; sh e wou ld an d sh e ,

cou ld live for her u pon the memory of two years of such
, ,

love as comforting herself i n sad womanly pride she hattered

, ,

herself woman had seld om en j oyed S he wou ld not throw .

th e past from her becau se th e weather of ti me had changed

she wou l d not mar every fai r memory with the i nky sponge
of her present loss S he wou ld tu rn her back u pon her su n
.

e re he set qu ite an d carry with her i nto the dark ness the
,

last gorgeou s glow of h is departu re While she had his .

chi ld shou ld she n ever see him agai n there remained a

bond between them—a bond that cou ld never be broke n
, ,

H e an d she met i n that chi ld s life—he r being was the

.

eternal fact of thei r u nity .

Both sh e and h e had to learn that there was yet a closer

bond betwee n th em n ecessary i ndeed to the fact that a ,

chi ld could be born of them namely that they two had issu ed , ,

from the on e perfect H eart of love A nd eve ry heart of .

perplexed man although too much for itself it can n ot

, , ,

co nce ive how th e thi ng shou ld b e has to learn that th ere , ,

i n that heart whence it came lies for it restoration consola , ,

t io n co n tent H erein O G od lies a task for T hy per te e

tion for the might of T hy i magination —which needs bu t
, .
, ,

T hy will (an d T hy s u fferi ng P) to be creation

O n e even i ng when he pai d h er a visit afte r th e absence
o f a week he fou n d he r charmingly d ressed an d merry ,
, ,

b ut i n a strange fash ion which he coul d not u nd erstand T he .

baby sh e said was down stai rs with the land lady an d sh e

, , ,

free for her Pau l S he read to him she sang to h i m she

.
, ,

bewitched h i m afresh with the graces h e had hel ped to

develop i n her He sai d to himself when he left her that
su rely n ever was there a more graciou s creatu re —and she
.

was utterly his own ! It was the last h icke r of the dying
light—the gorgeou s su nset she had resolved to carry with
her i n her memo ry foreve r Whe n h e sought her agai n .

the n ext even i ng he fou nd her landlady i n tears She had

,
.

vanished tak i ng with her nothi ng bu t her chi ld and he r

,
.

ch ild s garments T h e gown she had worn the n ight before

’

hu n g in her bed room —every thing bu t what sh e mu st then

.

b e we ari ng was left behi nd T he woman wept spoke o f .

,
33 8 P AU L FABER .

her with genu i ne a ffecti on an d sai d she had paid eve ry th ing , .

T o his qu estion i ng sh e answered that they had gon e away

i n a cab sh e had called it b ut k new n either the man nor ,

his nu mber Persu ad ing h imself she had bu t gone to see

.

some friend h e settled h imself i n her rooms to await her

,

retu rn b ut a week rightly served to consu me his hope T he

,
.

i ron entered i nto hi s sou l an d for a ti me tortu red h im H e

wept—b ut consoled hi mself that he wept for it proved to
, .

himself that he was not h eartless H e comforted h i mself .

fu rther i n th e thought that sh e k new where to fi nd h i m an d

that whe n trouble came u pon her she wou l d remember how ,

good h e had been to he r and what a retu rn she had made ,

for it Because h e wo ul d not give u p eve ry thi ng to h e r

.
,

libe rty and all she had left hi m A nd i n revenge havi ng

, ,

so long n eglected hi m for th e chi ld she had for th e last ,

once rou sed i n her every powe r o f enchantment had brought ,

her every charm i nto play that she might lastingly bewitch ,

hi m with the old spell an d the un dying memory of thei r

fi rst bl iss —
,

then left hi m to h i s lon ely mise ry ! S he had

d on e what sh e co u ld for the ru i n of a man of ed ucation a ,

man of family a man o nthe way to d isti nction — a man of

,

gen i u s h e said even b ut he was su ch only as eve ry man is

, ,

he was a man o f late nt geni u s .

B ut veri ly thou gh o ur sym pathy goes all with a woman

,

lik e her su ch a man h o weu er little h e d ese rves and h owever

, , ,

m u ch h e wou ld scorn it i s far more an obj ect of pity S h e , .

has her love has not been false th ereto an d on e day will
, ,

th rou gh su fferi ng fi nd the path to the d oor of rest Whe n .

sh e left h im her sou l was end lessly richer than his T he

,
.

mu sic o f which h e sai d she k n ew n othi ng i n her sou l moved

, ,

a d eep wave wh i le it blew but a spark li ng ri pple on hi s ;

,

the poetry they read together echoed i n a fa r profou nder

d epth o f her bei ng an d I d o n ot beli eve she came to loathe
,

it as h e d id an d when she read o f H i m who reason ed that

th e si ns o f a ce rtai n woman m u st have bee n forgive n her ,

else how cou ld she love so much sh e may well have been able , ,

from the d epth of such anothe r lovi ng heart to believe

u tterly i n H im —wh ile we k now that h e r poor sh ru nk en
,

lover came to think it m an ly honest reasonable meritoriou s , , ,

to deny H i m .

Week s months years passed bu t sh e never sought

, , ,

hi m ; and h e so far forgot h er by ceasi ng to thi nk of he r,

that at length when a chance bubbl e di d rise from the
,

drowned memory it brok e i nstantly and va nished A s to

, .
 PAU L 11 11 1313 11
.
339

the chi ld he had almost forgotte n whether

, it was a boy or
a girl
’

But since i n his new desolation he d iscovere d her

, , ,

beyon d a d oubt i n the l ittle A manda old memori es had

, ,

been c rowd ing back u pon his heart and he had begu n to ,
'
perceive how A mand a s mother mu st have felt when she saw
his love decaying visibly before her and to suspect that it ,

was i n the self i mmolation of love that she had left hi m

-
.

H is ow n character had been hitherto so u n iformly pe rvad ed

with a refi ned selfi sh ness as to afford no standpo mt of a
d i fferent soil whence by contrast to recogni ze the tru e natu re
,

of the rest ; b ut now it began to reveal itself to hi s con

sci ou s j u dgment A n d at last it stru ck hi m that twice he
had been left—b y women whom he loved —at least by wome n
.

who loved h im Two wome n had tru sted h i m u tterly and

.
,

h e had failed them both N ext followed the thought

stingi ng hi m to the h eart that the former was the pu rer of ,

the two that the one on whom h e had looked down becau se
o f h er lack of ed ucation an d her familiarity with hu mble
,

th i ngs and simple forms of life k new nothing of what me n ,

cou nt evil while she i n wh om he had worshi ped refi nement

i ntellect c ultu re beau t y song—she who i n love teachable
, ,
-

, , , ,

n ess had received h is doctri ne agai nst all the prej u d ices of
her ed ucation w as what sh e had confesse d herself
,

B ut against all reason and logic the resu lt of this com

, ,

parison was that J u liet retu rned fresh to his i magi nation i n
,

all the fi rst witchery of her loveli ness ; and presently he

fou n d himself for the fi rst time maki ng excu ses for her i f
sh e had d ece ived h i m she had d eceive d h i m from love ;
whateve r her past she had bee n tru e to hi m an d was from
th e moment sh e loved hi m i ncapable of wron g —He had
, , ,

cast her from him an d she had sought refuge i n the arms
of the only rival he ever wou ld have had to fear—the bare
,

ri b bed D eath
N atu rally followed th e reflect ion—what was h e to d emand
pu rity of any woman P—H ad h e n ot accepted —yes tempted , ,

enticed from the woman wh o preceded her the sacrifice of ,

one of the wi ngs of her sou l on the altar of hi s selfish ness

then d riven h er from h im th u s mai med an d helpless to the , ,

mercy of th e ru de b lasts of the worl d ! She not he eve r , ,

had been th e nob le one the bou ntifu l giver the victi m , ,

of shameless i ngratitu d e Flatteri ng hi mself that mi se ry .

wou ld d rive her back to h im h e had not made a si ngle e ffort ,

to fi nd h er o r mou rn ed that h e cou ld n ever mak e u p to he r

,
3 40 P A U L FA BER .

for th e wrongs h e h ad d on e her H e h ad not even hoped .

for a futu re i n which he might h u mbl e h i mself before her !

What room was th ere here to talk of honor I f sh e had not
su nk to th e st reets it was th rough he r own vi rtu e an d n one ,

o f his care A nd n ow she was d ead an d h is chi ld but for ,

th e charity o f a d espised su perstiti on wou ld have been ,

l eft an outcast i n th e L ond on streets to wither i nto the ,

o ld faced weak lin g of a L ondon work hou se

-

C H A PT E R X L V I I .

T HE BL O W ING or THE WI N D .

SM A L LE R and smaller Faber felt as h e pu rsu ed his plain ,

cou rageou s confession of wrong to th e man whose l ife was
even n ow i n peri l for th e sak e of h i s neglected child .

W hen h e co ncl u ded with th e ex pression o f his co nviction

that A mand a was hi s d au ghter the n fi rst the o ld mi ni ster
,

spok e H is love had mad e h i m gu ess what was coming

.
,

and he was o nh i s guard .

M ay I ask what i s you r ob j ect i n mak i ng this statement

to me M r Faber P he sai d cold ly
, . .

I am consc ious o f n on e bu t to confess th e truth an d ,

perform any d uty that may be mi ne i n consequ ence of th e

”
d iscove ry said th e d octor
, .

D o yo u wish this t ruth p ublished to the peopl e o f G las

ton P i n q u i red the mi n ister i n th e sam e icy tone
, .

“
I have n o su ch d esi re bu t I am o f cou rse p repared to
confess A manda my ch ild and to mak e you what amends
,

may be possible for the troubl e an d ex pense sh e has occa

sio n
"
ed you .

T rouble E xpense cried th e m in ister fi ercely .

D o you mean i n you r cold blooded heart that becau se

-

, ,

you wh o have no clai m to the chi ld but that o f self indul

gence—becau se you bel ieve her you rs I who have for years
-

carried h er i n my bosom am going to give he r u p to a man

, ,

who all th ese years , has mad e not o ne e ffort to d iscover his
,

m issi ng ch ild ? I n th e sight o f G od wh ich of us i s h er ,

father ? B ut I forget t hat i s a qu estio n you can n ot

u nderstand Wh ether or n ot you are h er father I d o not
.
,
 P A U L F A B ER .
34 1

care a straw You have not p roved it and I tell you that
.
,
u ntil the cou rt of C hance ry ord ers me to delive r u p my dar
ling to you to be taught there i s no living Father of men
,

and that by the fi ttest of all men to enforce the lie — not
u nti l then will I yield a hai r of her h ead to you G od grant .
,

i f yo u were her father her mother had more part i n her

than you —A thousan d ti mes rathe r I wou ld we had both
,

perished i n the roari ng mu d than that I sho u ld have to ,

give he r u p to you .

He struck h is fi st o n the table rose and tu rned from , ,

h im Faber also rose qu ietly si lent and pale H e stood a

.
, , .

moment waiti ng M r D rake tu rned Faber mad e hi m an

,
. . .

obeisance and left the room

, .

T he mi nister was too hard u po n hi m He wou ld not .

have bee n so hard but for his atheism h e wou ld not have
been so hard i f he cou ld have seen i nto his sou l B ut .

Faber felt he d eserved it E re he reached home however .

; ,

h e had begu n to thi nk it rather hard that when a man con ,

fessed a wrong and d esi red to mak e what reparation he

,

cou ld h e shou ld have the very candor of his confession

,

thu s thrown i n hi s teeth Veri ly even toward th e righteous .

,

among men candor is a perilou s d uty

, .

He entered th e s u rgery T here h e had bee n mak i ng .

some experi ments with peroxid e o f manganese a solution ,

o f which stood i n a bottl e o nth e table A ray of b rilliant .

su nl ight was u pon it casti ng its shad ow o n a pi ece of white

,

paper a glorio us red I t Caught his eyes H e cou ld never

, . .

tel l what it had to d o with the cu rrent of h is thoughts but ,

n either cou l d h e afterward get ri d of the feeling that

it had had some i nfl u e nce u po n it Fo r as h e look ed at it .
,

scarcely k nowi ng h e d id an d think i ng sti ll how hard the ,

minister had been u pon him su d d enly he fou nd h imself i n ,

the mi nister s place an d before h i m J u liet mak ing her sad

'

confession : how had he met that confessi on ? T he whole

scene retu rned and for th e fi rst ti me struck him right on
,

the heart an d then fi rst he began to be i n reality h umbled

,

i n hi s own eyes What if after all he was but a poor creat

.
, ,

u re ? What if i nstead of havi ng any thi ng to be prou d o f

, ,

he was i n reality one who before any j u ry of men or women ,

called to j u dge him mu st hid e his head i n shame P

,

Th e thought once allowed to ente r and remai n long

enough to be q u estioned n ever more went far from him ,
.

For a ti me h e walked i n the m id st of a d u ll clou d fi rst of

d read , then of d ismay—a clou d from which came th u nders
,

,
342 P AU L FABER .

and lightn ings an d rai n I t passed and a d oubtfu l d awn

,
.
,

rose d i m an d scared u pon his consci ou sness a d awn in ,

which the su n d id not appear an d on which followed a gray , ,

solemn d ay A hu mbler regard o f hi mself had tak en the

.

place o f co nfi dence an d satisfacti on A nu ndefi ned hu nger .

,

far from u n d erstood by hi mself b u t having vagu ely for its ,

obj ect clearance and atonement and personal pu rity even ,

had begu n to grow an d move w ithi n h im T he thought

, .

stu ng hi m with keen self contempt yet thi nk h e must and

-

d id that a womanmight b e spotted not a little and yet be

, ,

good en ough for hi m i n th e eyes of retributive j u stice H e .

saw plai nly that h i s treatment of his w i fe k nowing what h e ,

d id of hi mself was a far worse shame than any fau lt of

,

which a girl such as J u liet w as at the time cou ld have been

, ,

gu i lty A nd with that for all that h e believed it utterly i n

.
,

vain his longing after the love h e had l ost grew and grew
, , ,

ever passing over i nto sicken ing despai r and then spring ,

i ng afresh he longed fo r J u l iet as she had prayed to him

as the on ly power that cou ld mak e hi m clean ; it see med
somehow as i f sh e cou ld even help hi m i n h is repentance
’
for the wrong d on e to A manda s mother T he prid e of the .

P hari see was gone th e d ign ity o f th e hu sban d h ad vanished

, .

an d his sou l longed after the love that covers a mu ltitu d e '

of si ns as t h e ai r i n wh ich alon e h is spi ri t cou l d b reath e

,

an d l ive and fi nd room I set it d own b rie fly th e change

.

passed u pon h i m by many degrees with cou ntless alter ,

nations o f mood and feeli ng an d withou t the smal lest con ,

sci ou s change of opi n ion .

’
T he rest of th e day after receivi ng Faber s commu ni
cation poor M r D rak e roamed abou t lik e on e o nth e verge
,
.

of i nsan ity stru ggling to retai n lawfu l d omi ni on over his

,

thoughts A t times h e was lost i n ap preh ensive melanch oly

.
,

at times rou sed to su ch fi erce anger that h e had to restrai n

himself from au d ibl e malediction Th e followin g day .

D orothy wou ld have sent for Faber for h e had a worse ,

attack of th e fever than ever before bu t h e d eclared that ,

th e man shou l d n ever agai n cross hi s threshold D orothy .

concl u d ed there had bee n a fresh outbreak between them

of the old volcano H e grew worse and worse an d d id n ot
.
,

obj ect to h er send i ng for D r M ather ; bu t h e d id not d o

‘

hi m much good H e was i n a Very critical state an d Doro

.
,

thy was mi serable abou t h im T h e fever was persi stent .

,

an d th e cough which h e h ad had ever si nce th e day that

b rou ght his i ll ness grew worse H is friend s wou ld gladly
,
.
 PA U L FA BER .
343

have prevailed u pon h i m to seek a warmer cli mate bu t he ,

wou l d not hear of it .

U pon o ne occasion D orothy encou rage d by the presence , ,

o f D r M ather was e ntreating hi m afresh to go somewhere

.
,

from home for a whi le .

N o n o : what wo u ld become o f my mon ey ?

,
he
answered with a smile which D orothy u nderstood T he
, .

doctor imagi ned it the s peech of a man whom previou s pov

erty an d su dd enly su pe rvening wealth had mad e penu riou s .

Oh he re marked reassu ri ngly you n eed not spend ,

a pen ny more abroad than you d o at home T he d i fference .

i n the living wou ld i n some places qu ite mak e u p for the

, ,

expense of the j ou rney .

T he mi nister look ed bewildered fo r a moment th en ,

seemed to fi nd hi mself smiled agai n and replied , ,

You d o not qu ite u nd erstand me I have a great deal

of money to spend and it ought to be spent he re i n E n
—
,
"
gland where it was mad e G o d k n ows how .

You may get help to spend it i n E ngland withou t ,

throwing you r life away with it sai d the d octor who cou l d , ,

not hel p thi nki ng o f his o wnlarge family

Yes I d are say I might—from many —
.

,
bu t it was given
me to spen d — in d estroying i nj ustice i n d oin g to men as ,

othe rs ought to have d one to them My preaching was .

such a poor affai r that it i s tak en from me an d a lower call

ing given me —to spen d money I f I d o not well with that
,

.
,

th en i nd eed I am a lost man I f I be n ot faithfu l i n that .

’
wh ich i s another s wh o wi ll give me that which is my own ?
,

I f I can not fu rther th e coming of Christ I can at least mak e ,

a road or two exalt a valley or two to prepare H is way before

, ,

H im .

’
T hereu pon i t was the d octor s tu rn to smile A ll that .

was to hi m as i f spok en i n a language u nknown except ,

that he recogni zed the rel igiou s ton e i n it T he man is

tru e to his p rofessi on h e said to hi mself —as he ought
.

, ,

to b e of cou rse ; bu t catch m e spend i ng my mon ey that

way if I had but a hold of it
,

H is fathe r d ied soon after an d he got a hold of the '

,

money h e called lzzs whereu pon h e parted with h is prae

'

tice and by id len ess an d self ind ulgence k nowi ng al l the

,
-

ti me what he was abou t brought o nan infi rmity wh ich n o ,

ski l l cou ld cu re and is n ow a gru mbli ng i nvalid at on e or

, ,

another of the G erman spas I mention it partly because .

many preferred this man to Faber on the grou nd that he

3 44 P A U L F A B ER .

went to chu rch every S u nday an d always shook h is head at ,

’
the other s atheism .

Fabe r wrote a k i nd res pectful letter somewhat i nj u red i n

, ,

tone to th e mi n ister sayi ng he was mu ch concerned to h ear

, ,

that h e was n ot so well an d ex pressi ng his apprehension ,

that h e hi mself had been i n some meas ure t he cau se

of h is relapse H e begge d leave to assu re hi m th at h e
.

perfectly recogni zed th e absolute su periority o f M r D rak e s .

’

claim to th e chi ld H e had n ever d reamed of asse rting any

.

right i n her except so m u ch as was i mpli ed i n th e ack no w l

,

edgmen t of h is d uty to restore th e expense whi ch his

wrong and n eglect had cau sed her tru e father beyond
that h e well k new he cou ld mak e n o retu rn save i n grati
tu d e ; but i f h e might for the very partial easing of his
,

con science be permitted to su pply the m eans of th e ch ild s

,
’

ed ucati on h e was ready to sign an agreement that all else

,

con n ected with i t sh ou ld be l eft enti rely to M r D rak e H e . .

begged to be allowed to see h er sometimes for long ere a , ,

su spicio n had crossed hi s mi nd that sh e was h is the chi ld ,

was already d ear to h i m H e was ce rtai n that her moth er .

wou ld have much preferred M r D rak e s influence to his .

'

own an d for her sak e also he wou ld b e carefu l to d istu rb

, ,

n othing B u t h e h oped M r D rak e w ou ld remember that

. .
,

however u nwo rthy h e was still h er father , .

T h e min ister was touched by the letter moved also i n the ,

hope that an arrow from th e qu iver o f tru th had fou nd in

th e d octor a vu lnerable spot H e answered that h e shou ld .

be welcome to see the ch ild when h e woul d and that she

shou ld go to him whe n he pleased H e mu st promise .
,

h owever, as the h onest man eve ry bod y k n ew h i m to b e ,

not to teach her th ere w as n o G od or lead her to d espise ,

th e i nstructi ons she received at home .

T he word lzonest was to Fabe r lik e a blow H e had come .

to the pain fu l conclu si on that h e was n eith er hon est man

n or gentleman D oubtless h e wou ld have k n ock ed any one
.

d own wh o told h im so bu t th en who had the right to tak e ,

w ith h i m th e libe rti es of a consci en ce ? P u re l ove only I ,

su spect can do that withou t wrong H e wou ld n ot t ry less

,
.

to be h onest i n the time to come bu t h e had n ever been , ,

and cou ld n o more ever feel h onest It d i d n ot matter .

mu ch What was th ere worth any e ffo rt ? A ll was h at and

miserabl e—a h ideou s lon g li fe
.

What d i d it matter what

he was so long as b e h u rt n obody any more He was ti red
,

of it all .
 PAU L FABER .
345

It ad d ed greatly to his despond ency that he fou n d he

could n o longer tru st his temper T hat the cau se might be .

pu rely physical was n o consolat ion to hi m He had bee n .

accustomed to d epen d on his i mpe rtu rbability and n ow he ,

cou ld scarcely recall th e feeli ng of th e mental cond iti on .

H e d id not su spect h ow m uch the change was owi ng to his

n ew gai ned i nsight i nto h is character and the hau nti ng
-

d issatisfaction it cau sed .

T o the mi nister he replied that h e had been learni ng a

good deal of late an d among other thi ngs that the casting
,

away of su perstition d id n ot n ecessarily do much for the

d evelopment of th e moral natu re i n consequ ence of which
d iscove ry he did not feel bou n d as before to propagate the
,

negative portions of h is creed I f its d en ials were tru e h e

.
,

no longer believed them powerfu l for good an d merely as

facts h e di d not see that a man was requ ired to d issemi nate
them E ven here however his opi n ion mu st go for little
.
, , ,

seei ng h e had ceased to care much for any thi ng tru e or ,

false L ife was n o longer of any valu e to h im except in

.
,

d eed h e cou ld be of service to A manda M r D rak e might . .

be assu red she was the last perso n on whom h e wou ld wish
to bri ng to bear any of the O pi nions so obj ecti onable i n h is
eyes H e wou ld mak e hi m the most comprehensive prom
.

ise to that effect Wou l d M r D rake al low him to say one

thing more P— He was h eartily ashamed of his past histo ry
. .

and i f there was on e thi ng to mak e hi m wish there were a

God —o f which he saw n o chance —it was that he might beg
of H i m the power to mak e u p for the wrongs he had d one ,

even if it shou ld requ i re an eternity of atonement U nti l .

he cou ld h ope for that he must si ncerely hol d that his was
the bette r belief as well as th e lik elier— namely that th e
,

, ,

wronger and the wronged w ent i nto d ark n ess friend ly with ,

oblivion j oy and sorrow alik e forgotten there to bi d ad ieu

, ,

both to reproach and self contempt For himself he had n o

-
.

d esire afte r prolonged existence Why shou ld he d esi re to

live a day n ot to say forever— worth n othi ng to h imself or
.

, ,

to an y on e P I f there were a G od h e wou ld rather entreat ,

H im an d that h e wou ld d o hu mbly enough to u nmak e him

, ,

again C ertai nly i f there were a G od H e had n ot do ne

.
, ,

over well by H is creatu res mak i ng them so igno rant and

, ‘

feeble that th ey cou ld not fai l to fall Wou ld M r D rak e . .

have made hi s A manda so P

When Wingfo ld read th e letter o f which I have thu s
g iven the substa nce — it was not u n til a long time after ,
346 P A U L F A B ER .

i n Po lwarth s room—h e fold ed it softly together and

'

sai d
When h e wrote th at letter Pau l Faber was already b e ,
”
comi ng n ot merely a man to love but a man to revere , .

A fter a pau se h e add ed B u t what a world it wou ld b e

, ,

filled with contented men all capable of d oi ng the things

,

for which they wou ld d espise themselves .

I t was some time before the m in ister was abl e to an swer

th e lette r except by send i ng A manda at on ce to the d octor
with a message of k i n d regards an d thank s B ut his i na .

b ility to re ply was quite as much from the letter s giving

’

him so mu ch t o thi nk of fi rst as from his weak ness an d ,

fever For h e s aw that to preach as it was commonly u n

.
,

derstoo d the d octri n e of th e forgiven ess of si ns to such a

,

man wou l d b e u seless h e wou ld rather beli eve i n a God

,

who wou ld pu nish them than i n On e who wou ld p as s t h em

,

by. T o b e tol d h e was forgiven wou ld bu t rouse i n hi m ,

contemptu ou s i ndignation What is that to me P he

.

wou ld retu rn “
I remai n what I am
. T hen grew u p i n
the mind of the mini ster th e following plant o f thought :
Th ings div i ne can on ly b e shadowed i n the h u man what
is i n man mu st b e u nd erstood of G od with th e d ivi n e di ffer
ence— not on ly of degree b ut of k ind i nvolved i n the fact
, ,

that H e mak es m e I can mak e n othing an d i f I cou ld

, , ,

shou ld yet b e n o l ess a creatu re of H i m the C reator there

fore as the heavens are higher than th e earth so H is
, ,

thoughts are higher than our thoughts an d what we call H is ,

forgiveness may b e mu st be somethi ng altogether trans

ding the c oncepti on of man—ove rwhel mi n g to s u ch
,

c en
need as even that of Pau l Faber whose sou l has begu n to ,

h u nger after righteo usness an d whose hu nger mu st b e a ,

”
hu nger that wi ll n ot easily be satis fied F or a poor natu re .

will for a ti me b e satisfi ed with a mid d lin g G o d but as the

n atu re grows riche r th e i d eal of th e God desi red grows
,

greater T he tru e man can be satisfi ed only with a G od of

.

mag nifi cence n ev er with a G od such as i n h i s chi ldhood an d

,

youth had been presented to Faber as th e G od of th e B ib le

'

T hat G od only whom Chri st reveals to th e h u mble seek er ,

can ever sati sfy hu man sou l .

’
Then it came i nto th e mi niste r s mi nd think i ng over ,
’
Faber s religi on toward hi s fellows an d hi s lack toward G od , ,

how when the you ng man ask ed J esu s what comman dmen ts
he mu st k ee p u p that h e might in h eri t ete rn al life J esus
did n ot say a w ord con cern ing th ose of the fi rst tabl e—not
,
 PAU L FABER .
34 7

a word that is abou t h is d uty toward G od He spok e only

, ,

of his d uty toward man T hen it stru ck h i m that ou r L ord

.

gave h im no sketch or su mmary o r part of a religious sys

tem— only told hi m what h e ask ed the practical steps by ,

which h e might begi n to cli mb toward eternal li fe One .

thing he lacked — namely God H imself but as to how God , ,

wou ld meet him J esus says nothi ng but H imself meets hi m

, ,

on those steps with the offer of G od H e treats the d uties

of the second table as a stair to the fi rst—a stai r which
,

probably by its cru mbli ng away i n fai lu re beneath his feet

as he ascend ed wou ld lift him to such a v ision and such a
,

horror of fi nal frustrati on as wou ld mak e h i m stretch fo rth

,

hi s hand s lik e the si nk i ng P ete r to the livi ng God th e life

, , ,

eternal which he blin d ly sought without whose closest ,

presence he cou ld never d o the simplest d uty aright even ,

of those he had been d oi ng from his youth up H i s meas .

u re of su ccess an d h is sense of utter fai lu re wou ld together

, ,

lift hi m tow ard th e On e Good .

Thu s look i ng ou t u pon truth from the cave o f his

,
’
brother s need and seei ng the d i recti on i n which the
,

shadow of h is atheism fell the m i nister learned i n what d i

,

rection th e clou d ed light lay an d tu rn ing his gaze th ither

,

ward learned mu ch It is only the aged who have d ropped

,
.

thi nk ing that become stu pid S uch can learn no more .
,

u nti l fi rst thei r you n g n u rse D eath has taken o ff thei r clothes ,

and pu t the old babies to bed O i such was not Walter .

D rake C e rtai n of hi s formerly petted d octri nes he now

.

th rew away as worse than rubbish others h e d ropped with

i ndi fference ; of some it was as if the angels pick ed his pock
ets without his k nowing it or ever missi mg them and still ,

h e fou nd whateve r so called d octri n e he parted with that

,
-

the on e glowing tru th which had lai n at the heart of it bu r ,

ied mi red obscu red not on ly remai ned with h im bu t shon e

, , , ,

ou t fresh restored to itself by the loss of the clay l ump of

,
-

world ly figu res an d ph rases i n which the hu man i ntellect ,

had i nclosed it H is faith was el evated an d s o co nfi rmed

.
,
.
 C H APT E R X L V I I I .

T HE B O RDE R L AN D -
.

M R D R E W , th e d raper , was , of all h is fri end s , th e on e who

.

m ost frequ ently vi sited h is old pastor H e had been th e .

fi rst, although a d eaco n o f the ch u rch i n part to forsak e hi s ,

m inistry an d j oi n the worshi p o f as h e hon estly beli eved a

, , ,

less scri ptu ral commu n ity becau se i n the abbey chu rch he
,

heard better n ews of G od an d H is Ki ngdom to hi m rightly

th e gospel was every th ing and thi s chu rch or that save for
, ,

its sak e less than n othi ng and vanity It had h u rt M r

, . .

D rak e n ot a littl e at fi rst but he fou n d D rew i n consequ ence

,

only the more warmly his personal frie nd an d si nce learn

i ng to k now Wingfo ld had h eartily j u stifi ed his defection
,

and n ow that h e was lai d up h e missed something any day ,

that passed withou t a vi sit from the d raper O n e even i ng .

D rew fou n d h i m very p oorly th ough n either th e doctor nor ,

D orothy cou ld prevail u pon hi m to go to b ed H e cou ld n ot .

rest but k ept walk i ng about hi s eye feverish his pu lse fl ut

, , ,

tering H e welcomed hi s fri e nd even more warmly th an

.

u su al an d mad e h i m si t by th e fi re whil e h e paced th e

, ,

room tu rni ng an d tu rn ing lik e a caged ani mal that fai n

, ,

wou ld b e k ing of i nfin ite space .

I am sor ry to se e you so u ncomfortable sai d M r D rew , . .

O nth e contrary I feel u ncommonly well

”
,
repli ed th e ,

pastor I always measu re my health by my power of

thi nk i ng ; an d to n ight my thou ghts are like bi rd s—o r lik e
.

bees rath er that k eep flying i n delight from on e lovely

,

blossom to anoth er O n ly th e fear k eeps intru di ng that an

.

hou r may b e at hand when my sou l will be dark an d it wi ll

, ,
”
seem as i f th e L ord had forsak en me .

’
B ut d oes n ot ou r daily breaa mean o u r spi ritu al as wel l
as ou r bod ily bread P sai d th e d rape r I s it n ot j u st as .

wrong i n respect o f th e on e as of th e oth er to d istru st G od

for to morrow wh en you hav e enou gh for to day P I s H e a
- -

G od of ti mes an d seas ons of thi s and that or i s He the A ll

, ,

i n all P
You are right o ld friend said the min ister an d ceas
, , ,

i ng hi s walk h e sat d own by th e h t e o pposite h im

,
I am .

fai thless sti ll O Father i n H eaven give us thi s d ay ou r

.
-

,
 P A U L F A B ER .
349

dai ly b read —I su spect D rew that I have had as yet no

more than the shadow of an id ea how immed iately I —we live
.
, ,

u po n the Father — I wi ll tel l you somethi ng I had been

. .

thi nki ng what it wou ld be i f G od were now to t ry me with

heavenl y poverty as for a short time he tried me with earthly
poverty—that is if he we re to sti nt me of life itself— not
,

g ive me enough of H imself to l ive u pon —enough to make

,

existence feel a good T he fancy grew to a fear laid hol d .

,

u pon me an d mad e me miserable S u ppose for i nstance

,
.
, ,

I sai d to myself I were no more to have any larger visita

,

tion of thoughts and hopes and aspi rations than old M rs .

Blo x am who sits from morni ng to n ight with the same stock
,

i ng on her need les and absolutely the same ex pression of

, ,

as near nothi ng as may be u pon h uman cou ntenance nor ,

changes whoever speaks to her

S he says the L ord is with her su ggested the d raper , .

Well rej oi ned the mi n iste r ; i n a slow cogitative tone , .

”
A nd plainly life i s to her worth having added the ,

d raper . C learly she has as mu ch of life as is necessary to

her present stage .

You are right I hav e been sayi ng j ust the same .

things to myself and I tru st whe n the L ord comes H e , , ,

wi ll not h nd me without faith B ut j ust su ppose life w ere .

to grow altogether u n interesti ng S u ppose certai n mood s

— su ch as you with al l yo u r good spi rits and blessed tempe r
mu st su rely sometimes have ex pe rienced —su ppose they
, ,

were to become fi x ed an d life to seem utterly d u ll God , ,

nowhere and you r o wnd reary sel f an d n othi ng but that

, ,
”
self everywhere
,
l

L et me read you a chapter of St J oh n sai d the d raper .

, .

P resently I will B ut I am n ot i n the right mood j ust

.

this moment L et me tell yo u fi rst how I came by my pres

.

ent mood D on t mistak e me I am not possessed by the

’

i dea— I am on ly t ryi ng to u nd erstand its natu re and set a

.

trap fi t to catch it i f it shou ld creep i nto my i nner p remises

an d from an i dea swell to a seeming fact —Well I had a
, ,

strange ki n d of a vision last night—n o n ot a v ision —yes a

.
,

k i nd of v ision —anyhow a ve ry strange ex perience I don t

, ,
’

know whether the d rau ght the doctor gave me —I wish I

.

had poo r Faber back —thi s fellow is fi tter to docto r oxen

and mu les than men — I d on t k now whether th e d raught ’

had any th ing to d o with it— I thou ght I tasted something

sleepy i n it—anyho w though t is thou ght and truth is truth
, , ,

whatever d rug no less than whateve r j oy or sorrow may

, ,
350 P A U L F A B ER .

have bee n mi dwi fe to it T he fi rst I remember of th e men .

tal ex peri ence wh atever it may have to be called is that I

was comi ng awake —retu rni ng to myself after some period
, , ,

wherei n consciousness had been qu iescent O f place o r .

,

time o r ci rcu mstance I k n ew n othin g I was on ly growi ng

, ,
.

aware o f bei ng I specu lated u pon n oth ing I d id n ot even

. .

say to myself I was d ead and now I am coming alive

,
I , .
’

on ly felt A n d I had but on e feeling— and that feeling was

love—th e outgoi ng o f a longing hea rt toward — I cou ld not
.

te llwh at — toward — I can n ot d escribe the feel i ng—toward

the only existence there was and that was eve ry thing ,

toward p u re bei ng n ot as an abstractio n b ut as the one

actual fact whence the world men and me—a something I
, ,

, , ,

kn ew only by bei ng myself an existence I t was more me .

than myself yet it w as n ot me o r I cou ld n ot have loved ,

it
. I n ever thought m e myself by myself my very ex ist
ence was the con sciousn e ss of th is absol ute ex istence i n an d
through and arou nd me : it mad e my heart bu rn and the
bu rning o f my heart was my l ife—an d the bu rn ing was the
,

presence o f th e A bsolute I f you can imagin e a growi ng .

fru it al l bli nd and deaf yet lovi ng th e tree it cou ld n either

, ,

look u pon n or hear k nowing it only throu gh the u nbrok en

arrival of its life therefrom—that is somethi ng lik e what I
,

felt I su spect the form of the feelin g was su ppl ied by a

.

shadowy memory of the time before I was born whi le yet ,

my life grew u pon th e l ife of my mother .

B y d egrees came a change What seemed the fi re i n .

me b u rned an d b u rn ed u nti l it began t o grow light ; i n

,

which light I began to remember thi ngs I had read and

k nown about J esu s C h rist an d H is Father and my Fathe r .

A n d with those memories the love grew and grew till I ,

cou l d hardly b ear the glory of G od an d H i s Christ it made ,

me love so i ntensely T he n the light se emed to begi n to

.

pass ou t b eyon d me some how an d therewith I remembered ,

the words of the L ord L et you r light so shi ne before men , ,

’

only I was n ot letting it shi n e for while I loved lik e that I , ,

cou l d n o more keep it from shi ni ng than I cou ld the su n .

Th e n ext thi ng was th at I began to thi nk of o ne I had

loved then of anoth er an d another and another—then of
,

all together whom ever I had loved one after another then , ,

all together A nd th e light that went out from me was as

.

a n imbu s in foldi ng eve ry one i n the speechlessness of my

love B ut lo then th e light staid n ot there but l eavi ng
.
, , ,

them not went o n beyond them reaching and i nfoldi ng

, ,
 PA U L F A B E R .
35 1

every o ne of those also whom after the man ne r of men I , , ,

had on earth merely k n own and not loved A n d therewith .

I k new that fo r al l the rest of the creation of God I needed

, ,

b ut the hearing of the ears or the seeing of the eyes to love

each an d every one i n hi s and her degree whereu pon such
,

a perfectio n of bliss awok e i n me that it seemed as i f the ,

fi re of the d ivi ne sac rifice had at lengt h sei zed u pon my

sou l and I was dyi ng of absolute glo ry —wh ich is love an d
,

love only I had al l things yea the A ll I was fu l l and

.
, .

u n utt erably immeasu rably content Yet still the light went
, .

flo wing ou t and out from me and love was life and life was
light and light was love O n and on it flo wed u nti l at last .
,

it gre w eyes to me an d I cou ld see L o ! before m e was

, .

the multitu d e of th e brothers an d sisters whom I lo v ed

i nd ivid ually—a many many— not a mass — I loved every ,

i nd ivid ual with that special pecu l iar ki nd of love w hich ,

alon e bel onged to that one and to that one alone T he , .

sight d azz led the eye s which love itself had opened I sai d .

to myself A h how rad iant how lovely how divi ne they

are ! an d they are m i ne every one —the many for I love
, , , ,

, ,

them
T he n su d d enly came a wh isper—not to my ear—I
heard it far a way b ut whether i n some d istant cave of
,

thought away beyond the flami ng walls of the u niverse or

, ,

i n some forgotte n d u ngeon corner of my own heart I could -

not tell 0 man it sai d what a bei ng what a life is thine

.
,
’

, ,

S ee al l these sou ls these fi res of li fe regard ing and lovi ng

, ,

thee I t is i n the glo ry o f thy love thei r faces shi ne T heir .

hearts receive it an d sen d it back i n j o y Seest thou

, .

not all thei r eyes fi x ed u pon thi ne P S eest thou not

th e light come and go u pon thei r faces as the pulses of thy ,

heart h o w and ebb ? S ee now they flash and now they , ,

fad e Blessed art thou 0 man as none else i n the u nive rs e , ,

o f God i s blessed
It was or seemed only a voi ce B ut therewith h o rri
ble to tell the glo w of another fi re arose i n me —an orange
, , .
,

and red fi re and it went o u t from me and withe red all the
faces and the n ext moment there was d ark ness—al l was black
, ,

as n ight B ut my being was still awak e—o nly it then the re

,
’

was bliss now was there the absol ute blackness of dark ness
, ,

the positive negati on of bliss the recoil of self to d evou r ,

itself and foreve r T he consci ousness of being was ln

, .

tense bu t i n all the u n ive rse was there nothing to enter

,

that being and make it other than an absolute loneli ness

,
.
35 2 P A U L F ABER .

It was and forever a loveless careless hopeless monotony

o f self —
k n owi ng—a h el l with bu t one d emon and n o h t e to
, , , ,

mak e it cry my self was the h ell my k nown self the d emon
of it—a h ell o f wh ich I cou ld not fi nd the wal ls col d and
,

d ark an d empty an d I lo nged for a h am e that I might

,

k now there was a G od S omehow I only remembered G od .

as a word h owever ; I k n ew noth ing of my whence or

,

wh ither O n e ti me th ere might have been a G od but there

.
,

w as n on e n ow : if there ever w as on e H e mu st be d ead

C ertai nly there w as n o G od to love —for i f there was a God
, .

h ow could the creatu re whose very essence was to hi m an

evi l love th e C reator o f h i m ? I had the word love an d I
, ,

cou l d reason abou t it i n my mi n d bu t I cou ld not call u p ,

the memory o f what th e feel i ng of it was l ike T he black .

ness grew and grew I hated life fi ercely I hated th e . .

very possibi lity o f a God who had created me a blot a black ,

ness With that I felt black n ess begi n to go out from m e

as th e l ight had gon e before—n ot that I remembered the
,
.

light I had forgotten all about it an d remembered it only ,

after I awok e T hen came the words of th e L ord to me

.

I f therefore the light that i s i n thee be dark ness how great ,

is that dark ness A n d I k n ew what was comi ng oh ,

horror i n a moment more I shou ld see the faces o f those I

had once loved d ark with the black ness t h at went ou t
,

from my very existence then I shou l d hate them and my ,

bei ng wou ld then be a hell to which th e hell I n ow was

wou ld be a heaven T here was j ust grace e nough left i n
me for th e h i deou sn ess o f th e terror to wak e me I was .

cold as i f I had been d i pped i n a well B u t o h how I thanked .

,

G od that I was what I am an d m ight yet hope after what I ,

may be
’
T he mi n ister s face was pale as the h orse that grew gray
when D eath mou nted him an d hi s eyes shon e with a fever
o u s bri lliancy T h e d rap er breathed a d eep breath and
.
,

rubbed h i s white forehead T he mi nister rose and began .

agai n to pace t he room D rew wou ld have tak en h is .

d epartu re b ut feared leaving hi m i n su ch a state H e

,
.

bethought h imself of something that might help to cal m

’
him and took o ut his pock et b ook T h e mi nister s d ream
,
-
.

had moved hi m d eeply but h e restrai ned hi mself al l h e ,

cou ld from man ifesti ng his emotion .

"
You r visi on h e said remind s m e o f some verses of
M r Wingfold s of W hich M rs Wingfo ld very k i n dly let me
, ,
’
.
.
,

tak e a copy I have them here i n my pock et book ; may

.
_
-

”
I read them t o you P
 P AU L FABER .
35 3

T he mi nister gave rather a listless consent b ut that was ,

enou gh for M r D rew s obj ect and he read the following

'
.
,

poem .

SH A L L T HE D E A D P R A I SE T HE E ?

I nnot praise T h ee By h is instru ment

ca .

T he o rganmaster sits nor mo ves a h and

-

F or se e th e o rganp ipes o erth ro w nand b ent

'

T w isted and b ro ke like co rnstal ks tempest fanned

,
- -

I w ell cou l d praise T h ee fo r a h ower, a dov e

B ut n o t fo r l ife th at is no t M e inm e

N o t for a b eing th at is less t h anl o v e

A b arrensh o al h al f l ifted from a sea, -

An d for th e an l d h ence no w ind loweth sh ips,

w b
A nd all my i ing dead o n
lv es th ith er own bl
R a h er I d k iss no mo re th eir p recious ips,
t l
'

T h ancarr th em a h eart so poo and pro ne

y r .

Yet I do b l ess T h ee T h ou art wh at T hou art ,

T hat T h ou do st k no w T h y sel f wh at T hou dost k now
A perfect, simpl e, tender , rh y thmic h eart ,
B eating T hy b l ood to all inb ounteous h ow .

A nd I canb l ess T h ee to o for ev ery smart ,

F or ev ery disappo intment, ach e, an d fear
F or ev ery h oo k T h o u fi x est inmy h eart ,
F or ev ery b urnin g co rd th at draw s m e near .

B ut pray er th ese w ake, no t so ng T h y self I . cra e. v

Co me T h o u o r all T hy gifts away I h in
, g .

T h ou silent , I am b ut anempty grav e

T h ink to me, F athe r, and I am a king .

T h en l ik e th e wind stirred b o nes my pipes sh all quake,

,
-
,

T h e air burst as fro m b urning h o u se t h e b laz e

,

A nd sw ift co ntending h armo nies sh all sh ake

T h y window s w ith a sto rm o f j ub il ant praise .

T h ee praised I h aste me h umb l e to my o w n

,

T h enl ov e not sh ame sh al l b o w me at th eir feet,

T h enfirst and onl y to my statu re g ro w n ,

F ulfilled o f l ov e , a ser ant all co mp

v -
lete .

A t fi rst the mi niste r seemed scarcely to listen as he sat ,

with closed eyes and k nitted brows but gradual ly th e ,

wri nkles d i sappeared lik e ri pples an ex press1o n of repose ,

35 4 PAUL FABER .

s u pervened and when the d raper l ifted h is eyes at the close

,

of his read i ng the re w as a smile of qu iet satisfaction o n the

,

n ow aged looking cou ntenance A s he d id n ot open h is

-
.

eyes D rew crept softly from the room sayi ng to D orothy

, ,

as h e left the hou se that she mu st get hi m to bed as soon as

'

possibl e Sh e went to him an d now fou n d n o diffi culty i n

.
,

persuadi ng h im B u t somethi ng she cou ld not tell what

.
, ,

i n his appearance alarmed her and sh e sent for the d octor

, ,
-

H e was n ot at hom e an d had ex pected to be out all n ight

,
.

Sh e sat by his bed si de for hou rs but at last as h e was , ,

qu i etly asleep ventu red to lay herself on a cou ch i n the

,

room T here she too fell fast asleep an d slept till morni ng
.
, ,

u nd istu rbed .

When she went to his bedsid e sh e fou n d hi m breathi ng ,

softly an d thought hi m sti ll asleep B u t h e opened his

, .

eyes looked at her for a moment fi x e dly and then sai d

, ,

D orothy child o f my h eart thi ngs may b e very d if

,

ferent from w hat we have been taught or what w e may o f ,

ou rselves desire ; b ut every d i fference will b e the step of

an ascen d ing stai r— each n earer an d n earer to th e d ivi ne
perfection which alon e can satisfy th e child ren o f a G od ,

alon e su pply the poorest of thei r cravi ngs .

S he stooped an d kissed his han d then hastened to get ,

hi m some food .

When sh e retu rned h e was gon e u p th e stai r of her futu re

, ,

l eaving behi nd hi m like a last message th at all was well the

, ,

loveli est smile froz en u pon a face of peace T he past had .

laid hold u pon h is body h e was free i n th e E ternal D or .

oth y was left stan d i ng at the top of the stair of the p resent .

CHAPTER XLIX .

E M P TY H O U SE S .

T HE d esolati on that sei z ed on D orothy seemed at fi rst

overwhelmi ng T here was n o refuge for her T he ch i ld s
. .
’

tears qu estions and outbreaks of merriment were but a

, ,

troubl e to h er E ven Wingfo ld and H elen cou ld d o l ittle

.

for her S orrow was h er sole compan ion he r sole comfort

.
,

for a ti me agai nst the d reariness of life T hen came some .

 PA U L F A B ER .

355
’
thi ng better A s her father s form reced ed from he r h is
s pirit d rew nigh I mean n o phantom out of Hades—no
.
,
.

consciou sness of local presence such thi ngs may b e— I

thi nk sometimes they are but I wou l d rather k now my friend
better throu gh h is death than only be aware of his pres
ence abou t me that will one day follow—h ow much the
,

more preci ous that the absence wil l have d oubled its revela
tions its nearness
,
T o D orothy her father s character ’

especially as developed i n h is late r struggles after right

eo u sn ess — the root righteousness of G od opened itself u p
-

d ay by day S he saw hi m combating his fau lts d ej ected

.
,

by his failu res e ncou raged by h is successes ; and he grew

,

to her the dearer for hi s fau lts as she perceived more ,

plai nly how l ittle h e had sid ed how hard h e had fought ,

with them T he very i mperfections he repu diated gath

.

ered hi m honor i n the eyes of h er love sowed seeds of per ,

en nial ten derness i n h er heart S he saw how i n those las t

.
,

days he had bee n overcomi ng the world with accelerated

,

victory and growing more and more of th e real father that

,

no man can be u nti l he has attai ned to the sonshi p T he .

marvel is that ou r child ren are so tend er and so tru stin g to

the slow d eveloping father i n u s T he truth and faith .

which the great Father has pu t i n the heart of the child ,

makes him the n u rsi ng father of the fatherhood i n his father

an d thu s i n part it is that the child ren of men will come at
,

last to k now the great Father T he family with all its .

,

powers for the d evelopment of soci ety i s a fami ly because ,

it i s born and rooted in an d grows out of the very bosom of

,

G od Gabri el told Z acharias that hi s son J ohn to make

.
,

ready a people prepare d for the L ord shou ld tu rn the ,

hearts of the fath ers to the child ren .

Few gri efs can be so paralyzi ng as for a time that o f a , ,

tru e daughter u pon th e depart u re which at fi rst she feels as ,

the loss of a tru e parent b u t t h rough the rifts of such

,

heartbreaks the light of love shi nes cleare r and where love ,

i s there is eternity one d ay He who is the H ouseholder of

,

the u niverse wi ll begin to bri ng out of its treasu ry al l the

,

good old thi ngs as well as the better n ew ones H ow tru e

,
.

mu st be th e bliss u p to which the i ntense realities of such

sorrows are needfu l to force the way for the faithless heart
and feeble will L ord like T hy people of old we need yet
, ,

th e back grou nd of the thu nd er cl ou d agai nst which to -

behold T hee ; bu t on e day the only darkness arou nd T hy

dwelling wil l be th e too much of T hy brightness For Thou .
356 PA U L FABER .

art the perfecti on which eve ry h eart si ghs toward no mind ,

can attai n u nto I f T h ou wast On e wh om created mi nd cou ld

.

embrace T hou wou ldst be too smal l for those wh om T hou

,

hast mad e i n T hi n e own i mage th e infi nite creatu res that ,

seek thei r G od a B eing to love an d k now infi nitely For

, .

th e c reated to k n ow p erfectly wou ld b e t o b e d amned

forever i n the n u tsh ell o f the fi nite H e w h o is H is own .

cau se alone can u nderstan d perfectly and remai n infi nite

, ,

for that wh ich 15 k n own an d that which k n ows are i n H i m

the same infi nitu de
Fabe r came to see D orothy— solemn sad k in d H e mad e
.

.
, ,

no attempt at con d olence d i d not speak a word of comfo rt

,

but he talk ed o f th e o ld man revealing for hi m a d eep ,

respect an d he r heart was touched and tu rn ed itself ,

toward hi m S ome change sh e thought m u st have passed

.
, ,

u pon hi m H er father had told her n othi ng o f h is relation

.

to A man da I t wou l d hav e t o be d on e some day bu t he

.
,

shru nk from it S h e cou l d n ot help suspecti ng there was

.

more between Fab er an d hi m than sh e had at fi rst i magi ned

b ut there was i n her a h ealthy contentment with i gnorance ,

an d sh e ask ed n o qu estions N eith er d i d Faber make any .

attempt to h nd o ut whether sh e k new what had passed ;

even abou t A manda an d any possibl e change i n her futu re
he was listless He had n ever been a man o f plans and
.
,

had n o room for any now u nd er th e rubb ish o f a collapsed

life H is d ays were gloomy an d his nights trou bled He
. .

’
d reamed constantly either o f A man da s mother or o f J u liet
—sometimes of both togethe r an d of e ndless perplexity
,

between them S ometimes h e wok e weeping H e d id not

. .

now d espise hi s tears for they flo wed n either from su ffering

,

n or self pity b u t from love and sorrow and repentance A

-

,
.

qu estion of the possib ility o f hi s wi fe s b ei n g yet alive wou ld ’

occasi onally occu r to h i m bu t h e always cast the thought ,

from h i m as a folly i n which he d ared n ot i nd ulge lest

it shou ld grow u po n hi m an d u n man h im altogether .

B etter she were d ead than su fferi ng what h is c ru elty

might have d rive n h er to h e had weak en e d h er self
respect by i ns ult and then d riven h er out helpless
,
.

P eopl e sai d h e took th e loss of hi s wife coolly b ut the

fact was that i n every q u i et way h e had been doi n g all man
, ,

cou l d d o to obtai n what i nformati on concern ing her the re

might possibly be to b e had N atu rally h e wou ld have his .

proce edings as little as possible i n the public mou th and

to employ th e police o r the newspapers i n su ch a qu est was
 P A U L F A B ER .
35 7

too horrible B u t he had made inqu i ries i n all di rections

.
.

He had p ut a question o r two to P olwarth but at that ti me ,

h e knew n othing of he r and d id not feel bou nd to d isclose ,

his su spicions N ot k nowing to what it might not expose

.

he r he wou ld no t b etray the refuge of a woman with a

'

woman Faber learn ed what eve ry body had learned and

.
,

for a ti me was hau nted by the horrible e x pectati on of fu rther

n ews from the lak e E very k n ock at the door made hi m start
.

and tu rn pale B ut the body had n ot flo ated and wou ld

.
,

not now .

We have seen that i n th e light th rown u pon her fau lt ,

from the revived memory of his own a reaction had set i n ,

the ti d e of it grew fi ercer as i t ran H e had deposed her

i dol —the God who she believed cou l d pardon an d the bare
.

belief i n whom certain ly cou ld comfort he r h e had taken

the place with her of that i magi nary yet for some necessary , , ,

bei ng bu t when i n th e agony of repentant shame she

, ,

look e d to h i m for th e pardon he alone cou ld give her he ,

h ad tu rned from her with loathi ng con tempt and insu lt ! , ,

H e was the o ne i n the whole earth who by saying to her L et , ,

it beforg otten cou ld have li fted her i nto life and hope ! She had
,

tru sted i n hi m an d h e an i dol i ndeed had cru mble d i n the

, , ,

cli ngi ng arm s of her faith H ad she not confessed to him

what else he wou ld n ever have k nown h u mbling herself i n a ,

v ery ecstasy of repentance ? Was it not an hon or to any

hu sban d to have been so tru sted by his wife ? A nd had he
n ot from ve ry scorn refu sed to strik e her Was she not a
woman stil l P a bei ng before wh om a man when he can n o ,

longer worshi p mu st weep P Cou ld an , y fau lt te n ti mes ,

worse than sh e had committed mak e her that she was n o ,

woman P that h e merely as a man owed her n othi ng P H er

, ,

fault was grievou s it stu ng hi m to the sou l what then was

i t n ot to her ? N ot now for his own shame merely or the ,

most d id h e lament it but fo r the pity of it that the lovely

, , ,

creatu re shou ld not be clean had not d ese rved his adoration ,

that sh e was not the id eal woman that a glory had vani shed
from th e earth that sh e h e had loved was not i n herself
worthy What then mu st b e he r sad ness ! A n d thi s was
hi s—the man s —response to h er agony this his balm for
.

h er woe hi s chival ry hi s manhood—to d ash h er from him

,

, , ,

an d do his potent part to fi x foreve r u pon her the stain

whi ch h e bemoaned Stai ned P Why th en di d he n ot open
hi s arms wi d e and tak e her p oo r sad stai n and a ll to the
'

, ,

b os om of a l ov e which by the very agony of its own gnef ,

35 8 PAU L FABER .

and its pity over hers wou ld have bu rned her clean P What
,

di d it matter for hi m P What was h e P What was h is hon or P

H ad h e had any what fi tter u se for hon or than to sacrifi ce
,

it for the redempti on of a wife ? T hat wou ld be to honor

honor B ut h e had n one T here was not a stone on the
. .

face of the earth that wou ld consent to be th rown at h er by

hi m
A h men men gentlemen was there ever su ch a poor
sn eak ing scarecrow of an i dol as that gaping straw stu ffed -

i nanity you worship and call b onor ? It i s n ot H onor ; it

,

i s but you r honor I t i s n either gold nor si lver nor h onest

.
, ,

copper but a vile worthless pi nchbeck I t may b e however

, . .
, ,

for I have not th e honor to belon g to any of you r cl ubs ,

that you n o longer insu lt the word by u sing it at all I t .

may be you hav e d eposed it and enth ron ed another word ,

of less signifi cance to you sti ll Bu t what the recogni zed .

slang of th e day may be is n othing— therefore u n n ecessary

to what I have to say— which is that the man is a wretched ,

ape wh o will u tter a word about a woman s vi rtu e wh en i n ’

himself sou l an d body there i s not a clean spot when h is

, ,

body n othing b ut the fu rnace of the grave his sou l nothi ng ,

bu t th e etern al fi re can pu ri fy For him i s many a harlot .

far too good sh e i s yet capable of d evotion she wou ld ,

lik e h er sisters of o ld recogn ize the H oly i f sh e saw H im

, ,

while he wou ld pass by his M ake r with a ru de stare or the ,

d u ll ness of the b rute which h e has so assid uou sly c ultivated

i n him .

B y degrees Faber grew thoroughly d isgu sted with hi m

self then heartily ashamed Were it possible for me t o
, .

give every fi nest shad e and gradation of th e change he

u n derwent t here wou ld be still an u n represented mystery
,

which I had n ot compassed B ut were my analysis correct

.

as fact itself and my showi ng of it as exact as words could

,

mak e it n ever a man on whom some su ch change had not at

,

least begu n to pass wou ld h nd i n i t any revelation He

,
.

ceased altogether to vau nt hi s den ials n ot that n ow he had ,

d iscard ed them but simply becau se h e n o longe r d elighted

,

in them T hey were n ot i nteresti ng to hi m any more H e

grew yet paler and thin n er H e ate l ittl e an d slept i ll —and
. .

the wak ing hou rs of th e night were hou rs of tortu re He .

was o ut o f h ealth and he k n ew it bu t that di d not comfort

, ,

hi m I t was wrong an d its mise ry th at had mad e h i m ill

.
,

not i llness that had mad e hi m miserable Was he a w eak .

ling a fool n ot to let the past h e the past ?

, Thing s with
 PA U L FABER .
359

o ut all remedy shou l d b e withou t regard what s don e is ’

d one.
B ut not eve ry strong man who has bu ried h is
mu rd ered i n his own gard en and set u p no stone over them , ,

can forget where they lie It needs somethi ng that i s not .

strength to be capable of that The d ead alone can bu ry .

thei r dead so and there is a bemoan i ng that may hel p to

raise the d ead B ut someti mes such dead come alive un
.

be moaned Oblivi o n is not a tomb strong enough to k ee p

.

them down T he time may come when a man wi ll fi nd hi s

.

past but a cenotaph and its d ead all walki ng and maki ng
,

h is present n ight h ideou s A n d whe n such d ead walk so .

,

i t i s a poor chance they do not tu rn o ut vampi res .

Whe n she had bu ried her d ead ou t of her sight D orothy ,

sought sol itu d e an d the thi ngs u nseen more than eve r
T he Wingfo lds were like swallows about her never fold i ng
.

thei r wings of mi nistry but not hau nti n g her with bodi ly,

visitation S h e never refu sed to see them bu t they u nder

.
,

stood the hou r was not yet when thei r presence wou ld be
a comfort to her T he only comfo rt the heart can tak e mu st
come —not from but throu gh itself D ay after day she
.

, .

woul d go i nto the park avoid ing the l odge an d there brood , ,

on the memories o f her father an d his late words A n d ere .

long she began to feel n earer to him than she had ever felt
whil e he was with her For where the o utward sign has .
,

been u nderstood the withd rawing of i t wil l b ri ng the

,

i nward fact yet nearer When o u r L ord sai d the spi rit of
.

H imself woul d come to them afte r He was gone He but ,

promised th e working of o ne of the laws of H is Father s '

ki ngdom i t was abou t to operate i n loftiest grad e .

M ost people h nd the fi rst of a b ereavement more tolerable

than what follows T hey h nd i n its tevera su pport When
. .

the wou nd i n the earth i s closed and the wave of life has ,

again ru shed over it when thi ngs have retu rned to thei r
,

wonted n ow d esiccated sh ow then the very Sahara of d eso

, ,

latio n opens aro u n d them and for a ti me existence seems ,

almost i nsu ppo rtable With Dorothy it was d i fferent

. .

A live i n herself sh e was hu ngeri ng and thi rsting after life

, ,

th erefore d eath cou ld n ot have d omi nion over he r

T o her su rp rise sh e fou nd also—sh e cou ld not t ell how
.

the i llu mi nation h ad come—she wond ered even h ow it shou ld

ever have been absent—that since her father s d eath ma n
’
y , ,

of he r diffi culties had vanished S ome of th em remember

in
.
,

ther h ad been su ch sh e cou ld h ardly recall su f

fi ciently
g e ,

to recognize them Sh e had been lifted i nto a region abo ve

.
3 60 P AU L F A B E R .

that wherei n moved th e qu estions which had then d istu rb ed

her p eace From a poi nt of c lear visi on sh e saw the th i ngs
.
,

themselves so d i fferent that those qu esti ons were no longer

,

rel evant T he things th emselves misconceived n atu rally

.
,

n o satisfaction can be got from meditation u pon th em or ,

from answers sought to th e qu estions they suggest I f it be .

obj ected that she had n o better grou n d for believing than
before I answer that i f a man shou ld b e d rawi ng l ife from
, ,

the heart of G od it cou ld matte r little though he were

,

u nable to give a satisfactory accou nt of th e mode of its

d erivati on T hat th e man lives i s en ough T hat an other
. .

’
d enies th e ex istence of any su ch life save i n the man s self
f ooled imagi nati on i s n othi ng to the man who lives it H is
bu siness i s n ot to raise th e dead but to l ive— n ot to convi nce
, .

th e bli n d that th ere i s su ch a facu lty as sight b ut to mak e ,

good u se of his eyes H e may not have an an swer to any

.

on e obj ectio n rai sed by the ad opted child ren of Science

thei r ad opted mother raises non e—to that which he believes
bu t th ere is no more n eed that that sh ou ld trouble h im ,
.

’
than that a chi ld sh ou ld d oubt h is bliss at hi s mother s
breast b ecau se h e can not give the chemical composition of
,

the milk h e d raws that i n the th ing which is the root of the
bliss i s rather b eyon d ch emistry I s a man n ot bl essed i n hi s
,
.

honesty bei ng u nabl e to reason o f th e fi rst grou nds o f

prope rty P I f there b e truth that truth must b e itself— must
,

ex ercise its own blessing natu re u pon th e sou l which receives

it in loyal u n derstan di ng—that is i n obedi ence A man may ,
.

accept no en d of things as facts which are n ot facts and his ,

mi stakes will n ot h u rt hi m H e may be u nable to receive

.

many facts as facts an d n either they nor hi s refusal o f

,

them will hu rt h im H e may n ot a whit the less be

.

livi ng i n an d by th e truth H e may be qu i te u nable to

.

an swer th e d oubts of an other bu t if i n th e progress of his , ,

life those d oubts shou ld present themselves to hi s own sou l

, ,

then wi ll h e be abl e to meet them h e i s i n the regi on where

all tru e answers are gathered He may b e u nabl e to receive
thi s o rth at embodi ment or form of truth not havi ng yet grow n
.

to its l evel bu t it i s n o matter so long as when he sees a

truth h e d oes i t to see and n ot do wou ld at once place h im
i n eternal danger H ence a man of ordina ry i ntellect an d
.

littl e i maginati on may yet be so radiant i n nobi lity as to the

, ,

tru e poet h eart to b e right worshi pfu l T h ere is i n the man

wh o d oes th e truth th e radi ance of life essenti al etern al —a
-
.
,

glory infi nitely b eyond any that can bel ong to the i ntell ect ,
 P A U L F A B ER .
36 1

beyond any that can ever come withi n its scope to be j udged ,

proven or d enied by it
, T hrough experiences doubtfu l
.

even to the sou l i n which they pass the life may yet be ,

flo win g in To kn ow G od is to b e i n the secret place of all

.

k nowledge and to trust H im changes the atmosphere sur

rou nd ing myste ry an d seeming contrad iction from one of ,

pai n and fear to on e of hope : the u nk nown may be some

lovely truth i n store for u s which yet we are not good ,

enough to apprehend A man may d ream all night that he

.

i s awak e an d when h e does wake be none the less su re that

, ,

he is awake i n that he th ought so al l the n ight when he was

not but he wi l l fi nd hi mself no more able to p rove it than
he wou ld hav e been then only able to talk better about it, .

T he d i fferi ng consciou snesses of th e two conditions can not

b e p roaueea i n evidence or embodied i n forms of the u nder
’ ’
,

standi ng B ut my mai n poi nt is thi s that not to be i ntel

.
,

lectu ally certai n of a truth d oes not prevent the heart that,

loves and obeys that truth from getting its truth good from -

d rawi ng l ife from its holy f aetness present i n the love of it , .

A s yet D orothy had no plans except to carry ou t those ,

of he r father and mainly fo r J uliet s sake to re move to the

’

, , ,

old house as soon as eve r th e work there was completed .

But th e repai rs an d alterations were of some extent and took ,

’
months N or was sh e d esi rou s o f sh o rtening J u liet s soj ou rn
.

with the Po lwart h s the longer that lasted with safety th e ,

better for J u li et and hersel f too she thought

, , .

O u C h ristmas eve the cu rate gave h is wife a little poe m

,
.

H elen showed i t to D orothy and D orothy to J u li et B y thi s

time she had had some genu i ne teachi ng—far more than
.
,

she recognized as su ch and th e spi ritual song was not alto

,

gether withou t influence u pon her H ere it i s .

T H A T H O LY T H I N G .

T hey all were l ook ing fo r a king

T o sl ay th eir foes an d l ift t h em high
,

T h o u cam st a l ittl e b aby t h ing

'

T h at made a w o mancry .

0 Sono f M an , to righ t my lot

N augh t b ut T h y p resence canav ail
Y et o nth e ro ad T hy wheel s are not,
N o r o nth e sea T h y sail .

My how or wh en T h ou w il t no t h eed ,

But co me do w nT hine o w nsecret stair,

T h at T h o u may st answer all my need,
Yea, ev ery b y go ne p ray er - .
 C H A PT E R L .

FALL O W F I E L D S
.

T HE spring was bu rsting i n b u d an d leaf b efore th e work

men were o ut of the O ld H ouse T h e very n ext day .
,

D orothy commenced her removal E ve ry stick of th e old .

’
fu rniture she carri ed with her eve ry book of her father s
sh e p laced on the shelves of the library h e had d esign ed .

B ut she took care n ot to seem n eglectfu l o f J u li et never ,

fai li ng to carry her th e report of her hu sband as often as

sh e saw hi m I t was to J u liet l ik e an odor from P arad ise
.

mak i ng h er weep when D orothy sai d that h e look ed sad

,

so d i fferent from his o ld self

O n e day D orothy ventu red h ard ly to hi nt b ut to ap
, ,

proach a hint of medi ation J u li et rose i nd ignant n o o n e

.
,

were he an angel from H eave n shou ld i nterfere betwee n h er

,

hu sband an d he r I f they cou ld not come togeth er without

that there shou ld b e a mediator but n ot su ch as D orothy
, ,

meant ’

N o D orothy !
,
sh e resu med after a rath er prolonged ,

si lence th e ve ry word mediationwou ld imply a gu lf b e

twee n u s that cou l d n ot b e passed B ut I have o ne petition . _

to mak e to you D orothy Yo u w ill be with me i n my

t rouble—won t yo u P
.
,
’

C ertain ly J uli et—please G od I will

T hen promise me i f I can t get through —if I am goi ng
, , .

to d ie that you will brin g hi m to me I must see my Pau l

,
.

”
o nce agai n before th e d ark n ess
Wou ld n t that be rather u nki nd —rath er selfi sh ? t e
.

’
“

tu rned D orothy .

S he had been growi ng more and more p itiful o f Pau l .

J u liet bu rst i nto tears called D orothy cru el said sh e

, ,

meant to k i ll h er H ow was she to face it bu t i n the hope

.

of d eath P an d h o w was she to face d eath bu t i n the hope

of seeing Pau l o nce agai n for th e last time P Sh e was certai n
sh e was goi ng to d ie she knew it and i f D orothy wou ld
not promise sh e was n ot goi ng to wait for su ch a d eath
,

B ut the re wi ll be a d octor sai d D orothy and h ow , ,

am I
J u liet interru pted h er—not with t ear s but word s of indig
 P A U L F A B ER . 6
3 3

nation : D i d D orothy dare i magine she wou ld allow any

man b ut h er Pau l to come near her P D id she P C ou ld she ?
What d i d she thi nk of her ? Bu t of cou rse she was prej u
d iced against her I t was too cru el
T he moment she cou ld get i n a word D orothy begged ,

h er to say what she wished .

Yo u d o not imagi ne J u liet sh e said that I cou ld

, , ,

tak e such a responsibi lity on myself

”
I have thou ght it all ove r answered J u liet T here , .

are women properly q ualified and you m ust fi nd one When

she says I am dying —when she gets frightened you will
, .

, ,

send for my hu sband P P romise me .

”
J u li et I wi ll answered D orothy and J u liet was satis
, , ,

h ed.

’
B ut notwithstandi ng h er behavi or s conti nu ing so much
the same a change u nd ivi ned by herself as well as n usus
, ,

pected by her friend had begu n to pass u pon J u liet E very

, .

change mu st begi n fu rther back than the observation of man

can reach—inregions probably of which we have no k nowl
, ,

edge T o the eyes of his own wi fe a man may seem i n the

.
,

gall of bitterness and the bon d of in i qu ity when larger , ,

other eyes than ou rs may be watchi ng w ith d elight the

germ of righte ou sness swell withi n th e i nclosi ng h usk of
evi l Soone r might the man of science d etect the fi rst mo
.

ment o f actinic impact an d the simu ltaneou sly following

,

change i n the hitherto slu mberi ng acorn than the watcher ,

of h u manity mak e hi mself aware of the fi rst movement of

repentance T he influences now for some time ope rative
.

u po n he r were the more powerfu l that sh e neither sus

,

pected n or co u ld avoid them Sh e had a vagu e notion that

.

she was k ind to he r h ost an d hostess that she was patron

i zing them that her fri en d D orothy with whom she wou ld ,

afterwards arrange the matte r fi lled thei r hand s for he r ,

u se that i n fact they d erived b enefit from her presence

—and su rely they d id although not as she su pposed The
, ,

only b enefits they reaped were i nvaluable ones—such as

.
,

spring from love an d righteou sness an d neighborhood S he .

littl e thou ght how she i nterfered with the simple pleasu res
and comforts of the two how many a visit of friends whose ,

talk was a holy revel ry of thought and utterance Polwarth ,

warded to avoid the least danger of her d iscovery ; how

,

often fear for her shook the d elicate frame of R uth how
often her host left some book u nbought that he might pro ,

cu r e i ns tead some th i ng to tem pt herto eat how oft en her

3 64 PAUL FABER .

hostess tu rn ed fai nt i n cook i ng for h er T he crooked creat .

u res pitied as wel l they might the lovely lady ; th ey b e

, ,

lieved that Ch rist was i n h er ; that the d eepest i n h er was

th e natu re H e h ad mad e— H is o wn and n ot that which sh e
had gathered to h erself— and thou ght her own For the
,

sak e of th e C hrist hi dden i n her her own d eepest best , , ,

pu rest self that sh e might be lifted from the d u st heap o f -

the life sh e had for h erself ru ined i nto th e clear ai r of a pu re ,

W111 an d th e D ivi n e P resence they cou nted thei r best labor

,

most fi tly spent I t is the hu man we love i n each other

.

an d th e h u man is the C hrist What we d o n ot love is the

d evilish —no more the h u man than th e morrow s wormy mass
.

was the manna of G od T o be for the C hrist m a man i s

.
,

th e high est love you can give him ; for i n the u nfold ing
alon e o f that Christ can the i ndivi du ality th e gen u in e ,

pecu liarity of the man th e man hi mself be perfected the

, ,
-

h ower of his n a tu re be developed i n its o wndisti nct loveli ,

n ess beauty splendor an d brought to its i dea

, , ,
.

T he mai n chan nel through which the influ ences o f th e

gnomes reache d the princess was thei r absolute simpl icity , .

They spok e an d acted what was i n them T b rough this .

open utterance thei r dai ly common righteousness revealed

,

itself—thei r gentleness thei r love of all thi ngs living thei r

,

, ,

care of each oth er thei r acceptance as the will o f G od con

,

cerni ng them of whatever came thei r ge neral satisfaction ,

with things as they were — though it must i n regard to some

of them have been i n the hope that they wou ld soon pass
away for o ne o f th e thi ngs J u li et least cou ld fail to observe
,

was th ei r su fferi ng pati ence T h ey always spoke as if they

felt where thei r words were goi ng— as if th ey were heari ng
.

them arrive—as i f the mi n d they ad d ressed were a bright

si lver tabl e o nwhich they mu st n ot set d own even the cu p
o f th e water o f l ife roughly : i t must mak e n o scratch n o ,

j ar n o sou n d beyond a faint sweet salutation Pai n had

,
.

tau ght them n ot sensitiveness b u t d el icacy A hu nd red are .

sens itive for on e that 15 del icate Sensitiveness is a miser .

able a cheap thi ng i n itself but i nvalu abl e if i t b e u sed for

, ,

the n u rtu re of d elicacy T hey refused to receive offense

.
,

thei r care w as to give n on e T he bu rn ing spot i n th e cen

.

ter of that d istorted spi ne wh ich ought to have lifted R u th

,

u p to a lovely woman bu t had fai led and su n k and ever

, ,

after ached bitterly as if with d efeat had mad e her p itifu l ,

over the pai ns of hu manity : she cou ld bear it for there ,

was somethi ng i n her d eeper than pai n b ut alas for thos e

 P AUL FABER . 65

who were n ot thu s u pheld H e r agony d rove her to pray

fo r th e wh ole h u man race exposed to lik e passion with her
, .

T he asthmati c chok i ng which so often mad e Polwarth s '

n ights a long mise ry tau ght h i m sympathy with all prison

,
~

ers and captives ch iefly with those bou nd i n the bonds o f

,

an evi l conscience : to such he held hi mself specially d e

voted T hey thou ght little of beari ng pai n
. to k now they
had cau sed it wou ld have been tortu re E ach graciously .
,

u ncomplain ing was tende r over the ai li ng of the other

, .

J u liet had n ot been long with them before sh e fou nd the

garments she had i n he r fancy mad e for th em did not fit ,

them and she had to d evise afresh

,
T hey were n ot .

gnomes k obold s goblins or dwarfs bu t a prince and

, , , ,

p rincess of sweet nobi lity who had l oved each other i n ,

beauty and stren gth and knew that they were each crushed
,

i n th e shell of a cru el and mendaci ou s enchantment H ow .

they se rved each other ! T he u ncle wou ld j ust as readily

hel p the n i ece with her sau cepans as the niece woul d help ,

the u ncle to fi nd a passage i n S hak espeare o r a stanza in

G eorge H erbe rt A nd to hear them talk
.

F or some ti me J u l iet d i d not u nd erstand them an d d id ,

not t ry Sh e had not an i dea what they were talki ng about

. .

T he n she began to i magin e they mu st be weak i n th e brai n

-
a thi ng n ot u nlikely with such spi nes as thei rs— an d had
silly secrets with each othe r like ch ild ren which they , ,

enj oyed talki ng abou t chic hy becau se none c ou ld u nder

stand but th emselves T hen she came to fancy it was
.

herself and her a ffairs they were talk i ng about d eliberating

u pon—insome me ntal if not lingual gibberish of th ei r o wn
,

By and by it began to d isclose itself to her that the ,

wretched creatu res to mask thei r mi sery from themselves,

,

were actually playing at the k i ngdom o f H eaven speak ing ,

an d j u dging and conclu ding of thi ngs o f this world by

qu ite other laws other scales other weights an d measu res
, ,

than those i n use i n it E ve ry thi ng was tu rned topsy

.

tu rvy i n this thei r game of make believe T hei r religion -

.

was thei r chi ef end an d i nterest and thei r work thei r play , ,

as lightly followed as d iligently W hat she cou nte d thei r .

fancies they seemed to cou nt thei r busi ness thei r fancies

,

ran over u pon th ei r labor and mad e eve ry day look an d

,

feel like a harvest home o r the eve of a Iong desi red

-

,
-

j ou rn ey for which every p reparati on but th e last and light

,

T hi ngs i n which she saw n o Sign i fican

o

est was over .

ce
made them look ve ry grave and what she wou ld have ,
 PAU L FABER .

cou nted of some i mportance to such as they d rew a mer e ,

smi le from them Sh e saw all with bewildered eyes mu ch

.
,

as his n eighbors looked u pon the strange carriage of

L azaru s as represented by R obe rt B rowning i n the won
,

derfu l lette r of the A rab physician B u t afte r she had .

begu n to take n ote of th eir su fferi ngs an d come to mark ,

thei r calm their peace thei r lighted eyes thei r ready smiles
, _ , , ,

the patience of thei r v e ry moans sh e began to d oubt ,

whether somehow they might not be tou ched to fi ner issues

than she It was n ot howeve u nti l afte r havi ng with n o
.
,
r
, ,

little rel uctance and recoi l mi nistered to th em upon an ,

occasi on i n which both were d isabl ed for som e hou rs that ,

sh e began to feel they had a hold u pon somethi ng u nseen ,

th e fi rmness of which hold made it hard to beli eve it closed

u pon an u nreality I f there was nothing there then these
.
,

d wa rfs i n th e ex ercise of thei r foolish d iseased d isto rted

, , ,

fanci es came n earer to the act of creation than any grand

,

est o f poets fo r these thei r i nventions d i d more than

rectify fo r th em the wrongs o f thei r exi stence not only ,

mak ing of thei r chaos a habitable cosmos but of themselves ,

heroic dwellers i n the same Withi n th e charmed ci rcle of .

thi s thei r wel l bei ng thei r u nceasi ng mi n istrati on s to h er

-

wants thei r thoughtfu l ness about her likings and dislikings

, ,

thei r sweetness o f ad d ress and wistfu l watch ing to d is ,

cover the d esi re they might satisfy o r the solace they could
b ri ng seemed eve ry moment entici ng her T hey soothed
,
.

the achi ng o f her wou n ds mo llified with ointment the ,

sti n ging rents i n he r wronged hu manity .

A t fi rst wh en sh e fou n d they had no set prayers i n the

,

h ou se she conclu ded that for all the talk o f the old gnome
, ,

i n th e garden th ey were not ve ry reli giou s B ut by and by

,
.

she began to d iscove r that n o o ne cou ld tel l wh en th ey

m ight n ot b e prayi ng A t the most u nex pected t imes sh e .

’
wou ld hear her host s voice somewhere utteri ng tones of
glad beseech i ng o f o ut pou red adorati on O n e day when
,
-
.
,

she had a bad headache th e little man came into her room , ,

an d withou t a word to her k neeled by her b edsid e and

, , ,

sai d
,
Father who through T hy So nk nowest pain and Who
, ,

d ost even now i n T hyself feel the pai n of this T hy child help ,

her to end u re u nti l T hou shalt say it is enough and send it ,

from her L et i t n ot ove rmaster her pati ence ; let it n ot

.

b e too mu ch fo r he r What good it sh al l work in he r T hou

.
, ,

L ord n eed est n

,
ot that we shou ld inst ru ct T h ee Th er e .

with he rose , and l eft th e roo m .

 PAU L 1 4 1315 11 . 6
3 7

F or some week s after she was j ealou s of latent desig n

, to
bring thei r religio n to bear u po n her ; but perceiving n ot a
single d i rect approach not the most cove rt h int of attack
, ,

she became gradually convi nced that they had n o such

intent Polwarth was an absol ute serpent of holy wisdom
.
,

and k new that u pon ce rtai n cond itions of the h uman being
the only powerfu l i nflu en ces of religion are the all but
’
i nsensible ones A man s religion h e said ought neve r to
.
, ,

be held too n ear h is neighbor It was l ik e violets hidd en .

i n the banks they fill the ai r with thei r scent b u t i f a b unch

,

of them is held to the nose they stop away thei r own ,

sweetness .

N ot u n frequ ently sh e heard on e of the m reading to the

other and by and b y came to j oin them occasionally
, , .

Sometimes it woul d be a passage of the N ew Testament ,

someti mes of Shakespeare or of this or that old E nglish ,

book of which i n her so called ed ucation J u l iet had never

, ,
-

even heard but of which the gatek ee per k new eve ry land
,

mark He wou ld often sto p the read ing to talk explaini ng

.
,

and illu strating what the writer meant i n a way that filled ,

J u liet w ith wond er Strange she would say to herself

.

I n ever tho ught o f that Sh e d i d n ot suspect that

it wou l d h ave been strange i ndeed i f she had thought
of it .

I n h er sou l b egan to spri ng a respect for her host and

hostess such as sh e had n eve r felt toward God o r man
,
.

When despite of many revu lsions it was a little established

, ,

it natu ral ly went beyon d them i n the d irection of that which

they revered T h e momentary h u sh that preceded the
.

name of ou r L ord and th e smil e that so often came with it

,

the halo as it were wh ich in thei r feeli ng su rrou nded H i m

, ,

the confidence of closest u nd erstanding the radiant h umility ,

with which they approached H is idea the way i n which they

brought th e common est qu estion sid e by sid e with the ideal
o f H i m i n th ei r mi nd s consi d ering the one i n the light of
,

the other an d answeri ng it thereby the way i n which they

,

took all He sai d and d id on the fu ndamental u nderstand ing

that H is relati on to G od was perfect but H is relation to men ,

as yet an imperfect endeavori ng relation becau se of thei r

, ,

d istance from H i s Fathe r ; these with many another out ,

come of thei r gen u i ne bel ief began at len gt h to mak e her .

feel not merely as if the re had been bu t as i f there really

, ,

were su ch a person as J esu s Christ T he idea of H im ru led .

potent i n the lives of the two filling heart and bra in and ,
3 6 8 P A U L F A BE R .

hands and feet how cou ld she hel p a certai n aw e before it ,

such as sh e had n ever felt

S u dd enly o ne d ay the su spicion awok e i n he r mi nd that ,

th e reason wh y t h ey ask ed her n o qu esti on s p ut out n o ,

feelers afte r d iscovery concerni ng h er must b e that D orothy ,

had tol d them every thing if it was n eve r again wou ld sh e ,

utter word good o r bad to on e whose very k i ndness she ,

sai d to herself was betrayal T he fi rst moment therefore

,
“

she saw P olwarth alone u nab le to be sti ll an i nstant with ,

her d oubt u nsolved she ask ed h i m with sick assay bu t

, , ,

point blank whether h e k new wh y she was i n hi ding from

-

her hu sban d .

’
I d o n ot k n ow ma am h e answered , , .

M i ss D rake told you n oth ing P p u rsu ed J u liet .

N o th ing more than I k n ew al ready that she cou l d not

”
deny wh en I pu t it t o h er .

B ut h ow d i d you k now any thi ng P sh e almost cried

out i n a su dde n ru sh of terror as to what the p ublic k nowl
,

edge of her m ight after all b e .

’
I f you will remember ma am P olwarth repli ed I , , ,

tol d yo u the fi rst time I had the pleasu re o f speak i ng to

,

you that i t was by obse rv i ng an d reason ing u pon what I

,

obse rved that I k new you were alive an d at the O ld H ou se

, .

Bu t it may b e some sati sfactio n to you to see how the thi ng

”
took shape i n my m i nd .

T hereu pon h e set th e whol e process plai nly before her .

F resh wonder mi ngled with n o little fear lai d hold u pon

, ,

J u liet Sh e felt n ot m erely as if h e cou l d look i nto her

.
,

b ut as if h e had only to look i nto hi mself to d iscover all her

secrets .

I sho ul d n ot have i magi ne d yo u a person to trouble him

’
self to that extent with other peopl e s affai rs sh e sai d , ,

tu rni ng away .

So far as my serv ice can reach th e th ings of oth ers are ,

also mi ne repli ed Polwarth very gently

, ,
.

B ut you cou l d not have had the smallest i dea of se rv i ng

”
m e when you mad e al l those observati ons concerning me .

’
I had lon g d esi red to se rv e you r husband ma am N ever ,
.

from cu riosity wou ld I have ask ed a si ngle q u estion abou t

you o r you r affai rs B ut what came to me I was at libe rty
.

to u nd erstand if I cou ld and u se for lawfu l end s if I might

, .

J u liet was silent S h e d ared hardly thi nk lest the gn ome

.
,

shou ld see her very thoughts i n thei r own dark n ess Yet .

sh e yield ed to on e mo re u rgent q u esti on that k ept pu shi ng

 PA U L F ABER .
3 69

to get out S he tri ed to say the word s without think i ng of

.

the thing lest he shou ld thereby learn it

, .

I su ppose then you have you r own theory as to my

reasons fo r seeki ng shelter with M iss D rak e for a whi le ?
she said —and the momen t she said it felt as if some d emon ,

had betrayed her and u sed he r organs to utter the words

, .

” ’
I f I have ma am answered P olwarth
,
it is for myself
, ,

alone I k no w the sacred ness of married li fe too well to

.

specu late i rreve rently o n its affai rs I believe that many an

awfu l cri sis of hu man history i s there passed —such I pre
.

su me as G od only sees an d u nderstands T h e more care

, .

fu lly such are k ept from the com mon eye an d th e commo n
j u dgment the better I think
, ,
.

I f J u li et left h im with yet a little added fear it was also

‘

with growi ng co nfi dence an d some comfo rt which the feeble , ,

presence of an i n fant hu mility served to e nlarge .

Polwarth had not give n much thought to the qu estion of

the cau se of thei r separati on T hat was not of his bu siness . .

What he co u ld not wel l avoid seeing was that i t coul d ,

hard ly have tak en place si nce thei r marriage H e had at .

once as a matter of cou rse conclu d ed that it lay with the

, ,
'
hu sband but from what h e had si nce learned of J u liet s
,

character he k new sh e had not th e strength either of moral

,

O pin ion or of wi ll to se parate for any reason past an d gone , ,

fro m the husband she loved so passionately an d there he

stopped refusing to thi nk fu rther For he fou n d hi mself on
,
.

the verge of think ing what i n hi s bou nd less respect for ,

women h e shrank with d eepest repugnance from e ntertai n

,

i ng even as a transi ent flash of con j ectu re .

O ne trifle I will here mention as admitti ng laterally a ,

’
singl e ray of light u pon Po lwarth s character J u liet had .

come to feel some desire to be usefu l i n the house beyon d

h er own room and d esc rying not only d ust , but what she
j u dged d isord er i n her landlord s little library—for such she
,
’

chose to consi der h im —which to her aston ishment i n such ,

a mere cottage consisted of many more book s than her

,
’
hu sband s an d ten times as many readable ones she offered
, ,

to d u st and rearrange them properly : Polwarth i nstantly

accepted her offer with thanks —which were solely for the
,

k i ndness of the i ntent h e cou ld not possibly be gratefu l for

th e i ntended resu lt—and left hi s book s at her mercy I d o
,

not k n ow another man who loving his books like Polwa rth , ,

wou ld h ave d one so E ve ry book had its own place He

cou ld — I speak advised ly—
.
.

have laid hi s hand on any b ook

3 70 PAU L FABER .

of at least th ree hu ndred of them i n the dark While he u sed , .

them with perfect freed om and cared comparatively little ,

abou t their cove rs he hand led them with a delicacy that

,

look ed almost like respect H e had seen ladies handle

book s h e said lau gh i ng to Wingfo ld i n a fash ion that would
.

, , , ,

have made hi m afrai d to tru st them with a ch i ld I t was a .

year after J u liet left th e hou se before he got them by d e

grees mu d dled into ord er agai n for it was only as he u sed
them that h e would alte r thei r places p utti ng each when he , ,

had d one with it for th e moment as near wh ere it had been ,

before as he cou ld thu s i n time ou t of a n eat chaos restor , , ,

i ng a u sefu l work a day world - -

.

’
D orothy s thou ghts were i n th e meanti me much occ upied
for J u liet N ow that sh e was so sad ly free sh e coul d d o
.
,

more for her Sh e mu st occu py her ol d q uarters as soon

.

as possible after th e workmen had fi nish ed S he thought .

at fi rst o f givi ng out that a friend i n poor health was comi ng

to visit her b ut sh e soon saw that wou ld either i nvolve
,

lying o rlead to suspicion and perhaps d iscovery and resolved , ,

to k eep her presence i n the hou se concealed from th e outer

world as before B u t what was sh e to d o with respect to
.

L isbeth P C ou l d sh e tru st he r with the secret ? S he ce rtai nly

coul d n ot trust A mand a S he wou ld ask H elen to tak e the .

latter for a while and do h er best to secu re the si lence of

,

the fo rmer .

Sh e so represented the matter to L isbeth as to rou se her

heart i n regard to it even more than her won der B ut her .

in j u ncti ons to secrecy were so earnest that th e old woman ,

was o ffend ed Sh e was no sli p of a gi rl she said who d i d

.
, ,

not k now how to hol d h er tongu e S he had had secrets to .

k eep before no w she sai d and i n proof o f h er perfect

,

tru stw orthiness was proceed ing to tel l some of them wh en

, ,
'
sh e read her folly i n D orothy s fi x ed regard an d ceased , .

”
L i sbeth sai d h er mistress you have been a fri end for
‘

, ,

sixteen years and I love you but i f I h nd that you have

,

give n the smallest hint even that there is a secret i n the

hou se I solemnly vow you shal l not be another night i n it
,

you rself and I shall ever after think of you as a wretched

,

creatu re who periled th e life of a poor u nhappy lady rather ,

than tak e th e trouble to ru le her o wntongu e .

L isbeth trembled and d id hold h er tongue i n spite of

, ,

th e temptation to feel herself for j u st on e i nstant th e most

import ant person i n G laston .

A s th e time went o n J u li et b ecame more fretful and mor e

, ,
 P A UL FA BER .
37 1

co nfiding Sh e was never cross with R uth —why sh e cou ld

.
,

not have told ; and when she had bee n cross to D orothy ,

sh e was sor ry for it She neve r said she was sorry bu t sh e

.
,

tried to mak e u p for it H er hu sband had not taught her the

.

vi rt u e both fo r relief and pu rificat io n that lies i n the

, ,

ackn o wled g ment of wrong T o take u p blame that i s o u r o wn

.
,

i s to wither th e very root of it .

J ul iet was pleased at th e near prospect of th e change for ,

she had natu rally d readed bei ng il l i n the limited accommod a

tion of the lodge She formally thank ed the two c rush ed
.

and ru mpled l ittle angels begged them to visit her often , ,

and proceed ed to mak e her very small preparations with a

fi tful chee rfu lness Somethi ng might come of the change
.
,

sh e flattered herself S he had always i nd u lged a vagu e

.

fancy that Do rothy was d evisi ng hel p fo r her an d it was i n

part the d i sappoi ntment of nothin g havi ng yet j u st ified the
expectation that had spoiled her behavi or to he r B ut for
, .

a long ti me Dorothy had been talki ng of Pau l i n a d i fferent

tone and that very morning had spok en of hi m eve n with
,

so me ad mi rat io n it might be a prelud e to somethi ng M ost

lik ely D orothy k n ew mo re than she chose to say l S he dared
ask no qu estion for the d read of h u di ng h erself mistak en .

She preferred th e ignorance that left room for hope B ut .

sh e d i d n ot l ik e al l Do rothy said i n his praise for he r tone ,

i f n ot h er words seemed to i mply some k i n d of change i n

,

h im He might have his fau lts sh e sai d to herself lik e

.
, ,

other men but she had not yet d iscovered them and any
,

change wou ld i n h er eyes be fo r the worse

,
Wou ld she
,
.

ever see h er own old Pau l agai n ?

O ne day as Faber was rid i ng at a good rou nd trot along
one of th e back streets of G laston approach ing his own ,

hou se h e saw A manda w ho still took eve ry O ppo rtu nity of

, ,

da rting out at an open door ru nn i ng to hi m with out ,

stretched arms right i n the face of N iger j u st as i f sh e ex

, ,

p ec t ed the horse to stop and tak e her up U nabl e to tru st .

h i m so well as his dear old R uber he d ismou nted and tak , ,

ing he r i n hi s arms led N iger to h is stable He learned .

from her that sh e was stayi ng with the Wingfo lds and took
,

her home after which hi s visits to th e rectory were frequ ent

,
.

Th e Wingfolds cou l d not fail to remark the tenderness

with wh ich he regard e d th e child I ndeed it soon became .

clear that it was for her sak e h e came to them The change
that had be gu n i n hi m the loss of his self —
.

,
regard fo llo wmg
on th e loss of J u liet had left a great gap inh is consmous
,
372 PAUL 11 4 131111 .

bei ng i nto that gap had i nstantly begu n to shoot th e all

cloth ing greene ry of natu ral affection H is devotion to her .

d i d not at fi rst cau se them any wonderment E ve ry body .

loved th e little A manda they saw i n hi m only another o f

,
'
th e child s conqu ests and rej oiced i n th e good the love
,

might d o hi m E ven whe n they saw hi m looking fi x edly

.

at her with eyes over clear they set it d own to the fru strated
,

affection o f the lonely wifeless ch ildless man B ut by de

, ,
.

grees they d i d come to wonder a l ittle h is love seemed to

grow almost a passi on Strange thou ghts began to move i n
.

th ei r mi nds look in g from the o ne to the other of th is love

“

an d the late tragedy .

I wish sai d the cu rate one morning as they sat at

, ,

break fast if only for Faber s sak e that something defi nite
,
'

was k n own about poor J u li et T here are t u mors i n the .

town rovi ng lik e poisonou s fogs S ome profess to believe

,
.

h e has mu rd ered her gettin g ri d of her body u tterly then

, ,

spread in g th e report that she had ru n away Others say .

she i s mad and he has her i n th e house but stupefi ed with

, ,

d ru gs to k eep her qu iet D rew told m e he had even heard

.

it d ark ly h i nted th at he was mak ing ex periments u pon her ,

to d iscover th e natu re o f life It is d readfu l to thi nk what .

a man i s exposed to from evil i maginations gropi ng after

theory I dare hard ly thi nk what might happen shou ld
.

th ese fancies get rooted amon g th e peopl e M any of them .

’
are capable o f b rutality F o r my part I don t beli eve the
.
,

poor woman i s d ead yet .

H el en replied she d id n ot believe that i n her sou nd mi nd , ,

J u li et wou ld have had the resolution to k ill h ersel f ; but

who cou l d tell what state o f mi nd sh e was i n at the time ?
Th ere was al ways somethi ng mysteriou s abou t h er—some
th ing that seemed to want explanation .

B etween them it was concl u d ed that th e next ti me F aber ,

came Wingfold shou ld be plai n with him He therefore

,
.

told hi m that if h e cou ld cast any light o nhis wife s disap

’

pearance i t was most d esi rable h e shou ld d o so for repo rts

,

were abroad greatly to his d isadvantage Faber ans wered .

,

with a sickly smil e of somethi ng lik e contempt that th ey ,

had had a qu arrel th e n ight before for wh ich he was to ,

blame that h e had left her an d the next morni ng sh e was ,

gone leaving every thi ng eve n to h er weddi ng ri ng behind

, ,
-

her except th e clothes sh e wore that he had d on e al l h e

,

cou ld to fi nd h er , b ut had been utterly foiled M ore he .

cou ld not say .

 P A U L F A B ER .
3 73

3
Th e next afternoon h e sought an i nte rview with th e ,

cu rate i n his stu dy and told hi m every thing h e had told

,

M r D rake
. T h e sto ry seemed to ex plai n a good d eal more
.

than it d id leaving the cu rate with the conviction that th e

,

d isclosu re of this former relation had cau sed the qu arrel

between him and h is wife and more d oubtfu l than ever as ,
’
to J u liet s having committed su icid e .

C H A PT E R L I .

THE N EW O LD H O USE .

11 was a lovely moon lighted midnight whe n they set o ut

“
-

the fou r of them to walk from the gate across the park to the
,

Ol d H ouse L ik e shad ows they flitted over the gree n

.

sward all silent as shadows Scarcely a word was spok en

, .

s they went and the stray syllable now and then was
a , ,

u ttered softly as i n th e presence of the d ead S u dden ly bu t .

’
gently open ed i n J u liet s mi n d a sense of th e wonder of
li fe T he moo n h av ing labored through a heap of clou d
.
,

i nto a lake of blu e seemed to watch her with cu riou s i nterest

,

as she toi led over the level sward The air now and then .

mad e a sou nd less sigh abou t her head like a waft of wings ,

i n visible T he heavenly d istances seemed to have come

.

d own and closed her softly in A ll at once as if waked from .

,

an eternity of u nconsciousness she fou nd herself by no wi ll

of her own with n o power to say nay present to herself—a
, ,

, ,

target for so rrow to shoot at a tree for the j oy birds to light -

u pon and depart—a woman scorned of the man she loved

,

, ,

beari ng withi n he r anoth er life which by no wi ll of i ts own , ,

and with n o power to say nay must soon become aware of its ,

own j oys and sorrows and have no cause to bless he r for her,

share i n its bei ng Was there no one to answe r for it ?

.

S u rely there must b e a heart life somewhere i n the u niverse -

to whose wi ll the unself willed life cou ld refer for the j ust ifi
- -

cation of its ex istence for its motive for the idea of it that
shou ld mak e it seem right to itself—to whom it cou ld cry to
,

have its d ivergence from that i dea rectifi ed Was she not
n ow she thought u po n he r si lent way to her own d eath
, ,

bed walk ing walki ng the phantom of herself, in her o wn

, , ,
3 74 PA U L F A BER .

fu neral ? What if whe n th e bitterness of d eath was past

, ,

and her chi ld was waki ng i n this worl d she shou ld b e wak ,

i ng i n another to a n ew life i nevitable as the former

, ,

another yet the same ? We k n o w not whence we came

,

why may w e not b e goi ng whither we k now n ot ? We d id

not k n ow we were comi ng here why may we not be goi ng
there withou t k nowing it—thi s much more open eyed more
,
-

aware that we k now we do not k now P T hat terrible morn

i ng sh e had come this way rushin g swiftly to her d eath :
, ,

she was caught and d ragged back from H ades to be there

after— n ow d riven slowly toward it lik e an o x to the
,

slaughter ! S he coul d n ot avoid her doom—sh e must en

, ,

cou nter that wh ich lay before her That she shru nk from .

it with fai nti ng terror was n othi ng o n sh e mu st go What

an i ron n et what a combi nation of all chai ns an d manacles
,

and fetters and i ron masks and cages and prisons was this
-

ex istence—at least to a woman on whom was laid the ,

bu rd en of the gen eration s to fol low I n the lore of cen

tu ries was there n o spell whereby to be ri d o f it ? n o dark
saying that taught how to mak e su re d eath sh ou l d be d eath ,

and not a fresh wak i ng ? T hat the futu re is u nknown ,

assu res o nly danger ! N ew ci rcu mstances have seldom to

th e old heart p roved better than the n ew piece of cloth to
the o ld garment .

T hu s med itated J ul iet Sh e was begi nni ng to learn that

.
,

u nti l we get to th e heart of life its o utsi des will be forever

,

fretti ng u s that among th e mere garments of li fe we can ,

’
never b e at home S he w as hard to teach but God s ci rcum
.
,

stance had fou nd h er .

When they cam e n ear th e brow of th e hollow D orothy ,

ran o n before t o see that all was safe

,
L isbeth was of .

cou rse the only one i n the hou se T he d escent was to J u liet .

l ik e the going d own to the gates o f D eath .

P olwarth who had been walkin g behi n d with R uth

, ,

step ped to h er sid e th e moment D orothy left her L ook i ng .

u p i n h er face with th e moon light fu ll u p on his large feat

,

u res h e sai d
, ,
’
I have been feeli ng all th e way ma am as if A nother
was walk i ng besi d e u s—the same who said I am with you
, ,

always even to th e e nd of the world H e cou ld n ot have .

’

m eant that only for the few that were so soon to follow H im
home ; H e mu st have meant it for those al so who shou ld
believe by thei r word B ecomi ng d isci ples all promises the
.
,

Mast er mad e to H is d isci ples are the irs .

 PAUL FABER .
3 75

It matters little for poor me ans wered J u liet with a ,

You k now I d o not believe i n H i m .

B u t I believe i n H im answered Polwarth an d R uth , ,

believes i n H im and so d oes M iss D rak e and i f He be with

,
”
us he can not be far from you
, .

With that he stepped back to R uth s side and said n o

’

more .

Dorothy opened the d oor qu ickly the moment thei r feet ,

were on the steps they entered qu ick ly an d she closed it ,

behin d them at once fearfu l of some eye in the night Ho w

, .

d i ffe rent was the hou se from that which J u liet had left
The hall was lighted with a soft lamp showing d u ll warm , ,

colors on walls and fl oor T he d i ni ng room door stood .

-

open a wood fi re was roaring on the hearth and candles

-

were bu rning o n a snowy table spread for a meal D orothy .

had a chamber candle i n her hand S he showed th e P ol

-
.

wart h s into the d ini ng room then tu rning to J u liet said-

, , ,
"
I will tak e you to yo u r room d ear , .

I have p repared you r old quarters for you she said as , ,

they wen t u p the stai r .

With the word s there rushed u pon J u liet such a memo ry

of m i ngled d reari ness and terror that she could not reply , .

You k now it will be safest add ed D orothy and as she , ,

spok e set the cand le on a table at the to p o f the stai r

,
.

T hey went along the passage an d sh e opened the d oor ,

of th e closet A ll was dark

. .

Sh e opened the d oo r i n the closet and J u liet started back

with amazement It was th e loveliest room ! and —like a
,

marvel i n a fai ry tale—th e great rou n d moon was shi ning

.

gloriou sly fi rst throu gh the u ppe r bra nches of a large yew
, ,

and then th rou gh an oriel wi ndow fi lled with lozenges of ,

soft greenish glass through which fell a lovely pictu re on

,

the floor i n light and shadow and something that was neither
or both . J u liet tu rn ed i n delight threw her arms rou nd ,

Dorothy and k issed he r

,
.

I thought I was goi ng i nto a d u ngeon she said and , ,

it is a room for a pri ncess

“
I someti mes almost beli eve J u li et retu rned Dorothy , , ,

that G od will give us a great su rprise on e day .

J u li et was ti red and d id not want to hear abou t God I f

,
.

Dorothy had done al l this she thought for the sake of , ,

read in g her a good lesson it spoiled it all She d1d not ,

.

u nderstan d th e love that gives beyond the gift that mantles ,

ove r the cu p and spi lls th e win e i nto the spaces of etern al
376 P A U L F A B ER .

h 0pe T he room was so deliciou s that sh e begged to be

.

excu sed from goi ng d own to su p per D orothy suggested it .

wou ld n ot be graciou s to her fri ends M uch as sh e res .

pected an d i nd eed loved them J u li et resented the word

, ,

friends bu t yi eld ed
,
.

T he little two wou ld th emselves rather h ave gon e home

—it was so late — bu t stai d fearing to d isappoi nt D orothy , .

I f they d id ru n a ri sk by d oi ng so it was for a good reason

— therefore of n o great consequ ence
,

H ow yo u r good father wil l d elight to watch you here

”
sometimes M iss D rak e sai d P olwarth
,
if those who are
, ,

gon e are permitted to see walk ing themselves u nseen , .

’
J u liet shu dd ered D orothy s father not two months gone
.
,

an d th e d readfu l littl e man to talk to her l ik e that

D o you the n thi nk said Dorothy that the d ead only
, ,
”
seem to have gon e from u s ? and her eyes looked lik e
store hou ses of holy q u estions
-
.

I kn ow so l ittle he answered th at I dare hard ly say

, ,

I lbinle any thi ng B ut if as ou r L ord i mpli es there be no

su ch thi ng as that whi ch the ch ange appears to u s—n othi ng
.
, ,

lik e that we are thi nki ng o f when we call it aeat/z—may it ’

not be that obstin ate as is th e appearance of separati on

there is n otwithstan d i ng n on e of it P—I don t care mind
, ,
’

, , ,

H i s will is an d that i s every thing B ut th ere can be n o

,
.

harm where I d o n ot kn ow H i s will i n ventu ri ng a may be

, , .

I am su re He likes H is little ones to tell thei r fancies i n the

dimmit s about th e n u rsery fi re O u r sou ls yearni ng after
light of any sort must be a pleasu re to h i m to watch —B ut
.

o nthe other hand to resu me th e subj ect it may be that

, , ,

as it i s good for u s to miss them i n the body that we may

th e better fi nd them i n th e spi rit so it may b e good for ,

them also to miss ou r bod ies that they may h nd ou r

spi rits .

B ut suggested R uth
,
th ey had that ki nd of d isci pli ne
,

wh ile yet on earth i n the d eath of those wh o went before

,

them ; and so an other sort might be bette r for them now .

M ight it n ot be more of a d isci pl i ne for them to see i n ,

those left behi nd how they themselves from lack o f faith

, , ,

went groping about i n th e dark while crowds all abou t ,

them k new perfectly what they cou ld not bring themselves

to bel ieve P
I t might R uth it might ; nor d o I th i nk any thi ng to
, ,

the contrary O r it might be given to som e and not to

.

others j u st as it was good for them

,
I t may be that some .
 P A U L F A BER .

77

can se e some o r can see them sometimes and watch thei r

, ,

ways i n partial gli mpses of revelation Who k nows who .

may be about the hou se when all its mortals are dead for
the night and the last of the fi res are bu rning u nheeded
,

T here are so many hou rs of both day and night— in most

hou ses—lnwhich those i n an d those out of the body need
’
never cross each others paths A nd there are tales ,

legend s repo rts many mere fi ctio n doubtless but some

, , ,

possibly of a d i fferen t character which represent this and ,

that doer of evi l as compelled either by the law of h is or ,

her own troubled bein g or by some law external thereto , ,

ever or at fi x ed i nte rvals to hau nt the molderi ng sce nes

, ,

of their past and ever d ream horribly afresh the deed s done
,

i n the body T hese h owever tend to no proof of what we

.
, ,

have been speaki ng about for such extravagant and erring ,

’
spi rit d oes not hau n t the living from love but the d ead ,

from su ffering I n this life however few of us come really

.
, ,

near to each other i n th e genu i ne si mplicity of love and ,

that may be th e reason w h y the cred ible stories of love

meeti ng love across the strange difi erence are so few It .

i s a wond erfu l touch I always thi nk i n the play of Hamlet , , ,

that while the prince gazes o nthe spi rit of his father not
, .

i ng eve ry expression and gestu re— even his d ress as he ,

passes th rough hi s late wife s chamber Gertrude less u n

’

, ,

faithfu l as wi dow than as wi fe not only sees nothing but , ,

by no sigh or h i nt n o sense i n the ai r no beat of her own

, ,

heart n o creep even of her own flesh d ivines his presence

—i s not only certai n that sh e sees nothing but that she
, ,

sees all th ere i s She is th e d ead not her h usband To the

.
,
.

d ead all are dead T he eternal life makes man ifest both .

”
li fe an d d eath .

P lease M r Polwarth said J u liet remember it is the

, .
, ,
’

mid d le of the night N o d oubt i t is j ust the su itable time.

,

but I wou ld rather n ot mak e one i n an orgy of horrors We .

”
have all to be alon e presently .

Sh e hated to h ear abou t death and the grandest of words , ,

E ternal L i fe which to most means nothin g bu t prolonged

,

ex iste nce meant to her j u st d eath I f she had stolen a

,
.

magi c spel l for avoid i ng it sh e could not have shrunk more ,

from any reference to the one thing common est and most
i nevitable O ften as sh e tri ed to i magine the reflection of
.

her o wnd eath i n the mi nd of her Paul the mere ment ion
.

o f the ugly thi ng seemed to her il l mannered almo st 10 -

d ecent .
37 8 P AU L F A B ER .

T h e L ord i s awak e all night sai d P olwarth risi ng

an d therefore the night is holy as the d ay —
, , ,

R uth we .
,

shou ld be rather frightened to walk home u n d er that awfu l

”
sky i f w e thought the L ord w as n ot with u s
,
.

T he night i s fi ne enough said J uliet

”
,
.

Yes sai d R uth replying to her u ncle n ot to J u liet ;

but even i f H e were asleep —you remember how H e slept
, , ,

once an d yet reproach ed H is d i sci ples with thei r fear and

,

d ou bt .

I d o but i n th e li ttle faith with which H e reproached

them H e referred n ot to H i mself bu t to H is Father
, , , .

W hether H e slept or wak ed i t was all one : the Son may

”
sleep for the Father never sleeps
, .

T hey stood besid e each other tak ing thei r l eave : what ,

little obj ec t s they were O pposite the two graceful ladies wh o

, ,

also stood besid e each oth er pleasant to look u pon S orrow . .

an d su ffering lack and weak ness though plai n to see u pon

, ,

them both had not yet greatly d immed thei r beauty T h e

, .

faces of the dwarfs o n the other hand were marked and

, ,

lin ed with su fferi ng ; b ut the su ffering was dominated by

peace an d strength T h ere was no sorrow there little lack
.
, ,

n o weak ness or fear and a great hope T hey never spent

,
.

any ti me i n pitying themselves the troubl e that alon e ever

clou d ed thei r sky was the su fferi ng of others E ven for
thi s they had comfort —thei r constant ready help consoled
.
,

both th e su fferer an d themselves .

Wi ll you come and see me i f you d i e fi rst u ncle P sai d , ,

R u th as th ey walk ed home together in the moonlight

, .

”
Yo u wi ll thi nk how lonely I am with out you .

I f it be with i n the law o f thi ngs if I b e at liberty and , ,

th e thi ng seem good for you my R u th you may b e su re I , ,

w ill come to you B ut o f on e thi ng I am pretty certai n

.
,

that su ch visi ons d o not appear wh en peopl e are look i ng for

th em You mu st not go stari ng i nto the dark try ing to see
.

me D o you r work pray you r prayers and b e su re I love

.
, ,

you if I am to come I will come I t may b e i n th e

,
.

h ot noon o r i n the dark night i t may b e with n o sight and

no sou n d yet a k n owledge o f presence ; or I may be watch
,

ing yo u helping you perhaps and you n ever k now i t u ntil

I come to fetch you at th e last — if I may You have been
,

.
,

daughter an d sister an d mother to me my R uth You have

, ,
.

been my o ne i n th e world G od I thi nk someti mes has .

, ,

planted a b ou t yo u an d me my child a cactu s h ed g e of , ,

-

ugli nes s that we might be so near and so lon ely as to learn

,
 P A U L F A B ER .
3 79

love as few have learned it i n this worlo —love without fear

or d oubt or pain or anxiety—with constant sati s faction i n
,

, ,

p resence and calm content in absence O i the last how

, .
,

eve r I can not boast much seei ng we have not been parted
,

a d ay for— how many year s is it R uth P—A h R uth a blis s

,

, ,

beyo nd speech is waiting u s in the presence of th e M aster ,

where seei ng H im as H e is we shall grow lik e H im and be

, ,

no more either dwarfed or sickly But you will have the .

”
same face R uth else I should be forever missing something
, , .

B ut you d o not think w e shall be perfect all at once ?

N o not all at once I can not beli eve that God takes
,

time to what H e d oes — the d oing of it is itself good It .

wou ld be a sight for heavenly eyes to see you like a bent ,

and brok e n an d withered lily straightening and lengthen ,

ing you r stalk and fl ush i ng i nto beauty — B ut fancy what

, .

it will be to see at length to the very heart of the person

you love and love H i m perfectly—and that you can love
,

H im ! E very love wi ll then be a separate heaven and all

th e heavens wi ll blen d i n one perfect heaven —the love of
,

God —th e A ll i n all "

.

T hey we re walk ing lik e chi ld ren hand i n hand R uth ,

p ressed that of her u ncle for she cou ld not answer in word s
,
.

E ve n to Dorothy thei r talk would have been vagu e vagu e ,

from th e i ntervening mist of her own atmosphere To .

them it was vagu e on ly from the wi de stretch of its hori zon ,

the d istance of its zenith There i s all d i fference between

.

th e vagu en ess belonging to an imperfect sight and ,

the vagu e ness bel onging to the d istance of the outlook .

B ut to walk on u p the hill of d uty is the only w ay ou t of the ,

one i nto the other I thi nk some on ly k now they are labor
.

ing hard ly k now th ey are climbing till they h nd themselve s

, ,

near the top .

CHAPT E R LII .

T HE L E V E L O F T HE L YT HE .

D O R O T HYS faith i n Polwarth had i n the meantime largely

’

i ncreased Sh e had not only come to trust h im thoroughly

.
,

but gai n ed m uch strength from th e co nfi dence A s soon .

as she had t ak en J u lie t h er b r eak fast the next morni ng she ,

3 80 PAU L FABER .

went to meet h im i n th e park for so th ey h ad arranged the ,

night before .

S he had before acqu ai nted hi m with the p romi se J u li et

had exacted from h er that sh e wou ld call h er hu sband the
moment sh e seemed i n danger—a p ossibil ity wh ich J ul iet
,

regard ed as a certai nty and had begged him to think how

they cou ld contrive to have Faber withi n call H e had now .

a plan to propose with this obj ect i n view but began ap , ,

parently at a d istance from it

, .

You k now M iss D rak e ,

h e said that I am well , ,

acqu ai nted with every yard of th is grou nd H ad you r hon .

ored fath er ask ed me whether the O ld H ouse was d esi rable

for a resi dence I should have ex pressed consid erable
,

d oubt B u t there is o ne thing wh ich wou ld greatly improve

it— wou ld i n d eed I hope enti rely remove my obj ection to
.

, ,

it . M any years ago I n oted th e state of the ston e steps

leadi ng u p to the d oor th ey w ere much and d iversely out
o f th e level and th e cau se was evi dent with the fi rst great
rai n the lak e fi lled th e whol e gard en —to the top of the
second step N ow thi s i f it tak e place only once a year
.
, ,

must of cou rse cau se damp i n th e hou se B ut I thi nk there .

'

i s more than that wi ll accou nt for I have b een i n the .

cellars repeated ly both before and si nce you r father bought

,

it and always fou nd them too d amp T he cause o f it I .

,

thi nk is that the fou n dations are as low as th e ord inary

, ,

l evel o f th e water i n th e p ond an d th e grou n d at that ,

d epth i s of large gravel it seems to me th at the water gets

through to the h ou se I should propose therefore that .
, ,

from the bank o f th e L ythe a tu nn el be commenced risi ng ,

at a gentl e inclin e u ntil it pierces the basin of the lak e .

T he grou nd i s you r ow n to th e river I beli eve ? ,

” “
I t i s an swered D orothy
,
B ut I shou ld b e sor ry to .

”
em pty the lak e altogether .

”
My scheme retu rned P olwart h
,
i nclu des a strong ,

slu ice by wh ich you could k eep th e water at wh at h eight

,

you pleased and at any moment send it i nto th e river

. .

T he on ly d an ger wou ld be o f cutting th rough the spri ngs

and I fancy they are less lik ely to be on the si d e n ext t he
rive r where th e grou n d i s softer else they wou ld p robably ,

have fou n d thei r way d i rectly into it i nstead of fi rst h ol ,

”
l owi ng ou t th e pon d
Wo uld it be a difficult thi ng to d o P ask ed D orothy
.

'

"
I thi nk n ot answered Polwarth
,
Bu t with you r pe r .

mi ssion I wil l get a f ri end o f mi ne an en gin eer to look into , ,

lt
.
 PAUL 11 11 131111 .
33,

I leave it i n you r hand s said D orothy Do you

, .

thi nk we wi ll h nd any thi ng at the bottom P

Who can tell P B ut we d o not kn ow how near the bot
tom the tu nn el may bri ng u s there may be fathoms of
mu d below the level of the river bed One thing thank -
.
-

G od we shall n ot h nd there
,

T he same week all was arranged with the engineer By .

a ce rtai n day h is men were to be at work on the tunnel .

For some time now things had been going on much the
,

same with all i n whom my narrative is i nterested T here .

come lu lls i n eve ry process whether of growth or of tempest

, ,

whether of creation or d estru ction and those lu lls coming , ,

as they do in the m idst of force are preciou s in their influ

ence —becau se they are only lu lls and the forces are stil l at
,

work A ll the time th e volcano is qu iet something is going

.
,

on below From the fi rst moment of exhaustion the next

.
,

outbreak is preparing T o be fai nt i s to begin to gather as

.
,

wel l as to cease to ex pend .

Faber had been growi ng better He sat more erect on .

hi s horse his eye was keener his voice more ki nd ly , ,

though hardly less sad and his step was fi rm H is love to

, .

the child and her d elight i n his attentions were slowly lead
, ,

i ng hi m back to life E very day if b ut for a moment he

.
,

contrived to see he r an d the Wingfo lds took care to remove

,

every obstacle from the way of thei r meeting L ittle they ,

tho u ght why D orothy let them keep the child so long A s .

little d i d Dorothy k n ow that what she yielded for the sak e

of the wi fe they d esired for the sake of the husband
,
.

A t length on e morni ng came a break Faber received a

n ote from the gate k eeper i nforming him that Miss Drake
-

was havi ng the pond at the foot of her garden emptied into
the L ythe by means of a tu n nel the construction of wh 1ch ,

was already completed T hey were n ow bori ng for a small

.

charge of g u n powd er ex pected to liberate the water The .

p rocess of emptying would p robably be rap id and he had ,

tak en the liberty of i nforming M r Faber th ink mg he m ight .

,

choose to be present No o ne but the persons employed

.

wou ld be allowed to enter the grounds .

T his news gave hi m a greate r shock than he cou ld have

beli eved possible He thought he had su pped fu ll of hor
.

ro rs A t once he arranged with his assistant for b emg

absent the whole day and rode out fol lowed by h 1s groom ,
.

1m to
_

At the gate Polwarth j oined him and walked be 3 1de h ,

the O ld H ou se where his groom he said cou ld put u p the

, , ,
3 82 PAU L FABER .

h orses T hat d on e h e accompanied hi m to the mouth of

.
,

the tu nnel an d there left hi m

,
.

Faber sat d own on the stu mp of a felled tree threw a big ,

cloak wh ich he had brou ght across the pommel of his sadd le
, ,

over hi s k nees an d covered his face with his han ds Before

,
.

hi m th e river ran swiftly toward the level cou ntry mak ing ,

a noise of watery haste also th e wi nd was i n th e woods with ,

th e n oises of branches and l eaves bu t the only sou nds h e , .

h eard were th e blows of the hamme r on the bori ng ch isel -

comi ng d u ll and as if from afar out of th e d epths of th e

, ,

earth What a strange awfu l signifi cance they had to the

.
,

hea rt of Faber B ut the e n d w as d elayed hou r after hou r ,

and there h e still sat now and then at a lou der n oise than
,

u su al lifting u p a white face and staring toward th e mou th ,

of th e tu n nel A t th e e x plosion the water would probably

.

r ush i n a torrent from the pit and i n half an hou r perhaps , , ,

the p on d wou ld be empty B ut P olwarth had taken good .

care there shou ld be n o ex plosion that day E ver agai n .

cam e the blow of i ron u pon i ron and the b ori ng had begu n ,

afresh .

I nto her lovely chamber D orothy had carried to J u l iet the

glad tid i ngs that her h u sband was withi n a few hu nd red
yard s of the house an d that she might tru st M r Polwarth to
,
.

k eep hi m there u nti l all danger was over .

J u li et no w man ifested far more cou rage than sh e had

’

given reason to e x pect It seemed as if her hu sband s near

.

n ess gave her strength to d o without hi s presence .

A t len gth th e child a lovely boy lay asleep in D orothy s

'
’

, ,

arms T he l ovel ier mother also slept P olwarth was on his

. .

way to stop th e work and let the doc to r k now that its com
,

plet io n must be postponed for a few days when h e heard ,

th e voice of L isbeth behi nd hi m calling as sh e ran H e ,

.

tu rned and met her th en tu rned agai n an d ran as fast as

, ,

h i s littl e legs cou ld carry hi m to the d octo r ,

.

”
M r Faber he cri ed
.
,
there i s a lady u p there at the ,

h ouse a friend of M i ss D rak e s tak en su d denly i ll Y o u

,
’

,
.

”
are wanted as q u ickly as possible .

Faber an swered n ot a word b ut went with hasty strides ,

u p th e bank and ran to th e hou se P olwarth followed as

,
.

fast as h e cou ld panting and wheezi ng L i sbeth received

,
.

th e d octor at th e door .

“
T ell my man to sadd le my horse an d be at the back ,

d oor i mmed iately he said to her , .

P olwarth fol lowed hi m u p the stai r to the land i ng where ,

 P AU L F A B ER .

3 83

D orothy received F aber and led him to J u liet s room The

,
'
.

dwarf seated hi mself o n the top of the stai r almost withi n ,

sight of the door .

C H A PT E R LIII .

’
M Y L A D Y s C H A M B ER .

W H E N Faber entered a di m rosy light from d rawn wi n

, ,

dow cu rtai ns filled the ai r he could see little more than his
-

way to th e bed D orothy was i n terror lest the d iscovery he

.

mu st presently mak e shou ld u n ne rv e the hu sband for w h at

,

might be requ i red of the doctor B ut j ul iet kept her face .

tu rned asid e and a word from th e n u rse let him kno w at

,

once what was necessary He tu rned to Dorothy and .

,

said,

I mu st send my man home to fetch me somethi ng

then to the nu rse an d said “
G o on as you are doing ;
, ,

then once more to Dorothy saying C ome with me Miss , , ,

D rak e I want writi ng thi ngs .

He led the way from the room and Dorothy followed ,

.

B ut scarcely were they i n the passage when th e little man ,

rose and met them Faber wou ld have pushed past him
.
,

an noyed b ut Polwarth held ou t a little phial to him

,
.

P erhaps that is what you want sir he said , ,

.

T he d octor cau ght it hastily almost angri ly from his hand , , ,

look ed at it u ncorked it an d put it to hi s nose

, ,
.

T hank you he said this is j u st what I wante d and

, , ,

retu rned instantly to the chamber .

Th e littl e man resu med hi s patient seat on the sid e ,

breathi ng heavily T en minu tes of utter silence followed

.
.

T hen Dorothy passed hi m with a n ote i n her hand and hu r ,

ried d own the stai r The next i nstant P olwarth heard the
.

sou nd of N iger s hoofs tearing u p the slope behind the

’

hou se .

I have got some more med icines here M iss D rake he , ,

said when she reappeared on the stai r

,
.

A s he spok e h e brought o u t phial after ph 1al as 1f h 1s ,

pockets wid ened out below i nto t h e mysteno u s recesses of

.

the earth to which as a gnome he belonged Dorothy .

,
3 84 PAU L FABER .

however tol d hi m it was n ot a med icin e the d octor wanted

,

now bu t something else sh e d id not k now what H er face

, , .

was d read fu lly wh ite but as cal m as an ice fi eld

,
She went .

back i nto th e room an d P olwarth sat d own agai n

, .

N ot more than twenty mi nutes had passed whe n he heard

’
agai n the soft thu nder of N iger s hoofs u pon the sward ;
and i n a mi nu te more u p came L isbeth carrying a little ,

morocco case which she left at the d oor of the room

, .

T hen an h ou r passed d u ri ng which h e h eard nothi ng , .

H e sat moti onl ess and h is troubled lu ngs grew qu iet

, .

’
S u d d enly he heard D orothy s step behi n d h im and rose , .

”
You had b etter come d own stai rs with me she said i n , ,

a voice he scarcely k new and he r face look ed almost as if ,

sh e had h erself passed th rough a terribl e illness .

H ow i s the poor lady P h e ask ed .

T h e i mmediate danger is over the d octor says but h e , ,

seems i n great d oubt H e has sent me away Come with

. .

me I want you to have a glass of wi n e .

H as h e recognized her P
’
I d o n ot k now I h aven t seen any si gn o f it yet B ut
the room i s dark —We can talk b etter below
. .

. .

”
I am i n want o f noth i ng my d ear lady said Polwarth
I shou ld mu ch prefer stayi ng here —if you wi ll permit me
, , .

There i s no k n owi ng when I mi ght be of service I am far .

from u nu sed to sick chambers .

D o as you pl ease M r P olwarth sai d Dorothy an d

,
.
, ,

goi ng down th e stai r we nt i nto th e garden, .

Once more P olwarth resu med his seat .

T here came the n oise of a heavy fall which shook h i m ,

where h e sat H e started u p went to th e d oor of the

.
,

chamb er l istened a moment heard a hu rried step and the

, ,

sweepi ng of garments and mak i ng no more scru ple O pened

, ,

it an d look ed in .

A ll was silent an d th e room was so dark h e cou ld see

,

n othi ng P resently h owever h e d escried i n the mid d le of

.
, , ,

th e flo o r a prostrate fi gu re that cou ld on ly be the doctor

, ,

for plainly i t was the n u rse o n her k n ees by hi m H e .

glanced toward the bed Th ere all was still . .

She i s gone he thought with himself and the

poor fellow has d iscovered who sh e was
H e went in .

Have you n o brandy P he sai d to the n u rse .

O nthat table she answered

,
.

L ay his h ead d own and fetch it ,

.
 P A U L F A B ER .

385

Notwithstan d i ng his appearance the nu rse obeyed she ,

knew the doctor requ ired brandy but had lost her presence ,

of mi nd
T he pu lse had vanished —and
.

Polwarth took his hand .

n o wonder O nce more utterly careless of himself had the , ,

he aler d rained h is own li fe spring to su pply that of hi s

patient—knowi ng as little now what that pati ent was to him
-

as he k new then what she was going to b e A thrill had .

i n deed shot to his h eart at the touch of her hand scarcely ,

alive as it was when fi rst he felt her pu lse what he saw of

,

her averted face through th e folded shadows of pi llows and

cu rtains both of wi ndow and bed woke wild suggestions ; ,

as he bared her arm h e almost gave a cry it was fortu n

,

ate that there was not light enough to show the scar of hi s
own lancet but always at any critical moment self pos
,
-

sessed to col dn ess he schooled himself now with sternest

,

severity He insisted to himself that he was i n mortal

dange r of bei ng fooled by his i magination—that a ce rtai n
.

in d elible imprint on his brai n had begu n to phosphoresce .

I f he d id n ot ban ish the fancies crowding to overwhelm him ,

’
h is pati ent s life and probably hi s own reason as well
, ,

wou ld be th e penalty T herefore with wi ll obstinately

.
,

strai ned h e kept his eyes tu rned from the face o f the
,

woman d rawn to it as they were even by the terror of what

,

h is fancy might there show him and held to his d uty i n ,

sp1te of growi ng agony H i s brain h e said to himself was

.
, ,

so fearfu lly excited that he must n ot tru st his senses they

,

wou ld reflect from withi n i nstead of transmitti ng from ,

without A n d Victoriously did he ru le u ntil all the life he

.
, ,

had i n gift bei ng ex hau sted his brain deserted by his , ,

heart gave way an d when he tu rned from the bed all but
, , ,

u nconsciou s he cou ld only stagger a pace or two and fell

, ,

like one dead .

P olwarth got some brandy i nto his mouth with a teaspoon .

I n about a min ute his heart began to beat

,
.

”
“
I mu st open another vein he mu rmu red as if i n a ,

dream .

Wh en he had swallowed a th ird teaspoonfu l he lifted his ,

eyelids i n a d reary k ind of way saw Polwart h and remem

bered that he had something to attend to—a pat ient at the
, ,

moment on his hands probably—h e could n ot tell ,

.

T ut give me a wine glass of the stu ff he sa id -

,
.

P olwarth obeyed The moment he swallowed

.
1t he rose , ,

rubbing his forehead as if t ryi ng to remember and mecham ,

386 PAUL F A BE z i .

cally t u rn ed toward the b ed T he n u rse afraid h e might .

,

not yet k now what he was about stepped between sayi ng , ,

softly ,

Sh e i s asleep si r and breath ing qu i etly

, , .

T hank God he whi spered with a sigh and tu rni ng ,

to a couch lai d hi mself gently u pon it

,
.

T he n u rse looked at P olwarth as mu ch as to say “

Wh o ,

is to tak e the command now P

I shall be outsi de n u rse call m e if I can be u sefu l to
,

you h e repli ed to th e glanc e and withd rew to his watch

, ,

on the top of the stai r .

A fter abou t a qu arter of an h ou r the n u rse came out , .

D o you want me ? said P olwarth ri si ng hastily , .

”
N o si r she an swered
, ,
T h e d octor says all immedi .

ate danger i s over and he requ i res nobody with hi m I am

, .

goin g to look after my baby A n d please si r n obody i s to .

, ,

go in for h e says sh e m u st not be d istu rbed

,
T he slightest .

n oise might spoi l eve ry thi ng she mu st sleep now all she
can .

Very well said Polwarth an d sat down agai n

, , .

T he day went o n; the su n we nt down ; th e shadows

deepen ed and n ot a sou nd came from the room A gai n .

an d agai n D orothy came an d peeped u p the stai r but seeing ,

th e little man at hi s post lik e Z acch mu s u p the sycamore , ,

w as sat isfi ed an d withd rew ,

B ut at le ngth P olwarth .

b ethough t hi m that R uth wou l d be anxi ou s and rose ,

'

relu ctantly T he same i nstant the door O pen ed and Faber

.
,

appeared H e l ook ed very pale and worn almost haggard

.
,
.

Woul d you call M i ss D rak e ? h e sai d .

P olwarth went and followi ng D orothy u p the stai r agai n

, ,

h eard what Fabe r said .

She i s slee pi ng beautifu lly bu t I dare not leave her I ,

.

mu st sit u p with her to n ight S end my man to tel l my -

.

assistant that I shall not be home C ou ld you let me have .

something to eat an d you tak e my place ? A n d there is

,

P olwarth b e has earned h is d in ner i f any one has I d o ,

.

be lieve we owe th e poor lady s life to h im ’

.

D orothy ran to give the message and her own orders .

P olwarth begged sh e wou ld tell the groom to say to R uth

as he passed that al l was wel l ; and when the meal was
ready j oi ned Faber
,
.

It was speedily over for the d octor seemed anxi ou s to be

,

agai n with his pati ent Then Dorothy went to P olwarth . .

Both were fu ll of th e same qu esti on had Faber recogn ized

 PA U L F A B E R .

387

his wife or not P Neither had come to a ce rtai n conclusion .

D orothy thought he had but that he was too hard and ,

p rou d to show it ; P olwarth thought he had not but had ,

been powerfully remi nd ed of her H e had been talking .

strange ly he said d u ring their d inner and had d ru nk a

, , ,

good deal of wine i n a hu rried way .

’
P o lwarth s concl usion was correct it was with an excite
ment almost i n sane and a pleasu re the more sorrowfu l that
,

he was aware of its transientness a pleasu re now mingling , ,

n ow alternati ng with utter despai r that Faber retu rned to ,

sit in the darkened chamber watchi ng the woman who with ,

such sweet tortu re reminded hi m of her whom he had lost .

What a strange u nfathomable thi ng is the pleasu re given

,

u s by a likeness It is one of the mysteries of ou r hu manity .

N ow she had seemed more now less lik e his J u liet ; but all ,

the time he cou ld see her at best on ly ve ry partially E ver .

si nce his fall his sight had bee n weak especially intwilight
, , ,

and even when once or twice he stood over her as she, ,

slept and strai ned his eyes to thei r utmost he cou ld not
, ,

tell what h e saw For i n the hope that by the time it d id

.
, ,

come its way wou ld have bee n prepared by a host of fore

,

gon e thoughts Dorothy had schemed to delay as much as

,

sh e could the d iscovery wh ich sh e trusted i n her heart must

come at last ; and had therefore contrived not by d rawn ,

cu rtai ns merely but by closed Venetian shutters as well to

, ,

darken the room greatly A nd now he had no light but a .

small lamp with a shad e ,

.

He had taken a book with him but it was little he read ,

that n ight A t almost regu lar i ntervals he rose to see how

.

h is pati ent fared She was still flo ating i n the twi light
.

shallows of d eath whether softly d rifting on t h e ebb tid e

,
-

of sleep out i nto the O pen sea o r on its flow again u p the
, , , ,

rive r of life h e cou ld not yet tell Once the nu rse entered
,
.

the room to see i f any thi ng were wanted Faber lifted his .

head and motioned her angrily away mak ing no g h ost of a

, ,

sou nd T he night wore o n and still she slept I n h 1s

.
,
.

sleepless and blood less brai n strangest thought s and feeling s

went an d came T he scents of old roses the stings of old
. ,

si ns awok e and vanished lik e the pu lsing of fi re flies But

, ,
-
.

even now he was th e watcher of his own moods ; and when

among the rest th e thought wou ld come : What if th 1s “

s/ zoula be my ’
own j u liet Do not time and place agree W ith

the possibi lity P and for a moment life seemed as 1f it wou ld

bu rst into the ve ry madness of d elight ever and agam h 1s ,
388 P A U L F A B ER .

comm on sense d rove hi m to conclu d e that his i magination

was fooli ng hi m H e dared n ot yi eld to the i ntox icatin g
.

i d ea I f h e d id h e wou ld be lik e a man d rink ing poison

.
, ,

wel l k nowing t h at every si p i n itself a delight brought h i m

, ,

a step n earer to agony and d eath When she sh ou ld wak e

an d h e let the light fall u pon her face h e kn ew —so h e said
,

to h imself—h e knew the likeness wou ld vanish i n an appal

,

li ng u n liken ess a mock e ry a scoff of the whol e n ight and

its lovely d ream —ina face wh ich if beauti fu l as that of an
, ,

,
’
angel not bei ng J u liet s would be to hi m ugly u nnatu ral a
, , ,

d iscord with the mu sic o f h is memo ry Sti ll the n ight was .

ch eck ered with mome nts o f silve ry bliss i n the i ndu lgence ,

o f the me re the k nown fancy of what it wou ld be if it w ere

,

sh e vani shi ng ever i n th e revivi ng rebuk e that h e mu st

, ,

n e rv e hi mself for the loss of that which th e morn ing mu st

d i spel Y et lik e one i n a d ream who k nows i t i s but a
.
, ,

d ream an d scarce d ares breath e lest h e shou l d break th e

,

mi rrored ecstasy h e wou ld not car ry th e lamp to the bed

,

si de : n o act o f hi s shou ld d isperse th e ai ry fl icker of the

lovely d oubt not a m oveme nt not a n eare r glance u ntil
, , ,

stern n ec essity shou ld comman d .

H isto ry k nows well the tendency of thi ngs to repeat them

selves Si mi lar ci rcu mstances falli ng together must i ncli n e
.

to the prod uction o f si milar con sequ ent events .

Toward morn i ng J u liet awok e from he r l ong sleep b u t ,

she had th e vessel o f her brai n to o empty of th e life of this

worl d to recogn ize barely that whi ch was presented to h er
bodily vision Over the march of two worlds that o f her
.
,

i magination an d that of fact her soul hovered fluttering

, , ,

and blended th e p resentment o f the two i n the power of i ts

u n 1t
Th e only th i ng she saw was the face of h er h u sba nd ,

sadly lighted by the d i mmed lamp It was some d i stance .

away near the mid dle of th e room : i t seemed to her miles

,

away yet near enou gh to be add ressed It was a more

beautifu l face now than ever before —than even then when
.
,

fi rst sh e took i t for th e face o f th e S on of M an —more

beautifu l and more lik e H im fo r i t was more hu mane
, , .

T binan d pale with su ff ering it was n owise feeble but the, ,

former self su fiiciency had vanished an d a sti ll sorrow had

-

tak en its place .

H e sat su nk i n d im th ou ght A sou n d came that shook .

hi m as with an agu e fi t E ven th en he mastered his emo

.

tion an d sat still as a ston e O r was it d elight u nmastered

, .
,
 PAU L FABER .

389

and awe indefi nab le that paralyzed hi m ? He dared not

,

move lest h e shou ld break the spell Were i t fact or were .

,

it but yet further phantom play on his senses it should ,

u nfold itself ; not with a sigh wou ld he j ar the u nfolding ,

bu t ear only listen to the end I n the utter stillness of the

, , .

room of the sleeping house of the dark embracing night

, , , ,
he lay i n famished wait for every word .

”
0 J esu s s aid the voice as of one struggling with
, ,

wearin ess or on e who speaks her thoughts in a d ream

, ,

i magini ng she reads from a book a gentle tired voice , ,

0 J esu s after all T hou art there T hey told me Thou

,

wast dead and gone nowhere

, T hey said there never was
such a O n e A nd there Thou art 0 J esus what am I to
do P A rt T hou going to d o any thing with me P—I wish I
,

were a leper or any thi ng that Thou wouldst make clean

,

Bu t how cou ldst T hou for I never qu ite believed i n Thee

, ,

and never loved T hee before ? A nd there was my P aul !

’
oh how I loved my Pau l and be wou ld n t d o it I begged
, .

an d begged h im for h e was my hu sband when I was alive

,

I begged hi m to tak e me a nd mak e me clean but he ,

wou ldn t h e was too pu re to pardon me He let me lie i n

’
.

the di rt ! It was all right of him but surely L ord Thou , , ,

cou ld st afford to pity a poor girl that hard ly knew what she
was doi ng My heart is very sore and my whole body i s
.
,

ashamed and I feel so stu pid I Do help me if Thou can st

,
.

I denied T hee I k now bu t the n I cared for nothing but

,

my husband an d the d enial of a silly gi rl could not hu rt

T hee i f i nd eed Thou art L ord of all worlds —I know Thou
,

wilt forgive me for that B ut O Christ please if Thou .

, , ,

canst any way d o it mak e me fit for Pau l Tell him to

beat me and forgive me —O my Savi ou r d o not look at me
.
,

.
,

so or I shall forget Pau l h imself and di e weeping for j oy

,
.

Oh my L ord
,
O h my Pau l ,

For Pau l had gently risen from his chai r and come one
step n earer—wh ere h e stood looki ng on her with such a
,

smil e as seldom has been u pon human face—a smile of

u n utterable sorrow love repentance hope She gazed
, , ,
.
,

speech less now her spirit d rinki ng i n the vision of that

,

smi le I t was like mou ntai n ai r like water li ke wine like

. , , ,

eternal life I t was forgiveness and peace from the L ord

o f all A nd had her brai n been as clear as her heart could
. ,

she have tak en it for less ? I f the sinner forgave he r what ,

d id the Pe rfect ?
Pau l dared not go nearer—partly from d read of th e con
3 90 PAU L F A BER .

seque nces o f i ncreased emotion H e r l i ps began to move .

agai n and her v oice to mu rmu r bu t he cou ld d isti ngu ish

, ,

only a word h ere and there Slowly the eyelids fell over .

the great dark eyes th e words d issolved i nto syllables the

, ,

sou n ds ceased to be words at all an d van ished he r sou l ,

had slipped away i nto some si lent d ream .

T hen at length he approached on ti ptoe For a few .

momen ts h e stood and gazed on th e sleeping cou ntenance

the n d ropped o n his k nees an d cri ed , ,

G od if T hou be anywhere I thank T hee

, , .

R eader wh o k nowest b ette r d o n ot mock hi m G en tly

, , .

excu se h im H is brai n w as e x cited ; there w as a com

.

motion i n th e particles o f hu man cau liflo wer ; a ru sh of

chemical changes and i nterchanges w as goin g on the
ti de w as setting for th e vasty d eep of ma rv el which was ,

nowhere but withi n itself A n d then h e was i n love with

.

his wife therefore open to d eceptions withou t end for i s

, ,

n ot all love a longi ng after what n ever was and never can
be P
He was beaten ; B ut scorn hi m not for yi el ding T hi nk .

how he was beaten Cou ld he help it that the life i n him

.

proved too much for th e d eath with whic h he had sided ?

Was it poltroonery to d esert th e cause of rui n for that
o f growth ? of e ssential slave ry for ord ered freedom P
o f d isi ntegration for vital an d en larging u n ity ? He
.

had said to corru ption T hou art my father : to the ,

worm T hou art my mother and my sister

,
bu t a M ightier
,

than h e th e L ife that lighteth every man that cometh i nt o

,

th e world had said O thou en emy d estru ction shall have

, , ,

a perpetu al e n d an d he cou ld not stand against the life

by which h e stood W hen i t comes to this what can a man
d o ? R emember h e was a created being—o r i f you will not
,
.

allow that th en someth ing greatly less I f not loved i nto

,
.

being by a perfect Wi ll i n h is o wn i mage of life an d law

, ,

h e had but a mother whom he n ever cou ld see becau se sh e ,

cou l d n ever behold e ither h erself o r hi m h e was the off

spring of th e d ead and mu st be pard on ed i f he gave a fool
,

i sh c ry after a parent worth havi ng .

Wait th ou wh o co u ntest such a c ry a weak submissi on

, ,

u nti l h avi ng refu sed to tak e thine hou r with th ee thi ne hou r
, ,
’
ove rtak es th ee then see if tho u wi lt stand out A nother s .

battle i s easy G od only k nows with what earthqu ak es an d

.

thu n ders that hou r o nits way to fi nd th ee may level th e

, , ,

mou ntai ns and vall eys b etween I f th ou wou ldst be per .

 P A U L F A B ER .
391

feet inthe greatness of thy way thou mu st learn to live i n ,

th e fi re of thy own d ivine n atu re tu rned agai n st thy con

scious self : learn to smile content in that and thou wilt “

out satan Satan i n the putridity of essential meanness yea

-

self —
, ,

satisfi ed i n very vi rtu e of thy shame thou wilt cou nt it ,

the throned apotheosis of inbred hono r But seeming is not

being —least of all self seemi ng D ishonor wi ll yet be dis
.

-
.

honor if al l the tools i n creation shou ld be i n love with it

, ,

and call it glory .

I n an hou r J u liet woke again vagu ely remembering a

, ,

heaven ly d ream whose odorous ai r yet lingered and made

, ,

her happy she k new not why Th en what a task wou ld

,
.

’
have been Faber s ! For he must not go near he r T he .

balance of her life trembled on a k nife edge and a touch -

might i ncli ne i t toward death A sob might determine the .

doub t
B ut as soon as h e saw sign that her sleep was begi nning
to break he all but extingu ished the light then having felt
, ,

her pu lse listened to her breathing and satisfi ed himself

, ,

gen erally of her condition crept from the room and calling , ,

the n u rse tol d her to tak e his place He would be either

,
.

i n th e next room he said or with i n call i n the park

, ,
.

He threw hi mself on the bed b ut cou ld not rest : rose ,

’

an d had a bath listen ed at J uliet s d oor and hearing no ,

sou nd went to the stable N iger greeted him with a neigh

,
.

of pleasu re He made haste to saddle him his hand s

. ,

trembli ng so that he cou ld hardly get the straps into the

girth bu ckles .

T hat s N iger
’
said J u liet hearing his whi nny ,
.

h e come P
W ho ma am P ask ed the n u rse a stranger to Glaston
,
’
, ,

of cou rse
T he doctor—is he come P
.

’ ’
H e s but j ust gone ma am H e s been sitting by you
’

all night—would let n o one else come near you R ather

.
,

pecu l iar i n my opi nion

,

A soft fl u sh all the blood sh e could show t1nged her

cheek I t was H ope s own color—the reflect1o nof a red
,
, _
’
.

rose from a white .

 C HAPT E R L IV
”

N O W HE R E A ND E VE R Y W H E R E .

’
FABER spru ng u pon N iger s back and galloped wild ly ,

throu gh the park H is sou l was lik e a southern sea u nder

.

a su mme r tornado T he slow dawn was gatheri ng u nder a

.

smoky clou d with an edge o f cold yellow a th i n wi nd was

abroad rai n had falle n i n th e night and the grass was wet ,
’
and cool to N lger s h oofs the earth sent u p a savor which ,

l ik e a soft warp was crossed by a woof o f sweet odors from

leaf b ud s an d wi ld flo wers and spangled h ere an d there
-

wi th a si lver t h read o f bird song—fo r b ut few of the beast

,

angel s were awak e yet T hrough th e fi ne consorti ng mass .

of si lence and od or went the soft thu n der o t N iger s gallop

,
’

over t he tu rf H i s m aster s j o y had overflowed i nto him :

.
’

the creatu res are not all stu pid that can not speak ; some of
th em are w ill: as more than we thi nk A ccord ing to the .

grand old tal e G od made hi s covenant with all th e beast s

,

that came o ut o f the ark as well as with N oah for them also
h e set his b ow o f h ope i n the clou d of fear they are G od s ’

c reatu res G od bless them 1 and i f not exactly hu man are I

, , ,

thi nk somethi ng more than lzu manis/z N iger gave his soul
,
.

with h is legs to hi s master s mood that morn ing H e was

’

u sed to hard gallops with h i m across cou ntry but this was ,

d i fferent ; th is was plai nly a frolic the fi rst h e had had ,

si nce h e came i nto hi s serv ice an d a frolic it shou ld b e

’
A d eeper l ofti er loveli er morn ing was dawn ing i n Faber s
, ,

world u nseen On e d read bu rd en was lifted from his bei ng

.

hi s fi erce pri de his u nman ly c ru elty h is Spotless selfi sh ness

, , ,

had n ot h u nted a woman sou l qu ite i nto the moldy j aws

of the grave she was given back to him to ten d and heal , , ,

an d love as h e had n ever yet d reamed o f lovi ng E nd less

was the d awn that was breaki ng i n hi m u nutterably sweet
the j oy L ife was now to be lived — not e nd u red H ow h e
. .

wou ld nu rs e the lily he had bru ised an d brok en ! From

h er o wnremorse h e wou ld sh ield her He wou ld b e to h er
a su mmer lan d —a refuge from the wi nd a cove rt from the
.

tempest H e wou ld b e to her lik e that Savi ou r for whom

.
,

i n her wan de ri ng fancy sh e had tak en h im : n ever more i n ,

vagu est th ou ght wou ld he tu rn from h er I i i n any evil .

,

mood a thought u nki nd shou ld dare glance back at her past

, ,
 P A U L FA BER .
3 93

he wou ld clas p her the closer to his heart th e more to be

. .
,

sh ielded that th e sh ield itself was so poor Once he laughed .

alou d as h e rode to fi nd h imself actually wonderi ng whether

,

the sto ry of the resu rrection could be tru e ; for what had
the restoration of h is J u liet i n common with the out worn -

su perst ition ? I n any o verwh elming j oy he concluded the , ,

heart leans to lovely marvel .

B ut the re is as much of th e reasonable as of to us the

marvelou s i n that which alone has eve r mad e credible
pro ffer toward the fi lling of the gu lf whence issu e all the
groans o f h umanity L et H i m be tested by the only test
.

that can o n the su pposition of H is asserted natu re be

applied to H im—that of obed ience to the words He has
, ,

s poken—words that commend themselves to every hone st

natu re Proof of other sort i f it cou l d be granted wou ld
.
, , ,

leay ing o ur natu res where they were only si nk us in con dem ,

nat ion .

Why shou ld I pu rsu e th e story fu rther ? and i f not here

where better shou ld I stop P T he tru e story has no end —no
,

en d B ut end lessly d reary wou ld the story b e were there

.
,

n o L ife living by its own will no perfect Will one with an , ,

almighty h eart no L ove i n whom we live and move and

,

have ou r being O ffer me an eternity i n all things else after

.

my own i magi nation b ut without a perfect Father and I , ,

say n o let me d i e even as the u nbelieving wou ld have it

, , .

N ot beli evi n g i n the Fath er of J esus they are rzg/zt i n not ,

d esiri ng to live H eartily d o I j ustify them therei n For

. .

all this talk and d isputation about immortality wherei n is ,

regard ed only the contin uance of consciousness beyond what

we cal l d eath it is to me with whatever splendor of i ntel
, ,

lectual coruscation it be accompan ied bu t little better than ,

a foolish babble th e crackling of thorns u nd er a pot A part

,
.

from H imself God forbid there shou ld be any i mmortality

,
.

I f it cou ld be proved apart from Hi m then apart from H im ,

i t cou ld b e an d wou l d be infi nite damnation I t is an

,
.

i mpossibility an d were but an u nmitigated evil A n d if it be

,
.

i mpossible without H i m it can not be believed without H im : ,

i f 1t cou ld be proved without H i m the belief so gained would ,

be an evi l O n ly with the k nowledge of the F ather of

.

C hrist d id the en dlessness of being become a d octrine of

,

bliss to men I f He be the fi rst life the A uthor of his own

. , ,

to speak after the lan gu age of men and the origin and ,

sou rce of all other li fe it can be only by knowing H im that ,

we can k now whether we shall live or d ie N ay more far .

,
3 94 P A U L F A B ER .

more — the k nowledge of H im by su ch i nne rmost contact as

is possible only between creato r an d created an d possible ,

only when the created h as aspi red to b e on e with the wi ll of

the creator su ch k nowledge and su ch alon e i s l ife to the
,

created it i s th e very life that alon e for th e sak e o f which ,

G od created us I f we are one with G od i n heart i n right

.
,

eo u sn ess i n desi re,

n o death can touch us for we are li fe
, , ,

and the garm ent of i mmo rtality th e end less lengt h of days ,

which i s b u t the mere shadow of th e eternal follows as a ,

simple n ecessity H e i s not the G od o f the d ead o ro f the ,

dying bu t of th e essentially alive Without thi s i nmost

, .

k nowledge of H im this on en ess with H im we have no life i n

, ,

us for it is life and that fo r the sak e of which al l this ou t

, ,

ward show of thi ngs and ou r t roubled cond iti on i n the mi dst
,

of them ex ists A ll that i s mighty gran d harmoniou s

, .
, , ,

therefore i n its own natu re tru e is I f not then d early I ,

.
,

thank the gri m D eath that I shall di e and not live T hus ,
.

u n d eceived my only terror wou l d be that th e u nbeli evers

,

might be b ut half right an d there might be a life so call ed , ,

-

beyond the grave withou t a G o d ‘

.

My b rother man i s th e i dea o f a G od too good or too

,

foolish for thy belief P o r i s i t that thou art not great enough
o r h u mbl e enough to h old it P I n either case I wi ll b elieve ,

it for thee and for me O nly b e n ot sti ff n ecked wh en the .

-

truth begi ns to d raw thee thou wi lt h nd it hard i f she has

to go b eh i nd an d d rive thee—hard to k ick agai nst th e
divi n e goads which b e thou eve r so mu lish wi ll be too
, , ,

mu ch for th ee at last Yea th e ti me will come wh en thou.

,

wilt goad thyself toward the d ivine B ut h ear me this once .

more the God the J esu s i n whom I bel ieve are n ot the
, , ,

G od th e J esu s i n wh om you fancy I beli eve : you k n ow

, ,

them n ot you r i dea of them i s not mi ne I f you k new ~

.

them you woul d believe i n them for to k now them i s to ,

”
believe i n th em Say n ot L et H im teach m e then except
.
, , ,

you mean i t i n submissive d esi re for H e h as been teaching

you all thi s ti me i f you have been d oi ng H is teaching you ,

are on the way to learn m ore if you h ear an d do not heed ,

where i s the won der that th e th ings I tell you sou nd i n you r
ears as the mu tteri ng o f a dotard P T hey convey to you
n othi ng it may be bu t that wh ich mak es o f them word s
— ,

words words lies i n you n ot i n me You rs i s th e k illing

, ,
.

power T hey woul d b ri ng you life b u t th e d eath i n him

.
,

that k noweth an d d oeth n ot is strong i n you r ai r they d rop

and die wi nged things no more
,
.
 P AU L F A B ER .

3 95

For days Faber took measu res not to be seen by J u liet .

But he was constantly ab ou t the place and when she woke ,

from a slee p they had often to tell her that he had been by
,

her sid e all the time she slept A t night he was either i n her
.

room or i n the next chamber D orothy used to say to her .

that if she wanted her husband she had only to go to sleep , .

She was greatly tempted to pretend but wou ld not , .

A t length Faber requ ested D orothy to tell J uliet that the

docto r said she might sen d for her hu sband when she
pleased M uch as h e longed to hear her voice he would
.
,

not come withou t her pe rmission .

He was by her sid e the n ext moment But for mi nutes .

no t a word was spok e n a speechless embrace was all .

I t does not concern me to relate how by d egrees they

came to a close u nderstand ing Where love is everything .
,

i s easy o r if not easy yet to be accomplished O f cou rse

. , , .

Fab er mad e hi s retu rn confession in fu ll I will n ot say that .

J ul iet had not her respondent pangs of retrospective j ealousy .

L ove although an angel has much to learn yet and the

, , ,

demon J ealousy may be one of th e school masters of her com

i ng perfection G od only k nows There must be a d ivine .

way of casti ng ou t th e d emon else how wou ld it be here

after P
U ncon fessed to each other thei r falls wou ld forever have
-

been between to part them confessed they d rew them ,

together i n sorrow an d hu mility and mutual consoli ng .

’
T he little A manda cou ld n ot tell whether J uliet s hou se or
Dorothy s was her home when at the one she always talk ed
’

of th e other as lzome She called her fath erpapa and J uliet

.
,

mamma Dorothy had been au ntie from the fi rst She always .

wrote her name A manaa D u ck F aber ,

F rom all thi s the
’
.

gossi ps of G laston ex plained eve ry thing satisfactori ly :J uliet

had left her husband on d iscoveri ng that h e had a chi ld of
whose existence h e had never told her ; bu t l earning that
the mother was dead yielded at length and was reconciled
, ,
.

That was the n earest they ever came to the facts and it ,

was not need fu l they shou ld ever know more The talkers .

of the world are n ot on the j u ry of the court of the u niverse .

There are many d oubtless who need the shame of a public

, ,

exposu re to mak e them recogni z e thei r own d oing for what

it i s ; bu t o f such J uliet had n ot been He r hu sband k new .

her fau lt —that was enough he k new al so his own immeas

u rab ly worse than hers but when they folded each other to
the heart they left their fau lts outsid e —as God d oe s when
,

,
,

He casts ou r sins behi nd H is back i n u tter u ncreat ion ,

.
3 96 P A U L F A BE R .

I wi ll say noth in g definite as to th e cond ition of mind at

which Faber had arrived when last Wingfo ld and h e had a
talk togeth er He was growing and that i s all we can re
.
,

qu i re of any man He wou l d not say h e was a beli eve r i n

.

the su pernal but h e beli eved more than h e sai d and h e nev er
, ,

talked agai nst beli ef A lso he went as often as he cou ld to

.

chu rch which littl e as i t means i n general d id no t m ean

, , ,

little when th e man was Pau l Faber and where th e mi nister

was T homas Wingfold
,

I t i s ti me for th e en d H ere i t is —ina l ittle poem , wh ich

.

.
,

o nh er n ext bi rthday th e cu rate gave D orothy

,

0 wind o f G o d th at blow est inth e mind

, ,

B l ow b low and w ak e th e gentl e spring inme

.

B l ow swifter b l o w a s tro ng w arm su mmer w ind

, , , ,

T ill all th e flo wers w ith ey es co me o ut to s ee

B l o w till th e fru it h angs red o nev ery tree ,

A nd ou r h igh soarin g so ng l arks meet th y dov e

- -

H igh th e imperfect so ars descends th e perfect Lo v e , .

B l ow not th e l ess th o ugh w inter cometh th en

B l ow w ind o f God b l ow h ith er ch anges k een
, ,

L et th e sp rin g creep into th e g rou n d again ,

T h e flow ers close all t h eir eyes no t to b e seen1 ,

A ll l iv es inth ee th at ev er o nce h ath b een

B l ow fi ll my u pper air w ith icy sto rm s
,

B reath e cold 0 wind o f G od and k ill my canker worms

, ,
-